January 2013 Censor This by Murray Chalmers

CENSOR THIS! January 23,2013

Our Tabloid Issue Volume 8, Issue 4

http://www.kss.sd23.bc.ca/About/CensorThis/Pages/default.aspx

BREAKING NEWS FROM KSS & BEYOND!

WHO FATHERED THIS BABY? MR. MCCONNELL MOVES TO THE...

DARK

SIDE!

GRAD

SCANDALS

AT KSS

January 23, 2013

6686

Cut out for Biebs?

Free

Inside this Issue:

4-5: News 6: Super Girl 7: Grad Scandals 8: Pact with Satan 9: Apocalypse Survival Stories 10: Dear Daisy 11: Youtube Sensations 12: Grad Sleepover 13: Cut for Bieber 14: Bilingualism 15: If these two had children.... 16-17: Entertainment 18: Candids 20: Joke Off Who is Censor This? General Editor: Renee Berger Journalism crew: Brienne Welton,

Danielle Beleutz, Zoë Shay, Lauren Boyd, Mishka Miller, Mary Bunka, Harsha Bharma, Sarah Thorburn, Esme Jackson, Kolby Zinger-Harris, Julia Roigk, Mackenzie Schermann, Jayden Craigie, Jess D’Vaz, Mr. Manderioli.

JANUARY 23 2013

Editor’s Message.... The holidays are over and thankfully we all survived the apocalypse. That just means that it's time to study for exams. Censor This! has decided to take on the role of a tabloid this month to give you something entertaining to read between assignments. Want to hear the latest news on the NHL lockout? Check out page 4. We have uncovered the shocking truth about the grad presidents, all will be revealed on page 7. On pages 8 and 9 discover which teacher made a pact with the devil and how fellow students and staff survived the 'apocalypse'. Take a look at page 15 for an extra laugh as we show you what your fellow teachers and students children would look like. We have everything from book reviews to album reviews on our entertainment pages, which can be found on pages 16 and 17 this month. To finish off, we once again have our joke off, starring myself and the lovely Ms. Bede, and mini horoscopes all on page 19. Censor This! would love to hear from you! So if you have any stories, pictures, or artwork to submit send them to Mr. Manderioli in room 231 or to marzio.manderioli@sd23.bc.ca. Make sure to check out our next issue on February 27th and good luck on your exams!

-Renee Berger XOXO CENSOR THIS

= DON’T MISS THE

KSS GRAD FASHION SHOW

Wednesday January 30th

MPR @ 7 PM

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JANUARY 23 2013

RUSSIA’S VERY OWN

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE by Zoe Shay Krokodil, a cousin to morphine and cheaper alternative to heroin, has wormed its way into the veins of Russian drugs addicts over the past 4 years and its use is becoming a national epidemic. Time Magazine as well as The Independent have drawn attention to this growing issue, hopefully shedding some light with their surprising facts and interviews. Censor This! is taking the opportunity to showcase the struggle against this dirty designer drug. With approximately 2 million heroin users in Russia it’s no wonder some of them are turning to a cheaper and more convenient alternative. The side effects of Krokodil, or desomorphine, are terrifying and gruesome yet Russian youth everywhere are running to their local pharmacies to pick up the ingredients for their fix. Ironically, all the components of Krokodil are found in a pharmacy and can be purchased by virtually anyone, even little girls or elderly citizens. The main ingredient, headache pills that contain codeine, are available very cheap and without prescription. Other ingredients include gasoline, paint thinner, hydrochloric acid, iodine and red phosphorous which is scraped from the striking pads of match boxes. All the components are combined, boiled, distilled and then injected into the bloodstream via syringe. Krokodil wasn’t given a creepy reptilian name for no reason- the skin around the injection site on the user’s body becomes green and scaly, a result of the blood vessels breaking and the skin decomposing.

Other major side effects include gangrene, which often leads to amputations, and the dissipation of bone tissue. Even after using Krokodil for a short period of time, open sores and abscesses can be seen decorating the bodies of Russian youth. The average Krokodil user isn’t expected to live past 2-3 years. This hidden epidemic is killing thousands of people, and ensnaring hundreds of thousands more. Pharmacy clerks are selling Russian people the ingredients to slowly kill themselves. The road to recovery is a long, dark, and very painful one. Krokodil addicts that go into a rehabilitation center experience extreme withdrawal symptoms, many of the patients needing tranquilizers to prevent them from passing out due to the immense pain. Patients are given two weeks to recover from the insomnia, nausea and other withdrawal symptoms before given small chores around the rehab center. For some recovering addicts, desomorphine will leave them with speech impediments, restricted motor skills, the dazed mood of a lobotomized vegetable, and for the unlucky fewamputations and scars. Thankfully we have yet to see Krokodil affect other countries the way it has scarred Russia. The ingredients aren’t so readily available to other nations, and because Russia has the most heroin users in the world, drug addicts in other continents are less likely to turn to Krokodil. Hopefully Russia will begin to offer support and healthcare to the drug-tainted youth squatting in abandoned buildings all over the nation.

The pictures above show Krokodil ingredients and the cooking process. All pictures taken from Google.

