VOLUME 6 - ISSUE 12 / February 2011
Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 1
Wo m a n ’ s M a g a z i n e
Getting Engaged Is Just The Beginning ~ Now What?| Page 8 A Pre-Nup For Your Business ~ The Buy-Sell Agreement | Page 11 Sophisticated Women: Take Discontent And Turn It Into Passion! | Page 14 A Mother’s Advice On Love | Page 27
shutterbuggerz pg 35
INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION
Many good surprises come in “pink” on Valentine’s Day
pg 2 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 3
Our december Winners
You cannot begin to think about the month of February without thinking about love and relationships. Last month we had a man tell us about his wonderful wife and this month we all get the chance to talk about love. I cannot think about love if I don’t think about my husband, the wonderful man that he is. Jules Renard said that love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. I think that is a pretty good description of the love between myself and my husband. We don’t have a good brain between us but I think that is part of what makes our marriage so strong and happy. You have to love a person that keeps you laughing all the time. I am not talking about the quiet giggly laugh of an infatuated young girl but the deep belly laugh of a woman in love. How you look at each other and can just burst out laughing while others around are thinking about having you committed. Have you ever experienced that? How about the look? Now, don’t you give me that look that you don’t know what I mean. Not the kind of look when your kids misbehave in church and you don’t want to look like a bad parent and yank them out of their seats and put a “fire” in their spirit. My husband calls that a healing. All of our kids know THAT look…the one that says a lot without saying a word. That is not the look I am talking about. More like when you are in a room full of boring people, not that I know any of those, and you are thinking, please get me out of here. Then you look over and you catch his eyes and they are saying “Honey babe, I love you”. It is not just the laughter and “the look”. It is that I married “Mr. Wonderful”. Sometimes I forget that but not for too long because “Mr. Wonderful”, being the wonderful man that he is will remind me. We joke around about this and yes, he does tell me that he is “Mr. Wonderful” but I know that without him telling me. He shows me everyday, sometimes in big ways (a honking big diamond would be a great Valentine’s day gift honey if you are reading this), but it is the little ways that really speak volumes. Like how he takes care of me when I am sick. How he tells me that I am working way too hard and I need to rest. How he does things for me just because he knows I would like it. The look, the laughter, doing little or big things but more than anything is the time we spend together. That works both ways. Last month I went with him to the NASCAR Hall of Fame. We were there for over six hours. I can honestly say I could have been in and out in less than two hours and seen everything there was to see. Actually, it would have been fine with me if he went by himself but he WANTED me to go with him. Do you know what I enjoyed more than anything? I enjoyed his excitement over something he loved. So now you know I married a redneck…a Mr. Wonderful redneck! There is something else that is best summed up by these words of wisdom: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Happy Valentine’s Day My Love and Happy Valentines Day to all our readers and I hope you have much love in your life.
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pg 4 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
21 East A Street Newton, NC 28658 (P) 828-466-0122 (F) 828-466-0123
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 5
Message From The Heart........................................pg 3 Mandy’s Misadventures..........................................pg 7 Getting Engaged Is Just The Beginning................pg 8 APre-Nup ForYour Business....................................pg 11 When To Stop, Yield, or Go In Friendship............pg 12 Kim Fletcher: Reaching Your Full Potential.........pg 13 Nicole Greer: Sophisticated Women....................pg 14 The Male Box.......................................................pg 18 Girlfriends In God................................................pg 21 Truth & Beauty by Teresa Pope............................pg 22 Chocolate Fondue Is A Treat.................................pg 24 The Front Porch....................................................pg 25 A Mother’s Advice On Love................................pg 27 Dinner Diva...........................................................pg 29 Me, Myself, & Inc................................................pg 31 10 Ways To Design Your Love Nest..................pg 33 Shutterbuggerz......................................................pg 35
April 3rd, 2011 - 1pm to 4pm Are You A Bride?
Then enter to win our 2011 Bride of the Year Contest. Last year’s winner took home over $5000 worth of gifts and prizes from local vendors. To enter you can register on-line at www. sophiewomansmagazine.com or you can do it the day of the show. Must be present to win.
Are You A Wedding Vendor?
A Special Thanks To All Of Our Distributors
Please be sure to visit all our participating advertisers and remember to support area local small businesses.
We are now taking applications for vendors. For more information call 828-466-0122 or visit our website at sophiewomansmagazine.com to view the Bride of the Year information.
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pg 6 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 7
’s y d n a M
by Mandy Thomas
ne thing I’ve learned over the last few years of my life is that there are two vital relationships that a woman will have in her lifetime, and both are equally hard to find. It will take searching, persistence and patience, as well as a little bit of disappointment. But don’t worry, you will find the one, and when you do it’ll be so worth it. It’s only been recently that I’ve found mine, and to get to that point, I had to wade through a lot of awkward moments and go through with appointments I’d made, even though I knew the chemistry was off. But then, one glorious day, I walked in to that little shop and laid eyes on her and I just knew that my search was over. I’m talking about my hairdresser, who’d you think I meant? I’m telling you, finding a good hairdresser is just about as hard as finding a soul mate. I’m not saying that there aren’t a lot of talented cosmetologists in the world, I’m just saying that finding your match is near impossible. I can remember all those visits to various salons when I sat through uncomfortable conversations and, in one case, absolute silence until the end of the cut at which time a mirror was thrust into my face with the harsh query of “Well, do you like it or what?” I didn’t. But when I met my hairmate, who I’ll just refer to as Mrs. J, all that changed. She seemed to know when I wanted to talk and when was best for her to do the talking, she gave me her insight on what she thought would look good without pressuring me into it. It was from her I learned that my sporadic need to be alone wasn’t odd, she made me laugh and thank goodness, talked me out of pink hair when I was going through a phase. What we have is beautiful. The only problem is that I have to drive eight hours just to see her. I always told myself that I wouldn’t ever be in a long distance relationship, but here I am, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Kind of makes it hard for monogamy, though, doesn’t it?
pg 8 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
Getting Engaged Is Just the Beginning ... Now What?
(MS) -- Are you one of the thousands of couples who got engaged over the holidays? This is the time for you and your soon-to-be to get everything you ever wanted -- whether you’re starting from scratch, upgrading, expanding or replacing. Turn a whole bunch of mismatched mine and yours into a lifetime of ours. “When it comes to registering, relax, take your time and have fun,” recommends Audrey Stavish, a Bridal and Gift Registry expert at Bed Bath & Beyond. “Most brides update their registries online and go into the stores many times. There aren’t any rules that you must follow. Choose items that are right for you and your soon-to-be. Go through the registry process together and have fun!” Here are some additional tips to make wedding planning a breeze: Plan Ahead: Start a bridal registry as soon as you say “yes.” That way guests will have lots of options for engagement gifts and showers. Periodically update your registry by adding more products if you need to, even after the wedding. Be kind to procrastinators. Do the Math: Experts advise registering for 2-3 items times the number of guests you plan to have. Close friends and family will rely on your registry for special events leading up to the wedding -- such as engagement parties, bridal showers, and holidays! Your guests will appreciate having lots of choices when they shop for you. Be sure to refresh your list regularly as gifts get purchased. Register Now, Because You Won’t Buy it Later: You may think you will ... but you won’t. Now is the time to let others get you the stuff you’d never buy yourself. Your friends and family might even get
together to purchase a higher priced “group gift.” Dream Big: Register for gifts in a range of prices and categories. This will give guests and group givers lots of options to choose from. Remember the Rule of Three: When it comes to setting your table, if you choose bold patterns for your china and flatware, pick a more simple style of glassware. Prefer intricate stemware? Pair it with simpler patterns of china and flatware. So, it’s bold/bold/simple or simple/simple/bold. Visit a Store: It’s in YOUR best interest to visit a store and schedule an appointment with an expert consultant who can help you with your gift selections and share great tips like “The Rule of Three,” what cookware you will need to prepare your favorite dish, what knife to use when and much more. When making your selections, it’s important to touch the towels, heft the flatware, see everything in person! C’mon Back: Most couples don’t make all their selections in a single spree. Plan on making multiple visits. Once you’ve set up your registry, take advantage of Bed Bath & Beyond’s Bridal Toolkit(R), the complimentary wedding planning tools available at bedbathandbeyond.com, including your own Personal Wedding Web site, budgeter, task manager, guest list manager, gift tracker and even a seating arranger. This way, all of your information can be stored in one convenient place. Congratulations and best wishes on your engagement. Now get registering and let the gift-giving begin.
