Seen Too Magazine Volume 1, Issue 2

SWIMSUIT

SEASON -- WHY IT DOESN'T SUIT US ANYMORE

IT'S SO OK TO GO GRAY

FAT GIRLS HIKING -- TRAILS, NOT SCALES

CONTRIBUTORS

Sharon Evans, Contributor

Sharon Evans is a retired engineer living in Texas, who has a passion for helping women identify and execute their next best steps in life She looks forward to discovering all the ways God will make this season on the other side of midlife her best and most joy-filled ever!

Deedee Grubbs, Contributor

Deedee has an extensive background in writing and currently works for a non-profit advocacy organization in Helena, Montana She spends her weekends gardening, or visiting with either her husband of nearly 40 years, one of her adult kids, her new grandson Gavin, or her sweet Collie, London

Shelby Humphreys, Guest Contributor

Shelby leads Missoula’s local Fat Girls Hiking chapter FGH is open to all genders and abilities Shelby also owns Missoula Social Media and enjoys helping Missoula’s small businesses connect with their markets with smart strategies and online tools.

Austin Hobza, Guest Contributor

Austin Hobza of Missoula, MT is Seen Too Magazine's first male contributor, writing about how his maternal ancestors have inspired his recent adoration of baking Austin is a HR Director by trade, fluent in Spanish and sarcasm He is also the beloved son of STM's Editor, Kat Hobza

PersonalFreedom FROM THE EDITOR

Personal freedom You feel me when I say there isn’t a whole lot for us gals to celebrate at midlife, but if there is one thing we can finally have, it’s personal freedom. Or at least a glimpse of it – a hope of it. It comes at a cost, but at least it’s a possibility.

Over the course of my life, I’ve had snippets of personal freedom – like the first time I left the house without a 20pound diaper bag, the first time I went to Costco without kids, and the first time I planned a date night and didn’t have to get a sitter

Serving "The Man"

But for years, like most women, I’ve been serving “the man” Literally I’ve toiled away at jobs for crap pay so my bosses could put another Harley in the garage or add Italian marble countertops to their mansion on the hill. I’ve spent decades supporting other people’s college and professional careers, hobbies, and families. And yet, I find myself navigating midlife solo –most recently so the other person could be “selfish – while I absorb a pile of bills structured for two incomes.

My story is not unique (sadly), and I’m not a victim Compared to some in my circle, who have weathered similar (or far worse!) storms, I’ve been fortunate Now, in midlife, I have a measure of freedom I’ve not had before, but it has come at a significant cost

At this age, my tolerance for toxic work environments is zilch, so in January 2022, I had the freedom to start my own business And I did I now pay myself what I’m worth – more than I’ve ever been paid by anyone else. Of course, now I owe “the ultimate man” (Uncle Sam) a healthy sum because I’m actually making a decent living for the first time in my life, BUT at least I have a measure of work freedom I’ve never had before.

Good-bye garbage dialogue

At midlife, we also get to enjoy freedom from the inner dialogues that have not served us The hormonal cocktail that makes us miserable with weight gain and hot flashes does have a silver lining – we stop believing the detrimental bullsh*t we’ve told ourselves our entire lives There was a time in our lives when if someone said, “Why would anyone care what you have to say – you’re not a celebrity” or “You’re a fat, lazy c*nt” (yep, just a couple of the nuggets that have come my way) we believed. It fed pre-

existing insecurities. But now we recognize that narcissists and vultures have figured out our weaknesses and insecurities and played into them, briefly succeeding in making us believe the worst about ourselves

No. F*cking. More.

We’re awake for the first time in our lives (usually at 2:00 am #amirite) and we get to be whoever the f*ck we want in the second half of our lives We can return to the person we were sent here to be, sans the opinions of others Check out our feature where we have a sit down with our younger selves, and share what we wish we could have told ourselves then.