JANUARY 23 2013

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LIFE SAVERS by Jess D’Vaz

LifeSavers is a group in our own school district spreading awareness about teen suicide. Many cultural assemblies are usually forgotten minutes after walking out of the doors, but the LifeSavers assembly on November 26th was one I remembered. It was filled with inspiring stories of overcoming different struggles in your life. Many like me often think that something like that would never happen to me and my friends. But I realized you just never know. Small and simple acts of random kindness can change someone or even save a life. I guess this issue is often overlooked because it’s so drastic but it’s out there. In our society many are only concerned with their well-being and that’s ok because that’s just us being human. The LifeSavers was an eye opener to me --as it was to many--to not be so quick to judge. High school is a place of judgement but it can also be a safe haven where we can go to have fun and be ourselves. Yet, many people hide behind masks scared to show their “true colours.” During the assembly a story was shared of someone’s extremely brave battle with cancer and depression. These are the people I look up to because of all their strength and courage. In the end this assembly was great and if you want to get involved yourself you can visit their web-

126 DAYS OF NO HOCKEY by Julia Roigk

What determines who plays in the playoffs this Yes, say the players and owners. As the colyear isn’t how long the teams can endure and lective bargaining agreement (CBA) ran out in how well they can preserve their energy. This September, the NHL and the NHLPA met behind year what matters is how well the team starts off the negotiation tables with varying success. More at the beginning of the season. Since there is less than once inside sources spoke of promising time more back-to-back games will be played, proposals, which were only shot down again in inviting injury. Some teams also have the adthe end. vantage of players who are already warmed up, Finally, after 113 days of meetings, stoppages of having played in Switzerland like Patrick Kane contact and 16-hour power session, the two sides (Chicago Blackhawks) and Tyler Seguin (Boston reached a ‘tentative agreement on a ten year Bruins), Germany like Claude Giroux and Daniel CBA’. The new deal splits the revenue 50%-50% Brière (Philadelphia Flyers) or the KHL as sevbetween owners and players, which is a receseral Russian stars such as Alexander Ovechkin sion of 7% for the latter group. Other changes (Washington Capitals) or Evgeni Malkin (Pittsinclude sterner rules regarding the salary cap burgh Penguins) have done. with punishment for trying to circumvent it by One question, however, remains: Will the fans giving players multi-million deals with years of come back? only $1 million tacked to the end to keep the cap The reactions were mixed after the lockout ended hit down. two weeks ago. Some fans were overjoyed that The deal was almost last minute; only a few days hockey was back. Some were, maybe rightly, not more and the entire season would have had to so amused with the NHL’s antics. be cancelled. The NHL set the deadline for an Gary Bettman, commissioner for the NHL and agreement for January 11, reasoning that if they one of the two main figures involved in the lock- couldn’t start by January 19, the season would be out business, has already apologized. So have too short. some of the teams. But will it be enough? Will The season is shortened as it is with the 30 teams a simple apology get back fans who have been playing 48 games each instead of the usual 82 angered by the second lockout in 8 years? before the playoffs. Editor’s Note: As of January 21, it seems that the fans are willing to come back. Several games this past weekend were sold out, and CSN had more TV viewers than ever for a regular season game.

See you at The “Westerns” Feb. 7, 8, 9, at KSS

2013 ~ GRAD

SEMI FORMAL!

t ’ n o d s s i m it! Photo taken by Joel Todd

CENSOR THIS

FEBRUARY 13

MPR - DOORS OPEN AT 6:30 STARTS AT 7

JANUARY 23 2013 5

Heroes & the Homeless at our School! The shocking truth! A Censor THIS! exclusive!

Lauren: KSS’ Own Super Girl! T e a c h e r Lauren is responsible for saving the lives of over 23 people to date but is best known for preventing the UFO’s over Glenmore from invading K-town this past Christmas Eve. by Mishka-Gaye Miller Lauren Boyd is not just your average grade 11 student. She is a mutant from the planet Omarz.We have been hanging out for a while and she trusted me enough to reveal her true self to me. Obviously I have betrayed her trust by publishing this in the school newspaper. Her powers consist of flying, x-ray vision, mind reading and super speed. She, however, does not abuse them or use them unnecessarily and tries her best to keep them under control. Believe it or not she is the reason Kelowna is a safe place. In the wee hours of the night, when this small town is asleep, she walks Bernard Avenue looking for troublesome individuals and prosecutes them.

“It’s not easy being a superhero...” Superman is her great-grandfather, Superwoman is her great-aunt and she is the second cousin of Thor. Her current relatives, howeverm are not super humans, the powers skipped a few generations so she is sometimes treated as an outcast by her own relatives because of this. It is highly likely that her children will not have superpowers but her grandchildren might. I urge you not to mess with Lauren because when she gets angry she is uncontrollable; she is also distant relatives with Hulk.

At school she pretends to be the averLauren once said to me “it’s not easy beage teenager, ones who does her work and through the ropes. Lauren even became a vic- ing a superhero but somebody has to do it.” tim of bullying once but she never reacted. With this knowledge that you now have try I did some research on her family history and I to treat her as normal as you did before. found out that she is from the lineage of SuperI just felt like the school body had a right to know. man, Wonder Woman and other great superheroes.

JANUARY 23 2013

CENSOR THIS

LIVES

KSS!

by Lauren Boyd There is new evidence circulating that a teacher actually lives at our school. Unusual blankets piled in a corner under the stairs, dirty plates piled in the sinks of the foods room long after class is done, security cameras picking up dark shadows flitting around corners at night and a large onesie hanging in the multipurpose room. This can only mean one thing -someone is living at our school and this mysterious teacher is none other than the biology teacher Cory Lesiuk! Living at school can bring up a number of problems. Where to shower? Which room would be the perfect bedroom? And the best question of all, who would want to live at school in the first place? Mr. Lesiuk has solved these problems with the change room showers and a mattress in the darkroom. Lesiuk’s daily diet living at school consists of whatever can be scrounged up in the foods room, stealing other people’s lunches at lunch time, and pizza delivery for dinner. Who would want to live at school? Well a teacher would, of course. But why does Mr. Lesiuk live at school? When asked this baffling question he responded, “I use to spend so much time at school anyway; I’d get there at the crack of dawn in the morning and stay late into the night marking. One night I decided to stay here and it was great!” Last; why does Lesiuk never get kicked out by the janitors in the night? For all the conspiracy theorists out there, perhaps the janitors and Lesiuk are in cahoots. In exchange for keeping quiet about his new abode, Lesiuk keeps quiet about who is actually writing on the bathroom stalls…

GRAD SCANDALS! Skinny Jeans Banned!

