Sophie Woman's Magazine Oct 2013 Issue

VOLUME 9 - ISSUE 8 / OCTOBER 2013

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phie

Wo m a n ’ s M a g a z i n e

INSIDE:

Girlfriends In God ~ What Do You Have To Gain by Giving? | Page 15 Reaching Your Full Potential ~ Infinity Is As Far As A Girl Can Go! | Page 7 Me, Myself, & Inc. ~ Is Your Age Aging You? | Page 29 shutterbuggerz pg 37

SB

torybook eginnings pg 23

INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION

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essage M

from the

From The Editor: Judy Smith

M

ost people know I have had my battles with breast cancer and often, readers will see me and want to know how I am doing. Although my doctor will not allow me to say I am in remission, I am doing great.

My gratitude for all the prayers and well wishes cannot be sufficiently expressed.

Even though we all know October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I do not want us to minimize all the other’s who suffer with different types of cancer. It does seem that breast cancer gets the major awareness when other types barely get mentioned.

When I was undergoing treatments, it was one thing to see old people like me but it was totally another to see precious little ones battling this horrible disease. They do it with such determination and courage that it puts me to shame.

It is heart breaking to see a child that has lost her hair because of chemo treatments or maybe a little boy with a feeding tube because he could not eat. Parents pray for bone marrow donors or for miracles but they don’t give up.

Shame on me for even letting my feet hit the floor some mornings with this “poor me” attitude. Every single day, I should wake up praising God for His Mercies that are new every morning.

Life is hard at times, I can’t deny that. We all go through things in our life that we would not choose. We can decide to give up, maybe invite others to our pity party or we can choose to make the best of what we are given. My momma always told me that if I looked around I could always find someone worse off than me. How true that is. I have also learned that if I reach out to help someone else, I am the one that feels better. Amazing how great that works.

Cancer can rob us of a lot of things but it cannot rob us of love for one another. Reach out to show your love and support to someone who has cancer. You may think you are doing something for them but I would bet that you would be the recipient of something even greater.

“Cancer can take away all of my

physical abilities.

It cannot touch my mind, it cannot

touch my heart, and it cannot touch my

soul.” Jim Valvano www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 3

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phie Woman’s Magazine

21 East A Street Newton, NC 28658 (P) 828-466-0122 (F) 828-466-0124 Editor: Judy Smith Production Manager & Graphic Design: Scott Hansley Sales: Stephanie Ledford 828-729-8353 stephanie@sophiewomansmagazine.com For General Advertising Inquiries, Please Email Us At sales@sophiewomansmagazine.com

A Special Thanks To All Of Our Distributors Please be sure to visit all of our participating advertisers and remember to support area local small businesses.

How to place an ad: Call our office at (828)466-0122 and leave a message. One of our sales representatives will return your call as soon as possible. You may also fax material to (828)466-0124. We reserve the right to refuse to run any ad we deem to be controversial or in bad taste.

For more information about advertising or to view Sophie Woman’s Magazine online, visit our website at www.sophiewomansmagazine.com.

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Message From The Heart......................................pg 3 Reaching Your Full Potential................................pg 7 Sophisticated Women............................................pg 9 The Front Porch.....................................................pg 11 The Fly Lady.........................................................pg 13 Girlfriends In God................................................pg 15 Health & Fitness Tips...........................................pg 16 Lessons In Love...................................................pg 19 Establishing The Pink Ribbon Symbol.................pg 21 Mandy’s Misadventures.......................................pg 22 Storybook Beginnings...........................................pg 23 Me, Myself, & Inc................................................pg 29 Orange Is Not Just For Halloween.......................pg 31 Recipes For Life...................................................pg 33 Worst Mom Ever.................................................pg 35 Shutterbuggerz.....................................................pg 37

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REACHING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL: Infinity is as Far as a Girl Can Go!

by Kim Fletcher, Life Coach, Author, Speaker

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Eleanor Roosevelt In 2004, as an emerging Life Coach and Author, I had the privilege of co-authoring a book with a few amazing individuals.

Today, my thoughts returned to one of them, Dr. Natalie Petouhoff.

I thought I would give you a glimpse into the story she chose to share and continues to live today…

“I remember how I passed the time waiting for the Comet cleanser to do its work. At age six, it was my job to clean the bathrooms. I discovered that if I wet the porcelain, sprinkled the cleanser on it and waited a few minutes, the dirt would come off much easier.

The question was what to do with the time. Grabbing a hairbrush, I pretended it was a microphone. I watched myself chatting with the imaginary audience in the mirror, answering questions and giving advice. My mom passed by and asked whom I was talking to. I answered emphatically, “The people.

Just telling them what they need to know.”

She chuckled to herself and said, “I know you can do whatever you dream of.” It was my fantasy as a little girl to move to California and become a TV reporter. My parents nurtured my dreams, but life had other plans for me.

I had been born into academia. Being an older college student, my father preferred the company of his professors, so I spent my early years being bounced on the knees of brilliant academics.

When my family moved to Kentucky from Michigan, my parents did not have much faith in the school system in our new town. My mother had been a teacher, and she decided to hold “science class” each weekend for my siblings and me. On Saturday, we would go on field trips to learn about manufacturing, like building a car. Other times, we would collect pond water and identify amoebas and other strange, wiggly things in it. I quite naturally became fascinated with how the world worked. At the end of the day, I loved reporting to the family, along with my siblings, all that I had discovered. This was normal to us; we were a family of very happy nerds.

But that happiness did not last. In spite of all the good things that happened, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and passed away just before my fifteenth birthday. The day she died, she asked me, the oldest in the family, if I would raise my siblings – two brothers and a sister, then ages two, four and eleven. She was worried about what would happen to her babies after she was gone. In that moment, I was no longer one of them. I said the only thing I could, “Of course.” And she closed her eyes and left for Heaven.

Upon returning home, three sets of eyes stared at me. My father searched for solace in a bottle of vermouth. That is how I became a ‘teenage mom’ – through circumstances beyond my control. The dreams of that little girl in the bathroom were lost under piles of baby food, bedtime stories, baths, homework, laundry and cooking.

Fast forward from that little girl to an adult: my dreams became buried even further under a difficult marriage and a subsequent divorce, along with a hard earned doctorate in High Energy Particle Physics. I had managed to move myself from Michigan to California as part of my dream began to see the light of day. I was now a professor at Pepperdine University teaching leadership courses, working as a Life Coach and writing books. The long awaited dream began to emerge in an unexpected way. While I was not a TV reporter, I was gaining a platform for telling people some of what they needed to know.

One day, many years later, I was visiting my father. We took a walk. He looked at me squarely and said, “Mom told me the Comet story. I think you should do it.”

“Do what,” I asked.

“Follow your dream. Become a TV reporter. You would be great.”

In the silence of our walk, the Michigan falling snow glistening in the moonlight, I began to see how my once forgotten dream would take shape. I was going to be a judge at an upcoming event which would have national media coverage. While my life had seemed to take twists and turns far from my dream, it had, in fact prepared me well for this challenge.

Raising my siblings taught me that I could truly do what my mother had so confidently stated all those years ago: whatever I dreamed of! My father reminded me that dreams and visions can still come true. After all, infinity is as far as a girl can go!”

Thanks Natalie! This story is a great reminder for each of us to remember those dusty dreams and cloudy visions. This just may be your day to take a walk, revisit the deep desires of your heart… and begin watching expectantly for new opportunities to come your way. If a teenage mom can become a TV reporter after all those years, imaging what you can do!

About Kim...

Kim Fletcher is a Life Coach, Speaker and three-time Author of global impact. She and her team at Kim Fletcher Associates are bringing true transformation to the personal and professional lives of their clients.

