Nepal's Gen Z Says No by The Peak

NEPAL’S GEN Z SAYS NO NEWS PG.03

EDITORS-IN-CHIEF

C Icart and Michelle Young eic@the-peak.ca

COPY EDITOR

Michelle Young copy@the-peak.ca

FACT CHECKER

Karly Burns factchecker@the-peak.ca

NEWS EDITOR Hannah Fraser news@the-peak.ca

NEWS WRITERS

Niveja Assalaarachchi and Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik

OPINIONS EDITOR Zainab Salam opinions@the-peak.ca

FEATURES EDITOR Petra Chase features@the-peak.ca

ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR

Phone Min Thant arts@the-peak.ca

HUMOUR EDITOR Mason Mattu humour@the-peak.ca

STAFF WRITERS Heidi Kwok, Noeka Nimmervoll, and Ashima Shukla

WEB MANAGER Audrey Safikhani web@the-peak.ca

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Juliana Manalo promotions@the-peak.ca

PROMOTIONS ASSISTANT

Petra Chase

PRODUCTION & DESIGN EDITOR Abbey Perley production@the-peak.ca

ASSISTANT PRODUCTION EDITORS Mary Gigiberia and Minh Duc Ngo

PHOTO EDITOR Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson photos@the-peak.ca

BUSINESS MANAGER

Yuri Zhou business@the-peak.ca (778) 782-3598

BOARD OF DIRECTORS

Juliana Manalo, Yildiz Subuk, Olive Visser, and Yuri Zhou

DISTRIBUTION COORDINATOR Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik

CONTRIBUTORS Olivia Blackmore, Francesca Bonifacio, and Jonah Lazar

PEAK ASSOCIATES Stella Laurino, Den Kinanti, Yan Ting Leung, and Katie Walkley

COVER ARTWORK

IMAGES: S Pakhrin and

/ Wikimedia Commons COLLAGE: Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson

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SOLIDARITY ACROSS CITIES

Without reforming, and in some cases dismantling/abolishing, the cohesive arm of the state, democratic futures will remain fragile.

DR. RUPAK SHRESTHA ASSISTANT PROFESSOR AT SFU’S SCHOOL OF INTERNATIONAL STUDIES

I’d like to see some of these politicians actually stay in some of these places they’re offering us.

KIRSTINE FUHRMAN UNHOUSED COMMUNITY MEMBER

RESISTING HUSTLE CULTURE

It’s clear, both from history and current events, that legal protections against discrimination don’t translate to equitable treatment.

Hobbies are more than just ways to fill time — they’re acts of resistance against toxic productivity culture

Next time you are on the jampacked 145 after an evening class or an empty R5 at dawn, be sure to check on their ceilings for these brilliant poems.

We just want to create a community of people who want to learn about the world of the Middle East, of South Asia, Southeast Asia, and the diaspora.

PARSA ALIREZAEI RESEARCH ASSISTANT AT CCMS

POWER OF FILMS

Whether you’re walking through the concrete AQ, taking the long R5 to downtown campus, or strolling through the Surrey Central mall, these bands can guide you through your day.

Need

to Know, Need to Go

HEIDI KWOK · STAFF WRITER

IlLUSTraTiOn: OlIvia BLaCkMore / The Peak

THE PEAK INVESTIGATES:

The SFU Pisser

Mason MattU • investIgatIve JoUrnaliST

As I sat at my cubicle in The Peak office, all I could think about was what I used to be. When I was a News Writer, I investigated crime on campus . . . and now I sit in the dark, writing subpar humour that no one actually reads. What gives me hope is finding my arch nemesis the SFU Pisser. I was once a real investigator, not a phony-ass detective wannabe who set up a sketchy Instagram page. If I were to return to my former days of glory, then perhaps it was crucial no, super-duper crucial to find out the identity of the pisser. We must stop them before copycats pop up. There are already fan accounts . . .

Fellow students, I present to you 75 hours’ worth of investigative work. I present to you my shortlist for the identity of the SFU Pisser.

2. The SFU InveSTigaTor

This would also make sense. Imagine this you’re an evil comp sci student with nothing better to do than to make up fake characters in an SFU multiverse. The SFU Investigator seriously can’t be this bad at investigating crime on campus. Where are the stakeouts? Where’s the attempt to get CCTV footage?

It is clear that the SFU Investigator, a no-good Instagram wannabe investigative journalist, is the equivalent of putting a child in Inspector Gadget’s robe. If he is this bad at investigating, then there’s a real possibility that he’s making all this shit up.

My doomscrolling tendencies have led me to who I believe is the OG pisser in the Tri-Cities-Plus-Burnaby region. I present to you suspect #1: The Port Moody Pisser, located at Port Moody Secondary School.

