PENGUIN PRESS
The Unwomanly Face of War
Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky
‘Women’s war has its own colours, its own smells, its own lighting, and its own range of feelings. Its own words’
‘Hauntingly elegiac … These stories about the women warriors of Mother Russia are a symphony of feminine suffering and strength … Read this book. And then read it again’ Gerard DeGroot, The Times
Cover photograph: Hero of the Soviet Union, commander of the 46th Guards Air Regiment Natalya Kravtsova (Meklin). RIA Novosti/Sputnik/ Topfoto. Author photograph courtesy of the author
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Winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature
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The Unwomanly Face of War
‘Astonishing … an extraordinary oral history of the Russian women who fought in the Second World War … it is also an essay on the power of memory, on what is remembered and what is forgotten’ Caroline Moorehead, Guardian ‘A monument to courage … it would be hard to find a book that feels more important or original … Her achievement is as breathtaking as the experiences of these women are awe-inspiring’ Viv Groskop, Observer
Date: 03/07/2018 Designer: Arran Prod. Controller: Pub. Date: ISBN: 9780141983530
Svetlana Alexievich
Translated by
M O D E R N C L A S S I C S
Svetlana Alexievich The Unwomanly Face of War ‘A must read’ Margaret Atwood
04/07/2018 11:32
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proofs •Wet Digital only •No further proof required •
pen g u i n m o d e r n c la s s i c s
The Unwomanly Face of War ‘Magnificent . . . Alexievich doesn’t just hear what these women say; she cares about how they speak . . . It’s a mark of her exceptional mind that she tries to retain the incomprehensible in any human story’ Gaby Wood, Daily Telegraph, Books of the Year ‘An astonishing book, harrowing and life-affirming. It deserves the widest possible readership’ Paula Hawkins, author of The Girl on the Train ‘Magnificent . . . After decades of the war being remembered by “men writing about men,” she aims to give voice to an ageing generation of women who found themselves dismissed not just as storytellers but also as veterans, mothers and even potential wives . . . a literary excavation of memory itself ’ Rebecca Reich, The New York Times Book Review ‘This is an oral history of women who fought in the Second World War. And it’s brilliant’ Kamila Shamsie, Guardian, Books of the Year ‘Nothing can quite prepare the reader for the shattering force of Svetlana Alexievich’s oral history of Soviet women in the Second World War’ Geoff Dyer, Observer, Books of the Year ‘As with her other books, terrifying documentation meets great artfulness of construction’ Julian Barnes ‘Alexievich’s “documentary novels” are crafted and edited with a reporter’s cool eye for detail and a poet’s ear for the intricate rhythms of human speech. Reading them is like eavesdropping on a confessional. This is history at its rawest and most uncomfortably intimate . . . The book is not merely a corrective to male-centred accounts of conflict; it is a shattering and sometimes overwhelming experience’ Andrew Dickson, Evening Standard ‘Much more than a historical harvest, this is a polyphonic book, superbly orchestrated . . . a mark of her exceptional mind’ Anthony Cummins, Daily Telegraph, Books of the Year ‘These accounts fight our ingrained ideas about what makes a war story’ Vanity Fair
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‘Refusing to pass judgment, crediting all, she listens, suffers and brings to life . . . It took years and many miles of traveling to find and capture all the testimonies here . . . We still end up feeling that we have been sitting at her side. With her, we hear the memories of partisans, guerrilla fighters trapped behind the lines’ Wall Street Journal ‘A revelation . . . Alexievich’s text gives us precious details of the kind that breathe life into history . . . more than a historical document – it is the stuff of history itself ’ Lyuba Vinogradova, Financial Times ‘A profoundly humbling, devastating book, it should be compulsory reading for anyone wishing to understand the experience of the war and its haunting legacy in the former Soviet Union’ Daniel Beer, Literary Review ‘We hear the testimony of Soviet women as they rush to the front to in serve a wide range of roles, from nurses to snipers, in the battle against the invading fascists. This book was initially published in Russia in the 1980s, but with a great deal of the explicit detail scrubbed out by anxious authorities. Now with the full text restored and expanded, the book has appeared in a brilliant English translation by Richard Pevear for the first time’ Kathryn Hughes, Guardian, Books of the Year ‘One of the most heart-breaking books I have ever read . . . I urge you to read it’ Julian Evans, Daily Telegraph ‘Women did everything – this book reminds and reveals. They learned to pilot planes and drop bombs, to shoot targets from great distances . . . Alexievich has turned their voices into history’s psalm’ Boston Globe ‘Alexievich did an enormous service, recovering these stories . . . The Unwomanly Face of War tells the story of these forgotten women, and its great achievement is that it gives credit to their contribution but also to the hell they endured’ Washington Post ‘In a post-truth era when journalism is under pressure – susceptible to propaganda, sensationalism, and “alternative facts” – the power of documentary literature stands out more clearly than ever . . . Listen to Alexievich’ The Atlantic ‘One of the most gifted writers of her generation’ Economist, Books of the Year ‘A remarkable collection of testimonies . . . Sitting at kitchen tables, Alexievich coaxes out of the women stories that describe a reality vastly different from the officially sanctioned version. . . . They speak guardedly but vividly of fleeting encounters, deep relationships, unexpressed feelings’ New Yorker
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a b o ut th e aut h o r Svetlana Alexievich was born in Ivano-Frankivsk in 1948 and has spent most of her life in the Soviet Union and present-day Belarus, with prolonged periods of exile in Western Europe. Starting out as a journalist, she developed her own, distinctive non-fiction genre which brings together a chorus of voices to describe a specific historical moment. Her works include The Unwomanly Face of War (1985), Last Witnesses (1985), Boys in Zinc (1991), Chernobyl Prayer (1997) and Second-Hand Time (2013). She has won many international awards, including the 2015 Nobel Prize in Literature for ‘her polyphonic writings, a monument to suffering and courage in our time’. Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky have translated works by Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Chekhov, Gogol, Bulgakov and Pasternak. They were twice awarded the PEN/Book-of-the-Month Club Translation Prize (for Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov and Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina). They are married and live in France.
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svetlana alexievi c h The Unwomanly Face of War Translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky
P E NG U IN B O O K S
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P E N G U I N C LAS S IC S UK | USA | Canada | Ireland | Australia India | New Zealand | South Africa Penguin Books is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.
First published in Russian as У войны не женское лицо by Mastatskaya Litaratura, Minsk 1985 First published in English as War’s Unwomanly Face by Progress Publishers, Moscow 1988 This translation first published in the United States by Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC 2017 This translation first published in Great Britain by Penguin Classics 2017 This edition published in Penguin Classics 2018 001 Copyright © Svetlana Alexievich, 1985, 2017 Translation copyright © Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky, 2017 The moral rights of the author and translators have been asserted Printed and bound in Great Britain by Clays Ltd, Elcograf S.p.A. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library isbn :
978–0–141–98353–0
www.greenpenguin.co.uk Penguin Random House is committed to a sustainable future for our business, our readers and our planet. This book is made from Forest Stewardship Council® certified paper.
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CONTENTS
F RO M A C O N V E R S A T I O N W I T H A H I S T O R I A N A H U M A N B E I N G I S G R E A T E R T H A N WA R
“I DO N ’T WA NT TO REMEMBER . . . ” “G ROW UP, GI RLS . . . YOU’ RE S T I LL G RE E N . . .”
xi xiii
3 19
Of Oaths and Prayers
20
Of the Smell of Fear and a Suitcase of Candy
34
Of Everyday Life and Essential Life
54
“I ALO NE CA ME BAC K TO MA MA . . . ”
71
“TWO WA RS L I VE I N OUR HOUS E . . .”
91
“TELEP HONES DON’ T S HOOT . . . ”
99
“TH EY AWA RDED US L I T T LE MEDA L S . . .”
113
Of Dolls and Rifles
117
Of Death and Astonishment in the Face of Death
122
Of Horses and Birds
126
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viii viii ||
||C O N CT O ENNT TE SN T S
“IT “IT WASN WAS ’TN’ ME T ME . . . ”. . . ”
131 131
“I REMEMBER “I REMEMBER T HOS T HOS E EYES E EYES EVEN EVEN NOW NOW . . .”. . .”
141 141
“W E“W DIDN E DIDN’ ’T S HOOT T S HOOT . . . ”. . . ”
159 159
Of Nice Of Nice LittleLittle Shoes Shoes and and a Cursed a Cursed Wooden Wooden Leg Leg
160 160
Of the Of Special the Special “K” “K” SoapSoap and and the Guardhouse the Guardhouse
168 168
Of Melted Of Melted Bearings Bearings and and Russian Russian Curses Curses
176 176
“TH“TH EY N EYEEDED NEEDED S OLSDI OLERS DI ERS . . . . BUT . . BUT WE WE A LSAOLS O WAN WAN TEDTED TO TO BE BEAUT BE BEAUT I F UL I F UL . . . ”. . . ”
185 185
Of Men’s Of Men’s Boots Boots and and Women’s Women’s HatsHats
186 186
Of aOf Girlish a Girlish Treble Treble and and Sailors’ Sailors’ Superstitions Superstitions
197 197
Of the Of Silence the Silence of Horror of Horror and and the Beauty the Beauty of Fiction of Fiction 207 207 “YO“YO UN G UN LA G DI L AES DI! ES DO ! DO YOU YOU KNOW: KNOW: T HET H C OMMA E COMMA N DENRD E R OF O A FSAPPER A SA PPER PLATOON PL ATOON LI VES L I VES ONLY ONLY TWO T WO MO MO N TH NS T .HS . . ”. . . ” “TO“TO SEESEE H IMHIJUS M JUS T ONC T ONC E . .E . ”. . . ”
Of aOf Damned a Damned Wench Wench and and the Roses the Roses of May of May
211 211 225 225 226 226
Of aOf Strange a Strange Silence Silence Facing Facing the Sky the Sky and and a Lost a Lost RingRing239 239 Of the Of Loneliness the Loneliness of a of Bullet a Bullet and and a Human a Human Being Being 247 247 “ABOU “ABOU T TINY T T I NY POTATOES POTATOES . . . ”. . . ”
251 251
Of aOf Mine a Mine and and a Stuff a Stuff ed Toy ed Toy in a in Basket a Basket
253 253
Of Mommies Of Mommies and and Daddies Daddies
265 265
Of Little Of Little Life Life and and a Biga Idea Big Idea
271 271
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C O NC TOENNTTESN T S||
“MAM “M A, AMA WHAT , WHAT ’ S A’ SPA APA PA?”PA ?”
ix||
ix
281 281
Of Bathing Of Bathing Babies Babies and and of a of Mama a Mama WhoWho Looks Looks LikeLike a Papa a Papa
281 281
Of Little Of Little RedRed Riding Riding Hood Hood and and the Joy the of Joy of Meeting Meeting a Cata Cat During During the War the War
290 290
Of the Of Silence the Silence of Those of Those WhoWho Could Could NowNow Speak Speak
298 298
“AN“AN D SHE D S HE PUTPUT S HER S HER HA ND HA ND TO TO HERHEHE R AHE RTA RT . . .” . . .”303 303
Of the Of Last the Last DaysDays of the of War, the War, When When Killing Killing WasWas Repugnant Repugnant
303 303
Of aOf Composition a Composition withwith Childish Childish Mistakes Mistakes and and Comic Comic Movies Movies
312 312
Of the Of Motherland, the Motherland, Stalin, Stalin, and and RedRed Cloth Cloth
317 317
“SUDDENLY “SU D DENLY WE WE WA NT WAED NT ED DESPERAT DES PERAT ELYELY TO TO L I VE LI .VE . . ”. . . ”
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323 323
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F RFO RM O MA AC O CN OV N EVRE SRASTAITOI N ON WW I TIH T HA AH IHS ITSO TR O IRAIN AN
—At —what At what timetime in history in history did women did women first fiappear rst appear in the inarmy? the army? —Already —Already in the in the fourth fourth century century b.c.b.c. women women fought fought in the in the Greek Greek armies armies of Athens of Athens andand Sparta. Sparta. Later Later theythey tooktook partpart in the in the campaigns campaigns of of Alexander Alexander the the Great. Great. * * TheThe Russian Russian historian historian Nikolai Nikolai Karamzin Karamzin wrote wrote about about ourour ancesancestors:tors: “Slavic “Slavic women women occasionally occasionally went went to war to war withwith theirtheir fathers fathers andand husbands, husbands, not not fearing fearing death: death: thusthus during during the the siegesiege of Constantinople of Constantinople in 626 in 626 the the Greeks Greeks found found many many female female bodies bodies among among the the deaddead Slavs. Slavs. A A mother, mother, raising raising her her children, children, prepared prepared them them to be towarriors.” be warriors.” —And —And in modern in modern times? times? —For —For the the firstfitime rst time in England, in England, where where from from 15601560 to 1650 to 1650 theythey began began to staff to staff hospitals hospitals withwith women women soldiers. soldiers. —What —What happened happened in the intwentieth the twentieth century? century? —The —The beginning beginning of the of the century . century . . . In. .England In England during during World World WarWar I I women women werewere already already being being taken taken intointo the the Royal Royal Air Air Force. Force. A Royal A Royal * The * Russian The Russian poet poet and writer and writer Nikolai Nikolai Karamzin Karamzin (1766– (1766– 1826)1826) was the wasauthor the author of a masterful of a masterful twelvetwelvevolume volume History History of the ofRussian the Russian State.State.
