The squealer magazine issue 6

KOH SAMUI’S DEFINITIVE TOILET READ

MAGAZINE

SQUEALER

THE

ISSUE 6 / FEBRUARY 2014

Mike Myers “Who are you calling a basterd?”

INSIDE 01

WELCOME

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PICS N THINGS

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JACK SPEAK

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TRAVEL SQUEALER

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COMEDY GREATS

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WHERES THAT FROM

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ITS A MAD MAD WORLD

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STRANGER THAN LIFE

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cookery masterclass

Pictures of the absurd

It’s a whole new language out there

Koh Samui - Why not? You’ll like it

Just like That…it’s how Tommy rolls

We’ve found out…nearly

Well what did you expect from golf

Here’s proof not that you need it

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SQUEALER magazine

Editor Lorraine Clark Design and Web ets.io

Advertising advertising@squealermagazine.com Newsdesk newsdesk@squealermagazine.com

editors drivel The maddest person I’ve ever known was a man by the name of Pat Dryden. He used to live in the same block of flats as me in South London in the 80s and was one of those people whose mind flick – flacked effortlessly between the worlds of genius and insanity, without ever really knowing where one started and the other began. He would think nothing of banging on my door at 3 o’clock in the morning to demand the loan of an egg or to enquire as to the chances of rain. And during the day he rescued knackered photocopiers from a skip behind the nearby Xerox factory, mended them and then flogged them back to their rentals division for a tidy profit.

I remember one particular afternoon when he hauled me into his flat, dragged me past the old circuit boards, copper boilers and car engines piled up on every spare inch of floor space, led me into the front room muttering something about ‘maybe taking cover behind the sofa’ and then launched a fourteen pound lead weight into the air with the words “fly little brother”.

Which wouldn’t have been too outrageous a thing to do if the lead weight in question had been subject to the normal rules of gravity. But it wasn’t. The massive electro-magnetic force field he’d set up with the help of electricity stolen from a streetlight saw to that. I hit the floor just in time as the weight shot sideways across the room, through a plasterboard wall and embedded itself in the side of the kitchen sink.

It was a shocking experience, but after I had recovered we obviously gave it a few more tries until we were eventually thwarted by an untimely power cut. But that wasn’t quite the end of it. A couple of nights later we were in our local pub when we noticed Pat’s neighbor from the flat below propped up at the end of the bar with a face as long as a mangled horse. He was also sobbing as he explained to us that ‘by some god awful freak of nature’ his entire music collection, lovingly compiled over the years and stored on expensive metal cassette tapes, had somehow, inexplicably, disappeared. Seemed something had wiped every single one of those tapes clean.

Questions and Contact: Email: info@squealermagazine.com Web: www.squealermagazine.com

And my point? Well, just that madness is a thing of degrees and quite often not only a close bedfellow of genius but also, quite often, the source of great entertainment. Take sneak peek at page 26 and you might see what I mean.

Lorraine Clark editor

LETTERS

SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 4

IN CELEBRATION OF FEBRUARY… The month of love…

Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love…

Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves.

Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the items got mixed up.

(The sweetheart got the panties.) Without checking the contents, Jim sealed his package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note.

Dearest Darling, This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten you this Christmas.

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had worn for three weeks and they were hardly soiled.

I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked smart. I wish I could put them on you the first time.

No doubt, other men’s hands will come in contact with them before I have the chance to see you again. When you take them off blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you like them and will wear them for me next Friday night.

All My Love, Jimmy P.S. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the sales girl showed me how they look when worn in the latest style - folded down with the fur showing.

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FUNNIES

SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘You Can Be The Man of Your House.’

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, ‘From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. AfterA couple married thirty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driv- wards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can ing through the secluded countryside, they passed a relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.

The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb we did here thirty years ago.”

The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the my hair?’

His Sicilian wife Gina replied, “The funeral director fence, and they made love like never before.

Back in the car, the guy says, “Darling, you sure never would be my first guess.” moved like That thirty years ago, or any time since that I can remember!”

The woman says, “Thirty years ago that fence wasn’t electrified!”

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks, “I notice you’ve been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?”

“Yes” she replies. “He’s my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”

“That’s remarkable” the husband replies. “I wouldn’t think anybody could celebrate that long.”

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.

They decide it’s finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.

They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asks, rather tentatively.

“I would like it infrequently,” replies the old lady.

The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: “Is that one word or two?”

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MORE FUNNIES

SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!!

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy’s heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

Paddy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador.”Bugger that” says Mick “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”

Man calls 999 and says “I think my wife is dead” The operator says how do you know? He says “The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the bloody thing!

Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says “Oh, I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”

Murphy says to Paddy “What ya talkin to an envelope for?” “I’m sending a voicemail ya thick sod!”

Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks “Why so many of you?” Mick replies, “The film said 18 or over.”

An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said you’re obviously not listening.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

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JACKSPEAK

SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 4

A guide to British Forces Slang….

Alpha IS FOR……….

Adam and Eve on a Raft…Two fried eggs on a piece of toast Admiral Brown… A turd floating past a ship; so named on the grounds that it was Royalty (Henry III, Edward III, Richard III, etc.) and therefore could be saluted.

All teeth, tits and toenails… Deflating description of an individual who is full of his own self - importance.

Bravo IS FOR…….

Babies’ bag rations…The female breasts Beer tokens…Pound coins Bootneck/ Bootie…A Royal Marine Bunch of Bastards…A length of rope that has become excessively tangled and will require a lot of patience and swearing to unravel and coil properly.

Charlie IS FOR…….

Cake and Arse party…Jack’s term for any state of total disorganization Chart & Evans…Nickname for a RN church parade, taken from the opening word of the Lord’s Prayer: ‘Our Father which art in heaven…’

Chunter…To mutter, mumble and grumble

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JACKSPEAK

SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

Delta IS FOR……

Dead Marine…An empty wine bottle Dhobey…The business of washing clothes Dhobey dust…Washing powder Duty skirt…The unfortunate Live-in female officer, often encouraged to leave the peace of her cabin and join a (male) gathering at the bar in the evenings

Echo IS FOR…..

Elephant’s Footprints…Spam fritters immersed in batter and then fried before being served for breakfast Exped…Adventure training Express or local?....This was a rating’s response to a request to pass the (salt) please. Anyone foolish enough to reply express got the item thrown at him.

Foxtrot IS FOR……

Fat knacker pie…Any food rich in calories, but especially puddings and sweets Float test… Throw something overboard. Also used a an euphemism for getting rid of something.

Full set…A beard, i.e. the full set of moustache, sideburns and neatly-trimmed facial whiskers.

* From the book “JACKSPEAK” by Rick Jolly and Tugg

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Stand Out From The Rest

Advertise in The Squealer and get yourself noticed!

The Definitive Toilet Read

Don’t follow the masses...

Advertise in The Squealer Magazine to really get noticed on the street.’

For more information contact: advertising@squealermagazine.com or phone Lorraine (the one who does most everything in the office) (+66) 089 047 6348 Issuu www.squealermagazine.com 14

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HUMOR IN FLIGHT

Aviation Anecdotes …. Thank you for flying with us!

A controller at the Nashville, Tennessee airport told me about an incident from several years ago when he cleared a Cessna 172 (4 seater small aircraft) for landing. As the Cessna turned to final approach, an airliner called in ‘over the marker’ (5 miles from the airport). The Cessna was about a half mile from the runway, and the controller knew he could land and clear the runway well before the airliner would land, so he cleared the airliner to land as well. A few seconds later, the Cessna pilot asked the controller, “How far behind me is that 737?” Before the controller could respond, the airline pilot keyed his mike, and in a deep bass voice said, “Don’t look back!...”

“TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.”

“Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?”

“Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: “I’m f...ing bored!”

Ground Traffic Control: “Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!”

Unknown aircraft: “I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!”

Control tower to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”

United 239: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this... I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”

Ground (in English): “If you want an answer you must speak in English.”

Lufthansa (in English): “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?”

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): “Because you lost the bloody war.”

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”

Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.” The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”

Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”

Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn’t land.”

And finally…While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it’s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!” Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: “God! Now you’ve screwed everything up! It’ll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don’t move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!