Contact her directly to learn more about her newest release, The Tension Point: Breaking Through To Where You Want To Be. 828 327 0749 / email: kimfletchercoach@aol.com / web: kimfletcherassociates.com.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 7

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Online Registration: www.komenncfoothills.org 828-328-2873 pg 8 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

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Help People Have A “NICE” Day

By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching

Your mother said, “BE NICE.” That was and always will be good advice.

People that treat me less than “nice” need a “C3”. First of all, every individual inside of an organization needs to realize that THEIR behavior is THE behavior that they need to watch the closest. This is a new way of thinking for individuals in families, organizations, corporate America and entrepreneurial endeavors.

Essentially, there are four levels of personal leadership: 1. Dysfunctional: Unpredictable behavior and outcomes 2. Transactional: Do what is required to get paid or get what you want and nothing more 3. Transformational: Influences others but may not heed one’s own “message” 4. Transcendent: Self-leadership that rises above self-interest and social conformity with a desire to fulfill a corporate and holistic “everybody counts” personal mission The goal, as ANY human inside ANY organization, is to try to bring your most emotionally intelligent self to the interaction. In other words, be “transcendent”. In the words of Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, “Emotional intelligence is maturity.” So, if you are working with someone who isn’t very mature (i.e. being rude, uncourteous and using improper etiquette) they need to grow up from dysfunctional to transcendent.

You can help them with a “C3”.

A “C3” stands for: circumstance, conduct, and consequences. This is a feedback process that allows you to share gently but forthrightly with anyone who isn’t being “nice”.

First, ask permission to share something with the person. Say, “I have something to share with you. May I?” Their response will most likely be, “Go ahead.”

Then you describe the time, place, and environment, with rich detail that tells them EXACTLY when and where the behavior took place. This is the CIRCUMSTANCE. Then ask them “Are you with me? Do you remember when this happened?”

They will reply either yes or no. Get to a yes. Keep adding details until they have to say, “Oh yeah, I remember.”

Then tell them the exact behavior that you witnessed. Don’t just say, “You were rude.” Tell them about the words they used, the tone, the body language and the inappropriateness of the environment, time or situation. This is the CONDUCT.

Then tell them what the impact was of their behavior on YOU. Not their impact on everyone but just for you personally. This is the CONSEQUENCE. Here is an example that recently happened to me. I was in a meeting with a not “nice” man. He consistently cuts me and everybody else off by interrupting or correcting our contributions.

I pulled him aside after the meeting and asked him if I could share something with him. He said, “Go ahead.” I told him that earlier in the meeting when I was sharing you interrupted me on several occasions. I asked, “Do you remember when I was sharing?” He stated, “Yes.” (Circumstance) I told him, that he interrupted me three times. I went on to explain that he did not wait to ask questions until the end. I told him he quickly gave his opinion and judged the process before I gave the entire scenario. I then stated those questions and opinions as verbatim as possible. (Conduct) I asked him “Are you with me?” He stated, “Yes”.

I told him that because he interrupted and gave opinions before I was done that I was frustrated and felt that the program was unclear. I told him that I believed that we lost focus on the program and people left the meeting without clarity. I told him that this ultimately created more work for me and everyone else to revisit the program. (Consequences) I asked him to please allow me to give my report in the future knowing that I will always be open to feedback, opinions, and questions. I asked him, “Will you honor my contributions moving forward in this way?”

Funny thing...he laughed at me. While I could be offended by his condescending laugh, I knew this was a defense mechanism. I simply stared at him and asked, “Will you honor my efforts?” He looked at me and said, “Yes.” I said, “Thanks, I appreciate you accepting my feedback and welcome yours moving forward.”

The moral to this story is that we have to ask for what we really want in service to the missions we serve.

HELLO, we are sophisticated women doing sophisticated work.

I am happy to report, to this day, he has honored me.

Take this coaching. Apply it.

Have a “NICE” day!

Nicole Greer, PPCC is the Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group. Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. www. thevibrantcoach.com/www.thelydiagroup.com

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 9

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Front Porch

When I was a little girl, we lived in an old house that had an enormous front porch. That porch served as a catalyst for many adventures that emerge from somewhere in the recesses of my mind from time to time.

The

by Judy Smith

One great lesson I learned from that porch was how to fall off a bike. Actually, I became quite an expert. Since I was the oldest of five children, I had to learn a lesson and then pass it on to my brothers. My dad came home one day with a used bike for all of us to share. Since I was the only girl, I guess it made sense that it would be a boys bike. The big problem was it was a 26 inch bike and that meant it was taller than me.

I quickly learned that if I pushed that bike up to the porch, I could climb on and give myself a push with one leg from the porch and off I would go….about a foot or so, till I fell over. “What was so great about a stupid bicycle anyway?” Yet, I would not give up so back to the porch I went. Again and again, I kept falling over.

However, I started to realize I was going a little farther each time till what do you know? I was riding down the dirt road.

“Look at me” I was shouting to the air until, I realized I was running out of road! Oh no, I haven’t learned how to stop. Since the bike is taller than me and I can’t reach the ground there only seems to be two options. One, run into a tree, or two, just fall over.

I decided that running into a tree seemed much more dangerous so I just fell over. Skin off my elbows and knees might not hurt as bad as a broken neck.

After the great accomplishment of being the worlds greatest faller, I did finally learn how to balance and even turn that bike to get back to the porch for a safe stop. There came a time that I did not have to use the porch to get on or off. That bike gave me such delight for many years to follow.

Until those pesky brothers began to want to ride and it was up to me to teach them how. Their constant whining about not being able to reach the pedals just didn’t set well with me. After all, they had the same porch excess that I had. So I taught them how to push off and keep their balance for as long as they could. It wasn’t my fault they weren’t too good at it. Why am I the one to get the spankings because they can’t ride a bike?

One of my brothers was such a slow learner. I thought he was doing great when I gave him a big push and he was headed down the dirt road. That is until he headed straight for the bob-wired fence. I have to admit it did look like a cartoon the way he was all tangled up in that thing. Yet, when my dad told me he was going to give me something to laugh about, I could not figure out why he was taking his belt out from his pants.

I never got a bike that was made for girl but I will always cherish the memories I have with that old 26 inch bike. Sometimes I will chuckle….after I have looked around and made sure no one is taking their belt off.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 11

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pg 12 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

I Don’t Have Time When you hear yourself utter these words, “I don’t have time!” either in your head or out loud to your family I want you to stop in your tracks.

This is just another form of whining. Yes you heard me right.

Fly Lady

We all have 24 hours in a day. In our perfectionism there will never be enough hours to do what we need to do, because the job will never be finished. Now in our defense we were taught by well meaning people who were taught by another generation of well-meaning people that if you can’t do it right then don’t do it at all! So why shouldn’t we procrastinate; in our minds we don’t have enough time to do it right so why even start!

I am determined to put an end to this stinkin’ thinkin’ once and for all! Our perfectionism will not allow us to do just a little. We have to hyper-focus till the job is done! Well I don’t know about you but in my home there are things that don’t ever get finished: Dishes, laundry and hot spots. It is a continual battle but here is the difference. I don’t look at it as a battle, it is a blessing. Yes you got that right. Dirty dishes are a blessing, because when they are put away I am blessing my family.

Laundry is the same way. I am no longer chained to a chore but I have been given a chance to show my sweet darling that I care for him. After all, nothing says I love you, like clean underwear.

THE

by Marla Cilley

So when we have a change in our attitude from feeling martyred to finding joy in blessing our family, we will have time to do just a little.

In the south we call that “hit a lick at a snake”. This is why we love our timer so much. We can accomplish more than we think if we will just set our timer for 15 minutes and jump in. So maybe you don’t think you have 15 minutes; well quit whining and do 5 minutes.

