Because America is barbaric and fat, that is why. Do you know what this country’s biggest problem is? Well, other than the obvious biggest problem? THERE ARE TOO MANY FATTIES. Burger King having 50 chicken nuggets for like 5 dollars each is a big part of the problem. Why would a fat redneck ever spend five dollars for a salad when they can eat blended chick babies for the same price with condiments that are jam packed with saturated fats? If I wasn’t genetically predisposed to being way better than all of you and also vegan, I would probably be very tempted to partake in the meat eating.
I am so glad you asked. When I was like eight years old, somebody told me that McNuggets wasn’t actual chicken. No, they told me that McNuggets are actually made of kangaroo meat that they ‘spray painted’ white to look like the inside of a chicken nugget. They doubled down and said that what the big ingredient switch at McDonald’s was actually about. Why is this relevant? Because I think that Burger King nuggets are actually made out of deer [redacted] meat. Think about all the little does that are eviscerated during hunting season. There are hellas in the Midwest alone! I’m telling you, the meat is deer [redacted]. Now after the McDonald’s revelation, I decided that if it was kangaroo, it was damn good kangaroo. But deer [redacted]??? Hell no. That is where I draw the line.
Why do you think the chicken nuggets at Burger King are so cheap?
Audri
Abby
Dan
Who the fuck is still going to Burger King?
ClaudiaSheinbaumPardo
PresidenciadelaRepublica
PlazadelaConstitucionS/NColonia
Centro06066CiudaddeMexico
February1,2025
MyfellowMexicans,
Icometoyoutodaywithheavyheartbutalsooptimismforthefuture. TheU.S.’ insatiableappetitefordrugshasravagedMexicansocietyfordecades. Enoughis enough. AsAdamSmithandthe“invisiblehand”ofcapitalismhavetaughtus, demandwillcreatesupply,nomatterthestepstakentopreventit.Andthosegringo bastardscannotstop,alwaysdemandingmore,more,more. Itistimeforusto acknowledgethiswisdom,andtodayIannouncethesigningof Executive Order 42001,whichlegalizestheexportofalldrugsoutofMexico. Additionally, Executive Order 69-0A3 nationalizesthedrugexportanddistributionbusiness. Peoplefrom anywhereintheU.S.willbeabletoorderdirectlyfromhttps://drugs.mex.gov.*Drug dealersandcartelleaderswillneedtoapplyforlicensesfromtheMexican GovernmentnolaterthanMarch1st,2025,athttps://mewannaselldrugs.mex.gov. Additionally,alldrugcartelmemberswhoarenotlicensedbytheMexican governmentbutcontinuetoselldrugswillbedeportedtotheUnitedStatesvia privateplanetoWashingtonD.C.andotherselectcities. Togetherweshallmake Mexicogreater. Also,Iapologizeformykeyboardbeingconfusing,preventingme fromputtingthatlittleapostrophelookingthingoverdifferentletters,likeourformer Spanishoverlordsoncetaughtus.
Thankyou,andgoodnight,
ClaudiaSheinblaumPardo
你一直在讀燉腦！
(You have been reading Brain Stew!)
What the hell did I just read? “Brain Stew's mission is to provide for the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body a forum for uncensorED* free thought, commentary, and creativity, as well as news and event listings from PLHCSA and other related campus organizations,” yak yak yak! We publish A LOT OF THINGS. Like, things that make Ed regret ever taking a job at the Honors College!
We’ve been publishing since 1991 (or 1993). Longer than Dan’s car has been running, somehow. We must be doing a good job though. Despite our best efforts, grown-ups keep giving us awards stuff like Best Sustained Program in 2012 and 2017, and Best Cultural Awareness Program in 2018. Even some shady committee called the “National Collegiate Honors Council” gave us awards in 2017, 2018, and Program of the Year in 2020.
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