SGN December 20, 2013 - Section 3 - Wedding Special

Seattle Gay News

Issue 51, Volume 41 December 20, 2013

winter wedding special

photos by Bettina Hansen / The Seattle Time, richard wood, nate gowdy / seattle gay news, s. brusig, and eric katz

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor It is safe to say that one year into this same-sex marriage thing we’ve got going on in Washington State, the sky did not fall. All is well, in fact. And while many of us sane individuals of the more progressive ilk always knew that the wonky radical point of view that Jesus would be really, really mad at us if two men or two women married was – for the lack of a better word – bullshit, the truth is samesex marriage is booming not only here in Washington, but around the nation as well.

If it sounds like I am gloating, it’s because I am. I am doing exactly that. And we deserve it, don’t we?

I think we do.

I’m sure each of you remembers this historical moment just as much as we do. On November 6, 2012, voters in Maine legalized same-sex marriage, reversing a 2009 referendum that lost narrowly; in Maryland voters decided to approve a state law passed earlier in the year that legalized same-sex marriages; in Minnesota voters decided against a constitutional amendment to deny same-sex couples the right to marry; and finally, in our very own Washington State, voters approved Referendum 74, making same-sex marriage legal for all Washingtonians, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

It was, to date, the biggest “FOff!” the bigots had been dealt in memory. The tide had turned. In fact, 2013 would see more states go from anti to pro same-sex marriage!

As of December 2013, fifteen states (California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New see one year page 14

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by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer Every couple’s wedding is important to them, their friends, and their families, and every wedding changes the lives of the people involved, but not every one changes history. Here are five that did:

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Marcia Kadish (l) and Tanya McCloskey exchange rings as they are married at Cambridge City Hall.

Reuters

The first in the U.S.: Tanya McCloskey and Marcia Kadish McCloskey and Kadish were the first same-sex couple to be married in the United States, after the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled in Goodridge v. Department of Public Health that limiting marriage only to opposite-sex couples violated the state constitution.

In light of the Goodridge decision, then-Governor Mitt Romney tried several unsuccessful plans to stall same-sex marriages, but eventually March 17, 2004 was set as the date on which Gays and Lesbians could be issued marriage licenses in Massachusetts.

Cambridge, home of Harvard University and MIT, opened its City Hall at 12:01 a.m on March 17 to accommodate couples who wished to marry on the earliest possible date. Although Massachusetts has a three-day waiting period between licensing and marriage, many couples were granted waivers allowing them to marry as soon as possible.

A Boston Globe survey found that half of the couples who applied for licenses on the first day had been partners for a decade or more. Two-thirds were women and 30% were raising children. In the first

Thea Spyer (l) and Edith Windsor in the 1960s

Dina Rudick / The Boston Globe

The marriage that changed everything: Edie Windsor and Thea Speyer Edie Windsor and her wife, Thea Speyer, probably never dreamed that their 2007 marriage in Ontario, Canada, would have historical consequences, but it turned out to be the catalyst for a landmark legal decision for Gay and Lesbian rights in the United States.

Windsor is the plaintiff in United States v. Windsor, the case in which the U.S. Supreme Court decided that the section of DOMA defining “marriage” as “a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife,” was unconstitutional.

When Speyer died after a long illness in 2009, Windsor was hit with a huge federal estate tax bill that she would not have had to pay if Speyer had been her husband instead of her wife. While her home state of New York recognized her marriage to Speyer, the federal government did not.

When the IRS turned down her appeal of the estate tax bill, Windsor sued the federal government, charging that DOMA deprived her of due process and equal protection.

The rest, as they say, is history.

week, 2,468 same-sex couples applied for licenses.

The first in the world: Four couples in Amsterdam At the stroke of midnight on 1 April, 2001, the first moment it was legal for same-sex couples to marry, the mayor of Amsterdam married four couples, three Gay and one Lesbian.

The crowd of 150 spectators, which included members of the Dutch parliament and government officials, cheered and whistled as the couples kissed after exchanging their vows.

The group ceremony culminated a 15year campaign for marriage equality in the Netherlands. Supporters predicted at the time that it would lead to similar legislation in other countries, and, as we now see, it did.

Belgium and the Canadian provinces of Ontario, British Columbia, and Quebec preceded Massachusetts in legalizing Gay and Lesbian marriages. Today, 17 countries, 16 U.S. states, the District of Columbia, eight Native tribes, and eight counties in New Mexico recognize marriage equality.

The one that didn’t work: Angelique Naylor and Sabrina Daly Not every marriage works out. Angelique Naylor’s marriage to Sabrina Daly didn’t, but its failure may make history and expand LGBT rights.

Naylor and Daly were married in Massachusetts in 2004, but subsequently moved to Austin, Texas. There the relationship deteriorated, and the couple filed for divorce in 2010.

A family law court granted the divorce, but Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott filed an appeal, arguing that since the state constitution forbids recognition of same-sex marriage, the couple were never legally married under Texas law and, therefore, could not be legally divorced.

An appeals court upheld the lower court decision, but Abbott took the case to the Texas Supreme Court, which heard arguments in the case, and a similar one involving a Gay couple in Dallas, in November.

If the state’s highest court finds that the original divorce was properly granted, it will establish the principle that out-ofstate same-sex marriages have legal effect in Texas, even if the law will not allow them to be performed in-state.

