~NEW SPLICER~ Volume 3.3 March 2012

In this issue Topic of the month: The real Pirates of the Caribbean Modern day plundering Shiver me timbers... Thomas Tew - The kind pirate Jolly Roger... Scurvy bilge rats... and much more! Don’t forget to Arrrr

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Foreword Welcome ye all.. It has been a difficult month here at New Splicer. Many changes good and bad. With this remains, always, the people close to myself and the project. With whom i nor new splicer would exist. To the good, the beautiful as well as the bad for they all shape us... Enjoy

~new splicer~

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~~~~~~~~~ToPIC of the Month~~~~~~~~ The Real Pirates of the Caribbean Herein hides a map, in cryptic clue To decipher at your leisure For deep within the f-0.lds, lies a buried treasure... Anon I sit here an old man, grey and withered, with only a few months of breath to breathe. My life stretches from my father and back, to his and more; I write more from history in the stories I am about to draw. The clue of 3 and 6 etched over my old skin, from youth when bones were thin; in turn, I, a seaman through and through, turn to the sky as memory takes me back to the deepest 6lue.

The story 9oes: “Facing two the wind, London to my stern, peril at every turn... We sailed oceans of green, four movements of a la luna beam...

Darkness came across the straight, tis’ where we met our starry fate...

Now in the blackened seas a crumpled wreck, many a friend with severed neck... Treasure and foe, ended lives by site of rum archipelago... -9old survives greed, 1iving atop a giant.5 seed... Only seek her name in the sons that have seen-a’, by the isle that is Fer.........” Don’t forget to Arrrr

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Thus, a myth born in the scars of paper torn, etched in leather like befour. I have the key and I am the clue, as I lay my last 6reath to you. *Cou8th*, black bile emanates from a rotten lung, all is not yet lost, all is not yet won. Come closer as I clasp to a whisper, I speak to all the brave, brother and sister. Atop a mountain of dried fire, gold beyond dreams to conspire. Tell me if I grow old and insane; stop me if I lose the track. Come closer my child and draw me back, back to the tale of woe, back from where I can never go. Frozen trapped in four candles burn, time sits still with each passing turn. I have one last clue to give thee, before I kiss deaths lips to set me free. All told is some and none all shall end with number one.

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Modern day plundering I have stolen in the past, but only worthless objects; objects with no value, only ownership... Although this is not entirely true, some things I stole simply with the intent to return; these objects worked best with the highest value. Temporary theft? Borrowing without permission? Two examples, a large stone that only God could own and a watch of gold sat in wait for its time. I digress here to an important point: I remove things from sight, in plain sight; the more visible the more deft the theft. In short you would have actually observed me steal whatever object I choose but you would also never remember it being there. I could use misdirection, a dropped thought in your mind; all to play with you, essentially, my prey. It’s like this, imagine the gold watch, in fact you’re actually wearing it right now; it is a shiny new watch, quite heavy if you think about it, with both dials and digital interface. I’m right next to you talking to you about the comedy that is the universe and the science of ginger [Herb]. Interesting enough, your mind will start to wander or focus on and from what I am saying. This is the first time you will not see my hand adjust, marginally and almost undetectable at first. Here there is a certain pace to everything I do and say; if you hate spelling misteaks I’ll throw in a few of them to infuriate as the angry person is easy to manipulate. I will almost certainly tell you a joke, but this has no relevance to my plan and it is not even funny. Have you forgotten about the object already? Some of you will have and some might remember that it was a shiny yellow watch [just kidding]. First I must get into position, and test this new position with a few glances towards the opposite direction, the good ol’ “look what’s that” actually works nine times out of ten. At least it will either make you look away or at my eyes; either way my hand is free to move. On to the next level: physical contact. This is most difficult as people are rather conditioned to limited contact with their fellow man/woman, in western cultures at least. Fortunately we know each other and you would not suspect I am about to steal from you! Which is key, the removal of all suspicion [although, I am currently experimenting with kato1 like attacks where I have told my victim to expect an attack at any moment. This takes a completely new level of trickery and trust-rebuilding; I am yet to succeed]. 1

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Kato as seen in “The Pink Panther 1963”

