SGN December 21, 2012 - Section 3 - Marriage

Seattle Gay News

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Issue 51, Volume 40, December 21, 2012

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Washington embraces marriage for all

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Captain Matthew Phelps (l) proposes to Ben Schock at the White House

so I wanted to propose to him there,” Phelps told ABC News. “When I got invited to the holiday tour, six months to the day that we Matthew Phelps, a 35-year-old active had been there on our first date, it was way duty captain in the U.S. Marine Corps., too much of a coincidence to pass up.” Acmade history December 15 at the White cording to Phelps, the moment came as a House.

Capt. Phelps proposed marriage to his boyfriend, Ben Schock, 26, in the Grand Foyer of the executive mansion at the end of a holiday tour, in what is believed to be the first time two Gay men surprise to Schock. have gotten engaged in the building.

Images captured on camera by fellow It is also a first for an active-duty member of the U.S. military, regardless of tour-goers have since gone viral.

Phelps said his public proposal was wellsexual orientation. A Transgender man proposed to his partner in the East Room received among his Marine Corps peers.

But he noted that there could be a rocky earlier this year. road ahead for their relationship after the nuptials, planned for next spring.

A HAPPY COINCIDENCE “The one thing that is overshadowing “Our first date was to the White House,

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor

things,” he said, “is the fact that the Defense of Marriage Act is still in effect and the DoD [Defense Department] isn’t going to recognize our marriage.

“I’m expecting to get orders to Japan next summer, but as of right now, because they’re not going to recognize Ben as my spouse, they’re not going to pay for him to accompany me; he’s not going to have any health care coverage; and he’s not going to have access to the base while I’m gone,” Phelps added.

“I’d have to get permission to live out in town as a ‘single officer,’ so we’ll have to figure that out.”

The Supreme Court in 2013 will review the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage for federal purposes as between one man and one woman.

“When I got invited to the holiday tour, six months to the day that we had been there on our first date, it was way too much of a coincidence to pass up.”

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ALL PHOTOS BY JENNIFER CINTRON UNLESS OTHERWISE MARKED

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PHOTOS BY NATE GOWDY AND JEN DELEO

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor It’s not every day that you get to do something for friends that will change their lives, and the lives of the people around them, in a positive way, forever. So when I was presented with the opportunity to do so I took the bull by the horns and married the Harts – Ceasar and Kelsey – at exactly 12:01 a.m. on December 9.

The only catch was, the Harts were married in front of 300 to 400 of their closest friends, late Saturday night into early Sunday morning at Neighbours Seattle, a popular Gay nightclub in Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood. And the club was not just the venue – from the ownership on down through the management and staff, no detail was left unattended to, as this was to be one of the first official same-sex weddings performed in the state of Washington.

I only acted as host – the wedding officiant was, in fact, Sister Yuriko Lomein of the Sis-

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ters of Perpetual Indulgence, The Abbey of Saint Joan. The nightclub’s general manager, Steve Tracy, saw to it that the two women had a wedding cake, confetti cannons, balloon drop, and photo and video services provided.

Neighbours Seattle clubbers loved being witness to the Harts’ matrimony. Some cried, others snapped photos, while others cheered and recorded video of the historic marriage.

Both Ceasar and Kelsey are founding committee members of Social Outreach Seattle (SOSea), a social justice nonprofit organization that formed in July of this year. In addition, Ceasar is one of the nation’s most recognizable drag kings, as well as a strong advocate for the LGBTQ and Allied communities and the current reigning Mr. Neighbours Seattle 2012-13. Kelsey Hart runs the LGBTQ club at Green River Community College.

The Harts’ marriage was just one of more than 150 performed in Seattle and the state of Washington on December 9 – the day that marriage equality finally became the law of the land.

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CHIP SOMODEVILLA / GETTY IMAGES

Confessions of a marriage doubter

There’s so much more to LGBT rights.

Why all the fuss about marriage?

by Abby Dees SGN Contributing Writer I’ve been writing about marriage a lot lately, which seems weird to me because even up until my own wedding in 2008, I had mixed feelings about the massive focus on marriage equality over the last decade. I mean, when I came out in … well, a different century, we weren’t talking much about marriage as a major goal. We

marriage was domestic partnership, which we fought for and won in many places.