We also have the freedom to live comfortably in our skin, because, let’s face it – at this stage in our lives, Mother Nature is 100% in charge. You can only fight it so much We have little choice but to – once again – unravel the unfair and inaccurate things society has told us about our looks and our bodies Contributing author Sharon Evans shares her journey to gray hair, and I talk about how swimsuit season doesn’t suit me anymore

Even though the past year was one of the toughest in my life – and that was after a couple of years of spectacular f*ckery – I’m enjoying freedoms I’ve never had before. I have the freedom to read a book from start to finish, the freedom to eat what I want and when, the freedom to go to bed when I want, the freedom to enjoy my adult kids

without scrutiny or ridicule, the freedom to work on my terms, the freedom to spend money (when and if I have it) how I want, and the freedom to make my own decisions Most importantly, I have freedom from cruelty, verbal and emotional abuse, toxicity, chaos, and narcissism.

Grains of freedom become mountains

One of my favorite memes right now is, “This current chapter of my life is called ‘MY TURN,’ and I’m unapologetic as f*ck about it.” I’ve ordered t-shirts for every day of the week with this saying printed on them, lest anyone have any questions about my behavior or decisions

So, how are you defining personal freedom in mid-life? What sh*t will you absolutely NOT tolerate anymore, having paid a high price for whatever grains of freedom you have? What areas of your life have you earned the right to dictate – free from the harmful mental cobwebs others spun in your mind? This summer, I encourage you to build a mountain with those grains of freedom, step atop it in your flowing robes, adjust your crown, and claim the most authentic, free, and healthy version of yourself

Love to all,

Long before the pandemic forced many women to rediscover their long-forgotten true hair color, I decided to stop coloring my hair and see what nature offered up in terms of my moresalt-less-pepper locks. I wish I could tell you there was some deep-rooted desire to get in touch with my true self, but the predominant reason I made the leap is due to sheer laziness My chosen colors were dark enough that the gray roots were becoming obvious within 2-3 weeks after coloring, and even though I generally did the color myself at home, it was just one more task on my endless to-do list that I realized could just go away Here are some things I learned in my one-and-a-half-year journey to naturally gray hair.

Cue everyone ' s opinion...

Your people will have opinions Lazy as I can be, I did not venture into this territory without research and consideration of how best to accomplish this change with the least amount of disruption to my physical and mental wellbeing I had conversations with the people close to me about my decision, particularly those who would likely have to be seen with me during this time.

Reactions included “Moooommmmmmm please just wait until after I graduate” from my youngest daughter still at home (translation, “you’ll ruin my pictures”); “You’ll do what you want anyway so it doesn’t matter what I think” from my husband (fair deduction); and “you do you boo, we love you no matter what” from my girlfriends

It's not the hair color I miss...

Our appearance is tied to who we think we areI was one month away from turning 48 when I touched up my roots for the last time. I already had one granddaughter and was hoping to retire soon after I turned 50, so in my mind, it was natural to move in the direction of a more “mature” look Since then, I have noted times when I see pictures of myself from the past and commented that I miss having dark hair What I have realized is that it’s not the hair I miss but the life that version of me was living at the time. It’s a visible reminder of the passage of time, and I think emotions around that will always be both bitter and sweet

HERE???"

People will notice-I had read multiple articles and blogs by people who had already gone through this and had a pretty good sense that I was mentally prepared to see myself in the mirror each day as my hair grew out However, I was not prepared for the comments I got from people who weren’t around me on a regular basis when they encountered my “situation.” “Ummmmm…what’s going on HERE???” I remember my brother asking while gesturing in the general direction of my head, eyes wide with concern that an intervention might be in order. I was happy to find that these comments did not bother me, but it’s helpful to know to expect this ahead of time.

