The Best of Oral Sex

The Best of Oral Sex 10 of the best articles on oral sex

Plus links to 10 tantric videos on Lingam (penis) massage

Dedicated to women

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The Best of Oral Sex

with

Lori Hughes 3

Photography in this edition by: mohammado-shokoofe, alexander-krivitskiy, emilianovittoriosi, artem-labunsky, timothy-dykes, damir-spanic, road-trip-with-raj, joey-nicotra, roxana-maria, mattsings, jen-lindner, shot-by-cerqueira, danis-graveris, antonio-friedemann, jario-alzate, morgan-alley, Articles in this edition from: Healthline, Well+Good, SheKnows, MEL, Bad Girl’s Bible, Marie Claire, Better Health, Cosmopolitan, Master Class, Mind Body Green Some minor editing may have been done for clarity and brevity.

Love & Sexcess™ is a division of YAANTM Inc. www.sexcess.org / info@sexcess.org Price: $2.99 4

“I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination.”

– Anonymous

At Love & Sexcess™ we’re on a mission: Dedicated to improving women’s sex lives and expanding their “sexy imagination” so they can ‘sexplore’ the world of magnificent and endless sexual pleasure.

We are helping women everywhere become sexual autodidacts as they read, watch, listen and ‘sexperiment’ their way to a better sex life.

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The Best of Series

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e have created The Best of Series to help you discover every beautiful nook and cranny of the sexual universe. For years we’ve been curating the best of sex (written, watched and talked about) and now we’re putting the best in a series of ebooklets that make it easier for you to ‘sexplore’ and ‘sexperiment.’

This is a collection, an anthology of articles, TEDx Talks, videos and podcasts on the glories of sex and the most fascinating questions our followers tell us are important to them. Each booklet is designed so you can browse and learn according to your particular interests, on your time, at your leisure.

Published: The Best of Orgasms The Best of Oral Sex Coming soon …

The Best of Sex Positions The Best of Mindful Sex The Best of Sexoomer Sex

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Preface “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.”

– Brene Brown

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he ‘Big O’ refers to a woman’s orgasms (often not ‘big’ and often non-existent), and it’s talked about more than it’s achieved. And there’s another misunderstood ‘Big O’ that can be just as important to sexual pleasure: Oral sex.

Oral sex is like the odd cousin in the sex family, often ignored and mistreated and not ‘a regular’ at sex gettogethers. For many women oral sex is misunderstood and, worse, done in the dark – the dark silence of not using your mouth … to talk about what you want.

In all my reading and writing one thing is clear: Oral sex is not talked about enough, not respected enough, not performed well enough. It’s a talent that requires knowledge, communications and practice.

If it was easy, everybody would be doing it – better.

We’ve selected ten of the best articles on this beautiful and vulnerable sexual wonder and included a list of sources that can help you explore oral’s most intricate pleasures. And there are more articles, videos and book reviews at our website.

Browse, learn, enjoy!

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“Oral sex is one of the most intimate sex acts you can take part in … it can feel more intimate than penetrative sex. It is a vulnerable act in which you relinquish control of your most private and sensitive body part to your partner.”

– Elle Chase

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Introduction – a couple of comments A misogynistic man said, “Knowledge is king.” But it can make a woman queen of her sex life.

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he goal of this booklet is to help further your exploration of your deepest desires, curiosities and vulnerabilities in sex, specifically oral sex. And to get past any hang ups you or your partner might have.

As we always say, knowledge, understanding and practice are the path to a woman’s sexual fulfillment and that comes from reading, listening, watching, talking and exploring.

Communicating is such a critical part of any relationship and yet most couples know so little about oral sex and its glories remain hidden in the silence or simplicity of ‘just doing it.’ Or not.

We trust that these articles with embedded links to other sources will open up your mind, body and mouth (and your partner’s) to the intimacy and beauty of oral sex.

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Table of Contents #1

Cunnilingus ‘on the side’ … deliciously orgasmic

(2 articles: 3 & 5 min) Page 12

#2

The iconic ’69’ – not the only way

(4 min) Page 28

#3

It takes more than his mouth (6 min) Page 34

#4 76.8% of women did not enjoy all blow jobs

(9 min) Page 44

#5

Two Sexperts on How to Upgrade Your Oral Sex Game

(5 min) Page 64

#6

Going Down During Your Period?

(3 min) Page 72

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#7

Despite the pleasure, oral sex has risks

(3 min read) Page 78

#8

How to Deep Throat for maximum pleasure

(9 min) Page 90

#9

Oral sex that gets you off … your knees

(3 min) Page 106

#10

8 guys describe the best blowjob they’ve ever had

(3 min) Page 112

Bonus How to give a Lingam Massage (article & 10 videos)

(7 min) Page 120

The Best Hand Jobs

(4 min) Page 132

Afterword More sources Sponsors

Page 138 Page 140 Page 141 11

#1 Cunnilingus served ‘on the side’ is deliciously orgasmic

The ‘Kivin Method” might give the tastiest orgasms ever < Back

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R

emember in the movie Harry Met Sally when the older woman in the restaurant was watching Sally fake an orgasm and said, “I’ll have what she’s having.” (Watch on YouTube – 3 min). Well, there’s a new and better version for women’s orgasms served up by cunnilingus – and it’s not a fake. You might want to order it as an appetizer, “on the side.” Or as an entrée.

If you want fast, delicious orgasms (as quick as 3 minutes) just order a serving of what’s sometimes called the “Kiven Method.”

“The giver comes in-between the legs at a horizontal angle, which maximizes exposure to the tongue and focus on and across the clitoris, labia majora, and labia minora.”

We’ve provided 3 articles. Two in full and a link (at end of chapter) to a description on Reddit by the guy who supposedly popularized the method a few years ago.

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The Kivin Method for Oral Sex Can Make You Orgasm in 3 Minutes Flat from @iamwellandgood by @Morgan Mandriota

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s the saying goes, when something's not broken, don't try and fix it. And while that may seem to be the case for the way many people with vulvas regard the head-between-the-legs approach to oral sex, because, hey—for many it works so well.

But, does it work best? Not necessarily. Once you learn how to master the Kivin Method for oral sex, which many contend leads to a faster and stronger orgasm, you'll be left wondering why you waited so long to experience its magic throughout the duration of your sexually active life.

The Kivin Method is a technique that's best explained as “sideways oral,” says United Kingdombased sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight. As opposed to that aforementioned vertical approach, with the Kivin Method, the giver comes inbetween the legs at a horizontal angle, which maximizes exposure to the tongue and focus on and across the clitoris, labia majora, and labia minora.

“We now know that the clitoris isn’t just a little external nub but instead is a much larger, and longer, internal organ boasting thousands of pleasurable nerve endings,” says Knight. [Editor’s 14

note: The structure of the clitoris was not fully understood until 1998 – Yikes!] “Instead of being licked up and down, which would miss out on stimulating the crura and bulbs—or the arms and legs—licking occurs lengthways [with the Kivin Method], meaning that stimulation is spread over a larger surface area.” And, she adds, some have reported using the method has led to them climaxing in three minutes flat.

How to practice the simple Kivin Method of oral sex for faster orgasms To get in position for the Kivin Method, the receiver lies on their back and brings one knee to their chest, creating space for their partner to enter horizontally. They can then rest their leg over their partner’s back or keep it elevated. (Keep in mind that the comfort of the receiver plays a vital role in how successful this technique will be. In fact, Knight says anything that removes attention from pleasure can have a negative effect on the overall experience.) Whichever stance you choose, aim to create a comfortable, stress-free environment where you can fully relax and enjoy.

Some have reported using the method has led to them climaxing in three minutes flat.

Unfortunately, there's no known Kivin Method founder as of yet to whom you can send flowers and 15

words of gratitude for developing the orgasmrevolutionizing model. But, as far as thank-you notes are concerned, Knight says Reddit can be credited for popularizing the term. One user shared his experience using this technique with his wife several years ago, and people were willing to take his word for its orgasm-amplifying effects. “She came within about 5 minutes of me finding the rhythm and best hand position," the Redditor shared. "This was definitely a big change—I often go 15 to 20 minutes and have her teetering on the edge without managing to get her to come.”

Well. If there were ever a time to say, "I'll have what she's having.”

Anecdotal evidence aside, there's not much by way of data to prove the method's efficacy. But, the personal experience of the Redditor and thousands of upvotes flooding the post’s comments vouch for the success rate enough to make it at least worthy of trying.

And, as is the case with all new endeavours, practice makes better (if not perfect). Once you get into the groove and figure out which positions and movements work best for you and your partner, feel free to play around and incorporate different types of stimulation, whether that’s with your tongue, 16

fingers, or toys, or other physical locations, like the vagina, anus, breasts, or other erogenous zones. If you're interested in adding sex toys into the mix, Knight recommends something small and maneuverable, such as a bullet vibrator or a finger vibrator to amplify that orgasm even more.

Of course, no single technique is one-size-fits-all, so using the Kivin Method and licking your partner sideways rather than vertically doesn't guarantee a life-changing orgasm. But, trying it is undoubtedly worth three to ten minutes of your time—and then maybe a few more minutes to do it again.

“Most sexually adventurous women want a man who regards cunnilingus as a basic woman right.”

– Mokokoma Mokhonoana

More on the Kivin Method You can’t know too much. So here’s a second article that goes further on some of the important techniques and anatomical details. A few things are repeated but we’ve edited for redundancy.

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If You or Your Partner Have a Vulva, It’s Time to Talk About the Kivin Method From Healthline by @gabriellekassel [*Taps microphone.*] Attention cunnilingus givers and receivers: We’ve got an oral sex technique to add to your rotation.

Behold: the Kivin method.

What is it?

At its most basic: sideways cunnilingus.

Marla Renee Stewart, sexologist with Velvet Lips Sex Down South and co-author of “The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay,” explains that when it comes to performing oral sex, most of what we see in porn and experience IRL is a lover positioned straight between the other’s legs.

“Most people go straight down,” Stewart says.

The Kivin method has the giving partner situate their body so that it’s perpendicular — not parallel — to the receiver’s. Oh, and it also makes sure that the oh-so-sensitive perineum gets some sweet, sweet loving.

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Where did the idea come from?

There isn’t one official sex master to give kudos for inventing the method.

In all likelihood, it’s been around for decades. As Stewart says, “It’s an oral sex method I, and other sex educators, have been teaching for years and years and years as ‘sideways cunnilingus.’”

But the name is thought to have gained traction from Reddit.

So, sure, the name seems random AF. But as Stewart says, “If the name makes it easier to talk about and ask for side-lying cunnilingus, it’s a win.”

Fair.

What makes it different from the usual up and down?

There are three main benefits of the Kivin method that ~regular ol’ oral~ doesn’t provide.

1) First, perineum (aka taint) stimulation. It might sound like two tiny tweaks, but consider this: The perineum — that’s the blip of skin between the vagina and anal entrances — “is incredibly nervedense and yet often ignored during oral,” Stewart says. (And sadly, it’s ignored during most sexual activities.)

2) Second, better access to the entire vulva.

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While straight-on oral provides the giver pinpointed stimulation to the clitoris, it doesn’t put the giver’s mouth in the optimal position to stimulate the receiver’s labia, clitoris, and pubic mound.

Plus, many vulva owners actually find direct clitoral stimulation too intense, to the point of being unpleasant.

3) Finally, Stewart adds, most clitoris owners have one side of their gem that they like licked more than the other.

“This method gives you the opportunity to discover what that side is, if you don’t already know,” she says.

Orgasm gap, begone!

How do you do it?

First, make sure the receiver wants to try it. Because not all vulva owners will!

One Redditor says: “I loathe [the Kivin method]. In fact, it makes me rage out when someone tries it, I tell them it’s no bueno but they think it’s a hidden secret path to the greatest orgasms ever known so they keep going.”

Please don’t be like these lovers!!

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But if your boo enthusiastically consents, here’s how it works: 1. The receiver lies on their back with one leg lifted.