All of these things were so practical and necessary and all are still pressing issues somewhere, even if we’ve moved forward in other places. We wanted then, and now, to live our lives like anyone else without running headfirst into stupidity, ignorance, or violence.

Marriage, though, was different.

Marriage had baggage. If you were some-

“We wanted then, and now, to live our lives like anyone else without running headfirst into stupidity, ignorance, or violence.” talked about rights, dammit. All of them.

Marriage too, I guess, but there was some odd mix in our collective Queer psyche that both pooh-poohed marriage for aping heterosexual norms (we talked this way back then) and thought that achieving marriage equality was about as likely as changing the word “God” to “Goddess” on our money. There were more important things to fight for, anyway.

We could enumerate our demands like we could count Madonna hits on our fingers: an end to workplace discrimination, sodomy laws, and Gay bashing; access to hospital visitation and adoption; the right not to be declared an unfit parent just because you were Gay or Lesbian; positive representation in the media; recognition of binational couples, and the right to political asylum based on sexual orientation or gender identity. The closest we got to

one’s wife not long ago – and still today in some cultures – you were his property. Marriage in history was about securing money, property, and power. And for me, chronically single and compelled to chase after indecisive idiots throughout most of my 20s and 30s, marriage didn’t have a thing to do with my freedom as a Lesbian. If you asked me in 2000 what the biggest issue facing our community was, I’d have said employment discrimination. Domestic partnership was important too, of course, and I was happy, single as I typically was, to fight for it. It made good, practical sense if you were lucky enough to hook up with a normal person.

THE DIFFERENCE IS DIGNITY What’s happened now that I’m beating the drum for marriage equality? Did I finally drink the Kool-Aid? Am I a patriarchy-and-

A same-sex marriage supporter in front of the U.S. Supreme Court

heterosexuality-blinded zombie? No, and I still don’t like to be called anyone’s wife. I just got to the core of the thing – namely, that the difference between marriage and domestic partnership, aside from the fact that “domestic partnership” will always look better on an administrative form than it will embossed in fancy curlicues, is a sense of dignity.

If we had civil unions under the law for everyone, and marriage were only a spiritual contract, then I’d be all over the domestic-partnership thing. But that’s not the way our culture does it. Marriage is the brass ring of arrangements. The courts have held it to be the bedrock relationship of our society since the Magna Carta. (In fact, the 1879 Supreme Court case that upheld bans on polygamy didn’t mention morality – instead, it spoke about protecting the democratic system. If a man could have a dozen wives, he essentially became a despot.) In its most basic form, everyone knows, more

or less, what you mean when you say, “We’re married.” Likewise, everyone understands why you sometimes need a divorce, but I once had to explain to someone, repeatedly, why she needed to dissolve her domestic partnership when the relationship tanked.

As the right wing reminds us, marriage is special and important – which is why we’re fighting so hard for it. Marriage equality nationwide could happen as soon as 2013. It could move us dramatically closer to legal equality in all realms, regardless if we’re single, married, or otherwise arranged.

I get why some people don’t give a toss about conventional marriage. I’ll fight for their rights too. But most of us, LGBT or not, and me too, are inevitably drawn back to our cultural roots. It can be a beautiful thing as long as we don’t get all zombiefied about it.

East meets West Support for same-sex marriage strongest on the coasts

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor Recently, USA Today conducted an analysis of Gallup polls over the past decade to show that backing for same-sex marriage has increased across the board, in every age

group, 70 and older, to 29%. The biggest jump came among those 30 to 49 years old, whose support grew by 12 points, to 57%.

By region: Support was steady in New England, at 58%, a level now matched on the Pacific Coast, where support has

Backing for same-sex marriage has increased across the board, in every age group and in almost every region.

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group and in almost every region.

Support remains strongest among young adults and on the East and West coasts.

To create samples large enough to analyze with confidence, USA Today combined five polls taken in 2005-09 and another five taken in 2010-12 to see where support had shifted.