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I almost lose myself in these games. To touch without firing electrical impulses to the brain is impossible, everything I am about to do to you is registered. I have to interfere with the bits in-between, using another old trick, the non-ability of the brain to simultaneously process information [it flicks back and forth between two tasks]. Try placing one hand on your head and moving it in a circular motion [not your watch hand] and with your other hand place it near the belly button and circle this in the opposite direction. This task is not impossible, but quite difficult because the brain may rapidly flip between the two tasks to keep each hand moving in the correct direction [or it is also possible to put each movement on autopilot – this is extremely difficult]. The simplest distraction I could perform would be to touch your body in two different places at once, albeit one touch would be far softer [the key touch] and the other would be harder [the distraction touch]; much like the “accidental” body check of the pickpocket. So, you’re now looking at my hand grabbing your leg and not the hand with your watch on it. In an instance, I am insincerely profusely apologising. There are also other methods: a gentle whisper with a delicate touch; a spilt drink; or some fabricated good or bad news. Explore them all; each will have their own smiles and fun. I almost forgot: If you look back down at your watch arm you will find that a heavy, golden timepiece still remains!? However, the large stone right in front of you has vanished...

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What is a pirate minus a ship? A creative homeless guy!!

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Shiver me timbers This has nothing to do with wooden legs and everything to do with the cold. As a child I was fascinated by goose bumps [cutis anserina] and the reflex and autonomous actions of the body. Again, it is all about control [hmm, I detect a pattern]. The first time I got goose bumps I moved my eyes as close to my own skin as focally possible; rows and rows of uniform mountains, each with their own follicle as a flag. I had no control over this action, it was something my body looked after and I did not need to worry about. Yet I wished to know how, what, when and why! [Please, do not get me started on circadian rhythm – I’ll dedicate a whole issue to that]. In cold situations, the rising hair traps air between the hairs and skin, creating insulation and warmth. [Aside bit of fun - ask a French person to say this aloud]. The “goose bumps” effect gets its name from geese. Goose feathers grow from stores in the skin that resemble human follicles. When a goose’s feathers are plucked, its skin has protrusions where the feathers were, and it is these bumps that the human phenomenon resembles. The term “goose bumps” is misleading because the bumps on a goose’s skin do not qualify as piloerection, though birds do have the same reflex of extending their feathers out, a function that keeps them warm. It is not clear why the English chose the goose, as most other birds have this same anatomical feature. Some authors have applied “goose bumps” to the symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases. Certainly being “bitten by a Winchester goose” was a common euphemism for syphilis in the 16th century. “Winchester geese” was the nickname for the prostitutes of South London, licensed by the Bishop of Winchester in the area around his London palace. I for one would welcome the return of this slang; as for the practice of Pimp Bishops some things are best left out of the New New Testament [abridged].

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This can go awry, at least to the limits of my current understanding, with the spine-tingling effect of shivers down the spine. Which, unless we are psychic, have no practical applications; generally speaking the warnings of the spine tingle are intangible. So what are they for? A remnant of a past skill lost to our genes or simply the triggering of a natural event like goose bumps, erroneously. Of course, for men, there is always Post-micturition convulsion syndrome or pee shivers, post pee. During my research in this area [about 20 minutes ago as of 02/04/2012 7.38pm GMT], I came across a blog regarding control of goose bumps. Which, unfortunately quickly started as a “are there any others out there like me” harmless and rapidly descended into a “we the guru’s of bodily control are more spiritual than most” dangerous to the uneducated. Interesting none the less, as it appeared that most of the people, who had found the site, could to some degree control their goose bumps [as well as a minor ability of telekinesis!]. Now before you start suggesting in your head, or aloud for the vocal few, that you can control your goose bumps too; well, it is not so uncommon. I can do it and I am sure others can, to a better and lesser degree in kind. I almost forgot this skill/trick, for me it is a matter of recalling the sounds of chalk scraping against a blackboard [or for the younger generation, a metal fork grating against the side of a glass bowl]. I remember my mother hating that sound and I also remember doing it over and over to illicit the goose bumps upon myself [a small science test as a 7 year old, which lasted as long as it took my mum to find me, catch me and whack me].