Creating a timeline

Transition time will vary depending on your “pain point” with various aspects of the process. My primary goal was to avoid additional time messing with my hair, so I chose not to do any blending over time, but there are many ways to ease into it with the help of a good stylist/colorist

If you don’t have the time or money to go that route, hats, ponytails, scarves, etc. are your best friends! If I were single and didn’t have other people’s feelings to consider (contrary to what my husband thinks), I would have cut my hair short to minimize the time it took to grow out the gray, but the added “trauma” (insert eye roll here) of having a wife with striped AND short hair felt too cruel, so I kept my hair shoulderlength. I’m fortunate that the texture and color of my hair grew out nicely. I had the mindset that I needed to see it mostly grown out before deciding whether to live with the results, and I knew I could return to coloring anytime I wanted

It took about a year and a half to grow out completely (in time to not completely ruin the grad pics), and I have been pleased with the results.

Sharon Evans

“Ummmmm -- what ’ s going on

The predominant reason I made the leap is due to sheer laziness.

Well, hello, menopause! I just celebrated my 50th birthday, and you arrived right on time. Your reputation precedes you. Hot flashes, skin changes, irritability –you’ve brought it all My older gal pals had you pegged, and now it’s my turn I’ve got something you didn’t expect, though. I’ve been hanging around with a group called Fat Girls Hiking While we’ve been walking the trails, I’ve learned some pretty potent lessons about becoming friends with my body Turns out, I’m more prepared for this transition than I thought. Here are a few things I’ve learned

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE VIEW

Finding those wide-open views on our hikes brings perspective Suddenly, it’s not about the size of my body anymore. I suspect the same will be true as I connect with women who’ve already trekked the menopause journey. When we get together, we won’t have to lament our changing bodies A vast view of life is opening up for me, and I’ll get to explore new paths with them

MODIFICATION IS MY SUPERPOWER

When I’m hiking, I’m out there, and I’m doing it the way that works for me. Using hiking poles, taking inclines slow and easy, and listening to my body when it wants to rest

these are decisions that have become second nature They were nurtured within the safe, validating space we create on our hikes. I look forward to joining a community of strong women who have learned to let go of the fight with limits. There are a lot of smart, sage secrets out there to living well in my third trimester of life I’m all ears

I AM NOT ALONE

Hiking with a group of people who look like me has transformed how I live in my body. I’ve met folks who want to enjoy nature without comparison or qualification. We arrive at the trailhead just as we are It’s not about what we’re not This is the way I want to live in my later years Getting older doesn’t have to be about what I’m losing In fact, I’m excited to discover what wisdom older women have to give me.

The way I see it, menopause, you’re outnumbered. I have so many older women in my life who are rocking it. Hiking with Fat Girls Hiking has given me a head start at tweaking how I think about my body I have a lot to be inspired about I’ll keep watching for the next adventure around the bend

Shelby Humphrey

THE STAY-AT-HOMEGIRLFRIEND TREND: ANTI FEMINISM OR YOUN

There is a trend among young straight women today to stay home and take care of the housework, the meals, and the other various needs of their men. It’s plastered all over social media, particularly Tik Tok, and dubbed: The Stay-as-Home Girlfriend trend. Some feel this is living the dream, others feel this trend is antifeminist

Most of these women are about what you’d expect – young, blonde, beautiful, perfectly tanned, and exceedingly thin. Evidently, this trend has no room for gray-haired, middle-aged chubsters

Homemakers, minus the kids

I did something very similar to this when I was young, only it was back when people had kids, so I was called a “Stay at home mom” (Please note that I always had a part-time job I just worked around when my kids’ dad was home to avoid daycare costs, and when the kids were school-age, I did home-demo and eventually got a job at their school to have the same hours they did)

I endured a lot of the same heat that these women are getting. “Oh, I could never do that, I have to have my career,” or “Don’t you get bored?”

Do you work?

Now, these women don’t have children, so these probing questions might be more apt, but honestly, if anyone is bored staying at home as opposed to working outside the home, that’s on them. There is NEVER a shortage of things to do – whether you have kids or you don’t – and there have never been more opportunities for exploring hobbies, activities, and passions.

While it may be semantics, the first thing I’d like to address is the inevitable question when someone first meets you, and you’ve chosen to stay at home When someone asked me during my quasi-stay-at-home stint, “Do you work?” it used to make me grind my teeth.

