relationships
Learning to Effectively Manage Anger is Important By Leisa A. Bailey, Ph.D.
A
nger is an emotion everyone experiences. Anger can be caused by feelings of frustration, hurt, injustice (real or perceived), requests or criticisms that are felt to be unfair, or threats to people, things, or ideas that are important. It can vary in intensity from mild frustration to rage. All of us experience anger from time to time, and it is a normal emotional response, not unlike sadness, anxiety or happiness. However, extreme or very frequent expressions of anger are harmful to you and those around you. Frequent or misplaced anger can hurt reputations, destroy relationships, limit opportunities, and even damage health.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with angry feelings. Expressing angry feelings in an assertive (not aggressive!) way is the healthiest; where needs are communicated without attacking others. Alternatively anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. The danger with this response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, anger can turn inward leading to health problems and indirect manifestations including passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-aggressively expressing negative feelings can be one of the most destructive relational issues.
Out of control anger hurts your physical health. Chronic anger makes you more vulnerable to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, a weakened immune system, insomnia and high blood pressure. Anger problems also lead to mental health issues including depression, difficulty with concentration, stress, eating disorders and more. Perhaps most significant is that anger problems hurt relationships with others. Chronic, intense anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak honestly, or feel comfortable or safe with you.
viewpoints. Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a respectful way. Myth: I can’t help myself. Anger isn’t something you can control. Fact: You can’t always control the situation you’re in or how it makes you feel, but you can control how you express your anger. And you can express your anger without being verbally or physically abusive. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice about how to respond. Myth: Anger management is about learning to suppress our anger. Fact: Never getting angry is not the goal. Anger is normal, and it will come out regardless of how hard you try to suppress it. Anger management is all about becoming aware of your underlying feelings and needs and developing healthier way to manage. Rather than trying to suppress your anger, the goal is to express it in constructive ways.
Anger expert, Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. and Melinda Smith, M.A. provide this discussion of common myths and facts about anger: Myth: I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger. It’s healthy to vent and let it out. Fact: While suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is not healthy. Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way to avoid blowing up. In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce anger problems.
Mastering the skills of anger management takes work, but learning to control your anger and express it appropriately can help build better relationships, achieve personal goals, and lead to a healthier, more satisfying life.
Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want. Fact: True power doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing
Dr. Bailey is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Marietta; www. mariette-psychologist.com. You can reach her at 770-428-6698 or LeisaB@marietta-psychologist.com. Your comments or questions are welcome.
Brides Atlanta SAVE UP TO
70% OFF
B R I D A L l P R O M l PA G E A N T EVENING GOWNS l SHOES 6842 Douglas Blvd Suite H
n
Douglasville, GA 30135
n
770-942-0171
We’re Moving! STORE-WIDE SALE!
Receive additional 10%-25% off Thursday Oct 3, Friday Oct 4, Saturday Oct 5 STORE-WIDE!! SAVE UP TO 70% OFF DURING OUR STORE CLOSING/Moving Sale! EVERYTHING MUST GO! If you receive this invitation late we will honor through October 12, 2013
PAGE 12
For Advertising information Call 770.222.2699
l
info@ourtownfamily.com
l
OurTownFamily.com
Our Town