Go Ahead and Get your Laugh On Late Night Driving
Late one night, a preacher was driving on a country road and had a wreck. A farmer stopped and said, “Sir, are you okay?” The preacher said, “Yes, I had the Lord riding with me.” The farmer said, “Well, you better let him ride with me, because you’re gonna kill him.”
Grocery Shopping
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
Sexually Transmitted
Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone, “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed, “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.” “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.” “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor. “Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.” “Oh crap!” the physician roared, “That means we’ve all got it!”
My Stepmother
My step mother came to me and demanded that I take all her clothes off. So I took off her blouse. She said, “Now off with my skirt.” I did, and she continued, “Now take off my stockings.” And when I did that, she said, “Now my bra and the panties.” I took them off. She continued, “And don’t ever let me catch you wearing my stuff again!”
Stalking
My best friend called and said, “I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she’s been googling my name. I saw it clearly last night on her computer. How? I asked. Through my binoculars! he shouted.
Cheaters
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up ... you’re next!”
Titles
A person helping a criminal evade law before he’s arrested is called an accomplice. A person helping a criminal evade law once he’s been arrested is called a lawyer.
Working Immigrants
Three men are riding to work on just one motorcycle. They pass a police patrol. The policeman shouts after them: “Police! Stop your vehicle now!” But they just continue driving past. The last man turns around and yells: “Sorry dude! We can’t take you on, we’re already one too many!”
The police stop an old guy in questionable condition at 1 am. “What are you doing out so late, sir?” asks the police officer. “I’m going to a seminar on ‘The harmful effects of alcohol’,” replies the man. “Are you pulling my leg or something?!“ ask the police officer, „who would hold a seminar like that at this hour?! It’s Anonymous
Dinner
There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell. Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass.
Keep On Laughing... Laughter Heals!
Men vs Women
A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife: “Michelle, look. Here is an article about how women use about twice as many words per day as men do.” The wife responds: “That’s because we have to tell you everything twice”
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The Death Certificate
Well walking through the hall of thenhospital I over herard the Doctor yells at nurse: I’m telling you one last time, “when you are filling out the death certificate, you put the name of the illness under cause of death, not the name of the doctor.
Policing the Old
The Official Limousine of Tampa Bay Tammy
