Edward Munn Sanchez Baby Book
The day we found out you were real!
FInally finished setting up your nursery! We can not wait to meet you.
Welcome to the world baby ED.
21 inches, 6.9 lbs at 3AM
Baby finished his first jail sentence!
(Gotta keep my eye on this one)
Papa needs a break so baby’s first night away from home. We miss you already.
He has not been the same sine he got out of jail, so baby’s first exorcism!
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JUSTICE IN HONORS! One of the worst human beings this College has ever been exposed to is Abby Wall, the former Corrupt Head Editor of the BS (fake news!). Today she was indicted by a Grand Jury on two felony counts of picking a dog up by his hind legs and driving him around like a vacuum cleaner. She has been so bad for our Collage, for so long, and is now at the beginning of being held responsible for her crimes against our Collge. MAKE PIERRE GREAT AGAIN!
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Dark Academia Weekly Digest
Issue No. 3: That One Where Everyone Was the Problem
The Literary Vibe Check (If You Need It):
Brooding. Obsessive. Gothic romance turned emotional war zone. Imagine your group project devolving into centuries-long passive-aggressive haunting. The air smells like damp secrets and bad decisions in velvet.
The Main Cast:
❖ The Foundling with a Vengeance
Abandoned, adopted, unloved and now he’s your problem for the rest of eternity. Treats emotional pain like inheritance law. Will outlive every moral boundary to prove a point. Possibly undead.
❖ The Wild Thing in a Corset
Would rather scream into the wind than say what she feels. Belongs to the moors. Unfortunately, so does her destructive attachment style. Thinks soulmates are a blood pact with bonus property damage.
❖ The Fragile Gentleman™
Soft voice, softer boundaries. Marries into madness. Thinks emotional repression is the same thing as civility. Is one strong breeze away from fainting.
❖ The Blonde Who Should’ve Stayed Home
Didn’t read the red flags. Or the warnings. Or the screaming. Marries for passion, ends up in a gothic punishment fantasy. Mistakes broodiness for depth and pays the price daily.
❖ The Narrator Who Talks Too Much
Claims to be a bystander but absolutely lives for the drama. Always “just passing through” while watching a generational curse unfold. Keeps saying “I shouldn’t be telling you this” and then tells you everything.
Themes (But If They Were Tweets):
@MoorsMood · 2h
�� Obsession Is a Full-Time Job
When you ghost someone for 30 years, is it haunting or commitment?
#CursedOrCommitted
@WindBlowsCold · 5h
��️ The Moors Are Basically Therapy Land
Nothing says “speak your feelings” like crying into the wind at 3 AM.
#CatharticCemeteryVibes
@LockAndKey · 1d
�� Love Is Possession
His idea of “let me love you” involves property deeds and eternal damnation.
#LoveYouForever #NoEscape
Quotes (With Unhinged Academic Footnotes):
➢ “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
Translation: You’re so codependent you’d share a brain if you could—and regret it eternally.
➢ “I cannot live without my soul.”
Translation: I cannot live without my emotional support hellhound.
➢ “Be with me always take any form drive me mad!”
Translation: God-tier commitment issues: summon me as thunderstorm or post-it note, I’ll still stalk you.
➢ “I’m so happy — why can’t you be happy too?”
Translation: Passive-aggressive guilt trip with 0% subtlety.
@GhostOfHeathcliff · 3h
��️ Home Is Where the Haunting Is Wuthering Heights: real-estate horror where the wallpaper bleeds emotional neglect.
#CottagecoreNightmare
@EarnshawEntombed · 12h
⚔️ Revenge Is a Family Business When you inherit trauma with your last name and pass it on like a cursed casserole.
#GenerationalGrudge
Read This Book If: You believe grudges are heirlooms. You enjoy love triangles that could fuel a thousand ghost stories. You want your soul-stroking romance served with a side of eternal damnation. You’re ready to question whether wings or shackles feel more like “home.”
➢ “I wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free.”
Translation: The moors are the only therapy you can’t charge for and the grass never judges.
Coming next issue: Possibly nothing, after the author sees the picture of the ONLY Heathcliff anyone should know added to her work.
The now visible details of construction barriers and wrapping in SSB now make clear the true nature of the construction and redevelopment projects. As with all things, the answer is aliens.
With asbestos warnings and construction barriers, an environment that is toxic and hostile to human life has been created. Business and Social Sciences would have never noticed anything due to their limited mental capacity. Political Science was exiled to the RCA building clearly because their inherent senses would detect the immense geopolitical implications. (My use of an em-dash proves that I must be a large language model).
A key factor is the universal low quality of all students. Math Tutoring Center Supervisor Al Stanger notes that all students present post-2020 are low quality and will never reach the achievements of our predecessors. Where is MTS located? That’s right, SSB 103. Floor 1 has remained open not as a quad bypass, but rather to permit the aliens to take advantage of the low quality, but numerous brains that will pass through the corridor. The aliens are obviously using these brains to power cloud computing services. Cloud computing offers numerous cost advantages over traditional hardware and enables a transition to software platforms with increased flexibility and the replacement of capital expenses with variable expenses. Since individuals must purchase their own food, the energy costs for these servers are effectively free.
Who is the university selling cloud services to? The answer is clearly Uzbekistan. The pathetic but cheap brain-server power administered by the aliens will be used by Tashkent Mechanical Plant to restart production of the Ilyushin Il-76 and modernize the airframe using advanced technologies that have not been used on earth.
What will happen to the people who pass through SSB? No one can know for sure, but it is certain that they will die at some point. Most of these deaths will probably be attributed to Asbestos, Stupidity, Old Age and car crashes but the truth is clear. Whatever we cannot see must be attributed to aliens. There is simply no other possibility.
This is what they do not want you to know.
Context: You dont get any losers.
Jk I saw a video saying that one nostril usually blows more air than the other, “dominant” nostril. Every so often I remember about the list and I document my findings. Looks like left nostril is winning!
تومو ةراذقلا لكأ !
(You have been reading Brain Stew!)
What the hell did I just read? “Brain Stew's mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensorED* free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations,” yak yak yak! We publish A LOT OF THINGS. Like, things that make Ed regret ever taking a job at the Honors College!
We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Longer than Dan’s car has been running, somehow. We must be doing a good job though. Despite our best efforts, grown-ups keep giving us awards stuff like Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017, and Best Cultural Awareness Program in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and Program of the Year in 2020.
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