Resilience Group Member Guide

Resilience

Finding Inner Strength in Impossible Situations

Group Member’s Guide

By Bill Effler

Communications should be addressed to:

Living Free Ministries, Inc.

P.O. Box 22127

Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version.® Copyright ©1972, 1978, 1984, 2011 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

Certain selections are taken from Resilient by Bill Effler, copyright © 2024. Used by permission of Penguin Publishing Group.

©Living Free, 2024. All rights reserved.

All rights are reserved. No part of the material protected by this copyright notice may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the Living Free Ministries.

ISBN 978-1-58119-149-3

Produced by

About the Author

A native Californian, Dr. Bill Effler received his undergraduate degree from the University of Southern California and two post graduate degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary. Previously published works include, Turning the Church Inside Out, Practical Theology for the Twenty-First Century where he served as General Editor and contributor and, Out From the Shadows, Biblical Counseling Revealed in the Story of Creation. Dr. Effler hosts the contemporary podcast, Open Door, where he has addressed, The Boy Crises, The Girl Crises, The Message of the LGBTQ Community, Eyewitness: The Real Battle of the Bulge and, many others. A popular communicator, Dr. Effler can be reached at weffler@epbfi.com.

Session

Your Invitation to Resilience!

Welcome to a journey to gain life skills in bouncing back from life’s challenges. God desires that we not only have eternal life through accepting Christ and following His teachings and character, but He also wants us to have peace and joy while here in this life.

Ideally, this study is to be used in conjunction with the book Resilient, Tools for Getting Up When Life Knocks You Down by Dr. Bill Effler (Penguin Books, 2024) — the book that inspired this study. Each study session is based on a specific chapter of that book, and reading each chapter will significantly enhance the understanding and benefits experienced by participants.

Within the pages of this study, we will journey together on some tough and challenging roads, but we can persevere with complete confidence that God will be at work in us, with us, and through us as He conforms us more and more into the image of His Son. We are filled with joy that God is at work in you and that you are about to experience more resilience in your life than ever before.

The Lord Bless you and keep you. May He make His face shine upon you, be gracious to you, and give you peace.

May He bless you richly in your journey! – Bill Effler

Getting Started

GROUP SIZE

We suggest that each Resilience group have two group leaders (facilitators) and a maximum of 12 participants. Having more than 12 may prevent some from being a part of much-needed discussion.

PREPARATION TIME

The facilitator’s material is written in an almost word-for-word dialogue. However, it is hoped that as you come to know and understand the concepts presented, you will be able to “personalize” each session to better fit your own style. Highlight the points you want to emphasize and make notes for yourself. Your group is unique—so adapt questions to their needs and situations. Be sensitive to each person who is in your group.

Keep in mind that the answers provided in the leader’s guide for the discussion questions are there only as a tool to assist you and may not be the only “right” answers to the questions being asked.

Become thoroughly familiar with the four elements of each session:

• Introduction • Spiritual Awareness

• Self-Awareness • Application

You will find more detail about these on the following page.

The facilitators should meet prior to each session to pray and make final plans. They should also meet briefly after each session to discuss what happened during the meeting and go over any follow-up that may be needed.

The Resilience Group Member Guides

Before Session 1, the Resilience group member guides should be distributed to each group member. Facilitators should be thoroughly familiar with the material before the first meeting. Encourage group members to complete the appropriate assignments prior to each group meeting. Through the readings and other exercises in the group member guide, group members can come to each session better prepared for meaningful discussion.

Correlation Between Facilitator’s Guide and Group Member’s Guide

Facilitator’s Guide — This guide is designed to lead the group through the four-phase, small group format. The facilitator’s responsibility is to start the discussion, give it direction, and thereafter simply keep the discussion personal and on track.

Where needed, shaded boxes contain facilitator tips and pointers for leading the group along with answers to questions. The facilitator will prayerfully present select questions because there are usually more questions than time permits.

Although the text is presented in the Group Member’s Guide, it may not in some cases be word for word as in the Facilitator’s Guide. For example, the Introductions are different in the two guides. The Facilitator’s Guide is directed toward opening prayer and a go-around question; whereas the Group Member’s Guide focuses on devotions for the week which are a part of the preparation for the upcoming session.

Group Member’s Guide — This guide is designed to be done as homework preparing the participant for meaningful ministry during the small group session. Although the general text is the same as SelfAwareness, Spiritual Awareness, and Application in the Facilitator’s Guide, concentration should be on the group process during the actual group experience.

It is good for the participant to bring the Group Member’s Guide to the group session; however, the participant should be more attentive to the group process rather than trying to find text or written

answers in the Group Member’s Guide. Each group member should bring a Bible for meaningful study and application of God’s Word for daily living.

In a Nutshell — The Facilitator’s Guide is designed to lead the group process through Resilience. The Group Member’s Guide will prepare the participant for the group meeting.

Suggested Group Format

The group format for each session consists of four elements: Introduction, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Awareness, and Application. There is a reason for each phase. The facilitators should always plan each session with this format in mind.

PART I: INTRODUCTION (10 MINUTES)

Begin with prayer. The facilitator may pray or may ask one of the group members to lead in prayer. After the prayer, a sharing question helps put the group at ease and makes the members more comfortable in being a part of the discussion. The lead facilitator should respond to the sharing question first, followed by the co-facilitator. This helps the group members to feel safer in participating in the exercise. After the facilitators have shared, the group members will share one after another around the circle. Always remind group members they are not expected to share if they do not wish to do so. The rule is that everyone works within his or her comfort level and is welcome to pass. This is not the time for detailed conversation, so ask the members of the group to keep their comments brief. If a person is obviously in pain during the exercise, the facilitator should interrupt the sharing and pray for the person in pain. After prayer, the exercise may resume.

PART II: SELF-AWARENESS (20-25 MINUTES)

After the sharing question, the facilitator will lead the group into the Self-Awareness phase. SelfAwareness is a time to discuss the practical issues involved in Resilience. It is important to stay on the subject matter. This is a time to focus on needs and healing, not to have a martyr or pity party.

It is suggested in Self-Awareness that the facilitators ask the group members to share as they wish rather than going around the circle as in the Introduction phase. This is because people are at various comfort levels, and they should not feel pressured to self-disclose if they are uncomfortable. As the group continues to meet, members will feel more and more comfortable in being a part of the discussion. Remember, prayer is always in order. If a group member is hurting during this phase, stop and pray. One of the facilitators may lead in prayer or ask another group member to pray. This says to the group members that each one is important and that you care about each individual.

PART III: SPIRITUAL AWARENESS (20-25 MINUTES)

After the Self-Awareness phase, the facilitator will lead the group into the Bible study time. Having briefly explained the topic, the facilitator should assign Scriptures listed in the Facilitator’s Guide to group members. When each Scripture is called by the facilitator, the group member should read the verse(s). After the verses are read, give time for discussion.

PART IV: APPLICATION (20 MINUTES)

This part is actually a continuation of Part III. Ask for volunteers to share their reflections on the question. The facilitators should emphasize the importance of the group members’ applying biblical principles to their lives. Help begins with right thinking. The Bible says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). Obedience to the Word should follow with right behavior. Right feelings will follow right thinking and right behavior.

Course Goals and Objectives

COURSE GOAL

To provide life-transforming tools so people can get back on a good path after life knocks them down. By applying the principles in this study, participants will discover they can experience God’s miraculous work in their own lives.

COURSE OBJECTIVES

To provide life-transforming tools so people can get back on a good path after life knocks them down. By applying the principles in this study, participants will discover they can experience God’s miraculous work in their own lives.

SESSION

ONE:

An Introduction to Resiliency

Big Idea: Readiness for

Change

• Goal: To discover the participant’s readiness for positive change in learning new tools to help in get back up when life knocks them down.

• Objectives: To help the participants learn that change is necessary for growth and to form a tenacity in life that helps them overcome life’s challenges.

SESSION TWO:

Rebooted & Resilient Living + Participation in a National Survey

Big Idea:

Resiliency

is a Choice and a Process

• Goal: To prepare each participant for life’s ups and downs and to ensure each person understands that positive change is a marathon, not a sprint. To help each participant change their perspective from immediate crisis to forward-oriented thinker.

• Objectives: To assist each individual in adjusting their perspective to see a bigger picture of life and to help them to respond to life in a Godly way instead of reacting to life in a negative unproductive way. Each participant will have the opportunity to complete a survey that determines the level of resilience so the participant will begin to understand areas for improvement.

SESSION THREE:

The Gathering Storm - Understanding Pain & Suffering

Big Idea: The Reality of Spiritual Warfare

• Goal: To help each participant realize the reality of a battle that takes place for our souls. There is an enemy who would like nothing better for us than to kill us, steal from us, and destroy us and our

families. The participant will be given information about the reality of the spiritual realm and tools to win the battles and the things that happen to our bodies when we are faced with life’s challenges.

• Objectives: The participant will gain an awareness of spiritual battles and the things that happen to our bodies, minds, and spirits when facing difficulties. The participant will learn tools to use against the enemy in facing our challenges and what God teaches us about who we are in Christ.

SESSION FOUR:

An Unlikely Community

Big Idea:

Together, We

Can Be Resilient

• Goal: To help each participant discover the value of friendship in a support group setting, bringing encouragement and accountability, which can lead to positive change in their lives and help them get back up when life knocks them down.

• Objectives: For each participant to begin a journey of trust and mutual respect with people around them and to lean into relationships that can bring support and wisdom for life’s difficulties.

SESSION FIVE:

You Said It

Big Idea: Results and Impact of a National Survey

• Goal: To assist each participant with an awareness of how most people feel about their readiness for life’s challenges. There will be a strong emphasis on critical elements found in a national survey to help people learn how to implement tools to make them more resilient.

• Objectives: To help each participant find tools to help them prepare for when life gets hard and learn how to bounce back and move forward. This lesson will help participants learn their weaknesses and personal value, which will give them items to work on to become more resilient.

SESSION SIX:

Rebooting The Brain

Big Idea: Our Thoughts Can Heal or Hurt Our Heart

• Goal: To provide an understanding of how thoughts lead to actions in a participant’s life and how we have the ability to have a more positive Godly outlook when we learn how our brain works and the tools we have to change our thought patterns.