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xii xii ||
|| F R OFM R OAMC A O NC VOENRVSEART SI A OTNI O WNI TW HI T A HH A I SH TO I SRTIOAR NI A N
Auxiliary Auxiliary Corps Corps waswas alsoalso formed formed andand the the Women’s Women’s Legion Legion of Motor of Motor Transport, Transport, which which numbered numbered 100,000 100,000 persons. persons. In Russia, In Russia, Germany, Germany, andand France France many many women women went went to serve to serve in in military military hospitals hospitals andand ambulance ambulance trains. trains. During During World World WarWar II the II the world world waswas witness witness to atowomen’s a women’s phe-phenomenon. nomenon. Women Women served served in all in branches all branches of the of the military military in many in many countries countries of the of the world: world: 225,000 225,000 in the in the British British army, army, 450,000 450,000 to 500,000 to 500,000 in the in the American, American, 500,000 500,000 in the in the German . German . .. .. About About a million a million women women fought fought in the in the Soviet Soviet army. army. They They mastered mastered all military all military specialties, specialties, including including the the most most “masculine” “masculine” ones. ones. A linA linguistic guistic problem problem eveneven emerged: emerged: no feminine no feminine gender gender hadhad existed existed till till thenthen for the for the words words “tank “tank driver,” driver,” “infantryman,” “infantryman,” “machine “machine gunner,” gunner,” because because women women hadhad never never done done thatthat work. work. TheThe feminine feminine forms forms werewere bornborn there, there, in the in the war . war . .. ..
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A A HU HM UA MNA N B EBI ENIGN G ISIS G RGERAETAETRE R T HTAHNA N WAWA R R
Millions Millions of theof cheaply the cheaply killedkilled HaveHave trod trod the path the path in darkness . in darkness . .. .. * — o— s i op smi pa nmdaenlds etal smta m*
F R OF M R OTMH ET H JO E UJ O RU NR A LN A OLF O T FH ITSHBI SO O BO KOK
1 9 7189–7189–8159 8 5
I amI writing am writing a book a book about about war . war . .. .. I, who I, who never never likedliked to read to read military military books, books, although although in my in my childchildhood hood andand youth youth thisthis waswas the the favorite favorite reading reading of everybody. of everybody. Of all Ofmy all my peers. peers. AndAnd thatthat is not is not surprising— surprising— we we werewere the the children children of Victory. of Victory. TheThe children children of the of the victors. victors. What What is the is the firstfithing rst thing I remember I remember about about the the war?war? My My childhood childhood anguish anguish amid amid the the incomprehensible incomprehensible andand frightening frightening words. words. TheThe warwar waswas remembered remembered all the all the time: time: at school at school andand at home, at home, at weddings at weddings andand christenings, christenings, at celebrations at celebrations andand wakes. wakes. Even Even in children’s in children’s conversations. conversations. TheThe neighbors’ neighbors’ boyboy onceonce asked asked me:me: “What “What do people do people do under do under the the ground? ground? How How do they do they livelive there?” there?” We,We, too,too, wanted wanted to unravel to unravel the the mystery mystery of war. of war. It was It was thenthen thatthat I began I began to think to think about about death death . . . .And . . And I never I never * Osip * Osip Mandelstam Mandelstam (1891–(1891– 1938)1938) was one wasof one theofgreatest the greatest Russian Russian poetspoets of theoftwentieth the twentieth cen- century.tury. The The epigraph epigraph comescomes fromfrom “Lines “Lines on the onUnknown the Unknown Soldier” Soldier” (1937– (1937– 1938).1938). Mandelstam Mandelstam died in died transit in transit to one toof one Stalin’s of Stalin’s hard-hardlaborlabor camps. camps.
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|| A HA UM HA UN MA BN EIN B EGI N I SG GI R S EGARTEEART E TR H ATNH A WNA RW A R
stopped stopped thinking thinking about about it; it it; became it became the the main main mystery mystery of life of life for me. for me. ForFor us everything us everything tooktook its origin its origin from from thatthat frightening frightening andand mystemysterious rious world. world. In our In our family family my my Ukrainian Ukrainian grandfather, grandfather, my my mother’s mother’s father, father, waswas killed killed at the at the front front andand is buried is buried somewhere somewhere in Hungary, in Hungary, * * andand my my Belorussian Belorussian grandmother, grandmother, my my father’s father’s mother, mother, waswas a partisan a partisan andand dieddied of typhus; of typhus; twotwo of her of her sonssons served served in the in the army army andand werewere re- reported ported missing missing in the in the firstfimonths rst months of the of the war;war; of three of three sonssons onlyonly oneone came came back. back. My My father. father. TheThe Germans Germans burned burned alivealive eleven eleven distant distant rela-relationstions withwith theirtheir children— children— some some in their in their cottage, cottage, some some in ainvillage a village church. church. These These things things happened happened in every in every family. family. With With everybody. everybody. ForFor a long a long timetime afterward afterward the the village village boysboys played played “Germans “Germans andand Russians.” Russians.” They They shouted shouted German German words: words: Hände Hände hoch!hoch! Zurück! Zurück! Hitler Hitler kaputt! kaputt! We We didn’t didn’t know know a world a world without without war;war; the the world world of war of war waswas the the onlyonly oneone familiar familiar to us, to and us, and the the people people of war of war werewere the the onlyonly people people we we knew. knew. Even Even nownow I don’t I don’t know know anyany other other world world andand anyany other other people. people. DidDid theythey everever exist? exist?
TheThe village village of my of my postwar postwar childhood childhood waswas a village a village of women. of women. Vil-Villagelage women. women. I don’t I don’t remember remember anyany men’s men’s voices. voices. ThatThat is how is how it has it has remained remained for for me:me: stories stories of the of the warwar are are toldtold by women. by women. They They weep. weep. Their Their songs songs are like are like weeping. weeping. In the In the school school library library halfhalf of the of the books books werewere about about the the war.war. TheThe samesame withwith the the village village library, library, andand in the in the nearby nearby town, town, where where my my fa- fatherther often often drove drove to get to get books. books. Now Now I know I know the the reason reason why. why. Could Could it it havehave beenbeen accidental? accidental? We We werewere making making warwar all the all the time, time, or preparing or preparing for for war.war. Remembering Remembering howhow we made we made war.war. We We never never livedlived anyany other other way,way, andand probably probably didn’t didn’t know know how. how. We We can’tcan’t imagine imagine howhow to live to live differently, differently, andand it will it will taketake us aus long a long timetime to learn, to learn, if we if ever we ever do. do. * A* participant A participant in a voluntary in a voluntary resistance resistance movement movement fighting fighting a guerrilla a guerrilla war against war against the Gerthe Germansmans during during World World War II. War II.
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A HA UM HA UN MA BN EIN B EGI N I SG GI R S EGARTEEART E TR H ATNH A WNA RW A R||
xv ||
xv
At school At school we we werewere taught taught to love to love death. death. We We wrote wrote compositions compositions about about howhow we would we would likelike to die to in diethe in the name name of . of . . . We . . We dreamed . dreamed . .. .. ButBut the the voices voices outside outside shouted shouted about about other other more more alluring alluring things. things. ForFor a long a long timetime I was I was a bookish a bookish person, person, bothboth frightened frightened andand at- attracted tracted by reality. by reality. My My fearlessness fearlessness came came from from an ignorance an ignorance of life. of life. Now Now I think: I think: If I Ifwere I were a more a more realistic realistic person, person, could could I throw I throw myself myself intointo thatthat abyss? abyss? What What caused caused it all— it all— ignorance? ignorance? Or the Or the sense sense of aof path? a path? ForFor the the sense sense of aofpath a path doesdoes exist . exist . .. .. I searched I searched for afor long a long time . time . . . What . . What words words can can convey convey what what I hear? I hear? I searched I searched for afor genre a genre thatthat would would correspond correspond to how to how I seeI the see the world, world, howhow my my eye,eye, my my ear,ear, are organized. are organized. Once Once a book a book fell fell intointo my my hands: hands: I Am I Am fromfrom a Burning a Burning Village, Village, by A. by A. * Adamovich, Adamovich, Ya. Ya. Bryl, Bryl, andand V. Kolesnik. V. Kolesnik. I *had I had experienced experienced suchsuch a a shock shock onlyonly onceonce before, before, when when I read I read Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky. Here Here waswas an unan unusual usual form: form: the the novel novel waswas composed composed from from the the voices voices of life of life itself, itself, from from what what I had I had heard heard in childhood, in childhood, from from what what can can be heard be heard nownow in in the the street, street, at home, at home, in ain café, a café, on aon bus. a bus. There! There! TheThe circle circle waswas closed. closed. I I hadhad found found what what I was I was looking looking for.for. I knew I knew I would. I would. AlesAles Adamovich Adamovich became became my my teacher . teacher . .. ..
ForFor twotwo years years I was I was not not so much so much meeting meeting andand writing writing as thinking. as thinking. Reading. Reading. What What willwill my my book book be about? be about? Yet Yet another another book book about about war?war? What What for?for? There There havehave beenbeen a thousand a thousand wars— wars— small small andand big,big, known known andand unknown. unknown. AndAnd stillstill more more has has beenbeen written written about about them. them. But .But . . . it. . it waswas menmen writing writing about about men— men— thatthat much much waswas clearclear at once. at once. EveryEverything thing we know we know about about warwar we know we know withwith “a man’s “a man’s voice.” voice.” We We are all are all captives captives of “men’s” of “men’s” notions notions andand “men’s” “men’s” sense sense of war. of war. “Men’s” “Men’s” words. words. Women Women are silent. are silent. No No oneone but but me me everever questioned questioned my my grandmother. grandmother. * The * novel The novel I AmIfrom Am afrom Burning a Burning Village Village (also (also known known in English in English as Out as ofOut the ofFire), the Fire), by the byBethe Belorussian lorussian writers writers Ales Adamovich Ales Adamovich (1927– (1927– 1994),1994), Yanka Yanka Bryl Bryl (1917–(1917– 2006),2006), and Vladimir and Vladimir Kolesnik Kolesnik (1922– (1922– 1994),1994), chronicles chronicles the Nazi the Nazi destruction destruction of Belorussian of Belorussian villages villages during during World World War II. WarAdII. Adamovich amovich was awas novelist, a novelist, critic,critic, and philosopher and philosopher who who had fought had fought as a partisan as a partisan in 1942– in 1942– 1943 1943 and and became became a forceful a forceful antiwar antiwar activist. activist.