The international incident: Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza were married in a traditional African ceremony in their home country of Malawi in December 2009.

Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza jailed Malawi lovers

December 20, 2013

see 5 weddings page 19

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weiss manfredi

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor

ranging collection of wedding and/or reception options year-round. So it doesn’t matter the season, Argosy has got you covered. For winter weddings, you can charter one of Argosy’s eleven ships (which vary in size) or reserve one of four private rooms on the fleet’s largest ship, Royal Argosy. And for those newlyweds who are new in town or have family that can’t make it, enjoy dinner for two and simply arrange for the captain to marry you without any guests in attendance at all.

Get Married in a Mansion or Manor

Olympic Sculpture Park

stitution in the United States.

Plus, you’ll either have the Puget Sound or the Seattle City skyline as a backdrop for your ceremony.

dennis bratland

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Argosy Cruises (1101 Alaskan Way, Pier 55) (206) 676-3145 Argosy offers a wide-

The Bacon Mansion Bed and Breakfast (959 Broadway East) (206) 329-1864 The Bacon Mansion, a Seattle bed and breakfast, is conveniently located on Capitol Hill, close to Broadway, Volunteer Park, and the Washington Park Arboretum and Japanese Garden.

The Mansion boasts outdoor patio with Italianate fountain; The Day Room where friends and family can gather; Living Room, a Library with tiled fireplace and the Formal Dining Room, where breakfast is served; and they offer catering and more. It is cozy, welcoming, and affordable.

Matt Masuoka

Seattle is known to be one of America’s most beautiful cities. That is, of course, when it is not raining, and the sun is shining, and the temperatures hover between 80 and 90 degrees. Otherwise, it’s all complaints and no praise from visiting family, out-of-towners looking for the perfect Pacific Northwest getaway, and other misguided sort. We locals, however, may not always understand what Mother Nature throws our way, but we embrace all the same. Take December to February (and Get Married in a Park sometimes even into mid-March) for instance: Sometimes it snows, sometimes it Olympic Sculpture Park (2901 Westdoesn’t. Other times it is colder than anyone ern Avenue) (206) 654-3140 can remember or it is mild and dry. Either If you are brave enough to want an outway, winter comes every year, just as it did before, and for those lucky couples looking to get married in December through February, Seattle provides the perfect – indoor or outdoor – winter wedding for any newlywed couple looking to tiethe-knot when the days are short and the nights are long. Seattle Gay News has compiled a list of some winter Museum of History and Indusrty wedding venues, outside the traditional downtown hotels, door wedding during the winthat are sure to warm even the chilliest of ter, why not go all out and get nonbelievers. married at an iconic location like Olympic Sculpture Park.

Get Married on a Boat As a free-admission public outdoor sculpture park with The MV Skansonia (205 NE Northlake both permanent and visiting Way, A Dock) (206) 545-9109 installations, it is a unique inGet married aboard a retired Washington State ferry that was in service from 1929 to 1967. The MV Skansonia sits on the north shore of Lake Union and serves, day or night, as a great waterfront wedding space.

park includes a conservatory; a water tower with an observation deck, built by the Water Department in 1906, a fenced-off reservoir; the dramatic Art Deco building of the Seattle Asian Art Museum; a statue of Secretary of State William H. Seward; and a sculpture, Black Sun, by Isamu Noguchi (colloquially referred to as “The Doughnut”) around which a scenic view of the Seattle skyline that prominently includes the Space Needle can be seen, as well as several meadows and picnic tables. For years the park served as the rally site for Seattle’s annual LGBT Pride Parade/March and Rally before the parade and festival moved downtown.

The MV Skansonia

Volunteer Park (1247 15th Ave E) (206) 684-4555 Seattle’s Volunteer Park is celebrated by locals and visitors alike; the 48.3-acre park in our very own Gayborhood of Capitol Hill boasts a beautiful setting year-round. The

DA R Ra inier Chapter House (800 East Roy Street) (206) 323-0600 Rainier Chapter House, a non-political organization and a Washington State nonprofit corporation, is a replica of George Washington’s Mt. Vernon home. It was constructed in 1925 to serve as a meeting place for the Daughters of the American Revolution. It was the intent of the original members to rent the Chapter House to the general public, so the first wedding was conducted over 85 years ago – a tradition that continues today. see venues page 18

DAR Rainier Chapter House

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Museum of History and Industry

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Denver couple marries at Sheraton lobby courtesy Jimmy Stefankiewicz and Chris Zettle

The Gypsy Allstars ft. Gipsy Kings family Mario Reyes and George Reyes

December 19-22

The Indo-gypsy fusion project

David Lanz Dec. 23

Grammy-nominated new age pianist celebrates 25th anniversary of Cristofori’s Dream and the release of his brand new CD Movements of the Heart

Poncho Sanchez and his Latin Jazz Band

December 27-31

Grammy-winning Master Conguero Poncho Sanchez and his legendary 7-piece firey Latin jazz band.

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8:45 pm and 10:30 pm Four package options available See our website for details

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Pearl Django with special guest Bucky Pizzarelli

Jimmy Stefankiewicz (l) and Chris Zettle in the lobby of the Seattle Sheraton Hotel

by Albert Rodriguez SGN A&E Writer From a dance club in Dallas to a hotel lobby in Seattle, a ten-year relationship began its newest chapter on December 16. Chris Zettle and Jimmy Stefankiewicz, now residing in Denver, exchanged wedding vows that morning by the Christmas tree at downtown’s Seattle Sheraton Hotel.