• Objectives: To help each participant understand our brain’s mental and emotional differences that will lead us to better thought patterns. The participant will learn practical ways to keep their brain running in a more stable relational condition.

SESSION SEVEN:

Rejecting Your Triggers

Big Idea: Choosing Inner Peace Based on God’s Promises

• Goal: To provide an awareness of some of the roadblocks to resilient living, called triggers, and how to overcome them so they will not become a pattern of negative behavior.

• Objectives: To discover the events and circumstances of our past life, referred to as triggers, and to learn how they develop and how the participant can overcome them. The participant will learn tools and steps to reject triggers and live a more resilient life by turning triggers into positive choices.

SESSION EIGHT:

Releasing Your Past - Part 1

Big Idea: The Beginning of

Forgiveness

• Goal: To provide a path for each participant to overcome the past choices and circumstances that have been haunting them and causing them to make bad choices. Turning painful life experiences, negative emotions, and choices into a positive, purposeful future.

• Objectives: To begin envisioning forgiving those who have wronged the participant and learn how to forgive themselves. Participants will learn many of the benefits of forgiveness and the joy that comes from walking outside of the prison of bitterness.

SESSION NINE:

Releasing Your Past - Part 2

Big Idea: A Model for Forgiveness

• Goal: To help the participant review a model of forgiveness and learn how to forgive by walking through steps in determining the value of forgiving others and themselves.

• Objectives: For each participant to review the tools for living a resilient life and to begin a journey of forgiving others, which can lead to a more peaceful and purposeful life.

SESSION TEN:

Reclaiming Your Future

Big Idea: Removing Stones of Unconscious Reality for Intentional Resiliency

• Goal: To assist in the discovery of how to remove destructive emotions, negative thoughts, and poor behavior so the participant can live the abundant life that Jesus describes in the Bible. A life of peace and joy no matter what life sends their way.

• Objectives: This session will remind each participant of the tools available to live a resilient life and the principles to live by so they can have more peace through life’s ups and downs. Each person will have an opportunity to identify and discover positive Godly experiences and choices that will give emotional and mental strength when facing difficulties.

An Introduction to Resiliency

Big Idea: Readiness for Change

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

State your name, what state you were born in and something about you that people do not always know.

SELF-AWARENESS

The lone pine tree fearlessly emerges out of a near impossible setting. Yet, properties in the soil, far below the rocky surface, create a unique condition by which the tree’s roots eventually reach needed nutrients. The cover design speaks to conditions that surround many of our lives and serves as a powerful reminder of resilience.

Despite any environment, challenge, or situation a person may be confronted with there is always a “life source” that can fuel and feed a person’s desire to reach higher heights. The next time you feel overwhelmed or discouraged remember the tenacity exhibited by this extraordinary pine tree. Let it be a gentle reminder that you, too, have at your disposal an inner strength that can be discovered in the most unlikely places.

DISCUSSION

What do you see in the book cover?

What do you hope to gain from being a part of this group?

There is a very real reason you decided to be a part of this group. An ‘inner voice’ has probably whispered to you on more than one occasion, “this has got to stop… or start”. People are good at talking about change or being open minded or considering alternatives, but change can be a little intimidating.

RESILIENT READINESS QUESTIONAIRE

Before going further, take just five minutes to respond to the eight questions below. Your ‘inner voice’ will tell you how open you are to a “reboot” or, to starting a new life.

Circle the number that corresponds to how much you agree or disagree with each statement.

1 - Strongly disagree (SD) 2 - Disagree (D) 3 - Agee (A) 4 - Strongly agree (SA)

o Add up your responses to items 1 & 2 = _____ This is your “before reboot” score.

o Add up your responses to items 3 & 4 = _____ This is your “thinking about reboot” score.

o Add up your responses to items 5 & 6 = _____ This is your “action” score.

o Add up your responses to items 7 & 8 = _____ This is your “maintenance” score.

INTERPRETATION

If the highest score is in the “before reboot” category it is most likely that a person does not see the need to change much of anything in their life. Perhaps some of the ideas presented in this book might challenge existing ways a person views their life. If the highest score was in the “thinking about reboot” category, a person has thought that there may be a need to make some life changes, but no significant action has been taken. If the highest number is in the “action” category a person has probably taken some specific steps to make changes in their life, but more changes are still needed. If the highest score was in the “maintenance” category a person has seen significant change or improvement in their life that they are proud of but sustaining personal growth is a concern. Regardless of the category of where a person sees themselves, the ideas presented in this book will help in living a more successful and meaningful life.

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

Come back to opening scriptural ideas concerning, “readiness to change” (see Jeremiah 12. 1-4, great text!). Build on the reality that people KNOW what God has spoken yet choose to live in disobedience. NEXT, invite participants, “What do you think, when it comes to making changes in your life?” Perhaps invite sharing from participants to share when a change of some kind was needed. Ephesians 4. 22-24 is a classic ‘change text’ … “putting off the old self… and be renewed in the spirit of your minds..” Also, Romans 12.2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world … but allow God …”

DISCUSSION

What comes to mind when thinking about making changes in your life?

Read Ephesians 4:17-24

“And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.

But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.” (MSG)

DISCUSSION

What does Paul say about change in our lives?

What should be the desired outcome for making positive Godly changes in our lives?

Read Romans 12:1-2

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (MSG)

DISCUSSION

According to this passage, how are we to live?

In this passage, what are the benefits of allowing God to change you?

APPLICATION

People will not change until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change. Below are clues into how people change. Choose to change or change will happen to you.

Below are a few honest characteristics of change. Look over them and select the ones that are characteristic of your situation and circle the ones you would like to improve.

People change:

• Reluctantly (often a bad attitude is displayed here)

• Partially (or in part, change in area ‘A’, but NOT area ‘B’)

• Conditionally (“I’ll do this “IF” … or, “When”)

• Blindly (which is foolishness)

• And sadly, NOT AT ALL. (this speaks to rebellion, control). This last idea could also be applied to a discussion as to where our culture is today.

• As positive an attitude as possible learning new things daily and with others.

Conclusion

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

Rebooted & Resilient Living + Participation in a National Survey

Big Idea: Resiliency is a Choice and a Process

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

Who is the most emotionally strong person you have ever met?

SELF-AWARENESS

The idea of reboot is best understood as a season and not as a day or an event. Living through a reboot season, one may ask, “Will life ever return to normal?” When anyone finds themself in a reboot season, it is common to have a ‘hurry up and heal’ orientation to life. It would be nice if ‘hurry’ could be the rule in the healing process, but hurry is often the exception to the rule of healing. If one believes that “love is patient,” as found in I Corinthians 13:4, one must also believe that God’s loving and healing presence can be found as one waits for healing and restoration.

DISCUSSION

Why do we usually like a quick fix to life’s challenges?

Is it in the economy of God to fix things quickly?

Resilient Reality: A lasting reboot often includes humility and a dying to oneself.

Resilient living is something that is not done alone. As found in John 3:30, John the Baptist said to his followers in the closing days of his life, referring to Jesus, “…this is the time for him to increase and for me to decrease.” This statement exemplifies the reboot quality of humility. In referring to his own crucifixion and eventual death, Jesus said in John 12:32, “When the son of man is high and lifted up, he draws all people to himself.”

In Luke 23:34, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” A reboot often includes some expression of forgiveness. In Matthew 27:46, While caught in the clutches of the cross, Jesus showed his ultimate humanity as he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me …” During a vicious reboot experience, feelings of total abandonment can come flooding into a person’s mind. Asking God, “Why?” demonstrates total transparency and is an ultimate example of Jesus’ humanity. If Jesus cried out with such a visceral lament, should not his followers also be allowed to do the same? Jesus’ final prayer exemplifies an ability to embrace extreme adversity, “Into your hands, I commit my spirit….” as found in Luke 23:46. Perhaps the clearest example of a rebooted life, as modeled by Jesus, is a life fully submitted to God, especially when life does not go as planned. In like manner, our rebooted lives should mirror the life of Jesus.

DISCUSSION

Keeping in mind Jesus’ temperament on the cross as seen in the Luke passage (abandonment, questioning his Father,) how did you respond in a time in your life when you went through a painful time?

How did you initially react? What did you end up doing in the end? Was there ever a lesson to be learned?

In the words of Jesus, in John 10:10, a person has “life,” but not to the full. A successful reboot improves a person’s ability to “fight the good fight,” as found in 2 Timothy 4:7. The “good fight” that Paul describes to his young protégé, Timothy, takes courage. God knows that life on earth is a fight and that our frail, sinful inclination is to cave into fear or disobey God’s design for our life.

Consider this: God knows our fearfulness and lack of capability BUT still desires friendship with us! Just as Paul encouraged Timothy, we each need a ‘Paul’ to encourage us in challenging times. In Exodus 14:13-14, Moses needed to encourage his wilderness-wandering people by saying, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm, and you will see the deliverance that the Lord will bring today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” When facing a reboot, the strongest of persons need a Paul or a Moses to be a source of encouragement as we place one foot in front of the other.

How do we know where we stand today in our ability to get back up when life knocks us down? Let’s find out by taking a survey.

LIVING FREE RESILIENCY QUESTIONNAIRE

To the right of each statement check the box which is most appropriate for you. After answering the questions, total up the number of checks in each column and place that total under each column at the bottom of the page. Multiply the number under each column by the number at the top of each column. For example, if there are four boxes checked under “disagree,” write “4” under that column, then multiply four by 2(the number at the top of the column). Once you have the four column numbers, transfer the numbers to the next page to receive a total score. Then go to the resiliency “Total Scoring” range descriptions on the back of this page to see your current resiliency level.

