The Music Man Perusal Libretto Vocal Book by mtieurope

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TRAVELING SALESMEN

CHARLIE COWELL

CONDUCTOR

HAROLD HILL

NEWSPAPER READERS

SHINN

THE QUARTET:

EWART DUNLOP

OLIVER HIX

JACEY SQUIRES

OLIN BRITT

MARCELLUS WASHBURN

TOMMY DJILAS

MARIAN PAROO

AMARYLLIS

WINTHROP PAROO

EULALIE MACKECKNIE SHINN

ZANEETA SHINN

GRACIE SHINN

ALMA HIX

MAUD DUNLOP

ETHEL TOFFELMIER

MRS SQUIRES

CONSTABLE LOCKE

RIVER CITY TOWNSPEOPLE

RIVER CITY KID

ACT ONE

1 O v e r t u r e ( O r c h e s t r a ) 1

SCENE ONE

2 Tr a i n O p e n i n g ( O r c h e s t r a ) .............................................................. 1

3 R o c k I s l a n d ( S a l e s m e n , C h a r l i e C

SCENE TWO

4 I o w a S t u b b o r n ( To w n s p e o p l e , F a r m e r, F a r m e r ’ s Wi f e ) ........................ 1 0

5 Ya G o t Tr o u b l e ( H a r o l d , To w n s p e o p l e ) 1 5

6 Tr o u b l e P l a y o f f & Wa l k i n g M u s i c ( To w n s p e o p l e )

SCENE THREE

SCENE FOUR

7 P i a n o L e s s o n & I f Yo u D o n ’ t M i n d S a y i n g S o ( M r s P a r o o , M a r i a n )

8 . G o o d n i g h t M y S o m e o n e ( M a r i a n , A m a r y l l i s ) .................................................. 3 0

SCENE FIVE

9 C o l u m b i a , G e m o f t h e O c e a n ( E u l a l i e , To w n s p e o p l e ) 3 1

1 0 Ya G o t Tr o u b l e ( R e p r i s e ) ( H a r o l d ) 3 5

11 S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s ( H a r o l d , To w n s p e o p l e ) ............................................. 3 7

1 2 S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s B a l l e t ( O r c h e s t r a ) 3 8

1 3 . S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s P l a y o f f ( O r c h e s t r a ) .............................................................. 3 8

1 4 I c e C r e a m / S i n c e r e ( H a r o l d , Q u a r t e t ) 4 2

SCENE SIX

1 5 . Wa l k i n g M u s i c ( R e p r i s e ) ( O r c h e s t r a ) .............................................................. 4 4

1 6 T h e S a d d e r B u t Wi s e r G i r l ( H a r o l d , M a r c e l l u s ) 4 7

1 7 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e & G o o d n i g h t , L a d i e s ( A l m a , E t h e l , E u l a l i e , T h e L a d i e s , H a r o l d , Q u a r t e t ) ...... 5 0

SCENE SEVEN

1 8 M a r i a n t h e L i b r a r i a n ( H a r o l d ) 5 3

1 9 . M a r i a n D a n c e ( H a r o l d ) ................................................................. 5 6

2 0 1 s t S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r ( O r c h e s t r a ) 5 7

SCENE EIGHT

2 1 2 n d S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r ( O r c h e s t r a ) 5 7

SCENE NINE

2 2 3 r d S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r ( O r c h e s t r a ) .............................................................. 5 9

SCENE TEN

2 3 . M y W h i t e K n i g h t ( M a r i a n ) ................................................................. 6 4

SCENE ELEVEN

2 4 T h e We l l s F a r g o Wa g o n ( To w n s p e o p l e , Q u a r t e t , Wi n t h r o p ) 6 7

2 5 F i n a l e A c t 1 ( O r c h e s t r a )

2 6 . E n t r ’ a c t e ( O r c h e s t r a ) ..............................................................

SCENE ONE

2 7 E u l a l i e ’ s B a l l e t ( O r c h e s t r a )

2 8 I t ’ s Yo u ( Q u a r t e t )

2 9 S h i p o o p i ( M a r c e l l u s , To w n s p e o p l e )

3 0 S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 1 ( O r c h e s t r a )

3 1 S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 2 ( O r c h e s t r a ) 7 7

3 2 . S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 3 ( To w n s p e o p l e ) ....................................................................

3 3 . S h i p o o p i D a n c e P l a y o f f ( O r c h e s t r a ) ..........................................................................

3 4 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e ( R e p r i s e ) ( A l m a , E t h e l , E u l a l i e , M a u d , M r s S q u i r e s , T h e L a d i e s ) 8 2

SCENE TWO

3 5 L i d a R o s e & Wi l l I E v e r Te l l Yo u ? ( H a r o l d , Q u a r t e t , M a r i a n ) ......................................... 8 5

SCENE THREE

3 6 G a r y, I n d i a n a ( Wi n t h r o p , M r s P a r o o , M a r i a n ) 8 9

3 7 L i d a R o s e ( R e p r i s e ) ( Q u a r t e t ) 9 3

3 8 I t ’ s Yo u B a l l e t ( O r c h e s t r a ) 1 0 0

SCENE FOUR

3 9 . Ti l l T h e r e Wa s Yo u ( M a r i a n , H a r o l d ) ...............................................................

4 0 G o o d n i g h t & S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s ( D o u b l e R e p r i s e ) ( H a r o l d , M a r i a n ) 1 0 6

SCENE FIVE

4 1 I c e C r e a m S o c i a b l e ( O r c h e s t r a )

SCENE SIX

4 2 . C h a s e M u s i c ( O r c h e s t r a ) ........................................................................

4 3 . Ti l l T h e r e Wa s Yo u ( R e p r i s e ) ( H a r o l d ) ............................................................................. 11 2

SCENE SEVEN

4 4 F i n a l e A c t 2 ( O r c h e s t r a ) 11 5

4 5 C u r t a i n C a l l M u s i c ( O r c h e s t r a )

4 6 E x i t M u s i c ( O r c h e s t r a )

ALMA HIX

1 7 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e & G o o d n i g h t L a d i e s

3 4 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e ( R e p r i s e )

AMARYLLIS

8 G o o d n i g h t M y S o m e o n e

CHARLIE COWELL

3 R o c k I s l a n d .....................................................................................................................................2

ETHEL TOFFELMIER

1 7 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e & G o o d n i g h t L a d i e s

EULALIE MACKECKNIE SHINN

9 C o l u m b i a , G e m o f t h e O c e a n 3 1

3 4 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta

FARMER & FARMER’S WIFE

3 R o c k I s l a n d .....................................................................................................................................2

HAROLD HILL

5 Ya G o t Tr o u b l

1 4 . I c e C r e a m / S i

1 7 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e & G o o d n i g h t L a d i e s

1 8 . M a r i a n t h e L i b r a r i a n .................................................................................................................... 5 3

1 9 M a r i a n D a n c e 5 6

3 9 . Ti l l T h e r e Wa s Yo u ...................................................................................................................... 1 0 3

4 0 G o o d n i g h t M y S o m e o n e & S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s ( D o u b l e R e p r i s e ) 1 0 6

4 3 Ti l l T h e r e Wa s Yo u ( R e p r i s e ) 11 2

THE LADIES

1 7 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e & G o o d n i g h t L a d i e s 5 0

3 4 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e ( R e p r i s e ) 8 2

MARCELLUS WASHBURN

1 6 . T h e S a d d e r B u t Wi s e r G i r l ...........................................................................................................

2 9 S h i p o o p i 7 5

MARIAN PAROO

MRS. SQUIRES

3 4 . P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e ( R e p r i s e ) ............................................................................................

NEWSPAPER READERS

QUARTET (JACEY SQUIRES, EWART DUNLOP, OLIVER HIX, OLIN BRITT)

1 4 I c e C r e a m / S i n c e r e 4 2

1 7 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e & G o o d n i g h t L a d i e s 5 0

2 4 T h e

Dear Director:

The Music Man was intended to be a Valentine and not a caricature. Please do not let the actors—particularly Zaneeta, Mayor Shinn and Mrs. Shinn, who takes herself quite seriously mug or reach for comedy effect. The Del Sarte ladies also should be natural and sincere, never raucous, shrewish or comic per se. The humor of this piece depends upon its technical faithfulness to the real small-town Iowans of 1912 who certainly did not think they were funny at all.

Faithfully,

MEREDITH WILLSON

(TIME: The morning of July 4th, 1912

AT RISE: Train effect scrim rises on a red-plushed, kerosene-lamped, enamel-drinkingcupped railway coach in full cry One seat has been turned in the coach to accommodate a card game the participants being three TRAVELING SALESMEN and a STRANGER whose back is to the AUDIENCE and who is concentrated throughout the scene on winning every pot, which he drops by handfuls into an open suitcase on the floor by his side. A FOURTH SALESMAN is kibitzing. A few seats forward in the coach a FIFTH SALESMAN is reading a newspaper, until he finds himself drawn into the conversation among the SALESMEN. Several other PASSENGERS are behind newspapers. We hear “train-slowing-down” MUSIC. The train slows and stops)

(Poking head into coach LEFT)

River City Junction River City next station stop!

(EXITS)

You’re crazy with the heat. Credit is no good for a notion salesman.

(Poking head into coach again)

Boart! All aboart!

(EXITS)

Why not? What’s the matter with credit?

It’s old-fashioned. Charlie, you ’ re an anvil salesman your firm give credit?

(Train makes starting noise in ORCHESTRA)

No sir!

Nor anybody else

(Train starting, dialogue in time to train acceleration)

River City, River City next.

(Nodding)

(Train at running speed)

W H A D AYATA L K ?

S A L E S M A N # 4

S A L E S M A N # 1

YA C A N TA L K , YA C A N TA L K ,

YA C A N B I C K E R , YA C A N TA L K ,

YA C A N B I C K E R , B I C K E R , B I C K E R ,

YA C A N TA L K , YA C A N TA L K ,

YA C A N TA L K , TA L K , TA L K , TA L K ,

B I C K E R , B I C K E R , B I C K E R ,

YA C A N TA L K A L L YA WA N N A

B U T I T ’ S D I F F E R ’ N T T H A N I T WA S C H A R L I E C O W E L L

(Ill-tempered)

N O I T A I N ’ T, N O I T A I N ’ T, B U T YA G O T TA K N O W T H E T E R R I TO RY.

S A L E S M A N # 3

C H I , C H I , C H I , C

WA N N A G I T WA N N A G I T

WA N N A G I T U P A N D G O

7 , 8 , 9 , 1 0 , 1 2 , 1 4 , 2 2 , 2 3 M I L E S TO T H E C O U N T Y S E AT S A L E S M A N # 1 Y E S , S I R . Y E S , S I R . S A L E S M A N # 3 W H O ’ S G O N N A PAT R O N I Z E A L I T T L E B I T T Y T W O - B Y - F O U R

K I N D A S TO R E A N Y M O R E ?

(As each NEWSPAPER READER speaks he lowers his paper long enough to say his line, then it goes back up before his face)

S A L E S M A N # 4

W H AT D AYATA L K , W H AT D AYATA L K

N E W S P A P E R R E A D E R # 1

W H E R E D AYA G I T I T ?

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

N O T T H E M O D E L T AT A L L ,

TA K E A G A N D E R AT T H E S TO R E ,

AT T H E M O D R E N S TO R E ,

AT T H E P R E S E N T D AY S TO R E

AT T H E P R E S E N T D AY

M O D R E N D E PA RT M E N TA L I Z E D G R O C ’ RY S TO R E S A L E S M A N # 4

W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K ,

W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K

N E W S P A P E R R E A D E R # 1

W H E R E D AYA G I T I T ?

S A L E S M A N # 4

W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K .

N E W S P A P E R R E A D E R # 1

W H E R E D AYA G I T I T ?

S A L E S M A N # 1

YA C A N TA L K , YA C A N B I C K E R ,

YA C A N TA L K , YA C A N B I C K E R , YA C A N TA L K , TA L K , TA L K , TA L K ,

B I C K E R , B I C K E R , B I C K E R , YA C A N TA L K A L L YA WA N N A

B U T I T ’ S D I F F E R ’ N T T H A N I T WA S C H A R L I E C O W E L L

N O I T A I N ’ T, B U T YA G O T TA K N O W T H E T E R R I TO RY.

S A L E S M A N # 3

W H Y, I T ’ S T H E U - N E E D A B I S C U I T

M A D E T H E T R O U B L E U - N E E D A , U - N E E D A ,

(Elder statesman)

H I L L ?

I N A N A I R - T I G H T S A N I TA RY PA C K A G E , O R T H E M O D E L T F O R D — 6—M E R E

N E W S P A P E R R E A D E R # 1

N E W S P A P E R R E A D E R # 2

N E W S P A P E R R E A D E R # 3

S A L E S M A N # 5

H I L L ! A L L B U T C H A R L I E C O W E L L

N O !

(ALL NEWSPAPERS go back up There is a WHISTLE and ORCHESTRA is heard)

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

J U S T A M I N U T E , J U S T A M I N U T E , J U S T A M I N U T E

S A L E S M A N # 4

N E V E R H E A R D A’ A N Y S A L E S M A N H I L L S A L E S M A N # 5

N O W, H E D O E S N ’ T K N O W T H E T E R R I TO RY

S A L E S M A N # 1

D O E S N ’ T K N O W T H E T E R R I TO RY ?

S A L E S M A N # 3 W H AT ’ S T H E F E L L A’ S L I N E ? S A L E S M A N # 5

N E V E R W O R R I E S ‘ B O U T H I S L I N E S A L E S M A N # 1

N E V E R W O R R I E S ‘ B O U T H I S L I N E ? S A L E S M A N # 5 O R T H E C R A C K E R B A R R E L B E I N ’ O B S O L E T E , O R T H E U N E E D A B I S C U I T

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

J U S T A M I N U T E , J U S T A M I N U T E , J U S T A M I N U T E

S A L E S M A N # 5

N E V E R W O R R I E S ‘ B O U T H I S L I N E

S A L E S M A N # 3

N E V E R W O R R I E S ‘ B O U T H I S L I N E ?

S A L E S M A N # 5

O R A D O G G O N E T H I N G

H E ’ S J U S T A B A N G B E AT, B E L L - R I N G I N ’ ,

B I G H A U L , G R E AT G O ,

N E C K - O R - N O T H I N ’ , R I P - R O A R I N ’ , E V E R ’ T I M E - A - B U L L’ S - E Y E S A L E S M A N ,

T H AT ’ S P R O F E S S O R H A R O L D H I L L , H A R O L D H I L L

N E W S P A P E R R E A D E R # 1

T E L L U S , W H AT ’ S H I S L I N E ?

W H AT ’ S H I S L I N E ?

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

H E ’ S A FA K E , A N D H E D O E S N ’ T K N O W T H E T E R R I TO RY ! S A L E S M A N # 4

L O O K , W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K , W H A D AYATA L K

S A L E S M A N # 5

H E ’ S A M U S I C M A N . S A L E S M A N # 3

H E ’ S A W H AT ? H E ’ S A W H AT ?

S A L E S M A N # 5

H E ’ S A M U S I C M A N , A N D H E S E L L S C L A R I N E T S TO T H E K I D S I N T H E TO W N , W I T H T H E B I G T R O M B O N E S A N D T H E R ATATAT D R U M S , A N D T H E B I G B R A S S B A S S , B I G B R A S S B A S S A N D T H E P I C C O L O , T H E P I C C O L O , U N I F O R M S TO O , W I T H T H E S H I N Y G O L D B R A I D O N T H E C O AT, A N D A B I G R E D S T R I P E R U N N I N G

(ORCHESTRA button. Train stops)

(OFFSTAGE)

River City! River City! (ENTERS)

River City! We’re’ cross the state line into Iowa River City! Population twenty two hundred and twelve. Seegarettes illegal in this state. Booart! (EXITS)

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

All right, if you ’ re all through I’ll tell you about Harold Hill!

S A L E S M A N # 5

You really know Harold Hill?

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

Never saw him in my life but I know this much he’s giving every one of us a black eye! After he’s worked a town over, the next salesman to arrive gets automatically tarred and feathered and rode out to the city limits on a rail.

(THEY laugh)

You think that’s funny. Well, wait till it happens to you! Your hair never grows back.

(COWELL pulls off hat.

THEY react)

S A L E S M A N # 1

But why should he get rode out’a town on a rail?

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

Because in order to sell band instruments, and uniforms, and instruction books, he has to guarantee to teach the kids to play.

S A L E S M A N # 3

Well?

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

And to form them kids into a band! With himself as the leader!

S A L E S M A N # 5

What’s wrong with that?

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

He don’t know one note from another that’s what’s wrong with that! And he can’t tell a bass drum from a pipe organ! I’ll catch up with that swindlin’ two-bit thimble rigger, and when I do I’ll squeal on him so loud

S A L E S M A N # 5

(Laughing)

Wow, you ’ re mad, Charlie! Sure like to be around when you catch up with that fella.

Well it won’t be on this trip Not in Iowa Even the great Professor Harold Hill wouldn’t try to sell them neck-bowed Hawkeyes out here. C O N D U C T O R

(OFFSTAGE)

Booaart!

(The STRANGER makes a fast decision and grabs his suitcase)

Gentlemen, you intrigue me. I think I’ll have to give Iowa a try.

(Coldly)

Don’t believe I caught your name

(STRANGER turns and we see him for the first time. It is our hero. HE flashes suitcase which bears the legend “PROF. HAROLD HILL” and he EXITS from train as all heads go out the windows.

Coach splits in two to reveal a full stage view of River City’s Main Street immediately following. The town is in 4th of July bunting and the stubborn Iowans are out in force)

(TIME: Immediately following AT RISE: River City, Iowa, center of town, exterior. TOWNSPEOPLE are seen en tableau

MAYOR SHINN ENTERS from the Billiard Parlor, leaving the door open for 2 WORKMEN who ENTER carrying a large crate containing a visible pool table which they take into the Billiard Parlor)

Good morning, Mayor Shinn.

It is, if you wanta go ‘round in your drawers all day. (MUSIC phrase)

And there I was in the Madison Hospital and nobody come to see me. Cousin Will never come, Aunt Bertha never come

Your Aunt Bertha’s dead.

She wouldn’t a ’ come anyway.

(MUSIC phrase)

(A cappella a la chorale)

(The 2 WORKMEN leave Billiard Parlor carrying a pool table packing case frame to CENTER, as FARMER and WIFE who have ENTERED meet down CENTER THEY turn inside frame for short pose as Grant Woods “American Gothic”)

(Breaking pose, in tempo)

(HAROLD crosses to business front labeled “RIVER CITY LIVERY STABLE, JACEY SQUIRES, Prop ” HAROLD addresses a short, wiry man about 36, JACEY SQUIRES)

Ah, Mr Squires? Yes, I’m interested in a rig for Sunday, if you could accommodate me.

