Sophie Woman's Magazine - May 2015 Issue

VOLUME 11 - ISSUE 3 / MAY 2015

INSIDE: Girlfriends In God ~ Do you have echoes of the past that taunt you? | Page 14 Sophisticated Women ~ It’s time to mentor our young women! | Page 8 Me, Myself, & Inc. ~ Is it fate or is it destiny? | Page 28

HappyMother's Day

INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION

FREE

Message Heart from the

From The Editor: Judy Smith

There are lots of funny jokes about mothers but I want this article to be very serious about the importance of Motherhood and how it has changed my life.

One thing that changed was my vocabulary. Here are a few examples of what I mean….

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the children would care to order a dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you're angry with him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Whodunit: None of the children who live in your house.

Bottle-feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am.

Another amazing change was how wise I became. Suddenly, I had complete clarity and understanding of all the things my mother tried so hard to explain to me; I confess, without much success. But here are some things I totally understand now that I didn’t before…..

My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

My Mother taught me about GENETICS...

“You’re just like your father."

My kids taught me how important it was to have humor in my house at all times. One day when I finally got the kids in bed after a long day, all I wanted to do was clean up and relax. So I put on an old gown from the back of the closet, went into the bathroom and applied some facial cream and then started washing my hair. But the kids were not settling down at all. I could hear them talking, laughing, then jumping on the beds.

Finally in exasperation, I wrapped my head in a towel, ran into their bedroom and shouted at them to calm down and go to sleep. After I left, I overheard my youngest one ask, “Who was that?”

All of our life we are taught that we are born with FIVE senses…Smell, touch, taste, see and hear. I know I had all of those before I became a mother but who knew they became super sized with Motherhood. My eye-sight was like no other and if there was an unknown smell, I could sniff it right out. On top of that, I developed a sixth sense….of knowing things that I was not supposed to know. Just a note…. Daddies do not get these!

I could just go on and on. The most important thing I learned from Motherhood was Unconditional Love. Being a mother taught me more about the love of God than anything else could have other than His Word and His Love for me.

I’ve learned that when my kids disappoint me, I still love them.

When they say hurtful things, I still love them.

When they hurt, I am hurt.

When they are lost, I am hunting for them.

When they ignore me, my heart aches for them.

One last thing…. I say this every year and with each passing year it becomes truer, what Mothers really want for Mother’s Day is time with their precious children.

My mother taught me RELIGION. "You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 3

S

phie Woman’s Magazine

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Message From The Heart......................................pg 3 Reaching Your Full Potential................................pg 6 Sophisticated Women............................................pg 8 Never Doubt Mom’s Love...............................pg 12 Girlfriends In God.............................................pg 14 Health to Thrive................................................pg 18 Save Local Coupons.........................................pg 22 Leave A Paper Trail........................................pg 24 The Front Porch..................................................pg 26 Me, Myself, & Inc............................................pg 28 Grillmasters, It’s Time!.....................................pg 30 Recipes For Life...............................................pg 32 How To Be A Good Youth Sports Parent..........pg 36 Slaying The Technological Beast......................pg 40 Job Hunting Tips For Young Women.............pg 42 Too Many Cooks In The Kitchen....................pg 44

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 5

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REACHING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL:

Your Calling As Your Compass

by Kim Fletcher, Life Coach, Speaker, Author

“Higher calling matters. When you care so deeply about the why – why you’re doing what you’re doing – then and only then are you operating in a way that allows you to overcome the obstacles.” Dave Ramsey In one of my favorite business books, The Catalyst Leader, author Brad Lomenick makes the following observation about our highest ‘calling’:

Submitted by Angel Digh Photography Submitted by Mary Garren

“In J. R. R. Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings trilogy, we find Frodo wondering why he has been chosen to carry the magical ring on such a perilous journey. Like us, Frodo doubts that a meager man like himself could effectively carry out such a daunting task. “But you have been chosen,” Gandalf says to Frodo. “And you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have.”

Reflecting on this great line, author and pastor John Ortberg says, “This sense of having been called – the worthiness of it, the glorious goodness of a life lived beyond an individual’s agenda – is a precious thing … It needs to be guarded.”

As we locate the warm embers of God’s calling inside ourselves, we must faithfully fan those flames. God desires for a sense of mission to burn within us, driving us forward in the perilous journey we call life.”

I wonder how many individuals today could honestly say they live out their days in alignment with a deep sense of calling? I fear that far too many simply give in to exist day to day, thinking more about their finances or their work duties than about the higher purpose that once burned in their heart.

I was amazed, inspired and overjoyed a few weeks ago when my friend Yoshi came to visit from Vermont. A young woman in her twenties, Yoshi is positioned to make life decisions, large and small, that will likely pave the path to her future.

She came to spend a few days with me and our mutual friend Mercy. To be more accurate, at the risk of sounding odd or eccentric, we actually define our relationships as sisters rather than friends, implying a commitment to stand with each other for life in the spirit of family.

Mercy and I had planned to begin attending a six-week training course the week of her short visit. Instead of missing week one, we invited her to join us. She was quickly compelled that the content of this six-week class might hold information and insights that would launch her beyond a life of existence into a life of great purpose and passion.

pg 6 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

She did what only a few rare individuals would do … she made the decision to inconvenience her own life and schedule in pursuit of her higher calling. She allowed God to turn a few-day visit into a few weeks.

In short, she stayed and attended the classes with us.

She returned back to Vermont transformed by her new connections and her new insights.

This story may not seem to carry much significance, but look a bit deeper. In this simple scenario, I see several strategic keys being lived out by Yoshi that many of us would do well to emulate if we want to soar beyond mere existence to a life of passion and calling: • • • •

She allowed God to interrupt her calendar, sacrificing her upcoming weeks for what she felt called to do.

She opened her heart to receive information and inspiration from new people in a new way.

She exercised the courage to allow her identity to be expanded to the idea that she was created for more than she ever imagined.

