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WORKSHOP

Dan T. Strickland, M. Div.

Jimmy R. Lee, D. Min. Greg W. Keylon, M. Div.

ISBN: 978-1-58119-154-7

All rights are reserved. No part of the material protected by this copyright notice may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from Living Free®

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Communications should be addressed to: Living Free®

P.O. Box 22127 Chattanooga, TN 37422-2127

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

About the Authors

Dan Strickland served as vice president of Living Free for over 16 years and president for over 10 years. As well as participating in the day-to-day operation of the ministry, he trains churches in the U.S. and internationally to implement Living Free groups. Prior to joining Living Free, he served as adult pastor and counselor in the First Assembly of God Church, Memphis, Tennessee, where Living Free groups involved hundreds of participants in the congregation and community. Dan is a graduate of Central Bible College, and he earned the Master of Divinity degree from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Dr. Jimmy Ray Lee is the founder and president emeritus of Living Free, Inc. He is the author of Understanding the Times and several small group studies published by Living Free.

Dr. Lee is the founder and honorary chairman of Project 714 (now known as National Center for Youth Issues), a chemical prevention/ intervention program for schools. He also founded an inner-city ministry called Ark Ministries that reached 600 to 700 young people weekly. He started the Chattanooga Teen Challenge and served as its president for three years. Jimmy served as Nashville Teen Challenge executive director during its formative years.

In 1983 he was awarded the “Service to Mankind Award” presented by the Highland Sertoma Club in Hixson, Tennessee.

Greg W. Keylon, MDiv. has served with Living Free since 2010 both as vice president of operations and as president. He grew up around the ministry of Teen Challenge and saw life transformation happen on a regular basis. God called him into full-time ministry when he was 16 years old, but he followed his own path through the rest of high school and into college. Greg graduated from Memphis State University with a BBA in Management in 1992. After college, while working for FedEx and enrolled into their management training program, God revisited the call He had placed on his life. Greg immediately applied for Seminary Graduate school and in June of 2000, he graduated with a Master’s of Divinity Degree from the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary.

He then served as the Dean of Students at Teen Challenge International Ministry Institute in Jacksonville, Florida for five years. In December of 2005, God called Greg and his wife, Ann, and their young family to Griffin, Georgia to plant a Teen Challenge residential program for teen boys ages 13-17. After five years as the founder and director of Teen Challenge Prayer Mountain Boys Academy, Greg joined the staff of Living Free in September of 2010 as the Vice President of Operations.

Married since 1993, Greg enjoys spending time with his wife and their two adult boys, Nathan and Caleb, and his extended family. Their activities include fishing, hiking, and the following Atlanta Braves baseball.

Greg loves seeing a life transformed by Christ and he believes anyone can be used by God to lead a Living Free support group bringing hope, faith and freedom into the life of individuals, families, communities and generations to come.

WORKSHOP

WELCOME

We welcome you to the Living Free Awareness Workshop. Your time will be spent interacting with video content of people telling their stories of their life journeys. Throughout our time, you will interact with video content of people telling the story of their life journeys. We believe you will relate to and learn from their experiences. You will have time to reflect on your own life and collaborate in small groups to share what you have experienced and learned. We will focus on what the Bible says about life and how to face life's challenges with courage.

Since 1988 over two million people have learned to thrive in Living Free groups.

We trust that you will find this time well-spent. Whether you are in a difficult time in life or not, we are confident that the next three hours will equip you to live a satisfying and productive life with few regrets and stronger relationships.

Let’s hear Don Keene, Director of Counseling and Living Free Ministry at James River Church, explain his personal experience with Living Free. Then, we will hear from Licensed Psychologist Dr. Dolly Thomas, who will be our guide through this Living Free Awareness experience.

Workshop Introduction

Video: Living Free Can Benefit Everyone – Pastor Don Keene

Video: Welcome to the Living Free Awareness Workshop – Dolly Thomas, Ph.D.

As Dolly said, our goal for this workshop and involvement with Living Free is that:

“At the end of our gathering, we want you to feel prepared to live a better life, finish life with fewer regrets, and have a legacy of goodness.”

LIVING

FREE WORKSHOP

LIFE

INTRODUCTION TO LIFE

LIFE: Introduction

Awareness Exercise

“MY LIFE IS…..” REFLECTION AND GROUP DISCUSSION

ONESegment

The question raised by the Bible passage Dolly quoted is one of the most important questions of all time. Really, what is humankind that God should pay any attention to us as a species or as individuals?

Humans cannot thrive without caring relationships. Newborns will die without someone to care for and love them. Meeting survival needs is not enough. To thrive, there must be a loving relationship.

We can thrive when our basic survival needs are met and we know that we matter to someone. The most important relationship is the one with our Creator and Father.

Life has its good and bad times. It can be dreadfully difficult, and it can be unbelievably wonderful.

PERSONAL

REFLECTION

Take a moment and write a few words to finish the sentence below that describes the feeling you have about your life today.

My Life Is …

WHAT WE DID NOT CHOOSE

You are one-of-a-kind. There never has been and never will be anyone exactly like you. Even identical twins have differences that allow us to tell them apart. You did not choose to be alive, and you did not have the opportunity to choose anything about how you are put together or the circumstances into which you were born.

Some people describe our experience of life as being thrown into the world with no care for where we might land or how we might survive. It really doesn’t seem fair from our perspective. But there is more to the story than we have time to discover in this workshop. You can find more information in the supplemental material in this manual.

Let’s listen to a few stories to illustrate how difficult and unfair life can be.

LIFE: The Life We Have

CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL

The speakers in the video used these words to describe their experiences.

Abuse, hurt, nothing good, abusive and neglectful parent, broken and abusive home, abused in every way, good stable family, healthy and nurturing, stable family, grew up in a good home, immigrant family, life was good, loving environment

WHAT WE CAN AND CANNOT CHANGE

Obviously, some have an easier childhood than others. It can feel like we are thrown into life without any care of where we might land or what may happen to us.

We have inherited genetic strengths and weaknesses from our birth parents, which we learned in our relationships, in our experiences growing up, and in the cultural influence where we grew up.

Many people are unhappy with themselves and their circumstances and become discouraged; others find ways to thrive in difficult and painful circumstances.

The past cannot be changed, and present circumstances may be difficult, but people desire a better life for themselves and their children.

Let’s take a moment to hear from Dolly about what people desire in life.

LIFE: The Life We Desire WHAT PEOPLE WANT

Three things Dolly mentions that people want most in life. People want to:

• Be Happy

• Live Well

• Live Long

Social scientists have researched for decades what is needed for people to enjoy life and have a sense of wellbeing. This simple survey is a fun activity to understand your strong and weak areas in the things that help us enjoy a sense of well-being.

Discovery: A Simple Happiness Inventory

Let‘s see how we do on this list of ten components of having the kind of life most people desire.

A SURVEY OF GENERAL HAPPINESS

0 - Never | 1 - Not Often | 2 - Sometimes | 3 - Usually | 4 - Always

_______ Positive emotion : I generally experience a pleasant life and feel good.

_______ Engagement : I have interests that capture my attention and bring me joy.

_______ Relationships : I have close friends and family members with whom I enjoy positive interactions and mutual affection.

_______ Presence : I am more concerned with the here and now than I am with dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.

_______ Meaning : I feel that my life has meaning and counts for something.

_______ Accomplishment : I am accomplishing things that are meaningful to me.

_______ Acceptance : I am kind to myself and treat others well.

_______ Reputation : Others think well of me and respect me.

_______ Security : I have a safe environment, secure living space, secure income, and access to necessities.

_______ Health : Health issues are not affecting my enjoyment of life.

Choose three of the elements in the happiness inventory that you believe are the most important to ensure living a satisfying and productive life. List them below.

A good life is not always a pleasant life.

In the same way, a pleasant life is not always a good life.

A good life is not measured in money, homes, power, or conquests, and it is more than happiness that is measured by the list of the ten components we discussed earlier.

This life as we know it is going to end, and everything we have enjoyed and cherished will be left behind.

LIFE: Foundations for a Good Life

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION

THE GOOD LIFE

Have someone in your group read II Peter 1:3-11 and answer the questions below as a group. What is God Like?

What does God desire for us?

What is the most meaningful goal in our lives?

LIVING FREE WORKSHOP

TWOSegment

CHALLENGES

INTRODUCTION TO CHALLENGES

CHALLENGES: Introduction

PERSONAL REFLECTION

THREE OF MY WORST STRESS STORMS

Think back on your life and see if you can identify three of the most stressful situations you have faced. Share your memory with the group and mention how you coped with the stress of the situation.

CHALLENGES: Problems, Stress, and Pain

BLINDSIDED

There is never a time while we are on this earth that we cannot be blindsided. It happens to individuals, families, communities, and countries.

SOURCES OF STRESS AND EMOTIONAL PAIN

Stress is brought on by trauma, frustration, fear, conflict, pain, losses, and changes.

Think through the categories of events listed below and check any that you experienced in the past two years or are currently experiencing.

Trauma : Unresolved adverse childhood experiences and current life-changing events that result in serious mental health setbacks.

Frustration : Unmet expectations, feeling stuck, feeling fed up, inability to accomplish goals, unwanted change of routine (work, play, sleep, meals)

Death : Spouse, Child, Close Relative, Close Friend

Separations : Divorce, incarceration, children leaving home, military deployment

Conflict : Marital conflict, conflict with/about children, in-law conflict, workplace conflicts, unresolved family conflicts

Financial : Losing your job, legal problems, taking on debt, foreclosure, cannot meet expenses

Major Change : Retirement, moving, changing jobs, lifestyle changes (social, physical, etc.), new child, changes in household members

Health : Major medical event, disability, caregiving for loved one

Seasonal: Vacation, Sentimental holidays

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION

How do people normally manage the stress and pain in life?

What are the downsides of looking for quick solutions?

What can you do to prepare for the problems that are sure to come?

We need to be careful when we are trying to find relief and comfort from the pain that comes from being harmed by life.

In the next video, Dolly will explain the problems that arise when we are not careful in how we find relief. We will also hear from some Living Free leaders and participants about how their quest for relief took them in directions they did not expect.

CHALLENGES: Comfort and Dependency

PERSONAL REFLECTION

What is your go-to remedy when you are overcome with a painful situation in life? And, Has it ever taken you in a direction that you did not want to travel in?

Dependencies can separate us from reality, but the problems that bother us will remain. The pain will still be with us, even though we are numb or distracted.

LARGE GROUP DISCUSSION

Answer the following True and False Questions and then discuss these as a group.

T or F: Almost anything can become compulsive when used to cover pain.

T or F: The brain has nothing to do with becoming dependent.

T or F: Our dependencies will make our lives more manageable.

T or F: The brain will keep us from harming ourselves by overindulgence.

T or F: I can walk away from my dependencies at any time.

T or F: It is never advisable to find relief from physical, mental, or emotional pain for fear of becoming dependent.

Of course, there are times when legally prescribed remedies used according to a medical provider’s instructions are necessary and appropriate to get someone through a hard period in life.

The most problems come when we refuse to endure any discomfort and demand to feel better now. We forget that God has given us resources to sustain us through difficult circumstances. We demand to have a pleasant life right now and miss opportunities to gain wisdom and resilience by walking through difficult times.

In the next topic, we will consider how we may benefit from the process of developing our capacity for resilience.

CHALLENGES: Resilience

How Prepared Am I for My Next Challenge?

PERSONAL REFLECTION

Write down your answer to the following:

When I face a personal crisis, usually my first response is:

FAITH, GOODNESS, KNOWLEDGE, SELF-CONTROL, PERSEVERANCE, GODLINESS, AND LOVE

Experience is a great resource when facing difficult situations. Pay attention to how you and others cope with crises and learn from experience. Let the small problems teach you how to react to the major ones.

Right Thinking: When you are faced with a challenge, accept it and understand what you are facing. Don’t let your thoughts run wild, imagining the worst possible outcome. This will help you keep emotions under control.

Endurance: Wean yourself from insisting on having a comfortable life. Learn to trust God during difficult times. Be willing to work through the discomfort and resist the urge to numb out or escape into entertainment for distraction.

Perseverance: Sailors would tell one another to “hold fast.” They would tattoo the knuckles with the words to be visible when they would be up in the rigging, holding on to ropes when working the sails in a storm.

Remember how God helped you in the past. In Old Testament times, when God brought someone through an uncertain time, they might have stacked rocks as a reminder of his faithfulness. Whenever someone saw that stack, they would remember God is faithful.

Prepare: Use the easy times to draw close to God, understand how to see beyond this life, learn t to trust his promises, and build the qualities of a mature faith as you grow in goodness, knowledge, selfcontrol, perseverance, godliness, and love.

Support: Build a network of trusted friends where you can help others and find help in times of need.

GROUP SHARING

If time allows, ask someone in the group to share a testimony of how they came through a difficult time with God’s help. Do they see the value of preparing for the next trial?

Pray for anyone who is facing a difficult circumstance.

CHALLENGES: Support in Times of Trouble

LIVING

FREE WORKSHOP

THREESegment

CHOICES

INTRODUCTION TO CHOICES

CHOICES: Introduction

Making good choices is not easy. There are pressures in the world we live in and inside us that influence us to make poor choices.

Think about a time when you had to make a choice between what was right and what was more comfortable or beneficial for you. Maybe it was when an apology was needed, blame was to be accepted, or someone needed help or defense. Maybe it was a choice to continue with a difficult task or just to walk away.