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My My mother. mother. Even Even those those whowho werewere at the at the front front say say nothing. nothing. If they If they suddenly suddenly begin begin to remember, to remember, theythey don’t don’t talktalk about about the the “women’s” “women’s” warwar but but about about the the “men’s.” “men’s.” They They tunetune in tointhe to the canon. canon. AndAnd onlyonly at at home home or waxing or waxing tearful tearful among among theirtheir combat combat girlfriends girlfriends do they do they begin begin to talk to talk about about theirtheir war,war, the the warwar unknown unknown to me. to me. NotNot onlyonly to me, to me, to to all of allus. of More us. More thanthan onceonce during during my my journalistic journalistic travels travels I witnessed, I witnessed, I I waswas the the onlyonly hearer hearer of, totally of, totally newnew texts. texts. I was I was shaken shaken as I as had I had beenbeen in in childhood. childhood. TheThe monstrous monstrous gringrin of the of the mysterious mysterious shows shows through through these these stories . stories . . . When . . When women women speak, speak, theythey havehave nothing nothing or almost or almost nothing nothing of what of what we are we used are used to reading to reading andand hearing hearing about: about: How How cer-certaintain people people heroically heroically killed killed other other people people andand won. won. Or Or lost.lost. What What equipment equipment there there waswas andand which which generals. generals. Women’s Women’s stories stories are are differdifferent ent andand about about different different things. things. “Women’s” “Women’s” warwar has has its own its own colors, colors, its its ownown smells, smells, its own its own lighting, lighting, andand its own its own range range of feelings. of feelings. Its own Its own words. words. There There are no areheroes no heroes andand incredible incredible feats, feats, there there are simply are simply peo-people ple whowho are busy are busy doing doing inhumanly inhumanly human human things. things. AndAnd it isitnot is not onlyonly theythey (people!) (people!) whowho suffer, suffbut er, but the the earth, earth, the the birds, birds, the the trees. trees. All All thatthat liveslives on earth on earth withwith us. They us. They suffer suffwithout er without words, words, which which is still is still more more frightening. frightening. ButBut why? why? I asked I asked myself myself more more thanthan once. once. Why, Why, having having stood stood up up for for andand heldheld theirtheir ownown place place in ainonce a once absolutely absolutely malemale world, world, havehave women women not not stood stood up for up for theirtheir history? history? Their Their words words andand feelings? feelings? They They did did not not believe believe themselves. themselves. A whole A whole world world is hidden is hidden from from us. us. Their Their warwar remains remains unknown . unknown . .. .. I want I want to write to write the the history history of that of that war.war. A women’s A women’s history. history.
After After thethe first first encounters . encounters . .. .. Astonishment: Astonishment: these these women’s women’s military military professions— professions— medical medical assisassistant,tant, sniper, sniper, machine machine gunner, gunner, commander commander of an of antiaircraft an antiaircraft gun,gun, sapper— sapper— andand nownow theythey are are accountants, accountants, lab lab technicians, technicians, museum museum guides, guides, teachers . teachers . . . Discrepancy . . Discrepancy of the of the roles— roles— herehere andand there. there. Their Their memories memories are are as ifasnot if not about about themselves, themselves, but but some some other other girls. girls. Now Now
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theythey are surprised are surprised at themselves. at themselves. Before Before my my eyeseyes history history “humanizes” “humanizes” itself, itself, becomes becomes likelike ordinary ordinary life.life. Acquires Acquires a diff a erent different lighting. lighting. I’veI’ve happened happened upon upon extraordinary extraordinary storytellers. storytellers. There There are pages are pages in in theirtheir liveslives thatthat can can rivalrival the the bestbest pages pages of the of the classics. classics. TheThe person person seessees herself herself so clearly so clearly from from above— above— from from heaven, heaven, andand from from below— below— from from the the ground. ground. Before Before her her is the is the whole whole path— path— up and up and down— down— from from angel angel to beast. to beast. Remembering Remembering is not is not a passionate a passionate or dispassionate or dispassionate retelling retelling of of a reality a reality thatthat is nois more, no more, but but a new a new birth birth of the of the past,past, when when timetime goesgoes in reverse. in reverse. Above Above all itallisitcreativity. is creativity. As they As they narrate, narrate, people people create, create, theythey “write” “write” theirtheir life.life. Sometimes Sometimes theythey alsoalso “write “write up”up” or “rewrite.” or “rewrite.” Here Here youyou havehave to be tovigilant. be vigilant. On On youryour guard. guard. At the At the samesame timetime painpain melts melts andand destroys destroys anyany falsehood. falsehood. TheThe temperature temperature is too is too high! high! Simple Simple people— people— nurses, nurses, cooks, cooks, laundresses— laundresses— behave behave more more sincerely, sincerely, I became I became convinced convinced of that . of that . . . They, . . They, howhow shallshall I putI put it exactly, it exactly, draw draw the the words words out out of themselves of themselves andand not not from from newspapers newspapers andand books books theythey havehave read— read— not not from from others. others. ButBut onlyonly from from theirtheir ownown sufferings sufferings andand expeexperiences. riences. TheThe feelings feelings andand language language of educated of educated people, people, strange strange as itas it maymay be, be, are are often often more more subject subject to the to the working working of time. of time. Its general Its general encrypting. encrypting. They They are are infected infected by secondary by secondary knowledge. knowledge. By By myths. myths. Often Often I have I have to go to for go for a long a long time, time, by various by various roundabout roundabout ways, ways, in in order order to hear to hear a story a story of aof“woman’s,” a “woman’s,” not not a “man’s” a “man’s” war:war: not not about about howhow we retreated, we retreated, howhow we advanced, we advanced, at which at which sector sector of the of the front . front . .. .. It takes It takes not not oneone meeting, meeting, but but many many sessions. sessions. LikeLike a persistent a persistent portrait portrait painter. painter. I sitIfor sit afor long a long time, time, sometimes sometimes a whole a whole day,day, in aninunknown an unknown house house or apartment. or apartment. We We drink drink tea,tea, try try on the on the recently recently bought bought blouses, blouses, dis-discusscuss hairstyles hairstyles andand recipes. recipes. Look Look at photos at photos of the of the grandchildren grandchildren to- together. gether. AndAnd then . then . . . After . . After a certain a certain time, time, youyou never never know know when when or or why, why, suddenly suddenly comes comes thisthis longlongawaited awaited moment, moment, when when the the person person departs departs from from the the canon— canon— plaster plaster andand reinforced reinforced concrete, concrete, likelike ourour monuments— monuments— andand goesgoes on to onherself. to herself. IntoInto herself. herself. Begins Begins to rememto remember ber not not the the warwar but but her her youth. youth. A piece A piece of her of her life .life . . . I .must . I must seizeseize thatthat moment. moment. NotNot missmiss it! But it! But often, often, afterafter a long a long day,day, filled filled withwith words, words,
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facts, facts, tears, tears, onlyonly oneone phrase phrase remains remains in my in my memory memory (but(but what what a a phrase!): phrase!): “I was “I was so young so young when when I leftI left for the for the front, front, I even I even grew grew during during the the war.” war.” I keep I keep it initmy in my notebook, notebook, although although I have I have dozens dozens of yards of yards of tape of tape in my in my tapetape recorder. recorder. FourFour or fior veficassettes . ve cassettes . .. .. What What helps helps me?me? ThatThat we are we used are used to living to living together. together. Communally. Communally. We We are are communal communal people. people. With With us everything us everything is iniscommon— in common— bothboth happiness happiness andand tears. tears. We We know know howhow to suff to er suffand er and howhow to tell to tell about about ourour suffering. suffering. SuffSuff ering ering justifi justifi es our es our hardhard andand ungainly ungainly life.life. ForFor us pain us pain is is art. art. I must I must admit, admit, women women boldly boldly set out set out on this on this path . path . .. ..
How How do do they they receive receive me?me? They They call call me me “little “little girl,” girl,” “dear “dear daughter,” daughter,” “dear “dear child.” child.” Probably Probably if I ifwas I was of their of their generation generation theythey would would behave behave differently differently withwith me.me. Calmly Calmly andand as equals. as equals. Without Without joy joy andand amazement, amazement, which which are are the the giftsgifts of the of the meeting meeting between between youth youth andand age.age. It isIta isvery a very important important point, point, thatthat thenthen theythey werewere young young andand now, now, as they as they remember, remember, theythey are are old.old. They They remember remember across across theirtheir life— life— across across forty forty years. years. They They open open theirtheir world world to me to me cautiously, cautiously, to spare to spare me:me: “I got “I got married married rightright afterafter the the war.war. I hidI hid behind behind my my husband. husband. Behind Behind the the humdrum, humdrum, behind behind babybaby diapers. diapers. I wanted I wanted to hide. to hide. My My mother mother alsoalso begged: begged: ‘Be ‘Be quiet! quiet! Be Be quiet! quiet! Don’t Don’t tell.’tell.’ I fulfi I fulfi lledlled my my dutyduty to the to the Motherland, Motherland, but but it makes it makes me me sad sad thatthat I was I was there. there. ThatThat I know I know about about it . .it . . And . . And youyou are are veryvery young. young. I feel I feel sorry sorry for for you . you . . .” .I .” often I often see how see how theythey sit and sit and listen listen to to themselves. themselves. To the To the sound sound of their of their ownown soul.soul. They They check check it against it against the the words. words. After After longlong years years a person a person understands understands thatthat thisthis waswas life,life, but but nownow it’s time it’s time to resign to resign yourself yourself andand get get ready ready to go. to go. YouYou don’t don’t want want to, and to, and it’s too it’s too bad bad to vanish to vanish justjust likelike that.that. Casually. Casually. In passing. In passing. AndAnd when when youyou looklook backback youyou feelfeel a wish a wish not not onlyonly to tell to tell about about youryour life,life, but but alsoalso to fathom to fathom the the mystery mystery of life of life itself. itself. To To answer answer youryour ownown question: question: Why Why did did all this all this happen happen to me? to me? YouYou gazegaze at everything at everything withwith a parting a parting andand slightly slightly sorrowful sorrowful look look . . . . Almost . . Almost from from the the other other side . side . . . No . . No longer longer anyany needneed to deceive to deceive anyone anyone or yourself. or yourself. It’s already It’s already
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clearclear to you to you thatthat without without the the thought thought of death of death it is itimpossible is impossible to make to make out out anything anything in ain human a human being. being. Its mystery Its mystery hangs hangs overover everything. everything. WarWar is anisall antoo all too intimate intimate experience. experience. AndAnd as boundless as boundless as human as human life .life . .. .. Once Once a woman a woman (a pilot) (a pilot) refused refused to meet to meet withwith me.me. SheShe explained explained on on the the phone: phone: “I can’t . “I can’t . . . I .don’t . I don’t want want to remember. to remember. I spent I spent three three years years at war . at war . . . And . . And for for three three years years I didn’t I didn’t feelfeel myself myself a woman. a woman. My My or- organism ganism waswas dead. dead. I had I had no periods, no periods, almost almost no woman’s no woman’s desires. desires. AndAnd I I waswas beautiful . beautiful . . . When . . When my my future future husband husband proposed proposed to me . to me . . . that . . that waswas already already in Berlin, in Berlin, by the by the Reichstag . Reichstag . . . He . . He said:said: ‘The‘The war’s war’s over. over. We’re We’re stillstill alive. alive. We’re We’re lucky. lucky. Let’sLet’s get get married.’ married.’ I wanted I wanted to cry. to cry. To To shout. shout. To hit To him! hit him! What What do you do you mean, mean, married? married? Now? Now? In the In the midst midst of all of this— all this— married? married? In the In the midst midst of black of black sootsoot andand black black bricks . bricks . .. .. Look Look at me . at me . . . Look . . Look howhow I am! I am! Begin Begin by making by making me me a woman: a woman: givegive me me flowers, flowers, court court me,me, say say beautiful beautiful words. words. I want I want it soitmuch! so much! I wait I wait for for it! Iit!almost I almost hit hit him him . . . .I. was . I was about about to .to . . .He . . He hadhad oneone cheek cheek burned, burned, purple, purple, andand I see: I see: he understood he understood everything, everything, tearstears are are run-runningning down down thatthat cheek. cheek. On On the the still-stillfreshfresh scars . scars . . . And . . And I myself I myself can’tcan’t believe believe I’m I’m saying saying to him: to him: ‘Yes,‘Yes, I’ll marry I’ll marry you.’ you.’ “Forgive “Forgive me .me . . . I .can’t . . I can’t . . .” . .” I understood I understood her.her. ButBut thisthis waswas alsoalso a page a page or half or half a page a page of my of my fu- futureture book. book. Texts, Texts, texts. texts. Texts Texts everywhere. everywhere. In city In city apartments apartments andand village village cot-cottages, tages, in the in the streets streets andand on the on the train . train . . . I.listen . . I listen . . . I.turn . I turn more more andand more more intointo a biga big ear,ear, listening listening all the all the timetime to another to another person. person. I “read” I “read” voices. voices.