The couple, who visit the Emerald City

January 2-5

Seattle-based gypsy jazz favorites with jazz guitar great!

Tuck and Patti January 7-8

American jazz guitar and vocal duo, celebrating 35 years!

UPCOMING Jeff Lorber Fusion featuring Brian Bromberg, Patrick Lamb and Gary Novak JANUARY 9-12

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE

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frequently for business and leisure, made a special trip here to tie the knot, since Colorado hasn’t legalized same sex marriages and is unlikely to do so anytime soon. But the newlyweds also have a love affair with Seattle.

“We actually have vacationed in Seattle several times before our decision to get married there,” said Zettle by phone. “Primarily, because we’ve done cruises out of there, we’ve done some skiing up at Snoqualmie

and at Stevens Pass, and I usually travel to Seattle once or twice a month for work and to attend meetings. We travel there often and really, really enjoy the city”.

Although families of both grooms are supportive of their relationship, Zettle and Stefankiewicz made the trip alone and asked two Sheraton employees to stand-in as their required witnesses.

“We decided that we wanted to do a ceremony that was small and private, and hold off on doing a so-called reception with family and friends until we were able to get everybody together in one place”, states Zettle. “We felt bad having to ask people to travel all the way to Seattle – because my family is in Florida and his family is in Texas – to attend a wedding, where we felt like we could have the same type of party, ceremony, celebration closer to family after we did the legal part of it.”

The couple had already honeymooned prior to their wedding, going on a seven-day Alaska cruise that departed from Seattle in August. “We kind of did things in reverse,” explains Zettle.

Having a ceremony in a public atmosphere is bound to draw onlookers, especially at a busy hotel.

“When you’re standing up there, so many things are going through your mind. It’s the last thing you are worried about, somebody stopping and staring,” recalls Zettle. But funny enough, I looked out the corner of my eye and noticed that we were gaining a little bit of an audience from hotel guests, who I guess were coming to look at the Christmas display, or going up to their rooms or coming down from their rooms. And my eye landed on one couple, for some reason.

An older Caucasian couple, probably within their 60s, stopped and watched. After the ceremony was over, I kind of glanced their way and they were clapping, and I noticed that the wife was wiping away tears. To me, it meant that they were proud and very excited that two people who are in love with each other get a chance to get married, no matter what sex you are. That made me feel very good and validates the reason we came to Washington to do it.”

Not only did the Sheraton make last minute arrangements for Zettle and Stefankiewicz to have their wedding at the hotel, where they routinely anchor their visits to the area, but the couple was also offered a complimentary stay when they celebrate their one-year anniversary next December.

“I think it’s just another tribute to the staff at the Sheraton,” remarks Zettle. “Hotels have weddings all the time; this is not something that’s new to them. It’s just in their daily routine. But they (the Sheraton) really made Jimmy and I feel really special, and we didn’t drop a dime on renting a ballroom, buying catering, we didn’t have friends or family or other guests staying at their hotel. To them, it wasn’t about the financial part of it. To them, it was about making two people feel special, no matter the price of their wedding. That’s something that really touched us.”

Zettle, who works in financial services for JP Morgan Chase, and Stefankiewicz, an IT Manager at Dish Networks, will continue living in Denver, but they won’t rule out the possibility of a future relocation to these neck of the woods.

“We laughed about that idea”, says Zettle.

“We talked about if there was any other place than Denver where we’d live, and we both looked at each other and said that it would definitely be Seattle.”

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by Jessica Price SGN A&E Writer On November 13, Hawaiian Governor Neil Abercrombie signed a bill making the island chain the 15th state to legalize Gay marriage. Modern Hawai’i has always been considered progressive and diverse; but historically the recent victory is particularly meaningful. Some may recall that a lawsuit in the 1990s helped lay the groundwork for the future battle and ongoing movement towards true equality. It was then that three same-sex couples applied for marriage licenses in Hawai’i and were denied. The couples collectively filed the lawsuit Baehr v.

Lewin, which ended in a 1993 groundbreaking ruling by the Supreme Court of Hawai’i stating that denial of licenses constitutes discrimination, sparking a subsequent series of rulings attempting to apply legislature to love. Although the lawsuit wasn’t the first of its kind, the timing and heightened public awareness of the ongoing legal battles coupled with DOMA helped the burgeoning movement gather strength. Twenty years later, freedom to marry is a reality in the state of Hawai’i. Beginning December 2, residents and tourists were issued marriage licenses and weddings commenced.

Maui has always been a hotspot for destination weddings, and with very good reason. From tropical gardens to luxury resorts to barefoot ceremonies on the beach, the cloudless Maui sky is definitely the limit when it comes to planning a wedding or honeymoon. Event planners, caterers, stylists, and other wedding professionals are plentiful in Maui, and most are gearing up for the influx of same-sex couples wanting to tie the knot in their little corner of paradise.