(In a high-pitched tenor)

Then I expect you’d ought to see the man in charge a ’ hirin’ rigs

(EXITING into Livery Stable, HE turns)

Who is late as usual

(MARCELLUS WASHBURN, roundish, perspiring, ENTERS hurriedly from the wings At livery stable door HE takes out his key As he is about to open the door he looks up and sees HAROLD, rubs his eyes in disbelief)

M A R C E L L U S

Hey, Gregory!

Marcellus!

You old son of a gun! What in

H A R O L D

M A R C E L L U S

H A R O L D

(Hastily pushing aside proffered hand)

Sh sh shhh.

But Greg

M A R C E L L U S

H A R O L D

Professor Hill’s the name Harold Hill.

M A R C E L L U S

But Greg, what are you doing here? Whyn’t you let me know you was comin’?

H A R O L D

I didn’t know I was myself. Besides how could I know you’d end up in a little tank town like this? You were a pretty big slicker when you were in business with me

M A R C E L L U S

Too many close shaves the way you work Besides I got me a nice comfortable girl

Ethel Toffelmier boss’s niece.

H A R O L D

Gone legitimate, huh? I knew you’d come to no good.

M A R C E L L U S

What’s the new pitch?

(HAROLD pantomimes conducting)

You’re not back in the band business! I heard you was in steam automobiles.

H A R O L D I was.

What happened?

Somebody actually invented one

No!

M A R C E L L U S

H A R O L D

M A R C E L L U S

H A R O L D

Now give me the lowdown here, Marce

M A R C E L L U S

You’ll never get anywhere in the band business with these stubborn Iowans, Greg Besides we got a stuck-up music teacher here who’ll expose you before you get your grip unpacked.

H A R O L D

Male or female?

M A R C E L L U S

The music teacher? She’s the librarian female.

H A R O L D

Perfect! That’s what I wanted to hear. If she passes by point her out to me.

M A R C E L L U S

I will. How you gonna start the pitch?

H A R O L D

Same old way. Keep that music teacher off balance and then my next step will be to get your town out of the serious trouble it’s in.

M A R C E L L U S

River City isn’t in any trouble.

H A R O L D

Then I’ll have to create some. I have to create a desperate need for a Boys’ Band. You remember Now what’s new around here. What can I use?

M A R C E L L U S

Nothin’ except the billiard parlor ’ s just put in a new pool table.

H A R O L D

They never had a pool table here before?

No only billiards H A R O L D

That’ll do

(Puts down his suitcase)

See you later, Marce and don’t forget music teacher

(Pantomimes piano playing)

(Pantomiming, as HE EXITS)

Music teacher

M A R C E L L U S

(HAROLD approaches EWART DUNLOP who has come out of his grocery and is looking up at his sign) H A R O L D

Ah you ’ re Mr Dunlop

Either you ’ re closing your eyes to a situation you don’t wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the calibre of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community

(As HAROLD continues, TOWNSPEOPLE gather around him one by one. N.B. The word “Slam” in the following merely denotes a rhythmic pulse)

(Slam) (Slam)

(Slam)

( H A R O L D )

E D E P T H S O F D E - G R A - D A

I S AY, F I R S T I T ’ S A L I T T L E A H

M E D I C I N A L W I N E F R O M A T E A S P

N ; T H E N B E E R

M A B O T T L E (Slam) A N D T H E N E X T T H I N G Y O U K N O W, Y O U R S O N I S P L AY I N ’ F E R M O N E Y

I N A P I N C H - B A C K S U I T, (Slam)

A N D L I S T ’ N I N ’ TO S O M E B I G , O

(Slam)

F R I T T E R N AWAY

T H E I R N O O N - T I M E , S U P P E R - T I M E

C H O R E - T I M E , TO O ! (Slam)

( H A R O L D )

F O L K S , (Slam)

R I G H T H E R E I N R I V E R C I T Y. (Slam) T R O U B L E , W I T H A C A P I TA L “ T, ” A N D T H AT R H Y M E S W I T H “ P, ” A N D T H AT S TA N D S F O R P O O L !

N O W I K N O W A L L Y O U F O L K S

A R E T H E R I G H T K I N D A’ PA R E N T S . (Slam)

I ’ M G O N N A B E P E R F E C T LY F R A N K . (Slam) W O U L D YA L I K E TO K N O W

W H AT K I N D A C O N V E R S AT I O N G O E S O N W H I L E T H E Y ’ R E L O A F I N ’ A R O U N D T H E H A L L ?

T H E Y ’ L L B E T RY I N ’ O U T B E V O ;

T RY I N ’ O U T C U B E B S ;

T RY I N ’ O U T TA I L O R M A D E S ,

L I K E C I G A R E T T E F I E N D S ! (Slam)

C O V E R U P A T E L L - TA L E B R E AT H

W I T H S E N - S E N O N E F I N E N I G H T (Slam)

T H E Y L E AV E T H E P O O L H A L L , H E A D I N ’ F O R T H E D A N C E AT T H E A R M ’ RY ! L I B E RT I N E M E N A N D S C A R L E T W O M E N A N D R A G - T I M E S H A M E L E S S M U S I C T H AT ’ L L D R A G Y O U R S O N A N

O U R D A U G H T E R W I T H T H E A R M S O F A J U N G L E A N I M A L I N S T I N C T M A S S - S T E R I A ! (Slam)

F R I E N D S , T H E I D L E B R A I N I S T H E D E V I L’ S P L AY G R O U N D , T R O U B L E !

(The TOWNSPEOPLE join HAROLD)

(Chant continues in background through HAROLD’S speech)

H A R O L D

Mothers of River City! Heed the warning before it’s too late! Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption! The moment your son leaves the house does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime novel hidden in the corn crib? Is he memorizing jokes out of Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like” swell” and “ so ’ s your old man”? If so, my friends

(Slam) (Slam)

REMEMBER THE MAINE, PLYMOUTH ROCK, AND THE GOLDEN RULE!

H A R O L D & T O W N S P E O P L E

O U R C H I L D R E N ’ S C H I L D R E N G O N N A H AV E T R O U B L E

H A R O L D

O H , W E ’ V E G O T T R O U B L E .

W E ’ R E I N T E R R I B L E , T E R R I B L E

T R O U B L E

T H AT G A M E W I T H T H E

F I F T E E N N U M B E R E D B A L L S

I S T H E D E V I L’ S TO O L !

T O W N S P E O P L E

T R O U B L E , T R O U B L E ,

T R O U B L E , T R O U B L E !

D E V I L’ S TO O L !

H A R O L D

O H Y E S , W E ’ V E G O T T R O U B L E , T R O U B L E , T R O U B L E ! T O W N S P E O P L E

O H Y E S , W E G O T T R O U B L E H E R E , W E G O T B I G , B I G T R O U B L E !

H A R O L D

W I T H A “ T ”

T O W N S P E O P L E

W I T H A C A P I TA L “ T ” !

H A R O L D

G O T TA R H Y M E I T W I T H “ P ”

T O W N S P E O P L E

T H AT R H Y M E S W I T H “ P ” !

H A R O L D A N D T H AT S TA N D S F O R P O O L !

T O W N S P E O P L E

T H AT S TA N D S F O R P O O L ! (PEOPLE hold for finish.

As THEY start a reprise MARCELLUS runs ONSTAGE excitedly, waves to HAROLD and starts pantomiming wild piano arpeggios which we hear in the ORCHESTRA)

(The VOICES collapse, the TOWNSPEOPLE freeze in a “dim,” the Walking Music segues immediately as MARIAN, an attractive young lady picked up in FOLLOW SPOT, hurries through in tempo. HAROLD follows her off The TRAVELLER CLOSES behind him)

(PLACE: A Street

TIME: Immediately following)

(Offering his own handkerchief)

Did you drop your

No!

Didn’t I meet you in

No!

I will only be in town a short while

M A R I A N

Good!

(The porch now appears LEFT. MARIAN ENTERS house, slamming door in HAROLD’S face. LIGHTS FADE FORESTAGE and come up behind SCRIM where we see:)

S C E N E F O U R

(TIME: Immediately following

SCRIM RISES: The interior of a small house. AMARYLLIS, a small-fry freckle-faced eight-year old girl, is playing the piano MRS PAROO, a cheerful-looking forty, continues her household chores, as AMARYLLIS plays, in halting tempo where she isn’t sure and too fast where she is)

(Calling Speaks in Irish brogue)

That you, Daughter?

(OFFSTAGE)

M R S . P A R O O

M A R I A N

Yes, Mama. Keep on, Amaryllis. I’ll be there in a minute.

(On the down-beat of the fourth bar, AMARYLLIS plays the melody note a half tone too high, and turns around to appeal wordlessly to MRS PAROO who, in the manner of one well accustomed to this occurrence, plays the correct note as automatically as she does her other tasks. AMARYLLIS happily starts over, apparently the usual step in this well-worn routine. Again the wrong note again the correction. As AMARYLLIS settles herself for the third go-round, MARIAN ENTERS in a hurry)

Hello, Mama.

(MARIAN starts to piano in time to correct AMARYLLIS’ clinker)

Fine, dear. Now your exercises.

(Replacing her piece in music roll)

Yes, Mom.

M R S . P A R O O

I don’t remember the liberry bein’ open last Fourth a ’ July.

M A R I A N

It was, Mama, all evening. Mama, a man with a suitcase has been following me all over town

M R S . P A R O O

Oh who?

I never saw him before

Did he say anything?

He tried

Did you say anything?

M A R I A N

M R S . P A R O O

M A R I A N

M R S . P A R O O

Mama, of course not (AMARYLLIS begins her exercises)

Now don’t dawdle, Amaryllis S

M A R I A N

Don’t get faster, dear.

(MARIAN winds metronome)

M R S . P A R O O

If you don’t mind my saying so, it wouldn’t have hurt you to find out what the gentleman wanted.

M A R I A N

I know what the gentleman wanted.

What, dear?

You’ll find it in Balzac P A R O O

Excuse me fer livin’ but I’ve never read it

(AMARYLLIS repeats in new key, as MARIAN beats out strict time along with metronome)

Now, Mama, as long as the

( M A R I A N )

Y O U H AV E A B A D H A B I T

O F C H A N G I N G E V ’ RY S U B J E C T

M R S . P A R O O

N O W I H AV E N ’ T C H A N G E D T H E S U B J E C T

I WA S TA L K I N ’ A B O U T T H AT S T R A N G E R M A R I A N

W H AT S T R A N G E R ?

M R S . P A R O O

W I T H T H E S U I T C A S E , W H O M AY B E Y O U R V E RY L A S T C H A N C E ! M A R I A N M A M A !

D O Y O U T H I N K T H AT I ’ D A L L O W A C O M M O N M A S H E R ?

N O W R E A L LY, M A M A !

I H AV E M Y S TA N D A R D S W H E R E M E N A R E C O N C E R N E D , A N D I H AV E N O I N

(Fine chord from AMARYLLIS) M A R I A N

(Hands on hips, gets slightly Irish in her exasperation)

Well, if that isn’t the best I’ve ever heard!

Thank you Can I have a drink, please?

May I have a

M A R I A N

M A R Y L L I S

May I have a drink, please? M A R I A N

Yes, dear

(As AMARYLLIS starts to the sink, a nine-year old BOY with a set, sullen face ENTERS without a word, heading for bedroom door UPSTAGE)

M R S . P A R O O

Winthrop It’s after dark (WINTHROP halts in his tracks)

Is that a way to walk into the house?

Hello

(Tries to EXIT)

M R S . P A R O O

That won’t do at all. I’ll have a kiss from my boy.

(WINTHROP walks to his mother, stands stubbornly in her embrace for a moment, then starts out again)

The lady over there is your sister, young man (WINTHROP repeats the uncooperative performance with MARIAN)

M A R Y L L I S

Hello, Winthrop.

(WINTHROP stares at the floor)

M R S . P A R O O

Winthrop, where’s your manners A M A R Y L L I S

I’m having a party on Saturday Will you please come? (Silence)

I would especially like it very much if you’d come Winthrop? (Silence)

M R S . P A R O O

Well, Winthrop, Amaryllis asked you to her party Are you goin’ or aren’t you?

W I N T H R O P

No what?

No, thank you

You know the little girl’s name

M R S . P A R O O

W I N T H R O P

M R S . P A R O O

A M A R Y L L I S

He won’t say Amaryllis because of the “ s ” because of his lisp He’s ashamed

M R S . P A R O O

We know all about his lisp, Amaryllis Well, Winthrop

A M A R Y L L I S

I’ll bet he won’t say it

(Tiptoeing closer to WINTHROP, SHE tries to peer into his face)

W I N T H R O P

No thank you, Amaryllith.

(AMARYLLIS hops up and down giggling gleefully)

A M A R Y L L I S

Amaryllith Amaryllith

(SHE moves closer to WINTHROP, stoops and looks up into his face as HE continues to stare at his feet. She turns to MRS. PAROO with surprise)

He’s crying.

(WINTHROP bolts out of the room. MRS. PAROO follows him)

Why does he get so mad at people just because he lisps?

M A R I A N

It’s not only because he lisps. That’s just part of it, Amaryllis.

A M A R Y L L I S

What’s the other part?

M A R I A N

Never mind, dear It’s just that he never talks very much

A M A R Y L L I S

Not even to you and your mother?

M A R I A N

No, dear We all have to be a little patient

A M A R Y L L I S

I’m patient Even though he doesn’t ever talk to me but I do him every night

I say goodnight to him on the evening star. You have to do it the very second you see it, too, or it doesn’t count. “Goodnight, my Winthrop, goodnight. Sleep tight.”

(Starts to cry)

M A R I A N

There, darling, don’t cry, you have lots of time. If not Winthrop, there’ll be someone else.

A M A R Y L L I S

Never! I’ll end up an old maid like you. (Catches herself)

I’m sorry, Miss Marian. Can I play my cross-hand piece?

M A R I A N

May I play my—

May I play my cross-hand piece?

You may.

A M A R Y L L I S

M A R I A N

A M A R Y L L I S

See, without a sweetheart you have no one to say goodnight to on the evening star.

M A R I A N

I know, Amaryllis. For the time being just say goodnight my—someone. You can put the name in when the right someone comes along.

A M A R Y L L I S

All right. It’s better than nothing.

M A R I A N

Yes it is now you can play your cross-hand piece

A M A R Y L L I S

(Settling herself)

Now I may play my cross-hand piece.

# 8 G o o d n i g h t , M y S o m e o n e

( M a r i a n , A m a r y l l i s )

(As AMARYLLIS plays, MARIAN goes to window. The TRAVELLER closes in leaving her in the window, looking at evening star)

M A R I A N

G O O D N I G H T, M Y S O M E O N E ,

G O O D N I G H T, M Y L O V E .

S L E E P T I G H T, M Y S O M E O N E ,

S L E E P T I G H T, M Y L O V E .

O U R S TA R I S S H I N I N G

I T S B R I G H T E S T L I G H T

F O R G O O D N I G H T, M Y L O V E ,

F O R G O O D N I G H T.

S W E E T D R E A M S B E Y O U R S , D E A R ,

I F D R E A M S T H E R E B E ;

S W E E T D R E A M S TO C A R RY Y O U

C L O S E TO M E .

I W I S H T H E Y M AY, A N D I W I S H T H E Y M I G H T

N O W G O O D N I G H T, M Y S O M E O N E ,

G O O D N I G H T.

T R U E L O V E C A N B E W H I S P E R E D

F R O M H E A RT TO H E A RT,

W H E N L O V E R S A R E PA RT E D , T H E Y S AY.

B U T I M U S T D E P E N D O N A W I S H A N D A S TA R ,

A S L O N G A S M Y H E A RT

D O E S N ’ T K N O W W H O Y O U A R E .

S W E E T D R E A M S B E Y O U R S , D E A R ,

I F D R E A M S T H E R E B E .

S W E E T D R E A M S TO C A R RY Y O U

C L O S E TO M E .

(AMARYLLIS has come to the window)

(TIME: Thirty minutes later

Interior of the Madison Gymnasium in River City High School which appears to be well-filled It is sparingly decorated with red, white and blue bunting EULALIE, fifty and gushy, costumed as Columbia with a torch in her hand, leads the singing as ETHEL TOFFELMIER, a curvaceous 35, sways at the player piano, as she pumps an “expressive” accompaniment to “Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean.”)

(All TOWNSPEOPLE, led by EULALIE MACKECKNIE SHINN, SING in BLACKOUT, and as LIGHTS come up)

(At the conclusion of the number EULALIE steps down from the rostrum to polite applause and MAYOR GEORGE SHINN steps forward. HE is self-important)

I’m sure we ’ re all grateful to my wife, Eulalie Mackecknie Shinn for leading the singing and to Jacey Squires for his fine stereoptican slides

(JACEY wheels the stereoptican machine off)

( S H I N N ) and to Ethel Toffelmier, our fine player-piano player piano

(Applause)

As Mayor of River City I welcome you River Citizians to the Fourth of July exercises set up for the indoors here in Madison Gymnasium account the weather.

Four score

(“Flap-flap-flap-flap” interrupts the MAYOR’S speech. It is the end of the piano roll which MISS TOFFELMIER has been re-winding at the piano. SHINN looks around indignantly, then resumes his speech)

Four score

(EWART DUNLOP rises from his seat in front of MAYOR and hands him a note. SHINN, reading)

Ah the members of the School Board will now present a patriotic tablow

(The THREE MEMBERS of the School Board who are seated on the rostrum indicate HE is wrong. He looks at note again)

Oh the members of the School Board will not present a patriotic tablow. Some disagreement about costumes, I suppose Instead the Wa Tan Ye girls of the local wigwam of Heeawatha will present a spectacle my wife (Catching himself. Looks at notes again)

in which my wife

(MARIAN, now seated at the piano, starts to play INDIAN RHYTHM. HE indicates he has not finished. SHE stops)

Eulalie Mackecknie Shinn, will take a leading part

(HE nods to MARIAN and she plays as six lovely corn-fed seventeenish GIRLS appear and mount the rostrum. Each wears a feather in a headband. THEY are doing an Indian war dance step. EULALIE precedes them in full Indian head-dress, carrying a tom-tom which SHE beats to MARIAN’S Indian rhythm. AMARYLLIS, dressed as a GUIDE, follows her, struggling with a Springfield rifle.

EULALIE, bearing the tom-tom, adjusts the GUIDE’S sagging rifle) E U L A L I E

(Peering RIGHT)

Wa Tan Ye!

(Peering RIGHT)

WA TAN YE!

(Again adjusting the rifle, then peering RIGHT)

Wa Tan Ye!

WA TAN YE!

I R L S

I will now count to twenty in the Indian tongue! Een teen tuther feather fip!

(TOMMY DJILAS, seated on the floor in front of EULALIE, now sets off a large FIRECRACKER. EULALIE swoons)

I’m shot, George, who shot me?

(The MAYOR comforts her, aiding her OFFSTAGE. There is considerable disturbance)

(Rising)

Who set off that cracker?