Some of the time, you probably want to make good choices that you know are the right things to do. But all of us have strong inclinations to base our decisions on what seems to be the best thing for us right now. This makes it possible for us to become our own worst enemy.

PERSONAL REFLECTION

What are some difficult, unselfish choices the Bible calls us to make?

Turning the other cheek, deny ourselves to follow Jesus…Can you think of others?

CHOICES: Decisions

There are many external influences that trip us and slow us down in our development into the person God designed us to become.

But in the video Dolly mentions a risk that is internal. We are often our own worst enemies when we make self-defeating and destructive choices that hold us back in our race.

Roman 7:18-19 GW

“18 I know that nothing good lives in me; that is, nothing good lives in my corrupt nature. Although I have the desire to do what is right, I don’t do it. 19 I don’t do the good I want to do. Instead, I do the evil that I don’t want to do.”

Can you identify with what Paul describes in Romans 7:18-19?

CHOICES: Growing Impact-Downward Spiral CHOICES: Entanglements

THE TRAP

We gradually develop self-destructive patterns of life.

We can become trapped in self-destructive patterns in our lives. Whether it is an obsession, an attitude, a belief, a mindset, or an addiction, they have a lot in common.

We become entangled in these problems when they become our preferred way of relating to life and the problems that life brings.

How Things Get Out of Hand

EXPERIMENTATION

The first step of the trap is when we experience the effects for the first time. We like how it feels; it is not a big deal and does not seem dangerous. There are no discernible, negative consequences for our actions.

We tell somebody off, and they back down. We feel powerful, and it feels good. We steal something small and get away with it. The excitement is intoxicating. We are married, and a coworker enjoys flirting with us. We are harmed, and we become bitter and hateful. We are drawn to the never-ending scrolling we can do on our devices because we don’t want to miss what’s next.

SOCIALIZATION

Next, we want to spend time with people with similar interests and relate to life the way we do. They don’t challenge our decisions and accept us just like we are. Our lifestyle changes to accommodate our new way of living.

PREOCCUPATION

As things progress, we become absorbed with whatever it is that has captivated us. We must continue the path; when we stop, we feel miserable, lost, and panicked. We begin to feel the losses we are suffering, and that drives us deeper into our pattern of life.

DOMINATION

We come to the point where we cannot live without what we depend on to make it through the day. Nor do we want to. Our lustful cravings push us to do anything to experience the high one more time. Now we are trapped with seemingly no way out.

MANY DANGERS OF ENTANGLEMENT

We never know when at a crossroads where one wrong decision might lead. There is always a consequence for every decision, whether good or bad.

Results of Unwise Decisions

We do not develop self-destructive lifestyles out of the blue. When we are hurt, bored, lonely, curious, or just on a whim, we may decide to indulge ourselves in something that can lead to a lifetime of entanglement and chaos.

We can be trapped by things that we must have to live, as well as things that are pleasurable but not essential for life. Any of these things can trap us and ruin our lives.

Substance abuse is not the only thing that can hold you back from growing into the person God designed you to be. In Living Free, we talk about the BEARS to watch for.

Behaviors: Eating Disorders, Self-mutilation Flirting, Fantasy, Pornography, Promiscuity, Shoplifting, Gaming, Gambling, Device dependency, Internet, Social media, Work, Sports, Web surfing, Binge-watching, Overspending

Emotions: Anger, Despair, Grief, Fear, Depression, Worry, Anxiety, Pleasure, Admiration, Power, Fame, Pride, Selfishness

Attitudes: Negative thinking, Self-pity, Bitterness, Envy, Pride, Unforgiveness, Destructive attitude (how you think, feel, and react, racial/ethnic prejudice)

Relationships: Inappropriate emotional attachments, Codependency, Adultery, Approval

Substances: Substance Abuse, Smoking, Vaping, Chewing tobacco

ENTRY POINTS TO SELF-DEFEATING/DESTRUCTIVE ENTRAPMENTS – A FEW EXAMPLES

Flirting Fantasy

Pornography

Power

Wealth

Sex/Promiscuity Despair

HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE A DEPENDENCY?

How do I know if a dependency is self-defeating or self-destructive?

• Take a break from it for 3 days and see how you react

• Do you pay attention to it at the expense of time with people present with you?

• Do you interact with it mindlessly at almost every idle moment?

• How much time do you think about it?

• Ask someone you spend time with what they notice.

• Are you neglecting responsibilities to engage/interact with what you need/want to do?

We don’t have to be crushed by the consequences of our decisions to be hindered in our growth. Just being wounded will take you out of the battle.

As you watch this video segment, notice what Kim learns through the process.

CHOICES: Harming Ourselves & Others & Becoming Self Destructive

In a family or any network of people who care for one another or work together, when one person is not functioning, the whole system is affected. All the attention goes to the person who is struggling with the problem, but the pain is carried by others, too.

It is difficult to thrive in an environment that has become dysfunctional.

With all the attention being paid to one person’s problems, the losses the others in the system suffer are overlooked or minimized. The whole system can collapse.

Let’s hear about two people whose lives and families were affected by a loved one’s problems.

PROGRESSION OF HELPING AND NOT BECOMING CODEPENDENT

Son: Makes destructive life choices

Husband: We are going to fix this

Wife: I needed help to fix my husband from fixing our son. What did they each need to do?

Son: Lies and manipulation continue

Wife: Can’t you see what he is doing?

Husband: Leave me alone.

Wife: Telling husband he is ineffective -- told him what to do

Wife: Grew to hate the son for destroying the marriage

Son: Continues manipulation

Wife: Didn’t care if the son dies

Wife: Just wanted to be comfortable

Wife: Was losing touch with God because of her hatred

God: Showed her the son’s pain in his addiction to meth.

Wife: Backed off and worked on her own issues of hatred

Husband: Could back off and see the situation clearly and see his actions were futile.

Husband: Had room to breathe and prepare to accept the worst if it came to that.

Both: Found strength to withdraw from the chaos

Son: Still struggling, but not destroying parents’ marriage

There is often a fine line between helping and harming someone.

A codependent person must realize three things:

THE 3 C’S

You didn’t cause the problem, You can’t control the problem, You can’t cure the problem

Only God can change a person.

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION

Have you ever lived in or observed a family or other system like this? As time allows, let group members share how their experiences affected them.

Have you ever told yourself the lie that you are not harming anyone except yourself?

LIVING FREE WORKSHOP

FOURSegment

FREEDOM

INTRODUCTION TO FREEDOM

FREEDOM: Introduction & The Way Back

TOOLS OF GETTING YOUR LIFE BACK ON TRACK

• Leave your bubble of isolation

• Develop new friends and activities

• Make amends for your actions

• Restore broken relationships

• Learn to challenge any distorted thinking

• Develop spiritual life by reading God’s Word

• Rely on God’s Spirit

• Connect with God’s people.

FREEDOM: Obstacles on the Path Back

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION

What obstacles hinder you from making positive changes?

What aspects of “getting back on track” are illustrated in Billy and Kristina’s story?

What impact did Billy’s unforgiveness have on his life choices?

What is your reaction to how Kristina reentered a relationship with Billy?

What price did she pay for his failures?

FREEDOM: Life Skills

LEARNING ACTIVITY : PERSONAL REFLECTION

LIFE SKILLS YOU WISH TO DEVELOP

List of helpful life skills

Take a look at the life skills under the following two categories and circle the ones you do well and underline the ones you need to develop. Discuss in your groups.

Social Intelligence:

Empathy

Listening skills

Carefronting: which is speaking the truth in love

No labeling: Not defining people by their problems

Group communication skills.

Emotional Intelligence:

Be mindful of harmful patterns of thinking.

Take notice when secret areas of life grow

Blind spots: Ask others to help you be aware of them

Leveling: Listening without becoming defensive

Seeking accountability partners.

Life Skills will make your life more meaningful and strengthen your relationships. They are effective in helping you connect with people in meaningful ways, understand yourself and others, help people through life issues, maintain appropriate boundaries In relationships, and talk to almost anyone.

As you watch the following video, think about which life skills Kristina and Billy employ as they work on restoring their relationship.

FREEDOM: Love, Honesty and Reconciliation

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION

Work as a group to identify the skills Billy and Kristina used to restore their family.

FREEDOM: Living Free for Life

FUNDAMENTALS FOR LIVING FREE

• Trust God

• Accountability

• Do the Next Right Thing

• Ask for Help

• New Friends

• God’s Resources

• An Encounter with God

• Restoring Relationships

SUGGESTED NEXT STEP

Enroll in a Living Free group

Recommended first groups: Insight Group Free to Grow

Stepping into Freedom

FREEDOM: Conclusion

LIVING

BONUSSegment

Expanded Workshop Content

INTRODUCTION TO LIVING FREE

The Purpose We Are Born to Fulfill

Living Free is committed to helping people to live a good life. But how do you define what a good life is? Take a moment and write a few words in the margin that describe the life you desire for yourself and those you love. In the next few hours, you might find new ways of looking at life that will challenge your opinions.

For thousands of years, philosophers, theologians, religious leaders, and folks like the rest of us have wondered what makes life good. Surprisingly, many (but not all) of these thinkers are starting to agree on many basic ideas concerning what makes a good life.

This Living Free experience is not an academic exercise. It is a tool that helps us look at our lives to better deal with unpleasant and harmful experiences in a way that we are not overcome and held back from being the person God designed us to become. We desire to offer a curriculum for living that will empower you to enjoy a meaningful and productive life. We want you to live well and leave a legacy of goodness that your family will cherish when you are gone.

We are about to look at life from beginning to end and think about the things that we experience, both good and bad. We will try to find answers to questions like, “Why did this happen to me?” We will see how easy it is to lose our way when we suffer setbacks, and we’ll learn to identify the dangerous path that leads to becoming trapped and defeated. We will learn how to become resilient and to get back up when life knocks us down. We will learn how to become the person of character we are designed to be. We will learn how to thrive in the life we are living.

This Living Free event is not a bible study, but we will draw upon the ancient wisdom in the Bible. Even if you are not religious, you will find these biblical insights can help you live well.

SEGMENT ONE: LIFE

Why Our Lives Matter

Three thousand years ago, David, a king of Israel, looked up into the night sky and described his experience with these words.

I look at the heavens you made with your hands.

I see the moon and the stars you created.

And I wonder, why are people so important to you?

Why do you even think about them?

Why do you care so much about humans?

Why do you even notice them?

But you made them almost like gods and crowned them with glory and honor.

You put them in charge of everything you made.

Psalm 8:3-6 (ERV)

Currently, more than 8 billion humans live on this planet. That is a massive number of people. If everyone stood in one formation at arm's length, we would fill an area the size of Germany. You are one person in a vast crowd living on a speck of a planet that orbits one of septillion stars in the universe. (A septillion is 1 with 24 zeros after it.) We are smaller than we think we are. Knowing these things, we join King David in the questions he directed to God 2,300 years ago.

• Why are people so important to you?

• Why do you even think about them?

• Why do you care so much about them?

• Why do you even notice them?

In this segment, we will seek answers to these existential questions about why our lives matter. We will also explore why life can be so painful, what makes people happy, and how to prepare to live a genuinely satisfying life.

David also wondered why God picked humankind to hold a position of trust and honor. This special honor is mentioned when he said:

But you made them almost like gods and crowned them with glory and honor. You put them in charge of everything you made.

God created us as the crown of creation, the ones who would be stewards and caretakers of everything He made. It may surprise you that God created us because He wants to enjoy a relationship with us. He is our Abba, or Dada, the first words of many children. It is a word full of kindness and love. We say it as a tender and loving expression to the best Father ever.

1600 years ago, an early Christian scholar wrote:

You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You. (Augustine, Confessions, 1.1.1.)

The short answer to the four questions David asked God is that He created us because He wanted to. He wants to enjoy a relationship and share his goodness with us. God thinks of us because He loves us. He cares for us because we are his children. He notices us because it pleases him to do so.

WHY LIFE CAN BE SO PAINFUL

We just read what some consider the most important sentence ever written about what it means to be alive. The words of Augustine tell us that our hearts are always restless until we find our rest in Abba, the one that gave us life. God created the first family to ever live. But He was soon betrayed by those he loved and created, and since then, life has never been the same.

From that moment, life became a struggle and more dangerous. For the first time, death had entered the world. And worst of all, people were estranged from their good and loving creator. God still loved them and did not give up on them, but still, the damage was done. Every generation since the first one that turned away from God has felt the impact of those early events. We still live with those consequences today. You can read more about this from the Bible, in the book of Genesis chapter 3.

God’s children broke their relationship with their Creator God, but He did not abandon them. It is comforting to know God has never stopped loving them or us. He welcomes us back and makes forgiveness possible if we are willing to return to Him in trust. He has provided a way. His love and goodness have not changed. But the world and everything in it still struggles with the consequences of what happened long ago. You can read more about this in the Bible, in the Book of Romans, chapter 5.

HOW WE ARE ALL AFFECTED

We are all affected by the consequences of sin that occurred before we were even born. We cannot escape the brokenness that became part of our world when the first man and woman turned their back on their Creator.

This may seem unfair and even arbitrary. Think about it: At conception, each parent contributes half of their child's DNA. That DNA has been passed down randomly from numerous previous generations. Without intervention, you cannot choose anything about essential aspects of your life and development. After about nine months, you are squeezed, stretched, pushed, and expelled into a place where you cannot even survive unless someone else takes total care of you. And sadly, there is no guarantee that they will. You don't know if your parents will cherish you or abandon you, whether they will be kind or cruel.