You got that, US Air 2771?” US Air 2771: “Yes, ma’am,” the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”

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TRAVEL SQUEALER

DON’T CRY FOR ME KOH SAMUI Joe Swain laments the demise of Koh Samui’s once proud species of visitor: the backpacker

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It’s hard to imagine Koh Samui as it was in 1989. No airport, no giant superstores, no golf courses and certainly no McDonalds. Indeed, it was a major stopping off point on the South East Asian backpacker route and as such, catered mainly for budget travelers. Or ‘bloody hippies’ as they were affectionately known in those days. The sort of people who thought nothing of spending an hour haggling an impoverished coconut farmer down from 60 Baht a night (to displace him and his family from their rickety timber shack) to 59 Baht. “We’re not rich you know” they’d whine as they snapped away at disappearing sunsets with their 1000 USD Olympus Trip cameras. “You must understand, we’re not tourists, we’re travelers. “As is such a minor change in terminology might bring about a ritual slaughtering of scared chickens by an overjoyed tribal leader, a garland of flowers and a free opium pipe.

I know all this of course because I was one of them. I didn’t think of myself as a hippy though; that was a term strictly reserved for people who ‘traveled’ in India. We were the new breed of backpackers, twenty something office workers who’d saved up enough cash from their grimy city jobs to see a little more of the world than the Spanish Costas. We accepted the tag ‘backpacker’ more readily because we actually used backpacks to carry our things around rather than the rolled up sarongs favoured by the hippies. Not that the Thais saw the difference. I remember chatting to a bar owner in Samui’s then most frequented bar called The Pink Flamingo (or something like that) who asked me a straightforward enough question. “Why is it”, he enquired, “that you all carry around those huge bags on your backs and yet all you ever wear are shorts and vests? What’s in the bags? 30 more pairs of shorts and 30 more vests?’ I had no answer.

In those days a trip to Samui entailed an overnight voyage on a packed open-topped ferry from the mainland port of Suratthani. There was talk of an airport coming soon, a truth that usually solicited a “what a shame” type response from the budget bunnies who thought such a move would surely be disastrous for the island’s businesses. They (ok ‘we’) were of the horribly naïve opinion that the retaliatory shift to less spoilt Thai islands (i.e. poorer ones) that the airport’s arrival would surely spark the consequent removal of our sweaty little wads of cash from the local

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economy, would somehow sound the island’s death knell as one of the most popular ‘R&R’ destinations in Asia.

A move which has, for example, cut the journey time from Singapore down to well under two hours.

But more interestingly perhaps is not the isA conclusion based upon the view that the land’s growth as a tourist resort, but as a retireonly people willing to holiday in places like ment and holiday home destination. Recent Samui were those who didn’t mind roughing it changes in land laws have made it possible, a bit. In a way we were right. Backpackers are with navigable restrictions, for foreigners to indeed a rare sight on Samui today. But you’d own property here on a long term basis. This be hard pushed to find a local businessman has seen a an incredible acceleration in conruing that fact. The island has, you might say, struction and a market of such buoyancy that ‘un-roughened’ itself rather spectacularly. A is now able to attract buyers way from tradiprocess which started with the arrival of the tional hotspots like England, Spain, Florida airport. It now boasts a plethora of Internaand Western Australia. The latest figures cite tional standard hotels and resorts and it draws an expatriate population in excess of 25,000. its millions of annual visitors from virtually ev- Hence the rush to build state of the art golf ery country in the world. Indeed some would courses, plush villa complexes, International say it now rivals its traditional big brothers, schools and high-tech business parks.

Phuket and Bali in that category. Distressing news for the hippies, who kept their side of Some people worry about the sheer ace of the the bargain by moving to neighbouring, Koh island’s development. That with the construcPhangan and Koh Lanta on the West Coast. tion of so many back garden swimming pools, Samui will surely sink into the sea. And it’s And whilst the airport is still one of the cutest true, s with all construction boom towns, the you will ever see, with its beautiful open air local saloons boast more than a few Stetsonterminal buildings and manicured lawns, an clad builders selling their dubious dreams to extension to the runway has opened the door impressionable on-line investors. But in my for Thai operator Bangkok Airways to comple- opinion the sort of people, who can afford to ment its original propeller fleet with small jets. spend anything between 200,000 USD and 18

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2,000,000 USD on a slice of paradise without even making a site visit, deserve to be fleeced. The best advice is probably look around for a developer who actually lives in one of his or her own complexes, or, better still, has a Samuian on the board of directors.

I make no great bones about being a big fan of Samui. Every time I go there I wish I could afford to buy a piece of it before it’s too late. Prices have risen steadily over the last 10 years but it’s still true to say that for what you would pay to own a crappy little one-bedroom flat above a fish and chip shop in some godforsaken provincial suburb in England, you can still get a 3-bedroomed luxury villa with all the trimmings here in Samui. No sweat.

These days the fashionable investors are buying plots on inland developments within a quick drive or a healthy evening stroll of the beaches, rather than paying high premiums for a saltin-the-nostrils location. You might not get that Malibu-de-bum-bum experience that the rock stars so enjoy, but you get far more square meters for your money. Wherein lies one of Samui’s greatest ironies. For 30 years ago (the first tourist didn’t arrive until the mid-70’s) the island’s main wealth lay in its lush coconut plantations, which were, and still are, mainly located inland.

Hence local families would reward their ‘good’ offspring with bequests of fertile inland plots, as a reward for being goodie goodies. Whilst the naughty ones were fobbed off with the ‘rubbish’ beachside plots. Who says the meek are going to inherit the earth?

More about: www.samuiholiday.com Getting there: Bangkok Airways flies from a variety of locations seven days a week: www.bangkokair.com for details.

Living there: Call Holiday Property Abroad on +66 89 047 6348 or visit their website www.holidaypropertyabroad.com (buy me one, please) 19

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Holiday Property Abroad – Villa rentals on the island of Koh Samui, Thailand.

We have a great selection of rental villas to choose from – With the best deals and the knowledge to be able to make your Villa vacation dream come true.

If you can’t find what you like on our website, contact us with your details and we will look for you!

www.holidaypropertyabroad.com email: info@holidaypropertyabroad.com phone: (+66) 089 047 6348

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Samui Holiday

Back in the 1970s the word ‘Samui’ was known only to a few of the most adventurous backpackers eager to explore this little known and tricky to reach island. Then, a basic thatched bungalow with generator power and running water was considered luxury. Nowadays, 5-star resorts, that rival any world-class destination, occupy the prime beachfront and clifftop locations bringing the jetsetter crowd to this now well-known and easily accessible island in the Gulf of Thailand.

Samui is Thailand’s third largest island, yet mea sures just 21 kilometres at its widest point and 25 at its longest. A ring-road runs around the island for approximately 50 kilometres and links the many beaches and bays, so hiring a car or scooter is recommended, as it’s the best way to explore. Don’t be afraid to venture down an unmarked palm-lined track – this is how you come across some of Samui’s best kept secret beaches.

And it’s beaches after all that bring visitors to a tropical island, and those visitors will not be disappointed with Samui’s selection of bays and coves - from long stretches of white sand, to small coves, protected by giant boulders.

Samui’s eastern and northern shores are the

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most populated, and Chaweng is the busiest beach, with hardly a gap along the beachfront between restaurants, resorts and bars. At night, the beach takes off her sundress and glams up with her evening dress, completes with diamond earrings – metaphorically speaking that is. As the sun sets, sun-loungers are replaced with tables set out at the water’s edge. The aroma of sunscreen is replaced by the mouth-watering smells wafting from the open seafood barbecues on the beach. Sunglasses come off, first to view the brilliant sunsets, and later to gaze at the moon over the bay, or the fairy lights and lanterns lighting up the beach and palm trees.

As developed as Samui has become in some areas, what’s good to know is that the island observes a quaint building regulation – no building may be higher than the closest coconut palm. Now while these palms can get quite tall, this is still a far cry from the skyscrapers that line Phuket’s (Thailand’s biggest island) shore, and most resorts are still of the villa or bungalow style. If you’re looking for a slower pace, head west and south and get a feel of what Samui must have been like a few decades ago.

Another beach worth visiting is Choeng Mon at the north-eastern tip of the island. Frequented by expats, this is an ideal family beach, with just enough vendors to be convenient when you’re looking for a snack or drink, but not enough to bother you. South of Chaweng, before Samui’s second largest beach of Lamai, are two small coves, namely Crystal Bay and Coral Cove.

Samui has more to offer visitors and residents than just glorious beaches. Golf enthusiasts will delight in the views on offer from the challenging Santiburi Golf Club, high up in the hills above Maenam. There’re other golfing options available on the island too, including mini golf, and believe it or not, football golf.