I know who did it Tommy Djilas did it Tommy Djilas did it

Yes, it was Tommy Djilas

(As TOMMY tries to escape)

Tommy Djilas, I wouldn’t leave if I’se you.

(TOMMY sits. CONSTABLE LOCKE joins him ominously)

(Returning to rostrum)

Mrs. Shinn will recover, no thanks to a certain young ruffian who is a disgrace to our city Four score and seven

(JACEY SQUIRES RE-ENTERS, crosses to rostrum, hands MAYOR a note, and takes empty seat with rest of the School Board)

“The Paine’s Fireworks Spectacle, Last Days of Pompy-eye will take place, providing the rain stops by nine-thirty It’ll be out to Madison Picnic Park in the far meadow, ‘ cross the crick from the Pest House.”

E W A R T D U N L O P

How can it be raining? Didn’t the Gazette predict fair?

(Rolling THUNDER is heard)

J A C E Y S Q U I R E S

Sure did, Ewart, that’s why we all prepared for a storm.

O L I N B R I T T

The Gazette is acc ’ r ’t most a’the time and you know it, Jacey.

O L I V E R H I X

You wouldn’t last very long in the bankin’ business bein’ accur ’t most a’the time.

(A verbal free-for-all is under way)

S H I N N

Now just a minute let’s have order here! Order! Order!

(The quarrel subsides The MEN sit The TRAIN WHISTLE is heard All the MEN take out their watches)

O L I V E R

Hmm Number eight’s late again tonight J A C E Y

I make her early E W A R T

She’s late alright O L I N

She’s right on time, ‘smatter ’th your watch?

(THEY’RE off again SHINN struggles for order)

S H I N N

Will you members of the School Board stop bicker ’ n in public?

O L I N

All in the world that I said was

(Hastily)

Never mind! Four score

S H I N N

H A R O L D

(Half rising from where he has been an unobserved spectator)

We heard there’s a pool table in town.

Yeah that’s what I heard.

Now just a minute

A N

H I N N

A U D

Is it a pool table or isn’t it? S H I N N

Will you allow me to get on with the exercises? M A N # 2

We don’t want any more exercises till we get this pool table matter settled! H A R O L D

Let’s protect our children.

(CROWD reacts)

Resist sin and corruption.

(CROWD reacts)

Smite that devil and keep our young boys pure. (CROWD reacts)

(Appearing on the podium)

( H A R O L D )

I ’ M P R O F E S S O R H A R O L D H I L L ,

A N D I ’ M H E R E TO O R G A N I Z E

T H E R I V E R C I T Y B O Y S ’ B A N D !

(DRUM ROLL)

P R R R R R !

O H , T H I N K , M Y F R I E N D S , H O W C O U L D A N Y P O

C O M P E T E W I T H A G O L D T R O M B O N E ?

R A A A A - R A A A A A

R A - D A - D A - D A - D A

R A A A - R A

R E M E M

(Slam)

O H , B I L L I A R D PA R L O R WA L L S

C O M E T U M B L I N G D O W N ! (Slam) (Slam) (Slam)

O H , A B A N D ’ L L D O I T, M Y F R I E N D

(Slam)

... uniform! Johnny, Willy, Teddy, Fred! And you’ll see the glitter of crashing Cymbals. And you’ll hear the thunder of rolling Drums; the shimmer of Trumpets Tantara! And you’ll feel something akin to the electric thrill I once enjoyed when Gilmore, (Slam)

Liberatti, (Slam)

Pat Conway, (Slam)

The Great Creatore, (Slam)

W C Handy, (Slam) and John Philip Sousa all came to town on the very same historic day.

A N D T E N C O R N E T S R I G H T B E H I N D . T H E R E W E R E M O R E T H A N A T H O U S A N D R E E D S

S P R I N G I N G U P L I K E W E E D S .

T H E R E W E R E H O R N S O F E V ’ RY S H A P E A N D K I N D .

T H E R E W E R E C O P

(There is a choreographic interpolation in which all the KIDS [DANCERS], carried along by the spirit of the song, pantomime instruments. The number winds up with the entire ENSEMBLE parading. As THEY disperse, SHINN corners the SCHOOL BOARD)

Men, this calls for emergency action. That man is a spellbinder. I haven’t seen Iowa people get so excited since the night Frank Gotch and Strangular Lewis lay on the mat for three and a half hours without moving a muscle! Never mind! I want his credentials

(TOMMY DJILAS, being escorted out by CONSTABLE LOCKE, suddenly cuts and runs. Reversing his field, TOMMY runs into HAROLD, who holds him)

Grab that hoodlum! He almost blew up Mrs. Shinn! C O N S T A B L E

Thank you, Professor. Have to make an example of him. Ringleader, you know. What he does the gang does T O M M Y

Jeely Kly, lemme go

S H I N N

Ya wild kid, ya Hanging around my oldest girl His father is one a’them day laborers south a’town. Ya wild kid, ya.

(To HAROLD)

Taggin’ down Main Street after my oldest girl last Sunday.

O M M Y

I wasn’t either taggin’. S H I N N

Don’t you counterdict me T O M M Y

We’uz just walkin’ together, Jeely Kly

S H I N N

You watch your frazolagy! I know what you ’ uz doin’, my little Gracie seen ya. Now you stay away from my oldest girl or you’ll hear from me till who laid the rails!

( S H I N N )

Hill, I’ll talk to you Monday morning about this band thing Over ’t City Hall Ten o ’ clock sharp.

(Aside as HE EXITS)

Men, I want that spellbinder ’ s credentials.

H A R O L D

(As CONSTABLE starts off with TOMMY) Constable I’ll be responsible for the boy C O N S T A B L E

You don’t know this kid he’s tough, and he’s got his gang waitin’ outside

H A R O L D

Oh, I’ll be careful Tommy, like to talk to you about the band

T O M M Y

Aw gee, Professor, that’s for the little kids

H A R O L D

I’m not talking about you playing in the band You’re mechanically minded, aren’t you? Ever do anything with perpetual motion?

T O M M Y

(Sullenly)

Nearly had it a couple times

H A R O L D

You did? You’re my man! Do you realize nobody has ever invented a music-holder for a marching piccolo player?

(Holds arms in Piccolo playing position)

No place to hang the music.

(Impressed)

T O M M Y

Jeely Kly! Wonder where I could get some wire from

H A R O L D

Look in your cellar, that’s where people keep wire (TOMMY starts tearing out. The CONSTABLE makes a move, HAROLD restrains him)

Oh, Tommy!

T O M M Y

(Stopping in midflight)

Yessir?

(CONSTABLE LOCKE reacts in astonishment at the “sir”)

H A R O L D

(Aside to CONSTABLE)

Now, Constable, I’ll show you how to break up a gang. (Looks around)

Oh, young lady. Oh miss (HE beckons to a very pretty WA TAN YE GIRL, pink and sixteen)

What’s your name?

(Approaching)

Y O U N G G I R L

Zaneeta I didn’t have any idea you was beckoning to me Ye Gods

H A R O L D

Do you know Tommy Djilas?

Well, I

Z A N E E T A

H A R O L D

Tommy, this is Zaneeta Escort the young lady home

Z A N E E T A

Only excepting I’m not going home I have to go’t the Liberry Ye Gods

H A R O L D

Then escort the young lady home by way of the library (Takes out coins) by way of the candy kitchen

T O M M Y

(Grinning)

Yes sir. Do I hafta?

You hafta.

H A R O L D

Yes sir

(As SHE and TOMMY EXIT)

Ye Gods.

T O M M Y

Z A N E E T A

C O N S T A B L E

Professor, you ’ re a pretty bright young fellow. You made a couple mistakes, though.

H A R O L D

Oh?

C O N S T A B L E

The Mayor happens to own the Billiard Parlor and that new pool table.

H A R O L D

Oh. What was my other mistake?

C O N S T A B L E

That Zaneeta. She’s the Mayor ’ s oldest girl.

(As HAROLD starts to cross to the LADIES who have ENTERED RIGHT, the SCHOOL BOARD approaches him from LEFT)

E W A R T D U N L O P

(The second tenor)

Just a minute Professor Hill We’d like to have your credentials We’re the School Board.

O L I N B R I T T

(The bass contradicting)

Academic certificates

O L I V E R

(The baritone, to OLIN, with irritation)

Nothing of the kind!

(To OLIVER, irascibly)

We need letters and papers!

E W A R T

(The high tenor, to the OTHERS, nastily)

Make him put up a bond!

What am I hearing?

(Whirling back to OLIN, blows pitch pipe) Say

(SINGS on low note)

Ice Cream, but I don’t sing young man, if that’s what you ’ re

All right, talk then.

(Low)

Down here!

Ice Cream.

Talk slow!

(In a rich rolling bass)

I C E C R E E E E M .

See? Singing is only sustained talking.

L I N

(Pointing to OLIVER on a baritone note)

(In a full baritone) I

(To EWART)

(Points skyward to JACEY)

Now, you, sir!

(On the high note)

(Crossing to the LADIES)

Ladies, from now on you’ll never see one of those men without the other three.

Oh, Professor, you ’ re wrong! Why they’ve hated each other for fifteen years.

(Behind HAROLD’S back THEY hit a gorgeous chord) I C

(HAROLD takes, joins the MEN as THEY are shaking hands all around and congratulating each other)

(Pointing at QUARTET)

(MARIAN EXITS with HAROLD in pursuit, the LADIES move UPSTAGE as the LIGHTS dim and the QUARTET moves down into 1 in a FOLLOW SPOT)

(As QUARTET holds its last gorgeous note we BLACKOUT. The MUSIC segues to Walking Music)

(TIME: Immediately following.

AT RISE: Lights come up on the street in front of the Library.

Walking Music accompanies MARlAN’S entrance HAROLD is following)

H A R O L D

I don’t suppose you live alone, or anything?

M A R I A N

No!

H A R O L D

I’ve got some wonderful caramels over ’t the hotel if you’d

(MARIAN and MUSIC stop abruptly)

Mister Hill

Professor Hill

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

Professor of what? At what college do they give a degree for annoying women on the street like a Saturday night rowdy at a public dance hall?

H A R O L D

Oh I wouldn’t know about that. I’m a Conservatory man myself. Gary, Indiana Gold Medal Class of ‘05.

M A R I A N

Even should that happen to be true does that give you the right to follow me around wherever I go? Another thing, Mister Hill, I’m not as easily mesmerized or hood-winked as some people in this town and I think it only fair to warn you that I have a shelf full of reference books in there which may very well give me some interesting information about you.

(MARIAN EXITS into the Library. As HAROLD starts after her, MARCELLUS ENTERS)

M A R C E L L U S

Hey, Gregory!

H A R O L D

Oh hi, Marcellus. And don’t call me Greg.

M A R C E L L U S

How’d you make out with the music teacher?

H A R O L D

Scrumptious. Ate out of my hand the minute I tipped my hat.

M A R C E L L U S

She did! Boy, did you cut a swath tonight. For a minute even I thought you knew somethin’ about leadin’ a band Just like when you used to imitate that band-concert fellow back in Joplin.

H A R O L D

Yeah!

(Pantomimes conducting)

( H A R O L D )

Aw kid stuff I’m in rare form these days, son Just you keep your eyes on me for the next four weeks.

M A R C E L L U S

Four weeks! It only used to take ten days for the instruments to arrive.

H A R O L D

It still does. But it takes four weeks for the uniforms.

M A R C E L L U S

Oh, no, Greg! You haven’t added uniforms!!???

H A R O L D

Uniforms and instruction books.

M A R C E L L U S

Instruction books! But you can’t pass yourself off as a music professor I mean not for any four weeks.

H A R O L D

(Ruefully)

Marce

M A R C E L L U S

But you don’t know one note from another.

H A R O L D

I have a revolutionary new method called the Think System where you don’t bother with notes.

M A R C E L L U S

But in four weeks the people will want to hear the music! You’ll have to lead a band.

H A R O L D

But when the uniforms arrive they forget everything else at least long enough for me to collect and leave. Oh this is a refined operation, son, and I’ve got it timed right down to the last wave of the brakeman’s hand on the last train out’a town. And now, Mr Washburn, if you’ll excuse me

M A R C E L L U S

Gonna line yourself up a little canoodlin’ huh?

H A R O L D

Well

Say, I could fix you up with Ethel’s sister lovely girl teaches Sunday School

H A R O L D

No wide-eyed, eager wholesome innocent Sunday School teacher for me That kinda girl spins webs no ...

O , S I R !

F O R N O D I A N A D O I P L AY FA U N .

I C A N T E L L Y O U T H AT R I G H T N O W.

I S N A R L , I H I S S .

I S PA R K , I F I Z Z ,

F O R T H E L A D Y W H O K N O W S W H AT T I M E I T I S . I C H E E R , I R AV E ,

F O R T H E V I RT U E I ’ M TO O L AT E TO S AV E

T H E S A D D E R B U T W I S E R G I R L F O R M E . N O B R I G H T- E Y E D , B L U S H I N G , B R E AT H L E S S B A B Y- D O L L B A B Y, N O , S I R !

T H AT K I N D A C H I L D T I E S K N O T S

N O S A I L O R E V E R K N E W.

I P R E F E R TO TA K E A C H A N C E

O N A M O R E A D U LT R O M A N C E .

N O D E W Y Y O U N G M I S S W H O K E E P S R E S I S T I N G , A L L T H E T I M E S H E K E E P S I N S I S T I N G

( H A R O L D )

N O W I D E - E Y E D , W H O L E S O M E ,

I N N O C E N T F E M A L E

N O , S I R !

W H Y, S H E ’ S T H E F I S H E R M A N ,

I ’ M T H E F I S H , Y O U S E E ?

P L O P !

I F L I N C H , I S H Y,

I S M I L E , I G R I N , W H E N T H E

I H O P E , I P R AY, F O R H E S T E R TO

T H E S A D D E R B U T W I S E R G I R L

(HAROLD is starting towards the Library as the WOMEN come chattering in. EULALIE hanging back, MARCELLUS escapes. HAROLD is surrounded)

A L M A

Oh, Professor Hill, we ’ re all agog simply agog!

M A U D

On the que veev!

M R S . S Q U I R E S

Everyone’s so excited about the band. E T H E L

(Loud voice)

I’m Ethel Toffelmier The pianola girl?

M A U D

And this is Mrs Squires, and Mrs Hix And of course you met Eulalie MacKecknie Shinn? Our Mayor s wife? Isn’t it exciting, Eulalie?

E U L A L I E

Oh, I couldn’t say. I could not say. Oh no. I could not say, at this time. My husband will wish to investigate, I’m sure And naturally I’m reticent Oh yes, I’m reticent

H A R O L D

Of course, Mrs Shinn, I understand But you see, part of my music plans include a committee on the dance and no wait wait! Do that again, Mrs. Shinn!

(SHE looks behind her, mystified)

Your foot! The way you raised it, just now!

E U L A L I E

(Lifting foot slightly)

Oh Well I have a bunion there that bothers

H A R O L D

Ohhh what grace! What natural flow of rhythm! What expression of line and movement!

E U L A L I E

Mr. Hill.

H A R O L D

You must accept the chairmanship of the Ladies Auxiliary for the Classic dance, mustn’t she, ladies?

T H E W O M E N

Oh yes! Please! You must, Eulalie.

H A R O L D

Every move you make, Mrs. Shinn, bespeaks Del Sarte. Will you will you? Say yes, Mrs. Shinn!

E U L A L I E

(Moving forward amid flutters, SHE murmurs)

Eulalie Mackecknie Shinn ah well! I ah that is Dancing! Well!

H A R O L D

Then you accept?

Yes indeed! And I would like to say

E U L A L I E

H A R O L D

Thank you. Now the young lady who plays the piano Marian Paroo, I believe? (The LADIES all gasp)

After all she is the librarian.

(The LADIES, instantly huddling)

(Continues as background under following dialogue)

Professor, her kind of woman doesn’t belong on any committee. Of course I shouldn’t tell you this but she advocates dirty books

Dirty books!

And the worst thing of course I shouldn’t tell you this but

I’ll tell. E T H E L

The man lived on my street. Let me tell.

(Grabs the ball determinedly)

Stop!

(Everything stops)

(Puzzled)

E U L A L I E

I’ll tell. She made brazen overtures to a man who never had a friend in this town till she came here old Miser Madison

H A R O L D

Miser Madison. Madison Gymnasium, Madison Picnic Park, Madison Hospital that Miser Madison?

M A U D

Exactly Who’d he think he was anyway?

H A R O L D

Well I should say Showoff Gave the town the library too, didn’t he?

E T H E L

That’s just it When he died he left the liberry building to the city

But he left all the books to her!

Oh yes Oh yes That woman made T H E

M A U D

E U L A L I E

She was seen going and coming from his place

A L M A

( A L M A )

B R A Z E N O V E RT U R E S ( S l a m )

W I T H A G I LT- E D G E G U A R A N T E E !

S H E H A D A G O L D E N G L I N T I N H E R E Y E ,

A N D A S I LV E R V O I C E

W I T H A C O U N T E R F E I T R I N G ! ( S l a m )

J U S T M E LT H E R D O W N

A N D Y O U ’ L L R E V E A L

A L U M P O F L E A D

A S C O L D A S S T E E L ! L A D I E S

P I C K - A - L I T T L E , TA L K - A - L I T T L E ( C o n t i n u e s )

(Thump)

(LADIES continue “Pick-A-Little” etc forte under dialogue as HAROLD tries to escape. The QUARTET ENTERS)

Just a minute here! We need your credentials

Yes, of course I have just what you want over at the Hotel Come with me (As the QUARTET starts to follow him, HAROLD turns back to the LADIES who are still singing softly)

Goodnight ladies. (THEY “Cheep cheep cheep” at him. HE turns to QUARTET)

(Sings)

(The LADIES and the QUARTET finish together. HAROLD has escaped into the Library.

BLACKOUT)

(TIME: Immediately following.

HAROLD goes through the door to Library The SCRIM becomes transparent We see the interior of the Library. The SCRIM flies. MARIAN is seen at desk stamping books. HAROLD sneaks in and places his hat under her stamper SHE is startled)

H A R O L D

It’s all right I know everything and it doesn’t make any difference.

M A R I A N

What are you talking about?

H A R O L D

You were probably very young anyone can make a mistake

M A R I A N

What

H A R O L D

No apologies no explanations, please. I’ll only be in town a short time and (Chuckles) the sadder, but wiser girl for me.

M A R I A N

Will you please make your selection and leave H A R O L D

I have M A R I A N

(Looking for book)

Well? What do you want to take out?

H A R O L D

(Loudly)

The librarian M A R I A N

Quiet please (Turns her back) H A R O L D

(Whispering)

The librarian You’re not listening, Marian (Takes a paper bag out of pocket) Look!

(SINGS)

(Speaks)

Marbles. Six steelies, eight aggies, a dozen peewees and one big glassie with an American flag in the middle. I think I’ll drop’ em. M A R I A N No! H A R O L D Shh!

