time is passing: manifesto

marwarifai

2022

TIME PASSING by marwa el rifai

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TIME PASSING index

Time Is Passing, solo exhibition Manifesto

glimpse: of the artist over all: concept and intention paintings:

ALWAQT YAMDI – acrylic on canvas, 2020 size: 240 x 105cm ALWAQT YAMDI (2) – acrylic on canvas, 2020 size: 80x 80cm ALWAQT YAMDI (3) – acrylic on canvas, 2020 size: 86x64cm Mountain Sky – acrylic on paper, 2019 size: 90 x 50cm River in Three – acrylic on paper, 2019 size: 90 x 50cm Blue for You – acrylic on paper, 2019 size: 90 x 50cm On A Cold Winter, I Dream Still (2paintings) –acrylic on paper, 2020 size: 90 x 50cm(each)

video installation: time is passing: duration: 00:3:29:00 short story: A Walk in Time reflections & ending: word from the artist

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The Artist Glimpse of the artist: born in 1997, Beirut, Lebanon

Marwa El Rifai (1997) is a Lebanese artist/ graphic designer born in Beirut, Lebanon. She holds a visual communication degree from the Lebanese American University (2019), and she also attended a product design course at Parsons School of Design in New York (2017).

From early childhood, Marwa found interest in art, which included its making, creating, and thinking. Throughout her journey, she discovered a passion for art, making it clear that her interest in the subconscious benefited and elevated her personal pursuit of self-discovery. Marwa is in constant questioning of things, which is portrayed in her work. Being interested in creativity, self-awareness, spirituality, minimalism, and humanism, Marwa’s outlets for expression have revolved around painting, drawing, music, design, ceramics, etc.

Marwa has always had more than two eyes. Thanks to her father, she saw things from wider perspectives from a very young age. She gives credit to her mother, who allowed her to draw on walls, experiment, and always gave her freedom to explore. This gave her courage to try new things, despite their fitting in context. Marwa only hopes to continue her creative journey and connect with others along the way.

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Marwa’s first self-published book “The Way I Sea (Companion to the Sea’s Way)”published in 2019 discusses the importance and essence of water to achieve our wellbeing and elevated human experience. Just like the water, we must possess humility, harmony, and openness because only calmness breeds clarity.

My second book, “Experimental Ways of Seeing”, published in 2020, has little to do with actual seeing and a lot to do with its response– this book is a compilation of things I question, ask of myself, and for others. It is, nevertheless, a tribute to my father whose vision is impaired but has taught me that to have sight encompasses much more than physical eyesight. To see is to perceive beyond the perceivable and penetrate the boundaries of what is explicit to discover the reality of what is intangible and metaphysical to obtain an ethereal experience.

In addition, Marwa opened an online shop, “Water Utility”, a platform where she sells artworks, prints, and products. It came into existence to quench her thirst for creativity and expose her ideas to the world. It is also a non-profit project as its funds was redirected towards those affected by the Beirut August 2020 Port explosion. It was her way in trying to help people carry on and find a source of hope in a hopeless country.

Her website, www.marwarifai.com, is where she present most of her works to the public. Approximately 20 artworks exploring different mediums, where they are a mixture of photography, acrylics, oil, ceramics, and linen. It is therefore needless to say that she is always striving to evolve and enhance the quality of her work, and to further do that.

As a sentient artist, I allow my senses, intuition, and feelings to guide me, and this is something I’d also like to show the world: that success and development emerge from within, as soon as we vitalize and nourish our connection with the needs of the spirit.

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“Despite stating the obvious of passage of time, its concept reoccurs heavily in my mind. The unquestionable passage of time is what I am questioning. Some of the artworks represent the statement as is, nothing added. Others show its immediate passage, it’s repetition, it’s re-occurrence, it’s dauntlessness.

Yet, the way we perceive time is widely debated. This is mine.” marwarifai 2020

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Time is Passing(Alwaqt Yamdi)2021 overall: concept, ideation& intention

Time is Passing (alwaqt yamdi) 2021, is an outlet to the realization of self, time and dimension. The nature of humanity is rooted somewhere, to me, this might be found in time. The essence of time remains in constant flux as we maneuver and manage to be present. Time if present, past and future, is inevitably passing.

There is always motion attached to time, and it is a fundamental element of human awareness. Our consciousness, our ability to perceive the world around us and, ultimately, our very sense of self are shaped upon our perception of time in loop connecting memories of the past, present sensations and expectations about the future. Yet, the way we perceive time is widely debated. This is mine.

