Sophie Woman's Magazine LKN Aug 2011

VOLUME 7 - ISSUE 6 / AUG 2011 / LKN

S

phie

Wo m a n ’ s M a g a z i n e

INSIDE:

How To Be Fabulous~ What do men really want in a woman? | Page 8 Reaching Your Full Potential ~ How you see yourself will determine who you become | Page 12 Hidden Treasure ~ Find the treasure inside you | Page 18 shutterbuggerz pg 23

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INSPIRATION ~ EDUCATION ~ MOTIVATION

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essage M From The Editor: Judy Smith

Our june 2011 Winners

from the

S

itting in church the other week waiting on the service to begin, I was just saying hi to those around me, looking at our announcements on the screen, when I realized I didn’t see my granddaughter. So I looked over to my step-daughter to ask where she was at. That is when I noticed tears in her eyes. As it turned out, my granddaughter was being disciplined and was not allowed to do something she desperately wanted to do. So, she was not sitting with us, even if it meant her sitting by herself.

Oh how I understood those tears! Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Now before you jump on me, yes, it is the most rewarding job in the world also (I think). I told my step-daughter to hold on because there would come a time that her daughter would understand. Maybe not till she was grown and had children of her own, but there would come a time. Of course it gave me a great opportunity to remind her of a time in the past, when she too was being disciplined and didn’t think I was being very fair. She said she actually thought of that time.

As parents, we want to protect our children, nurture them, love them and hope (and pray a lot) that they become successful adults in more ways than just with a career. We want them to be happy. That means we have to do our best to give them the skills they need to make wise choices.

That is why discipline is so important. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt! I bet you think I mean that it hurts the kids….nope, I mean it hurts the parents. I really believe there are times it hurts the parents way more than it hurts the kids.

My parents said it, I said it and I know my kids have said it…”This is going to hurt me more than it is you”. My dad never knew the thoughts that ran through my mind as he was taking off his belt while saying those very words. That is my point. I never knew….till I was a parent.

My daughter was being punished and was not allowed to go to a party that in her words “was the most important thing in her life”. With all the drama within her, the tortuous crying and begging could not change my mind, but, I really suffered. She was sincere in her agony, thinking it was so important and she was really hurting. I was hurting, so much so, that at times I would have to just shut myself in the bathroom and cry. I hurt because she hurt. Can I hear a big AMEN? Discipline is hard. Parenting is hard. We have to, at times, give up our comforts, our wants, our conveniences and other things to be a parent. One thing we have to know though, is we are not perfect. We are not going to do everything right but we must be willing to do the best we can.

Hopefully, when our children are grown, they will be the person we hoped they would be. We, too, can hope that they will one day understand that Parenting is the hardest job in the world! ■

Pro Winner: RSP Photography

The First Parent by Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t.” “Don’t what?”, Adam replied.

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” “Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?”

“It’s over there,” said God, wondering why He hadn’t stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry . “Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” the First Parent asked. “Uh huh,” Adam replied. “Then why did you?”

“I dunno,” Adam answered. God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com

Amateur Winner: Leslie Taylor

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7| Misadventures

20| For College...

“After These Messages...”

by Mandy Thomas

8| Fabulous

How To Be

What do men really want in a woman?

by Gracie

11| Porch

The Front

IceCream Anyone?

by Judy Smith

Girlfriends 15| In God

“Let’s joust, daddy!”

by Sharon Jaynes

18| Treasures Hidden

Find the treasure hidden in you.

by Marilyn Nutter

pg 3 | Message From The Heart pg 9 | Truth & Beauty - by Teresa Pope

Important Medical Information You Need To Know.

by Casey W. Pope

21| Will Travel.

Have Home.

Get inspired by your vacation travel.

Written by Susan Guest

22| Out To The Sea

All Streams Flow

Are you still on track with your yearly goals?

Dr. Susan Flowers PhD

10| Inc.

Me, Myself, &

m o t i va t i o n

Planning Ahead

education

INSPIRATION

Mandy’s

Failure is not an “F” word.

By Sherré Demao

12| Full Potential

Reaching Your

How you see yourself will determin who you will be.

by Kim Fletcher

13| FlyLady The

A Storm’s A Brewing

by Marla Ciley

19| Women...

Sophisticated

Can be Creative

by Nicole Greer

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s e r u t n e v d a s Mi ’s y d n a M

“After these messages....”

by Mandy Thomas

i n s p i r at i o n

“I’m turning the television off, y’all, I mean it.”

Now, I’ve never been one to enforce television limitations on my kids, for various reasons: the main one being that they’ve just never been that interested. But then something happened, and my girls discovered the Barbie movies.

Now, before I go any further, I feel like I owe it to Barbie to put a little disclaimer here, because if there is one franchise that has gained my respect, it’s hers. Not just because I watched all the movies, either. And definitely not because I cried when the mother and daughter were reunited at the dramatic conclusion of “The Island Princess.”

It’s more than that.

Barbie is always respectful to her parents, even if they are abusive and/or evil. Except for this one movie, but she ended up paying for that by being kidnapped by an egotistical maniac a fact that I made sure to point out to my kids. Well, the fact that she paid for it, I may or may not have added the bit about kidnapping, I can’t be sure...

But, I digress.

Barbie was the launch into the inevitable era of television, and while at first I was grateful, now I’m starting to get nervous.

Mostly because of the conversations I’m now having with Savannah. For example, the other day, we were in the car driving around when (out of the clear blue) Savannah declared, “Mama, you need some Lemonmouth.”

“What?” I asked, totally confused. It wasn’t like we’d been discussing Lemonmouth. Or lemons, for that matter.

“Lemonmouth,” she explained, “is the best rock band out there, and they’ll be coming out with their new video this summer! If you love rock and roll, then this is the band for you, Mom. And for only nineteen ninety five plus shipping and handling, you can have their new DVD!” I honestly did not know what to say at that point.

It wasn’t until this morning (after she walked in and announced that I needed a “Baby Bullet” for the new brother I’d be giving her so that we can make our own baby food because that’s better for him than bottled stuff) that I got over my loss of words and told her that she was grounded from television for a while.