A human A human being being is greater is greater thanthan war . war . .. .. Memory Memory preserves preserves precisely precisely the the moments moments of that of that greatness. greatness. A A human human being being is guided is guided by something by something stronger stronger thanthan history. history. I have I have to to gaingain breadth— breadth— to write to write the the truth truth about about life life andand death death in general, in general, not not onlyonly the the truth truth about about war.war. To ask To ask Dostoevsky’s Dostoevsky’s question: question: How How much much
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human human being being is inis ainhuman a human being, being, andand howhow to protect to protect thisthis human human being being in oneself in oneself ? Evil ? Evil is unquestionably is unquestionably tempting. tempting. EvilEvil is more is more artful artful thanthan good. good. More More attractive. attractive. As IAs delve I delve more more deeply deeply intointo the the boundless boundless world world of war, of war, everything everything elseelse becomes becomes slightly slightly faded, faded, more more ordinary ordinary thanthan the the ordinary. ordinary. A grandiose A grandiose andand predatory predatory world. world. Now Now I underI understand stand the the solitude solitude of the of the human human being being whowho comes comes backback from from there. there. As As if from if from another another planet planet or from or from the the other other world. world. ThisThis human human being being has has a knowledge a knowledge thatthat others others do not do not have, have, thatthat can can be obtained be obtained onlyonly there, there, closeclose to death. to death. When When she she triestries to put to put something something intointo words, words, she she has has a a sense sense of catastrophe. of catastrophe. SheShe is struck is struck dumb. dumb. SheShe wants wants to tell, to tell, the the others others would would likelike to understand, to understand, but but theythey are all arepowerless. all powerless. They They are always are always in a in diff a erent different space space thanthan the the listener. listener. They They are surare surrounded rounded by an by invisible an invisible world. world. At least At least three three persons persons participate participate in in the the conversation: conversation: the the oneone whowho is talking is talking now, now, the the oneone she she waswas then, then, at the at the moment moment of the of the event, event, andand myself. myself. My My goalgoal firstfiof rstall ofisalltoisget to get at at the the truth truth of those of those years. years. Of Of those those days. days. Without Without sham sham feelings. feelings. JustJust afterafter the the warwar thisthis woman woman would would havehave toldtold of one of one war;war; afterafter decades, decades, of course, of course, it changes it changes somewhat, somewhat, because because she she addsadds her her whole whole life life to this to this memory. memory. HerHer whole whole self.self. How How she she livedlived those those years, years, what what she she read,read, saw,saw, whom whom she she met.met. Finally, Finally, whether whether she she is happy is happy or unhappy. or unhappy. Do Do we we talktalk by ourselves, by ourselves, or isorsomeone is someone elseelse there? there? Family? Family? If it’s If it’s friends, friends, what what sort?sort? Friends Friends from from the the front front are are oneone thing, thing, all the all the restrest are are an- another. other. My My documents documents are living are living beings; beings; theythey change change andand fluctuate fluctuate to- together gether withwith us; us; there there is nois end no end of things of things to be to gotten be gotten out out of them. of them. Something Something newnew andand necessary necessary for for us precisely us precisely now. now. ThisThis veryvery mo-moment. ment. What What are we are looking we looking for?for? Most Most often often not not great great deeds deeds andand heroheroism,ism, but but small, small, human human things, things, the the most most interesting interesting andand intimate intimate for for us. Well, us. Well, what what would would I like I like most most to know, to know, for for instance, instance, from from the the life life of ancient of ancient Greece? Greece? From From the the history history of Sparta? of Sparta? I would I would likelike to read to read howhow people people talked talked at home at home thenthen andand what what theythey talked talked about. about. How How theythey went went to war. to war. What What words words theythey spoke spoke on the on the last last day day andand the the last last night night before before parting parting withwith theirtheir loved loved ones. ones. How How theythey sawsaw them them off to off to war.war. How How theythey awaited awaited theirtheir return return from from war . war . . . Not . . Not heroes heroes or genor generals, erals, but but ordinary ordinary young young men . men . .. ..
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History History through through the the story story toldtold by an by unnoticed an unnoticed witness witness andand par-participant. ticipant. Yes,Yes, thatthat interests interests me,me, thatthat I would I would likelike to make to make intointo literaliterature.ture. ButBut the the narrators narrators are are not not onlyonly witnesses— witnesses— leastleast of all of are all are theythey witnesses; witnesses; theythey are are actors actors andand makers. makers. It isItimpossible is impossible to go to right go right up up to reality. to reality. Between Between us and us and reality reality are our are our feelings. feelings. I understand I understand thatthat I I am am dealing dealing withwith versions, versions, thatthat eacheach person person has has her her version, version, andand it isit is from from them, them, from from theirtheir plurality plurality andand theirtheir intersections, intersections, thatthat the the image image of the of the timetime andand the the people people living living in itinisitborn. is born. ButBut I would I would not not likelike it it to betosaid be said of my of my book: book: her her heroes heroes are real, are real, andand no more no more thanthan that.that. ThisThis is just is just history. history. Mere Mere history. history. I write I write not not about about war,war, but but about about human human beings beings in war. in war. I write I write not not the the history history of aof war, a war, but but the the history history of feelings. of feelings. I amI aam historian a historian of the of the soul.soul. On On the the oneone hand hand I examine I examine specifi specifi c human c human beings, beings, living living in ain a specifi specifi c time c time andand taking taking partpart in specifi in specifi c events, c events, andand on the on the other other hand hand I have I have to discern to discern the the eternally eternally human human in them. in them. TheThe tremor tremor of eternity. of eternity. ThatThat which which is inishuman in human beings beings at allattimes. all times. They They say to sayme: to me: Well, Well, memories memories are neither are neither history history nor nor literature. literature. They’re They’re simply simply life,life, full full of rubbish of rubbish andand not not tidied tidied up by up the by the hand hand of of an artist. an artist. TheThe rawraw material material of talk, of talk, every every day day is filled is filled withwith it. These it. These bricks bricks lie about lie about everywhere. everywhere. ButBut bricks bricks don’t don’t make make a temple! a temple! ForFor me me it isitallisdiff all erent . different . . . It. is . Itprecisely is precisely there, there, in the in the warm warm human human voice, voice, in in the the living living reflection reflection of the of the past,past, thatthat the the primordial primordial joy joy is concealed is concealed andand the the insurmountable insurmountable tragedy tragedy of life of life is laid is laid bare.bare. Its chaos Its chaos andand pas-passion.sion. Its uniqueness Its uniqueness andand inscrutability. inscrutability. NotNot yet yet subjected subjected to any to any treattreatment. ment. TheThe originals. originals. I build I build temples temples out out of our of our feelings . feelings . . . Out . . Out of our of our desires, desires, ourour dis-disappointments. appointments. Dreams. Dreams. OutOut of that of that which which was,was, but but might might slip slip away. away.
Once Once again again about about thethe samesame thing . thing . . . I’m . . I’m interested interested not not onlyonly in in the the reality reality thatthat surrounds surrounds us, but us, but in the in the oneone thatthat is within is within us. I’m us. I’m in- interested terested not not in the in the event event itself, itself, but but in the in the event event of feelings. of feelings. Let’sLet’s say— say— the the soulsoul of the of the event. event. ForFor me me feelings feelings are reality. are reality. AndAnd history? history? It isItinisthe in the street. street. In the In the crowd. crowd. I believe I believe thatthat in each in each
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of usofthere us there is a small is a small piece piece of history. of history. In one In one halfhalf a page, a page, in another in another twotwo or three. or three. Together Together we we write write the the book book of time. of time. We We eacheach call call out out ourour truth. truth. TheThe nightmare nightmare of nuances. of nuances. AndAnd it allithas all has to be toheard, be heard, andand oneone has has to dissolve to dissolve in itinall, it all, andand become become it all. it all. AndAnd at the at the samesame timetime not not loselose oneself. oneself. To combine To combine the the language language of the of the street street andand literature. literature. TheThe problem problem is also is also thatthat we speak we speak about about the the pastpast in presentin presentday day language. language. How How can can we convey we convey the the feelings feelings of those of those days? days?
