The example I present involves a woman, I’ll call her Ms. Self-Deluded. She stayed with her partner, a man for those who care, for a decade hoping he would marry her. When she finally saw how much she had been hurting herself by staying with a man who wouldn’t commit, she walked away and didn’t regret her decision. Then there are those who learn quickly that their partners aren’t right for them. They have the confidence and bravery to live alone rather than subject themselves or compromise too much to be in a relationship where they see no future. Years ago I had a colleague who gave me confusing advice: “Don’t ever settle.” I’d asked her to explain what she meant, but she wouldn’t and returned to her room. Yes, she had personal challenges, i.e. she loved teaching, and loathed socializing. I never got around to getting an answer, for she eluded me the rest of the year. “Don’t ever settle.” Did she mean my career? Love life? Both were intertwined at the time. In retrospect, I wouldn’t say that teacher hadn’t been a model of self-love. However, her advice finally rang true on both counts job and romance. I did discover a career that I love, decades
later after holding on too long to conventional wisdom. When I realized my passion, writing, life turned around 180°, and if my career continues to escalate, or when my chosen profession becomes financially sound—it’s already fulfilling—I will inch closer to my expectations. I’m still weighing the pros and cons of my romantic future. You see, I’m not the ideal of self-love either and have some physical limitations, still I’m confident I have a lot to offer. More importantly, I know I can survive and savor life with or without a man, for I’ve done so for some time. I also know I have the capacity to give too much without expecting half that effort in return. Will continue working on closing that gap. As for reaching the apex, wholehearted self-love, like nirvana, that goal may never be achievable. Personally, like many, I have issues to overcome, neuroses which show outwardly. Inwardly I have found selfworth, self-respect and am inching closer to true love, that is of myself.
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