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr

This and an early episode of “Lost” lead me to an idea for creating false stimuli [essentially a neurological/brain response to an imagined stimulus]. For example, taste, which if done correctly [this is not always simple] involves: 1. Get stimuli [peanut butter] 2. Eat stimuli [taste] 3. Reaction to stimuli [like or dislike taste] 4. Reaffirmation that this is good/bad [release of dopamine to make you addicted to said taste (in the positive sense)]. I believe it is possible to trigger and fake these sensations at stages one and two; usually achieved through remembering vividly the action or past memory of the taste of peanut butter. This is essentially the effect of most drugs, except that the reaction to the stimuli generally induces a state of happiness or euphoria akin to a past or possibly unrealised state of being. Another example would be flavouring, which rarely contains anything natural and real yet they induce similar “taste” responses in the mind. However, these triggers require a physical chemical, which I do not believe necessary. If I can trigger goose bumps and spine shivers then why not false taste? Both are, after all, just a memory. Although, even if it were possible it would only be a shadow compared to the real thing; and as the mind rewards the body with dopamine positive reinforcement we will always seek the things that give us the most reward i.e. more dopamine i.e. real taste. I fear we could never truly trick ourselves into pursuing the taste of nothing.

How does a parrot start a knock knock joke? Squawk, squawk! Don’t forget to Arrrr

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Some other famous Pirates

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Scurvy bilge rats Scurvy is a disease resulting from a deficiency of vitamin C, which is required for the synthesis of collagen in humans. Scurvy often presents itself initially as symptoms of malaise and lethargy, followed by formation of spots on the skin, spongy gums, and bleeding from the mucous membranes. Spots are most abundant on the thighs and legs, and a person with the ailment looks pale, feels depressed, and is partially immobilized. As scurvy advances, there can be open, suppurating wounds, loss of teeth, jaundice, fever, neuropathy and death. Scurvy was at one time common among sailors, pirates and others aboard ships at sea longer than perishable fruits and vegetables could be stored (subsisting instead only on cured and salted meats and dried grains) and by soldiers similarly separated from these foods for extended periods. The bilge is the lowest compartment on a ship where the two sides meet at the keel. The word was coined in 1513. Rats are simply rats (Rattus rattus). None of these interesting facts has anything to do with this story. It all starts with a parrot and a little bit of imagination. Ask yourself this, would a pirate train his parrot to say pieces of eight, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum? It is unlikely that there was a parrot training system in place 500 years ago in the Caribbean, so I assume the birds would have had personal pirate tuition [PPT] (perhaps from a handy deck hand).

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!

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Don’t forget to Arrrr

I do not think this would remove the fear associated with piracy. Imagine you have been captured; with hands bound and surrounded by two dozen flee ridden scurvy bilge rat eating pirates. Fear is present, and then the captain walks out in the darkest of dirty clothes, skin of filth and coal. And breaking this image is a brightly multicoloured parrot, fluttering, squawking. You might be forgiven, not by the pirates, for laughing but stop and think. An ironic, surreal, breaking of what should be terror is enhanced by the squawk “SquaWalk the plank!” or some such mutterings. Now, imagine that you had never heard nor known that parrots could talk. The magical element of the talking bird casts up god-like powers among the uneducated. Who is in control? The Pirate Captain or the now more malevolent looking parrot? We recently uncovered evidence, that we are calling the “Sinister Parrot Plot”, which shows the rise of privateering in Caribbean seas to be directly linked to increasing domesticated parrot populations at the time.

Fortunately, piracy of the seas went out of fashion with the introduction of death to all pirates. However, the correlation is scary and should serve as a warning for current and modern day pirates looking to rip and plunder. The parrots are waiting, they can talk, they can kill and they are here...

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Tomas Tew – The kind pirate [Depending on whose side you’re on] Tew’s personal standard is said to have been a white arm holding a sword on a black field, perhaps meaning “we are ready to kill you.” Contemporary evidence for this flag is lacking.

Thomas Tew (died 1695), also known as the Rhode Island Pirate, was a 17th century English privateer-turned-pirate. Governor Thomas Fletcher of New York described Tew as ‘’a very pleasant man who tells wonderful stories’’ And Fletcher was eventually fired by the king for being too friendly with the Pirate Tew. Much of what is known about Tew is derived from Captain Charles Johnson’s A General History of the Pyrates, which is a mixture of fact and fiction. Although he embarked on only two major piratical voyages, and met a bloody death on the latter journey, Tew pioneered the route which became known as the Pirate Round. Many other famous pirates, including Henry Every and William Kidd, would follow in Tew’s path. First pirate cruise In 1692, Thomas Tew obtained a letter of marque* from the governor of Bermuda. Various Bermudan backers provided him with a vessel: the seventy-ton sloop Amity, armed with eight guns and crewed by forty-six officers and men. Thus equipped, Tew set sail in December, ostensibly to serve as a privateer against French holdings in Gambia. But not long out of Bermuda, Tew announced his intention of turning to piracy, asking the crew for their support since he could not enforce the illegal scheme without their consent. Tew’s crew reportedly answered with the shout, “A gold chain or a wooden leg, we’ll stand with you!” The newly minted pirates proceeded to elect a quartermaster, a common pirate practice to balance the captain’s power.