2. The giver slides underneath the lifted leg, lying sideways, mouth facing the receiver’s bits.

3. The giver uses a finger (or two) to apply consistent pressure to the receiver’s perineum while swiping their tongue back and forth or up and down along the receiver’s vulva at whatever rhythm and angle the receiver enjoys.

Trust, it sounds more complicated than it actually is.

How does it feel for the receiver — is it actually a guaranteed O? Babes, nothing is a guaranteed orgasm. Not even the Kivin method.

No two vulva owners have the exact same vulvas, hot spots, and preferences in bed. So whether or not a vulva owner climaxes comes (heh) down to what the receiver needs to climax.

That said, the Kivin method is known as having a high success rate.

Stewart says this is because this method — unlike, say, P-in-V intercourse — prioritizes clitoral 21

stimulation, which more than a thirdTrusted Source of vulva owners say is a nonnegotiable for orgasm, and another third say greatly improves their climax.

Is there anything you can do to help maximize your efforts?

You bet.

Compliment the receiver! *Side-eyes vaginal wash commercials.* Many vulva owners were taught that their vulvas and vaginas are dirty, smelly, or unclean (which to be very clear, they’re not!).

Still, unlearning this misogynistic rubbish is a lifelong process.

Telling your partner how good they taste and smell can do worlds for easing any lingering anxieties that interfere with pleasure.

Try: ✓ “I’ve been thinking about how you taste all damn day.” ✓ “I could lie down here and breathe in forever.” ✓ “I love having your juices line my mouth.”

Oh, and be enthusiastic 22

Most vulva owners have also been socialized to put their pleasure, needs, and wants second, which can make them feel guilty about being the center of attention during sex.

Don’t be shy about throwing your boo a compliment.

Bring in a sex pillow or wedge For bigger-bodied folks, something like the Liberator Wedge or Dame Pillo — which can be positioned under the receiver’s hips to lift their bum up — can create more space between the receiver’s leg and the bed.

This means the giver doesn’t have to bear the weight off the receiver’s leg.

Add in a vibrator “Likely, the giver will be using their tongue along the receiver’s clit, so a clitoral vibrator will just get in the way,” Stewart says.

But if the giver needs internal stimulation to get over the edge, she says, “You might have the giver use an internal vibrator on the receiver.”

Or just use a finger So long as your nails are trimmed and fingers are clean, using your finger to penetrate your partner (with consent) will be a much appreciated move for 23

the 18 percentTrusted Source of vulva owners who can orgasm via penetration.

Pop in a butt plug Because TBH, what sex acts aren’t made better by the addition of a booty plug?

And as Stewart says, “It all comes down to layering erogenous zones.”

So, if your booty is one of your hot spots, go ahead and slide one in.

If you’re feeling really adventurous, you might try a vibrating butt plug like the We-Vibe Ditto or a plug that simulates anilingus, like the b-Vibe rimming plug.

Use lube Stewart recommends adding a dab of lube on the vulva side of a dental dam to help reduce the potentially uncomfortable friction between the clitoris and barrier.

But even if you aren’t using a barrier method, you may opt to use the wet stuff.

For instance, if the receiver is self-conscious about their taste, you may opt for a glycerin-free, flavored lubricant, like Sliquid Swirl Green Apple.

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And if the giver has dry mouth, you might try a lube with aloe (which helps the body produce more saliva), like Good Clean Love.

Oh, and obviously you N-E-E-D to use lube if there’s backdoor action.

Editor’s note on sex lubricants There are many options in lubricants and we have discovered what millions of women have: CBD infused lubes. They are made with all-natural ingredients (no toxic chemicals) and the benefits of CBD go well beyond lubrication to enhancing arousal, wetness and orgasms. And they are yummy tasting. In full disclosure, we’ve tried and tested and found the best for our taste and needs to be Cowgirl Sex Soss (an independent, woman-owned sponsor who’s dedicated to women’s sexual pleasure and empowerment). They are an awardwinning firm based in the “hemp and cannabis capital of the world,” Colorado, USA. Read the Cowgirl Soss blog, “Be Better at Oral.” As they say, “If you’re gonna go down, do it (and receive it) well!”

What if it doesn’t ‘work’ [Kivin Method]?

Ask yourself: ✓ Did the receiver experience pleasure?

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✓ Did I learn more about what I do and do not enjoy? ✓ Did we have fun trying something new?

If you answered yes to any one of these questions, it “worked.”

Once more for the pleasure seekers in the back: Orgasm isn’t the only measure of success in bed. K? What’s the bottom line?

The Kivin method is certainly worth trying. But there’s no one-size-comes-all move.

So, if it makes you or your boo experience out-ofthis-universe pleasure? Fab! But if not? Enjoy exploring until you learn what does!

On Reddit As mentioned, a husband made this popular a few years ago on Reddit and here’s a link to what he said (2 min). ❤

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“Real sex is as much about reciprocity as it is exploration and if you need a reason to resent a man later on, just consider the guy who doesn’t believe in cunnilingus.”

– Roberto Hogue

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#2 The iconic “69” is only one way

Explore beyond the tried-and-true and tired < Back

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here are many variations and new positions waiting for you beyond the iconic ’69,’ including the classic “sit-on-my-face” and perhaps the most frequent, “lunch-at-the-Y.” “Make no mistake: girls love getting head as much as giving head. Giving head is good for your health. Getting head is good for the soul.”

– Chloe Thurlow

The oral gap (vs the orgasm gap) is the acceptance that oral sex for men is not reciprocal. Men expect it and women accept that he’s first and she’s ‘a maybe.’ You give him great head but when it’s time to rock your clitoris, he just wants to have sex (P-in-V).

Cunnilingus is sex – an intimate exchange of vulnerability for pleasure. As Chloe Thurlow says, “it’s good for the soul.” He needs to know this!

Getting what you want and need might require moving out of your comfort zone but a modicum of courage can bring you an ocean of orgasmic pleasure.

Here’s an article that offers several oral sex positions that can start a conversation about venturing outside your normal repertoire, and most importantly, outside his. ”We can choose courage or comfort but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

– Brene Brown

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8 Cunnilingus Positions Worth Telling Your Partner About ASAP from @sheknows by @lindseylanquist

Our mental image of cunnilingus tends to be pretty formulaic: a woman lying on her back, legs spread and a partner bending down to pleasure her. This position, of course, isn’t the only way to do it.

Obvious variations include the classic Sit on My Face position, as well as the equally iconic 69. But these three positions don’t encompass even a fraction of what’s on offer.

The entire landscape of cunnilingus positions expands far beyond our go-tos, and it’s just waiting to be discovered. Isn’t it time we collectively explored the frontiers that lay just outside our norms? Here are eight cunnilingus positions you probably haven’t tried yet, but you and your partner will totally want to add to your bedroom repertoire.

All Fours Sitting on someone’s face can be awesome, because it gives your partner direct access to your nether parts. But it can also be intimidating, awkward or straight-up uncomfortable, because, well, you’re pressing all of your weight onto someone’s face.

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The All Fours plays to the strengths of sitting on your partner’s face without forcing you to literally sit on your partner’s face. By getting on your hands and knees above your lying partner, you’re supporting yourself — and doing so in a generally comfortable way. All the intensity you expect from face-sitting, without the discomfort.

Lean Forward An easy way to switch things up? Stand during oral sex. While most cunnilingus positions involve you sitting or lying down, the Lean Forward has you standing up and — you guessed it — leaning forward while your partner kneels behind you. Feel free to use the walls for stability, be they in your bedroom, your living room or your shower.

Wrapped Eagle The Wrapped Eagle offers a slight twist on the most classic of cunnilingus positions. Instead of lying down with your legs splayed out, have your legs wrapped around your partner’s head. This can mitigate some of the vulnerability associated with the more obvious Spread Eagle position — plus, it allows you to control the pressure. Simply pull your partner closer to you when you’re looking to up the intensity.

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Forbidden Fruit Fans of doggy-style will surely appreciate this approach to cunnilingus. Get on all fours — but on your knees and elbows, rather than your knees and hands for the Forbidden Fruit. Once you’ve gotten comfortable, invite your partner to join you. From behind, they’ll have direct access to your genitals.

Modified 69 Modified 69 took everything you love about facesitting and combined it with everything you love about 69. Have your partner lie with their head and shoulders hanging off the side of the bed as you stand up. Walk toward them so you’re straddling over their face. From there, you can bend over to engage in a little reciprocity, or just enjoy being on the receiving end for a little while.

What’s nice? You can control the intensity by bending your knees as much or as little as you want.

You can also support yourself by leaning forward and placing your hands on the bed.

Virgo This incredibly intense position will have you standing as your partner explores you from an entirely new angle. For the Virgo, simply stand up straight, with your back against the wall. Your partner can sit below you in whatever position they choose —so long as they can reach your genitals.

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From there, they can perform cunnilingus as long as desired, and you can always move to the bed if you want a softer surface.

Kick Back If lying down during cunnilingus isn’t your thing, you might appreciate the Kick Back. A seated take on a classic, the Kick Back offers your partner direct access to your nether bits without leaving you splayed out on the bed. This is especially alluring if you’ve got a comfy chair. The next time you’re looking to change things up, you know exactly where to go.

All Curled Up Lie down, then bend your knees and bend and hug your legs as close to your chest as they’ll go. The All Curled Up position will introduce an entirely new angle to oral sex, which may pave the way for some finger play or sex toy supplementation, too.

What Do You Think?

Do you think you'll be adding any of these positions to your repertoire?

Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!

– Mallory Ortberg ❤

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#3 It takes more than his mouth

to create endless longing

< Back

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here is so much to know and so little effort put into learning the marvellous mysteries and endless ways to a woman’s deepest cunnilingus pleasures. Most women don’t really know their own wants, needs and the possibilities nor do they know how to talk openly about them.

“According to Google, there are approximately 94,000,000 “guides” on the internet for how to eat pussy. I regret … every single one is wrong.”

– Chingy Nea

According to this article, “Contrary to popular belief, there is no ‘right’ way to do it, nor is there some convenient, universal method that can be easily distilled into a handy to-do list.” It’s about dedication, passion and incremental improvement.

It requires that both of you know WTF you’re doing and using your mouths to make sure each of you learn every delicate, delicious mystery of your insatiable cunnilingus and fellatio desires.

As a writer of erotic fiction, I have researched, read, studied and learned [and practiced] a lot about the intricacies of cunnilingus, which has helped me guide the mutual practice of cunnilingus. It’s both an art and a science, driven by love. And so worth learning!

Here’s an insightful article from MEL by Chingy Nea, The New Pussy-Eating Paradigm.

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The New Pussy-Eating Paradigm from MEL by Chingy New

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orget your flickering tongue, good head is all about grit, gusto and... active listening.

According to Google, there are approximately 94,000,000 “guides” on the internet for how to eat pussy. I regret to inform you that every single one of them is wrong. Contrary to popular belief, there is no “right” way to do it, nor is there some convenient, universal method that can be easily distilled into a handy to-do list.

Rather, good head is an art — one that requires oral alacrity, curiosity and gumption in equal parts — and the real skill is figuring out what works for the pussy in question. To do that, you’ll have to learn to listen, adapt and really get into it.

Lucky for you, I’ve invited a few prominent pussy eaters from porn’s past and present to show you the way.

Adapt and Overcome In high school, there was a guy who spoke so confidently about his alphabet method (i.e., doing the ABCs with your tongue) that I believed it was the official pussy-eating method. But when I finally experienced it myself, I found it sorely underwhelming.

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As it turns out, that little punk-ass made the biggest mistake a tonguesman can make: Assuming his methods would work for everyone. Instead, the real secret to cunnilingus is to keep your mind as open as your gaping maw.

Which brings us to Pussy Realization #1: No two vulvas are the same. Everyone responds differently to different sensations, so if you want to master pussy eating, you have to adapt to what works for your particular partner.

For example, queer porn performer Valentine Vonbettie specifically likes the “tip of someone’s tongue under [her] clitoral hood with a firm and consistent side-to-side motion, all while providing suction.” This may be a very different preference than the person she’s with. “When I encounter those with clits like mine, the same sensation I enjoy seems to work for them,” she says. “But when I’m going down on someone else, I try a variety of other things. Most people I’ve encountered like either above the hood or right below the clit in a side-to-side motion.”