There’s a fair selection of adrenalin sports, both on land and in water too.

accommodation-wise. From tiny beach bungalows, with not more than a hammock swinging between two trees, to luxury establishments offering the best of everything as well as all types of rooms in between, you’ll find it on Samui. There’s traditional to contemporary, family-friendly to hip and happening and allinclusive resorts to self-catering establishments too.

One of the best parts of travelling is trying new food.

Whether it’s Thai food you’re after or international cuisine, Samui’s chefs can prepare it for you. Be sure to try a walking street market during your stay too.

Fancy a night out on the town? Well the busier areas such as Chaweng and Lamai are home to a vast selection of night clubs, bars and cabaret shows. But you don’t have to wait until evening to party, with venues such as Nikki Beach on the west coast, and Beach Republic on the east coast, hosting DJs from lunchtime as guests mingle, dine and laze by the beachfront pools.

There’s plenty to see too during your stay, from viewpoints to temples and religious sites and butterfly gardens to Muay Thai boxing matches. There’s so much to see and do, that’s it’s best to make a list of your favourites so you don’t miss out.

Shopaholics won’t be disappointed with the retail therapy on offer. From bargaining at market stands to buying local designer-wear or original souvenirs made on Samui , you’ll find just what you’re looking for. Samui may not have big shopping malls (yet), but that doesn’t mean shopping can’t be fun and rewarding as you wander along the shopping strips set back from the beaches. Of course, you can have a suit tailor-made too in just a day or two. Who would have thought?

Whether you’re planning an action-packed holiday, or

Prefer something a little less energetic? Well Samui has become known as a spa, detox and pampering hub of Southeast Asia.

Whether you’re after a full detox program or just a day of ‘me time’, you’ll find a vast array of spas to choose from. You can’t go wrong with a 300 baht massage on the beach too. a time to unwind with the family, you can find all the Whether you’re a backpacker, a flashpacker or a 5-star- information you require at www.samuiholiday.com. It all-the-way kind of traveller, again, Samui will please will even tell you how to get here …

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HOW TO GET TO SAMUI Fancy the Holiday of a Lifetime?

Koh Samui could be the place for YOU! Why Samui? What makes this tropical island in the Gulf of Thailand so popular, welcoming around one million tourists annually via air and ferry. An overview of this amazing island of coconuts, its beaches, and what it has to offer the holidaymaker.

Read more about the beaches on Samui...

http://www.samuiholiday.com/samuiinbrief.html

How do you get here?

As Samui is an island, it goes without saying that flight or ferry are your only options. Here you will find advice on not only the quickest and easiest way to reach Samui by air, but also budget options that involve trains, busses and finally ferries. It doesn’t matter HOW you get here, just get here!

http://www.samuiholiday.com/ gettingto.html 24

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Koh Samui has something for everyone‌ As well as enjoying the natural beauty that is everywhere on Koh Samui, there are also many interesting and exciting aspects of island life to explore; some traditions having remained unchanged for centuries. And, of course, there is a wide variety of fascinating local temples to visit and some of them may surprise you!

http://www.samuiholiday.com/attractions.html

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TOMMY COOPER Half Magician, Half Comedian 26

Consistently Voted Britains Favorite of all Time!

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On July 14th 1978, Tommy Cooper was performing at the Cambridge Theatre in London’s West End. The audience was in high spirits, eager to witness at first hand the unpredictable antics of UK television’s most popular act for a decade.

Five minutes before the curtain rose, a thirtystrong stag party stumbled apologetically but noisily into their reserved seats in the front row. The groom-to-be, resplendent in a bright pink taffeta dress and matching wig, was a man by the name of Jason Dunkley. He was, as they say in show business, a little ‘sherried up’ for the evening.

When Cooper took to the stage he immediately honed in on Dunkley. But to the surprise of the audience, rather than harvesting the ripe array of comedic opportunities that lay in a slur of semi-consciousness before him, he chose instead to befriend poor Mr Dunkley. Or so it might have seemed. Whilst maintaining a level of hushed asides to the rest of his audience that even Frankie Howerd would have been proud of, the convivial Cooper invited his half-cut new friend to join him on stage where he proceeded to lull him into a sense of security so false it was almost criminal. Which meant of course that by the time he asked Dunkley to lend him his expensive wristwatch for the purpose of sticking it into a brown paper bag and smashing it to bits with a hammer, Dunkley was quite happy to agree. (One can only assume that the sherries in his tummy were temporarily blinding him to the fact that Cooper’s entire act was based around the concept of bungled magic.)

After much waving of wands and muttering of strange incantations failed to make the beloved timepiece reassemble itself, Dunkley was distraught. Close to tears if truth be known. As he staggered around with his head in his hands (still dressed in a pink taffeta frock and wig), Cooper put an arm around his shoulder and led him gently to the side of the stage. There, sat on top of a small wooden stool, was another brown paper bag. “Do you want something to eat?”

Cooper asked, winking to the audience. “No” wailed Dunkley, “I don’t want anything to eat, I just want my watch back.

My girlfriend’s going to kill me!”

“Go on, treat yourself” urged Cooper, “I think you’ll like these. I made them myself.” Not waiting for Dunkley to refuse again he put his hand into the bag and pulled out a large, sugar-covered doughnut. “It’s the filling that makes them so special”, he said to Dunkley. “Guess what’s inside this one?”

At last, throuqh the mist of insobriety, a light shone in Dunkley’s mind and he grabbed the doughnut, and before plunging his teeth into it he yelled with relief, “My watch?”

To which Cooper replied with his trademark throaty laugh, “No, jam” and legged it into the wings.

For if Cooper was anything, he was an opportunist. A man who seemed able to gauge the mood of his audience almost as if he was biologically equipped to do so. Nobody in the theatre that night had doubted for a moment that Dunkley’s watch was safe, somewhere. Everyone knew that far from being the inept magician he portrayed himself to be on stage, Cooper was actually a highly skilled member of the Inner Magic Circle. He simply chose to do his tricks

badly because it go more laughs. As he once said to comedy writer and close friend Barry Cryer, “There are plenty of good magicians around, but only the bad ones are funny.”

Rumour has it that he got the idea after bungling several tricks at an early TV audition and realized that his ineptitude was actually going down a storm. But others believe the routine was inspired by a lesser known French comedy magician of the time called Mac Ronay, who ironically also wore a fez. An accusation which Cooper once defended to Cryer by insisting that he’d never even heard of the wittily named Frenchman let alone steal from him.

And to be fair, every aspect of Cooper’s humour was totally original. Not many comedians could have their audience in fits of laughter for the first 10 minutes of their act without even taking to the stage. As Cryer recalls, “The opening of Tom’s act was unique - the band would play his signature tune ‘The Sheikh of Araby’ and he wouldn’t come on.

I repeat: he wouldn’t come on After a deathless pause, the audience would hear his voice, muttering that he was locked in his dressing room. He would eventually emerge to rapturous applause and then look into the wings and say, ‘Come off? I’ve only just come on!”

Many who were lucky enough to see him live will testify that he was the sort of comedian who could draw laughs without even talking. Eric Morecambe, no slouch in the comedy stakes himself, once said of Cooper, “That bugger just has to walk on stage and they laugh. I have to start working.”

The height. the feet, the fez, that face. Like a walking Easter Island statue.

Or maybe it was the way he would sometimes stop short in the middle of a trick or a joke as he noticed a pedal bin on the side of the stage. He’d stare at it for a while, feigning disinterest. but then, after a few moments, he’s sidle over to it, circle it and it would become part of his act – the joy on his face was totally infectious. A 6’7” tall man-child perpetually at sea in an adult world.

Indeed, Cooper’s act had an almost timeless, Peter Pan quality to it. It’s noticeable that during his 30 years in show business he never once made a single contemporary reference. No politicians, no celebrities, no current affairs. Just jokes and tricks.

A style which certainly appealed to post-war British television audiences,

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who might remember him and 9 times out of 10 you’ll be answered with a rising of the shoulders, outstretched hands, a slight tilting of the head, a protruding chin and the words, “Juzz like that”. Almost guaranteed.

subconsciously traumatized as they were by years of harsh reality, if the speed of Cooper’s rise to fame is anything to go by. In 1947, after only 2 years on the variety club circuit, he appeared on a popular BBC programme called ‘Leslie Henson’s Christmas Eve Party’ and despite having been officially described by one of the Corporation’s talent scouts as, ‘a magician of highly dubious ability and a most unfortunate appearance’ he was an instant hit with a far more discerning general public. Other television work followed including ‘Comedy Capers’ in 1948 and Gala Variety in 1950 (the latter a celebration of the opening of the BBC’s Lime Grove studios, mute colour film of which was discovered in the late 1990s and is thought to be the earliest surviving footage of Cooper.)