Bigfoot!Immortals! What KSS Hoped You’d Never Find Out!

by Mary Bunka

Well, it was fun, but it seems to be the end of an era. Say goodbye to your skinny jeans, everyone. They’ve been outlawed from the halls of KSS. During a meeting over the break, KSS Admin decided that skinny jeans will be banned starting February 1. The ban will also include “jeggings” and “pajama jeans.” “Skinny jeans and jeggings may cover all of the leg, but they are so tight that students may as well be wearing no pants at all. It’s a gross violation of our dress code here at KSS. Students are paying more attention to each other’s legs and bums than to their lessons. This must be remedied,” stated Mrs. Kintzinger. When questioned about pajama jeans, which are not as provocative as skinny jeans and jeggings, Kintzinger stated that “pajama jeans are simply too ugly and unfashionable to be worn at school. We have standards here, you know.” A grade 12 student who would prefer to remain anonymous was, like many students, outraged. “This is so unfair! What are they going to do next, demand we wear shirts with straps? We should totally stage a protest or something.” In fact, this student would like to take the opportunity to call out to KSS. “If you feel this ban is unfair, please help me in fighting it. Wear red skinny jeans and a black shirt on the first day of the ban to fight back.” Beginning on February 1, any student, male or female, that is caught wearing the banned attire will be given a “more modest” clothing substitute to wear for the remainder of the day. SD23 has provided KSS with $2,500 to purchase parachute pants for those that cannot comply with the ban. Parachute pants were tested in ten Vancouver high schools and were found to reduce sexual tension by 56% and improve students’ concentration on their studies by a massive 73%. “You can’t argue with the numbers,” said Dr. Mod Esty, chief of parachute-pant implementation in BC. “Moving away from skinny jeans is the best thing that this school district has done since switching KSS to the semester system.”

OMG! It’s Liam! by Esme Jackson He’s big, he’s hairy, and we have an explanation for you! Liam Bergin is inevitably Kelowna’s very own half-breed Sasquatch, or as it’s better known: ‘Bigfoot.’ Casually seen walking through woodland areas and leaving behind footprints too large for any human, Bergin is determined to be the mysterious large figure that has been photographed running through our mountain habitats. The world famous sasquatch species is said to be living in the northwest pacific, an area ranging from southern BC to upper Oregon. It is believed that multiple Bigfoot type figures live in the area, finding shelter on the mountain ranges, and eating the natural resources available. Several sightings have been issued in Kelowna, with time periods ranging in the last three years. The idea is plausible. Half-sasquatch, half-human, Liam Bergin may be the first sasquatch hybrid that Canada has seen. So what’s your verdict, KSS? Liam Bergin, a modern day monkey? Blago Hristovski knows it all; he plays the saxophone, he scuba dives, and yet he still manages to get the grades. So you have to wonder, when did he learn it all? Who has the time to excel in so many different things? Well, you wouldn’t have trouble with time if you had an eternity to live. And so, it all makes sense… Blago Hristovski is an immortal. If you’d like to get technical, you may say he has a strange case of enhanced regeneration. This is the ability to heal from any ailments, which basically grants immortality. Though, we aren’t able to explain his youth. I’m afraid that for now, that will remain a mystery, KSS.

Blago played as

defenseman

on KSS’ 1921 Boys’ AAA Basketball Team. CENSOR THIS

JANUARY 23 2013 7

Did Dave McConnell

SEll HIS SOUL TO

SATAN

by Renee Berger Many students know who Mr. McConnell is, but there is one thing that he has managed to keep hidden from them. On the outside he seems like an ordinary guy; he makes a living teaching English and Psychology and in his free time, he plays the blues with his band Downhome Dave and the Dynamite. People who know Mr. McConnell know that he generally isn't very serious, but despite that, his music is actually quite good. So how does someone like McConnell have so much blues talent? There's only one answer, he sold his soul to the devil. From the very start when Mr. McConnell lived in the Mississippi Delta and worked as a sharecropper, he always loved the blues, but sadly he had zero talent. No matter how much he practiced he never got any better. On many occasions he was booed off of the stage and a few times rotten fruit

was thrown at him, dirtying his new clothes. After one particularly bad show, he recalled the myth that at the crossroads you can sell your soul to the devil and receive magical blues talent. With his spirits crushed, McConnell didn't think that anything could be worse than what he suffered, so with nothing but his guitar and harmonica he started walking towards his last hope: the famed crossroads between highway 49 and 61 in Clarksdale, Mississippi. As he continued along he started to regret his hasty decision but he believed that nothing mattered anyways if he couldn't play the blues. Finally he arrived. Sweat was dripping slowly down his face as the fear sank in. He knew though, that he would never amount to anything if he didn't go through with it. He began to play his guitar and soon enough a dark figure ap-

peared before him. "With talent like that you sure need my help," Satan laughed. McConnell nodded sheepishly and once again regretted his decision but it was too late to back down. "Do you agree to the terms and conditions?" Satan asked. Immediately McConnell replied with a solemn yes. The deed was done and they proceeded to slice open their palms and shake hands. "I'll see you in the afterlife," Satan said smugly. Suddenly he vanished and all that was left in his place was a cloud of smoke. McConnell returned home, content that he could now play the blues but terribly afraid for what awaited him. In the end though, he still wound up as a school teacher (even Satan did not foresee this.) Seems as if he sold his soul for nothing... such a sad turn of events could give anyone the blues.

eXCLUSIVE NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE PICTURES OF mR. mCcONNELL! Photo credits to Renee Berger, Lauren Boyd and Harsha Bharma.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Didn’t I teach you anything?”