*In the days of fighting sail, a Letter of Marque and Reprisal was a government license authorizing a person (known as a privateer) to attack and capture enemy vessels and bring them before admiralty courts for condemnation and sale. Cruising for prizes with a Letter of Marque was considered an honorable calling combining patriotism and profit, in contrast to unlicensed piracy, which was universally reviled. Don’t forget to Arrrr Don’t forget to Arrrr

Tew reached the Red Sea and ran down a large ship en route from India to the Ottoman Empire, sometime in late 1693. Despite its enormous garrison of 300 soldiers, the Indian ship surrendered without serious resistance, inflicting no casualties on the assailants. Tew’s pirates helped themselves to the ship’s rich treasure, worth £100,000 in gold and silver alone, not counting the value of the ivory, spices, jewels and silk taken. Tew’s men afterward shared out between £1,200 and £3,000 per man, and Tew himself claimed about £8,000. Tew urged his filibusters to hunt down and rob the other ships in the Indian convoy, but yielded to the opposition of the quartermaster. He set course back to the Cape of Good Hope, stopping at the island of St. Mary’s on Madagascar to careen. Tew reached Newport in April, 1694. Benjamin Fletcher, the royal governor of New York, became good friends with Tew and his family. Tew scrupulously paid off the owners of the Amity, who recouped fourteen times the value of the vessel. Second pirate cruise In November, 1694, Tew bought a new letter of marquee from Fletcher and set out for another pirate cruise. His crew numbered thirty to forty men at departure this time. However, by the time he reached Madagascar, he apparently increased his force to 50 or 60 men. Arriving at the Mandab Strait at the mouth of the Red Sea in August, 1695, Tew found several other pirates hoping to duplicate his prior success, including Henry Every in the powerfully armed warship Fancy. Tew and the other pirate captains decided to sail in concert. In September, 1695, a 25-ship Mughal convoy approached the Mandab Strait, slipping past the pirates during the night. Tew and his fellow pirates pursued. The Amity overtook one of the Mughal ships, believed to be the Fateh Muhammed, and attacked it. Tew was killed in this battle, reportedly disemboweled by a cannon shot. Demoralized, Tew’s crew surrendered immediately, though they were freed later when Every’s Fancy captured the Fateh Muhammed. His biographer tells us ''a shot carried away the rim of Tew's belly, who held his bowels with his hands for some time. When he dropped, it struck such terror to his men that they suffered themselves to be taken without further resistance.'' Thus fell fighting a fine sailor, a brave man, and a successful pirate, and one who cheated the gallows awaiting him at Execution Dock. The final resting place of Tew’s remains is unknown, but he is said to be the father of Ratsimilaho, a man who created a kingdom on the east coast of Madagascar. In addition, it has been claimed that Tew was one of the named founders of the mysterious and possibly fictional pirate colony of Libertalia*. Captain William Kidd, before he himself turned pirate, was commissioned by King William III to hunt Tew down. Unknown to either Kidd or the King, Tew was already dead when the commission was issued.

Why do you never see pirates cry? Because they are private tears! Don’t forget to Arrrr