You had no choice where you were born, the culture that would form you, the language you speak, your race, ethnicity, parents, or social and economic status. You did not choose whether you would be born healthy or with physical disabilities. As you continue in life, you find some people love you; others may not. Some welcome you; others are disappointed that you arrived. But you arrived. Welcome to your life. You may feel like you were thrown into life, and nobody cared where you might land or who would care for you.

The Life We Have

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE?

When we look at ourselves, most of us are our own worst critics. Perhaps you don't like your physical characteristics. You don't want your face, size, height, build, or proportions. You may not like your personality. You wish you were more popular, kind, happy, friendly, or confident. You wish you had friends. You feel awkward around others. You may wish you were more intelligent, articulate, athletic, talented, or healthy.

Unfortunately, people often judge others because of their ethnicity, skin color, culture, poverty, disability, background, accent, or county where they live. This judgment from others can lead to many difficulties in life.

Did your parents love you or reject you? Were you neglected or abused? Were you bullied?

Do you suffer a lack of opportunity to develop your gifts and abilities? Are you still being held back?

Think about what you would change if you could. Don't rush. How do you feel about not having a choice in these characteristics that have shaped your life? How are you affected by these things now? Are you angry, depressed, bitter, unforgiving, helpless, sad, hopeless, or suffering from painful emotions?

While we cannot change our past, it does not have to destroy our lives. Living Free can help you find a path to a good life. Life has never been fair, but that fact does not have to define the person we become.

WORKING THROUGH THE PAIN

If you need help working through the pain or frustration you may be feeling, find someone to talk to. A good counselor can help you work through these issues. Sharing with an understanding friend could also be a good start. Many support groups have people with problems just like yours. Find an open and loving congregation and discover a place to belong. Just don't try to do it alone. We all need good and safe relationships where we find help. Whatever your life has been like, each of us can benefit from a supportive network of friends.

WHAT WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON

While we all have differing backgrounds, experiences, and needs, most people inevitably want the same things. Deep within our hearts is a longing to survive and thrive. We want to have strong relationships where we can love and be loved. We need the company of a tribe to bond, to belong, and to enjoy safety and security. We need to feel respected by ourselves and by others. In short, we need to work and enjoy our labor's rewards. All those things were once the natural order of creation. But the world we live in today is very different from the world created for us in the beginning.

No two people have the same physical makeup, emotional profile, opportunities, life experiences, or physical and mental abilities. But everyone has a similar desire for themselves and their children. All of us can have a “good” life.

The Life We Desire

Researchers conduct an annual worldwide study to learn what people desire most. Almost everyone surveyed agreed they wished for themselves a happy and long life, and even more so for their children.

So, what does it take to experience a life of happiness? First, people need dependable access to necessities like food, water, air, warmth, shelter, good health, and safety to survive. But while necessities may keep us alive, there is far more to having a good life than simply existing. We also have deep needs of the mind, soul, and spirit—our hearts long for meaning and the assurance that we have a place in the world and are not alone.

IPSOS Global Advisor conducts an annual worldwide survey that asks everyday people what they need most to feel happy. You can go to their website (www.ipsos.com) and search for “global happiness” to see the complete analysis of their research and download a PDF report. Here is what the report revealed:

RESULTS OF THE GLOBAL HAPPINESS STUDY:

What makes people happy around the world?

Here are the answers people gave as the most significant sources of happiness:

1. Having good health/physical well-being

2. Enjoying my children

3. Enjoying the relationship with my partner/spouse

4. Knowing that my life has meaning

5. Having a safe and secure environment

6. Feeling in control of my life

7. Being satisfied with my living conditions

8. Working in a meaningful job/project

9. Having sufficient money for needs and some wants

10. Being in a secure financial situation

Other highly selected sources of happiness are:

Enjoying my hobbies/interests

Being satisfied with the direction my life is going

Enjoying good friendships

Enjoying material possessions

Forgiving someone/ something

Finishing LAST place out of many possible items was: Spending time on social media.

We all enjoy the good times, when life is pleasant, and things go our way. We cherish those happy times. And we should enjoy life; it is a precious gift. But building a life dependent on our happiness is a grave mistake.

Happiness can affect us like a drug. When we focus solely on it, we begin to feel that we must have it to function. But we then grow tolerant of its effects, and we must increase our stimulus to feel the same emotion. We cannot tolerate its absence and it becomes essential for us to cope with life. If we don't have it, we fall to pieces. The problem is that happiness is largely dependent on our ever-changing circumstances and can disappear suddenly, leaving us dazed, confused, and angry. Happiness is a bit like sugar. It is fine in moderation, but if overdone, it will be deadly.

In ancient Greece, people argued whether life should be centered on enjoying pleasure or developing character. Today, our culture centers more on pursuing pleasure, largely neglecting the work needed to grow a life formed around goodness.

Social science has studied what is necessary for a human to have a satisfying, productive, and meaningful life. This experience is often called human flourishing or thriving. Well-being is another word that describes the condition of our life and how we are experiencing it.

When we thrive in life, we are often happy. But flourishing does not depend on happiness. Happiness is a by-product of human flourishing because we can thrive even when we do not feel the emotion of happiness. The following exercise will help you discover the qualities needed to experience a satisfying, productive, and meaningful life.

Without over-thinking, select the word that most accurately describes your life as it relates to each of the ten building blocks of well-being.

Positive Emotion—I generally experience a pleasant life and feel good.

Engagement—I have interests that capture my attention and bring me joy.

Relationships—I have close friends and family members with whom I enjoy positive interactions and mutual affection.

Meaning—I feel that my life has meaning and counts for something.

Accomplishment—I am accomplishing things that are meaningful to me.

Presence—I am more concerned with the here and now than dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.

Acceptance— I am kind to myself and treat others well.

Reputation—Others think well of me and respect me.

Security—I have a safe environment, living space, income, and access to necessities.

Health—Health issues are not affecting my enjoyment of life.

When we focus on achieving these good qualities of life, we experience a natural increase in our sense of wellbeing. Happiness then becomes a welcome treat rather than the center of our diet.

Those who follow Christ as believers understand the best route to a flourishing life is coming to know and love God and growing in our relationship with Him. Our spiritual connection with Him puts life in perspective and generates many qualities identified by those who study human flourishing.

God is the source of everything good. As James says,

James 5:17-18, (ERV)

Everything good comes from God. Every perfect gift is from him. These good gifts come down from the Father, who made all the lights in the sky. But God never changes like the shadows from those lights. He is always the same. God decided to give us life through the true message he sent to us. He wanted us to be the most important of all that he created.

God has given us life through the gospel message and considers us the most valuable product of His creation. When we experience His goodness, we can thrive in life. But we must put in the work of developing these abilities.

We will look at these in detail a little later, but the qualities God wants to develop in us are less self-centered, and more focused on influencing the lives of others for good, and then experiencing happiness as a result.

WHAT IS LEFT WHEN HAPPINESS FAILS US?

The Apostle Paul said while he was in prison, he faced circumstances that would prohibit life satisfaction UNLESS he recognized the higher calling that made his life worthwhile. He wrote:

Philippians 4:11-13, (God’s Word Translation)

I'm not saying this because I'm in any need. I've learned to be content in whatever situation I'm in. I know how to live in poverty or prosperity. No matter what the situation, I've learned the secret of how to live when I'm full or when I'm hungry, when I have too much, or when I have too little. I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul continues to detail his hardships, and expresses his reason for confidence and hope:

The following is written, "I believed; therefore, I spoke." We have that same spirit of faith. We also believe; therefore, we also speak. We know that the one who brought the Lord Jesus back to life will also bring us back to life through Jesus. He will present us to God together with you.

2 Corinthians 4:8–14, (God’s Word Translation)

Paul's life was not centered on pursuing his comfort, happiness, or well-being. His life had a much higher purpose that allowed him to survive and thrive, even while enduring challenging and painful circumstances.

FINDING MEANING IN LIFE

Paul understood the value of living a meaningful life. He understood having a life focused outside of “self” is more important than being comfortable and seeking a happy existence.

Spiritually aware people also understand that having a good and meaningful life is more critical than living a pleasant, comfortable existence centered on happiness.

Here is why:

Happiness depends on present circumstances; while a meaningful life embraces the past, present, and future.

· A meaningful life is a higher level of existence than a simply happy life.

· A meaningful life will defer gratification and choose virtue over happiness.

· A meaningful life is part of a larger goal beyond our needs.

· A meaningful life is focused more on giving than getting needs met.

· A meaningful life has a long-term perspective that extends past our lifetime.

· A meaningful life involves committed long-term relationships that teach us to love.

· A meaningful life equips us to endure hardship.

We have looked at what people need to feel happy or, as psychology students might say, what people need to experience subjective well-being. Let’s turn now to thinking about the practical steps of creating a meaningful, fulfilling life.

Building a Life You Love

Did you realize that is possible to have all your physical, social, and internal needs met and still be unhappy? It is also possible to not have certain needs met and yet be content and at peace. There is a more significant, deep need of the soul that, when satisfied, is enough to allow us to be content. And since contentment is much more meaningful than “happiness” let’s consider the things needed to build a good and content life.

Some of these deep needs that must be met in order to thrive include:

A Sense of Meaning/Purpose

Relationships

Connection to our Creator

Self-respect, value

A goal for eternity

Joy in the journey

Clear priorities

THE FOUNDATION OF A GOOD LIFE

How can we make these things priorities in our life? Any time you build or construct something, a strong foundation is the most essential part. A building with a weak foundation is unstable and likely to collapse under stress. Likewise, long-lasting, quality building materials ensure the structure will be sound. Here is a Bible passage that speaks to building a life with high-quality materials that rests on a solid foundation.

1 Corinthians 3:9b-13

And you are a house that belongs to God. Like an expert builder I built the foundation of that house. I used the gift that God gave me to do this. Other people are building on that foundation. But everyone should be careful how they build. The foundation that has already been built is Jesus Christ, and no one can build any other foundation. People can build on that foundation using gold, silver, jewels, wood, grass, or straw. But the work that each person does will be clearly seen, because the Day will make it plain.

Of course, it may feel like our foundation was built on something else before we had a say in the process. If this is that case, we might want to change things from the past that still affect us today—things that we could not control and did not choose. Thankfully, even if we were born with disadvantages that we did not ask for, we can still build a good life. We can lay a new foundation and change the course of our life.

In 1943, Reinhold Niebuhr, a professor of theology, used the "Serenity Prayer" in a sermon and in writings. At that time, World War II was raging, and people were anxious, worried and on edge. The Serenity Prayer brought comfort and hope to a population that was surrounded by conflict and uncertainty. It continues to help us achieve a hopeful and realistic perspective on the events of our lives.

THE SERENITY PRAYER

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make things right

If I surrender to His Will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next.

The prayer illustrates the need to trust God, view what happens to us from a higher perspective, change what is within our power to change, and accept those things that are beyond our ability to change. It reminds us to pay attention to the present, and that we cannot change the future or solve problems that have not happened yet. It tells us that we cannot expect much good from living in a sinful world and that our hope is in God, who will one day make all things right. It tempers our demand for a pleasant life and reminds us that our greatest joy is in a walk with God and an expectation that He will make all things right.

Trust is often hard to give when we have been disappointed many times. It is tough to trust when the people we love let us down. But trust in God is very different, and that trust is the foundation on which we need to build our life.

People don't understand how crucial our understanding of God is. Here is a quote from one of the most influential Christian books of the 20th century.

"The most portentous (important) fact about any man is not what he at a given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like. We tend by a secret law of the soul to move toward our mental image of God."

–A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy (New York: HarperCollins, 1961)

So, how would you describe God? Is He a tyrant? Is He a disinterested observer? Is He a jolly grandfather who expects little of us? Is He full of rage? Is He irrelevant? Does He even exist?

What you believe is not trivial. It will set the course of your life and influence your decisions and choices.

2 Peter 1:3-5 is a foundational passage for Living Free. It gives us a glimpse into God's character and the meaning of our lives. This passage gives insight into who God is, His relationship with us, and what is the most meaningful goal in our lives.

2 Peter 1:3-5

His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. By these he has given us very great and precious promises, so that through them you may share in the divine nature, escaping the corruption that is in the world because of evil desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

There are some fundamental concepts from this passage that can help us in our lives.

We see that God gives us these promises: His power is working for our benefit

We can have everything we need to live a good and godly life

We can share in His nature, which includes goodness

We can escape the evil influences that constantly try to trip us up We can overcome the attraction we have to destructive influences

God’s goal for us is that we display His nature in our lives, the core of which is goodness; and goodness includes love, grace, patience, and mercy.

There is a process to follow to develop the kind of life we are designed to enjoy:

• Trust God and His promises

• Have faith, believe in Him, commit ourselves to Him

• Determine to live a life that displays His goodness rather than our selfishness

• Gain knowledge and continue to grow in an understanding of who God is and what His will is for our lives.

• Practice self-control, develop a plan to master strong desires that are not appropriate through the use of accountability or other tools

• Develop perseverance, keep moving forward and overcoming opposition

• Display Godliness, show the character of God in our relationships

• Show kindness for those around us

• Grow in love, develop a true God-like love that can even love enemies

OUR LIFE GOAL

To grow in these qualities, show through our actions what God is like, and be productive and effective in a life that honors God and ends with life with Him forever.