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 9
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pg 10 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 11
A Pre-Nup for Your Business: The Buy-Sell Agreement By: Casey M. Winebarger, Esq.
A business partnership is in many ways like a marriage. The partners, who sometimes have very different personalities and points of view, must work together to run their business, which takes patience, understanding, and a lot of compromise. Like a marriage, the business partnership starts out with the best intentions, as the partners are often “in love” with each other and with the idea of building their company together. In fact, business partners might actually spend more time with one another than they do their spouses. As with a marriage, though, the “honeymoon” may eventually end and the partners may find it best that they part ways. When this happens, conflict can result as the partners try to decide how they will split the assets and liabilities of the business. If one (or more) partner wants to continue the business, they will need to decide what will happen to the departing partner’s ownership interest. Just as many couples set out the mechanics of divorce beforehand with a prenuptial agreement, so should the partners set out the terms of a business break-up with a properly structured buy-sell agreement. A buy-sell agreement provides for the mandatory purchase of a departing partner’s ownership interest in a company by certain persons in certain circumstances. It can be a stand-alone document or incorporated in the company’s operating or partnership agreement. The terms should include a definition of the events triggering the buysell, a list of persons allowed to purchase the departing partner’s ownership interest, the method for valuing that interest, and the details of the closing of the purchase. The buy-sell provisions may be triggered by several events. The most common are a business owner’s death, divorce, insolvency, retirement, or desire to leave the business. The agreement should define each of these events so that it is clear when it has occurred. It should also require the departing partner (or his estate) to give notice of the occurrence of a triggering event to the company and the other partners and define the time period for giving such notice. Upon the happening of a triggering event, certain people or entities will either be obligated or given the first option to purchase the departing partner’s ownership interest in the business. This is typically the remaining business partners or the business itself. In this way, the buy-sell prevents ownership from being transferred to an outsider without the owners’ consent and centralizes control of the company, which is often desirable in small businesses. This is particularly important if the departing partner owned a majority interest in the business. Most business owners would not want just anyone becoming a majority owner of their company without their consent. Perhaps the thing most apt to cause conflict and litigation in a business
break-up is the value of the departing owner’s interest. Anyone with an accounting background or business finance knowledge knows that there are many different ways to value a company. It could be appraised fair market value or book value, just to name a few, and there are different ways of calculating each of those. Therefore, a good buy-sell agreement should set forth the valuation method to be used, what metrics to include when calculating the value, and who is responsible for making the calculation. The agreement may also set forth an alternate calculation if one of the parties is dissatisfied with the result of the first method. Finally, the buy-sell agreement will spell out the terms of the closing of the deal. It will state whether the purchase price is to be paid entirely in cash, entirely by financing, or a combination of both. Financing terms will be set forth, if applicable. Funding details for the purchase can vary in complexity, depending upon the unique situation of each company. The closing details will also include various dates and deadlines that must be met. As with any contract, the buy-sell agreement should also include provisions for modifying and terminating the agreement. No matter how happy a business relationship might be, partners should consider executing a buy-sell agreement to protect themselves and their business in the event of unforeseen circumstances or an ugly “break-up.” Business owners should seek the advice and assistance of knowledgeable accountants, attorneys, and business consultants when drafting their buy-sell agreement, as the terms can have significant tax consequences and legal ramifications which should be discussed and understood before entering into the agreement. With careful discussion and planning, however, a buy-sell agreement can ensure that your company continues operating successfully despite the erosion of relationships between business partners. ***
Casey Winebarger is an attorney at Patrick, Harper & Dixon, LLP in Hickory, North Carolina. She practices primarily in the areas of estate planning, elder law, and business and corporate law. Casey may be contacted at 828-322-7741 or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Patrick, Harper & Dixon is Hickory’s oldest and largest full-service law firm.
pg 12 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
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When to Stop, Yield, or Go in Friendship
by Marci Fox, Ph.D. and Leslie Sokol, Ph.D. Printed with Permission Confidence can come from all the different areas of your life, friendship included. That’s why it’s so important to routinely take an inventory of your friendships to make sure that each one is a healthy part of your life. So imagine yourself being at a traffic light. Now you need to ask yourself, “Does this friendship need to stop, do I need to yield and gather more information about our friendship, or am I good to go with it?” Friendships can be a wonderful resource. They can provide us with emotional, psychological, physical, and even financial support. They can put a smile on our face, provide a place for our tears to fall, or offer an antidote to loneliness. On the other hand, friendships can sometimes be an unhealthy burden, a lure to trouble, or a culprit in your lack of confidence. Let’s start with the friendship that may be negatively contributing to your confidence and may in fact be adding to your self-doubt. So what should you look for: Top 5 List For When it may make Sense to Question a Friendship 1. Drama- If there are constant ups and downs in the relationship. Hint: Things are going great or not well rather than smooth and steady. 2. Finger Pointing- If your friend keeps telling you how you could be a better friend and never takes responsibility for her or his end of the relationship. Remember: There are two people who are equally responsible for the relationship. Are all your friends telling you how to be a better friend or do you just fall short according to this friend’s expectations? 3. Exhaustion- Your friend expects and assumes that you will always be the one to go out of your way to make yourself available to her and its not reciprocated. Tip: Friendships are about equal give and take over time and not hoping or wishing or waiting for someone to change. 4. Exclusivity- Your friend bad mouths your other friends and often puts you in a position to have to chose this relationship over another. Hint: Do people warn you about this relationship or does this person seem to go through a lot of friends? 5. Doubt- You find yourself questioning whether you want to call this person or make plans with them. Tip: Ask yourself what you would genuinely like to do not what you think you should do. Do any of these sound familiar to you? If you’ve answered Yes to some of these, then it makes sense to take some time to examine your relationship. Think about your relationships that involve no drama, finger pointing, exhaustion, exclusivity, or doubt. Clearly, those are the relationships worth your energy to nurture. When one of the top five issues arises, it’s time to decide if that minus is outweighed by the pluses of the relationship or if that minus overwhelms any pluses. Without pluses to compensate for the short-comings it might be time to put your energy into nurturing healthier relationships. Friendships worth going towards are worth the effort. Communication will help make them better. Express your feelings and needs and problem solve when necessary. Delay action if more information is needed. Time will provide you the data to choose the wise path. If a relationship is in the yield zone, put the energy into improving it. Let your friend know what they are doing that bothers you and what they can do to make it better. Give them a chance. If change does not come, have the courage to stop and put your efforts where the yield is healthier. Marci Fox, a licensed psychologist, is the co-author of Think Confident, Be Confident. Leslie Sokol, Ph.D., is Director of Education with the internationally acclaimed Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research in Philadelphia and co-author of Think Confident, Be Confident.