What is interesting about the Port Moody Pisser is that, what I believe to be their most recent pissing post, a video of their yellow urine painting the walls and toilet seat of a high school bathroom, was taken on March 10. The account recently posted another video from the same toilet . . . looks like someone pre-recorded videos and is now releasing them.

The Port Moody Pisser is a very viable option to be the SFU Pisser. Perhaps the Port Moody Pisser graduated and is now maintaining both accounts? But what would explain the pisser’s shift in pee colour from dark yellow in Port Moody to clear at SFU? Perhaps they did some TLC and stayed hydrated over the summer. In a statement to The Peak, the Port Moody RCMP also thought that the Port Moody Pisser had crossed the city line, and asked all SFU students who spot yellow pee on a toilet seat to call Crime Stoppers immediately.

3. ex-UBC president SanTa Ono

Santa Ono, the former president of UBC, was once loved by all students. After a tumultuous job search in the States that ended in him rejecting the diversity, equity, and inclusion policies that he once embraced (to kiss the ass of Republicans), he became unemployed.

Think about it. Santa’s the perfect man for the job: he wants to see higher education suffer for kicking him out of the club, he’s got a desperate need for clout, and had years’ worth of access to campus bathrooms. It is also scientifically proven that after eating like a lavish university executive for two years, your piss will turn clear. Ah-HA Santa Ono! We’ve got you good.

His motive? Relevance. Maybe we should remove him from our list —

When university completely changes that person you avoided in high school

They’re all grown up! Or so they seem . . .

Katie Walkley • Peak Associate

Some people never change. Some people make it seem like they’ve changed, but it’s actually a disguise that they horrifyingly switch out of when they think they’re alone.

The other day, I met the latter. It was not pretty.

He was an old acquaintance from my high school. Back when we first knew each other, my favourite conversations were the ones where we never spoke a word. Avoiding conversations in the first place always made my day extra special. He was one of those crypto bros who tried to sell me Pierre Poilievre’s NFT every time we met. I expected our relationship to continue with our antisocial ways after we graduated, but when I saw him at SFU, his usual RBF had been replaced by a smile so jolly that I almost didn’t recognize him. I tried to run — but he caught me first.

Perhaps the pisser is just a figment of our imaginations. Perhaps there are better things to worry about in life than their identity. Nonetheless, I will continue to obsess over this.

If the SFU Pisser wants a prime-time interview with The Peak I’m here. I’m waiting.

We actually had the most uplifting conversation about how he’s enjoying school and having fun with friends. I was really impressed. How refreshing to see someone who went through an emotional maturation — to see the transformation of someone who used to say phrases like “what’s good my broski,” and now says, “Can’t we just talk about the political and economic state of the world?”

After catching up, and talking about the importance of a feminist reading of Ibsen’s A Doll’s House, then how much we hate Poilievre (shocker! He’s changed!), we said our goodbyes in the parking lot. We even made plans for karaoke Friday night. As I gave him an endearing wave, he hopped into the front seat of his car, letting out a sigh. While I walked away, I heard an unusual screeching sound.

I turned around and saw a transformation that made a lot more sense than whatever emotional transformation he would have had to make to have gotten so cheerful and intellectual since high school. I thought he must have just read a self-help book or something, but the reality was much worse. Eat, Pray, Love was more like Starve, Curse, Hate for this guy.

In the privacy of his car, he screamed and held onto his head in pain. He peeled a suddenly-apparent mask (wtf?) off of his face, and his joyous grin morphed back into a scowl that I knew all too well. He punched the steering wheel so hard that it shook the car and a printed selfie of him with Elon Musk flew out of his sun visor. I hid behind a car so I could see what the hell was happening. He gazed upon the photo and it seemed to help ease the discomfort that escaping from his disguise must have caused him.

“GOD, MOM — what am I going to wear tomorrow now that all of my band shirts are dirty?? How about my The Clash shirt . . . NO MOM. I need real music like Radiohead or Death Grips . . . You know what? Just forget it. You suck, Barbara!” he screamed into the phone, his voice shaking the ground beneath me.

I watched, disappointedly, with the realization that our short time getting along was all a façade. Maybe he adopted this persona to hit on the radical left baddies here (spoiler alert: he found one), or perhaps he’s just having a prequarter-life identity crisis? I guess I’ll be singing “Reunited” all by myself for karaoke this Friday. Or who knows, maybe he’ll change back?

1. The Port Moody Pisser

PHOTO: JACK THOMPSON / FLICKR

gossip peakie: the fall you turned ugly

Did you miss me? Of course you didn’t

Hey, Burnaby Mountain dwellers. At this point, you should know who I am (even you first-years). If you don’t, you have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie. Gossip Peakie here — your number one source for all the hot goss on campus.