She’s not happy about it, and I’m sure that in three weeks I’ll regret it and be begging her to watch something - anything - just to give me a small break. But for now, I’ve had just about all the advertising I can handle.

Oh, and for the record, I am not pregnant and I don’t need a Gerber baby grow up plan no matter what Savannah tells you.

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com

7

HOW TO BE FABULOUS! Men, can’t live with them…and well… let’s just leave it at that! Ha! Just kidding boys. Despite our best efforts, most of us diva’s love ya to pieces. This said, I must admit that the male species is quite puzzling at times. It is a well known fact that a mysterious, slightly crazy woman is a complete fantasy to most men. I believe that women, on the other hand, prefer to know what they’re dealing with. Stay with me girls, I’m about to get all deep with y’all…At the end of the day, it is “The woman who chooses the man who ‘chooses’ her”. In other words, it’s ALL ABOUT US LADIES! However, because I am all about male research (lol), and MAYBE we are an its bitsy bit curious…I have taken a survey of random men of all ages, all over the world (remember Italy?? :)) and come up with this extremely unscientific, yet fabulously informative, “Gracie Study of What Men Want”. Enjoy…

QUESTION #1 “Country girl or City girl?”

I was genuinely surprised that 99% of men polled said “Country Girl”. In defense of my Yankee Diva’s, I believe the image these men Photo courtesy of www.nichollancasterphotography.com

by Gracie

conjured up in their sweet lil’ noggins was a tad jaded. The male version of a country girl is most likely a smokin’ blonde wearing a tiny white tank, tight jeans, and a Charlie 1 Horse hat dipping sexily above her big blue eyes. Nice, yes, but lets get real now. While “picking’ the horse stalls (that’s picking up poop for city girls), I reckon I was not rockin’ that look! Wearing Bobs’ sweatpants and a ‘Germain Racing’ oversized tee is about as fashionable as I get at the barn (Sorry honey, I’m sure LOTS of people think your clothes are veeeerrrry hip…wink wink).

Really the bottom line is that “Country Couture” is VERY HOT…the look, the attitude, the whole bowl of grits! So, shake it girl…make those cowboys sigh…

QUESTION #2 “Best Look”?

So, I’m starting to spot a trend…the #1 most loved look on a woman is “Jeans and a tee shirt”. Followed closely with the ever popular, sexy yet sweet, “Sundress”. The bottom of the most wanted list…”Little black dress” and “Classic Suit”. Again, a little shocking. I’m sorry, but have a woman slip on an amazing, fitted, glamorous black mini dress with 5 inch strapy stilletto’s…Ya, they’re not gonna send ya packing… just sayin’! That said, like I’ve advised in the past, there is NOTHING sexier than a chick that can pull off “Casual” while still looking like she could hit the runway with any Armani suit.

QUESTION #3 “Top 5 Likes and Dislikes”?

At this point in the survey, cocktails were usually flowing (now thats a real shocker!!). I obviously did not make it clear that we were talking about strictly fashion. The answers given were intriguing…

TOP 5 LIKES 1. Good sense of humor 2. Sweet/Down to Earth 3. Pretty Eyes 4. Good figure 5. Well Groomed/smells nice

Gail Sommer Germain, aka “Gracie”, is wife to Bob, mom to Sydney (15) and Robbie (11), and a Statesville, NC resident. She starts her day at her barn… but finishes by being a boutique owner and personal fashion stylist to some incredibly fabulous women!

8

Sophie Woman’s Magazine / Aug 2011

TOP 5 DISLIKES 1. Boring/Unadventurous 2. High Maintenance 3. Harem Pants (Yes, I gave them a list of things they could choose from…these are those MC Hammer pant things) 4. Jeggings 5. Mom jeans Notice, ya gotta love this, the top two answers in both categories are personality traits! So does that mean that men really see past the exterior?? Reminds me of a joke I heard… “According to a recent survey, men said the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes…and women said the first thing they notice about men is that they’re a bunch of liars!” Hee hee hee…that’s funny. In the official “Gracie Survey”, the first thing men notice about women…their smile. Apparently, men want a nice girl who likes to laugh and have fun! Good Boys! Impressive, yet let’s not be too naive…I’m planning on some seriously fitted MEK jeans, a cute lil tank, some vintage cowboy boots, and a laughing like crazy when I see my man next! But, honey, you’re gonna have to deal with high maintenance...

TRUTH

& BEAUTY

by Teresa Pope, Esthetician

Question: I go to bed at night, several times a week, without taking off my make-up. Is this really bad for your skin?

Answer: And the answer is a whopping, huge YES!!! There are several reasons why this is so. The most important of these reasons are that the skin naturally repairs itself at night, and it can not repair itself properly, if make-up and a days worth of environmental dirt are still laying on top of it. You must remember, that it’s not only make-up on your face, but pollutants from just about everything you came in contact with that day. This may not seem like much of a problem, if you are young, but time will begin to tell your dirty little secret. Your skin will rebel by looking dry, dull and sallow. It will eventually develop clogged pores and possible acne and blackheads. In the long term, your skin will wrinkle and sag more quickly than that of a person who nourished their skin at night. Not cleansing your face is the unpardonable sin, to most skincare professionals.

I realize in today’s fast paced world, where we are often exhausted at the end of a long day, that skipping the skincare regiment is very tempting, but don’t give into that temptation. The entire regiment will only take approximately 5 minutes and in ten years from now you won’t miss that 5 minutes, however the benefits from that few minutes will still be with you. Eventually, this practice will become routine, like

brushing your teeth, and you will be able to do it quickly and without even thinking about it.

Your nightly routine should go something like this..Cleanse with an appropriate cleanser for your skin type (not soap, because it can dry and strip your skin of crucial oils and leave a film on your skin, which will stop the absorption of your repairative serum); Cleanse using a loofah, skin cleansing brush or other scrubby to help sloth off dead skin cells..

Pat dry and apply a repairative serum of your choice. The labels will usually say, “use at night” or “night cream” and they will also contain ingredients such as, vitamin E, vitamin A, also called retinoids, vitamin C and many other beneficial ingredients.