Then there’s Aurora Mattia, a fiction writer and porn performer with an entirely different taste for being tasted. Since she underwent bottom surgery four years ago, Mattia says she’s had to relearn how much stimulation her clit can handle. In doing so, 37

she’s discovered that having sensation inside her vagina at the same time makes cunnilingus much more pleasurable. “When I have someone’s fingers putting pressure inside me, it allows sensation to become pleasure and let’s me stop focusing on trying to make sense of my body. Feathering with a tongue is too much for me. It’s so much lightness that it hurts; it needs to be a consistent firm contact.”

In other words, it’s all about experimenting with what feels good and letting things evolve from there. “It’s not about getting your partner to cum so you can move on to penetration or your turn,” says Sovereign Syre, a writer, comedian and former adult performer. “It’s about building pleasure in their body, listening and vibing with what’s going on inside them.”

Listen Up Because everyone likes their pussy eaten differently, it’s important to recognize that being good at cunnilingus (or any type of sex for that matter) is less about immediate, overwhelming talent and more about developing active listening skills. The more you listen to your partner’s words and body language, the more you can learn about what feels good to them.

The key to active listening is to create an environment where your partner is comfortable 38

being open about their body and desires. Ask them specific questions about what feels good, try to paraphrase what they said and then repeat it back to them so it’s clear you’re on the same page. Be ready to hear their answers without judging them (or yourself), too.

Oh, and you might want to try that when you’re not having sex. “Assuming we’re planning on fucking more than once, it’s simplest and easiest if my partner and I talk about what feels good outside of the time we’re actually having sex,” says Mattia. “It makes things feel less delicate.”

Of course, communication isn’t always verbal. Body language, as well as the sounds your partner makes, are also forms of communication that spell out what they want. For example: While I usually get louder when my partner is mouthfucking my holes how I like, I notice that she typically squeezes my head between her thighs more and more as my mouth gets on the right track.

“My partners usually put a hand on the back of my head when I need to stay put, or I direct someone’s hand back there so they know they can control my placement,” explains Vonbettie. “I listen to someone’s moans or noises or pay attention to their body movements and adjust accordingly.”

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Forget About “Performing” While open communication and asking for direction is important, one question you probably should ask less is whether your partner came. While there’s nothing wrong with the query in and of itself — or with cumming — it reveals a troubling tendency of treating orgasm as the end-all-be-all of sex, rather than as one point on a much larger horny journey.

This isn’t only tacky, but it puts an unreasonable amount of pressure on both your partner and yourself to “perform” (whatever the hell that means).

“The ‘did you cum’ question implies that sex is about finishing, when in reality sex is about starting and building intimacy,” Syre tells me. “It’s never really ‘finished.’ The focus should be on making your partner feel good and facilitating a situation in which there isn’t pressure for them to ‘perform’ for you. Rather, they should feel like they can experience pleasure with you, whether they cum or not.”

If your partner does want to cum, that may require an equal amount of patience. There isn’t much research on the average amount of time it takes someone to cum from cunnilingus, but speaking as a tenured rug muncher, we’re looking at anywhere from a couple of minutes to the better part of an hour. Again, adaptability is essential. If your tongue or jaw grows weary, focus more on using your lips 40

and sucking. If your neck begins to strain, ask for them to sit on your face, switch to manually stimulating their clit or break out a toy. Find a middle ground between what feels best for them and what is manageable for you.

Get Into It It sounds obvious, but the most important part of eating pussy is having fun (cue balloons and streamers). It’s something that’s meant to be pleasurable not only to your partner but to you, and there’s a certain electricity that can happen when you’re really enjoying yourself. I’ve noticed that, when I’m giving head, I’m usually really turned on by doing the things that I love having done to me, many of which are less about technique and more about someone expressing zealous desire for my pleasure. Often, I’ll use my hands and toys in addition to oral stimulation, tell someone how good they taste or feel in my mouth and ask to have my face straddled.

In fact, when asked what makes the ideal cunnilinguist in her eyes, Mattia says it’s “dedication.” “Someone has to want to do it, not just to want me to want them to do it,” she says. Likewise, she defines someone who gives “good head” as someone who’ll eat her out for as “long as [she] wants.”

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Vonbettie’s feelings are similar. “Someone has to be passionate about it, enjoy the mess and really enjoy pleasuring their lover,” she explains. “A lot of people are fluid-averse, or cunnilingus is either unfamiliar or intimidating to them. I’ve had people stop when they’re getting me close to orgasm, and I’m not sure where their head’s at. So being present and dedicated really helps.”

To conclude, I’ll leave you with something Tony Soprano once said: “Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this.” And while he was referring to a failed assassination attempt made on him by his own uncle, it’s equally true that being good at eating pussy can only come from self-knowledge, solid interpersonal skills and just repeatedly giving head until you figure it out.

So true, Tony Soprano. So true.

“She arches her body like a cat on a stretch.

She nuzzles her cunt into my face like a filly at the gate. She smells of the sea. She smells of rockpools when I was a child. She keeps a starfish in there. I crouch down to taste the salt, to run my fingers around the rim. She opens and shuts like a sea anemone. She's refilled each day with fresh tides of longing.” ❤ 42

”My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”

– Chelsea Handler

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#4 76.8% of women did not enjoy all blow jobs

Blow job experiences are all different < Back

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hats’ a girl to do? How do we know if a blow job is good or bad or just a ‘nothing-burger?’

And he’s not likely to be forthcoming (no pun intended) because almost all of them feel good to him.

What do other women experience? What do other women like and not like? What are all the negative experiences with blow jobs?

“Too pressured.” “Too long.”

“Too quick.” “Too big.” “Too small.”

23.2% of women enjoyed all blow jobs. 76.8% did not.

Despite the negatives 92.6% of women enjoy giving blow jobs. But there are plenty of “not-likes.”

The numbers don’t lie! And they can be a good guide on the path to improving your oral sex life.

This article from Bad Girl’s Bible is based on a survey of over 1,100 women. And it's from the woman’s perspective covering many intriguing questions: ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓

Worse to best positions Ideal blow job length Main reasons for enjoying Reasons for negative experience

A shared experience can be a good experience, but blow jobs often don’t share the same joy. So here's some great knowledge for sharing and improving.

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92.6% Of Women Like Giving Blow Jobs [1,114 Woman Study]

from Bad Girls Bible by Sean Jameson We surveyed 1,114 heterosexual and bisexual women, over 18 years of age, who have given a blow job at least once to answer the question: Do women like giving blow jobs?

The results were fascinating… sometimes depressing.

[increase page size to view details]

We discovered why women like & sometimes HATE giving blow jobs, how long they like a blow job to last for, what blow job positions are most enjoyable for women, and whether women actually like to swallow at the end of a blow job.

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Here is a summary of our key findings: 1. 92.6% of women like to give blow jobs.

2. However, 76.8% of women admitted that they have given a blow job in the past that they did not enjoy.

3. Feeling pressured or forced into giving a blow job was the most cited reason women gave for not enjoying a blow job with 43.4% of respondents admitting this.

Other significant factors correlating with negative blow job experiences for women include: too much pubic hair on their partner, their partner taking too long to orgasm and their partner having hygiene issues 4. “I liked pleasuring my partner” was by far the most popular reason women gave when asked why they liked giving their most recent blow job, with 60.2% of women choosing this response.

5. Women adore giving head when their partner is lying down: 49.5% of women said their favorite blow job position is having their partner lay down on their back in bed.

6. Women HATE the 69 position, with 65.3% of women stating that it was their least favorite position when giving a blow job.

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7. When asked “how long do you like a blow job to last for?”, 40.2% of women selected the “as long as my partner wants” option.

This was by far the most popular choice rather than a specific time.

8. Women like to swallow: 55.5% of women stated that their favorite way to end a blow job is by swallowing their partner’s semen.

The Vast Majority Of Women Like To Give Blow Jobs Do women only give blow jobs because they feel obliged by their partner? Is it something they do out of ‘duty’ instead of enjoying the act itself? We wanted to settle the perennial debate on whether heterosexual and bisexual women actually enjoy giving blow jobs, so we asked them a very simple question: Do you like giving blow jobs?

The results were stark (see chart on next page):

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92.6% of women answered that they like giving blow jobs.

To make sure this result was accurate, we asked a similar question, later in the survey: Did you like giving your most recent blow job?

91.7% of respondents answered “Yes.” Key Takeaway: The vast majority of women like giving blow jobs.

But, this overwhelming result comes with a few important caveats that we explain in the next section.

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Over Three-Quarters Of Women Have Given A Blow Job That They Did Not Enjoy A naive person could interpret our initial results (92.6% of women like to give blow jobs) to mean that women enjoy performing oral sex in all situations and circumstances. This kind of misinterpretation of the data could be very dangerous to women.

So we asked all survey participants the following question: Have you ever given a blow job that you did not enjoy?

The results were jaw-dropping.

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Most women have given a blow job that they did not enjoy.

Even though 92.4% of women do enjoy giving blow jobs, 76.8% of all women surveyed told us that they had been in at least one situation where they did not enjoy giving head.

This was depressing to hear but thankfully we were able to uncover the reasons leading to a negative blow job experience for women…

Feeling Pressured Or Forced Is The Main Reason That A Woman Has A Negative Blow Job Experience We wanted to dig further and understand what are the circumstances that lead to women having a negative blow job experience.

Respondents were able to give multiple answers as often there is more than one factor leading to bad blow job experiences.

Their feedback was clear (see chart on next page):

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Key takeaway: Feeling pressured or forced into giving a blow job is the main reason women gave as to why they did not enjoy giving a blow job, with 43.4% of women selecting this option.

There were also some other interesting reasons leading to negative blow job experiences: • 35.4% of women did not enjoy giving a blow job because their partner took too long to orgasm 52

• •

•

Bad partner hygiene (24.2%) and a partner with too much pubic hair (23.3%) were the 3rd and 4th most given reasons respectively.

20.5% of women selected gagging on their partner’s penis as a reason for not enjoying a blow job. This may have been while deep throating their partner.

For women, penis size was not a major factor leading to an unenjoyable experience when sucking their partner’s penis. When reflecting on past negative blow job experiences, 7.8% of women said that their partner’s large penis was a factor in their lack of enjoyment, while 9.4% of women said their lack of size was an issue.

The most interesting result from this section of the survey: Only 5.3% of women said they did not enjoy a blow job due to their partner reaching orgasm too quickly. Remember, 35.4% of women did not enjoy giving a blow job because their partner took too long to orgasm.

If you have a penis, then this finding is clear: it’s better to cum too quickly rather than too slowly during a blow job if you want your partner to enjoy giving it.

Other reasons leading to negative blow job experiences for women were: not being in the mood, feeling tired, no sexual chemistry/attraction, lack of 53

an erection from their partner, suffering from lockjaw, cramping muscles in the mouth and feeling nervous.

As none of these other reasons constituted over 5% of responses, they were grouped together as “Other reasons” in the chart above.

Why Do Women Like Giving Blow Jobs?

Pleasing Their Partner Is The Main Reason We’ve covered the multiple reasons why women have not enjoyed giving blow jobs. But what is the main reason why women do enjoy giving a blow job?

We wanted to get specific for this one, so we focused on respondents’ most recent positive blow job experience (see chart on next page).

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60.2% of women selected, “I liked pleasing my partner” as the main reason for enjoying their most recent blow job experience. This was followed by: ✓ 21.2% said that giving their partner a blow job turned them on. ✓ 10% said the main reason for enjoyment was that they like feeling powerful and in control. ✓ 5.5% said that the liked feeling submissive ✓ Other reasons (3.1%) included “feeling it grow in my mouth,” “I LOVE the sensation of his member on my lips and tongue,” and “all of the above” 55

The results from this question are clear: Giving sexual pleasure can be highly satisfying for women.

Women’s Favorite Blow Job Position Is Having Their Partner Lie Down On Their Back We wanted to delve further into what makes a blow job enjoyable for the women giving it. We started with one of the biggest factors: blow job positions.