(Threatens her with bag)

( H A R O L D )

I L O V E Y O U M A D LY, M A D LY,

M A D A M L I B R A R I A N ,

M A R I A N .

H E AV E N H E L P U S ,

I F T H E L I B R A RY C A U G H T O N F I R E ,

A N D T H E V O L U N T E E R H O S E B R I G A D E M E N

H A D TO W H I S P E R T H E N E W S

TO M A R I A N ,

M A D A M L I B R A R I A N

W H AT C A N I S AY, M Y D E A R ,

TO M A K E I T C L E A R ?

I N E E D Y O U B A D LY, B A D LY,

M A D A M L I B R A R I A N ,

M A R I A N

I F I S T U M B L E D ,

A N D I B U S T E D M Y W H AT- Y O U - M A - C A L L I T,

I C O U L D L I E O N Y O U R F L O O R U N N O T I C E D ,

‘ T I L M Y B O D Y H A D T U R N E D

TO C A R R I O N

M A D A M L I B R A R I A N

N O W I N T H E M O O N L I G H T,

A M A N C O U L D S I N G I T

I N T H E M O O N L I G H T

A N D A F E L L O W W O U L D K N O W T H AT H I S D A R L I N G

H A D H E A R D E V ’ RY W O R D O F H I S S O N G ,

W I T H T H E M O O N L I G H T

H E L P I N G A L O N G

B U T W H E N I T RY, I N H E R E ,

TO T E L L Y O U , D E A R ,

I L O V E Y O U M A D LY, M A D LY,

M A D A M L I B R A R I A N ,

M A R I A N ,

# 1 9 M a r i a n - D a n c e ( H a r o l d )

(The ballet commences. HAROLD and MARIAN and the READERS in the Library participate in a ballet It is done terribly quietly, practically on tip-toe in soft shoe tempo)

S U C H A S M A R I A N . . .

The Ladies’ Dance Committee meets Tuesday nights (Opening “marble” bag and offers it to her)

Marshmallow?

(HAROLD catches MARIAN off guard and kisses her on the cheek. MARIAN is shocked into reality HE stuffs a marshmallow in his mouth and MARIAN has now had it, giving him a round-house slap which HAROLD ducks. It catches TOMMY DJILAS full on the ear and we BLACKOUT)

S C E N E E I G H T

(TIME: The following Saturday noon.

AT RISE: TOMMY and HAROLD are seen in front of the TRAVELLER, STAGE LEFT)

H A R O L D

Well Tommy we ’ ve had a pretty good morning. Eleven sales out of twelve tries. Tell you what It’s almost noon. You better go home and get some dinner. I’ll try a couple by myself

T O M M Y

G’bye, Professor

Thanks, Tommy

H A R O L D

(“Seventy-Six Trombones” is heard as HAROLD approaches door, STAGE RIGHT)

S C E N E N I N E

(“76 Trombones” is heard. An impressive doorway. HAROLD rings DOORBELL at RISE. SHINN comes hurrying down the street, goes to door, starts to unlock it realizes HAROLD’S presence)

S H I N N

Just a minute here. Are you soliciting? You haven’t got a license.

H A R O L D

Why no, Mayor Shinn, I collect doorbells. This particular specimen has an unusual tone quality that—

S H I N N

Flattery will not avail you. Soliciting is statutory in this county—malfeasance without a permit. Why haven’t you been down’t City Hall with your references?

H A R O L D

(Stepping down to SHINN)

Just missed you I . Mr. Mayor! Your hand oh no!

S H I N N

What, what

(Spreads SHINN’S fingers)

H A R O L D

That spread of the little finger! It’s hereditary!

S H I N N

Oh it is what does that mean?

H A R O L D

It means that your son ’ s little finger is perfectly situated to operate the spitvalve on a B-flat Flugel Horn!

S H I N N

(Wide-eyed)

Is that good?

H A R O L D

Good! It means that America has at last produced an artist who can Flugel the Minute Waltz in 50 seconds.

S H I N N

How could I get one of those horns?

H A R O L D

(Quick with order blank)

Sign here, Mr Mayor That’ll be seventeen dollars import fee

S H I N N

(Signing)

Yes sir. Just think I could’a missed this whole (Stops suddenly)

I haven’t got any son! You unscrypulous flew-by-night, you unflypulous you be down’t city Hall with your By God papers at three o ’clock

You mean this afternoon?

H A R O L D

S H I N N

I couldn’t make myself any plainer if I’se a Quaker on his day off # 2 2 T h i r d S e v e n t y - S i x T r o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r

(BLACKOUT)

E N D O F S C E N E N I N E

S C E N E T E N

(TIME: That evening

AT RISE: The PAROO’S porch. MRS. PAROO is sitting on the porch rocking. WINTHROP is hiding behind her chair HAROLD has ENTERED at RISE)

H A R O L D

Mrs. Paroo do you realize you have the facial characteristics of a Cornet virtuoso?

M R S . P A R O O

I don’t know if I understand you entirely, Professor.

H A R O L D

If your boy has that same firm chin, and those splendid cheek muscles By George! Not that he could ever be really great, you understand, but

M R S . P A R O O

Oh, is that so And in the name of St Bridget, why not?

H A R O L D

Well you see all the really great Cornet players were Irish O’Clark, O’Mendez, O’Klein

M R S . P A R O O

But Professor, we are Irish!

H A R O L D

No! No! Really! That clinches it! Sign here, Mrs. Paroo. Your boy was born to play the Cornet!

(SHE signs in a daze WINTHROP has followed her and is still hiding behind her)

( H A R O L D )

Fine, fine That will be seven dollars earnest money Nothing more due until the first installment payable at opening of band practice.

(MRS. PAROO locates money from about her person)

Ah thank you. And of course, I’ll need the boy’s measurements for his band uniform.

M R S . P A R O O

His uniform!

(WINTHROP falls off the porch in excitement. HAROLD and MRS. PAROO are somewhat surprised)

H A R O L D

Hello, son.

(WINTHROP picks himself up and starts to run. HAROLD stops him)

Certainly, his uniform. And there won’t be a penny due till delivery, which gives him four weeks to enjoy, to anticipate, to imagine, at no cost whatever. Never allow the demands of tomorrow to interfere with the pleasures and excitement of today.

W I N T H R O P

(Drawing an imaginary line down the outside of his leg)

Would it have ... a ... a ... ?

H A R O L D

A stripe? Certainly, my boy, a wide red stripe on each side. What do you think of that?

(WINTHROP drops his eyes suddenly and runs off)

M R S . P A R O O

You’ll have to excuse Winthrop, Professor. We can’t get him to say three words a day even to us. And if you get him to play in the band you’ll have St. Michael’s own way with you But if anybody can do it I’ll bet you can Out of a crowd I’ll pick you for hod-carrying, clay-pipe smokin’, shamrock-wearin’, harp-playin’, Mavorneen-pinchin’, Tara’s hall minstrel-singin’ Irishman! Be-gob and be-jabbers! Where are ye from, me bye?

H A R O L D

Gary, Indiana.

M R S . P A R O O

I knew it! Gar . Where did you say?

H A R O L D

Gary, Indiana In fact Gary Conservatory was my Alma Mater

M R S . P A R O O

Was she now?

(Aware of MARIAN’S approach)

H A R O L D

Why yes Gold Medal Class of ‘05. Hodado, Miss Paroo.

M A R I A N

Hodado, Mr. Hill.

H A R O L D

Of course! Paroo. I thought the name sounded familiar. (Sotto)

I’ve tried to see you since the other night, but

M R S . P A R O O

He wants to put Winthrop in the band!

M A R I A N

We’re not interested, Mama.

M R S . P A R O O

But Marian, the boy might have his father ’ s musical gift. He does have my jaw, you know

H A R O L D

Oh your husband musical? Well I’d like to have a talk with him I’m sure we

M A R I A N

Do you burst in on everyone ’ s home like this? Prying into personal affairs? We’re not interested.

M R S . P A R O O

Marian!

(Cheerfully)

H A R O L D

Well, that’s one for and one against Now why not let the boy’s father decide?

M A R I A N

The boy’s father is dead Anything else?

H A R O L D

Oh, I’m sorry But that’s all the more reason why your brother should have something like this

M A R I A N

My brother is a ten-year-old problem child who can’t understand why his father was taken away. Would you care to explain it to him? He’s been brooding about it for two years. As to your musical tricks, why don’t you go into business with some nice carnival man who sells gold-painted watches and glass diamond rings?

H A R O L D

Musical tricks? Well Miss Paroo, I hardly

(Without response, MARIAN EXITS into house. MRS. PAROO stands speechless. HAROLD stands approvingly, his finger alongside his nose)

I get the feeling she likes the idea Oh, a little cautious perhaps but I admire that in a woman. Just keep me alive and I’ll be back later in the week.

M R S . P A R O O

One moment, Professor Hill. About the boy’s measurements. I make all his clothes. Sleeve 21, Waist 18, Croutch 14,

H A R O L D

Fine, that’s all I need Now I must get back to the Hotel

M R S . P A R O O

Professor, I do hope you’ll excuse Marian She’s not really

H A R O L D

Please Don’t worry about a thing I’m sure that at heart she’s as lovely as yourself Good day to ya, Widda Paroo.

M A R I A N

(Returning to porch with embroidery and slip of paper) Has he gone?

M R S . P A R O O

He has And I hope not forever Darlin’ don’t you ever think of your future? Gary Indiana Conservation Class of ‘05 Now darlin’

M A R I A N

Now mama Surely a girl’s future doesn’t depend on encouraging every fast-talking, self-centered, woman-chasing travelling man who comes to town. And the fact that he claims his commodity is music does not, in this particular case, impress me.

M R S . P A R O O

All right, darlin’, all right. Only it’s a well-known principle that if you keep the flint in one drawer and the steel in another, you’ll never strike much of a fire.

M A R I A N

Mama!

(Calling)

Winthrop! Winthrop, I know you ’ re there.

(WINTHROP comes slowly to porch)

Please go to the library and ask Miss Grubb to give you the book I set aside. It’s the Indiana State Educational Journal 1890-1910. It’s a large brown volume with black corners

W I N T H R O P

Do I hafta?

M A R I A N

You won’t have to talk to anyone I’ve written it all down (SHE gives him paper HE goes)

Thank you dear

M R S . P A R O O

Now what are you up to? Why do you need books at this hour of the night?

M A R I A N

I have a feeling the Indiana Journal may help me poke some large holes in the Professor ’ s claims.

M R S . P A R O O

Well, I give up. At your age if you don’t mind my askin’ what kinda white knight do you expect to come ridin’ along?

M A R I A N

Well I’m not waiting for Luther Greiner who backs me into the Ancient History shelf every time he comes into the Library.

M R S . P A R O O

He does?

M y W h i t e K n i g h t ( M a r i a n ) M A R I A N

Or Ed Gammidge and that buggy of his with the removable back seat But I’m not waiting for a man in shining white armor either. M Y W H I T E K N I G H T, N

J U S T S O M E O N E TO L O V E M E , W H O I S N O T A S H A M

T H I N G S M Y W H I T E K N I G H T W H AT M Y H E A RT W O U L D S AY

I F I T O N LY K N E W H O W.

A L L I WA N T I S A P L A I N M A N ; A L L I WA N T I S A M O D E S T M A N ;

A Q U I E T M A N , A G E N T L E M A N ,

A S T R A I G H T F O RWA R D A N D H O N E S T M A N

TO S I T W I T H M E I N A C O T TA G E

S O M E W H E R E I N T H E S TAT E O F I O WA

A N D I W O U L D L I K E H I M TO B E

M O R E I N T ’ R E S T E D I N M E

T H A N H E I S I N H I M S E L F

A N D M O R E I N T ’ R E S T E D I N U S

T H A N I N M E .

A N D I F O C C A S I O N ’ LY H E ’ D P O N D E R W H AT M A K E S S H A K E S P E A R E A N D B E E T H O V E N G R E AT, H I M I C O U L D L O V E ‘ T I L I D I E . H I M I C O U L D L O V E ‘ T I L I D I E M Y W H I T E K N I G H T, N O T A L A N C E L O T N O R A N A N G E L W I T H W I N G S

J U S T S O M E O N E TO L O V E M E , W H O I S N O T A S H A M E D O F A F E W N I C E T H I N G S . M Y W H I T E K N I G H T

L E T M E WA L K W I T H H I M W H E R E T H E O T H E R S R I D E B Y; WA L K , A N D L O V E H I M

‘ T I L I D I E

‘ T I L I D I E .

(DIMOUT) E N D O F S C E N E T E N

S C E N E E L E V E N

(TIME: Noon, the following Saturday

AT RISE: Center of town, exterior. ZANEETA is crossing followed by TOMMY wearing his invention)

T O M M Y

(Calling)

Zaneeta Hey, Zaneeta (ZANEETA stops and turns)

Z A N E E T A

Tommy, Papa and Mama are sitting right there in the bank. Ye Gods!

T O M M Y

All right, then meet me after supper.

Z A N E E T A

I can’t. It’s Epworth League night. Meet you where?

T O M M Y

The footbridge.

Z A N E E T A

You see? Isn’t that just what I said? Last time the lumber yard and now the foot-bridge And where will you meet me after that? In the Black Hole of Calcutta? Ye Gods.

T O M M Y

I only want to show you my invention.

Z A N E E T A What invention?

T O M M Y

My music holder for a marching Piccolo player. It still has a couple of minor flaws; see, when you keep it tight enough to hold the music steady you cut off the circulation and you can’t wiggle your fingers. Meanwhile (Demonstrates how close it would be in playing position)

You could go blind

( T O M M Y )

Z A N E E T A

(Gestures in alarm at OLIVER HIX’S office)

Tommy! It’s Papa!

(TOMMY leaves in a hurry as SHINN and EULALIE ENTER)

S H I N N

Is that the first thing I said, or not?

Yes, George

E U L A L I E

S H I N N

Yes! The very first thing I said or I’ll eat hay with the horse! Get that Spellbinder ’ s credentials, I said, morning of Jew-ly Fourth, Nineteen and Twelve. And now look! My wife is off dancing at any and all hours instead of in the home

E U L A L I E

But George

S H I N N

the School Board is singin’ up street and down alley instead of tending to city matters, my oldest girl is boodling around with some wild kid and my business has fallen off so far I can’t find the balance sheet.

M A R I A N

(ENTERING with brown book)

Mayor Shinn, I’ve found something very interesting in this book about Professor Hill’s Alma Mater.

S H I N N

His who?

His university.

M A R I A N

S H I N N

I know all about that. In fact, that’s the only thing I can ever get out of him Gary Conservatory, class of aught-five.

If you’ll just take time to read a little bit about the Conservatory I don’t think you’ll have to look further. It’s on page ...

(HORSE MUSIC. GRACIE SHINN rushes on)

G R A C I E

Papa! The Wells Fargo Wagon is just comin’ up from the depot!

L L

(In hushed anticipation)

The Wells Fargo Wagon!

H I N N

A likely story! At this hour of the day? Nonsense! ... The Wells Fargo Wagon? G R A C I E

It could be the band instruments! S H I N N

The band instruments!

(The TOWNSPEOPLE now form, looking up the street listening for the horse’s hooves which are now heard plainly in the MUSIC)

O W N S P E O P L E O - H O , T H E W E L L S FA R G

I S A - C O M I N ’ N O W. I S I T A P R E PA I D S U R P R I S E O R C O D ?

T H V O I C E I T C O U L D B E C U RTA I N S ,

T H V O I C E O R D I S H E S ,

T H V O I C E O R I T C O U L D B E ,

O W N S P E O P L E Y E S , I T C O U L D B E , Y E S , Y O U ’ R E R I G H

T H V O I

S O M E T H I N ’ S P E C I A L , T O W N S P E O P L E S O M E T H I N ’ V E RY, V E RY S P E C I A L N O W,

T H V O I C E J U S T F O R M E .

O W N S P E O P L E O - H O , T H E W E L L S FA R G O WA G O N I S A - C O M I N ’ D O W N T H E S T R E E T, O H , D O N ’ T L E T H I M PA S S M Y D O O R !

O - H O , T H E W E L L S FA R G O WA G O N I S A - C O M I N ’ D O W N T H E S T R E E T, I W I S H I K N E W W H AT H E WA S C

(WINTHROP breaks through the CROWD and as the TOWNSPEOPLE slowly turn to look at him in amazement, HE SINGS)

W H O I T H N O R E L AT H I O N ,

B U T I T C O U L D B E

T H U M P ’ N T H P E T H YA L

J U T H T F O R M E !

T O W N S P E O P L E

( T E N O R / B A S S )

O - H O , Y O U

W E L L S FA R G O WA G O N , K E E P A - C O M I N ’

O - H O , Y O U W E L L S FA R G O WA G O N , K E E P A - C O M I N ’ .

O - H O , Y O U W E L L S FA R G O WA G O N , D O N ’ T Y O U

D A R E TO M A K E A S TO P,

U N T I L Y O U S TO P F O R M E . ( S O P R A N O / A L T O ) A H D A R E TO M A K E A S TO P, U N T I L Y O U S TO P F O R M E .

(MARIAN pushes her way through the CROWD to crush WINTHROP in an embrace as the CROWD cheers Wagon’s arrival) T O W N S P E O P L E Ray-yy! D R I V E R

Whoa!

W I N T H R O P

It’th the band inthtrumenth!

# 2 5 F i n a l e A c t 1

(HAROLD riding in wagon jumps down, carrying gold cornet which he brings to WINTHROP)

H A R O L D

Here you are, Winthrop.

My Cornet! Gee thankth, Profethor!

W I N T H R O P

H A R O L D

(Returning to wagon)

Men! You will each receive individual instruction in due course. In the meantime stay off the streets get acquainted with your instruments and think about the Minuet in G. La de da de da de da de da—

B O Y S

(EXITING)

La de da, La de da.

W I N T H R O P

Thithter! Thithter! Ithn’t thith the motht thcrumpthyuth tholid gold thing you ever thaw. I never thought I’d ever thee anything tho thcrumpthyuth ath thith thcrumpthyuth tholid gold thing! O thithter!

S H I N N

Round one for you Mister Hill, but I better hear some by God tootin’ out’a them horns in pretty short order or I’ll see you in front a’the grand jury over ’t the County Seat.

(Approaching MARIAN)

Now Miss Marian, about that book

(MARIAN tears page out of book as EULALIE calls SHINN)

E U L A L I E

Come, George! Tempus fugits

)

S H I N N

(Turning to her)

You watch your frazolagy. Get along if you want to. I’ve got to get something from the librarian

(Crosses to MARIAN)

About that book

(MARIAN hands him the book. SHINN and EULALIE EXIT.

HAROLD catches MARIAN’S look which is changing from gratitude to adoration)

H A R O L D

(Coming over to her)

The Ladies’ Dance Committee meets Tuesday nights at the High School.

(THEY hold the look as the ORCHESTRA with “My White Knight” swells to climax.

