Among the Roses

Miranda Cox

Sweat drips down Benny’s brow as he tries to keep it together for just a little bit longer. The late summer sun burns white-hot as the boy leans over the engine of a beat up ’69 Ford truck. That sun would’ve roasted any other kid’s skin, but this young man lucked up for once. He had been evenly cooked by that sun while working in the fields, and now his formerly pasty skin is a deep orangey brown. Taking a step back from the truck, he shakes his head. It had been his Pa’s when it was

new, and now it’s his piece of junk.

Man, what am I gonna do? He thinks. I gotta get to work real soon, and I can’t afford to call in. Not t’mention there ain’t no one t’ cover for me. I dunno if I can even do anything else for this thing as is.

Deciding to take another look at the truck, Benny plunges his hand into its open maw, only to reel back cursing. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s lost to this truck. Damn thing loves to bite.

“God bless America! Can’t catch not nary a break with this damn truck, can I?!”

Benny looks over the newfound gash trailing blood down the palm of his hand. The color makes him think of his roses back at home. He’d love

nothing more than to tend to those for a short while. Just to sit among the roses. Benny heaves another sigh before running his uninjured hand through his hair.

“This ain’t gettin’ nothin’ done. Guess I’ll use good ol’ Pat and Charlie. They ain’t failed me yet.”

Benny pops the passenger door open and rummages through the glove compartment for something to wrap his hand in. He only finds a dirty, old rag laying limply towards the back, and he decides that’ll have to do. Locking the truck up has a weird sense of finality to Benny. As he starts the trek to work, he can’t help but look back at the truck. He isn’t sure why, but a wave of anger washes over him.

Daggone stupid piece of crap, why’d ya have to breakdown now? I got school and work t’ worry about and now this. What am I gonna do? Fixin’ ya’s gonna be a bitch . . .

Waving a dismissive hand at the truck, he picks his pace up to a jog. He needs to make it to work on time if he’s going to do anything about this truck.

Benny fumbles around with his coins trying to get the payphone to call home. He has to tell his Pa what just happened and hopefully get that damn truck home somehow. It’s not like he can just leave it there. He also needs to give a call to his girl

and let her know he can’t pick her up today. She’ll understand. The ringing of the phone wrattles Benny’s already threadbare nerves. Finally, a gruff voice crackles over the phone.

“Yeah?”

“Hey Pa. So bad news.”

“Yeah?”

“The truck broke down, n’ I’m pretty damn sure it’s on its last leg.” Benny lets out a big sigh before continuing. “It needs new parts. Expensive ones.”

Pa takes a deep breath and Benny can just see him run a tired hand over his face. Pa has been through the wringer the past few years. All of them have.

“Well, Benny ya need t’ get it together boy. Important thing right now is that job o’ yers. Go on boy get t’ work. Me n’ yer sisters n’ brothers’ll get the truck home. Where’s it at?”

“Fourway. Down by the Johnson’s farm.”

“Alright. Bye son.”

Benny lets out a whoosh of air and runs his fingers through his hair. At least he’s done with his Pa for now, but this part is almost worse, it’s time to let his girl down. As if he could get any lower. He rummages through his pockets trying to find the change, growing more and more frantic as Benny realizes he may not have the money to do this one thing. He knows he doesn’t have time to hunt down someone to beg for change like a damn pauper, but he doesn’t want to screw his girl over. Benny knows that she won’t be too pissed off once he explains why he didn’t call and why he didn’t pick her up, but he feels like shit doing this to her. Benny glances at the clock hanging cockeyed over the grungy payphone. 12:30. He’s already thirty minutes late and has approximately five seconds before his boss grabs him by the scruff of his neck and drags him over to the sizzling grill. His boss knows he’s got a world full of problems, but that doesn’t excuse him from earning his pay. Benny takes a quick look around at the nearly empty parking lot, and with a great sigh, he shuffles his way into Old Joe’s Bar and Grill.

It may only be late afternoon, but the grill is bustling with customers. The bar of Old Joe’s is more for Friday and Saturday night, when the younger crowd and the alcoholics decide to cut loose. Benny lets out a few wary “hi’s” and “how are ya’s” on his way to the back where his boss is grilling up a storm. Joe isn’t old, but Joseph Senior had already coined the name of the establishment before Joe Junior had taken over.