Living a full and productive life is possible, even if we don't possess all we want. We can find happiness as we transform into the person God designed to be. However, if our well-being depends on a pleasant life, things will likely become difficult. We will all face uncomfortable and distressing situations.

Knowing that difficulty is inevitable, let's now explore how to handle these challenges.

SEGMENT TWO: CHALLENGES

In Segment One: LIFE, we considered together the mystery and gift of life. What are humans that God should be concerned about us? We learned that we were originally created to live in relationship with Him and to carry out His will as stewards of His creation.

But then tragedy struck in the Garden of Eden, paradise was lost, and our situation changed forever. However, God's love for us never faltered, even when our world changed and evil, suffering and brokenness became the norm. The human experience went from unbelievably beautiful and good to painful, dangerous, and stressful, but it’s important to remember, God did not leave us.

In fact, God has made a way for us to reestablish the relationship we once had, even while world remains a terribly difficult place to live. From conception to death, we deal with the consequences of the rebellion against God. But one day, God will restore the world, and life will be as perfect as it was at creation. Until then, we will experience many CHALLENGES: the problems, stress, and pain that have been part of human life since the rebellion.

These are some questions that we will explore in this section:

• How do we handle the stress of problems and pain?

• What are the downsides of looking for quick solutions?

• What can we do to prepare for the problems that will come?

Problems, Stress, and Pain

Dealing with the circumstances into which we are born is just the beginning of the challenges we face in life. Problems, pain, and stress are all part of human existence on this earth. They are like mosquitoes in summer. They will always be with us to disrupt our enjoyment of life. Most of the time, they are merely annoying, but they can also cause great harm.

Problems, stress, and pain are related in ways that can make our struggles worse. They can come and go quickly, or they can develop slowly and linger for years. They can affect us physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. They can adversely affect our state of well-being.

It is important to note; in and of themselves, problems and stressors aren't always destructive. They can have a positive influence on our development. We feel good about ourselves when we solve a problem or conquer a challenge. When we overcome difficulty, we gain confidence and a sense of self-worth. Stress can also be a positive influence when it motivates us to protect ourselves or achieve worthy goals that we might not otherwise attempt. In the same way, pain can push us to take action to do the right thing for ourselves. Proverbs 16:26 shows how discomfort can stir us forward when it says

“[a worker’s] mouth urges him on.” (ESV)

However, many times, it is difficult to look beyond the problem to seek the benefit in the future. We can become desperate to find relief when we are stressed out, experiencing unbearable pain, or facing a crushing problem.

Acute Challenges arrive suddenly with no time for us to prepare to meet them. They leave us stunned and feeling helpless. These are the challenges that we cannot see coming. Some examples are accidents, the sudden death of a loved one, an unexpected diagnosis of serious illness, a spouse being unfaithful and leaving, and losing a job without warning. Sometimes, acute challenges arrive quickly and resolve quickly. Others come quickly, and the impact lasts for years or decades.

Chronic Challenges are long-term situations that disrupt our lives. Some examples can include a degenerative illness, financial failure, family conflicts, a loved one's addiction, business failure, incarceration, disability, and caregiving for a loved one.

We will always have to deal with challenges. Unfortunately, if we have several painful events in rapid succession, we can lose touch with the magnitude of stress we carry.

RECOGNIZING THE PAIN AND STRESS YOU CARRY

(A lot can go wrong in life)

Think through the categories of events listed below and circle any that you have experienced in the past two years or are currently experiencing,

Trauma – Unresolved adverse childhood experiences and current life-changing events that result in serious mental health setbacks.

Frustration – Unmet expectations, feeling stuck, feeling fed up, inability to accomplish goals, unwanted change of routine (work, play, sleep, meals)

Death – Loss of a spouse, child, close relative, close friend

Separations – Divorce, incarceration, children leaving home, military deployment, neglect.

Conflict – Marital conflict, conflict with/about children, in-law conflict, workplace conflicts, unresolved family conflicts

Financial – Losing your job, legal problems, taking on debt, foreclosure, cannot meet expenses.

Significant Change – Retirement, changing jobs, moving, changing jobs, lifestyle changes (social, physical, etc.), new child, changes in household members.

Health – Major medical event, disability, care giving for loved one(s)

Seasonal – Vacation, sentimental holidays, and milestones

Shame – Arrest, incarceration, public exposure

Fear – Assault, injury, illness

ANXIETY AND STRESS

So why is everyone so stressed out? Why don't most people smile very often? What causes so many instances of road rage? Why are minor offenses sparking such outrage?

We are flooded with input in a 24/7 news cycle, political discord, natural disasters, violence, racial and ethnic strife, economic uncertainty, active wars and potential wars, and deaths. As the old story of the lead story in the newsroom, "If it bleeds, it leads."

Anxiety affects almost everyone at times in life, especially during troubled times such as war and pandemics. It is not necessarily attached to a specific incident. Anxiety comes and goes without an apparent reason. People can be nervous, fearful, panicky, irritable, and jittery. Muscles can become tense, and sleep is hard to find.

There is plenty to worry about in these times where news travels quickly and continuously. Information is abundant, but it is only sometimes accurate and must be correctly applied. How many of us have had physical symptoms that we searched the internet to diagnose ourselves with some dreadful illness we didn't have?

HOW ARE YOU AFFECTED?

These are some of the effects that stress can have on you:

Disturbed Sleep

Decreased Libido

Self-Isolation

Fatigue

High Blood Pressure

Feeling Ill

Nervousness/Shakiness

Emotionally Unstable

Appetite Change

Strong Emotions

Feeling Depressed

Physical Pain

Irregular Heartbeat

Nausea and Gut Problems

Tense Muscles

Lower Immunity

Living in a high-stress society is very dangerous to your mental and physical health. Chronic stress can wear you out and down and make you vulnerable to self-destructive impulses. You may not realize how vulnerable you have become.

The pain of dealing with problems and the stresses of life can easily create a craving for harmful things that will distract us from our reality and bring us a false sense of comfort. Let’s take some time to really understand the dangers of dealing with stress the wrong way.

Comfort and Dependency

LIFE IS PAINFUL

In the previous topic, we observed that stress and pain are always with us. Stress can have a positive impact on us, but often, it affects us negatively and brings us pain.

Life comes with a generous share of painful situations that affect us mentally, physically, and emotionally. Our pain can be intolerable when serious misfortunes hit us, or a series of distressing events suddenly come our way. Without warning, we may be overwhelmed and suffer unbearable distress.

So how do we manage the stress and conflict that seems to meet us at every turn?

Escape is a very common reaction. All creatures are concerned with self-preservation and getting away from pain.

Consider the lizard. Lizards have tiny brains. They like to lounge in the sun on warm rocks. But when the rocks get scorching hot, they move to a more comfortable place. They are smart enough to know that they don't want to suffer.

Humans have the same escape response to discomfort, but our problems are more difficult to escape than moving off a hot rock. Our problems may take a long time to solve, and some may last a lifetime.

We prefer escaping our feelings rather than learning how to deal with them. We desire what delivers quick relief. It is a natural choice because anybody would choose relief over pain. This bias for comfort is especially true for those who insist on a pleasant life.

Not having a quick fix feels unacceptable in these days of instant gratification. We need to feel better, and we want to feel better right now! It’s easy to reach for a pill, a treatment, or a solution to help us get away from this discomfort.

When in pain, we consider many methods to help soothe our distress. We learn from experience what works best for us. Usually, our sources of comfort distract, numb, or overwhelm us to the point where we forget about our troubles for a while.

When we find methods that seemingly work for us, we stick with them and learn to trust them. We depend on those methods to ease our pain, calm our stress, distract us from our problems, bolster our confidence, and help us relax.

Unfortunately, these methods that sooth our discomfort, without dealing with the problem eventually become a dependency. And therein lies the problem.

We end up craving what will not help us escape the situation causing our pain. The original pain is still there, and the method we are using to cope with the unpleasant effects of the situation makes things even worse.

These dependencies that develop are often destructive in themselves, and our need for them keeps us coming back. Some of the things we turn to distract us from our original problem, calm our stress, numb us to pain, or overwhelm our attention.

Some of these dependencies include risk-taking, excessive exercise, promiscuity, substance abuse, overworking, gambling, sports obsession, hyper-spirituality, disordered eating, self-pity, gaming obsession, seeking attention, and excessive media consumption.

They may cause you to isolate yourself or become so restless that you cannot bear to be alone. Dependencies then become the center of our lives. We get upset when we cannot indulge ourselves. Significant areas of our lives are neglected.

How many of us get uncomfortable when we don't have our phones when we must wait for an appointment or just have a little down time? How many people do you see at a restaurant table looking at their phones and ignoring the people that came with them?

We choose to open the door to our dependencies, and then spiritual, social, biological, and psychological forces begin to make it difficult to experience life without them. There are processes at work that keep us coming back, even when we are being harmed. The pleasure we get from our dependencies will overrule common sense.

Think for a moment about your experience. When you post on social media, which is more exciting? Is it the anticipation of a response, or is it the actual presence of the response? How about when you go to meet that certain someone that you adore? The excitement you feel anticipating the event is very motivating. The tension of anticipation releases when our desire is satisfied. The same is true when you are at a ball game waiting for the next score or gaming, waiting to conquer the next level.

Many dependencies we form keep us coming back because we want MORE. They are very efficient in helping us to escape our present pain and discomfort for a short time.

Dependencies can separate us from realities, but the problems that bother us will remain. The pain will come back when the numbness wears off.

THERE IS A BETTER WAY TO LIVE. TRUST IN GOD

Our natural tendency is to choose quick and easy solutions when hurting. There are severe consequences to that choice. When we go down that path, we are once again acting as if God cannot be trusted. That attitude is an echo of the Enemy whispered to Eve.

Our first resource is always turning to God and trusting Him to help us in our times of need. We honor Him when we trust Him. A big part of Living Free is learning to pray and ask God for his help and guidance on the steps we should take. One way you can strengthen your relationship with God, is to read the Bible. Consider these passages that speak directly to the experience of dealing with stress, pain, and anxiety:

Psalms 118:5-6

When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Isaiah 40:31

…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Psalm 16:8

I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

These verses show us how much God wants to be WITH us during our difficult times. Trials are opportunities to experience His faithfulness. Make Him your first dependency, and you will avoid the grief of bondage to destructive dependencies.

There is nothing wrong with seeking help from other credible resources as long as they do not encourage you to participate in things that are not contrary to God's Word.

We will look more at the process and benefits of making God your first resource in our final topic in this book.

But for now, it's time to learn to be resilient.

Resilience

If our goal is to lead a meaningful life, we must develop resilience because events will come and knock us off course. Resilience is a strong theme throughout the scriptures, and the secret is to learn to trust God and his resources to see us through.

When facing a challenging situation, a resilient person can accept their circumstances, endure hardship, see beyond their present circumstances, and focus on the goal of life.

Nowhere are we promised an easy life. However, a resilient person can find enjoyment in difficult situations and is better prepared to handle stress.

The early Christians endured persecution from many sources. When we think we are having a bad day, it helps to be familiar with the circumstances faced by some early leaders.

Read this passage describing the personal experiences of the Apostle Paul and those who traveled with him. Underline his description of the stresses they endured. Then, notice what kept him in the fight. These men could have been comfortable if they had just given up their message and walked away.

2 Corinthians 4:8-11

In every way we're troubled, but we aren't crushed by our troubles. We're frustrated, but we don't give up. We're persecuted, but we're not abandoned. We're captured, but we're not killed. We always carry around the death of Jesus in our bodies so that the life of Jesus is also shown in our bodies. While we are alive, we are constantly handed over to death for Jesus' sake so that the life of Jesus is also shown in our mortal nature. Death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. The following is written, "I believed; therefore, I spoke." We have that same spirit of faith. We also believe; therefore, we also speak. We know that the one who brought the Lord Jesus back to life will also bring us back to life through Jesus. He will present us to God together with you

The opposite of resilience is compliance, which allows life circumstances to form your response. When life knocks a compliant person down, they tend to stay down and suffer negative feelings. They seek the quick fixes that leave them disappointed and dependent on the things they trust to help them.

THE GREATEST QUALITY OF A NATURALLY RESILIENT PERSON

The military Special Forces operators are known for their resilience. They are trained as small teams to complete challenging missions in areas where they are usually greatly outnumbered.

They are clear on their mission and understand the sacrifices they will make to fulfill their assignment. They don't know what to expect when they reach their target. They make good decisions and adapt to constantly changing circumstances. They are trained to deal with extreme stress of every type.

An article on the Special Operations Forces Report website reports that all candidates in Special Operations Training have one essential quality. They respond to stress in their lives with a heightened sense of motivation.

The report goes on to say: "Someone once told me that the difference between a regular person and a Special Forces soldier was that a regular person looked upon everything that happened in their lives as either a blessing or a curse. The Special Forces soldier looks upon everything that happens in his life as a challenge."

https://sofrep.com/specialoperations/what-makes-a-successful-special-operation-forces-candidate/

We can learn much from those who have learned to operate under intense stress. But stress takes a toll on everyone, even those used to it, like Special Forces operators, first responders, and others who deal with trauma on a regular basis.

Most of us are civilians and have not fought such intense physical battles. But the point of training to deal with stress applies to us, too.

When we are in a stressful situation, we should see it as a challenge to overcome and not a defeat to endure. We can allow the challenge to inspire us to draw on God's resources and refuse to be defeated even if we get knocked down. We CAN get up and move forward.

