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A N O N P R O FIT, IN D EP EN D EN T N E W S S O U R CE TO I N F O R M , I N S P I R E , E D U C AT E A N D CO N N E C T T H E S T. LO U I S J E W I S H CO M M U N IT Y.
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FAMILY CAREGIVING 101 Boomers caring for parents also need care, support network BY BILL MOTCHAN SPECIAL TO THE JEWISH LIGHT
Until recently, I was unfamiliar with the term “palliative care.” I didn’t know the difference between assisted living and skilled nursing. I had no idea that the acronym “LO” meant “loved one.” I am a novice caregiver, making important health and living decisions about an elderly parent. Many others share my situation. From 2015 to 2020, the number of family caregivers in the United States increased by 9.5 million, according to a report from caregiving.org. Now I understand firsthand the stresses, frustrations and gut-wrenching decisions one must make as a novice caregiver. It was very personal in my case: taking care of my 100-year-old mother. I was thrust into the role of caregiver for my mother, a widow, when she took a fall in 2015 and suffered a compression fracture. That year, at the age of 95, she was active, independent and still drove to Dierberg’s or to meet her friends at Pumpernickles deli for lunch. Suddenly, she had limited mobility and used a cane to walk, then later a walker. She never cared for the walker, finding it a nuisance to put the foldable device in the trunk of a car. That was the year I retired from AT&T and moved back to St. Louis to help her out. Since my dad died in 2002, she hadn’t needed much help, and she already had a large support system of friends and relatives. That changed more than two years ago when she had chest pains and shortness of
Lydia Motchan (left), who is 100 years old, and Jennifer Wientge, Heartland Hospice spiritual adviser. Writer and photographer Bill Motchan chronicles his journey becoming a family caregiver for Lydia, his mother. PHOTO: BILL MOTCHAN breath, diagnosed as atrial fibrillation. so we thought. Things unraveled in early Over the following year, it got worse, and March, when she began hallucinating. It she had several bad episodes, including was unrelated to the TAVR. It was the two trips to the ER at Missouri Baptist result of a urinary tract infection (UTI). Medical Center. An electrocardiogram This is a common problem in the elderly, revealed her aortic valve was badly particularly women, and is often asympblocked. tomatic other than seeing strange things. On Feb. 9, at the age of 99½, she underIn her case, those odd visions were dogs went a transaortic valve running through the room, a MORE INSIDE red cat, 27 men holding rifles replacement, known as a TAVR. The procedure has Find a checklist for family preparing to shoot and a been performed for just over a caregivers on page 7. laughing woman wearing a decade. It involves pushing a sequined dress. A home tiny valve up through a vein and replacing health care nurse from St. Luke’s Hospital the bad valve, blowing out the calcification told me she had a patient who saw a cigar that prevents adequate blood flow. It takes store Indian come to life and run around about 90 minutes and is relatively non-in- in circles. vasive. Over the past six months, several more Three days later, she was released from UTIs occurred. The pattern repeated: halthe hospital and got a new lease on life. Or lucinations, dizziness and a few very bad
falls. Those falls led to several trips to the emergency room and four hospitalizations. During this period, she remained in her home, living independently, but with the assistance of home care aides who worked in shifts. I chose times of day when she seemed most vulnerable. There are a number of excellent agencies that screen and staff qualified aides. Naturally, that one-on-one dedicated care comes at a high cost, about $27 per hour. If you are tenacious, you can find free-lance aides through word-of-mouth, but reliable ones are in high demand and often hard to locate. The health care sector is facing a staffing shortage, particularly among aides and nursing assistants. The work can be physically tough, and the pay can be low. See CAREGIVERS on page 6
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