Community Engagement & Belonging: Stories from our Community
Dereck Barr-Pulliam Strategic Planning Co-Chair, Board of Trustees
I am a proud son of the Deep South, where humility, pride, legacy and resilience define my family’s legacy. Our history intertwines with icons like William Faulkner—my great-great-aunt (Callie Barr Clark), one of his family’s maids, appears in several of his written works—and Oxford, Mississippi’s “Molly Barr Road” is named after my great-grandmother, a strong Black woman who was a business and landowner in the early 1900s. While these stories suggest privilege, systemic injustice limited its reach. That land on Molly Barr Avenue was taken forcefully and unjustly. Despite this, my family’s strength and determination shaped me. Today, I am proud to be a first-generation college graduate—a Black, gay man standing on the shoulders of those who came before me.
My daughter’s life is a far cry from my single-father upbringing, yet challenges for her (and us) remain. We have traveled and lived all over the world—seeing places and things most in our families have only read about in history books. My husband and I recognize the privilege that having advanced degrees and access to economic resources affords us. But we are intentional in raising her to navigate a world that remains unsafe for women of color, especially those who dare to use their voices for change. Even at nine, we teach her hard truths while instilling pride in our heritage. We move with a certain economic privilege that many in my family have not known, yet there is fear that political ideology could send us back. Together, as a family, we live the change we wish to see, reminding ourselves that our past is indeed prologue. Our ancestors endured so that we could thrive. Their sacrifices echo in popular mantra: Because of them, we can.
Living authentically is not always comfortable, but I draw strength from my husband, my family, and my chosen community. I live boldly and move with excellence because I understand others cannot become what they cannot see.
Charlene Buckles Parents Association Co-Chair, Community Engagement & Belonging
My parents immigrated to America when I was five years old. As some immigrant stories go, it was not easy for my mom and dad to transition from their life in the Philippines to a life in the United States, especially with a young, often wild, child. We had the privilege to move to Kentucky when I was eight years old. After many years of yearning for identity and belonging, I formed a deep, complicated love for this state I call home. I proudly identify as FilipinaKentuckian.
My husband and I have built a profoundly and wildly wonderful life togetherone that is very vastly different from my childhood. I do not take those blessings lightly. Together, we have an almost four-year-old and a seven-year-old. I know they will soon experience racism and pain for the first time and that thought feels like my heart is getting ripped out of my chest. I want to ensure no matter what race-based pain they may experience, they are armored with the type of strength that can only be passed down by fully understanding their heritage and the long road that has brought them to where we are today. I want them to be proud of being both Filipino and Kentuckian.
Everything I do, I do for them and those that experience similar realities because they deserve to live in a Kentucky, in a world that is more equitable, more just, and more accepting of their whole selves.
Mandy Helton Assistant Director of Advancement
As a 9th-generation Kentuckian, but the first in my family born outside Appalachia, I feel a deep pride in that cultural heritage and also an understanding that my forebears have been misunderstood, underestimated, exploited and impoverished. The military, GI Bill, and college opened up a world of opportunities for my family, perhaps most importantly the chance to meet people from different regions, cultures, and histories and “try and walk a mile in their shoes.” At the core of this work is humility. When you truly listen, you hear that your story isn’t the only hard story. When you keep your eyes open, you notice the person across the room who is feeling alone, just awaiting someone to come say hello.
My life has been profoundly shaped by not only my identity as a woman, but my experiences as an aunt, godmother, and friend to my family and friends whose identities, experiences, and histories differ greatly from my own. Our school days will end (eventually) but learning from others never does. I’m committed to the work of building community and a sense of belonging at Collegiate because we cannot have a true community without ensuring everyone can show up as their true selves. And building a learning community means listening to one another’s perspectives, learning about the breadth of human experience, and ensuring that every student feels seen, valued, and deeply connected.