She saw that her life is going to hold the power to impact many others to the degree that she is willing to look beyond her own agenda to embrace God’s agenda for her.

What I hope you take away from this courageous young woman’s pursuit of the “more” that life holds is that we have to remain open to be inconvenienced, as God often shows up with transformation in the form of opportunities that challenge our own calendars and agenda.

The busyness of life is a direct enemy to being able to hear the voice of God. Scripture tells us that we are His sheep and that sheep know the voice of their Master.

We recognize the voices of those we are closest to. Our best friends don’t have to give us their name when we answer the phone. We quickly know them because we choose to hear them often.

Let Yoshi inspire you. She set aside six weeks, an eternity for a person barely into their twenties, to listen to God’s heart beat over her life.

Grab your calendar and make a date with destiny, your own destiny.

Schedule a time to get alone, away from the noise of your life, to recalibrate your heart to your calling. Get quiet enough to really listen … then exercise the courage to follow your heart.

Like Frodo, we each carry something precious within that is waiting to be released. Don’t let the craziness of life distract you from what you were sent here to accomplish!

This article was inspired by Kim’s highly valued relationships. As a Life Coach of global impact, Kim and her team would love to share these principles of influential leadership and cultural transformation with your group or organization. Contact Kim today for a FREE proposal on a powerful coaching partnership. You may contact her team of coaches and speakers directly at: kimfletchercoach@aol.com / 828 327 6702.

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5:09 PM

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Sophisticated

Women...

Mentor

Submitted by Angie Houston

By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching

Over the Easter holiday, I took my beautiful daughter, Katelyn Greer over to Nashville, Tennessee to Vanderbilt University to take a tour. I am mentoring her through the process of going to university. As a sophomore in high school, she needs to determine where she wants to invest four years of her life. Don’t miss that, FOUR YEARS of her LIFE. This is a huge discernment process. Like every other part of our highly complex lives, the opportunities for higher education abound. How can someone possibly choose the right path without a mentor?

It’s possible but not probable.

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Submitted by Lutz Photography

Unless, we, as sophisticated women, begin to mentor young women into a sophisticated state.

As a young woman at the age of 17, I did not have a single adult invested in my future. I tell you this not to elicit pity or empathy but to wake you up to the fact that there are 17 year olds today who need your help. I completed high school in three and half years with an honors grade point average, played a varsity sport, and was voted in as the superlative “class clown.” Maybe because of my sense of humor, work ethic, and vibrancy, no one thought I needed help. But, I did. Much of my drive came from a deep need to be noticed. I thought if I do enough, maybe someone will pay attention, invest in me, and give me some insight into how to be successful. At the time, I lacked the understanding that it is “OK” to ask for help. The messaging I received growing up created a mental model that I was a burden. Perhaps, some of you can relate? Asking for help seemed selfish and demanding. The idea of going to university was seriously daunting since I was going to need to figure out the how to invest my time, energy, and money for the next four years. So, I abandoned the university plans altogether and went to work.

Powerful Questions Imagine what could have happened in my life if I had experienced a mentor/mentee relationship?

Imagine what could happen in the life of a young woman you mentor?

Submitted by Faith Wright

pg 8 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

A young woman needs a trusted advisor who has navigated an experience she is about to endeavor. As sophisticated women, who mentor, we can impart some serious insight, knowledge, and wisdom. Just like the MasterCard commercial, this insight, knowledge and wisdom are “priceless.” Becoming a mentor for someone who is pursuing the same journey you’ve been on is also “priceless.” If you’ve ever longed for someone to appreciate you, your talents and gifts, this opportunity awaits.

The rewards of being the mentor and the mentee can dramatically shift the lives of both participants.

So, who needs you to take your experience and speak into their life in a powerful and priceless way?

That person may be your daughter, a niece, a next-door neighbor or even someone you are matched with through an organization or program.

Sophisticated women realize that their experience is not just for their own satisfaction. Instead, they understand they have a responsibility to share their knowledge with those who are headed in the same direction.

You may have doubts that you are qualified to mentor somebody.

Believe me. You’re qualified. Mentoring is simply about imparting knowledge and providing experiences that help people see where they might want to go. The mentor has the full permission to share their own stories, opinions, or what I call “strategies, systems, and smarts.”

The mentoring relationship can be very formal with a fixed schedule.

Or it can be casual, on going, and flexible. The mentoring relationship can be intimate or professional. The mentoring relationship can be full of technique or full of epic tales of your experience.

S

The only must you must do is mentor.

Imagine what our world would be like if every young woman had a mentor. There would be fewer struggles, less strife, and perhaps the changes in the world we all long to see.

phie

At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to identify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. www.thevibrantcoach.com/www. thelydiagroup.com

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My daughter recently went with me to a speaking engagement where I shared the journey of my pregnancy with her. It was one of the most distraught times of my life. Although Cauri had heard the story many times, she had never heard the feelings I experienced during that time. It 3:14:43 PM moved her to tears to know I loved her so much.

And that broke my heart.

I realized although I sometimes share reasons for my teaching or discipline with her, many times I don’t share what I’m feeling.

So my dear, darling, challenging daughter, I want to share with you what I feel almost on a daily basis raising you.

I wake in the mornings and feel worried.

Worried that your heart will be hurt by unkind peers or impatient teachers.

Unfortunately, as the morning continues, I feel angry.

After fighting to get you out of bed, we argue about running late, lost homework, complaints about nothing to take for lunch, and leaving a huge mess in the kitchen for mom to clean since you “don’t have time.”

When you leave for school, I feel relieved.

Relieved we have time to get over ourselves and come back together in the evening for a fresh start.

Relief quickly turns to sadness.

Sadness that I am the one who caused you hurt before the day even had a chance to begin.

pg 12 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

The day is then spent feeling helpless.

