Restoring Your Wellness YO U R W O R K B O O K O N G R I E F, FA I T H A N D S E L F - C A R E
Masonic Village Hospice 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction............................................................................................................................................................................. p. 3 Understanding Your Grief.................................................................................................................................................... p. 4 My Grief Response Checklist........................................................................................................................................ p. 4 Triggers Worksheet.......................................................................................................................................................... p. 5 Understanding My Grief................................................................................................................................................. p. 6 Grief Sentence Completion........................................................................................................................................... p. 7 Getting to Know Your Emotions................................................................................................................................... p. 7 Helping You Through Grief: Self-Care Pillars ................................................................................................................ p. 8 Find Your Strength.........................................................................................................................................................p. 10 Jar of Memories Exercise.............................................................................................................................................p. 10 10 Steps to Mindfulness Meditation.........................................................................................................................p. 11 What I Need Worksheet...............................................................................................................................................p. 12 Color Theory Activity....................................................................................................................................................p. 13 Self-Care Checklist.........................................................................................................................................................p. 14 Self-Care Wheel..............................................................................................................................................................p. 15 Letter to My Future Self................................................................................................................................................p. 16 My Memory Box.............................................................................................................................................................p. 18 Holiday Survival Checklist............................................................................................................................................p. 19 Gratefulness in Grief......................................................................................................................................................p. 20 Creative Writing Exercise.............................................................................................................................................p. 20 Your Faith Journey...............................................................................................................................................................p. 22
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INTRODUCTION Overcoming grief is not about forgetting, but remembering. It is not about moving on, but finding a new way to live. While there is no “perfect handbook,” it is our hope this workbook (in combination with Masonic Village Hospice’s “Life After Loss: Understanding Your Grief Journey” booklet) can aid you in your grief journey and help restore your wellness.
HOW THIS WORKBOOK CAN HELP YOU As you walk through your grief journey, know there are people and tools, such as this workbook, that can help you and give you the space to reflect on your loss and grief. It is a great tool to use in combination with individual bereavement counseling, support groups and other resources. What you write in this workbook is for you and no one else. There is no specific timing to complete it. We hope you write notes and thoughts across the pages of this book, so that someday, when you find it in a drawer or closet, you will be proud of how far you’ve come in your grief journey. This is your safe place to explore your grief and start your journey to wellness.
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MY GRIEF RESPONSE CHECKLIST Which of these symptoms are you experiencing since losing a loved one? Check the grief symptoms you experience and write down how often in the line next to it. How have these responses affected you? Each of these responses are normal, and acknowledging them can help you understand and heal through your personal grief journey.
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Change in appetite/weight loss
Loneliness
Tightness in chest
Relief or happiness
Anxiety or fear
Sadness/depression
Difficulty sleeping
Dreams about deceased
Unmotivated
Confusion
Crying
Low energy/fatigue
Mood Swings
Shock
Social withdrawal or isolation
Numbness
Reckless or dangerous behavior
Questioning beliefs
Blaming self/guilt
Fear of death
Poor concentration
Daily “triggers”
Anger/Irritability
Body tension
Racing thoughts
Restlessness
TRIGGERS WORKSHEET During grief, certain activities may trigger us to feel intense emotions. Below, write what you’ve experienced and your reflections.
Activity/trigger
Grief Intensity Felt
Negative Emotions
Positive Emotions
Thoughts/ Reflections
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UNDERSTANDING MY GRIEF Free-write your responses. Take your time, and allow yourself to feel however you’d like to feel as you write.
1. I’m having the hardest time adjusting to:
2. I feel most triggered when I:
3. What happens when I feel triggered?
4. Who and/or what is providing me support at this time?
5. When I think about my loved one, I immediately feel:
6. I express my emotions by:
7. I give myself permission to process what I am feeling by:
8. What strengths do I have from previous experiences that can help me during this time?
9. I’ve learned the following about my grief so far:
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GRIEF SENTENCE COMPLETION Right now, I feel
I feel the saddest when
The thing I miss most about the person I lost is
Since the loss, things have been different because
My family usually feels
If I could ask the person I lost one thing, I would ask
Something I liked about the person who I lost was
One thing I learned from the person who I lost is
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GETTING TO KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS One way to make room for emotions is to observe them. Use this exercise to help you get to know your emotions so you feel more capable of working through them.