Dealing with grief, trauma, memory and hope.. Would they be different had I felt them in a different time? Static, moving? This exhibition stems out of my need to express the costly yet primarily complex interpretation of time in relative to emotion, hardship, and hope. Sometimes we heal way faster than we could ever anticipate, other times it takes a much longer ‘time’ to do so. Sometimes we meet other people in the realm of time who happen to go through similar situation: this is where we meet. Some of the elements included in paintings are leaves: where they represent death and rebirth. Ultimately, there is reflection in both; death and birth.

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The concept of time is self-evident. An hour consists of a certain number of minutes, a day of hours and a year of days. Time is represented through change, such as the circular motion of the moon around Earth. You can find in the paintings the moon, the sea, the moving Earth. All which symbolizes time. The passing of time is indeed closely connected to the our own self interpretation of it. No matter how much we think we have time, or running out of time, or enjoying time–it always is passing. This might encourage the appreciation of time as a fleeting moment.

The paintings includes Fig tree leaves, in reference back to time.

Through out history the attention on the apple tree has won the light because of the story that was told on a Adam and Eve who were wandering aimlessly in the Garden of Eden. Then, somehow deciding to wrap themselves in Fig tree leaves. However, this exhibition sheds all the light and flips all the attention on the Fig tree, which in my opinion deserves to be talked about more. Figs are the oldest living organisms on Earth. They existed long before we arrived and they will still be there after we have gone too.

In light of this, any positive mention of a fig tree, or its good fruit, conjured up images of well-earned Godly abundance, goodness and life. Figs encourages us to look for new openings in life and to consciously co-create for the greater good. That there is indeed a time of increased creative energy and success.

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Other than having constant existentialist questions, I had an obsession and curiosity with the concept of time too. As I grew older, I asked many questions about who I was, and why I was here.

Most times, questions fascinated me more than any answer I was given– or came to a conclusion of. Being interested in psychology also added a beautiful layer for this unfolding. I was able to connect from a deeper level of all the wondrous experiences I had. This exhibition came together after months of experimenting, enjoying the moments. Naturally, I found the best way to document this portion or phase in my life; with the art that I have done, is to exhibit it.

Grief, accompanies us throughout our life or the time we spent. Pain enters any room it is invited to. Sometimes we see our own pain, sometimes we are too blinded to see other people’s pain. Trauma allows us to look for signs. There is always parts of ourselves we are trying to heal. This happenstance allows to understand our connection to everything else, as humans with past connection and a greater community. Trees have this in a way, they have their own identity, yet no matter their difference they are can exist together and show solidarity to one another. Memory, trees remember where they are planted, they remember their roots.

Humans carry memory with them. The places and people who shape their lives and experiences they had. Memory; whether it’s remembering or forgetting gives us a glimpse of who we are. Hope however complicated can shine through a silver lining in ways more inviting than any person who is able to see.

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Trees, Fig trees are significant in many ways, and to understand them might take a lifetime. I wanted to tell their story through this exhibition, their feelings and their struggles. Human and trees.

Figs are quite special in their making, they can hear, smell and communicate– they also remember. They can sense water, light, danger. They send signals to other plants and help each other. They are alive more than humans can comprehend.

I found that human-time and tree-time are closely related yet incompatible. It was a way for me to connect both. Soon after the end of the preparation, I realized how we are deeply connected in essence to both time, and trees. And how both can help us choose the lives that we live. Everyday we have moments, we have the opportunity to choose between being a faded existence or a bold one. Imaginations helps us travel through time–our past, present and future all have a space of both history and small miracles.

Despite stating the obvious of passage of time, it’s concept reoccurs heavily in my mind. The unquestionable passage of time is what I am questioning. Some of the artworks just represent the statement as is, nothing added. The takeaway thus is left to the receiver and their own relationship with time.

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Time is Passing(Alwaqt Yamdi)2021 Painting debrief: ALWAQT YAMDI – acrylic on canvas, 2020 size: 240 x 105cm

One day I was sitting in my Studio garden in Beirut, and had the urge to paint. And there it was; a Fig tree, right in front of me. I grabbed it and went back to my working area. At that time I had (and still do) an obsession with the concept of time. At first, like almost every project- I didn’t know what I was doing. I just allowed my hand to start- and let the painting create itself in that way.