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*Libertatia (also known as Libertalia) is said to have been a Resource-Based Economy colony founded in the late 17th century in Madagascar by pirates under the leadership of Captain James Misson. Whether or not Libertatia actually existed is disputed. It is also described in the book A General History of the Pyrates by Captain Charles Johnson, an otherwise unknown individual who may have been apseudonym of Daniel Defoe. Much of the book is a mixture of fact and fiction, and it is possible the account of Libertatia is entirely fabricated. Libertatia is said to have lasted for about twenty five years. The precise location is not known, however, most sources say it stretched from the Bay of Antongil to Mananjary, including Ile Sainte Marie and Foulpointe. Thomas Tew, Misson, and an Italian Dominican priest named Caraccioli were involved in founding it. The pirate utopia's motto was "for God and liberty," and its flag was white, in contrast to a Jolly Roger. They were anarchist, waging war against states and lawmakers, attacking their ships, sparing prisoners, and freeing slaves. They called themselves Liberi, and lived under a communal city rule, a sort of worker owned corporation of piracy. They had articles (shared codes of conduct), and used elected systems of re-callable delegates. Misson was French, born in Provence, and it was while in Rome on leave from the French warship Victoire that he lost his faith, disgusted by the decadence of the Papal Court. In Rome he ran into Caraccioli - a "lewd Priest" who over the course of long voyages with little to do but talk, gradually converted Misson and a sizeable portion of the rest of the crew to his way of thinking: …he fell upon Government, and shew'd, that every Man was born free, and had as much Right to what would support him, as to the Air he respired... that the vast Difference betwixt Man and Man, the one wallowing in Luxury, and the other in the most pinching Necessity, was owing only to Avarice and Ambition on the one Hand, and a pusillanimous Subjection on the other. Embarking on a career of piracy, the 200 strong crew of the Victoire called upon Misson to be their captain. They shared the wealth of the ship, deciding "all should be in common." All decisions were to be put to "the Vote of the whole Company." Thus they set out on their new "Life of Liberty." Off the west coast of Africa they captured a Dutch slave ship. The slaves were freed and brought aboard the Victoire, Misson declaring that "the Trading for those of our own Species, cou'd never be agreeable to the Eyes of divine Justice: That no Man had Power of Liberty of another" and that "he had not exempted his Neck from the galling Yoak of Slavery, and asserted his own Liberty, to enslave others." At every engagement they added to their numbers with new French, English and Dutch recruits, and freed African slaves.

What does a pirate say when he falls of a building? Aaaaarrrrr!

What does a pirate say when he falls of a tall building? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Don’t forget to Arrrr

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While cruising round the coast of Madagascar, Misson found a perfect bay in an area with fertile soil, fresh water and friendly natives. Here the pirates built Libertalia, renouncing their titles of English, French, Dutch or African and calling themselves Liberi. They created their own language, a polyglot mixture of African languages, combined with French, English, Dutch, Portuguese and native Malagasy. Shortly after the beginning of building work on the colony of Libertalia, the Victoire ran into the pirate Thomas Tew, who decided to accompany them back to Libertalia. Such a colony was no new idea to Tew; he had lost his quartermaster and 23 of his crew when they had left to form a settlement further up the Madagascan coast. The Liberi - "Enemies to Slavery," aimed to boost their numbers by capturing another slave ship. Off the coast of Angola, Tew's crew took an English slave ship with 240 men, women and children below decks. The African members of the pirate crew discovered many friends and relatives among the enslaved and struck off their fetters and handcuffs, regaling them with the glories of their new life of liberty. The pirates settled down to become farmers, holding the land in common - "no Hedge bounded any particular Man's Property." Prizes and money taken at sea were "carry'd into the common treasury, money being of no use where every thing was in common."

Make Toast the Pirate way!

Make toast today! Please send a stamped and addressed message in a bottle to: 1 Large Pirate Ship Caribbean The Sea N to N.W

rrrrrr! Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Jolly Roger The flags of death and fear! Who ever gave the collective of death flags the name jolly roger must have been a comedian, probably called Roger. Emanuel Wynn

Emanuel Wynn (or Emanuel Wynne) was a French pirate of the 18th century, and is often considered the first pirate to fly the Jolly Roger. His design incorporated an hourglass beneath the bones to represent that time was running out. British Admiralty Records, in the Public Records Office in the UK show, in a report dated 18 July 1700, that HMS Poole, commanded by Captain John Cranby, engaged Wynn's ship off the Cape Verde islands. Cranby chased Wynn into a cove at Brava Island but, assisted by Portuguese soldiers, Wynn escaped Poole. Most historians agree that Cranby's account is the first mention of a Jolly Roger, which Cranby described as "a sable ensign with cross bones, a death's head, and an hour glass." Wynne is believed to be the first (or some sources contend one of the first) pirate to fly the now familiar form of the jolly roger. His flag, showing the distinctive skull and crossbones motif, was augmented with another common pirate symbol: an hourglass (meant to signify to his prey that only by timely surrender could they evade death). Wynne began his piratical career raiding English merchantmen off the coast of the Province of Carolina near the end of the 17th century. He later moved to the more profitable waters of the Caribbean, attacking both English and Spanish ships.

