RESPONSA
SCHOLARUM
27
I had bynn at confessione & then I seemed not care what kind of death had happened unto me; it pleased god in this my wicked course of lyfe to visite me with a sicknesse, even in that instant when as I did think much to have confessed my selfe in my vilenesse ; & I perceyvinge my selfe by litle & litle to languish away, thought I it is now tyme to beginne to saye some prayers; the which I did as a Pater noster & Ave Maria & such lyke, well it pleased god that in my sicknes every daye increased & I contynued in a most extreme heat in my stomack for the space of a fortnight ore three weakes without anye intermissione but nowe & then I tooke some litle rest in the night in my sleepe; in the tyme of my sicknes It was demaunded of me wheather I would have a preist to come to me or noe, & I forthwith aunsered I, allsoe It was tould me that I must prepare me selfe or not at all, for I could not have a preist whensoever I would; & when the preist came to me I was in daunger of death yet notwithstandinge during the tyme of his presen[c]e, I through shame of my sinnes laye as though I had bynn asleepe & would not confesse my selfe in my si[c]knes I purposed that if it pleased god to geve me lyfe I would be come a newe manne, that recoveringe some sixe or seaven weakes or more before michaelmas one which day was the firste masse said that ever I herd, that untyll michaelmas I would continue my former course of life and soe take my leave of those wicked pleasures, beinge moved with a kind of sorrowe which I had for that great greife which my father suffered through my bad course which I did then follow, allsoe which the consideratione of my owne undeutyfullnes & my freindes did crye out against me, sayinge that I would shorten my fathers lyfe, & that I would be cause of his death allsoe I was persuaded to amend my lyfe by one mr strange whoe lodged in the same house wheare I did live a Catholicke in lyke manner by divers other of my freindes. when michaelmas drewe neare I then did begine to thinke upon my purpose, & least that I should passe michaelmas daye, I did beginn to examine my conscience some three of four dayes before, and one the night before I purposed to goe to confessione I was very much tempted by one of my former companions to eat flesh it beinge a fastinge daye at night, I endeavoringe by all means possible to shune his companye & coud not but that I must needs supp with hime, I beinge loth to seeme unto hime to refuse to eate fleash, in this great perplexitie & vexatione of mynd allsoe thinkinge that if I should this night eate flesh why it wear a more haynous offence than all the rest that I had before committed; & soe millions of times callinge upon the name of Iesus, it pleased god that by this meanes I was delivered, for we walkinge home together to supper, it came in to his mind to goe into a Confectioners shopp wheare he did soe fill hime selfe with sweete meates, that he had noe stomack unto his supper, & I in lyke manner used the same excuse, & soe whent the next day morning to Fryarstanney againe to make my confessione unto hime. At that tyme before I whent unto confession I purposed most