PLATINUM
Why Pursuing "THE ONE" Is Hurting You
Reasons Your LOVE LIFE is Failing
LaTonya Askew, Esq. Credit 101 For Teens
Atlanta's
FAthers' Rights Attorney April 2022
Issue No. 4
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PLATINUM MAGAZINE On the flip side though, I have become adamant about creating a life that works best for me given my life circumstances. I had to become intentional in designing my life so that I am the best version of myself for me and everyone else in my life. I had to burn the “superwoman” cape – and I don’t ever want to wear it again.
Tamika Michelle Johnson
My second thought was, yes, I do have an amazing life. I work 3-4 days a week, no weekends, no nights. I take a day off during the week to spend with my young sons and now that I’m more comfortable flying, my sky mile points are about to go through the roof.
Editor-in-Chief
editor's note A few months ago, someone I know commented on one of my Facebook posts where I took an impromptu trip to the “New Black Wallstreet” with all 3 of my kids during the day in the middle of the week. The comment to the photo of the children and I was, “Your life is amazing!” That comment threw me off a bit because my first thought was that my life is crazy. Aside from working as an attorney, matchmaker, and professional speaker, I’m also a relatively new wife, daughter of a recently widowed mother, caretaker of 2 toddlers, parent to a 20-year-old daughter, and my 90+ old mother-in-law lives with us - all making it hard for me or my husband and me to work or spend any uninterrupted alone time together without having to prepare meals and tend to our toddlers or my husband’s aging mother.
Life will never be perfect, but it can be unapologetically great! You just have to be INTENTIONAL about creating the life that you want instead of just dreaming. As the saying goes, “Don’t just talk about it, be about it!” I love this month’s issue because "Intentionality" is a common theme among our features. Kelvin Troy Johnson shares how to be INTENTIONAL about your love life. Attorney LaTonya Askew shows how men need to be INTENTIONAL about protecting their legal rights as a non-custodial father. Dionne Perry educates parents on how to be INTENTIONAL about teaching our children the importance of finances and credit to avoid having to "repair" it later in life. Chic-a P is INTENTIONAL about rethinking the concept of a “soulmate.” And I am INTENTIONAL about destigmatizing society’s perception of women having children in their 40’s as I share my own “Pregnancy After 40” journey. Always remember that an INTENTIONALLY crafted life creates that life that you desire!
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Pregnancy After 40: The Real Deal by Tamika Michelle Johnson
Photo Credit: Quevision Photography
Despite what the internet and many in our society may think, a woman getting pregnant and having a healthy baby in her 40’s is possible and becoming increasingly common. As a woman who had two children over 40 years old, I never planned on having any children at this age because I pictured a different life for me altogether.
However, in the real world, I had a daughter at the age of 25, after my first year of law school with a former flame. That flame quickly burned out and I was a single parent from the moment that my beautiful daughter was born. Weeks after having my daughter, I returned to law school part-time and resumed my mediocre job at a law firm full-time.
When I was in my teens and 20’s, I was confident that I would have a plethora of eligible bachelors lined up outside my door for me to choose from to be my future husband. After all, I was going to be a fierce and successful attorney well before my 30th birthday and always considered myself to be the crème de la crème. And once I was ready, we would get married and after a year or so we would have a few children together to complete our family and we would live Happily Ever After.
After a year of this insane schedule with a newborn, I quit the law firm, temporarily relocated to Louisiana to finish my legal education with my 1-year-old in tow. I graduated 2 years later, moved back to Atlanta, became a licensed attorney in Georgia, and soon became involved in a tumultuous relationship for the next 10 years. In that relationship turned situationship, my counterpart already had 3 children and a vasectomy before we became involved.
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started to plan my life as a soon-to-be empty nester.