“Hey Joe, man I’m so sorry; I know I’m late; I’ll make it up t’ ya. I’ll stay late, I’ll clean up, whatever ya need man.”

He hates it, but all Benny can do is stammer stupid apologies and pray he’s not fired. Taking the spatula from Joe, Benny starts cooking up greasy burgers and fries. He was only a couple of minutes late, but knowing Joe, he’ll have to stay a few extra hours to make it up to him. That’s not really all that bad, Benny wants the money, he’s just worried about walking home at night. After wiping his hands off on a tattered dish rag, Joe slaps Benny

on the back and leans over to look at Benny’s face.

“Take it easy Benny. Just tell me why yer late.”

Benny glances over at Joe and can tell he is disappointed. This don’t make no sense. Joe usually pitches an unholy fit when I’m late. Why ain’t he yellin’? He looks damn near calm. What’s going on with him today? Everything is all which-a-ways. Benny thought.

“Well Joe, the truck broke down, so I had to walk here to call my Pa to pick it up. I didn’t even get to call my girl. I’m real sorry about this. I don’t want to let ya down, and I need this job.”

Joe nodded slowly throughout Benny’s little spiel and lightly patted him on the shoulder once he was done.

“It’s alright Benny, things happen. I could tell when ya walked in somethin’ was buggin’ ya. Just, try not to let it happen again. If ya do, I’ll have to fire ya. Ya girl is out there with her daddy. If ya want, I can direct her back here so ya can tell her what’s what.”

“Thanks Joe. I owe ya one.”

Joe nods and walks out to go shoot the breeze with his buddies, first swinging by Mr. Paul Rutherford and his daughter Elaine. Benny watches as Joe shakes Mr. Rutherford’s hand and nods at Elaine. Joe gestures back at Benny while Benny plasters a smile on his face, giving a quick wave at Mr. Rutherford and his girl. Benny can tell Mr. Rutherford looks none too pleased by Benny’s appearance, or the fact that Benny is interrupting their lunch to talk to Elaine. Elaine sidles her way through the crowd, waving and smiling, being her usual, sweet self. Once Elaine reaches the back a small frown slips onto her face. “Benny, what’s wrong? You know Daddy doesn’t like you. Couldn’t you ’ve waited till ya took me home?”

“Well see that’s what I need to talk to you about. The truck broke down, so I dunno when I’ll be able to do that again.”

“Oh, why didn’t ya say so? It’s all good. I’ll ride home with Marla. Why don’t you do the same?”

“Laney, ya know I live out in the boonies. Marla would never do that. Her house and mine are in two different directions. Everyone I know lives close to town or the college. It’s what I get for living on a farm.”

“Well Benny, ya don’t got much of a choice now do ya? Ya still need to go to school. Whatcha gonna do now? Ya just gonna give up like ya Daddy wants ya to?”

“Laney, ya know I don’t want to do that, but I think I might have to. Ya know I love learning. Gran and Mr. Riker would want me to continue, but—”

“Look, Daddy ain’t gonna let me stay with ya if ya don’t get a degree. He don’t want me marrying no farmer. I’m sorry Benny, but ya gotta figure something out. I love you.”

Elaine’s voice was soft as rose petals, and she gently placed a hand on his face before leaving him to his thoughts. Benny knew she wasn’t trying to be mean, but as soft as she said it, her words

still felt like knives.

Benny squints sweat out of his eyes as he takes the long walk home. The sunset is a smear of colors over the dark cotton fields. His head is spinning with worry and crunching numbers trying to see how he could ever afford the parts. He just knows the carburetor is busted. The truck is old and with that model it wouldn’t surprise him if it needs to be replaced. The four bald tires need to be replaced too. Not to mention the brakes. He also needs gas. The thing is falling all to pieces.

Then there’s class. He has to be in class by 8:00 a.m. tomorrow and he has no car. Not to mention going to work. He’ll need to pull in extra hours if he has any hope of getting the money soon. The ride to work is fifteen minutes, and the ride to school is forty-five minutes to an hour from home. The walk to work is doable, but the walk to school is impossible.