Place a “” in the appropriate column

1. I can move past a disappointment fairly quickly.

2. I learned in my home growing up healthy ways of relating to others.

3. I have put an end to my negative thinking.

4. I do not allow negativity to affect my emotions for very long.

5. I think through decisions very thoroughly.

6. I am energized by new ideas.

7. I can monitor my emotions easily.

8. I know I will not accomplish every goal I set, and this is part of life.

9. I enjoy group success as much as I do individual success.

10. I stay focused when faced with a disappointment.

11. I know there are situations that I cannot control.

12. I have often heard I am a people person.

Column Totals x # at top: ________ x 1 = _________ ________ x 2 = _________ ________ x 3 = _________ ________ x 4 = _________

Use answers on next page

RESILIENCY SCORE

Transfer Final column numbers from previous page: Column1 _______ + Column 2 _______ + Column 3 _______ + Column 4 _______

Total Scoring:

43 - 48: Highly resilient

38 - 42: Above average resiliency… celebrate with someone

33 - 37: Average resiliency … there is room for growth.

28 - 32: Situationally resilient … past disappointments still impact you.

Below 28: Share your questionnaire results with a friend you trust.

FURTHER INTERPRETATION

Four main factors were evaluated in this instrument. These four factors routinely govern a person’s ability or lack of ability to live a resilient life. These four factors are:

• A person’s thinking or rational approach to challenging situations.

Questions: 3, 5, 10

• A person’s ability to regulate emotional responses when faced with a challenge.

Questions: 4, 6, 7

• A person’s sense of overall acceptance of reality.

Questions: 1, 8, 11

• A person’s value and ability to connect with people when faced with a challenge.

Questions: 2, 9, 12

FURTHER COMMENT

Research shows that at least four areas impact resiliency, a person’s thinking, emotions, sense of reality and ability to readily connect with others. The factors either foster resiliency or, work against resilient living. To “target” areas of growth, the participant should look at those areas where they scored themselves in the “disagree and strongly disagree” columns.

DISCUSSION

Were you surprised by your overall score? Everyone has room for God to help you improve regardless of your score. Would anyone like to share?

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

God’s future-oriented thinking is attractive and encouraging throughout the Bible.

Read Isaiah 43:1-19

(Have as many people as possible read one verse each)

1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you, says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. 2. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. 3 For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. 4 Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. 5 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will gather you and your children from east and west. 6 I will say to the north and south, ‘Bring my sons and daughters back to Israel from the distant corners of the earth. 7 Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them.’” 8 Bring out the people who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf. 9 Gather the nations together! Assemble the peoples of the world! Which of their idols has ever foretold such things? Which can predict what will happen tomorrow? Where are the witnesses of such predictions? Who can verify that they spoke the truth? 10 “But you are my witnesses, O Israel!” says the Lord. “You are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God— there never has been, and there never will be. 11 I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior. 12 First I predicted your rescue, then I saved you and proclaimed it to the world. No foreign god has ever done this. You are witnesses that I am the only God,” says the Lord. 13 “From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done.” 14 This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “For your sakes I will send an army against Babylon, forcing the Babylonians to flee in those ships they are so proud of. 15 I am the Lord, your Holy One, Israel’s Creator and King. 16 I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. 17 I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick. 18 “But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. 19 For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. NLT

DISCUSSION

According to this passage, what had God already done for the people of Israel?

Name one example of what God has done for you.

According to verse 19, What are ways we see the hand of God in our lives? How do you respond to the “new things” God brings into your life?

God’s provision is recognizable, it has started, and that, God will continue to act and move on our behalf. And again, how will we respond to new opportunities, directions that God brings forth?

As spoken through his messenger Isaiah, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” The reference to a ‘new thing’ implies the past is the past. This ‘new thing’ is recognizable, new, spring up seemingly out of nowhere, and is a sure and certain “way” that leads a person out of their wilderness-like life. This new direction provides “streams in the desert” that quenches the thirst of a person who perhaps had thought, “That drink would never be offered to me.”

Read Jeremiah 29:10-14

10 This is what the LORD says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” NLT

DISCUSSION

Do you understand the concept of being a “forward oriented thinker”? What would be the opposite of a “forward oriented thinker”? Are there benefits to being a “backward oriented” thinker?

Do you consider yourself a forward-thinker? How easy/difficult is forward-thinking, for you personally?

APPLICATION

Read Philippians 3:12-14

12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. NLT

The resilient life is marked by freedom, hope, and purpose. A resilient person is profoundly ‘presentfuture’ focused. The forward-looking words of the apostle Paul were an invitation to the audience he addressed when he said, “…one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and I strain toward what is ahead.” This same invitation is ours too. This is our invitation, today!

DISCUSSION

What does it mean to you to be forward-looking in your life this next week, or month?

Benefits of Resiliency

There is a near-endless list of benefits to living resiliently, but here are four as we close.

A person will:

• Learn something new about themselves.

• Experience a reduction in anxiety.

• Gain greater self-esteem.

• Meet new friends, helpers, and voices of encouragement.

DISCUSSION

Would you add anything to the list of benefits for resiliency?

In short, this person learns that life was never intended to be lived alone.

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

The Gathering StormUnderstanding Pain & Suffering

Big Idea: The Reality of Spiritual Warfare

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

Where is the farthest you have ever traveled? Have you ever felt a supernatural presence at any point in your life? If so, please describe.

SELF-AWARENESS

Life is a battle. Spiritual warfare is real. Multiple places in scripture speak of a war in the ‘spirit realm’. Many movies, television shows, video games, etc. give a story line of good vs evil. Even those who don’t follow Christ sense there is a supernatural realm in life. All through the Bible, there are descriptions of demons and spiritual battles. In Job 1:12, the writer records that the Lord said to Satan,’...everything he has is under your power, but on the man himself, do not lay a finger.” This indicates that Satan has power and influence, but it is a limited influence.

DISCUSSION

Does Satan have influence over our lives? If so, how much?

Job 1 clearly teaches that evil has a presence and has power but evil’s power is limited; Revelation teaches that evil will ultimately and fully be defeated

Read Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; 8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

DISCUSSION

Name some of the promises found in these passages.

Resilient Reality: A part of resiliency is having an ongoing intentional mindset that is determined to get back up after life knocks a person down.

The muttering lies of the enemy must be recognized and silenced. In John 8.44 Jesus refers to Satan as the “father of lies”; lying is Satan’s native language just as “truth” (Jn. 14.6) is Jesus’ natural and spiritual language. Especially during times of despair, a believer’s mind must readily declare, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31) This robust way of living, an ‘in your face’ attitude against the enemy, is an act of spiritual warfare. A spiritual conflict of any kind demands gutsy willpower that is nothing short of determination fueled by God given strength. This depth of determination unleashes greater resiliency.

DISCUSSION

What is the first thing that comes to mind when faced with a life challenge? What are some feelings that begin to bubble up when life gets tough?

Bessel Van Der Kolk comments in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, “The greatest source of personal pain are the lies we believe about ourselves.” Mental discipline and faith-filled living must be grounded in the word of God. A life committed to reading and reflecting on the word of God on a regular basis is one way of understanding what it means to “walk in the Spirit.”

When a ‘missile of injustice’ has been fired into one’s life, thoughts are easily hijacked. Researchers of the brain tell us the brain recognizes and records both life-threatening and life-giving experiences. When

either of these occur, the brain instinctively releases chemicals. Once the brain is chemically fueled and exhilarated, it is near impossible to slow down a person’s thoughts or actions. In agonizing times, one’s foundational beliefs about God and oneself can be shaken to the core.

DISCUSSION

Has there been a time in your life when you felt like your brain had been hijacked because of the difficult situation you faced? How did your body react? Were you able to focus? Do you get easily overwhelmed?

One of the most common byproducts that surfaces when a person believes they have been attacked and or, have been unfairly treated. What has been called a ‘victim mentality’. There are many signs that indicate a victim mentality is at work. Below are only a few:

• A well-practiced script of how and why life is miserable.

• Unregulated or uncontrolled emotional reactions.

• The overwhelming need to have pain validated by others.

• The belief that they always get the ‘short end of the stick’ as compared to others.

• Insecurity drives people to surround themselves with people they know won’t challenge them.

• The belief that a painful circumstance is unique to them.

• An inability to break agreement with the pain of the past.

• There is an increasing inability to hear from God.

Resilient Reality: A hard truth about trying to help a person with a victim mentality is that some people prefer victimization over liberation.

This is clearly seen in John 5 when Jesus asks the crippled man at the pool, “Do you want to get well?” Like a good friend, a person’s victim script is all they know. To take their script from them, forces the person to address the excuses and the role they play in maintaining their victim mindset.

The process of recovering one’s life while caught in the clutches of loss is not clean or straightforward. The development of the believer’s state of emotional and mental health carries with it a unique backand-forth element.

One example of this back-and-forth living as seen in the life of a believer can be seen when a person prays, only to take back the surrendered concern into one’s own hands. Paul was aware of his own spiritual inconsistencies as he writes to the believers in Rome.

Read Romans 7:15-24 in the Message Translation

14-16 I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So, if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21-23 It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24 I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

DISCUSSION

What is Paul saying in this passage? If we can’t have victory in our flesh, then how can we have victory?

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

Read James 1:2-4

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. ESV

DISCUSSION

According to this text, our trials serve a purpose. What does James say these trials and the “testing of our faith” produces?

When the journey of suffering and pain has run its course, says James, a person will “lack nothing”. What does James mean when he says, a person will “lack nothing”?

Whether one is faced with a ‘minor upset’ or a ‘major loss’ the biblical text of James 1. 2-4, offers one initial starting point for the individual who seeks to move through a season of unrest.

Resilient Reality: When thinking is the last action taken during heartache, heartbreak is not far behind.

DISCUSSION

How do you engage the mind when faced with a difficult situation?

APPLICATION

ALLOW MINUTES 20

When considering losses that can alter a person’s mental health, Stormie Omaritan offers her own vantage point concerning optimal emotional and spiritual health,

“… emotional health is having total peace about who you are, what you’re doing, and where you’re going…it’s feeling totally at peace about the past, present, and future. It’s knowing you are in line with God’s ultimate purpose for you and being fulfilled in that.”

The emotional health described by Omaritan is available and achievable. However, the quality of life that Omaritan describes most often comes after the storm has passed.

Resilient Reality: During times of excruciating loss people experience a lack of peace; purpose is questioned and understanding the future is sheer guesswork. Overcoming emotional and mental turmoil is a process that does not come in a day, from a book, a counseling session, or single bible passage.