Your best option would be to ask an esthetician or other skincare professional as to what product would be best for you. That’s all you need to do to ensure a lifetime of more beautiful skin. On those certain occasions when you just feel you’re too tired to do these simple steps, than I offer this option. Keep a package of face wipes and a jar of moisturizer in your nightstand. Then after you jump into bed, pull out a wipe and quickly wash your face and apply a little moisturizer. This step is not an every night solution, just a “once in a while”, solution.

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9

Me, Myself, & . c In

By Sherré DeMao

i n s p i r at i o n

Failure Is Not An "F" Word

10

Remember that optimism empowers your spirit and pessimism devours your spirit. Don’t let pessimism, especially the idea of failure imposed by others, devour yours.

Do you have a failure driven attitude? Or do you have an attitude that empowers you to see the opportunities even when things don’t go according to plan? The idea of failure is conceived in our own minds, based primarily on beliefs or other people’s expectations. Think about it. Is what you fear about failure actually the result of what others think failure is? If so, it is a waste of your time. Failure is an illusion. Everything you do produces a result. Some results were what you desired and some were not. That doesn’t mean you failed. It simply means you need to try a different approach or make a different choice next time. You have gained experience, insight, and knowledge that will lead you to a better result next time. This is what makes life rich in the learning, growing and then knowing with even greater confidence with each effort made.

I decided about ten years ago that asking myself “What if…?” was not the right approach to exploring my dreams. While at first, “what if” thinking brings visions of potentially exciting things, it also leads to “what if” thinking on the flip side, the dark side, the “what could go wrong” side. “What if” thinking gets you all pumped up and then causes you to make decisions based on conjecture and worries versus reality and what you can and cannot control. The result is procrastination. You won’t totally let go of a particular desire, only determine that perhaps now is not the time. You aren’t ready. If you wait, there might be a greater chance of success. As a result, what was initially an exciting opportunity or proposition becomes riddled with a multitude of reasons why it isn’t a good idea after all. You literally talk yourself out of it. Sound familiar? Then chances are you have a fear of failure.

I have identified four better questions to ask myself as alternatives to the “what if” question. These questions are: Why? Why not? Why not me? and Why not now? They force you to look at the reality and what is truly holding you back.

They force you to use your own logic combined with your true desires to validate that you actually have nothing to fear, as the Sophie Woman’s Magazine / Aug 2011

saying goes, but fear itself.

Do you have something you want to pursue or have tried to pursue, but stopped or haven’t even begun due to fear of not succeeding? Are you currently faced with an opportunity that speaks to what you ultimately desire in your life and yet takes you out of your comfort zone? Ask yourself these questions: • • •

•

Why? Why should I go for it or go for it again? Why is this important to me?

Why Not? What is holding me back or could pose an obstacle? How could I overcome any obstacle? Why do I deserve to achieve this?

Why Not Me? What about me specifically could be a reason that I would succeed? What about me could cause me not to succeed? What are ways I could overcome this fear and succeed?

Why Not Now? Why is now a good time? What could make this not be a good time and why? What resources or support could I tap into to make this the right time?

Answering the “why” and the “why not” questions forces you to look at reality — your reality — versus imagined factors. What it also does is help you take an honest look at each reason you cite and objectively refute or validate it. You will be putting the reasons to move forward with an idea and the reasons that are holding you back side by side. Then you move on to the “why not me” and “why not now” questions.

These often help you put things into even clearer perspective as you explore your answers.

Next to all the reasons “not,” note what is in your control, could be in your control, and what is outside of your control.

Focus on those things that are within your control. Then stop procrastinating and put these things into action. Pretty soon, you too will have a much different view on failure. I guarantee it. ■ Bio: Sherré DeMao inspires millions through her monthly columns, weekly Insight eZine and national contributing writing.

An expert strategist and marketer focused on entrepreneurs, her unique perspective and innovative approach has earned numerous awards regionally, nationally and internationally including being named among the Top 50 Enterprising Women of North America in 2007. Her books, Me, Myself & Inc. (www.memyselfandinc.com) and 50 Marketing Secrets (www.50marketingsecrets.com) have received national acclaim as Top Business Shelf picks and must reads.

by Judy Smith

i n s p i r at i o n

Front Porch The

I

t is sort of hard to really enjoy your porch if the minute you step out on it, you break out in a sweat….at 7 am. This has been one hot summer and I have found out as you get older, you just can’t handle things the way you could when you were younger.

You can’t even jump in the pool and get much relief because the water is bath temperature and the ice maker doesn’t make enough ice to cool it down. You know the old saying that even the birds need pot holders to pull the worms out of the ground; that is what we have been experiencing. I have to tell ya, though, it makes a good excuse to run to the ice cream store. 31 flavors, 57 flavors, unlimited flavors…..with this kind of weather, we can try them all.

Just don’t ask me to make it.

Someone said to me the other day about getting together and making some home made ice cream. It was a young person who said it. Bless there little heart. They couldn’t know what horrible images that might conger up for someone like me whose dad loved to make homemade ice cream. Did I say HE made it?

For the life of me, I can’t think of one step that he did except to eat it. My mom would mix the ingredients together, fill up the colander part, then add the ice and salt to the contraption.

Sounds easy enough so far so what am I complaining about?

Well young people, I hate to tell you, but ice cream wasn’t made with some fancy contraption sitting on the kitchen counter.

It was made with a torture machine and guess who always got to be tortured? Yep, none other than myself. You had to sit on that thing and crank that handle! What am I complaining about? My mother did put a towel down over the bucket, ice and salt so I wasn’t sitting directly on it. Let me tell you, it wouldn’t matter if it was three or four towels….well, let me just remind you of the infamous scene of the “triple dog dare” and sticking your tongue on the post. Almost the same principle. You have to peel away the towel and the ice. If you can stand up that is.

You don’t get to use your arms to help you stand up either. Oh no, they are so not working any longer. Hey, but it is all OK. The ice cream is so wonderful, according to the rest of the family. Of course by the time, your arms are working again so you can lift the spoon to your mouth….drip, drip, drip. All melted. “So who wants more?” someone yells. This time let’s make peach!

All I can say is, Ben & Jerry’s, Baskin Robbins, Cold Stone Creamery….I love you. I take my hat off to all those little people who are sitting in the back freezing off their behinds and torturing their bodies to make my husbands favorite….