pg 12/ Aug 2010 / Sophie Woman’s Magazine
Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 13
by Kim Fletcher, Life Coach, Author, Speaker
REACHING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL:
Become A Resolution ‘Keeper’ By Omitting Your Blind Spots “Coaching is an emerging right brained approach that sees relationships as more important than tasks, significance as more important than success, stories as more important than strategies, experiences as more important than rule books, people as more important than institutions, soaring with strengths as more important than ‘problem solving’.” George Bullard The ball falls, you kiss the one closest to you… then you make your resolutions. For many, that is the way the New Year begins. When you make a New Year’s Resolution, do you believe you will KEEP IT? What PERCENTAGE of the resolutions made will still be alive in April or August? I believe people make resolutions out of a strong desire to be better and to live better. I also believe that most who make them really do believe they will come to pass. That leads us to the perplexing question that must be asked: WHY DO WE NOT KEEP THOSE SIMPLE COMMITMENTS WE MAKE TO OURSELVES? While some may abandon these commitments simply because they get lazy or distracted, I believe there is a deeper reason for many of us. In an effort to begin my New Year with true life transformation that I can possess for myself and also pass along to my clients and friends, I attended a conference entitled “New Beginnings” at Morningstar Ministries in Fort Mill, SC. As Lance Wallnau shared his message, a powerful statement captured my heart. He simply stated, “We cannot change on the outside what we cannot engineer on the inside.” Most resolutions deal with an external or superficial goal that fails to connect with our need for something new to be engineered deep within. Many of my clients make this mistake in their own lives, pressing toward their vision outwardly while a glaring issue that needs their attention is being ignored or missed altogether. Herein lies one of our greatest challenges… there are ‘hidden areas’ deep within each of us that have the power to keep us from succeeding at achieving the simplest of goals. Once of my clients recently shared, “It is like there is a disconnect deep within myself that I cannot get in touch with.” That statement got me thinking and then Lance hit it. He began sharing about what he calls our BLINDSPOT. As I listened , I began to realize that this BLINDSPOT is what keeps many of us from breaking free into true transformation. Our blindspots must be detected and omitted before we can be forerunners in life. But first, we must
understand what this BLINDSPOT really is. Lance described the blindspot this way… This is the place beyond our conscious mind where we need discernment to ‘see’. In fact, without God’s help, it may be impossible to get in touch with this area within ourselves. This is the place where we have held onto past hurts, failures, disappointments and vowed to ‘never be hurt again’. These are mental strongholds that we first create as defense mechanisms, only to find that they develop their own voices and begin speaking lies into our lives. “You are not smart enough, strong enough, beautiful enough.” “The only way to keep from being hurt is to keep others out.” “You will never succeed.” The simple definition of a stronghold is a walled city or fortress. In ancient times, cities had to be ‘walled in’ to keep the enemy and danger out. Only one problem lies in putting up walls that keep bad things out. That same act also walls us in and keeps our best from flowing freely out of our lives. Strongholds become part of our belief system and distort our thinking. We need to be renewed “in the spirit of our minds”, those areas that lies beyond our conscious thinking. (Eph. 4:23) Take a few moments today and ask God to reveal any hidden areas within you that need to be replace with truth and love. Begin by considering areas where you may be holding grudges or judgements against others or yourself. Be gently with yourself as you journey to deeper self discovery and omit your blindspots as they are revealed to you. And remember to allow your trusted supports to journey with you. You just may find yourself keeping those 2011 resolutions while also finding far deeper success along the way! ***
pg 14 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
Take Discontent and Turn It Into Passion! By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching Deep inside each of us there is a tender, almost raw, place that longs to find justice. This discontent operates hidden deep within our souls. We know there is a wrong in the world that must be addressed. There is a cause that we must support. There is a change that must happen. The spark to change is acknowledging our discontent and turning it into passion. Growing up I lost my mom to cancer at age 8. As far back as I can remember, she was sick. The cancer, its treatment, and the fight for her survival took center stage. Understandably, an enormous amount of energy was poured into her care and survival. After her loss, my father and extended family were stunned, numb, and they checked out. I was cared for. There was always a clean home, clothes, and plenty to eat. However, intimacy eluded me. Especially after mom’s passing, my innermost nature desperately desired to connect with another person to process my questions. I needed to know: “What do I do now?” “What does my future hold?“ “How do you make life which is so precious count?” Living in an emotionally, spiritually, and mentally fatigued environment shut down the possibility to explore my future. The people around me were too tired, too taxed and too traumatized to help. I simply moved through each day seeking to gain the approval of those around me in an effort to gain intimacy. No matter what my performance was, I never bridged the gap or filled the void that kept me from connecting deeply with my father, brother, or grandmother. Thank God, I could perform, even if I had no real guidance. I managed to do well in school, worked hard and showed up willing to do what was required. But, the successes I achieved never really filled me up and made me feel whole. I wasn’t doing what was essential to my divine purpose. I didn’t even know I had a divine purpose. At 39 years of age, I finally acknowledged my discontent. At first glance, you might find me to be ungrateful. After all, I had a loving husband, two healthy kids who are thriving, a beautiful home, and the privilege of staying at home to support the American dream. The reality was I wasn’t supporting my dream. I knew I had the capacity to do more but didn’t know how to get started. My passion has always been and will always be to learn and share information to help others grow. I longed to connect with people intimately. I wanted to know who people are in their innermost places. I wanted to shine a vibrant light on what is possible and guide individuals to find their purpose. Out of my own personal experience of injustice, I knew that the status quo was unacceptable. This discontent stirred and stirred and stirred until I finally took action. I must do something. I can’t rest. Being content no longer wooed me to inaction. I decided to act on my own discontent. My decision to become a coach fueled my passion to provide individuals with a safe space to become who they were created to be and I found the answers to the questions: “What do I do now?” “What does my future hold?“ “How do you make life which is so precious count?” So, what’s your story? Your passion to acknowledge your discontent can bring joy and relief to those who might suffer just like you have along your journey. Who can
you serve with your unique history? Are you a cancer survivor? A daughter of an alcoholic? A woman who has struggled with self-love? A weightloss wonder? Your divine destiny and the wisdom that you now hold is a precious commodity that you must make available to the world. Individuals need to be served, saved, and given solace. Take these three next right steps to turn your discontent into a driving passion.
Pinpoint what frustrates you.
What is wrecking you? What calls from deep inside for you to get involved? As you move through the next week, take a look at your trips at the bottom of the feeling scale. Note when these feelings emerge: anger, fear, annoyed, upset, disturbed, frustrated, hate, terror, panic, anxiety, rage, distraught, and overwhelm. These feelings are negative even intensely negative. They hold us in place. Our reaction is to push them down and run. Instead take a hard long look at where they come from and what you can begin to do to change their control over you.