Mr. McConnell and his friend Beyonce

“GET OUT!!!”

MEET THE

Survivors of the

apocalypse

Ms. Lemon

Mr. Brown

Ms. Bede

These Three KSS Teachers Survive End of the World!

by Brienne Welton The biggest question of December 2012 was "How am I going to survive the apocalypse?" When the world ended in colossal catastrophe on the 21, millions of unprepared people perished. This demonstrated the importance of a good survival plan. Censor This! can exclusively reveal the fool-proof methods of some of our successful teacher survivors who were ready for the end of the world. As the world fell apart and society as we knew it was destroyed, KSS English teacher Ms. Lemon grabbed her water purifier and backpacking gear in preparation for her survival. Her destination: as far away from the cities and the remaining people as possible. After leaving plenty of extra food for her cat that she unfortunately had to leave behind, Ms. Lemon took her gear and her loved ones to the country side. The

"Ate all the ice cream I could find!" Adriana Parker

"Stole all the cheesies in the world and ate them all." Liam Findlay

key of this operation was finding a place where people could live independently off of the land by farming and gathering. Some advice from Ms. Lemon: when in a panicked crowd extract yourself by running in the opposite direction of the mob. The secret of Mr. Brown's survival was pre-apocalyptic research. The French and Social Studies teacher spent many hours leading up to the end of the world watching apocalypse movies. Survival tactics gathered from films such as I am Legend and Castaway helped him to copy a successful strategy of survival from the characters of these films. As the world was ending teacher-librarian Ms. Bede toasted to a good life in gratitude for the fortunate lives we led in this country, as opposed to less fortunate third world countries. To ease

her mind and come to terms with 'the end' she gathered an ample collection of philosophical publications by sages instructing people on how to cope with the end of times. A recommendation by Ms. Bede: lots of chocolate. Along with good books and music, comfort food is essential for survival. KD, gyoza, perogees, poutine and cheese were a few of the items on her menu. Wasting away in a protected underground base or cave was not the way to stay alive. According to Ms. Bede living out in the open air, eating well and reading philosophical works is the key to success! One thing we've learned from this apocalypse: everyone must have a survival strategy ready beforehand. Keep these survival techniques in mind because you just never know when you'll need them!

What did these students do at the end

"Grabbed all my comfort foods and water. Then I dug a hole to live in." Cristina Condotta

of the

world? CENSOR THIS

"Drummed as loud as I could with the windows open." Kelly Grant

JANUARY 23 2013 9

The Very Unexpected Life of Our Head Custodian...

by Kolby Zinger-Harris.

You might have seen Kelowna Secondary's Head Custodian Steve Fuller keeping a close eye on the school's halls. However, many people are unaware of the life he hides behind an obscure mask of lies. Fuller has recently revealed that being Head Custodian is the perfect front for a spymaster planning to take over the world. "World domination is a very ambitious undertaking, to say the least," explained Fuller to an undercover correspondent. "The trick is to never go to sleep so you can stay awake and plot. While the quest for domination has been long and arduous, it never fails to put a smile on my face," Fuller assured. "There's something about spreading my totalitarian reign across the globe that keeps me on my toes." Our correspondent dug in to find out the details of Fuller's intricate plan. He explained that his position at KSS plays an essential role in the path to total control. "Working in a high school is the best way to learn about dictatorship and oppression. The fact that no one would ever suspect a custodian is just an added bonus." It's clear that it won't be long now before he owns all of us. The only question that remains is what will be the title of this new ruler. "This is something I've been thinking a lot about," said Fuller excitedly. "At first I thought High Emperor would be best, but now I'm considering His Liege, King Steve the Conqueror." Keep your eyes open for this uprising tyrant who'll be reigning over you soon! Censor This' last bit of advice: run!

“The world is MINE!!”

Hey It’s Daisy!!

Not feeling well? Something’s got you down? Have no one to talk to? Well now you do! Contact Daisy and she will give you the best advice around because she cares. Dear Daisy: I used to date this boy for a little a while and we are no longer together again. He seemed like a nice person when we were dating but it was not working out because we had too many differences. He is now telling all his friends that he had sex with me but I did not. What should I do? P.L. Dear P.L, In situations like this all you can do is try to clear the air by explaining the truth and if that doesn’t work just ignore the negative co doesn’t work just ignore the negative comments. As long as you know the truth that’s all that matters. Daisy.

10 JANUARY 23 2013

Dear Daisy: My little sister is constantly in my room and going through my stuff. She even tries my makeup and she is only 9 how do I get her to stop? K.P Dear K.P: Maybe your little sister finds you interesting! Right now you might be the coolest person she knows and she aspires to be like you. That’s why she goes through your stuff and tries them on. Don’t be so hard on her and try to let her understand you don’t like her going through your stuff! Try to spend more time with her though and let her try on your stuff every once in a while. Daisy.

CENSOR THIS

Dear Daisy: My parents recently got divorced and they keep on trying to make me pick sides on who is right and who is the better parent. I love them both equally so I'm confused, what should I do? T.M. Dear T.M: I am sorry to hear that your parents got divorced and they are trying to make you up pick sides, they really shouldn’t do that. Try to explain to them how it makes you feel and ask them to stop because that is really not fair to you. Good luck! Daisy.

This Month’s

Sensations

by Danielle Beleutz.

