bread making

In the past few weeks, I’ve started making bread for fun I got a stand mixer for Christmas, and thought I should put it to good use I was always intimidated by making bread; it seemed out of reach, complicated, and easy to f*ck up. And also, why would I attempt something as sh*tty as breadmaking when I can go to the store and spend $3 on it? That being said, my sister, who is way better at baking than I am, made focaccia that was extremely good, and she said it was “easy to make.” So, I thought, “What the hell? Why not. Worst case scenario, I’ll have an inedible gooey ball of sh*t that I throw away, or a crumbly, rock-hard ball of sh*t that I also throw away Nowhere to go but up, right?” And also, if my sister could do it, I could definitely do it.

Your inner peasant

What I discovered was surprisingly deep and meaningful, and ended up improving my mental health and overall outlook on life Ugh, why are things like exercise, manual labor, and doing things the “long way” good for us?

There’s something about breadmaking that’s primal. The smell of the yeast (TERRIBLE word), the dough coming together, the simplicity of the ingredients, etc, bring out your inner peasant That sounds funny, but seriously -they’ve been making bread the same way for what, 2,000 years? Of course, we have things like ovens, bougie stand mixers, grocery stores, electricity, ya know; basic modern technology and conveniences. However, the principles are the same: ground-up wheat, warm water, some half-alive, half-dead powder that only expands if you ask it nicely and take it to dinner, throwing it around a flat surface like it owes you money, letting it rise, adding some heat, and gorging yourself on carbs Same basic principles, right? For some reason, while I’m making it, I feel connected to the grandmas I never met. The moms, sisters, and aunts that came long before me that did the same thing in roughly the same manner because they did NOT have things like grocery stores, stand mixers, running water, ya know, things that would make anyone today have a nervous breakdown within 80 seconds of a power-outage. Not to sound overly theatrical, but the entire time I’m preparing the dough and treating it like a fragile bird, I feel like something from the women in my family has accidentally transcended down to me It’s cool I dig it Especially if I’ve had an attitude adjustment (my nickname for hits of weed).

Not to sound overly theatrical, but the entire time I’m preparing the dough and treating it like a fragile bird, I feel like something from the women in my family has accidentally transcended down to me. It’s cool. I dig it. Especially if I’ve had an attitude adjustment (my nickname for hits of weed).

Slow Down Dumbass

Another thing I’ve learned is that, like all great things, doing it right takes time But funny enough, that lesson is built into the virtue of bread dough. You have to let it rise. And you have to give the right amount of time to rise, and you have to let it rise the appropriate amount of times, or it’ll say,

“f*ck you, my sh*t will be dense as f*ck now lol DUMBASS probz better start over” There’s no way to rush it or artificially accelerate it (like we love doing in our modern world) You have to be gentle when you punch it (like your little sister when that sneaky bitch steals your Skittles for the like the 6th time).

Patience, young grasshoppah

But, if you take the time and patience for the natural process to do its thang, what you get in the end is something amazing. It tastes great, looks great, and it’s so satisfying to see something that you’ve sunk an afternoon into yield something not only tangible, but something that feeds your family.

As it’s baking and the house fills with the smell of carby goodness, I imagine my ancestors’ homes, huts, (let’s be real, probably stables or some other broke-ass sh*t, even for peasants) or whatever smelling similarly. It’s re-centering, grounding, and peaceful. 10/10, would recommend.

Primal connection

More than anything, I guess I’ve learned that doing things yourself, doing it the hard way, even when the easy way is, well, easy and affordable, it does the soul some good to reconnect with what makes us human Reminds us of a more symbiotic relationship between humanity and nature I imagine that’s why people enjoy gardening. I don’t, but the only reason you’d spend an entire summer growing your veggies to save a sum total of $8.00 is to feel connected to something.

So maybe one day I’ll stop just drinking outside and maybe actually do something constructive Also, if you’re looking for a bread recipe to reconnect with your sh*t like me, don’t call me I’m not an expert. Go buy the Taste of Home cookbook like everyone else LOL PEACE.

Austin Hobza