I just realized something about myself. I am more apt to do something for Robert than I am for myself. Just this morning as he was going down to get the newspaper he asked if I wanted him to build me a cup of coffee, (we have one of those one cup machines) I told him that would be lovely and as soon as my cup finished I got right up and fixed him one before he got back from the mailbox (we have a long driveway). So we blessed each other with a simple cup of coffee. We could have made them for ourselves but what fun is that.

Perfectionism is a nasty habit that we have to remove to make room for peace. I hate the word perfect. It steals our joy and causes us to hyper-focus and procrastinate. When we eliminate this word and the action or inaction that comes from its pressure we will be a happier people!

Perfectionism has so many layers just like our clutter! I still catch myself falling under its spell, but I am getting good at not being victimized by it for very long. Now I have learned to laugh at it and keep right on FLYing!

I have three rules that I live by.

1.

2.

3.

Don’t sweat the small stuff; what doesn’t matter, just doesn’t matter.

To laugh every day; even if it is at myself.

And to love like there is no tomorrow!

Are you ready to FLY with me? Let go of that perfectionism that has been holding you down and soar higher than you ever dreamed!

For more help getting rid of your clutter and CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at www.FlyLady.net or read her book, Sink Reflections published by Random House. Help me build a Habitat Home this year. http://www.share.habitat.org/flyladybuildproject Please bless others with your clutter by donating it to a Habitat for Humanity Restore near you. Copyright 2013 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 13

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Giving and Gaining

by Gwen Smith

Today’s Truth

“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11:25, NIV)

Friend to Friend

I pretty much consider myself to have a black thumb. Charcoal, even.

I like plants and genuinely try to keep plants healthy and thriving in my home, but fail at it a lot more than I succeed. Seriously. Black thumb.

So when my girlfriend brought me a baby aloe plant, my heart was torn between girlfriend-gratitude and feelings of sorrow for the innocent little aloe.

A few weeks after she gave me the plant gift, my friend told me a story.

She confessed that she struggles to share things. It’s just hard for her. She had two aloe plants for a long time but one day she felt a heart-nudge to give one of them to me. (Bless her heart! She obviously knows nothing of said black thumb!) Though she admittedly isn’t naturally inclined to give her things away, she said that she decided in her heart that she would give me the small aloe baby.

For weeks she had meant to act on that heart-nudge and give me the aloe plant, but just never got around to it. She kept forgetting. She’d think about bringing me the aloe plant when she wasn’t home or remember late at night when it was too late to run it by my house. In the back of her mind she thought that one of her plants would surely have an aloe baby offspring … reasoning that she could just give me that one instead of one of her two plants.

Finally, she remembered. She brought me the cute little healing plant and gave it to me with a smile. Yay! We threw down a happy plantdance that morning as we shared both a cup of coffee and our hearts in friendship.

So as we sat at my kitchen table again, coffee mugs in hands, she finished her story by excitedly saying, “The most amazing thing happened this week, Gwen! When I walked past the aloe plant that I’d kept for myself, I noticed that a baby aloe plant had sprung up in the pot!

It was almost like a little present from God reminding me that I can’t out-give Him. That when I trust Him and obey His nudges, He will bless me right back.”

I nodded and smiled. She’s so right. In the Bible God calls us to be generous, and He promises to bless us when we are. God’s Word has a lot to say about the tandem between generous giving and blessings.

“Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice” (Psalm 112:5, NIV, emphasis mine).

“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25, NIV, emphasis mine).

“A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor” (Proverbs 22:9, NIV, emphasis mine).

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:6-8, NIV).

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:17-19, NIV).

God clearly calls His children to generous living … no matter what we have, who we are, or where we live. Even the poorest among us are called to live generously. And let’s not confuse the matter: it’s not about our bank accounts – it’s about our hearts. We are to be generous, willing to share, and rich in good deeds for the glory of God. The Scriptural promise we can stand on is this: blessings will follow our generosity.

When we give freely in obedience to Christ and live open-handed with all that we’ve been entrusted with, we reap beautiful life benefits.

Where does this promise and prompting find you today? Have you been nudged lately to be generous? Do you struggle to share things, both tangible and intangible? Is God calling you to serve Him somewhere with your time, treasures, or talents? Maybe the thing you need to give is forgiveness to someone or to yourself – or encouragement – or kindness.

Got a family member, neighbor, or friend in need? Do something!

Generous living will look different to each of us, but we are all called to give as we live. I was blessed when my friend gave me that baby aloe plant. She was blessed too. God made sure of it. He always does.

Friend, consider this truth and ask the Lord to move you missionally and to direct your giving. Today and every day live to give for the glory of God. Good will come of it. He promises … and that’s a promise you can take to the bank!

Let’s Pray

Dear Lord, You are perfectly generous. I am blessed by the abundance of Your grace, mercy, love and truth. Help me to live generously and to give open-handedly just as you have with me.

In Jesus’s Name I pray, Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

What came to your mind as you read this devotion? What are you going to do about it? Click over to my blog or my Facebook page today and share your heart and let’s take the conversation deeper. I will be posting a fun aloe picture! Don’t miss it.

More from the Girlfriends

God delights in our worship of Him. He loves when we get past our selves and our schedules… and prioritize adoration, contemplation and exaltation. My CD, Uncluttered, is purposed to sweep you away from life-noise and to focus your heart and mind on the one thing that matters: your relationship with Jesus Christ. You can download songs from iTunes or Amazon – or order CDs on www.GwenSmith.net.

Got Twitter? Gwen tweets at @GwenSmithMusic

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 15

Sandbag Exercises Exercise Number One- Sandbag Shoulder to Shoulder Press The shoulder to shoulder press builds strength as well as endurance. This exercise targets the shoulders, core and triceps.

Step One- Stand tall with feet shoulder width apart, and toes facing forward.

Place the sand bag on your right shoulder.

by Sharon Rashidi B.S. Health Education

Owner of The Perfect Workout

Step Two- Press the sand bag all the way up over your head. Keep your arms as straight as possible at the top of the movement. Pull the sandbag down to the other shoulder. Continue to do this movement side to side. Repeat 12-15 times and work your way up to 25 reps.

Sandbag Workout

Do you want sleek, sexy sculpted muscles? How about legs that can stop traffic? Recently, I discovered the sandbag, a great training device that has actually been around for centuries. A sandbag is exactly what its name suggests; a bag filled with sand, and normally used for purposes such as flood control. Along with the Kettlebell it was one of the first strength training tools used years ago. But in the last 5-6 years sandbags have been introduced to the mainstream fitness world because of the benefits to training with this tool.

The sandbag is a jack of all trades providing strength and cardio endurance, even core and grip strength. You can shred fat and tone up as well with the sandbag. One of the best things about the sandbag is your ability to change the weight from as little as 10 pounds to as heavy as 80 pounds. So beginners to the highly advanced athlete can utilize this great piece of fitness equipment.

When working with the sandbag at my gym, members often ask me how the sandbag is different from ordinary dumbbells. Unlike traditional dumbbells, the sandbag shifts around and can change form when you lift them. This makes sandbags a constant challenge as every repetition will be vastly different. The shifting of the sand causes your body to react differently engaging muscles that it never new it had and that means more calories burned. It takes a little getting used to at first but with practice you will be able to lift the sandbag with ease.

Sandbag exercises include swings, shouldering, squats and lunges.

Because the sandbag has 4 different handles you can do the traditional exercises you usually do with a dumbbell including bicep curls, triceps extensions, and bent over rows. When performing Sandbag exercises keep in mind the following tips: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Start with a light weight sandbag.

Warm up properly.

Learn the proper form.

Use your breath. Make sure you fully exhale at the time of exertion.

Vary your routine to include both cardio and strength training.