CURTAIN)

E N D O F S C E N E E L E V E N

E N D O F A C T O N E

(TIME: Evening The following Tuesday

AT RISE: Madison Gymnasium. The Ladies’ Auxiliary Committee is practicing for the Ice Cream Sociable MAUD, ALMA, ETHEL, MRS SQUIRES and EULALIE are dressed in “girls’” basketball bloomers, black stockings and tennis shoes, Peter Thompson blouses and black hair ribbons AT RISE, MARIAN is pumping “Rustle of Spring” as the LADIES parade with books balanced on their heads. The QUARTET are on one side of the stage dressed in Indian regalia)

E U L A L I E

Lovely, ladies, lovely. Now turn. Take the body with you. Lovely. Now let’s have a go at our Grecian Urns

One Grecian Urn ...

Two Grecian Urns ... and a Fountain ... trickle, trickle, trickle.

Splendid, ladies. I predict that our Del Sarte display will be the highlight of the Ice Cream Sociable Now gentlemen, if you ’ re ready

(The QUARTET comes over and takes positions)

And ladies, remember don’t make me tell you again Always keep your face to the audience. All right, Mr. Dunlop.

# 2 8

(EWART blows pitch pipe. MAUD pops out from behind him, EULALIE motions her back, the QUARTET SINGS as the LADIES pantomime appropriately)

Smile, girls, smile

(Trying to hold KIDS back at the door)

Please kids, Mrs Shinn will have my head

Mr Washburn, we are entitled to five more minutes

If you think you can hold these kids back, go ahead

(The KIDS burst in excitedly as EULALIE fights her way through them and EXITS RIGHT. The QUARTET and the LADIES quickly get out of the way)

Start her up, Mr Washburn Wait till you see the new steps Professor Hill taught us

All right! What’ll it be?

The Shipoopi!

Shipoopi!

(THEY form Virginia Reel lines)

( M A R C E L L U S )

O N C E M O R E I N T H E F L O W E R G A R D E N ,

S H E W I L L N E V E R G E T S O R E

I F Y O U B E G H E R PA R D O N . A L L

D O , R E , M I , FA , S O L , L A , S I , D O ,

S I , L A , S O L , FA , M I , R E , D O .

M A R C E L L U S

S Q U E E Z E H E R O N C E

W H E N S H E I S N ’ T L O O K I N ’ .

I F Y O U G E T A S Q U E E Z E B A C K , T H AT ’ S FA N C Y C O O K I N ’ .

O N C E M O R E F O R A P E P P E R - U P P E R .

S H E W I L L N E V E R G E T S O R E

O N H E R WAY TO S U P P E R . A L L

D O , R E , M I , FA , S O L , L A , S I , D O , S I , D O .

M A R C E L L U S

N O W L I T T L E O L’ S A L WA S A N O - G A L , A S A N Y O N E C O U L D S E E .

L O O K I T H E R N O W S H E ’ S A G O - G A L , W H O O N LY G O E S F O R M E

(HE resumes calling)

S Q U E E Z E H E R O N C E

W H E N S H E I S N ’ T L O O K I N ’ .

I F Y O U G E T A S Q U E E Z E B A C K , T H AT ’ S FA N C Y C O O K I N ’

O N C E M O R E F O R A P E P P E R - U P P E R .

S H E W I L L N E V E R G E T S O R E

O N T H E WAY TO S U P P E R A L L

D O , R E , M I , FA , S O L , L A , S I ,

D O , S I , D O

M A R C E L L U S

S H I P O O P I , S H I P O O P I , S H I P O O P I ,

(SEVERAL COUPLES do specialties including MARCELLUS and ETHEL, and TOMMY and ZANEETA. HAROLD ENTERS)

Come on, Professor, show us some new steps!

(HAROLD makes a gallant invitation to wallflower MARIAN. SHE is trapped into dancing with him in Vernon Castle one-step. She shines. Several of the LADIES witness this and rush off with the news The KIDS all join again imitating the steps HAROLD and MARIAN have done)

(As reprise featuring TOMMY and ZANEETA starts, EULALIE and MAYOR SHINN ENTER)

Take your hands off my daughter!

Papa!

S H I N N

Z A N E E T A

T O M M Y

Mr Shinn, your honor Your daughter and I are goin’ steady behind your back

S H I N N

Why you

T O M M Y

We’d rather do it in front a ’ your back but

S H I N N

Do what? Never mind

T O M M Y

Zaneeta’s scared a ’ ya, but I’m not I should think you’d hate to have your own daughter scared a ’ ya, Jeely Kly.

S H I N N

I’m going to warn you once more. If I ever catch you touching my daughter I’ll by God horsewhip you till Hell won’t have it again.

E U L A L I E

Now George!

Not one poop out’a you madam!

I think he means peep.

S H I N N

E U L A L I E

S H I N N

Yes! And now get out’a this public building!

T O M M Y

I got as much right in a public building as anybody.

S H I N N

Right? How do you get any right around here? Aiding and abetting the swindling activities of this spellbinding cymbal salesman? You know what I see written all over you? Reform School! Now get out! ... Get out, you wild kid.

(TOMMY rushes off)

Z A N E E T A

Papa, please. It’s Capulets like you make blood in the market place. Ye Gods.

S H I N N

You watch your frazolagy, young woman. Go home. (ZANEETA weeps and starts off EULALIE starts after her) Eulalie!

E U L A L I E

Yes, George, I only—

You tend to your dance.

(Coming back)

My dance (SHINN points, EULALIE EXITS)

S H I N N

E U L A L I E

S H I N N

I’ll handle Zaneeta. Takin’ up with wild kids from the wrong side a’town

M A R I A N

Mr. Mayor, if I could just make you understand

S H I N N

Well ya can’t. And by the way thanks for nothin’. I’ve read that book you gave me from cover to cover for a whole week now and didn’t find a thing!

H A R O L D

Mr. Mayor, if you please

S H I N N

I’ll settle your hash as soon as I get these premises offa’ my oldest girl (Starts off, turns back)

Yes!

H A R O L D

All right but in the meantime I want you to know I’m vouching for Tommy Djilas. That boy’s got the confidence of every kid in town—you’ll be standing in line waiting to shake his hand by time our Band plays its first concert.

S H I N N

By time your band plays its first concert the individual members’ll have to foregather in wheel chairs on account of the broken legs they’ll get from tripping over their beards. I’ll tell you something, my fine young feathered my feathered young—never mind! Oliver—Jacey—Ewart—Olin!

(The MEN quickly attend)

I want this man ’ s references and I want ‘ em tonight! Don’t let him out’a your sight! He’s slipprier ’ n a Mississippi sturgeon!

O L I V E R

Do you mean you want us to get his credentials

S H I N N

Get his papers or get him in jail! Couldn’t make myself any clearer if I’se a button hook in the well-water

(EXITS, dragging ZANEETA The MEN follow)

M A R I A N

(Hurrying to HAROLD)

Professor Hill, I think Mayor Shinn has behaved abominably and I think it was wonderful of you coming to Tommy’s defense.

H A R O L D

Oh, that was nothing.

Yes it was.

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

Oh, no. A man can’t dodge the issue every time a little personal risk is involved

(Watching her)

What does the Poet say?

The coward dies a thousand deaths the brave man only 500 (Laughs gaily, suddenly turns serious)

Unfortunately, of course, the Mayor was already pretty mad on account of his Billiard Parlor. Now

(Shrugs ruefully)

Oh, I suppose a recommendation from a musical authority like yourself would help but

(Leaving)

I couldn’t think of asking you to do a thing like that

M A R I A N

(Stopping him)

Why, Professor Hill.

You would?

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

I’d be glad to. I just wish I was a little more informed I’ve been wanting to talk to you about Winthrop’s Cornet

H A R O L D

His Cornet? Mother-of-pearl keys

M A R I A N

I’m sure it’s fine But you see he never touches it Oh, the first week or so, he made a few ah experimental blats? I guess you’d say?

H A R O L D

Yes yes, blats.

And he sings the (SINGING it)

M A R I A N

“Minuet in G de daft almost constantly.

H A R O L D

(Going to the groups of LADIES and leading them as they SING)

La de da de da de da de da La de da La de da

M A R I A N

But he never touches the Cornet

Well, you see

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

He says you told him it wasn’t necessary

H A R O L D

Well

M A R I A N

He tells me about some “Think System ” If he thinks the “Minuet in G”, he won’t have to bother with the notes. Now Professor

H A R O L D

Miss Marian. The Think System is a revolutionary method, I’ll admit. So was Galileo’s conception of the Heavens, Columbus’ conception of the egg ah globe, Bach’s conception of the Well-Tempered Clavichord. Hmm? Now I cannot discuss these things here in public. But if you’ll allow me to call

(Spotting the LADIES who are ENTERING, hastily)

When may I call?

Why any night this week

M A R I A N

(The LADIES ENTER as HAROLD EXITS)

(Simultaneous with above)

Miss Paroo, please join our Del Sarte Committee.

You were so dear tonight dancing the Shipoopi with Professor Hill.

(The LADIES continue “Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little” under the following)

You Dance like a

(Slam) (Slam)

(Thump)

(Crossing through from the Girls’ Locker)

(Whispered)

H E E P !

(BLACKOUT)

N D O F S C E N E O N E

S C E N E T W O

(TIME: The following Wednesday evening After supper AT RISE: The Hotel Porch. JACEY, OLIN, OLIVER, EWART, all wearing silver stars, are on the alert as HAROLD is trying to escape them)

E W A R T

Sorry, Professor, but we got our orders. O L I V E R

We all been deputized.

H A R O L D

Yes congratulations. Let’s see now you know all week I’ve tried to give you fellows my references and credentials but every time you seem to get off the subject somehow. Now I have just what you want up in my hotel room take me a second.

E W A R T

Sorry. ‘Fraid I’ll have to go along with you.

H A R O L D

Yes well, let’s see if I have my key (Finds paper in pocket)

What’s this? Oh a testimonial from Madame Rini, the only female Bassoon player ever to appear on the Redpath Circuit Her stage name, of course Actually she was from Moline. Lida Rose Quackenbush.

E W A R T

(Reaching)

Could I see that for a minute?

(Hastily pocketing it)

Oh, you’ll never forget the name. Lida Rose. Same as the old song.

(Gets out pitch pipe and blows it)

Q U A R T E T

( I n s t a n t l y j u m p i n g i n )

S U N B A C K I N T H E S K Y.

L I D A R O S E , I ’ M H O M E A G A I N , R O S E ,

A B O U T A T H O U S A N D K I S S E S S H Y

D I N G , D O N G , D I N G ,

I C A N H E A R T H E C H A P E L B E L L C H I M E

D I N G , D O N G , D I N G ,

AT T H E L E A S T S U G G E S T I O N ,

I ’ L L P O P T H E Q U E S T I O N

L I D A R O S E , O H , L I D A R O S E , O H , L I D A R O S E .

( A s t h e Q U A R T E T s t a r t s ,

H A R O L D d u s t s o f f h i s h a n d s ,

l e a v e s t h e p o r c h a n d j o i n s

M A R C E L L U S w h o h a s

E N T E R E D L E F T a n d i s

b e c k o n i n g t o H A R O L D .

T H E Y E X I T L E F T h a s t i l y )

(LIGHTS FADE OUT on QUARTET as PAROO porch swings into view STAGE LEFT

MARIAN is sitting on the porch steps, MRS. PAROO in rocker on porch)

M A R I A N

D R E A M O F N O W.

D R E A M O F T H E N

D R E A M O F A L O V E S O N G

T H AT M I G H T H AV E B E E N .

D O I L O V E Y O U ?

O H Y E S , I L O V E Y O U , A N D I ’ L L B R AV E LY T E L L Y O U ,

B U T O N LY W H E N

W E D R E A M A G A I N .

S W E E T A N D L O W,

H O W S W E E T T H AT M E M ’ RY;

H O W L O N G A G O

F O R E V E R , O H Y E S , F O R E V E R .

W I L L I E V E R T E L L Y O U ?

A H , N O

(LIGHTS come up on QUARTET)

Q U A R T E T

L I D A R O S E , O H , L I D A R O S E , O H

M A R I A N

D R E A M O F N O W

D R E A M O F T H E N .

D R E A M O F A L O V E S O N G

T H AT M I G H T H AV E B E E N .

D O I L O V E Y O U ?

O H Y E S , I L O V E Y O U , Q U A R T E T

L I D A R O S E , I ’ M H O M E A G A I N , R O S E ,

TO G E T T H E S U N B A C K I N M Y S K Y.

L I D A R O S E , I ’ M H O M E A G A I N , R O S E , A B O U T A T H O U S A N D K I S S E S S H Y.

D I N G , D O N G , D I N G , I C A N H E A R T H E C H A P E L B E L L C H I M E .

( M A R I A N )

A N D I ’ L L B R AV E LY T E L L Y O U ,

B U T O N LY W H E N

W E D R E A M A G A I N

S W E E T A N D L O W,

H O W S W E E T T H AT M E M ’ RY;

H O W L O N G A G O

F O R E V E R ,

O H Y E S , F O R E V E R

W I L L I E V E R T E L L Y O U ?

A H , N O

L I D A R O S E ,

O H , L I D A R O S E ,

O H , L I D A R O S E .

( Q U A R T E T )

D I N G , D O N G , D I N G ,

AT T H E L E A S T S U G G E S T I O N , I ’ L L P O P T H E Q U E S T I O N .

L I D A R O S E ,

I ’ M H O M E A G A I N , R O S E ,

W I T H O U T A S W E E T H E A RT TO M Y N A M E .

L I D A R O S E ,

N O W E V ’ RY O N E K N O W S

T H AT I A M H O P I N G Y O U ’ R E T H E S A M E .

S O H E R E I S M Y L O V E S O N G ;

N O T FA N C Y O R F I N E .

L I D A R O S E , O H , W O N ’ T Y O U B E M I N E ?

(LIGHTS FADE OUT on QUARTET)

E N D O F S C E N E T W O

S C E N E T H R E E

(TIME: Immediately following.

The PAROO’S Porch. MARIAN is sitting on the steps in the moonlight. MRS. PAROO rocks and sews)

M R S . P A R O O

(Testily)

Will you ever stop arguin’ with yourself? Will you ever tell him won’t you ever tell him ah yes ah no ah fiddlesticks. Just open your mouth and let it come out.

M A R I A N

Now Mama

M R S . P A R O O

Now nuthin’ If he ever comes to call again, you see him alone, and if you haven’t the gumption to tell him how you feel

M A R I A N

Tell him?

M R S . P A R O O

Well, there’s nothing wrong with a ladylike hint.

W I N T H R O P

(Bursting in with a jar of worms)

Mama!

Winthrop, where’ve you been?

Fithin’

Fishing!

With Harold

You mean Professor Hill?

M R S . P A R O O

W I N T H R O P

M R S . P A R O O

W I N T H R O P

M A R I A N

W I N T H R O P

Mm hm And look I thtill have thum wormth left

M A R I A N

Did you have a good time?

W I N T H R O P

Thcrumpthyuth He told me all about hith home town, Gary, Indiana And he thaid he’d take me there thum day. And he taught me a thong that hardly hath any etheth in it.

6 G a r y , I n d i a n a

(Hands MARIAN the worms)

G A RY, I N D I A N A ,

( W i n t h r o p , M r s . P a r o o , M a r i a n )

( W I N T H R O P )

L E T M E T H AY I T W U N T H A G A I N .

G A RY, I N D I A N A ,

G A RY, I N D I A N A , T H AT ’ T H T H E TO W N T H AT K N E W M E W H E N

I F Y O U ’ D L I K E TO H AV E A L O G I C A L E K T H P L A N AT H Y U N ,

H O W I H A P P E N E D O N T H I T H E L E G A N T T H I N K O PAT H Y U N ,

I W I L L T H AY, W I T H O U T A M O M E N T O F H E T H I TAT H Y U N ,

T H E R E I T H J U T H T O N E P L AT H E

T H AT C A N L I G H T M Y FAT H E

G A RY, I N D I A N A ,

N O T L O U E E T H E E A N A ,

PA R I T H , F R A N T H , N E W Y O R K O R R O M E , B U T

G A RY, I N D I A N A ,

M Y H O M E T H W E E T H O M E I F Y O U ’ D L

. P A R O O

G A RY, I N D I A N A M A R I A N

G A RY, I N D I A N A W I N T H R O P

N O T L O U E E T H E E A N A ,

G A RY, I N D I A N A

G A RY, I N D I A N A ,

M R S . P A R O O

M A R I A N

A L L T H R E E

M Y H O M E S W E E T H O M E .

(WINTHROP does a quick dance step on the tag)

W I N T H R O P

(Grabs his worms and runs off into house, reappears)

I’ll be back in a minute. I have to show Amaryllith my live frog.

(SINGS loudly as he EXITS)

La de da de da de da de da. La de da. La de da.

(MRS. PAROO starts into the house)

M A R I A N

Leave the dishes I’ll do them, Mama

M R S . P A R O O

Don’t you have to change for the Sociable?

M A R I A N

There’s time later

(CHARLIE COWELL ENTERS LEFT, passes porch, turns back)

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

Shinns live around here somewhere?

M A R I A N

The Shinn home is on East Elm. This is West Elm.

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

Aw Criminee!

(Sees “PIANO GIVEN” sign on porch)

I see you ’ re the piano teacher in town? You must know about this fellow Hill formin’ a Boys’ Band here

Yes

Well, don’t let it worry you no more, I got the goods on him in spades Swindlin’ two-bit thimble rigger. That’s why I got to see Shinn.

(Pulls out watch)

I’m just passin’ through. Number eight only makes a fifteen-minute water stop. Wish it was 20. Would sure like to concentrate five minutes on you, girly-girl. M A R I A N

Who are you?

(Rises)

Name’s Charlie Cowell anvil salesman. But just now I’m out to protect the good name of the travellin’ fraternity from this swindler.

M A R I A N

Mr. Cowell, you ’ re making a big mistake. C H A R L I E C

Mistake my old lady’s corset-cover! That fella’s been the raspberry seed in my wisdom tooth just long enough. He spoiled Illinois for me and he’s not gonna spoil Iowa! Say, what kind of music teacher are you, you didn’t see through him? He’s no more Professor

M A R I A N

I know all about that Band leaders are always called Professor It’s a harmless deception. He’s a fine director and his scholastic C H A R L I

Now wait a minute. Fine director? Have you heard one note a ’ music from any band? M A R I A N

No, but

But nothin’, girly-girl! He never formed a band in his life! And he never will!

(Waves papers) M A R I A N

If you’ll just listen to me for a minute

I’d like to I’d like to do more than that, if I had the time I sure got the inclination

But I got to get back on that train and I got to leave this dynamite ...

(Brandishing papers)

... with somebody on the way’t the deppo. ‘Bye, girly-girl. See you next time through.

(TRAIN WHISTLE is heard) M A R I A N

You’ll never make that train at the depot. You’ll have to catch it at the crossing.