VANILLA! One last thing. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how they churn that funny looking ice cream called DippinDots.

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, “What kinds of ice cream do you have?”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

“Do you have laryngitis?” the young man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.” by Unknown

www.sophiewomansmagazine.com

11

REACHING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL: How You See Yourself Will Determine Who You Become

by Kim Fletcher, Life Coach, Author, Speaker

m o t i va t i o n

“We need to remember man is designed for accomplishment; he’s engineered for success; he’s endowed with the seeds of greatness.” Zig Ziglar

12

When one refers to “Playing Your Part,” it almost sounds as if we are talking about nailing your favorite role in a play being offered by your local community theater. To play a part implies being offered a script to learn and then acting it out flawlessly on stage for a group of onlookers called the audience.

Unfortunately, while playing a role in a play can be entertaining, far too many people actually live their lives this way. Many of us feel as if, somewhere along the way, we unknowingly stopped being our true selves and started playing someone else’s part.

While it may be OK to act out a character for a few weeks as an actor or actress, the fun would cease the minute you were told that you now had to be that character for the rest of your life, laying down your own identity to live out a character created for the stage or the big screen. We would be quick to refuse such a ridiculous request.

So why don’t more of us stop at that point where our days, our activities, our lives begin to feel foreign, like we woke up wearing someone else’s pajamas? Why don’t we question what is going on that is making us feel stuck, fake, disappointed, disillusioned and unhappy?

As a Life Coach who works daily with individuals who are re-thinking and re-designing many aspects of their personal and professional lives, I have come to realize that there are many ‘Tension Points’ that we come up against as we try to decide whether or not it is worth the effort to keep growing, stretching and developing ourselves. One of the critical ‘Tension Points’ which threatens to rob many of their most meaningful lives is a broken or incomplete identity.

I believe that at some point in time, most of us face this place of having lost sight of who we want to become. This makes it hard, if not impossible, to figure out what we should be doing with our days.

What if we could do something simple that would put us back on track toward becoming all we were created for and realizing, more than ever, that we are capable of far more than we ever dreamed possible?

But we keep on listening to the lies… past failures, peer pressure, manipulative people who have sought to control us, negative thinkers and our own limited view of ourselves hold many of us hostage to our own limited thinking. And our limited thinking shapes our decisions, potentially derailing our ultimate destiny.

Regardless of the type or magnitude of the decisions being made, I can promise you a guaranteed result. Making decisions and life choices aligned with a faulty or incomplete personal identity (which, incidentally, shapes your professional identity) will lead you down a path where you ultimately wake up one day and realize you are no longer living out the life you were destined for. Rather, you have

Sophie Woman’s Magazine / Aug 2011

taken on a roll, playing a character crafted out of past expectations and experiences.

For many, who you were destined to become has been derailed because most of us never get off of this crazy, fast-paced ride called life long enough to ponder who we long to become and what will be necessary to get us there… what thought patterns need to change, what limiting beliefs about ourselves need to be abandoned one and for all, what actions and behaviors are sabotaging our intended destinations?

Again, another Tension Point often presents itself here: Will I live my life blaming those who have tarnished my destiny or will I stand up and do the hard work of forgiveness and letting go that will be required to take it back? You can blame others all you want, but the ‘blame process’ will only tie you more closely to the lies and to your broken and incomplete identity, fusing you to the past like welding fuses metal to metal.

It is time to let go. At this empty-handed place, you are now ready to receive some divine downloads about who you were really meant to become. But brace yourself, because getting in touch with who you are will begin to reveal what you are truly capable of. This is the place where personal responsibility and a sense of deep meaning will begin to flood every task you set out to accomplish.

Vision and confidence will flood over you and, much like land after a tsunami hits, the landscape of your life will be changed forever.

So proceed with great anticipation. The life about to be laid out for you is only for the brave of heart and it is intended for the adventurefilled minority who dare to put more emphasis on WHO they are becoming than on what they hope to achieve.

Coach yourself to a strong and intact identity. Take a few moments this month to begin journaling thoughts around patterns, people, and false beliefs that are limiting the way you see yourself.

Next month, I will provide you with a simple exercise that will allow you to begin crafting a solid and strong identity that reflects the best of who you were created to be.

This article was taken from Kim’s newest book release, The Tension Point: Break Through to Where You Want to Be. As a Life Coach and Speaker, Kim coaches individuals and groups to break free from all that holds them back, while pressing in to reach their full potential.

We would love to hear from you: kimfletchercoach@aol.com, 828 327 6702, creativelifenavigation.com.

FlyLady THE

A Storm’s A Brewing

The storm is a brewing and it is not in the Caribbean; it is in your head.

That storm has caused our thoughts to blow wildly in every direction and they become a vicious cycle that plays havoc with our head, homes, families and your business.

Have you ever lost your wallet and began searching for it in a frenzy?

You know this feeling of not being in control and running around. The Frenzy started before you lost your wallet. The frenzy is the reason you lost your wallet in the first place. That frenzy is the storm in your head.

My goal is to teach you how to calm this storm before it destroys your life, home and business.

We are such control freaks. We don’t want anyone to know that our thoughts are not under control. If people really know how chaotic your thoughts were they would know you didn’t have it together. This is why some of us can keep it together at work and our home suffers. There are others who can keep their home looking nice but their thoughts are still turmoil. The constant churning of their thoughts; keeps them feeling out of control (which they are).

I can give you all the tools to calm the storm on the outside but if you have not controlled your thoughts you are not going to feel the peace that comes with your routines. In fact you may even sabotage that peace because it feels so strange. After all we have prided ourselves in being able to juggle many balls at one time. This is not virtue; it is a cover up so that no one will really know what is going on inside your head. You think this makes you look organized when really it is only making you look like you have it all together so no one will question you.

That storm that is going on in our brains is fueled with self-doubt, perfectionism, guilt, martyrdom and shame. We are not prepared to deal with this storm so we ignore it. In fact it feels normal to us. We have always been this way. We have pushed and pushed trying to do more and more and all we ever do is get further behind and racing to catch up. We have to stop the race and get off of the track to be able to see what we are going to ourselves.