Marriage licenses can be obtained in Hawai’i for the current fee of $70 and are valid for 30 days. There is no residency requirement or waiting period and valid

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ID is required. For information on Maui locations, licenses, hotel, photography, and all types of wedding packages, check out the excellent website www.gayHawaiiwedding. com / 800-859-0072, Gay-owned and operated since 1994. They’ll assist with your event, help you navigate through the planning stages, and even schedule your licensing appointment for you.

styling, or couples massages before or after your big day.

For more information, contact: Laura Amerio, laura.amerio@andaz.com, 808-243-4738; Natalie Ryness, natalie.ryness@andaz. com, 808-243-4739; www.andazmaui.com, 808-573-1234

Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa: The Here are three suggestions for tying the Hyatt Regency Maui, located in Lahaina, knot in Maui: has wedding planning down to a science – Andaz Maui at Wailea: Not only is their years of experience will help you move the resort sophisticated and modern, it’s through the process and planning and into infused with Hawaiian authenticity and the celebrating with ease. The property ofbeauty in every corner. Wailea offers a fers a variety of indoor and outdoor locamore tranquil, less crowded alternative and tions from beachside to the Hyatt’s grand the Andaz, just opened in September, is the ballrooms. You can also choose from the current jewel of the area’s resorts. They’re Ka Hale Aloha gazebo, the Napili, Lahaina, also a sponsor of Maui Pride. The resort or Statue Gardens, or the Oriental Gardens staff is incredibly welcoming and enthusi- overlooking a waterfall and manicured astic and will make you feel right at home swan and flamingo lagoon. On site Maui while attending to your needs. Andaz Wed- wedding planners will assist with catering, ding Designers are on staff to assist with venues, rehearsals, guest accommodations, your event if you desire, no matter its size or and onsite activities to suit your needs – inuniqueness. Their approach is that “no two cluding spa and salon services. Packages weddings should be alike” and their inspi- range from $3,995-$15,995. Currently, speration is you. Aside from custom event plan- cials include five complimentary nights at a ning, there are three basic packages you can participating Hyatt resort in the U.S., Mexialso choose as a foundation: Dream, For- co, or Aruba when you hold your wedding at ever, and Celebrate (ranging from $7,500- the Hyatt Regency Maui. Book before De$11,500), which includes everything from cember 31, 2013 and you’ll also receive 25% transportation to and from the licensing off any package. office to a non-denominational officiant, For more information, contact: bouquets, Hawaiian or classical musicians, mauiweddings@hyatt.com; cake, photographer, and much more. Cater808-667-4430 ing is, of course, also available, and considwww.maui.hyatt.com/en/hotel/meetingsering the Andaz Maui’s growing reputation as a foodie destination, it’s a must (contem- and-events/weddings.html porary, formal, or casual reception menus Four Seasons Lana’i at Manele Bay / are available). The Awili Spa and Salon can arrange wedding party spa services and Four Seasons Lodge at Ko’ele: With two

December 20, 2013

luxury resorts on the island of Lana’i, you can choose between barefoot vows by the sea, fireworks against a starry sky, or the grandiose Hale Halawai Ballroom. With panoramic views of nothing but ocean and sky, the rolling lawn of the Manele’s golf course has also been a high profile setting for celebrity weddings. Just twenty minutes upcountry at the Lodge, you can gather in a beautiful clearing surrounded by lush, manicured lawns and evening mist. Four packages are available and custom event planning “a la carte” is an alternative with the help of a Four Seasons Lana’i Wedding Specialist. However top tier the Four Seasons may be, they’re nothing if not incredibly guest-oriented, and pride themselves in accommodating your needs and making guests feel at ease and valued. They are also more than a little bit playful: if you’re not quite ready to plan the entire wedding, the Four Seasons Lana’i at Manele Bay offers what’s lovingly referred to as the “Put a Ring On It Programme” – a complimentary service which will help you arrange the perfect moment to pop the question, from “romantics to commitment-phobes” in a way that suits your personality. Snorkeling for a pre-hidden engagement ring or uncovering a ring in the midst of a private cooking class are just two options to start you thinking. (Wedding packages range from $5,500-$15,000+).

For more information, contact: Four Seasons Resort Lana’i at Manele Bay 808-565-2000 allison.mcdaniel@fourseasons.com http://www.fourseasons.com/manelebay/weddings/ Four Seasons Resort Lana’i, The Lodge at Koele 808-565-4000 http://www.fourseasons.com/koele/ weddings/

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continued from cover Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington), the District of Columbia, eight counties in New Mexico and eight Native American tribal jurisdictions – covering 34% of the U.S. population – issue marriage licenses for same-sex couples.

In addition, Governor Pat Quinn of Illinois signed same-sex marriage legislation

About 7,071 same-sex couples got married in Washington between December 6, 2012, and the most recent complete month of data, September 2013. There were 42,408 total marriages in the state during that time, according to the Washington State Department of Health.

So far, most of Washington State’s samesex marriages, 62 percent, were between two women.

Openly Gay lawmaker Jamie Pederson, one of the main sponsors of the same-sex

Kristi Lloyd Photography

one year

In poll after poll across the nation, more Americans came out in support of same-sex marriage than ever before. In fact, as of 2013, public support for same-sex marriage in the United States has solidified above 50 percent. on November 20 that will become effective on June 1, 2014.

And the debate, which politicians used to shy away from, has now been thrust to the forefront in states like Oregon, Pennsylvania, Missouri, North Carolina and others.