By 1952 he had his own Series, ‘It’s Magic’, described in the Radio Times as a “miscellany of mischief, music and mystery”. This was the first and last series Cooper would make for the BBC, being an ITV man for the rest of his career, primarily with Thames Television, for whom he worked virtually exclusively from 1968.

His next series, and his first for ITV, Cooper or Life with Tommy (1957), was more akin to situation comedy than his stage act, with each episode a sketch based on mishaps encountered in his everyday life. Further sitcom or sketchbased programmes included Cooper’s Capers (1958), Life With Cooper (1966-69) and a number scripted by and co-starring Eric Sykes, including The Eric Sykes Show (19821990) and one of Sykes’ dialogue-free comedies, ‘It’s Your Move’ (1982), with himself and Cooper as removal men.

He soon became the most frequently imitated British comedian of all time. Even today, mention his name to anyone

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His jokes too have lived on, and rather than being stolen and recycled - the fate of most dead or dying comedians’ material - most are still largely attributed to Cooper. Mainly because on paper they’re really not much. It’s as if Cooper was a humour alchemist, in whose hands even the corniest looking gags would shine. As Barry Cryer remembers, “One of his favourite jokes was, ‘A man walked into a bar and went Oooooh! It was an iron bar: He put the stress on the word ‘bar’ not ‘iron’, which, in my boring pedantic way, I considered to be essential. I pointed this out to Tom and he gazed at me, uncomprehendingly. ‘Did they laugh?” he said, “Yes”, I admitted, “Shut up!” he growled. And Cooper is also a man about whom everyone seems to have a favourite anecdote. Like the time he persuaded Scouse comedian Jimmy Tarbuck to teach him how to play golf. Tarbuck agreed and duly turned up at his house at 7am the following Sunday to be greeted by an extremely hungover Cooper still in his dressing gown. The big man gingerly ushered him into the front room, sat him down in an armchair and then promptly threw up on an expensive Persian rug in the middle of the floor. When Cooper’s wife appeared a few minutes later with a pot of tea, Cooper immediately pointed to the pile of vomit and said, “Look what Tarbie did, love.” Tarbuck was too stunned to defend himself but later asked his friend why he had dabbed him in. To which Cooper replied, “It’s alright Tarbie, she likes you far more than she likes me!”

Or the time he was getting out of a London Cab and stuffed what looked like a wad of notes into the driver’s pocket with the words, “Have a drink on me mate.” The driver, who had apparently been angling for a tip the whole journey was delighted. Until of course he got home to discover the ‘wad’ was actually a teabag.

But probably the thing Cooper is more famous for than anything else is that he died on TV. Ironically during the transmission of a show called ‘Live from Her Majesty’s’. When he slumped to the floor clutching his chest in the middle of a trick, the audience thought it was part of his act and

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roared as loud as they had all night. Not many comedians could have got a laugh from their own death, but Cooper did. Just like that.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: ‘Can I help, sir?’ ‘No thanks; says the blind bloke. ‘Just looking.

He said ‘Im going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, “That’s a turnup for the books.

It’s strange, isn’t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said ‘Do you earn a living doing that?’ He said ‘Yes, this my livelihood.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it” You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine’ So I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aaah.” I said “Why?” He said “My dog’s died”

Best jokes Booze I’m on a whisky diet . . . last week I lost three days!

Fortune Teller I went to a fortune teller and she looked at my hands. She said, ‘Your future looks pretty black.’ I said, ‘Are you kidding?

I’ve still got my gloves on!

Doctor I said to the doctor, ‘It hurts when I do this’ [raises arm]. He said, ‘Well, don’t do it.’

Alarm clock A woman rushed into hospital with her little boy and said, ‘Doctor, my little boy has swallowed an alarm clock.’ He said, ‘An alarm clock? Does it bother him?’ She said: ‘It doesn’t bother him, but it bothers me.’ He said, ‘Why?’ She said: ‘Well, every time I go to wind it up, he bites my finger.’

Soup I said to the chef, ‘Why have you got your hand in the alphabet soup?’ He said, ‘I’m groping for words!’

Dreams Last night I dreamt I was eating a ten pound marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow had gone.

Driver A drunk was driving his car down a one-way street when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, ‘Didn’t you see the arrows?’ He said, ‘Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians.’

Gambling Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.

Music I took saxophone lessons for six months until I dislocated my jaw. How did I know I was supposed to blow in the small end?

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A Brief History of Film Comedy (Part V) - The Noughties The noughties: gun-toting, chest-shaving, burgereating mania!

Since the events of 9/11, films of the noughties have taken a more reflective stance. Despite the serious subject matter, ‘Bowling For Columbine’, ‘Fahrenheit 9/11 ‘,’ Team America: World Police’, ‘Borat’ and ‘SuperSize Me’ have all managed to give us a good laugh while providing us with plenty of food for thought.

documentary about how screwed up some Americans are, or about what goes in to their burgers? Then they rolled the dice again to see if we would be equally keen on a remake of ‘Thunderbirds’, complete with exploding iconic monuments and weird puppet sex?

What were they thinking?

Along with the turn of the century came a surprise from a handful of film directors who decided to credit their potential audience (that’s us) with a modicum of intelligence. They gambled on whether people would actually pay to sit and watch a film-length

They won, yes we were willing to see some core Western values questioned, and yes indeed, thanks to the absurd and hysterical puppet sex scene in Team America, we were just as happy to be reminded of all those times we made our Action Man and Barbie have high tea and then shag each other silly. When we were kids of course.

The most memorable comedies of the decade so far The noughties may well be remembered as the decade of ‘Amelie of Montmarte’ and in the same year Renee Zellweger gave us ‘Bridget Jones’ based on the bestselling book Bridget Jones’s diary by Helen Fielding a, some might say, valuable insight into the female psyche.

‘The Royal Tenenbaums’, ‘The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou’ and ‘Lost in Translation’, re-affirmed Bill Murray’s status as one of the

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best living comedy actors. Sneaking quietly through the back door and up the A-list, Ben Stiller started off the decade in ‘Meet The Parents’ with Bob De Niro and then really proved his mettle when he went on to direct ‘Zoolander’ in 2001, in which he played outrageously vain and over-the-top super-male-model Derek Zoolander, creator of the “Blue Steel” look.

Docutastic!

It was Michael Moore who really got tongues wagging though, first with ‘Bowling For Columbine’ (2002) and then ‘Farenheit 9/11’ (2004) both of which illustrated Moore’s talent for cleverly juxtaposed pieces of news footage (which some have called blatant propaganda) alongside film snippets of his own personal crusade against bullet vendor K-Mart and National Rifle Association (NRA) member Charlton Heston, among others. His portrayal of the Bush family and all their dodgy dealings with the Middle East in F 9/11 gave us all good reason to question who was responsible for the catastrophic attacks on America. Moore gave his audience something to chew on, which made for an unusual and, for once, provocative cinema experience. In fact Bowling was the first documentary to compete at the Cannes Film Festival for some 46 years and, since no award existed for a documentary, Cannes created a special 55th Anniversary gong especially for Moore.

Supercrappymation Meanwhile Trey Parker and Matt Stone of South Park fame were having their own fun at the expense of their fellow Americans. Using the technique they

refer to as “supercrappymation” they were inspired by the Thunderbirds to make a 21st Century puppet movie that made a mockery of the Bush administration’s seemingly gung-ho attitude towards going to war. They also had a pop at several A-list movie stars using each of the puppets to represent different actors. Some of the victims in question loved it, whereas some were completely mortified. In true Parker & Stone style, the boys set out to offend as many people as possible, helped along by a hysterical musical score.

Their parody of the stage show “Rent” (called “Lease” in the film) included a song with the lyrics “everyone has AIDS” and the song “America, f@ck yeah” included the F-word 37 times.

Death by burger & Borat So far this century, America has been the butt of more than a few slaps on the bottom. Documentary ‘Super-Size Me’ focused on America’s biggest export -the McDonalds hamburger and the protagonist Morgan Spurlock, illustrated that living off Macey D’s will eventually kill you -he ate only burgers for a whole month and his liver almost gave out.

Equally disturbing and even more hard-hitting was ‘Fast Food Nation’, based on the non-fiction novel that took another stab at the US fast food industry with a story about how a bunch of burgers got contaminated with faeces. Although fictional, it gave audiences a lot to chew on (scuse the pun) -so much so that many vowed never to look at another burger again.