The correct way to phrase this question is, “Do you work outside the home?” Staying at home is no picnic, particularly if you have kids – and it’s a shit-ton of work. Only this brand of work doesn’t come with Google-inspired break rooms with bean bag chairs, healthy snacks, and a ping-pong table It doesn’t come with vacation days, sick days, mental health days, or flex days It doesn’t come with straight time, overtime, salaries, or bonuses. The work doesn’t stop at 5:00 p.m., it typically rolls straight through to bedtime.

The girlfriend zone

One of the reasons feminists are questioning this trend is because the women are girlfriends – not wives – meaning they will be left with nothing should their Sugar Daddy tell them to “GIT.” This argument is valid, however, many of these women seem to be making a living on social media videoing their lifestyle, and they may have other streams of revenue like selling pictures of their feet on fetish sites, a robust Only Fans profile, or rich parents Who knows? Also, the men in these situations seem extremely happy as this trend appears to feed male egos heartily These women don’t appear to have much to worry about.

The other online observation many make is that many of these women seem to be flirting with eating disorders, existing on a steady diet of celery juice and flax seed That is also a valid observation, and problematic since these videos are consumed by all age groups of women Let’s be honest, though, you don’t have to be a stayat-home girlfriend to fall short of the normal guidelines for proper nutrition.

I guess what I’m ultimately driving at is that this trend seems to be the pinnacle of feminism, is it not? I mean, eating disorders and uncertain finances aside, these women are making a choice to do what they want, and they are

happy doing it Just because it doesn’t fit within the confines and definition of modern feminism, aren’t they living their best lives?

People are hung up on the fact that these women aren’t married, to which I say EXACTLY They can LEAVE whenever they want The men in these situations, however, are still expected to work a normal job to support this trend, something the woman doesn’t have to do. I say these women have got shit figured out, as long as they are happy, healthy, and are saving for a rainy day should the bottom ever fall out of their relationship

Midlife chubsters need not apply

Let me put it this way If some guy came into my life and said, “Hey, if you wanna take care of the house and errands while I earn the dough,” I think I’d say, “F*ck to the yes.” I would spend a small portion of my day doing what I already do, which is mindless, unrewarding chores like laundry and dishes and bed-making The rest of the day, I’d have the financial freedom to build my media empire, instead of having to shoehorn it in and around my paying job. I’ve been helping other people and lining other people’s pockets my whole life. At this stage of the game, I’d be ALL about letting someone else worry about the money for a while

Unfortunately, as I stated, this trend doesn’t seem to be hiring midlife, menopausal women, so I guess I’ll continue to do what these women do, only around a full-time job and with the adult responsibilities of bill-paying

WHY SWIMSUIT SEASON DOESN'T SUIT ME

Anymore

Swimsuit season has been striking fear in women since we transitioned from leaf loin clothes to bikinis I actually had a brief period when I looked decent in bikinis, and it wasn’t when I was 10 years old In my early 40s, I experienced the “divorced diet,” and for the first time in my life, I could rock a bikini. I was unhealthy as hell, but I looked good. That was a nice three years.

Hard pass on the male attention

Since my late 40s, I’ve found myself doing something I said I’d never do – wearing a one-piece swimsuit (GASP). That’s because overnight, I got a belly, which was determined to be my new best friend

it followed me EVERYWHERE.

Now that I’m in my early 50s – as is true in so many other areas of my life – my give-a-f*ck has straight-up left the building regarding swimwear

There are a couple of reasons for that. For the first time in my life, I give zero sh*ts about male attention I craved that when I was younger, after I was divorced, and as I moved into midlife, hoping to find someone to spend the second half of my life with I’ll spare you the details, but let’s put it this way – I no longer crave male attention.

Hello, Meno-belly!

The second reason is that I am learning to become friends with my body After decades of being disgruntled because the scale has never really said what I want it to, I’ve had cellulite since I was 13, and now I have a meno-belly, I’m learning acceptance and gratitude.