What would the little girl in you do when she is discontent? That little girl inside you wouldn’t tolerate discontent for a skinny minute. She would be curious, outspoken, and determined to find happiness. She would be relentless in getting attention and demanding help. Find someone you can trust to talk with about your discontent. Let it all out. Cry, laugh, and share your passion to change the way things are. Remember, we are grown up and the coach is directing you to be childlike not childish. I am encouraging you to be enthusiastic, engaged and eager to change things. This is not an invitation to have a temper tantrum.
Step into the unknown.
Explore your passion. Who is doing work or making a difference around the discontent you have pinpointed. Who needs to hear you enthusiastically declare change? Research key words, look for facts, poetry, songs, and situations like yours that can be a wealth of fuel to turn your spark of passion into a flame. Define your passion. Begin to articulate strategies and begin to heal and strengthen your discontent for you and the healing of the world.*** Nicole Greer, PPCC is a professional life and business coach. At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to identify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. Join me on the PATH to move forward with authenticity, skill and confidence. www.thevibrantcoach.com/www. thelydiagroup.com
Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 15
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MALE BOX by Wayne DeLoriea
Every husband, who loves his wife, is likely wondering what he can get for Valentine’s Day that will set that day apart and make a memory to last her lifetime. I’m right there with you guys. Well, let me begin by telling you a story from my past. A long time ago, I was the victim of a hit and run. I was in a hundred mile bicycle race, in Maine. As the narrow, two-lane road wound around the rocky coast, I was hit and left for dead. Because it just wasn’t my time, I suppose, there was an off duty EMT out for a walk. She ran over to me and began working to stop the blood loss from a severe head injury. My nose was broken and my jaw cracked and the skin on half my face was gone. I was a mess…a dead mess. After having one of those after life experiences, that you hear people talk about, I started to get up, just as if I had awakened from a night’s sleep. The EMT told me to stay still because I was hurt seriously, so I obeyed. My body was in the middle of the road, so traffic was now backed up for quite a ways on each side. So much so, that the ambulance and police had to get to me on foot. Finally, after sitting up to answer questions and follow the finger with my eyes…you know that test they give everybody…I was told to put pressure on my nose to help stop the bleeding and felt a deep crackling, as I set my own broken nose. That was my Rocky Balboa moment. Anyway, after weeks of healing and going to see head trauma specialists, I was told that my memory was what it was and not to expect too much more to come back. That was scary, because what I had lost, in that horrible moment on the bike, was information gathered over a lifetime that told me how to be a guy. All the lessons that we teach little boys and young men, in the process of socialization, were just gone. I had to begin to re-learn all of those lessons. It was hard because, at 38 years of age, people had certain expectations of me and in the process of re-learning, I made stupid mistakes, like the one I’m about to tell you. Anyway, back to my story. The girl that I was dating just reached a point where she’d had enough, I suppose and all of my naive blunders took a toll on her ability to understand. As I was asking her not to leave me I asked, “ Haven’t I been giving? Haven’t I given you everything
a guy can give?” She simply answered, “You don’t tell me you love me.” I was stunned. “Don’t TELL you that I love you? Which would you rather have, a guy that shows you that he loves you or a guy that tells you that he loves you?” The answer she gave taught me a great lesson. A lesson that I have been trying to relay to all of you over this past year. So simply, so eloquently she said, “I’d like to have both.” Guys, we tend to miss the things they think are important. Whatever you buy for her, whatever you do for her…will not be as important as what you write in her card and say when you give it to her. Get rid of all the macho, all the testosterone and simply tell her how important she is to you… how your world is richer, warmer and brighter because she walks in it. Tell her that you admire and respect her for the patience she shows throughout the year. Validate her as a person. No matter what else you do or buy…it won’t mean as much to her. That’s why I buy my wife flowers every month, on our anniversary date and I tell her everyday that I love her and I acknowledge that she is the most selfless person that I have ever known, a real Proverbs Wife. I tell her and show her that I am truly blessed to have her at my side… and I mean it. Happy Valentine’s Day Coach
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 19
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Time For Rest by Mary Southerland
Psalm 23:1-3 (NLT) “The LORD is my shepherd. I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He refreshes my soul.”
Friend to Friend
Life is so daily and often filled with uncertainty, a reality that can make me very nervous. I want to know what the plan is and how that plan is going to be implemented. Details! I need details! Instead, God calls me to rest. I don’t want to rest. When I rest, I feel guilty. I have places to go, people to see and important things to do. I hear the quiet whisper of the One who knows me best and loves me most, “Mary, it’s time to rest.” I have tried to ignore that whisper on more than one occasion but it is only a temporary maneuver on my part. The Lord is my Shepherd, He is used to dealing with stubborn sheep like me. He will lovingly make me lie down in green pastures and firmly lead me beside quiet waters. Why? Because He wants to refresh my soul and give me the peace that can only be found at His feet. Rest is not really an option. It is a spiritual discipline that needs to become a spiritual habit in our life. Admit your need for rest. Many of us have bought into the lie that who we are is based on what we do or don’t do. We fill every waking moment with something or someone in order to prove our worth. After all, we must be worthy if we are doing worthy things, right? Busyness does not always equal productivity. When we admit our need to rest, we are acknowledging the fact that we are imperfect and that our human power is limited. We need to rest in Him. Turn to Jesus to find rest. Recreation is anything you enjoy doing while relaxation is any activity that slows you down. Restoration is an inside job and can only be found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We once had an Australian cattle dog named Dallas. Australian cattle dogs are extremely loyal to a master of their choice. Dallas chose our son, Jered, to be his master. When Jered came home from school each day, Dallas would greet him at the door and follow him wherever he went. If Jered was doing homework in his room, Dallas would find a spot under the desk. If our son was working in the garage, Dallas was with him. When Jered ran an errand, Dallas went for a ride. Dallas instinctively knew that the only place he would find genuine rest was at the feet of his master. The same is true in our life. Lay your stuff at Jesus’ feet. The number one stress is the result of bearing a burden that is not yours to carry. Exhaustion comes when we take on a responsibility God never intended us to have. The twin of exhaustion is emptiness that comes when we fail to take on a responsibility God does intend for us to assume. God empowers His plan and agenda for our life. When we step outside of that plan, we are stepping into our own power and depending on our own strength, both of which will soon be depleted. Realize you are not alone. For years, our family vacationed in the mountains of North Carolina in order to escape the brutal heat of South Florida where we lived. We all had our favorite thing to do while on vacation. Dan loved to read and take long walks in the cool, green forests. The kids loved wading in creeks, looking for “gold.” My favorite activity was shopping for antiques. Now let me define “antiques” and “antique stores” according to Mary. The best stores were nestled in the mountains on some remote dirt road and the
“antiques” were what most people would call junk. One year, I walked into a shop and stopped in my tracks when I saw the yoke. Matthew 11:28-30 is one of my husband’s favorite passages of Scripture where Jesus says, “Take my yoke upon you and you will find rest for your souls.” For years, I searched for just the right yoke to give Dan as a special gift. It seemed that every yoke I found was either too big or too small and in less than stellar condition. The yoke before me was in perfect condition and was just the right size and price. Upon closer inspection, my excitement faded. Yokes have two loops of leather or wood attached to a sturdy wooden frame. Two working animals wear the loops around their necks in order to bear whatever load they are given. The loops on this particular yoke were not the same size - one larger than the other. When I pointed out the flaw, the shop owner said, “It is supposed to be made like that. The stronger animal is placed in the larger loop to help the weaker animal pull the load. A shared load is a lighter load. Are you tired and exhausted from trying to live life on your own? Come to Jesus and find rest in Him.