HERE ARE QUALITIES THAT CAN HELP ENERGIZE US WHEN FACING ADVERSITY AND STRESS.

What is needed to build resilience?

A Mission: We need to know what we have been created to accomplish. To love and be loved by God, to be an example of his image (we are to actively develop his character), to be stewards of his resources, and to share the Good News that God has reconciled to us and we can be reconciled to him and have a new life.

Experience: We can allow minor problems to teach us how to react to the major ones.

Experience is a great resource when facing difficult situations. We must pay attention to how we and others cope with crisis and learn from those experiences.

Right Thinking: When we are faced with a challenge, we need to accept it and understand what we are facing. It is what it is. We must not fall into the trap of letting our thoughts run wild, imagining the worst possible outcome. This mental discipline can help keep emotions under control.

Perseverance: Sailors would tell one another to "hold fast." They would tattoo their knuckles with the words to remind each other to hold the rigging tightly while high above the deck. They were to "stay true" to their course when steering the ship.

Remember: We must consider how God helped us in the past. In Old Testament times, when God brought someone through an uncertain time, they might stack rocks as a reminder of his faithfulness. Whenever someone saw that stack, they would remember God is faithful.

Prepare: We can use the easy times to draw close to God, understand how to see beyond this life, learn t to trust his promises, and build the qualities of a mature faith as we grow in goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, and love.

Support: It is imperative to build a network of trusted friends where we receive support, and also help others

in times of need. We must each find a team or tribe where we belong and help one another.

Trust God: Develop a relationship with God. We must take time to learn to pray, read His Word, be filled with His Spirit, and launch on projects that take us out of our comfort zone. We need to attempt things beyond our abilities, to grow in faith.

Give Thanks: Showing gratitude will boost your sense of well-being to new levels. Give thanks to God for the good things of the day. Thank God for the challenges and what you learned from facing adversity.

Develop Qualities of Excellence: We will list them here but will study them in more detail in Segment Four of the book and training, if we build our lives around these qualities, we will never fail and enjoy a fruitful and meaningful life. These qualities are Faith, Goodness, Knowledge, Self-control, Perseverance, Godliness, Brotherly Kindness, and Sacrificial Love.

Our next segment, Choices, will take us deeper into our decisions that will enable us to fulfill our life mission or hold us back from completing it.

SEGMENT THREE: CHOICES

Previously, we considered that we had no choice about many critical events and circumstances that have shaped us into the person we are today. We are each unique individuals, but we all share a similar desire to live a happy and pleasant life. But happiness that is only based on our life circumstances is always temporary.

A relationship with God gives a unique sense of well-being, not dependent on circumstances or feelings. This relationship provides us with everything we need to thrive and to be resilient during difficult times.

Unfortunately, even with all the advantages of a relationship with God, there are times when we intentionally make wrong decisions and push in self-destructive directions.

Humans are not machines that perform perfectly all the time. Sometimes, we break the pursuit of a good life and do stupid things. We know the right things to do but choose the wrong things anyway. We are broken creatures with an appetite to pursue things against God's nature. We are tempted to ignore what we know is right and good and involve ourselves in sin. So, we have more to worry about than the external risks we face. There is an internal threat to our well-being. We can be our own worst enemies.

One wrong choice can change the course of a life, and when we make those choices, we have no idea where they might lead. This begs an important question: Why would someone become involved in something that could harm and possibly trap them?

Most people have no plan for how to deal with the hardships of living. They don't anticipate the intensity of the struggles that often come. In these following segments, we will prepare for the battles we will face, we will also identify the resources available, and help one another move forward when we feel defeated.

Decisions

PLANS TAKE YOU ONLY SO FAR

We can anticipate what difficulties might come our way and imagine ways that we would react. We can even make battle plans, but there is no way to really tell how we may respond when the pressure is on, or circumstances change. We all have times when our resilience falters.

The Bible uses examples of competitions such as wrestling, boxing, running, and war to describe situations we may face in life. In any of these conflicts, things seldom go according to plan. As a famous boxer once said “Everyone has a plan - until they get punched in the mouth.”

When planning our strategy in a comfortable chair, the world seems different than when we are in a fight and take a punch. Everything gets foggy and unreal as we struggle to recover our senses and reorient ourselves. Building resilience and planning for adversity is essential. But some forces come against us unexpectedly that we cannot defeat alone.

WHY IS LIVING A LIFE OF GOODNESS DIFFICULT AT TIMES?

Three overwhelming influences work against us as we grow into the person God has designed us to be. These forces are everywhere and challenge us constantly. Thankfully, we don't have to struggle on our own. We have access to far more powerful resources to overcome any challenge.

This portion of Ephesians 2:2-3 gives us a look at the three forces we must constantly deal with. They are known as the world, the flesh, and the devil.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. (ESV)

Another version expresses the thought of the passage in more contemporary language.

... we were all guilty of falling headlong for the persuasive passions of this world; we all have had our fill of indulging the flesh and mind, obeying impulses to follow perverse thoughts motivated by dark powers.

(The Voice)

Let's look closer at each of these three opponents so that we know what to expect when they oppose us.

OUR FALLEN HUMAN NATURE

Humans are broken creatures with an appetite to be involved in things against God's nature and design. Nobody is exempt from this conflict, not even one of the most outstanding leaders in history. The Apostle Paul wrote:

I know that in me, that is, in my fallen human nature, there is nothing good. I can will myself to do something good, but that does not help me carry it out. I can determine that I am going to do good, but I don't do it; instead, I end up living out the evil that I decided not to do.

Romans 7:18-19 (The Voice)

The problem is that humans continue to follow a desire to be independent of God and reject a relationship with Him, even though He wants to help them through the troubles that the first rebellion brought on the world. That is why we are told: Don't fall in love with this corrupt world or worship the things it can offer.

1 John 2:15 (The Voice)

THE FALLEN WORLD

When the Bible speaks of “the world,” it can mean the actual physical earth, but more often that phrase refers to the world that was corrupted by the invasion of sin. We are told not to become attached to the world as it is. The world under the evil influence of the adversary of God is corrupted and also corrupts those who live only for the life they know now.

The world offers the immoral desires that our fallen nature craves, the desire to have more things, and pride when feeling superior to others because of what we have and accomplish.

Let’s read again from John 2:15-17, in two different versions of the Bible:

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever (ESV)

Here is how the same passage reads in The Voice Translation:

Don't fall in love with this corrupt world or worship the things it can offer. Those who love its corrupt ways don't have the Father's love living within them. All the things the world can offer to you—the allure of pleasure, the passion to have things, and the pompous sense of superiority—do not come from the Father. These are the rotten fruits of this world. This corrupt world is already wasting away, as are its selfish desires. But the person really doing God's will—that person will never cease to be.

So, we can see from this text, the world is passing away, winding down, and dying. And those who only live for this broken world will die and be buried in it. But those who submit to God, follow His will, and seek a good life will never cease.

THE EVIL ADVERSARY

In the New Testament, the devil is called the accuser, the evil one, the tempter, the old snake, the great dragon, the god of this world, the father of lies, and a murderer from the beginning. He is the enemy of God and everything God created.

He is God's evil adversary who tempted the first humans to rebel against God. The word “devil” has a base meaning of “to separate from” or “to accuse.” The devil tries to separate humans from God and one another. His mission is to destroy God's work, and his method is to deceive, tempt, and ruin lives and relationships. His work planted doubt in Eve's mind that God is good. He lied to her that no harm would come if she dishonored God by betraying him. He lied when he told her she would be an equal if she listened to his advice.

The devil tried to kill those God created out of love before they could multiply. He wanted to see God destroy the firstborn of humanity. That is why he is called a murderer from the beginning, and he continues to be an instigator of evil.

1 Peter 5:8-9 speaks about his dangerous presence and evil motives.

Most importantly, be disciplined and stay on guard. Your enemy, the devil, is prowling around outside like a roaring lion, just waiting and hoping for the chance to devour someone. Resist him and be strong in your faith, knowing that your brothers and sisters throughout the world are fellow sufferers with you.

Understanding Entanglements

RESULTS OF UNWISE DECISIONS

We do not develop self-destructive lifestyles out of the blue. Often, we make unwise decisions when we are hurt, bored, lonely, or just curious. Without giving it much thought, we decide to indulge ourselves in something that can lead to a lifetime of entanglement and chaos. We can also get trapped by things essential for life, such as jobs and making a living. Without balance, these good things can take all our time and attention and destroy precious relationships.

Just because we are not addicted to drugs or alcohol does not mean that other socially acceptable things are not leading us to self-harm. Anything that holds you back from growing into the person God designed you to have the potential to not only limit your future but can ultimately destroy your life.

So, a person may look perfectly functional on the outside but be hindered internally from thriving and living a meaningful and fruitful life.

BEWARE OF THE BEARS

In Living Free groups, people learn to beware of the BEARS, which distract us and hinder us from moving forward and enjoying a productive and satisfying life.

These BEARS are destructive substitutes for the resources God promises to provide for us to live well. We are attracted to them because of our environment (the world), our demand for instant relief (our fallen nature), and the false promises of God's enemy, (the devil,) who wants to deceive and destroy us.

Here are some BEARS to avoid.

Behaviors: Eating disorders, self-mutilation, flirting, fantasy, pornography, promiscuity, lust, shoplifting, gaming, gambling, device dependency, media binging, work, sports, hobbies

Emotions: Anger, despair, grief, fear, depression

Attitudes: Negative thinking, self-pity, bitterness, envy, pride, unforgiveness, destructive attitudes, racial/ ethnic prejudice, an unhealthy fixation on pleasure, things, admiration, wealth, power, fame

Relationships: Inappropriate emotional attachments, codependency, adultery

Substances: Using food to sooth, illegal drug use, smoking, vaping, prescription medication abuse

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list of things to be aware of, but we need to recognize how actions and values can easily become idols, and substitutes for God. Whatever we turn to cope with life and feel better about ourselves becomes our new god.

Behavior, emotion, attitude, relationship, or substance abuse gradually becomes a normal part of life. However, a predictable chain of events leads to a life-controlling problem.

Here is a saying that describes the progress of thoughts to outcome and destiny.

Sow a thought, reap an action.

Sow an action, reap a habit.

Sow a habit, reap your character

Sow your character, reap your destiny

This system of progressing from thought to outcome can either work in a positive way or a negative way. If you are sowing productive and positive thoughts which build to good actions, habits, you will cultivate a good character and positive destiny. BUT the same path can easily work in a negative way as well. Let’s explore that negative progression for a moment. We refer to it as “The Trap.”

THE TRAP

People who become entrapped by life-controlling issues follow a predictable pattern. We are usually lured into experimenting with a dangerous substance, behavior, or relationship because we will feel "high" or exhilarated. Whether the experience involves alcohol or other drugs, illicit sex, pornographic literature, work, sports, gambling, excessive spending, or another avenue to addiction, the pattern and result are similar.

We call this pattern the Trap because it often snares its victims before they realize what is happening. Every person has the potential to experience a life-controlling problem—no one is automatically exempt. Even though no one plans to be trapped by such a problem, it can happen without a person's being aware. Dr. Jimmy Ray Lee, founder of Living Free, states, "No one ever plans to be trapped by a life-controlling problem, yet it happens all the time."

There are four stages to The Trap:

Experimentation

In this first stage, something catches your attention and looks like fun. It may be as a result of peer pressure, thrill-seeking, curiosity, or just a need to relax. And as we try out this new indulgence, we experience pleasant feelings and can easily return to normal without adverse consequences.

Everyone begins with the first step. It often seems innocent. Maybe a role-playing game, perhaps a hobby, or even a new job or a new relationship. It feels exciting, full of new possibilities. It doesn't feel dangerous. You think it’s easy to stay within given boundaries and you feel a sense of growing trust in the effects.

But even in the early stages of experimentation, it’s easy to move into a growing fascination and even infatuation. This leads to behavior changes. You start employing more secrecy in daily routines. Your other relationships begin to suffer, priorities change, and you start building walls, isolating yourself from those who would challenge your new choices.

Socialization

In this stage, your experimentation allows you to make new friends and meet people who agree with your lifestyle changes and accept you as you are. This new crowd becomes your support system as you become part of a new clan.

You begin associating the actions you are taking with good times. Conversations are easy, and there is much to talk about as you share common interests with this new group of people. You have a place to go on weekends, and it feels good to spend time with friends who don't judge you.

You also begin avoiding those who caution you or disagree with your new lifestyle. You set "safe" limits on your actions or indulgence in what is your new source of comfort. At this point, you are happy with your life and are confident that the rules you have in place will protect you from any danger your choices might create. In this second stage, your trust in your dependency grows as you indulge regularly, but still operate within rules that govern your use or our behavior.

Preoccupation

In a healthy lifestyle, our survival depends on being motivated to complete tasks necessary to stay alive and thrive. When we finish one of these tasks, our brains reward us with a rush of chemicals that trigger pleasant feelings. This is a healthy feedback loop that helps want to repeat actions and tasks to keep us alive and healthy.

Unfortunately, this response is not limited to survival needs. It also can drive us to pursue other experiences to tap into our mental “reward system.” In substance abuse treatment, this response is called "seeking the high."