Let’s talk about those extra mid-life pounds I intermittent fast every day (mostly because I’ve never really been a breakfast eater, so why not), and I eat two small meals daily I work all the time so I’m not super active, but that is nothing new If I ate like this in my 30s, the weight would melt off in no time. Now the scale reflects a weight that does not align with how I eat. I’m learning acceptance around that. I’m exhausted from having to fit into some social weight norm all my life I’m tapping out on that for now That meno-belly showed up out of nowhere to help my unpredictable estrogen levels According to the Metabolic Research Center, “Belly fat acts like an organ in its ability to create hormones in this fatty tissue through a process called ‘aromatization.’ Estrogen increases as a result of belly fat, so can testosterone.” So I'm nicer to my belly now I mean, I’m not taking it on luxury vacations or anything, but I’m more appreciative

Thank you, old friend

My body has given me the two people I love most in the world, my son and daughter. I always tell people I’d want to be friends with my kids, even if I wasn’t their mom. My body made them and those relationships that I treasure possible That’s pretty f*ckin cool When you start to think in these terms, all of a sudden whether or not you look good in a bikini doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

My hands are starting to show signs of aging, but they make a living for me – they keep a roof over my head and food in my fridge, so we’re gonna look the other way on the sun damage My feet, which have never been my best feature, started to get weird when I turned 50 The skin on my feet got REALLY dry – like elephant skin. I’ve been lathering them in coconut oil all winter, and they look and feel great now! I’m thankful for my feet – they keep me mobile and take me on fun adventures

I’m thankful for all the scars on my body – specifically my appendicitis scars that remind me of that time when I didn’t die. I’m very grateful for the scar on my neck, where I had a cystic hygroma removed when I was nine. I didn’t know then that my parents had to wait for a week to learn if the cyst was cancerous It wasn’t

My face is starting to show laugh lines around my eyes and mouth, from years of perpetual smiling and laughing my ass off. My sense of humor is a personality trait I have thanked God for numerous times I don’t know where the hell I’d be without it, and if I have a few lines that prove it, I’m OK with that

So there it is. I think I’ve finally matured out of resenting my body, face, and skin for doing exactly what they’re supposed to do. I’ve matured out of giving a sh*t what anyone else thinks. I’m retired from worrying if I look middle-aged in my swimsuit because here’s the thing – I AM MIDDLE-AGED The anxiety of swimsuit season doesn’t suit me anymore, but this midlife mentality suits me just fine.

Kat Hobza

HAVE A SEAT,

YoungerMe

We all love a good acronym, so below are words of “wisdom” to my 20-year-old self

Whining – No whining allowed at 20 years old! You have your whole life ahead of you, and you will do plenty of whining when you are in your 50s. Your boobs are nice and perky, and you don’t have to pull them out of your armpits You have the metabolism of a gazelle and can eat anything you want, but eat healthier because it is harder to get out of a bad eating habit after 50

Inner validation - Don’t look for outer validation because if you do, you will never be happy. Look inwards for your happiness and go for your dreams and goals from there.

Sisterhood - Rely heavily on your sisters, whether they are by blood or found relationships throughout your life They will help to keep you sane, and all have the same struggles as you Just pick up the phone when you are feeling down, and they are always there to help you out

Dream big - You have your whole life ahead of you, so dream big and decide to pursue those dreams.

Outside grounding - Go outside and walk, hike, or sit looking over a lake Breathe fresh air Don’t worry about your hair and makeup, the birds and squirrels don’t care Walk in the rain and smell the wet earth Do this every day, and you will never say, why did I do that today?

Maturity - Don’t grow up too fast! Keep that inner child alive. The more you play the younger you will stay!

Grubbs

I could write a book to my younger self at this point, but if I had to narrow my advice down to a few things, this is what I would say…

Try not to take things too personally In the moment, this is next to impossible to do You will have some incredibly difficult characters come your way in life

say your peace and walk away Realize that the shitty things people say and do to you is SO much more about them than it is about you Remove yourself from situations where you are just collateral damage in someone else's f*ckery.

