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Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
About the Authors
Dan Strickland served as vice president of Living Free for over 16 years and president for over 10 years. As well as participating in the day-to-day operation of the ministry, he trains churches in the U.S. and internationally to implement Living Free groups. Prior to joining Living Free, he served as adult pastor and counselor in the First Assembly of God Church, Memphis, Tennessee, where Living Free groups involved hundreds of participants in the congregation and community. Dan is a graduate of Central Bible College, and he earned the Master of Divinity degree from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.
Dr. Jimmy Ray Lee is the founder and president emeritus of Living Free, Inc. He is the author of Understanding the Times and several small group studies published by Living Free.
Dr. Lee is the founder and honorary chairman of Project 714 (now known as National Center for Youth Issues), a chemical prevention/ intervention program for schools. He also founded an inner-city ministry called Ark Ministries that reached 600 to 700 young people weekly. He started the Chattanooga Teen Challenge and served as its president for three years. Jimmy served as Nashville Teen Challenge executive director during its formative years.
In 1983 he was awarded the “Service to Mankind Award” presented by the Highland Sertoma Club in Hixson, Tennessee.
Greg W. Keylon, MDiv. has served with Living Free since 2010 both as vice president of operations and as president. He grew up around the ministry of Teen Challenge and saw life transformation happen on a regular basis. God called him into full-time ministry when he was 16 years old, but he followed his own path through the rest of high school and into college. Greg graduated from Memphis State University with a BBA in Management in 1992. After college, while working for FedEx and enrolled into their management training program, God revisited the call He had placed on his life. Greg immediately applied for Seminary Graduate school and in June of 2000, he graduated with a Master’s of Divinity Degree from the Assemblies of God Theological Seminary.
He then served as the Dean of Students at Teen Challenge International Ministry Institute in Jacksonville, Florida for five years. In December of 2005, God called Greg and his wife, Ann, and their young family to Griffin, Georgia to plant a Teen Challenge residential program for teen boys ages 13-17. After five years as the founder and director of Teen Challenge Prayer Mountain Boys Academy, Greg joined the staff of Living Free in September of 2010 as the Vice President of Operations.
Married since 1993, Greg enjoys spending time with his wife and their two adult boys, Nathan and Caleb, and his extended family. Their activities include fishing, hiking, and the following Atlanta Braves baseball.
Greg loves seeing a life transformed by Christ and he believes anyone can be used by God to lead a Living Free support group bringing hope, faith and freedom into the life of individuals, families, communities and generations to come.
Welcome!
Welcome to Leading and Launching Living Free!
Thank you for investing your time into providing a safe space for people who desperately need to know you care and that there is freedom available through the time they spend in your Living Free small groups.
Facilitating Living Free groups is a front-row seat into the transformation taking place in the lives of people who need to know there is hope, faith, and freedom in Christ for their pain, shame, and regrets.
Living Free provides the structure and environment that the Holy Spirit can work in and through to provide healing in our mind, body, emotions, and spirit.
This training provides the essentials for leading/facilitating a Living Free small group. Each section is independent of the others but builds towards providing you with tools and God confidence to lead a group.
There will be video narration, individual reflection, and most importantly, group interaction so you can begin to experience the dynamics that take place when we come together and share our lives with one another.
All through the Bible, it is clear that we are not built to do this life alone. We were made for community with our Heavenly Father and with each other. In the Bible, found in James 5:16, it says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” God assures us that while our relationship with him is personal, it’s not private. The choices and challenges we face are not in isolation. What an opportunity we have to come together in community and find hope, healing, and freedom.
This book will provide you with more information than the video narration will provide so please review this material as a reference to leading a Living Free group.
It is our prayer that you are strengthened in the Lord and encouraged through your journey in learning how to be an effective Living Free “Facilitator”/group leader. The term “facilitator” is used throughout this guide to describe those who lead groups.
If you have any questions about any of the material found in this guide, please reach out to us at Living Free info@livingfree.org or 423-899-4770.
The LORD bless you as He uses you to provide a safe space where God will transform their lives, their families, and communities.
The Living Free Team
Facilitator Training
LEADING & LAUNCHING
WELCOME
Welcome and Opening Instructions
Thank you for being a part of this small group facilitation training. Our prayer is that you will begin to experience what God does through His Word, His Spirit and His people.
Please form Small Groups
Number off according to how many people are present so that your group sizes are no more than 5-7 people.
The Sharing Question
GROUP EXERCISE
Go around your group and ask each person to answer the following:
• State Your Name
• Where you are from
• State one word that describes how you are feeling right now.
FACILITATOR TRAINING
LEADING & LAUNCHING LIVING FREE
The Small Group Strategy
INTRODUCTION
ONESegment
As you experience this lesson, look for answers to these questions: It does not take an expert to lead a group. What are the three things needed more than anything else?
What is the role of the facilitators in a Living Free small group?
What characteristics are important for a facilitator to demonstrate?
The Small Group Strategy
SMALL GROUPS - THE FOUNDATION OF LIVING FREE
Even though you can use any of the Living Free topics to start your Living Free ministry, it is recommended that everyone in Living Free, even a potential facilitator, starts with an Insight Group. This nine-session group expands on some of the basic principles we’ve touched on in the Living Free Awareness portion of the training. After that, a person may choose to go on to groups that address specific issues or general discipleship topics.
James 5:16 NIV
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
In an Insight Group, members learn how to help people with life-controlling problems, how to prevent those problems from developing in their own lives, and how to overcome existing life-controlling problems. Each person in the group has his or her own issues, whether he or she realizes it or not.
Sample Group Introduction
Group Format
A TYPICAL GROUP FORMAT HAS FOUR SECTIONS
Introduction:
This is a warm-up time when group members get to know one another. There are usually general questions asked to get everyone talking. Ex: What is your favorite food.
Self-Awareness (20–25 minutes):
This is a time when group members talk about the issues they’re facing as they relate to the subject matter.
Spiritual Awareness (20–25 minutes):
This is when the group discusses what the Bible has to say about these issues.
Application (20–25 minutes):
This is a time to apply or brainstorm ways to apply spiritual truths to life issues.
This format is followed in all Living Free small group curricula and is explained in each of the facilitator’s guides. Facilitators should always plan each session with this format in mind—each section is important.
EACH SMALL GROUP HAS A FACILITATOR AND A CO-FACILITATOR
The word facilitator means “one who makes something easier to do.” In Living Free groups, the most important task of the facilitators is to create a safe place where it is easy for people to level with the group. Some people fear sharing their struggles with the group. The facilitators help members feel safe in the group by . . .
• Keeping the group discussion confidential.
• Not pretending to “have it all together” or talking down to others.
• Being first to share until others feel confident enough to go first.
• Accepting people where they are without being judgmental.
• Never scolding or showing disrespect.
• Being gentle but persistent in care-fronting delusion.
• Being humble, knowing that any of us are capable of falling.
• Always being there before the members arrive.
• Creating an atmosphere of warmth and trust.
• Opening the group sessions with prayer.
• Promoting the ease of discussion.
In the first Insight Group session, the facilitator explains the group’s purpose, clarifies ground rules, and monitors the group’s comfort level. The facilitator urges the group members to speak within their own comfort levels and emphasizes that no one is forced to share. Confidentiality is stressed.
FACILITATORS MUST KNOW THEIR LIMITATIONS
Facilitators are laypersons, not professional clinicians. They need to know when to refer a person to a professional.
People using alcohol or other drugs, people with mental illnesses, those who are a danger to themselves or others, and those with other major issues in their lives may need to be referred to a pastor, a social worker, counselor, or other professional. We recommend that churches put together a list of resource people and agencies for referral.
The facilitator’s job is to guide the group toward the solutions that the Holy Spirit offers. He or she is not expected to have all of the answers—that is God’s territory. If members have need of professional help, they should consult professional Christian caregivers. Facilitators and other group members are not qualified to offer psychological or medical care.
CHRIST-CENTERED
To help people overcome their struggles, the group must be centered around Christ.
Small groups where Christ is the focus can bring wholeness in Christ to those who are struggling with life-controlling problems. Helping each other overcome life-controlling problems is good, but the emphasis should always be on spiritual growth. To accomplish this, it is important for groups to have a planned curriculum that focuses on biblical principles.
The wheel to the right represents a Christ-centered small group. The spokes represent the group members, and Christ is the hub. As the group members come near Christ, the hub, they also develop a closeness with one another.
When the group facilitators become the center of the small group— the spiritual or psychological gurus—group members may form a dependent relationship with them. Facilitators should stand together with group members, not as superiors.
If a philosophy becomes the center of the small group, emptiness or even deception among group members is the likely result. Philosophies that mislead groups include intellectualism, speculations, or logical-sounding arguments that neglect Christ as preeminent.
Small Group Dynamics
It is our experience and desire to see life transformation happen in each of your Living Free groups. It is important to be patient with the process. There are five elements we believe has the potential of happening that leads to what Christ does in the group.
Experiencing Freedom through the Word of God, the Spirit of God, and the people of God.
ELEMENTS OF THE PROCESS OVER THE LIFE OF THE GROUP:
• Trust – Learning to depend on one another
• Mutuality – Common ground and understanding we are not alone
• Affirmation – Active listening and giving encouraging feedback
• Accountability – Helping each other
SMALL GROUP INTERACTION
(Pause video and discuss the following, through the end of the chapter in your small groups.)
SPIRITUAL AWARENESS LEAD-IN
What is the facilitator’s role in a Christ-centered small group?
Living Free emphasizes Christ as the center of each small group. Paul writes, “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever! Amen (Romans 11:36).
Read Hebrews 12:2
“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” NIV
Who is the focus in this verse?
Read John 15:5
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” NIV
Why is it so necessary to keep Jesus the center of our groups and life?
Read Colossians 1:15-20
”He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”NIV
Why are verses 17-18 so important to a Christ-centered small group?
Ephesians 2:22
“And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” NIV
How does Christ bring togetherness in a Christ-centered group regardless of social status, race, or gender?
APPLICATION
Discuss the following questions as a group.
1. What benefits have you found in keeping Christ the center of your life?
2. What do you see as your role in facilitating a Living Free group?
3. What proactive things can a facilitator or group leader do to make a group feel comfortable and safe?
4. If you have been in a group that didn’t feel safe, what made that environment not work for you?
5. In what areas do you think you need to grow in order to be an effective facilitator? List these in the space below.
FACILITATOR TRAINING
LEADING & LAUNCHING LIVING FREE
TWOSegment
Effective Facilitation and Communication
INTRODUCTION
As you experience this session, look for answers to these questions: What does a facilitator do?
What are some facilitator tips?
What key things are important to remember as we’re care-fronting?
Facilitation & Communication
PERSONAL REFLECTION AND GROUP DISCUSSION
Define the word “Facilitator”.
Then discuss your answer with the group.
Defining Facilitation
A Christ-centered small group offers a setting where people can break free from their traps.
Facilitation: Helping people process their life through the lens of the Word of God, guided by the Spirit of God, and through the encouragement of the people of God.
PERSONAL REFLECTION AND GROUP DISCUSSION
Effective Facilitator Qualities
Take a look at the list of qualities below and circle the ones that are easier for you and draw a line under the qualities that are more of a challenge for you.
CHRISTLIKENESS
As leaders we no longer can be “lost in the crowd,” just doing our own thing, unconcerned about what others think. Those we lead may imitate our example—the places we go, the things we do, and what we say. If our actions are not Christlike, we will lead them down the wrong path. Ask yourself this question: “Is Jesus pleased with what I am doing and saying?”
THE SPIRIT OF A SERVANT
God places us in ministry so that we might serve, love, and care for those we lead. We must never feel we can rule or dictate to others. Keep in mind that even God respects a person’s free will. Leadership is for the purpose of serving.
A SHEPHERD’S HEART
It is important to see beyond present difficulties and to recognize the amazing potential for change that each group member has in Christ. A shepherd will exhibit firm love and gentle encouragement in the process of leading people to a richer relationship with God. We accept people as they are, so we help them become all God intends them to be.
LOVE AND HOSPITALITY
This involves giving of yourself—even to those who are unlovely. The Amplified Bible speaks boldly of this subject in 1 Peter 4:9: “Practice hospitality to one another—that is, those of the household of the faith.”
