Meow-nifesto the cat manifesto
There’s a lot that goes into adopting a cat and bringing them into your home. Becoming a cat owner is considered a privilege, as the world is graced by the presence of one of the most mysterious and elegant creatures to walk this earth. You will eventually feel the blessing and honor of calling yourself a ‘cat parent’. If not, then we the cat community are convinced that your existence is a waste and will be punished by the cat gods in the afterlife.
Now, there will be plenty of set ground rules that must always be abided by. And we mean always. Living with a cat isn’t just a hobby but rather a whole lifestyle. To accommodate this lifestyle there are rules to take into consideration. Don’t worry these won’t be just silly mere suggestions but actual sets of rules given by the cats themselves. For they’re the only ones who know how the world works. Which is completely revolving around them and them only.
Here are the things that they’ve personally noted if you’re to consider this lifestyle:
The cat gods have graced us with great cuteness paired with predatory deadliness. With this we will give out scratches whether by accident or on purpose. These scratches include but not limited to the carpet, furniture, the cat scratchers, and you. (Yes, you.) ______
There will only be specifically two belly rubs on the tummy. ONLY TWO. Any more than two rubs will result in punishment of _______ bites and possibly screaming.
Any laptop open or keyboard that is being used by you will result in being an alternative bed for us. It will especially be used if you’re doing something extremely important on this said computer. Web cams should always
If the food bowl is half empty, then it is officially declared ____________ entirely empty. We will scream when this is noticed and expect it to be filled again. It is simply this way and could be considered borderline animal abuse for attempting starvation. Even if we just ate the said food five minutes ago. We forgot that happened.
Our entertainment will be a necessity. You will buy us nice and expensive toys from the pet store which we do appreciate. However, we will tend to favor the beat up left over cardboard box along with random shoe strings found underneath the bed and ice cubes. We enjoy the occasional laser toy too.
The time slots between 11PM-3AM are what are we would call ‘Zoomie hours’. This period at night is __________ reserved for playtime and full throttle feralness. We need to get this out of our system and this is
And yes, we will still yell at you at 6:00 AM to feed us breakfast.
Water is a precious resource to us, and are best licked from your cup of water that you got from the kitchen for yourself. The sink water is refreshing too. The water from the fancy automatic water fountain you bought us is fine. However, it’s not as good as the previous options.
We will not entertain house guests, that’s a dog’s job. We will retrieve pets and attention on our terms only. The guest must be choosen by us. this is one of the highest honors we can give.
When the litter box is being cleaned, we will watch you scoop in appreciation. Right after the scooping is done, we will take a nice smelly poop to give thanks for all your hard work. It might rain liter in the process of the gift giving.
Yes, we have the cutest and squishiest toe beans, and no you may not touch them. Give us head scratches instead.
And lastly no Karen, ‘crazy cat lady’ is not a personality. However, the obsession is still flattering.
We promise if you can keep these rules in mind we will provide the best kind of companionship. We will sit and listen to your words and worries, as well as judge them. Yet, we will still love and cherish you nonetheless. Many snuggles and purrs will be in your future if these rules are followed.
Made and written by: Taylin Wells