Helpless as I wonder about your day. How the test is going for which you spent so much time studying, if your friend is still upset with you and turning mutual friends against you, if the bully who sits behind you in two classes is calling you “stupid,” again, about your decisions and if they are wise or made out of emotion. And knowing you’re dealing with all of it away from me and beyond my help or rescue.

By the time you waltz in from school and you look content and happy, I feel reassured.

Reassured all went well during the day.

Reassurance quickly turns to feeling irritable.

Irritable from the complaints over what I’m making for supper, from all the arguing between you and your siblings, from all the things I’m trying to remember: which kids have activities, who is driving what carpool, everything on my to-do list that did not get finished earlier in the day, how much homework each of you has for the evening, calls or emails I need to return before the evening is over. I’m irritable and don’t listen well. I’m short with my words and yell.

As the evening progresses, I feel tired.

Tired from not knowing how to help with homework, from not knowing how to give you direction with your life question, from the sibling arguments, from disrespectful talk toward your dad and me, from feeling unappreciated after having worked at my job and on the house and taking care of all your needs throughout the day, tired from my brain working in overdrive, and tired from all those feelings I’ve been experiencing.

When the evening is over and we all go to bed, I feel guilt.

Guilt over not handling your questions well, not listening when you were trying to tell me something important, saying things to you I shouldn’t have, not having all the answers to your needs. And guilt for feeling worried, angry, relieved, helpless, irritable, and tired. All of which reminds me of my shortcomings as a mom.

I leave my bed to check on you sleeping kids and I feel thankful.

Thankful God gave me such wonderful kids, thankful all of you are tucked safely in your beds in our warm house, thankful you made a decision to accept Christ’s sacrifice and are guaranteed eternal life, thankful you are mine.

I feel thankful and I kiss you on the forehead as you sleep. And then I pray! I give all of my feelings and all those things out of my control to God. Through it all, I feel indescribable love for you.

But know love is MORE than a feeling. While feelings change, my love for you never does! And that love, dear child, will never be compromised! © 2015 Connie Davis Johnson Connie Davis Johnson is a Christian Women’s Speaker and Writer. She has a passion to help all women recognize just how extraordinary they are and how much each has to offer. Her goal in speaking and writing is to take each woman through a journey where they will laugh, cry, and feel full with some practical takeaways. Connie is also a Senior Director with Hearts at Home but her most important position is being wife to Craig of 24 years and mom to Calan, Cauriana, and Colby. You may find her blog online at ConnieDavisJohnson.com.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 13

You’re More Than a Cleaned-Up Version of Your Old Self

by Sharon Jaynes

Today’s Truth

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here(2 Corinthians 5:17).

Friend to Friend

Most Christians see their conversion as a cleaned-up version of their old self, rather than as a brand new creation who did not exist before.

The Bible says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here”(2 Corinthians 5:17). The old is gone, not just spiffied up.

At the same time I was studying about my true identity, the devil taunted me with lies. Who do you think you are? A saint? Are you kidding? This stuff might be true for some people, but it certainly is not true about you.

One day God asked me an important question—one that He is asking you right now. Who are you going to believe?

That’s what I’m asking you today. Who are you going to believe?

When I decided to believe God…that changed everything. I believe it will do the same for you.

After high school I went to college where I met and married an awesome Christian man that I met at a friend’s Bible study. I saw him sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and his red flannel shirt rolled up his masculine arms. He had a worn Bible in his lap and an easy smile on his face. Before the year was up, I became his wife. About four years later, I became a mom.

Let’s Pray

Life was good, except for this termite-like gnawing in my gut that I just didn’t quite measure up to all the other church moms with their smiling faces. I went to Bible studies and even taught a few. However, I walked around with the fear that one day I would be found out—that one day folks would figure out that I wasn’t all that I was cracked up to be. I lived under an undefined self-imposed standard of approval.

Now It’s Your Turn

Childhood echoes of “you’re so ugly” and “what’s wrong with you?” and “you did a terrible job” left me feeling congenitally flawed. I sat in Bible study groups like someone in a hospital waiting room: hoping for the best but expecting the worst. My greatest fear was that I’d be no closer to being free of the insecurity than I was before the study began.

When I was in my mid-thirties, I sat under the teaching of an older woman in my church, Mary Marshal Young. She opened my eyes to the truths in Scripture about who I was, what I had, and where I was (my position) as a child of God. I had read those verses scattered through Scripture before, but when she encouraged me to cluster them altogether into one list, God began a new work in my heart.

You are a saint.

You are chosen and dearly loved.

You are holy.

These truths were right there on the pages of my Bible in black and white and a few in red. I knew it was the infallible Word of God, but I felt rather squeamish hearing them, reading them, believing them.

They didn’t feel right.

They didn’t sound right.

They made me downright uncomfortable.

pg 14 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

Heavenly Father, thank You for choosing me! Help me to believe that I am who You say I am, even when it don’t feel like it. I am standing on the truth of Your Word with shaky legs, but I’m standing all the same.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Do you have echoes of the past that taunt you? Lies from the enemy that tease you?

Here’s the plan for changing the way you think: 1.

Recognize the lie.

2.

Reject the lie.

3.

Replace the lie with truth.

More From the Girlfriends

To learn more about how to recognize the lies, reject the lies, and replace the lies with truth, check out my book, I’m Not Good Enough and Other Lies Women Tell Themselves.It will transform your stinkin thinkin into confident joy! It also includes a Bible Study guide which is perfect for group studies.

Seeking God? Girlfriends in God P.O. Box 1311 Huntersville, NC 28070 info@girlfriendsingod.com www.girlfriendsingod.com

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 17

Health to Thrive Traffic Light EatingA Different Way to Think about Food

There seems to be a different diet in the news every time you turn around.

It can be very confusing and can make it hard to determine which is best for you and your family. I recently learned about traffic light eating and I have found it to be a simple and effective way to think about what types of foods to focus on in and which to try to eliminate from my diet. Traffic light eating focuses on the quality of the food consumed, not the quantity, as most eating plans do. The right kinds of foods offer optimal “fuel” to our cells and helps us perform at our peak.