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr

What would you do, if you cast yourself back in time, if you saw a bright red flag approaching? The answer is probably nothing and it would almost certainly be your last action. Horrifyingly, the scariest vision I took myself on during this research was this one. The red flag, most notably from Christopher Moody.

Christopher Moody (1694-1722) was an 18th century pirate who held a policy of no quarter (no sparing of lives). After he was captured, he was hung at Cape Coast Castle in Cabo Corso, Ghana (now Cape Coast, Ghana). He is believed to have pirated off the coast of North and South Carolina sometime between 1713 and 1718. Moody is largely remembered for his distinct Jolly Roger flag. Instead of the traditional white on black, Moody's Jolly Roger is gold on red. It also has an hourglass with wings, to express to his victims that their time to live was flying away. In the middle is a white arm holding a dagger. In addition, blood-red pennants were often tied to the ship's mainmast to show deadly intent. While the red Jolly Roger is distinctive, it is not unique. It is believed that the origin of the red flag is likely that English privateers flew the red jack by order of the Admiralty in 1694. When the War of Spanish Succession ended in 1714, many privateers turned to piracy and some retained the red flag, as red symbolized blood. No matter how much seamen dreaded the black pirate standard, all prayed they never encountered the "Bloody Red". This red flag boldly declared the pirates' intentions: that no life would be spared. Fortunately, not all pirates were as bloodthirsty and for most it was simply business. The most successful pirate of them all [by way of plunder and fleet size] was Captain Henry Morgan [New Splicer’s cover image].

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Don’t forget to Arrrr

Henry Morgan the king of Pirates

Admiral Sir Henry Morgan (Harri Morgan in Welsh; 1635 – 25 August 1688 Nickname "Barbadosed") was an Admiral of the Royal Navy, a privateer, and a pirate who made a name for himself during activities in the Caribbean, primarily raiding Spanish settlements. He was one of the most notorious and successful privateers of all time, and one of the most ruthless who worked in the Spanish Main. Morgan was an admiral and general, country gentleman and planter, custos and judge of the court of ViceAdmiralty, governor and a knight. He was also the most ruthless and feared pirate of all time. A few reasons to love Morgan the Pirate: He was a brilliant naval strategist. He commanded over a dozen ships and 1400 men. In 1670 he was able to sack the city of Panama (thought to be impenetrable) by attacking by land and not by sea. Instead of being hung as a pirate, he was made Governor of Jamaica.

Why do all pirates have eye patches? Chuck Norris.

What do you call 1000 pirates in a room? Avast conspiracy! Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Edward Low - Terror of the high Seas

Captain Edward "Ned" Low (also spelled Lowe or Loe; ca. 1690 – ca. 1724) was a notorious English pirate during the latter days of the Golden Age of Piracy, in the early 18th century. He was born around 1690 into poverty in Westminster, London, and was a thief from a young age. Low moved to Boston, Massachusetts, as a young man. His wife died in childbirth in late 1719. Two years later, he became a pirate, operating off the coasts of New England and the Azores, and in the Caribbean. He captained a number of ships, usually maintaining a small fleet of three or four. Low and his pirate crews captured at least a hundred ships during his short career, burning most of them.[1] Although he was active for only three years, Low remains notorious as one of the most vicious pirates of the age, with a reputation for violently torturing his victims before killing them. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle described Low as "savage and desperate," and a man of "amazing and grotesque brutality". The New York Times called him a torturer, whose methods would have "done credit to the ingenuity of the Spanish Inquisition in its darkest days". The circumstances of Low's death, which took place around 1724, have been the subject of much speculation.

What has 8 legs, 8 arms and 8 eyes? 8 pirates.