A phone A phone callcall in the in the morning: morning: “We’re “We’re not not acquainted . acquainted . . . But . . But I’veI’ve come come from from Crimea, Crimea, I’m I’m calling calling from from the the traintrain station. station. Is itIsfar it from far from you?you? I want I want to tell to tell youyou my my war . war . . .” . .” Really?! Really?! AndAnd I was I was about about to go to to gothe to the parkpark withwith my my littlelittle girl.girl. To ride To ride the the merrymerrygo-round. go-round. How How can can I explain I explain to ato sixa sixyearyearold old what what it isitI do? is I do? SheShe recently recently asked asked me:me: “What “What is war?” is war?” How How do Ido reply? I reply? . . . .I .would . I would likelike to send to send her her out out intointo thisthis world world withwith a gentle a gentle heart, heart, andand I teach I teach her her thatthat oneone shouldn’t shouldn’t simply simply go and go and pickpick a flower. a flower. It’s It’s a pity a pity to crush to crush a a ladybug, ladybug, to tear to tear the the wing wing off aoff dragonfl a dragonfl y. So y.how So how am Iam to Iexplain to explain warwar to the to the child? child? To explain To explain death? death? To answer To answer the the question question of why of why people people kill?kill? KillKill eveneven littlelittle children children likelike herself. herself. We,We, the the adults, adults, are are as ifasinif in collusion. collusion. We We understand understand what what the the talktalk is about. is about. ButBut what what of chilof children? dren? After After the the warwar my my parents parents somehow somehow explained explained it toit me, to me, but but I I can’tcan’t explain explain it toitmy to my child. child. Can’t Can’t findfithe nd the words. words. We We likelike warwar less less andand less;less; it’s more it’s more andand more more diffidiffi cultcult to fito ndfiand justifi a justifi cation cation for it. forFor it. For us it’s us it’s simply simply murder. murder. At least At least it isitfor is me. for me. I would I would likelike to write to write a book a book about about warwar thatthat would would make make warwar sick-sickening, ening, andand the the veryvery thought thought of itofrepulsive. it repulsive. Insane. Insane. So that So that eveneven the the generals generals would would be sickened . be sickened . .. .. My My menmen friends friends (as opposed (as opposed to women) to women) are are taken taken aback aback by such by such “women’s” “women’s” logic. logic. AndAnd again again I hear I hear the the “men’s” “men’s” argument: argument: “You “You weren’t weren’t in the in the war.” war.” ButBut maybe maybe that’s that’s a good a good thing: thing: I don’t I don’t know know the the passion passion of hatred; of hatred; my my vision vision is normal. is normal. Unwarlike, Unwarlike, unmanly. unmanly. There There is a isconcept a concept in optics in optics called called “light“lightgathering gathering power”— power”— the the
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greater greater or lesser or lesser ability ability of aoflens a lens to fito x the fix the caught caught image. image. So, So, then, then, women’s women’s memory memory of the of the warwar is the is the most most “light“lightgathering” gathering” in terms in terms of of strength strength of feelings, of feelings, in terms in terms of pain. of pain. I would I would eveneven say say thatthat “wom“women’s”en’s” warwar is more is more terrible terrible thanthan “men’s.” “men’s.” MenMen hidehide behind behind history, history, be- behindhind facts; facts; warwar fascinates fascinates them them as action as action andand a confl a confl ict of ict ideas, of ideas, of of interests, interests, whereas whereas women women are are caught caught up with up with feelings. feelings. AndAnd another another thing: thing: menmen are are prepared prepared from from childhood childhood for for the the factfact thatthat theythey maymay havehave to shoot. to shoot. Women Women are not are not taught taught that . that . . . They . . They are not are not prepared prepared to do to that do that work . work . . . And . . And theythey remember remember other other things, things, andand remember remember differently. differently. They They are capable are capable of seeing of seeing what what is closed is closed to men. to men. I repeat I repeat onceonce more: more: theirtheir warwar has has smell, smell, has has color, color, a detailed a detailed world world of exisof existence: tence: “They “They gavegave us kit us bags kit bags andand we we made made skirts skirts out out of them”; of them”; “I “I went went intointo the the recruiting recruiting office offithrough ce through oneone doordoor wearing wearing a dress, a dress, andand came came out out through through the the other other wearing wearing trousers trousers andand an army an army shirt, shirt, withwith my my braid braid cut cut off, off and, and onlyonly a little a little locklock left left on my on my forehead . forehead . . .”;. “The .”; “The Germans Germans gunned gunned down down the the village village andand left .left . . . We . . We came came to the to the place: place: trampled trampled yellow yellow sand, sand, andand on top on top of itofone it one child’s child’s shoe shoe . . .”. .I.”had I had beenbeen warned warned more more thanthan onceonce (especially (especially by male by male writers): writers): “Women “Women are going are going to invent to invent a pile a pile of things of things for for you.you. All All sortssorts of fiof ction.” fiction.” ButBut I’m I’m convinced convinced thatthat suchsuch things things cannot cannot be invented. be invented. Who Who could could theythey be copied be copied from? from? If that If that can can be copied, be copied, it’s only it’s only from from life;life; life life alone alone has has suchsuch fantasy. fantasy. Whatever Whatever women women talktalk about, about, the the thought thought is constantly is constantly present present in in them: them: warwar is first is fiof rstall ofmurder, all murder, andand thenthen hardhard work. work. AndAnd thenthen simply simply ordinary ordinary life:life: singing, singing, falling falling in love, in love, putting putting youryour hairhair in curlers . in curlers . .. .. In the In the center center there there is always is always this:this: howhow unbearable unbearable andand unthinkable unthinkable it isittoisdie. to die. AndAnd howhow much much more more unbearable unbearable andand unthinkable unthinkable it isittois to kill,kill, because because a woman a woman gives gives life.life. Gives Gives it. Bears it. Bears it initherself in herself for afor long a long time, time, nurses nurses it. I it. understood I understood thatthat it is itmore is more diffidiffi cultcult for women for women to kill. to kill.
Men Men . . .. They . . They reluctantly reluctantly let women let women intointo theirtheir world, world, ontoonto theirtheir territory. territory. At the At the Minsk Minsk tractor tractor factory factory I was I was looking looking for for a woman a woman whowho hadhad
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served served in the in the army army as aassniper. a sniper. SheShe hadhad beenbeen a famous a famous sniper. sniper. TheThe newspapers newspapers from from the the front front hadhad written written about about her her more more thanthan once. once. HerHer Moscow Moscow girlfriends girlfriends gavegave me me her her home home phone phone number, number, but but it was it was old.old. AndAnd the the last last name name I had I had noted noted down down waswas her her maiden maiden name. name. I I went went to the to the factory factory where where I knew I knew she she worked worked in the in the personnel personnel departdepartment, ment, andand I heard I heard from from the the menmen (the(the director director of the of the factory factory andand the the headhead of the of the personnel personnel department): department): “Aren’t “Aren’t there there enough enough men? men? What What do you do you needneed these these women’s women’s stories stories for?for? Women’s Women’s fantasies . fantasies . . .” .The .” The menmen werewere afraid afraid thatthat women women would would tell tell about about some some wrong wrong sortsort of of war.war. I visited I visited a family . a family . . . Both . . Both husband husband andand wifewife hadhad fought. fought. They They metmet at the at the front front andand got got married married there: there: “We“We celebrated celebrated ourour wedding wedding in the in the trench. trench. Before Before the the battle. battle. I made I made a white a white dressdress for myself for myself out out of aof Gera Germanman parachute.” parachute.” He had He had beenbeen a machine a machine gunner, gunner, she she a radio a radio operator. operator. TheThe manman immediately immediately sentsent his wife his wife to the to the kitchen: kitchen: “Prepare “Prepare somesomething thing for us.” for us.” TheThe kettle kettle waswas already already boiling, boiling, andand the the sandwiches sandwiches werewere served, served, she she sat down sat down withwith us, but us, but the the husband husband immediately immediately got got her her to to her her feetfeet again: again: “Where “Where are are the the strawberries? strawberries? Where Where are are ourour treats treats from from the the country?” country?” After After my my repeated repeated requests, requests, he reluctantly he reluctantly relinrelinquished quished his place, his place, saying: saying: “Tell “Tell it the it the wayway I taught I taught you.you. Without Without tearstears andand women’s women’s trifltrifl es: how es: how youyou wanted wanted to be tobeautiful, be beautiful, howhow youyou wept wept when when theythey cut cut off your off your braid.” braid.” Later Later she she whispered whispered to me: to me: “He“He studstudied The ied The History History of theof Great the Great Patriotic Patriotic WarWar withwith me me all last all last night. night. He He waswas afraid afraid for me. for me. AndAnd nownow he’she’s worried worried I won’t I won’t remember remember right. right. NotNot the the wayway I should.” I should.” ThatThat happened happened more more thanthan once, once, in more in more thanthan oneone house. house. Yes,Yes, theythey cry cry a lot. a lot. They They shout. shout. Swallow Swallow heart heart pillspills afterafter I amI gone. am gone. CallCall an ambulance. an ambulance. ButBut eveneven so they so they begbeg me:me: “Come. “Come. Be sure Be sure to come. to come. We’ve We’ve beenbeen silent silent so long. so long. Forty Forty years . years . . .” . .” I realize I realize thatthat tearstears andand criescries cannot cannot be subjected be subjected to processing, to processing, oth-otherwise erwise the the main main thing thing willwill be not be not the the tearstears andand cries, cries, but but the the processprocessing.ing. Instead Instead of life of life we’re we’re left left withwith literature. literature. SuchSuch is the is the material, material, the the temperature temperature of this of this material. material. Permanently Permanently off off the the charts. charts. A human A human
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being being is most is most visible visible andand open open in war, in war, andand maybe maybe alsoalso in love. in love. To the To the depths, depths, to the to the subcutaneous subcutaneous layers. layers. In the In the faceface of death of death all ideas all ideas pale,pale, andand inconceivable inconceivable eternity eternity opens opens up, up, for for which which no one no one is prepared. is prepared. We We stillstill livelive in history, in history, not not in the in the cosmos. cosmos. Several Several times times women women sentsent backback my my transcribed transcribed texttext withwith a posta postscript: script: “No“No needneed for for small small details details . . . .Write . . Write about about ourour great great Vic-Victory . tory . . .” .But .” But “small “small details” details” are are what what is most is most important important for for me,me, the the warmth warmth andand vividness vividness of life: of life: a lock a lock left left on the on the forehead forehead onceonce the the braid braid is cut; is cut; the the hot hot kettles kettles of kasha of kasha andand soup, soup, which which no one no one eats,eats, be- because cause out out of aof hundred a hundred persons persons onlyonly seven seven came came backback from from the the battle; battle; or how or how afterafter the the warwar theythey could could not not go to gothe to the market market andand looklook at the at the rowsrows of red of red meat . meat . . . Or . . even Or even at red at red cloth . cloth . . . “Ah, . . “Ah, my my good good girl,girl, forty forty years years havehave already already gonegone by, by, but but youyou won’t won’t findfianything nd anything red red in my in my house. house. EverEver sincesince the the warwar I’veI’ve hated hated the the color color red!” red!”
I listen I listen to the to the pain . pain . . . Pain . . Pain as the as the proof proof of past of past life.life. There There are no are no other other proofs, proofs, I don’t I don’t trusttrust other other proofs. proofs. Words Words havehave more more thanthan onceonce led us ledaway us away from from the the truth. truth. I think I think of suff of ering suffering as the as the highest highest form form of information, of information, having having a a direct direct connection connection withwith mystery. mystery. With With the the mystery mystery of life. of life. All of AllRusof Russiansian literature literature is about is about that.that. It has It has written written more more about about suffering suffering thanthan about about love.love. AndAnd these these women women tell tell me me more more about about it . .it . . ..
Who Who were were they— they— Russians Russians or Soviets? or Soviets? No,No, theythey werewere Soviets— Soviets— andand Russians, Russians, andand Belorussians, Belorussians, andand Ukrainians, Ukrainians, andand Tajiks . Tajiks . .. .. Yet Yet there there waswas suchsuch a thing a thing as Soviet as Soviet people. people. I don’t I don’t think think suchsuch peo-people ple willwill everever existexist again, again, andand theythey themselves themselves nownow understand understand that.that. Even Even we,we, theirtheir children, children, are are different. different. We We want want to be tolike be like everybody everybody else.else. NotNot likelike ourour parents, parents, but but likelike the the restrest of the of the world. world. To say To say nothnothing ing of the of the grandchildren . grandchildren . .. ..
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* * ButBut I love I love them. them. I admire I admire them. them. They They hadhad Stalin Stalin andand the the Gulag, Gulag, but but theythey alsoalso hadhad the the Victory. Victory. AndAnd theythey know know that.that. I received I received a letter a letter recently: recently: “My“My daughter daughter loves loves me me veryvery much; much; I I am aam heroine a heroine for her. for her. If she If she reads reads youryour book, book, she she willwill be greatly be greatly disapdisappointed. pointed. Filth, Filth, lice,lice, endless endless blood— blood— that’s that’s all true. all true. I don’t I don’t denydeny it. But it. But can can the the memory memory of itofpossibly it possibly engender engender noble noble feelings? feelings? Prepare Prepare oneone for afor great a great deed . deed . . . ?”. . ?” More More thanthan onceonce I’veI’ve realized: realized: . . . .our . . our memory memory is faris from far from an ideal an ideal instrument. instrument. It isItnot is not onlyonly ar- arbitrary bitrary andand capricious, capricious, it isitalso is also chained chained to time, to time, likelike a dog. a dog. . . . .we . . we looklook at the at the pastpast from from today; today; we we cannot cannot looklook at itatfrom it from anywhere anywhere else.else. . . . .they, . . they, too,too, are in arelove in love withwith what what happened happened to them, to them, because because it it is not is not onlyonly war,war, but but alsoalso theirtheir youth. youth. Their Their firstfilove. rst love.
I listen I listen when when they they speak . speak . . . I .listen . I listen when when theythey are silent . are silent . . . Both . . Both words words andand silence silence are the are the texttext for me. for me.