(Gestures LEFT)

No sir I’ve got to leave word And I can see you ain’t the one to leave it with

Just a minute Mr Cowell you don’t know me yet

(Turning back)

Is that an invitation? M A R I A N

(Losing her nerve)

No I meant I don’t know you, and

(Turning away again)

Yes I’d need more time any way

I mean as well as I’d like to

(Turning back)

No trouble there, girly-girl (HE moves in) M A R I A N

(Drawing back)

I never met a man who sell anvils. That’s something—well—quite different.

(Pawing a little)

Takes a real salesman, I can tell you that. Anvils have a limited appeal you know.

(TRAIN WHISTLE)

What am I doin’? I miss that train I’ll get fired! And I got to leave word about that fellow Hill!

Leave word with me

Not on your tintype How do I know you’d deliver these letters

Try me

(Grabbing his lapels SHE plants her lips on his. It is a long kiss. The TRAIN WHISTLE and BELL grow louder ... We hear the QUARTET OFFSTAGE.

MARIAN struggles free, wipes her mouth in disgust, points LEFT)

(Simultaneous with above)

There’s your train! Now run for it!

(Furious)

Why you double-dealing little Who do you think you ’ re protecting? That guy ’ s got a girl in every county in Illinois, and he’s taken it away from every one of ‘em! And that’s 102 counties! Not counting the piana teachers like you he cozies up to, to keep their mouths shut!

(As he runs off)

Neither one of you ’ s heard the last of me, girly-girl!

(MARIAN stands stunned. QUARTET ENTERS SINGING and stops long enough for)

M !

(MARIAN still stands dazed, not even acknowledging their presence. THEY EXIT SINGING MRS PAROO is heard OFFSTAGE) L I D

(Simultaneous with above, OFFSTAGE)

Marian Marian!

(Comes out on the porch)

Marian dear! Who was you talkin’ to just

(HAROLD ENTERS)

Why Professor Hill!

H A R O L D

Mrs Paroo! The top a ’ the evening! Miss Marian

M R S . P A R O O

You and Marian come up and set I I’ve I’ve got some jelly on the stove

M A R I A N

There’s no jelly on the stove, Mama

M R S . P A R O O

(Tartly EXITING)

Well, I’ll put some on.

(MARIAN stands mute)

(After a pause)

Shall we “set” as your mother said?

Well, I ...

You did ask me to call ... ?

Did I? ... I didn’t mean anything ...

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

Now Miss Marian, I’m not suggesting your invitation inferred anything but Academic enlightenment

(MARIAN looks at him quizzically)

The Think System? I’ve been by your house to try to explain it to you a time or two this week but there always seemed to be people around mostly ladies I thought.

M A R I A N

Yes, Mrs. Squires and several of the ladies.

H A R O L D

I’m glad wouldn’t want anybody beating my time.

(Laughs)

You wouldn’t? No ma ’ am ... Well, it’s evidently not the convenient night. See you at the Sociable later

(Starts to leave)

M A R I A N

Professor Hill

(HAROLD stops. MARIAN, blurting)

Is it true that you ’ ve (Starts to lose her nerve)

had a hundred what I’m trying to say is

H A R O L D

(Advancing to her)

Yes?

(Completely losing her nerve)

M A R I A N

Is it really true that you ’ ve developed a a Think System?

H A R O L D

A what? A Think System? Oh Think System yes It’s really very simple

As simple as whistling. Nobody has to show you how to use your lips in whistling. You only have to think a tune to have it come out clearly here

(Pointing to her lips)

Now just try this yourself, before you ask any questions (Puckers up)

M A R I A N

(Pulling back)

I take your word

Could we sit down?

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

Are all music teachers as dense as I am? H A R O L D

All music teachers? M A R I A N

I daresay you meet dozens even a hundred

Well I

(Cutting in)

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

Have they all been fascinated as I have with ... the Think System?

H A R O L D

Some more, some less. One young lady had thought up the same system before I got to her town She showed me a few refinements

M A R I A N

(Turning away)

I see ...

Have I said something wrong?

(Turned away from him)

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

Please don’t let me keep you, Professor Hill You must have many more important things to do than to explain the Think System to me.

H A R O L D

Can’t think of one.

M A R I A N

And I must be very dull company for a man of your experience.

H A R O L D

Now saaaay ... where’d you get an idea like that?

M A R I A N

One hears rumours of travelling salesmen.

H A R O L D

Now, Miss Marian you mustn’t believe everything you hear. After all, one even hears rumours about librarians

M A R I A N

(Turning on him)

I suppose you ’ re referring to Uncle Maddy.

Uncle Maddy?

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

Mr Madison my father ’ s best friend No matter what they say he left me an assured job so Mother and Winthrop and I would have some security. Surely you don’t believe ...

H A R O L D

Of course not! That’s exactly what I’m saying. But why do you think people start those rumours.

M A R I A N

Narrow-mindedness, jealousy—jealousy, mostly, I guess.

H A R O L D

Exactly. And jealously mostly starts rumours about travelling salesmen. (Catching her off-guard. Quietly)

What have you heard?

M A R I A N

Oh—oh nothing about you personally—just generally—

H A R O L D

What have you heard generally?

Just that— (HAROLD is very close to her)

M A R I A N

but of course, it stands to reason that—that disappointment and jealously can lead to I mean take you for instance your attentions to to customers and and well, teachers might easily be misinterpreted mightn’t they (Frantically hoping for reassurance)

I mean, now honestly mightn’t they?

H A R O L D

Why?

(Racing on)

M A R I A N

And, so you say if another salesman or somebody were jealous I mean well, they could be downright lies couldn’t they?

H A R O L D

(Confused)

What could?

Rumours and things.

Why, of course.

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

It just proves you should never believe everything you hear, doesn’t it? I mean if you discuss things

H A R O L D

Miss Marian, I would be delighted to discuss anything in the world with you But couldn’t we do it sitting down?

(Trying to lighten her mood)

You do sit? ... Your knees bend and all.

M A R I A N

(Still nose to nose with HAROLD)

We could sit on the porch steps

H A R O L D

We could also sit on a large hollow log over ’t the footbridge

M A R I A N

(Still not moving)

I couldn’t think of it. I’ve never been to the footbridge with a man in my life.

H A R O L D

Just to talk.

I’ve got to dress for the Sociable.

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

Then meet me there in fifteen minutes.

M A R I A N

I just can’t please some other time maybe tomorrow.

H A R O L D

My dear little librarian Pile up enough tomorrows and you’ll find you ’ ve collected nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don’t know about you but I’d like to make today worth remembering.

M A R I A N

(Breathlessly)

Oh so would I.

The footbridge fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes.

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

(HAROLD EXITS quickly. MARIAN’S voice is suddenly loud and desperate) Mama!

M R S . P A R O O

(Coming onto porch)

What?

M A R I A N

I just told Professor Hill I’d meet him at the footbridge in fifteen minutes

M R S . P A R O O

Glory be and the saints be praised it works!

M A R I A N

What does?

M R S . P A R O O

I been usin’ the Think System on you from the Parlor! (BLACKOUT)

S C E N E F O U R

(TIME: Fifteen minutes later.

AT RISE: The footbridge The stage is dark As the TRAVELLER opens we see TOWNSPEOPLE crossing the bridge on their way to the Sociable, the QUARTET in Indian regalia, the LADIES in their Grecian draperies and EVERYBODY dressed in their best carrying picnic baskets, freezers, etc.

The LIGHTS iris up to reveal all the TEEN AGE COUPLES in a romantic pose. THEY dance to a waltz tempo version of “It’s You.” The last YOUNG LADY escapes her ESCORT and runs off RIGHT. HAROLD appears, looks for MARIAN, then raps on the Bridge with a large twig he is carrying. The bridge moves forward, and HE conducts with the twig as though he were leading a large orchestra. He catches himself, breaks the twig and throws it away)

M A R C E L L U S

(Entering in a rush)

Psssst! Hey Greg! The uniforms have arrived! The kids are in ‘ em already. The people are going to be screaming for music if those kids show up at the Sociable.

H A R O L D

Yeah

(Handing HAROLD a roll)

M A R C E L L U S

Here’s most a ’ the dough. I got Tommy to collect it. He’s trying to keep the kids together at least. Pretending to hold a practice over ’t the lumber yard.

H A R O L D

All right, Marce. Get the rig.

I got it!

What time’s the freight go?

Nine-forty from the junction.

Well it’s not even eight-thirty yet

M A R C E L L U S

H A R O L D

M A R C E L L U S

H A R O L D

M A R C E L L U S

Look, you wanta turtle-wurtle around here and get yourself caught in a bunny-trap, you go ahead, but

H A R O L D

Don’t worry, Marce. I’ll meet you at the Hotel in plenty a ’ time.

(MARCELLUS EXITS as MARlAN ENTERS)

Miss Marian!

(THEY rush toward each other and meet on the bridge)

You’re late.

But you said fifteen minutes

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

I meant that you were about Well I’d say about twenty-six years late took you all this time to get to the footbridge with a fella.

M A R I A N

If you want to know the truth it was almost longer.

H A R O L D

Oh?

M A R I A N

Halfway here I nearly turned back. I suppose I’m not the first to find it easier to think clearly when not under the spell of your salesmanship.

H A R O L D

(Protesting too much)

Now Miss Marian surely you don’t think I’ve been selling you anything.

M A R I A N

No you ’ ve given me something. That’s why I decided to come.

H A R O L D

(Bewildered)

I don’t recall giving

(MUSIC under following) M A R I A N

(With intensity)

Oh yes, you have! Something beautiful That’s why I came and I’m glad! Oh, please don’t be afraid that I expect too much more. One can’t expect a travelling salesman to stay put I know there have been many ports of call and there will be many more. But that’s no reason for me not to be grateful for what you will have left behind for me! H A R O L D

(Beginning to protest)

Marian I

(Putting her hand over his mouth)

A R I A N

(ORCHESTRA boils up and over an eight bar extension as THEY kiss)

(THEY kiss again as MARCELLUS rushes on)

H A R O L D

Marian, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me M A R C E L L U S

(Whispering loudly)

Pssst! Hey Greg! H A R O L D

Excuse me. I’m expecting a cable from Hector Berlioz—this could be it.

(Hurries to meet MARCELLUS)

Now what?

M A R C E L L U S

Who’s the salesman here? Sounds like she’s selling and you ’ re buying.

H A R O L D

You nuts? I didn’t know I’se goin’ to be able to leave tonight—I had to keep her off balance, didn’t I? I told you

M A R C E L L U S

Well, she’s so far off balance now you can’t tell her from a cat-boat in a hurricane.

H A R O L D

Listen, Buster Brown, I’ve come up through the ranks on this skirmish I’m not resigning without my commission

M A R C E L L U S

But Greg, you can’t get anywhere right out here on the footbridge

H A R O L D

There’s a place over ’t Madison Park near the Sociable makes this footbridge look like the old ladies home. Now beat it. Go get the rig.

(MARCELLUS EXITS as HAROLD returns to MARIAN)

Never a peaceful moment in the music business.

( H A R O L D )

(Preparing for the kill)

Now then, where were we?

M A R I A N

You were about to tell me what I don’t know about you.

H A R O L D

(Trying to retract)

Yeah well we really don’t have to go into that just now do we

M A R I A N

No, we don’t or ever for that matter, Harold The librarian hasn’t felt much like doing research lately but she did plenty when you first came here.

H A R O L D

(Slightly apprehensive)

Oh about what?

M A R I A N

About Professor Harold Hill, Gary Conservatory of Music Gold Medal Class of ‘05 Harold, there wasn’t any Gary Conservatory in ‘05.

H A R O L D

Why there certainly

M A R I A N

Because the town wasn’t even built till ‘06.

(Kisses him)

I’ll see you at the Sociable.

(Calling after her)

You knew all the time?!

(Taking a paper from her bosom)

H A R O L D

M A R I A N

Since July 7th three days after you came. I tore this page out of the Indiana Journal

(Handing him the paper)

It was originally intended to use against you but now I give it to you with all my heart.

H A R O L D

But if you knew why didn’t you

(MARIAN throws him another kiss as SHE EXITS. Looking off after her)

( H A R O L D )

Why you little—

(HAROLD preens himself as he thinks all this over enjoying his prowess and his luck HE starts off RIGHT as TRAVELLER CLOSES IN)

(TlME: Immediately following AT RISE: HAROLD before TRAVELLER)

(Taking paper re: Gary from his pocket)

(HAROLD recoils in a gigantic delayed take struck by lightning as the realization hits him that he is in love)

(ENTERING with HAROLD’S suitcase in one hand, desperately holding off CHARLIE COWELL with the other)

Greg, this guy ’ s crazy. He’s goin’ all over town spillin’ everything.

(Screaming mad)

I’ll say I’m crazy! Missed my train—prob’ly lost my job! But I got ya now, Hill, and you’ll pay! You’d be in the clink right now had’ na been fer that piana teacher. I told her all about you and wha’d she do? Lilligags me around till I couldn’t get to Shinn! Little dried up man-hungry doxy, round heel fiz gig

(HAROLD knocks CHARLIE COWELL down)

Get outa here or I’ll kill you, you dirty mouthed

(Scrambling off)

You bully! You big blow-off! I’ll stay in this town till you get yours up, down, through and sideways Why, you never even knew the territory

Here’s your stuff, Greg! The rig’s in the alley Come on! Hurry up!

# 4 1 I c e C

(MARCELLUS EXITS with suitcase, as HAROLD stands not moving. CURTAIN.

“Rustle of Spring” in ORCHESTRA takes us to next scene)

E N D O F S C E N E F I V E

S C E N E S I X

(TIME: A few minutes later.

AT RISE: Madison Park. The Ice Cream Sociable. The last strains of “Rustle of Spring” are heard as the LADIES are concluding their Grecian Urn presentation)

E U L A L I E

Two Grecian Urns! And a fountain

(There is mild applause. CHARLIE COWELL and MAYOR SHINN burst in among the LADIES)

S H I N N

Stop, stop. Listen to this man!

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

You gullible green-grass goats! Can’t you get it through your heads that you ’ re being swindled out’a your eye teeth right now this minute? There’s a burglar in the bedroom while you ’ re fiddling in the parlor! I’m talking about Harold Hill— road agent highwayman pickpocket.

M A N # 1

Pickpocket?

C H A R L I E C O W E L L

Same thing! He’s had his hand in your wallet, Mister, and yours, Madam, and yours, little lady, ever since the first moment he came to this town! There’s more documented evidence than you’ll ever have time to read! There isn’t any band, there never has been any band and there never will be any band! And if you don’t hunt this man down right now like a mad dog, there won’t be any Harold Hill either! He’ll be on the next train out of town

S H I N N

Now will you believe me?

Well what are we waiting for?

I want my money back!

Money back I want his hide!

M A N # 2

W O M A N

M A N # 1

S H I N N

After him! And when you find him bring him to the schoolhouse After him!

(Dispatches various GROUPS)

Try the low road! Look by the crick! Try the mill! Back a ’ the privy! (The PEOPLE all rush OFFSTAGE. The TRAVELLER CLOSES. We see WINTHROP alone before the TRAVELLER. Three BOYS cross RIGHT to LEFT. The GRECIAN LADIES cross from LEFT to RIGHT behind TRAVELLER. WINTHROP breaks down and runs OFFSTAGE LEFT MARIAN rushes across from RIGHT to LEFT. Two GROUPS cross each other behind TRAVELLER, one GROUP going LEFT, one GROUP going RIGHT HAROLD and MARCELLUS rush across from LEFT to RIGHT in front of the TRAVELLER. Another GROUP including the QUARTET rushes across after him, LEFT to RIGHT, in front of the TRAVELLER. HAROLD and MARCELLUS reappear crossing from RIGHT to LEFT in front of the TRAVELLER as MARIAN crosses from LEFT to RIGHT in front of the TRAVELLER. THEY pass each other. HAROLD stops abruptly, and calls her)

H A R O L D

Marian! I’ve been looking all over for you! Where’ve you been?

M A R I A N

(Rushing to him)

Harold! I’ve been looking for Winthrop he’s run away! Please go! Please Harold, they’re even talking about tar and feathers!

H A R O L D

I had to see you, Marian

)

# 4 2 C h a s e M u s i c

M A R I A N

It’s all right! Don’t you know that? You don’t owe me a word not a word Please, hurry, please

M A R C E L L U S

(Rushing to HAROLD)

Greg

(Attracted by OFFSTAGE activity, desperately calls in OFFSTAGE direction)

He isn’t anywhere around here! Let’s try down by the crick! (HE EXITS and WINTHROP rushes through looking over his shoulder)

M A R I A N

Winthrop!

(Grabbing him.

WINTHROP breaks away but HAROLD grabs him)

H A R O L D

Hey, wait a minute here, son.

(Struggling)

I’m not your thon! Leave go me!

Not till I talk to you for a minute

(Trying to fight loose)

W I N T H R O P

H A R O L D

W I N T H R O P

I won’t lithen! You wouldn’t tell the truth anyway.

H A R O L D

I would too.

Would not.

W I N T H R O P

H A R O L D

Would too! Tell you anything you want to know.

W I N T H R O P

(Holding still for a minute)

Can you lead a band?

No.

Are you a big liar?

Yes.

Are you a dirty rotten crook?

Yes.

(Bursting into tears, kicking)

Leave me go, you big liar!

H A R O L D

W I N T H R O P

H A R O L D

W I N T H R O P

H A R O L D

W I N T H R O P

H A R O L D

What’s the matter? You wanted the truth, didn’t you? Now I’m bigger ’ n you and you ’ re going to stand here and get it all so you might as well quit wiggling.

(WINTHROP finally stops exhausted, stands panting)

There’s two things you ’ re entitled to know. One, you ’ re a wonderful kid. I thought so from the first That’s why I wanted you in the band, just so you’d quit mopin’ around feeling sorry for yourself.

W I N T H R O P

(Sarcastically)

What band?

I always think there’s a band, kid

H A R O L D

W I N T H R O P

What‘th the other thing I’m entitled to know?

Well actually the other thing isn’t any your business now that I think of it W I N T H R O P

I with you’d never come to River Thity! M A R I A N

No you don’t, Winthrop

Thithter! You believe him?

I believe everything he ever said.

But he promithed uth M A R I A N

I know what he promised us and it all happened just like he said. The lights. And the flags and the colors. And the cymbals.

W I N T H R O P

Where wath all that?

(Hotly)

In the way every kid in this town walked around here all summer, and looked and acted. Especially you! And the parents, too. Does Mama wish he’d never come to River City?

Well you do, don’t you? M A R I A N

No, Winthrop. Now go, Harold please. W I N T H R O P

(Bursting into tears)

Go on, Profethor, hurry up.

H A R O L D

I can’t go, Winthrop W I N T H R O P

Why not?

H A R O L D

For the first time in my life I got my foot caught in the door

(To MARIAN)

(THEY embrace)

(ENTERING)

Greg!

(Desperately)

Greg, they’re here! That way—that way!