We got a clear answer from our respondents. Nearly half of women (49.5%) choose having their partner lay down on their back while they were between their partner’s legs as their favourite position.

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While we didn’t ask for a reason behind their choice, we can speculate that it’s because of: ✓ ✓ ✓

It’s comfortable for both partners.

The receiving partner is in a passive position, allowing their female partner to have a high degree of control.

It makes transitioning to sex easy.

Other popular positions were kneeling while their partner was either standing or sitting. 69 was not particularly popular and positions like having the receiving partner on their hands and knees hardly registered in the survey.

Women Hate The 69 Position When Giving A Blow Job Now that we know the blow job positions that women prefer, we wanted to investigate their least favourite positions when giving head (see chart on next page).

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The least favorite blow job position for women is the 69 position. 65.3% of women selected the 69 position as their least favourite position to perform oral sex in.

As you can see in the chart, no position comes close to being as hated when giving a blow job. [Editor’s note: See Chapter #2: The iconic ’69’ is only one way.]

Kneeling while your partner is standing is the second least favorite position, but was selected by only 13% of women. [Editor's note: See Chapter #9: Oral sex that gets you off ... your knees.]

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Our takeaway from this result (and the results on women’s favorite blow job positions) is that the 69 position is not particularly well-liked by women.

The Ideal Blow Job Length Is … As Long As The Receiver Wants, Not A Specific Time Before we ran our blow job survey, we first designed a small open-ended questionnaire to see if we got any interesting responses or data. As part of that initial small survey, many women did not choose a specific time duration when asked how long they like their blow jobs to last.

Instead, they responded with some form of: “However long my partner wants it to last.” So, we decided to include this as an option in our main blow job survey when asking women what the ideal blow job length is (see chart on next page).

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As you can see, 40.2% of women prefer their blow jobs to last as long as their partner wants.

The next most popular blow job duration is 5-10 minutes at 28.1%, followed by under 5 minutes (11.8%), then 11-15 minutes (10.7%).

The most popular answer, “As long as my partner wants it to last,” underscores how important having good sexual communication with your partner is so you can get on the same page and have great sex.

Otherwise you may both end up less satisfied.

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Women Don’t Like Facials, They Prefer To Swallow We wanted to finish up the survey focusing on the end of the blow job and discover women’s favorite way to end a fellatio session. It was also a chance to examine whether or not women’s preferences mirror common scenarios seen in pornography?

Short answer: They don’t.

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Women’s favourite way to finish a blow job is for their partner to ejaculate in their mouth and then to swallow it, with 55.5% of women selecting this option. Having their partner finishing the mouth and swallowing it is over 7 times more popular than the number of women who chose their partner ejaculating in their mouth and then spitting, with only 7.8% of women choosing this option.

The second most popular option, with 19.8% of women choosing it, was having their partner ejaculate on their body.

Only 3.8% of women chose the “My partner cums on my face” option as their favourite way to finish a blow job. So it seems that facials aren’t quite as popular in real life as they appear in porn.

Conclusion We discovered that the vast majority of women enjoy giving head and enjoyed performing their most recent blow job (over 90% of women in both cases).

The main reason (60.2%) women enjoy giving blow jobs is because they enjoy pleasuring their partner.

However, over three-quarters of women have had at least one negative experience giving a blow job. This was due to a variety of reasons, some of which included: feeling 62

pressured to having a partner who takes too long to cum to having a partner with bad hygiene.

We also discovered that women’s least favourite blow job position is the 69 while having their partner lie down on their back is their favourite.

The favourite way for women to finish a blow job was by swallowing their man’s semen.

Methodology We collected basic demographic information.

Those never having performed oral sex on a penis were disqualified and non-female respondents. We had 964 heterosexual and 150 bisexual women over the 18. Participants were asked a variety of questions around performing oral sex on a penis.

Our survey relied on participants’ recollections and preferences. They were encouraged to tell the truth and accurately represent their experience, the data is nevertheless self-reported and there is the possibility of some inaccuracy.

“Don’t spit, swallow: there is protein and other good stuff in male semen; it’s an acquired taste and, once acquired, totally addictive.”

– Chloe Thurlow

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#5 Two Sexperts on How to Upgrade Your Oral Sex Game

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eferring again to the memorable scene from the movie, Harry Met Sally, we want to emphasis that one way of avoiding fake orgasms is by staying in the moment, whether giving or receiving.

Being ‘in the moment’ is critical to fully enjoying the act.

Sex expert Wendy Strgar, author of a forthcoming book, Sex that Works: A Woman’s Guide to Embracing the Erotic, Awakening Arousal, and Deepening Intimacy, says that women should slow down and give in to the heat of the moment.

In this article from Marie Claire, there are eight good tips. Some we know, but it’s always good to be reminded of the oral sex intricacies that are important. For example, #8: “… let him know how attractive he is underneath those boxers.” [Even in this moment, we need to remember that a guy’s ego is directly attached to both heads].

“I think the last thing you should do to someone willing to put your penis in their mouth is give them criticism.” ― S.A. Tawks

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Two Sexperts on How to Upgrade Your Oral Sex Game from The Editors at Marie Claire

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ral sex is often lauded as the cherry on top of the orgasmic cake for both parties involved: an act of vulnerability and utter release, "I'll have what she's having!", etc. But for some women? It's simply not that enjoyable, especially when receiving oral inspires thoughts like I wish I showered today. Look at that poster on the wall! Is Banksy female? and literally any other minutia that get in the way of getting off. As for giving? Not making eye contact, not making eye contact, not making eye contact. Am I doing this right? Please don't let me gag and throw up right now.

Staying in the moment, whether you're giving or receiving, is a huge aspect of enjoying the act, which is why sex expert Wendy Strgar—the CEO of organic lube brand Good Clean Love and the author of forthcoming book Sex that Works: A Woman's Guide to Embracing the Erotic, Awakening Arousal, and Deepening Intimacy—says that women should consider slowing down and giving in to the heat of the moment.

"I think that women who have a lot of anxiety about oral sex," she says, "are the ones who are trying to 66

perform a sexual act that doesn't turn them on. It easily turns into performance anxiety and it is really hard to stay present when what you are doing doesn't excite you.”

And much of the performance anxiety is hardly necessary, according to Meygan Caston, a relationship coach from Marriage365, since she says that the most important thing is that your partner senses that you want him. "Knowing you're excited to serve is more powerful than any technique you're missing.”

Below, we asked Strgrar and Caston on their best tips for making oral sex more enjoyable for both parties.

Caston says that the best way to rev up the moment may be counterintuitive. Slow down the foreplay rather than rushing into things: "Use this time to explore and gently kiss all over his body. This teasing will get him excited about what's in store next and begin to increase his anticipation. Don't rush through this, but allow both of you to be completely present.”

Use Your Hands Strgar recommends using scented oil for starters and allowing the moment to be a process for both partners.

Caston agrees, saying, "Be sure to have a firm grip on the base of his shaft and have your lips go at least to the base of his frenulum (where the head of 67

his penis connects to the shaft and the most sensitive part of his penis). In a rhythmic motion let your lips meet your hands." And don't forget his other sensitive bits. "Embrace his testicles. There are a ton of nerve endings in his scrotum and gently caressing and massaging while performing oral sex will certainly send him over the edge.”

Let Go Letting go of worries and fears and bringing a sense of focus to the task at hand can help you get into the mood and actually enjoy pleasuring your partner. "The danger of giving oral sex as a service," Strgar says, "is that when you are not into it and it doesn't turn you on sexually, the act becomes perfunctory and over time maybe a source of resentment. I don't personally recommend doing things sexually for others that don't feel arousing to you. Because you can easily slip into the opposite— of not wanting to be sexual at all, or worse still like your arousal is less important.”

Study Your Numbers And sometimes all it takes is a little mutual love.

"One way to move oral sex out of the idea of service is to add a new level of interaction through the classic position of 69," says Stgrar. "This form of oral sex actually adds the rocket fuel of mutual satisfaction and there is an interesting way that each 68

person's technique and preferences inform the other. It also takes some of the self-consciousness out of the process, because it feels less like performing than it does engaging together."

Heighten the Senses To make the most of the moment, Strgar recommends using a favorite essential oil diluted in a healthier carrier oil because she says it gets the olfactory senses and the limbic section of the brain (AKA the area of the brain responsible for arousal) involved, while keeping things down there lubricated. "I also always recommend adding scent to oral sex, which is the only way I can engage with it personally.”

[Editor’s note: We highly recommend CBD natural oils.

Particularly Cowgirl Sex Soss (sponsor) because we’ve tried it (and others) and it comes from the “hemp and cannabis capital of the world,” Colorado, USA. Read up on its natural benefits and use our code: SEX20 for 20% off your first order].

Indulge in Fantasies While some believe that indulging in pornographic fantasies during sex can remove you from an 69

intimate moment in a negative way, Strgar says that certain types of fantasy are "critical to supercharged oral sex." Why? She says that fantasizing during oral sex can help woman with anxieties and worries derive more pleasure and control from acting out their deeper desires. "Women who allow these thoughts to emerge, even if they never share them will be able to enjoy all kinds of erotic acts, like oral sex in a way that actually turns them on.”

Work What You've Got On Caston's point on desire and connection trumping technique, the best sex involves being confident enough to play up your best features: "Your man adores you, so give him the pleasure of watching you do your thing. Assuming that you are both naked, or in sexy lingerie, allow him to enjoy seeing your cleavage. Try tracing his penis along your breasts as a different sensation.”

Don't Knock the Power of Praise And finally? "Compliment his genitals," says Caston.

"It goes a long way. Later, send him an affirming and flirty text while he's at work and let him know how attractive he is underneath those boxers.” ”Without the right kind of mouth, my tongue is of no use.”

– Kristen Henderson ❤ 70

“Look your best and be as exposed as you are able to be. Men’s eyes are half of their erections. Use a mirror behind you whenever possible. Usually the show will make him harder than your mouth does.”

– Danielle Pryor

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#6 Going Down During Your Period?

In a word, “Yes, he can!” < Back

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ral sex and menstrua-on are as natural as … well, any sex. The difference is some people aren’t so keen to satisfy their sexual thirsts during their period – and that's okay – but many are. And there are benefits.

“A lot of people find sex during menstruation to be especially satisfying.”

In Chapter #7: Despite the pleasure, oral sex has risks, we address some of the health considerations, including during menstruation, but in this chapter we give you the benefits to consider. Key points: It’s safe.

It's natural. But consent is imperative.

This is an erroneous taboo that needs to be understood. For some women penetration during menstruation is uncomfortable and cunnilingus is a loving substitute that offers wonderful, external stimulation at a time when our libido can naturally be high (some women experience low libido).

Oral sex during menstruation should be a wellinformed decision between two loving, consenting partners. This article from SheKnows, along with embedded links, should tell you all you need to know to make a comfortable decision.

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Your Partner Can Totally Go Down on You During Your Period (Can Even Help Cramps)

by Callie Little

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n all honesty, periods can suck. Between the bloating, the cramps and the money shelled out for tampons, there’s not much to love about bleeding a few days out of the month, but one thing that can make them just a little bit awesome?

Period sex! And very specifically here we are talking about oral sex (cunnilingus) during your period — because, hell yes, you can have it.

It may be foreign territory in your bedroom, but oral sex during menstruation is just as natural as it is any other time of the month. (FYI, all safe, sane, consensual sex is natural!) If you’re feeling a little shy about enjoying your partner’s mouth while sailing the red sea, this is for you.

So read on for our pro-tips for giving and receiving oral while you or your partner are menstruating.

First of all, hormones can work with you or against you Since we go through waves of hormones all month long, our temperaments and libidos regularly shift.

While some may find they have lowered sex drive while bleeding, a lot of people end up with 74

heightened arousal, often due to reduced estrogen and something called “pelvic congestion.”

Whether the excess pressure and water retention allow the body to feel more engorged and aroused or we simply crave an orgasm to cure cramps, a lot of people find sex during menstruation to be especially satisfying. That said, some folks might be a little extra sensitive to the point of needing extragentle stimulation, especially internally.