Many people are converted from the neck up; knowledge does not guarantee resiliency. A ‘neck up’ orientation to faith is ineffective during times of unexplainable loss. More than once I had students say to me, “I can translate the Greek and Hebrew text and explain significant watershed events in church history but none of this helps me work through the pain I am experiencing now.” When hearing this depth of pain my heart recalls the text in John 1:14, “And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us…” NIV

Resilient Reality: In times of any loss, people do not want our words, they need our presence.

DISCUSSION

When we see a person faced with a challenging situation what are some “first aid” items they need?

Read 2 Corinthians 12. 7-10, as found below:

Because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. NIV

Below are several practical observations when navigating the “gathering storm” of loss as reflected in the passage above.

Paul’s use of the word, “thorn” is more than an inconvenient splinter. Different commentators of this text say Paul’s use of the word thorn is the same word to describe a stake used for torturing prisoners. Specifically, we know this “thorn” (or stake) was a “messenger from Satan.” (2 Corinthians 12:7) By Paul identifying Satan as the source of his trouble Paul is also saying, “I am not blaming God for this pain in my life.” The thorn must have been a source of extreme pain as Paul asked three times to have the thorn removed. The use of the word “torment” implies a pain that was a repeated attack.

DISCUSSION

What did Paul learn from this experience?

“My grace…” This is a reference to the personal presence of Jesus in Paul’s painful situation. People in pain do not need a secondhand experience of God. People in pain need to know that God is personally involved in their circumstances.

Resilient Reality: People will believe in you before they believe in your God. If people in pain are not assured that the person offering help is deeply invested in their pain, game over.

Second, the use of the word, “sufficient” is understood as, “more than enough”. Verse 9

Resilient Reality: Processing loss of any kind takes significant time, prayer, and practicality on the part of the helper. People in pain need the assurance that the caregiver is ‘more than sufficient’ to help address their pain. Over the years I have taught my students that ministry is not ‘convenience based’. When severe loss interrupts a person’s life, significant time, prayer, and resourcing is what is needed.

Third, Paul might say confession can result in the transforming and healing presence of God in a person’s life.

Resilient Reality: The confession of pain is one spiritual discipline that can result in God’s transforming power. Pain is the ‘go to’ chisel in the toolbox of the Master Craftsman.

Fourth, the reality of unanswered prayer is clearly seen in this passage of scripture. God did not answer Paul’s prayer, the way Paul wanted. 2 Corinthians 12 teaches God does not always remove a difficulty. There will be times where God does not remove “the sea” in front of us but rather, “parts it” (Exodus 14:19-31). God does not always heal a life but resurrects it (John 11:1). God allows us to experience pain so that, we can speak promise to those who are still in pain. 2 Corinthians 1:3-8

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

An Unlikely Community

Big Idea: Together, We Can Be Resilient

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

State your name and whether you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

SELF-AWARENESS

Community is an essential ingredient in the revitalized life. For our purposes here, community (or the role that other people play in our lives) is a vital ingredient in leading and living a resilient life. In chapter four you will learn that over 300 responders who were surveyed ranked community as a highly sought-after element as it relates to resilience.

Mark Twain once said, “Kindness experienced in community is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

Resilient Reality: One cannot reboot or start over a chapter of one’s life without the help of a caring community. Community is not a superficial add-on to the rebooted life.

Sociologist Brene’ Brown an essential orientation to life, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing and sharing our inadequacies is risky, but not as dangerous as giving up on love, belonging and joy …” Brown is saying, if a person wants to experience authentic community, a person will need to risk.

DISCUSSION

When you hear the word, “community”, what comes to your mind? What do you think or what images come to mind?

Why do most people have a difficult time taking a risk to share their lives with others?

Resilient Reality: The larger the goal a person seeks, the greater the likelihood other people will be needed to meet the desired outcome.

Leadership guru, John Maxwell, once said, “One is too small a number to achieve anything of significance.” We need each other in community. Burdens become lighter when shared and joys become sweeter when shared in a community that means a great deal to us.

The invitation to community both frightens yet unmistakably draws a person to a greater and deeper freedom in Christ that can only be found in community.

DISCUSSION

Have you had a positive or negative experience while being in a trusted group of people? Give a few sentences on your experience. Was it worth the risk?

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

The invitation to community both frightens yet unmistakably draws a person to a greater and deeper freedom in Christ that can only be found in community.

“Commit to being part of an in-person community or small group”. My strong contention is that an in-person community plays a vital role in the resilience of a person’s life. Deep healing, through resilience, often happens better “offline” and in-person and in God’s time and with God’s people. During a season of betrayal that I experienced as a very young leader, I chose to isolate. In this season of isolation, I learned a significant

DISCUSSION

Resilient Reality: God refuses to heal that which we refuse to feel.

Why do we often choose to isolate ourselves when the very thing we need is community?

Read the following passages in the Bible that refer to the need for community:

Proverbs 27:17

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

DISCUSSION

What does this verse tell us about the benefit of being around others in community? ALLOW

Matthew 18:20

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

DISCUSSION

That is the promise from Jesus found in this verse when we are in community with other followers of Christ?

Hebrews 10:24-25

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

DISCUSSION

What are the benefits of community found in this verse?

Is there a legitimate place for a “season” of isolation (being online)?

APPLICATION

Read Proverbs 3: 5-8

Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart, rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with him in whatever you do, and he will lead you wherever you go. Don’t think for a moment that you know it all, for wisdom comes when you adore him with undivided devotion and avoid everything that’s wrong. Then you will find the healing refreshment your body and spirit long for. TPT

Read James 5:16

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

DISCUSSION

What does this verse tell us about being in community?

This verse demonstrates the power of healing when we take the opportunity to share our lives with one other brings healing in our souls. Continue to seek out a trusted community to share your burdens and joys. Give God the opportunity to bring healing in your life and in the process, you can bring encouragement in the lives of those in your group. To stand firm in your faith, your community can bring strength.

A few years ago, God impressed a parable on my hears that I have titled, “The Kite”. I will tell you this writing came out of a dream. I was awakened and the Spirit said, “write”. “What?” I asked. Only two words came, “the kite”…..

The Kite

There was once a multicolored kite. The kite loved climbing high into the sky, especially when there were crystal blue conditions. The kite enjoyed dancing as winds would swell beneath and around her as she would move across the sky. There were times when the dancing, created by gusting winds, got a little scary but Nonetheless, the kite enjoyed being a kite… for the most part. There was one feature of being a kite that was unpleasant, the attached string. The little kite loved the freedom of “flying” but she did not like being tethered. The kite often thought “I know better than that old string.” The kite did not realize there was a direct connection, a relationship between, the attached string and her ability to fly. The kite thought she was doing her own flying. Then one day…. the string broke! It took a while, but the little kite finally crashed to the ground. The kite was overjoyed when the little boy finally found her. That night, after the boy ever so carefully placed the kite into the rafters of the darkened garage, the kite thought, “I really do need the string.” Oh, there were still days where the kite would rather be in charge and ‘fly on her own’. But on those days the kite would remember the day the string broke, and it was then, she would again realize, the assuring safety she had when connected to the string. It was always late at night, long after the boy had gone to bed, the little kite would let out a soft sigh as if to say, ‘tomorrow we get to fly again’.

Do you see the connection? Each of us is the kite, we crave the excitement that freedom offers. And like the kite, we forget there is a relationship between the tension that the string brings and our ability to reach ‘higher heights’ in our lives. I offer a final

Resilient Reality, A resilient person knows that no one ever flies alone.

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

You Said It

Big Idea: Results and Impact of a National Survey

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

What is your favorite room in your home and why?

SELF-AWARENESS

For starters … Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.” Colossians 3:14 (CEV)

When considering resiliency or coming back from disappointment, the centrality of love is to be a primary motivation or ‘go to’ principle. In the above text, we read, “Love is more important than anything else.”

DISCUSSION

Why does Paul place such a high value on love?

How does our culture view love?

How do you view or understand love?

Love validates your faith. The Bible says it very clearly: “Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8 NIV).

“If we say we love God but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen if we do not love others, whom we have seen” (1 John 4:20 GNT).

Love integrates into your life. Your life has many facets (relational, vocational, spiritual). Paul is saying that “love” is to be at the center of your life and that God’s love is what integrates or ties all things together.

APPLICATION TO RESILIENCY

When life comes crashing in, you had better have predetermined what is at the center of your life; that which holds you together. The above texts tell us that it is love, love for God and for others. Love is to be our mooring point, an anchor in the storm, or a compass for direction. When love becomes the center of your life, it will be love that holds everything else together and brings the complexities of life into greater focus.

Maybe you have heard it said, “You never know what is inside until it gets shaken.” Life has a way of shaking us. Hopefully, we have put many good Godly things in our lives, so others see Jesus when we get shaken.

DISCUSSION

What does it mean that love holds everything else together and brings the complexities of life into greater focus?

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

Read Psalm 139:23-24

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—then guide me on the road to eternal life. MSG ALLOW MINUTES 20

DISCUSSION

What is this verse asking us to do and why?

Read I Corinthians 13:1-13 The Message

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

DISCUSSION

Which of these qualities are easy for you, and which of the qualities are more difficult?

APPLICATION

Research shows four elements either positively impact or impede a person’s ability to live resiliently.

1. What a person “thinks” - The value, worth, or priority a person places in logic and mental reasoning when seeking to overcome challenges.

2. What or how a person, “feels” - This category seems to indicate a person’s ability or inability to self-regulate or monitor their emotional responses during a challenge.

3. A person’s ability to readily “accept” (or ‘move through’) a challenging situation. The acceptance category targets a person’s ability or inability to have a realistic view of their given reality.

4. How a person views or prioritizes “community.” - The “community” category is the value a person places in their ability and/or desire to readily connect with others.

DISCUSSION

Out of the four categories, which one is easiest for you to live more resilient?

What might be the possible advantages/disadvantages or, strengths or weaknesses in either the thinking or feeling categories?