Psy Gangnam Style

4 Eminem ft Rhianna Love the way you lie

Justin Beiber ft Ludacris Baby

Lmfao Party rock anthem

Jennifer Lopez ft Pitbull on the floor

Lady Gaga Bad Romance

Study Tips for Test Survival by Harsha Bhamra.

Well, it's that time of the year again. The semester is about to end and provincials are just around the corner. Some of you might be stressing out for your provincials but no need to worry. I have some very helpful tips for studying either alone or in big/small groups. The most important tip is do not procrastinate. Studying the night before the exam and pulling an all-nighter is not a good strategy. You won't get enough sleep and exhaustion will reduce the amount of information you remember. If you're going to study alone, first of all you need to learn to prioritize your time. Unless you make a plan for you goal it will be very hard to achieve it. Then you should get rid of all the things that are distracting for you and find a quiet place to study such as your "study" room or the library. You should also take breaks every two hours because if you just study for six straight hours then you won't remember anything you’ve just read. If you’re reading a textbook, use funny accents or make weird voices to have fun while you're studying. Just for fun change your place of studying. Move around every half hour to gain more focus and less distraction by sitting in one spot. Getting hungry while you're studying will drive your focus away. Have some snacks that are high in vitamins rather than high in calories. Avoid potato chips, coca cola drink or sour patches. Instead eat fruits, vegetables or a salad. If you have a really boring subject to study for then get that over with first because you will just end up procrastinating. While you're studying use acronyms and index cards, they are your BFFs. Index cards are actually known to be more helpful than you think. The greatest tip of all? Go to class! Staying home or skipping out most of your classes is not beneficial to you at all. Finally, if you want all that hard work to pay off: get enough sleep. Some think that studying alone is really hard, and prefer to work in groups. If this applies to you, here are some tips. First of all, pick a group that will actually study and not fool around otherwise it's pointless. Your study group should be a source of encouragement when you're losing your motive to study. Make sure that there's at least one person in the group who knows what's going on. Share your notes because someone else might have more information than you which will be beneficial to you. Most importantly, stay focused! It will be pointless if all of you get distracted. If you want to remember anything you studied then get enough sleep. Studying sounds very hard but once you break it down it's very simple, all you need is motivation. Best of luck for you exams, Owls!

CENSOR THIS

JANUARY 23 2013 11

Were you at grad “no sleep”over?

All pictures taken by Dylan Draper

12 JANUARY 27 2013

CENSOR THIS

Cut For Bieber? by Sarah Thorburn

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Obsessive fans have always been known to go to extremes to get the attention of their idols, but Justin Bieber fans have taken their commitment to a disturbing and shocking level. The #CutForBieber tag trending on Twitter is pretty sick. The whole cut for Bieber issue started by the GNAA which are a group of hackers. After Justin was caught on camera holding what seemed to be marijuana, they started a disturbing ad called “Cut for Bieber,” influencing young Beliebers to self-harm in objection to his suspected drug use. The sickening prank all started with a harmful disgusting message board. "Let's start a cut yourself for Bieber campaign,” a twisted user posted on 4chan. “Tweet a bunch of pictures of people cutting themselves and claim we did it because Bieber was smoking weed. See if we can get some little girls to cut themselves." "@justinbieber stop smoking weed or I might actually kill myself," one fan tweeted, tweeting a ghastly photo of a teenage girl's slashed up arm. Fans of the singer uploaded photos of cut wrists and the campaign went viral immediately.

It appears that the campaign worked, as fans devastated by the news that their idol smoked marijuana began posting photos of their own self-harm. As people started to catch on, the hash tag started trending in the United States. Even Miley Cyrus had a quick reaction to the fans responses to Justin's marijuana use. Miley posted #cut4bieber “Cutting is NOT something to joke about. There are people who are actually suffering from selfharm, this is so disrespectful." Censor this agrees with Miley Cyrus. Self-harm is not something to be taken lightly and we are extremely disappointed in the internet users that thought it would be funny to start this campaign.

Justin Bieber allegedly smoking weed. Pictures taken from Google.

Living Clean and Poison-Free

by Zoe Shay

No drugs, no alcohol, and for some no promiscuous sex, caffeine, prescription medication or animal products- think you could handle that? The straight edge subculture made itself known in the mid 1980's hardcore music scene, stemming from a band called Minor Threat, and has been going strong ever since. Being straight edge is a big commitment that isn't taken lightly in the hardcore scene. A lot of young adults have "claimed edge" and are encouraging others to do so. Censor This! asked George, a straightedge 19 year old what he would like to convey to high school students about the straight edge culture. "Straight Edge is a life commitment. Being straight edge really opened my eyes and made me realize being sober is the right thing to do. Life is too beautiful to be staying at home, drunk or high, wasting away. Straight Edge is more than just a vow though, it's a community. Thousands of people take the pledge and we are all here for each other no matter what. If you're straight edge and you feel

alone, realize you aren't! There are bunches of us and we all got your back through thick and thin." Every edge kid has his own personal reason for claiming. When asked, George explains his decision:"When I was 15 I was already drinking. Bad move. After I saw my uncle, who was also like my best friend, pass away, it scared me. I eventually got into the hardcore scene and when I did, I met some straight edge kids who introduced me to the lifestyle. I claimed that summer. I'm almost 20 now and I wouldn't change it for the world!" If you think this lifestyle might be for you, talk to some other people who are interested or committed and do a trial run. Being straight edge is a whole new world with tons of others to welcome you and help you along. As always, be respectful of those with different beliefs than you. Don't expect to see the straight edge way of life die out anytime soon, these individuals are head-strong and dedicated to living life poisonfree. CENSOR THIS

Photo from google.com This is a picture of a straight edge tatoo. The letter X is the most known symbol for straight edge. It’s worn as a marking on both hands but can be displayed on other body parts as well.