Welcome back to another year at SFU, or should I say to another category on my blog page. The title? The Fall You Turned Ugly (who did you get fashion advice from? Your girl Noeka? Barf). How was my summer, you ask? Wouldn’t you love to know. I took a little posting break for an August vacation to Turks and Caicos on my sugar daddy’s dime — because mental health matters. After doing the Gwyneth Paltrow “eat nothing but corn starch and get a beach bod” cleanse, I’m starving for some hot gossip. Watch your backs.

spotted: spotted: spotted:

Little Ms. Aritzia Warehouse Sale walking around campus in an Aritzia Super Puff.

Girl . . . be so for real for a second. We’re not even in November, and you’re ready for December? All the while, she was wearing shorts. What an . . . interesting outfit choice.

Trust me, peakies. She was sweating to the max. Earth’s in her global warming era — expect 20-degree weather until November.

Lonely Boy takes a day trip to Bellingham just for a Trader Joe’s tote bag.

Why? To secure a girlfriend by the end of the calendar year. Apparently, he figured investing $5 was better than spending the same amount every day on matcha to look approachable.

Sorry, Lonely Boy. Looks like you didn’t study the concept of the performative woman. When he settled into his lecture hall seat, he was immediately met by a group of girls who held up hastily-scribed protest signs. “HEY, HEY, HO, HO! IF YOU SHOP AT TRADER JOE’S YOU’RE A CAPITALIST, BRO!” they screamed.

The irony? Half of them had a $15 oat whatchamacallit from Starbucks in their hand. I guess a Starbucks gift card is really a “get out of practicing what you preach” card.

love me. XOXO, Gossip Peakie.

An attention-craving couple cosplaying Gilmore Girls in the library.

“Ugh, you’re being such a Dean, Dean! I can’t believe you don’t get me! I am so studious, I go to Yale!” she screamed, flipping her scarf in a scripted manner and looking around the room to see if anyone was recording this for TikTok. This is SFU, not Yale — sorry to burst your bubble.

“Oh, right. I totallyyyy forgot about Yale. Are you making fun of me for being a bag boy? Your nose is alwayssss in a fricking book — it’s not like you’ll get a job in this economy anyway!” The only person to notice this little breakdown was a librarian who shushed them with much enthusiasm.

Asbestos speak out against heartless renoviction from the library

Longtime tenants evicted despite decades of community service and the occasional, minor lung inconvenience

HEIDI KWOK · ASBESTOS TENANT ADVOCATE

Over the summer, SFU’s asbestos community was served a notice to vacate the fifth floor of the W.A.C. Bennett Library on the Burnaby campus. This eviction coincides with the reopening of the floor on August 25, following a nearly three-year renovation project. Henry J. Asbestos Junior, the primary tenant, and his extended family of over nine and a half million particles (and counting!) have been locked in a bitter eviction battle with the library since November 2022. They allege to have been victims of a targeted renoviction campaign and are demanding justice.

“We are beyond outraged,” said Henry J. Asbestos Junior, a concerned father of 485 asbestoslings. “For six decades, we’ve been model tenants — quiet, respectful, and generous. With open arms and open lungs, we have proudly offered refuge to countless panic-stricken undergrads since our humble floorboard beginnings. Although admittedly, not everyone appreciated our hospitality or our complimentary parting gift basket. It included goodies like chronic chest pain, wheezing, and mesothelioma.”

The tenants claimed to have entered into a perpetual fixed-term lease contract with the library since 1965. However, Gohar Ashoughian, SFU’s University Librarian and Dean of Libraries, told The Peak otherwise. “The asbestos community has continuously failed to pay rent and strata fees, failed to contribute meaningfully at biweekly floor occupant association meetings, and has been unapologetically freeloading off of student health plans. We had to put our foot down on the floorboards.”

Asbestos Junior showed The Peak what remained of his former home — now a grey, soulless, refurbished office space for the health sciences’ library liaison. “They have ruined everything,” he tearfully said. “Our former home had a certain je ne sais quoi — a distinct charm and character.” Upon walking up to the newly constructed private study room 5063, Asbestos Junior was practically bawling. “This used to be where our community centre was built. We held picnics, book club meetings, Friday night bingos, and barbecues during the summer here.

yan ting leung / the peak illustrations:

“Sometimes, we’d even use the nearby books the librarians so helpfully supplied as kindling.”

The Fifth Floor Fibrous Coalition, a grassroots movement fighting for asbestos justice, has filed a complaint with the BC Residential Tenancy Board and vows to take the library to arbitration. “This is our home. Where else are we supposed to go — the campus dorms? They’re already occupied by a thriving single-family neighbourhood of Moulds. Virtually every corner of campus has been called dibs by other more hostile communities like the Dust Mites Mafia, the Mildew Missionary, and the Raccoon Society,” said a spokesperson from the coalition. “We are living in the worst crisis of gentrification in SFU’s 60-year asbestos history.”

gossip peakie

author:

That’s all for now, besties. You know you

ILLUSTRATION: OLIVIA BLACKMORE / THE PEAK