My greatest frustration comes from not being able to articulate this to you in words what will allow you to see what you are doing to yourself. I just want you to be still for a minute. This means to stop your brain from spinning and calm yourself down.

Back to that wallet being lost; that frenzy we are in causes us to make many mistakes. It is only after we stop ourselves that we are able to find

it right in front of our own eyes. We had been overlooking it because when that frenzy takes over our heads we lose our senses. We can’t think, we don’t see, we are not listening and we are on guard that no one knows this is happening to us. It is our perfectionism once again but this was happening before you lost the wallet.

When I start feeling this way I have learned to recognize it pretty fast.

My body has been calm for a long time. I have my routines in place to prevent this from happening to me. Occasionally this feeling will come up. Now when I am feeling like I don’t know what to do next. I stop all that I am doing and spend 5 minutes making a plan. It is when I am not prepared that this feeling happens. I take those 5 short minutes and take my foot off my accelerator and quit fueling the storm. When you remove the fuel the storm or fire will go out. HEY we can think straight instead of a vicious cycle of swirling thoughts.

It may be hard for you to recognize this storm because your life has always been in turmoil. This is why I gave you the 11 Commandments.

I want you to begin to experience moments of calm so that when you are in a frenzy you will know how to get back to that moment and use it to quiet the raging winds and waves that are causing you to lose your mind.

Be Still and the peace will come. Quiet your mind by sitting down.

The more you get in a hurry the worse the feeling is going to be. Slow down and set a priority to what has to be done. Do one thing at a time!

Not 15 things. You can do this.

We have to get back to why you are in this frenzy in the first place though. Establishing simple routines is going to help you be prepared for the storm when it does come. These routines give you the tools to stop the frenzy before it starts. Are you dressed to shoes? Have you laid out your clothes for tomorrow? Have you eaten today? Have you had your water? Have you taken a break today? Do you have the TV on, stereo and the computer? Has the noise become more clutter in your home that keeps you from having to hear the storm in your brain?

Find your QUIET place! Take a time out for you to calm yourself and focus on what needs to be done next; Not the 15 things that are spinning in your brain. This is what you do with your quiet time; Prioritize those 15 things on a piece of paper and then you have a plan. Start with first things first and move down your list. The five minutes you spend in your quiet place will calm this storm and give you the tools to stop the wind from blowing to the land of CHAOS and Frenzy. You can do this. Quiet yourself!

m o t i va t i o n

by Marla Cilley

Are you ready to FLY with a plan for preparedness in any storm of life?

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at www.FlyLady.net or her book, Sink Reflections published by Random House and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Simon and Schuster. Copyright 2011 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

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Search By Find Loca In Your Ar

Let’s Joust, Daddy!

by Sharon Jaynes

“In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation” (Psalm 5:3-4 NIV).

Friend To Friend

In 1986, my husband and I built a house which would be our home for the next twenty years. While the builders were hammering away, I was sewing away, trying to have all the curtains made before we moved in.

The fabric for the curtains came on five foot long cardboard tubes. For one year, those tubes were my two-year-old son’s favorite toys. They served as tunnels for Matchbox cars and giant megaphones from which all sorts of important announcements were made. But his favorite thing to do with the tubes was “joust” (sword fight). Every day when Steve, my husband, came home from work, he was greeted by Steven shouting, “Let’s joust, Daddy!” My husband jousted tirelessly for months.

Nine years later, in a conversation remembering the jousting days, Steven confessed, “You know, I used to have terrible nightmares about those huge cardboard tubes. I used to dream that giant “jousting rods” were chasing me all around the house trying to get me.”

Baffled, I asked him, “Why didn’t you tell us about the dreams? And why did you want to continue playing with the tubes if they gave you bad dreams?”

“I guess it was because I loved Dad so much and playing the game with him, that it was worth having the scary dreams,” he answered.

Little did Steven know what a profound statement he had made. My thoughts immediately went to my heavenly Father, my love for Him, and what I was willing to endure to spend time with Him. See, I too have a jousting rod. It is called the “sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17). I love to joust with my heavenly Daddy. This jousting does not cause me to have bad dreams, but sometimes I have to endure a house that’s not as clean as I would like or a project that is

in the other room screaming out to be finished. That’s a nightmare to me.

In this busy world in which we live, taking time out to be with our Heavenly Father can be somewhat of a struggle. But the rewards are so great. So every morning, I grab my jousting rod, God’s Word, and together we conquer foes and win battles side-by-side.

Let’s Pray

Dear Lord, Help me to put all my busyness aside to spend time with You each day. I pray that my love for You will supercede any other activity that I have planned on any given day. Thank You for wanting to spend time with me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

Is your relationship with God something you feel that you “have” to do, or that you “get to do?”

What are you willing to put aside to spend time with God? Where is your favorite place to have your quiet time with God each day? Let’s share our spots? If you have a camera, take a picture and post it on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/sharonjaynes.

More From The Girlfriends

Don’t you love reading stories of God’s fingerprints on the pages of everyday life! Sharon’s devotion book, Extraordinary Moments with God, is full of them! Some stories will make you laugh. Some stories will make you cry. Each story will point you to God and strengthen your relationship with Him. To learn more, visit www.sharonjaynes. com.

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I N S P I R AT I O N

Today’s Truth

15

The Secrets To Making Your Wedding Day Memorable

By Noel Swanson with Permission

Every couple wants their wedding day to be perfect.

Unfortunately, that’s a tall order, and at least a few things may go wrong. If that happens there is always a way to keep things flowing smoothly. The key is to stay calm and collected, and stay with the plan. The day belongs to the bride and groom, and whatever they want should rule the day.

Before planning your wedding it’s important to know exactly what you want before you start making those final decisions that many times can’t be reversed. Talk about what you want with your finance. You’ll more than likely have a budget that you need to stick to so you’ll have to decide what’s important to you that you won’t give up versus what you’re willing to part with.

The first thing that you need to do is decide on the date of the wedding. If you’re planning on being married in a church or other institution you’ll need to make sure that there is an opening on that date, otherwise you’ll have to pick an alternate date. It’s a good idea to have more than one date for your wedding on your list so that you’re not disappointed if the one date is already booked.