—This —This isn’tisn’t for print, for print, it’s for it’s you . for you . . . The . . The older older people . people . . . they . . they sat on sat on the the traintrain deepdeep in thought . in thought . . . Sad. . . Sad. I remember I remember howhow oneone major major began began talking talking to me to me during during the the night, night, when when everybody everybody waswas asleep, asleep, about about Stalin. Stalin. He He hadhad drunk drunk a lota and lot and became became bold; bold; he confessed he confessed thatthat his fahis fatherther hadhad already already spent spent ten ten years years in the in the camps camps without without the the rightright of of † † correspondence. correspondence. Whether Whether he was he was alivealive or not, or not, no one no one knew. knew. ThisThis major major spoke spoke terrible terrible words: words: “I want “I want to defend to defend the the Motherland, Motherland, but but I I don’t don’t want want to defend to defend thatthat traitor traitor of the of the revolution— revolution— Stalin.” Stalin.” I had I had * Gulag * Gulag is theisRussian the Russian acronym acronym for “Main for “Main Administration Administration of Camps,” of Camps,” i.e., the i.e.,system the system of of “corrective” “corrective” forced forced laborlabor campscamps instituted instituted in theinSoviet the Soviet Union Union beginning beginning in 1918. in 1918. † In † Soviet In Soviet legal legal terminology terminology the phrase the phrase “without “without the right the right of correspondence” of correspondence” usually usually meantmeant the prisoner the prisoner had been had been executed. executed.
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never never heard heard suchsuch words . words . . . I .was . I was frightened. frightened. Fortunately, Fortunately, by mornby morning ing he disappeared. he disappeared. Probably Probably got got off .off . . . . .
—I’ll —tell I’ll tell youyou in secret in secret . . . .I. was . I was friends friends withwith Oksana, Oksana, she she waswas fromfrom Ukraine. Ukraine. It was It was fromfrom her her thatthat I first I fiheard rst heard of the of the horrible horrible hunger hunger in in * * Ukraine. Ukraine. Golodomor. Golodomor. You You couldn’t couldn’t eveneven findfiandfrog a frog or aormouse— a mouse— everything everything hadhad beenbeen eaten. eaten. HalfHalf the the people people in her in her settlement settlement died.died. All All her her younger younger brothers, brothers, her her father father andand mother mother died,died, but but she she saved saved herself herself † † by stealing by stealing horse horse dung dung at the at kolkhoz the kolkhoz stable stable by night by night andand eating eating it. Noit. Nobody body could could eat it, eatbut it, but she she did:did: “When “When it’s warm it’s warm it’s disgusting, it’s disgusting, but but youyou can can eat iteat cold. it cold. Frozen Frozen is the is best, the best, it smells it smells of hay.” of hay.” I said, I said, “Oksana, “Oksana, ComComraderade Stalin Stalin is fighting. is fighting. He He destroys destroys the the saboteurs, saboteurs, but but there there are many.” are many.” “No,” “No,” she she said,said, “you’re “you’re stupid. stupid. My My father father waswas a history a history teacher, teacher, he said he said to me, to me, ‘Someday ‘Someday Comrade Comrade Stalin Stalin willwill answer answer for his for crimes . his crimes . . . ’ ”. . ’ ” At night At night I layI there lay there andand thought: thought: What What if Oksana if Oksana is the is the enemy? enemy? A A spy?spy? What What am am I toIdo? to do? TwoTwo daysdays laterlater she she waswas killed killed in combat. in combat. SheShe hadhad no family no family left,left, there there waswas no one no one to send to send the the death death notice notice to . to . .. ..
I touch I touch upon upon thisthis subject subject carefully carefully andand rarely. rarely. They They are still are still paralyzed paralyzed not not onlyonly by Stalin’s by Stalin’s hypnosis hypnosis andand fear,fear, but but alsoalso by their by their former former faith. faith. They They cannot cannot stopstop loving loving what what theythey usedused to love. to love. Courage Courage in war in war andand courage courage of thought of thought are are twotwo different different courages. courages. I used I used to think to think theythey werewere the the same. same.
TheThe manuscript manuscript hashas beenbeen lying lying on the on the deskdesk for afor long a long time . time . .. .. ForFor twotwo years years nownow I’veI’ve beenbeen getting getting rejections rejections from from publishers. publishers. * Golodomor * Golodomor (“holodomor” (“holodomor” in Ukrainian) in Ukrainian) meansmeans “death “death by hunger.” by hunger.” The term The term refersrefers to theto the deliberately deliberately created created famine famine of 1932– of 1932– 1933 in 1933 Ukraine, in Ukraine, which which cost many cost many millions millions of lives. of lives. †
The † Soviet The Soviet acronym acronym for “collective for “collective farm.” farm.”
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Magazines Magazines don’t don’t reply. reply. TheThe verdict verdict is always is always the the same: same: warwar is too is too ter-terrible. rible. So much So much horror. horror. Naturalism. Naturalism. No No leading leading andand guiding guiding rolerole of of the the Communist Communist Party. Party. In short, In short, not not the the rightright kindkind of war . of war . . . What . . What is is the the rightright kind? kind? With With generals generals andand a wise a wise generalissimo? generalissimo? Without Without blood blood andand lice?lice? With With heroes heroes andand great great deeds? deeds? ButBut I remember I remember from from childhood: childhood: my my grandmother grandmother andand I areI walking are walking beside beside a biga big field, field, andand she she tellstells me:me: “After “After the the warwar nothing nothing grew grew in this in this fieldfifor eld afor long a long time. time. TheThe Germans Germans werewere retreating . retreating . . . And . . And there there waswas a battle a battle here, here, it went it went on for on two for two days . days . . . The . . The deaddead lay next lay next to each to each other other likelike sheaves. sheaves. LikeLike railroad railroad ties.ties. TheThe Germans’ Germans’ andand ours. ours. After After rainrain theythey all had all had tear-tearstained stained faces. faces. OurOur whole whole village village spent spent a month a month burying burying them.” them.” How How can can I forget I forget thatthat field? field? I don’t I don’t simply simply record. record. I collect, I collect, I track I track down down the the human human spirit spirit wherever wherever suffering suffering makes makes a small a small manman intointo a great a great man. man. Wherever Wherever a a manman grows. grows. AndAnd thenthen for for me me he ishenois longer no longer the the mute mute andand traceless traceless proletarian proletarian of history. of history. With With a torna tornoff soul. off soul. What What thenthen is my is my confl confl ict ict withwith the the authorities? authorities? I understood— I understood— a great a great ideaidea needs needs a small a small human human being, being, not not a great a great one.one. A great A great oneone is superfl is superfl uousuous andand inconvenient inconvenient for for it. Hard it. Hard to process. to process. AndAnd I look I look for them. for them. I look I look for small for small great great human human beings. beings. Humiliated, Humiliated, trampled trampled upon, upon, insulted— insulted— having having gonegone through through Stalin’s Stalin’s camps camps andand treachery, treachery, these these human human beings beings came came out out victorious. victorious. They They performed performed a miracle. a miracle. ButBut the the history history of the of the warwar hadhad beenbeen replaced replaced by the by the history history of the of the victory. victory. They They themselves themselves willwill tell tell about about it . .it . . .. S E VSEEN V TE ENETNE EYNE AYRE SA R LA S TLEART E R
2 0 0220–0220–0240 0 4
I’m I’m reading reading my my oldold journal . journal . .. .. I’m I’m trying trying to remember to remember the the person person I was I was when when I was I was writing writing thisthis book. book. ThatThat person person is nois more, no more, justjust as the as the country country in which in which we we thenthen livedlived is nois more. no more. Yet Yet it isitthat is that country country thatthat hadhad beenbeen defended defended andand in in
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whose whose name name people people hadhad dieddied in the in the years years ’41 to ’41’45. to ’45. Outside Outside the the win-windowdow everything everything is diff is erent: different: a new a new millennium, millennium, newnew wars, wars, newnew ideas, ideas, newnew weapons, weapons, andand the the Russian Russian (more (more exactly, exactly, RussianRussianSoviet) Soviet) manman changed changed in ain totally a totally unexpected unexpected way.way. Gorbachev’s Gorbachev’s perestroika perestroika began began . . . .*. My . * My book book waswas published published at at once, once, in aninastonishing an astonishing printing— printing— twotwo million million copies. copies. ThisThis waswas a time a time when when many many startling startling things things werewere happening, happening, when when we again we again furiously furiously toretore off somewhere. off somewhere. Again Again intointo the the future. future. We We stillstill did did not not know know (or (or elseelse forgot) forgot) thatthat revolution revolution is always is always an illusion, an illusion, especially especially in our in our his-history. tory. ButBut thatthat would would come come later, later, andand at the at the timetime everybody everybody waswas drunk drunk withwith the the air of airfreedom. of freedom. I began I began to receive to receive dozens dozens of letters of letters daily, daily, my my folders folders werewere swelling. swelling. People People wanted wanted to talk . to talk . . . to. .fito nish finish talking . talking . .. .. They They became became more more freefree andand more more open. open. I had I had no doubt no doubt thatthat I was I was doomed doomed to go to on go writing on writing my my books books endlessly. endlessly. NotNot rewriting, rewriting, but but writing. writing. A full A full stopstop immediately immediately turns turns intointo an ellipsis . an ellipsis . .. ..
I think I think that that today today I would I would probably probably ask ask different different questions questions andand hearhear different different answers. answers. AndAnd would would write write a diff a erent different book— book— not not en- entirely tirely different, different, but but stillstill different. different. TheThe documents documents (the(the onesones I deal I deal with) with) are are living living witnesses; witnesses; theythey don’t don’t harden harden likelike cooled cooled clay.clay. They They don’t don’t grow grow mute. mute. They They move move together together withwith us. us. What What would would I askI ask more more about about now? now? What What would would I like I like to add? to add? I would I would be interested be interested in . in . . . I’m . . I’m hunting hunting for for the the word . word . . . the . . the biological biological human human being, being, not not justjust the the human human being being of time of time andand ideas. ideas. I would I would try try to delve to delve deeper deeper intointo human human nature, nature, intointo the the darkness, darkness, intointo the the subconscious. subconscious. IntoInto the the mystery mystery of war. of war. I would I would write write about about my my visitvisit to ato former a former partisan partisan fighter. fighter. A heavyA heavyset but set but stillstill beautiful beautiful woman. woman. SheShe toldtold me how me how her her group group (she(she waswas the the oldest, oldest, plusplus twotwo adolescents) adolescents) went went on aon scouting a scouting mission mission andand accidenaccidentallytally captured captured fourfour Germans. Germans. They They circled circled about about in the in the forest forest withwith * Gorbachev’s * Gorbachev’s perestroika: perestroika: The The “restructuring” “restructuring” begunbegun in 1986 in 1986 underunder Mikhail Mikhail Gorbachev Gorbachev (1933–(1933– ), the),last theGeneral last General Secretary Secretary of theofCommunist the Communist PartyParty and head and head of state of state until until the dissoluthe dissolution of tion theofSoviet the Soviet Union Union in 1991. in 1991.