ANOINTED ENTHUSIASM
Your small group will never exceed your personal plateau of enthusiasm. If you don’t get inspired and motivated about what you are leading and doing, neither will anyone else! Usually, people are not projecting as much enthusiasm as they think they are.
A TEACHABLE SPIRIT
Every facilitator has room for improvement, and the ability to accept constructive criticism without being defensive is a great strength. No person is always right. A leader can never teach others if he or she is not willing to be taught.
SUBMISSIVE TO AUTHORITY
The Living Free ministry in a local church or ministry is subject to the leadership of the local organization. Living Free is not designed to be done by “freelancers” who are not subject to a structured spiritual authority. Facilitators of groups must be willing to come under the authority of the sponsoring organization.
PREPAREDNESS
People who come to the groups expect the facilitators to be prepared to lead. This includes prayer preparation, knowledge of the Bible passages being studied, and a willingness to devote full attention to the group. For a leader to be unprepared and to fail to “do his homework” is a sure predictor of failure just ahead.
Facilitator Tips
LISTEN MORE, TALK LESS
Jesus asked a lot of questions to his disciples. More wisdom is gained through the questions you ask that the information you give. This allows your participants to process their pain and gain insight into what has been and what can be to bring encouragement and change.
WHAT TO EXPECT AS A FACILITATOR
It is okay to feel inadequate. This is a great place to be so you can rely on the Holy Spirit. You are the vehicle God wants to use in bringing change to the lives of your group members.
Effective Communication Tools
EFFECTIVE FACILITATION & COMMUNICATION TOOLS
Our personal goal should be to replace isolation with sharing.
In a safe environment, even a shy person will open up and level with others eventually. A foundation of trust is laid as the group bonds over several meetings. Some people aren’t ready to share in the first few meetings. Others require even more time and patience. The important thing is that the facilitator doesn’t pressure anyone into sharing beyond his or her level of comfort.
Leveling isn’t easy for anyone, but facilitators can help others be open by setting a personal example the group can follow and by modeling healthy communication skills.
GROUP DISCUSSION
Carefronting
Care-fronting is confronting in a caring way. (Have people in your group read portions of this section out loud to the group and then answer the questions at the end of this section as a group)
Living Free groups employ a communication technique called care-fronting when it is necessary to confront delusion and denial. You messages are important when carefronting.
“YOU”
AND “I” MESSAGES
“You” messages
“You” messages communicate disrespect and judgment, thereby keeping people from leveling. “You” messages accuse the other person of doing things wrong. “You” messages tend to increase conflict by making the other person more defensive. They may cause the other person to feel put down, rejected, resistant, or unimportant.
“I” messages
On the other hand, “I” messages help open up pathways of nonthreatening communication. When I take responsibility for how I feel, then you don’t feel so put down.
This type of message helps to communicate your feelings regarding the other person’s behavior and its effect on you without strengthening the defenses of the other person.
“I” messages deal with facts rather than evaluation. They communicate honesty and openness. “I” messages are less likely to cause harm to the relationship than “you” messages.
The self-esteem of the other person is not attacked. An “I” message is different from a “you” message in that the speaker takes responsibility for his or her own feelings.
HOW TO COMPOSE AN “I” MESSAGE
You can follow this formula when learning how to form an “I” message: “When” (describe the situation); “I feel” (describe your feelings about the situation); “because” (offer an explanation if you choose to).
Example:“When you arrive home late and I don’t know where you are or when to expect you, I feel afraid, worried, and eventually angry because I think you may have been in an accident.” Contrast this to a “you” message, which might say: “You are so thoughtless, rude, and inconsiderate to come home late without notifying me. Can’t you ever think of anyone besides yourself! Don’t you care about my feelings?”
We are most useful as care-fronters when we are not so much trying to change other people as we are trying to help them see themselves more accurately. Care-fronting works like showing people their reflections in a mirror or having them watch a video of themselves. They get a perspective on themselves that they cannot achieve any other way. This way the change will be sincere, not the result of manipulation.
Carefully frame your words to help a person level and respond honestly.
Carefronting risks conflict but tries to minimize it by gently communicating in a way that does not make the hearer more defensive. We make it easier when we let the person know that we respect and care for him or her.
5 TOOLS OF CAREFRONTING
Below are some things to remember when carefronting:
• Focus your feedback on the action, not on the actor.
This gives the person the freedom to change his behavior without feeling personal rejection. Example: “When someone criticizes people who are not present, as you were doing a moment ago, I get uptight. I’d encourage you to say what you have to say to the person.”
• Focus your feedback on your observations, not your conclusions.
Comment not on what you think, imagine, or infer but on what you have actually seen or heard. Conclusions will evoke immediate defensiveness. Example: “You are not looking at me and not answering when I speak. Please give me your attention and answer.”
• Focus your feedback on descriptions, not judgments. Do not comment on another’s behavior as nice or rude, right or wrong. Use a clear, accurate description in neutral language. When a value judgment is received, there is a momentary break in contact. Example: “I am aware that your reply to my request for information was silence. Please tell me what this means.”
• Focus feedback on ideas, information, and alternatives, not advice and answers.
Comment not with instructions on what to do with the data you have to offer but with the data, the facts, the additional options. The more options that are available, the less likely it is that a person will come to a
premature solution. Example: “I have several other options that you may have thought about, but let me run them by you again.”
• Focus feedback not on why, but on what and how.
“Why” critiques values, motives, and intents. “Why” is judgmental; “what” and “how” relate to observable actions, behaviors, words, and tone of voice. Example: “Here is where we are; let’s examine it.”
Care-fronting should be done in a caring, gentle, constructive, and clear manner. Never care-front in a way that could be interpreted as blaming, shaming, or punishing.
Adapted from the book Caring Enough to Confront by David Augsburger. (Scottdale, PA: Herald Press. Used by permission.)
GROUP DISCUSSION
Why is it important to use “I” messages instead of “You” messages when carefronting?
Of the five tools for carefronting, which one(s) stand(s) out to you and why?
What happens when we use these tools to show others their delusion?
Keys to Being an Effective Facilitator
KEYS TO BEING AN EFFECTIVE FACILITATOR
Creating Community – Have a welcoming attitude and an accepting body posture
Know Your Limitations – Don’t give advice but point people to the Bible and Christian Counseling.
Living Free Group Format – Introduction, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Awareness, & Application
Start and End with Prayer – Invite the Holy Spirit into your groups and take prayer requests.
Ground Rules for Groups – Confidentiality is a must
Follow the Curriculum and Keep it Christ Centered – Each Living Free study is designed to be followed so that the Word of God is presented, the Holy Spirit guides, and the people of God gives encouragement.
A facilitator needs certain main qualities to be effective:
• A Servant’s Heart
• Emotional Stability
• A Commitment to Be Like Christ
Additional material on being an effective facilitator:
IT IS THE FACILITATOR’S JOB TO . . .
• Open the meetings with prayer.
• Stick to the time schedule.
• Have a co-facilitator.
• Ask questions.
• Work within your limitations.
• Listen actively.
• Respect each group member’s comfort level.
• Keep the group focused and on time.
• Share his or her own feelings and experiences at appropriate moments.
• Facilitate—keep the process going.
• Keep Christ at the center of the group.
• Set a tone that balances sensitivity and humor.
IT IS NOT THE FACILITATOR’S JOB TO . . .
• Do group therapy (open deep wounds).
• Do most of the talking.
• Give advice.
• Judge.
• Answer most of the questions.
• Interpret what group members say, instead, reflect what they say.
• Dominate the group in any way.
• Forget to pray regularly for each group member.
SPIRITUAL AWARENESS
It is important to provide an environment for healing and growth. Paul writes, “But we were gentle among you. . . . We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8).
Eight Core Conditions of Helping
One way to create an environment of healing and growth is to practice the Eight Core Conditions of Helping.
Gary Sweeten, in Apples of Gold I and Apples of Gold II (adaptations of the work of Robert Carkhuff), shows eight qualities that are necessary for any person to be effective in helping relationships.
1. ACCURATE EMPATHY
Read Philippians 2:3-4
“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” NLT
How should we think of others?
Empathy is accurately perceiving what another person is saying and feeling. It is also communicating to the other person that you understand him or her while keeping an emotional separation. There is a difference between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is feeling the feelings of another person and experiencing what that person is experiencing.
The following illustration communicates the difference between empathy and sympathy well: While walking down the street, a man heard someone yell for help. Looking up, he saw a woman standing on a fire escape, yelling that a fire had broken out in her apartment and asking for someone to call the fire department.
A. A sympathetic man would begin to cry out, tremble in fear, and identify with the woman. He would be immobilized by his emotional relationship because he could actually feel the same feelings as the victim.
B. An empathetic person would:
1. Accurately see the woman’s need.
2. Understand her feelings of concern but not feel them to the same level.
3. Accurately hear her request.
4. Respond appropriately.
2. WARMTH
Read Romans 12:10
”Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” NLT
What kind of affection should we show?
Warmth is primarily communicated nonverbally through a smile, a twinkle in the eye, body language, and non-possessive touch. It is the opposite of being given the “cold shoulder.” Various churches are often seen as “cold” or “warm” congregations, depending on the “climate” of the people.
By warmly attending to another person, we communicate openness, love, and acceptance. This enables others to develop trust, and it lessens defensiveness. Warmth is a primary component in facilitating openness on the part of the seeker.
3. RESPECT
Read 1 Peter 2:17
“Respect everyone and love the family of believers. Fear God, and respect the king.”
To whom should we show respect?
Respect is the most basic and most crucial of all the core conditions because it is most closely related to agape love. Respect indicates that I give people unconditional love, dropping conditions for acceptance. It does not mean that I cannot confront someone or hold a person accountable. On the contrary, it requires that I respect others enough to do just that.
Respect for all persons will cause us to . . .
• Initially suspend all conclusions and judgments, looking beyond sin to the person.
• Avoid labeling people.
• Take other people seriously, treating them as equals, not as inferiors.
• Never offer quick solutions to problems but trust people to come to their own conclusions.
• Be interested in the person’s concerns.
• Never show preference because of wealth, race, or social status.
4. GENUINENESS
Read Philippians 2:5-8
“You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” NLT
We find our best model for genuineness in the life of Christ. What kind of attitude did He show?
When we are genuine, we do not attempt to wear a mask on the outside to project an image of ourselves that is false. However, being genuine doesn’t mean that you have to be brutally honest and transparent to everyone you meet about everything that is happening in your life. It does mean that you need to learn how to share with the world in an honest manner those thoughts, feelings, and concerns that are true to your own being.
5. SELF-DISCLOSURE
Read James 5:16
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” NLT
What are the two things that James tells us to do in this passage?
It is important to be able to share insights, experiences, and wisdom from your life as a helper in such a way that others may gain insight into dealing with their own issues and concerns.
Self-disclosure is probably the most often used and abused of all the eight core conditions.
Self-disclosure is one thing that people do not need to be taught, because it comes naturally to us. However, because of that, self-disclosure is often poorly used as a sincere attempt to help others. We must be careful that our self-disclosure does not become an inappropriate habit that closes off relationships instead of opening them up. Facilitators can develop a habit of talking too much about themselves; this will bore and offend group members. Effective helpers always listen more and self-disclose less.
6. CONCRETENESS
Read Luke 14:28-29
“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you.” NLT
How does this verse deal with specifics?
Concreteness forms the bridge from the general to the specific. Since active listening opens people up to share large amounts of information in the process of self-exploration, it is important to consider how you might help people move from the general to the specific so that appropriate action can ultimately be taken. There is biblical support for being specific in helping. One of these principles is this: Be sure to take all the facts into consideration prior to deciding a major course of action (this implies using concreteness). Biblical faith enables us to look squarely at the facts, yet have faith in God’s deliverance, mercy, and power.
7. CONFRONTATION
Read John 8:11
“No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” NLT
How does Jesus use both caring and confronting in this verse?
Facilitators have to be able to confront people with the truth in a loving way to help them break free of their deluded thinking. Living Free uses the term care-fronting, coined by David Augsburger.
8. IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK
Read Proverbs 27:5-6
”An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” NLT
In what ways is immediate feedback which may include painful moments better for you than words from those who will not speak the truth to you?
When people in the group believe that you genuinely care for them, they will open up more. An important way caring is communicated is by giving people immediate feedback when they are sharing. Feedback is verbal and nonverbal, but it always communicates to the person speaking that you are interested in what he or she is saying.
INDIVIDUAL REFLECTION AND GROUP DISCUSSION
After your group has discussed the Core Conditions of Helping and answered the questions, please circle the ones you do well and underline the ones you need to work on.
Accurate Empathy
Warmth
Respect
Genuineness
Self-Disclosure
Concreteness
Confrontation
Immediate Feedback
APPLICATION:
Discuss the following questions as a group.
In Colossians 4:6, the apostle Paul writes, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” What do you think a conversation “full of grace, seasoned with salt” means?
In what ways are “I” messages helpful and “You” messages hurtful? Can you think of any times when you have used “I” messages to defuse a tense situation?
What is the difference between care-fronting and confronting someone? Which do you think people do more often, and why?
Can you think of a time when someone care-fronted you? Use the space below to describe how you felt during that experience. If you’ve care-fronted someone recently, how did that person respond?
Which of the eight core conditions of helping do you possess naturally? Which ones will be the most challenging for you to develop?
FACILITATOR TRAINING
LEADING & LAUNCHING LIVING FREE
THREESegment
Launching Living Free Groups
INTRODUCTION
As you experience this segment, look for answers to these questions:
Why is Living Free appropriate for everyone in your church, and how can it benefit them?
What are the steps to launching a Living Free ministry?
What are the ongoing needs and aspects of maintaining an effective Living Free ministry?
What does our congregation need to know about Living Free?
Steps to Getting Started & The Process
Steps to Launching Living Free & The Process
1. Training Series – Invite everyone from your congregation to the workshop (7 hours, including lunch – Ask $25-$35 for registration which includes a guide ($20) and lunch.
2. Form your team - Select 4-10 people to become your LF Core team.
3. Take your Living Free Team & Facilitators through the Insight Group (9 Segments)
4. Plan for starting groups – As your leaders are going through the Insight group, plan for when you will be launching groups for your church. Advertise to the congregation (Signups, information table, brochures, social media, etc.)
5. Core Team to meet often to plan for future groups. (Always have an Insight Group as the initial group and have other groups available, depending on the number of facilitators and co-facilitators.
These steps and others are given in more detail next:
GROUP DISCUSSION
How do you get started? It’s easy if you follow the eight steps
STEPS TO ESTABLISHING A LIVING FREE MINISTRY
1. Conduct the Living Free training. This training series can benefit anyone in the church, so the first step is to expose as many people as possible in your congregation to the training described in this book. You do the training yourself or have one of our nationally-certified faculty come to your church and lead the session for you.
2. Conduct initial Insight Groups for your facilitators and any other interested leaders. Everyone who becomes a Living Free facilitator needs to go through an Insight Group. From the group you train using the Living Free curriculum, you should choose facilitators and co-facilitators to conduct your Insight Groups.
3. Appoint a Living Free team leader (Coordinator) and form your Core Leadership Team. After conducting the first Insight Group, you should have a good idea of who should be on your Core Team. Those people who have a heart and an aptitude for leading groups should be chosen by the church leadership to serve. The Core Team Manual that you can order from Living Free provides step-by-step guidance. This group, led by a Core Team Coordinator, will implement the Living Free ministry in your church and will help facilitate follow-up small groups.
4. Identify the topics for the small groups you will offer. The Core Team should plan the next groups to be offered after the Insight Group based upon the needs of your congregation and community. Living Free has a wide range of small group resources for support groups of all types. Normally a church will have an Insight Group forming at regular intervals as new people express an interested in joining. We suggest everyone participate in the Insight Group as a prerequisite for joining the other groups. You will also want to provide Free to Grow groups— these groups are specifically designed to minister to those who have experienced setbacks or disappointment. Free to Grow prepares participants for the “Appropriate Ministry” phase.
5. Establish an intercessory prayer group—or incorporate prayer for Living Free into an existing prayer group. Prayer is essential to helping people overcome life-controlling problems.
6. Plan for outreach. Many churches have found that segments 1-4 of the Living Free training and the Insight Group are excellent entry points for outreach. Advertise your groups to the community through newspaper and social media.
7. Develop a communications plan. Determine the most effective ways to get the word out about your new Living Free ministry. The Living Free promo video, testimonies, bulletins inserts, and flyers are all excellent ways to publicize.
8. Implement the Living Free flow chart described next.
The Big Picture
The training you have just covered in this guide is just the entry point to the Living Free group ministry. For your church to have a viable, ongoing Living Free ministry, it is best to follow the process described in the flow chart on the next page. The goal is to move down the flow chart from creating: Awareness of life-controlling problems to
Affirmation of people to Living free.
LIVING FREE MODELS OF MINISTRY
Determine the model which best fits your current vision and be willing to use Living Free to reach your church and community.
Church* – Relevant, Biblical small groups facilitated by members of your congregation
Community** – Individual or a group of churches forming neutral site support groups
Corrections** – Small group ministry inside county, state, and federal corrections facilities
Connected – Online groups and training
Corporation – Marketplace ministry developing groups in businesses
*For the Church model of Living Free Ministry, please refer to the Living Free Team Manual for more details on launching churchbased Living Free groups.
**For the Community and Corrections Models, please refer to the Living Free Community Start-Up and Operating Manual.
Living Free can benefit everyone in the church because we all have struggles and problems.
Every week, people of all ages go to church, their jobs and school giving the impression on the outside that all is well in their lives. But inside many are struggling or harboring secret pain. They may feel trapped by issues that are controlling their lives. It could be a relationship problem. Anger or bitterness. Pride. Abuse of alcohol, drugs, credit cards, digital devices, or the internet. The list goes on because we live in an addictive culture that touches most of us. Whatever is holding us back from our relationship with God is a life-controlling challenge.
Many of these people could benefit from individualized concern or counsel from a pastor, but pastors can’t possible handle all of the problems and struggles in their church and community. That’s where Living Free comes in.
Using biblically based principles, Living Free groups give people a safe place to deal with the private pain that rarely surfaces in public situations. It’s also a place where you can learn to help others—family members and friends—to avoid life-controlling problems.
In today’s churches and communities, we see the need more and more for relationship-based ministry so that we can help each other deal with struggles we face in daily living. Churches need a healthy combination of corporate worship of God and small groups that focus on relationships and felt needs, drawing people to turn to Jesus and the Word of God to find answers.
You might feel that you don’t need this kind of ministry, but your presence may be the very difference in someone’s life. God calls us to share our lives with others. If you are willing to share your life with others in this small group ministry, you may turn out to be a lifesaver to someone who desperately needs help ... and in the process, you just might find that you have had needs in your life met as well.
Small Group Flow Chart
How is this Flow Chart Implemented?
Through a local church Core Team (ministry team) based on the Living Free Training Series and the Core Team Manual
Awareness
Train yourself to be Godly (1 Timothy 4:7).
Assessment
Examine yoursleves to see whether you are (or where you are) in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5).
Advancement
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13).
Appropriate Ministry
God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18).
Where to Go from Here:
You now know all the steps to launch a Living Free ministry in your church or ministry setting. In summary,
1. Review and implement the 8 Steps outlined earlier in this section describing how to establish an effective Living Free ministry. You have already completed the first step—you conducted the Living Free workshop & facilitator training using this series.
2. Order the Living Free Team Manual and materials for the Insight Group, which comes next. Simply call us at 1.800.879.4770 or order from our website at www.livingfree.org.
3. Repeat the process on an ongoing basis because offering the introductory Living Free training series (particularly Segments 1 to 4) is a good entry point for small groups.
APPLICATION
To close out this series, discuss the following questions as a group.
1. Why is a master plan important to the success of any ministry, particularly Living Free?
2. Satan is eager to stop our efforts to help people find freedom in Christ. What are some obstacles that could keep this ministry from getting off the ground? How can we begin to deal with those issues?
3. Look at the list of reasons why new ministries fail in the Knowing More section. How can we address these issues before we initiate Living Free in our church?
The Bible promises freedom: “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36). We pray that through your ministry, you will help many people walk confidently in Christ, free from lifecontrolling problems. May God bless you.
CONCLUSION : CONGRATULATIONS
Set up a time for your core team of facilitators to go through an Insight group together and pray and plan for launching and leading your first Living Free groups. Plan to offer this workshop and facilitator training series at least two times per year to provide continuing education and to attract new facilitators.
FACILITATOR TRAINING
LEADING & LAUNCHING LIVING FREE
Knowing More
INTRODUCTION
BONUSSegment
In this section are additional resources that will be valuable in helping you implement a Living Free Ministry, improve facilitation skills, and better understand the trap of life-controlling problems.
Common Reasons Why New Ministries in the Church Fail
As you consider launching a Living Free ministry, keep in mind these four common reasons why new ministries in churches often fail.
Ministries fail if they don’t meet a real need. Do you know the needs of the people in your congregation? Where are they hurting? What issues are causing them to struggle? Does Living Free address some of these issues?
Ministries fail if the minister does not give full support to the ministry. It is important that the minister publicly endorse the ministry, be involved in the launch of it, and attend initial meetings. When the minister offers vision and encouragement by treating the ministry as a vital contribution to the church’s mission, Living Free small groups will be effective.
Ministries fail if they are poorly organized. Living Free has a definite organizational structure. Follow the structure laid out in our curricula to avoid this pitfall.
Ministries fail if they lack committed leadership. Core Team members need to have a clear responsibility and be committed to the ministry. Facilitators are encouraged to attend Core Team meetings once or twice a month. These meetings provide a place for facilitators to receive support and be ministered to as well as participate in planning.
More about the Coordinator and Core Team
Throughout this training, we have mentioned the Coordinator and Core Team for your Living Free ministry. As you can see, they handle many important responsibilities.
The pastor can suggest a possible Coordinator and can invite people to be on the Core Team. Or, someone in the congregation can volunteer to coordinate Living Free. The Coordinator schedules the Core Team meetings and is the contact for the pastor. The Coordinator also helps train new leaders.
Before Core Team members begin running the ministry, they need to go through Living Free training and participate in an Insight Group together. This sends three important messages to the congregation:
• Helpers need to know their own spiritual and emotional needs.
• This ministry is for everyone, not just for “problem people.”
• Helpers need on-the-job training.
Living Free is not a one-time experience or a disjointed array of small groups. It is a process.
The foundation of any process-oriented ministry is a master plan. The Core Team needs a prayerful assessment of where it wants the ministry to go. This Core Team sets up a master plan and communicates it to the congregation. The Core Team Manual outlines the basics of this plan, which is comprehensive, detailed, and flexible.
In order for the process to keep going, new facilitators need to be encouraged and trained on an ongoing basis. Some churches may want to run the Living Free training using this DVD series every quarter or every six months. Every participant in the Living Free training should be viewed as a potential facilitator of future groups.
Considerations for Growing a Living Free Ministry in Your Church
• To be successful, the ministry will need the same priority given to other important ministries of the church.
• Everyone needs to understand that becoming a facilitator is a process of mutual discernment that includes the individual’s desire to lead a group and the Core Team’s agreement that he or she is ready to lead.
• Always recruit church leaders to participate in the groups. The more leaders that go through the groups, the fewer people will believe that the groups are only for those who are “really having problems.”
• Avoid stigmatizing the Living Free ministry! People will resist attending groups where they are labeled. This is why you must promote the Insight Group as a positive experience appropriate for everyone.
• Teamwork is important—there is strength in numbers. Without the team approach, helpers are likely to become overburdened.
• Members of the Core Team should be respected by the congregation, trustworthy, and committed to Christ.
• The Living Free model is designed to be flexible. You can choose how to use it to best fit the structure of your ministry.
• After your group facilitators gain experience, you will want to reach out to your community to meet people where they are hurting.
• It may take some time to start a helping ministry for people with life-controlling problems. Some people will take the “wait and see” approach. They need support, but it may take time to gain their confidence.
