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Two Sexperts on How to Upgrade Your Oral Sex Game

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Referring again to the memorable scene from the movie, Harry Met Sally, we want to emphasis that one way of avoiding fake orgasms is by staying in the moment, whether giving or receiving.

Being ‘in the moment’ is critical to fully enjoying the act.

Sex expert Wendy Strgar, author of a forthcoming book, Sex that Works: A Woman’s Guide to Embracing the Erotic, Awakening Arousal, and Deepening Intimacy, says that women should slow down and give in to the heat of the moment.

In this article from Marie Claire, there are eight good tips. Some we know, but it’s always good to be reminded of the oral sex intricacies that are important. For example, #8: “… let him know how attractive he is underneath those boxers.” [Even in this moment, we need to remember that a guy’s ego is directly attached to both heads].

“I think the last thing you should do to someone willing to put your penis in their mouth is give them criticism.”

― S.A. Tawks

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Two Sexperts on How to Upgrade Your Oral Sex Game

from The Editors at Marie Claire

Oral sex is often lauded as the cherry on top of the orgasmic cake for both parties involved: an act of vulnerability and utter release, "I'll have what she's having!", etc. But for some women? It's simply not that enjoyable, especially when receiving oral inspires thoughts like I wish I showered today. Look at that poster on the wall! Is Banksy female? and literally any other minutia that get in the way of getting off. As for giving? Not making eye contact, not making eye contact, not making eye contact. Am I doing this right? Please don't let me gag and throw up right now. Staying in the moment, whether you're giving or receiving, is a huge aspect of enjoying the act, which is why sex expert Wendy Strgar—the CEO of organic lube brand Good Clean Love and the author of forthcoming book Sex that Works: A Woman's Guide to Embracing the Erotic, Awakening Arousal, and Deepening Intimacy—says that women should consider slowing down and giving in to the heat of the moment.

"I think that women who have a lot of anxiety about oral sex," she says, "are the ones who are trying to

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perform a sexual act that doesn't turn them on. It easily turns into performance anxiety and it is really hard to stay present when what you are doing doesn't excite you.” And much of the performance anxiety is hardly necessary, according to Meygan Caston, a relationship coach from Marriage365, since she says that the most important thing is that your partner senses that you want him. "Knowing you're excited to serve is more powerful than any technique you're missing.”

Below, we asked Strgrar and Caston on their best tips for making oral sex more enjoyable for both parties.

Caston says that the best way to rev up the moment may be counterintuitive. Slow down the foreplay rather than rushing into things: "Use this time to explore and gently kiss all over his body. This teasing will get him excited about what's in store next and begin to increase his anticipation. Don't rush through this, but allow both of you to be completely present.”

Use Your Hands Strgar recommends using scented oil for starters and allowing the moment to be a process for both partners. Caston agrees, saying, "Be sure to have a firm grip on the base of his shaft and have your lips go at least to the base of his frenulum (where the head of

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his penis connects to the shaft and the most sensitive part of his penis). In a rhythmic motion let your lips meet your hands." And don't forget his other sensitive bits. "Embrace his testicles. There are a ton of nerve endings in his scrotum and gently caressing and massaging while performing oral sex will certainly send him over the edge.”

Let Go Letting go of worries and fears and bringing a sense of focus to the task at hand can help you get into the mood and actually enjoy pleasuring your partner. "The danger of giving oral sex as a service," Strgar says, "is that when you are not into it and it doesn't turn you on sexually, the act becomes perfunctory and over time maybe a source of resentment. I don't personally recommend doing things sexually for others that don't feel arousing to you. Because you can easily slip into the opposite— of not wanting to be sexual at all, or worse still like your arousal is less important.”

Study Your Numbers And sometimes all it takes is a little mutual love. "One way to move oral sex out of the idea of service is to add a new level of interaction through the classic position of 69," says Stgrar. "This form of oral sex actually adds the rocket fuel of mutual satisfaction and there is an interesting way that each

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person's technique and preferences inform the other. It also takes some of the self-consciousness out of the process, because it feels less like performing than it does engaging together."

Heighten the Senses To make the most of the moment, Strgar recommends using a favorite essential oil diluted in a healthier carrier oil because she says it gets the olfactory senses and the limbic section of the brain (AKA the area of the brain responsible for arousal) involved, while keeping things down there lubricated. "I also always recommend adding scent to oral sex, which is the only way I can engage with it personally.”

[Editor’s note: We highly recommend CBD natural oils. Particularly Cowgirl Sex Soss (sponsor) because we’ve tried it (and others) and it comes from the “hemp and cannabis capital of the world,” Colorado, USA. Read up on its natural benefits and use our code: SEX20 for 20% off your first order].

Indulge in Fantasies While some believe that indulging in pornographic fantasies during sex can remove you from an

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intimate moment in a negative way, Strgar says that certain types of fantasy are "critical to supercharged oral sex." Why? She says that fantasizing during oral sex can help woman with anxieties and worries derive more pleasure and control from acting out their deeper desires. "Women who allow these thoughts to emerge, even if they never share them will be able to enjoy all kinds of erotic acts, like oral sex in a way that actually turns them on.” Work What You've Got On Caston's point on desire and connection trumping technique, the best sex involves being confident enough to play up your best features: "Your man adores you, so give him the pleasure of watching you do your thing. Assuming that you are both naked, or in sexy lingerie, allow him to enjoy seeing your cleavage. Try tracing his penis along your breasts as a different sensation.” Don't Knock the Power of Praise And finally? "Compliment his genitals," says Caston. "It goes a long way. Later, send him an affirming and flirty text while he's at work and let him know how attractive he is underneath those boxers.” ”Without the right kind of mouth, my tongue is of no use.”

– Kristen Henderson

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“Look your best and be as exposed as you are able to be. Men’s eyes are half of their erections. Use a mirror behind you whenever possible. Usually the show will make him harder than your mouth does.”

– Danielle Pryor

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