When I grabbed it’s leaf I immediately remembered my beloved grandfather Mohamed. He always lovingly handed us(my 2 brothers and I) fruit whenever we visited them in Saida at their house. I had a special bond with my grandparents and thus the fig was not of any less significance. As I was painting my thought process was the passage of time, alwaqt yamdi in Arabic. I felt a huge calling to paint. It turned out to be on the largest paintings I’ve done. Not only because of its size, but also impact.

Fig trees, have long been regarded as sacred trees. They have symbolic meanings and ancient significance from the earliest beginnings of time. So it felt very fitting to represent time with tracing it back to it’s beginnings. “Where do you start someone’s story when every life has more than one thread and what we call birth is not the only beginning, nor is death exactly the end?” Elif Shafak - The Island of Missing Trees.

Visually Fig trees have no blossoms on their branches.

The blossom is thus inside of the fruit. Many tiny flowers produce the edible seeds that give figs their unique texture.

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Figs are harvested according to nature’s clock, fully ripened and partially dried on the tree. That is, a fig is not actually a fruit; it is an inflorescence—a cluster of many flowers and seeds contained inside a stem. Because of this unusual arrangement, the seeds— technically the ovaries of the fig—require a specialized pollinator that is adapted to navigate within these confined quarters.

Culturally, Figs have been a tool to perform some rituals, around and above they mass, under a fig tree some had ceremonies– an ancient rite to guide to safety the spirit of a loved one. Other times a Fig tree was a refuge in which people came to visit in times of need or trouble. The fruiting cycle of a Fig is 120-150 days. Some varieties produce one crop per year, others two. Trees have been known to live as long as 200 years. All the trees in the fig orchard were destitute of fruit; but the leafless trees raised no expectation, and caused no disappointment. Figs are not blind to the works and the ways of God. According the Hebrew Bible, the Fig tree is the third tree to be mentioned after the Tree of Life and The Tree of Knowledge. In Judaism, sitting under a fig tree has a long been associated with a deep, devout study of the Torah. Buddha achieved enlightenment sitting under a Bodhi tree, Ficus religiosa “Sacred fig”. In the Book of Deuteronomy, figs are one of seven sacred species along with wheat, barley, grapes, pomegranates, olives and dates/honey. Its presence is an indicator of the “Promised Land”.

In the New Testament, Jesus speaks in parables about budding and barren fig trees. In the Garden of Eden, the fig tree - considered by some to be the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil - was one of the important trees that the Lord planted, after the Tree of Life.

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The Qur’an also mentions figs. It is considered in the Qur’an and the Hadith as fruits from paradise. Transcendence is achieved by keeping the relationship alive with God: the Fig represents a fruit of the spirit, which gives security and prosperity to the soul, as well as to the body. In Surat “Al Tin” God begins by swearing by the Fig as He created Humans in the best form. Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) said the fig was the one tree that he wished to see in paradise.

To understand the past, present and future is to understand the oldest living organisms on Earth. King David was fond of fig and how it inspired hope and new beginnings in every animal and human on board the Ark of Noah. Arab and Jews perform wedding preparations beside figs, in hopes of having good foundational marriages. Buddhists and Hindus hope to blossom their shrines near a Fig tree.

Fig trees represent our earthly nature as co-creators. As a keystone species, the fig awakens our collective memory of belonging to each other. It inspires us to share our creative energy and desires.

Figs also resemble woman’s womb, signaling that now is a fertile time in our life.

All this fascination and information that I received (before and after the painting) and learned from a single tree makes is remarkable. It came to be one of the largest paintings I’ve done. The repetition of the word “alwaqt yamdi” is indeed it’s fact, and known to be the only fact. The irony of that was- all this time I was creating something very absolute.

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But of course with every repetition came a different meaning. In the painting “ALWAQT YAMDI – acrylic on canvas, 2020 size: 240 x 105cm”, you can see the word “alwaqt yamdi” seen as bold, fading, repeated, overlapped. That is because we sometimes view time as evident hence it’s boldness, sometimes we don’t really recognize it’s passage, hence it’s fade. Some of the wording rarely show. Sometimes, time, is overlapping. This is all a reality for everyone. This idea of passage elevated the desire to make something of this miracle that we live everyday. However, Fig leaves, in themselves are not changing. You can see the repetition of the leaves, in motion, but not changing. The reasoning of that is because they are the only thing that is stable, constant. Firm, resilient. Both, “alwaqt yamdi” and fig tree leaves work together in harmony to create a warm environment for the viewer.