Remember to achieve your fitness goals you must also follow a well developed meal plan with portion control. Grab a sandbag to help you progress in getting in the best shape of your life and the body of your dreams.

pg 16 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

Tips- Always remember to keep your chest up and stand tall. Do not let your knees collapse to the inside or slide forward past toes. Make sure your abdominals are engaged and lifted. Your rib cage should be lifted as well and not allowed to sink toward the floor.

Exercise Number Two- Sandbag Floor Press with Shoulder Bridge The Sandbag Floor Press is a great exercise for developing upper body strength and power. It will work your chest, arms, core and glutes as well.

Step One- Lie down on a mat with the sandbag in both hands, lying across the chest.

Step Two- Push the sandbag straight up by extending your arms over your chest. At the same time, contract your inner thighs and lift your hips up towards the ceiling. Return to the starting position.

Tips- Remember to start with a lighter weigh and increase the weight as you progress.

Make sure your abdominals are engaged before lifting your hips up. Remember to exhale as you lift your arms over your chest.

Fall )RU 8V

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 17

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pg 18 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

Lessons In Love:

10 Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

By Grace Chatting It continues to surprise me how prevalent it is that women in abusive relationships don’t recognise the different types of abuse to which they are being subjected, ranging from verbal, mental, emotional and physical abuse. I often see young women who are ostensibly suffering from depression, as well as being unhappy (not the same thing). When we peel back the layers of their life a bit, and I ask about their relationship with their husband, often they say, “oh yes, we’re fine”, then they rattle on to tell me how many years they have been together, almost as if the more years it has been the more “fine” they must be.

Abusive behavior is covered up Often I will notice the subtle intake of breath, the change in tone of voice, the anxious look and almost imperceptible quiver of the chin, and a general overall tightening of their body, and I know it is not fine. I begin to wonder if they might be in an abusive relationship because I know one of the hallmarks of an abusive relationship is that the victims invariably cover it up and don’t tell anyone.

Research shows too that when they do attempt to disclose to professionals how they are being treated, the cues are not picked up.

Jealousy and possessiveness are abusive As we talk on she discloses that perhaps there are a few aspects of her marriage about which she is unhappy, and to make it easier for her, I ask gently, “has he ever hit you?, so we can work backwards from there. Some say a clear emphatic “No”, but she may then disclose that he is obsessively jealous. The majority of people think that, an abusive relationship only involves physical abuse, but in fact verbal abuse, mental abuse, and emotional abuse are also very damaging and debilitating. Having a jealous partner keeps a woman (or man) in a hypervigilant state, which has all kinds of knock on effects on the nervous system over time, and certainly reduces overall happiness and well-being.

Abusive behavior is normalised Others are more uncertain with their “No, but he has slapped me a few times”, or, he has “pushed me over a few times” then they go on to tell me “he was stressed out at work”, or some other excuse. (Just so you know, by the way, slapping IS hitting) Generally these young women cover up because they feel hurt and embarrassed to admit being treated that way. It is after all quite humiliating to be hit/slapped by anyone, much less someone who purports to love you. But often these women grew up in households, or neighborhood, where it was accepted that men sometimes hit women.

Abusive behavior is culturally accepted Many women (and men) are hardwired with this acceptance, and therefore consider it normal to be pushed over, slapped, pinched, spat at, and called names. They don’t actually think that they are in an abusive relationship, and quite often they don’t realise that their partner is being abusive - they just accept this as normal.

The use of contempt is abusive As above, the use of contemptuous language, tone of voice and manner is often normalized, and not recognized as abusive. It also happens to be one of the highest predictors of divorce. A further damaging effect is that the recipient of such treatment internalizes it and starts to talk to herself in similar terms, telling herself, how stupid, useless or lazy she is.

their situation keeps them trapped. Friends or family may start to suspect, but yet another aspect of abusive relationships is to isolate the victim, sometimes by creating an argument or row with family of friends who suspect, and then to forbid the woman from seeing them. Prolonged isolation from family and friends means the woman doesn’t have different perspectives to balance out her partner’s abusive view of her. By the time she realizes that this behavior is a constant pattern, she has started to believe that it IS her fault!

Controlling behavior can be abusive Control is one of the most common forms of abusive behavior and invariably it is not recognized as such. I remember as a young church going woman, observing a woman whose husband went everywhere with her; shopping, to her friends, into town, etc., and I remember thinking how attentive and caring he was. It wasn’t until a few years later that I was able to see that the poor woman could barely breathe or buy a loaf of bread without his say so. It was actually quite an abusive relationship.

In an abusive relationship your partner insists that everything has to be their way. They dictate what you wear, where you go, who you go with and what time you must be back, even down to how you stack the dishwasher. This control can even stretch to monitoring how many miles have been driven in the car and how many phone calls have been made and to whom.

Economic control As well as controlling time and socializing, abusive partners exercise control by keeping hold of the finances, and making their partner account for every penny they spend. People in this kind of situation find it easier to just go along with their partner’s rules in order to keep the peace; otherwise they fear more physical or emotional abuse.

Abusive partners are always right.

Having a partner who is “always right” can just seem like a little character trait, but it is actually part of a cluster of behaviors aimed to control, intimidate and subjugate you, often in public as well as private. Everyone has a right to expect to be treated with respect without being judged, particularly, not in front of others, which can be embarrassing. Being in a relationship is about loving and being loved; it’s about mutual respect and fidelity, not about being blamed for everything constantly.

Beware One of the ways to have a successful relationship is to choose a partner wisely by looking hard you see what kind of person they are. For example, if you notice that a potential partner tends to constantly blame fate, others, the world, or you, for his misfortune; beware. If he starts to display displeasure with what you wear, say or do; beware. And without question, the very first time anyone strikes you, you need to take it very seriously, for abusive behavior tends to be progressive. Finally, if you find yourself making excuses for his behavior, to yourself or anyone else, you are definitely on a slippery slope. A good rule of thumb is to have zero tolerance on any of the behaviors I have mentioned above.

Remember, you will be role-modelling for your children Don’t tolerate any kind of treatment you would not wish for them to have.

Grace Chatting has a professional background in Social Work with children and families. She is MBACP Snr. Accredited Psychotherapist, Family Mediator, Relationship Coach, Founder of Relationship Academy and Author of the book “Mend It Don’t End It”

Abusive behavior is blaming the victim Another aspect of abusive behavior is to blame the woman for deserving this behaviour. She is told that if she was a better wife, woman, lover, mother, cook, housekeeper, and if didn’t have to put up with how stupid and deficient she is, he wouldn’t get so fed up and have to behave that way. It’s all her fault. So, she tries harder, but nothing is ever good enough.

Isolating her from family and friends As we have seen, victims and survivors of abuse tend to make excuses to the outside world about their partner’s difficult childhood, his terrible Ex, being overworked, financial problems etc., and this denial of the reality of

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 19

 



Showcase of Stars          

 

 

                    All shows begin at 7:30 pm unless otherwise noted.

Events subject to change without notice.

JE Broyhill Civic Center    

Carolina Pottery Festival November 16, 2013 10am - 4pm Only $3 Admission for Ages 15 & Over

The Largest Indoor Pottery-Only Festival In The Region Over 100 Potters & All Types of Pottery Perfect Time for Holiday Shopping Located at the LeGrand Center 1800 East Marion Street Shelby, NC 28152 www.facebook.com/carolinapotteryfestival pg 20 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

014 2013-2

Season

F thills

P E R F O M R I N G A • R • T • S “Unnecessary Farce”

Written by Paul Slade Smith & Directed by Chrystal Hass

September 20-22 & 27-29, 2013 “The Sunset Limited”

Written by Cormac McCarthy & Directed by Marshall Goff

November 8-10 & 15-17, 2013

“The Old Lady’s Guide To Survival”

Written by Mayo Simon & Directed by Michelle Elliott

January 10-12 & 17-19, 2014 “Third”

Written by Wendy Wasserstein & Directed by Mark Shell

Feruary 28-March 2 & March 7-9, 2014 “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”

Based on the book by Lewis Carroll, Adapted and Directed by Mark Allen Woodard

April 3-6, 2014

“Who’s Under Where?”