The recent Borat movie went all out to show cer-

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The rest But it’s not all been rom-com’s and zombies. There have been many films worth mentioning over the past seven years. Let us not forget the fabulous musical ‘Moulin Rouge’ starring Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, with its excellent soundtrack adapted from such 80s hits as ‘Like A Virgin’ and ‘Roxanne’.

The Frat pack have been busy too and have bequeathed a number of worthy comedies to future generations, with the most worthy probably being ‘The Wedding Crashers’, ‘Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy’, ‘Bruce Almighty’, ‘The 40-Year Old Virgin’, ‘School of Rock’ and ‘Little Miss Sunshine’, all of which received both audience approval (dollars) and critical acclaim. Many stars that started shining through in the 90s, may have hit their peak this century -such as Jim Carey, Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Steve Carell and Jack Black. We shall see.

Noughtie Trivia: tain Americans in their “true light” as bigoted, racist, sexist and ignorant, and, in the case of the evangelical church, ridiculous. Yes indeed, the whole world seems to be waging war on America these days, in one way or another, and certain people within the film industry are joining in.

Love & Zombies But this century’s movies haven’t all been focused on Americabashing. In Britain Richard Curtis, once again, came up with a winner in the shape of ‘Love Actually’, a beautifully cast tale about people from all walks of life falling in and out of love. Judging by his previous efforts (‘Four Weddings’, ‘Notting Hill’ and writing credits for ‘Bridget Jones’) we expected nothing less from the master of Brit rom-com.

At the other end of the spectrum, Edgar Wright directed Simon Pegg in the comedy horror ‘Shaun of The Dead’, a zombie film set in London’s Crouch End and funded by, none other than, WT2 (a branch of Working Title Films) that was also responsible for, you guessed it, ‘Four Weddings’, ‘Nothing Hill’ et al. If they didn’t get you with romance, they got you in the end with zombies.

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Team America: World Police: Sean Penn was so insulted by his portrayal 1n the film, that he wrote an

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angry letter to Matt Stone and Trey Parker about 1t. The letter was later published by several Newspapers and Magazines.

The idea for the film came in 2003 when Matt Stone and Trey Parker were v1atch1ng television and came across reruns episodes of “Thunderbirds” (1965), which Parker had never seen. Instantly Intrigued, the two dec1ded a marionette action film would be “the perfect way to send up all those Jerry Bruckheimer movies”.

The MPAA gave this film an R rating, accompanied w1th the specific explanation “For graphic crude and sexual behavior, violent images and strong language - all involving puppets.”

George Clooney was a driving force in getting Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s ‘South Park” (1997) to air. He also appeared in the show and the subsequent movie. As to their puppetry portrayal in Team America: World Police (2004), both he and Matt Damon are quoted as saying they would have been offended if they weren’t in the film.

Bowling For Columbine and Farenheit 9/11 are the highest -grossing documentaries of all time. At the Cannes film festival, Farenheit 9/11 received a standing ovation that lasted more than 15 minutes.

It was the first documentary in history to debut at number one at the box office.

Michael Moore approved the film to be downloaded onto computers, because of his need for the film to reach every potential American.

In Super-Size Me, Morgan Spurlock gave up drinking alcohol six weeks before he attempted the diet in order to remove any presence of alcohol in his body.

He gained 25 pounds eating nothing but McDonald’s for a month for ‘Super-Size Me” and it took him a total of 14 months to lose it again.

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WHERE’S THAT FROM Cat Got Your Tongue?

Meaning: Something said when a person is at a loss for words History: There are two possible sources for this common saying. The first refers to the cat-o’-nine-tails – a whip used by the English Navy for flogging. The whip caused so much pain that the victims were left speechless. The second refers to the practice of cutting out the tongues of liars and blasphemers and feeding them to cats.

Caught Red-Handed

Meaning: To be caught doing something wrong History: This saying originated because of a law. If someone butchered an animal that didn’t belong to him, he had to be caught with the animal’s blood on his hands to be convicted. Being caught with freshly cut meat did not make the person guilty.

Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Bathwater

Meaning: Hang on to valuable things when getting rid of unnecessary things History: During the 1500s, most people bathed once a year. Even when they did bathe, the entire family used the same tubful of water. The man of the house bathed first, followed by other males, then females, and finally the babies. You can imagine how thick and cloudy the water became by that time, so the infants’ mothers had to take care not to throw them out with the bathwater when they emptied the tub.

Jaywalker

Meaning: One who crosses the street in a reckless or illegal manner History: Jay birds that traveled outside of the forest into urban areas often became confused and unaware of the potential dangers in the city – like traffic. Amused by their erratic behavior, people began using the term “Jaywalker” to describe someone who crossed the street irresponsibly

More Than You Can Shake a Stick At

Meaning: Having more of something than you need History: Farmers controlled their sheep by shaking their staffs to indicate where the animals should go. When farmers had more sheep than they could control, it was said they had “more than you can shake a stick at.”

Let Your Hair Down

Meaning: To relax or be at ease History: Parisian nobles risked condemnation from their peers if they appeared in public without an elaborate hairdo. Some of the more intricate styles required hours of work, so of course it was a relaxing ritual for these aristocrats to come home at the end of a long day and let their hair down.

Go the Whole 9 Yards

Meaning: To try one’s best History: World War II Fighter pilots received a 9-yard chain of ammunition.

Therefore, when a pilot used all of his ammunition on one target, he gave it “the whole 9 yards.”

Eat Humble Pie

Meaning: Making an apology and suffering humiliation along with it History: During the Middle Ages, the lord of a manor would hold a feast after hunting. He would receive the finest cut of meat at the feast, but those of a lower standing were served a pie filled with the entrails and innards, known as “umbles.”

Therefore, receiving “umble pie” was considered humiliating because it informed others in attendance of the guest’s lower status.

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DATES FOR YOUR DIARY SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 4

FEBRUARY 2014 1 – National Working Naked Day 3 – Carrot Cake Day 7 – Bubblegum Day 9 – Toothache Day 11 – Extraterrestrial Culture Day 14 – Valentines Day 17 – Random Act Of Kindness 20 – Love Your Pet Day 21 – Sticky Bun Day 22 – Sword Swallowers Day 23 – Curling Is Cool Day 27 – Strawberry Day AND FINALLY …

The whole of February is HOT BREAKFAST MONTH!!

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COMEDY GREATS

Mike Myers 38

Still fabulous after all these years

SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3 As the character of ‘Austin Powers’, Saturday Night Live comedian Mike Myers, with his legendary catch-phrases “Oh, beeeHAVE’” and “YEAH, baby!”, his crushed velvet suits, hot-babe girlfriends and naughty, naughty knobgags, has become one of the most recognisable entertainers on the planet.

Ed Asner and Byrne and Joyce Piven (friends of John and Joan’s Cusack family), to form the ‘Playwrights Theatre Club’. This went through several incarnations till, in 1959, it settled as ‘Second City’ the name being an ironic reference to Chicago’s supposed inferiority to New York.

Some people argue that Myers’ success proves once and for all that Americans do have a mighty appreciation of irony. That his name sits easily witH legends of the caliber of Sam Kinison, Bill Hicks, Steven Wright and Emo Phillips. But what those antagonists fail to realize, is that despite popular misconception, Myers isn’t actually an American. He’s British. Well, kind of ...

In 1973, a new branch was opened in Toronto, featuring both Dan Aykroyd and Myers’s mate Gilda Radner, but, without a liquor licence, closed quickly. It re-opened, complete with a licence, in an old fire station, in early 1974, this time featuring Radner, John Candy, Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara. By 1976, the team were writing for TV, producing specials and their own show, called ‘SCTV’, which satirised TV itself, and ran for 7 years. With branches in Chicago, Toronto and Detroit, ‘Second City’ became a veritable breeding-ground for comic talent. New additions came in the form of Rick Moranis, Martin Short, Alan Arkin, Joan Rivers, John Belushi, Bill Murray, Chris Farley and the glorious George Wendt. And it didn’t simply give people a chance to perform, it was a serious training centre, providing lessons and lectures in many forms of entertainment, specialising in the encouragement of creative freedom, spontaneity and improvisation.