In the larger context, it is commonly called an obsession or preoccupation. There are several experiences that may trigger preoccupation. Be aware if you are always anticipating the next: compliment or affirmation, “Like" or comment on a Facebook post, lottery result, card to turn, slot machine spin, drink, smoke, toke, purchase, thrill, conquest, flirtation, pornographic image, television show, news story, or tidbit of gossip, close call, sale made, prospect identified, stock market report, completing a level of a video game, run, workout or lost pound.

Symptoms of Preoccupation:

During the Preoccupation stage of “The Trap,” we look for ways to easily meet our growing need. Maybe it’s by having "stashes" at home, in the automobile, or at work. Or making plans to always be in a location where we can get our “fix” at a given time. There is a growing need for the experience and the pleasant feelings that come with it; a craving develops; it is like hunger and thirst, becomes part of daily experience, and dependency grows more intense.

Our preoccupation or obsession grows more and more until we begin to neglect important responsibilities and we even lose touch with people who should be close to us. We violate personal values, break our own rules, and engage in risky behaviors. Life becomes more and more centered on having, enjoying, and repeating the desired experience.

In this third stage, we are losing our ability to stay within socially accepted boundaries. Our lives are unraveling, and our top priority is seeking the high that we are beginning to need, not just want.

Domination

People in this fourth stage of “The Trap” have lost their freedom as their desires now dominate their lives. They lose all dignity and are willing to sacrifice everything to get what they crave. Essential areas of their lives get neglected, relationships disintegrate, and they spiral out of control into chaos. What used to bring a pleasant high, is now needed constantly just to feel close to normal.

People in this stage believe the lies they tell themselves. They may be physically dependent on an addictive substance. Their pain and shame are constant, so they go deeper into whatever they use to escape reality.

This condition is often called rock bottom. You are stuck, blind, and isolated, and you cannot see any alternatives. Only some people will fall this deep, but anyone who starts down this path risks losing every chance of happiness identified in topic one.

Positive Relationships -- Gone

Self-Esteem -- Gone

Independence -- Gone

Respect of Others -- Gone

Accomplishment -- Gone

Meaningful Life – Gone

Spiritual Dynamics of Entanglement

Delusion, secrecy, and isolation combine to entangle us in self-defeating and destructive lifestyles. Genesis

chapter three speaks of how these elements worked together to influence the first humans to break trust with the Creator.

We can see these three forces at work whenever we find ourselves or others entangled by sin. To help one another live free in Christ, we must develop a real understanding of how these choices separate us from one another and God and are the building blocks of a life-controlling problem.

DELUSION

Everyone is prone to deny the truth until they reach the point of delusion. Few people can see themselves as others see them. We have a distorted idea of how we appear to others that doesn't match reality. That is why, in Living Free, we concentrate on helping people see themselves accurately by reducing the areas where they are blind to themselves. As we quickly recognize and respond to the truth, we are less likely to become deluded and develop life-controlling issues.

Denial is the early refusal to believe the truth about our actions. People in denial know what they are doing is wrong, but they refuse to admit the truth and instead choose to rationalize their behavior. Continued denial leads to delusion, a condition where people no longer recognize the truth about their actions; they sincerely believe their excuses and become blind to the facts. In the end, denial of the truth will lead to destruction.

In this chapter, we observe how we get entangled and trapped.

· God sets boundaries for a purpose.

· There are consequences for violating those boundaries

· The tempter plants the idea that God is unfair and holds them back

· The tempter distorts the truth and denies the consequences of breaking trust with God

· The tempter lies to them that they can be like God if they break their trust

· They believe the lie and are deluded

· They sin against God and break the trust

· They realize their error

· They try to cover what they did and hide from God

· They blame the tempter, one another, and God for what happened

· They become isolated from God and each other

· They experience the terrible consequences of what they did.

Creation suffers the consequences

After a stronghold has developed, and a person is entangled, the delusion that blinds the person becomes very dark and difficult to penetrate. It is crucial to continue lovingly and patiently to confront the person's delusion and never give up—even when it seems the effort is not producing results.

Deluded people sincerely believe the lies they tell themselves and others. These lies are a web woven by Satan to keep the deluded person from believing the truth about a behavior, substance abuse, harmful relationship, or other developing problem.

Dr. Jimmy Ray Lee states, “Delusion is not seeing, recognizing, or acting in truth.”

When people develop life-controlling issues, their delusion becomes so dark that those confronting them with the truth often get discouraged and give up. Even though we may not see any hint of change, it is crucial to continue our loving confrontation.

Jeffrey VanVonderen states:

“Quite some time ago, I heard a statistic that has remained with me and has been a great source of comfort to many families with whom I have worked.

The statistic states that an average of fifty-four confrontations of his chemical problem are necessary for a dependent person to realize he has a chemical problem. This would be depressing to those trying to help a chemically dependent person, but it has the potential to be very freeing and encouraging. The statistic means that there is hope that people eventually realize their need for help. It means one person only carries part of the burden of helping someone realize his problem. It means that each individual step or effort is well-spent, even if it does not appear as such at the time. (97)”

Take some time to consider these Bible verses concerning the power and danger of delusion. The Prophet Isaiah speaks to the power of delusion in the life of people devoted to an idol. Isaiah comments on the blindness of a man who cuts down a tree and uses part of it to carve an idol, which he worships, while the other part is burned to cook dinner.

Isa. 44:17b- 18, 20

He prays to it and says, 'Save me; you are my god.' They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand. He cannot save himself or say, 'Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?'

Psalm 10: 6

He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me; I'll always be happy and never have trouble."

2 Corinthians 4:4

The God of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers so they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

See also Psalm 10: 11 and Jeremiah 23:26-29

SECRECY

Secrecy allows us to hide. Even though delusion helps us justify our sins, we know others would not approve of our decisions, so some of us develop a secret life. This secret life hides our guilt and prevents those who care for us from helping. Life-controlling problems grow in the soil of secrecy.

Secret lives are deadly to the spiritual well-being of individuals and churches. Unfortunately, unless people have a safe place to deal with the sin that may entangle them, they will continue to be crippled by their secret guilt and shame. The ministry gifts they could contribute to the cause of Christ will be lost, and the whole church will suffer.

We see mankind first employing secrecy after the first sin in the Garden of Eden.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as He was walking in the garden in the cool

of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.

Genesis 3:8-10

But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.

ISOLATION

When a destructive stronghold develops, we isolate ourselves from people who love us enough to confront us with the truth about what we are doing.

Concerning isolation, Bill Perkins writes:

“As the problem intensifies, their delusional system allows them to justify their isolation. Since they've learned to lie to themselves, lying to others is easy.

Gradually, they hold onto their idol with both hands, turning their back on the only One who offers them hope for deliverance. (39) Some people who drift away from our congregations may isolate themselves because they are discouraged in their struggles.”

The Bible speaks clearly to the destructiveness of isolation.

Proverbs 18:1, NKJV

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.

You can see how delusion, secrecy and isolation work to create a cycle of cover-up, relapse, and despair. As long as we're deluded and hiding, no amount of willpower can free us from the issues that master us.

Staying in isolation leads to a downward spiral of secrecy, from cover-up to relapse, despair, and more coverup. We may resist for a while, but relapse is inevitable.

This repeated pattern leaves us feeling hopeless. We become ever more deluded, defensive, secretive, and isolated from natural feelings and people who love us.

Personal Dynamics of Entanglement

It seems ridiculous, but many people are surprised to find themselves entrapped in self-destructive situations. People around them watch with alarm as their loved one's life falls apart. They are much more concerned about the situation than their loved one is.

When we understand how entanglements develop, it becomes clear how people can deceive themselves and ignore how dangerous their situation is.

DENIAL, DEFENSES, DELUSION

Denial – Refusing to believe the truth

Defenses – Justifying our bad behavior

Delusion – Sincerely believing the lies we’ve told ourselves and others

Denial: When a person denies wrong choices and behaviors, their thinking becomes distorted. Before long they cannot see that their own choices and behavior is causing difficult consequences.

Problems grow, Secrets Grow

Blindness increases, Openness Decreases

Defenses: We want to avoid feeling the pain that being honest or leveling with God, ourselves, and others would bring. This is why we use defenses to hide from the truth. The defenses become walls that keep us isolated, deluded, and entangled in sin.

God designed painful feelings to be a warning system.

Painful feelings tell us when to pay attention to something in our lives. When we ignore negative feelings resulting from our misbehavior, we can become deluded about what is in our hearts. Buried feelings may explode to the surface when we least expect them, making our problems even worse. Two common feelings, fear, and anger are under the surface of many issues, although many other feelings can also be involved.

Defenses help us cover up sin and maintain our delusion.

Defenses can be used appropriately, but when we use them to avoid facing the truth about ourselves, they make delusions even darker. When we don't want to face the truth about our actions because of the painful feelings honesty would bring, we try using defenses to cover the truth or excuse ourselves. Each person has a favorite set of defenses.

The Bible says the truth shall set you free. And it's interesting because the fear of the truth coming out is ten times worse than the embarrassment, even the ongoing embarrassment, of the actual truth. Remember what these individuals said in the video?

“When [the truth] came out, it was like I was free from this ton of bricks I'd been carrying around, the double life I was living.” -Gil

“It was like trying to keep an air balloon underwater. Have you ever tried that? It's hard work, and a person works hard to keep those feelings down . . . from facing the real issues. But you know that balloon will pop up—that's why you have emotional outbursts: people losing their temper—There's something buried there.”—Ray.

Take time to consider these commonly used defenses:

Defensiveness is motivated by fear.

Behind most, if not all, defensive strategies lie the fear of being exposed for who we really are. When we use defenses to hide from the truth, we build a wall brick by brick. This wall protects us from the truth and provides a secret place for us to hide. Unfortunately, the wall also isolates us from people who can help us.

Take time to look at these Bible verses concerning defenses:

Rationalizing:

David rationalized Uriah's death—

David told the messengers, "Say this to Joab: Don't let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another."

2 Samuel 11: 25

Blaming:

The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it . . ." The woman said, "The serpent deceived me."

Genesis 3:12–13

Denying:

Then the LORD asked Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?" "I don't know," he replied. Genesis 4:9

Acting Superior:

In his own eyes, he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin. Psalm 36:2

The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: "God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector." Luke 18:11

Delusion:

Delusion causes blindness; eventually, the person cannot see the truth.

Delusion is the belief that something true is not true or that something that is not true is true; it is a distortion of reality.

Delusion is a false belief system in which we see things that are true but act as though they are not true. When we reject the truth and deny the facts over some time, the result is a delusion. Eventually, those controlled by a substance, behavior, or relationship lie to themselves so long that they become blind to the destruction they cause our friends, families, or themselves.

This is a good place to stop for a moment and ask this question:

Acting superior

Agreeing

Analyzing

Attacking

Being smug

Blaming

Complying

Debating

Defying

Denying

Evading/ Dodging

Explaining

Frowning

Generalizing

Glaring

Grinning

Intellectualizing

Interrogating

Intimidating

Joking

Judging Justifying

Minimizing

“How do I know if a dependency is self-defeating or self-destructive?”

Take a break from it for three days and see how you react.

Projecting

Protecting

Questioning

Rationalizing

Staring

Staying silent

Switching

Theorizing

Threatening

Verbalizing/ Talking

Withdrawing

Do you pay attention to it at the expense of time with people present with you?

Do you interact with it mindlessly at every, or most idle moment?

How much time do you think about it?

Ask someone you spend time with what they notice.

Are you neglecting responsibilities to engage/interact with?

We don't have to be completely crushed by the consequences of our decisions to be hindered in our growth. Just being wounded will take you out of the battle.

How Our Choices Affect Ourselves and Others

As we have seen in this study, people often believe the delusion that their struggles do not affect anyone but themselves. That is not true. Neither is it true that self-defeating choices won't matter if no one else knows about them.

Our poor choices keep us from being available to the people who should mean the most to us. The pain we experience keeps us from being available emotionally and even physically. Our struggles create walls around us that keep people at a distance. We may feel worried, afraid, shameful, and guilty. We lose the ability to care for others when we ourselves are hurting so much.

Our problem keeps us from doing our work. We are distracted and hinder others when we constantly think about our situation. We are increasingly self-absorbed.

One of the worst lies we tell ourselves when we exhibit self-defeating behaviors is that we are not harming anyone but ourselves. That is not true. People who love us are suffering the loss of the relationship they once had.

That said, there is a cost associated with being ruled by our dependencies. And it always seems to cost something that you love. Choosing the easy path is expensive.

When we are entangled or dominated by our cravings, there are significant losses, including: the loss of touch with self the loss of being alienated from family. the loss of self-respect the loss of reputation the loss of friends the loss of time and opportunities the loss of control of emotions the loss of finances

At the moment of temptation, we may not be counting the cost or considering the losses, but it is true that the more entangled our lives are with dependencies, the more costly our losses will be.

To escape this destructive behavior, we must be willing to take an inventory of the damage being done, realize the price we are willing to pay and employ the help of trusted friends and family members who can help us make some difficult changes in our lives.

WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK?

It is true that not every person goes to the fullest extreme of developing a life-controlling problem. Many entertain dangerous things in their lives, but can still maintain some control, and they don't progress past a certain point. But even though some people may not suffer the direst of consequences, their lives and their loved ones are still affected. These people have become dependent on something that keeps them from being all they are created to be.

Any time we lose our dependence on God and settled for some other small comfort, we are losing ground, and we are setting ourselves up for defeat. It may be self-pity, anger, hopelessness, financial success, seeking fame, and so on. But these things hold us back and distract us from developing the character that will let others see God's image in our life. These things hold us back from loving ourselves and others the way that God loves.