What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say? RRAAAAAAAAAAA! Don’t forget to Arrrr

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Edward Teach the notorious Blackbeard the Pirate

Edward Teach (c. 1680 – 22 November 1718), better known as Blackbeard, was a notorious English pirate who operated around the West Indies and the eastern coast of the American colonies. Although little is known about his early life, he was probably born in Bristol, England. He may have been a sailor on privateer ships during Queen Anne's War before settling on the Caribbean island of New Providence, a base for Captain Benjamin Hornigold, whose crew Teach joined sometime around 1716. Hornigold placed him in command of a sloop he had captured, and the two engaged in numerous acts of piracy. Their numbers were boosted by the addition to their fleet of two more ships, one of which was commanded by Stede Bonnet, but toward the end of 1717 Hornigold retired from piracy, taking two vessels with him. Teach captured a French merchant vessel, renamed her Queen Anne's Revenge, and equipped her with 40 guns. He became a renowned pirate, his cognomen derived from his thick black beard and fearsome appearance; he was reported to have tied lit fuses under his hat to frighten his enemies. He formed an alliance of pirates and blockaded the port of Charleston, South Carolina. After successfully ransoming its inhabitants, he ran Queen Anne's Revenge aground on a sandbar near Beaufort, North Carolina. He parted company with Bonnet, settling in Bath Town, where he accepted a royal pardon. But he was soon back at sea and attracted the attention of Alexander Spotswood, the Governor of Virginia. Spotswood arranged for a party of soldiers and sailors to try to capture the pirate, which they did on 22 November 1718. During a ferocious battle, Teach and several of his crew were killed by a small force of sailors led by Lieutenant Robert Maynard.

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr

A shrewd and calculating leader, Teach spurned the use of force, relying instead on his fearsome image to elicit the response he desired from those he robbed. Contrary to the modern-day picture of the traditional tyrannical pirate, he commanded his vessels with the permission of their crews and there is no known account of his ever having harmed or murdered those he held captive. He was romanticised after his death and became the inspiration for a number of pirate-themed works of fiction across a range of genres. The images on a pirate flag were designed to indicate a certain message. They were interpretive, but well known in the golden age of piracy. The skull was a sign of death, but a skeleton, often with horns, indicated a tormented death. A dart or spear was used to indicate a violent death in contrast to the bleeding heart denoting a slow and painful death. The hourglass gave a threat that time was running out or that capture was inevitable. A raised fist or hand clutching a dagger or cutlass was to indicate a general willingness to kill. Curiously, the pirate Blackbeard managed to incorporate practically every one of these main symbols into his flag, whereas Jack Rackham (Calico Jack) used a graceful set of crossed swords in place of bones to boast ironically of his willingness to fight. While pirates often flew "false colours" of any given country, they inevitably used "truer" colours to communicate and threaten potential victims. In general, a white flag was flown when pirates were in chase of a potential victim. In some cases the victim would "strike his colours", or take down the king's flag and submit to the bandits. If the victims refused, a black and white flag was raised to indicate the intentions of the pirates. In the event that a ship was particularly evasive, or a pirate was particularly brutal, a red flag was raised to indicate that no quarter would be given (no lives would be spared) once the ship was captured. The first such flag was flown by Emmanuel Wynne around 1700 as he plundered the Caribbean. The Jolly Roger, Old Roger, or just plain Skull and Crossbones is the definitive symbol of the pirate. It is believed that the name derives from joli rouge, which means "Pretty Red" in French. This was taken to describe the blood red flags flown by particularly harsh pirates. The primary use of such a banner was to strike fear into the hearts of the crew under pirate attack.

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Next time... I can now revel that New Splicer will be joining forces with the Fforde Ffiesta! The annual gathering for those who like to embrace absurdity! During the 1st weekend of June 2012 the Fforde Ffiesta is travelling back to celebrate the Queens Jubilee by visiting the actual coronation. New Splicer will be there to produce a “live” edition of the magazine, as created over the two day period of insanity, fun and events! You can still send in works and stories, by why not come along to Swindon and join in the fun!

The Fforde Ffiesta is a weekend of silliness inspired by the works of Jasper Fforde. It is held annually in Swindon, UK (the home of Thursday Next from Jasper’s books). Jasper is a big part of the events. He gives a reading from one of his books - one yet to be published - does a question and answer session, narrates at least one of the bus tours, sits on the judging panels and conducts the auction as well as taking part in some of the other events. In addition he is around for virtually the whole weekend and mingles with the attendees. So don’t miss out!

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr

~NEW SPLICER~

Volume 3.4 June 2012

1952

In this issue Topic of the month: The Annual gathering for those who like to embrace absurdity The Real Surreal Jasper the Friendly Fforde... How to clone a Danver The Diamond Jubilee... Swindon... and much more! Don’t forget forget to to Breathe Don’t Arrrr

Don’t forget Smile Don’t forget totoArrrr

Toast Marketing board

Don’t forget to Arrrr

Don’t forget to Arrrr