Lucy Holzer Parents Association President
Growing up as a Korean-American and the first in my family born in the U.S., I experienced the richness of cultural diversity and the challenges of navigating multiple worlds. While living the typical immigrant story with its share of hardships, we were also met with countless moments of kindness from people who took the time to listen and understand despite language barriers and differences. These acts of empathy shape me even today, as I continue to evolve, guided by the diverse cultures and perspectives I encounter.
As a parent of mixed-race, mixed-religion children, I want to nurture in them the same ability to listen, learn, and build meaningful connections across differences. The culture at Collegiate inspires me because this work is deeply woven into its fabric, and I’m proud to play a small role in continuing this lifelong journey of learning.
Jason Kuhns
Parents Association President-Elect
As a second generation military brat, and third generation military officer, I was privileged to grow up in many different communities and cultures. This experience taught me the importance of spending time in diverse groups. Growing up in the Central Time Zone, from Texas to Nebraska to North Dakota, the military provided me with a diverse community I otherwise might not have been exposed to. I grew up with and served with many different perspectives and backgrounds sharing a common goal of service. As I started my own service, I was able to experience many Asian and European cultures during my time overseas. Learning that other’s experiences and backgrounds were not the same as mine, I began to build an understanding of empathy toward other points of view. This experience has allowed me to step back and listen to another perspective and try to find a common way forward. I learned my way was not always the right way.
Some anecdotes from my time in a multinational military school highlight why I feel listening can lead to understanding.
One of my classmates was a Georgian officer who shared his story. In 2003, during an uprising against the corrupt government he and his unit were order to fire upon the protesters in order to disperse them crowds. He and his entire unit refused and were immediately fired. He went home to his family without knowing what would come next. Only after the uprising was successful and the corrupt government overthrown did he know he and his family were safe. His personal risk to stand up for his fellow Georgians was something I had never had to experience. Later, I was asked by some Eastern European officers why the Egyptian pilot did not hang out with the other Arabic speaking officers. After a few weeks of getting to know him, I learned that he was conscripted in the military and paid very low wages, even as an officer. He had to live with his parents for 10 years after getting married before he could afford his own apartment. The other Arabic officers were mostly royal family members of the various countries and so the socio-economic differences were striking. Once I explained this to the Eastern-European officers, they were immediately more open with him.
These are just a few examples of the way my life has been impacted positively through diversity. By listening to someone through their experience I hope to build understanding and acceptance. This has led me to better, more enriching interactions.
Kenny Vaghn Board of Trustees
As a parent, husband, fourth generation military service member, and middleclass, middle-age Black American, privilege is a word I often grapple with. The Cambridge dictionary defines privilege as “a special right, advantage, or immunity a person or group of people has, usually because of their position or because they are rich.”
For much of our ancestry in both my wife’s and my lineage, neither of our families received many societal advantages nor would have been considered rich by any traditional measure of the word. Yet, almost paradoxically, when I reflect on my childhood and the vibrant stories of my ancestors, there is an undeniable wealth of love, perseverance, and personal courage that defines the rich tapestry of our family.
It’s the story of a great-grandfather’s personal courage that led him to fight honorably in World War I despite the Jim Crow segregation of his generation. It’s the story of a grandmother’s perseverance that led her to earn a college degree from Spelman College despite the gender norms and patriarchal hierarchy of her day. It’s the story of a mother’s love that led her to break down every barrier of opportunity for her children despite being a first generation immigrant from the small Caribbean nation of Dominica, where the average per capita income in 2023 was $7,648, less than 10% of the $82,715 found in the US that same year.
As a parent, I fear we live in a world that often conflates privilege with selfworth and an ability to influence deeply meaningful change in society. I cherish these generational stories because they illuminate a poignant truth that despite any amount of privilege we may or may not be afforded in the course of our lifetimes, it is the content of our character that ultimately defines our legacy and the impact we are able to leave in the world. These are the invaluable lessons our family strives to instill in both of our children in all aspects of their lives. We are truly grateful that Louisville Collegiate School is a community that understands the importance of this truth and goes above and beyond to instill the core values of honor, compassion, responsibility, and respect in all of their students.