Photo from google.com Straight edge is life commitment. Being Straight edge is a great choice that can brighten people’s future and divert their mind from the bad examples in television and movies.

JANUARY 27 2013 13

The Idiot’s Guide to Debt...

by Harsha Bhamra

Are you tired of being around friends who are in debt? Do you feel left out among your peers? Well, here are a few tips to get into debt using your credit card. You can start off by using your credit card for everyday purchases: items like food, clothing, car expenses and even gas. Using your credit card as a substitute for cash is a habit that can quickly lead to debt. Second, use your credit card to buy things you can’t afford. If you can’t afford the purchase today, chances are you won’t be able to afford it next week or even the next month. So why not live the lifestyle you have always wanted with your credit card? If you max out your card then get a new one. Having multiple credit cards can help you get into debt a lot faster than you expect. If credit cards aren’t working then create a new obsession for shoes or purses. Purses and shoes are some of those items that don't increase in value over time. Creating a collection for those is a great way to lose your money. Have you ever wanted to gamble or buy one of those lottery tickets?

If all of that isn’t working then go to the mall and look at the best deals for the newest LCD HD 52'' TV. And since you're alNow you can. They are very bad habits ready there why not get the newest Blue and can turn into great obsessions over time. If obsessions aren’t really your thing Ray player and don't forget the latest home then try expensive hobbies. Hobbies tend theatre system. And the DVD's you'll want to watch tonight will also take you spiralto be money traps sometimes, and since ing into debt. As you know now, there are you can't pick your favorite hobby then many ways to get into debt. So go out there, blow your money on all of your hobbies. spend some money and join your friends!

Facts about Bilingualism By Julia Roigk Do you speak a second language? It’s not that uncommon in Canada, with its two official languages, but here some little known facts and truths that you may not be aware of. The brain learns a second language differently depending on your age. When you grow up with two languages from infancy on, the brain treats the two languages like one, storing information about them in the same area in the brain. For bilinguals who learned their second language when they were older, there exist two close, but completely separate areas, seeing as the area which would usually be used for storing had already been occupied by a language by the time the foreign language was learnt. Learning a second language early allows you to circumvent the problem faced by many students that learn a language with foreign sounds in adolescence: Pronunciation. It’s why German-speakers German exchange student Julia have such a problem distinguishing between the ‘v’ in vest and the ‘w’ in west, or why Japanese-Roigk is fluent in German and Engspeaking students have a hard time forming an ‘l’ or an ‘r’. Their brains simply were not trained tolish and has an extensive knowledge hear the difference between those sounds, because there doesn’t exist a difference in their first lan-of Latin, Spanish and Japanese. guage. And it is hard to change this inconvenience later on. Photo by Brienne Welton. But even people who start during adolescence have something positive. As mentioned above, the second language is stored separately, which makes recovery of speech in the case of a stroke or severe accident more likely. A young Vietnamese woman, having grown up with English and Vietnamese, started learning French just before she suffered a severe car accident. She lost the ability to use either of her native tongues, but could still use the French she had acquired in adulthood. Learning a second language is beneficial for your overall life experience, too. You can not only converse with more people and make new friends, but a big vocabulary also allows you to express yourself freely. And knowing more than one language gives you more than one set of words, expressions and idioms to use. So what are you waiting for? Start learning a foreign language! It’s never too late.

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If These two had a baby...

ENTERTAINMENT

. TWILIGHT. THE GAME PRINCESS A game review by Renee Berger

Twilight Princess is one of the many games in the Legend of Zelda series. It was released in 2006, and even though a few games have been released since then, Twilight Princess is still one of the favorites among Zelda fans. People familiar with the Zelda games know that most of them are done in a more cartoonish style, but in Twilight Princess the developers redesigned the graphics and made everything more realistic. They also put a slight twist on the classic story with the introduction of the “Twilight Realm” and Link’s wolf transformation. These features make the game feel like it’s not just targeted to children, and all in all the game is very well designed. The game starts off like most Zelda games do. Link is just an ordinary guy living an ordinary life. When suddenly everything goes awry and suddenly Link discovers that he is the chosen hero and it’s up to him to save Hyrule. Twilight Princess is different in the way that at the beginning of the game, vast twilight encloses all of Hyrule and upon entering the twilight

Link is transformed into his spirit form, a wolf. This just means that there are all new controls to learn, because many parts of the game are played in wolf form. The first time you enter the Twilight realm, you meet one of the Twili. Her name is Midna, and throughout the game she assists you in your quest to save Zelda. Other than that the game follows the Zelda theme quite closely. As Link, you fight through various temples (forest, water, desert, etc.) and complete many side missions to save your friends and to rescue Princess Zelda and ultimately save Hyrule. At the end of the game, after beating many dungeons and various bosses, one last final, and epic, battle ensues. After defeating Zant, leader of the Twili/Twilight Realm, you go on to fight Ganondorf, who caused all the problems in hopes to take over Hyrule. There are four unique stages to this battle and after defeating this battle you get to watch one final shocking cut scene, and thus the game ends.

I have to say that this is definitely my favorite game of all time. The Legend of Zelda is my favorite series and this game just takes the cake. I love the storyline in this game, it is so unique and interesting and it never gets dull. I also really enjoy the gameplay; it’s challenging but not too difficult. As well, the new style of graphics adds something to the game: it makes it friendly for all ages. All in all I think that this is a really great game, I can’t think of anything I wish was done differently. This game gets a 20 out of 10 on my standards and I suggest that you get yourself a copy of this game!

THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER

a book review by Mackenzie Schermann

Author Stephen Chbosky highlights the feeling of growing up through the eyes of Charlie, a fifteen year old boy in his freshman year of high school. While Charlie’s middle school friends have changed over the summer, Charlie is still recovering from the suicide of his best friend. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, while set over ten years ago in 1991, still conveys the same message, and holds the same relevance. Chbosky’s tale describes growing up; love, loss, peer pressure, and finding yourself. The popular 2012 film adaption of this book was a hit, earning over $17 million dollars to date, and stayed to the story of the book quite nicely; however, several small things in the book were left out, or changed slightly.

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Chbosky’s writing style highlights the innocence and sincerity of Charlie’s words and actions, as well as the regret and loneliness. He skillfully weaves Charlie’s tale into letters, sent to be a form of release and freedom. He uses quality, and now well recognizable, quotes to add depth to the novel, such as “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Goodreads, a website used to review and recommend books, has given the book a 4.15 out of 5, and the feedback on the book was overall outstanding. I would recommend this book to anybody, young or old, a sci-fi lover or a romance lover, because this book resonates, and strikes a certain chord within all of us.

IT’S ALL ABOUT TAYLOR by Jayden Craigie

In society today, celebrities are some of the most influential people. Some of the most popular and well known people in the world are today’s celebrities. Taylor Swift is one of the most well known celebrities of this decade. Taylor Alison Swift, born December 13, 1989, now 23, is an American singer-songwriter. She was raised in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania, and she moved to Nashville, Tennessee at the age of fourteen to pursue a career in country music. She signed to the independent label Big Machine Records and became the youngest songwriter ever hired by the Sony/ATV Music publishing house. On her fan site, there are a few personal details. Her favourite number is 13, she has a cat named Meredith, and her biggest fear is getting bad news, or letting someone down. It also says that she goes into a trance when she’s in an antique store

The release of her debut album in 2006 established her as a country music star. She is the youngest person to single-handedly write and perform a number one song on the country chart. She received a Best New Artist nomination at the 2008 Grammy Awards. Her second album became the top-selling album of 2009 and was supported by an extensive concert tour. The record won four Grammy Awards, with Swift becoming the youngest ever Album of the Year winner. Swift’s third album, Speak Now sold over one million copies in its first week of US release and was supported by the thirteen-month Speak Now World Tour. Swift’s fourth album, Red, was released in 2012. Its opening US sales of 1.21 million were the highest recorded in a decade, with Swift becoming the only female artist to have two million-plus opening weeks. The Red Tour is scheduled to begin in March 2013.

“HAYLOR” BREAK UP?

As a songwriter, she has been honoured by the Nashville Songwriters Association and the Songwriters Hall of Fame Taylor Swift is known for her hook-laden, narrative songs about her experiences as a teenager and young adult. Swift’s achievements include 6 Grammy Awards, 11 American Music Awards, 7 Country Music Association Awards, 6 Academy of Country Music Awards and 13 BMI Awards. She has sold over 26 million albums and 70 million songs downloaded worldwide. In addition to her music career, Taylor Swift has appeared as an actress in the crime drama CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2009), the comedy Valentine’s Day (2010) and the animated film The Lorax (2012). Forbes estimates that she is worth over $165 million. As a philanthropist, Swift supports arts education, children’s literacy, natural disaster relief, LGBT anti-discrimination efforts, and charities for sick children.

article by Mackenzie Schermann

Just weeks after breaking it off with Conor Kennedy, Taylor Swift made headlines with a new romance: this one with a certain British band member. Taylor, famous for her breakup songs and list of exes, was reportedly going out with One Direction’s own, Harry Styles. Many feared-knowing about Harry’s multiple flings-that he would break Taylor’s heart. The 18 year old, already well known in the U.K. for his relationship with 32 year old Xtra Factor presenter Caroline Flack, has had a history of being linked to any woman he is seen walking down the street with. After a mere 38 days, rumors swirled around the couple, saying that, during a romantic holiday, they had a massive fight, causing the relationship to be called off and Taylor to fly back to the USA by herself. These rumors were all but confirmed January 6th, when she tweeted, “…’ ‘til you put me down,” a line from her recent hit single, “I Knew You Were Trouble.” While the split has not been “officially” confirmed by the pair, the media has already begun attempting to figure out what went wrong. Some might say that Haylor ended... swiftly.

Harry and Taylor spotted together. All pictures taken from Google.

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par Makiah Knight Chers juges, chers parents, chers professeurs, et chers amis, l’élevage intensif est un fait de nos jours et nous devons vivre avec les résultats. Plus que 95% des animaux qui sont élevés pour la nourriture au Canada, sont élevés intensivement. C’est une forme d’élevage industrielle qui est le produit de la technologie, la surpopulation et un manque de terre. C’est dit que les animaux sont mal traités quand ils sont élevées intensivement, mais les fermiers savent que leurs animaux produisent moins quand ils sont stressé alors pourquoi voudraient-ils blesser les animaux? Est-ce que l’élevage intensif est vraiment mauvais? Peter Singer, un philosophe et un professeur de bioéthiques dit que “l’élevage intensif est contre la morale.” et ça se peut qu’il a raison. Les méthodes d’élevage voient l’animal comme une machine a viande sur pattes. Les cochons et vaches de lait sont gardés dans des cages qui sont trop étroites pour les animaux de tourner en rond ou marcher quelques pas. Les vaches/ bœufs doivent passer leurs vies debout dans du fumier (manure) qui vient à leurs chevilles. Les poules d’œufs ne peuvent pas étirer leurs ailes, car il y a trop de poules dans chaque cage. Tous les animaux sont nourris des hormones extra pour augmenter la production. Les vaches de lait sont données des hormones qui augment leur production de lait a 10 fois plus que normale. En plusieurs cas, cela résulte en un gonflement de la mamelle, causée par l’infection bactérien – mastite. Les techniques modernes d’agriculture ont presque éliminé les famines et de plus le nouveau système est efficace. Le fermage traditionnel expose les animaux à tout sort de dangers comme les prédateurs, les maladies et le temps (weather). Avec l’élevage intensif les animaux sont protégés dans les écuries et c’est plus facile pour les fermiers de les nourrir et de les donner de bons soins. Seulement les animaux sains peuvent être vendus et mangé. Les fermiers veulent faire un grand profit alors ils doivent prendre soin de leurs animaux. Même si ce n’est pas gentil de garder les animaux à l’intérieur pour toutes leurs vies, je comprends que l’élevage intensif est nécessaire pour la survie de la population. La majorité des fermiers essayent de leur mieux de prendre bon soin de leurs animaux. Leur but dans la vie n’est pas d’abuser leurs animaux ni de nous rendre malade avec la viande. Les fermiers veulent simplement gagner d’argent et d’aider à nourrir le monde. Oui, moi je préférerais manger les produits des animaux biologiques et qui sont libre a bougé, mais je ne suis pas contre l’élevage intensif. Peut-être que le système a besoin de quelques améliorations, mais l’élevage intensif est le futur d’agriculture et je pense que c’est le temps d’accepter ce changement.