Written by Marcia Kash & Douglas E. Hughes & Directed by John Hogan

July 11-13 & 18-20, 2014

Performance Times: Friday & Saturday 8:00 pm Sunday 3:00 pm

828-726-2318

foothillsperformingarts@gmail.com

W W W. F PAT H E AT R E . O R G

Establishing the Pink Ribbon Symbol

The pink ribbon has been synonymous with breast cancer for years.

Nowadays, people rarely think twice when they see pink ribbons, having grown accustomed to the pink ribbon and what it symbolizes.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month has been celebrated each year since 1985, and many other breast cancer awareness initiatives have been devised since then. While the pink ribbon may seem like it’s been in use for just as long, it was actually established only about 20 years ago.

Ribbons have long symbolized something important. For decades, yellow ribbons have been used to alert others to soldiers at war or hostages that hadn’t yet come home. People often tie yellow ribbons around trees at home until their service men and women came home safely. During the height of HIV/AIDS activism and awareness, red ribbons were worn to symbolize support for those with the disease.

Although the pink ribbon evolved because pink it expresses femininity, calm, health, and youth, the first breast cancer ribbon was actually peach.

Charlotte Haley is credited with devising the first breast cancer ribbon in 1992. She was a breast cancer survivor and came from a family of women who also fought the disease. She created peach-colored loops at home and then distributed the ribbons at her local grocery stores. Haley encouraged people to wear the ribbons and contact legislators to demand more funding for breast cancer research. An attached note was distributed with the ribbons stating, “The National Cancer Institute annual budget is $1.8 billion, only 5 percent goes for cancer prevention. Help us wake up our legislators and America by wearing this ribbon.”

The same year Evelyn Lauder, senior corporate vice president for the Estee Lauder company, and Self magazine editor Alexandra Penney teamed up to produce a pink ribbon. It was distributed at makeup counters all across the country. The company collected more than 200,000 pink ribbon petitions asking the U.S. government for increased funding for breast cancer research.

Although Lauder and Haley reached people on different levels, their goals were the same: To educate the public on the lack of funds allotted to breast cancer research.

Pink ribbons are now seen all over and have become the uniting force for millions of women who are facing breast cancer or supporting someone with the disease. In 1996, Nancy Nick created a blue-and-pink ribbon to symbolize male breast cancer ribbons in honor of her late father. The ribbons remind others that breast cancer can affect men as well as women.

Although you can see waves of pink every October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, many people don their ribbons year-round. Great strides have been made with respect to breast cancer, but with about 225,000 new cases popping up each year in the United States alone, there is still work to be done.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 21

s e r u t n e v d a s i M ’s

Mandy

by Mandy Thomas

Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to survive Addison starting school next year. It was easier to send Savannah to Kindergarten, because she has always been my little woman. She was born wanting to be my peer, uninterested in little games that involved baby talk or anything that didn’t acknowledge her as an equal. So when she went to school, neither of us really cried because it felt right; she was a big girl, she had long been trying to do things for herself, and it just seemed natural that she hop on that bus without shedding a tear.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her. There is always a distinct lack of Savannah whenever school starts, and I find myself both craving her company and bracing myself for the storm of her return every day. I will admit that I cried the first day of school this year, when I took her picture and could barely recognize my baby hidden beneath the big girl smile she gave me. Even though she is so ready to grow up, so completely satisfied with every lost tooth and inch gained, it’s hard to accept the fact that she’s only mine for this short season.

But where Savannah was always trying to find her boundaries with me, Addison has always been my shadow, my extra limb, and my helper. It is amazing how much I can love two people so incredibly different in equal and yet astonishingly separate measures.

Addison has always cried when I drop her off at a babysitter’s, has always been the first to leap into my arms when I come to pick her up, and I will never forget the day when she took my hand, led me to her bedroom and sat me down in the middle of her toys, telling me that she needed me to herself. She tells me I’m pretty every day, tells me I’m her best friend, and then says she’s going to live with me forever.

It makes me worry about how we’re going to do when she loads that bus - me and my baby who has needed me from the moment she came into this world. When she was new, she wouldn’t sleep in the hospital unless she was curled up next to me, and I didn’t sleep at all, because I was terrified I’d roll over onto her.

Sometimes she still creeps into our bedroom, just to hug me after a nightmare, and then goes back to her own bed, placated.

I’m desperate not to be one of those moms who needs their children so much that they unknowingly hinder them from becoming well rounded adults, but it’s seriously tempting to swaddle her up and tie her to myself right now.

pg 22 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

But it isn’t just the separation anxiety that gets me, I’m also afraid of is her hyperactivity.

I’ve been used as a jungle gym nearly every day of her life, and though I try to teach her that she cannot fly if she dives off the back of the couch, I can still hear her scrambling up there when she thinks I’m not looking. I try to read to her, only to have her get bored halfway through the book and try to talk over me about the pictures. She’d rather dance like a gorilla than learn her ABCs, and forget flash cards, those are just pretend money for her cash register.

Sometimes, I picture her in the classroom, throwing wads of spit soaked paper at kids and terrorizing the teacher with her loud roaring during math group, and it makes me want to homeschool her, just to be safe. Or maybe I should just stop telling her her roar is awesome, I don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m probably going to get a few letters next year, and I’m probably going to weep like a baby when she learns to say her words correctly and stops roaring at the top of her lungs whenever she does something she’s proud of.

Really, I don’t know who is dreading this more: me or her.

SB

Sophie Womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Magazine

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Hannah Leigh Anderson of Hickory, NC and Christopher Ryan Hansley of Newton are due to be married on the fifth day of October two thousand thirteen. The bride is the daughter of Timmy Keith Anderson and Kimberly Shepherd Anderson. Parents of the groom are Ryan Eugene Pepe and Christina Lynn Hansley.

Announcing the Wedding of...

Hannah Leigh Anderson & Christopher Ryan Hansley www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 23

Is Your Wedding

Stressing You Out?

Whether your wedding is 2 weeks or 2 months away, most brides tend to get stressed out. It becomes so overwhelming that some are ready to cancel altogether. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are so many variables when it comes to planning a wedding, so doing as much as possible ahead of time will help eliminate at least some of the stress.

First of all, you have to be realistic about everything involved in the planning process. And one of the main issues is the budget.

You have to take this seriously. The budget causes more problems, more arguments than anything else. Even though many won’t agree, don’t depend on a credit card to pay for the expenses. That will be an additional bill that you will have to pay for after the wedding. It’s a big reality check when that first bill comes after

the honeymoon. And it can add up very quickly if you’re not careful.

You have to be careful as well if you have an unlimited budget.

Each guest should only get one wedding favor, not three. It’s not the time to try to impress people. No one knows how much your gown costs unless you make it a point to tell them. And I really hope you wouldn’t do that, but I’m sure that some have.

Shop around for tux rentals. Cheap is not always the best. Ask around to see who’s got the best customer service; this is important in case there is a problem. Make sure the tuxes are tried on before they leave the shop, especially if something is redone.

Make lists. Lots of lists. A bride’s mother told me that she used the large post-it notes on a vacant wall in her kitchen to help her stay organized. As things were done, she put a sticker on the note instead of removing it. She said that way there wasn’t any guesswork and you could see everything at a glance. You could do the same by organizing a notebook or one of the accordion files.

