What is mindful parenting? “Being a mindful parent doesn’t mean being a perfect parent,” says Amy Zoe Schonhoff, a mindfulness trainer and educator. “It means bringing awareness to the relationship we’re having with ourselves and with our child…and bringing more nonjudgmental acceptance to the process of parenting.”
8 Habits of Mindful Parents
Parental stress and frustration
sometimes lead to hurtful or unhelpful remarks directed at kids like: “There’s no reason to cry,” “Why can’t you be more like your sister!” or “Hurry up!” As Maya Angelou once said, “When you know better, do better.” That’s the gentle place where mindful parenting begins. Here are eight things that parents who lean into mindfulness do.
Care for themselves. Recognize when your tank is running low. When people are hungry, tired, cranky, stressed or not feeling well, it’s more common to convey unintentional messages. “It’s natural for parents to say things they regret,” says parent coach Julia Harkleroad, LCMFT and facilitator of ON Parenting: Powerful Conversations to Raise Successful Kids. “It’s excellent practice to understand the catalyst behind these statements and set up an environment that is more conducive to mindful, intentional responses.” 16 • SanDiegofamily.com • January 2022
Create daily self-care rituals, like meditation, prayer, exercise or connecting with friends, which help manage day-to-day stress. Get more ideas in our article “10 Ways to Practice Self-Care” at www.sandiegofamily.com/ parenting/10-ways-to-practice-selfcare-a-guide-for-busy-parents.
Pause before reacting. When emotions take the wheel, take a break. “Give yourself a timeout when you feel like you are about to unload on your child—even if that means delaying needed correction of the child,” says Mindy Hart, a divorce coach specializing in communication strategies and child-centered parenting. “Better to delay and come back at a rational point than to cause emotional scars and disengagement of the child.” Parents who tell their children when they need a break are modeling healthy emotional regulation skills. “It’s good for kids to see us doing this because we are modeling that they can
Christa Melnyk Hines do that too—recognize when they’re getting dysregulated and hopefully take action,” Schonhoff says.
Get curious. If your child frequently runs late in the morning or makes poor choices at school, get curious instead of frustrated or angry. Harkleroad recommends asking questions/ statements that start with “how…”, “tell me about…” or “I wonder if…” “This leaves room for the child’s experience to inform the parent and help resolve the situation more effectively,” Harkleroad says. “Repeating back what you heard your child say is also helpful. Then ask, ‘Did I get that right?’” Schonhoff realized the value of curiosity when her daughter was in preschool. What she thought was chronic tardiness due to not wanting to go to school, led to the discovery that her daughter had sensory processing issues. Putting clothes on was uncomfortable and time-consuming.