Though my desire to have more children never faded, my ex assured me early on that he would reverse his vasectomy if we married. Due to the state of our insane relationship and a proposal gone bad, we never married. And that was actually a lifesaver because I would have been a single parent again with all of the shenanigans likely to ensue in that situation. Then, at 39 years old, the light bulb finally went off, and I cut my losses. Meaning, I accepted the fact that I would never get my prime years in my 30’s back, that I would not be married before 40 years old, and that having more children was out of the question. My age and the fact that most men that I met at that point didn’t want any more children pretty much sealed my fate of adding to my family. I owned that though because I allowed myself to spend nearly a decade of my most fertile years in a dead-end relationship. Once I came to terms with all of that though, the pressure to be married and have more children by 40 years old dissipated, and I 5
Then, I reconnected with my now-husband, Darryl, who at the time didn’t have any children at the age of 46 but wanted them. Secretly, I thought that Darryl was sterile because I did not meet many men his age who could have children but didn’t have any. Despite that initial thought, I proceeded to tell him that the chances of me getting pregnant at 40 and older were slim based on what I read and researched on the internet. At that point, we decided to casually try to conceive by not taking any precautions. Admittedly, in the back of my mind, I thought that it would not be that hard for me to conceive since I easily conceived with my daughter in my 20's. Then 6 months passed without me getting pregnant, and for the first time, it occurred to me that all of my eggs were depleted and I was now barren. Shortly after that, I had a major breakdown and then an emotional and spiritual cleansing. In retrospect, this breakdown was a result of me not healing from the hurt and pain that I internalized for years from my previous situationship. Amazingly, once that purge occurred, I was immediately overcome with the greatest sense of physical and emotional peace that I have ever experienced. And within the next month, I became pregnant 2 months shy of my 41st birthday, married a few months later, and delivered a healthy baby boy at 41 years old later that year. Fast forward 8 months after my son’s arrival, I conceived again at 42 years old, only to miscarry some weeks later. I processed that loss and then got back on the saddle again and then
a few days before my son’s first birthday, I found out that I was pregnant again and delivered my second son at the age of 43 a few weeks before the pandemic shut our county down. In the midst of me conceiving my first and second sons after 40 years old, I created a “Pregnancy After 40” community because honestly I was scared to death that I wouldn’t make it to term after reading all the daunting statistics regarding women over 40 not being able to conceive or deliver a healthy baby at this age. Then I started the “Pregnancy After 40” Podcast after my second son was born to share not only my story, but also the stories and journeys of other women who had babies in their 40s. Additionally, members had the opportunity to ask fertility and pregnancy experts, professionals, and specialists their questions live and in real-time about fertility, diet, exercise, pregnancy labor, and delivery tips every week. The purpose of this community and podcast is to support other women over 40 who are trying to conceive and are currently pregnant. Now with over 9,000 members, our group is a safe place for other women to encourage and seek advice from one another. Members ask about and share their infertility struggles, conception recommendations, pregnancy woes, and anxieties as well as celebrate each other’s wins and births of their babies. So, can getting pregnant and having a baby after 40 years be challenging? Yes, but it is absolutely
possible, and our bodies are definitely able to conceive and sustain a full-term pregnancy leading to the delivery of a healthy baby. Many of us can do it naturally, and many more can achieve it with medical intervention if necessary. Regardless of the conception method though, the most empowering thing about this “Pregnancy After 40” journey is that I am witness to thousands of women rallying around one another daily, regardless of race, nationality, religion, political affiliation, or social-economic status, and letting other women know that it is not too late to conceive, our bodies can handle it and we can have healthy pregnancies and babies after 40 years old. For additional resources about "Pregnancy After 40," visit www.pregnancyafterforty.com or listen to the "Pregnancy After 40" Podcast on any major podcast platform, including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart, Google, and more.
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LaTonya Askew Atlanta's Fathers Rights Attorney www.askewlaw.com Early in my legal career, I represented clients in a range of areas before I settled into my transactional practice. During that time, I was able to personally witness the injustices that many fathers, especially black men, were subject to in the courtroom as a result of many women abusing the legal system to punish men because they were no longer together. And if a father appeared in court without an attorney, he didn’t have a chance against a vindictive mother. I didn’t have the gumption to continue in that area of law, but LaTonya Askew perfectly donned as" Atlanta’s Fathers Rights" Attorney, has taken that helm and has a proven record of getting those fathers who should have custody of their children as well as fair child support orders. Today, Latonya shares how she came to be a “Fathers Rights” Attorney and tips for fathers
on how to 1) Present the best to Judges in Court, 2) Obtain legal rights to your children, and 3) Avoid jail time when you are behind in child support. Here’s that conversation. Question: Thank you for joining us today Attorney Askew. Before we begin though, I would love to know how you earned the “Fathers Rights” Attorney title. Did you start your practice with the intention of being an attorney for fathers or did that evolve for you another way? LaTonya: Actually, a little over 10 years ago, my now marketing director, Eric, was working for a radio station here in Atlanta and asked if I wanted to advertise with the station. I said sure, and he came into my office. He asked about my clientele and at the time, the majority of my clients were men. He quickly responded by saying that “Oh, you're more or less like a
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believe in that. I mean, whoever is the custodial parent, whether it's the mother or the father, they need financial assistance to take care of those children. Question: Amazing! Now talk a little bit about “Abandonment” and a few tips or advice for men who’ve had “Abandonment” charges filed against them and/or how to beat an abandonment charge as it relates to their children.