Next important planning is to be done on the budget. Plan the budget carefully and remain within your limits of finances and time. Where ever possible think of ways where you can cut costs.

For example find out costs for different services with different vendors to be able to choose the best and most inexpensive alternative.

When you start buying the things that you need for your wedding use a list that includes all costs and items that you need and make sure that you stick to it. Contact merchants in your area that offer the services that you need and see if you can negotiate a better price. After all, it never hurts to try.

Hiring a photographer is one of the biggest decisions in any wedding plan. Your wedding photos will capture your memories and be with you all of your lives. Visit several photographers and look at a number of sample photos. You may have some special pictures and you’ll want to know before the wedding that this photographer can shoot them.

You need to decide how many people that you’re going to invite to your wedding. Be realistic when you’re counting heads.

If your budget doesn’t allow you to have a huge guest list you’ll have to start making cutbacks and limiting those family members and friends that will be getting an invite.

Once you know the final head count of guests to your wedding

you’ll need to find a caterer that is within your budget and that is going to serve that foods that you want to have at your wedding.

Be careful not to settle for a caterer based just on the cost.

As you plan your wedding, you’ll find that there’s more to think about than you imagined. Since it could be easy to forget something, ask for some help. Have your bridesmaid or family member help you plan so that you’ll include everything you want.

It can also be helpful to have someone else help you with various decisions. One example is what type of music you want at the reception.

No matter what the planning of your wedding brings it’s important to have fun and enjoy the planning of one of the most special days in your life. ■

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Hidden Treasures

by Marilyn Nutter It was my turn to host our monthly tea group and I began our afternoon with a presentation. “What’s going to happen?” June asked with a bit of impatience. I placed the unusual tea in a glass pot. My friends gathered around, and as I poured in hot water, their curiosity peaked. “Just wait,” I answered with a smile that revealed I had a secret. “You’ll see.”

As we waited in suspense, the tea unfurled in slow motion and revealed a delicate hidden flower within the expanding leaves. Sometimes referred to as a performance or display tea, this “Juliette” tea was representative of the age-old Chinese art form of hand sewing leaves into blooming teas. Our mini floral bouquet was a delight to our eyes, our taste buds, and our conversation. My friends couldn’t believe what had happened.

Like the hidden flower of a display tea, potential is often hidden. As a young girl whose face turned beet red when I gave a book report to the class, I now give presentations to women’s groups. In the workplace, a supervisor saw qualities and potential in me that I hadn’t recognized.

Sally gently moved me out of my comfort zone and with coaching and encouragement, I grew and blossomed professionally. Me? Lead a women’s Bible study? I gave my doubts to God and He equipped me to do it. Three years ago, my husband and I looked at vacant lots in a new development to build our retirement home. We were moving to a community where we knew no one. We had no idea of the friendships waiting for us, but they were there.

Deep within us are gifts that we may not have discovered or pursued and opportunities waiting. Perhaps, in our insecurities, we’ve been reluctant to use them. Has insecurity or a disappointment gotten the upper hand as you struggle with a decision or think about exploring a new experience?

Are you in a transition, wondering what your next chapter holds? Have you thought about learning a new skill but fear holds you back? Are you thinking about volunteering in a new organization or ministry, but

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Sophie Woman’s Magazine / Aug 2011

wonder if you have the ability? Has someone invited you to travel, but you have doubts in an uncertain economy? Perhaps you are considering relocation, yet have concerns about assimilating into a new community.

Paul wrote to the Colossians, encouraging them (and us) to know that there are treasures waiting to be opened. “…namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Col. 2:3) As we turn the pages of scripture, we open treasures. Sometimes we are offered grace. Perhaps a word pops out and we see protection from a choice.

Comfort and strength may be our treasures when we are going through a difficult time. At other times wisdom and guidance reach out to us as we look at a next step. As we apply His treasures in a new task, role or life season, we also see our potential. He gives us what we need, when we need it.

Refresh today by accessing God’s treasures and recognizing your potential and new opportunities. As you discover His affirmation, direction and security you can bloom and be a delight before the eyes of others. You may even hear yourself saying with a smile, “This is beautiful; I wonder what’s going to happen next?”

Marilyn Nutter is the author of Tea Lovers’ Devotions to Go. She enjoys speaking at teas and about tea, including showing women how to establish tea groups to develop friendships. Visit her website at www.marilynnutter.com and contact her at marilynnutter@gmail.com.

Sophisticated Women...

“Creativity is the imagination at play with the things it loves.” –Carl Jung Truth or Myth? I am not creative.

You are too!

Too talented…

Too gifted…

Too savvy…

Too blessed…to not share.

One of the rules growing up in my house was: “Share!” Simple and straightforward, I was given great wisdom.

What do you have to share?

One of my core beliefs but perhaps one of the myths you believe is that you are not creative. In the course of my week, I find myself with clients, in committee meetings, and out and about in the community with people who insist they cannot contribute. When asked for their input they exclaim, “Don’t ask me! I am not creative.” This is false.

Period.

Each and every human being on the planet has an inner artist. You have human traits, tendencies, fancies, and a creative flair all your own.

You must begin to showcase your art to brighten the world. Consider my client, Jennifer. She believes in freedom. She has experienced the Path coaching (discovering your personal mission and vision) I offer and through that work she knows that freedom is the core value of her personal mission. She has told me she loves books, movies, pundits, and poets that celebrate freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

In fact in a vulnerable moment, she confessed she wants to write a book to support her thoughts, her beliefs and what I consider to be a cause!

But alas, she doesn’t write the book. What is holding her back?

Freedom is big.

When you stop to consider the power of freedom, you realize that it must ring! Ring through the minds, hearts, and souls and out the fingertips of humans everywhere. This is a big issue. The reality is that someone must take their creativity and find a fresh way to get the message of freedom out to the world. This someone is Jennifer.