To what extent do you think emotional regulation and/or mental clarity factor into a person’s ability to lead a resilient life?

What do you think a lower/higher score in the “acceptance” category might seem to imply?

When considering the “community” category, do you think the 2020 Covid pandemic impacted the Church’s view of community? OR …. Has COVID-19 in some way legitimized a person’s rationale to no longer meet with others?

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

Rebooting The Brain

Big Idea: Our Thoughts Can Heal or Hurt Our Heart

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

Would you consider yourself more creative or analytical? Explain

SELF-AWARENESS

“The left brain runs at the speed of words; the right brain runs at the speed of joy.”

Dr. Jim Wilder, author of, Escaping Enemy Mode

“The American Institute of Health estimates that 75–90 percent of all visits to primary care physicians are attributed to our thought life.”

Dr. Caroline Leaf, author of, Who Switched Off My Brain?

Trauma is not about an event that took place in the past but an imprint on the brain that has ongoing consequences.

Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of, The Body Keeps the Score

The brain is a significant catalyst that can play a vital role in rebooting a person’s life. Long before a person has a feeling or is prompted to act in any way, the brain has already been engaged. Yes, the brain functions long before a person feels or thinks anything! Specifically, this chapter will identify the role of brain activity during conflict and how the brain helps in the rebooting of life.

Understanding how the brain functions is not as complex as some might imagine. Weighing approximately three pounds, the brain’s two general sides or parts function as a unit. Housed within these two compartments are many functioning parts; there is no single most important part. This chapter will introduce only a limited number of these individual elements. Research reveals that people use both sides of their brain every day.

Resilient Reality: Some people are naturally more creative (right side) while others, more analytical (left side).

The two sides of the brain, working as a unit, create a ‘script’ (beliefs) of the recorded event. Yet, in the recording process, something interesting happens; the brain compartmentalizes data. What started out as a moving motion picture project, becomes distinct moments captured in, ‘still shots’ (recorded memories).

You and your brain

Let’s take a more detailed look into the functions of each side of the brain:

Left brain - the left half or hemisphere of the brain is generally aligned for tasks that involve logic (i.e., science, mathematics, judgment, goal setting). Decision making is largely processed in a very analytical way. A left brain dominated individual prefers to be taught something rather than learn by doing’. Lawyers, mathematicians, administrators, and doctors would be examples of left-brain oriented vocations.

Right brain - the right half or hemisphere of the brain is generally seen as more intuitive (i.e., having a ‘gut feeling’, big picture, creative). Decision making could be described as a ‘journey’ rather than arriving at a ‘destination’. Right brain dominated persons prefer to be shown how to do something rather than read about it in a book or be taught in a classroom. Artists, chefs, counselors, actors, and ministers are examples of right-brained people.

Summary - Brain researchers tell us the two sides of the brain are very different and each has its own emphasis, value, and orientation. The exact functions of the varying parts of the brain vary from person to person based upon multiple factors (i.e., a person’s upbringing, birth order, a life event or gender).

DISCUSSION

Would anyone like to share which side of your brain you believe is most dominant?

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

Read Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV)

ALLOW MINUTES 20

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. “Eat and drink!” He says to you, but his heart is not with you.

Often, the Bible uses the word “heart” to describe the mind or the brain.

DISCUSSION

What does this verse tell us about the power of the mind?

So, if the brain has the power to heal based on our thoughts, then whatever we think about either heals or hurts.

Read Philippians 4:8

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. The Message Translation

DISCUSSION

Name all the things we should be thinking about and give practical examples of each.

When you daydream, what do you think about?

Does your mind ‘tilt’ towards concerns or about blessings?

Which of the items on this list are easy for you and which are more difficult?

Read Colossians 3:1-4

“Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts(minds) on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” NIV

DISCUSSION

What does this verse tell us to do and why?

APPLICATION

ALLOW MINUTES 20

The brain and conflict: escaping “enemy mode” as coined by Jim Wilder and Ray Woolridge in their book, Escaping Enemy Mode.

Neurotheologian, Dr. Jim Wilder believes the church has relegated the subject of individual character transformation to a much lesser priority as compared to other aspects or ministries of the church. Wilder argues convincingly that The Enlightenment altered the way people view themselves. A major message of the Enlightenment was that people should be granted individual freedom; this freedom would eventually oppose established doctrines of the Church. Wilder writes, “Reason and skepticism have replaced God’s Word as the path to knowledge and fulfillment…

In their book, “Escaping Enemy Mode”, Jim Wilder and Ray Woolridge describe an altered state of the brain, a near replica of my neighbor’s behavior in the earlier story, that they call “enemy mode”. Enemy mode is a rampant toxic reality because reason is a preferred orientation to life, over faith. To escape enemy mode requires the recognition that we live in a culture of hate, and if not hate then, extreme hostility. Escaping enemy mode requires one to gain the ability to identify signature signs found in the brain that is functioning in enemy mode. An unresolved past can quickly get a person’s brain in enemy mode.

General characteristics of a brain contaminated by enemy mode entities include the following:[1]

• Feels their anger is justified.

• Sees people as objects and not people.

• Believes no one is on ‘their side’.

• Will attack or withdraw from people who could be of help.

• Recruits others to help them in their attack.

• Emotions and language can easily and quickly escalate.

• Sees other people as the enemy.

• Wants the other person to ‘lose’.

• No compassion for anyone else’s opinion.

• Cannot discern when others are trying to help.

In a previous chapter it was acknowledged that we live in a spiritual state of conflict or, spiritual warfare. In his book, The God Shaped Brain, psychiatrist Timothy Jennings writes,

“The Bible says we are in a battle, with weapons that demolish arguments and pretentions that are opposed to God, and our thoughts are to be harmonized with Christ. The battlefield on which the war between Christ and Satan is fought is in the mind. I take the position that it is not only legitimate but also vitally necessary to take Scripture as a whole and use it to obtain the fullest revelation of God’s character.”

Jennings’ application of scripture to the reality of spiritual warfare and a person’s thought life is well balanced. It is through the study and reflection of the Word of God, working together with a better understanding of brain chemistry, that we can escape what Wilder and Woolridge refer to as, enemy mode.

Resilient Reality: When our true selves are anchored in healthy relational attachments (personal relationships) and a ‘peace that passes understanding’(Philippians 4:5-7) is achieved (mental clarity), our brain is provided with a stability that enables a person to function, at its absolute optimum.

Wilder and Woolridge summarize their contribution concerning enemy mode in the following way,

“Identity is assembled stage by stage, starting at the bottom of the brain and working up. We reinvent who we are many times a second. If this process in the right side of the brain fails, our identity stays incomplete and unstable. Enemy mode is likely…Keeping our brain running in a stable relational condition is our main objective.”

DISCUSSION

What are some practical ways we can keep our brain running in a stable relational condition?

Truth: When a person is not “prepared” for the unforeseen challenges of life, they will certainly need to be “repaired” later.

The outset of this chapter stated that understanding our brains is not as complex as some think. Yet, our minds and behaviors can get easily sabotaged by life experiences and the adjoining chemicals that are released into the brain. Despite the complexities of both life and science, good and evil, thinking and feeling I conclude this chapter with the assuring words of Thomas Merton, “Quit keeping score and surrender yourself with all your sinfulness to God who sees neither the score nor the scorekeeper but only his child redeemed by Christ.”

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

Rejecting Your Triggers

Big Idea: Choosing Inner Peace Based on God’s Promises

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

Using a season (winter, spring, summer, fall) of the year, describe your current state of mind.

Name a favorite activity that fills you up or recharges you emotionally.

SELF-AWARENESS

“What prevents a person from living resiliently?” There are many roadblocks to resilient living, but the word “trigger” was often mentioned. Trigger refers to words or non-verbal issues that act as a searchlight into the subconscious mind. People are triggered because of beliefs that are held but largely, unaware of these beliefs or memories... And viewpoints that may not always be reality. The force or strength of an emotional reaction (sadness, fear, anxiety, regret) verifies the presence of an unreconciled event or experience.

Being triggered is frequently an overreaction that is stimulated by an unrecognized and unresolved factor.

Resilient Reality: When a person gets hysterical, there is usually something historical beneath the surface.

When someone is triggered, they have a strong and often uncomfortable reaction to an external factor created by any number of internal factors. Some of these responses include panic, feeling overwhelmed, withdrawal or some form of acting out. Triggers are commonly rooted in past hurtful experiences. To protect a person from further harm our brains are on the lookout for signs that signal the possible threat of harm.

DISCUSSION

Are you aware of triggers in your life? Who would be willing to name one in your life?

Resilient Reality: A trigger can include almost any number of things but in the end, if a person can recognize what triggers them their perceptions of their external world can change, and inner peace can be achieved.

Not all triggers are negative. A person can be positively moved when reminded of an event or person that brings back or triggers a positive memory. An example might be hearing a song that was played at the first concert you went to, and that memory takes you back in time. Still, the word trigger, most commonly is used to describe a response to something that produces unwanted feelings or thoughts.

DISCUSSION

Would anyone like to share a positive trigger from your life experience?

That is, a reminder that stirs up hopeful feelings.

Resilient Reality: Nearly everyone has triggers. Most triggers come from an actual experience in the past that ‘pops up’ or surprises a person, putting them in an emotional prison.

One way a person can know if they are being triggered is by what they are feeling, in the moment. The Bible says in Colossians 3:15, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart…”. And, in 2 Thessalonians 3:16, “… may the Lord of peace himself, grant you peace in every circumstance…”

DISCUSSION

What does it mean to you to have peace in your heart and peace in every circumstance?

If a person is feeling tension (i.e., anger, fear, anxiety, depression) with a person as compared to peace, there is reason to hurry up and slow down. The choice to ‘slow down’ is easier said than done. When we slow down, we can often learn what is triggering us.

If triggers in people are a common reality one might ask, “How do I know if what I am thinking or feeling has something to do with my past?” Triggers are easier to identify than explain. There are an unlimited number of items that can trigger a person. Below is a short list of potential examples that could indicate if a person is getting triggered.