Buy in bulk. This makes more sense that just about anything else. Don’t wait until the lat minute to do this. If you do, you will find yourself going to a craft store and paying a lot more money. One of my brides found the favor-sized organza bags at 100 for $10. She said all she did was Google it. Another one found the Jordan almonds at a great price. If you are doing

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Serving Your Floral Needs From Downtown Hickory pg 24 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

cupcakes, there are several companies that offer the royal icing decorations, edible pearls and tiny pre-made bows. Favor boxes can also be bought in bulk for a great price. If you do have to go to a craft store, go with coupons in hand. That way you will save some money.

If you are having problems with anyone involved with the wedding, whether it’s a business, friend or sibling, get it settled before the ahead of time. One of my sweet brides knew that one of her bridesmaids wanted her dress shorter and would have done it, so she collected all the dresses and had them delivered to the wedding site. Names need to be on everything. If there is someone who is just not going to be happy, you may have to eliminate their participation in the wedding. Let’s face it; some people will never be happy. Too many weddings have been stressful because of one unhappy camper.

Mackey S. Carpenter Owner of MSC Designs www.mscdesigns.net

Brenda King Photography

There are many talented floral designers out there and the really good ones will help you work within your budget. BUT, be realistic here. Don’t ask for flowers that you know would not be in your budget. If you do want something unusual, let them know well ahead of time. Be aware that some flowers are grown in limited quantities, so it’s usually first come, first served. And ask to see actual pictures of flowers their arrangements.

Christian Elizabeth Rogers to Kyle William Gragg Announcement: Mr. and Mrs. Bryan Rogers are pleased to announce the engagement of their daughter, Christian Elizabeth Rogers to Kyle William Gragg the son of Mr. Gary W. Gragg. The wedding date has been set for August 23, 2014 at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in Hickory, NC. Reception will follow at Catawba Country Club.

In His Service Productions, is a full service creative production company. We have been blessed with the talent to offer unique, engaging, and unforgettable portfolios for corporate and private events such as training, conferences, church services, plays, live performances, graduations, and weddings. Our video productions are flawless films with clear audio, custom graphics, and sharp, vibrant, well-framed video. Our photography quietly captures the real moments as they happen for you.

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 25

Shower the Bride-to-Be (Family Features) Ok, ladies, when was the last time you had a tea party? It might have been when you were little, dressing up dolls and teddy bears for pretend tea and cookies. Well, I'm excited to relive some of that simple joy and host a real tea party as a bridal shower.

I'm looking forward to showering the bride-to-be with the affection of good friends and a delightful array of tea-time treats.

And it will be fun to dress up a little, too!

If you'd like to host a bridal shower tea, try some of these easy ideas: Set our your best dishes and silverware. If you can, mix and match vintage pieces for a charming, old-fashioned look. Add some pretty floral napkins and fresh flowers and you'll have a beautiful table in not time.

Food for a tea party should be light and fresh. An assortment of

finger sandwiches, scones or muffins, fresh fruits and a vegetable tray could be set out buffet style. Serve fresh juices, sparkling ciders and, of course, a good selection of teas. And don't forget dessert! These Zesty Orange Cookie Cups are simple to make and are just the right size to serve with tea.

Send each guest home with a special-tea souvenir. Give them each a colorful teacup filled with packets of tea. And for an extra touch, add a flavored honey stick, too.

For more bridal shower recipes worth celebrating, visit VeryBestBaking.com

Zesty Orange Cookie Cups Make 48 cookie cups 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened 1/2 cup granulated sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups (12-ounce package) Nestlé Toll House Premier White Morsels 2 large eggs 1 can (14 ounces) Nestlé Carnation Sweetened Condensed Mil 1/2 to 3/4 teaspoon orange extract 1 tablespoon granulated orange peel (1 medium orange) PREHEAT oven to 350 F. Grease 28 mini-muffin cups.

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pg 26 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

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BEAT butter and sugar in medium mixer bowl until creamy. Add flour; beat until mixture is evenly moist, crumbly and can be formed into balls. Shape dough into 1-inch balls. Press each ball onto bottom and up side of prepared muffin cups to form wells.

Place 5 morsels in each cup.

BEAT eggs in medium bowl with wire whisk. Stir in sweetened condensed milk and orange extract. Spoon almost a measuring tablespoon of mixture into each muffin cup, filling about 3/4 full.

BAKE for 15 to 17 minutes or until centers are puffed and edges are just beginning to brown. Upon removing from oven, gently run knife around each cup. While still warm, top each cup with 8 to 10 morsels (they will soften and retain their shape). Cool completely in pans or wire racks. With tip of knife, remove cookie cups from muffing pans. Top with grated orange peel just before serving. Store in covered container in refrigerator.

TIPS: Love lemon bun not crazy about orange? Simply substitute lemon extract for the orange extract and use grated lemon peel (2 lemons needed) Nutrition Information per serving: 130 calories; 60 calories from fat; 7g total fat;4.5g saturated fat; 20mg cholesterol; 50mg sodium; 15g carbohydrate; 0g fiber; 11g sugars; 2g protein #10016_AR Source: Nestlé

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Are you getting married or have you recently become engaged? Do you want the entire community to share in your happiness? Then announce your special occasion in style with our Full Color / Full Glossy announcements. It not only shows off your recent life changing event but it also becomes a great keepsake as you begin to make memories in this next stage of your life.

Mr. & Mrs.

John Doe sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample texttext sample text sample text sample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text sampletext textsample sample sample text text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample texttext sample text sample text sample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text sampletext textsample sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text samplesample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text samplesample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text samplesample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text samplesample text sample text text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample sample text sample text sample sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text text sample

text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample text sample

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August 1, 2013 It’s easy to get started. You can visit our website for all the information or you can give us a call. We will be glad to assist you in announcing this joyous occasion.

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 27

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pg 28 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

Is your age aging you?

Why is it that society has placed an emphasis on all that can go wrong through aging versus all that is so very right? Aging should not be dreaded — but appreciated, coveted, embraced, and explored for all the wisdom it can bring in living life to its absolute fullest.

Aging is easy. It is our thinking that is making it hard. Is aging too much of your focus in how you are living or perhaps not living your life? Take a moment to consider how you can shift from lamenting your age to truly celebrating the privilege and power that comes from aging.

Pushing the Hill: The saying “over the hill” has become the mantra of many milestone birthdays once you hit 30 years or older. When my second oldest daughter was eleven years old, I was 41 years old and we were on a white water rafting trip with her Girl Scout troop. During a rest period between rafting outings, while the girls played in a nearby lake, I was lounging next to another chaperone of the group, a 23-year-old older sister to one of the troop members. She was also a tri-athlete in amazing physical condition. Walking along the shoreline was another chaperone, who I knew was in her mid fifties, balancing a canoe on her shoulder. As I watched her walk by, I thought to myself how inspiring it was to see this woman in such amazing physical shape and then seeing the possibilities for myself. To my shock, the young tri-athlete proclaimed, “Well, I might as well just give up.” When I asked her what she meant by that statement, she went on to explain that staying in shape was too much work, too exhausting, and too much pressure. I also learned that she was a tri-athlete because it was “expected” of her, not because it was a passion of hers. She viewed her next 30 years as grimacing, while I viewed my next 15 years as invigorating. We each saw the same person walking by, but saw ourselves and our lives entirely differently. She was seeking to push the hill further and further away instead of seeing her life as this fabulous landscape of possibilities.

Next-Generation Woes: When I learned that I was going to be a grandmother for the first time, I could not contain my excitement.