Jennifer could do this through a book, (which she has already realized, verbalized but not taken ownership of…) but to begin she must simply start by writing. Writing down her thoughts, journaling the key points she reads, solidifying what she believes, and capturing her passion. I invited Jennifer to tell me why she was given this deep-seated need to celebrate freedom. She couldn’t really identify where it came from but she did know she has always simply been drawn to the ideals of national freedom, political freedom, and individual freedom. At times, I know Jennifer has thought these ideals were made self evident to just her for her own well-being. However, I believe as her coach that she is responsible for creatively bringing her passion for freedom to the world. Her creator put this desire for freedom on her insides! She must serve the world with the highest form of herself. Her responsibility is to let freedom ring.

Do you have a book, a song, a theory, or a lesson that must be shared? Take responsibility. Start with these tools to get your creativity flowing in service to your values, your passion and the art on the inside of you just waiting to be released.

Three Tools to release, re-engage and re-learn how to be creative.

• You need the book(s). The Artist Way or the Artist Way at Work by Julia Cameron. She gave these books to the world as she served the world with the highest form of herself. She shares within the pages that the way we look at creativity is output but it’s really input. To release it we must put positive messages in to our minds that allow us to believe and frame ideas that within to be released.

• Solitude. Get away by yourself to think, ponder and pray. When you were a little kid you were curious about EVERYTHING. You asked why, why, why…I can’t suggest strongly enough a trip to the Starrette Farm in Statesville, NC for a “Quiet Space Day”. www. thelydiagroup.com While you are there you can walk the new labyrinth, get out in the creator’s greatest gift…nature, and create some sacred space to let your imagination free.

• Write down three stories of times when you contributed to the outcome of some event, project, or cause in a powerful way.

You have been creative in the past. Creativity is defined as the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations, etc.; originality, progressiveness, or imagination.

The old adage is there is nothing new under the sun is true. It’s the molding of what you know, history, and giving it your unique mark that constitutes creativity. So, what do you know that I don’t know that could help me see my freedom or other significant quality of life in a creative way?

m o t i va t i o n

By Nicole Greer, PPCC Founder and Principle Coach at Vibrant Coaching

Are Creative

Paint me a picture, tell me a story, sing me song, post a blog, or teach me something new…I have need of you and so does everyone else…

Let’s get started!

Nicole Greer, PPCC is a professional life and business coach. She works with the TILT360 Leadership Model, that Gramma Myrt embodied. You too can be a woman of character and bring the Art of FULL TILT leadership to your life and your organization.

At its deepest level, working with a coach frees you to indentify your birthright gifts, discern your deepest passions, and fulfill your highest purpose. A coach can pry you off dead center. As Principal Coach for Vibrant Coaching and Workshop Leader for The Lydia Group, LLC, a collaboration of individuals focused on work, life and spiritual growth, Nicole is on a mission to impact, energize, and influence people to lead a Vibrant Life by engaging the possibilities. As a life and business coach and workshop leader, Nicole views her role as a conduit to release all that you want to achieve. Join me on the PATH to move forward with authenticity, skill and confidence. www.thevibrantcoach.com/www.thelydiagroup.com

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Planning Ahead for College Freshman – It Means More Than Picking the Right Professor

by Casey W. Pope, Esq.

If you’re a parent, it probably seems like just yesterday you were walking your child into his classroom on his first day of kindergarten.

Now you’re loading up the car and preparing to move your child into the dorm room as he begins his college journey. As you add shower shoes and the futon to your move-in checklist this fall, I encourage you to also add a very important item to the list – your child’s advance medical directive.

Graduating high school and starting college marks the transition from childhood to adulthood, both figuratively and literally, as most college freshmen are 18 years old. From a legal perspective, the college freshman is an adult, although the parents may still think of him as their child.

Many parents may just assume that they have the legal right to make medical decisions for the child until he gets married. Unfortunately, this simply is not the case.

Adults (persons 18 years or older) have a constitutional right to make their own medical decisions. If an adult is sick or injured and becomes unable to make or communicate medical decisions, then a surrogate decision maker must be appointed through either a health care power of attorney or a court-appointed guardianship. If no surrogate has been named, a spouse or parent can legally make emergency medical decisions only. Physicians can also make emergency decisions for the adult when

no spouse or other family member is available.

In non-emergency situations, the parents must have explicit permission from their adult child through a health care power of attorney or guardianship to make medical decisions for him. Note that a guardianship is a court-appointed role, meaning it takes time and money to obtain and is heavily supervised by the courts. A health care power of attorney, on the other hand, is a legal document that is prepared in advance and that becomes effective immediately upon the doctor’s determination that the patient can no longer make his own medical decisions. Perhaps even more importantly, the health care power of attorney allows its maker to chose who he would want to make his decisions, not the courts.

In addition to the health care power of attorney, every college freshman also needs a medical authorization or HIPAA form. This legal document authorizes medical providers to share the adult’s confidential medical information with his parents or other persons of his choosing. Without the medical authorization, doctors are forbidden by the HIPAA laws from discussing the adult child’s medical situation with anyone, including the parents. Therefore, the medical authorization is absolutely critical.

For parents who have cared for their children all their lives, it is only natural to want jump in and protect them if they become sick or injured.

But the legal reality is, without medical directives in place ahead of time, parents have limited ability to act on their child’s behalf once that child turns 18. So this fall, make it a priority to ensure your child’s well-being is protected in case of an illness or accident. It’s just as important as choosing the right professor for English class.

Casey Pope is an attorney at Patrick, Harper & Dixon, LLP in Hickory, North Carolina. She practices primarily in the areas of estate planning, elder law, and business and corporate law. Casey may be contacted at 828-322-7741 or via email at cpope@phd-law.com. Patrick, Harper & Dixon is Hickory’s oldest and largest full-service law firm.

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Sophie Woman’s Magazine / Aug 2011

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HAVE HOME. WILL TRAVEL. Do you have the travel bug? Can’t get enough of jumping on a plane or boat and going to exotic places? Is your favorite TV show “House Hunters International”? Chances are, your home is more interesting than your neighbor who never leaves the county.

A staycation can give you time to work on projects that have been piling up all year. That week of puttering around the house painting, repairing, and doing routine maintenance can benefit your home.

However, if it is inspiration you need; it is time to hit the road! Time for some fun, relaxation, and rejuvenation of your spirit!

I am so inspired when I travel. My horizons are broadened when I visit new places. A restaurant décor might set off a new train of thought in a dining room that I am designing. A modern hotel room has often been the muse of a bedroom transformation.