By age group: Support grew among young and old. It increased by six percentage points among the most skeptical age

increased by nine points. The biggest increases were in the Plains states (by 15 points, to 47%), in the Great Lakes (by 12 points, to 50%) and in the mid-Atlantic region (by 11 points, to 57%).

Support remains lowest in the South, but increases were seen there as well. In the Southeast, backing for Gay marriage grew by 10 points, to 41%. In the Southwest, it was up seven points, to 40%.

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ALL PHOTOS BY BILL DUBAY

A ‘Capitol’ day in Olympia Seattle City Hall wasn’t the only place where mass weddings took place last week – another major venue was the State Capitol building in Olympia. Dozens of happy couples joined Teresa Guajardo (center photo on left) and Tina Roose (center photo on right) of the Magical Marriage Tour in tying the knot on a Capitol balcony Saturday, December 15.

The Yelm Community Choir gave a performance, and local clergy and photographers donated their time. Later in the day, a reception was held at Urban Onion, in the historic Olympia Hotel.

NATE GOWDY / SEATTLE GAY NEWS

Making military history

Retired Air Force Major Margaret Witt (r), a key voice in the fight to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” wed fiancée Laurie Johnson in a modest ceremony at Grande Ronde Cellars in Spokane on Saturday, December 15. Jim Lobsenz, Witt’s attorney in her successful legal challenge to her dismissal under DADT, presided. The couple, together for nine years, were the first to get their marriage license at the Spokane County Courthouse on December 6, just before 8:30 a.m.

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No going back

Pollsters find public attitudes toward Gays are changing quickly

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor

YOUTH SUPPORT STRONG Young adults are by far the most tolerant of homosexuality: among those 18 to 29 years old, 73% support same-sex marriage. Therefore the trend toward acceptance seems more likely to accelerate than reverse.

According to USA Today, more than a third of Americans surveyed say their views have changed significantly over time toward same-sex marriage.

Attitudes “have changed from ‘This is appalling’ to … ‘What is wrong with that idea?,’” said Mary Ann Schmertz, 82, a real estate agent in Wilkinsburg, Pennsylvania, describing her own evolving views on the issue to news reporters.

According to USA Today, in a follow-up interview after she was polled, Schmertz noted that her next-door neighbors are a Gay couple. “Why should they be discriminated against?” she asked. “They’re paying taxes. They’re leading decent lives.”

Significant opposition does remain.

While 53% support same-sex marriage, 46% oppose it. A third would go further, saying Gay or Lesbian relations between consenting adults should be illegal.

In 1996, a Gallup poll found Americans opposing same-sex marriage by an overwhelming 68% to 27%. Now, an analysis of aggregated polls over the past decade shows movement toward support in every age group and every region.

SENIORS STILL OPPOSED In the new survey, the only age group in which a majority opposes same-sex marriage are those 65 and older, and the only region with majority opposition is the South.

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men and Lesbians should have access to their partners’ health insurance and employee benefits.

Even among the demographic groups most strongly opposed to Gay marriage – seniors, conservatives, Republicans, and frequent churchgoers – a majority endorses those rights.

The question of adoption by Gay men and Lesbians has shown the biggest gains in recent decades. By 61% to 36%, those surveyed say Gay men and Lesbians should have a right to adopt children – more than double the support it had 18 years ago.

However, a majority of Americans, 52% to 42%, say the Boy Scouts of America shouldn’t allow openly Gay adults to serve as troop leaders.

The national poll of 1,015 adults, taken November 26-29, has a stated margin of error of four percentage points.

At the end of the survey, 4.9% said in response to a question that they were LGBT. That’s higher than the 3.5% response Gallup typically has gotten, possibly because the previous survey questions dealt mostly with Gay rights.

A separate poll was taken November 27-29 of 251 adults who had identified themselves as LGBT in the Gallup daily tracking poll this year.

The margin of error for that survey is six points.

In follow-up phone interviews several of those who identified themselves as LGBT in the survey either declined to be interviewed or asked that their sexual orientation not be revealed.