Red Light Foods Red light foods are foods we should “stop and think” about before we consume them. Try to substitute a healthy alternative or choose to eat a smaller portion. These foods should be treated as special occasion foods and not something we eat every day or week. Some examples of red light foods are listed below.

Red Light Foods include: • Cookies, cakes, doughnuts, pastries, candy • Soda • Fatty meats • Processed meats like bacon, hot dogs, ham, etc.

• Chips • White bread/pasta Yellow Light Foods Yellow light foods are “slow down” foods. These foods can be eaten every day but in limited portions. Examples of yellow light foods are listed below.

Yellow Light Foods include: • Whole grain pasta, rice and bread • Eggs • Lean red meat, chicken and turkey • Nuts and seeds • Olive oil • Soy foods • Fish • Low-fat cheese • Greek yogurt Green Light Foods Green light foods are “grow and go” foods. Because green light foods are high in nutrients and low in calories you can eat as many of these foods

pg 18 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

as you want. Green light foods are grown, not manufactured. You can easily spot these foods because they are naturally very colorful.

Green Light Foods include: • All fruits • All vegetables Kids grasp the concept of Traffic Light Eating pretty quickly. Introduce the concept like a game and have your kids help you decide which category the foods on their plate fall into. It can be helpful to explain this type of eating to your children by calling green light foods “grow foods” or “foods that make you run faster” instead of simply calling them “healthy foods”. Have them help you decide how to move a food from red light to yellow light, like substituting low-fat cheese for regular cheese or choosing low-fat meats instead of fatty or processed meats.

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hese days very few brides follow the advice of Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt. In case you do not recognize the names, they used to be THE gurus of wedding etiquette and both were authors of popular go-to books for future brides. They would tell brides they needed at least a dozen different printed items for their upcoming nuptials. Now, not so much. These days most brides find out much of their needed information online and in the popular bridal magazines.

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I know most brides don’t think beyond the wedding invitations for their printed needs, but there are a few other things to consider, especially if your wedding is on the large size. In addition, there are a few must-haves for a wedding of any size.

Any invitation needs to have the time, place and date of the ceremony in addition to the names of the bride and groom. It is common to put the parent’s names on the invitation for a first time bride, although some couples announce their own wedding.

I see this when there have been previous marriages or when the couple is older than the norm. Please, please check the spelling of everything you want printed.

If you have been invited to a wedding and a response card was included, make sure to send it back in a timely manner. This is especially important for a large wedding. It is important to get a head count not just for the caterer but for the venue as well. And if you are the bride, do not sweat the ones who fail to respond.

Normally plan an additional ten to fifteen percent in addition to the responses you have already received.

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Finally, just make sure to re-check all information before submitting an invitation order. It is not appropriate to put a sticker over a mistake.

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One of my new favorites is the Save-the-Date card. What used to be just printed cards are now personalized photos, magnets and even the information printed on a pack of seeds! And when guests receive something like this, they will surely want to attend the wedding to see what‘s next. There are so many numerous ideas for brides to pick from on social media sites like Facebook and Pinterest.

One of the neatest things that I have seen this year from one of my brides is a CD enclosed with the invitation. This particular bride (and groom) was into the music from the Big Band Era and the CD had a sample of the music played at her reception.

Loved the idea and the music, but it could easily be any couple’s favorite music.

Thank-you notes do not have to be professionally printed but they do need to have a hand-written personal note from the couple. I know emails are quicker, but they do not have the same effect. A verbal thank-you is nice also, but it is more important to take the time to do it right. And no texting a thankyou either!

I love the idea of personalized ribbon because it can be used for so many things like favor boxes, napkin rings, invitations, tied around votives or even used as streamers on balloons.

Wedding programs are a must for any size wedding. They can be professionally printed or most churches have those that can be printed in the church office. Again, some brides use their creativity to come up with something unique that fit with their theme. Either way, it gives your guests an idea of what is ahead during the ceremony and after.

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The cabin sat on a parcel of land that was edged on The New River, perfect for fishing and just lounging around and mountains on the opposite side of the river. My daughter could not stop herself from saying over and over how it looked like a painting.

Even with the chill, it was so peaceful sitting on the porch just listening to the flow of the river and the sound of the wind. There were breaks in the rain so the guys were able to do a little fishing.

My daughter’s two boys and a friend of theirs kept baiting that hook, throwing it in the water, hoping they would catch the biggest fish.

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You probably don’t know this about me but I am an expert at fishing. The boys did not know that either. When one of them moseyed their way back up to the porch they just wanted to share their frustration on how terrible the fishing was going. That just opened up a great opportunity for me to share some fishing advice.

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They were doing it all wrong, I told them. First they were throwing their hook against the flow of the river. I told them by the time that hook hit its mark, that fish was long gone! They needed to throw it downward of the flow and then, just let that water “work” that bait. They were also way too impatient. “You have to love the experience and just wait till you feeeel it. You will know,” I told them.

Since they were all smart boys, they took my advice and you will never guess what happened….yep, they caught some fish!

Still, they did come back complaining that they hadn’t caught more.

I reminded them of a story I once heard about a policeman catching a speeder one day. He asked the guy, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?” The speeder replied, “I was going

the same speed as everyone else” to which the officer asked if he ever went fishing? “Sure” he said. “Ever catch All the fish?” the office asked.

Humm…I am not sure they got it either.

They caught a couple of crappies and I was thrilled for them.

They were going to throw them back but since they had a grill and I told them crappies were the best fist to eat in the world. I could not believe it when they told me they didn’t have a clue how to prepare a fish to be cooked. What is this world coming to?

So I had to put on another “expert” hat and tell them how to prepare for a gourmet meal. Their minds quickly changed when I told them they had to “chop their heads off”. The crappies were thrown back in the river, hopefully for a new day and a new memory.