You can use the memory of a certain vacation as the theme in your interior space. For instance, if you love the beach, you can incorporate ocean and sand colors in your home to give you a more tranquil lifestyle.

Your trip to India can be the focus of your living room redecoration.

Colors might reflect the curry and saffron foods that you love. Your furniture, after that trip, might be more global and interesting than you’ve had in the past. Photos and souvenirs from your voyage can be displayed in your room. Paisley and other interesting patterns can be added to your décor; along with beautiful silk textures in an array of colors. Use your imagination and keep your eyes open for things that make you smile.

Travel promotes creativity. Just getting away from the daily grind can help your brain cells to function better. Leaving your home for several days can give you a bird’s eye view of both your life and environment.

Your priorities become clearer in all areas. Furnishings and ideas that you loved at one time might be outdated or tiresome. It is time to give those items to others who will enjoy and cherish them.

Another thing about traveling is that most of us have time to thumb through magazines and read. Stacks of design books and glossy catalogues might sit in the living room for months waiting on a snow day.

A wait in an airport can make you a captive audience for a decorating magazine. As you find something of interest, rip out page to save in your personal design idea file.

A trip to Europe (or almost anywhere!) makes me appreciate home and what we enjoy as Americans. As appealing as big foreign cities are, I love having enough space to not feel cramped. After each time in another country, I have felt blessed to live in a place that has even small luxuries as ice cubes, dishwashers, and lots of hot water. One of my guilty pleasures, iced tea, is taken for granted here, but rare in some spots of the world.

Most of us have a natural nesting instinct before we travel. I try to clean my entire house before a long trip. Not only does this make me feel better when I come home; it also ensures that my house will not be left in a wreck just in case something happens. I do love to come home to a pristine home after several days away. Even though traveling is fun, walking in the door of our home is one of my favorite parts. The reunion with our pets is so heart-warming, as is returning to familiar surroundings.

Some say that you can’t go home again. I think that every time you travel; you bring a small part of your voyage back with you. These experiences make your mind sharper, your work more enjoyable, and your home more lovely. If you can afford it; plan a trip. If not, turn on HGTV’s “House Hunters International” and soak up your favorite environment!

e d u c at i o n

by Susan Guest, ASID

Susan Guest, ASID is an awardwinning interior designer in Hickory and owner of Guest Interiors, LLC. She is one of the designers featured in “Spectacular Homes of the Carolinas”, found in high-end bookstores around the country. For more information, visit www.guestinteriors.com.

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All Streams Flow Out To The Sea

by Dr. Susan Flowers, PhD As you enter the second half of 2011, are you on track with the path you set for yourself at the beginning of this year? Have you allowed physical, emotional, environmental, social or economic distractions of the year thus far detract from your annual goals yet again? Are your resolutions for 2011 close at hand and being implemented or are they a distant memory? Have you somehow convinced yourself that you are undeserving of your desires?

I woke up this morning giving gratitude first for all that has been bestowed upon my life thus far and for the grace The Divine has granted me in being able to see another day. In light of all that has happened in my country and within the world this year, the good and the ugly (which is relative), I am grateful to be alive, safe, healthy, sane (I hope), capable of giving and receiving love and able to once again “Be the Change” in my own life and in the world. These for me are the basics from which all else flows in my life. As long as these factors are present, anything can be achieved. Each day that I possess these gifts is another opportunity to make good on all my plans and all that I was meant to do, no matter what happened yesterday. This moment and this day, are all that matters and the only thing that is “undeserving” about it is…my excuses.

In your progress through this year, despite the tragedies and loss (needed for balance in the world although they elicit sadness within us), remember that there has been equal or more goodness. One of those ‘good’ things is your continued presence here on earth and your ability to right the wrongs in your life and others. You can always make a difference no matter how small you perceive that difference to be. Additionally, just as easily as you are able to read this, you still have every opportunity to continue in the pursuit of your goals for this year and beyond. Life will present distractions around every corner to test your resilience and focus.

Life will respond to your needs in kind, if you remain undeterred and your drive to achieve consistent.

As you achieve your goals, learn to reward and validate yourself, even if no one else validates you. Know that the only requirement for worthiness is simply being who you are. You alone are enough.

However, be gracious and kind to others as you set out to conquer your dreams because no one truly operates independently of others and life is cyclical in nature. Use the Divine Energy that flows through your being for the good of all concerned and ask yourself often, “Do my goals in life help others in any way?” In the words of author Jill Taylor, “You

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Sophie Woman’s Magazine / Aug 2011

are responsible for the Energy you bring.” In addition, to quote Oprah Winfrey, one of life’s greatest motivators, “Put out that Energy with the best of intentions, for you will be rewarded in direct proportion to the good you bring to this world and those you help.” These are rules to live by.

Remember that life is not just about the pursuit of your goals. Be mindful, be open and be present to your own existence because no matter how much perceived failure you may experience, life is always speaking to you and guiding you through all of it. Lessons exist around every corner. Take time out of your day to be still, become centered and to listen. There is so much being said to you. In light of all you do and all that is now available to distract you from your core, life maybe passing you by. Slow down and become responsive rather than reactive. Don’t just hear the birds sing, listen to the call of the robin, the cardinal, the finch, the loon and that owl at night. It is an amazing, synchronized band! Notice the sound of a cicada or the time of day crickets begin their mating call. Your senses are pathways to the soul, conduits of cognition.

Train them to recognize and honor simple pleasures and they will show up when you most need them.

If you eat well, exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle, you may have the good fortune of living out your 25,550 days or more on this earth.

Chances are, half of them are already gone. Be grateful and celebrate what is left with your presence. Have focus and take risks as you pursue your dreams in 2011 and beyond. If you come to a fork in the road, don’t be afraid to take it. Although life is journey, sometimes that Sunday drive holds the best view. ~ Susan Flowers

Dr Susan Flowers, PhD is a speaker, author, coach and radio host for the “Caribbean Connection” Saturdays at 4 - 6 PM on 103.3 FM WGIV Charlotte. For bookings visit www.SusanFlowers.com or Facebook.com/DrSusanFlowers.

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