• Facilitators should never make claims concerning a leader’s ability or the group’s ability to solve a participant’s problem. Keep the focus on Christ and biblical principles.
• Confidentiality should be explained during the orientation session of the group. What is discussed in the group should not be mentioned outside the group. Facilitators should explain that confidentiality will be broken if people are a danger to themselves or to others (i.e., the revealing of suicidal tendencies or the reporting of child abuse).
• Group leaders should be aware of their limitations. Some participants may need the care of professional Christian counselors. See Core Team Manual for additional information.
(FAQ) Frequently Asked Questions about Living Free Groups
Q: Can participants be added to the groups after they have started?
A: It is best not to receive new members after the first or second session. Since each session builds on the previous session, adding new members after you are more than two sessions into the series will hinder the trust level.
Q: Where do people go if groups have already started and they need help?
A: The first 5 segments of Living Free are an effective introduction to life-controlling problems or you may want to have a topical subject group for people to join until the next Insight Group opens up. It is good to have Insight Groups starting every two to three weeks so new participants can join without much delay.
Q: Do you suggest same-gender groups?
A: It is okay, but probably not best for normal routine. Having same-gender groups could leave the impression that heavy and deep, secret problems are being shared and this may frighten some people from joining the groups. Since we live in a society of males and females, coed groups would deal with that reality. However, it is best to have same-gender groups if the emphasis is sexual in nature (abuse, addiction, etc.).
Q: Should specific sexual sins or acts be discussed in the small group setting?
A: No. The discussion of sexual sins often leads to lustful thinking among group members and may lead some to unholy bonding. For this reason a person dealing with a sexual sin should say that he or she is dealing with impurity and not discuss the details. For those who need more intense help that may involve details, we suggest that those discussions be with a mature, godly person who can handle the information.
Q: Can the Living Free concept be integrated into a church that already has active small groups or cell groups?
A: Yes. We recommend that all small group leaders go through the Living Free DVD series, which will help prepare them for meaningful ministry in this culture. All cell group participants will benefit from participating in the Insight and Free to Grow Groups and focused “Appropriate Ministry” groups as needed.
Q: When is it best to conduct the Living Free groups?
A: There are various approaches that churches use. Most churches take childcare into consideration. It is good to meet when childcare is available, or group members may want to hire a childcare supervisor with a collection each week.
Q: Should the same group leaders stay with the same group for more than one group series (Insight Group, Concerned Persons, Stepping into Freedom, etc.)?
A: Caution should be exercised about group members’ becoming overly attached to group leaders or the group becoming introverted. It is probably best not to keep the same leaders and participants together for more than two courses unless personnel constraints prevent such planning.
Sample Group Member Letter
Below is a sample letter that can be used as a guide to enroll participants. This letter gives important information about how your ministry is not a substitute for medical or psychological care.
Dear Friend,
Welcome to the (insert your ministry name) ministry of the ______________________ Church.
We are pleased you have chosen to be a part of this ministry. Each person in our ministry is trained to listen, pray, and help others find biblical wisdom with which to guide their lives. Although we believe that all of us are created in God’s image and consist of a body, soul, and spirit, our approach is primarily spiritual and biblical rather than simply psychological or physiological. However, we all attempt to live our lives and carry out our ministry in consistency with sound psychological principles that are in harmony with biblical principles. Each of our group leaders has been through a training program that emphasizes the importance of human relationships built on Christian theology and the power of the Holy Spirit.
It is important for you as a group participant to realize that we in the (insert your ministry name) ministry of ______________________ Church are not a substitute for medical or psychological care.
We never advise anyone to stop taking medication or cancel their doctor’s care.
We give our time, compassion, and love solely as caring lay persons who want to be channels of Christ’s love to people who are hurting and who desire wholeness in Christ.
As noncredentialed persons, we promise no professional psychological expertise. However, we do have a desire to see the Lord help you with your struggles. We will join you in prayer.
Below are some guidelines that may be helpful to you as a group member.
• The _____________________ group will meet on ___________________ evenings.
• Sessions will start at _________ and conclude by _________.
• Our groups are normally led by two group facilitators.
• Please call in advance if you cannot attend a group meeting.
(Your name)
(Your ministry name)
Coordinator, ______________________ Church
Thanks to Dr. Terry Lewis for assistance.
Skills and Duties of Great Facilitators
A facilitator does not have to be an expert. Almost anyone can facilitate a Living Free group if they have a heart for people. The essential qualities of a good facilitator are a servant’s heart, emotional stability, and a commitment to becoming like Christ in attitude and behavior. A facilitator does not have to have all of the answers. He or she is there to share, not preach.
A FACILITATOR NEEDS CERTAIN QUALITIES AND SKILLS TO BE EFFECTIVE.
A facilitator should . . .
• Learn by participating in a group.
• Arrive before the group participants.
• Open the meetings with prayer.
• Ask questions.
• Listen actively. Reflect back to the person what you perceive he or she is saying.
• Keep the group focused and on time.
• Share his or her own feelings and experiences at appropriate moments.
• Keep Christ at the center of the group.
• Set a tone that balances sensitivity and humor.
• Keep the group on the topic; avoid “rabbit trails.”
• Establish an atmosphere of warmth and trust where the Holy Spirit is free to work in people’s lives. Help members know that there is trust and confidentiality within the body of Christ.
• Use yes-or-no questions to help quiet people feel comfortable about responding.
• Place the over-talkers out of eye contact. The more eye contact you have with a talkative person, the more it encourages him or her to talk. Place the talkers beside you.
• Facilitate—keep the process going.
• Care-front with respect and sensitivity.
• Respect each group member’s comfort level.
• Create the opportunity for openness.
• Arrange the chairs so members can easily see each other (a circle is best).
facilitator should NOT . . .
• Do most of the talking.
• Answer most of the questions.
• Dominate the group in any way.
• Cut a person off while he or she is speaking.
• Be so focused on one person that you lose the attention of other group members.
• Make judgments or give opinions.
• Expect everyone to be comfortable about sharing right away or to have the same level of openness that others have.
• Assume that a quiet person isn’t getting anything out of the group.
• Do group therapy (open up deep wounds).
• Interpret what group members say; instead, reflect what they say.
• Be a “caretaker.”
• Be a “know-it-all.”
• Permit gossip during the group.
• Be afraid of silence.
• Give advice.
• Neglect to pray regularly for each group member.
FACILITATORS MUST KNOW THEIR LIMITATIONS.
Facilitators are laypersons, not professional clinicians. They need to know when to refer a person to a professional. People using alcohol or other drugs, people with mental illnesses, those who are a danger to themselves or others, and those with other major issues in their lives may need to be referred to a pastor, social worker, counselor, or other professional. Churches should put together a list of resource people and agencies for referral.
Essential Skills for Facilitators to Develop
AVOID BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION
The most common temptation of a leader is to talk the group to death, to dominate it, to explain, and to answer most of the questions, i.e., to be the “super Christian.” This temptation will be aided by the more immature members, who may be dependent upon authoritative figures. These individuals will try to rely on others for the answers instead of thinking for themselves. Any discussion that lasts too long between a leader and an individual loses the rest of the group. Avoid the temptation of feeling that the leader is superior— spiritually or otherwise. Ideally, the function of the leader is to start the discussion, give it direction, and thereafter to simply keep the discussion personal and on track.
MANAGE THE TIME WISELY
Keep the group on schedule with the different segments, but allow flexibility for people to respond to God. Begin and end the session on time, always allowing time at the end for prayer. People need to be able to count on you that the group will end on time. If they are held over, they may not return. If it is plain that you will need more time because someone in the group is sharing and needs additional time for ministry, be sure to officially dismiss the group on time and invite members who can stay longer to do so.
KEEP THE GROUP FOCUSED ON CHRIST AND NOT ON PAST FAILURES AND PAIN
It is okay to explain how the past has impacted our lives, but if the group is allowed to dwell there, the members tend to wallow in their misery and lose sight of how they can respond to God in the present.
GUARD THE COMFORT LEVEL OF GROUP MEMBERS
Although it does not happen often, someone may begin to disclose too many graphic details of his or her life to the group. If you are uncomfortable with the direction the person is going, gently interrupt the person and help him or her understand that some issues are best discussed in a private session with a minister or other trained person.
We recommend that most groups include both men and women. In these settings, when someone is disclosing sexual sin, we suggest that the person not disclose details beyond the simple fact that they are struggling with sexual purity or a personal problem.
PROTECT MEMBERS FROM THOSE WHO WANT TO PLAY “THERAPIST”
Learn to head off members who “interrogate” other members by asking them too many questions. Take charge of the group when any one member is giving advice to another or is trying to interpret what is being said. Don’t let anyone probe other members for details of a painful experience.
If someone in the group starts to probe, say to that person something like, “Let’s let Bill tell it the way he sees it” or “Why don’t we give Bill a chance to finish what he has to say?” Each person shares only what he or she freely chooses to say—and no more.
STEER THE GROUP AWAY FROM CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECTS
Keep the group on subject, and avoid controversial discussions such as politics, personalities, and doctrinal disputes. These will only waste group time and divert attention from the real issues. Some members will use controversy to avoid dealing with their own problems.
LEARN TO LISTEN
Listen with your ears (hear what is being said), with your eyes (be attentive to the one speaking), and with your heart (respond with appropriate emotion). Give each person sharing your undivided attention. Don’t worry about what you are going to say—just be there in the moment, and trust God to work. Give verbal responses to what people say and nonverbal responses to let them know you are there with them.
SET GOOD BOUNDARIES, AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Don’t “take care of” group members; let them solve their own problems. If you begin to try to solve problems of group members, you will eventually burn yourself out. Be aware that codependency is a real trap for some facilitators.
If you begin to feel stressed, talk to your minister and Core Team members.
Challenges and Techniques of Group Communication
Communication in a group is a complex matter. Complexities rise with the number of persons involved. Communication is verbal and nonverbal; it conveys feelings, ideas, hopes, opinions, judgments, and anticipations. Good communication requires the ability to listen and to enter into the experiences of others. A good communicator is able to capably express his or her ideas and feelings to others. Skill in communication requires practice. Often old patterns need to be broken so that new patterns of listening and speaking can be learned.
Discussions are better facilitated when a leader asks a question and looks around the group until someone answers. The leader then asks, “What did others find?” or “What facts did someone else discover?” The leader watches for someone who wants to speak rather than pointing out a specific individual.
When a leader patiently persists with good guiding questions, the members will begin addressing their replies to the group and the group grows from leader centered to group centered.
Seldom answer your own question: Direct queries to the group and wait! If no one responds, then rephrase the question, or just wait it out. Don’t be afraid of silence. Make the group dig for answers. Don’t let your insecurity about silent moments ruin God’s dialogue with members of the group.
When a leader continually directs questions to specific individuals, it may embarrass those persons if they do not have an answer. Directing questions to individuals can result in the group’s becoming dependent on the leader to conduct a series of conversations. Any discussion that lasts too long between a leader and an individual loses the rest of the group.
Facilitation of sharing in a group may entail quieting the compulsive talker and bringing the silent person into the discussion. The first step in quieting an overly talkative person is to stop encouraging his or her behavior. This can be done by breaking eye contact with the speaker and by not nodding your head. Eye contact and nodding the head encourage him or her to keep talking. If this does not work, the next step is to divert the conversation away from the person by means of a question or statement, like “Perhaps someone else would like to share what they have discovered about this”; “While we are on this point, let’s hear from some of the others”; “Can we save your other points until later?”; or “You’ve raised a number of interesting points that should keep us busy a good while. Would anyone else like to comment on them?” If all your “hints” are not successful, you may need to speak with the person privately.
Seating arrangements affect communication: People who sit across from each other speak more to each other than do people sitting next to each other. Make sure everyone can see everyone else. A circle of chairs is best, and eye contact is a must.
Things to Remember when Leading Groups
A stronghold becomes an idol in our lives when it diverts our attention from our relationship with Christ. We begin to trust the idol to help us cope with life, and the idol eventually becomes a substitute for a relationship with God. The second commandment found in God’s Word, the Bible, says: “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:4-5).