It all turned out great….we went in and I shared some fish stories along with the fish I am most familiar with…..Pepperidge Farm Goldfish. They come in all different colors and flavors.

You do not have to clean those! Although, I really do think they might make good bait as well.

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Is it fate or is it destiny?

I have a feeling I am going to cause a bit of a stir with this column, but then, I hope that is what I do with each column I write. Stirring up new ways of thinking about or viewing something gets my juices flowing on so many levels. Over the past several weeks, I have been giving deep consideration to the premises behind fate and destiny, and I have come to a conclusion. While people tend to use these words interchangeably, I see them as distinctively different, one potentially detrimental in how we go about our everyday lives, while the other exponentially empowering.

The definition of “fate” in the dictionary is somewhat oxymoronic. One definition poses a potentially positive spin: “something that unavoidably befalls a person, fortune, lot, etc.” Then another definition presents a grim premise of “death, destruction or ruin.” Yikes! That alone confirms to me that fate is not where one’s focus should ever be because it only leads to confusion and questioning one’s so called fate. After all, the word “fatal” is from the same root. Enough said, but then, much more needs to be said.

Definitions of “destiny” in the dictionary include: a) “something that is to happen or has happened to a particular person, fortune, lot, etc.” b) an inevitable or irresistible course of events.” c) power that determines the course of events” and d) “power personified.” Not a definition of demise among them and, most important of all, a clear indicator, as far as I am concerned, that we manifest and bring into being our most desired, passion-driven, and purpose-driven destiny, if we are attuned to what it can ultimately be.

Consider my take on fate and destiny and if any of these perspectives resonate with you: To You vs For You: Fate happens to you whereas destiny happens for you. Think about when someone says it was “fate” or “fated” to be. It is oftentimes something that happened TO them or was inflicted upon them causing a need to re-examine or search for understanding or meaning. On the other hand, when someone says it was “destiny,” there is a sense of lightness and excitement associated with what has occurred.

It is something that feels good and right. There is a feeling of blessing associated with it.

Out of Your Hands vs Within Your Grasp: Fate makes you feel like your life is out of your control, and left to someone else or some higher power to determine how you are to be on this earth. Having a strong unwavering faith is important, however, our greatest faith lies within having faith in ourselves. When your faith also includes a level of confidence and assuredness, you see your future as being totally within your grasp to manifest and create. You take destiny by the horns, so to speak, and determine what it looks like, feels like, tastes like and sounds like to you and for others you will touch.

Chance vs Choice: With fate, you believe you must leave it to chance in how you carry on through life, with a hope that the outcome will be favorable. When you embrace destiny, you become fully engaged in the process of the journey. You choose based on what you vision to be, and as a result, you make micro-shifts, or move courageously forward with intentional awareness every step of the way. While fate can be quite passive aggressive, destiny is active progressive.

Looking Back vs Looking Forward: When you are focused on fate, you tend to look backward instead of forward. Questions such as, “What have I done to deserve this?” or statements of regret such as “I should have never …” become the underlying thinking associated with a recent occurrence that is viewed as fate. Destiny looks abundantly forward.

pg 28 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

When you believe you are destined to realize a specific reality, it is future focused. You see possibilities. You seek opportunities. You pay closer attention. You take calculated risks. You hear as well as listen. You are always looking ahead towards your next steps, hurdles or challenges that will be overcome.

The Unknown vs All Knowing: Fate gets trapped in the unknown, bringing a level of discomfort and sometimes hopelessness depending on the situation. You find yourself searching for answers and wondering aimlessly. Destiny is all knowing because you know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what you were meant to be doing. You imagine it to its finest details of being, and your determination to bring it to reality becomes contagious as others feel the energy you bring to it and gain energy as well.

I truly believe within the deep reaches of each of our souls that we know what we are destined to do and to be. We simply need to awaken that inner spirit within us that can help guide us confidently towards our greatest potential in making the difference we were meant to make while on this planet. Our passions and natural tendencies are at the heart of what we were meant to be. Embrace these passions and what makes you authentically you, and your destiny awaits - with you totally navigating towards its ultimate reality.

Bio: SherrĂŠ DeMao inspires millions through her monthly columns, weekly Insight eZine and national contributing writing. An expert strategist and marketer focused on entrepreneurs, her unique perspective and innovative approach has earned numerous awards regionally, nationally and internationally including being named among the Top 50 Enterprising Women of North America in 2007.

Her books, Me, Myself & Inc. (www.memyselfandinc.com) and 50 Marketing Secrets (www.50marketingsecrets.com) have received national acclaim as Top Business Shelf picks and must-reads.

REGGY GREENE

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 29

The Time Has Come For Grillmasters To Gear Up Grilling season has returned for the millions of people who live in regions where grilling is unlikely to happen during the winter months. While standard fare like hot dogs and hamburgers may suffice for backyard barbecues with lots of friends and family, when the party is smaller, grillmasters may want to up their games and try their hands at something new. Tri tip steak is cut from the bottom of the sirloin and is popular on the West Coast of the United States, but this cut, which is suited to marinating and rubbing, can be enjoyed anywhere.

Those who want to give tri tip steak a shot may find it sold as bottom sirloin roast in their local grocery store or butcher shop. But once you find the right cut, the following recipe for “Grilled Tri Tip With Black Olive Aioli” courtesy of Bill Niman and Janet Fletcher’s “The Niman Ranch Cookbook” (Wiley) is sure to please you and your guests the next time you fire up the grill.

Grilled Tri Tip With Black Olive Aioli

Grilled Tri Tip With Black Olive Aioli Serves 4 to 6 1 1 2 1 1/4 1 1

tri tip steak, 21/2 pounds tablespoon olive oil tablespoons fresh rosemary leaves, chopped tablespoon freshly cracked black pepper cup finely chopped pitted oil-cured black olives cup aioli (see below) tablespoon coarse sea salt

Cayenne pepper Place the steak in a small, nonreactive baking dish. Combine the olive oil, rosemary and black pepper in a small bowl and stir well. Rub the mixture evenly over the tri tip. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 8 hours or up to 24. hours.