Another big, huge – gigantic! – win for same-sex marriage happened this year, which no doubt has had a major impact on the state-by-state crawl towards marriage equality in the United States. Section 3 of

marriage law in the Washington State House, told the Associated Press that the wedding numbers were higher than he expected.

During the five years before Washington’s same-sex marriage law, when we had what was affectionately called “everything but marriage,” only 9,500 couples registered themselves as domestic partners, including about 950 who were not Gay. According to Pedersen, “In terms of the kapchur.us photography

Shaun Knittel (l) and Yee-Shin Huang were married on May 25 in Seattle

The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), en- uptake in marriages,” that’s a remarkable acted in 1996, was ruled unconstitutional number. by the U.S. Supreme Court on June 26, in Pedersen also told the AP that, one year United States v. Windsor. later, the same-sex marriage bill’s sponsors have been proven right about a few other WASHINGTON RECAP things as well, including: that same-sex For many of us in Washington State, marriage would drive tourism and that there friends, family, and heck – even my own was considerable interest in the institution – same-sex marriages began in December among couples from across the state.

2012 and haven’t stopped since. Same-sex All but one of Washington’s 39 counweddings made up 17 percent of marriages ties – Garfield County – reported same-sex in Washington this past year, the first year marriages during the first 10 months of the Gay marriages were legal in the state, state law. The top five counties were King, Clark, officials reported earlier this month.

Pierce, Snohomish and Thurston counties.

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Seattle Mayor-elect Ed Murray (l) and Michael Shiosaki were married on August 10

In addition, about a quarter of the same-sex couples who got married this past year in Washington were from another state.

The biggest number, 524, came from Oregon.

For 170 marriages, the couples live in Texas and 155 couples traveled from California to get married in Washington.

In only 6 percent of marriages for opposite-sex couples, both spouses were from another state.

In poll after poll across the nation, more Americans came out in support of samesex marriage than ever before. In fact, as of 2013, public support for same-sex marriage in the United States has solidified above 50 percent.

PUBLIC SUPPORT In truth, public support for same-sex marriage has grown at an increasing pace since the 1990s. In 1996, just 25 percent of Americans supported legalization of same-sex marriage. However, on May 20, 2011, Gallup reported majority support for same-sex marriage for the first time in our nation’s history. In June 2011, two prominent polling organizations released an analysis of the changing trend in public opinion about same-sex marriage in the United States, concluding that “public support for the freedom to marry has increased, at an accelerating rate, with most polls showing that a majority of Americans now support full marriage rights for all Americans.”

A 2013 poll showed a record high of 58 percent of the American people supporting legal recognition for same-sex marriage. In May 2013, a Gallup poll showed that 53 percent of Americans would vote for a law legalizing same-sex marriage in all 50 states.

Three previous readings over the course of a year consistently showed support at 50 percent or above.

Gallup noted: “Just three years ago, support for Gay marriage was 44 percent. The current 53 percent level of support is essentially double the 27 percent in Gallup’s initial measurement on Gay marriage, in 1996.”

And what about the “boost to our economy” that we were promised from same-sex marriage? Well, that happened, too. More weddings means more money. A recent study from the Williams Institute at UCLA estimated that same-sex weddings would boost the economies in Maine, Maryland and Washington by $166 million over the next three years.

California has been mired in a budget crisis for years. According to a 2005 study cited by the Fiscal Times, if California were to legalize same-sex marriage (which California did in 2013), it would generate $123 million for the state economy during the first three years same-sex marriage is legal.

In Massachusetts, legalizing same-sex marriage has generated an estimated $111 million over the first five years same-sex marriage was legal, according to CNNMoney.

And it worked in New York, too. In the first year that same-sex marriage was legal in New York City, the city reaped $259 million, thanks to license fees and weddingrelated spending, according to CNNMoney.

There’s even data that suggests that samesex marriage could improve our overall mental health. Several psychological studies have shown that an increase in exposure to negative conversations and media messages about same-sex marriage creates a harmful environment for the LGBT population that may affect our health and wellbeing.

One study surveyed more than 1,500 Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual adults across the nation and found that respondents from the 25 states that have outlawed same-sex marriage had the highest reports of “minority stress” – the chronic social stress that results from minority-group stigmatization – as well as general psychological distress.

According to the study, the negative campaigning that comes with a ban is directly responsible for the increased stress. Past research has shown that minority stress is linked to health risks such as risky sexual behavior and substance abuse.

Two other studies examined personal re-

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ports from LGBT adults and their families living in Memphis, Tennessee, immediately after a successful 2006 ballot campaign banned same-sex marriage. Most respondents reported feeling alienated from their communities. The studies also found that families experienced a kind of secondary minority stress, says Jennifer Arm, a counseling graduate student at the University of Memphis.

WEDDINGTIDE There is no telling what the impact has had on each individual in our state. There were plenty of high profile same-sex marriages to booster the moral of a community that had been told for so long that we were not equal to our heterosexual counterparts.

On June 22, 2012, Rep. Jamie Pedersen said, “I would like our children – Trygve, Leif, Erik, and Anders – to grow up understanding that their Daddy and their Papa have made a lifelong commitment to each other. Marriage is the word we use in our society to convey that idea.”

Pedersen was, of course, referring to his longtime love – and father to their four children – Eric Pedersen.

This year, they made it official and became legally married; fulfilling his June 2012 wish.

