Parent Resource
How to Help Your Child When They Are Disappointed
Helping Your Child Through Disappointment
Connect with Empathy & Notice your Message For children, even something that seems little — like someone else eating the last cookie — can open a floodgate of unexpected feelings.
By Nicole Schwarz Link to Article
Disappointment!
Suddenly, they are met with the challenge of managing a bunch of feelings at the same time — frustration, anger, confusion, sadness — while making sense of their unmet
Disappointment can be like a tidal wave of emotions for your kids. Image this scenario: The van is packed, and you’re about ready to head out the door. Suddenly, you hear thunder in the distance. No! It can’t be! You checked the weather, and it wasn’t supposed to rain for a few more hours. But minutes later, the rain is pouring down outside.
Three children stare at you. “When are we going to the beach, mom?”
expectations. This is a lot to expect of a child.
When we say, “It’s no big deal,” we send the message: “Your feelings don’t matter.” When we throw our hands up and give in, we send the message: “Your disappointment is too much for me to handle.” When we distract our child from the disappointing event, we send the message: “Disappointment is uncomfortable and should be avoided at all costs.”
Alternatively, when you connect with empathy, you send the message: “It’s hard to feel disappointed. I am here with you as you feel
Bracing yourself, you cautiously say, “Well…it’s
this uncomfortable feeling, and we’ll get
raining…we can’t go to the beach today.”
through it together.”
In an instant, one child is crying and flopping
Say This, Not That
around on the ground; another child is
Instead of forcing your child to stuff their
throwing things, kicking you and yelling; and a
feelings or numb their emotions by giving in, try
third is pouting, staring out the window.
these alternative phrases:
Three disappointed kids.
Now what?
CULTIVATE NEWS | 16
Instead of: “Get over it.” Try: “I can tell you’re disappointed. I was hoping to go to the beach today too.”
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