1) Other people’s reactions to something that is said. Say, Mary offers to help Lucas, but the offer is declined. Mary might feel some level of being, ‘shut down’. These feelings may have to do with the present rejection of help, but this also may surface an experience of being previously rejected.

2) Procrastination is a sign of being triggered. A person fears that they may fail at attempting something they have formerly tried, or never tried. The fear of failure triggers avoidance.

3) General feelings of mistrust and uncertainty are potential signs of being triggered. This trigger is manifested because a person has been previously disappointed and therefore feels uncomfortable about their present surroundings. In a very real sense, the past is not the past. The present situation triggers a past disappointment which creates an unwillingness to move forward in the present.

4) Feeling controlled by others is another possible trigger. The thought of being manipulated or being told what to do creates feelings of anxiety, apprehension, and panic.

5) Anger, particularly an irrational outburst, is a clear sign that a person is being triggered by something in the past. Once again, the outburst could be from any number of things.

6) A sudden or what appears to be an irrational move. This trigger happens when a person physically removes themselves from a setting or relationship because the situation creates internal unrest or panic.

7) Re-experiencing a past event in the present is perhaps the clearest indicator that a person has been triggered. This is an example of post-traumatic stress disorder.

DISCUSSION

Is there one of these signs of being triggered that you see in yourself or others?

Most triggers follow a three-step process:

• First, the brain is stimulated or awakened with an automatic thought that comes flooding into a person’s mind.

• Second, instantaneously the automatic thought produces emotions. Emotions are the predictable outcome concerning what a person believes about an experience.

• Third, a choice must be made whether to grapple with the unwanted thought or ignore it.

Resilient Reality: When considering a past ‘pop up’ it is important to remember that memories are fallible; over time, specific and important details about an event tend to become distorted.

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

ALLOW MINUTES 20

There is no set ‘cure’ for the removal of triggers. Keep in mind, triggers can also be beneficial as they are a type of amygdala or alarm clock whose goal is to ensure safety.[1] Once aroused, emotional triggers (i.e., fear, anxiety) send an alert to varying parts of the brain of a possible threat to peace. Two key ideas are important, (1) paying careful attention to both feelings and thoughts helps manage triggers and (2) having an initial ability to respond to feelings helps a person better cope with triggers.

Now let’s look at a passage in Psalms which describes God’s role in a person’s pain and the alleviating of personal triggers.

Read Psalm 40. 1-3 (The Passion Translation)

I waited and waited and waited some more, patiently, knowing God would come through for me. Then, at last, he bent down and listened to my cry. He stooped down to lift me out of danger from the desolate pit I was in, out of the muddy mess I had fallen into. Now he’s lifted me up into a firm, secure place and steadied me while I walk along his ascending path. A new song for a new day rises in me every time I think about how he breaks through for me! Ecstatic praise pours out of my mouth until everyone hears how God has set me free. Many will see his miracles; they’ll stand in awe of God and fall in love with him!

DISCUSSION

Name the promises that God offers to us in this passage.

This psalm assures the reader that God listens to His people; “…he bent down and listened to my cry.” That God is present: “He stooped down to lift me out of danger from the desolate pit I was in…!” God will deliver His people to a place of security, “… he’s lifted me up into a firm, secure place and steadied me while I walk along his ascending path.” And last, my deliverance will be evidence to others of the goodness and greatness of God, “…everyone hears how God has set me free. Many will see his miracles; they’ll stand in awe of God and fall in love with him!”

APPLICATION

A Tool for Rejecting Triggers:

Rejecting triggers is a process learned over time to create a more peaceful disciplined life with assistance of God. Since we are made up of mind, body and spirit, we need God’s help, or we will continue to struggle in laying aside our triggers.

STEP 1 – STOP

In the first sense there is a recognition that peace is leaving you, “stop” immediately.

Resilient Reality: The brain is forever on the lookout for peace (or calm) and things that disrupt peace. The brain seeks after peace, “24/7”.

The ability to stop oneself when peace is leaving is a difficult discipline to practice. A scriptural reminder is helpful here, found in 1 Peter 5:7, where Peter said, “cast your anxieties upon the Lord, for he cares for you.”

A practical first step in restoring calm to the brain is to begin the day with the Lord.

Read Matthew 6:33

But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His (God’s) kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.

DISCUSSION

Why is it important to seek God first in our daily lives?

A second step in this ‘stopping step’ is to study the over 60 verses in the bible that refer to God never leaving or forsaking His people.”

Read Deuteronomy 31:6 and Joshua 1:5

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (NIV)

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. (NIV)

DISCUSSION

What was the message in these passages to Joshua as he transitioned into leading the people of Israel?

A third step to restore peace and reject triggers is to spend time with people that you trust. Especially as it relates to anger, time spent within the community of faith is important. There is a certain type of healing that is experienced in ‘alone time’ with God and a different type of healing is experienced while being with other believers; a person needs both.

STEP 2 – START

A person who has “stopped” (or at least significantly slowed down) is increasingly able to recognize the presence of peace and when peace is being threatened. When a person slows themselves down, they can specifically “start” to explore what is robbing them of peace. A trigger is a teacher that tries to shed light on something about ourselves.

Resilient Reality: One cannot practice the “starting step” until they have first stopped their brains from running all over them!

Jesus taught that “truth sets us free” as found in John 8:31-32 but to be set free from things that enslaves a life requires a deep cut before freedom is experienced. This “deep cut” involves a purging of falsehoods and distortions that have been spoken over a person and accepting the truth of what God thinks about us. One part of this “deep cut” process is to explore the possibility of any vows or promises that a person may have made. Examples of vows or promises made during a time of extreme conflict may include, “I have to be perfect before God accepts me” or “I am damaged goods, this is as good as life will ever get” or, “This is too difficult, and I just can’t do it.”

This second step of deeper exploration seems to activate the enemy’s presence in a person’s life by reminding them of their past.

Read what the Apostle Paul said about getting past our past, in Philippians 3:13-14

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

DISCUSSION

What advice is Paul giving us in the above passage?

Read 2 Corinthians 4:7-12

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

DISCUSSION

From the above passage, what promise did Paul discover in his “resilient life?”

STEP 3 – RECEIVE

God’s heart leans towards those who live far away from Him. The distance, attitude, or length of time spent away from God does not matter to God. God still offers help. Caregivers and mentors of hurting people must remember those who live apart from God often have a difficult time receiving undeserved grace. It is not uncommon for people to believe they have in some way disqualified themselves from God’s extravagant love.

Read Luke 15:20

So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

DISCUSSION

In the story of “The Prodigal Son”, what was the first thing the Father did when he saw his son coming back home?

The hard reality that trusting and accepting the extravagant love of God can be very difficult for a person caught in the crosshairs of self-condemnation. In Luke 15, Jesus tells the story of two sons. Both sons squandered their inheritance; the younger son on foolish spending, and the older son forfeited his inheritance by having a ‘works or servant’ belief system that kept him in his own self-imposed ‘far country.’

Read John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (NIV)

Coming back to scripture when knowing how to reject triggers. Jesus teaches in John 14.27 that we do not need to be troubled or afraid but rather, we can choose to accept God’s peace while caught in the throes of anxiety.

STEP 4 – REPEAT

Our journey to healing through God’s Spirit in the Christian life is not a ‘one and done’ drill. This process of rejecting our triggers includes a last step of “Repeat.” We must continue to repeat the steps in this process to have a healthy spiritual life. Life comes at us with speeds that are difficult to determine truth and reality. As we repeat the steps, God forms in us a discipline to rely on Him and declare His promises over our lives. Below is an example of when even Jesus’ disciples needed a “Reboot” after His death on the cross.

Read Luke 24:36-49

36 While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” 37 They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. 38 He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? 39 Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.” 40 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. 41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” 42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish, 43 and he took it and ate it in their presence. 44 He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.” 45 Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. 46 He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, 47 and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. 48 You are witnesses of these things. 49 I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”

Jesus makes an appearance after his resurrection to his disciples and the band of brothers do not recognize Jesus (Luke 24. 37)! And Jesus opens the scriptures to them (Luke 24. 44-48) with the hope of removing the trigger of unbelief. Underlying this principle of “repeat” includes significant facts that God knows about each of us.

Resilient Reality: God knows we are, (1) slow to learn, (2) prone to not recognize the activity of God, (3) a people who need other people and, (4) like the travelers that needed to have a lesson ‘repeated’; a ‘repeat’ is often part of the journey of faith.

To reject our triggers, remember to STOP and rely on God first, START to recognize what is stealing your peace and believe the truth of God’s Word about you, RECEIVE God’s extravagant love for you and then REPEAT the steps.

DISCUSSION

What changes do you need to make today to start on this path of these steps?

Let’s close this session with a declaration of God, offered by Brennan Manning, that has everything to do with, “rejecting our triggers”, especially the trigger of ‘self-condemnation’ …

A MESSAGE FROM GOD

“…I know your whole life story. I know every skeleton in your closet. I know every moment of sin, shame, dishonesty, and degraded love that has darkened your past. Right now, I know your shallow faith, your feeble prayer life, your inconsistent discipleship. And my word is this: I dare you to trust that I love you just as you are, and not as you should be.”

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

Releasing Your Past - Part 1

Big Idea: The Beginning of Forgiveness

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

Using weather forecasting language, describe your current state of mind (i.e., storm forecasted, cloudy but clearing, foggy, clear blue skies, sunny, windy conditions).

SELF-AWARENESS

Painful experiences in a person’s life that need releasing are usually not altogether unique to them. Nothing keeps a person from a rebooted and resilient life more than to choose to hold onto the past. Releasing the pain of the past is an intentional personal decision. The initial decision to release the past can feel rather mechanical where later stages can be deeply emotional. Releasing the past can be an agonizing experience, but to choose to let the past control our present can be beyond imagination. Some of what you may encounter in the pages ahead might trigger memories that have not been thought about for a long time. It is important to spend some time in prayer as a group here before moving on.

Resilient Reality: Gaining perspective on the past, by hearing other people’s stories, can go a long way in “releasing the past.”