Father, thank You for the promise of rest. It seems like I am always tired and every step is hard. Please forgive me when I turn to You as a last resort instead of running to You first. Today, I turn to You, Lord, for rest. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Now it’s Your Turn
Read Genesis 2:2. How does this verse apply to your life? Read Lamentations 5:5. How does rest apply to the difficult people in your life? Read Job 33:26. Notice every “action” word in this verse. What does God promise when we choose to apply the steps He outlines in this verse? Identify the areas of unrest in your life. Bring them to God in prayer and seek rest in Him.
More from the Girlfriends
Rest has always been a struggle in my life. Seriously? Fatigue is not a spiritual gift. In fact, when I refuse to rest physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I am choosing to sin. When I think I have the least amount of time to rest is when I need to rest the most. How about you, friend? Isn’t it time to find rest? My book, Escaping the Stress Trap, is the story of my journey out of spiritual bankruptcy into the rest of God and is based on Psalm 23. Need a friend? Connect with me on Facebook or through email. Girlfriends in God P.O. Box 725 Matthews, NC 28106 email@example.com www.girlfriendsingod.com
pg 22 Sophie Womanâ€™s Magazine Feb 2011
by Teresa Pope, Esthetician
I often hear people say that they get regular microdermabrasion treatments. What is microdermabrasion? and how does it work? Microdermabrasion is literally the sand blasting or sanding of the skin. It is accomplished through several different methods. You and your esthetician must decide which method is right for you and your skin type. First, there is the crystal method of microdermabrasion. In this method crystals are forceful blown onto the skin surface. This process causes a rather severe stinging sensation, while others feel it is much more intense, than a sting. Once the treatment is over the face will feel as if you have a slight sunburn. The second method is sanding. Your technician will use a hand held device with a specialized tip (usually made from crushed diamonds) which spins extremely fast. Your esthetician will then place it to your face and will sand the surface of the skin. This method also has a moderate to intense burning sensation. Next there is the chemical method, which uses a variety of acids to peel the skin. The type of acids depends on the brand that your esthetician uses. Many use a combination of enzymes, lactic, salicylic, beta and alpha hydroxy acids. This method causes only a slight stinging sensation and some feel nothing at all. I prefer this method because the chances of contraindications are low. With the crystal type there is a chance of getting crystals into the eyes, or bursting capillaries under the skin which will cause a permanent redness to the face. With the sanding diamond tip method, if your technician should go too deep you will have permanent scaring. There are virtually no contraindications with a chemical peel that will have permanent complications. Any of these methods, in skilled hands will produce visible results. Skin will feel softer, smoother and have a healthy glow. It will appear more youthful with a slightly firmer appearance. Clarity will improve and skin will have a bright radiance. Long term results are; skin will be stronger and look younger due to the increase cell turnover, pigmented age spots will lighten, pores will be less congested and appear smaller. Fine lines will diminish, over all skin tone will improve. Your skin will also appear firmer due to the increased collagen production. Basically, microdermabrasion removes dead skin cells triggering the skins self-healing ability by disrupting the skins natural barrier. This disruption sets off a complex process within the epidermis, as it works to repair itself, sending a message to the dermis to produce collagen, and to send up lipids and new skin cells. When you first began to receive microdermabrasion treatments you should ideally get 1 per week for 6 weeks after which , one every 4-6 weeks will be sufficient. Cost may vary among skincare professionals, but typically the crystal and diamond wand type or $60-$95 per session and the chemical is much less, usually $30-$75 per treatment. Another reason I prefer this method above the others.
Please submit questions to Teresa Pope @ Alabaster Healing 221 1st. Ave. NW - Suite 207 Hickory, NC 28601 828-256-1081
American Heart Health Month
Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 23
Inner thigh squats As the name suggests, this workout helps strengthen the inner thigh muscles. It also works the glutes and core muscles, the latter of which are used to maintain good posture throughout the exercise. Step 1: Stand with your feet at least shoulder-width apart with your toes pointed outward. Using both hands, hold a dumbbell slightly out in front of you, between your legs.
Each February Americans across the nation celebrate American Heart Health Month. According to the American Heart Association, Heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States and is a major cause of disability. Exercise, a healthy diet and lifestyle are the best weapons you have to fight heart disease. The following dietary guidelines are recommended by the American Heart Association: 1. Select fat-free, 1% fat and low-fat dairy products. 2. Cut back on foods containing partially hydrogenated vegetable oils to reduce Trans fat in your diet. 3. Cut back on foods high in dietary cholesterol. Aim to eat less than 300mg of cholesterol each day. 4. Reduce foods and beverages with added sugars. 5. Choose and prepare foods with little or no salt. 6. If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation. That means no more than one drink per day if you’re women and two drinks per day if you are a man. 7. Keep your eye on your portion sizes. To the right are two exercises to help tone inner and outer thighs as well as your hamstrings, quadriceps, and glutes. The thigh is always a difficult spot for women to keep slim and toned, but with proper and consistent exercise you can see wonderful results including minimizing appearance of cellulite.
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Step 2: Bend your knees to squat and return to starting position to complete one repetition. Tip: Begin with a light weight and try doing three sets of 10 to 12 repetitions. You can increase the weight as you become more comfortable with the exercise. The wider apart you position your feet, the more you will work your inner thigh muscles.
standing outer thigh leg lifts A standing leg lift is an outer thigh exercise that works the gluteus muscles, and the outer thighs. Complete one set of 25 leg lifts on one side before switching to the other leg. Repeat exercise to do a total of three sets. Step 1: Assume starting position by standing up tall; use a balance bar or chair if necessary for balance.
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Step 2: Lift leg out to the side keeping leg straight and foot flexed. Return leg back to starting position.
pg 24 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
Chocolate Fondue is a Treat
It’s well known that chocolate is a staple of Valentine’s Day fare. Fondue is one of the many ways chocolate can be enjoyed. Small slices of fruit, cake or cookies can be carefully dipped into the warm chocolate bath and enjoyed as part of a Valentine’s Day celebration. Fondue reached the height of its popularity during the 1960’s and 70’s, when fondue parties were de rigueur. Fondue is popular once again, and many restaurants offer their variations on this communal dining experience. Derived from the French verb fondre, which means to melt, the history of fondue can be traced back to Switzerland . Fondue was originally a peasant dish, serving as a means to use up hardened or old cheese. Bits of stale bread were dipped into the melted cheese and enjoyed. Traditionally fondue is a mixture of Gruyere cheese and wine. Konrad Egli, a Swiss restaurateur, developed the idea for a meat-based fondue and introduced fondue bourguignonne at his restaurant in 1956. The cubes of raw meat were cooked by dipping them in hot oil and then eaten on the spot. Recipes for chocolate fondue originated in the 1960s, when the chocolate was enjoyed with bits of pastry and fresh fruit. Etiquette states that the fork used to dip the food into the fondue caquelon (pot) should then be used to transfer the food to an individual’s plate. The food should not be eaten directly from the dipping fork. Also, one should only dip the food once and not take a bite and then dip again. To make chocolate fondue at home, simply mix chocolate chunks or chips over a double boiler with one tablespoon of butter and a small container of room-temperature heavy cream. The butter and the cream serve to keep the melted chocolate smooth and prevent the chocolate from seizing up. Serve a variety of dipping foods, like pound cake cubes or slices of cantaloupe or pineapple. Of course, fresh strawberries and chocolate always are a good match.