If your partner is bleeding, it’s important to find out if they enjoy penetration or prefer external-only stimulation during this time. For folks who do enjoy a side of penetration with their cunnilingus, fingers or a well-made toy can work wonders. To make cleanup as easy as possible, use barriers like condoms, dental dams (it’s what they’re there for!) and gloves, and throw down a dark towel beforehand. Speaking of avoiding messes …

Use a menstrual cup to put a dam in the crimson tide Some people may not be willing to mix blood with their pleasure (totally fair!) While there’s absolutely nothing gross about sex or periods, it’s OK to have preferences! For those who’d rather avoid sheet stains, try wearing a menstrual cup while you play around. These neat little easy-to-use cups catch the blood and keep it inside for up to 12 hours.

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Insertion requires a little technique, but they save money in the long run, and they’re totally sanitary — plus there are some models totally designed to be unobtrusive and comfortable during sex (like Intimina’s Ziggy Cup).

Using a menstrual cup frees up all of the delightful real estate known as the vulva for pearl-polishing pleasure. Resting just the pad of the thumb against the entrance of the vagina won’t interfere with the menstrual cup (if there is one), but it will provide a whole new world of sensation for the receiver. As things get more heated, try sliding the thumb up and down gently, just a few centimeters, to add even more excitement.

Extra reassurance might be required As mentioned above, some people get a little uncomfortable at the idea of sex during menstruation. Whether this is due to social conditioning, mess or something like a change in the way we smell, we might need a little bit of reassurance to relax into fully enjoying ourselves.

Before you go down on them, mention how you can’t wait to have your mouth on their body.

Communicating your intention provides an opportunity for them to express any embarrassment or to let you know that actually, they really do need 76

to step into the bathroom first. Allowing space to prepare (or decline, which is also OK!) will do wonders for their comfort and confidence.

Once you have permission, make use of one of the best sex toys in your toolkit: communication. Tell them how hot it is to feel them get turned on or how excited you’re getting from eating them out.

Knowing a partner is enjoying what they’re doing is seriously reassuring, not to mention steamy as hell.

Periods come and go, but good sex — and solid communications — are forever.

“Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.” ― Slavoj Žižek ❤

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#7 Despite the pleasure

oral sex has risks

< Back

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e learn too young to think “oral sex isn’t sex.”

It is. And it’s a sensitive, intimate part of the pantheon of pleasure we experience in sex. Or not.

Too often oral sex is treated like all sex … something we just do, ‘for better or worse, until the death of pleasure do us part.’ And not understanding and not talking about it creates a strain on a relationship, usually on us girls.

It shouldn’t be a problem. And we want every woman and man to better understand the wonders of oral sex – and the risks – so that cunnilingus, fellatio and anilingus, based on consent, become an exquisite part of your sexual bliss.

This important article from Better Health will give you a clearer perspective on the risks (STIs and stress) and tips on how to ensure you’re well-being.

We’ve edited the original article slightly to drive home the point that there are risks amid the pleasure. Our intention is to help you start an open and honest discussion between you and your partner. Because oral sex is more dependent on your mouth than you think.

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The Risks of Oral Sex from Better Health

About oral sex Oral sex used to be a taboo subject, but these days it’s a common form of sexual activity. Oral sex means using your mouth, lips or tongue to stimulate your partner’s genitals or anus. Both men and women can give their partner oral sex. You’ve probably heard oral sex called many names – ‘going down’, a ‘blow job’, ‘giving head’, a ‘69’ or ‘rimming’ (plus plenty more). But oral sex has official medical names too: oral sex on a woman (the vagina, vulva and clitoris) is called cunnilingus, and oral sex on a man (the penis) is called fellatio. If oral sex involves the anus, it’s called anilingus.

Oral sex can be a natural and enjoyable part of sex between partners if both of you enjoy it and consent to it. You can give or receive oral sex as part of other sexual activity (like vaginal or anal intercourse) or on its own. But oral sex without a condom does come come with risks.

Risks of oral sex Many experts say oral sex is not safe sex. It may be ‘safer sex’ than genital sex without a condom, in that you won’t get pregnant from oral sex alone, but 80

oral sex without a condom still carries the significant risk of catching or passing on sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Because oral sex usually involves sucking or licking your partner’s genitals or anus, you’re likely to come into contact with genital fluids or faeces and this puts you at risk of many STIs. Generally, you’re more at risk of catching an STI from oral sex if: ✓ you give rather than receive oral sex – because you’re more likely to be exposed to genital fluids ✓ you have cuts, sores or ulcers in your mouth at the time ✓ you don’t use protection.

Another risk of oral sex is strain on your relationship, particularly if one of you doesn’t enjoy it or has concerns about it. One partner may have anxiety about their oral sexual performance or what their partner will think of them during oral sex. Or oral sex may make one partner feel under the other partner’s control. These are all important issues to resolve before introducing oral sex into your relationship.

STIs from oral sex A range of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be associated with oral sex. The following are some of the most common ones.

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Human papilloma virus (HPV) or genital warts HPV is known as the virus that can cause cervical cancer in women. But HPV can lead to a range of other cancers too – such as throat or oral cancer or cancers of other parts of the genitals – and other serious diseases.

HPV is a common virus that can affect both males and females. It’s passed on through either genital or oral sex. HPV affects both heterosexual and same sex partners.

Some strains of HPV result in genital warts – soft growths that occur on the genitals – although it’s rare for genital warts to be passed to the mouth and lips through oral sex. Genital warts are very common, but can’t be cured. They may be treated with medications or surgery.

Sometimes HPV shows no signs or symptoms at all.

Your risk of HPV is higher the more partners you have. Contracting HPV doesn’t guarantee cancer, but US studies have shown more than 50% of cases of oral cancer can be linked back to HPV, for instance. Men are more at risk than women.

If you suspect you have HPV or genital warts, talk to your doctor.

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Herpes Herpes is a common STI that has two types: oral herpes (blisters and cold sores round your mouth or nose) and genital herpes (pain, itching and small sores on the genitals that turn into ulcers and scabs). You can catch either type of herpes from oral sex without a condom (and vaginal or anal sex without a condom too).

If your partner has cold sores around their mouth (oral herpes), they can pass these on to your genitals during oral sex if you have not had cold sores in the past. If your partner has herpes blisters around their genitals, they can pass these on to your mouth if you give them oral sex.

Sometimes you can have herpes but not have any symptoms. You can still pass on the disease through skin to skin contact.

Gonorrhoea, chlamydia, hepatitis B, hepatitis C All of these STIs are caused by viruses or bacteria that can be passed on in the same way: through contact with infected bodily fluids, such as semen, pre-ejaculatory fluid, blood, or vaginal secretions.

So oral sex puts you at risk for these diseases. HIV is also in this category (see HIV on this page).

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You may be infected with one of these STIs if infected fluids come in contact with any sores, cuts, or ulcers you may have. The fluids can also get into inflamed cells on the lips, mouth, genitals or anus, the membrane of your eye, or the cells of your throat. This contact can allow the fluids to get into your bloodstream and make you sick.

Hepatitis A Hepatitis A is a gut infection that’s passed on through contact with infected faeces. If oral sex includes licking or touching your partner’s anus, even if it looks clean, you may be at risk of this disease.

HIV Experts say the risk of contracting HIV from an HIVpositive person during oral sex is extremely low, but it’s difficult to know exactly because people often participate in vaginal or anal sex at the same time as oral sex The risk of contracting HIV increases if you have sores in your mouth or on your vagina or penis, bleeding gums, mouth contact with menstrual blood, or other STIs. Shigellosis Shigella gastroenteritis is a bowel infection caused by bacteria that is passed on through contact with infected faeces (poo). It can also be spread through 84

sexual contact, especially during oral or oro-anal sex.

Men who have sex with men are at particular risk.

Syphilis Syphilis is a very serious condition if left untreated, but can be cured with the right treatment.

Symptoms come in three stages: a single sore (often painless), then a rash or sores (or both), then organ damage and possible death in the late stages if left untreated. The late stage of syphilis may not develop for 10 to 30 years from when you were infected.

You can catch syphilis by coming into direct contact with a syphilis sore during vaginal, anal or oral sex.

Sores may be on your partner’s penis, vagina or anus, in the rectum, or on their lips and in their mouth.

Pubic lice (‘crabs’) Pubic lice or ‘crabs’ are tiny insects, found in the genital area, that feed on blood. They can cause intense itching. Pubic lice are spread during sex.

They can be treated with over-the-counter medications.

How to reduce the risks of oral sex Like any sex, the best ways to reduce the risks of oral sex are to abstain (not have oral sex) or to use protection.

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Avoid oral sex if your partner: ✓ has an STI ✓ has sores, cuts, ulcers, blisters, warts or rashes around their genitals, anus or mouth ✓ has unhealed or inflamed piercings in their mouth or genitals ✓ has a throat infection ✓ if woman has her period. [Editor’s note: See Chapter #6: Going down during your period) Avoid getting semen or vaginal fluid in your eyes (so much for his cum on your face) For oral sex on a man, use a condom during oral sex. For oral sex on a woman, or when performing anilingus on a man or a woman, use a dam. A dam is a small thin latex or plastic square that acts as a barrier between the vagina or anus and the mouth.

It may prevent the spread of STIs STI testing See your doctor about testing if you become sexually active, change partners, or start a new relationship. Also see your doctor if you think you have any signs and symptoms of an STI. Your partner should be tested if you decide to not use condoms.

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STI signs and symptoms to watch for If you’ve had oral sex without a condom (or vaginal or anal sex without a condom), seek medical advice if you notice any of these signs or symptoms: ✓ itches, rashes, lumps or blisters in or around the genitals, vagina, anus or mouth ✓ unusual vaginal discharge ✓ discharge from the penis ✓ irritation, pain or burning when you urinate ✓ pain or bleeding during or after sex ✓ bleeding between periods ✓ pain in the testicles or lower abdomen ✓ sore throat.

Hepatitis A, B and C affect the liver, so watch for: ✓ flu-like illness, such as fever, general aches and headaches ✓ tiredness and feeling sick, sometimes with vomiting and diarrhoea ✓ dark-coloured urine or pale faeces, or both ✓ jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes).

Even if you don’t have any symptoms, you may want to see your doctor if: ✓ you’ve recently had sex without a condom with someone new ✓ you or your partner have sex without a condom with other people ✓ your partner has symptoms of an STI. 87

It’s important to get treatment for an STI as soon as possible. Some STIs can’t be treated but medications may reduce symptoms. Leaving an STI untreated may cause discomfort in the short term, and may harm your health or fertility in the long term.

Oral sex and young people Many young people do not consider oral sex as sex, so they may take emotional or physical risks.

[Editor’s note: Oral sex is sex and a beautiful part of it but like all sex it should be understood and enjoyed – with loving caution. So much for the rainbow parties in which girls (usually teenagers) wear different colored lipsticks and perform oral sex on boys, leaving a “rainbow” on their genitals].

“A woman with an extraordinary oral fixation is a rarity, a blessing, a righteous investment.” ― A.K. Kuykendall

❤

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“I asked a high school girl about unreciprocated oral sex and said, "What if guys were asking you to get them a glass of water and never offered to you a glass of water? Would you put up with that?" She burst out laughing. It never occurred to her.”

– Peggy Orenstein

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#8 How to Deep Throat

for maximum pleasure

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eep throat is one of those phrases that creates instant understanding. You know what it means and even though it’s most common in porn, you might recall there was a movie, Deep Throat (1972), plus it was code name for the real-life Watergate informant (outed after his death, as William Mark Felt of the FBI). The 1972 movie was the first in the “porno chic” trend and the technique has been mainstream ever since.

Unfortunately, like most sex, the practice is not well understood and first-timers often experience more problems than pleasure. Again, like all sex, you need to know WTF you’re doing if you expect it to be great.

In the best interests of sexual pleasure, we’ve included this informative article from Healthline on all the ‘dos-and-don’ts’ and ‘how-tos’ and ‘what-ifs’ of deep throat as part of the art of oral sex.