father's rights attorney.” Fast forward. One of the DJs at the radio station was having an issue in regards to seeing his child and he retained my services to assist him. Next thing I know he gives me a shout-out on the radio, “Just want to let you know I went to court, got custody of my child. You need to contact my attorney LaTonya.” I didn't know anything about it and my receptionist called and says, “Miss Askew, the phones are blowing up. We're having all these men calling and they need your help.” I'm like what is going on? Then I get a text from Eric stating that my client gave me a shout-out on the radio. Eric no longer works at the radio station and he's now my marketing person. After that, I was deemed a father's rights attorney. The majority of my clients are men who truly want custody of their children, who are having issues with child support, and men who come from the fatherhood program. However, I do not assist fathers who only want custody for the purpose of trying to cut child support. I don't 9
LaTonya: I'm glad you brought up abandonment. I just had an abandonment case where my client was behind in his child support, and he was more or less trying to work to pay his child support. The mother understood that, and she had no problem as long as he still more or less provided for the children by buying them clothes and food. He had a food stamp card and would buy food for them. He didn't necessarily have the finances. I mean he may give her $50 here, $60 there, but he tried his best. Well, fast forward a couple of months later when dad meets a young lady. They dated for about a year. What do you think happens? He gets married. As soon as he marries this young lady, the kids’ mom has a fit and then he gets an abandonment warrant placed against him. A lot of mothers do this. They do it out of spite. My advice would be, first of all, if you can't afford your child support, you've lost your job, or you've been laid off or you've been injured on your job - you need to file a Modification of Child Support. My client is over $18,000 in arrears or child support. He agreed to a child support amount when he was not represented by an attorney. Mom was okay with not getting the money as long as he wasn’t dating anybody or seeing anyone.
Now, he's behind $18,000 in child support and he's saying that he can't afford it. There's still an order that states that you have to pay it. You need a legal Modification. If you cannot find a job, then enroll in some type of Fatherhood Program in your area. The next issue is abandonment. Abandonment has to do with if you have not done anything for your children for 30 days, here in the State of Georgia. That means that you have not purchased them a happy meal, a pair of shoes, diapers, formula, coats, etc. Never, never, never go more than 30 days without providing some form of support for your children. Keep your receipts from when you buy the children clothes, and you take them out to eat – everything. Although that's not child support in Georgia, if you can prove that you've done something for your kids within 30 days, then it’s not abandonment. I had one client who retained me, and he showed me a receipt from McDonald's where he had just taken the kids to McDonald's less than 30 days before the mother filed an Abandonment. There was no abandonment because he got the kids and got them happy meals. He showed the Court that he was doing something - he was feeding the kids. So, always keep your receipts. Next, never give the custodial parent cash. Always have a paper trail. Use CashApp, Venmo, Zelle, money order, or a certified check. If you do pay in cash though, get the mother to actually sign something on a piece of paper stating I received $50 from Joe Blow. However, in my experience, most women aren't going to sign anything. They don't want you to have any record of it. But always have a paper trail of
everything that is going on. Another thing to be aware of is that an Order is an Order. A judge may be sympathetic and say I understand you lost your job sir or I understand that you were injured, I understand. The economy went down but an Order is an Order. If you sit back and don’t pay your child support and you get $20,000 in the hole, a judge may not lock you up because he may be sympathetic and say you were trying by giving mom $100 a month. You've been trying and you still owe that money, but you likely won’t go to jail either. Question: Great advice. Now talk to us about Legitimatization and the importance of it if you have a child out of wedlock and the mother and father aren’t and have never been married. LaTonya: Sure. Legitimation gives fathers rights to their children in Georgia. The way I explain it is that men have the sperm, the woman has the egg, that sperm and egg come together and make a baby. But that sperm has no rights – the egg holds all the rights. So, you can go to the hospital, you can hold her legs when she pushes out that baby, you can have skin to skin with that baby, and you can even sign a birth certificate in Georgia. You still
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have no rights in Georgia. You have to go through a judicial process called Legitimation. An illegitimate child is a child who is born out of wedlock, meaning that the parents aren't married. So, although you were at the hospital, although you signed the birth certificate, as a father, you have no rights. Let me give you an example. Mom can tell you to come to pick a Suzie Q. You come to pick up Suzie Q and as soon as you knock on the mom's door to get Suzie Q for the weekend, the mom calls the police and says she wants you off her property. The father tells the officer that the mother called him to pick up their daughter. The first thing the police officer says is, “Do you have a Custody Order?” You have to have some rights and if you don't go through that judicial process of filing a Petition for Legitimation, you have no rights to that child, essentially meaning if the mother wants to up and move to Texas, she can up and move to Texas. She doesn't have to give you an address. She doesn't have to give you any notification. You as a father have no rights whatsoever. Lastly, just because you're paying child support, that it does not mean that you have any rights to the child. A mother can collect child support even if the father has not legitimized their child. I strongly suggest that if you are not married to your child’s mother, be sure to legitimize him or her as soon as possible in order to have legal rights to your child or children.