Remove the tri tip from the refrigerator 11/2 hours before cooking.

Prepare and light a charcoal grill for direct cooking.

Add the olives to the aioli and season with cayenne.

When the grill is at its hottest (when the coals are red and glowing and it’s too hot to hold your hand over the grill for more than a couple of seconds), remove the tri tip from the marinade, wipe off any excess marinade, and season on both sides with sea salt. Place the steak on the cooking grate directly over the coals, cover the grill, and cook, turning once,

pg 30 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

for about 20 minutes, or until a thermometer inserted into the thickest part reads 130 F for medium rare. Transfer to a cutting board and let rest for 5 to 10 minutes.

Cut the tri tip into thin slices across the grain and arrange on a platter.

Serve with aioli.

Aioli Makes about 1 cup 1 1/2 1 2 2 1

small clove garlic teaspoon kosher salt teaspoon Dijon mustard teaspoons fresh lemon juice egg yolks cup olive oil

To make by hand, chop the garlic and salt together on a cutting board until a paste forms. Transfer to a deep mixing bowl and wrap a damp towel around the base of the bowl to keep it from sliding around the counter as you work. Whisk in the mustard, lemon juice and egg yolks. While whisking continuously and vigorously, add the olive oil in a slow, thin, steady stream until all of it has been incorporated and the mixture is thick and completely emulsified.

To make the aioli in a food processor, place the garlic and salt in the work bowl and process to chop as finely as possible. Add the mustard and lemon juice and pulse to combine. Add the egg yolks and, with the motor running, add the olive oil in a slow, thin, steady stream until all of it has been incorporated and the mixture is thick and completely emulsified.

Cover and refrigerate for up to 24 hours until needed.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 31

Recipes for ife

L

by Emily Wickham

Food for the Body

2 teaspoons red wine vinegar 1 tablespoon sugar Mix all ingredients together, adding more or less as desired.

A Prayer for God’s Blessing Loving Lord, You are Truth. While the evil one causes confusion even amongst Your church, You remain steadfast. I confess sometimes I prefer other activities above studying Your Word, which limits my knowledge of truth.

Thank You for the Bible’s absolute reliability and inerrancy—please give me an increased hunger and understanding of it. In Your perfect name, Amen.

Food for the Soul

Broccoli Salad (Recipe from Wanda Bombyk)

2 bunches of broccoli, diced (remove most of the stem first) 1 small red onion, chopped 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese ½ lb. cooked bacon, crumbled ¼ c. cranberries or dried cherries ¼ c. sunflower seeds ¼ c. chopped walnuts or any other nuts you have on hand ¼ c. sesame seed sticks (optional)

Dressing ½ cup salad dressing (Miracle Whip)

Laden with scrumptious dishes, my extended family arrived to celebrate a special holiday. My niece’s in-laws also came, bearing this delightful version of broccoli salad. We certainly enjoyed feasting, but mostly we were blessed to spend time together.

Much of life occurs around food, yet special memories linger long after the meal concludes. Perhaps you’ll gather with loved ones this Mother’s Day. If so, I pray you’ll be blessed by meaningful interaction.

Concerning salad, I love to eat it but dislike preparing it. Chopping numerous ingredients just doesn’t appeal to me—maybe I’m impatient with the time involved. Even so, the results definitely outweigh the effort, and this broccoli salad makes a delicious addition to many menus. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

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pg 32 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

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In the realm of Christian living, we might not desire to exert energy examining the teaching we receive at church, in books, through radio lessons, or online articles and sermons. Yet diligence regarding Bible teaching is essential. We must invest our time and efforts to evaluate biblical instruction.

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“Now these were more nobleminded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily, to see whether these things were so.” Acts 17:11, NASB Surely it’s easy to choose a church and just accept every word from the pulpit. But is the message true? Only Scripture can confirm its accuracy, and we—you and I—carry a responsibility to search the Word. This doesn’t mean we distrust our leaders or argue incessantly. However, it does mean we listen attentively and compare the teaching to God’s Word. While this diligence requires time, studying the Bible strengthens and protects us.

Recently I perused an online article regarding a topic of interest. This lengthy piece presented many verses and appeared to employ an honest attempt toward understanding a difficult biblical doctrine. Despite the fact I disagreed with the author’s conclusion, something else disturbed me. At first glance, the article seemed like quality work, but close inspection revealed otherwise.

Peering intently at the wording raised a startling question: “Do the people in charge of this site believe in Christ’s deity?” Careful research identified these teachers as Biblical Unitarians, meaning they consider Jesus simply a man. Though they proclaim salvation through faith in Christ and eloquently exalt Him, they don’t believe Jesus is God. They manipulate words. They deceive. They’re false teachers through and through.

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Undoubtedly, the Holy Spirit placed unrest in my spirit as I read.

Faithfully He led me to uncover truth. “But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth” (Jn. 16:13). We always can rely on the Holy Spirit’s guidance as we seek truth.

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God; and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; and this is the spirit of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.” 1 John 4:1-3 We’re living in days rampant with false teaching. We’re exposed to different perspectives on truth through many venues, and not all are accurate. Will we exercise diligence by comparing teaching to truth? The Bible remains our standard for discernment.

God cares how His Word is handled—may we be diligent students.

Love to you in Christ, and until next time, that’s a Recipe for Life…

Emily Wickham gently reaches women’s hearts as she teaches God’s Word. ! Through various writing endeavors, she encourages readers into close relationship with God. Additionally she hosts and speaks at the Connecting with Christ Conference.

Visit www.proclaiminghimtowomen.com to read Emily’s blog. Connect with her via social media: www.facebook.com/emilywickham.author www.twitter.com/emilywickhamPH Emily, grateful to God for His blessings, enjoys life with her loving husband and children in western NC.