As the writer Gabrielle Kassel (one our faves) says, “deep throating should not be your first rodeo.” We add to her metaphor and say that even if you’ve ridden this stallion before, be careful and know all the tips and techniques. They include: How to breathe, how to position and how not to gag or vomit. Of course, discussion and consent are imperative.

But don’t be deterred, deep-throating is one of the ultimate acts of pleasure in oral sex.

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How to Deep Throat the Right Way and Maximize Your Pleasure From Healthline by @gabriellekassel

In a CrossFit box, DT is a much-dreaded workout.

In the sack, however, DT is code for a widely lauded oral sex position: deep throat.

Lucky for you (and your partner), we’re talking about the latter here.

PSA: Safety is a real concern — and we’re not just talking STIs If you’re an active Twitter user, you likely remember the tweet that went viral in July 2018 featuring a man who ruptured his airways giving head.

“Excuse the bad angle but remember when I sucked a hulk sized d*** and ended up in ER afterwards LMFAO never forget,” read the tweet.

Never forget indeed.

Ruptured airways, also known as a tracheobronchial injury, aren’t the only possible deep throat injury.

Other injuries include throat rawness, throat bruising, gagging, and vomiting.

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All that said, deep throating itself isn’t actually dangerous.

“Deep throating is typically safe,” says clinical sexologist Megan Stubbs, Ed.D, author of the forthcoming book “Playing Without a Partner: A Singles’ Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness.”

“But like most sexual activities we might try, there’s some risk if you don’t know your personal limits or listen to your body.”

Signs you may be pushing yourself too far: ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓

You feel like you’re choking.

Your throat feels raw.

You’re (unintentionally) gagging.

You’re (unintentionally) vomiting.

All that said: Yes, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be transferred during oral sex. Learn more about oral sex and STIs here.

Deep throating shouldn’t be your first rodeo “Being deep throated can feel pleasurable for the receiver because the throat is tighter than the mouth, and some people find it sexy visually,” says Texasbased sex educator Goody Howard, MSW, MPH, host of LICK! a penis-focused oral sex workshop.

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“Deep throating someone can be pleasurable because the amount of pleasure you’re providing someone can be an ego stroke,” Howard says. Plus, doing so may make you feel powerful.

But, deep throating is advanced oral sex territory — and not for blow job beginners.

“There’s quite a bit of technique involved with taking a penis or dildo that far into the mouth,” she says. “You need to learn to control your breathing and distract your gag reflex.”

General do’s and don’ts Before we get into the down and dirty deets of DT, let’s get some oral sex basics out of the way.

Start slow Don’t go from zero to deep throat — gradually work your way up to having the entire phallus in your mouth.

“Spend some time licking the shaft, circling the head, sucking the tip, and flicking the frenulum,” suggests Stubbs.

You can increase the pace and amount of penis or dildo in your mouth as momentum builds.

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Don’t ignore the head “The head of the penis is a bed of sensitive nerve endings,” says Stubbs.

That means some penis owners will LOVE having it touched directly between deep-throat thrusts, and others may find it overstimulating.

Use verbal and nonverbal communication to figure out what your partner likes.

Are they shifting their hips toward your mouth when you focus on the tip? Odds are good they enjoy having their head stimulated.

Are they shifting their hips away or grimacing when you focus on the tip? Odds are they don’t.

You can also ask, “Do you like when I lick the head, or is it too sensitive?”

Pay attention to their body language You shouldn’t *only* pay attention to their body language cues when you graze the tip.

You always want to be tuned into those cues throughout. They give you insight into what your partner does and does not like.

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Lock eyes One of the best ways to ramp up the intimacy quotient of deep throating is to stare down your partner as you do.

Or, ya know, gaze lovingly into their eyes like the softy you are.

Use more than just your mouth It’s called oral sex, not oral only sex. In other words, use your hands!

“Using your hands is a great way to keep your mouth from getting tired, as well as a great way to stimulate the entire penis and mix up sensations,” says Howard.

Add lube When you start using your hands, you may want more than spit to support the slide-and-glide of your hands along the shaft.

“Any lube can be helpful,” says Howard. “But flavoured lubricant adds in an additional sense (taste) into the experience for you.”

Important: Avoid numbing lube.

“If you use a numbing lubricant, you’re not going to be able to tune in and adjust to your body’s limits,” 96

says Stubbs. “Your throat will likely be very raw when the numbing agent wears off.”

[Editor’s note: Again, we highly recommend natural CBD infused lubricants that benefit arousal, wetness, orgasms and they taste yummy – if they’re a quality, hand-crafted, third-party tested lubricant like Cowgirl Sex Soss (sponsor: code Sex20)].

If you want to practice, grab a dildo.

“You don’t want to use a hot dog, banana, or cucumber,” says Stubbs. “But practicing putting a dildo or your own fingers in your mouth will help you learn how deep you can comfortably take a partner.”

If you’re worried about being able to breathe Deep throating a phallus isn’t like wearing a butt plug.

Meaning, while a butt plug goes in the hole and stays in the hole, the phallus should constantly be moving in and out of the throat, in what Howard calls a “plunge motion.”

So long as the phallus is in motion, breathing shouldn’t be an issue.

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If you’re worried about gagging To gag or not to gag, that is the question. (Yes, it is a choice!)

How to avoid it “To avoid gagging, figure out how far the penis or dildo can go down your throat without you gagging, and then make a ring with your fingers at that point and only go down to that point,” says Howard.

Optional: Stroke the part below your fingers with your hand or a vibrator.

How to lean into it “Some people enjoy thinking they’re ‘so big’ that they make their partner gag,” says board certified sexologist Lanae St. John, author of “Read Me: A Parental Primer for ‘The Talk.’“ So, you might allow yourself to gag or “perform” gagging to stroke their ego and put on a show.

If you’re worried about vomiting — or if it happens Vomiting while deep throating may sound like a big deal, but it doesn’t have to be.

“If you vomit, just rinse your mouth out and then hop in the shower with your boo so you can rinse the vomit off,” says St. John.

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What you might say if you vomit: ✓ “Babe, I’m sorry! I got a little over-excited and took you deeper than I could handle. Can I help you clean off in the shower?” ✓ “Oof! I guess my body was not having that hunk of meat! I’m so sorry! Let me grab you a washcloth.” ✓ “Hey [insert name here]. I just threw up on your dick, let’s go to the shower to rinse you off.”

Positions to try “Any position that optimizes the opening of the throat with the angle of the [phallus] is ideal,” says St. John. Start with these three.

Lay for throat action Have the giver lay on the bed on their back, head tilted back over the edge of the bed, “which opens up the throat,” says Stubbs.

Next, have the receiver straddle the giver’s mouth, rocking their hips forward and back to slide their bits in and out of the giver’s throat.

“The receiver might hold a wand vibrator against the giver’s bits while they do so,” she notes. Hot.

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Standard Face it: The most classic BJ position of all time is from your knees.

Depending on the height and angle of your partner’s goods, that may work just fine for deep throating, too.

If their penis or dildo is tilted down and they’re taller than you, it will work. Ditto goes if it has an upward tilt, and is lower than your mouth.

Otherwise, the angle may *not* be ideal.

Missionary For this one, “The receiver lies on their back, and the giver crawls between their legs and sucks,” Howard says.

This configuration gives the giver quite a bit of leverage and control, allowing them to pull back when needed.

What to, you know, *do* There are a few different techniques.

Howard recommends trying, what she’s coined, the “Say ah” method once the receiver is warmed up.

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“When you’re ready to take the penis or dildo deep into your mouth, you’re going to inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth saying ‘AHHHH’ as the penis or dildo plunges straight down into your throat,” she explains.

“The ‘AHHHH’ reminds you to breathe, helps open up your throat, creates a vibration that distracts your gag reflex, and provides additional buzzy sensation against the penis or dildo.”

How’s that for a win-win-win-win?

Other common questions Odds are good you’ve got some pending deep throat Q’s. We answer them below.

Q: Why is my partner so quiet? Am I doing OK? The only way to know if your partner is enjoying themselves is to ask!

You might ask: “How does this feel?” ✓ “Do you prefer when I do this ✓ [demonstrate one thing] or this [demonstrate a second thing]?”

“How much pressure do you like me to use?” ✓ “Tell me when I try a technique that ✓ you like.”

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Q: What do I do if my mouth gets tired?

Ultimately, it depends on what you want to do.

“If your mouth gets tired, and you want to, you can continue pleasuring your partner with your hands,” says Howard.

“You might use a pepper-grinder motion with your hands, and put their balls in your mouth; or you might stroke up and down and give your mouth a complete break,” she says.

But you can also switch activities entirely!

You might say: ✓ “My mouth is getting tired. How would you feel about switching roles for a bit?” ✓ “My jaw is cramping, and I’d love to feel you inside me. Is that something you’d be interested in trying tonight?” ✓ “My mouth is getting tired. Do you want to try something else?”

Q: Does it matter if I spit or swallow?

It does *not* matter!

“There’s no hidden meaning to swallowing; it does not mean you love them more, and it will not affect whether or not someone commits to you,” says St. John. “So whether you spit or swallow, you to decide.”

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If you decide to spit, she recommends keeping some tissues, a glass, or rag nearby to spit into.

Howard recommends telling your partner that you’re going to spit ahead of time so that they won’t think you’re spitting because they taste bad.

You might say: ✓ “Just wanted to let you know that I prefer not to swallow. So I’m going to grab a glass of water I can spit into when we’re done.” ✓ “Just so you know, I spit. Do you have a rag I can spit into?” ✓ “I’d rather not swallow tonight. Would you prefer that I spit, or do you want to ejaculate in your hand or on your stomach?”

Q: What if I don’t like the taste?

Body fluids and parts have a taste – flavour is normal.

As one Redditor put it, it will taste ‘like a slightly salty massive thumb.”

If you don’t like the taste, you might (nicely) ask your partner to shower before you play, request that they wear a condom, or grab some flavored lubricant.

Worth mentioning: Foul-odored discharge is a common STI symptom. So, if you haven’t already had the STI conversation with your partner, do that now.

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Q: Should I stop here? What do I do next?

You can stop whenever you want to stop.

If the person you’re deep throating can ejaculate, that is N-O-T a prerequisite in order for you to stop.

Once you do stop, what you do next is up to you and your partner(s)! So ask them what their wants and needs are, and don’t shy away from sharing yours.

Some things you might say: ✓ “How are you feeling? Would you rather I use my hands on you or us to masturbate side by side?” ✓ “What do you want to do next? I’m thinking I’d love to have my butt played with. How does that sound to you?” ✓ “How would you feel if we took a breather to rehydrate, and then have penetrative intercourse?”

The bottom line Deep throating can be pleasurable for the receiver *and* giver so long as you listen to your body, start slow, and communicate along the way.

“As a woman, without the right kind of mouth, my tongue’s of no use.”

– Kristen Henderson ❤ 104

”Meatus: The super sensitive hole on the tip of the penis. A little pressure, a couple of flicks of the tongue and you’ll have him going wild.”

– Danielle Pryor

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#9 Oral sex that gets you off …

your knees

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ariety is the spice of life, certainly in a woman's sex life, and getting off your knees isn’t just for variety, it’s for your comfort and pleasure.

We’ve covered some of these positions in detail in the Kivin Method and classic ’69’ but here again are five takes on easy-to-get-into positions.

Most women take more than 12 minutes to orgasm so learning positions, techniques, plus bringing sex toys to the party, is important. They add variety and rhythm and enhance timing, stimulation and orgasms. And be sure to break out the lubricant. As previously mentioned, we believe in natural CBD lubes and Cowgirl Sex Soss (sponsor) is our reco. If you're looking for your oral game to be wet, wild and yummy, then Sex Soss should be close at hand.

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5 Oral Sex Positions That Don’t Involve You on Your Knees Let’s be honest: Knee pain isn’t going to stop you from pleasuring your partner if the mood is right.

So, why not make it a win-win for you both? We spoke to Susan Mayer, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist and author of the forthcoming title, Does Sex Have an Expiration Date: Rethinking Low Libido for Women (age 35-105) & the Men Who Love Them. A Guide to Developing Your Ageless Sex Life. She offers tips for the best oral sex positions that’ll keep you comfy and off your knees. Finally, oral you can both enjoy! Here are five positions to try.