Born on the 25th of May, 1963, in Toronto, his father, Eric, was formerly a cook in the British Army, while his mother, Alice, (also known as Bunny) was an aspiring actress who’d attended London’s Academy of Music and Dramatic Art. Both came from Liverpool. They emigrated to Canada in 1956 where they were blessed with three sons, Paul (later in Toronto band ‘The Gravelberrys’), Peter and finally Mike, all of whom are still British passport holders. Indeed, Myers spoke with a Scouse accent until the age of 6. Soon after their arrival in Canada, Bunny gave up on the acting to raise her sons and Eric became a salesman for the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

The young Myers doted on his father and it was from him that he garnered a taste for British culture. Together they would watch Bond movies and popular television series like ‘The Saint’ and ‘The Avengers’. Relatives in Liverpool would send over Beatles boots, clothes and even albums, making Myers the only kid in Toronto to wear an olivegreen Nehru jacket and support Liverpool FC. And then there was comedy, too. Eric prized humour above most things and introduced young Mike to the Goons, to Peter Sellers’ Inspector Clouseau, to Peter Cook and Dudley Moore and to Monty Python.

It is said that when Myers had friends over to play table-hockey in the basement, Eric would refuse entry to any child he didn’t consider funny. Indeed, as he grew older, Myers began to rely on Eric as a barometer for his own humour. If dad laughed, it was good. He claims that, despite trying for years, he didn’t make “the house” laugh till he was 11. When he finally managed it, it was one of the biggest moments of his life.

After a couple of years in such hallowed company, Myers decided to try his luck in England and in 1984 teamed up with Neil Mullarkey (later to partner Nick Hancock, now of ‘They Think It’s All Over’ fame) as - yes, you’ve guessed it - ‘Mullarkey and Myers’.

Mullarkey, an ex-president of the anarchic ‘Cambridge Footlights’ comedy troupe, would perform sketches with Myers based on their shared love of cartoons, B-movies and bad TV. They played the burgeoning London pub circuit, particularly the ‘George IV’ in Chiswick, where they often shared the bill with the a young Hugh Grant, then plying his trade in the ‘Jockeys Of Norfolk’ review. As their fame increased, Mullarkey and Myers toured the UK, a jaunt that ended in a sold-out season at the Edinburgh Festival. In between gigs Myers found time to relive his Beatlespacked past with a part as a delivery boy in Sandor Stern’s ‘John And Yoko: A Love Story’ starring arch-Scouser Mark McGann.

A cute kid, Myers was a natural for TV, and began appearing in TV commercials from the age of just 8. In one such ad for British Columbia Hydro, his motf1er was played by Gilda Radner. She was then one of the stars of ‘Saturday Night Live’, soon to be one of Americas most popular shows, and one of Eric’s favourites.

Myers promised his dad that one day he’d appear with Radner on SNL. He did indeed make the show, but sadly in the same year that Radner died of cancer. Attending Stephen Leacock High School, Mike was an average student, but was always more interested in entertainment than accademia. He took dance lessons and built a series of comic characters, some of which he’d use in later years. At parties, he’d try to make girls laugh by adopting the guise of someone who would later bring him monumental success: Wayne Campbell.

He graduated in 1982 and, though he’d applied for a place at Toronto’s York University, won a place with the ‘Second City’ comedy troupe, which he gladly seized with both hands. The good news arrived on the day of his final High School exam. ‘Second City’ was one of North America’s most prestigious comedy groups. It had been formed back in the early 50s, when a gang of Chicago students, including Mike Nichols and Elaine May, had joined up with a group of townies, including Barbara Harris,

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With SNL-vet Dana Carvey as his trusty buddy Garth, he played Wayne Campbell, gonzoid purveyor of notso- popular pub I ic access entertainment, and coiner of natty phrases like “babeacilious!”; ‘Coffee Talk’ host ‘Linda Richman’, was a Barbra Streisand obsessive who Myers allegedly based on his own mother (he actually once performed the act at a Streisand concert); there was the partisan owner of the shop called ‘All Things Scottish’ angrily barking at his customers: “If it’s not Scots, it’s crap I” And then of course there was Dieter, the pretentious German chatshow host and film critic, with his monkey sidekick and outthere catch-phrases like: “Your conversation has become tiresome” and the infamous: “Touch my monkey!” Comedian Dana Andersen, who toured with Myers back in his ‘Second City’ days, would be quoted in ‘Vanity Fair’ as saying that he had helped develop the Dieter character, and that the “Touch my monkey” line was his invention. Myers, he claimed, had never given him due credit.

To clear the air, Myers, at the peak of his fame, would appear in Andersen’s live improvised soap opera, ‘Die Nasty’, in Toronto.

The pair’s friendship was rekindled. There’d also be further dispute with the other Dana, Dana Carvey, who claimed to have created the Austin Powers character Dr Evil, and to have based him on Lorne Michaels. Myers has always refuted this. A couple of years into his SNL stint, Myers was hired to write and star in ‘Wayne’s World’, a full-length feature based on his Wayne Campbell character. “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll hurl”, screamed the posters, and they did, in their millions.

And also, quite unbelievably when you think about it now, he did a stint in ‘The Wide Awake Club’ - a kids’ show hosted by Tommy Boyd, Michaela Strachan and the notorious Timmy Mallett, a loud man with garish shirts and huge spectacles who’d batter small children with an enormous hammer (Mallett’s Mallet) if they didn’t answer his questions quickly enough. Yes, for a while back there, Mike Myers was Timmy Mallett’s underling. But eventually Mike yearned for home and family and returned to Toronto.

Mullarkey joined him briefly to revive the show in Canada. Later still, he’d show up in Myers’ ‘Austin Powers’ debut, as the man who freaks Austin out with his penis enlarger (he’d also add his thoughts to Mike’s ‘So I Married An Axe Murderer’, and pop up in ‘Gold member’). Myers rejoined ‘Second City’ where he continued to develop his varied cast of characters, many of whom now were British or European. In 1988, he moved on to the Chicago branch, and it was here that he met his wife-to-be, the actress and screenwriter Robin Ruzan. Well, he actually met her at a Blackhawks hockey game (Myers is a major hockey fan, naming many of his movies’ characters after hockey players), and when she was hit by a puck, he sprang gallantly to her assistance. Unfortunately Ruzan would never get to know her future husband’s greatest hero, his father Eric, as he was fading fast to Alzheimer’s disease and much to Myers’ dismay, was fading fast. No longer really knowing who he was, Eric was unable to comprehend what happened nexthis son’s breakthrough- a terrible shame as he’d have been the one who would have appreciated it most.

Appearing at ‘Second City’ Toronto’s 15th Anniversary gig in 1988, Myers’ efforts were witnessed by guest Martin Short. He alerted Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels and, suddenly, Mike Myers was starring on one of America’s most popular shows (Ben Stiller would also join the cast in 1989). The next six years were extremely fruitful. Many of his characters became extremely popular.

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Wayne and Garth’s in-car reaction to Bohemian Rhapsody became legend, as did their meeting with Alice Cooper (“We’re not worthy!”). The movie was a surprise monster, the 6th biggest hit in the States in 1992. Sadly, Eric wasn’t there to see it. He died a few days before the preview. (Myers would name his production company ‘Eric’s Boy’ in his memory). He missed him terribly, saying that it was his dad who had taught him to have no inhibitions, who had “allowed me to be the architect of my own embarrassment”.

In 1993 Myers married Robin Ruzan, and wrote and starred in ‘So I Married An Axe Murderer’. Here, in dual roles, he played both an outspoken (and madly Scottish) father constantly raging on about government conspiracies and KFC. And his son, a poet terrified of commitment who falls for sexy butcher Nancy Travis, only to gradually come to suspect her of being an axe-weilding homicidal maniac. The same year saw ‘Wayne’s World 2’, where the dynamic duo (plus the ghost of Jim Morrison) organized the ‘Waynestock’ fest iva I. What should have been a period of unadulterated joy was far from it. The deaths in the family were tough to bear. SNL and the movies had taxed him, too, despite winning an Emmy nomination for his SNL work.

Depressed and suffering from writer’s block, he took a year and a half off, going into seclusion with Robin and his three dogs (each named after hockey players). It was during this break that Myers’ greatest creation came to him. Thinking about his dad, he recalled watching ‘The Pink Panther’ with him, and Matt Helm movies, and James Bond. Suddenly, a new character popped into his head.

Groovy fashion photographer by day, super-spy by night, it was Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery. Cryo-frozen in the 60s, then thawed out in the 90s to combat the threat of his old adversary, Dr Evil. A film formed in his head and he got it made.