W I N T H R O P

Go on, Profethor. That way—that way.

(HAROLD stays where he is as the MEN surround him. CONSTABLE LOCKE takes charge with handcuffs.

CURTAIN)

E N D O F S C E N E S I X

S C E N E S E V E N

(TIME: Immediately following.

AT RISE: The River City High School Assembly Room TOWNSPEOPLE assembled In evidence are the DEL SARTE LADIES and the other program participants, their costumes begdraggled by the storm)

S H I N N

(On the podium)

which is why I interrupted the program at this point Rest assured this snake in our bosom would have been misapprehended by this time. Yes! And always remember

( S H I N N )

(Gesturing with packet of papers)

fellow River Citizens, I can only remind you that I did everything in my power to prevent this dire happening from ah happening Four score

M A N # 1

What have you done to get our money back?

M A N # 2

That Professor collected nearly three hundred dollars for uniforms, just tonight!

W O M A N # 1

And we haven’t even seen them uniforms yet!

S H I N N

He’s slippery I told you

W O M A N # 2

I haven’t seen any uniform or my boy either, since just after supper!

M A N # 3

He’s a kidnapper!

Fine situation here!

Four score

W O M A N # 3

S H I N N

(CONSTABLE LOCKE ENTERS and signals to SHINN. SHlNN’S FACE takes on a self-satisfied smile)

Just a minute! Virtue has triumphed! The sword of retribution has cut down Professor Harold Hill!

(HAROLD ENTERS in custody, MARIAN at his side. CROWD reaction. Several of the MEN rush for HAROLD. CONSTABLE pushes them back)

And if there are those, as I have heard, who are melting tar and collecting feathers, I will not say them nay!

M A R I A N

(Rushing up to the rostrum)

Well I should think there ought to be some of you who could forget our everlasting Iowa stubborn chip-on-the-shoulder arrogance long enough to remember River City before Harold Hill arrived Do you remember? Well, do you? Surely some of you ought to be grateful to him for what he’s brought to River City and if so I should think you’d want to admit it

S H I N N

You’re wasting a great deal of time here If there’s a person in this hall who doesn’t think this man Hill should be tarred and feathered, let him stand up.

(The SILENCE is ear-splitting. Then MRS. PAROO stands. Next, ZANEETA, then the SCHOOL BOARD QUARTET, the WA TAN YE GIRLS, the LADIES OF DANCE COMMITTEE, finally CONSTABLE LOCKE, and EULALIE)

Eulalie, set down.

(SHE sits, but at a gesture from MRS. PAROO rises again immediately)

And the rest a ’ you standin’ there like a cote a ’ Shropshyre sheep.

(THEY all sit slowly)

Have you people forgotten how you bought expensive uniforms, technical instruction books and high-priced band instruments? Have you forgotten the clear understanding and warrantee that your children would be taught to play in a band? Well, where’s the band? Where’s the band?

(TOMMY ENTERS with KIDS in uniforms too big and too small.

HE blows WHISTLE The KIDS hold up their instruments into playing position HAROLD stands aghast. MARIAN quickly takes pointer from the blackboard, breaks off a “baton” and hands it to HAROLD)

H A R O L D

(Looks around desperately, finds no place to hide Fervently)

Think, men, think!

(HE gives the upbeat and leads the BAND in “Minuet in G” like it has never been played before just barely recognizable. The RIVER CITIZENS think it’s the greatest thing they ever heard SHINN crosses to TOMMY in amazement shakes hands with him)

That’s my Barney! That Tuba’s my Barney!

Eddie! That’s Eddie’s Clarionette!

Linus, play to me son, play to me!

Davey, my Davey

(At Cornet solo)

Mrs. Paroo, that’s Winthrop!

(MRS. PAROO registers thrills and pride.

HAROLD has been standing taller with each exclamation, and now conducts with a flourish; the same inimitable HAROLD HILL of before. SHINN crosses, shakes his hand. PEOPLE cheer. CHARLIE COWELL EXITS. HAROLD embraces MARIAN.

CURTAIN)

ACT ONE

1 O v e r t u r e ( O r c h e s t r a ) ......................................................... 11 9

SCENE ONE

2 Tr a i n O p e n i n g ( O r c h e s t r a ) 11 9

3 R o c k I s l a n d ( S a l e s m e n , C h a r l i e C

SCENE TWO

4 I o w a S t u b b o r n ( To w n s p e o p l e , F a r m e r, F a r m e r ’ s Wi f e ) 1 3 1

5 Ya G o t Tr o u b l e ( H a r o l d , To w n s p e o p l e ) ......................................... 1 4 2

6 . Tr o u b l e P l a y o f f & Wa l k i n g M u s i c ( To w n s p e o p l e ) ............................................................... 1 5 7

SCENE THREE

SCENE FOUR

7 P i a n o L e s s o n & I f Yo u D o n ’ t M i n d S a y i n g S o ( M r s . P a r o o , M a r i a n ) ............................................ 1 6 0

8 G o o d n i g h t M y S o m e o n e ( M a r i a n , A m a r y l l i s )

SCENE FIVE

9 . C o l u m b i a , G e m o f t h e O c e a n ( E u l a l i e , To w n s p e o p l e ) .........................................

1 0 Ya G o t Tr o u b l e ( R e p r i s e ) ( H a r o l d )

11 S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s ( H a r o l d , To w n s p e o p l e )

1 2 S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s B a l l e t ( O r c h e s t r a ) ......................................................... 1 7 3

1 3 S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s P l a y o f f ( O r c h e s t r a ) 1 7 3

1 4 . I c e C r e a m / S i n c e r e ( H a r o l d , Q u a r t e t ) ................................................ 1 7 4

SCENE SIX

1 5 Wa l k i n g M u s i c ( R e p r i s e ) ( O r c h e s t r a ) 1 7 9

1 6 . T h e S a d d e r B u t Wi s e r G i r l ( H a r o l d , M a r c e l l u s ) ............................................. 1 8 0

1 7 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e & G o o d n i g h t , L a d i e s ( A l m a , E t h e l , E u l a l i e , T h e L a d i e s , H a r o l d , Q u a r t e t ) 1 8 3

SCENE SEVEN

1 8 . M a r i a n t h e L i b r a r i a n ( H a r o l d ) ............................................................. 1 9 0

1 9 M a r i a n D a n c e ( H a r o l d ) 1 9 3

2 0 . 1 s t S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r ( O r c h e s t r a ) ......................................................... 1 9 5

SCENE EIGHT

2 1 2 n d S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r ( O r c h e s t r a ) 1 9 5

SCENE NINE

2 2 3 r d S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r ( O r c h e s t r a ) 1 9 5

SCENE TEN

2 3 M y W h i t e K n i g h t ( M a r i a n ) 1 9 6

SCENE ELEVEN

2 4 . T h e We l l s F a r g o Wa g o n ( To w n s p e o p l e , Q u a r t e t , Wi n t h r o p ) ......................... 1 9 9

2 5 F i n a l e A c t 1 ( O r c h e s t r a ) 2 0 5

TWO

2 6 . E n t r ’ a c t e ( O r c h e s t r a ) .............................................................

SCENE ONE

2 7 E u l a l i e ’ s B a l l e t ( O r c h e s t r a )

2 8 I t ’ s Yo u ( Q u a r t e t )

2 9 S h i p o o p i ( M a r c e l l u s , To w n s p e o p l e )

3 0 S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 1 ( O r c h e s t r a )

3 1 S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 2 ( O r c h e s t r a ) 2 1 4

3 2 . S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 3 ( To w n s p e o p l e ) ....................................................................

3 3 . S h i p o o p i D a n c e P l a y o f f ( O r c h e s t r a ) .......................................................................... 2 1 6

3 4 P i c k - a - L i t t l e , Ta l k - a - L i t t l e ( R e p r i s e ) ( A l m a , E t h e l , E u l a l i e , M a u d , M r s S q u i r e s , T h e L a d i e s ) 2 1 7

SCENE TWO

3 5 L i d a R o s e & Wi l l I E v e r Te l l Yo u ? ( H a r o l d , Q u a r t e t , M a r i a n ) .........................................

2 1

SCENE THREE

3 6 G a r y, I n d i a n a ( Wi n t h r o p , M r s P a r o o , M a r i a n ) 2 3 2

3 7 L i d a R o s e ( R e p r i s e ) ( Q u a r t e t )

3 8 I t ’ s Yo u B a l l e t ( O r c h e s t r a ) 2 4 0

SCENE FOUR

3 9 . Ti l l T h e r e Wa s Yo u ( M a r i a n , H a r o l d ) ................................................................ 2 4 1

4 0 G o o d n i g h t & S e v e n t y - S i x Tr o m b o n e s ( D o u b l e R e p r i s e ) ( H a r o l d , M a r i a n )

SCENE FIVE

4 1 I c e C r e a m S o c i a b l e ( O r c h e s t r a ) 2 4 5

SCENE SIX

4 2 . C h a s e M u s i c ( O r c h e s t r a ) .......................................................................... 2 4 5

4 3 . Ti l l T h e r e Wa s Yo u ( R e p r i s e ) ( H a r o l d ) ..............................................................................

SCENE SEVEN

4 4 F i n a l e A c t 2 ( O r c h e s t r a )

4 5 C u r t a i n C a l l M u s i c ( O r c h e s t r a ) 2 4 7

4 6 E x i t M u s i c ( O r c h e s t r a ) 2 4 7

T a c e t

T r a i n O p e n i n g

T a c e t

salesMan #1: It’s old-fashioned.

Charlie, you’re an anvil salesman — your firm give credit?

charlie coWell: No sir!

salesMan #1: Nor anybody else. (Train starting, dialogue in time to train acceleration)

conDucTor: River City, River City next.

? C Slowly 1 (salesMan 1)

3 (salesMan 2)

(salesMan 1)

7 (salesMan 2)

forthebut-ton-hooks.

(salesMan 1)

(salesMan

(salesMan 3)

(charlie)

reaDer 1)

55 (salesMan 1)

talk,yacanbick-er,yacan

(salesMan 1)

bick-er,bick-er,bick-er,Yacan

(charlie)

(salesMan 2)

?

71 (charlie) ¿ ¿ ¿¿ ¿ ¿ Ob-so-lete,ob-so-lete,

? ?

73 (salesMan 4) ¿¿ ¿

wentoutthewind-owwiththe

(salesMan 4)

theap-proachofa

79 (charlie)

? ?

did-n’t,noitdid-n’t.Butya

82 (salesMan 1)

Gonewiththehogs-head,

pick-lebar-rel,milkpan,

¿ ¿ ¿ Ó ob-so-lete.

(salesMan 4)

¿ ¿ ¿ Crack-erbar-rel

madeitpret-tyhard.

(salesMan 3)

(charlie)

?

? ?

(salesMan 5)

?

? ? 91

(salesMan 3)

Hill! (salesMan 1)

? ?

(all BuT charlie)

(neWsPaPer reaDer 1)

(neWsPaPer reaDer 2)

(neWsPaPer reaDer 3)

(charlie)

(salesMan 4)

(salesMan 5)

(salesMan 4)

(salesMan 1)

(salesMan 5)

(salesMan 3)

(salesMan 5)

? ?

108 (charlie) ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

min-ute,justamin-ute,justa

(salesMan 3)

Nev-erwor-ries’bouthis

(salesMan 5)

113 (salesMan 5) ¿ ¿ ¿¿ ¿ bangbeat,bell-ring-in’,

(salesMan 5) ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Nev-erwor-ries’bouthis

¿ ¿ ¿ Oradog-gone 112 ∑ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ thing. He’sjusta

neck-or-noth-in’,rip-roar-in’, ?

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ev-er-’time-a-bull’s-eye

¿ ¿¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ salesman,that’sPro-fess-or

¿ ¿ ¿¿ ¿ ¿ Har-oldHill,Har-oldHill. ? ?

∑ (neWsPaPer reaDer 1)

Tellus,what’shisline?What’shis

(salesMan 4)

line?

(salesMan 5) ¿ ¿ He’sa

?

? C C

Ó Œ (salesMan 3)

¿ He’sa (salesMan 5) ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ Mus- icMan.

127 (salesMan 5) ¿¿ ¿ ¿¿ ¿ sellsclar-i-netstothe

ra-ta-tatdrums,andthe

kidsinthetown,withthe

pic-co-lo,thepic-co-lo,

∑ (salesMan 5)

¿ ¿ ¿ coat,andabigred

¿ Ó striperun-ning—

(salesMan 1)

¿ J ¿ ¿ J ¿ bands,butIdoknowyou

O O Nosir!

¿ ¿¿ ¿ ¿ don’tknowmucha-bout

? ?

145 (salesMan 1) ¿ ¿ Ó jews-harp. Ó (salesMan 5)

(salesMan 5)

don’tknowhowhedoesit,

ritard poco a poco

(salesMan

tain-ly,boys,Whatelse:The

pip-erpayshim.

sTranGer: Gentlemen, you intrigue me. I think I’ll have to give Iowa a try.

charlie coWell: (Coldly) Don’t believe I caught your name.

(soprano)

treatyou,whichwemaynotdoat (alto)

treatyou,whichwemaynotdoat (Tenor)

treatyou,whichwemaynotdoat (Bass)

(alto)

(soprano)

aska-boutourweath-erinJu(alto)

aska-boutourweath-erinJu(Tenor)

aska-boutourweath-erinJu(Bass)

BoY: Good morning, Mayor Shinn. (dialogue continues until) alMa: She wouldn’t a’ come anyway.

coldasourfall-ingther(alto)

coldasourfall-ingther(Tenor)

coldasourfall-ingther(Bass)

coldasourfall-ingther-

byGodstub-born,wecan

(alto)

byGodstub-born,wecan (Tenor)

byGodstub-born,wecan (Bass)

byGodstub-born,wecan

& & V ?

57 (soprano)

buque,DesMoines,Dav-en-port,Mar-shal-town, (alto) .

buque,DesMoines,Dav-en-port,Mar-shal-town, (Tenor)

buque,DesMoines,Dav-en-port,Mar-shal-town, (Bass)

buque,DesMoines,Dav-en-port,Mar-shal-town,

Mas-onCit-y,Ke-o-kuk,Ames,ClearLake

harolD: Either you’re closing your eyes to a situation you don’t wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the calibre of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.

b b b bC

b b b b

(harolD) ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Riv-erCit-yyou-th’llbe

¿ ¿ ŒÓ frit-tern.

b b b b

¿ ¿ ¿ Œ chore-time,too!

¿ ¿¿ ¿ ¿ noon-time,sup-per-time—

b b b b

(harolD) ¿ ¿ ŒŒ ¿ trou-ble,folks, 95 Œ ¿¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ righthereinRiv-er 96 ¿ ¿ ŒÓ Cit-y. ? b b b b

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Trou-ble,withacap-i-tal

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ “T”andthatrhymeswith

. ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ “P”andthatstandsfor

¿ ¿ ¿¿ ¿ allyoufolksarethe ?

¿¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ rightkinda’par-ents.

Œ ¿ ¿ . ¿ ¿ ¿ Wouldyaliketoknow

¿j ¿ ¿j ¿ ¿ loaf-in’a-roundthe

b b b b

¿ ¿ I’mgon-nabe

¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Ó per-fect-lyfrank.

¿ ¿ ¿ Œ ¿ ¿ tiongoesonwhilethey’re

¿¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ hall?They’llbetry-in’out

¿ ¿ Œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Cub-ebs;try-in’outTail-

b b b b

(harolD) ¿ ¿ O Onefinenight

? & & V ?

Withacap-i-tal

(ToWnsPeoPle)

Thatstandsfor

Œ (harolD)

¿ ¿ ¿

RighthereinRiv-er (ToWnsPeoPle)

œ œ . ˙

trou-ble, œ œ . ˙

trou-ble,

(harolD)

Got-tafig-gerouta

(harolD)

? & & V ?

school.Ourchil-dren’s

(ToWnsPeoPle)

Ourchil-dren’s

—righthere.

chil-drengon-nahave

150 (harolD)

? & & V ?

b b b b

harolD: Mothers of River City! Heed the warning before it’s too late!… (continues until) …If so, my friends —

Vamp 151

œ œ

trou-ble. (ToWnsPeoPle) œ

trou-ble,trou-ble,

b b b b

trou-ble,trou-ble,

b b b b

trou-ble,trou-ble,

b b b b

trou-ble,trou-ble,

trou-ble,trou-ble…

RighthereinRiv-er

? & & V ?

Withacap-i-tal

Thatstandsfor

? & & V ?

RighthereinRiv-er

Ourchil-dren’s

Righthere!

169 (harolD)

? & & V ?

b b b b

b b b b b b b b

¿ ¿ ‰ j ¿¿ ¿ ¿ trou-ble.Oh,we’vegot

(ToWnsPeoPle)

œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble,

? & & V ?

b b b b

171 ¿ > ¿ ¿ ¿ > ¿ ¿ ¿ ter-ri-ble,ter-r-ible

b b b b

b b b b b b b b

b b b b

œ œ Œ œ œ

trou-ble,trou-ble,

trou-ble,trou-ble, œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble,

170 ¿ ¿ ŒŒ ¿ ¿ trou-ble.We’rein

œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble,

172 ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿¿ ¿ trou-ble.Thatgamewiththe œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble, œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble, œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble,

œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble, # 5 — Y a G o t T r o u b l e

? & & V ?

b b b b

173 (harolD) œ œ J œ œ J œ

fif-teennum-beredballs

(ToWnsPeoPle)

b b b b b b b b

trou-ble,trou-ble,

trou-ble!Dev-il’s

trou-ble,trou-ble,

trou-ble!Dev-il’s

trou-ble,trou-ble,

trou-ble!Dev-il’s

trou-ble,trou-ble,

œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble, œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble, œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble, œ œ Œ œ œ Œ trou-ble,trou-ble, 174 œ œ œ J œ . œ

tool!

Ohyes,we’vegot

trou-ble,trou-ble,trou-

trou-ble!Dev-il’s

¿ ¿ ŒÓ ble!

Ohyes,wegot

tool!

Ohyes,wegot

? & & V ?

b b b b

? & & V ?

b b b b

trou-blehere,Wegot

big,bigtrou-ble!

witha

trou-blehere,Wegot

Withacap-i-tal“T”!

? & & V ?

b b b b

183 (harolD) ¿ ŒÓ “P”— (ToWnsPeoPle)

b b b b

b b b b b b b b

Œ œ œ œ œ œ

thatrhymeswith“P”!

Œ œ œ œ œ œ

thatrhymeswith“P”!

Œ œ œ œ œ œ

thatrhymeswith“P”!

andthatstandsfor

? & & V ?

b b b b

thatrhymeswith“P”!