And yet, at the same time, I have lost count of the more-oftenthan-not question that followed, “Doesn’t that make you feel old?” I was taken aback by this knee-jerk response. As a soonto-be grandmother, I am excited beyond words at this privileged position. It doesn’t make me feel old at all. It makes me excited

by the joy of witnessing and then being a kid again along with my grandchildren. Grandchildren give me an excuse to act like a kid again without being viewed as “off my rocker.” But then again, staying off my rocker is exactly what I plan to be doing well beyond 100. I see myself zip lining with my grandchildren and classic rocking them to sleep.

Life Expectancy Defeat: In spite of coming from a family with a life expectancy history of ages ranging from mid fifties to mid seventies, I determined as a child that I was going to defy these odds. So from a very young age, I determined that for me, middle age was 50 because I was going to live to be 100 years old. Then, when my youngest daughter was eleven years old and I was nearing 50 years in age, I was conducting an online purchase that was collecting demographic information requesting the year I was born. To my surprise, the years began at 1900 on the drop down menu. I exclaimed to my daughter, “Who would be 110 years old and on the Internet?” As I completed my transaction, she proceeded to Google 110-year-old people and found a woman in Wisconsin who lived to be 122 years old. That’s when I changed my middle age to 61.5 with a new goal of living to be 123 years old. Knowing that someone else had accomplished living 122 years, with quality of life to boot, is inspiring and proof that it is possible.

A recent large lottery prize of $245 million was to be shared between two winning Powerball tickets. The winning numbers were: 59, 58, 30, 25, 5 and PB 32. The numbers were inspired for one winner by ages of members of the family including grandparents, their children, and a grandchild. Clearly, whoever chose those numbers saw age as a winning combination!

Age really is just a number, not a definer. Instead of focusing on how age is limiting you, why not embrace all that you have learned as a result of aging to create your own winning combination of accomplishments, memories, and more?

Bio: Sherré DeMao inspires millions through her monthly columns, weekly Insight eZine and national contributing writing. An expert strategist and marketer focused on entrepreneurs, her unique perspective and innovative approach has earned numerous awards regionally, nationally and internationally including being named among the Top 50 Enterprising Women of North America in 2007. Her books, Me, Myself & Inc. (www.memyselfandinc.com) and 50 Marketing Secrets (www.50marketingsecrets.com) have received national acclaim as Top Business Shelf picks and must-reads.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 29

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pg 30 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

8/13/13 2:12 PM

Not Just For Halloween

by Susan Guest, ASID

As with almost any color, I relate it to food. The color orange is no different. Especially with the mouth watering names of colors. For instance, on the Sherwin Williams paint chart, some of the colors include Warming Peach, Persimmon, Spun Sugar, Soft Apricot, Sweet Orange, and Creamery. Make you want to drool? Even without the sumptuous names, orange makes your heart beat faster and enhances appetite. (that is all we need, right?) Orange, like yellow and red, are used in fast food advertisements to make us hungry-thus more sales.

Orange is the most controversial color. Most people either love or hate it. I have teased husbands about painting their man cave orange and purple, never dreaming that the color combination would be popular at some point. Charlie Brown’s attire included an orange shirtthe color that a loser would wear. Now, orange is a huge color in all the stores in everything from dresses, tennis shoes, to formal wear and it is popular in home fashions.

Going back in history (from the gospel of Wikipedia), orange was named after the fruit. It is found in a rainbow or on an artist’s color wheel between yellow and red-meaning that if those two colors are combined, they produce orange. Blue is orange’s complimentary colormeaning that they are across from each other on the color wheel.

Complimentary colors make each other stand out the most when used together. Dyes for orange come from many sources including turmeric, orpiment, crocus stigmas, and saffron. Orange is seen in the natural world in fish, flowers, the sunset, tigers, fruits, vegetables, and flamingos.

It is an important color in Protestantism as a symbol of gluttony (it goes with the fast food psychology and French fries!), and is the most sacred color of Hinduism. The fact that orange is very visible makes it a perfect warning for toxic substances, road construction traffic cones and barricades, a great color for sports uniforms, and a heightened terrorist alert color.

As the trees change colors in the fall, many of the leaves turn a brilliant orange. Pumpkins and mums decorate the entrance ways to homes. Even the foods turn orange as pumpkin pie and sweet potatoes grace the Thanksgiving tables. Orange and black are the colors most thought of with Halloween.

Orange can be a healing color. In some studies, it has been found to increase motor skills in children who have bone or muscle issues.

It can stimulate the appetite in someone who needs to gain weight.

It has been known to give courage to someone who needs to made a big change in their life. Also, orange can make you feel better and rejuvenate your spirit. Besides offering emotional strength in difficult days, the color can also make a person more spontaneous and some tones can encourage great conversations.

As I mentioned earlier, orange is not a color for everyone. Some shades of it can cause the overly extroverted person to go over the edge with too much confidence,arrogance, or obnoxiousness. It has been used for clowns’ hair in circuses and is often associated with being unconventional and over-the-top. Orange has often been the favorite color of someone is aggressive and who takes advantage of others.

If you are a lover of orange, how do you use the color in decorating your home? My advice is to use it in moderation. It is best used as an accent such as pillows, one wall, a ceiling in a powder room, or as a few accessories. Orange is a great accent to it’s complementary color blue.

A calm but boring soft blue room can come to life by using a little bit of orange in a toned down shade like burnt orange or coral. It is a great color for a child’s room if he or she is not hyper and needs some muscle or bone restoration.

Peach is starting to appear back in the market –right now in high end fabrics. It is a great social color and is good for those who need a little excitement but likes softer tones. Warm, rich tones like amber and burnt orange can be very sophisticated especially when mixed with medium to dark blues and grays. Orange can make an entire wall appear to come toward you. For instance, if a room is too large, you can trick the eye by painting a wall or ceiling orange and creating a cozier atmosphere.

When combined with red and yellow, a fun and cheery atmosphere will result. However, this would not work in my kitchen where I already have a love affair with food and cooking. A nature theme can be obtained when combined with green . Turquoise and orange are great together in the right shades and proportions.

Orange is a popular color right now in home fashions. Interior designers love it because it can add drama to a boring space. It appears in all of the HGTV shows and shelter magazines. In the right hands, it can be a treasure. In the wrong hands, it can be a disaster.

As you can see, there are some definite benefits to using the color orange in your environment. It can do everything from making you happier and healthier, and to making you fatter. Orange can add excitement to your life but can also make you obnoxious to your family and friends. You will be glad you read this study on orange!

Susan Guest, ASID is an award-winning interior designer in Hickory and owner of Guest Interiors, LLC. She is one of the designers featured in “Spectacular Homes of the Carolinas”, found in high-end bookstores around the country. President of ASID Carolinas. For more information, visit www.guestinteriors.com.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 31

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pg 32 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

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Food for the Body Sweet Muffins (Recipe by Mary Lee Roos) 1 egg ½ cup milk ¼ cup vegetable oil 1½ cups flour ½ cup sugar 2 tsp. baking powder ½ tsp. salt Mix dry ingredients together. Measure milk and oil; add egg and lightly beat. Pour liquid mixture into dry ingredients and stir until just blended.

Put in greased muffin tins and bake 10-15 minutes on 350 degrees.

Yield: 9 muffins

A Prayer for God’s Blessing Loving Father in heaven, You are my loving Creator who gives me purpose and significance. I confess I frequently forget Your personal involvement—Your personal touch—that formed me in my mother’s womb. Thank You for Your interest in my life and the perfect plans You have arranged for me. Please prevent me from comparing myself to others and grant me a grateful heart for the distinctive way You’ve made me. In Jesus’ worthy name, Amen.

Food for the Soul Recently I enjoyed the privilege of hosting my brother-in-law and his girlfriend as they visited our family. We spent some special times all together, but my favorite memory involves one particular evening. As the water fountain gently trickled and delightfully cool weather flowed through the screens, Julie and I chatted on the porch. We asked questions, shared our interests, and simply got to know each other better. Blessed by our conversation, I sincerely appreciate my new friend.