Seattle’s Mayor-elect, then-State Sen. Ed Murray, who led the referendum campaign to legalize same-sex marriage in Washington State, announced in January that he and his longtime partner, Michael Shiosaki would marry August 10. The two planned the wedding for the 22-year anniversary of the day they met, on a hiking trip at Mt. Rainier.

The date made headlines because it also happened to be four days after the August 6 primary election, in which Murray was vying for Mayor Mike McGinn’s job at City Hall.

Still, Murray said, Shiosaki really wanted to do it then and that over the years, his fiancé had to give up a lot for Murray’s political schedule, so he gave in.

In what turned out to be a storybook year for Murray and Shiosaki, the two na-

tive Washingtonians exchanged vows at St. Mark’s Cathedral in August and Murray, as we all know, went on to win the election.

His inauguration is early next month; making him the first openly Gay elected mayor of the City of Seattle.

And there were more wedding. Hundreds more to be exact; and there aren’t any signs that say things will slow down. But while we all know that they inevitably will, the truth of the matter is, we also know that we may have a few nasty high profile same-sex divorces in our future and whatnot – but who cares! Such is life. The point of all this is simple: we now have the right to marry who we love!

MY WEDDING I married my husband on May 25 in front of an audience that included Mayor-elect Murray and Michael Shiosaki (and 300 other friends, family and members of the community at Plymouth Church in Downtown Seattle) and it was surreal. It was great and it was lovely and all those things, but it was also surreal and I will tell you why.

There were a few reasons to be exact.

The first, was the feeling Yee-Shin and I had when we went to the King County Administration Building to get our marriage license. Keep in mind, I had been the guy in the street with the bullhorn, leading the marches down Capitol Hill to Westlake Center and I founded Social Outreach Seattle during the campaign to Approve Referendum 74; so we were ready for some kind of life altering experience. We thought … well, I don’t quite know what we thought, but it certainly was not what happened.

When Yee-Shin and I walked down the long hallway that lead us to the marriage licensing counter, we walked into a room full of … nobody! Imagine, if you will for a moment, when Dorothy and the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man and Toto went galloping down the Yellow Brick Road only to find that the Emerald City was empty. That had to have been what we looked like. The room was so quiet, you could’ve heard a pin drop.

There were two or maybe three, but couldn’t have been more, clerks and we walked up

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to a gentleman who barely even bothered to look up at us.

There were a few – only a few – things required of us: Both applicants had to be present to apply for a marriage license; we were.

Both applicants had to be at least 18 years of age or older and have a current photo ID as proof of age; we did.

We were asked one question: “Are your answers on this application true?”

Smiling, we looked at each other, and then at the clerk (who still did not look up at us) and said, “yes.”

We were informed that the license would only be valid for a wedding performed within the state of Washington and that we had to wait three days, beginning the first day after we applied for the license and ending the third day following the date of application, in order to hold a ceremony.

We said we understood and with that, we were met with a $64 bill and were sent on our way with our paperwork.

“That was it?!” We both said, at first laughing, then a little mad and then happy again. You see, if you missed the surreal part of that, it is probably because you didn’t get involved in the campaign – that is, join us for any of the marches for marriage equality, or phone bank for the campaign to approve R-74, and such. While I now see it as romantic that Yee-Shin and I, and so many others, literally had to fight for the right to love, it was surreal that $64 and a “yes, we aren’t telling a lie” statement on our paperwork (all of which took 10 minutes to fill out) was all we had been waiting for.

In a way, we didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Obviously, we do now. And the wedding was fantastic and life has been fabulous as a married couple, who (and I often say this because it is true) can now call each other “husband” at dinner parties and it not be a cute nickname for same-sex domestic partners, but really and truly mean that we are each other’s husband. But I am sure that our shock and awe, and then, subsequent joy once the rings were placed on the finger of our loved one, and “I do” was said to them

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and back at us, was shared by many other couples who thought or expected the process for which we fought so hard and for so long would be … well, longer, and maybe even a little harder, than $64 and a handshake.

EPILOGUE But it isn’t. And that is a wonderful thing.

Because, after all, it shouldn’t be, should it?

Yes, there is more work to do – we are working on it. And yes, the LGBTQ equality movement is more than just marriage equality. (Nobody ever said it wasn’t.) The truth is, I am gloating. And you should be, too!

We did a hell of a thing just over one-year ago and it inspired a nation, a community and a movement.

Let’s never forget that! And let’s get real for once and stop messaging ourselves to death with trivial bullshit like whether it is Gay marriage or marriage equity or samesex relationships and blah, blah, blah. We didn’t win in Washington because we called our friends our “straight allies.” We didn’t win in Washington (and beyond) because we talked about loveless marriages where benefits reigned supreme. And we certainly didn’t win because we turned our backs on each other and felt that “this group of married Gays” is more important than “that group of non-married Gays.” On the contrary; we kicked serious bigot butt by putting our love for community, equality, and each other on display so that our friends could see that we, no matter which letter of the acronym we identify with, loved someone and wanted to marry them. How’s that for messaging?

Marriage equality is a wonderful thing and we need to cherish it as a right and freedom, but also as a win! And may 2013 forever be remembered in Washington State as a year when our love was on display for the world to see and what people saw they liked! Be kind to each other in 2014. Let’s keep this love train rolling and continue to change hearts and minds by inspiring others – and each other – to live a little better, love a lot harder, and do a little more.