What emotion are you feeling today?
Where can you feel it in your body?
How intense does it feel in each area of your body?
What color is it?
What kind of weight does it have?
What thoughts arise from the emotion?
What other feelings come up?
What do you want to do as a result of feeling this?
What message might this feeling have for you today?
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THINGS THAT CAN HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR GRIEF SELF-CARE PILLARS
SOCIAL
RECREATIONAL
SPIRITUAL
ENVIRONMENTAL
PHYSICAL
EMOTIONAL
MENTAL
Each method of self-care fits into one of the seven pillars: mental, emotional, physical, environmental, spiritual, recreational and social. A well-balanced self-care routine involves each of these, so avoid restricting yourself to just one or two pillars.
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FIND YOUR STRENGTH As you navigate through your grief, focus on these points of strength. Choose one point of strength at a time until you achieve them all. Journaling and worksheets found in this workbook can help you address each topic. 1.
Practice gratitude.
2.
Focus on positivity.
3.
Stay connected.
4.
Spend your time and energy with people and activities that bring you meaning and joy.
5.
Gain peer support as you stay connected with friends and loved ones.
6.
Make sleep a priority.
7.
Focus on what you can control. Try to let go of the rest.
8.
Set boundaries.
9.
Get out of your comfort zone.
10.
Practice self-compassion.
JAR OF MEMORIES EXERCISE Grab an empty jar and decorate it. Use paper and a pen to write memories full of love, joy, gratitude, words of wisdom, etc. Pull a note from the jar when you’re having a rough day.
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10 STEPS TO MINDFULNESS MEDITATION
1 3 5
Create time & space. Choose a regular time each day for mindfulness meditation practice, ideally in a quiet place free from distraction.
Find a comfortable sitting position. Sit cross-legged on the floor or on the grass, or sit in a chair with your feet flat on the ground.
Take deep breaths. Deep breathing helps settle the body and establish your presence in the space.
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Maintain attention to your breath.
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Be kind to yourself.
As you inhale and exhale, focus on your breath. If attention wanders, return to your breath. Let go of thoughts, feelings or distractions.
Don’t be upset if focus occasionally drifts or if you fall asleep. If very tired, meditate with eyes open and rearrange posture to more erect (but still relaxed) position.
2 4 6 8 10
Set a timer. Start with just five minutes, and ease your way up to 15 - 40 minutes.
Check your posture. Sit up straight, hands in a comfortable position. Keep neck long, chin tilted slightly downward and tongue resting on roof of mouth. Relax shoulders. Close eyes or gaze downward 5 - 10 feet in front of you.
Direct attention to your breath. Focus on a part of the body where the breath feels prominent: nostrils, back of throat or diaphragm. Try not to switch focus.
Repeat steps 6 - 7. For the duration of a meditation session, the mind will wander. Simply acknowledge this and return to your breath.
Prepare for a soft landing. When the timer goes off, keep eyes closed until you’re ready to open them. Be thankful. Acknowledge your practice with gratitude.
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WHAT I NEED Below, write down what you need from each group of people as you’re grieving. During your journey, it’s important to gain support where you need it most. What can the people in your life do to be most helpful? Use your answers to start a conversation with those individuals.
What I need from family...
What I need from friends...
What I need from others...
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COLOR THEORY ACTIVITY Color has a way of changing our mood. It can make us feel intense feelings, whether we are sad or happy. Color makes us feel joy, comfort, happiness and stillness. Remember how the yellow sun finds your face on a beautiful day, or the blue sky filled with white fluffy clouds makes you feel at peace. Take a deep breath, and open your eyes to the colors around you. Also try wearing colors that bring you joy.
Yellow stimulates happiness, bringing on a sense of cheerfulness and brightness to your day.
Green is the color of nature and calms the nervous system and fights irritability and insomnia.
Blue is calming. It stimulates the parasympathetic system, reduces blood pressure and calms breathing, heart rate and muscle tension.
White is the true color of healing. White is commonly used as spiritual healing, purification, protection, inspiration and truth-seeking.
Orange is the color of enthusiasm and emotion. Orange exudes warmth and joy and is considered a fun color that provides emotional strength, creativity and youthfulness.
Red brings warmth, energy and stimulation; therefore, good for fatigue and bringing new life to all senses.
Purple symbolizes power, ambition, strength and independence.