Although time is very complex, in it’s understanding, in it’s portrayal, in it’s expression. Trees are also of this nature; complicated, resilient and generous. I felt the need to document a time in my life where all emotion, hardship, grief, loss and hope overlapped. In a way I could see life more clearly once I could see the whole painting– once I could scratch the surface of understanding time.

The painting stems from the need of creating a fragile yet rigid way of looking at time. Each one of us experience it different, we started differently, we view it differently, we make sense of it differently.

All this truly fascinates me. So naturally, the wording of “alwaqt yamdi” came to be merged with the leaves. It became very fitting– the desire to create a piece that represents passing and beginnings in a way. Fig also may signal new beginnings in different aspects in life. A time where one can actively engage in restoring the perception of it’s passage.

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Some people have the courage and the will to live in the “now”.

Knowledge is an antidote to fear. To me that is rather complicated.

Even now, a minute ago– a second ago is already in the past.

While others claim to be “only living in the now”, we can choose to be somewhere else within a choice in mind. Consequently, I sometimes find myself worshiping time, being the only indicator, reference. Which is tricky to handle. Sometimes I view time not as an extension to myself but rather something independent, a thing that is distant. The human mind is a strange place, between home and exile, vulnerability and resilience. A tree also is a memory keeper in it’s nature, beneath it’s roots, hidden in history. We relate to this nature as we are able to anchor our memories at arms reach.

This play in emotions, the push and pull between past and present, can be translated into the viewer with this piece of artwork.

In a fleeting instance we may realize that in order to heal, we must remember. No matter how hard this might be. We must understand that some people have their wounds so open, which is extremely painful. Some have decided to not discuss the past, which is their way of healing. Some people retreat between belief and doubt. Some people are experiencing loss and love. Maybe both at once. This is also found in the painting, some times people have the ability to wipe their memory, “alwaqt yamdi” fading. Some people are so eager to remember, “alwaqt yamdi” bold.

The present moment is a mere continuation of the past, every word an afterword to what had already been said, or unsaid. Maybe we give other names to time because we are too scared to call it by its name, to define it. The viewer while standing in front of the painting is similar to a tree, witnessing everything. A viewer witnessing this painting is similar to a viewer witnessing a tree.

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The painting with it’s warmth also shows a glimpse of hope. A fast boldness from the center, fearless and fading like unfounded hope.

From its left and right, a force that is more slowing. I stand in front of this painting and feel both slowness and speed. Is time life? Or is life time? I could not answer even if I thought hard about it.

While I am trying to grasp all perspective, time is passing indeed. Maybe this is my relationship with time. Waiting.

Observing, trying to take it all in. Although I created the painting, it almost feels like this painting is creating me, wanting me to decide my relationship with it.

I look at the painting with calmness, in an overstimulating world, it gives me peace. I look at the painting and feel of power, like I could take on the world.

With all that being said, Time is passing. Time like everything else in life, plants in blossom, seas in waves, wind in breath, is moving and still. Still moving. Life and death, past and present, remembering and forgetting. Like trees, humans were born somewhere, rooted deeply somewhere and then could be tested to live somewhere else.

Calculation of time is no different. Humans like figs are tested the same. Figs can survive the driest of climates, can migrate through lands and survive. Figs been through centuries of wars, distorted and cultivated many times. Figs are sensual, soft, mysterious, emotional, spiritual and self-contained. We are one and not the same, we watch, we wait and we witness.

Time is thus so. Passing, still. Still passing.

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Time Is Passing(Alwaqt Yamdi)2021 Painting description: On A Cold Winter, I Dream Still (2paintings) –acrylic on paper, 2020 size: 90 x 50cm(each)

On A Cold Winter, I Dream Still (2paintings) –acrylic on paper, 2020 size: 90 x 50cm(each) Trying to recover and heal from Aug 4 Beirut Explosion, “On A Cold Winter, I Dream Still” was created. I refrained from creating anything that represented anger, hate, fear and resorted to creating something that is more empathetic and healing.

As an escape, I wanted to represent a time in my mind I had when I want to take visual mental trip. Escaping from summer to winter, this painting was born.