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Woodmark Hotel in Kirkland has everything for a lakeside wedding

by Albert Rodriguez SGN A&E Writer Living in the Northwest affords us rich, natural scenery as a backdrop for special occasions, first and foremost seasonal weddings. If the ideal locale for your big day is somewhere by the water, then consider the only lakefront hotel in the Seattle area for your wedding and reception, the Woodmark Hotel, Yacht Club & Spa (www.thewoodmark.com; 425-8223700). The Eastside property (1200 Carillon Point, Kirkland) is situated on Lake Washington and minutes from downtown Kirkland with incredible views of Seattle’s Queen Anne, University and Laurelhurst districts from its back lawn.

WEDDING FACILITIES For weddings, take advantage of the Woodmark Hotel’s setting and over

9,000 square feet of event space, including the Marina Room with capacity for 225 people and splendid floor-to-ceiling waterside views. In the summer months, the 640-square foot Lakefront Patio can be added on. The 1,500-square foot Lake Washington Room is also fitting for a formal occasion and can be separated into three sections (think: ceremony, reception, dancing). For a more intimate affair, the Great Room has dining tables, sofas and food counters. Or, for an outdoor reception, the Olympic Terrace Tent can ac-

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commodate up to 200 guests for a sit-down dinner. The Woodmark staff will cheerily assist with catering, equipment rentals and event planning. For information, call them at 425-827-1986 or email celebrate@ thewoodmark.com.

HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS Located at the back end of Carillon Point, the Woodmark has 79 guest rooms and 21 suites with contemporary amenities, from 37-inch LCD flatscreen TVs to Keurig brewing systems with Tully’s coffee to luxurious bathrooms highlighted by imported limestone and rainshower spouts.

For an all-out splurge, book the signature Woodmark Suite and be spoiled with 1,450 square feet of space, double balconies, parlor with cozy fireplace, six-person dining table, state-of-the-art entertainment center and full wet bar. Accommodations feature views of the water, or nearby sights, or in

my case, a rooftop below. An extensive room renovation is expected to be completed in early February. The nautical-themed lobby is a great place to sit and watch the sunset, and down the staircase is the lower level where you’ll find the Beach Cafe, social common area, special event space and doors that lead out to the back lawn. Parking is $13 self-serve, $20 valet overnight.

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Dylan Giordan, features fresh seafood entrees (Pan Roasted Black Cod, Seared Scallops), meat dishes (Beef Tenderloin, Duck Breast) and house-made small plates or appetizers (Burrata Cheese, Sausage and Mozzarella Flatbread Pizza), plus a rotating selection of fabulous desserts and an impressive wine list. When I visited this summer, a perfectly-cooked salmon with tomato puree was simply wonderful and cheese-filled crepes with drizzled berry compote finished off the memorable meal. If having your wedding at the Woodmark, be sure to reserve a table or two at bin on the lake for your rehearsal dinner. A casual option is Beach Cafe, which also boasts great views from the lower level of the property. Hearty breakfast selections, ranging from omelets to benedicts to waffles and pancakes, are offered in the morning, along with egg sandwiches, oatmeal and baked in-house pastries. Lunch and dinner fare includes burgers, sandwiches, salads, soups, tacos, fish n’ chips and chicken wings, along with larger plates such as grilled fish, pastas, roasted/braised meats and even vegetarian alternatives.

DINING SPA/AMENITIES bin on the lake Wine Bar & Restaurant is Before walking down the aisle, pamthe showcase eating attraction at the Woodmark, serving familiar Northwest-accented per yourself and your wedding party with favorites in a spacious dining room overlooking Lake Washington. The seasonal menu, under the helm of Chef de Cuisine

Celebrating 40 Years!

treatments at the on-site Northface Spa. A full menu of services, from massage to waxing to body wraps, are available within footsteps of the main floor lobby. The Swedish Massage comes well recommended, though you might opt for a Hot Stone Massage, or a Couples Massage, to relieve some of that last minute stress. Something to note is that there isn’t a men’s changing facility, except for a restroom close to a set of lockers, and the relaxation area is shared with female guests of the spa.

Want a bit of adventure for your bachelor/ bachelorette party? With a lake in its backyard, the Woodmark invites guests to partake of its water activities during the summer months. From June though September, you can go paddleboarding, kayaking, wakeboarding, boating, or glide around Lake Washington in Waverunners. Also available are mopeds, guided boat rides, waterskis, or join Captain Rob aboard the Woodmark II for a lake cruise. Look for the Woodmark Waterfront Adventures shack right outside

the hotel for rentals and information. If you’d rather stay on the ground, rent a bike and scope out downtown Kirkland for lunch.

Woodmark guests also receive complimentary access to the Fly Fitness Training Studio at Carillon Point Health Club. And, if staying during the summertime, be sure to attend the property’s “Clam Bake on the Lake” for an all-you-can-eat buffet with live entertainment on the grassy lawn.

RAID THE PANTRY Something unique to the Woodmark is a nightly perk called “Raid the Pantry,” allowing guests to help themselves to dozens of complimentary goodies that include (at least when I was there) sandwiches, homemade soup, cookies, potato chips, candy bars, muffins, pretzels, cans of soda, juice drinks and water. Trays are provided for guests to take their snacks with them up to their rooms. It’s a fun way to satisfy those late night cravings, or grab something for the next day’s trip home.