Interestingly it just so happens that Julie graduated from culinary school. Oh, can she cook! My husband, Mark, had asked if she would prepare a scallops dish since I love scallops. She kindly agreed, and Monday was selected as the night. With our son, Brennan, helping at her side, Julie expertly created an exquisitely delicious, unforgettable meal. I treasured every bite. Spooned seconds onto my plate. And ate it all.

After consuming Julie’s extraordinarily delectable meal, I honestly felt somewhat embarrassed by my own cooking. While her style easily qualifies as gourmet, mine definitely fits into the home-style category— you know, the meat and potatoes type, the muffins type. Yet out of this insecurity, God began to sweetly whisper a message.

Call it human tendency, but a part of us often looks at others as better: better wives, better moms, better career women. Relentlessly we compare ourselves and usually we come up lacking. So-and-so is prettier, smarter, or more accomplished, etc. Discontentment with the way God made us feeds our thoughts and influences our actions unawares. How can we overcome this tendency?

Psalm 139:14 (NASB) reminds us, “I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from Thee, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth.”

First, let’s be thankful. Implementing His creative genius, God Himself uniquely designed and formed each one of us: you … and me. Isn’t that awesome? Secondly, let’s realize God saw us in the womb, and He still sees us today. Do you feel insignificant, unworthy, or overlooked?

God sees you. He is “El-Roi,” the God who sees. You matter to Him. Lovingly, purposely, and incredibly God created us for relationship with Him through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. He always plans what is best for His people: “’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Further encouragement comes by considering God’s grace. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10).

Almighty God generously and graciously gave us life. Amazingly we’re made in His image. No other person just like you or me exists.

God has entrusted particular talents and gifts, individual personalities, and precise appearances to us. Though we “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), God’s grace triumphantly works within everyone who trusts Christ as Savior.

Comparing ourselves and our abilities to others absolutely wastes time.

God created us according to His pleasure so we can bring Him pleasure as we live for His glory.

Do you feel better after reading these ponderings? I pray so. Because whatever way God created you pleases Him. He values you just the way He’s made you. And somehow, after all these thoughts, my muffins are going to taste that much sweeter the next time. They might be simple, but they surely taste scrumptious!

Until next time, that’s a Recipe for Life …

Emily Wickham gently reaches women’s hearts as she teaches God’s Word. Through various writing endeavors, she encourages readers into

!close relationship with God. Additionally she hosts and speaks at the Connecting with Christ Conference.

Visit www.proclaiminghimtowomen.com to read Emily’s blog devotions and to learn more about life in Christ. Connect with Emily on Facebook at www.facebook.com/emilywickham.author.

Please contact Emily about speaking at women’s events such as retreats, luncheons, and conferences by e-mailing emily@proclaiminghimtowomen.com.

Emily, who is grateful to God for His blessings, enjoys life with her wonderful husband and their four treasured children in western NC.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 33

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pg 34 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

BEFORE COOLSCULPTINGΠ

60 DAYS AFTER ONE TREATMENT WƌŽĐĞĚƵƌĞ ďLJ 'ƌĂLJƐƚŽŶĞ ĞƐƚŚĞƟĐ ĞŶƚĞƌ

I Am The

WORST MOM EVER! Tis true, I’m the worst mom ever!

Last week while traveling through South Dakota, we stopped at an Alpine Slide. If you’re unfamiliar with alpine slides, it is a long chute built in the side of a mountain or large hill. A wheeled sled is used to navigate the slide which is controlled by a hand brake between the rider’s legs.

Three years ago, we went on an alpine slide for the first time in TN. I followed my daughter, Cauriana, who was 10 years old at the time. She was timid and used her brake much of the time, therefore, I ended up catching up with her and was forced to ride slowly the rest of the way. It took away some of the excitement.

Once again, I found myself following Cauriana, now 13 years old, down the slide in SD. As Cauriana, my husband, and I rode the chairlift to the top of the hill, we were able to see riders on the alpine slide below. Many were inching along the track. I laughed and said I hoped I didn’t get behind anyone slow. My daughter quietly said, “I’m sorry.” She felt the sting of my words even though they were not meant to hurt.

Even though I knew she was remembering the adventure down the slide and feeling as if she ruined my ride, I still asked, “Are you going to go fast?” A bit hurt, she said, “yes.” Again, she felt my words as if it was a shot to her heart.

I really don’t know why but as she was getting ready to take off down the slide, I asked her again if she was going to go fast. She said, “Yes,” and took off like a bullet from a gun. No brake was used this time since she had something to prove to her selfish mom. She sped around the first curve and as I awaited my turn to follow, I saw her fly around the second curve.

It was on the second curve that I felt the weight of my words. I watched in horror as she lost control of the sled. The sled sped to the top of the curve throwing her off. She continued to slide on the concrete on her bare skin that was only covered in shorts and a tank top. She disappeared out of my line of sight leaving me to wonder her fate.

I began screaming as only a mom can when her child is in danger. My mind was racing wondering if she was tumbling head over heels down the rest of the concrete slide or if the sled ran over her causing a severe head injury.

Immediately my words, “I hope I don’t get behind anybody slow,” and “Are you going to go fast,” haunted me.

I did this! I caused my daughter to crash and get hurt.

I jumped off my sled and ran to the overlook.

Cauriana had stopped shortly after I lost sight of her. She was just stepping off the slide and assessing her injuries. Her shoulder, elbow, knee, and ankle were all burned from rubbing the slide at such a high rate of speed. It was akin to road rash. She was in tears. So was I. I truly deserved the title, “Worst mom ever!”

The workers doctored her wounds and got her a drink of water. She was okay but I wasn’t. The mental beat-down had only just begun.

I spent a very restless and sleepless night as I replayed my thoughtless words over and over in my mind. The guilt was overwhelming.

Are you a “Worst Mom”? Take heart in the following: You’re in good company.

Although I felt as though I was the worst mom in the world, there were probably 100 other moms in the same hotel that night feeling the same way. Thousands of moms go to bed each night recounting their mistakes from that day and deeming themselves “worst moms.” The fact is we are human and we will make mistakes.

Kids are forgiving. Cauriana honestly could not understand why I felt so guilty. She forgave me immediately. Many times recounting what we should have said or done extends our feelings of guilt while our kids have already forgiven and moved on. We need to learn from our mistakes but there is no need to prolong the situation by continuing to beat ourselves up.

The good outweighs the bad. If we really think through our days and weeks with our kids, more than likely our good mom moments outweigh the bad mom moments. But our good feelings seem to be squashed by guilt no matter how small. We will have bad days and even bad weeks but over the course of a year, the good outshines the bad.

Feel like a bad mom? You’re not alone! Let’s turn in our worn out crowns and tattered sashes saying we are the “worst moms ever”? Let’s focus on loving our kids and doing our best each and every day. Let’s forgive ourselves of our mistakes and focus on the good. And let’s believe our kids when they proclaim us the “best mom ever!”

Disclaimer: There may be times when family counseling is in order. If we find ourselves being verbally or physically abusive, then we need to seek help from a professional. If our child is out of our control, we may need help in getting that control back. Addictions need support and guidance. Know that getting help when needed is being a good mom.

©2013 Connie Davis Johnson Connie Davis Johnson is a Christian Women’s Speaker and Writer. She has a passion to help all women recognize just how extraordinary they are and how much each has to offer. Her goal in speaking and writing is to take each woman through a journey where they will laugh, cry, and feel full with some practical takeaways. Connie is also a Senior Director with Hearts at Home but her most important position is being wife to Craig of 24 years and mom to Calan, Cauriana, and Colby. You may find her blog online at ConnieDavisJohnson.com.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 35

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pg 36 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | October 2013

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