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Attend one of our meetings about foster and adoption opportunities in Catawba County.

Meetings are at 6 p.m. on the second Tuesday of each month at the Family Services Center, 3050 11th Ave. Dr. SE, Hickory, N.C. www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 33

Shutterbuggerz Submitted by LeAnn Hudson

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www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 35

How To Be A

Parents can take several steps to make their kids’ experiences with sports as positive as possible.

Good

Youth Sports Parent Extracurricular and summer season sports leagues keep thousands of children occupied. Youth sports promote physical fitness and teamwork while helping children acquaint themselves with sportsmanship and camaraderie.

The Journal of Sports Medicine says three out of four American families with school-aged children have at least one child playing an organized sport. While many kids play just for recreation, others play competitively.

Sports are meant to be sources of enjoyment for children, but parental pressure and poor adult behavior on the sidelines can make kids reluctant to compete. Parents who behave poorly may inadvertently pass on bad habits to their children or cause kids to prematurely abandon their athletic pursuits. The following are a few tips for parents who want to encourage their kids’ passions for sports in positive ways. · Show respect for coaches and officials. Parents should not act like they are the final authority on calls or how team members should play. Respect should always be shown to coaches and referees. · Let your child have fun regardless of his or her performance.

Too often parents get swept up in how their children are performing when the goal for young athletes should be to enjoy themselves. Resist the urge to focus on performance and focus instead of whether or not your child is having fun. · Recognize college scholarships may not be in the cards.

Although some children are destined for athletic greatness, many

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pg 36 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

will not play sports after high school. Pressuring older children to improve their performance in the hopes of landing college scholarships can make the little time they do have to play their favorite sports less enjoyable. · Take cues from the child. Children are often great indicators of parental behavior at sporting events. Parents whose children seem unenthusiastic about mom and dad attending their sporting events may be trying to tell you they don’t appreciate your behavior at the games. · Provide constructive criticism. Early coaching and practice with parents can give kids a leg up on the competition. But keep your advice constructive. Parents who become pushy or force constant practices can make sports unenjoyable. · Place emphasis on fun and learning skills. Find out what the kids hope to accomplish by playing sports and help them to achieve those goals. Focus on being supportive rather than emphasizing winning, as doing so can help children view sports participation in a more positive light.

If children seem to have lost interest in sports, parents can ask why in an effort to make sports fun again or encourage other pursuits. Many sports now require year-round participation, which can cause burnout in some youngsters. Sometimes a brief break and some fine-tuning may be all that’s needed to rekindle a child’s passion for sports.

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pg 38 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | April 2015

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pg 40 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

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Most kids today have had their hands on a gadget before they ever formed their first word. Technology is so integrated into their lives, that few if any can even imagine a world without it. If we are perfectly honest, we probably played a major role in feeding our children’s passion for all things media. Brilliant marketing strategies compelled us to purchase digital products that bore the names of geniuses or that contained convincing words like “leap” in them. We were sure that these “educational” toys could somehow give our kid an edge socially, academically or developmentally. We marveled at the way they were lulled and mesmerized by them and thought surely something wonderful was happening in their mind.

By the time our little tots become teens, however, many of us started to view technology a bit differently. Now, the smartphones, tablets, game systems and computers seem more like a beast threatening to devour us all. We try hard to tame this behemoth by setting guidelines, limits and by forcing them to endure life without a gadget in their hand every once in a while. Now, we find ourselves hoping and praying that their brain won’t be permanently harmed by the constant staring, scrolling, and screening.

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This digital age and all that comes with it has become a regular conversation among parents of pre-teens and teens. We consult with one another to see how others are dealing with it all. “When should he get a smartphone?” “How long is too long in front of a screen?” “What kind of wifi filters do you use?” These are just a few of the questions I am frequently asked. Parents are worried, confused and tired of the daily disputes that often arise when limits or guidelines are set and enforced.

Kids want more. And, moms and dads dream about the days when none of this existed at all.

Even though I have often felt the urge to toss every computer, gaming system, tablet and smartphone in the trash to instantly get rid of these, I know that in many ways we have greatly benefitted from technology.

Eradicating it doesn’t really address the bigger problem. When we get mad or lose our temper because our kids seem more disobedient or distracted, we must ask ourselves what is really going on. Why are we so agitated? Could it be that the daily dilemmas remind us that our deeper longing to feel more connected with one another is not being satisfied?

Or, perhaps, these battles indicate our great desire for order, peace and a bit of predictability at home. Connection and order are essential and both point toward part of God’s plan for man.

Quite often, our teen’s overdependence upon technology stems from their thirst to feel more connected or included. Because God created us for relationships, our teens desperately want to learn how to relate to one another so that they can create authentic relationships where we can discuss, disagree and resolve conflicts through spoken words instead of written texts or public posts. While technology has made it harder to create deeper connections and to maintain order and harmony, the systems or devices themselves aren’t really the enemy. Our willingness to let these interfere with our ability to create authentic relationships with one another seems to be the bigger problem. Our kids rely on us to teach them how to communicate, resolve conflict, and work toward peace.

Their devices won’t offer them these tools nor will most of their peers.

Like many things, the way that our homes will become a place of connection and peace will depend upon how much we model relationships.

Become aware of how much you are pulling out your smartphone, staring at your tablet or tuning into a screen instead of chatting with your spouse, child or friend. When there is discord, work hard to open up the lines of communication to resolve conflicts. Slay the beast by pursuing your teen, by creating order and predictability through the use of guidelines and limits, and by being more intentional about being fully present whenever you are interacting with friends and family. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom, insight and direction so that you can defeat the disconnection and discord that is all too often blamed on the products and platforms of the digital age.

Jackie E. Perry, MS, LPCS, NCC is a North Carolina Licensed Professional Counselor.