Question: What can a father do if he is behind in child support? LaTonya: Sure. Judges love the Fatherhood Program. These types of programs put fathers in positions to give them jobs and give them skills. One of my clients is a young guy in his late 20s who doesn't have his GED. He works at a car wash; however, he also goes to the fatherhood program so he can get some skills so he can work on getting his GED. A lot of judges, before they come down in their ruling, the first thing they ask about is are you in a Fatherhood program? Are you in any sort of program? And if they say no, the judge many times will give them the information for the Fatherhood Program. Ironically though, the Fatherhood program is through Child Support Services – the agency that is suspending your license and pulling your passport if you are behind in child support - that's where the father programs are. So, if you can't pay your child support, then you can ask Child Support Services. Hey, do you have a fatherhood program in this county? Then, when you get the information, if a judge sees that you are trying, that's very helpful. You’re trying to improve your skills and find employment. You're not driving around in a BMW or Mercedes. You're not adding or getting more women pregnant. Keep in mind that it is a judge’s discretion, but they are more sympathetic if you are in such a program, and they are not as inclined to incarcerate you. To contact Attorney Latonya Askew, visit: www.askewlaw.com
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CREDIT-LIT
CREDIT 101 FOR TEENS DIONNE PERRY
Credit is one of those things that is neither taught in school or at home for many children, yet we all need credit to purchase items that we choose not to pay for in full at the moment. Obviously, the better credit you have, the more favorable options you have when shopping around. But with many teens being offered credit cards as soon as they turn 18 years old, the easier it is for them to fall into the bad credit trap, ultimately making it harder for them to buy cars, rent apartments, purchase a home, get certain jobs, have certain relationships, and more. Then at that point, many people want to “repair” their credit, but the damage has already been done. Fortunately, Author and Speaker, Dionne Perry, is on a mission to educate teens, especially minorities, on the importance of 13
protecting and having good credit from the start instead of having to “repair” it as an adult. We were able to catch up with Dionne, who shares her own personal story of learning about credit the hard way to how she now empowers teens and adults on how to be “Credit-Lit.” Here’s Dionne’s story… Question: Share your journey about what you were initially taught about and why it is so important for you teach young children about credit. Dionne: Growing up, I didn't know anything about credit. Credit scores are not taught in school and my parents really didn't understand the credit process; therefore, they were not able to explain it to me. After I graduated high school and started in college, of course you have
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all these different companies and banks and credit card companies, offering you credit cards. And because I really didn't understand the credit process, when I got pre-approval letters, I accepted a card and started using the card. I really didn't understand how, if I wasn't financially able to make the monthly payments, how it was going to affect me long term because it's not taught in school. It's kind of like a taboo topic. People don't discuss credit scores. We don't really discuss that within the family. Most families don't talk about credit scores. We talk about maybe potentially having a budget but not the impacts of credit scores. I didn't understand that when I moved out on my own that the rental properties were going to check my credit score to determine if I could rent a place. I was thinking, “I'm an honest person and I have an honest job” so, therefore, they were going to allow me to rent based on that. I didn't understand that me paying something late was going to stay on my credit report for seven years. I get that part because it's not being taught in school. It's still not currently being taught in school. As a result of that, I made a lot of mistakes in my early 20s, just because I didn't understand
the process. I remember when I went to a car dealership because I needed to purchase a car, and I was denied due to my credit scores. And that's what kind of intrigued me like this is much bigger than a credit card, something that you receive in good faith, and you just pay back in time. This is something that if you make a mistake, or if you have a hardship, it's going to affect you for seven years. And for seven years, you're going to have to explain something that you did that maybe you were not aware of, or you were not educated on it. So, when I was denied the car loan, me being the person I am, it kind of made me angry. From there I started reading and finding articles and anything pertaining to credit, credit scores, and how the process works. I pretty much started reading the regulations and just trying to read everything I could find on credit scores. And I thought, wow, what an important topic, but why are we not being told that we need good credit scores to help us be successful? To make purchases on credit, your interest rate will be based on your credit score.
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If you don't have a good credit score, you're going to pay more out of pocket. You're going to go through more scrutiny. And that really puta fire under me. Once I educated myself on the credit process, and I rebuilt my credit, then I just started helping everybody else. Question: What has been the response to your book “Credit-lit?” Dionne: Most people say that it’s a great idea, however, some of those same people don't see the need to spend $10 on a book to educate their child on something that can really impact how successful they are, not just personal success, but if they want to eventually become business owners. They must have good credit to establish business credit, because first they're going to base it off your personal credit. And then you know, you must go through all the stuff of establishing a business.
so they won't need credit repair. I titled the book “Credit-Lit” because all of my kids are over here saying, “This is lit, that is lit” etc. I wanted it to be relatable. I didn't want it to be a boring information book. I tried to make it as simple as possible, where the teens are asking questions, and then I also included a glossary in the book so they can refer to it when they become adults because there are some financial terms. If that's not your background, you're just not going to know the meaning of those terms, if that's not the career field that you chose. And so that's how I arrived at credit lit. It's also short for literacy. That's how I birthed “Credit-Lit.” Question: When and how should parents start teaching their children about credit? Dionne: You know, a lot of times our kids don't understand how we make these purchases. We don't explain to them that hey, I must fill out this application online and see if I get approved for it. All they see is that we live in a nice house and that mom and dad drive a nice car, but they don't understand that that's because of their credit scores. So in the book, I make it very relatable. I'm also very proud to say that “Credit’Lit” won the Mom Choice Gold Award! It’s an excellent book for families, but I really think you should start having this conversation with children at the age of 10. Then, when you make purchases and you come home with those purchases, or they're delivered to the home, you can explain that having good credit is the reason that I was able to attain this.
It's a very interesting topic that we, particularly in the African American community, need to start having conversations about. We're all big on repairing credit, but Additionally, I've gotten a lot of feedback from what about preventing it, so you won't have to adults who purchased the book and they told repair the mistakes. Let's educate our children me that it was perfect. 15
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It was just enough information even for them. The book is actually for anyone. I'm in the process of writing my second book, which is going to be focused on adults, but I'm pretty much keeping it the same way. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible. I gave enough information in the book that when you do make purchases or you're working towards the purchase, I gave enough to make you think before you get ready to make a purchase. Surprisingly, a lot of adults told me that they bought the book for themselves, and they learned a lot in the book. Question: That’s awesome. Now, before we end, what is the biggest tip that you would give to parents to do with their children in learning about credit. Dionne: Have the conversation. Have the conversation and start explaining how you're making these purchases? Because again, oftentimes they just don't understand the process of you coming home with a new car. They don't understand that you signed a contract and you will be making a monthly payment, hopefully on time, for the next five to six years. We don't have those conversations with them and I'm trying to start the dialogue between parents and teens. I started having those conversations with my children when they were 10 years old. They understood the ramifications of paying something late when they became adults because every time I purchased something I explained to them the process. I oftentimes took them with me to see the process so they wouldn't be surprised by the process. Since I taught them at a young age, it resonated with them once they got older and started
making purchases. and then once they saw how easy it was to make the purchases. They didn't get it until they were in the position where they had to apply and do what they needed to do for themselves as adults. My actions and being open with them and having the discussion, preparing them for it and then after they went through the process of applying for credit, it was easy for them. Tell your children that they can't do anything without credit nowadays. You can't get water or an apartment in your name without them checking your credit score. Teach them that if you have a bad credit score that they must pay a deposit because they had bad credit. Inform them that credit affects your job. Many people have not been hired at certain companies because they had a low credit score. So, it's so much bigger than applying for credit. It affects everything. And that’s why it is important to start having those conversations at an early age. Dionne Perry, a Certified Credit Consultant, delivers the goods on credit, giving young people exactly what they need to make it in this economy. She is also a national award-winning author and is uniquely qualified to educate young people and adults on the importance of maintaining a good credit score. For more information about Dionne Perry's services, visit: www.credit-lit.com
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reasons your Love life SUCK S
Kelvin Troy Johnson Men need this in a woman… You can get whatever you want from a man if you…
Photo Credit: Bill Morrison Photography
Question: Hi Kelvin, thanks for joining us today. Let’s start off with sharing what you do exactly and your journey to getting there as it relates to dating & relationships?
Why men are captivated by feminine energy… These are just a few of the topics that Kelvin Troy Johnson AKA Love Coach Atlanta, a dating & relationship who helps high-value singles find happy, healthy loving relationships, talks about as an expert. We had the pleasure of speaking with Kelvin, and in Part 1 of this 2-part interview, Kelvin shares “Reasons Your Love Life Sucks.” While blunt and to the point, once you know why you are failing in dating and relationships, you can then transform your behavior so you can become more successful in them. If any of these reasons apply to you, let’s make some slight changes to improve your personal relationships. Now welcome Kelvin Troy Johnson… 17
Kelvin: Sure. I'm a dating and relationship coach, helping single, successful, centered women to find successful men for dating, relationships, and love. Ironically though, my background is actually in working with men. I worked with men for 17 years who were coming out of the system, getting back into life, in recovery houses, and men in the church. I started doing motivational speaking at churches and businesses. I was talking about my experiences and after I would finish talking, women kept coming up to me asking me about their men and relationships. They would say things like, “Tell me what's
recently on the “Reasons Why Your Dating Life Sucks.” These are just some of the reasons why many successful women have an issue in getting into healthy relationships.
wrong with this guy? Why is he doing this? Does he love me? Why did he ghost me? What did I do wrong?” I found myself answering a lot of these questions about male behavior and why men do what they do. So, I started talking about it. I noticed that women were going through a lot of the same issues that the men that I was coaching, were going through - feelings of loneliness, feelings of anxiety about the future, feelings of what do I do with these kids who are watching this whole thing? I got with some other therapists and counselors here in Atlanta, and I created love Coach Atlanta as a platform. Pretty soon people began to call me the “Love Coach of Atlanta.” That’s how I got that name and just continued to do the work. Question: Very interesting. Now, in your experience, what are the most common issues that you believe women have in not being able to emotionally connect with men for long term relationships? Kelvin: That's a good question. I did a video just
1) Living in a Dream World. You have this idea of what the future is going to be and how things are going to be. However, you must understand that you're dealing with real people who have flaws. Everybody that you get in a relationship with has been in a relationship before. They've been somewhere and you've been somewhere and all of it has shaped you to be who you are. You have to have realistic ideas about what's going to be good for your life and what's going to be good going forward. Listen to what the other person is saying. Don't just be so quick to shift the conversation to yourself. I especially have to have this conversation with our successful sisters, right? Because they're so proud of their accomplishments, where they've gone through, what they've done, and they just want to share. Pull back some and allow it to organically unfold. I'm not telling you to be secretive, but you don't have to pour it all out to show how great you are. He's going to discover how wonderful you are in due time. 2) Moving Too Fast. We live in a fast-paced time right now and things are just moving, moving, moving. And we think that relationships should move fast too. Times are moving fast, but relationships are still the same way they were 100 years ago. You know, a person meets another person, and you have to get to know them. We think that because you have access to a person’s Instagram or 18
Facebook that you know them. But you don't and it takes time to develop a relationship. So, if you ever get with somebody and it seems like it's moving fast, then that’s a red flag. It's like a rose. If you see a rose develop too fast, there's something wrong with that rose. That rose has been implanted with something that is not going to be helpful. The same thing with love – just take your time. 3) Everything is About You. The third reason your dating life sucks is that everything is about you. It's you, you, you all the time. Black girl magic. Now you should absolutely be proud of who you are, but you don't have to shine your light in somebody's face all the time. Opposed to being the showpiece, I always encourage the ladies to let the man talk. Now some guys will talk continuously, but they should really be collecting data. You both should be trying to figure each other out. The number one question to me when I'm listening to somebody to see if they're going to be a match is, “Do your futures match?” That's one of the things I'm listening for. Do your futures match not just today, but in the future? 19
4) Resistant to Change. Many people are just stuck in the thing that they did last time. However, you must be willing to do something different if you want a different result. You have to put yourself out there for something different instead of just saying that you just want to find love again. My advice is to let your light on the inside shine bright and somebody is going to be attracted to that light on the inside. But you have to have the outside pop too - you do. Look, your hair in the bonnet is not going to work out for you the way you want it to. That’s the truth. If you want to be attractive to a quality man, get as fit as you can and look good. Men are attracted with their eyes, and they'll fall in love with your energy. 5) You Don't Love Yourself Enough. When you love yourself, you create a path for the next person to follow. Do you know why some people get treated badly in relationships? They get treated badly because the person coming into the relationship doesn’t have a pattern to follow as to how they should treat you. So, you know what they do? They come up with their own path. And a lot of times their pattern is from the
last person, so they treat you like they treated the last person unless you cut a path for the new person to follow. Take yourself out to a high-end restaurant if you like high end restaurants. If you fly, fly yourself in first class sometime, right? What you are doing is teaching yourself how to love yourself. And then when you get with a man, he'll sense how to treat you and that tells him what the expectation is. You know, a confused mind just doesn't do anything and doesn't take any action. A man creates a checklist in his mind, saying okay, she likes these things, she's into this or that, and this is what makes her smile. Every you, that's wonderful - keep going with that. man wants to make you smile. He wants to But some people need to be more focused on satisfy you in every way. the self-love piece. Question: Ok, got it. But what about the woman that loves, treats, and spoils herself already? Kelvin: Now there are a lot of women who do have it all. Here's the thing - it goes with a culture. Some women need more of that than another woman. Some women live a culture where they just love their life. I'm already loving my life and I really love myself and I take the time to do that. Either way you're creating a path for another person to follow. If you have the loving yourself part down, that's still a path for somebody to look at and say, okay, this is the life. This is her love. This is what she loves about her life. And she goes forward with that. And I think that's important. So sometimes you're already living the self-love life. Some people are not. Some people will allow anybody into their life. But if you're loving your life and it ain't broke, don't try to fix it. Everybody doesn’t need to heal. Some people are okay right after a relationship. They have cut the ties that they needed to cut and they're moving on with their life. If that's
Be sure to check out next month's issue as we continue our conversation with Kelvin as he shares "Why It's So Hard to Find Love" for both men and women and what to do to find it.
For more information about KelvinTroy Johnson, visit www.lovecoachatlanta.com
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Power Podcasts Business
Ash Cash is one of the top financial educators in the country and aims to help change your Money Mindset so you can achieve the financial life you deserve. Each week he will take you “Inside The Vault” with your favorite Movers and Shakers to discuss the Mindset it took them to get where they are now, but also what they are doing to ensure their wealth continues to rise! This show is about giving you The Blueprint to Generational Wealth and helping you secure and maintain “The Bag.” Inside The Vault is a step-by-step guide to the psychology of money and success mixed with an empowering message every time. To listen or for additional information, visit: https://www.iamashcash.com/ 21
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Power Podcasts Relationships
Black Girls Heal helps women break out of cycles of unhealthy relationships with unavailable partners and feeling not enough by combining coaching, therapeutic support, and practical tools. Every episode, we will talk about intimacy, attachment, healing unresolved trauma, and growing in our self-worth.
To listen or for additional information, visit: https://www.blackgirlsheal.org/
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by C
hic-
Photo Credit: The Hueman
Young Woman in her 20’s: Do you believe there is a such thing as “The One”? Me: The one what? LOL! I hate to be the one to break it to you but…there is no such thing as “The One”. LOL! Ok, ok…But seriously I don’t believe in very many absolutes and in my opinion, the idea of “The One” is one of them. So let me get this straight…of all the billions of people in the world, there is only ONE person I’m compatible with? Hmmm …sounds absolute AND limiting(😬). It’s absolutely limiting, if I’m being honest, and causes more harm than good.
a
FAIRYTales, HEAUXTales, & TALLTales: Why Pursuing "THE ONE" is Hurting You
fairy tale in being magical, idealized, or extremely happy.” Whoa…did you peep that?! Yet from the moment we are tiny little girls we are fed the idea of Prince Charming, that he is real and that our Prince Charming is waiting to rescue us. ( 🙄) Just stop it! Right now. Carrying that mentality through dating and relationships sets you and potential partners up for failure. It creates unreasonable expectations. Just imagine you have been searching for “Prince Charming” in a sea of fallible human beings( Psst. you are also a fallible human being) and when you don’t find him, you think something is wrong with you?! Unproductive. HEAUX TALES.
FAIRY TALES. A “fairy tale” is defined by Oxford Language Dictionary as “a fabricated story, especially one intended to deceive” or “something resembling a 23
Our society loves to tie a woman’s worth to whether or not she has a man. Yet, women get “slut shamed” for dating or just being associated with more than one man. The
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hypocrisy. Thankfully, I am seeing a shift in that mentality among women. Women are taking more ownership of their sexuality, being more vocal about there wants and needs as it pertains to sex and relationship, and refusing to be “slut shamed”. Many are also divesting from the idea that the traditional route of marriage and family as being the only route to happiness. I love that for them. 👏🏿 TALL TALES. This idea of there being ONE perfect person for you, while on it’s face appears encouraging, it actually isn’t. It perpetuates the scarcity myth. It perpetuates the idea that something is wrong with YOU if you haven’t met(and married) your ONE person. It’s a lie. The world is full of people who can add value to your life. There is abundance all around us. Moving through life with tunnel vision, fixated on an ideal that doesn’t exist, not only robs you of many experiences but it places a heavy burden on you and potential partners. Stop it. Right now, please. See the infinite possibilities that the world has to offer and approach dating and meeting people with an abundance mindset, regardless of whether you are dating “with intention” or dating for fun. It will serve you better in the long run. -Chic-a, The Self-Love Advocate
Photo Credit: The Hueman
Chic-a is an attorney and self-proclaimed Self-Love Advocate. Her passion for art and empowering others led her to publish her first book, Naked: a memoir. Naked: a memoir is a coffee table book and fine art nudes and passages promoting self-love and self-discovery. Naked: a memoir can be purchased at nakedmemoir.com or on Amazon. For more artful self-love inspiration and naked truths, follow Chic-a on social media @nakedmemoir.
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Recommended Books
The Wealth Choice Success Secrets of Black Millionaires by Dennis Kimbro Approximately 35 percent of African Americans had no measurable assets in 2009, and 24 percent of these same households had only a motor vehicle. Dennis Kimbro, observing how the weight of the continuing housing and credit crises disproportionately impacts the AfricanAmerican community, takes a sharp look at a carefully cultivated group of individuals who've scaled the heights of success and how others can emulate them. Based on a seven-year study of 1,000 of the wealthiest African Americans, The Wealth Choice offers a trove of sound and surprising advice about climbing the economic ladder, even when the odds seem stacked against you. Listeners will learn about how business leaders, entrepreneurs, and celebrities like Bob Johnson, Spike Lee, L. A. Reid, Herman Cain, T. D. Jakes, and Tyrese Gibson found their paths to wealth; what they did or didn't learn about money early on; what they had to sacrifice to get to the top; and the role of discipline in managing their success. Through these stories, which include men and women at every stage of life and in every industry, Dennis Kimbro shows listeners how to develop a wealth-generating mindset and habits; commit to lifelong learning; craft goals that match your passion; make short-term sacrifices for long-term gain; and take calculated risks when opportunity presents itself. Purchase "The Wealth Choice" on Amazon today! 27
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Recommended Books
Interracial Relationships Between Black Women and White Men by Cheryl Y. Judice
Interracial Relationships Between Black Women and White Men contains vignettes on the lives of black women who are dating, married to, or divorced from white men. Black women and white men in interracial relationships were interviewed between 2014 and 2017 to learn how they met and how their relationships progressed. These forty interviews offer thought-provoking insights on the lives of those willing to cross the racial divide in pursuit of personal happiness. Purchase "Interracial Relationships Between Black Women and White Men" on Amazon today!
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