It was winter, I dream a lot in winter. I fantasize about a lot of great things. Even when they don’t seem to be going right. This painting hold a lot of grief and hope. Winter gives me safety, security and peace. All things that were missing at the time. A time where only panic and chaos was present.

I had a lot of on going trauma and hurt that I was trying to heal from. I had a lot of fear that conquered my mind, and I had a lot of surrender along side it. I just observed the life that is there. I made some painting that expressed anger and frustrations, but I did not feel that they represented me in that way. I found myself tearing the painting apart right after creating it. I didn’t find painting a good outlet to express anger, for me at least. I find painting as an outlet to express my grief and sadness.

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While painting and drawing a mental trip between trees and surrounded by the moon, time was passing. I felt the need to document a special and important “time” in my life. Similar to taking a photo, to write a recipe, to record a song. This painting has a similar connotation. This realization of feeling is fleeting.

Doing the painting in black and white seemed most fitting; to strip away any other distractions and just focus on the painting as minimal as is. Thus the painting has also embedded meanings, but the viewer might see other things.

Resorting to painting as a way to forget what I remember and remember what I’m forgetting. Sympathy.

We cannot avoid pain but suffering is something we can control.

“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering” Friedrich Nietzsche Realizing that I could paint my reality differently as means of coping and expression is vital for human experience.

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Time Is Passing(Alwaqt Yamdi)2021 Painting description: Bleu Series; acrylics on paper, 2019

Bleu Series include the 3 paintings: Mountain Sky – acrylic on paper, 2019 size: 90 x 50cm River in Three – acrylic on paper, 2019 size: 90 x 50cm Blue for You – acrylic on paper, 2019 size: 90 x 50cm This series stems out of the need to express time passing by water flow. “Water is something humanity has cherished since beginning of history, it means something different to everyone” Brian Fagan.

The paintings are at core water related. You can see “Mountain Sky” in two ways, directly sea and mountain and if rotated 180 degrees, mountain and sea. Growing up I had a special fascination with water. Whether it was hearing it, smelling it, playing in it, walking next to it, painting it, swimming in it, writing about it, photographing it, being in it. Water fascinated me in it’s way creation– it’s substance. Water can trigger emotions. At least it did for me, standing at the sea, i feel so small yet connected to myself. It is where I find myself most.

One of Yogi Mystic Sadhguru’s philosophies is seeing water as an extension of oneself. This thus allows a human being to be one with nature, and not see him or herself as something separate. Another lesson from the Chinese philosophy Tao Te Ching is to learn from the essence of water. As a reminder of the importance of its stillness, openness, transparency. Water allows people to discover buried yet central parts of themselves.

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I spent a lot of time looking at water, being in it, standing next to it. Water shaped me in a way. This series is a reflection of that.

Water helps with the persons ego, it offers humility. There are many psychological benefits one can learn from the water, as well as learn from the attribute of it.

I go into more details about the lessons from water in my book “The Way I Sea (Companion to the Sea’s Way)”published in 2019 discusses the importance and essence of water to achieve our wellbeing and elevated human experience. Just like the water, we must possess humility, harmony, and openness because only calmness breeds clarity.

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Time Is Passing(Alwaqt Yamdi)2021 Video Installation: time is passing: duration: 00:3:29:00 scan below

The video installation is combination of everything mentioned in the debrief of the paintings. Everything overlaps, connects and stands still. Because this a personal work, I went back to the start of my life. At the beginning. The video includes me, at graduation and at the end of graduation. And my life is captured in between.

My life in time, past and present. Because I did not emphasize or discuss time as “present” anywhere in the paintings, I wanted to show it here. The viewer watching the video in real time, from his/ her perspective, in real present time.

Video is a great tool to directly connect with the viewer and allowing him/her to experience time in present tense. The video is a summary of all the exhibition in a way. Because the video is relatively long, the viewer has time to contemplate their own life, experiences, decisions and time. In the video, the viewer and I overlap. Because we ultimately share the timeline of being here.

It is such a precious moment to connect with a human being on a human level. This was my intention. Although we experience life very differently, and no two people are alike, we share the same fundamentals and core foundation.

The video represents an emotional reflection of my own relationship with time, more closely and gently. How I think about time and the emotional and psychological interpretation of it. My involvement as a human and an artist.

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I attempted to also share a less serious way of viewing time. To play around with the wordings and animate it in a way that is joyful. The video also includes a work that is called “yesterday/today” done in acrylic on paper. I played around it in a way to reveal a certain message.