On the next page is a short list of statements that possibly indicate a person’s past is very much their present. Research on releasing the past and hours spent helping people move beyond their past helped me to create this list. If three or more of the twelve items specifically ‘trigger’ the reader (“That’s me!)”, the past may be closer than one thinks. The dirty dozen list of comments provides one starting point for this study of, “releasing the past”. Please read through the ‘dirty dozen’ slowly and answer them, in your own mind, with a simple, “Yes” or “No”.

The Dirty Dozen

1. I don’t have a good relationship with myself (negative self-talk).

2. I do not know what happy looks like.

3. I have a ‘life used to be better’ mindset.

4. I still occasionally brood over a past decision or experience.

5. I have occasional ‘re-runs’ of (regretful) memories.

6. I am fairly certain that I have an ‘open chapter’ in my life that needs to be ‘closed’.

7. I think my happiness is largely dependent on someone or something else.

8. I wish that anger or grief were not common ‘go to’ emotional responses of mine.

9. I avoid thinking about a certain person or specific situation.

10. I tend to resist change.

11. I have no plans to improve the quality of my present life.

12. I can have feelings of suspicion or mistrust, regularly.

DISCUSSION

Would anyone like to share how many of these statements are true in your life?

Does anyone have people or situations in your past that you need help releasing? Would you like to share a summary of your situation and are you willing to forgive?

Spend some time in prayer over the group, especially for those who have shared their lives.

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

Resilient Reality: The resilient life comes to know the role and benefit that forgiveness plays in abundant living, free of invasive controlling memories and unwanted feelings.

The Benefits of Forgiveness

Resilient Reality: When a person is caught in the vice grip of intense pain because of another’s actions, it is near impossible to stop and consider the benefits of accepting an apology, if it is ever offered.

Hard truth: There may be times when the admission or confession by an offending party will never come to the innocent party. A person’s response to not getting the desired apology will reveal the emotional and spiritual health of the violated or innocent party.

Results of authentic forgiveness.

1) A decrease of irrationally charged thoughts and behaviors.

2) An increase of peace, self-esteem, and personal empowerment.

3) A person discovers that forgiveness is a gift that sets them free.

4) A demonstration of forgiveness is a supreme sign of God’s indwelling Spirit (John 20.20-22).

5) A person learns to live in the present and seldom, dwells in the past (Isaiah 43.18)

6) And … to NOT forgive invites the enemy to take up residence into one’s life.

DISCUSSION

Which of the above statements speaks to you the most? What would it mean to you to live with all these statements?

Read 2 Corinthians 2:10-11

10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. NIV

DISCUSSION

What is Paul saying about how Satan uses unforgiveness in our lives?

APPLICATION

A practical exercise for releasing the past.

Seasoned counselors agree that the memory of a past painful experience never entirely goes away. One writer commented, “Tears are words that need to be written down.” This is wise and practical counsel. When tears are accompanied by anxious thoughts, regret, confusion, apathy, or sense of loss, writing down thoughts on paper can be very freeing.

In the early stages of facing an ‘upset’ through writing, don’t be concerned with structure or order. Be more concerned with getting “out” what is “inside” of you. John Wesley when speaking of confessing sin said, “Sin still remains, but no longer reigns.” This thought can be applied to the experience of the past. Yes, the memory of a painful event “remains”; the experience is remembered. The ache is real. However, when the sting of the past is substantially released, the experience no longer controls or, “reigns over” a person’s life.

Below is a brief and selective recap of previously identified ideas that would be an encouragement before moving forward. A released past begins when:

1) A seeker knows that a “reboot” is a first step towards one’s future; “resiliency” is a process of many steps that ultimately leads to personal freedom.

2) A person learns that a reboot experience can happen when least expected.

3) The journey to personal transformation begins by facing painful reality, head on.

4) Triggers happen, and nearly everyone has them. Most triggers come from an actual experience in the past that resurfaces or unexpectedly, ‘pops up’.

5) A ‘peace (emotional stability) that passes understanding’ (mental clarity) is achieved when our brains experience a level of calm; a renewed life is beginning to take place.

6) God knows we are, (1) slow to learn, (2) prone to not recognize the activity of God, (3) people who need people and, (4) like the post resurrection travelers on the road, have learned ‘repeating a lesson’ is part of the journey of faith (Luke 24. 13.f).

DISCUSSION

Which of the above statements is easiest for you to identify in yourself? Which statement is the most difficult for you to identify? Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

Releasing Your Past - Part 2

Big Idea: A Model for Forgiveness

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

Name ONE or TWO of your top favorite local area restaurants.

SELF-AWARENESS

A Brief Review of Forgiveness, Part 1

• AWARENESS: A person becomes aware that releasing the past is something that should be seriously considered.

• DECISION: A rather mechanical decision is made that something ‘needs to be done’. In this second stage is not uncommon that a person releases ‘parts of the past’, slowly but rarely completely.

• SURPRISE: A person is often surprised at what they thought was a released or completed chapter of their life was in fact, not at all.

• REGROUP: This regrouping stage is never complete; additional questions and issues surface.

Key Resiliency Principles, Revisited

• A seeker knows that a “reboot” is a first step towards one’s future; “resiliency” is a process of many steps that ultimately leads to personal freedom.

• A person learns that a reboot experience can happen when least expected.

• The journey to personal transformation begins by facing painful reality, head on.

• Triggers happen, and nearly everyone has them. Most triggers come from an actual experience in the past that resurfaces or unexpectedly, ‘pops up’ in the present.

• A ‘peace (emotional stability) that passes understanding’ (mental clarity) is achieved when our brains experience a level of calm; a renewed life is beginning to take place.

As we continue this idea of forgiveness as a part of the reboot process in our lives, is there anyone who would like to share an experience where you forgave someone or yourself and it changed your life?

Is there anyone this week who is struggling with forgiving and needs prayer and help reflecting on the benefits of forgiveness?

SPIRITUAL AWARENESSS

ALLOW MINUTES

The Lord’s Prayer, a Model Prayer for Forgiveness

Read The Lord’s Prayer together aloud as a group.

Matthew 6:9-13

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.

Principles to Live Out

1. Forgiveness begins with a “kingdom or heavenly orientation” as seen in the opening words, “our Father, who art in heaven”.

2. True forgiveness recognizes the power of relinquishment; a turning over a person or situation to God. The idea of relinquishment is seen in the phrase, “Thy kingdom and Thy will be done”. Next, we read the words, “give us this day, our daily bread”.

3. The request for “daily bread” acknowledges that to practice forgiveness, one will need to be renewed, fortified, and strengthened and on, a “daily” basis (if not moment by moment). Particularly with forgiveness, the need to be renewed, “daily” is paramount.

4. The very ‘heart’ of the Lord’s prayer has two parts, “And forgive us… and those who have wronged us”. The Lord’s prayer is clear that forgiveness includes confessing our sins. But there is a second part of this prayer, “…and those who have sinned against us.” Jesus was very intentional with his instructions when talking about the subject of forgiveness. In Jesus’ prayer, the master ‘teacher and counselor’ said, our prayers should include confessing our own sin and, that we are to forgive others.

5. The temptation of Unforgiveness: It is no coincidence the very next phrase in Jesus’ prayer is, “and lead us not into temptation.” The temptation to not want to offer forgiveness to a person who has hurt us is reality.

6. The need for deliverance. “…deliver us from evil” is a plea to God to keep us from the temptation to offer forgiveness in part or, with conditions. A partial or conditional expression of forgiveness is not Jesus’ understanding of complete forgiveness. Jesus taught that we would need to forgive often (Matthew 18. 21-22). To forgive shows us to be imitators of God (Ephesians 5. 1,2) and that to forgive is to NOT keep (or bring up) a past record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13. 5). And of highest importance, to forgive is to outwit the very purposes and plans of the activity of Satan in our lives! (2 Corinthians 2. 10,11).

7. It’s all about the Kingdom. And last, Jesus’ prayer ends in the same way it begins, with a “Kingdom” quality; “Our father, who art in heaven, thy Kingdom come...”, Jesus now closes his prayer, “For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever”. Jesus’ prayer begins and ends with a “kingdom orientation.” This concluding portion of Jesus’ prayer seems to be a prayer of recommitment. The words, “kingdom, power and glory” build on one another as they reach a culminating crescendo as found in the word, “glory”. Once in a spiritual state that we can only imagine, stepping into God’s glory, positions one far, far away from the pain of any injustice that has ever been experienced.

DISCUSSION

Which of the lines of the Lord’s Prayer is easiest for you and which one is the most difficult?

APPLICATION

TRUTH

“Total forgiveness is a choice not a feeling; at least at first, is an act of the will.”

TRUTH

Gary Chapman comments in his book, When Sorry Isn’t Enough, Making Things Right with Those You Love “Genuine forgiveness is a two-person transaction…the Christian is instructed to forgive others in the same manner that God forgives us.

HOW DOES GOD FORGIVE US?

The Scriptures say that we confess our sins and God will forgive our sins. Nothing in the Old or New Testament indicates that God forgives the sins of people who do not confess and repent of their sins.

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

Reclaiming Your Future

Big Idea: Removing Stones of Unconscious Reality for Intentional Resiliency

INTRODUCTION

Welcome and Prayer

Sharing Question

Using just one word, describe your experience in this group.

SELF-AWARENESS

CONGRATULATIONS! You made it to the end! As we get started, please read the quote from William Booth below:

“The tendency of fire is to go out, watch closely then the fire that is on the altar of your heart.”

General William Booth, Founder of the Salvation Army

In speaking of the ‘fire in your heart’, Booth is right in recognizing God builds fires in a person’s heart, but it is the natural tendency for any fire to go out. As you journey forward, there will be days when you will need to tend your own fire or, “encourage yourself in the Lord”, as David did in 1 Samual 30:6

Read 1 Samuel 30:6

David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.

DISCUSSION

Where do you find your emotional strength?

Resilient Reality: You will need to make the intentional and disciplined effort to feed the fire in your heart that has brought you a renewed life. Self-care, especially of a spiritual nature, plays a pivotal role in “reclaiming your future”.

A final word of introduction concerning the future is something that bears particular significance now, “To make idols of the past and rest in the security of the present are guaranteed ways to miss what the future could possibly offer.” Bill Johnson comments in a similar vein as he said, “When a person’s memories of the past outnumber their dreams for the future, they are beginning to die.”