Good ol’ 69 Classic aside, this position offers more than simultaneous pleasure. Because you’re both lying down, it’s ideal for couples with a noticeable height difference, says Dr. Mayer. Even better, 69 takes pressure off both you and your partner’s knees when you lie side-by-side, she adds.

[Editor’s note: The techniques in the Kivin Method (see Chapter #1) can also work in the on-your-side position].

Get into position: Lie on the side most comfortable to you, then ask your partner to lie opposite so you both face each other’s 108

genitals. For added comfort, feel free to rest your legs on your partner’s shoulders, or vice versa.

Pleasure Mechanic Trust us, this position is as sexy as its name suggests, and supreme for role play. Because your partner will be on their stomach with you hidden underneath, their imagination is free to run wild — like your tongue.

Get into position: Ask your partner to lie on their stomach with legs spread and a pillow propped underneath their hips for slight elevation. Next, lay on your back just below your partner and inch your way upward until your head meets their genitals. Then, slowly maneuver your head between your partner’s spread legs.

Good Vibrations Nothing says “O” like your partner receiving oral atop a vibrating washing machine. Sure, you can purchase sex furniture [or sex toys] to assist with moves that might otherwise be uncomfortable, but it’s more cost-efficient and definitely more fun to create your own, says Mayer. Especially when that furniture shakes for added pleasure.

Get into position: With help from you or a step stool, ask your partner to sit face 109

forward near the edge of the washing machine, legs spread. Next, face your partner with slightly spread legs, and bend forward. Use your arms as support to lightly lean against either the top of the washing machine, or your partner while you perform.

“O”-ver the Edge This position is as easy to get into as it is enjoyable.

Between facing each other and being in arm’s reach, you can choose to keep this move as simple or as wild as you’d like! Eye-gazing, hair-pulling, and back scratching can all help add to the excitement!

Get into position: Ask your partner to lie on their back on the edge of the bed, legs spread. Bring a stool, bench, or small chair to the bed’s edge and sit. Then, spread your legs, slightly bend your head forward, and rest your partner’s legs over your shoulders while you perform.

Perp-“O”-dicular This position is the oral sex equivalent to “lazy sex” intercourse. The best part? Whether you’re on the bed, the couch, or the floor, you can add pillows wherever necessary for added comfort. “Pillows are 110

great to lean on, so you’ll feel relaxed in whichever position you’re in,” Mayer says.

Get into position: Ask your partner to lie on their side, legs closed. (Legs can also be spread into butterfly pose, if they so choose).

Then lie on your side, perpendicular to your partner, with your face near their genitals.

Simply relax and enjoy [Editor’note: This can be another version of the Kivin Method (see Chapter #1) “A really good blow job is like making a cake, the gathering of ingredients, the mixing and stirring, the slow baking in the warm oven of your mouth. Timing is everything. So is the variety of flicks, licks, nicks and kisses that culminate with gentle persistent pressure on the frenulum, a membrane on the underside of the penis that connects the head to the shaft.”

– Chloe Thurlow

❤

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#10 8 guys describe the best blow job they’ve ever had

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f you want to understand blow jobs what better way then to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Or from ‘the studs' mouth to yours.

Someone at Cosmo had the great idea to talk to the horses – eight penis-owners – and ask them what’s best. Because every penis is different. We know that but too often we don't have enough interest or take enough time to really understand the different needs, nuances and mysteries of the magnificent penis.

We should!

Here's a taste of what they had to say ... then read on.

"I lost track of where I was, and who I was.”

"My whole body felt electric.”

"It was like a seizure.”

“Her tongue just swirled around and I kept thrusting into her mouth.” ✓ “The orgasm was so intense, it spread through my whole body and went on for at least a minute.” ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓

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8 guys describe in detail the best blow job they've ever had from Cosmopolitan

"I lost track of where I was, and who I was.”

Giving a good blow job (if you're someone who enjoys giving oral sex to people with penises) is something you've probably worried about at some p o i n t i n y o u r l i f e . R e a l l y, a l l i t t a k e s i s communication between yourself and the penisowner to figure out what they like - and what you're comfortable with doing, obviously.

It's also super important to remember that no two penises are created equal, and everyone's different.

Bear that in mind while you read the following stories from men and people with penises who describe in detail the best BJs they've ever had.

This content is imported from {embed-name}. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

1. "She was practically French kissing my penis."

"She roughly pulled my pants down while we were laying in bed one night and just started. First time I ever came from getting head. She was practically 114

French kissing the head and playing with the tip of my foreskin using her lips and tongue. It felt amazing."

2. "I lost track of where I was and who I was."

"She started with long, slow licks from top to bottom, then teased a little with her tongue on the head. Then she started deep-throating me, licking the base of my cock with her tongue while I was deep inside her mouth. She was constantly moaning and giving me lustful looks. She knows when I'm approaching orgasm because of the way I'm moving and because of how hard I feel in her mouth, so she backs off a few times to keep me on the edge.

"My whole body felt electric” "When she feels like it's time for me to cum, she deep-throats me non-stop and uses her hand at my base. This time the orgasm was so intense, it spread through my whole body and went on for at least a minute. It felt like I was having multiple orgasms. I lost track of where I was and who I was and just became lost in the pleasure. I couldn't even move for half an hour... my whole body felt electric and every time she touched me I would shiver."

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3. "She just kept going slowly and moaned lightly with every stroke.”

"We were having [penetrative sex] for probably the longest I've lasted ever, doing a bunch of different positions. I grabbed her face and told her I wanted to finish in her mouth. It seemed to turn her on, because she immediately dismounted and started sucking with more enthusiasm than I've ever seen her show while giving oral. She kept touching my abs and chest with one hand, looking at me, playing with the balls, etc. Then, after a few minutes, she slowed down a lot, used her hand with her mouth and just kept at it consistently. She didn't vary the speed or pressure or change hands at all, she just kept going slowly and moaned lightly with every stroke. Less than a minute in, she was watching me as I lost all control and just crashed on the bed, feeling the pleasure come in waves and breathing haphazardly, until I just exploded in her mouth. It was pretty fun."

4. "She was enthusiastic and eager to please.”

"It was nice and slow at first, before she picked up the pace, and got nasty with it. Lots of gagging, spitting, ball licking, and eye contact. And when I finally came, she gripped me hard and sucked me gently while I was cumming, and played with the 116

head with her tongue a bit. If I had to pinpoint my favourite aspects of it, it would be the enthusiasm and eagerness to please."

5. "It was such an adrenaline rush.”

"We were at her mum's place. Everyone was in the house, her mum, her two sisters... but she just closed the door, put a pillow on my lap to cover up my boner in case anyone got in (they always knocked except for the little sister) and got down to blowing me. The adrenaline rush combined with her skill gave me the best orgasm I've ever had from a blow job. Seriously, it was amazing."

6. "I couldn't move my legs afterwards.”

"She sucked my cock for an hour. And didn't let me cum in that time, until the very end. She would edge me, then back off. Edge, then back off. She knew I liked butt stuff, so she'd play with my asshole.

"It was like a seizure.”

"Halfway into it, she put the prostate attachment on her magic wand vibrator and slid it in me and kept edging me and backing off. When I came, it was like a seizure. Afterwards, I couldn't move my legs for like 15-20 minutes, they were so shaky, like limbs made of jelly. It was goddamn incredible.”

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7. "It was as wet and slobbery as possible.”

"I was sitting back in the car. She demonstrated to me the Three Points of Blowjob Perfection: mostly slow, medium speed at most. Go deep. Make it as wet and slobbery as possible. She stuck to those points. She wasn't hugely experienced, her technique wasn't elaborate or special, but no one not even very experienced, porn-emulating blow job-givers encountered before or since - has even come CLOSE to providing that sensation.”

8. "She slipped a finger in my ass and I lost my shit.”

"Started with a nice kissing from my chest down to tease me at my legs/thigh. Rubbed my legs, kissed and licked my cock/balls, grabbed and squeezed my ass while I fucked her throat. She then started to jerk me off and proceeded to tongue fuck my ass (she was into that and I of course loved it). Then I sat down and she went to suck me off again. Her tongue just swirled around and I kept thrusting into her mouth. She then slipped a finger in my ass and that was it. I lost my shit.

She swallowed it all and licked me clean. I've never experience anything like that again." ❤ 118

"As a big fan of foreplay, nothing gets my motor running more than showing off my skill set. I have always been complimented on the variation of movements, continuously changing the pressure and actions involved. Focusing on each area; bell end, length, base of the penis, balls and gooch. I love using both my hands, my mouth and throat."

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Two bonus articles and a link to 10 videos

#11 How to give a Lingam massage

and great hand jobs < Back

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t is amazing – actually unfortunate … no, it’s fucking shameful – that so many women do not even know what Lingam massage is. Men too.

The shame is in the fact that we do not know what you’re missing. If ever the FOMO applied it is in never having experienced Lingam massage.

Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis, 'wand of light.' It honours the penis and those who own them.

Lingam is part of Tantric sex and it just might be the most sensuous, loving way of honouring a man with what is not only an exquisite ‘hand job’ but much, much more.

This article from mindbodygreen by @psalmisadora, How to Give Tantric Lingam Massage (the MultipleOrgasm Technique for Men) is the perfect learning companion for 10 (we repeat 10) incredibly beautiful, erotic videos with Leán Bakker.

Lingam erotic videos Leán is a professional dancer, choreographer, performance artist and Lingam specialist. These are must-watch videos with your penis-owing partner (much better than porn). They are of various lengths but start with How to Handle the Penis (9 min).

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How To Give A Tantric Lingam Massage (The Multiple-Orgasm Technique For Men)

by Psalm Isadora In tantra, we connect with our partner on a personal level. We also connect with the universal sexual chi or energy that is in our partner's body as an energetic life force. One way to do this is through the lingam massage. Yes, this is a fancy name for a hand job. But it's done with more thoughtfulness, respect, care, and desire to bring selfless pleasure to your partner.

What is a lingam massage?

A lingam massage is a tantric sex practice focused on massaging the penis. Unlike your average hand job, the lingam massage involves not only massaging and stroking the penis but can also incorporate more advanced techniques, including the testicles, perineum, and the prostate (aka the Sacred Spot) as well. The lingam massage isn't about having one orgasm and being done. Instead, it's about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage. Yes, multiple orgasms aren't just for people with clitorises!

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Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to "wand of light." In tantra philosophy, we approach the lingam from a place of the utmost love and respect, the same way we approach the yoni, or vagina. (The yoni massage might be considered the equivalent of the lingam massage, just performed on people with vaginas.) When you bring your partner pleasure through their "wand of light," you are filled with that same energy or light in a conscious exchange of energy in giving and receiving pleasure.

A big part of sacred sexuality is learning to love the penis and not be afraid of it. Many women I work with are still not totally comfortable with handling a man's penis. If that is the case for you, take some time to reflect on any negative impressions you may have inherited from your parents or your culture.

Lingam massage is a practice that truly honors the penis and those who have them. We do it to give them pleasure. There is also a tremendous amount of sexual energy or chi in a person's penis, and learning how to stimulate and circulate it is very powerful. When I went to India to study tantra and yoga, I was shocked at first to see statues of the Shiva lingam that represented the God Shiva. For most people, it represents a state of meditation. But for ancient tantric practitioners, this held a secret 123

meaning: that this powerful God energy was in the penis, which was thought to contain the most masculine essence concentrated in one place.

Think of it this way: Sacred sex is about approaching your partner's body as a temple and their penis as the most holy place of all.

How to perform a lingam massage on your partner Lingam massage can be done two ways: by the penis owner on their own via tantric masturbation, or with a partner via tantric massage. It can be an independent act or foreplay to intercourse. For those who want to use this sacred practice for masturbation and energy cultivation, follow the same instructions below on yourself: 1. Get the penis owner relaxed Have your penis partner lie on their back wherever they are most comfortable. They might like a pillow under their head or hips. Their legs should be spread apart with their knees bent, so you have easy access to all parts of their genitalia. Remind them to breathe deeply. This will assist in a deeper relaxation.

