The Marriage Test that obviously loves each other. Even so, they still surprise each other along the way, in both delightful and difficult ways. The dates run the gamut: borrowing a friend’s baby for 24 hours, swapping phones for a week with full access, and sending an email to 30 of their closest friends asking what they think of the couples’ relationship. “These dates forced us to discuss things in concrete terms that we would otherwise avoid talking about,” Brook said. They fully disclosed their finances, talked about what role religion would play in their future children’s lives, asked those already married into the families what the in-laws were really like, and even got into living wills and end-of-life decisions. Spoiler alert: Date #28 was to plan what you think is the ideal day for your partner. Brook made Jill’s day not only ideal but unforgettable by proposing to her in Central Park, in a perfectly timed and incredibly sweet way (that you should buy the book to hear more about). They persevered, though, all the way through Date #40, which also
in with this ‘Timeline’ date every few years.” Date #16 is “In-Law Pen Pals,” when every day for two weeks, Brook and Jill aimed to e-mail someone in each other’s family. “The idea was to get to know our potential in-laws better. Since we lived so far apart, e-mails and texts were the most realistic way to do that,” said Brook. Jill was already communicating pretty regularly with Brook’s family, so this was
a motivator for Brook to starting doing that, too. It didn’t come as naturally to Brook, but it’s likely Jill’s family appreciated the effort. It’s a low-pressure way to try to connect with your spouse’s family on a somewhat regular basis, and may spark more rapport and conversation when you see them face-to-face. The third date that would be beneficial to all couples, no matter what stage of your rela-
The dates run the gamut: borrowing a friend’s baby for 24 hours, swapping phones for a week with full access, and sending an email to 30 of their closest friends asking what they think of the couples’ relationship. took them through the excitement and trials of wedding planning. “Instead of testing compatibility, the remaining dates became a chance to strengthen our relationship and work out any remaining kinks before the ‘I do’s,’ Jill said. But the dates are worthwhile for all couples to try, even long after you’ve walked down the aisle. Jill suggests three dates that would be especially useful to couples post-wedding. “Date number nine is ‘Timeline,’ when we defined our hopes, and separately mapped out the next several years of life milestones. We then talked about them to see if we were on the same page,” Jill said. It was an eye-opener for both Jill and Brook, as they discussed when to have (two) kids, buy a house and live abroad. They wanted the same things, but this date gave them the opportunity to get really specific about the when. “It’s easy to make assumptions that our partner is thinking the same things we are,” Jill said. “It’s a good idea to checkFALL/WINTER 2016 • WWW.bRIdEsTL.com
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