Your weight is perfect. Don’t beat yourself up about your weight – you’ve always looked great Your older self looks back at pictures of you, and remembers that you thought you were “fat,” or “chubby,” or “overweight,” and you absolutely were none of those things In your 50s, you’ll have much less control over this, so know that you look amazing

Don’t dwell. Learn to let go of situations, people, jobs, and living arrangements that don’t suit you. You did your best Break the attachment and move on Don’t waste your time thinking about people who treated you poorly – it gives them WAY too much power over you – power they don’t deserve Those things are just chapters, not your story

Have more kids Your kids turned out f*cking AWESOME, have become your best friends, and it turns out that you absolutely LOVE being a mom.

Eat the cookie dough. You’ve been eating raw cookie dough (ideally with a bestie and a bottle of wine) for 30 f*cking years, and it hasn’t made you sick yet Enjoy, and you’re welcome!

Kat Hobza

Join us as we have a "sit down" with our younger selves and share what we would tell our younger selves if we could...

Deedee

I would tell that young mama to give herself the compassion she didn’t even know to wish for back then Permission to not have all the answers about how to be a “good” mom, wife, employee, daughter, sister, friend, etc, compassion to figure out what made sense for her and her family without worrying so much about what other people thought

I would tell her to be careful not to miss the gifts of the moments right in front of her because she was too busy trying to manage the possibilities ahead.

I would tell her to learn how to FEEL because walling herself off from the pain meant also cutting herself off from the joy And I would let her know that it’s everything God is bigger than her , and he is always good and faithful e not Hang in there sweet girl you

Sharon Evans

Excuse Meme?

We see several memes a day on social media. Many are chuckle-worthy, but there are a few that are so relatable, so funny, so "I feel that in my bones," that they deserve an honorary mention. Each quarter we will share a few of our favorite, frame-worthy memes.

Being menopausal and motivated is a modern day miracle -- do not question the source.

The only thing missing here is a third hunk named, "A good night's sleep."

We lovingly dedicate this meme to any of you who are feeling a bit "unheard."

Every. F*cking Time. That, and getting stuck behind a tractor or a school bus when you're running late.

MEDIA

library

Here is what we are watching, reading, and listening to right now.

Shrinking -- Season One

“I binged all the available episodes of this one when I was mentally exhausted, and it was just what my wounded spirit needed Lots of humor but tenderness and some messy life circumstances too I came away from it feeling like we're all in this messy life together”

Sharon E

*Stream on Apple TV

Leanne Morgan -- I'm Every Woman

“This is a great watch for women 'our age' Her Tennessee/Kentucky accent may be more than some can stomach, but the content is right on the money” Sharon E

*Stream on Netflix

Island Hunters

“Since I simply do not possess the emotional stamina to watch anything other than HGTV and TLC these days, I find Island Hunters fascinating for two reasons Firstly, there is the intrigue of people who are wealthy enough to buy an island. Secondly, there is the weird little dude, Chris Krolow, who sells them. If you saw Chris in a bar, you'd swear he just emerged from his Mom's basement to get a break from the three cats that live down there with him -- aka his only friends. Crazy that he sells multi-million dollar islands for a living.” Kat H

Long Island Medium

*Stream on Discovery Plus/HGTV

“I know this show has been around since 2011, but per my aforementioned comments about limited coping skills, I cycled back to this and have been gobbling it up like the Oreos I used to hide from my kids when they were little You laugh, you cry, and honestly, we all just need a bestie with a Long Island attitude and accent”

Kat H

Spare

*Stream on Discovery Plus/TLC

"I put the audio version of this one on hold from my library, thinking maybe since it was free, it might be an entertaining listen. When it finally became available, I don't think I made it past the first chapter. It basically confirmed that I really don't care about these people and their so-called "problems." Sharon E