For the past 20 years her primary focus has been working with adolescents and families to address a myriad of problems typical of this season in development. Jackie is also a frequent speaker and writer who is passionate about using her experience to equip and encourage parents and professionals through her seminars, articles and blogs. You can follow her weekly blog, LifeGiving Streams, check out her next speaking engagement or learn more about her work at www.jackieperry.net. She is married to John and together they are parenting three teens of their own.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 41

Job Hunting Tips For Yo Y

oung women preparing to enter the workforce may discover a job market that’s difficult to crack. Getting a foot in the door in your desired field is not always easy, but young women looking to land that first job out of college can consider the following tips to help them take that all-important first step toward a rewarding career. · Decide on a path. Blindly searching for work or any old job is a recipe for an aimless search that likely won’t land you a job you enjoy. Choose what it is that you want to do and who you hope to do it for, and then you can proceed with a more refined search that does not include you spending time pursuing positions you don’t want. · Don’t be afraid to seek advice. Once you determine some companies you may want to work for, don’t be afraid to seek advice from people who already work for those companies.

Even if such businesses don’t have any current openings, you might be able to schedule informational meetings. Treat such meetings like you would a job interview, asking questions about the industry and what you can do to get your foot in the door.

Once such meetings have concluded, send a hand-written thankyou note to the person who took time out of their day to give you the informational meeting. · Learn from each job interview. Many people, especially young people just starting out, go through many job interviews before finally landing a job. Each interview is not just an opportunity

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oung Women to land a job or hone your interviewing skills, but also a chance to learn what employers are looking for. Many interviews for entry-level jobs are similar regardless of the industry, so make note of your responses that went over well and those that might need a little more work. · Be prepared to explain why you should be hired. Job seekers should be able to explain both their enthusiasm for the job and why they are right for that job. Keep your description of your capabilities concise, but don’t be afraid to confidently state why you are the best possible candidate. · Look for volunteering opportunities. After you have targeted a field you want to work in, you may find that there are few paying opportunities within that field. But you might be able to volunteer or even pursue an internship if you only recently graduated from college. Volunteering or accepting an unpaid internship is a great way to start making some contacts and gaining some legitimate experience, and working for free might just indicate to prospective employers that you are serious about pursuing a particular career and not just landing a job.

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Is there any good news? Absolutely! Here are actions steps to make sure that the medicine we take not only benefits our health but is safely administered for ourselves or someone we love.

• • • •

Talk with ALL of your doctors about the medication they prescribe.

What it is for? What is it supposed to do?

How should this medicine be taken ( w/food, water, intervals)?

What could be the side effects? What if I miss a dose?

Are there any other special instructions with this medication?

Ask your doctor if the medicine could interact with other medicines either prescribed or "over-the-counter" ?

Always have your medications filled at the SAME pharmacy.

Pharmacists keep a computer record of those medications that you have filled with them and can often see potential conflicts or problems with drug interaction. Ask your pharmacist if you can fill out a client profile to include all of your medications and any "over-the-counter" medicines that you may be taking.

Review your medications with your doctor frequently. Ask the question, "Do I still need to be taking this medication?" "Is this still the correct dosage?"

Always take a COMPLETE listing of the medications you are taking including "over-the-counter" medicines into your doctor's office each and every time you go for a visit. Make sure that you are providing every doctor that see you a COMPLETE list of medicines that they can keep on file.

pg 44 | Sophie Woman’s Magazine | May 2015

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Update this with them on a regular basis.

• • • •

Provide your family members that participate in your healthcare with a complete listing of the medicines that you are taking in case of emergency.

When traveling always make sure that you have your medicine "with you" in a carry on or handbag and not in your checked baggage in case your luggage may be lost.

Don't wait until the last minute to have prescriptions filled in case there is a problem getting your medicine or the pharmacy is closed due to holiday or off hours.

Never take medications that are not prescribed for you even if you know what they are for.

The dosage could be based on weight or it may interact negatively with something else you are already taking.

• • • •

•

Never take medication if you have ingested alcohol. Alcohol can enhance the effects of many medications or cause other adverse reactions.

Organize your medications. There are multiple options for assisting with this - from pill organizers to digital reminder pill boxes.

Keep medications in a cool dry place away from bright light. Do not store medicines in the refrigerator unless instructed by your doctor.

Keep medication in a safe place away from children and pets. This includes when you are away from home.

Be cautious about storing your medications in your pockets or purse when away from home - which could cause easy access for children.

Read the inserts that are included with your prescriptions so that you aware of potential side effects and how the medication may interact with other substances.

Did You Know?

• •

Be aware that herbal remedies and vitamins can also interact with medicines that you are taking.

Nutrition, exercise and socialization are powerful tools to keep us healthy.

Medicine can be a tool to assist in our overall health. Knowledge is also a tool. Accountability for ourselves and those we love is also a tool.

Let's use all the tools we have available to live our best life for our whole life!

To your health!

Cyndi

About The Author As a CERTIFIED SENIOR ADVISOR* Cyndi is on a mission to advise Seniors and their family members on viable options in Senior Care and Dementia Care. She has extensive training in senior services and has a solid track record in the senior services industry. Her extensive experience in the areas of Assisted Living Care, Dementia Care and In Home Care comes from having worked and trained with the finest providers in the industry Bell Senior Living, Five Star Senior Care and Seniors Helping Seniors. She is an accomplished public speaker - focused on educating the community on senior services and Alzheimer’s disease. With the heart of a true caring provider - Cyndi provides up to date information and solutions through her business Senior Sounding Board Consulting to seniors and their families as they navigate through the process of aging.

Cyndi’s broad media background of sales, marketing and management experience with DISNEY, ABC-RADIO, and CUMULUS BROADCASTING. has provided a strong platform for her success in the senior services industry.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 60 percent of the more than 662,000 master’s degrees awarded during the 2011-12 school year, the most recent year for which statistics are available, were earned by women. www.sophiewomansmagazine.com | pg 45

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