Breaking News: May 16, 1968. Scottish surgeons in Edinburgh have performed Europe’s first lung transplant. Like a miracle of recycling, bold surgeons at the Royal Infirmary in old Edinburgh have given new life to a lad from the Isle of Lewis, transplanting the pristine lung of a lass killed in a car crash hours earlier! It’s true, Dad—it’s just too bad this historic breakthrough has come a fortnight too late to be of even passing interest to you now that you’re too dead to give a damn. Eugene Platt
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