GETTY IMAGES

In the wake of historic victories for Gay rights supporters in last month’s elections, a pair of USA Today/Gallup Polls find growing acceptance among Americans toward Gay men and Lesbians in the wake of historic victories for Gay-rights. The polls also find “soaring optimism among Gay Americans that issues involving homosexuality will one day no longer divide the nation.”

In a survey of respondents who identified themselves as LGBT three of four say they are generally open with others about their sexual orientation. More than nine of 10 say people in their community have become more accepting in recent years.

Seattle Gay News took a look at some of the data the polls report and found that a 51% majority predict that at some point, the country will reach a general agreement on issues such as same-sex marriage.

Last month’s elections marked a turning point. Maine, Maryland, and Washington became the first states to approve same-sex marriage by popular vote. A fourth state, Minnesota, defeated a proposed constitutional amendment that would have defined marriage as between a man and a woman.

ally open about their sexual orientation with other people; only 26% said they aren’t.

“When you have a brother or sister or relation, a friend, whatever, it’s a personal thing,” said Mike Haigerty, 49, of Indianapolis, who was called in the poll. The director of religious education at a Catholic parish, he opposes same-sex marriage as a “slippery slope” that would separate sex from procreation in violation of his church’s teachings.

Still, he says, “One of my closest friends has a younger brother who has a partner.

I see their family at Christmas. Doug and John are great guys. We just don’t talk about it. It’s like ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’” the military policy instituted in 1993 and repealed last year. When the issue is seen through the

There were other groundbreaking election results as well. In January, Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin will become the first openly Gay member of the U.S. Senate.

Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona will be the first

perspective of people you know, Haigerty says, “that really pulls on people’s hearts.”

DISCRIMINATION LIVES Asked in an open-ended question why Nine of 10 Gay men and Lesbians say they back Gay marriage, about one in 10 discrimination against homosexuals resupporters cite friends or family members mains a serious problem. Nearly twothirds of all Americans agree.

Ninety-one percent said the people around them have become more accepting in recent years. A majority in both polls, of Gays and Americans generally, say it’s “not too difficult” or not at all difficult for someone to live openly as Gay or Lesbian in their community.

Americans are now inclined to say that being Gay is something a person is born with. Surveys in the 1970s and 1980s showed the public overwhelmingly attributing homosexuality to upbringing or environment.

Those who say their views on same-sex marriage have changed significantly now support it, 71%-28%.

When asked why they had changed their minds, more than one-third said who are Gay or Lesbian. One-third volun- they have become more tolerant. Eighteer that only love and happiness should teen percent say they are better informed. matter, not sexual orientation, and one-third About one in 10 say it is simply “not as cite equal rights. Fourteen percent say the big a deal now as in the past.” issue shouldn’t be one that is up to the govIndeed, 77% of Gay respondents and ernment or themselves.

51% of all Americans predict that the Asked why they are against Gay mar- divisions over issues involving Gay men riage, nearly half of opponents say it vio- and Lesbians will one day be history, that lates the Bible’s precepts or their religion; Americans will reach a general concord another 16% call it morally wrong. Six per- on them. cent say civil unions should be enough.

Since 1998, voters in 30 states have approved constitutional amendments that CIVIL UNION CONSENSUS define marriage as between a man and a Indeed, a broad national consensus has woman, and eight other states have enemerged on granting same-sex couples the acted statutes barring same-sex marriage. economic rights that civil unions generally Nine states and the District of Columbia guarantee. In the poll, more than three out have moved to legalize same-sex marof four Americans supported inheritance riages. rights for same-sex couples and said Gay

“We saw a landslide for equality across this country. There really is no other way to describe what happened on election night other than it was a watershed moment for equality in this country.” openly Bisexual member of the U.S. House.

A record four state assemblies – in California, Colorado, Oregon, and Rhode Island – will be led by openly Gay officials.

“We saw a landslide for equality across this country,” says Chad Griffin, president of the Human Rights Campaign. “There really is no other way to describe what happened on election night other than it was a watershed moment for equality in this country.”

RELATIONSHIPS ARE KEY One very likely reason behind the changing attitudes is that nearly eight in 10 adults say they have a relative, friend, or co-worker who is Gay, and most describe that relationship as a close one. In the survey of Gay men and Lesbians, 73% said they are gener-

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