North
Eastern Episcopal District Leadership Training Institute
Lifting A Standard in Sick and Shut-in Ministry
Presenter: Rev. Donnamarie Brown, MDiv.
Hospice Pastoral Counselor
November 7 - 9, 2024
Presiding Prelate - Bishop George D. Crenshaw
Hartford District - Presiding Elder Moses Harvill
Redeemer’s AME Zion Church - Rev. Brian Riley, Senior Pastor
Introduction of Rev. Donnamarie Brown
Leadership Training Agenda
Sharing Each Other’s Burdens
Becoming A Co-sojourner
Listening: The Evangelistic Tool
Hospital & Nursing Home Visiting Tips
Home Visitation Tips
Caring for the Caregiver
Patient Case Studies of Evangelism
Grandmother and mother were on hospice care – my mother ministers to hospice chaplain!
Senior IT Business Analyst – prayed to do full time
ministry when pastor went into the hospital
Introduction
Ministry Journey of Rev. Donnamarie Brown
Started seminary in 2013 – Pastoral Care course &
God presents counselor mentor and job.
Associate Counselor – Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center for five years
Pastor to people in recovery for four years – church
plant Son passes in 2018 – The Grief Journey begins
Graduated from seminary in 2019 and started working as a Hospice Pastoral Counselor during the pandemic.
Sharing Each Other’s Burdens
Sharing Each Other’s Burdens
In the book, Bedside Manners , author Katie Maxwell says:
“Illness is a physical, emotional, and spiritual crisis. It affects not only the person who is ill or injured, but also all of those associated with the patient. During times of crisis, persons may either grow from the experience or suffer as a result of it” (p. 15)
Sharing Each Other’s Burdens
Spiritual Distress comes in many ways and forms. It affects the sick person and the caregiver.
• Helplessness – Loss of independence, loss of future plans, questioning caregiving
• Hopelessness – Loss of faith, angry with God and/or others, Theodicy (God and the suffering of good people)
• Loss of Relationship & Loneliness
• Fear of death and dying process
• Fear of the unknown – Is Heaven real?, Will God accept me?
• Forgiveness & Reconciliation – With God and others
• Guilt, Shame, and Regrets
• Struggle with Acceptance – Grieving the loss of health
Becoming a Co-sojourner
Becoming A Co-sojourner - The BE Attitudes of Visiting
Be prepared – Take a moment to collect yourself, shut out the rest of the world, and pray
Be present – with your complete concentration and attention
Be open – Meet people where they are emotionally and spiritually without judgement (verbally and physically)
Be still – Listen! Don’t try to fix their life. The answers are within them.
Be sensitive to their needs and condition – Ask open ended questions to find out more (What, When, How, Where, Tell me more)
Be human – Identify with their feelings whenever you can. (Don’t say you know how they feel!)
Be supportive – Leave the patient better than you find them.
Becoming A
Co-sojourner
- The BE Attitudes of Visiting
(continued)
Be silent – Learn to be comfortable with the special silent moments. Hold a hand.
(Exceptions: children and people with anxiety)
Be empathetic – Visualize walking alongside and holding out a hand to support the patient should they stumble. Feel with them. Maintain your objectivity so you can support the patient.
Be compassionate – Convey that you care not only through your words, but also nonverbally through your willingness to sit close and touch. Watch out for your facial expressions. Tenderness and tolerance are important messages to convey.
Becoming A Co-sojourner - The BE Attitudes of Visiting
(continued)
Be yourself – Adapt who you are to the situation. If you are calm, bring your calm. If you have a sense of humor, use it when appropriate.
Be selfless – Be there for the patient’s needs. Very often, the patient just needs someone to be rather than to do .
Be positive – They need a positive attitude from their visitors. Delete negative words from your vocabulary.
Be willing to get involved – Take risks. Give a part of yourself away to each one you visit.