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SELF-CARE CHECKLIST Choose activities below to practice self-care. Check off items as you go.
Read a book
Start a new craft
Cook your favorite meal
Go out with friends or family
Light a candle
Meditate
Listen to music
Buy yourself flowers
Take a bubble bath
Write yourself a letter
Take a nap
Learn to garden
Listen to your favorite podcast or audiobook
Go for a hike
Watch a favorite movie Take a break from social media Eat a healthy meal Go shopping Accomplish a goal Spend time outside Try something new Call a friend Create a vision board
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Go to the beach Plan a trip De-clutter your home Ogranize a room Re-decorate Write something Drink your favorite tea Buy a new lotion or care product Do what feels GOOD!
SELF-CARE WHEEL
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This Self-Care Wheel was inspired by and adapted from “Self-Care Assessment Worksheet” from Transforming the Pain: A Workbook on Vicarious Traumatization by Saakvitne, Pearlman & Staff of TSI/CAAP (Norton, 1996). Created by Olga Phoenix Project: Healing for Social Change (2013). www.OlgaPhoenix.com
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LETTER TO MY FUTURE SELF On this page, write a letter to your future self. You can share how things are going for you right now. What are your hopes and dreams for the future? You can write about the type of person you hope to be by the time you read this letter again. Who are the important people in your life right now? How do you feel about yourself and your grief now, and how do you hope this is different in the future? What changes would you like to start making in your life today?
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MY MEMORY BOX What are some memories of the person you lost? Write some words or sentences that describe those memories.
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HOLIDAY SURVIVAL CHECKLIST Grieving the loss of a loved one can be a deep and difficult challenge at any time. The holiday season, usually filled with family time and activities, can magnify your struggles. Keep the following tips in mind.
1. Only do what feels right. It’s up to you which activities, traditions or events you can handle. Turn down any opportunities that don’t feel right.
2. Call on your family and friends. Talk with loved ones about your emotions, and be honest about how you’d like to do things this year. If you want to talk about those who have passed, then do so, and let others know it’s okay.
3. Look for small moments of comfort. Whether it’s a cup of hot chocolate or being surrounded by family pets, find joy and comfort in the small things.
4. Start a new tradition. Acknowledge that things have changed, and that holidays may not be the same as they once were. Many families return to their usual routines and rituals after the first year, but some enjoy incorporating new experiences permanently.
5. Consider a memorial gift/donation or volunteer in your loved one’s honor. Try volunteering or making a financial gift in memory of your loved one. Doing good for someone else can help ease your pain during the holidays.
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GRATEFULNESS IN GRIEF During grief, it can be hard to think of good times. We may feel too angry or guilty about being happy. Whatever your feelings are, they are okay. Can you think of anything you are thankful for, even when you are sad or angry? Fill in the heart with words, photos or drawings.
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CREATIVE WRITING EXERCISE Loss can be indescribable, yet our rational selves want to understand, communicate and make meaning from the chaos of loss. Poetry is a powerful way to explore and come to know your emotions. In the space provided, compose a poem about the emotions you’re feeling throughout your grief journey. The poem can be written in any style you like, and it doesn’t have to rhyme. Try to withhold judgment as you write openly.
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YOUR FAITH JOURNEY: PROMPTS FOR THOUGHT Use the prompts below to grow in your faith throughout your grief journey.
What is my current image of God? How does this image serve or hinder me in my grief?
How can I cultivate a relationship with the Holy Spirit during my grief?
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What makes me feel closest to God right now? How can I continue to feel this closeness?
How can I use my faith to find hope in my day-to-day living? Where can I find resources, support, comfort, guidance?
Use this space to write down your favorite Bible verses or the verses that mean the most to you right now:
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The journey will be tough, but there will also be love and joy.
Let us know if you need language assistance. Call 717-361-8449. ATENCIÓN: si habla español, tiene a su disposición servicios gratuitos de asistencia lingüística. Llame al 1-717-361-8449. Masonic Village Hospice complies with applicable Federal civil rights laws and does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, age, disability or sex. Masonic Village Hospice does not exclude people or treat them differently because of race, color, national origin, age, disability or sex. Masonic Village Hospice cumple con las leyes federales de derechos civiles aplicables y no discrimina por motivos de raza, color, nacionalidad, edad, discapacidad o sexo.
EOE
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