Many people today are addicted to drugs and alcohol. Because these substance addictions are so obviously destructive, they get the primary attention of the public. People can get physically dependent on having these chemicals in their bodies. A drug or alcohol addiction brings a heavy financial, social, and spiritual burden to society, individuals, and families.

But we have also mentioned other behaviors, emotions, substances, and attitudes that create a false sense of pleasure and growing dependency. We are delighted by the surprise and anticipate the next pleasurable reaction. These types of enticements surround us and leave us wanting more, and more and more. And when we get more, we are delighted and want to repeat the experience.

The world today is full of these experiences. We post something on social media and keep checking for responses. When someone responds, we are delighted and get positive stimulation that causes us to want even more. It is the same with gambling, gaming, scrolling through screens on our devices, a phone call from a friend, a ding from a notification, and so it goes. While we are now “connected” 24/7 we are constantly distracted, and we lose touch with the more essential things. We are ruined for long conversations, reading, downtime, and sleep.

While we cannot totally avoid the crush of distractions, we can and must take time to disconnect from the online world and take time to develop our relationship with God.

HOW'S THAT WORKING FOR YOU?

We need to ask ourselves this question often. It is easy to get distracted and veer off course. No person is free from delusions. We all become blind to the issues holding us back in life. We can become trapped and selfdestructive at any time.

It is not enough to just have head knowledge of these principles. We must be aware of what is happening in our thoughts and actions. We need trustworthy people who love us enough to tell us the truth when they see us going off track. And we must continue to be willing to listen. We need others to help us and we need to be willing and available to help others.

The fourth session will explore how we can help ourselves and others get back on the right path and continue this Living Free journey and a well-lived life.

SEGMENT FOUR: FREEDOM

We have heard much about what can go wrong in life, the cost of wrong choices, dependencies, and losses. We need to acknowledge these things, but discussing our struggles is difficult. We all need a safe environment where we can discuss our lives openly with trusted friends.

It is easy to step off the path of growth and fall away from the life that God desires for us. We may be overcome by circumstances and temptations. We sometimes willfully leave the path to pursue pleasures that promise fulfillment but leave us empty.

Even the strongest people can become entangled and trapped in predicaments they never imagined they would experience. Everyone is vulnerable, and it is not wise to think that any of us are immune to failure. And when someone fails, we have a responsibility to that person to help and not harm them. Here is what the Bible has to say:

Brothers and sisters, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Gal 6:1-2, ESV

When we leave the path, there is always a way back. When this happens, we are to help one another gently. There is no need for harshness. God can restore things that we lost in our wandering, but we may return home scarred by wounds we received while we wandered.

As the saying goes, prevention is the best cure. That is why Living Free is appropriate for everyone, not just for those who are currently in serious difficulty.

You will enjoy your time with Living Free ministry if you are someone who: is doing well but knows the wisdom of a spiritual checkup. wants to grow in relationship with Christ. desires to help others who are lost or trapped in life’s problems. is experimenting with a potentially self-destructive experience. is uncomfortable being around people who challenge your self-defeating choices. is hindered in your spiritual journey because of an unhealthy dependency. is trapped in a self-destructive pattern of living.

Freedom - The Way Back

As we considered in the last session, our experiences, thoughts, behaviors, and resulting habits set the pattern for the kind of person we will become. Everyone makes choices each day that result in either positive or negative outcomes.

It is good for everyone to have a safe place where they may conduct an audit of their life and make corrections when necessary. Living Free is such a place.

An honest spiritual audit helps prevent problems from overcoming us and provides a path out when we are trapped. In this session we will consider several aspects of a life inventory, including evaluation of our current situation, developing some skills that will help us navigate life, and why establishing a close relationship with God will lead us to fulfilling our ultimate purpose.

STOP, LOOK, AND LISTEN TO YOUR LIFE

Railroad crossings are some of the most dangerous obstacles drivers encounter. Years ago, railroad crossings had signs posted warning drivers to, “Stop, Look, and Listen.”

This is still good advice for drivers, but it is also good advice for us as we journey through life. For years at a time, we “drive” as fast as we can through life. We hardly notice the events of our lives as we experience them in a blur. This creates a lot of problems.

Stop

We cannot process life’s events, emotions, and consequences properly when traveling at high speed. For this reason, God gave us a day of rest every week, to reflect on life, family, friends, and our relationship to Him. We need time to think about how we are doing, the health of our relationships, and our God-given goals. We need to know if we are spending our limited number of days wisely. Time is the most valuable commodity we have, and it is limited. To make it more complicated, we don't know how much time we have left. It pays for us to stop and take account of our life.

Keep in mind our highest goals of a good life are:

· To love, know, and enjoy a relationship with God.

· To grow in character and show in our lives what God is like.

· To leave a legacy of goodness

Here are some ways you can be intentional in taking time to Stop:

Take a weekly Sabbath to rest and reflect.

Set aside time every day to plan and pray for your spiritual development.

Evaluate if you are achieving your spiritual goals.

Look

Life gets smaller the longer we are ruled by our dependencies. We focus our attention on the things that get us through the day, and we lose touch with other areas of our lives. Relationships, work, goals, learning, spiritual and physical development, even caring for others, disappear from our field of vision. We are consumed by desire for our next “fix” whether it’s the next time we can be with that person, take that drug, have a drink, buy another thing, master that next game, or be the center of attention,

So, once you take time to stop, become settled and still, it is time to look around and assess your situation in all directions. Without this time to regroup, it is easy to become disoriented when life is coming at us hard and fast. We need to keep our wits about us and realign ourselves to the bearing that will direct us where we need to go. To stay sane, we need to focus on the big picture, especially when little details are going wrong and diverting our attention.

Here are more ways we need to “look”:

Look Up

How small we are in the universe, and how much bigger God is than all of creation. He is all-powerful and glorious, and yet He is willing to be concerned about what is happening in our seemingly insignificant life. It is His love that makes us valuable.

Look Down

Take time to look at yourself; who are you, where are you, and what does your life mean? Are your basic needs met? Beyond the basics, do you have access to those that will walk alongside you and help you to thrive? Have you settled your heart on living a good, purposeful life with meaning, or are you still seeking only a pleasant and happy life? What will your legacy be?

Look Behind

What valuable experience have you gained? What harm have you endured? Do you have any open, lingering issues or on-going situations that need to be settled? What things in your past hinder you from becoming the person you desire to be, and doing the things you are called to do?

Look Inside

What are your values and what do you want? Look deeply at your life and view it considering the plan God has set out for you. Do you view yourself the same way the Bible says God sees you?

Look Beside

Who are the family members that you rely on? Which ones rely on you? Who are your 3-5 trusted friends? What larger support systems can you depend upon? Do you have a tribe?

Look Ahead

What is your primary goal in life that you can accomplish, regardless of your circumstances? Have you aligned your goals with the purpose for which God created you? What are you currently doing to fulfill those goals? Have you shared these goals with other trusted friends or mentors who can hold you accountable to pressing on?

Listen

Whenever we step off the path, we remove ourselves from the company of trusted friends and others who care about us and can give us wise feedback. Alone, we are likely to be deceived by our own selfish desires and isolation.

That is why in Living Free we emphasize that there are three conditions that work together to separate us from our calling and our relationship with God. These counter-productive conditions are Delusion, Secrecy, and Isolation.

Certainly, everyone has gone against good advice and done something that harmed them. Think about something you were warned not to do, but you did it anyway when nobody was watching. It probably turned out badly for you.

When we won’t listen to wise counsel, we are likely to be deluded into believing that nothing harmful could happen. We don't want to be nagged, so we avoid the person who would step in to correct us. We convince ourselves that the rules do not apply to us, and we justify our bad behavior. With repeated denial, we become so blind to the truth that later we’re shocked when we suffer the consequences of our own actions.

We need to listen to:

Our families

Our friends

Our spiritual leaders

The Holy Spirit

The Word of God

The shared wisdom of Christians who lived before us.

We listen by:

Paying attention to what others tell us

Using discernment for counsel coming to us

Listening carefully and not dismissing what is said

Opening our hearts to God when we are corrected

Learning to discern the voice of God

Reading the Bible in large doses

Reading what Christians in days past have written

Life Skills

Life skills are essential to thrive in society. While society is increasingly complex, the basic skills we need to live well are quite simple. You don't need an advanced education to learn and practice them. Even so, it is incredible how few people make time to develop these essential skills.

Well-developed Life Skills make our existence more meaningful and strengthen our relationships. They are effective in helping us connect with people in significant ways, helping people through life issues, maintaining appropriate boundaries in relationships, and effectively communicating with almost anyone.

Life skills allow us to be aware of what is going on inside ourselves and as well as other people. Life skills prepare us to respond in appropriate ways. These skills involve learning to listen to what others say too, and about us, without becoming defensive. We can evaluate what others say to us and determine what impact that will have. These skills guide us to speak the truth to others in a way that does not lead them to respond defensively.

We will consider three important life skills that will help us develop a Living Free lifestyle. They are social intelligence, emotional intelligence, and right thinking.

DEVELOPING SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE

Social intelligence requires empathy, listening skills, self-awareness, and concern for the needs of others. Someone who has high social intelligence can more effectively connect with others and form helpful relationships. A socially intelligent person can recognize, understand, and respond appropriately to the emotions of others.

Tips on how to develop your social intelligence:

• Show interest in others. Make a point of acknowledging people that you encounter. Seek opportunities for engagement in safe and socially appropriate ways. Everyone has a story—give them an opportunity to tell theirs. Listen actively to their responses and try to understand their perspectives. Your attention is the best gift you can give someone.

• Be mindful of your body language. Make eye contact, smile, and use open body language to show that you are interested in what the other person is saying. Avoid fidgeting or crossing your arms, as this can make you seem closed off or unapproachable.

• Be a good listener. When someone is talking to you, give them your full attention. Avoid interrupting or thinking about what you are going to say next.

• Be empathetic. Try to see things from other people's perspectives and understand how they might be feeling. Don’t get drawn into arguments. This will help you to build rapport and connect with others on a deeper level.

• Be genuine. Be yourself and don't try to be someone you're not. People can tell when you're being fake, and this will cause difficulty in building trust and connection. But be aware of how people receive you. Understand how your attitudes and actions affect others. A positive attitude, a friendly smile, brief eye contact, and politeness are important qualities of a likable person.

• Be humble. Avoid bragging, arguing, calling attention to yourself, loudly dominating a conversation, putting down others or being intentionally controversial. Work hard to listen more than you speak. In your conversation, avoid one-upping what the other person says. It is impolite and implies that you think your experience is more significant than theirs.

• See others through new eyes. Look beyond the way people present themselves and look at them through God’s perspective and imagine how they would appear if they experienced a living relationship with God. The greatest measure of social intelligence is to be able to see those we encounter with “new eyes.” Not as they are today, but as they can be, when they reconcile with God and become new people.

• “So, we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Cor. 5:16-17, NLT)

• Being able to see others as the person they could become, instead of despising the person they are today, is the most powerful aspect of social intelligence that we can develop.

DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence is being aware of one’s own emotional state, and developing the ability to understand, manage, and appropriately express personal emotions.

Here are some tips on how to develop emotional intelligence:

• Increase self-awareness. The first step is to become more aware of your own emotions. Pay attention to how you feel throughout the day and try to identify how your thoughts, beliefs, circumstances, and choices affect how you feel. With this awareness you can evaluate whether your feelings are appropriate and then choose how to respond, instead of allowing your emotions to drive an impulsive reaction.

• Develop empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. To develop empathy, try to see things from other people's perspectives and imagine how they might be feeling. You can also practice active listening, which involves paying attention to what the other person is saying and asking clarifying questions.

• Communicate effectively. Effective communication is essential for building strong relationships. When you communicate effectively, you can express your thoughts and feelings concisely. You are also able to listen to others and understand their perspectives.

• Manage conflict effectively. Conflict is a natural part of life, but it doesn't have to be destructive. By managing conflict effectively, you can resolve disagreements in a way that is respectful and productive. To manage conflict effectively, try to stay calm and collected, avoid personal attacks, and focus on finding solutions that work for everyone involved.

• Keep a journal. Journaling can help you to identify and track your emotions. It can also help you to reflect on your experiences and learn from them.

• Seek feedback from others. Ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues for feedback on your emotional intelligence. Being open to feedback can help you avoid the habits of defensiveness, angry responses, and justifying your own faults. Trusted allies around you can help you to identify areas where you are blind and need grace to grow.

• Developing emotional intelligence takes time and effort, but it is a worthwhile investment. By improving your emotional intelligence, you can improve your relationships, achieve your goals, and live a more fulfilling life.

RIGHT THINKING

Right Thinking is another life skill that will help us react to life in a less stressful and more thoughtful way. You may recall that when people are controlled by dependencies, they become deluded, and they cannot recognize or accept the truth. Their process of dealing with life rationally is lost as they base their reality on lies. Delusion insulates them from the pain they would feel if they accepted the reality of their situation. They no longer make decisions based on right thinking. Even though they know better, they choose to sincerely believe their own lies.

Most of us won’t go to such extremes, but we are all prone to reject the truth and “fool ourselves” into thinking that the wrong choice we desire is okay. The Apostle Paul speaks of the need for right thinking in the book of Romans. He even goes to the extent of exhorting us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you should not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

Romans 12:1-3, ESV

Living Free groups are an opportunity to learn right thinking, to choose right behaviors, and then to experience right feelings. Help for an individual struggling with dependencies and self-defeating behaviors begins with truthful thinking, which is thinking that yields to biblical principles.