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Les poulets avec les hormones additionnelles agrandissent trop rapidement. Souvent leurs jambes cassent, car leurs os ne sont pas encore assez fort pour appuyer leurs masses. Pour empêcher la maladie dans les animaux entassés ils sont donnés beaucoup d’antibiotiques qui sont, plus tard, transmis aux gens qui les mangent. Tout cela pourrait poser des problèmes sanitaires pour nous. Si on regarde les produits qui sont vendus au magasin, ils portent des belles images des animaux qui sont debout dans un champ vert avec des petites fleurs et le soleil qui brille. Aucun contenant ne porte une image de l’élevage industrielle, alors on peut conclure que l’industrie agricole a peur que le peuple achètera moins de leurs produits s’ils savaient ce qui arrive. De nos jours la population augment rapidement et plus de 90% de la population en Amérique du Nord ne vit pas sur une ferme. Pendant les années 1900, 100% de la population produisait la nourriture pour survivre. Aujourd’hui environ 2% de la population essaye de nourrir 4 fois le nombre de personnes qu’il y avait pendant les années 1900. Si on combine tout cela avec le fait que l’espace sur la Terre est limitée, ca semble que l’élevage intensif est la seule moyenne pour nourrir tout le monde. “Les fermiers sont simplement entrain d’utiliser l’éducation et la technologie pour faire leur travail le mieux que possible.” Barb Liebenstein.

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En conclusion l’élevage intensif est un problème de nos jours qui doit être réglé. Le peuple ne veut pas supporter une industrie qui abuse les animaux, alors l’industrie doit corriger ses fautes et puis faire apprendre au gens la vérité et la nécessité de l’élevage industrielle. La consommation mondiale de viande a doublé de 1990 à 2010, et ca pourrait encore pendant les prochaines décennies. Si tout le monde comprenait, il y aura moins de désaccord dans la monde et plus de paix.

Makiah Knight. Photo by Brienne Welton.

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CENSOR THIS! JOKE LA TERCERA PARTE

FF:

Mr. Bakker’s jokes featured in our December issue were indeed funny, but “La Bergs” was simply too comical for the “Punster King.” Indeed Mr. Bakker’s defeat was as dignified as it was sudden and complete…a shame, really. This month, your zany staff at Censor This! brings you the humor of KSS teacher–librarian, Sharon Bede. Can Bede’s jokes outmatch Renee’s? Or will “La Bergs” take a page from Bede’s book? Read below and find out….

- OSCOPES D D

RENEE’S JOKES 1. Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep their trunks up 2. What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasa…bi? 3. I went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu. 4. What moisturizer do bullfighters use? Olay 5. What do you call a snake who loves dessert? A Piethon 6. What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile. 7. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Damn! 8. What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Capricorn: You still have way too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself. Aquarius: Today is a good day to decide what to be when you grow up -possibly a yodeling oceanographer.

Aries: The solution to your woes lies in the sacrifice of a frog under the light of an LED desk light.

Taurus: You may be feeling sad and depressed, but don’t worry, you can have a meaningful conversation with plants. Gemini: Beware of people wearing moustaches and door-todoor-salesmen. Cancer: Remember, if you’re parked on a hill make sure you have your handbrake on. Leo: Today is a good day to power-walk. It not only looks silly, it is silly. Virgo: Itchy nose day, again. Just be glad you don’t have to wear a spacesuit! Libra: Work will be long and hard today. To be really happy and fulfilled, you must sit in a sauna dressed as a chicken. Scorpio: Try to work the words “happenstance” and “ineffable” into your conversation today. Sagittarius: Don’t trust your new neighbor; she just wants your new table cloth.

God Jul Frohi Wiehnachte

Feliz Navidad MS. BEDE’S JOKES 1. How come the librarian slipped and fell? Because she strayed into the non-friction section 2. What do you do if your pet starts eating your library book? Take the words right out of their mouth. 3. What would you get if you crossed a locomotive with the author of Tom Sawyer? A choo choo Twain. 4. What’s a flea’s favorite science fiction book? The Itch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. 5. What’s a man eating monster’s favorite book? Ghouliver’s Travels. 6. Do you know how many librarians it takes to change a light bulb? No, but I know where you can look it up! 7. What does the mummy do when he goes to the library? He gets all wrapped up in a good book 8. What has a spine but no bones? A book.

Pisces: A scruffy-looking fellow who you’ve never seen before will come up and offer you a very strange-looking raisin muffin.

Check out our next issue on Feb. 27th!