Then there’s his girl, Laney. He just can’t lose her. Not after all the hell he’s been through convincing her Daddy to let them be together. Her Daddy can be a real bastard, and he knows if she could she would still date him.

I dunno how I’m gonna do this. I can’t just drop out. I worked too hard for this scholarship. If Gran and Mr. Riker were here today, they would be so disappointed. Hell, I’ll be disappointed. Mr. Riker’d want me to tough it out. Gran would give me a good talking to and try to figure a way to get me to school. They knew I worked hard for this. Damn I miss them.

It’s been a while since Benny has thought about Mr. Riker, it tends to be too painful for him to think about. Mr. Riker was his high school woodshop teacher, and one of the only teachers that really seemed to care for him. When Gran found out Benny was failing, she knew it just would not do. She told Mr. Riker how bad Benny was doing in class, and Mr. Riker took him aside, had a one on one talk with him. Mr. Riker also made sure to talk to all of Benny’s teachers, to see if they would work with him. Come to think of it, the only people that ever cared about Benny’s grades and well-being were Gran and Mr. Riker. Benny wishes he could’ve paid Mr. Riker back for helping him, but Mr. Riker was in a car accident after high school graduation. One of the drunk football players decided to have a little joyride. Go Blue Jays.

The whole way home Benny had been looking down at the dusty ground. Just walking home by memory, but once he reached the end of the path he stopped and there was that heap of junk again. He felt anger and frustration creep over his skin, the hair on the back of his neck practically standing up. He just doesn’t get why this shit has to happen to him. He’s done nothing but care for that truck and go easy on it. He rarely uses it other than to get to work and school. Benny stomped up to the truck and gave it a swift kick. That truck used to be his Pa’s pride and joy. Now look at it.

Benny can barely see the Wright Brother’s outline through the dust on the license plate. What a piece of crap. He glances up at the house backlit by the sunset and surrounded by the cotton fields.

Great. Now to tell Pa what lack of a plan I got. I already know how this is gonna go. Can’t believe someone as stupid as me got into that damn college anyway.

Shuffling his way up to the porch feels like the longest walk of his entire life. Before creaking up the steps into the inevitable shit storm, he takes look over at his garden. The wild bramble of red roses crawls up the circle of posts they were planted next to. Benny isn’t quite sure what those posts were put there for, but now they belong to the roses. His Gran used to tend to those roses just as much as she tended to him. Those things would’ve been dead without her. Gran taught Benny everything he knows, and she’d be proud of how well he’s kept them up over the past year. He goes over and takes a deep breath of the gentle, sweet smell they emit and is filled with a sense of calm.

“I know this ain’t gonna go well, but at least I got my roses.”

He stands up straight and walks into the house, feeling a little bit more ready for the talking to he’s about to receive. The screen door squeaks and slams shut with a bang, letting everyone within ear shot know that he’s home. In a whirl, his three siblings are surrounding him, each one complaining about having to help move his truck. Benny glances over the babble in front of him, and sees the person he’s been dreading the most, his Pa. His Pa is just sitting in his dusty recliner thinking. He may not be old, but you can see the lines that time has written. It takes a minute, but eventually Benny sees his Pa’s eyes slide up to look at him. Benny can tell that his Pa is dreading this.

“Benny, come over here. We gotta talk.”

Silence slips over the bundle of siblings. A quick murmur of good lucks is given to Benny before they all head straight to their rooms. Benny obliges his Pa by walking over to sit on the floor like a little kid.

“Benny, whatcha got for me? I need to know now what’s what.”

Pa’s gruff voice jars Benny a little, but Benny takes a deep breath and tries to start saying something. Anything.

“Well Pa, I ain’t got much. Tell ya the truth I ain’t got anythin’, but I can’t just—”

“Can’t just what? Look son, I know ya like college n’ all, but boy, it just ain’t workin’ out for ya!”