Living Free groups provide a safe environment to grow and learn new patterns of life. In groups, people can face the truth about what they feel and do. They can stop hiding and can open their lives to God. They can stop isolating themselves as they find people who love and care for them unconditionally. When the cycle of cover- up, relapse, and despair is broken, the result is spiritual freedom in Christ.

Living Free for Life

We were created to enjoy relationships with God our Father and Creator and our fellow humans. These relationships are part of God’s plan for creation, and it is in these relationships that we find fulfillment, rest, and meaning.

LIVING FREE FOUNDATION

We have mentioned before, 2 Peter 1:3-8 is a foundational passage for Living Free. This text gives insight into God’s character, His relationship with us, and what is the most meaningful goal in our lives. Let’s look at this passage again:

His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by his own glory and goodness. By these He has given us very great and precious promises, so that through them you may share in the divine nature, escaping the corruption that is in the world because of evil desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Let’s take a look at the fundamental promises found in this passage that will transform our lives. God promises us that:

• His power is working for our benefit

• We can have everything we need to live a good and godly life

• We can share in His nature, which includes goodness

• We can escape the evil influences that we all face

• We can overcome the attraction we have to destructive influences

• We can have a meaningful and satisfying life

His goal for us is that we display His nature in our lives, the core of which is goodness - and includes love, grace, patience, and mercy. There is a process to follow which results in having the kind of life we are designed to enjoy.

• Trust God and His promises

• Have Faith - Believe in Him and commit ourselves to His ways

• Gain Knowledge - Continue to understand who God is and what His will is for us

• Practice Self-control - Stay in control of strong desires that are not appropriate

• Develop Perseverance - Keep moving forward and overcoming opposition

• Grow in Godliness - Show the character of God in your relationships

• Cultivate Kindness – Make every effort to love those who love you

• Learn to Love – Develop a true God-like love that can even love enemies

And the life we are promised has a goal: To grow in these qualities, display through your actions what God is like, and be productive and effective in a life that honors God and culminates in life with Him forever. God wants us to enjoy life, and to live for something much more than we can experience during our short lives on this earth.

Jesus said this about the life we can have in God:

“I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”

John 10:10, NIV

The word that we translate as “full” comes from the Greek word perissos, which means over and above, excessive, in full abundance. So, you can see that Jesus has come so that we can have an exceptional life, even while dealing with the challenges and setbacks of this broken world.

THE FUNDAMENTALS OF THE LIVING FREE LIFE

Growing in a relationship with God is the most important goal we have in life. In some ways, building a relationship with God is like establishing and strengthening a friendship—but we proceed with awe and respect. We are not His equal and we are not in charge. Here are some proven ways we can grow closer to God:

Reconcile with God: Remember, God loves you and has done everything necessary to reconcile you to Him. Humans were created in God's image to enjoy a special relationship so that we could show the world what God is like. He created us to be his family.

Adam and Eve, our first ancestors, broke the family relationship with God when they tried to be His equal. They wanted to make their own rules and sided with God's enemy, which resulted in sin, suffering and death coming into the world.

In Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you, on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Corinthians 5:19-21, ESV

Do you see that God was the offended party, and yet, He reconciled Himself to us out of His goodness and at a great price. He has appealed to His family members (we humans) to be themselves reconciled (settle differences) with God.

He allows us to be His representatives in this world and share in His divine nature (image) with us again. He has given us a second chance, but we must be willing to accept the terms of the reconciliation. We must admit our need for God and trust that He will provide what He promises. We must surrender to Him and place ourselves under His authority. When we do, we share in His nature and enjoy life.

As John 1:12-14 says, but to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God. So, the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father's one and only Son.

This promise is the spiritual foundation of Living Free. Living Free is not about reforming behavior. It is about a restored, close, and loving relationship with God and all the benefits of our reconciliation. Here are the practical ways we can go about getting to know God better, and understanding what He wants for our lives:

• Read the Bible Every Day for Understanding. Choose a Bible version that you can easily understand. The New Living Bible version is an excellent choice to begin reading. You can find a variety of versions to read at www.biblegateway.com

• Set aside at least 15 minutes every day to read. Take your time and read to understand. Be aware if you feel that God is bringing something to your attention. He speaks to us through His word. Keep a notebook for questions, things you learn, and things God is bringing to your attention.

• Pray throughout Your Day. Spend time talking with God and include Him in your inner conversation as you go through the day. He created you for a relationship, so it pleases Him when we recognize his presence with us. When something good happens -- express gratitude. If you don't know what to do -- ask for wisdom. When we acknowledge His presence, He guides our steps. Set aside time daily to concentrate on God, talk with Him, and calm down. This habit is the last thing many people do as they fall asleep.

• Build Your Community Make an effort to connect deeply with trusted friends and family members. Share life with a group of Christian friends by praying with and for them. Make daily contact in person, by phone, or even social media. Good friends and trusted family members can help us grow in character.

• Spend time in worship and gain perspective. It takes time and effort to grow in your relationship with God so that you can discern His will and understand how He wants you to live your life. Associate with a church where you can enjoy fellowship with a larger group of people and benefit from biblical preaching, teaching, worship, and ministry opportunities. Attend regularly and make as many connections as possible. The Bible gives us these instructions:

Be filled by the Spirit: speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music with your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.

Ephesians 5:18-21, CSB

• In your private times of worship, Read the Psalms out load, listen to worship music, give thanks, and praise God for being our loving Father.

• Memorize and meditate on Scripture. The consistent practice of memorizing and meditating on God’s Word will create a ready source of encouragement deep within your heart that will guide and comfort you.

• Walk in the Spirit. Learning to live in, walk in, and be empowered by God’s Spirit builds a bond that is unbreakable. He is with us always, and we never have to face a life challenge alone. Be filled with the Spirit and pray that God will empower you for service. One way to experience walking with the Spirit is to “pray without ceasing.” This just means you pray as you go through your day and remain open to what God might be leading you to do or say. Other ways of walking in the spirit include devoting time to scripture, worship, fellowship, communion, and submitting to baptism.

• Reach out to others. Show love, share the message of reconciliation, engage with people through acts of charity, and ask God to help you see the opportunities to meet people and let them see Christ in your life.

• Develop a vision to seek to know God more each day. In order to grow in God’s image, we must put in the effort to enjoy God and also bring Him enjoyment. Grow in relationship with Him and experience the joy of His goodness. Pay attention and learn from living life as you experience it. Desire and seek God. Trust Him, obey Him, and grow in confidence.

• Interact with others and learn from shared experiences. Whether it is a battle, or a shared adventure, working together on a project or team, or being married, there is nothing that forms strong bonds like a shared challenge. The same is true of shared joys and celebrations in our Christian life. Be willing to connect with others and engage in the tough and wonderful stuff that will help you grow. Embrace failure and victory and learn from a variety of experiences.

LIVING FREE PLAN

The tricky part of talking about a Living Free Plan is to understand that this is not a list that must be followed to obtain positive results.

It would be tempting to consider the fundamentals of a Living Free life to be the disciplines, rules, and requirements necessary to receive what God has promised us. But we must not fall into the idea that if we do certain things, then we will be rewarded and get what we desire or that we will be protected from harm by following all the “rules.”

This rules-based approach to our spiritual life misses the point. The rules-based thinking is what we use when we are practicing a religion. It is a false notion that we can do certain things to guarantee prescribed benefits and protection. This pattern of thinking is common, but it is so very, very wrong.

The Living Free Plan is a method to develop our relationship with God and trust Him to transform us into the people He designed us to be. We are talking about deepening relationships with our God, and our family of believers. We do this by being aware of one another, spending time together, and working together to accomplish what we are appointed and designed to achieve.

When we are living free, we are motivated by the grace and love that God has shown us and our desire to show those same qualities to the people we encounter.

PRINCIPLES OF LIVING FREE

Here is a quick review of the topics we have considered in this Living Free experience.

Life

We are born into a world in which we have no choice about important areas of our lives. Every life is different, and some people live in circumstances that are more favorable than others. Even so, we are all loved by God who desires a relationship with us and has a plan for our ultimate good.

People everywhere desire a happy life for themselves and especially for their children. They are happiest when life is pleasant. Pleasant lives are not guaranteed, but we can enjoy good lives as we live in relationship with God and are transformed to be like Him.

Our lives are transformed when we understand the goodness of God and how He wants to relate with us. Whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, we can live a good life as God lives in us and gives us a life that reflects His character to the world.

Challenges

We can be blindsided by events that bring great pain and stress to us. We can be traumatized and become disoriented. The distress we feel can overwhelm us and we look for relief.

Unfortunately, the things that are the most effective in covering our pain often come with the danger of making us dependent on them for survival. These dependencies can separate us from reality but do nothing to heal the actual pain. A better choice is to trust God in times of pain.

When we learn to trust God in the difficult times, we build on the relationship that we have with Him, our faith grows, and our character is developed. Our resilience in times of trouble makes us stronger as we draw near to God and His resources.

Choices

The course of our life is determined by the choices we make in challenging times. We often compromise our character when facing difficult decisions. There are forces inside and outside of us that we must recognize and deal with when choosing our direction.

When we choose to compromise what is right and make unwise decisions, we can find ourselves entangled in problems that trap us before we realize what has happened. We can better avoid entanglement by recognizing the stages of entrapment.

We must learn to be aware that delusion, secrecy, and isolation are forces that will harm us and keep us trapped. And when we are trapped, the harm is not just to ourselves; other people who love us and depend on us are also harmed.

Finding Freedom

There is always a way back if we find ourselves trapped. We must be willing to give up our delusion, secrecy, and isolation. A life audit is a useful tool to get our lives back on track and prevent problems from overwhelming us.

We develop life skills to better understand ourselves and those around us. We also develop the habit of right thinking to help us understand when we are getting off track and developing harmful beliefs.

The most important thing we can do to live a good life is to develop our relationship with God. We develop the habits of prayer, Bible reading, worship, and listening to God moment-by–moment to grow in our relationship to God.

THIS ONE THING I DO

When we learn to focus on the most important aspect of living, everything else falls into place. You must be able to visualize what your best life will look like. When you come to the end of your days how will you feel about the way you spent your life?

Our home is in God, and His will is for us to live a life that reflects His image to everyone we encounter. The character elements listed in 2 Peter 1:3-11 are the markers that guide us to develop our lives to reflect God’s image to the world. An image marked by goodness and unselfish love.

If we develop into the human being God designed us to be we will have fewer regrets when we come to the end of our mortal lives. Our time on earth will have value, our efforts will have been effective and the legacy we leave behind will be one that shows others the path home to the presence of God.

It is important to hold this image in our minds throughout our lives, so when we are facing the end of life, we can share the experience that the Apostle Paul describes in Philippians 3:12-15. He wrote these words while he was in prison in Rome, facing a verdict where he could be executed for his faith. He was unsure if he would live or die. Under this stress he affirmed that he was moving forward in his journey of faith and looking forward to the only thing that mattered to him…to be in the presence of God forever.

I’m not there yet, nor have I become perfect; but I am charging on to gain anything and everything the Anointed One, Jesus, has in store for me—and nothing will stand in my way because He has grabbed me and won’t let me go. Brothers and sisters, as I said, I know I have not arrived; but there’s one thing I am doing: I’m leaving my old life behind, putting everything on the line for this mission. I am sprinting toward the only goal that counts: to cross the line, to win the prize, and to hear God’s call to resurrection life found exclusively in Jesus the Anointed. All of us who are mature ought to think the same way about these matters. If you have a different attitude, then God will reveal this to you as well. For now, let’s hold on to what we have been shown and keep in step with these teachings. (Philippians 3:12-15, The Voice)

WHAT’S NEXT?

Decide now to keep moving forward in your development and your desire to Live Free. Start by attending a Living Free ministry group in your church or area. If there is not one nearby, join an online group and connect with people across the country and around the world who are learning and growing in Living Free groups. Visit the LivingFree.org website and explore which groups are meeting online.

If there is no Living Free ministry in your area, start one! Learn more about the Living Free Academy where you can learn how to begin a local Living Free outreach and train to lead Living Free groups.

Follow the recommendations in the “Living Free for Life” portion of this segment and meet with other likeminded people who are on a similar journey and can help you stay accountable.

The Plan of Salvation

Is there any good reason why you cannot receive Jesus Christ right now?

How to receive Christ:

1. Admit your need (that you are a sinner).

2. Be willing to turn from your sins (repent).

3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you on the cross and rose from the dead.

4. Through prayer, invite Jesus Christ to come in and control your life through the Holy Spirit (receive Him as Savior and Lord).

What to Pray

Dear God,

I know that I am a sinner and need your forgiveness. I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins.

I am willing to turn from my sins.

I now invite Jesus Christ to come into my heart and life as my personal savior.

I am willing, by God’s strength, to follow and obey Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life.

Date

Signature

The Bible says, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13

“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become the children of God.” John 1:12

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:1

• When we receive Christ, we are born into the family of God through the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit who lives within every believer. This process is called regeneration or the new birth.

• Share your decision to receive Christ with another person.

• Connect to a local church.

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Living Free exists to facilitate hope, faith, and freedom by connecting and equipping people with solutions for better living.

If you have enjoyed this study and would like to help equip and connect others to hope, faith, and freedom, visit us online to learn how your contribution can ‘Pay It Forward’.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3