Thatstandsfor

RighthereinRiv-er

(alto)

trou-ble,trou-ble,trou-ble,

RighthereinRiv-er

(Tenor)

trou-ble,trou-ble,trou-ble,

“T”andthatrhymeswith

RighthereinRiv-er

&

b b b b

7 (ToWnsPeoPle) . œ œ œ œ œ

& V ?

b b b b

“P”andthatstandsfor . œ œ œ œ œ

“P”andthatstandsfor

b b b b

“P”andthatstandsfor

b b b b

trou-ble,trou-ble!

RighthereinRiv-er

b b b b

trou-ble,trou-ble!

RighthereinRiv-er

trou-ble,trou-ble!

RighthereinRiv-er

(aMarYllis is playing the piano)

Mrs. Paroo: That you, Daughter?

Marian: Yes, Mama. Keep on, AMARYLLIS. I’ll be there in a minute. (She tries once more)

(She tries a fourth time)

Marian: Hello, Mama.

(Mrs. Paroo corrects her)

corrects her again)

(Marian corrects her)

(dialogue until…)

Marian: Mama, of course not. Now don’t dawdle, Amariyllis.

(Marian)

Neith-erhasan-y-one (dialogue until…)

Mrs. Paroo: Excuse me fer livin’ but I’ve never read it.

whyshouldshetakead-

aMarYllis: Now I may play my cross-hand piece.

Moderato 17

(eulalie)

blue.When (Women) (ToWnsPeoPle)

blue.When (Men)

bornebythered,whiteand

harolD: Let’s protect our children.Resist sin and corruption. Smite that devil and keep our young boys pure. Friends…

b b b bC tempo as before (bright 2)

S e v e n t y -

S i x T r o m b o n e s

B a l l e t

T a c e t

S e v e n t y - S i x T r o m b o n e s

P l a y o f f

T a c e t

JaceY: Make him put up a bond!

harolD: What am I hearing? (harolD blows pitch-pipe.)

?# # # 1 ˙ U

olin: Ice Cream, but I don’t sing young man, if that’s what you’re —

harolD: All right, talk then. Down here!

olin: Ice Cream.

harolD: Talk slow!

? ? ?

harolD: Say —

?# # # 2 (harolD) œ ˙ U IceCreeeem.

harolD: See? Singing is only sustained talking.

harolD: Now, you, sir! (JaceY) ˙ w U IceCreeeeeeemmmm. w w U w

V

V ? ?

harolD: Ladies, from now on you’ll never see one of those men without the other three. eulalie: Oh, Professor, you’re wrong! Why they’ve hated each other for fifteen years.

10 (JaceY) œ . ˙

IceCream.

(eWarT) œ # . ˙

IceCream. (oliVer) œ . ˙

IceCream. (olin) œ . ˙

IceCream. 11 œ . ˙

IceCream.

IceCream. œ . ˙ IceCream. 12 œ . ˙

IceCream. œ . ˙ IceCream. œ . ˙

IceCream.

17 .

cere”? . ˙ # cere”? . ˙ cere”? . ˙ a cere”?

Whereisthe (oliVer)

Whereisthe (olin)

Whereisthe

V

V ? ?

(eWarT)

onesin-gle (oliVer)

onesin-gle (olin)

starshinesa-

bove? . ˙ bove?

onesin-gle

starshinesaten.ten.ten.

bove?

(JaceY)

Aren’twesinp (eWarT)

harolD: No wide-eyed, eager wholesome innocent Sunday School teacher for me. That kinda girl spins webs no…

(harolD)

Nowide-eyed,

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle, harolD: After all she is the librarian.

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

# 5 (all the laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore. & # 7

(all the laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep!

MauD: Professor, her kind of woman doesn’t belong on any committee. Of course I shouldn’t tell you this

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore. & # 11

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle, (MauD) but she advocates dirty books.

harolD: Dirty books!

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Chau-cer! (The laDies)

& & # # 13 (alMa) ¿ ¿ ŒÓ

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

(eThel)

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore. & & # # 15 (eulalie) ¿ ¿

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep!

MauD: And the worst thing — of course I shouldn’t tell you this but…

& # 17 (The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

eThel: The man lived on my street. Let me tell.

& # 19

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

Braz-eno-ver-tureswitha (eulalie) …I’ll tell.She made brazen overtures… (dialogue until) alMa: Oh yes. Oh yes.That woman mad…

& # # 21 (alMa)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

alMa: I’ll tell.

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

eulalie: Stop!

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

gilt-edgedguar-an-tee!Shehada

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

gold-englintinhereye,andasil-ver (The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

(eulalie, alMa, MauD, eThel, Mrs. sQuires)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep!

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

& & # # 33 (alMa) ¿ ¿ ŒÓ Chau-cer!

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

JaceY: Just a minute here! We need your credentials.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

harolD: Yes, of course. I have just what you want over at the Hotel.

# 39

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle, harolD: Come with me.

# 43

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

(harolD)

Good-night,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore. Goodnight ladies.

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep!

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

(JaceY/eWarT)

V

? & # # #

Good-night,

(oliVer/olin)

Good-night,

(The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

lad-ies,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

V ? & # # #

Good-night,

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

(JaceY/eWarT)

(oliVer/olin)

(The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep!

V ? & # # #

Fare-well,

lad-ies,

V ? & # # #

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

lad-ies,

laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,

(JaceY/eWarT)

(oliVer/olin)

(The laDies)

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,

harolD: It’s all right — I know everything and it doesn’t make any difference. (dialogue until)

harolD: The librarian. You re not listening, MARIAN. Look! (Takes a paper bag out of pocket)

Moderate 4 Vamp 1 ∑

b b b b b 8 12

harolD: Marbles. Six steelies, eight aggies, a dozen peewees and one big glassie with an American flag in the middle. I think I’ll drop ’em.

Marian: No!

harolD: Shh!

harolD: The Ladies’ DanceCommittee meets Tuesday nights.Marshmallow?

F i r s t S e v e n t y - S i x

T r o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r

T a c e t

S e c o n d S e v e n t y - S i x

T r o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r

T a c e t 21

T h i r d S e v e n t y - S i x

T r o m b o n e s C r o s s o v e r

T a c e t

Marian: Or Ed Gammidge and that buggy of hiswith the removable back seat. But I’m not waiting for a man in shining white armor either.

Marian: If you’ll just take time to read a little bit about the Conservatory, I don’t think you’ll have to look further. It’s on page…

Gracie: Papa! The Wells Fargo Wagon is just comin’ up from the depot! all: The Wells Fargo Wagon!

shinn: A likely story! At this hour of the day? Nonsense!… The Wells Fargo Wagon?

Gracie: It could be the band instruments!

shinn: The band instruments!

Walking horse tempo Vamp 1

(Women)

com-in’downthestreet.Oh,

com-in’downthestreet.I T h e W e l l s F a r g o W a g o n 24

WellsFar-gowag-onisa-

please,letitbefor

WellsFar-gowag-onisa-

Voice)

al-monfromSe-at-tlelastSep-

&

(alto)

WellsFar-gowag-on,don’tyou

E n t r ’ a c t e

T a c e t

E u l a l i e ’ s B a l l e t

T a c e t

eulalie: And ladies, remember — don’t make me tell you again. Always keep your face to the audience. All right, Mr. Dunlop. eWarT blows pitch pipe. Moderato

(JaceY) ˙ œ # œ

Youonmy (eWarT) ˙ œ n œ youonmy (oliVer) ˙ œ œ

Youonmy (olin)

oncemorethe

morn-ingbreaks

allofmy

œ ˙ allofmy

dreams,

oncemorethe

morn-ingbreaks

allofmy

dreams,till

dreams,

oncemorethe

morn-ingbreaks

oncemorethe

morn-ingbreaks

through.

dreams,

27 (JaceY) ˙ œ œ

Wordscouldbe (eWarT) ˙ A œ œ

wordscouldbe (oliVer) ˙ œ œ

Wordscouldbe (olin) ˙ œ œ

Wordscouldbe 28 œ ˙ œ

31 . ˙ œ n

san-er,or

you,”“it’s . ˙ n œ you,”“it’s . ˙ A œ you,”“it’s . ˙ œ you,”“it’s " " " "

32 œ œ A U œ œ you,”yes,“it’s eulalie: Smile, girls, smile. œ œ U Ó you,” ˙ U Ó you,” ˙ U Ó you,”

33 w you.” Œ œ œ b œ oh,yes,“it’s Œ œ œ n œ b oh,yes,“it’s Œ œ b œ œ b oh,yes,“it’s

34 w w N you.” w you.” w you.”

plain-erthan“it’s

san-er,or 29 ˙ n œ œ tru-er,or ˙ œ œ tru-er,or ˙ œ œ tru-er,or ˙ œ œ tru-er,or 30 œ œ œ n œ b plain-erthan“it’s œ b œ œ b œ plain-erthan“it’s

35 œ U ŒÓ œ U ŒÓ œ U ŒÓ œ U ŒÓ

Marcellus: All right! What’ll it be?

ToMMY: The Shipoopi!

KiDs: Shipoopi!

V # C Very Fast 13

(Marcellus)

(ToWnsPeoPle) (Girls)

(Marcellus)

(ToWnsPeoPle) (Girls)

(Boys)

(Marcellus)

V & ?

Do,Re,Mi,Fa, (ToWnsPeoPle) (Girls)

Do,Re,Mi,Fa, (Boys)

Do,Re,Mi,Fa,

clarinet) (Marcellus)

V ?

S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 1

T a c e t

S h i p o o p i D a n c e P a r t 2

T a c e t

& ? b b

82 (Women) (ToWnsPeoPle) œ œ œ œ

girlwho’shardto (Men)

girlwho’shardto

& ? b b

ƒ (Shouted) J ¿ ShiÓ Œ‰ ƒ (Shouted) J ¿ Shi- segue

poo-pi! ¿ ¿ ŒÓ poo-pi!

Marian: Why any night this week —

& # 4 4 as before—Moderate 4

1 (The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle, eThel: Miss Paroo, please join our Del Sarte Committee.

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

alMa: You were so dear tonight dancing the Shipoopi with Professor Hill.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep! (alMa) You dance like a…

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

& & # # 11 (alMa) ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿

gold-enshim-merinyourhairandsil-ver (The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

shoesforalltosee!We

& # #

knowthatyouwillsoonun-foldafor-

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle, 14

giv-ingheartofpur-estgold,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

here,whereawo-man’sheartshould

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep! & & # # 17 (alMa, MauD, eThel, Mrs. sQuires)

Fair-yprin-cess! (The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

Moon-beamfloor!

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

(alMa, MauD, eThel, Mrs. sQuires)

(The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Here,whereawo-man’sheartshould

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep!

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

& # #

(alMa, MauD, eThel, Mrs. sQuires)

(The laDies)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

(alMa)

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,talkalot,pickalit-tlemore.

Pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,

laDies)

cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,cheep,

pickalit-tle,talkalit-tle,cheep!

harolD: Oh, you’ll never forget the name. Lida Rose. Same as the old song. He blows pitch pipe.

1 ˙ bU

(JaceY)

V V

V V ? ?

b b b b b

(eWarT)

Molto rubato and with warmth

(harolD)

homea-gain,Rose,a-bouta

b b b b b

homea-gain,Rose,a-bouta

(eWarT)

homea-gain,Rose,a-bouta

thou-sandkiss-es

V

b b b b b b

V ? ?

b b b b b b

9 (JaceY) w shy. (eWarT) w shy. (oliVer) w shy. (olin) w shy.

10 ˙ ˙

Ding,dong, ˙ ˙

Ding,dong, 11 ˙

œ œ ding,Ican ˙ Œ œ œ n ding,Ican ˙

œ œ ding,Ican

V

b b b b b b

14 ˙ A ˙

V ? ?

b b b b b b

Ding,dong, ˙ ˙

b b b b b b

Ding,dong, ˙ n ˙

Ding,dong, ˙ ˙

Ding,dong,

15 . ˙œ œ ding,atthe . ˙ n œ œ ding,atthe

˙ œ n œ ding,atthe . ˙œ œ ding,atthe

12 . œ J œœ œ œ hearthechap-elbell . œ A J œ œ œ œ hearthechap-elbell . œ J œ œ œ œ hearthechap-elbell . œ J œ œ œ œ

hearthechap-elbell

13 w n chime. w chime. w chime. w chime.

ten. ten. ten. ten.

16 œ œ œ œ n leastsug-ges-tion, œ œ œ œ leastsug-ges-tion,

œ A œ n œ b œ n leastsug-ges-tion, œ œ œ œ leastsug-ges-tion,

17 œœ œ œ œ

I’llpoptheques-tion.

œ œ n œ œ b œ I’llpoptheques-tion.

œœ n œ œ œ A

I’llpoptheques-tion.

œœ œ œ A œ

I’llpoptheques-tion. # 3 5 — L i d a R o s e & W i l l I E v e r T e l l Y o u ?

V

I’llpoptheques-tion.

leastsug-ges-tion,

I’llpoptheques-tion.

leastsug-ges-tion,

I’llpoptheques-tion.

leastsug-ges-tion,

I’llpoptheques-tion.

homea-gain,Rose,with-outa

& V V ? ?

(Marian) w low, (JaceY) w name. (eWarT) w N name. (oliVer) w name. (olin) w name.

hop-ingyou’rethesame.

Sohereismy 92 Œ œ œ œ ohyes,for˙ ˙ b lovesong; ˙ ˙ lovesong; ˙ ˙ lovesong; ˙ ˙ lovesong;

& V V ? ?

(JaceY)

notfan-cyor (eWarT) Œ

notfan-cyor (oliVer)

notfan-cyor (olin)

œ œ œ n œ thou-sandkiss-es œ œ œ œ thou-sandkiss-es 8 w shy. w shy. w shy. w shy.

. œ J œœ œ œ hearthechap-elbell And that’s 102 counties!

œ A J œ œ œ œ hearthechap-elbell . œ J œ œ œ œ hearthechap-elbell . œ J œ œ œ œ hearthechap-elbell 12 w n chime. w chime. w chime. w chime.

(charlie coWell)

V

13 (JaceY) ˙ A ˙

b b b b b b

Ding,dong,

V ? ?

b b b b b b

Not counting the piana teachers like you he cozies up to, to keep their mouths shut! (eWarT) ˙ ˙

Ding,dong, (oliVer) ˙ n ˙

b b b b b b

Ding,dong, (olin)

˙ ˙

Ding,dong,

14 . ˙œ œ

ding,atthe . ˙ n œ œ ding,atthe . ˙ œ n œ ding,atthe

. ˙œ œ ding,atthe

15 œ œ œ œ n leastsug-ges-tion, œ œ œ œ leastsug-ges-tion, œ A œ n œ b œ n leastsug-ges-tion, œ œ œ œ leastsug-ges-tion,

Neither one of you’s heard the last of me, girly-girl!

homea-gain,Rose,with-outa

16 œœ œ œ œ I’llpoptheques-tion.

œ œ n œ

I’llpoptheques-tion.

homea-gain,Rose,with-outa

I’llpoptheques-tion.

homea-gain,Rose,with-outa

I’llpoptheques-tion.

V

b b b b b b

V ? ?

b b b b b b

b b b b b b Freely 20 (JaceY)

name.Goodev-’nin’,Miss (eWarT) ˙

name.Goodev-’nin’,Miss (oliVer)

name.Goodev-’nin’,Miss (olin)

name.Goodev-’nin’,Miss

(dialogue continues)

V

b b b b b b

25 (JaceY) œ œ œœ œ

V ? ?

b b b b b b

hop-ingyou’rethesame, (eWarT)

œ œ A œ n œ œ n

b b b b b b

hop-ingyou’rethesame, (oliVer) œ A œ œ n œ œ

hop-ingyou’rethesame, (olin)

b b b b b b

hop-ingyou’rethesame,

b b b b b b

Œ œ Aœ œ œ sohereismy

œœ œ n œ sohereismy

lovesong; ˙ ˙ lovesong; ˙ ˙ lovesong; ˙ ˙ lovesong;

A œ n ˙ b won’tyoube

A œ ˙ won’tyoube

V

b b b b b b

33 (JaceY)

œœ œ n œ œ

mine?Li-daRose,oh, (eWarT)

V ? ?

b b b b b b

œ œ œ n œ œ mine?Li-daRose,oh, (oliVer) œ

b b b b b b

mine?Li-daRose,oh, (olin) w mine?

Li-daRose,oh,Li-da

œ œ n œ œ œ œ

Li-daRose,oh,Li-da œ œ œ œ œ œ

Li-daRose,oh,Li-da w 35 ˙ ˙ Rose. w Rose. ˙ ˙ Rose. w

harolD: I don’t recall giving —

Marian: Oh yes, you have! Something beautiful. That’s why I came — and I’m glad! Oh, please don’t be afraid that I expect too much more.

One can’t expect a travelling salesman to stay put. I know there have been many ports of call — and there will be many more.

harolD: Marian — I —

? 4 3

& ? 4 3 4 3

I c e C r e a m S o c i a b l e

T a c e t

C h a s e M u s i c

T a c e t

WinThroP: I with you’d never come to River Thity!

Marian: No you don’t, Winthrop.

WinThroP: Thithter! You believe him?

Marian: I believe everything he ever said.

Marian: I know what he promised us and it all happened just like he said. The lights. And the flags and the colors. And the cymbals.

WinThroP: But he promithed uth —

WinThroP: Where wath all that?

Marian: In the way every kid in this town walked around here all summer, and looked and acted. Especially you! And the parents, too. Does Mama wish he’d never come to River City?

WinThroP: Well you do, don’t you?

Marian: No, Winthrop. Now go, Harold — please.

WinThroP: Go on, Profethor, hurry up.

harolD: For the firsttime in my life I got myfoot caught in the door. Moderato e rubato

harolD: I can’t go, Winthrop. WinThroP: Why not?

F i n a l e —

c t 2

T a c e t

C u r t a i n C a l l M u s i c

T a c e t 45

E x i t M u s i c

T a c e t 46

Should

This

NOTICE: DO NOT DEFACE!

The Music Man Perusal Libretto Vocal Book

W WAIT! AIT!

BEFORE REHEARSING

OPYRIGHT W C WARNING (SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE) ARNING

(The TOWNSPEOPLE join HAROLD)

H A R O L D

(The LADIES, instantly huddling)

(BLACKOUT)

M A R I A N

H A R O L D

CURTAIN)

S H I N N

H A R O L D

CURTAIN)

?

?

?

?

& & V ?

? & & V ?

? & & V ?

? & & V ?

? & & V ?

? & & V ?

? & & V ?

? & & V ?

? & & V ?

&

Moderato 17

? ? ?

V

V ? ?

V

V ? ?

V

&

V & ?

V V

V

V ? ?

V

V ? ?

V

V ? ?

V

V ? ?

& V V ? ?

& V V ? ?

& V V ? ?

& V V ? ?

& V V ? ?

&

V V ? ?

V

V ? ?

V

V

V

V ? ?

V

V ? ?

V

V ? ?

V

V ? ?

NOT FOR SALE — DO NOT COPY OR REDISTRIBUTE