by Judy Smith
Here is a question for you. Did you marry for Love or for Money? I know that is an old thing about why people get married but there are actually many reasons why people get married. Did you know that the youngest couple ever to marry was an eleven month old boy and a three month old girl who were married in Bangladesh in 1986? The marriage was arranged in order to settle a twenty year feud over a disputed piece of farmland. I wonder how that marriage is working out? I guess it is not all bad to marry for money. I am not saying that is what happened when these folks got married but did you know the most fantastic gift of love is the Taj Mahal in India. It was built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan as a memorial to his wife, who died in childbirth. Work on the Taj began in 1634 and continued for almost 22 years, required the labor of 20,000 workers from all over India and Central Asia. Obviously he loved her to do this but he sure could not have done it unless he had lots of money. You don’t turn on your radio and hear songs about people who married for money…oh, wait, that is wrong. There is this thing called “Country Music” and I believe there is a song like that. If any of you reading this turns your radio on with that kind of music for a romantic evening, please let me know. We need to arrange some counseling for you. But if you like a good love song, then we have something in common. It does not matter how young or how old you are either. We can tell a lot of love stories through our years just by the songs we loved. This is a secret so don’t tell anyone because it really tells my age, but I guess one of the very best gifts I ever got was a “transistor radio”. Yeah, I know. Some of you are scratching your heads wondering what in the world that was. It was to me what smart phones and Ipads are to you. I spent every free minute escaping with my transistor radio, listening to love songs. There was a song for every decade of my life, that is, until I reached a certain age when the new songs could never be as good as the “old” songs. I knew every word of every song. My radio and I were inseparable. The first boy that I kissed in third grade (I know…I was a late bloomer), well, we had a song. I am not sure if he ever knew it but we did. Do you remember your first kiss? Was it for love or for money? Mine was for love but my cousin’s was for money because my mom told her she would give her a nickel if she would kiss a certain boy. For my first crush, I had a love song. Of course it was all about if he would only see how much I loved him and how perfect I was for him and how he was being fooled by all those pretty two faced girls…Sorry, I got carried away. Not only did I sing with the songs but I cried with them as well. Like the song “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”. I would cry when I would sing that song because I knew that the girl loved the guy and this other girl was just a gold digger. The only problem with that is when they came out with the follow-up song it was “Now It’s Judy’s turn to Cry”. Oh no, why did they have to use THAT name? Then Beatle mania happened and love songs changed forever. None will ever top the classic “She Loves You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah”. What wonderful memories of love we have. I have loved the neighbor next door all the way to Elvis, who was my true love. He just never realized that. It’s OK, my husband knows this so it is not a secret just like I know that Marilyn Monroe was his. We just live with that between us. Isn’t love grand though? Love is a many splendor thing. See, another song. One thing for sure is love songs have been written and sung from the beginnings of time and will continue till there is no more and it still can’t be put in words…unless you married for money and then the words are “Honey, wait till you see what I bought today”! So whether you married for love or money, the point is, you married. Now you must make the best of it and I want to help. So here are some pointers that you might want to copy down and give to your husbands and they are guaranteed to work. • The woman always makes the rules • These rules are subject to change without notice • No man can possibly know all the rules • The woman is never wrong • If it appears the woman is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the man did or said • The man must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding • The woman can change her mind at any time • The man must never change his mind without the proper consent of the woman • The man must read the mind of the woman at all times • At all times, what is important is what the woman meant, not what she said. Much LOVE to you!
Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 25
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4. Never Quit. It’s not always going to be easy. There are going to be days when you are head over heels in love. But there are also going to be days when you can’t stand to look at each other. It’s just part of living together as one. Don’t walk away when things get hard or you will miss the amazing experience of coming out of the valley and onto the mountain top together.
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 27
5. Keep Your Mouth Shut. Never degrade your husband in front of others. Even if you are talking with best friends, you should be careful what you say. Don’t break your man’s confidences and don’t tell others every detail of your lives. As the years pass, you will forgive him and forget those fleeting arguments. But your family and your friends will still remember. 6. Pray Together. It’s not enough to just go to church together, although you need to. It’s not even enough to read a devotional together each day. You need to pray together, out loud, every single day. Make it a habit. It will change your marriage and will glue you together like you never imagined.
Ten Things You Should Know by Amber Benge My Little Princess, I know a day will come when you will start seeing boys as more than carriers of cooties! When that time comes, I want you to remember a few little tips from your Mom.
7. Put Each Other First. Even when you have children and they consume lots of your time, keep your priorities in check. You were a wife before you were a mother. Your husband is the priority.
1. It doesn’t have to look like a Fairy Tale. You might have been searching for Mr. Right for years, while he walked back and forth in front of you repeatedly. Make sure you aren’t so busy looking for a fantasy that you miss God’s reality for your life. The recipe for a good husband only requires a few ingredients: a great love for Jesus, a tender heart, and the ability to be your best friend. If he lacks those three things, reconsider.
8. Date Each Other. Never stop learning about your spouse. Your favorite songs, favorite foods, and favorite movies will change over the years. Make a regular habit of going on dates to discuss these simple things in life. Just enjoy being together. If you stop dating, you will begin to lose sight of your spouse’s heart.
2. Once You Find Him, Honor Him. When you think about marriage, you probably think of love. But don’t overlook another very important ingredient to a healthy marriage: respect. Your man is going to need more than your love. He needs your respect! If you treat him disrespectfully or talk to him in a disrespectful way, you are not honoring him or your marriage. Affirm him always and give him respect, even when he doesn’t deserve it. 3. Don’t Expect Him to Be God. Many girls make this mistake, so please listen carefully. Don’t expect getting married to solve every deep longing in your life. Just because you have a man, it doesn’t mean you have peace or fulfillment in life. If you try to find those things in a man, you are doing a disservice to God and cheating yourself out of His blessings. Only God can fill those voids in your life. A man is just the partner who can walk you through it.