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them them for for a long a long time. time. RanRan intointo an ambush. an ambush. It became It became clearclear thatthat theythey would would not not be able be able to break to break through through withwith the the captives captives andand get get away, away, andand she she made made a decision— a decision— to dispose to dispose of them. of them. TheThe adolescents adolescents would would not not havehave beenbeen ableable to kill to kill them; them; theythey hadhad beenbeen wandering wandering together together in in the the forest forest for afor few a few days, days, andand when when youyou spend spend thatthat much much timetime withwith a a person, person, eveneven a stranger, a stranger, youyou get get usedused to him, to him, he becomes he becomes close— close— youyou know know howhow he eats, he eats, howhow he sleeps, he sleeps, what what kindkind of eyes of eyes andand hands hands he has. he has. No,No, the the adolescents adolescents couldn’t couldn’t do it. doThat it. That became became clearclear to her to her at once. at once. So she So she hadhad to kill to kill them. them. SheShe recalled recalled howhow she she did did it. She it. She hadhad to deceive to deceive her her ownown people people andand the the Germans. Germans. SheShe supposedly supposedly went went to fetch to fetch water water withwith oneone German German andand shotshot himhim from from behind. behind. In the In the head. head. SheShe tooktook another another to gather to gather brushwood . brushwood . . . I.was . I was shocked shocked to hear to hear her her tell tell it soit so calmly. calmly. Those Those whowho werewere in the in the warwar remember remember thatthat it took it took three three daysdays for afor a civilian civilian to turn to turn intointo a military a military man. man. Why Why are three are three daysdays enough? enough? Or is Or is thatthat alsoalso a myth? a myth? Most Most likely. likely. A human A human being being in war in war is allis the all the more more unfamiliar unfamiliar andand incomprehensible. incomprehensible. I read I read in all inthe all the letters: letters: “I didn’t “I didn’t tell tell youyou everything everything then, then, because because it was it was a diff a erent different time. time. We We werewere usedused to keeping to keeping quiet quiet about about many many things things . . .”. .“I .” didn’t “I didn’t confi confi de everything de everything to you. to you. NotNot longlong agoago it it waswas impossible impossible to speak to speak about about it. Or it. embarrassing.” Or embarrassing.” “I know “I know the the doc-doctors’tors’ verdict: verdict: my my diagnosis diagnosis is terrible is terrible . . . .I. want . I want to tell to tell the the whole whole truth . truth . . .” . .” AndAnd recently recently thisthis letter letter came: came: “For“For us old us old people people life life is hard . is hard . .. .. ButBut not not because because ourour pensions pensions are small are small andand humiliating. humiliating. What What wounds wounds us most us most of all of isallthat is that we we havehave beenbeen driven driven from from a great a great pastpast intointo an an unbearably unbearably small small present. present. No No oneone invites invites us anymore us anymore to appear to appear at at schools, schools, in museums, in museums, we are we not are not needed needed anymore. anymore. In the In the newspapers, newspapers, if you if you readread them, them, the the fascists fascists become become more more andand more more noble, noble, andand the the RedRed soldiers soldiers become become more more andand more more terrible.” terrible.” Time Time is also is also the the Motherland . Motherland . . . But . . But I love I love them them as before. as before. I don’t I don’t lovelove theirtheir time, time, but but I doI love do love them. them.
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Everything Everything cancan become become literature . literature . .. .. In my In my archives archives I was I was interested interested mostmost of all ofinallthe in the notebooks notebooks where where I I wrote wrote down down the the episodes episodes crossed crossed out out by the by the censors. censors. AndAnd my my conversaconversationstions withwith the censors the censors as well. as well. I also I also found found there there pages pages thatthat I hadI had thrown thrown out out myself. myself. My My self-selfcensorship, censorship, my my ownown ban.ban. AndAnd my my explanation— explanation— whywhy I had I had thrown thrown them them out.out. Many Many of these of these andand other other things things havehave beenbeen restored restored in the in book, the book, but but I would I would like like to give to give thesethese fewfew pages pages separately— separately— theythey alsoalso make make a document. a document. My My path. path. F R OF M R OW MHW AT H ATTH ET H C EE N C SEO NR SO S RS THR TH EW R EOWU O T UT
—I — just I just woke woke up in up the in the night night . . . .It’s . . It’s as ifassomebody’s if somebody’s . . . .crying . . crying nearby . nearby . . . I’m . . I’m at the at the front . front . .. .. We’re We’re retreating . retreating . . . Beyond . . Beyond Smolensk Smolensk some some woman woman gives gives me me her her dress, dress, andand I manage I manage to change to change my my clothes. clothes. I’m I’m alone . alone . . . among . . among men. men. I was I was wearing wearing trousers, trousers, but but nownow I march I march in ain summer a summer dress. dress. Suddenly Suddenly I begin I begin to have to have my .my . . . woman’s . . woman’s thing . thing . . . It. .started It started early, early, probably probably from from the the agitation. agitation. From From being being nervous, nervous, upset. upset. There There waswas nowhere nowhere to to findfiwhat nd what I needed. I needed. I was I was embarrassed! embarrassed! So embarrassed! So embarrassed! People People sleptslept under under bushes, bushes, in ditches, in ditches, on stumps on stumps in the in the forest. forest. There There werewere so many so many of us, of us, there there waswas no room no room in the in the forest forest for for everybody. everybody. We We went went on on bewildered, bewildered, deceived, deceived, trusting trusting nobody nobody anymore . anymore . . . Where . . Where waswas ourour air air force, force, where where werewere ourour tanks? tanks? Everything Everything thatthat flew,flew, drove, drove, rumbled— rumbled— waswas all German. all German. In that In that statestate I was I was captured. captured. On On the the last last day day before before I was I was captured, captured, bothboth of my of my legslegs got got broken . broken . . . I .lay . I there lay there andand peedpeed under under myself . myself . .. .. I don’t I don’t know know where where I found I found strength strength to crawl to crawl away away by night by night to the to the forest . forest . . . The . . The partisans partisans chanced chanced to pick to pick me me up. up. I’m I’m sorry sorry for for those those whowho willwill readread thisthis book, book, andand for for those those whowho won’t . won’t . .. ..
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—I — was I was on night on night duty . duty . . . Went . . Went to the to the ward ward of the of the badly badly wounded. wounded. There There waswas a captain a captain there . there . . . The . . The doctors doctors warned warned me before me before I started I started my my shiftshift thatthat he would he would die die during during the the night. night. Wouldn’t Wouldn’t make make it till it till morning . morning . . . I .ask . I ask him:him: “How “How are things? are things? Anything Anything I canI can do for do you?” for you?” I’ll never I’ll never forget forget it . .it . . He . . He suddenly suddenly smiled, smiled, suchsuch a bright a bright smile smile on his on his haggard haggard face:face: “Unbutton “Unbutton youryour coat . coat . . . Show . . Show me me youryour breast . breast . . . I. . I haven’t haven’t seenseen my my wifewife for so forlong . so long . . .” .I .” was I was totally totally at a at loss, a loss, I’d never I’d never eveneven beenbeen kissed kissed before. before. I gave I gave himhim some some answer. answer. I ranI ran away away andand came came backback an hour an hour later. later. He He lay dead. lay dead. AndAnd stillstill hadhad thatthat smile smile on his on face . his face . .. ..
—Near —Near Kerch . Kerch . . . We . . We went went on aonbarge a barge at night at night under under shelling. shelling. TheThe bowbow caught caught fire .fire . . . The . . The fire ficrept re crept along along the the deck. deck. OurOur storestore of amof ammunition munition exploded exploded . . . . a. .powerful a powerful explosion! explosion! So violent So violent thatthat the the barge barge tilted tilted on the on the rightright sideside andand began began to sink. to sink. TheThe bankbank wasn’t wasn’t far far away, away, we we knew knew the the bankbank waswas somewhere somewhere closeclose by, by, andand the the soldiers soldiers threw threw themselves themselves intointo the the water. water. There There waswas machinemachinegungun fire fifrom re from the the bank. bank. Shouts, Shouts, moans, moans, curses . curses . . . I .was . I was a good a good swimmer, swimmer, I wanted I wanted to save to save at least at least oneone of them. of them. At least At least oneone wounded wounded man . man . . . This . . This waswas in the in the water, water, not not on dry on dry land— land— a wounded a wounded manman perishes perishes at once. at once. Goes Goes to the to the bottom . bottom . . . I .heard . I heard somebody somebody nextnext to me to me come come up to upthe to the sur-surface,face, thenthen sinksink down down again. again. Up— Up— thenthen down. down. I seized I seized the the moment moment andand grabbed grabbed holdhold of him . of him . . . Something . . Something cold, cold, slimy . slimy . . . I.decided . I decided it it waswas a wounded a wounded man, man, andand his clothes his clothes hadhad beenbeen torntorn off by off the by the exploexplosion.sion. Because Because I was I was naked naked myself . myself . . . Just . . Just in my in my underwear . underwear . . . Pitch . . Pitch dark. dark. Around Around me:me: “Ohh! “Ohh! Aiie!” Aiie!” andand curses . curses . . . I .somehow . I somehow made made it toit to the the bankbank withwith him . him . . . Just . . Just thenthen there there waswas the the flashflash of aofrocket, a rocket, andand I I sawsaw thatthat I was I was holding holding a big a big wounded wounded fish.fiA sh.big A big fish,fithe sh, the sizesize of aof a man. man. A white A white sturgeon . sturgeon . . . It. was . It was dying . dying . . . I .fell . I fell down down beside beside it and it and ripped ripped out out some some sortsort of wellof wellrounded rounded curse. curse. I wept I wept from from rancor . rancor . .. .. AndAnd from from the the factfact thatthat everybody everybody waswas suffering . suffering . .. ..
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—We —We werewere trying trying to get to get out out of an of encirclement an encirclement . . . .Wherever . . Wherever we we went, went, there there werewere Germans. Germans. We We decided decided thatthat in the in the morning morning we would we would fightfight ourour wayway through. through. We We werewere going going to die to anyway, die anyway, it was it was better better to to die die withwith dignity. dignity. In combat. In combat. There There werewere three three girlsgirls withwith us. us. They They came came during during the the night night to each to each of us of who us who could . could . . . Of . . Of course, course, not not everybody everybody waswas ableable to. Nerves, to. Nerves, youyou understand. understand. ThatThat sortsort of thing . of thing . .. .. EachEach of us ofwas us was preparing preparing to die . to die . .. .. A few A few of us of survived us survived till morning . till morning . . . Very . . Very few . few . . . Well, . . Well, maybe maybe seven seven men, men, andand we we hadhad beenbeen fifty,fifty, if not if not more. more. TheThe Germans Germans cut cut us us down down withwith machinemachinegungun fire .fire . . . I. remember . I remember those those girlsgirls withwith gratigratitude. tude. In the In the morning morning I didn’t I didn’t findfiand one a one of them of them among among the the living . living . .. .. Never Never ran ran intointo them them again . again . .. .. F R OF M R OAMCAO N CO VE NR VSEARTSIAOTNI O N W I TWHI TTHH ET H C EE N C SEO NR SOR
—Who —Who willwill go to gofito ghtfight afterafter suchsuch books? books? YouYou humiliate humiliate women women withwith a primitive a primitive naturalism. naturalism. Heroic Heroic women. women. YouYou dethrone dethrone them. them. YouYou make make them them intointo ordinary ordinary women, women, females. females. ButBut ourour women women are saints. are saints. —Our —Our heroism heroism is sterile, is sterile, it leaves it leaves no room no room for physiology for physiology or biology. or biology. It’s not It’s not believable. believable. WarWar testedtested not only not only the spirit the spirit but the butbody, the body, too. too. TheThe material material shell.shell. —Where —Where did did youyou get get suchsuch thoughts? thoughts? Alien Alien thoughts. thoughts. NotNot Soviet. Soviet. YouYou laugh laugh at those at those whowho lie inliecommunal in communal graves. graves. You’ve You’ve readread too too much much * * Remarque . Remarque . . . .Remarquism . Remarquism won’t won’t get get youyou anywhere anywhere withwith us. A us.SoA Sovietviet woman woman is not is not an animal . an animal . .. ..
—Somebody —Somebody betrayed betrayed us .us . . . The . . The Germans Germans found found out out where where the the camp camp of our of our partisan partisan unitunit was.was. They They cordoned cordoned off the off the forest forest andand the the * The * German The German novelist novelist ErichErich MariaMaria Remarque Remarque (1898– (1898– 1970)1970) is bestis known best known for his fornovel his novel All All QuietQuiet on theonWestern the Western FrontFront (1928), (1928), aboutabout the harsh the harsh experiences experiences of German of German soldiers soldiers during during World World War I. War HisI.works His works werewere banned banned and publicly and publicly burned burned by the byNazis the Nazis in 1933. in 1933.