Benny feels every drop of peace he previously felt drain away. He had only been in college for a while now, but it feels like the world to him. Sure, he isn’t the top student, but he likes to work hard and learn as much as he can. He’d never felt this way about learning. Mr. Riker and Gran instilled a fire in him. After seeing that he could do well in school, Benny wondered how far he could take it. For all he knows he could maybe find a better job with his degree. Hell, maybe he could continue

going to school after he gets his Associate’s if he works hard enough. He just wants a chance.

“Pa, I know how ya feel about school, but listen. I just want a chance. I wanna do this, I think I can do this. What if I got a loan? Why don’t ya think—”

Pa knocks his chair back a solid foot as he stands up. Pa isn’t a violent man, but it was enough to cause Benny to scramble back. Benny could tell this is where the yelling would start. It’s always when the yelling starts. Benny can never say what he actually thinks. Pa points a thick, hairy finger in Benny’s face.

“Now, ya listen here boy! Ya need that car to get where ya goin’! Ya think a bank will give a poor farm hand a loan? Nah! They don’t give a shit bout us and they never will. And besides that, I can’t afford to pay for nothin’! The only way this’ll work is if ya drop out. I’ve done everythin’ for this family! Everythin’! I work my fingers to the bone just to put food on the table! Ya can do this one damn blessed thing for this family! Look, if ya want a job in the future, just be a sharecropper like me! It may not be much, but ya can survive.”

Benny hates it, but all he can do is tremble after what his Pa just said. He can feel the tears trying to rush to the surface. He presses them back, takes a deep breath, and tries to speak.

“Pa, Mr. Riker worked too hard to get me this scholarship. I just can’t toss that out!”

“Benny! That man won’t yer family, now was he?! Sure, what he did was nice, but Benny he was just teacher! This is yer Pa speakin’! Honor thy father and thy mother, ain’t that in the damn Bible, honey?”

Benny hears his Ma shuffle in quietly from the kitchen. He knew she would never take his side against his Pa.

“Leonard dear, why don’tcha go easy on Benny? He did work hard for this after all.”

“Did I ask for that?”

Benny can’t see his ma, but in his mind, he can envision her shrinking at the harshness of his Pa’s words. He feels frozen to the spot, just staring at his Pa. At least she tried.

“No dear, yer right dear.”

Benny hears his Ma shuffle back into the kitchen, probably to cry. Benny’s Pa turns his attention back to Benny. A look of resentment crosses his Pa’s face at the look of fear in Benny’s eyes. His Pa sighed and collapsed back into is chair.

“Benny. Are we clear? Yer to drop out.”

“Yeah, Pa. We’re clear.”

“Look son, I’m sorry. I know ya heart was set, but it just ain’t workin’.”

“I know. I’ll drop out tomorrow.”

His Pa nods, gets back up, walks into his room, and shuts the door. Benny feels so hollow. He didn’t want it to end like this. Slowly, he picks himself up off the floor, and goes to check on his ma. As soon as Benny enters the room, she picks herself up from the scuffed-up kitchen chair and places a hand on Benny’s shoulder. She rubs his shoulder and gives him a meek smile.

“Benny, just know yer Pa loves ya. I know this is hard, but it’s for the best. Now, Imma go check on the youngins’, go take a walk.”

Benny nods, he still hadn’t regained the ability to talk yet. He doesn’t know when he will. He walks out the door as if his autopilot button had been pushed. He can hear his siblings softly calling out to him, but he just can’t talk to them right now. Before he knows it, he’s there, standing in the cocoonlike embrace of his roses. Gently taking a silk like blossom into his hand, he starts to feel a deep sadness pulling at his heart.

“I can’t talk t’ my family like I talk t’ y’all. Y’all may not say much, but it says the world to me that y’all are here for me. I appreciate it. Least I can do is deadhead y’all. Y’all’d like that? Wouldn’t ya? While I’m doin’ that, I’m gonna try t’ work through what I need to do. Is that okay with y’all?”

As soon as he starts to talk, the tears begin to tumble down his cheeks. Locked away in that rose cocoon, he lets all his worries slip away. n

Miranda Cox is pursuing a degree in English with a business and technical communication certificate at East Carolina University. She will be graduating in the spring of 2020, which she is very excited about. She plans on moving to Raleigh, NC, to obtain a job in technical writing. One of her many hobbies is creative writing and she hopes to be published in the future.