9. Sex Matters. I don’t care what anyone says. It matters to every marriage so don’t overlook it. Keep yourself pure before marriage, but enjoy one another after the wedding. Make it a habit to be intimate, but don’t let it become only a habit. Find ways to keep things fun and interesting. 10. Dream Together. Share your dreams. No matter what unexpected turns your life may take, don’t stop dreaming out loud. It might sound silly or unrealistic, but share it anyway! You never know when God might weave your dreams together to accomplish something amazing in the world. I also kind of hope you won’t be getting married anytime soon (how about waiting until you are at least 35?). I’m treasuring my days with you. I love you with all my heart. -Mom
pg 28 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
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Eating At Home In 2011
Salt and pepper to taste 2 small russet potatoes, peeled and chopped 2 cans diced tomatoes, undrained 6 cups chicken broth
By Leanne Ely, CNC
If you’re looking to get healthy in 2011 be sure you’ve signed up for my Daily Dish (you get a free menu when you do) at www.SavingDinner.com. We’ve got great things to help you on your journey this year. Did you know that the average American family spends nearly $2,599 a year eating out? Do the math... that’s OVER $200 a month! As you reflect on your goals for 2011 consider “eating at home” this year. Let’s think for a minute what $200 a month could do for your family: 1) Get you out of debt. 2) Get your family a nice, debt-free, paid-in-advance, family vacation. 3) Save for a car or other large purchase. 4) Money for your children’s college funds. 5) Invest in your own retirement or savings account.
In a large soup pot, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook till nearly translucent, now add the garlic. Don’t let the garlic brown and saute another couple of minutes. Add the rest of the chopped veggies, sauteing for just a minute or two. You’re not cooking them just sauteing for the wonderful flavor, this quick step will infuse in your soup. Add the thyme and salt and pepper while sauteing. Now put the veggies in the crock-pot, add the tomatoes and broth. Cook on low 7-9 hours (depending on your crock-pot) or high 4-6 hours (but all crockpots are different, depending on size, age, brand etc. Remember, your mileage may vary). Just before serving, gently mash some of the potato chunks against the side of the crock-pot to thicken the soup, give it a stir and serve. Per serving: 88 Calories; 4g Total Fat; 5g Protein; 2g Dietary Fiber; 9g Carbohydrate; 0mg Cholesterol; 658mg Sodium. Exchanges: 0 Grain (Starch); 1/2 Lean Meat; 1 Vegetable; 0 Fruit; 1/2 Fat; 0 Other Carbohydrates. SERVING SUGGESTIONS: Grilled cheese sandwiches on whole grain bread and a spinach salad.
That’s just five things. You could probably make your own list of things you could do with an “extra” $200 a month. My point is there is a way to make that kind of money without having to go out and get another job - eat at HOME. Years ago I took a course on goal setting. The mantra repeated by the facilitator of that course would say over and over again, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Nothing could be closer to the truth when it comes to meal planning - and it shows up on your bottom line (in more ways than one, if you get my drift). Meal planning doesn’t need to be ridiculously time consuming with every bite tediously planned out. I have found that planning main meals, counting how many side dishes I will need (and then buying fresh and frozen veggies on sale to correspond with those dishes) is easiest. I also do this with lunch and dinner - I eat leftovers for lunch from dinner the night before OR I use my Body Clutter soup (see below for the recipe). I have a breakfast pantry that works for my breakfasts - steel cut oats, a variety of frozen fruits for my smoothies, as well as kefir, milk and juice. Peanut butter (please don’t email me about peanut butter!), eggs, egg substitute (makes great omelets!) and of course, frozen whole grain waffles - my go-to, breakfast-on-the-way-to-the-gym breakfast, topped with some kind of nut butter. Being aware of your spending will help you realize that $200 a month eating out is a substantial bite out of your budget (pun intended). PLAN your meals so you don’t end up short of money at the end of the month! Here’s my Body Clutter Soup that I eat all the time.
Quick Fixes for Variations on the Basic Chicken Soup: Now remember, don’t do this to the whole pot of soup! Just the little bit you pull out to fix yourself for lunch, etc. Quick Fix #1: Tex Mex Veggie Soup. Add some (eyeball it how much do you want?) canned black beans (drained and rinsed), a little bit of cumin and chopped cilantro. Top with some tortilla chips and cheese, or serve with a quesadilla. Quick Fix #2: Tuscan Veggie Soup. Add some (eyeball it again) canned cannellini (white kidney beans) or white beans (drained and rinsed), a little bit of Italian seasoning and some chopped kale. Cook till heated through and the kale is tender. Quick Fix #3: Minestrone Veggie Soup. Add some cooked pasta, a little dried basil and top with a fresh grating of Parmesan cheese. Quick Fix #4: Autumn Veggie Soup. Add some diced acorn squash or butternut squash, some cooked brown rice, a sprinkling of nutmeg and some chopped parsley. Don’t forget to sign up for my Daily Dish (you get a free menu when you do) at www.SavingDinner.com. Cheers!
The Dinner Diva
Here?s the recipe for the soup - I?ve shared it a lot before. If you haven?t ever copied it and used it before, get going. This soup is delicious. Enjoy! Leanne’s Basic Vegetable Soup (AKA Body Clutter Soup) Serves 12 1 large onion, chopped 4 cloves garlic, pressed 1 tablespoon olive oil 2 large carrots, chopped 2 small celery stalks, chopped 1 medium turnip, chopped 2 cups green beans, cut in 1” pieces 1/4 head cabbage, chopped 1/2 teaspoon thyme
Leanne Ely is a New York Times bestselling author of Body Clutter and the Saving Dinner series. The Dinner Diva syndicated newspaper column appears in 250 newspapers nationwide. Learn how to cook great and save significant money with the Dinner Diva?s menus, recipes and shopping lists at www.savingdinner.com
pg 30 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
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Me, Myself, & Inc. By Sherré DeMao
Keep These Promises To Yourself
Throughout my own journey as well as witnessing the transformation of others over 25 years in business working with entrepreneurs, I have found three key affirmations to resonate over and over again. These affirmations, or what I prefer to call a commitment or promise to myself, have now become critical to the very core of helping me reach my goals as well as helping others rewire their thinking in reaching their goals. I have also witnessed these same three commitments to be at the core of others who have succeeded over extensive odds. What makes these promises very special to me is that they were introduced to me by my grandmother, affectionately known as Granny Pea. But it wasn’t until I got into the “real” world that I truly began to appreciate their wisdom and power. Now it is time to make these three promises ones you keep with yourself in order to synergize your life and work. Promise #1: I will either find a way or make a way. At first glance, this statement could be taken out of context and potentially do more harm than good, so let’s get something straight right now. This promise is about determination and forging forward toward your goals, but not at the expense or detriment to anyone or anything. So, you must also make the agreement with yourself that you will be impeccable in your actions and live up to your word at all times. In finding a way or making a way, it will be more about paying attention to opportunities, keeping your mind open to the possibilities, and having the tenacity not to be discouraged in the face of disappointment, challenges, unexpected turns and delays. As a child growing up, I was blessed with the words of my grandmother, who said time and time again that I could do anything I set my mind out to do if I had faith in myself and my ideas. I remember countless times reminding myself of these words each time I set out to go beyond my comfort zone in striving to achieve a certain goal. When you set out to find a way or make a way, you are giving yourself permission to succeed. It’s that simple. You are saying it is okay to be determined and to have this goal and that you believe in this goal and what it will bring to you and others as a result. With each goal that you are able to apply this commitment to, you can see its end result because you have such passion behind it that it does not seem so insurmountable. Promise #2: I will not feel guilty about making life easier for myself. This is probably the toughest one of all to follow. We as a society in general seem to like making things harder on ourselves as some kind of right of passage for earning a goal or achievement. Some of us may think that if we don’t do something entirely on our own, then we somehow have not earned it quite as purely or valiantly. Many of us have heard that you must work hard to be successful, and while this is true to a certain extent, we don’t have to work as hard at working hard. What do I mean by this? Quite simply, we need to take a step back every now and again and ask ourselves if there is an easier way to achieve the same end result in whatever stage we are in while working toward our goal. Making