CALM YOUR INNER PEASANT WITH

bread making

In the past few weeks, I’ve started making bread for fun I got a stand mixer for Christmas, and thought I should put it to good use I was always intimidated by making bread; it seemed out of reach, complicated, and easy to f*ck up. And also, why would I attempt something as sh*tty as breadmaking when I can go to the store and spend $3 on it? That being said, my sister, who is way better at baking than I am, made focaccia that was extremely good, and she said it was “easy to make.” So, I thought, “What the hell? Why not. Worst case scenario, I’ll have an inedible gooey ball of sh*t that I throw away, or a crumbly, rock-hard ball of sh*t that I also throw away Nowhere to go but up, right?” And also, if my sister could do it, I could definitely do it.

Your inner peasant

What I discovered was surprisingly deep and meaningful, and ended up improving my mental health and overall outlook on life Ugh, why are things like exercise, manual labor, and doing things the “long way” good for us?

There’s something about breadmaking that’s primal. The smell of the yeast (TERRIBLE word), the dough coming together, the simplicity of the ingredients, etc, bring out your inner peasant That sounds funny, but seriously -they’ve been making bread the same way for what, 2,000 years? Of course, we have things like ovens, bougie stand mixers, grocery stores, electricity, ya know; basic modern technology and conveniences. However, the principles are the same: ground-up wheat, warm water, some half-alive, half-dead powder that only expands if you ask it nicely and take it to dinner, throwing

Not to sound overly theatrical, but the entire time I’m preparing the dough and treating it like a fragile bird, I feel like something from the women in my family has accidentally transcended down to me. It’s cool. I dig it. Especially if I’ve had an attitude adjustment (my nickname for hits of weed).

it around a flat surface like it owes you money, letting it rise, adding some heat, and gorging yourself on carbs Same basic principles, right? For some reason, while I’m making it, I feel connected to the grandmas I never met. The moms, sisters, and aunts that came long before me that did the same thing in roughly the same manner because they did NOT have things like grocery stores, stand mixers, running water, ya know, things that would make anyone today have a nervous breakdown within 80 seconds of a power-outage. Not to sound overly theatrical, but the entire time I’m preparing the dough and treating it like a fragile bird, I feel like something from the women in my family has accidentally transcended down to me It’s cool I dig it Especially if I’ve had an attitude adjustment (my nickname for hits of weed).

Slow Down Dumbass

Another thing I’ve learned is that, like all great things, doing it right takes time But funny enough, that lesson is built into the virtue of bread dough. You have to let it rise. And you have to give the right amount of time to rise, and you have to let it rise the appropriate amount of times, or it’ll say,

“f*ck you, my sh*t will be dense as f*ck now lol DUMBASS probz better start over” There’s no way to rush it or artificially accelerate it (like we love doing in our modern world) You have to be gentle when you punch it (like your little sister when that sneaky bitch steals your Skittles for the like the 6th time).

Patience, young grasshoppah

But, if you take the time and patience for the natural process to do its thang, what you get in the end is something amazing. It tastes great, looks great, and it’s so satisfying to see something that you’ve sunk an afternoon into yield something not only tangible, but something that feeds your family.

As it’s baking and the house fills with the smell of carby goodness, I imagine my ancestors’ homes, huts, (let’s be real, probably stables or some other broke-ass sh*t, even for peasants) or whatever smelling similarly. It’s re-centering, grounding, and peaceful. 10/10, would recommend.

Primal connection

More than anything, I guess I’ve learned that doing things yourself, doing it the hard way, even when the easy way is, well, easy and affordable, it does the soul some good to reconnect with what makes us human Reminds us of a more symbiotic relationship between humanity and nature I imagine that’s why people enjoy gardening. I don’t, but the only reason you’d spend an entire summer growing your veggies to save a sum total of $8.00 is to feel connected to something.

So maybe one day I’ll stop just drinking outside and maybe actually do something constructive Also, if you’re looking for a bread recipe to reconnect with your sh*t like me, don’t call me I’m not an expert. Go buy the Taste of Home cookbook like everyone else LOL PEACE.

Austin Hobza