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2. Remember to breathe Breathing is what separates tantra from regular sex.

While you give your partner the lingam massage, remember to breathe the Bliss Breath: Receive their energy of arousal and pleasure on the inhale, and send them loving energy on the exhale.

This special breathing will bring you three benefits: • You'll have a deeper feeling of worship or meditation and mindfulness.

• It will make you more empathetic to your partner's thoughts and feelings.

• It will heighten your sexual intuition—you'll be more aware of what your partner wants without them having to ask.

• 3. Encourage the penis owner to breathe deeply too Before you start the lingam massage, tune into your partner by engaging in the Bliss Breath together.

Just taking a few breaths at the same time will put you both at ease and match your biorhythms. While you give them the massage, keep reminding them to breathe deeply, relax, and receive all the good feelings.

4. Lubricate and massage the areas around the penis.

Use your favorite massage oil (I prefer coconut oil because it smells yummy [As mentioned elsewhere, we highly recommend all-natural, plant-based CBD infused oil]) to oil the shaft of the penis and the 125

testicles. Start by sliding your hands up and down the thighs before getting to the good stuff. This will also make your partner feel more relaxed.

Compliment them on something you like about what you're seeing and touching.

Move on to the testicles. Gently, slowly massage them. You can use your fingernails gently on the testicles, or pull them slightly. You can also cup them in your hands and fondle them in the palm of your hand.

Massage the area around the testicles and penis (i.e., the pubic bone in the front, the inner part of the thighs, and the perineum—or taint—which is the area between the testicles and the anus).

Be careful with the balls. People differ greatly as to the kind of touch they like here. Some people are more sensitive or ticklish than others. It's OK to ask your partner how they like their testicles touched before you start or while you're touching them.

5. Massage the shaft Once you've teased the areas around the penis and your partner is clearly wanting more, move to the shaft of the penis. Variety is the key here: ✓ Vary your grip from harder to lighter.

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✓ ✓ ✓

✓

Vary your stroke sequences between straight up and down and a twisting motion.

Vary the action from one hand to two hands.

When using just one hand, alternate between using the right hand and the left hand.

Vary the speed from slow to fast. Start slowly and build up to a faster pace, then take it back to a slow speed again. Keep alternating the pressure, speed, rhythm, and methods.

Also, alternate the shaft strokes to start from the root of the shaft all the way up to the head. Once at the head, you can either continue the straight up and down motion, or you can do the twist—going from the root of the shaft and stopping just below the tip of the penis.

When using two hands, you can do it a few different ways: ✓ Both hands hold the penis in the same direction with the fingers pointing the same way. ✓ One hand holds the penis facing one way, and the other hand faces the other way. ✓ Both hands move up and down at the same time. Oil is your friend here. It helps create a smoother, gliding motion.

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✓

The bottom hand moves up and down while the top hand does a swirling/twisting action at the tip of the penis.

6. Don't let them climax. Keep them at the edge of orgasm By now, your partner might be very worked up and might want to come. If you are paying close attention to their breathing, how their body is moving, and their moaning, you should be able to predict if they're nearing orgasm. When you see them at that edge, pull back on what you're doing, or just slow it down and remind them to breathe and ride the wave of orgasmic feelings they're experiencing. (Here's a full guide to edging for more techniques.)

The penis might go from being rock hard to semihard. Don't worry. That's what's supposed to happen.

7. Stimulate the Sacred Spot externally The Sacred Spot is the prostate, which is a walnutsize gland located between the bladder and the penis. When stimulated properly, it is very pleasurable. You can access the prostate either internally (by inserting your fingers or a prostate massage sex toy into the anus) or externally (through massaging the outside without penetration).

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If your partner isn't experienced with prostate massage, start externally. To find the sacred spot, look for an indentation somewhere between the size of a pea and a walnut midway between the testicles and the anus. Push gently inward. Be careful to go slowly and let your partner guide you in terms of pressure.

When you hit the right spot, massage it by pushing in with your fingers or knuckles, then backing off and pushing in again. You can also use a circular massage motion. If your partner is especially hairy, use more oil so you can get to the area more easily.

Or better yet, ask them if you can shave them for easier access.

8. Stimulate the Sacred Spot internally Ask your penis partner if they're interested in taking the prostate massage to the next level with an internal massage. If they're game, you'll want to loosen up their anus with massage oil. Start by massaging the outside of the anus with your fingers in a slow, smooth, and gentle circular motion. Don't insert a finger without permission. Ask if they're ready for more.

If your partner is ready for insertion, make sure their anus and your fingers are oiled up. Make sure your nails don't have any jagged edges. Start by 129

inserting just the tip of one finger at first. Wiggle it back and forth to loosen your partner up. Once they're comfortable with that, you can insert your finger(s) more deeply, as the prostate is about 2 to 3 inches inside the anus, closer to the anterior wall of the rectum.

Once there, you can gently caress it by moving your finger from side to side, up and down, or "milking" it with a come hither motion with your finger(s). Ask your partner how they're doing as you go. Let them lead.

Prostate massage can sometimes be difficult to do with fingers, which is why so many sex toy companies now sell prostate massagers that you can use when you're ready to take it to the next level.

9. End the massage To end the massage, you can allow your partner to climax with an ejaculation orgasm or move on to intercourse. If your partner is practicing semen retention, you can have them hold all their juices as they learn to transmute the orgasm from the genitals into full-body energy orgasms.

❤

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”Don’t be afraid of breaking out the vibrator. It can be an invaluable tool to the art of oral. The average woman takes 20 minutes to climax from oral sex, so you’re going to be down there for a while. There’s no shame in implementing the help of a tried-and-true toy.”

– Zeynep Yenisey

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#12 Tips for giving the best hand jobs

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e’ve added this article about hand jobs because knowing how to give a great hand job is very underrated. They’re important and in many ways go hand-in-hand (pun intended) with oral sex.

And with the risk of stating the obvious, every hand job is, should be, different. It starts with your mouth, as in talking about what he likes, what feels right.

And there's a lot to it – pressure, speed, rhythm, varying stroke, squeezing. And enthusiasm and attitude and eye contact (at least until his eyes roll back in his head), are important.

Again, don't forget the lubricant, sex toys and dirty talk, they’re all part of a great hand job.

Here are nine tips from Dr. Emily Morse a sex teacher at MasterClass.

And if you want more insights into more than just hand jobs and oral, we’ve provided a link to Emily Morse’s Youtube talk: Communications is Lubrication (29 min). She has several others videos as well.

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Did you know?

“Hand job” is a term that first appeared in the late 1930s to describe the act of stimulating a person’s genitals with your hands. Most people use the term “hand job” to refer to stimulating a penis and “fingering” to describe stimulating a vulva.

How to Give a Great Hand Job Experiment with these hand job techniques to find out what feels best for your partner.

1. Learn the anatomy of the penis. Familiarizing yourself with the different parts of the penis can help you pinpoint exactly what feels good to your partner (and what doesn’t). The basic parts of the penis are the glans, or head of the penis; the shaft, which starts just below the head of the penis; the frenulum, a sensitive area on the underside of the penis where the glans and the shaft meet; and the testes, which are encased in loose skin called the scrotum. Between the scrotum and the anus is the perineum. The prostate is an internal organ that can be stimulated via anal penetration.

2. Use lube. Most sex acts benefit from lubrication and a hand job is no exception. Lube reduces friction and increases pleasure. Apply lube to your partner’s penis at the beginning of the 134

hand job, and keep extra lube on hand—you’ll almost always want to reapply. If using coconut oil as a lube, keep in mind that it’s not compatible with condoms—silicone lube is a better choice if you’re using protection. (Saliva works in an emergency.) Editor’s note: We highly recommend natural CBD infused lubes.

3. Perfect your grip. Mastering your grip on the shaft is key to a good hand job. Start by wrapping your thumb and index finger around the base of the shaft, like you’re making the “OK” sign. Stroke up and down the length of the shaft, experimenting with the amount of pressure that feels good for your partner. Then, add the rest of your fingers, forming a fist around the shaft.

4. Add a twist. If your partner likes the way it feels, add a gentle twisting motion in addition to upand-down stroking. You can try twisting on the upstroke, downstroke, or both, or you can add your other hand and twist both hands in opposite directions. Just make sure your partner’s penis is well lubricated to avoid any painful friction.

5. Try edging. To prolong your partner’s pleasure, try edging—bringing your partner close to 135

orgasm, then backing off to prolong arousal.

When your partner gets close to climax, slow down or stop altogether. Gently squeeze the head of the penis (or the head and the base of the shaft) to prevent ejaculation while maintaining your partner’s erection. Repeat this process until your partner is ready to orgasm.

6. Make it a full-body experience. Foreplay can help get your partner in the mood, but once you’ve moved on to their penis, you don’t have to forget the rest of their body. That means teasing their inner thighs and perineum, stroking or penetrating their anus, stimulating their nipples—anything that feels good. The scrotum and testicles are erogenous zones; depending on what your partner prefers, you may try gently cradling their balls or applying more pressure.

Experiment with stroking and stretching the scrotum, and use lube on this area, too.

7. Add toys. Using sex toys during a hand job is a great way to stimulate multiple areas on your partner’s body. For example, try a butt plug in your partner’s anus while you simultaneously cradle their testicles and stroke their shaft.

8. Pay attention. The most important part of giving a good hand job is to pay attention to your 136

partner. Watch their body language and facial expressions and listen to their moans. Most people will give cues when they’re enjoying themselves. If not—ask them to describe what feels good or show you by masturbating, which can reveal exactly how tightly you can grip your partner’s penis.

9. Try a combination hand job and blowjob. You can make your partner feel great using just a hand job or just a blow job—or you can try combining a hand job with oral sex. Try licking your partner’s balls while stroking the shaft of their penis with your hand.

“If the woman initiates the act, it shows she wants to do it [hand job] for her own pleasure as well as his – and that's sexy.”

– Scarlett Robinson ❤

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Afterword Sexual autodidacts love to learn everything

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“Sexual pleasure is your birthright.”

– Dr. Emily Morse

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eed we say more?

Sex and the countless ways it can bring a woman pleasure is truly her birthright. And for women to not know, understand and pursue the endless joy of her sexual being is … well, somewhere between sad and a travesty.

We say, Enough!

We trust this little booklet’s focus on the exquisite beauty of oral sex will help you recognize and honour every fascinating wonder of loving oral sex.

We wish every woman the opportunity to learn, understand, explore and discover the deepest of sexual desires and the ultimate in sexual fulfillment.

May you become an intellectually and sexually curious autodidact.

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More sources

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e’ve set out a few recommended sources where you can find additional information on how to enjoy the lifelong pursuit of delicious oral sex.

Of course, you can visit, and revisit the Love & Sexcess website where every week we post new articles, podcasts, videos, TEDx Talks and book reviews.

Let your ‘sexploration' and ‘sexperimentation’ begin. ✦ Book: Ultimate Oral Sex Positions - Scott Stewart ✦ Book: Oral Sex For Women - Marisa Rudder ✦ Book: Oral Sex: Drive your man crazy - Dylan Summers ✦ Book: Becoming Cliterate - Dr. Laura Mintz ✦ Book: Come As You Are - Dr. Emily Nagoski ✦ Book: Sex for One - Dr. Betty Dodson ✦ Book: Tell Me What You Want - Dr. Justin Lehmiller ✦ Website: Sex & Psychology - Dr. Justin Lehmiller ✦ Book: Use Your Mouth (to talk) - Shamyra Howard ✦ Website: OMGYes: Science & Women’s Pleasure ✦ Research study: Oral Sex Among Older People ✦ Communication is Lubrication,-Dr. Emily Morse Youtube (29 min) ✦ Leán Bakker: Lingam Massage (10 videos) Sign up for the Love & Sexcess newsletter and enjoy the latest in sex news in your inbox every week. And follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.

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This booklet sponsored in part by:

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For intellectually and sexually curious lovers www.sexcess.org editor@sexcess.org

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