Blissful Wunders zed Customi s order for your ! wedding

• organic, handmade chocolate truffles • vegan varieties available • locally made

blissfulwunders.com • 360.539.7279

Visit us online www.sgn.org

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Seattle Gay News 17

venues

continued from page 4 Get Married in a Large Event Space Benaroya Hall (200 University Street) (206) 215-4800 More than just a beautiful home for the Seattle Symphony, Benaroya Hall can seat 550 or have space for 1200 at a standing reception.

Fellows temple, Century Ballroom is made up of up two elegant venues ranging from 1500-2500 sq ft, all with sprung wood floors. Additionally, Century Ballroom offers great food and drink in their restaurant The Tin Table across the hall, so you can enjoy a night of dining and dancing, either solo or with friends after you tie-the-knot inside the main ballroom.

Get Married at a Museum

seum of Asian art located inside Volunteer Park. Part of SAAM occupies the 1933 Art Deco building, which was originally home to the Seattle Art Museum’s main collection. In 1991 the main collection moved to a newly constructed Seattle Art Museum building in downtown Seattle, at which time the Seattle Asian Art Museum was created.

The building is a designated Seattle landmark. The spaces are perfect for weddings, regardless of how warm or cold it is outside.

Century Ballroom (915 E Pine) (206) 324-7263 Housed on the 2nd floor of a 1908 Odd

Seattle Asian Art Museum (1400 East Museum of History & Industry (860 Prospect Street, Volunteer Park) (206) 654- Terry Ave N) (206) 324-1126 3100 MOHAI is respected nationally and treaThe Seattle Asian Art Museum, more sured locally as a dynamic, innovative mucommonly referred to as SAAM, is a mu- seum where historical exploration inspires

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December 20, 2013

people to create a better future for themselves and their communities. Formerly an armory for the U.S. Navy, the facility has several rooms that are used for both a wedding ceremony and reception – including the main exhibit hall. Guests to your wedding at MOHAI would truly be inspired by this unique venue.

Celebrating 40 Years!

5 weddings continued from page 2

Their wedding would have been unremarkable except for the fact that Chimbalanga was born a man.

Although she always identified as a woman, lived as a woman, and was affectionately called “Auntie Tiwonga” in her village, she legally remained male, and the wedding therefore violated Malawi’s colonial-era law against Gay sex.

Chimbalanga and Monjeza were arrested, kept in a squalid jail, and were regularly beaten and verbally abused by guards. The country’s High Court turned down their claim that they had a constitutional right to privacy, and in May 2010 they were convicted of “unnatural offenses” and “indecent practices between males.”

The sentence was harsh – 14 years at hard labor – but it provoked an international outcry and resulted in expanded rights for LGBT Malawians. The United States and a dozen other counties formally protested

the verdict, and Great Britain suggested it would terminate its aid to Malawi if antiGay laws remained on the books.

Malawi’s then-president Bingu wu Mutharika pardoned the couple shortly after sentencing, and newly-elected President Joyce Banda suspended all the country’s anti-Gay laws in 2012.

Monjeza caved to pressure in prison and announced on his release that he was dating a cisgender woman. Chimbalanga asked for and received asylum in South Africa, where she now lives.

“I did nothing wrong, not even a tiny bit,” she told AFP reporters in a 2012 interview.

“Even here in South Africa I want to get married and I am going to invite the reporters from Malawi to come and witness for themselves and to report the truth about it. I want the whole world to know because this is not the end.”

Getting married and planning your wedding?

We offer ● Indoor and outdoor event spaces ● Serving 10 – 350+ people ● Open catering policy ● Commercial-grade catering kitchens ● Professional, courteous helpful staff ● Free parking ● AV rentals available

The UW Botanic Gardens offers two beautiful venues – the Center for Urban Horticulture and the Graham Visitor Center in the Washington Park Arboretum – that deliver unbeatable event spaces, prices and service. Garden-like outdoor ceremony areas, spacious indoor carpeted halls, an open catering policy and free parking make us the best kept secret in town and the secret is coming out!

For rates and reservations, call our Rental Program 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. Monday through Friday at 206-221-2500 or visit our website at www.uwbotanicgardens.org.

Center for Urban Horticulture 3501 NE 41st Street Graham Visitor Center at the Washington Park Arboretum 2300 Arboretum Drive E Visit us online www.sgn.org

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Seattle Gay News 19

Distinctive, Flexible, Affordable

• Interfaith/Non-denominational • Full service wedding parties of up to 150 • Officiants and Wedding Coordinator on staff

Amazing Grace Spiritual Center www.amazinggraceseattle.org 206-792-3884 Ballard

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Celebrating 40 Years!

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Seattle Gay News 21

Altra Vista r B e a k & f d e B In The Heart Of ast America's Black Forest 13913 S Keyport Rd NE, Poulsbo, WA (360) 779-4927 altravista.us

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Celebrating 40 Years!

Voted “Best Wedding Destination.”

-South Sound Magazine, April/ May 2013 -The Knot, 2013

14976 Sandy Hook Road NE, Poulsbo WA 98370

www.kianalodge.com • (866) 738.4307 • (360) 598.4311

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Seattle Gay News 23