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approaches approaches to ittoon it all on sides. all sides. We We hid hid in the in the wildwild thickets, thickets, we we werewere saved saved by the by the swamps swamps where where the the punitive punitive forces forces didn’t didn’t go. go. A quagmire. A quagmire. It sucked It sucked in equipment in equipment andand people people for good. for good. ForFor days, days, for weeks, for weeks, we we stood stood up to upour to our necks necks in water. in water. OurOur radio radio operator operator waswas a woman a woman whowho hadhad recently recently given given birth. birth. TheThe babybaby waswas hungry hungry . . . . It. . had It had to be to be nursed . nursed . . . But . . But the the mother mother herself herself waswas hungry hungry andand hadhad no milk. no milk. TheThe babybaby cried. cried. TheThe punitive punitive forces forces werewere close . close . . . With . . With dogs . dogs . . . If. .the If the dogsdogs heard heard it, we’d it, we’d all be all killed. be killed. TheThe whole whole group— group— thirty thirty of us . of us . .. .. YouYou understand? understand? TheThe commander commander makes makes a decision . a decision . .. .. Nobody Nobody can can bring bring himself himself to give to give the the mother mother his order, his order, but but she she figures figures it out it out herself. herself. SheShe lowers lowers the the swaddled swaddled babybaby intointo the the water water andand holds holds it there it there for for a long a long time . time . . . The . . The babybaby doesn’t doesn’t cry cry anymore . anymore . .. .. NotNot a sound . a sound . . . And . . And we can’t we can’t raiseraise ourour eyes.eyes. Neither Neither to the to the mother mother nor nor to each to each other . other . .. ..
—We —We tooktook prisoners, prisoners, brought brought them them to the to the detachment . detachment . . . We . . We didn’t didn’t shoot shoot them, them, thatthat waswas too too easyeasy a death a death for for them; them; we stuck we stuck them them withwith ramrods ramrods likelike pigs,pigs, we we cut cut them them to pieces. to pieces. I went I went to look to look at it . at it . . . I. . I waited! waited! I waited I waited a long a long timetime for for the the moment moment when when theirtheir eyeseyes would would begin begin to burst to burst from from pain . pain . . . The . . The pupils . pupils . .. .. What What do you do you know know about about it?! it?! They They burned burned my my mother mother andand littlelittle sisters sisters on aon bonfi a bonfi re inrethe in the middle middle of our of our village . village . .. ..
—I — don’t I don’t remember remember anyany catscats or dogs or dogs during during the the war,war, I remember I remember rats.rats. Big .Big . . . with . . with yellowyellowblueblue eyes . eyes . . . There . . There werewere huge huge numbers numbers of them. of them. When When I recovered I recovered from from a wound, a wound, I was I was sentsent backback to my to my unitunit from from the the hospital. hospital. TheThe unitunit waswas stationed stationed in the in the trenches trenches nearnear Stalingrad. Stalingrad. TheThe commander commander ordered: ordered: “Take “Take her her to the to the girls’ girls’ dugout.” dugout.” I entered I entered the the dugout dugout andand firstfiof rstall of was all was surprised surprised thatthat there there waswas nothing nothing in it.in it. Empty Empty bedsbeds of fiof r branches fir branches andand that’s that’s all. all. They They didn’t didn’t warn warn me .me . . . I. . I left left my my knapsack knapsack in the in the dugout dugout andand stepped stepped out.out. When When I came I came backback
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halfhalf an hour an hour laterlater I didn’t I didn’t findfimy nd my knapsack. knapsack. NotNot a trace a trace of anything, of anything, no hair no hair comb, comb, no pencil. no pencil. It turned It turned out out the the rats rats instantly instantly devoured devoured everything . everything . .. .. In the In the morning morning theythey showed showed me me the the gnawed gnawed hands hands of the of the badly badly wounded . wounded . .. .. NotNot eveneven in the in the most most horrible horrible filmfidid lm did I seeI how see how the the rats rats leave leave be- beforefore the the bombing bombing of aoftown. a town. ThisThis wasn’t wasn’t at Stalingrad . at Stalingrad . . . This . . This waswas already already nearnear Vyazma . Vyazma . . . In. .the In the morning morning swarms swarms of rats of rats went went through through the the town, town, heading heading for the for the fields. fields. They They sensed sensed death. death. There There werewere thouthousands sands of them . of them . . . Black, . . Black, gray . gray . . . People . . People watched watched thisthis sinister sinister specspectacletacle in horror in horror andand pressed pressed against against the the houses. houses. AndAnd precisely precisely at the at the moment moment when when the the rats rats disappeared disappeared from from sight, sight, the the bombing bombing began. began. Planes Planes came came flying. flying. Instead Instead of houses of houses andand basements basements onlyonly rubble rubble waswas left .left . .. ..
—There —There werewere so many so many people people killed killed at Stalingrad at Stalingrad thatthat horses horses stopped stopped being being afraid. afraid. Usually Usually they’re they’re afraid afraid of the of the dead. dead. A horse A horse willwill never never stepstep on aon dead a dead man. man. We We gathered gathered ourour ownown dead, dead, but but there there werewere Ger-Germans mans lying lying about about everywhere. everywhere. Frozen Frozen . . . .Icy . . Icy . . . .I. was . I was a driver, a driver, I I transported transported crates crates of artillery of artillery shells, shells, I heard I heard theirtheir skulls skulls crack crack under under the the wheels . wheels . . . the . . the bones . bones . . . And . . And I was I was happy . happy . .. .. F R OF M R OAMCAO N CO VE NR VSEARTSIAOTNI O N W I TWHI TTHH ET H C EE N C SEO NR SOR
—Yes, —Yes, we paid we paid heavily heavily for for the the Victory, Victory, but but youyou should should looklook for for he- heroicroic examples. examples. There There are hundreds are hundreds of them. of them. AndAnd youyou show show the the filthfiof lth of the the war.war. TheThe underwear. underwear. YouYou make make ourour Victory Victory terrible . terrible . . . What . . What is is it you’re it you’re after? after? —The —The truth. truth. —You —You think think the the truth truth is what’s is what’s there there in life. in life. In the In the street. street. Under Under youryour feet.feet. It’s such It’s such a low a low thing thing for you. for you. Earthly. Earthly. No,No, the the truth truth is what is what we dream we dream about. about. It’s how It’s how we want we want to be! to be!
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—We —We advance . advance . . . The . . The firstfiGerman rst German villages . villages . . . We’re . . We’re young. young. Strong. Strong. FourFour years years without without women. women. There’s There’s wine wine in the in the cellars. cellars. Food. Food. We’d We’d catch catch German German girlsgirls and and . . . .Ten . . Ten menmen violated violated oneone girl girl . . . .There . . There weren’t weren’t enough enough women, women, the the population population fledflbefore ed before the the Soviet Soviet army, army, we we found found veryvery young young ones. ones. Twelve Twelve or thirteen or thirteen years years old .old . . . If. .she If she cried, cried, we’dwe’d beatbeat her,her, stuffstuff something something intointo her her mouth. mouth. It was It was painful painful for her, for her, but but funny funny for us. for Now us. Now I don’t I don’t understand understand howhow I could . I could . . . A. . A boyboy from from a cultivated a cultivated family . family . . . But . . But I didI did it . .it . . .. TheThe onlyonly thing thing we we werewere afraid afraid of was of was thatthat ourour ownown girlsgirls would would findfiout nd out about about it. Our it. Our nurses. nurses. We We werewere ashamed ashamed before before them . them . .. ..
—We —We werewere encircled . encircled . . . We . . We wandered wandered in the in forests, the forests, overover the swamps. the swamps. Ate Ate leaves, leaves, treetree bark. bark. Some Some sortsort of roots. of roots. There There werewere fivefiof veus, of one us, one a a veryvery young young boy,boy, justjust called called up for up for the the army. army. At night At night my my neighbor neighbor whispers whispers to me: to me: “The “The boy’s boy’s halfhalf dead, dead, he’llhe’ll die die anyway. anyway. YouYou get get me me . . .”. .“What .” “What do you do you mean?” mean?” “An“An ex-convict ex-convict onceonce toldtold me me . . .. . . When When theythey escaped escaped from from the the labor labor camp, camp, theythey purposely purposely tooktook a young a young manman withwith them . them . . . Human . . Human fleshflesh is edible . is edible . . . That’s . . That’s howhow theythey stayed stayed alive . alive . . .” . .” I didn’t I didn’t havehave strength strength enough enough to hit to him. hit him. TheThe nextnext day day we ran we ran intointo some some partisans . partisans . .. ..
—In—the In the afternoon afternoon the the partisans partisans roderode intointo the the village village on horseback. on horseback. They They led led the the village village headman headman andand his son his son out out of their of their house. house. They They beatbeat them them on the on the headhead withwith ironiron rodsrods till they till they fell fell down. down. AndAnd finished finished them them off on offthe on the ground. ground. I satIby satthe by the window. window. I saw I saw everything . everything . . . My . . My older older brother brother waswas among among the the partisans . partisans . . . When . . When he came he came intointo ourour house house andand wanted wanted to embrace to embrace me—“Sister me—“Sister dear!”—I dear!”—I shouted: shouted: “Don’t “Don’t come come nearnear me!me! Don’t Don’t come come nearnear me!me! You’re You’re a murderer!” a murderer!” Then Then I went I went dumb. dumb. Couldn’t Couldn’t speak speak for afor month. a month.
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My My brother brother waswas killed . killed . . . What . . What would would havehave happened happened if heif had he had stayed stayed alive? alive? AndAnd come come backback home . home . .. ..
—In—the In the morning morning the the punitive punitive forces forces set fiset re fitoreour to our village . village . . . Only . . Only those those whowho fledflto edthe to the forest forest survived. survived. They They fledflwith ed with nothing, nothing, emptyemptyhanded, handed, didn’t didn’t taketake eveneven bread. bread. No No eggseggs or lard. or lard. During During the the night night Aunt Aunt Nastya, Nastya, ourour neighbor, neighbor, beatbeat her her daughter daughter because because she she cried cried all the all the time. time. Aunt Aunt Nastya Nastya hadhad her her fivefichildren ve children withwith her.her. Yulechka, Yulechka, my my friend, friend, waswas the the weakest. weakest. SheShe waswas always always sick . sick . . . And . . And the the fourfour boys, boys, all all of them of them little, little, alsoalso asked asked to eat to eat all the all the time. time. AndAnd Aunt Aunt Nastya Nastya went went crazy: crazy: “Ooo “Ooo . . . .Ooo . . Ooo . . .”. .And .” And in the in the night night I heard I heard . . . .Yulechka . . Yulechka begged, begged, “Mama, “Mama, don’t don’t drown drown me.me. I won’t . I won’t . . . I .won’t . I won’t ask ask to eat to anyeat anymore. more. I won’t . I won’t . . .” . .” In the In the morning morning there there waswas no Yulechka no Yulechka to be toseen . be seen . .. .. Aunt Aunt Nastya . Nastya . . . We . . We went went backback to the to the embers embers of the of the village . village . . . It. . It hadhad burned burned down. down. Soon Soon Aunt Aunt Nastya Nastya hanged hanged herself herself from from the the charred charred apple apple treetree in her in her garden. garden. SheShe hung hung very, very, veryvery low.low. HerHer children children stood stood around around her her asking asking to eat . to eat . .. .. F R OF M R OAMCAO N CO VE NR VSEARTSIAOTNI O N W I TWHI TTHH ET H C EE N C SEO NR SOR
—This —This is a is lie!a lie! ThisThis is slander is slander against against ourour soldiers, soldiers, whowho liberated liberated halfhalf of Europe. of Europe. Against Against ourour partisans. partisans. Against Against ourour heroic heroic people. people. We We don’t don’t needneed youryour littlelittle history, history, we we needneed the the big big history. history. TheThe history history of the of the Victory. Victory. YouYou don’t don’t lovelove ourour heroes! heroes! YouYou don’t don’t lovelove ourour great great ideas. ideas. TheThe ideasideas of Marx of Marx andand Lenin. Lenin. —True, —True, I don’t I don’t love love greatgreat ideas. ideas. I loveI love the little the little human human being . being . .. ..
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