He drew on all his past experiences. There were big dance numbers, millions of smutty innuendoes, catchy catch-phrases, hot babes, and filmic references to Bond, The Beatles’ ‘A Hard Day’s Night’, ‘Our Man Flint’ and ‘Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls’. Austin Powers 1, written to celebrate his father’s life, was not a big hit at the box-office. But the video went through the roof. Introducing new characters, like Dr Evil’s tiny clone MiniMe (inspired

by Marion Branda and his weeny lookalike in ‘The Island Of Dr Moreau’), the repulsive Scottish blubber-gut, Fat Bastard, and even-hotter babes than before with Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham) and Foxxy Cleopatra (Beyonce Knowles). Myers would stretch Austin’s adventures over three episodes.

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Each of them were massive hits, as reflected by Myers’ pay cheques. He took $3 million for ‘Austin Powers - International Man of Mystery’, $7 million for ‘Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me’, and $25 million for ‘Gold member’. Austin Powers would take up much of Myers’ time as we entered the new millennium. But there were some other projects worth noting.

There was his first “straight” role, in ‘54’, when he played Steve Rubell, the extravagant, coke-fuelled boss of ‘Studio 54’, the decadent New York nightclub of the 70s. Then there was the generally overlooked ‘Pete’s Meteor’ in which he creditably performed an Irish accent alongside the genuine articles of Dervla Kirwan and Brenda Fricker (who’d earlier played his mother in ‘So I Married An Axe Murderer’.) After this came ‘The Thin Pink Line’, a mockumentary featuring a closeted gay and a host of quirky types, played by Jennifer Aniston, David Schwimmer, and llleanna Douglas, amongst others. Then there was a brief role alongside Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofolo in the twisting, dark comedy ‘Nobody Knows Anything’ and ‘Mystery, Alaska’ with Russell Crowe and Burt Reynolds. But it wasn’t all plain sailing.

Following the success of ‘Wayne’s World’, Myers struck a deal with Universal and Imagine Entertainment (headed by Ron Howard and Brian Grazer) to make a movie to be called ‘Sprockets’, based around Myers’ SNL character ‘Dieter’. Myers wrote a provisional script, but as pre-production began he decided he didn’t like it and pulled out. In 2000, Universal sued him for $3.8 million, with Imagine lodging a suit for $30 million in lost profits.

them by pulling out of their Inspector Clouseau remake. Before ‘The Cat In The Hat’ would come ‘A View From The Top’ costarring Gwyneth Paltrow as a small-town girl who wants to be a flight attendant but first has to attend a training boot camp headed by Myers’ character ‘John Whitney’, a fellow insanely bitter that his defective eye means that he cannot take to the skies himself.

Myers hit back with a $20 million suit, alleging they’d violated his privacy, defamed him and set a writ-server on him who’d stalked him and Robin “in a threatening manner down dark, At parties, he’d try to make girls laugh by winding and unlit streets”.

He played the role brilliantly, like all great clowns managing to mix slapstick and poignancy.

Trouble was, the film had to be adopting the guise of someone who would He even hired private delayed following the Septemlater bring him monumental success: detective Anthony Pelicano ber 11th attacks and one of to help him out, and said Mike’s funniest scenes, where Wayne Campbell. he was justified in walking he showed his students how away, rather than “cheating to behave should a terrorist moviegoers with an unacceptable script”. After all, he was also make it onboard, was cut altogether. When the movie was finally walking away from a $20 million paycheck. Eventually, Steven released, two years after its completion, it (ahem) took a noseSpielberg and Jeffrey Katzenberg of Dreamworks stepped in dive. But ‘The Cat In The Hat’ would make up for any bad feeling. to help settle the dispute. Dieter would be forgotten, but Mike The premise was simple. Mother of two Kelly Preston is holding would star in another movie for Universal and Imagine, with a reception and desperately needs it to be a success. With her Dream works also taking a cut. boss being a major cleanliness freak, she needs the house to be spotless. Enter Myers, as Dr Seuss’s most anarchic creation, and Such a collaboration would take place in 2003, when Myers cue destruction of the most hilarious order. starred as Dr Seuss’s ‘Cat In The Hat’. There would be yet more trouble in 2002, upon the release of Goldmember. MGM and Some complained that the movie, making the Cat loveable, maxDanjaq (who control the James Bond licence) had attempted ing the SFX and adding a few risque moments, was not entirely to have the title of ‘Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me’ true to the books. But, like ‘The Grinch’ before it, it overflowed changed on the grounds that it was trading on the Bond franwith chaotic energy and, like ‘The Grinch’, was a massive hit. chise without permission. They failed in that attempt, but sucAnother big hit for Myers came in the form of ‘Shrek 2’, in which ceeded when they said the same of ‘Gold member’. 11,000 trailhe reprised the role he played in the enormously successful 2001 ers for the movie and many thousands of posters were recalled outing. but, by April, the matter was sorted out.

There, stepping in when his former SNL cohort Chris Farley died, Myers and New Line could use Goldmember as a title, but MGM he provided the voice of the reclusive ogre on a quest to save must approve any further parodying of Bond titles. It was good the beautiful princess from a midget tyrant, all the while “aided” result for New Line. ‘The Spy Who Shagged Me’ had made $310

by Eddie Murphy’s loudmouthed donkey. Now at the very top of million worldwide, by far their biggest hit, and ‘Gold member’ the comedy tree, Mike Myers will surely bring sex-crazed agent went on to achieve similar success. Plus, they’d already regisAustin Powers back into action once more. And he’ll surely intered such titles as ‘Live And Let Shag’, ‘Never Say Member Again’, vent new ways to embarrass himself and entertain us. Eric would ‘You Only Shag Thrice’ and ‘Licence To Shag’. But MGM would certainly have demanded it. be watching closely, particularly as Myers had already annoyed

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THAILAND SIGNS SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 4

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ITS A MAD MAD WORLD

sung at the Opening ceremony) Kelly Holmes Is it straight or not?

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Nicknames for golf shots, good and bad…

Ladyboy / Transvestite Looks easy, but more to it than meets the eye Laura Davies Not pretty, but long Lee Harvey Oswald Three good shots from nowhere Leon Klinghoffer Two shots and into the water Lorena Bobbitt A nasty slice

A

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Adolf Hitler Two shots in a bunker Army golf Left, right, left, right...

Arthur Scargill Good strike, poor result Anna Kournikova Looked good, but no result

B

Bing Crosby Any excuse to get out of buying a drink at the 19th.

Brazilian Shaved the edge Bun in the oven / Knocked up Felt good, but not worth the trouble it’s got you into

C

Calista Flockhart Thin, but looked OK Colonel Gadddafi Dangerous in sand Condom Safe, but didn’t feel very good Circus Tent A big top Cuban / Fidel Castro Needed one more revolution

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Diego Maradona Nasty little five footer Diego Maradona Fat, but handy Douglas Bader Looked good in the air, but no legs Durex Play safe and don’t rip it

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Elephant’s a**e High and pretty shi**y Elin Nordegren Smashed an iron into woods Eva Braun Lying dead in a bunker

Michael Barrymore A long iron Michael Jackson Fading gently Mick Jagger A big lip out Miss Piggy Fat, but held onto the green Moped One that gets you there, but you’re not very proud of it Mrs Robinson You know you shouldn’t take it on, but it’s just too tempting

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Nagasaki A disaster on the 9th Nitby Not in the bunker, yet...

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O.J. Simpson Terrible cut, but got away with it

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Paula Radcliffe Not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell, and runs even further Paula Radcliffe Very flat at the top Pharoah Buried in the sand Princess Diana Shouldn’t have taken a driver Princess Grace Should have taken a driver Peter Mandelson Good result from a bad lie Peter Mandelson An iron that generates a lot of spin Prince Edward You really want to smack it, but you can’t

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Gerry Adams A provisional Glen Miller Kept low and didn’t clear the water

Red October In the water, can’t find it Robin Cook Died on the slope Rock Hudson Looked straight, but it wasn’t Rommel Going from one bunker to another Rodney King Overclubbed Ryanair Flew OK, but landed miles away

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S

Hiroshima A disaster on the 6th

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An IRA A provisional

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James Joyce A difficult read (see also ‘Salman Rushdie’ and ‘Umberto Eco’) Jean-Marie Le Pen Way right Jeffrey Archer Another poor lie Joe Pesci A nasty 5-footer John Prescott A punch into the gallery John Wayne Bobbitt A vicious slice, ended up short

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Kate Moss Very thin, but it worked Kate Winslett A touch fat, but almost perfect Katherine Jenkins A perfect pitch (coined by the BBC’s Ken Brown at the 2010 Ryder Cup, where the Welsh opera singer had

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Salman Rushdie Tough read (also an ‘Umberto Eco’ or ‘James Joyce’) Sally Gunnell Not pretty, but runs a long way Sister-in-law / Mother-in-law You’re up there, but you know you shouldn’t be Son-in-law Not all you hoped for, but it’ll have to do Stevie Wonder Never saw it

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Ted Kennedy Drove in the water and lost one Tony Blair Too much spin Tony Blair Sometimes left, sometimes right, but mostly down the middle

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Umberto Eco Impossible to read (also a ‘Salman Rushdie ‘ or ‘James Joyce’)

Y

Yasser Arafat Ugly and in the sand

SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

“The funky café with a twist!”