Becoming A Co-sojourner - The BE Attitudes of Visiting (continued)
Be respectful of the diverse beliefs of patients – Respect their beliefs while holding on to your own. Don’t cram your personal beliefs on the patient. There may come a time to share them so wait on the patient to ask you about them.
Be mindful of using Scripture appropriately – Share scriptures of hope and encouragement. Keep the reading short and ask the patient if they would like scripture read to them.
Be ready to pray when given permission to do so – Summarize visit with prayer and ask patient/family what they would like prayer for.
Listening: The Evangelistic Tool
Listening: The Evangelistic Tool
People need to be heard, seen, valued, and have a sense of belonging.
Look people in the eyes.
Smile when appropriate.
Ask follow - up questions
Know when to use selfdisclosure
Listening: The Evangelistic Tool
Be self - aware of topics that make you feel uncomfortable or not familiar with (other religions and spiritual beliefs).
Remain neutral and open minded, no judgement, and fix your face.
Don’t use the word “Why” say “Tell me more”.
Hospital, Nursing Home, & Shut-in
Visiting Tips
Hospital Visiting Tips
Going to the hospital can be a scary and an invasive experience which can leave a patient feeling powerless. Be mindful of a few things:
• Call first – ask if they feel up to visitors and when a good time would be to visit.
• Take your cues from the patient about how long you should stay. Learn how to graciously leave.
• Avoid offering false hope – You never want to remove all hope, keep that hope within the realm of reality.
• Excuse yourself when the doctor comes into the room unless the patient asks you to stay and be a “second pair of ears” (i.e. to take notes or ask questions with them).
• Observe signs and notices on the patient’s door. Ask a nurse for help and follow the hospital procedures. Sanitize your hands going in and out the room.
• Knock and receive permission before you enter a room especially when the door is closed or a curtain is pulled.
• Don’t sit on the patient’s bed or the empty bed next to the patient! Sit as close as you can next to the patient in a chair facing the door if you can.
Nursing Home Visiting Tips
• For Dementia patients, always introduce yourself. They will forget who are you are, but it’s okay if you keep telling them who you are.
• If the patient is able, play a board game with them or take them outside in their wheelchair (weather permitting).
• Bring a treat – find out what the patient is able to have from the nurse.
• Provide physical touch – if the patient is open to hand holding, a hug.
• Listen to their stories over and over again. Don’t say “you told me that story before.”
• Look at photo albums and pictures in the room (if they have them).
Shut-in Visiting Tips
• Make frequent short visits – no more than 30 minutes unless the patient is doing a lot of talking (then no more than 1 hr ). Remember, you are there to actively listen and plan for another visit time.
• Remember the objective of your visit is with the patient. If the patient is sleeping when you arrive, then let the patient sleep and use the time to check on the family in the home to see if they have any needs or concerns.
• Avoid getting involved in family disputes and arguments.
• Always remember that you are a guest in their home. You are entering their sacred space.
• Keep up with the latest information available on their illness or condition. Show your concern.
• Bring a church bulletin to help them feel connected with the church (if they are a member of your church).
Caring for the Caregiver
Things to look for when caring for the caregiver:
• Caregiver Burnout – “How can I help you?”
• Feelings of being overwhelmed and stress
• Lack of self care – sleeping, eating, and medical care
• Lack of support
• Feelings of inadequacy and helplessness
• Extreme sadness and depression
15 Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing. 16 To those who are perishing, we are a dreadful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved, we are a life-giving perfume. And who is adequate for such a task as this?
Patient Case Studies Examples of Evangelism
• Patient struggling with their faith and the “come to Jesus” moment.
• Spouse wanting to have a deeper prayer life.
• Atheist receiving Christ through prayer.
References:
Bedside Manners – A Practical Guide to Visiting the Ill, by Katie Maxwell
Suggested Reading for Pastoral Counseling
Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling by Mark R. McMinn, PhD.
Soul Therapy: The Art and Craft of Caring Conversations by Thomas Moore
Competent to Counsel by Jay E. Adams
The Christian Counselor’s Manual by Jay E. Adams