Sonically, the music I created was playing both in a real sense and a transcendental sense also. You can watch the video by scanning the qr code below.

time is passing: duration: 00:3:29:00 by marwarifai

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Time Is Passing, ( short story ) Walking in Time– I dreamt of this moment a long time. I knew it was coming.

I thought about it for a long time within myself. I dreamt of my body reacting to it. I am finally on my way. I am going somewhere special, somewhere far. Time is on my side this time. I need not to worry much. Although I find it seemingly strange to talk about time, I can not but seem to be so invested and attached it. Time has been talked about centuries ago, existed since the very early beginnings. It was my only fact. Though now, I have an intense feeling that I am worshiping time rather than anything else. Why don’t I spend my time otherwise?

I gave in. I gave in to time– just this once. I felt it in my bones, joy.

I wanted to express my gratitude for being able to ride this train.

I wondered in my heart how the weather is going to be. Sunny, snowy, foggy? They all exist in my head. Sometimes all at once.

I held myself very tightly and let my feet do the rest. I wanted to be detached from excessive thinking. I carried on. I am ecstatic, overjoyed, excited.

The journey hasn’t begun yet. The journey is about to start. I am waiting. Witnessing. Everything around me. In my head, I am always waiting. Everyone else seems to be waiting too, but only occasionally they seem to be content with the wait.

They say that I should have faith. What should I trust? Is it something tangible, trust? Something seen? Reality? Or mere illusion? Come to think of it, I chose surrender.

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I can see my feet moving in directions involuntarily; for they know where to go. I am walking but I don’t really feel my legs moving my feet. Something is about to happen, this motion will catch up to me. I came to see what’s left of me here; the train is yet to leave.

Yet I seem to be still.

If I just close my eyes, would it pass more smoothly? Gently? I can feel a storm coming my way. I don’t really know what to do, I must stand still. Or maybe let it pass. In my heart of hearts I know there are too many ways on how to deal with a storm, on how to look at it, on how to experience it. To run from it, to accept it– to welcome it. I still haven’t figured any of that yet. And I’m certain of my inability to handle it this time. I find it miraculous– the way a storm creeps into our lives. It’s timing, it’s intensity, it’s power.

Could a storm be welcomed if we know of its coming? Storms have lessons. With all the silence that is there, I start to fear. Sometimes the silence more than anything else is what terrifies me. Time, is passing, I understand only this much of it.

Time passed– very fast. To say the least. And very slow when we were in each other’s presence. I think about you, my Fig, still now.

I wonder if you do too. I don’t have much words for you today.

It is still miraculous to me; our experience. How could you grow so fast? How could you learn so fast? I know neither of us have the right words. I wiped this idea from my memory long time ago.

After I grieved, after I hated, after I cried, after-after all.

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Yet, my mind can’t help but wonder and wander of. I always felt safe with you. Life felt fresh, eternally young. I’m moving now. My feet carrying me. To see you. The storm has not yet appeared, the snow must have been falling down heavily somewhere else.

Similar to the ocean, a storm moves in a close manner. I feel them, they are coming at me like big waves. One by one, am I an avalanche of an emotion? I must make it to you. I need to let go of every little fight left in me, I chose surrender. Therefore, I must surrender. The storm is on it’s way, it’s calling me already. I have to ride it– just to make it through. I try to close my eyes, maybe it’ll feel better if I’m no longer afraid. These emotions are here already curled and balled up. Ready for a reaction. A single sign from me.

By the time I’m writing this, it must been here already, it must have arrived. I try to imagine myself otherwise. With the way it’s coming to me now with all power. Will I drown? Will I be okay?

Will I breathe? Will I enjoy it? Will I get to see you? Will you finally be with me? There are no two storms alike. Somehow it made its way to me. I don’t know how to pave a way for grace now, but I can’t think much anymore.

It doesn’t take long for me to feel happy really. A walk does wonders.

Walking in this world is meditation. It is indeed revolutionary.

The feeling of moving your legs, leaving and walking. The joy is immeasurable. It is remarkable how many times I forget who I am– and remember soon after a little walk.

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I am careful every time I walk, I become a new person. This new version of self. I welcome myself every time. I’m scared you won’t be able to recognize me this time, my Fig tree. The moon is still in shape, I might be with the sun tomorrow. I might be awake, or asleep, it matters that I walk. To arrive, to see you. My only friends now are the moon, the trees, the sea, the wind.