A full café menu, accompanied with high class cuisine…The English style Fish & Chips will blow your mind! The A La Carte menu will delight your senses and there is plenty to choose from the Fine Wines, Beers and Champagne on offer, there is most definitely something for everyone at The Red Brick Café.

Fully air-conditioned restaurant, with a Kiddies Corner with entertainment for the younger ones…giving parents a chance to enjoy themselves and relax a little. Fast WIFI and Flat screen TV’s.

You can find us in the Boonjumnong Apartment complex (also home to Wine Connection and The Irish Times), adjacent to Tesco Lotus Chaweng.

We look forward to seeing you soon!

Tel: 077 484 980 Email: redbrickcafe@hotmail.com

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JUST THOUGHTS SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 4

Joe Swain spills the beans on a couple of history’s Lesser-known con men The first scam I ever pulled was in the summer of 1981. I was a skinny little runt of an 18 year-old scraping together enough money for Gauloises cigarettes and cheap red wine by selling ice creams to rich tourists on the beach at St Tropez. Money was tight, obviously. And whilst poverty is actually a very good excuse for dishonesty, I don’t suppose the supermarche owner (or ‘mark’ to use the correct scamster vernacular) would have agreed.

For every lunchtime I would wander into his thriving beachside shop, pick up a family-size bottle of Coca Cola (those magnificent twisted glass ones that have sadly long-since disappeared) and surreptitiously guzzle it down as I wandered round the aisles pretending to buy things. Whereupon I would casually present it to the cashier at the exit and be rewarded for my efforts with a polite ‘merci monsieur’ and a shiny 1-franc coin.

For those were the halcyon days of ‘moneyback’ bottles. A mere trifle of a trick though compared to that of an American gentleman by the name of Linley Wantson, who in 1987 placed an ad in the New York Times, which read, “$5 for the secret to making $100,000/month - or your money back guaranteed.” Many thousands of people took him up on his offer and Wantson was true to his word. After exactly 28 days he sent each of his $5 subscribers a one-page letter containing the simple advice: “Do what I did”. He was taken to court but cleared of all charges.

But my favourite scam of all was perpetrated by a lowly English bank clerk by the name of George Boxley in the mid-70s. George was a geek. People didn’t know that at the time of course, as the term ‘geek’ hadn’t yet been

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invented. They just thought he was a harmless little man with bad taste in clothes and no chance of a proper girlfriend. That he was about to become a minor legend in Knowing his employers to be complete dullards when it came to computer programming (this was a time remember, when ‘computer literate’ meant the ability to spot a hard drive from a chest freezer at thirty paces), George spent his lonely evenings one summer writing a programme none of them would understand.

The exact workings of it are not important but its effect when he eventually loaded it onto the bank’s brand new central computer, was remarkable. With the assistance of an ordinary savings account that George had set up just for the purpose, it proceeded, in the sneaky little way that computer programmes do, to siphon off a tiny percentage from every transaction on every account the bank possessed.

Each calculation that should have been rounded up to two decimal places, was all of a sudden rounded down.

For example, if Oliver Ordinary from Orpington were owed 0.786 of a penny in interest on his meager little savings account he received only 0. 78.

George’s devious little programme nicked the rest. Far too small an amount for Oliver to notice, conditioned as he was by the vagaries of the slide rule to be thoroughly impressed by no decimal places at all. In simple terms, for every ten thousand pounds worth of business the bank completed, George collected a pound for himself.

Admittedly it took a while for his bogus account to swell, but swell it eventually did. To the tune of nearly one million pounds in just under a year. And that, as Dudley Moore said in ‘Arthur’, “ was when a million pounds was worth a lot of money”. Anrl h nrnh::lhl11 wn1ilrl h::lVP nnt ::lW::lll Porsche 911 Carrera attracted attention.

The 30-foot yacht raised a few eyebrows. But when George turned up at work one day wearing a bespoke Saville Row suit and hand-stitched Italian shoes, the slathering dogs of suspicion were soon yapping at his heels.

But it’s what happened next that made George’s little scam so memorable. When he was eventually hauled up in front of the Bank’s internal security officer (an ex-heavyweight boxer with a penchant for slapping just-lit cigarettes out of interviewee’s mouths), George sang like a canary.

A full confession was extracted and proudly delivered to the bank’s directors. Who, with enough evidence to make George spend the rest of his life playing ‘hide the sausage’ with Ronnie Kray, promptly did nothing.

So scared were they that news of their stupidity would leak to the press, that they were forced to let him off. In return for a 10-year vow of silence, George was allowed to keep his freedom.

And the Porsche! And the moral of the tale is twofold. Firstly, that you should never take your eyes off the geeks, however thick their glasses; and secondly, that Amschel Rothschild was right when he said, “Look after the pennies my son, and the pounds will look after themselves.”

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THE DAILY SPOON SQUEALER MAGAZINE / ISSUE 4

Pie-way robbery Thieves break into Euro politician’s car, ignore official papers and steal her COTTAGE PIE Vice-President of the European Commission had bought treat from farmers’ market in London to show off British cooking.

A top Euro politician was left steaming after thieves stole a PIE from her car while she was in London - but they left behind her official papers.

Viviane Reding, vice-president of the European Commission, had travelled to the capital tonight for a public debate on Europe.

But when she emerged from the meeting in central London she discovered peckish thieves had broken into her official car and stolen her luggage - including a cottage pie she had bought from a London farmers’ market.

Mrs Reding, 62, said of the pie: “I got it to show people how good British cooking is. I just hope that at least they eat it and don’t throw it away.”

The thieves also stole suitcases containing clothes and jewellery - but left behind a bag containing Mrs Reding’s official papers.

Mrs Reding, who comes from Luxembourg, said: “It is the first time I have had my bag stolen and I travel all around the world.

“They left my papers fortunately. It is a real pain in the neck. It will be really difficult to replace the clothes, jewellery and make-up.

“My earrings have been on pictures worldwide. They might not be valuable but they are original and recognisable.”

Mrs Reding had visited London to debate the EU with Europe Minister David Lidington at the Royal Institution in Mayfair.

David Pollard and Amy Taylor Start a Second Life Laura Skye, a local up-and-coming DJ in the U.K., was devastated to one day find her husband, the ruggedly handsome Dave Barmy, cuddling with a strange woman in his apartment. And this was after she forgave him for having a fling with a prostitute a couple of years ago.

Now she has filed for divorce. This would be quite a sad story if not for the fact it all happened on-line in Second Life.

Skye is the alter-ego of Amy Taylor and Barmy is the character played by David Pollard, her currently-ex husband, who seems to have took the divorce well. According to Dave, their marriage was a joke for some time, because Amy spent long hours playing World of Warcraft and ignored all the important stuff, like their dinner date in Second Life.

Dave would often spend lonely nights at his virtual studio apartment not being able to understand why his wife left him for a silly fantasy online game. After which he shelled real money to see two computer avatars humping on his computer screen. The couple is now divorced both on-and off-line.

The Gender Blender SEX change operations are expensive and permanent.

But a group of multimedia artists in Barcelona have developed an easier way to experience life in the shoes of the opposite gender, using virtual reality headsets. In the BeAnotherLab, users sit back-to-back with another participant, both wearing Oculus Rift devices which transmit video of what the other person would ordinarily be seeing.

That is: a woman looking down will see a man’s body, and vice versa.

The participants then embark of a predetermined series of movements, at the same time.

“To create (the) perception, both users have to synchronise their movements,” the developers state on their website.

“If one does not correspond to the movement of the other, the embodiment experience does not work. It means that both users have to constantly agree on every movement they make.”

They call the device the Machine to Be Another, and it can be used in any number of contexts, not just between people of different genders.

The BeAnotherLab team state that the goal of the project is to use it as a tool “to help promote empathy among individuals of different social,

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