The previous chapters on Releasing Your Past noted that there are some people that are not aware of the need for change in their lives. At some point, a person suspects or slowly gains a better understanding that something in their life might need to change. And finally, a person becomes very conscious that there are situations, relationships, and beliefs in their life that need to change. To “reclaim the future” requires action. Failure to act happens, in part, because a person does not recognize that they hold the keys to unlocking the future in their own hands!

DISCUSSION

What actions are currently needed in your life to reboot?

Resilient Reality: An imprisoned person has ready access to their own freedom, but they must want to be free.

This final chapter identifies and expands on the final two stages in a person’s rebooted life that makes “reclaiming the future” possible. The reader will see below the final two stages of resilient living are described as, “intentional commitment” and “intentional resiliency”. There has been a shift from “unconsciousness” to “intentionality”. The regular practice of these last two stages of spiritual growth and mental health provides sustainability in the ‘rebooted life.’ The word “intentional” is important because the intentionally based person makes deliberate choices that reflect values and priorities that a person holds most dear.

Intentionality is marked by specific and measurable goals that results in a more meaningful life.

DISCUSSION

Are you ready to be intentional in rebooting your life to live what Jesus referred to as an abundant life? If so, what are your next steps? If not, what needs to change for you to enter the “reboot zone” of making good changes in your life?

SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

The gospel writer John records that a man named Lazarus, a dear friend of Jesus, had become sick, died, and was buried. End of story … maybe.

Read John 11:1-44

1 Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) 3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, 7 and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

8 “But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?”

9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. 10 It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.”

11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”

12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” 13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep. 14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” 16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

17 On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18 Now Bethany was less than two miles[b] from Jerusalem, 19 and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20 When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” 23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” 27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

28 After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.” 29 When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 30 Now Jesus had not yet entered the village but was still at the place where Martha had met him. 31 When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. 35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” 40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

In this story, the resilient lives of everyone mentioned and the sustained resiliency that would follow, began with facing down an ‘against all odds’ reality, even the reality of death.

Let’s now look at a few stones that need to be removed in our lives so God can help us reboot our lives.

In the case of Lazarus, a first ‘stone’ that must be removed so that a future can be claimed, is the stone of uncertainty. One can easily imagine the sisters looking at each other with vacant stares as if to say, “What now?” Truly, Mary and Martha were facing a most uncertain life after the death of their only brother.

Resilient Reality: The resilient person will not allow themselves to be hijacked by uncertainty or, unanswered questions.

You can hear in the strong lament of Lazarus’ sisters, joined later by the townspeople, that the second stone of blame would need to be removed as we read, “If you had only been here....” This first part of John 11.32, “…if only you…”, indicates that because the sisters were dear friends with Jesus, the thought of a devastating loss of an only brother, surely was not possible.

A third ‘stone’ is represented in the back half of John 11.32, “... (Lazarus) would not have died.” This belief represents the ‘stone’ of disillusionment. The sisters very easily would have been utterly disappointed with their friend, Jesus. I pause here to say, being disillusioned is the result of believing in an illusion. In the case of the sisters and really any extreme hardship, the truly resilient person will rise above blaming or falling prey to disillusionment. It must be noted, both blaming, and disillusionment prevent a person from “reclaiming their future” and experiencing “abundant living.”

A fourth stone to be mentioned are physical obstacles that deter a person from “reclaiming their future”. In the case of Lazarus, it was a physical stone placed in front of the grave.

Examples of physical obstacles can include the stone of poor health, an unreasonable personality at one’s job or, the pressure of meeting a publisher’s deadline.

A fifth stone is perhaps the most common and it is, the ‘stone’ of resistance. Resistance to change frequently is based on seemingly very rationale factors. In the case of Jesus and Lazarus, Jesus gave the instruction to remove the stone that was in front of the grave. Yet, his instruction was met with resistance as the sisters say, “… by this time there will be a bad odor, for he has been dead four days.” The sisters were right, reality would have dictated that there would be a nasty odor coming from the grave due to the decomposing body. There are times in recovery and freedom that things get worse before they get better. However, resurrection power will not be turned back. Resurrection power has a ‘smell’ of its own that will overpower the stench of death. In the case of Lazarus, Jesus came to remove the stench of death; Jesus comes today to remove the smelly things in a person’s life. The strength of the stench of a person’s past is no obstacle for the power of God. God will move past, a person’s past.

Lazarus’ story also introduces a most difficult final ‘stone’, that of having to wait on God. Waiting on God can play an important role in “reclaiming your future”. We have an advantage that Mary and Martha did not have, we know how the story eventually ends. In his book, The Lazarus Life, Stephen Smith says people who want an “outside in change” in their lives are looking for a cosmetic fix. Stated another way, an immediate or superficial change is wanted, now. What is needed, says Smith, is an “inside out change” that brings needed transformation. This lingering or having to wait on God is an invitation to think more deeply.

Resilient Reality: Waiting, especially if it is a lengthy wait, cannot be practiced by people who are not serious about making serious changes in their lives.

Let’s review the stones in our lives that have to be removed to reboot and have resiliency.

• The Stone of Uncertainty

• The Stone of Blame

• The Stone of Disillusionment (Believing a Lie)

• The Stone of Physical Obstacles

• The Stone of Resistance

• The Stone of Waiting on God

DISCUSSION

Which of the above stones in our lives are most difficult for you? Which ones are easier for you?

APPLICATION

Expressions of Self-Care

Psalm 42 offers very practical self-care principles. The psalm begins.

As the deer pants for the water brooks,

So my soul pants for You, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;

When shall I come and appear before God?

David’s initial longing for God, as found in these opening two verses, harken back to his days as a shepherd boy, seeing a thirsty deer in a barren wilderness longing for a cool stream. He says he “pants” for the Lord. David expresses a similar idea as he writes, “I opened my mouth wide and panted, for I longed for Your commandments.” The remainder of the psalm, as seen in verses three through eleven offer, self-care guidance to the heart that longs for resilient

A first self-care principle for the resilient life is that of desperation. As stated earlier, it is a desperate desperation that propels any person to move from “unconscious reality” to “intentional resiliency”.

Resilient Reality: Little desperation equals little growth whereas greater desperation results in greater growth. This is not a prescription by any means but only one description of growth.

A second indispensable self-care principle is the practice of anticipating the reality of great difficulty. This idea is found in David’s words found in verse three, “My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” The reality of having to face persecution is found again in verse ten where we read, “My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’” This self-care principle is perhaps the most difficult to develop and can only be attained, through great difficulty.

A third self-care principle is found in the words, “..my tears have been my food day and night.” Here, in verse three, is the activity of, “emotional transparency”, both before God and, with others. I use the word “activity” because I do not see emotional transparency as passive in nature. Emotional transparency can play a significant role in a person’s ability to reboot. God can handle our emotionally transparent laments.

A fourth spiritual self-care practice is found in verse four where we read, “These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng”. I interpret this verse as the practice of spiritual selftalk. We read throughout this psalm that David is facing tremendous difficulty yet, he can rise above his situation. I would remind the reader, again, of Viktor Frankl’s words, “When you cannot change your situation, you must learn to change yourself.”

The fifth spiritual self-care practice is found in verse five and I refer to as the regulation of reality based self-talk, “Why are you so downcast, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Please note, when reading through the entirety of this psalm, there is the ongoing reality of adversity, but the writer continues to come back to the

greater reality of the active presence and promises of his God, amidst the ongoing adversity. R.C. Sproul was fond of saying,

“I always do not feel the presence of God. But, God’s promises are not based upon my feelings but God’s integrity.”

A fifth and final spiritual self-care principle to not lose sight of is one’s focus on God. In Psalm 42. 5 David writes, “For I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God..” And again, later in verse 8 we read, “By day the Lord commands his steadfast love and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.” I know, as you read this fifth idea you are thinking, this sounds so basic. I would remind the reader that God often brings us back to the basics.

Review of the Self-Care Principles

• Desperation

• Anticipating the Reality of Great Difficulty

• Emotional Transparency

• Spiritual Self-Talk

• Regulation of Reality-Based Self-Talk

• Focus on God

DISCUSSION

Which of the above Self-Care Principles are you applying in your life now and which one do you want to implement in the near future?

We hope and pray the word and Biblical insight in these chapters have given you tools to get back up when life knocks you down. Please apply these tools to your life and see what God will do in and through you.

Be encouraged to join another Christ-centered, Biblically based support group as you grow in your spiritual journey and become more like Jesus. We would recommend the Free to Grow small group material as a good next group. This material provides resources to overcome setbacks and disappointments.

Blessings to you.

Prayer Requests and Closing Prayer

Living Free is honored to partner with authors like Dr. Bill Effler to help churches, community groups and local corrections facilities make a difference and bring others to finding a lasting HOPE through Jesus. We would appreciate it if any group facilitators and members that can contribute to continuing the ministry of Living Free by paying it forward.

Living Free exists to facilitate hope, faith, and freedom by connecting and equipping people with solutions for better living.

If you have enjoyed this study and would like to help equip and connect others to hope, faith, and freedom, visit us online to learn how your contribution can ‘Pay It Forward’.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3

The Plan of Salvation

Is

there any good reason why you cannot receive Jesus Christ right now?

How to receive Christ:

1. Admit your need (that you are a sinner).

2. Be willing to turn from your sins (repent).

3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you on the cross and rose from the dead.

4. Through prayer, invite Jesus Christ to come in and control your life through the Holy Spirit (receive Him as Savior and Lord).

What to Pray

Dear God,

I know that I am a sinner and need your forgiveness.

I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins.

I am willing to turn from my sins.

I now invite Jesus Christ to come into my heart and life as my personal savior.

I am willing, by God’s strength, to follow and obey Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life.

Date

Signature

The Bible says, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13

“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become the children of God.” John 1:12

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:1

• When we receive Christ, we are born into the family of God through the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit who lives within every believer. This process is called regeneration or the new birth.

• Share your decision to receive Christ with another person.

• Connect to a local church.

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NOTES