I’m okay. I think I am. But only I seem to be awake. The moon is in full bright, totally there. The wind is moving so gently, I could only recognize it’s fragility by this hour. In these moments in particular, my emotions fly through the roof and need quiet some time to surface right. I’m observing myself and allowing myself to feel.

To feel those feelings. No matter how unpleasant or how hurtful. I must be smarter. I’m trying to be more mindful of the fact that all things are indeed passing, their passage is the only truth I know of.

For years and years, I held onto this fact. Are you alright my Fig? My life seems to be moving and everything else around me is too. I don’t have much energy for things that do not serve me. They never did. And yes, I do feel the bliss. Everything I have been through, everything I am seem to circle back to me. Do I have a center? Are you my center?

I see many people right now on the train with me. Most of them are lonely. Not me, Fig, I’m never lonely when I think of you. There are plenty of immigrants, runaways, exiles.. Everywhere they go, time seems to follows them.

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Although I’m not good at believing, I might be doing well this time around. This time, I left no room for melancholy. I was carrying other bags this time.

I realized I sometimes slip. Maybe in the literal sense too. I feel it suffocating me at times, I get shaky, I misjudge, I cry, I fear. I put my focus on the wrong things and therefore– automatically a slip would appear. In this experience my mind is shattered in all direction, it’s foggy. The weight is heavy. My body feels detached, not in sync.

They told me you were doing well. Healthy, growing my little Fig tree. It must have been 6 years and 7months, 5 weeks and 2 days since I last saw you. I couldn’t visit you earlier. I had things lined up, I got married, I had 2 kids. My husband was there for me all the time. But I couldn’t leave them behind. But this didn’t mean that I don’t prioritize you. Or that I didn’t miss you. I know you didn’t forget me. I know your memory is way stronger than mine. I made sure they were watering you well. Nurturing you well. I think about you all the time, you never leave my memory. I visited many trees, talked to plenty of them, watered them. They were all great, beautiful, standing. They gave me life. But I come to you for love.

They say if it’s love you’re after, or love you have lost, come to the fig, always a fig. The past, the memories, the truth, the roots are all engraved in my head.

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The train is finally moving, It must be 2 hours till I get to see you.

My heart is racing. A childlike feeling when I get to see you. I am getting ready to see you. I’m gathering my strength for it. I wonder what I will feel when I see you again.

They made an announcement on the train that a storm is coming.

They knew that my heart was expecting it. It usually takes couple of hours post-storm. I must not have noticed the passage of time.

I am craving sleep now.

I must take an extended nap before I see you.

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Time Is Passing(Alwaqt Yamdi)2021 Reflections & Ending: a note from the artist to keep for years ahead

My heart is full with gratitude to this special experience. I never thought I would be here, although I might have dreamt about it.

Throughout this whole exhibition I had a thousand of invisible hands helping me create this and bring this to life. I get inspired by a lot of things and people are one of them. I realized after this exhibition how much I love people, as an artist you spend most times alone in creating, and so sharing my art with people allowed me intimate connection.

I saw the people, whom I loved and admired come in the studio with eyes full of love. I appreciate their time as they passed by.

Designer Nour Daher, helped me a lot to bring this together and in the vision of it. I want to also document this for my future self as a means of reflection. The joy of being seen over weighs the fear of being judged.

I truly value peoples opinion, discovery and their own interpretation of the works, I admire their creativity, their input. Especially artist Greta Naufal– who believed in me before I did. I am immensely grateful to my mom and dad for everything. I am grateful to be here, just starting my journey.

More to come.

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VISIT

marwarifai official website: scan below

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Time Is Passing(Alwaqt Yamdi)2021 final; Location: Beirut, Spears –rezkallah building, ground floor photography: youssef itani, nour daher art curation: marwa rifai, nour daher sales: yaman tomeh art hanging: khodor itani, owner of itar shop(hamra) lovingly visited by: marwa’s parents: husni &rana rifai, artist greta naufal, ceramicist samar mogharbel, artist hala mouzannar, designer salim azzam, calligrapher ghaleb hawila, friends, family and neighbors..

internally grateful and thankful to have this experience

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TIME PASSING information

printed: 2022 March design: Marwa El Rifai location: Beirut, Lebanon paper: Nahhal Paper

© all rights reserved marwarifai 2022

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© all rights reserved marwarifai 2022

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