Anything that we substitute for God is an idol. Jeffrey Van Vonderen, in his book Good News for the Chemically Dependent, defines an idol as:
Anything besides God to which we turn, positive or negative, in order to find life, value, and meaning is idolatry: Money, property, jewels, sex, clothes, church buildings, educational degrees, anything! Because of Christ’s performance on the cross, life, value, and purpose are available to us in gift form only.
Anything we do, positive or negative, to earn that which is life by our own performance is idolatrous: robbing a bank, cheating on our spouse, people-pleasing, swindling our employer, attending church, giving 10 percent, playing the organ for twenty years, anything!
Idolatry leads to addiction.
When we follow idols, a choice has been made to look to the behavior, emotion, attitude, relationship, or substance for help that only God can provide. Following an idol will prevent us from serving and loving God freely. Idols only add baggage to our lives and weigh us down. As the prophet Jeremiah states, “They must be carried because they cannot walk” (Jeremiah 10:5).
John Stott gives a clear comparison between idols and God:
For idols are dead; God is living. Idols are false; God is true. Idols are many; God is one. Idols are visible and tangible; God is invisible and intangible, beyond the reach of sight and touch. Idols are creatures, the work of human hands; God is the Creator of the universe and of all humankind. . . . And the more sophisticated idols (that is, God-substitutes) of modern secular cities are equally powerful. Some people are eaten up with a selfish ambition for money, power, or fame. Others are obsessed with their work, or with sport or television, or are infatuated with a person, or addicted to food, alcohol, hard drugs, or sex. Both immorality and greed are later pronounced by Paul to be forms of idolatry because they demand an allegiance which is due to God alone. So every idolater is a prisoner, held in humiliating bondage (39).
Why This Approach?
Living Free is a ministry that can have a positive impact on your total church family. It does not focus only on those persons with the most desperate needs, but rather ministers to the whole church.
Most churches can be described by what we call the 20-6-20 ratio. Twenty percent of the people will thrive in life and their walk with Christ no matter what comes their way. Sixty percent of the people struggle with issues from time to time, but at least outwardly seem to have it together. Twenty percent of the people are hanging by a thread, their lives are chaotic, and they struggle openly with life-controlling problems.
Many are surprised to learn that our focus at Living Free is not on the most desperate, but rather on the whole congregation. If we focus only on the most desperate, we will become isolated from the majority of people who are struggling our churches in less obvious ways. When we concentrate on the entire congregation, and include the twenty percent with obvious problems in the process, everyone benefits and the whole church is strengthened.
Living Free groups are designed to have a beginning and an end. Some support groups never have an end, and this can wear your staff down as well as make people too dependent on a narrow group of people. Our groups are designed to last nine to thirteen weeks.
Our desire is to apply the truths of Scripture to the struggles that we all face in order that we may grow in our relationship to God and experience growing freedom from the “corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” (2 Peter 1:4 NIV)
Introduction to Small Groups
Small groups are a way to offer Christian love and support. People are in search of “meaningful relationships.” With Christ as the center of small groups a therapy can be provided which is not otherwise available. The ultimate therapist is the Holy Spirit.
Small groups are not new. They have been around for some time. Jesus met with his 12 disciples. This is a clear example of small group at work. Not only did the disciples benefit from this experience, Jesus received close fellowship with this group. “He appointed twelve—designating them apostles—that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14). It is no accident that twelve people or less is suggested for small group participation.
Christians have met together for 2000 years with Christ as the focus and the Bible as the road map. These fellowships have included Bible study and prayer under various circumstances. Christians have met in homes, churches, and in catacombs. Small groups were active in the New Testament church (Acts 2:41-42, 47-48). Small groups are not to take the place of corporate worship their function is to compliment the assembly worship. Small groups can provide an environment for spiritual healing and growth. Small groups, where Christ is the focus, are Christian community. The church is the hospital. Small groups are the support unit of the church.
Small groups can provide a nonthreatening environment for people to receive help in dealing with their struggles (life-controlling problems). It is a place for them to take a look at themselves and focus on practical steps to grow in Christ as well as build trust in each other as the “body of Christ.” Small group is a place to be yourself, to receive encouragement and affirmation, and to develop accountability to Christ and to one another.
Small group is a good place for individual prayer. Prayer can be personalized, “therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).
Living Free recommends 12 people or less with two group facilitators. People need personalized attention in small groups. More than 12 participants may prevent some from receiving personalized ministry.
There are various aspects of small groups discussed in this manual. We encourage you to read and study this manual before starting a Living Free small group.
Historical View of Small Groups
Over the last several years, the church and society have seen a distinct increase in the small group movement. Many agree the reason for this has been the societal changes of the past few decades. Our society has become an addicted society—addicted to substances, behaviors and relationships. People in today’s society struggle to cope with drug abuse, sexual abuse, family fragmentation, loneliness, lack of community closeness, high crime and numerous other difficult problems. A longing for meaningful relationships is prevalent. The Church can be the agent through which this longing can be filled. Small groups can provide a non-threatening environment where people can build trust in each other and help each other deal with his/her own struggles.
In the Church, small groups can be far more effective than in a secular setting. In Christ-centered small groups which have a specific curriculum and focus, an atmosphere for spiritual healing and growth is prevalent because the gospel of Jesus Christ, the power of the Holy Spirit and insight from the Scripture can be presented. Small groups can also be a tremendous evangelism tool as the Church presents the Gospel to those who are seeking help.
A group can have a significant influence, positive or negative, on its individual members. Social psychologists define a group as a collection of people who interact regularly in fairly structured and predictable ways, who are oriented toward one or more specific goals which are aimed at satisfying certain shared needs and who have a feeling of group identity and solidarity. They feel themselves a part of the whole, sharing a common fate.
Small groups have a strong element of peer pressure because of regular interaction and orientation toward specific goals. However, when Christ is not the center, the peer power of the group can be negative. People can be lead to look to something, someone, or their own self as their higher power. One story that illustrates
the negative power is about a young college student who was a political activist on her college campus. Being politically radical, she was even into trying to overthrow the system of government at the school. However, during this time, she joined a religious cult group on campus and shortly thereafter, to the surprise of her family, underwent a drastic personality change. The girl who had been so strong-willed and independent became meek and obedient. Within three months she was obeying everyone to the extreme, even to the point of giving herself to any guy who demanded she do so. For four years she lived under the influence of this group.
Although small group influence without proper direction can be abusive, there is a positive influence when Christ is the focus that can bring people to wholeness. I have heard many testimonies from people who have received Christ as Savior, had their marriage miraculously put back together, had suicides prevented, addictions broken, etc. as a result of the positive influence the Christ-centered small group had on their lives.
John Wesley (1703-1791) had a fervent ministry of evangelism which addressed social concerns through small groups. Wesley had a highly organized system of group life including these groups; society, class meeting, Band, select society and pertinent band. These groups provided group experience at various levels, steps of group life. Although Wesley received much criticism about his emphasis on confession, “Confess your faults to one another” (James 5:16) continued to be one of his most quoted scripture verses. These were meetings of small groups of people for the purpose of prayer, reading and sharing.
Frank Buchman (1878-1961), a Lutheran minister, was the founder of the Oxford Group movement (later known as Moral Rearmament) which spread rapidly. Although very controversial, his impact on Christianity in the twentieth century cannot be denied. Buchman believed that the greatest hindrance in a person knowing God was the appetites of the flesh. His concept was that everyone was in need of change and people should meet together for confessions and prayer. His principles of change were instrumental in the starting of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement.
Garth Lean in his book, On the Tail of a Comet, writes extensively about the life of Frank Buchman. Lean notes, “The early AA got its ideas of self-examination, acknowledgment of character defects, restitution for harm done, and working with others, straight from the Oxford Groups and directly from Sam Shoemaker… and from no where else” (152). Shoemaker experienced a change of life through Buchman’s ministry which started a twenty year association. Shoemaker later had an effective ministry to alcoholics at Calvary Church.
Lean further quotes Paul Tournier, the Swiss psychiatrist regarding Buchman’s effect on the church. Tournier states, “Before Buchman the church felt its job was to teach and preach, but not to find out what was happening in people’s souls. The clergy never listened in church, they always talked” (153). Many spin off movements dealing with social ills have found their roots in the AA movement where Buchman’s ideas were so influential.
Sunday School became the dominant small group movement in the late 1800s. Because it was not limited to a single denomination it had a broader affect than did the Wesley group meetings. Lyman Coleman says, “By 1950, 75% of church members were involved in Sunday school…by 1970 Sunday school with its emphasis on age category, on-site location and Sunday-only meetings was clearly in decline” (Warren Bird, “The Great Small-Group Takeover,” Christianity Today (7 February 1994: 27). However, the small group idea was moving to the forefront as a result of the emphasis on life issues, flexibility of meeting sites and days.
The small group has been through some dramatic changes over the past two decades and is hard to define, nonetheless, it is meeting a core need of today’s society. Small groups are popular in many different denominations, areas, and classes of people, and therefore churches can be flexible in responding to the various needs of its community. In recent years we have seen Sunday schools become more small-group oriented addressing felt needs. John Vaughan, professor of church growth at Southwest Baptist Seminary, Bolivar, Missouri, asserts that even though small groups play a strategic role in the assimilation and equipping ministry and most large churches survive through effectively instituting small groups, Sunday School should still be emphasized. “He notes that some churches emphasize home groups, some Sunday school, but only a few do both well” (Warren Bird, “The Great Small-Group Takeover,” Christianity Today (7 February 1994: 28,29).
“Overall, the small-group movement cannot be understood except in relation to the deep yearning for the sacred that characterized much of the American public. Indeed, a great deal of the momentum for the movement as a whole comes from the fact that people are interested in spirituality, on the one hand, and from the availability of vast resources from religious organizations, on the other. As a result, small groups are dramatically redefining how Americans think about God” (Robert Wuthnow, “How Small Groups Are Transforming Our Lives,” Christianity Today (7 February 1994: 23-24). There is a spiritual vacuum and hunger for meaningful relationships in this addictive society. A church that is prepared for the future must have a healthy combination of corporate worship of God and small groups which focus on relationships and felt needs.
Long before small groups were a popular trend Apostle Paul wrote about the church filling the role as a caring community (Ephesians 4). Gary Collins in his book Innovative Approaches to Counseling says: “The church is an evangelizing, preaching, teaching, disciplining, sending community. It also must be a therapeutic community where people find love, acceptance, forgiveness, support, hope, encouragement, burden-bearing, caring, meaning, opportunities for service, challenge, and help in times of need. Within the church community, people can find others who share ‘like precious faith’ and who value the spiritual issues that secular therapists so often overlook” (30).
With the breakdown of the family, many people are without mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters. Small groups provide family ties and assistance in developing one-another relationships. Breaking through the isolation and pain, “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6).
A Biblical Perspective for Small Group Helpers
Galatians 6:1-5
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.
Goal: Help to be dependent on Christ • Restore to fellowship in Body of Christ
I. Help For the Trapped (v1)
“If someone is caught in a sin”
A. Helped Helpers (v1)
“You who were spiritual”
B. Humble Helpers (v1)
“But watch yourself, or you may also be tempted”
C. Hand-in-Hand Helpers (v2)
“Carry each other’s burdens”
II. Helper Traps
A. Delusion (v3)
“If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself”
B. Lack of Self-Examination (v4)
“Each one should test his own actions”
C. Lack of Self-Esteem (v4)
“Then he can take pride in himself”
D. Approval Trap (v4)
“Without comparing himself to someone else”
E. Lack of Personal Responsibility (v5)
“For each one should carry his own load”
Phases in Small Groups
PHASE 1 : TRUST BUILDING
A. GROUP PARTICIPANTS
• Building group trust
• Building leader trust
• Checking the integrity of the group experience
• Concerned about confidentiality
• Usually discusses surface issues versus real need
B. GROUP FACILITATORS TASK
• Share self first in each go-around or exercise
• Express caring attitude
• Emphasize sharing within “comfort level”
• Be positive
• Show enthusiasm
• Use past-tense go-arounds
• Help group participants see each group session as a part of the whole
• Develop atmosphere of love and acceptance
• No one is forced to talk. It’s OK for a group member to pass on an exercise (this includes all phases).
• Encourage group members to be patient in their expectations
PHASE 2 : MUTUALITY
A. GROUP PARTICIPANTS
• Emotional involvement deepens.
• The group begins to take form.
• Bonding between group members develop.
• Feel more free to express their feelings.
• Personal needs or concerns may be shared.
• Leadership shared within the group.
B. GROUP FACILITATORS
TASK
• Use present tense go-arounds.
• Give attention to the group process.
• Begin to change role as leader to that of facilitator.
• Keep group on subject.
• Leadership as facilitator shared with group.
• Active listening.
• Clarifying and paraphrasing responses from group participants.
A. GROUP PARTICIPANTS
• Carefront each other with respect and sensitivity.
• Point out strengths of other group members.
• Help each other deal with struggles.
• Learn to level within their own “comfort zone”.
• Begin to see themselves more clearly.
• Begin to see the need to make changes that would please the Lord.
• Quiet members become more talkative.
• Begin to value their time together.
• Conversation moves from the casual to the personal.
• Ministry to each other.
B. GROUP FACILITATORS TASK
• Help people focus on the Lord’s work in their life.
• Begin to focus on the healing versus the hurt.
• Encourage group members to encourage each other in love (firm love versus sloppy agape).
• Be the last one to evaluate in peer evaluations.
• Use affirmation go-arounds.
• Tactfully discourage those who may “overtalk” the group.
• Keep the focus on the person receiving ministry. Others may unconsciously shift the focus to themselves.
PHASE 4 : ACCOUNTABILITY
A. GROUP PARTICIPANTS
• Close feelings with bonding
• More individual goals
• Some may become “preachy”
• New ideas arise
• Identity “in Christ” increases
• Hold each other accountable
• Spiritual disciplines are developed
B. GROUP FACILITATORS TASK
• Let go of need to be primary helper
• Help group members reach potential
• Encourage commitment to “local church”
• Keep Christ the center of accountability
• Use accountable and/or affirmation go-arounds
Building Relationships in the Small Group
Positive personal relationships belong at the heart of any good small group. Human beings were created to live in relationship with God and with each other. Understanding group dynamics, communication skills, and the use of sharing questions can help leaders and members to build the sense of community so important in group life.
Small groups do not begin after everyone has arrived, or all have taken a seat and the leader says, “Let’s start.” The small group actually beings when the second person enters the meeting room.
Each person who comes to the group should be welcomed warmly, greeted by name, chatted to for a few moments and made to feel as if someone has been waiting for them to come and looking forward to their presence. For this reason, the leader should make every effort to be one of the first people to arrive and should focus on people, not on last-minute arrangements.
SEATING
Seating arrangements are important to a good discussion. As far as possible, arrange the seating in a circle so that each person can easily see all the other members without having to turn physically in their direction. Minimize the distances between people so that they can see and hear each other with few distractions. Seating should all be at the same level, not with some seated on the floor, for example, and some on chairs. Eye contact is difficult unless there are clear sight lines between members, with no lamps, flower arrangements or other intrusions. Seats should be comfortable and preferably have a back if the meeting is to last for any length of time.
LATECOMERS
Be prepared for latecomers. Groups are often uncertain about how to deal with latecomers. Do you wait for everyone to arrive before you begin? This may delay the meeting unduly. Do you stop the discussion when a latecomer enters? What about seating?
Have a plan. Begin the group at the pre-selected starting time or when a majority are present. If others are expected, have seating ready for them so that no one has to get up when they arrive. The leader should acknowledge the latecomer saying briefly, “Welcome . . . we were just doing” and then continue. Long explanations or starting again should be avoided. Latecomers should not be ignored, but neither should they be given excessive attention. You hope they will come earlier next time.
Developing good patterns of participation in the group discussion is one of the most challenging and rewarding of all group activities. The goal should be to involve all members of the group so that no one person dominates the discussion and no one is ignored or excluded.
SHARING QUESTIONS
One way to do this is to begin a new small group by asking a personal “sharing question.” This is a question which gives people permission to talk about themselves in a relatively safe way. The question should be one that can be answered easily by every member. This brief question can be answered in three or four sentences by each of the group in turn, for example: What are two things you can tell us about yourself that would help us to know you? Or: Tell us something about yourself. What is the one main thing you do in your work and what is one thing you do for fun or enjoyment? Or: Tell us who you are and what you are hoping to get out of this group. Or: Who are you? Describe yourself in five key words or phrases.
NAMES
In a new group the use of names is very important. Many people cannot remember names if they do not see them written down. Large name tags or a sheet of paper passed around with all the names on it may be helpful during the first meeting. Someone has said that the sweetest sound in anyone’s ear is the sound of his or her own name. The frequent use of names builds a sense of belonging and connectedness. Helping people to learn names quickly gives a sense of comfort and increases direct communication between group members.
INFORMATION SHEET
Consider preparing an information sheet. Ask group members to write down their names and addresses with home phone numbers and any additional information desired, such as birthday or names and ages of children or place of work. Make a copy of this list available to each group member by the second meeting, so that members can get in touch with each other between meetings as well as learn a little bit about each other from the information sheet.
Adapted from USING THE BIBLE IN GROUPS, by Roberta Hestenes. (c) Roberta Hestenes 1983. Adapted and used by permission of the Westminster/John Knox Press.
Communication Skills in Small Groups
Communication in a group is a complex matter. Complexities rise with the number of persons involved. Communication is verbal and nonverbal, and conveys feelings, ideas, hopes, opinions, judgments, and anticipations. Good communication requires ability to listen and to enter into the experiences of others. A good communicator is able to capably express his ideas and feelings to others but skill in communication requires practice. Often old patterns need to be broken so that new patterns of listening and speaking can be tried.
The most common temptation of a leader is to talk the group to death, dominating, explaining, and answering most of the questions, i.e., to be the “Super Christian.” This temptation will be aided by the more immature members who are dependent upon authoritative figures. They will always try to get answers instead of thinking for themselves. Avoid the temptation of feeling that the leader is superior, spiritually or otherwise. Ideally, the function of the leader is to start the discussion, give it direction, and thereafter simply keep the discussion personal and on track.
When a leader continually directs questions to specific individuals, they may embarrass that person or persons if they do not have an answer. Directing discussions to individuals can result in the group becoming dependent on the leader to conduct a series of conversations. Any discussion that lasts too long between a leader and an individual loses the rest of the group.
Discussions are better facilitated when a leader asks a question and looks around the group until someone answers. The leader then asks, “What did others find?” or “What facts did someone else discover?” The leader watches for someone who wants to speak rather than pointing out a specific individual. When a leader patiently persists with good guiding questions, the members will begin addressing their replies to the group. The group grows from leader-centered to group-centered.
Facilitating sharing in a group may entail quieting the compulsive talker and bringing the silent person into the discussion. The first step in quieting the person who over-talks is to stop encouraging his behavior. This can be done by breaking eye contact with him and by not nodding your head. Eye contact and nodding the head encourage him to keep talking. If this does not work, the next step is to divert the conversation away from the person by means of a question or statement like: “Perhaps someone else would like to share what they have discovered about this” or “While we are on this point, let’s hear from some of the others.” “Can we save your other points until later?” or “You’ve raised a number of interesting points which should keep us busy a good while. Would anyone else like to comment on them?” If all your “hints” are not successful, you may need to speak with the person privately.
SEATING ARRANGEMENTS AFFECT COMMUNICATION:
• People who sit across from each other speak more to each other than people sitting next to each other. Make sure everyone can see everyone else. A circle of chairs is best, eye contact is a must. Five people on a couch is O-U-T.
• Do acknowledge all contributions. Never refuse an answer or put someone down for being “wrong.”
• Do encourage the beginner or shy member by asking direct, simple questions. Give special encouragement to these persons. Give everyone a chance. Some people love to talk; others are reticent. Do welcome pauses. Moments of silence quite often are followed by deep times of sharing.
• Do focus on personal growth and the future. Don’t dwell on the past.
• Do be flexible. While staying on the format and within the time schedule are important, don’t let form override the moving of the Spirit.
• Seldom answer your own questions; direct time to the group and wait! If no one responds, then rephrase the question, or just wait it out.
• Don’t be afraid of silence. Make the group dig for answers. Don’t let your insecurity of silent moments ruin God’s dialogue with members of the group. Don’t allow time to run out without prayer.
• Try to divert discussion or debates on controversial matters that could produce anger and hard feelings.
• Leaders, beginning group, should not ask, “Shall we share?” Simply ask a sharing question and see who responds.
SOME GENERAL SUGGESTIONS TO GROUP LEADERS:
• Listen when people speak. Hear what they’re saying and note what they don’t say.
• Don’t probe. Encourage people to share what they want. Remind them not to share past their level of comfort. If someone in the group starts to probe, say to them something like, “Let’s let Bill tell it the way he sees it” or “Why don’t we give Bill a chance to finish what he has to say?”
• Don’t give advice. Advice is cheap and sometimes disastrous. If a person specifically asks for advice, be general in your answers. Give him appropriate Scripture references to refer to later.
• Don’t judge. When someone shares a difficult personal experience or an unpopular opinion the love of the group will stand a crucial test. The person should not be put down. The group should accept a person as he is.
• Deal with the here-and-now. The past can be interesting, and valuable; however, the focus of a small group meeting should be kept on what is happening now to the individuals. Speaking of the past or of other people’s experiences is often superficial chit-chat. (There are exceptions, of course.)
• To discuss at length on theoretical levels is a sure way to kill in-depth sharing. It is possible to play intellectual ping-pong. When we share what we have discovered to be true through what we have experienced, we share ourselves. In so doing we share what Christ is to us.
• Model what you want the other members to do.
Special thanks to Dr. Terry Lewis for technical assistance.
Careful Confrontation
After concluding his sermon on Wednesday evening Max was greeted by Martha. With tears in her eyes she requested a visit for her and her husband, Ed, to discuss their son Gary. He was home from college for the summer and his behaviors were causing these Christian parents much pain.
On the following day Ed and Martha revealed to Max that Gary’s grades had plunged near the failing level. The university was about to remove his athletic scholarship for many rule infractions, and the clincher was when he came home intoxicated last Friday evening. Gary was considered a leader in his church youth group, and had been a top-notch student in high school respected by his peers and coaches, so, these events in Gary’s life over the past year concerned his parents.
An appointment was made for Gary to talk with Max. Although Gary honored the appointment, he did so with a great deal of indifference toward Max. Over a period of 9 sessions, Max and Gary met together with Max care-fronting Gary concerning the downward spiral of his life which appeared to be an addiction developing. Max used the care-fronting principles by David Augsburger (1980) which include focusing feedback on: the action, not the actor; your observations, not on your conclusions; descriptions, not on judgments; ideas, information and alternatives, not advice and answers; what and how, not why.
FEEDBACK ON ACTION, NOT ACTOR.
Max complemented Gary as a person but focused his discussion on his behaviors. He did this to give Gary the freedom to change without feeling personal rejection. Max was careful not to criticize Gary as a person, instead he focused on his coming home intoxicated, poor grades and discipline infractions which were threatening his football scholarship. When Gary tried to attack Max with a war of words, he always brought the discussion back to the facts of Gary’s behavior.
It is important to focus on the person’s behavior versus him as a person. Emphasis should be placed on what he does rather than attacking him personally.
FEEDBACK ON OBSERVATIONS, NOT CONCLUSIONS.
Max focused on statements of facts instead of what he thought or imagined. Max noticed that Gary would not look at him, was not giving him his full attention and seemed anxious for the discussion to conclude. Observing these actions, Max brought them to Gary’s attention. A conclusion that Gary was a drunk without respect for his parents was never suggested.
Focusing on what the helper has actually seen or heard from the other person can serve as a guard against interpretation of behaviors. When a helper interprets the behavior of the one seeking help, he may be seen as one who jumps to conclusions.
FEEDBACK ON DESCRIPTIONS, NOT JUDGMENTS.
Max never judged Gary’s behaviors as being good or bad. Communication lines remained open with 20 year old Gary because Max never placed a value judgment on his behaviors. Communications were directed toward the descriptions of Gary’s behaviors in neutral language. Max described in detail each of the behaviors that Gary confessed over a period of 9 weeks, therefore, helping him see the clear facts of the downward spiral of his life.
By giving descriptions the helper is likely to be seen more in a neutral role. He is reporting on what he has seen rather than on the behavior being right or wrong.
FEEDBACK ON IDEAS, INFORMATION AND ALTERNATIVES, NOT ON ADVICE AND ANSWERS.
During the last three meetings, Max began to focus with Gary on the various options that were before him. Continuing to drink alcohol was an option that Gary could select. Max explained the steps of the addiction process and Gary noted that he was in the later part of stage three. Although he told his parents that he had been intoxicated only two times in college, Gary disclosed to Max that he was drunk in excess of thirty times during the school year.
Max was careful not to use scare tactics, give pat answers, or even specifically advise Gary on what to do. When Gary finally asked Max for help, he directed him first to the Lord to mend this relationship. Next, he provided Gary with positive options from which he could choose. These options included continued meetings with him, a meeting with his parents in Max’s presence, attending a college in his hometown and entering a support group at church.
When the helper is providing ideas, information and alternatives, the receiver of help is free to chose his own options. When the helper gives advice and answers this may cause the one seeking help not to accept his own personal responsibilities. It may restrain his freedom to chart his own course of action because he always depends on the advice of another person. The seeker may also resent the helper who insists on giving advice and answers.
FEEDBACK ON WHAT AND HOW, NOT ON WHY.
Max was careful not to ask Gary why he was intoxicated over thirty times during the school year or why he would disgrace his Christian parents with such deviant behaviors? He knew using the word why would only serve to raise Gary’s defenses and make it more difficult to penetrate his state of delusion. Open-ended sentences using what and how were used in Max’s communications with him so Gary would not feel his motives or values were being critiqued.
Observable behaviors can be described by words such as what, how, when and where. Why may break the communications because it may serve to raise the other person’s defenses by questioning his motives. Although his motives may be wrong, his delusion can be penetrated best by observed facts presented in a nonthreatening way through a helper that is depending on the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
Care-fronting is a way to help communicate the truth in love thus creating an environment for healing and growth. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:15: “speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” Helpers should avoid trying to convict a person with a life-controlling problem to produce changed behavior. Conviction is a work of the Holy Spirit. In regard to the Holy Spirit, Jesus says in John 16:8: “When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment.”
John 8 records the account of the lady caught in the act of adultery. The Scribes and Pharisees tried to use the law of Moses to trap Jesus by insisting that she be stoned to death. Jesus responded to them by saying “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (v.7). Her accusers then left one by one. After they left Jesus care-fronted the lady. He said, “Then neither do I condemn you” [caring], . . .” Go now and leave your life of sin” [confronting] (v.11).
The person enslaved by a stronghold is already under condemnation. The victim needs freedom in Christ not further condemnation. John writes in John 3:17: “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” David Augsburger (1980) in his work on careful confrontation states,
Truth and love are the two necessary ingredients for any relationship with integrity. Love—because all positive relationships begin with friendship, appreciation, respect. And truth—because no relationship of trust can long grow from dishonesty, deceit, betrayal; it springs up from the solid stuff of integrity.
“Confrontation plus caring brings growth just as judgment plus grace brings salvation,” says Howard Clinebell, Jr., a well-known pastoral counselor. . . .
Judgment cuts, even kills. If God dealt with us only in judgment, who could stand? If God reached out to us only in love, it would be a cheap grace without integrity. Mere divine permissiveness. “Anything goes” as far as heaven is concerned. Not so!
Care-fronters and the convicting work of the Holy Spirit go hand-in-hand in freeing a person from a lifecontrolling problem.
Adapted from Behind Our Sunday Smiles: Helping Those with Life-Controlling Problems, Jimmy Ray Lee, Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, MI, 1991, pp 62-66. Used by permission.
Active Listening
Active listening is perhaps the most important communication tool in helping people. It helps communicate that you are a caring person. It shows that you accept the other person and have respect for them. It is a display of empathetic understanding.
Proverbs 18:13
He who answers before listening–that is his folly and his shame
James 1:19
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry
EXAMPLES OF ACTIVE LISTENING
• Restatement: Repeats the content of what the other person said. This conveys to the person talking that he is being heard and that you are “with” him.
• Reflection: Focuses attention on what the other person is saying (content and feelings). This shows the person he is being heard. You are being a mirror, reflecting back to the person the content and feelings of his conversation.
• Clarifying: This response helps to clear up unclear aspects of the other person’s conversation.
• Summarizing: This pulls together the other person’s message and draws it to a concluding point based on what you have seen and heard in the conversation.
ACTIVE LISTENING IS EFFECTIVE
• It helps build new relationships.
• It helps you better understand what the other person is saying.
• It helps build the trust level.
• It helps the other person get in touch with their feelings.
• It helps the other person when he is angry or frustrated.
• It helps the other person gain more understanding of himself.
• It is a way to encourage and “buildup” the other person.
• It shows the other person he is being accepted.
WHEN ACTIVE LISTENING IS NOT EFFECTIVE
• When the other person is out of control (intoxicated, severely depressed).
• When the other person needs immediate action.
• When the other person requests you to betray your own biblical values.
Open Sentences for Tentative Response
• Could it be that...
• I wonder if...
• Is it possible that...
• I think I heard you say...
• You seem to be feeling...
• I hear you saying...
• It sounds like...
• So, from your point of view...
• You’re thinking...
• Let me see if I follow you. You’re saying that...
Group Process
Open Questions As Tentative Response
• Could you amplify or expand what you were saying?
• Who has a comment to make about this?
• What do you feel (think) about what she said?
• Where would you like to go from here?
• Does anyone else have something to add?
• How could you restate that in different words?
Thanks to Gareth Icenogle
To begin our discussion of the assumptions and techniques used in conducting group therapy with alcoholics, let’s look at some of the similarities within our group. In addition to our alcoholism, we all have two things in common. First, before we came to the point of seeking outside help, we each tried our worn do-it-yourself program in an effort to change ourselves. The second similarity is that we all failed. A basic assumption of group therapy is: a major reason for this failure is that our most determined efforts can’t change what we can’t see, and that there is a great deal that we are not seeing clearly. For this reason our goal in group therapy is:
• to discover ourselves and others as feeling persons and
• to identify the defenses that prevent this discover.
While change is the ultimate goal, our immediate purpose is to see more accurately what needs changing. This requires seeing ourselves, each one of us discovering ourself, at a feeling level.
In examining our purpose, our emphasis on feelings stands out. We stress feelings for several reasons. First of all, our past behavior has been so opposed to our value system that considerable feelings of remorse and self-loathing have been built up. It appears that we have accumulated a pool of negative feelings and walled them off with a variety of masks or defenses that prevent this discovery. This began with mild disapproval of ourself, then growing remorse, and, finally, a deep self-loathing. Statements such as “I am no good” or “The world would be better off without me” reflect these negative feelings and attitudes. Being in touch with the hostile feelings we have toward ourselves and the sense of helplessness and hopelessness that accompanies them, makes the First Step a moving description instead of simply an abstract theory. We feel the powerlessness and unmanageability. One of the important functions of the group is to help us identify the defenses that prevent this discovery. We will say more about this wall of defense later on.
Another reason for stressing feelings is that many of the character defects that have disabled us for years are reflected in our feeling states or attitudes. As a result of the conflict between our value system and our repeated chemically-induced behaviors, we have formed rigid, negative feeling states called attitudes toward ourselves and others. Most of us have become one or more of the following: hostile, resentful, angry, selfpitying, fearful, defiant, phony, arrogant, superior. While these are represented as feelings, some have become so thoroughly a part of us as to be attitudinal in nature. They substantially color the way we see life and react to it. No longer are we persons who simply feel self-pity, but that we have become self-pitying persons. What was once a feeling has now hardened into an attitudinal posture—a character defect. If we are to change, we must first become ourselves at this feeling level.
Most of us are badly out of touch with our feelings, particularly the ones we have been describing. But as you will see, it is not just these negative feelings that are hidden and controlled. Our positive feelings of joy and love are also locked away by the defenses that seek to hide the negative feelings. It appears that our defenses are not selective. The man who has hidden away his anger also is crippled in any spontaneous display of affection or gratitude as well. While the majority of our focus in group therapy is on identifying our destructive, negative-feeling selves, the acceptance of these feelings frees the positive one as well. “I never could tell anyone I really liked him before, unless I was drinking” is one example of this phenomenon.
Most of us have ignored our feelings for years in an effort to see the facts. In group therapy feelings are facts. “How does that make you feel?” is a question asked frequently to help us focus on these facts.
Since our feelings are new to most of us, let’s look at the ones we use everyday: mad, sad, glad, afraid, ashamed, hurt.
Our immediate purpose is to discover and identify in order to see clearly who I am and what needs change. Acceptance of what is precedes change. Seeing and accepting what is is very difficult, however, because we don’t know that we don’t know. We are in many ways blind and self-deluded, but we insist that “I know who I am and where I’m going” or “I know what’s best for me.” We are deluded and we don’t know it. In fact, most of us deny it. This is what allows us to fall back into the same destructive behaviors again, not having learned anything from the last one. How many times has a friend or relative said, “I saw you building up to it, but you insisted everything was OK!” The assumption that self-delusion is a fact is basic to group therapy.
JOHARI WINDOW
The way we illustrate this self-delusion is the Johari Window:
The window’s four panes present four aspects of our total self. As the diagram indicates, only the top two panes are visible to myself. Panes three and four are hidden from my view. This describes the self-delusion that keeps me from seeing what I’m really like and allows my slow disintegration to continue with only slight, if any, recognition on my part of how bad things have become. A more accurate picture of myself is essential to recovery.
Window #1 is open.
This is visible to self and to others and contains material I am willing to share with you—my interests, vocation and virtues, to name a few.
Window #2 is secret.
I know things about me that I don’t want you to know. I fear the loss of esteem if you see me as having such feelings as hostility, suspicion, inferiority, resentment, or self-pity. Revealing these feelings is called leveling. I level with you when I take the risk of letting you really know me by spontaneously reporting my feelings. Leveling is one of the two most important techniques in self-discovery.
We are blind to Window #3, and yet it is seen by others.
The tone of our voice, the tilt of our head, tell others things about us that we don’t see. Many times a perfect stranger can see more in us in half an hour than we discover in years of self-examination. When someone tells us how we appear to them, they are confronting us. Confrontation is the second vital technique in breaking through self-delusion to self-discovery.
The existence of the large blind area illustrated by Window #3 means that we are dependent on others taking the risk of confronting us with this material if we are to every come to know it.
Window #4 is subconscious and not visible.
While leveling and confronting often results in a glimpse into the unconscious, this is a bonus and not a goal of group therapy.
CONFRONTATION
It takes courage to risk confronting. We have all traded our honesty for the approval of others in the past. However, if we care about our fellow group members, and if we want them to be honest with us in return, we will present them with our picture of them.
Confrontation is defined as presenting a person with himself by describing how I see him. Confrontation is most useful when spoken with concern and accompanied with examples of the confronted behavior or data. For the most part defenses, including attitudinal postures, are unintentional and automatic shields against a real or imagined threat to our self-esteem. By pointing out the defenses we are using, we have a better chance of letting down this wall that is locking others out and keeping us prisoners. This blocks our getting close to others as well as our getting closer to ourselves. Coming to recognize these blocks to self-discovery may enable us to look behind them to discover the feelings concealed from view. Long explanations may hide feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Since defenses and attitudinal postures do hide us from ourselves, as well as from others, it is important to identify them. A lot of this is new, so while you are getting used to it, just trust your impulses. Spontaneous expressions tend to be much more honest. It is more helpful to be revealing than to be right.
Most of us tend to think we already know ourselves and are afraid of looking bad, so it is hard for us to take the risk of being revealing and genuine. But what have we got to lose? Since we can’t change something until we really see it and accept its existence, we should ask ourselves, “Do I really accept something if I keep it a secret?” Risking openness is the key. When you are tempted to withdraw into silence, remember that we are all in the same boat, and that a feeling common to everyone when being introduced to a group is fear.
Frequently, in place of confronting a person with some data that we have observed (what they said, how they look or sound, etc.) we make the mistake of guessing, of asking questions and giving advice.
Confrontation describes what we have observed in the person we are confronting. Guesses, advice or discussions about something we have not witnessed is not confrontation. In a sense, when we confront, we hold up a mirror to let another person know how he appears to us.
We are most useful as confronters when we are not so much trying to change another person as we are trying to help him see himself more accurately. Change, if it comes, comes later when the person chooses it.
Picture a gardener preparing a proper environment within the soil so that the seeds he plants may receive the gift of growth from a power greater than himself. Imagine a physician cleaning a wound to provide an environment to receive the gift of healing. The change we all are seeking might be labeled more correctly as healing or growth and, while it is largely a gift of a power greater than ourselves, the necessary environment for the gift is an honest picture of how and what we are like now. Because of our egocentric blindness and self-delusion, we all are dependent on others for that completed picture. Confrontation provides it.
LEVELING
To respond openly to being confronted is to level. We level when we take the risk of being known by spontaneously reporting our feelings. For example, we level when we let someone know we are hurt, afraid, or angry.
Using these feelings as an example of leveling is probably useful for two reasons. Anger bottled up, or fear kept hidden, seems to lead to more relapses than any other feelings. Also, anger and fear (along with affection) are usually the hardest feelings for us to report. Frequently people make the mistake of assuming that the purpose of group therapy is to make someone angry. Anger is an important feeling. But it is only one feeling among many that we want to discover and level with.
If, instead of leveling, we respond without naming a feeling, we are hiding. The way we hide our feelings are many, and we call them defenses. Each defense prevents us from being known. One of the most helpful things the group can do is to help a member identify his defenses.
Defenses which we all use to some extent are: rationalizing minimizing evading, dodging projecting defiance blaming, accusing attacking, aggression judging, moralizing withdrawing intellectualizing silence analyzing verbalizing, talking explaining shouting intimidating theorizing threatening generalizing frowning quibbling glaring debating, arguing staring sparring joking questioning grinning, smiling interrogating laughing switching protecting denying agreeing justifying being smug complying superior or arrogant
Try leveling with that feeling of fear for a starter, and discover how that makes you feel. You’ll probably find, as others have, that when you report a feeling, you modify it. Keeping it a secret seems to increase its power. If we don’t begin now to risk being genuine and self-revealing when will we ever do it?
The facilitator should always seek wisdom, discernment, and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Between meetings pray for each group member, the group as a whole, and for the co-facilitator and yourself. Prayer should not be taken lightly. Remember, the Lord’s presence is absolutely necessary for each meeting.
PREPARATION
Good group meetings do not happen by accident. Here are some suggestions for planning your meetings.
A. Plan with prayer.
B. Review your Facilitator’s Guide, Participant Workbook or other curriculum you may be using for the approaching session. Meditate and pray over the material allowing the Holy Spirit to “burn” it in your heart.
C. Consider the location.
1. The meeting room should have comfortable seating.
2. Check the temperature of the room.
3. Proper ventilation and lighting can help.
4. Check for possible distractions.
D. Prepare handouts, paper, pencil, etc. if needed.
TRAINING
Group facilitators need to be equipped. Attending a Living Free workshop can be helpful. The Living Free Facilitators Guide resource section should be thoroughly read. Check the bibliography for other resources that can be used to enhance your skills.
GROUP MEETING TIME
The announced time period should be followed. It is important to respect the group members by starting and concluding the group session on time. Adherence to the agreed time will build respect for the facilitators. It also helps group members to practice discipline by committing to the time frame of the group.
TAKING IN NEW GROUP MEMBERS
New members should not be added to the Insight or Concerned Persons Group after the second week. When the group is interrupted with new members this tends to slow the progress of the group and the new member may not feel a part of the group.
To compensate for new members it is suggested that Insight and Concerned Persons groups start at staggered times. For example: one Insight and Concerned Persons group could start today. The next groups would begin in three or four weeks. For those people wanting to join a group in between start-up times, it is suggested that they be worked with in a support group (topical study) until a new group starts.
HANDLING “EXCESSIVE TALKERS” IN THE GROUP
There will be people who tend to “over-talk” the group or may wish to show off their knowledge. Some may believe they have more knowledge than the facilitator (and they may), others may like the attention. Here are some suggestions on how to correct this situation:
A. Questions and comments can be directed to individuals by name.
B. Sit next to the “over-talker.” Since the facilitator receives less eye contact than the other group members, the person would be away from the focus of attention and may be less likely to respond.
C. The facilitator should analyze himself to see if he is being clear in communication and not offensive for it is possible that the “over talker” may see the need to take charge.
D. It may be necessary to care-front the person in private. Remember to communicate the “truth in love.” The “over-talker” may have leadership potential but needs to learn to be a better listener.
HANDLING NON-PARTICIPATORS
Some people are very timid or feel they do not have anything to contribute to the group. There are those who may also have reading difficulties. The people should be cared for with sensitivity (working within their comfort level). Here are some suggestions on how to increase their “comfort level”:
A. In all group sessions the facilitator should remind participants that no one is expected to talk if they don’t want to. No one is forced to talk. Everyone has the freedom to pass.
B. Offer encouragement by gently directing questions to them that can be answered with ease and comfort.
C. Give special attention to these people before and after each group session.
D. Talk to them in private. Offer encouragement.
E. Every answer they provide should be affirmed.
Be a good role model by “walking” your “talk.” Values are best caught, not taught. “Set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). Here are some practical ways to be a good role model:
ROLE MODEL
A. Be on time.
B. Be consistent.
C. Guard against moodiness.
D. Be a good listener.
E. Be positive.
F. Maintain confidentiality.
G. Maintain a life of purity and integrity.
HUMOR
Keep a sense of humor. It is easy to get caught up in the seriousness of one another’s needs and forget the value of laughter. “A Cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). Humor can enhance the group experience by breaking tension and building trust. Here are some guidelines for using humor:
A. Don’t over use. Be natural.
B. Avoid teasing at someone else’s expense.
C. Avoid drawing excessive attention to yourself as a clown.
D. Be sensitive to the timing of your humor. Do not make light of truly serious matters.
Sharing Questions
Go-arounds (Sharing Questions) are an effective way to start each group meeting. This helps group participants talk about themselves in a structured context, setting the stage for the Self-Awareness or Spiritual-Awareness and Application phases of the small group format. Go-arounds are not designed for in-depth sharing but to prepare each participant for meaningful group interaction.
PAST TENSE GO-AROUNDS
These questions are effective in the early stages of group life. They serve to acquaint participants which help to build friendship and trust.
Past Tense Questions (Examples)
• What was the best vacation you every took with your family?
• Where did you live and what were you doing when you were in 6th grade?
• What is one experience of success that you can remember and what did it mean to you?
• As a child, who had the most influence on your life?
• As a child, what kind of relationship did you have with the church?
• What is one quality from your parents that you wanted to keep?
• When, if ever, did God become more than a word to you, and how did that happen?
• As a child, what was your favorite holiday? Why?
• What do you remember most about your grandparents?
• What is your first remembrance of God?
• What was your most embarrassing experience in school?
• What was your first day in high school like?
• What is your first remembrance of a preacher?
• Who was (or is) your favorite teacher in high school? Why?
These questions invite participants to discuss experiences in daily living.
Present Tense Questions (Examples)
• What is your favorite Bible verse? Why?
• What is your favorite place in your home? Why?
• What do you like about your job, and is there anything you find boring?
• When you have some free time to yourself what do you like to do?
• If you could pick one person in the Bible or church history that you would prefer to be like, who would that be? Why?
• What is one part of your life that you enjoy, and one part that is difficult for you?
• How has the “weather” been in your life since we last met? Has it been sunny, cloudy, rainy, tornado, etc.?
• What is the most significant thing that happened to you this week?
• What were the high and low spots of your week?
• What is one area where you would like to grow in your Christian faith? What kind of help do you need to do it?
• What is a good thing happening in your life right now and what makes it good?
• What does Christian discipleship mean to you?
• What is one decision facing you that you find difficult, and why?
• When do you struggle with yourself and win, or when do you struggle with yourself and lose? How do you feel about that?
• How do you feel when you think about God as your heavenly Father?
• What spiritual discipline do you find the easiest or most difficult?
• What do you do on a typical Monday evening?
• What are two things that you like about yourself? Why?
FUTURE TENSE GO-AROUNDS
These questions invite people to focus on the future aspects of their lives, their expectations, hopes, and dreams. These questions are usually more effective after the group has been together for a few weeks.
Future Tense Questions (Examples)
• What career do you picture for yourself in ten years?
• If you suddenly received a million dollars, how would you spend it?
• What would be a dream home for you?
• If you could predict your relationship with God in ten years, what would it be?
• How do you want people to remember you?
• What one question would you like to ask God when you meet Him?
• How would you like for your children to remember you?
• What one Bible character from the Old Testament would you most like to meet? Why?
• What one Bible character from the New Testament, in addition to Jesus, would you most like to meet? Why?
• If you knew you could not fail, and money was no problem, what one thing would you like to do in the next 5 years?
• What would be the perfect holiday for you: Where would it be, and what would you do?
• What is one relationship you would like to strengthen, and what steps could you take to develop it?
AFFIRMATION GO-AROUNDS
These questions invite people to say encouraging and positive things to each other. Affirmation questions are particularly effective during the later stages of group life.
Affirmation Questions (Examples)
• What has been said by a group member that has been most meaningful to you?
• What new spiritual insights have you received from this group?
• What do you value most about this group?
• What kind of help have you received from this group?
• What will you miss most at the conclusion of this group?
• How would you describe the qualities of this group?
• If you could present a gift of encouragement to each member in this group, what would it be?
Examples:
To John A set of weights to remind him of spiritual discipline.
To Sue An eagle to remind her that she can fly above the clouds with God’s help.
To Pam A piece of expensive pottery to remind her of the beauty in her that has resulted from the test of fire.
To Joe A pair of shoes to remind him that Christ is walking with him.
ACCOUNTABILITY GO-AROUNDS
These questions invite people to deeper commitment. Designed to help group members stand (not dominate) with each other in their faith, such questions should be reserved for group members who have agreed to be accountable to one another.
Accountability Questions (Examples)
• What one relationship needs your attention most? What steps can you take to strengthen it?
• What is the weak link in your relationship with God? What plans do you have to correct it?
• Who will help you remain accountable to your spiritual goals? How?
• How do you remain accountable to your commitments?
• What commandment is the most difficult for you to keep? Is there anyone to hold you accountable?
• What one decision are you making or thinking about that you will need to remain accountable to someone? Who will you look to for help?
• What kind of devotion time (prayer and Bible study) will you observe this week?
• What one relationship needs your attention most? What steps can you take to strengthen it?
• What is the weak link in your relationship with God? What plans do you have to correct it?
• Who will help you remain accountable to your spiritual goals? How?
• How do you remain accountable to your commitments?
• What commandment is the most difficult for you to keep? Is there anyone to hold you accountable?
• What one decision are you making or thinking about that you will need to remain accountable to someone? Who will you look to for help?
• What kind of devotion time (prayer and Bible study) will you observe this week?
The Plan of Salvation
Is
there any good reason why you cannot receive Jesus Christ right now?
How to receive Christ:
1. Admit your need (that you are a sinner).
2. Be willing to turn from your sins (repent).
3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you on the cross and rose from the dead.
4. Through prayer, invite Jesus Christ to come in and control your life through the Holy Spirit (receive Him as Savior and Lord).
What to Pray
Dear God,
I know that I am a sinner and need your forgiveness.
I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins.
I am willing to turn from my sins.
I now invite Jesus Christ to come into my heart and life as my personal savior.
I am willing, by God’s strength, to follow and obey Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life.
Date
Signature
The Bible says, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13
“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become the children of God.” John 1:12
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:1
• When we receive Christ, we are born into the family of God through the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit who lives within every believer. This process is called regeneration or the new birth.
• Share your decision to receive Christ with another person.
• Connect to a local church.
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Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter 1:3
