Parents - Jan/Feb 2022

G O T O S LE E P, K I D S !

B E DT I M E S U RV I VA L G U I D E

A LL AB O UT THE

C H O C O L AT E B O N A N Z A F O R VA LE N T I N E ’ S DAY

H E LP YO U R C H I LD WITHOUT HOVERING

50+

WAYS TO M AKE A M A Z I NG M E MOR I E S TH I S YE AR

W I LMER VA L D E R R A M A & A M A N DA PAC H E C O with N A K A N O

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2022 PARENTS.COM

BREW UP SOME PASSION Want to brew better tea? Start with TAZO Passion. This caffeine-free blend combines crisp, delicious flavors of hibiscus, orange peel and lemongrass for a flavor so good, just one sip will have you head over heels. (Don’t say we didn’t warn you.)

WHAT’S THE WEIRDEST THING YOU’VE DONE TO GET YOUR KIDS TO GO TO SLEEP?

JULIA EDELSTEIN Editor-in-Chief Executive Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Executive Editor MIRANDA VAN GELDER Managing Editor PATRICK MOFFITT Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER Food and Lifestyle Director YOLANDA WIKIEL Beauty Director KATE SANDOVAL BOX Senior Editor, Features KATIE ARNOLD-RATLIFF Senior Editor, Books and Travel KAREN CICERO Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHOR N

“We created a ‘monsterblocking’ wall of pillows around my kid’s bed.”

Staff Beauty Editor SHANNON M. BAUER Assistant Lifestyle Editor CASSIE HURWITZ Editorial Assistant REBECCA RAKOWITZ ART & PRODUCTION Art Director EMILY FURLANI Associate Art Director JAMIE LEE Senior Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Art Assistant OLIVIA LO SARDO Production Director VINCENT M. SPINA PHOTO Photo Director JOANNA MUENZ Photo Coordinator MAGGIE BLATTEL Associate Photo Editor ERIKA THOMPSON RESEARCH & COPY

“My baby downed a 12-ounce bottle during a particularly sleep-depriving growth spurt and finally took the nap.”

Research Director BARBARA BRANDON-CROFT Copy Chief JEAN RODIE Copy Editor SHELLEY WOLSON Test Kitchen Project Manager LINDA BREWER, R.D.N. Deputy Managing Editor TARA LUSTBERG Executive Operations Coordinator, Office of Editor-in-Chief ADRIENNE FARR Editorial Apprentice SIERRA HOEGER Contributing Editors DAPHNE de MARNEFFE, Ph.D., CATHERINE HONG, JOY HOWARD, TAMEKIA REECE, VIRGINIA SOLE-SMITH D I G I TA L

Digital Content Director JULIA DENNISON Executive Editor, Trends and Features MELISSA BYKOFSKY Executive Editor, Black Parenting KELLY GLASS Senior Editor, Black Parenting CELESTE LITTLE Features Editor ANNA HALKIDIS SEO Editor NICOLE HARRIS Editor, News and Trends AMBER LEVENTRY Visual Editor JILLIAN SELLERS Staff Writer, Black Parenting AMBREIA MEADOWS-FERNANDEZ Associate Producer FRANCESCA SPATOLA ADVISORY B OARD PEDIATRICS Ari Brown, M.D., Antwon Chavis, M.D., David L. Hill, M.D., Yvonne Maldonado, M.D., Terri McFadden, M.D., Kimberly Montez, M.D., M.P.H., Natalie D. Muth, M.D., M.P.H., R.D.N., Cara Natterson, M.D., Irwin Redlener, M.D., Michael Rich, M.D., M.P.H., Darshak Sanghavi, M.D., Jennifer Shu, M.D. NUTRITION Jill Castle, R.D.N., Maya Feller, R.D., Sally Kuzemchak, R.D., Dalina Soto, R.D. MENTAL HEALTH AND BEHAVIOR Lisa Damour, Ph.D., Wayne Fleisig, Ph.D., Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., Laura S. Olivos, Psy.D., Silvia Pereira-Smith, M.D., Adiaha Spinks-Franklin, M.D., Timothy L. Verduin, Ph.D. ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH Aaron Bernstein, M.D., M.P.H., Philip Landrigan, M.D. DENTISTRY Lezli Levene Harvell, D.M.D., Maria Velasco, D.M.D. WOMEN’S HEALTH Tamika Auguste, M.D., Yamel Belen, R.N., C.L.C., Marjorie Greenfield, M.D., Marta Perez, M.D., Laura Riley, M.D., Alexandra Sacks, M.D. EDUCATION AND LITERACY Patricia Edwards, Ph.D., Jennifer Serravallo, Colby Sharp ALLERGY Michael Pistiner, M.D., Hemant Sharma, M.D. “I curled up EMERGENCY MEDICINE AND SAFETY Khama Ennis, M.D., M.P.H., in a Mark Anthony Griffiths, M.D., Wendy L. Hunter, M.D. toddler bed SLEEP Maida Chen, M.D., Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., Judith Owens, M.D. with my DERMATOLOGY Anna Bruckner, M.D., Jody Alpert Levine, M.D., kids until they Kim Nichols, M.D. fell asleep.”

SOCIAL JUSTICE Traci Baxley, Ed.D., Nayeli Y. Chavez-Dueñas, Ph.D., Ibram X. Kendi, Ph.D., Julie Lythcott-Haims

“Played static on the radio while driving around. The noise plus the motion of the car worked every time.”

MARK JOSEPHSON Senior Vice President, Group Publisher

Sales Manager, Meredith Parents Network DONNA LINDSKOG

ADVERTISING SALE S West Coast Director JULIE BANFIELD Advertising Sales Staff ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN, CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL, MOLLY THOMPSON, MARIA TOCCO TORRES, NADINE WAXENBERG Assistant BRITTON FORKER Business Development Manager BREANA TOLLA National Travel Manager KATY HILDMAN Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE

“At my son’s request, we had to act out the fight scene in Thor: Ragnarok, while listening to ‘Immigrant Song.’ ”

MARKETING Group Marketing Director KRISTEN STUCCHIO-SUAREZ Senior Marketing Manager JUDY SCHIFFMAN Marketing Manager MARNIE DOWLER Marketing Coordinator DIANA ZULUAGA Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW Art Director TRACY D’AGOSTINO A D M I N I S T R AT I O N Executive Business Director JANICE CROAT Business Manager MEGAN WOOD Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO Consumer Marketing Manager RACHEL BLACK Production Director MELANIE STOLTENBERG Production Manager COURTNEY PETERSON Director of Quality JOSEPH KOHLER Quality Analyst BEN ANDERSON Prepress Desktop Specialist GREG FAIRHOLM

“My oldest would fall asleep quickly when we watched black-andwhite WWII documentaries.”

MEREDITH NATIONAL MEDIA GROUP President CATHERINE LEVENE President, Consumer Products TOM WITSCHI President, Meredith Digital ALYSIA BORSA EVP, Strategic and Business Development DAPHNE KWON Executive Vice Presidents Chief Revenue Officer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN Digital Sales MARLA NEWMAN Finance MICHAEL RIGGS Marketing and Integrated Communications NANCY WEBER Senior Vice Presidents Consumer Marketing STEVE CROWE Consumer Revenue ANDY WILSON Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER Foundry 360 MATT PETERSEN Product and Technology JUSTIN LAW Research Solutions BRITTA CLEVELAND Strategic Planning AMY THIND Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL Vice Presidents Brand Licensing TOYE CODY, SONDRA NEWKIRK Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE Finance CHRIS SUSIL Strategic Development KELSEY ANDERSEN Strategic Partnerships ALICIA CERVINI

“I‘ve told them that their favorite figures—the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny—wouldn’t stop in if they didn’t get to bed.

I’ve never seen them run so fast!”

Vice President, Group Editorial Director LIZ VACCARIELLO Chief Digital Content Officer AMANDA DAMERON Director, Editorial Operations and Finance ALEXANDRA BREZ MEREDITH CORPORATION Chairman and Chief Executive Officer TOM HARTY Chief Financial Officer JASON FRIEROTT Chief Development Officer JOHN ZIESER President, Meredith Local Media Group PATRICK McCREERY Senior Vice President, Human Resources DINA NATHANSON Senior Vice President, Chief Communications Officer ERICA JENSEN Vice Chairman MELL MEREDITH FRAZIER

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R AI S I N G T H E F UTU R E

CONTENTS

JANUARY/ FEBRUARY. 48

Breakfast feels a lot more upbeat with fun add-ins like popcorn for cereal and boba in yogurt.

KIDS

15 / Pom-Pom Valentines!

There’s a whole lot to love about these DIY gifts that star everyone’s favorite fluffy craft supply.

22 / Take Back Your Nights Your great big guide to getting kids to sleep, no matter why they’re awake

PA R E N T S

2 JA N UA RY/ F EBRUA RY

30 / Bedtime All-Stars For our first Kids’ Sleep Awards, we tested the best sheets, pillows, and more.

sick, keeping pandemic weight gain in perspective, and dealing with seasonal affective disorder in kids

34 / Are You Helping or Hovering?

When to jump into your kid’s affairs and when to hang back

40 / The Facts of Lice All the nitpicky details about chemical treatments and natural remedies

38 / Health News How to help one sibling stay healthy when the other is

2022

44 / Why Holding Off Isn’t the Answer Experts in children’s health address questions

for any parent wondering about getting the COVID-19 vaccine for their child.

48 / Breakfast Inspo, Served Creative toppers for toast, eggs, yogurt, and cereal.

Plus: Families taste-test a .m. convenience foods.

54 / The Book Nook Justice Sonia Sotomayor on her new picture book

I N E V E RY I S S U E 4 Editor’s Note 7 Playbook 56 Animal House!

104 Giggles

YO U

59 / The New Green Deal A simple beauty routine is a lovely thing—for you and the planet.

22

64 / What I Tell My Friends About Botox Our beauty director shares some honest thoughts.

66 / The Start of Something New Wilmer Valderrama steps into dadhood with love for his partner, model Amanda Pacheco, and a new respect for sleep training.

70 / My Family Learned CPR (and Yours Should Too) The spouse of a cardiac arrest survivor explains why learning lifesaving skills gave her a welcome sense of empowerment.

A G E S + S TA G E S

100 / Pregnancy Know the second time may be different.

100 / 0–12 Months Maximize the stroller experience.

101 / 1–2 Years Keep calm when they test the rules.

101 / 3–4 Years See if they need glasses.

102 / 5–6 Years Give your lefty a hand.

103 / 7–9 Years Nurture their individuality.

82

LIFE

75 / The Joys of a Family Bucket List Moms and dads on the rewards of making touchstone memories 82 / Chocolate Factory!

You’ll all feel like kids in a candy store when you dip pretzels and mold hearts.

88 / Vacations With Fairy-Tale Vibes Storybook towns, castles, and fanciful getaways 75

92 / Dinners That Score Big Nacho-inspired bowls and more tailgate tastiness

On the Cover Wilmer Valderrama, Amanda Pacheco, and their daughter, Nakano, photographed at 8 months. Photograph by Victor Demarchelier. Wardrobe styling

by Katie Mossman. Wilmer’s grooming by Christine Nelli.

Amanda’s hair and makeup by Andrea Ortega Costigan.

Prop styling by Chloe Park. Child wrangling by Billy Rogers. On Wilmer: Sweater, Officine Générale. Jeans, Mother Denim.

On Amanda: Dress, A.L.C. Sweater, Re/Done. Belt, Zara. Jewelry, Madewell. On Nakano: Shirt and pants, Zara. Blanket, Jenni Kayne.

EDITOR’S NOTE

IN THE BEGINNING

of my life as a mother, I was a member of the Infants Who Sleep Club. And as any other member of this society will tell you, the first rule is never to speak of it—unless, of course, you want everyone to hate you. But since this issue of Parents contains perhaps our best-ever guide to kids’ sleep, “Take Back Your Nights” (page 22), I’ve decided to share the tale of my personal sleep miracle—and its tragic (for me) end.

My firstborn, Joey, entered the world at 4:30 P.M. on a Friday. After we laid him down in a plastic hospital bassinet, he slept five hours straight, rousing only after a nurse blew in his face and spritzed cold water on his feet. We woke him this way for feedings for 14 nights, at which point our pediatrician said it was fine to stop. From then on, Joey slumbered for ten hours, woke at 5 A.M. to eat and have a diaper change, and then went right back to snoozing for another three.

After a brief four-month regression, he sleep trained in a snap, conking out nightly from 7:30 P.M. to 7:30 A.M. But when our perfect sleeper was 21/2 years old, we

The pileup of loveys after a midnight invasion by both kids.

moved—and inadvertently rocked his world. “I want my old cribbo,” he cried that first night in his new bedroom.

Our son’s distress was so intense that instead of putting him in his crib, closing the door, and heading to the couch for our usual Netflix and ice cream, my husband and I sat with him in the dark.

I poked an arm through the crib slats so I could rub his back over and over again. We sang lullabies for an hour-plus, improvising verses (“Mama’s gonna buy you a giant T. rex ...”).

As we puzzled over how to fix things, another factor entered the equation: Gabriel, our second child, made his entrance into the world. He was born at 5 P.M. on a Tuesday, and as I laid him down in his hospital bassinet, he instantly started to wail. I think he slept for a grand total of 45 minutes that night, all of them slack-jawed at my breast.

Almost overnight, we became too exhausted to strategize

about our toddler’s sleep and entered into a permanent state of improvising. Sleep issues are constant (albeit varied) in our house.

A NOTE ON KIDS AND THE COVID -19 VA C C I N E

Parents has been a strong advocate for childhood vaccination throughout its 96-year history, and our mission to protect kids continues with “Why Holding Off Isn’t the Answer” (page 44), which features research-backed advice from members of our medical advisory board.

As a mom, I empathize with the fears of any parent.

As a health journalist, I feel reassured that vaccination is a safe choice and the only way out of the pandemic. I have one child who is fully vaccinated and another who will soon be eligible. I’m proud of them for doing their part to keep everyone safe.

In 2020, when I became the editor-in-chief of Parents, I confided on this page that I spent each evening trapped in a glider, waiting for my kids to fall asleep. I’m in the glider less often these days (hooray!), but new obstacles have arisen.

My younger son, now 4, rouses nightly between midnight and 3 A.M., pads into our room, and sprawls in the center of the bed. Sometimes the older one, who is 7, wakes up, too, and steps on all of us as he finds a nice horizontal spot.

That’s on top of the usual nighttime snack requests, teeth-brushing delays, bad dreams, itchy pajamas, and too-hot-blanket issues. One day, I’m told, my husband and I will long for a midnight kick in the ribs the way we currently pine for Succession and mint chip. But in the meantime, I’ve learned not to judge my life by the quality of my kids’ shut-eye—and to keep hope alive for better rest some day soon. Plus, it’s not all bad in the Tired Parents Club.

No one comments on your undereye circles, and we all root for one another, every single night. That said, if you’re a newly minted member of the Kids Who Sleep Club, go right ahead and send me your best tip. I promise not to hate you.

How can we help? Email JuliaE@parents.com to tell me about the advice you’d like to see in future issues of Parents.

PA R E N T S

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I Haven’t Slept in Five Years

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PLAYBOOK Your guide to making the days easier and the journey sweeter

FOOD STYLING BY HADAS SMIRNOFF. PROP STYLING BY KATJA GREEFF.

LET THERE BE DELIGHT!

A creatively stacked crudités tower gives new meaning to the term balanced eating.

It’s Crunch Time If presentation is what it takes to get kids psyched about vegetables, then this idea is a game changer (so to speak). After all, carrots are much cooler when they’re pulled from a Jenga-like tower rather than fished out of a baggie. Celery and carrots (we used orange and yellow varieties of the latter) are a natural choice, but you can level up the competition with parsnips, large photograph by K AT E M AT H I S

radishes, or jicama. Just cut the veggies into equal-size blocks and trim their curved sides so they lie flat—you’ll need 30 to build a ten-story tower. Pro tip from Rachel Faucett, generator of this idea (and others in The Handmade Charlotte Playbook): Cut more than you think you’ll need. As kids pull sticks, they’re likely to nibble along the way (and that’s the real victory).

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P L AY B O O K

/ I F YO U A S K M E /

“Is there an effective way to respond to whining?

(Please say yes!)”

TA K E 5

Three parents, no wrong answers

LI K E R E G U L A R YO GA , B UT N A K E D

—Melinda Wenner Moyer, author of How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t A**holes and mom of two @melindawmoyer

“When Ava would cry or be upset, I always did my best to respond with patience and support.

I would give her ‘positive energy’ (kids often react to our reactions!) and a loving embrace in those moments to calm her down so we could then talk through her feelings.

Establishing a safe environment for open communication with your child is so important. This worked when Ava was a toddler, and now that she’s 10, she’s comfortable being vulnerable and allows me to help her understand her emotions.”

—Michael Gardner, self-taught clothing maker and dad of one @daddydressedmebymg

“As the parent of a 2-year-old, I’ve found that this struggle is very real! When my daughter is stuck in a whiny funk, we turn on upbeat music. It seems to lift her mood more effectively than talking. And if that doesn’t work, we ask her binary questions.

For example, if she’s angry that she can’t have ice cream for dinner, I address her frustration, tell her I’m sorry that we can’t have ice cream for dinner, and ask her a question like, ‘Would you like to use your green plate or your blue plate tonight?’ This often makes her feel that she’s regained some control in the situation.”

—Mary Orton, entrepreneur, lifestyle influencer, and mom of two @maryorton —Caylin Harris

IT WORKED FOR ME

PA R E N T S

Sure, you could use your phone to time the kids’ piano practices and their countdowns to lightsout. But with the Time Timer MOD ($25; timetimer .com), they’ll start learning to regulate their minutes on their own. Parents editor-in-chief Julia Edelstein tried it out with her sons and liked how they could actually see the minutes ticking by (an impossible task if you normally use Alexa or Siri). No more “But you didn’t tell me!” arguments.

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Although it may seem counterintuitive, research shows that spending more time in the nude can increase self-esteem, improve body image, and result in greater life satisfaction. (Less laundry is an added bonus!)

“It teaches you to embrace your imperfections, open your heart, and take pride in your physique,” says Jannica Klingborg, head instructor for True Naked Yoga, which offers an online library of instructional yoga videos.

Try it yourself: Before you turn on calm music and flow through a sequence in your birthday suit, find a private space and prepare for possible party crashers—i.e., your toddler. So lock the door and/or have a robe handy. But if your kid accidentally does bust in mid Downward Dog, there’s no need to freak out. “Teaching your kids from a young age to take pride in their body introduces a positive body image for them too,” Klingborg says.

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“When my daughter used to whine, I would say, ‘Oh gosh, it sounds like maybe you want something, but it hurts my ears when you talk in that voice! Could you try again?’ This relies on a disciplinary technique called induction, which involves directly linking kids’ challenging behavior with the effects that behavior has on others.

When kids understand why a behavior is disliked and how it harms others, they are more likely to stop doing it—and they develop stronger perspective-taking skills, which help them become more compassionate and generous in general.”

The hunt for a clean sports bra is sometimes all it takes to thwart workout plans.

But hey, it’s possible to ditch the gym top—and the leggings too.

/ R E L ATA B L E /

My 4-year-old asked if I could take her to the little restaurants that we just pass by and eat. Took me a while to realize she was talking about Costco samples. @BunAndLeggings

/ S I M P L E J OY /

T E A C H YO U R C H I L D T O …

P L AY C H E S S SUGGESTED AGE: 3+

Get ’em started young. This strategy game is known to improve memory, planning skills, focus, and creativity, and it may even help lessen ADHD and anxiety symptoms.

Learn the lingo.

From the start, focus on setting up the board correctly, moving each piece legally, and calling the pieces by their real name (it’s a “knight,” not a “horsey”), says Julie Blasingame, a beginning chess teacher at Outschool.com who’s also taught at schools and camps for more than 23 years. Shortcuts will only make the game harder to get the hang of later on.

Turn it into a tale.

Give each chess piece a different story line on how it moves across the board (“The king is a bit scared and only likes to slide one square per turn”), suggests Andrew Kashian, who created a children’s chess board called Story Time Chess.

Pretend you’re a spy.

“Thinking is shown in the eyes,” says Bruce Pandolfini, the chess

consultant for The Queen’s Gambit. As you play, watch your kid’s eyes for focused movements (a sign of a flair for the game). Then have them watch your eyes to see if they can determine which piece you might move next. For more puzzle practice, the experts recommend ChessKid.com, where your child can play games against other kids (or a bot) and watch videos from grand masters.

Every morning, my three kids make a beeline to the TV and sit there until we wake up. Sometimes they fight about what to watch, so we created a “Daily TV Captain” with Sunday awarded to the best behaved for the week.

But at other times we find them all snuggled up under a blanket, looking like a very cute three-headed monster. It’s these moments that make me so grateful they have each other and truly are best friends.

Nothing makes me happier than to see this little cuddle huddle.

—Stacey Wallenstein, mom of three in Plainview, New York

HAVE A SWEET STORY TO SHARE? Email it to simplejoy@parents.com.

P L AY B O O K

APPROVED

THE ESSENTIALS

2022

KITCHEN CLEANING REFRESH Pot-and-pan pileups, sticky surfaces, and abandoned coffee cups are no match for these tools designed to wash away messes plaguing sinks and countertops.

1 2

3

4

6

5

1. Trade disposable paper products for Sponge Cloths made from wood cellulose and cotton. Each towel is superabsorbent and can be thrown in the dishwasher or washing machine. (Orange ya glad you can help save the planet?) $5 each; tenandco.ca 2. Swap the standard suds for Grove Co. Ultimate Dish Soap. It’s

PA R E N T S

housed in an aluminum bottle, which is prettier than plastic and can be recycled again and again. $5; grove.co 3. Pump some dish soap onto your sponge single-handedly with a quick press of this Soap Dispensing Sponge Holder. No more wet-handed juggling of dirty dishes, sponges, and slippery detergent. $19; oxo.com

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4. This Round Mesh Scrubber makes it a snap to clean awkwardly shaped items—the travel snack cup or the reusable water bottle—and adds a burst of color to your stark stainless steel. $6; casabella.com 5. When you’ve left dirty cookware in the sink a tad too long, grab the Scotch-Brite Advanced Scrub

Dots Non-Scratch Scrubbers. They’ll get stuck-on scrambled eggs or burned cheese bits off without ruining your pan’s finish. $4 for two; walmart.com 6. If food scraps are constantly clogging the drain, protect it with the colorful Sinksational Sink Strainer made from recycled plastic.

The flexible rim suctions around so no crumb

can escape, and there’s a separate lid if you need to fill the sink. $8; fullcirclehome.com 7. The Kohler Kitchen Surface Squeegee sweeps crumbs into the sink or garbage with its bristly side and wipes away liquids with the rubber blade on the other side. Hang it on the edge of the sink when you’re done. $11; containerstore.com

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Nap time whispers. A good book. Snuggling up.

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P L AY B O O K

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2022

THE SHORT LIST What’s new, novel, and nice to know in January and February

/ HIGHS AND LOWS /

After roles in Friday Night Lights and One Tree Hill, Kramer launched her award-winning country-music career, which now spans a decade. But it’s often her Whine Down podcast that makes news. There she gets candid about divorce, Hollywood, and raising Jolie, 5, and Jace, 3.

Recent parenting win I’m not the best cook, but I made something new—spaghetti squash with turkey meatballs —and they actually ate it.

Recent parenting miss I cursed the other day in front of my son, and he repeated it.

My parenting superpower Tuning out their screaming.

My parenting kryptonite Putting up with their whining.

[Editor’s note: Jana, see page 8 for advice from other parents!]

Song my kids love that I love too Anything from The Greatest Showman soundtrack.

Kindred, a new brand featuring the experiences of Black families and celebrating the people raising the next generation of Black children, launches January 18. Find news, advice, and solutionsfocused content that honors Black cultures.

Best thing my podcast has done for me It’s been therapy in a lot of ways, with the amazing experts we have on the show.

Plus, it’s nice to know we aren’t alone in our fears and anxieties.

Challenging part of having my podcast out there It gets picked apart in the media. I do Whine Down to help others, but then a sensational headline is what gets the most attention.

Upside to coparenting Sometimes having a break.

New Year’s goal Trying every day to talk positively to myself. I am a badass strong momma!

Hope to drop this The negative voices in my head. I want to figure out how to love myself.

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Stories Centering Black Parents

Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code or visit parents.com/kindred.

S WA P

Song my kids love that drives me crazy Blippi’s “The Excavator Song.”

Hardest part of coparenting Sometimes not having help.

PA R E N T S

D I S C OV E R

SHOP

If you regularly vacillate between trying to eat more veggies and spending less on groceries, Imperfect Foods offers a happy medium. The delivery service ships produce deemed too “ugly” for stores—but still perfectly tasty—along with surplus grains, dairy, meat, and other staples. It’s a way to rescue food from the landfill, and to further stave off waste; you can skip deliveries on weeks you don’t need them and even send back the shipping gel packs.

Prices vary; imperfectfoods.com

Diapers aside, few things are as unsavory as your pup’s pee pads. Welcome DoggieLawn, a real grass pad that naturally cancels out odors, whether used indoors or out. Choose a size that best fits your dog and decide how often you want a new grass square delivered. A plastic tray underneath keeps messes contained. Just throw out or compost the soiled lawn when your next one arrives. Starting at $26; doggielawn.com

UNWIND

So you’ve wanted to try pottery since you first saw Ghost? The Sculpd Pottery Kit makes starting easy, with everything you need to make four small or two large pots. (And whether it’s for your downtime or their craft time, it’s okay if the first go isn’t a masterpiece.) $65; sculpd.com —Sierra Hoeger and Adrienne Farr

KRAMER: DAVID BECKER/GETTY. KRAMER AND CHILDREN: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT. “THE SHORT LIST”: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

Jana Kramer

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KIDS.

H E L P T H E M T H R I V E I N E V E R Y WA Y THERE’S A FLUFF Y C R AF T F I T F O R E V E RY AGE FROM LITTLE KID TO TWEEN.

The possibilities are endless, whether you opt to DIY or buy.

PROP STYLING BY KATJA GREEFF.

Pom-Pom Valentines!

Get the kids crafting their hearts out with super-fun gifts and cards made with warm-and-fuzzy puffs. crafts by A S H L E Y T O T H photographs by TED + CHELSEA C AVA N AU G H

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K I D S Ñ M a k e It

Sweet miniatures add the perfect pop to a backpack or a pencil case.

Ice-Cream Charms W H AT Y O U ’ L L N E E D

Scissors Pink glitter felt and/or rose-gold felt ($6 for 5x19 in.; thefeltpod.com) Hot-glue gun 3cm pom-poms in various colors, like fuchsia, mint, pink, off-white, and seafoam ($7.50 for ten; thefeltpod.com) Ball chains ($8.50 for 100; amazon.com) Neon-pink mini pom-poms (Pop! Possibilities 100 ct Assorted Pom Poms – Neon, $4.50; joann.com) Small paintbrush Découpage or tacky glue (optional) Chunky glitter (optional) Mint-green cardstock 1⅛-in. hole punch Marker MAKE IT

1. Cut felt into a triangular shape with a rounded bottom edge, 1½ in. tall and 3 in. wide.

2. Roll felt into a cone about 1 in. wide and secure with hot glue. Trim the top flat so it looks like an ice-cream cone.

3. Hot-glue a stack of two pom-poms in different colors over the cone’s opening.

4. Hot-glue the middle of a ball chain to top pom-pom.

5. Hot-glue a small neon-pink pom-pom on top for a cherry, overlapping the ball chain.

6. Using a paintbrush, dab découpage glue over the tops of the pom-poms, if using.

Sprinkle with glitter and press down gently to adhere. Let dry.

7. Cut small rectangles from cardstock. Punch a hole in one end. Write “Supercool” on tag; thread ball chain through the hole and close.

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These bright and happy �lowers will never wilt or fade—no watering needed.

Pom Posies (FOR INSTRUCTIONS, S E E PAG E 2 0.)

K I D S Ñ M a k e It

Valentine Cards in 3-D! (FOR INSTRUCTIONS, S E E PAG E 2 0.)

1

’Do It Up 2

Caterpillar Crush

1

3

A-roar-able Valentine

2

3

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Monster Pencil Toppers W H AT Y O U ’ L L N E E D

Customizable pencils in colors (Custom pencil set starting at $14; thepencilboutiqueco.com) Yarn in various colors Scissors Pom-poms in various colors and sizes (Pop! Possibilities 100 ct Assorted Pom Poms – Neon, $4.50; joann.com) Hot-glue gun Googly eyes in various sizes and colors MAKE IT

1. Get pencils customized with the phrase “You’re a real scream!”

(Or use plain pencils and make a washi-tape flag with the phrase.)

Scare up the Valentine’s Day fun with some pretty sketchy creatures.

2. To make a homemade pom-pom (like those on the mint and orange pencils): Wrap yarn around two fingers about 15 times. Slide the bundle of yarn off your fingers and tie tightly in the middle with the same yarn. Snip open the loops and fluff into a pom-pom, trimming as needed. (You can mix yarns and make larger or smaller bundles to get different sizes of pom-poms.)

3. To make a multicolor monster using store-bought pom-poms (like those on the pink and red pencils), cut a medium or large pom-pom in half and glue to another half. Glue on additional pom-poms if desired.

4. Hot-glue the top of the pencil to the bottom of the monster.

5. Hot-glue on googly eyes and small pom-poms for features.

K I D S Ñ M a k e It

3. Open leaf and glue creased edge to card on a diagonal.

Pom Posies

4. Glue a squiggly row of 6 pompoms in assorted colors along the crease to form a caterpillar.

W H AT Y O U ’ L L N E E D

STEP 1

MAKE IT

1. Wrap the center of one side of the pom-pom maker with about a finger’s width of yarn to form the very center of the flower. Wrap loosely so the yarn doesn’t have much tension.

(See photos at left.)

2. Lightly wrap over that section with a layer of another color yarn.

STEP 5

3. Lightly wrap over that section with a layer of another color yarn.

(Don’t cover the whole side of the pom-pom maker, but cover the second color completely.)

5. Glue 2 googly eyes to the head of the caterpillar.

’Do It Up W H AT Y O U ’ L L N E E D

Scissors Bright-pink cardstock ¼ -in. dot stickers (Avery Color Coding Labels, $4.50; amazon.com) Marker Pom-poms in various sizes in pinks, red, and orange (Fashion Mix Pom Poms by Creatology, $6; michaels.com) Tacky glue MAKE IT

1. Cut cardstock into a circle about 5½ in. in diameter.

2. In lower half of card, make a face using stickers. Use whole dots for cheeks. Cut dots to create a semicircle for a mouth and a triangle for a nose. Draw eyes with a marker.

3. Glue pom-poms above face, using various colors and sizes to form an impressive hairstyle.

4. Write “Love is in the hair!”

4. Finish wrapping that side of the pom-pom maker in another color.

5. Using the same color yarn as in Step 4, wrap the entire other side of the pom-pom maker. Both sides should have the same amount of yarn.

6. Reassemble the pom-pom maker and cut through the middle (following the product’s included instructions).

STEP 6

7. Wrap a piece of yarn around the middle of the pom-pom maker, looping it around a few times until you can cinch the pom-pom very tightly. Tie with a few knots to secure. Remove the pieces of the pom-pom maker and trim the pom-pom so that it’s round.

8. To make the stem, wrap a chopstick in turquoise-green yarn and glue to secure.

9. Glue the pom-pom flower to the top of the stem.

STEP 7

PA R E N T S

10. Using scallop-edged scissors, cut 2 leaves out of cardstock for each flower.

Write “Best buds forever” on one leaf with a marker and glue both to either side of the stem.

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6. Write “Just thought I’d bug you ...”

A-roar-able Valentine W H AT Y O U ’ L L N E E D

Scissors Teal cardstock Tacky glue 1 large orange pom-pom; 2 small orange pom-poms; 12 small fuchsia pom-poms (Fashion Mix Pom Poms by Creatology, $6; michaels.com) 2 tiny white pom-poms; 1 tiny fuchsia pom-pom (Pop! Possibilities 100 ct 7mm Assorted Mix Pom Poms, $1; joann.com) Black permanent marker Tiny googly eyes MAKE IT

1. Cut cardstock into a circle about 5½ in. in diameter.

2. Glue large orange pom-pom to center of card and glue on 2 small orange pom-poms for ears.

Caterpillar Crush W H AT Y O U ’ L L N E E D

Scissors Cardstock in 2 colors Pinking shears Tacky glue Small pom-poms in various colors (Hot Colors Mix Pom Poms by Creatology, $6; michaels.com) Tiny googly eyes Marker

3. Glue small fuchsia pom-poms around the lion’s face for mane.

4. Glue on tiny white pom-poms and a tiny fuchsia pom-pom for the mouth and nose.

5. Color 2 googly eyes with the marker and glue them on for eyes. (To make it easier, place them on a piece of double-stick tape attached to a table.)

6. Write “Wild about you!”

MAKE IT

1. Cut 1 sheet of cardstock into a rectangle about 4x5½ in.

2. Using pinking shears, cut a leaf shape out of cardstock in a different color, a bit smaller than the rectangle. Fold the leaf in half lengthwise to create a center crease.

Grab the Crayons Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to print out coloring pages for Valentine’s Day.

STEP-BY-STEP PHOTOS: PETER ARDITO.

Donut Pom Maker (pictured, left, $19.50; pommaker.com) or Clover Pom-Pom Maker Set ($8; michaels.com) Yarn in white, light pink, neon pink, magenta, coral, orange, and neon yellow (or any combo of colors you’d like to use) Scissors Wooden chopsticks Turquoise-green yarn for the stem Tacky glue Turquoise-green cardstock Scallop-edged scissors Marker

MAKE IT YOUR NATURE. Experience the natural beauty of the North Carolina outdoors and preserve moments like these. Plan your trip at visitnc.com.

KIDS— S leep

Nothing threatens a parent’s sanity more than interrupted sleep, and nobody delivers those interruptions more consistently than a kid. But whatever your child’s nighttime troubles—and however specific or stubborn the problem may be —expert advice can help.

by K AT E R O C K W O O D / photograph by P R I S C I L L A G R A G G

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KIDSÑ S leep

PLEADING,

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that can’t be solved with darker curtains or a flick of the thermostat, we sought advice from a roster of sleep experts and a few seasoned parents. There was a broad consensus among them: Stay calm, be consistent, and remain open to using bribes. (Yes, really.)

“Don’t abandon a new strategy after only a week,” says Dayna A. Johnson, Ph.D., an assistant professor of epidemiology who researches sleep health at the Rollins School of Public Health at Emory University. “It takes time to establish habits and accurately measure success.”

PROBLEM

Around the 18-to-24-month mark, kids begin to crave more independence.

And though before age 2 most toddlers aren’t physically capable of climbing out of a crib, as their physical strength and coordination improve, hoisting themselves over the side becomes a delightful—and dangerous—new game.

Most escapes start to occur between

THIS PAGE: THAYER ALLYSON GOWDY. SHEEP: ICONIC/THE NOUN PROJECT.

begging, seething, screaming into a pillow, raging about the unfairness of it all—no, that’s not a description of a child’s tantrum.

It’s how adults behave when they don’t get adequate shut-eye. When the newborn era has long since ended but a smooth bedtime and steady sleep still evade a family—and parents are still handling get-in-bed-and-stay-in-bedright-this-second shenanigans long after they should be unwinding on the couch—things can get desperate.

That may be because sleep issues can feel as unique as the kids themselves.

Your 2-year-old may be prone to gleefully throwing their stuffies out of the crib, then sobbing until someone retrieves them—an endless game of frustrating fetch—even as your 6-yearold still struggles to stay in bed through the night, army crawling into your room to sneak under the blankets.

An 8-year-old bookworm might pass out with a paperback on their face at 2 a .m. unless a parent reminds (okay, begs) them to go to sleep, even yanking the book out of their grip some nights.

If nighttime is a hot mess in your house, take comfort in knowing that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) estimates that sleep issues affect up to 50 percent of children. Research shows that not getting enough shut-eye can impact everything from learning and memory to mood and immune function.

For adults, fragmented or poor sleep can also make it harder to be the kind of parent they want to be—namely patient, stable, and resilient, says Christine Won, M.D., director of the Women’s Health Sleep Program at Yale University. In other words, there’s a lot riding on your child’s ability to sleep through the night and your ability to do the same.

To get the all-important sleep train back on track, first make sure that your child’s room is sleep-friendly. “It should resemble a little cave: dark, cool, and quiet,” says Kelly Murray, founder of Kelly Murray Sleep Consulting. Blackout curtains, a white-noise machine, and a temperature between 68 and 72 degrees can all help. (Yes, you should avoid a night-light if possible.)

But because there are plenty of prevalent and vexing sleep problems

the ages of 2 and 3, says Parents advisor Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., associate director of the Sleep Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and author of Sleeping Through the Night and Sleep Deprived No More.

“At that age, some kids think it’s so much more fun to climb out than to stay put and go to sleep.”

S O L U T I O N As frustrating as it is to spend an hour or more returning your little Houdini to their crib, resist the urge to automatically upgrade your toddler to a big-kid bed, Dr. Mindell says. “It’s better to keep little ones in their crib until 21/2 or even 3 years of age, if you can,” she says. At this age, containment is safer, so they can’t scale the changing table or leave their room, and better for their sleep (no toy access means fewer distractions).

But you’ll need to make it as tough as possible for your toddler to fly the coop. An age-appropriate sleep sack can restrict their movement and make it harder to throw a leg over the crib rail.

Avoid using crib canopies, which are not recommended by the AAP, but do put the mattress at the lowest setting to reduce their ability to climb out. Finally, beef up your childproofing. Pad the area around the crib with pillows to soften a potential fall, and bolt any heavy furniture to the wall, Dr. Mindell says. And if your wily climber can get out of their room, put a baby gate in front of their door so they can’t access other parts of the house. This way, even if they make it out of bed, they’ll avoiding getting into dangerous situations. Return to their room if you hear them or see them on the monitor and place them back in the crib; soon they’ll learn that getting out of bed isn’t worth the effort.

PROBLEM

of Strong Little Sleepers. If you have limited bedrooms (and limited patience), this requires solving, stat.

S O L U T I O N Your approach needs to factor in the siblings’ age gap, Strong says. If one snoozer is a baby or a toddler, staggered bedtimes are probably a reality already. But if they aren’t yet, take the older kid’s bedtime routine elsewhere—say, to the couch for a story—then have them tiptoe into the room to hit the hay. Let the older child know that it’s your job, not theirs, to see to the baby if they wake up.

If the mini roommates are more like peers, Strong suggests creating separation in the room, if possible. A strategically placed bookshelf or room

If your wily climber can get out of bed, put a baby gate in front of their door so they can’t access the rest of the house.

divider may make it easier to keep kids on their own sides—and in their own beds. Likewise, a white-noise machine can cut down on complaints about a sibling making “that sound” again.

And when all else fails, resort to a bribe.

Rachel Cohen, who lives in Oak Park, Illinois, with her three kids, achieved a more peaceful bedtime by reminding her two sons at night that if they stay quiet in bed they’ll earn 20 minutes of Minecraft the next day. “It’s mind melting how effective it is, after all the other things we tried,” she says.

only a parent can scratch. Some kids have truly mastered the art of bedtime delaying. And who can blame them for dragging their feet? “We ask kids to lie in the dark for hours all on their own. Sleep is hard,” says Kate Lyn Walsh, Psy.D., a behavioral sleep psychologist at Riley Hospital for Children, in Indianapolis.

But the bedtime routine can make a huge difference in a child’s tendency to take their time. The lack of a routine or one that’s too long or complicated can foster resistance at bedtime, Dr. Walsh says. So can a feeling of FOMO, or the assumption that the grown-ups are downstairs having a grand time while they’re bored in bed.

S O L U T I O N A study of more than 10,000 children in the journal Sleep found that kids with a consistent bedtime routine go to bed earlier, fall asleep faster, wake up less often, and sleep longer. So make sure your child’s routine is as efficient as possible. It should be short and to the point, says Dr. Walsh, and keep kids moving in one direction: toward bed. “You don’t want to go into the bedroom to put on pj’s, then leave to brush teeth,” she says. And head off any potential requests by prepping their sleep environment with whatever your child may need (or pretend to need).

For example, putting a water bottle next to their bed can cut back dramatically on post-tuck-in trips to the kitchen.

Dr. Walsh also recommends making the routine more fun. “The last thing they do before bed should be something they enjoy,” she says. If your child loathes the bath, shift bathtime to earlier in the day and get it out of the evening routine. You can even change up the language you use around the end of the day. “Instead of saying, ‘It’s time for bed,’ you can say, ‘It’s time for stories and cuddles,’ ” Dr. Walsh advises.

PROBLEM

PROBLEM

Nothing is more maddening than a deeply sleeping kiddo being roused by a noisy, playful, or scared sibling. “Some kids who share a bedroom practically party all night long,” says Lori Strong, a certified sleep consultant and owner

A snack, an extra snuggle, a glass of water, a middle-of-the-back itchy spot

Bedtime with a little one can seem like a game of Whac-a-Mole. You put them down and a minute later they pop out of their bedroom, ready to play. But don’t assume it’s a power struggle, says Sarah Honaker, Ph.D., associate professor

KIDSÑ S leep

It doesn’t get much sweeter than kids who are cozy and dozy.

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consistent). Those passes can be traded in for things like an extra snuggle or a drink of water, but “ignore any request without a pass,” Dr. Afolabi-Brown says. If your child doesn’t use up their passes, let them trade them in for little treats: say, having their favorite breakfast cereal or getting to pick the music on the drive to school. One study of a group of 3-to-6-year-olds in The Journal of Pediatric Psychology found that at a three-month follow-up, 93 percent of the kids who used the passes stopped leaving their room, compared with 44 percent of the control group.

PROBLEM

Middle-of-the-night bedding changes, and having to comfort a cold, confused, and possibly embarrassed kid, can take a toll on everyone involved. But almost every child outgrows bedwetting.

At age 5, about 20 percent of kids

Bad dreams can be sleep stealers even for adults, so it’s no wonder that they can cause emotional fireworks in a kid.

sometimes wet the bed; by age 7, that figure is down to just 10 percent, according to the AAP. The number continues to drop in the years that follow. Still, there are dozens of reasons why a child might be wetting the bed, including genetics, anxiety, sleep apnea, a urinary tract infection, or constipation, says Steve Silvestro, M.D., a pediatrician and medical content manager with the telehealth company Ro in New York City. Kids who tend to be deep sleepers are also more likely to wet the bed, research shows.

S O L U T I O N If your child is 6 or older, it’s worth talking to your pediatrician to rule out any potential medical causes for bedwetting. The same is true if your child was dry at night for months or years but suddenly starts wetting the bed. If there’s no medical cause present, persuading your child to drink more liquids during the day “can help deter them from loading up on fluids within a few hours of bedtime, something kids will do if they find themselves thirsty at the end of the day,” Dr. Silvestro says. Taking in more fluids throughout the day also assists in getting bowels moving, which is helpful since constipation can be a cause of bladder issues.

While curbing evening

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of pediatrics at the Indiana University School of Medicine in Indianapolis.

Maybe your 3-year-old is trying to show you who’s boss, but more likely another factor—a fear of the dark, inconsistent naps, or a bedtime that’s too early or too late—is making it hard for your child to get with the program.

S O L U T I O N Try tracking your child’s sleep for two weeks. You might notice that natural patterns, like napping past 3 P.M., make bedtime unbearable, or your kid actually stays put if you get them in bed by 7 rather than 7:30. Those little timing tweaks can have a huge impact on your young one’s homeostatic sleep drive, the pressure that builds up the longer we stay awake and makes it easier for us to drift off.

And if you think hall passes are just for high school, think again. Young kids love the concept of a “bedtime pass,” says Funke Afolabi-Brown, M.D., a pediatric sleep physician and founder of RestfulSleepMD.com. Here’s how it works: Give your kids two physical bedtime passes (these can be anything from homemade paper coupons to spare kitchen whisks—just keep it

liquids and reinforcing potty breaks before bed might not stop all bedwetting episodes, there are ways for accidents to be less of a hassle. Make their bed with two layers of mattress protectors and bedsheets. That way, when your child wets the bed, all you have to do is pull off the top (wet) sheet and mattress protector and—voilà!—you’ve got a clean, dry set waiting for your child underneath.

For kids over 7 or 8, bedwetting alarm clocks work about two thirds of the time, Dr. Silvestro says. These alarms are either a special pair of underwear or a pad that the child sleeps on, both of which contain a sensor that vibrates at the first sign of wetness to wake the child and send them to the bathroom. “Over time, the hope is that they’ll wake up on their own whenever they feel that need-to-pee sensation,” Dr. Silvestro says.

PROBLEM

Bad dreams can be sleep stealers even for adults, so it’s no wonder that they can cause emotional fireworks in a kid.

Children can start having nightmares at any age, but these kinds of dreams usually kick in between ages 3 and 6.

S O L U T I O N If your child is fretting while falling asleep, reassurance is the name of the game. Tell them that they’re safe in their room, you’re nearby, and you’ll hear them if they need you. If fear of the dark is fueling nightmares, tackle that worry during the daytime: Have them wear a blindfold and play pin the tail on the donkey, or encourage them to try dark spots in a game of hide-andseek, Dr. Walsh says. Also, avoid letting your kids watch scary TV shows, and lay off any books or imaginative play that involve monsters, trolls, or other spooky figures. “Maybe during the day they’re not scared, but those thoughts can come up at night,” she says.

When a nightmare upends your night, help your kid reset with a glass of water and snuggles. Sometimes, a tactic as simple as flipping over their pillow can do the trick. For younger kids, Dr. Mindell is also a fan of filling a spray

Yes, you’re losing that midday break, but the transition can be manageable.

Surviving the Dreaded Nap Drop There’s no question that how well your little one sleeps during the day has a huge impact on how (and when!) they doze off at night. But the maddening thing is that naps are constantly shifting, from whenever and wherever a newborn dozes to one supersize stint that starts as your child gets closer to 2. And at some point, your little one will decide they’re done with their midday rest completely.

This can happen for many reasons: They’ve outgrown their current sleep schedule, they’re going through a major developmental period, they’re too busy having fun, or you’re missing their ideal naptime window. Keep putting your kiddo down at the usual times to see if they’ll go back to their routine. You can also take some pressure off naptime by focusing less on sleep and more on relaxation.

But if it really seems like the nap ship has sailed, you’ll want to gather a little data before you make the final call.

Pediatric sleep consultant

Becca Campbell, founder of Little Z’s Sleep, says you can tell it may be time to drop a nap when you consistently see clues like these: Your child falls asleep easily for naps but takes an hour or more to fall asleep at bedtime.

Your child falls asleep easily for naps but is waking up way too early (like, say, 4 A.M.) and seems rested and ready to start the day then.

Your child is fighting naps by playing in bed or becoming very upset.

What many parents don’t realize is that the loss of a nap means bedtime likely needs to be earlier—not forever, but for a solid four weeks, as your kid’s body adjusts, says Campbell.

“Pushing a child to suddenly be awake from 7 A.M. to 7 P.M. is a recipe for disaster and lots of night wakings,” she warns. “If your no-longer-napping kid is melting down at 5 P.M., it’s okay to eat dinner and have them off to bed by 5:30 or 6 P.M.”

The key to extricating yourself from their bedroom is to make gradual shifts.

When Your Kid Needs You in the Room It’s one of the most common sleep problems parents report: a child who goes down like a dream ... as long as a parent is within arm’s reach. But if you try to leave the room before they’re in a deep slumber, all hell breaks loose: wailing, clutching, and a total reset on the fallingasleep process. Emilie Caro, a certified pediatric sleep consultant and founder of Emilie Caro Sleep in New York City, is a fan of gradually phasing out a parent’s presence with a four-step plan.

1

As counterintuitive as it may sound, start by sleeping in your kid’s room for a few days, but make your presence as boring as possible. “Giving attention to your child, even if it’s negative attention, will encourage them to repeat the behavior,” Caro says. “Don’t engage with your kid when they should be sleeping.” For the first few days, simply

return your little one to bed any time they wake up. Your proximity “gets them in the habit of sleeping through the night in their bed,” she says.

2

Then shift to sitting on a chair near your child’s door for a few days, during bedtime and any middle-ofthe-night wakings.

3

Finally, remove yourself from the room entirely. By Day 10, Caro’s clients typically see a “huge improvement.”

4

Caro recommends prioritizing ten minutes of one-on-one time during the day. “It seems like such a small thing, but it can make a huge difference to have that special time when you listen to your child without distractions,” she says.

And it fills their “attention cup” at the time they should be getting attention: during the day.

bottle with water and labeling it “monster repellent” to spritz scary spaces, such as under the bed or in the closet. But beware of letting your kid join you in bed for the rest of the night; it may send a message that there is indeed something to fear in their bedroom.

Night terrors are something else entirely. They’re part of a class of sleep disorders called parasomnias and happen during the first few hours of sleep. During a night terror, your child is partially roused from deep slumber but not fully awake, making the whole episode that much scarier for you to witness. Rather than waking your kid (which may be downright impossible), focus on keeping them safe until the episode passes. Night terrors tend to taper off in early childhood, but if your child experiences them regularly, talk to their pediatrician.

PROBLEM

Many a parent wakes to find themselves face-to-face with a sweaty, pint-size mouth breather hogging the covers. If these nighttime visits don’t bother you and everyone is sleeping well, you don’t necessarily have to do anything. But if your morning coffee can’t even put a dent in your exhaustion—or you’re just tired of getting kicked in the face—it’s time to take action.

S O L U T I O N Try to get to the bottom of why your kid is craving nighttime closeness in the first place. Are they too hot or too cold? Are outside noises or nightmares to blame? For toddlers and preschoolers, the problem might be that they connect falling back to sleep with your presence, says Parents advisor Judith Owens, M.D., director of sleep medicine at Boston Children’s Hospital and professor of neurology at Harvard Medical School. “All people wake up a bit in the middle of the night, including young children. When the child wakes up, sometimes they seek the parent out because the parent was there when they fell asleep.”

In that case, you need to break your

KIDSÑ S leep

kid’s association between sleep and parent(s). The next time they crawl into your bed, gently wake them, take them to their bed, and say good night. Then rinse and repeat, as many times as necessary. However, if you don’t always wake up when your kid climbs into your bed, take a page from Margarita Stura, who lives in Detroit with her two young kids. She hung bells on her bedroom door handle so the jangle would wake her when her daughter walked in and she could patiently redirect her.

With some kids, separation anxiety can be the factor driving them into your bed for comfort, Dr. Owens says. In that case, the best solution can be making sure to pack in lots of daytime fun and couch cuddles and talking about what’s really bothering them, well before bedtime.

Then, “Be firm and say out loud: ‘I think your tummy is hurting because it’s tired,’ ” Dr. Chen says. “You want to make the association in a positive light, that this is what your body does when it needs to sleep, not when it doesn’t want to sleep.”

PROBLEM

You’ve got a rooster on your hands, otherwise known as a kid who regularly

OPPOSITE: PRISCILLA GRAGG. THIS PAGE: MARIA MANCO/STOCKSY.

PROBLEM

Just as they climb into bed, they suddenly remember there’s a tiny itch in the back of their throat that’s irksome. Or the tag on their pajamas feels especially tickly.

Or that scrape on their knee is now, without warning, intensely painful. Or the room is too hot. Or any number of other just-in-time aches or issues.

S O L U T I O N “This is a hard one,” says Parents advisor Maida Chen, M.D., director of the Pediatric Sleep Disorders Center at Seattle Children’s Hospital.

You don’t want to dismiss your child’s ailments outright, but you also don’t want to be so indulgent that bedtime is a multihour affair. Strike a balance by offering one simple solution (a glass of water for that throat tickle, say, or cutting out the tag on those pajamas).

wakes at the crack of dawn, seemingly for no reason at all. For some kids, a too-early or, paradoxically, too-late bedtime could be what’s rousing them before sunrise. But the cold, hard truth is that some kids are just born morning people. You’ve heard adults call themselves a night owl or an early bird, naturally seeming to stay up late or wake with the sun. The same can be true for kids, too, Dr. Chen says. “Some

children are biologically night owls, and they tend to struggle with bedtimes because they don’t feel the urge to sleep at conventional hours.”

S O L U T I O N To figure out if you’re fighting your kid’s natural sleep patterns, Dr. Chen recommends thinking back to the holiday breaks or when we were deep in pandemic lockdown and didn’t have to rush around as much in the mornings.

When did your kid tend to naturally fall asleep and awaken each day? You could also take it a step further and—say, during a long weekend—follow their sleepiness cues rather than the clock for a few days. If your little one consistently seems to conk out early (or happily stays up late), why not take that natural rhythm into account moving forward? Maybe bedtime can be later or wake-up times for the rest of the family can be adjusted somewhat.

But if you’re not battling a night owl or a morning lark, another factor could be at play: As kids get older, their sleep schedules change.

Three naps drop to two and two to one, and bedtime changes to match. “As your child drops a nap, you’ll need to move bedtime up earlier to prevent them from becoming overtired as their body adjusts to the new schedule,” says Murray. If your little one seems alert and content at bedtime, try moving it 15 minutes later and see what happens; if they’re wired and overtired, make bedtime 15 minutes earlier. Your child should be able to fall asleep within 15 minutes if the timing is right.

Many older kids also respond well to a color-coded alarm clock that lets them know when it’s okay to wake up (green) and when to keep snoozing (red). It helps them feel more aware and in control, and helps you stay better rested.

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KIDS— S le ep

KIDS’ SLEEP AWARDS 2022

Now that you’ve got the strategies, set the stage for sleep success with a few brilliant bedroom upgrades. From blackout curtains to a genius alarm clock, these tried-and-tested winners may just be your family’s ticket to dreamland.

by K A R E N C I C E R O , J E S S I C A H A R T S H O R N , and R E B E C C A R A KO W I T Z / photographs by P E T E R A R D I T O

When choosing bedding, go for a breathable fabric such as lightweight cotton so your child doesn’t overheat during the night.

Take evening moisturizing up a notch with Hello Bello Sleep Sweet Nighttime Lotion. Made with chamomile and elderflower, the scent nudges young night owls to bed. One mom said it had all the hallmarks of a great night lotion: “It smells nice, has a thick texture, and dries quickly.” $7 for 8.5 fl. oz.; hellobello.com

B E ST AIR PURIFIE R Trapping viruses, bacteria, and allergens that can cause sleep-robbing stuffy noses, air cleaners have become a hot item since the pandemic. Testers said the Cuisinart Countertop HEPA Air Purifier was less noisy and more attractive than other models. Plus, it can double as a night-light. $200; cuisinart.com

Best Sheets While kids zeroed in on the cool designs on Garnet Hill Kids’ Bedding —one pattern even glows in the dark—parents raved about the quality of this line. The fitted sheet, especially, drew praise for being roomy enough to easily cover the mattress and mattress pad, avoiding those dreaded middle-of-the-night pop-offs. Starting at $29; garnethill.com

B E ST DOOR AL ARM BEST SOOTHING DEVICE For nights when you can’t read “one more story” or your child needs some solo time, let My Little Morphée take the reins.

One mom loved that the guided meditation device allows her son to do his own wind-down routine. “I tell him it’s the last meditation, and he goes to bed.”

Ages 3 to 8, $100; us.morphee.co

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Consider the Toddlermonitor if you have a sleepwalker (one of the device’s inventors had a kid who wandered outside at night).

“Great for giving bathroom access to a child who still needs supervision,” a tester told us.

Charge it via USB, then pair the device to your phone using the Toddlermonitor app so it sends you an alert if their door opens. $90; toddlermonitor.com

B E ST AL ARM C LOC K The Hatch Rest+ is an excellent teaching tool. Set a “time to rise” light color so your kid knows that when it glows, say, green at 7 A.M., it’s okay to get up. Soon they’ll start to associate clock numbers with sleep and wake times too.

It’s also a two-way audio monitor that lets you hear what’s going on in there, and it has a backup battery in case of a power outage. $90; hatch.co/rest-plus

STYLING BY SABRINA GRANDE. CALMING LOTION, AIR PURIFIER, SOOTHING DEVICE, AND ALARM CLOCK: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

B E ST CALMING LOTION

Usar como se indica. ©JJCI 2021

TESTED BY PEDIATRICIANS DERMATOLOGISTS OPHTHALMOLOGISTS AND LOVED BY FUTURE WORKOUT QUEENS.

SCAN TO SHOP

KIDSÑ S leep Experts say to place your child’s white-noise machine at least 7 feet from their bed or crib to protect their hearing.

The penguin’s glowing egg can stay on for up to ten hours and is made of a soft silicone.

B E ST STAR PROJ ECTOR The classic Cloud B Twilight Turtle projects a starry night sky, including eight constellations, signaling day’s end in a soothing way. Our 5-year-old tester “fell right asleep and slept the whole dang night in her bed, which she hasn’t done in forever,” her mom said. Bonus points for not having to plug it in, since this runs on batteries and turns off after 45 minutes. $34; cloudb.com

B E ST WHITE NOI S E A repetitive sound can induce sleep and cover up outside clatter. But many white-noise machines sound fake or (annoyingly) emit what’s clearly a recording on loop. The Tuft & Needle Snooz has a small fan to create “high-quality sound that’s really pleasing.” Operate via the app, or tap to adjust the volume. $90; tuftandneedle.com

Best Night-Light

B E ST S LE E PING BAG A classic fave, the L.L.Bean Kids’ Cotton-Blend Camp Sleeping Bag now features more durable fabric and recycled insulation for extra warmth (kids stay toasty in weather as cool as 40°F). It was so comfy, testers begged for at-home campouts. At 62 inches long, the machine-washable bag was plenty roomy for tweens too. Starting at $69; llbean.com

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B E ST AIR MAT TRE S S Perfect for travel (to Grandma’s house we go) and handy to have when the cousins visit, the Air Comfort Dream Easy Kids Air Mattress has bumpers to stop kids from rolling off. A dad said it took less than five minutes to set up. (A pump and a fitted sheet are included—woo-hoo!) It supports kids who weigh up to 150 pounds, so there’s no danger they’ll outgrow it too soon. $120; bedbathandbeyond.com

B E ST SOOTHING SC E NT Little Yawn Collective Relaxing Pillow Spray was “absolutely adored” by testers and borrowed by their parents. Spraying the subtle floral mist, “not that stereotypical lavender bomb,” one mom said, made bedtime special. “It put my kid and me in a mellow mood and made for a cuddlier reading time.” $25 for 3.4 fl. oz.; littleyawncollective.com

2022

B E ST CURTAIN S Don’t let a sliver of sunshine wake your small snoozer. Testers said the “supercute” Marmalade Twinkle 108-Inch Grommet 100% Blackout Window Curtain did an “amazing” job keeping their kids’ rooms dark and cozy. When a mom sent a video review, we thought the file didn’t work—it was that dark. $50 per panel; buybuybaby.com

B E ST PILLOW

Help for the Newly Sleep-Deprived Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to hear expert advice from That New Mom Life, a podcast from Parents.

A scaled-down version of the company’s groundbreaking adult-size pillow (you may want your own), the Kid Purple Pillow uses a patented stretchy material to provide stellar neck and head support. A parent reported, “My kid snores less and wakes up more refreshed since we started using this pillow.” $69; purple.com

STAR PROJECTOR AND AIR MATTRESS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

Kids who are scared of the dark might relax if you plug in a Tommee Tippee Penguin 2 in 1 Portable Night Light. The penguin charges a glowing egg, which they can pluck off and carry as a flashlight.

“It’s given my 8-year-old confidence,” one parent said.

“The comforting glow throws no weird shadows, and he can grab the egg when he goes to the bathroom.” $45; amazon.com

P R E G N A N CY P I C KS

BUMP IN THE NIGHT

B E ST MAT TRE S S Helix Kids solves the issue of kids wanting a softer mattress as they get older. One side of the product is firm, providing sturdy spinal support for 3-to-7year-olds. Once a kid enters tweendom, flip it to its cushier side. Parents also dug the eco-friendly stain- and waterrepellent finish, the cover made from wood fibers, and the ten-year warranty. Starting at $649 for a twin; helixsleep.com

B E ST S LE E P B R A If you feel heavy or leaky, you might rest easier wearing a Kindred Bravely Sublime Adjustable Crossover Nursing & Lounge Bra. “The black even seems, dare I say, kind of sexy,” a tester said. $40; kindredbravely.com

Pick a weighted blanket that’s no more than 10 percent of your kid’s body weight. (Don’t use with kids under age 3.)

B E ST PREG NANCY PILLOW Use a versatile Boppy Cuddle Pillow to cradle your bump, back, or head—wherever you need it at the moment. Our tester said, “If you want to skip a bulky full-body pillow, this is the perfect option and easy to maneuver in the middle of the night.” $40; boppy.com

B E ST HE AV Y B L ANKIE Thanks to its washable cover, softness, and reasonable price, the 6-pound Tranquility Kids Weighted Blanket won the blankie battle. A kid tester who is prone to worries woke up in the morning and told his parents, “I slept fantastic!”

That’s music to our (tired) ears. $25; walmart.com

Best Wearable Blanket The Pillowfort Hooded Blanket will make your preschooler the envy of classroom naptime. The Target exclusive comes in several styles, including this fox, an astronaut, and a gnome. Said one kid tester, “It’s a pillow, stuffy, and blanket in one.

I want to take it everywhere I go.” $20; target.com

B E ST NIG HTG OWN

B E ST B E D R AIL Tuck the Munchkin Sleep Safety Bedrail under your preschooler’s mattress and they’ll feel “cozy and secure” but still have room to roll over with no danger of falling out. It flips down so you can sit on the edge of the bed to read nightly stories. $60; munchkin.com

We tapped Parents advisors Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., associate director of the Sleep Center at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, and Judith Owens, M.D., director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children’s Hospital, for intel about which types of sleep products may be helpful for kids and what characteristics they should have.

Then 25 families tested more than 70 new or top-rated products to come up with our winners.

The soft, loose-fitting Mori Bump to Baby Nightgown “just kind of glides over your skin—and it feels cool and breathable,” our nine-monthspregnant tester said. A few buttons down the front make it nursing-friendly when the baby arrives. $51.50; us.babymori.com

KI D SÑA dv i c e

ARE YOU HE LPIN G OR H OVE RIN G? During the past two years, keeping kids safe and in good spirits has been a top priority.

But as a psychologist, I also know it’s important for them to learn how to handle everyday challenges on their own.

by L I S A D A M O U R , P H . D .

I S P E N T A S AT U R DAY

morning chatting with a friend while our daughters ran around the local playground pretending to be firefighters. As her first-grader and my then kindergartner carried on with their game, our conversation shifted from small talk to a more pressing topic. “I’m curious what you think about a situation that just came up,” my friend said.

The day before, her daughter had burst into tears after school. She’d been excluded from a game at recess because she didn’t belong to the “ headband club.”

My friend was stunned. “I can’t believe

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they already have clubs and cliques in first grade!” she said to me. “Do you think I should call the teacher?” Then she paused. “Or should she learn to deal with this kind of thing on her own?”

Questions like these interest me not only as a friend but also as a psychologist who has taken care of children and their parents for more than 25 years. In that time, I have learned a lot about when it is reasonable—even wonderful—to provide more help than usual and when that might be the wrong move. Considering what my friend was

sharing, I thought that it made sense for her to let the situation at school unfold a bit more before deciding whether to step in.

“Here’s the thing about first-graders,” I said. “It’s not that unusual for them to form little clubs—but these clubs rarely mean the same thing to first-graders as they do to adults.” I explained that while kindergartners usually consider themselves friends with the entire class, first-graders realize they like spending time with some classmates more than others. There’s nothing

Tha one’s way That ha too hard—I should j just tell t answer. her the

KI D SÑA dv i c e

wrong with this, except they often don’t know how to handle their dawning awareness that they don’t like everyone the same. Instead of recognizing that they’d rather spend time with certain classmates without being unkind to the rest, they sometimes declare themselves to be members of what are usually silly, short-lived clubs.

I told her that the club might not even last a week, and there was more reason not to worry: “First-graders often find it very easy to fix problems with their friends. They usually consider a problem to be completely resolved if they play together after having a disagreement.”

My friend agreed that it made sense to give it some time. She didn’t want to make a big deal out of something when her daughter might benefit from being able to handle the situation without her.

Even if you would never describe yourself as a helicopter parent, it can be difficult—especially after what we’ve endured over the past two years—to know where to draw the line between helping your kids and overprotecting them. When is it wise to intervene, and when should you simply say, “I’m so sorry you weren’t included in their game.

Are there other kids you can have fun with at recess?”

Though my friend and I happened to be talking about first-graders, similar questions pop up for every age.

Here are a few common scenarios for different age groups, and some tips on offering your kid support without going overboard.

A Stubborn Toddler Early one day, your in-laws swing by to return a coffee maker they borrowed and give your 2½ -year-old a quick hug, but then they need to leave, as do the two of you. Your son quickly goes from being delighted to see his grandparents to feeling frustrated by their very short visit. You try to cheer him up with the promise that he’ll get to spend plenty of time with them over the weekend, but he’s still upset.

He gloomily puts on his coat but refuses to zip it—even when you warmly try to cajole him. He usually takes great

Homework issues are inevitable, but making corrections is not your job.

pride in being able to zip his coat himself, after overcoming months of frustrated fumbling. It’s too cold to go outside with an unzipped coat, but being independent has meant so much to him.

W H AT C A N YO U D O ? Give your son a tender hug, and gently zip his coat. He’s down in the dumps for a reason and needs more affection and attention than usual. You don’t need to worry that you’re doing too much for him because, thanks to your patience, he’s already made great progress in developing the difficult skill of negotiating a zipper.

He’ll almost certainly be back to zipping his own coat as soon as he feels better.

To prevent problems like this in the future, should you ask your in-laws to skip quick visits that might upset your

son? Probably not. Learning to deal with disappointment is an important part of growing up. If we find ourselves trying to shield our children from gardenvariety causes of emotional distress, we’re likely going too far. When we help them discover that they can manage life’s inevitable curveballs, we can be sure that we’re getting it right.

A Playdate Gone Haywire Your 8-year-old invites Taylor, a new friend from school, over for a playdate. The girls head straight to the room where you keep family games, and when you peek in a little later, you can’t believe the mess that has already been made.

PREVIOUS SPREAD AND OPPOSITE: TIM MARSELLA.

Your guest, it turns out, is a human tornado. She has opened the cabinet where you keep the board games, is inspecting each game briefly, and then dumping the contents on the floor before moving on to the next one that catches her eye. Your daughter seems to find this pretty amusing and opens a drawer containing puzzles with hundreds of pieces. When Taylor makes a beeline for the puzzles, your girl belatedly realizes where things might be headed.

She sees you and shoots you a desperate “Oh no!” look.

You’re not sure if you should jump in to do damage control, briefly wait to see if your daughter can course correct, or let things unfold—even if they get out of hand—to help her learn a lesson.

W H AT C A N YO U D O ? There isn’t one right answer here, and your choice may come down to how much chaos you can bear to witness. All that matters is how you do whatever you decide to do.

If you don’t want to find out what will happen next—as a lover of order, I would be firmly in this category—give your daughter a gracious out. Announce that you’re serving snacks in the kitchen.

After Taylor goes home, find out what your daughter was thinking. If she can reflect on what happened and tell you what she wishes she’d done differently, your work may be done. If your daughter doesn’t seem to have learned from the experience, you’re probably in for a longer conversation.

Alternatively, it’s also reasonable to give her a chance to take control of the situation. She clearly knows that things are headed down the wrong path and may surprise you by quickly closing the drawer and convincing Taylor that the real fun can be found in the backyard. If she isn’t able to distract Taylor, you still have time to come to the rescue.

If you let the situation play out (as long as no irreversible damage will be done), there will be an impressive mess after Taylor goes home, but you’ll also have an invaluable teachable moment.

Without invoking shame or guilt, you can say, “Well, that certainly didn’t go the way we planned,” before settling in for a conversation about what went wrong and how things could have gone

differently. You can talk things over as your daughter cleans up and you help out as much as seems fair.

A Homework Emergency At back-to-school night, your son’s fifth-grade teacher shares that the class will undertake a yearlong investigation of ancient Egypt. You don’t give the project another thought until a few months later, when you get an email from his teacher asking about the pyramid report due two weeks ago.

Apparently, your son has told his teacher that the report is complete but that he keeps forgetting to bring it to school. You’re confident that no pyramid report exists.

When your son gets home from school, you ask him about it. He shrugs and says, “I think there might be a handout about the report in my backpack.” At the bottom of his bag, you find a crumpled handout about the pyramid report and a second handout describing an elaborate papier-mâché mummy due next week.

Clearly, something needs to be done.

W H AT C A N YO U D O ? One option would be to make an appointment with your son’s teacher to let them know that you wish you had heard from them sooner, to point out that many 10-year-olds struggle to complete multiweek projects (which is true), and to request that his pyramid report and papiermâché mummy be forgiven. For sure, that would be going too far. Even if the teacher went along with your proposal, it would solve the problem in the short term, but rob your son of a valuable opportunity to learn from his mistake.

Another option would be to swing by the library to check out books on pyramids, stop by the craft store to get glue, and dig through the recycling bin for newspaper to turn into mummy wrap. Once home, you could have your son collect key facts about pyramids while you expertly cut old newspaper into uniform strips. This, again, is going too far. Your heroic efforts might help him catch up with his work, but they send the message that, to paraphrase the saying, lack of planning on his part constitutes an emergency on yours.

Instead, the best response here would be to teach your son how to climb out of the hole that he created and how he can stay out of such holes in the future. Sit with him as he looks over what is due and overdue, and help him break each project down into steps. Next, grab a calendar and have him schedule when each step will be done and decide together on a plan for monitoring his progress going forward. Finally, help your son apologize to his teacher for not having told the truth about the status of his project. Let him know that the next time he’s unsure about an assignment, he’ll feel best if he’s honest about it.

A call to the teacher might still be in order, but it shouldn’t take the place of helping your son learn how to tackle large projects. Every student runs into trouble with a school assignment at some point along the way. Fixing the problem for them is almost always a sign of helicopter parenting. Providing coaching on how to solve it, however, will put you in the parenting sweet spot.

Before we left the playground that Saturday, my friend and I considered some of the conversations she might have with her daughter. We agreed that she could let her know it’s all right to have certain classmates she especially enjoys—and that other kids will have their preferences, too—but it’s never okay to exclude someone from a recess game. In a week or two, we thought that it might also be a good idea to gently ask about what was happening with the “headband club.” If it was still going strong and remained a sore point, my friend would want to comfort her daughter and, perhaps, encourage her to talk with her teacher about what was happening at recess.

Like all parents, my friend wanted her kid to feel secure and supported.

Sometimes we can do this by taking the wheel when our children seem to have lost their way—and sometimes it’s better for us to offer guidance from the passenger seat as they learn to navigate the bumpy road of life.

Lisa Damour, Ph.D., a Parents advisor, is the author of Under Pressure and Untangled and the cohost of the podcast Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting.

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K I D S Ñ H e a lt h Ne w s

When One Sibling Is Sneezing

If one of your children is ill, it doesn’t have to be a matter of time before the others are too. Here’s your guide for caring for a sick kid—be it COVID-19, the flu, a cold, or otherwise—while keeping their siblings well. a Parents AAP panel member.

“Viruses can build up and circulate. Fresh air can minimize the viral concentration.”

PAGING DR. MOM

“My child seems down lately. Could they have seasonal depression?”

C O N S I D E R A Q UA R A N T I N E

Corinna Rea, M.D., a pediatrician in Boston and a Parents AAP panel member, understands that it’s not always realistic to separate siblings. “But in the case of COVID-19, you need to do your best to isolate your infected or exposed child,” she says. If possible, one vaccinated parent can stay with the sick child while the other parent cares for well siblings, says Navya Mysore, M.D., a family physician in New York City.

If your child has a cold, the flu, or stomach bug, Dr. Mysore says you can try a less strict separation. Stagger meals and set up solo activities. For short periods, Dr. Mysore is not overly worried about the psychological impact of isolating a sick child.

Instead, she suggests having fun games and candid chats to make it more manageable.

“Kids really understand things, and we often underestimate that,” she says. “Explain to them, ‘If you stay in here by yourself, it’s less likely that your sibling will get sick, and they can play with you when you’re better,’ and they’ll get it.”

S T R AT E G I Z E S L E E P I N G

If your kids share a bunk bed, the risk of spreading germs is higher, so you may want to move them at bedtime. If their beds are separated in the same room, keep their door open to let air circulate. It’s a good idea to open windows, too, says Danielle Fernandes, M.D., a pediatrician in Los Angeles and

For illnesses other than COVID, Dr. Rea focuses on limiting the spread of germs, rather than quarantining. Think about all the ways your little ones have close contact. “My kids often share a glass when brushing their teeth or take food off the other’s plate,” she says. “I try to limit this when one is sick.”

As always, wash hands often, and remember that germs can linger on towels. “Get different colored towels for this situation,” Dr. Mysore says. “The sick child can use one color, and everyone else can use another.”Then keep them and other germ-harboring items like toothbrushes apart.

If your child has a stomach bug, clean bathrooms and changing tables often. “You can also clean doorknobs and toys, but don’t feel you have to run after your child with wipes,” she says. “Protect your sanity.”

W E A R M A S KS

Your kids have likely become used to COVID protocols, so turn to masks if your child has an upper-respiratory infection.

“All family members over age 2 should wear a mask when someone is ill,” Dr. Fernandes says. It’s also not a bad idea to keep kiddos 6 feet apart for movie night, Dr. Mysore says.

Pandemic Pounds in Perspective One third of kids were above their expected weight last year, says a report from Epic Health Research Network. “This report may not be surprising,” says Natalie D. Muth, M.D., M.P.H., R.D.N., a Parents advisor and author of Family Fit Plan . Kids learning at home were able to graze during the day and had fewer avenues for physical activity. Discuss concerns with your pediatrician, but know that your child’s getting down on themself or developing disordered eating is worse than this lingering weight gain. “Don’t focus on the number on the scale. Instead, discuss what the family can do together to promote healthier habits,” Dr. Muth says.

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A kid or teen with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or seasonal depression will start showing symptoms such as persistent sadness, irritability, low energy, or changes in sleep and eating during the fall or winter.

This response to fewer hours of daylight is more than just adjusting to the new season. Depressive symptoms will last at least two weeks and significantly impair their ability to do the things they love.

It’s important to discuss your concerns with your pediatrician, who can connect you with a mental health professional or share coping strategies. Effective treatments do exist for SAD, such as combining light therapy from sunlightsimulating lamps with evidenced-based practices like cognitive behavioral therapy and medication, including antidepressants.

As a family, plan fun activities to look forward to.

This can be a mood booster, even at times when your child may think they don’t want to join in. Whether it’s being out in the sun, exercising, having social time, or doing volunteer work, anything that gets them up, out, and active can be helpful.

Source: Janine Domingues, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute in New York City.

by R E B E C C A R A KO W I T Z

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: MARIA MANCO/STOCKSY; SKYNESHER/GETTY; NARONG KHUEANKAEW/EYEEM/GETTY.

T H WA R T G E R M S

FROM THE

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These great tasting chewables use the power of a clinically proven probiotic, zinc and vitamins C & D plus elderberry to protect their immune health and help keep your kids healthy for whatever their day may bring.* ®

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K I D S Ñ S o lut i o n s

The Facts of Lice

Slather their head with bug-killing shampoo, or remove crawlers by hand?

Hire a nitpicker, or buy a huge tub of mayo? If you’re bugging out, take heart: We’ve combed through the remedies to investigate your options.

by H O L LY P E V Z N E R / illustrations by E L I S E G R AV E L

IT’S A CALL

every parent dreads: Someone at your school, maybe even in your child’s class, has just acquired some hangers-on. Though you fear your kid will bring home their own colony of crawlers, this can happen only after head-to-head (or head-accessory-tohead) contact with the infested party. So don’t freak out yet—but take a look,

particularly at the hairline along the neck and behind the ears. If you do find a live louse, panic is probably next on your agenda. (Kids tend to flip, too, icked out—not to mention itched out—by both the bugs and the stigma they carry.)

But then it’s time to turn your attention to solutions, which is where things can get confusing. You’ve got

three main options: over-the-counter chemical treatments like Nix or Rid; pediatrician-prescribed topical treatments, which also contain chemicals; and chemical-free methods, like hiring a local lice person to pick out nits (eggs) or coating your child’s head with something greasy to choke each louse before combing them out

yourself. Every lice parent is forced to make this call, and everyone has their own reasoning. Rachel Ellis, a mom of three in Decatur, Georgia, who has powered through six bouts of lice, says she’s “all about the chemical treatments.

I feel guilty, but it takes care of the problem.” Then there’s Lisa Meyer (not her real name), a mom and stepmom of seven near New York City, whose entire household has had lice at least once.

“I used to use the over-the-counter stuff,” she says, “but I was never sure it had worked completely.” Eventually, she shelled out hundreds for a lice pro.

“Now I just copy what she did—a thorough comb-out after coating the head with conditioner—and I haven’t touched a chemical since,” Meyer says.

The sad truth is that ridding yourself of lice will never be easy. “Treating lice and getting all the eggs is hard no matter what method you use,” says Sara Bode, M.D., medical director of Nationwide Children’s Hospital’s Care Connection School-Based Health and Mobile Clinics in Columbus, Ohio. Indeed, 71 percent of moms said they had failed to treat the condition successfully on their own, according to a 2017 report by Arbor Pharmaceuticals, the makers of the lice treatment Sklice.

But with a little background knowledge on each method, you can improve your chances of success—and choose a remedy you’re comfortable with.

The Chemical Options Obviously, no one enjoys putting insecticides on their kid’s head, but over-the-counter options remain a go-to for many parents and pediatricians.

One downside of these treatments, which contain the chemicals permethrin or pyrethrin, is that they can cause skin irritation. Another is that you need to apply them at least twice to see results.

The first shampooing kills lice; the second kills any lice that have hatched since the first treatment. These remedies also do not kill nits, so every two to three days for two to three weeks, parents have to comb out lice and nits to make sure they’re really gone. “It’s a lot of work, but these products are inexpensive and safe,” says Bernard Cohen, M.D., professor of dermatology

and pediatrics at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.

Unfortunately, lice treatments often fail due to user error. “You need to get the chemicals all the way down to the base of the hair,” Dr. Bode says. “Bugs like being close to the scalp where the temperature is the warmest, and you also need to remove all the eggs from this area.” This can take a while.

“Together with the treatment and combing, it took me two to three hours to do just one head of hair,” Ellis says.

It’s also imperative to vigilantly check (and treat, if needed) every member of the family. “If you don’t, you’re just going to keep getting reinfested. I see this a lot,” Dr. Bode says. And even though lice can live “off head” for only 24 hours and don’t jump or fly, it’s prudent to wash the bedding of anyone who’s infested in hot water. Also, advises Dr. Bode, “put anything on the bed that can’t be washed, like a throw pillow or a stuffed animal, into a sealed garbage bag for two weeks.

This prevents anyone from lying down on yet-to-be-hatched eggs.” Do all of the above perfectly, and you’ve got a good chance of success.

If you’re concerned about chemicals being ineffective on so-called super lice, given unnerving reports that lice are mutating in ways that make them more resistant to OTC treatments, there’s good news. Though some studies have found that most lice have genetic mutations that may make them more resistant to the chemicals in OTC treatments, “that does not mean that these treatments won’t work,” says Richard J. Pollack, Ph.D., senior environmental health officer at Harvard University. “Many lice will likely still die, even if they possess that genetic mutation. From what I’ve seen, many folks still successfully eliminate their infestations by use of OTC products.”

Another product that’s popular—at least in Europe—is dimethicone, a type of silicone that smothers lice. “There’s pretty good data from other parts of the world that show it can be just as effective as our prescription agents,” Dr. Cohen says. For instance, a report in BMC Pediatrics found that more than 96 percent of kids remained free of live lice and 81 percent had no viable nits

The Truth About “Prevention” Don’t be fooled by any “clinically proven” statements on OTC lice repellents, which claim to stave off infestation with herbs like rosemary, citronella, or tea tree oil. “ ‘Clinically proven’ is just an advertising term for subjective testing on one or a few persons,” says Harvard University’s Richard J. Pollack, Ph.D. “While some repellents seem to affect the behavior of lice in the laboratory, I’ve yet to see anything that wards off lice in real life.” The only true ways to keep lice away are shaving your child’s head (please don’t do this) or ensuring they have zero head-to-head contact with other people. In other words, it’s pretty much impossible.

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14 days after being treated with dimethicone. The only hitch: It’s not as readily available as a lice treatment in the United States as it is abroad. But there are some products sold in the U.S. that contain dimethicone, such as Nix Ultra, which may make the treatment more effective.

The Rx Route There are also a handful of prescription options that are more powerful than OTC treatments (and which, happily, lice are less likely to be resistant to). One is benzyl alcohol lotion, which kills lice over two treatments but does not kill nits, and is approved for use on children 6 months and older. Another is the lotion sold under the brand name Sklice, whose active ingredient is ivermectin.

(If the name of this drug sounds familiar, it’s because you’ve likely heard about people attempting to treat COVID-19 with it—unsuccessfully, and at great risk to their health, since they’re using a version of the drug meant for horses.) This treatment does not kill nits either. But another option, malathion lotion, kills both live lice and some nits, and can be used on kids age 6 and up. Finally, spinosad (brand name Natroba) is a topical medication that is effective at killing both lice and nits, requires no combing, and is typically effective after one treatment.

Perhaps you’re wondering: If they work so well, why not just start with a prescription? Some doctors do recommend this, but many others insist that making prescription options the norm will only increase lice’s resistance to these chemicals. Another major downside to prescription treatments is that these powerful topical pesticides can be even more irritating to the skin than OTC options, and even more potentially dangerous if they get into the eyes or are ingested. (If your child is prone to dry skin or eczema, mention this to your pediatrician so they can take this into account when prescribing.)

In fact, it’s worth noting that the American Academy of Pediatrics advises washing all chemical treatments, both prescription and OTC, out of the hair only over the sink, not in the shower, to prevent the

The Biggest Lice Treatment Mistake Parents who are worried about lice may see what they assume are nits and treat their kids unnecessarily.

“I often see parents who think they’ve found lice but haven’t,” says Bernard Cohen, M.D., of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. What else might it be? Dandruff, dried hair products, scaly skin, and more are often confused with nits. In order to truly diagnose a case of lice, you must spot a live and crawling louse.

If after a thorough check you don’t see anything moving, your child might just have an itchy scalp from cold weather, or their hair gel is flaking. Congrats!

lotions from coming into contact with other parts of the body.

So when should you pull the trigger on a prescription? Head to the pediatrician only after nothing else has worked.

“If you’ve used an OTC treatment but your child still has active lice after five to seven days, don’t wait to do the second treatment,” Dr. Bode says. “Just go see your child’s physician for a prescription.”

In this situation, it’s very likely that the bugs aren’t all from just-hatched eggs but are instead survivors of the first treatment. “It’s also smart to see the doctor if you did the recommended two treatments, then within a month the lice are back,” Dr. Bode adds.

Nonchemical Solutions For many parents, dousing a child’s head with an insecticide is simply a nonstarter. That’s a reasonable position to take, Dr. Bode says. “I think it’s always important to have some concerns anytime you’re giving your child medication or a topical treatment.” However, not all “natural” treatments are superior. For instance, excessive or inappropriate application of essential oils (tea tree and other oils are often falsely billed as treatments) can poison children, even through the skin.

Other popular alternative treatments aren’t as potentially dangerous but do tend to lack clear data indicating that they work. Many methods involve the application of food-grade oils, hair conditioner, or lotions to the head.

“These are thought to smother lice on the scalp,” Dr. Pollack says. “But none of them have been sufficiently tested for use against lice, and none are labeled for this purpose.” That said, there was one small study that reported a 96 percent cure rate when Cetaphil face cleanser was applied to hair, combed out, dried with a blow-dryer, left overnight, and shampooed in the morning. (This was repeated once a week for three weeks.) However, “this wasn’t a randomized controlled trial, which is the gold standard of studies,” Dr. Cohen says. “There’s really no definitive data to support that this is effective.”

What we do have, though, are anecdotal reports from parents who say it works.

“While there’s no proof that covering

your child’s hair with a thick or oily substance, like mayo or Cetaphil, suffocates lice, I do think this practice could be an effective treatment if you’re lucky enough to catch the infestation very early, with just a couple of live crawlers and nits,” Dr. Bode says. But she speculates that it’s actually the extensive combing that’s effective, not the attempted smothering. Also, “when the hair shaft is coated with something greasy, it makes it easier for you to detach and remove the nits and bugs with a lice comb,” she says.

But the leading “natural” method for ridding yourself of lice is just manually removing them one by one. Is it pleasant?

No—not for you or for your child. Nor is it quick. “I’d use an extra-large bottle of thick white conditioner on my child’s head, and spend 45 minutes to an hour combing through the hair, section by section, with a light, a magnifying glass, and a long-toothed metal nit comb, wiping the nits and lice that got stuck on the comb onto a paper towel,” says Meyer, who’d repeat the process until no lice were spotted.

(Dr. Pollack notes that this sort of manual lice removal requires a combthrough daily, or at least every few days, until you haven’t seen a crawling louse in two weeks.) “Because there’s no chemical killing the lice, you need to pick off every single bug and nit, and check regularly,” Dr. Bode says.

TH E LE AD IN G “NATU R AL” M ETH O D FO R RIDDING YOURSELF OF LI C E I S J U ST MAN UALLY RE M OVIN G TH E M .

I S IT P LE ASA NT ?

N O. N O R I S IT Q U I C K .

“So this is best for mild cases, in which there are relatively few bugs and nits. And the failure rate is still high, meaning that it’s very easy to miss nits that later hatch into lice, perpetuating the problem.” (Also, note that the “treat everyone in the house” and “wash the bedding” rules apply here too.)

There is one no-chem alternative that’s effective and FDA-cleared: a special form of heat from a device called AirAllé.

“Both lice and nits can be killed by it,” Dr. Pollack says. “But it can be used only by trained persons, so there may not be a center near where you live, and it can be costly.” (It’s only available at one of the

350+ Lice Clinics of America and costs more than $150 a pop.) A study in Pediatrics showed that one 30-minute treatment killed nearly 100 percent of nits—that’s a better rate than most prescription options—and 80 percent of live lice. (By the way, if you’re thinking that a blow-dryer will do the job just as well, let us assure you that this is not a good idea. Not only are there no standard heat levels on hair dryers, meaning you could burn your child’s scalp, but using one could cause live lice to become airborne and land on surfaces where they might spread to new hosts.)

In the end, no matter which method you choose, know this: “Of all the nasties your child might bring home, at least head lice aren’t dangerous to your child’s health,” Dr. Pollack says.

(Your mental health, on the other hand ...)

Sure, remedying lice takes a good deal of work, and their very presence is understandably upsetting, but you’ll get through it. Ellis agrees: “The first time my kids got lice, I was completely overwhelmed and stressed by the whole ordeal. I somehow felt it was a reflection on me.” Not anymore. Today, she greets lice with a sigh and a shrug. “I finally get it. Lice are just an annoyance, not a scarlet letter to bear or a big worry. I just grab a box of the OTC stuff off the drugstore shelf, roll up my sleeves, and get to work.”

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Why Holding Off Isn’t the Answer There have been many rumors about the COVID-19 vaccine, and, of course, no one wants to do anything that could put their child at risk. For any parent with questions, this information will help ease your mind about vaccinating kids.

W H E N T H E F DA

authorized the emergency use of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine for children ages 5 through 11 last October, many parents were relieved that their kids could finally get the shot. But according to a Kaiser Family Foundation poll, one third of parents said they’d wait to see how things go with other kids before getting their own child vaccinated, and another 30 percent said they won’t vaccinate their child at all. Some of the reasons parents gave for their hesitancy included worries about long-term effects of the vaccine, side effects their child might experience, and the possibility that the shot might affect their child’s future fertility.

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Most parents and their children have a lot of experience with vaccinations already: By age 2, more than 90 percent of American kids are vaccinated against chicken pox, polio, hepatitis B, and measles, mumps, and rubella. Health experts say we should view the COVID shot the same way we view those other necessary vaccinations, yet at press time, only about 17 percent of kids ages 5 to 11 had received their first COVID shot.

All parents want what’s best for their children, so we asked pediatricians and infectious disease specialists, who have devoted their careers to keeping kids healthy, to answer a few questions.

If kids are less likely to get seriously ill from COVID, does my child really need the vaccine?

There are many reasons why vaccination is a good choice for your child. While many COVID infections in children are mild or asymptomatic, others are serious. More than 7 million children have tested positive for COVID, and more than 700 have died. “Between 30 and 40 percent of children who wind up in the hospital with serious COVID have no underlying risk factors,” says Parents advisor Yvonne Maldonado, M.D., chair of the Committee on Infectious Diseases for the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Even mild or

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by TA M E K I A R E E C E

asymptomatic cases can have long-term effects. In addition, kids play a crucial role in protecting others, including immunocompromised children and older people who are still at risk for serious illness or death from COVID, and as a society, we can all do our part.

Another important reason to vaccinate is to protect kids’ overall well-being. The pandemic has taken a toll on kids’ mental and emotional health, causing anxiety, depression, loneliness, grief, and even suicidal thinking. Being vaccinated can help them get closer to normal life by letting them safely do regular kid things, like see their friends, attend birthday parties, go to camp, and participate in sports, says Parents advisor Jennifer Shu, M.D., a medical editor of the AAP’s website HealthyChildren.org.

How exactly is this vaccine different from the one for adults?

It’s one third of the adult dose, and smaller needles are used to give the shots to kids. The vaccine works similarly to ones your child has had before. When someone gets an infection for the first time, the body remembers the infection to help protect against it in the future.

The COVID vaccine contains messenger RNA (mRNA), which prompts the body to make a piece of protein that looks like the COVID virus but is only a harmless piece of the virus, says Aaron Milstone, M.D., a pediatric infectious disease specialist at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center. The body identifies the virus protein and reacts to it by producing antibodies that protect a child as if they’d been exposed to the real virus.

The vaccine does not contain live virus and won’t give a child COVID, Dr. Milstone explains.

The vaccine can’t alter someone’s DNA, and it never enters a cell nucleus, where DNA is located. There’s also no evidence that the vaccine causes fertility problems in adults, and experts are confident it poses no risk to a child’s fertility in the future. One final thing: The science behind COVID vaccines wasn’t rushed.

Yes, they’re new, but researchers have been studying mRNA technology and other mRNA vaccines for decades.

Doctors say all kids ages 5 and older should be vaccinated against COVID. The

only ones who shouldn’t receive it are those who have an allergy to a vaccine ingredient, which is extremely rare, or who had a severe reaction to a prior dose of the COVID vaccine, Dr. Milstone says.

If you have concerns, the best thing to do is to talk to your pediatrician or provider about whether your child should get it. At press time, Pfizer was the only vaccine authorized for kids ages 5 to 11.

Clinical trials are underway now to determine the vaccine’s safety and effectiveness for children ages 6 months through 4 years old. And Moderna vaccines for children and adolescents are also being evaluated. Experts say both the Pfizer shot and the Moderna vaccines for younger kids may be authorized in the coming months.

surrounding the authorization of the COVID vaccines, they have been (and will continue to be) monitored more closely than any in history, says Stanley Spinner, M.D., vice president and chief medical officer at Texas Children’s Pediatrics, in Houston. There are several safety monitoring systems in place, including the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS), which is managed by the FDA and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

VAERS allows anyone (patients, parents, health-care workers, pharmacists, and vaccine manufacturers) to report side effects or potential illness after vaccines.

The vaccine isn’t just safe; it’s highly effective: Clinical trials showed the Pfizer vaccine was 90.7 percent effective at preventing COVID for kids ages 5 to 11.

No kids who were vaccinated in the clinical trials developed severe COVID.

“Between 30 and 40 percent of children who wind up in the hospital with serious COVID have no underlying risk factors.”

Isn’t there a chance it can cause heart problems?

No children in the trial for the 5-to-11 age group experienced a heart problem.

There have been reports of some adolescent and young adult males experiencing myocarditis or pericarditis, an inflammation of the heart muscle or outer lining of the heart, usually after receiving the second dose of the vaccine.

However, this is extremely rare (about 12 to 25 cases per million doses given).

Most heart issues have been very mild, including slight chest discomfort or an elevated heart rate that went away after a few days, Dr. Spinner says. COVID itself can cause severe cases of myocarditis and pericarditis.

—Parents advisor Yvonne Maldonado, M.D.

How do we know that it’s safe for kids?

In clinical trials that monitored approximately 3,100 children, the Pfizer vaccine was found to be safe for kids ages 5 to 11, and it had to meet rigorous scientific standards for safety and effectiveness to gain authorization by the FDA. In addition, almost 8 billion doses of the COVID vaccines have been given worldwide to adults since December 2020, to kids ages 12 and up since May 2021, and to kids ages 5 and up since November 2021. Says Dr. Shu, “That’s reassuring, because if there’s going to be a side effect from a vaccine, it typically shows up either immediately, within the first day or two, or by six to eight weeks afterward.”

It’s also helpful to know that, due to the immense publicity and media attention

What are the immediate side effects?

The lower dose of the vaccine—and maybe kids’ strong immune systems—seem to be producing fewer or milder side effects than the adult version. When they do occur, they may include soreness at the injection site, headache, fatigue, muscle pain, and chills. Side effects usually happen within the first couple of days and go away shortly after. Experts advise against trying to prevent symptoms by giving your child pain medication before the shot. If your child takes those medications regularly for some other

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What’s the biggest difference in my kid’s COVID vaccine?

reason, continue with their normal regimen. Otherwise, hold off until after symptoms (if any) appear. It’s not known if giving these medicines beforehand might affect the body’s response to the vaccine, Dr. Shu says.

My kid already had COVID. Doesn’t that mean they’re immune?

No, people can get COVID after they’ve already had it. According to a CDC study, people who’ve had COVID and were unvaccinated were more than twice as likely to get reinfected compared with someone who was fully vaccinated after initially contracting the virus.

Although a previous infection may offer some protection, experts aren’t sure how long it lasts. Furthermore, if your child has had COVID, getting them vaccinated should give them an added immunity boost. A small study published in JAMA Network Open found that people who had a previous COVID infection and got vaccinated had higher levels of antibodies than someone who was vaccinated and never had COVID. My 5-year-old is small for their age. How do we know this dose is safe for them?

Vaccines are usually given based on the age of a child, not weight—even for all the other vaccines your child has taken over the years, says Dr. Maldonado. So yes, the vaccine is safe even if your child is on the smaller (or larger) size for their age.

My child is 11. Should I wait until they turn 12 and get the adult dose?

No, don’t wait. Get your child the age-appropriate vaccine as soon as possible. “With vaccines, it’s a balance between immune response and adverse reaction,” Dr. Milstone says. “You want to give enough to generate a good robust immune response but not so much that you have more or stronger symptoms after vaccination,” he explains. Kids age 11 respond very well to the lower dose, so there’s no reason to delay

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A kid’s COVID vaccine is tailored for ages 5–11.

So now they can get the same COVID protection adults and teens receive, but in a more kid-friendly size.

Find a COVID vaccine near you at vaccines.gov

Paid for by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

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vaccination for the higher dose. If you wait, there’s a chance your child might get COVID before they turn 12.

Will having my child vaccinated help us get back to our prepandemic lives?

In some ways, yes. According to the CDC, once someone is fully vaccinated (two weeks after their second dose of the Pfizer vaccine), they can resume prepandemic activities like playdates and group activities. If your child is vaccinated, it means they’ll have a shorter (or no) school quarantine should they be exposed to COVID. And if your whole family is vaccinated and traveling within the U.S., you probably won’t have to quarantine after travel.

With all that said, since there have been cases of people getting COVID after vaccination, along with concerns about new variants of the virus, you should still take precautions to reduce your child’s chances of getting the virus and possibly spreading it to others.

Kids should wear a mask indoors in public spaces in areas with substantial transmission risk. They should wear a mask when traveling (whether on the school bus, on public transportation, or

at the airport). And for now, children should pay attention to local rules about wearing a mask in school.

Although masks will be around for at least a little while longer, getting your child vaccinated really can make daily life more like what it used to be.

Dr. Shu’s daughter, who was 10 at the time, participated in a COVID vaccine clinical trial. All the other members of Dr. Shu’s household had been vaccinated already, so getting her youngest child the shot brought their family a step closer to normalcy. “It made me less nervous about taking her out to public places like stores; I feel more comfortable when we’re flying; we no longer make her wear a mask outside to play soccer; and when we go to visit family, I feel more comfortable knowing she’s not going to inadvertently infect my elderly parents,” Dr. Shu says. Another benefit is the sense of relief she got knowing she did what’s best for her child. “There are always concerns when you make health choices for your kids, but the choice was clear to me,” Dr. Shu says. “It was either I give my kids the vaccine or they potentially get COVID. I know the risks from COVID are much worse, so I wasn’t willing to take that chance.”

Its size.

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Breakfast Inspo, Served Toast, eggs, cereal, yogurt—all classics for good reason!

But if you and your kids are craving some excitement in the rotation, these 18 toppings and mix-ins offer a tasty wake-up call.

by K AT I E M O R F O R D , R . D . / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

TOAST TOPPERS 1. P I E V I B E S Spread 3 Tbs. whipped plain cream cheese on a slice of toast. Swirl in 1 Tbs. blueberry jam or preserves. Crush 1/4 graham cracker and sprinkle on top.

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2. C H O C O L AT E - A P P L E Cover a slice of toast with 1 or 2 Tbs. chocolatehazelnut spread. Top with several thin slices of green apple. Sprinkle on a dash of nutmeg. (Cut the remaining apple into wedges, toss with lemon juice, and put in a container for lunch.)

4. B AC O N - AVO R A N C H Smash 1/2 ripe avocado and spoon onto a slice of toast. Top with crumbled turkey bacon and drizzle with ranch dressing.

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5. S W E E T R I C O T TA Spoon 2 Tbs. ricotta cheese onto a slice of toast. Swirl a bit; then (for kids ages 4 and older), add a few tsp. pomegranate arils (they’re most readily available from October to January) and dollops of honey.

6. T I C -TAC -T OA S T Spread 2 Tbs. hummus on a slice of toast.

Place cucumber circles and red bell pepper strips as shown.

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FOOD STYLING BY MARGARET MONROE DICKEY. PROP STYLING BY CHRISTINE KEELY.

3. FA I RY B R E A D A twist on a fave from Down Under: Spread 2 Tbs. peanut butter (or any kind of nut butter) on a slice of toast. Add a few dashes of cinnamon and 2 tsp. naturally colored sprinkles.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF, JUST NAIL THE BIG STUFF. What’s another teeny, tiny stain? You’ve got more important things to think about—like making sure your kids are buckled correctly in the right seat for their age and size.

Check at NHTSA.gov/TheRightSeat

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EGG ADD-INS 1. F L U F F Y R I C E Melt 1 tsp. butter in a skillet on medium. Add 2 eggs and scramble until nearly done. Stir in 2 tsp. sour cream and ⅓ cup cooked brown rice; cook until sour cream melts. Top with sliced green onions.

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2. P I Z Z A - S T Y L E Heat 1 tsp. olive oil in a skillet on medium. Add 2 eggs and scramble until nearly done. Mix in diced pepperoni, grated mozzarella cheese, and cherry tomato quarters until heated. Top with Italian seasoning.

3. H A M I T U P Heat 1 Tbs. olive oil in a skillet on medium-high. Add 1 cup frozen hash browns and cook, stirring, until slightly browned. Add 2 eggs and scramble until nearly done. Toss in chopped ham and baby spinach.

Stir until heated through.

4. N AC H O M I X Melt 1 tsp. butter in a skillet on medium. Add 2 eggs and scramble until nearly done. Stir in 1/4 cup each black beans and shredded cheddar. Top with salsa and crumbled tortilla chips.

5. P E S T O M AG I C Heat 1 tsp. olive oil in a skillet on medium. Add 1/2 cup grated zucchini. Sauté 1 minute. Add 1 tsp. jarred pesto and stir. Add 2 eggs and scramble until cooked. Top with grated Parmesan cheese.

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6. S E S A M E A N D S OY Heat 1 tsp. toasted sesame oil and 1/2 tsp. butter in a skillet on medium. Add 2 eggs and 1/2 tsp. sesame seeds. Scramble until eggs are cooked. Top with 1/4 tsp. soy sauce.

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CEREAL GLOW-UPS 1. C O C O - N U T T Y Mix 1 or 2 tsp. each diced dried apricots, crushed coconut chips, and chopped pistachios into 1 cup puffed rice or corn cereal. Add milk and serve.

2. FRE S H & FRU IT Y Pour 1 cup O-shaped cereal into a bowl. Stir in 2 Tbs. trail mix and a few dashes of cinnamon. Top with sliced strawberries before adding milk.

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3. E XTR A C RU N C HY Mix together ¾ cup rice or corn checkered cereal squares, ¾ cup popcorn (for kids ages 4 and older), and 2 Tbs. dried cherries.

Pour in milk and serve immediately.

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YOGURT LAYERS

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4. D O U B L E A P P L E Spoon ⅓ cup vanilla Greek yogurt into a glass.

Add ⅓ cup strawberry applesauce and then more yogurt. Top with crumbled apple chips.

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5. B A N A N A - P R E T Z E L Mash 1/2 ripe banana. Slice the remaining banana half. Stir mashed banana and 2 tsp. honey into ¾ cup plain yogurt. Layer yogurt and banana slices in a glass. Top with pretzels and peanuts (if serving to kids ages 4 and older).

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PINK BOWLS, MARVILLA.

6. B E R RY B O B A Cook 1/4 cup unsweetened boba pearls according to package directions. Stir in 1 tsp. maple syrup.

Spoon ⅓ cup plain yogurt into a glass. Top with boba, more yogurt, and frozen raspberries, microwaved for a minute on the defrost setting.

BESTS OF THE BREAKFAST AISLE For those mornings when convenience is the top priority, we tested dozens of new supermarket options with families and asked our editors to name a few of their classic go-tos.

EDITORS’ PICK

Best Twist on Oatmeal

Best Allergy-Friendly Bar

Best English Muffins

Best Fruity Waffles

These can be stashed in the freezer and served warm after a turn in the toaster oven or air fryer. GoOats Oatmeal in a Ball are the size of donut holes and made with steelcut oats, milk, and fruity fillings (testers endorsed the apple-cinnamon).

Produced in a dedicated facility that doesn’t process nuts or gluten, the oat-based Enjoy Life Breakfast Ovals are good for days when you’re running late and the kids have to eat in the car or at the bus stop. The chocolate chip–banana flavor feels like a treat.

It was love at first whiff for young testers whose parents toasted Thomas’ Cinnamon Protein English Muffins, which contain 9 grams of protein, compared with 5 in the original flavor, and have only 1 gram of added sugars.

Beet juice and blueberries make Nature’s Path Organic EnviroKidz Polar Beary Organic waffles both pinkalicous and delish. “We thought it was cool that some proceeds of each box help endangered polar bears,” one parent said.

EDITORS’ PICK

Best Waffle Design

Best Fruity Bar

Best Fruity Cereal

Best Sausage Links

Kids LOL’ed at Kellogg’s Eggo Eggoji Waffles, a welcome cure for morning blahs.

“These are amazing!” enthused one tween. