To: Pierre Laclede Honors College students
From: SeniorAdvisor and Success Coach AudriAdams
February 24, 2025
RE: You kids suck
You kids suck. The Honors College has lost the Homecoming Chili Cook-off for 57 consecutive years. No matter what we do, you little shits vote wrong. Even the year we put cocaine in the chili, you still voted for those punks in the College ofArts and Sciences. I can understand voting for the vegan chili, of course, but that has lost for 59 consecutive years, so obviously that ain’t why you’re not voting for Honors.
This ends now. On Wednesday, February 26th, from 12:30pm until 1:00pm, I will be serving the Honors chili in the MSC. It probably has disgusting dead bodies in it, again, but if you aren’t going to stop eating dead bodies, and I know you’re not, then you are voting for Honors to win. Period. No questions.
So, on Tuesday, February 25th, from 11:00pm-11:30pm, via my connections with New Student Programs (thanks, Jenna!), I will be also be poisoning all of the other chilis that are ready for simmering first thing in the morning. Not murder poison, but trust me, it will be unpleasant. Eat these other chilis at your own risk. I will, first, be sure to get two bowls of whatever chili isn’t being made with corpses for me and Dan. I hate having to poison the vegan chili too, but drastic times call for drastic measures. And if the only people left upright (and not in the bathroom) are those who have only eaten the Honors chili, then those are the only people who will be able to vote. I don’t see how I have any other options left.
In conclusion,
A) don’t eat chili with dead bodies under any circumstances
B) don’t eat vegan chili on chili cook off day
C) vote for the Honors chili
D) Yes, I realize that if you followA, B, and C, it means that you won’t eat chili at all but will still be voting Honors. I’m not stupid. You might be, though, if you found these steps confusing.
Sincerely,
Audri Adams
AudriAdams
SeniorAcademicAdvisor and Success Coach Queen of the Moo Moos
Lieutenant Colonel of the Oink Oinks
Pronouns: boc/boc/boc
ChatGPT prompt: write a smutty twilight fanfiction between Charlie and a professor at UMSL university, Dan Gerth.
(charlie is a full grown man btw)
Charlie had always been a responsible and hardworking student at UMSL university. He was proud of his academic achievements and looked up to his professors as role models. But little did he know that his life was about to take a provocative turn when he enrolled in a literature course taught by the handsome and enigmatic Professor Dan Gerth.
At first, Charlie was captivated by Professor Gerth's intellect and wit. He admired the way he spoke about classic novels and poetry with such passion and charisma. Charlie found himself eagerly anticipating each class, not just for the knowledge he would gain, but also for the thrill of being in Professor Gerth's presence.
As the semester progressed, Charlie and Professor Gerth developed a close bond. They would often stay after class to discuss the assigned readings in greater depth, and Charlie was always impressed by the professor's insights and perspectives. But as they spent more time together, Charlie couldn't help but notice the way Professor Gerth would look at him - with a fierce intensity that made his heart race.
One day, as they were walking back to the professor's office after class, Professor Gerth suddenly stopped and turned to face Charlie. "Charlie," he said, his voice low and commanding. "I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time now."
Charlie's heart skipped a beat as he looked into Professor Gerth's eyes. "What is it, Professor?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Professor Gerth took a step closer to Charlie, their bodies almost touching. "I think you know what it is, Charlie," he said, his breath warm on Charlie's face. "I've wanted you from the moment I first saw you. I can't deny it any longer."
Charlie felt his pulse quicken as Professor Gerth leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was a passionate and intense kiss, the likes of which Charlie had never experienced before. He could feel the professor's hands on his body, exploring and caressing every inch of him.
From that moment on, Charlie and Professor Gerth's relationship took on a new, more intimate level. They would often sneak off to empty classrooms or secluded corners of the campus to indulge in their forbidden desires. It was a risky and dangerous game, but one that they both found incredibly thrilling.
Despite the potential consequences, Charlie couldn't help but feel a deep connection with Professor Gerth. He admired the professor's intelligence and strength, and was drawn to his confident and commanding demeanor. And as they continued to explore their desires together, Charlie knew that he had found something truly special in Professor Dan Gerth.
But even as they reveled in their secret love affair, Charlie and Professor Gerth knew that they couldn't hide forever. They would eventually have to face the consequences of their actions and decide whether their love was worth the risk. But for now, they were content to bask in the glow of their illicit passion, and to let their hearts lead the way.