a task or step in the process easier for ourselves is not slacking or taking a shortcut, it’s just plain smart. Why work harder when you can work smarter, more efficiently, or have help along the way? Another aspect of making life easier on ourselves is to not take so many things so personally and to not jump to conclusions. How many times do we catch ourselves worrying about things that never happen because we make assumptions? How many times do we undermine our own ability to continue during a setback because we take whatever happened so personally instead of simply learning from the situation so as to make it easier the next go around? Once you truly make a conscious effort to ask yourself how something can be accomplished more easily, or how you can make your life easier to deal with, you will open yourself completely to being able to adhere to Promise #3: I will keep my mind open to all possible support and resources. How open-minded are you really? Sometimes people who perceive themselves to be very open minded and demonstrate it at various levels still hinder their ability to reach their ultimate goals because they discard possible options or are afraid to take risks once set on a certain path in their journey. What is most important to remember with this promise is that you must be open to support and resources from unexpected places. This is where people who have synergized their lives are strides ahead of others. They understand that a means of support or a resource they could use may very well come from somewhere out of nowhere and could be missed if not open to its potential. You could also have a means of support or a resource literally under your nose and for some reason it has been discarded or not even considered due to some obscure belief or perception that holds you back from seeing it as an opportunity. Probably the most important aspect of being open to all possible resources and support is that by doing so, you are also following Promise #1 and #2. You will be finding a way or making a way and you will also be making life easier for yourself in the process. Now doesn’t this sound like a much more exciting way to move forward toward your goals than how you were operating before? What people have found as they have put these three commitments into action is that they are in a better place to be at their best at all times. Being and doing your best is something that those of us who are goals-driven strive for on a daily basis. The reality is that sometimes we don’t feel so hot. Then what? Well, then that is when having resources or support helps us still do our best when we are perhaps not at our best. Now that is synergy in motion! Everything in your life and business begins and ends with you. Accept that this is true and then realize that it is really about the mindset you operate from each and every day. If your thinking is holding you back, then it’s time for a new way of thinking.
Bio: Sherré DeMao inspires millions through her monthly Savvy Business Owner column, her weekly Monday Motivation & Insight and her national contributing writing for FoxBusiness. com, Entrepreneur, Women Entrepreneur, and Enterprising Women magazines. An expert strategist and marketer focused on entrepreneurs, her unique perspective and innovative approach has earned more than 50 awards regionally, nationally and internationally including being named among the Top 50 Enterprising Women of North America in 2007. Her first book, Me, Myself & Inc. - A Synergized World, An Energized Business, Living Your Ultimate Life (www.memyselfandinc. com), was cited as a Top Business Shelf pick by Midwest Book Review. Her newest book, 50 Marketing Secrets of Growth Companies in Down Economic Times (www.50marketingsecrets.com) was released in fall of 2010.
pg 32 Sophie Womanâ€™s Magazine Feb 2011
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Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011 pg 33
With life so busy these days and couples going in different directions, it seems hard to find time to be together. Even when both partners are at home, we sometimes feel more like roommates than lovers. As snow falls and Valentine’s Day comes around again, it is time to get the love vibes flowing. Did you know that how your home is decorated can affect your love life? Here are some hints to helping bring you closer to your love. (If this doesn’t seem to help; call a marriage or relationship counselor who may need to address your issues). • COLOR. Consider painting your bedroom a sexy shade of red to improve your energy and love life. If this is too extreme, at least add some color accents such as pillows or a floral arrangement . Please note that too much red in a room may increase your appetite for food as well as sex. You may need to add some storage under your bed for chocolates and chicken wings. • TOGETHERNESS. Have your family room equipped for multiple uses. If your hubby likes to watch sports on Sunday afternoon (and every other minute), finds ways to spend time with him even if you are not participating in the same task. For example, add a desk in the room so that you can work on the computer, find recipes, or pay bills while he is watching TV. This insures that you can at least be together to celebrate a touchdown or discuss a call. Even if sports is not your thing, you can still enjoy each other’s company. If you feel like your spouse needs his space; by all means, give it to him. No one likes to feel smothered! • INTIMATE AREA. Create an area inside (or outside) your home for intimate dinners for two. This might be a temporary or rotating area that would be on a deck, under some trees, or even in your bedroom. No time to cook? Pick up a nice takeout dinner and some wine. Eat together over candlelight while the children are with a sitter or in the next room watching a movie and eating cheetos. • SEATING ARRANGEMENT. Rearrange the room to encourage more intimate seating if your living or family room is not being used by a large family or for a party. Have an area for 2 to 4 people instead of 8. Divide your room into several conversation areas instead of one large area. • LIGHTING. Create zones of light for different purposes. Use lamps or keep your lighting dimmed when you are not doing a task that requires intense light. Besides making you look sexier, you might also save energy and lower your power bill. • MUSIC. Ever notice how music can set the tone for a movie? Whether it is a Lifetime romantic chic flick or an action movie, music is a huge part of the overall affect. You can use this cue to set the tone for your home life. Try some soft classical or sexy jazz to see if it lowers your blood pressure and adds sizzle to your love life. Note: the World Series or Superbowl is the wrong time to try this! • AROMA. Scented candles can add subtle and intimate drama to your home. There is a candle that can fit almost any mood or experience you desire. I warn you not to use a Sugar Cookie candle unless you also make the cookies or your spouse might be very disappointed! • BEDDING. Make your bed fit for a king. Buy sheets and mattresses that are the best quality that you can afford. Sheets that have a smooth or silky feel invite you to come to bed and stay there longer. Higher thread counts usually deliver more comfort than scratchy harsh sheets. Wash your sheets at least once a week for a clean crisp feel. Add extra pillows, a down comforter, scented powders depending on your personal preference and allergies. • TEMPERATURE. Promote more snuggling by lowering the temperature of your home at night. Many of the newer thermostats can be programmed for different temperatures at different times of the day. The lower temperature will not only reduce your power bill in the winter , but will also encourage romance. Warning! If your feet are like icicles, wear socks or at least keep them off your spouse or you may experience a reverse snuggle! • EXTERIOR LANDSCAPING. Winding paths with intimate benches or sitting areas around the outside of your home can add to your romance. Take cues from the set of “The Bachelor” and create cozy areas where you can discuss your dreams together. Have a place where you can enjoy a glass of wine and talk about your day. Scented shrubbery and fragrant flowers in these areas set the tone for a lovely environment. Hopefully these tips will add spice to your life. Have a great Valentine’s Day!
Design Your Love Nest by Susan Guest, ASID
Susan Guest, ASID is an awardwinning interior designer in Hickory and owner of Guest Interiors, LLC. She is one of the designers featured in “Spectacular Homes of the Carolinas”, found in high-end bookstores around the country. For more information, visit www.guestinteriors.com.
pg 34 Sophie Woman’s Magazine Feb 2011
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Published on Feb 1, 2011
Published on Feb 1, 2011
Sophie Woman's Magazine Feb 2011 Edition, providing the Inspiration, Education, and Motivation for women of the Greater Unifour Area of West...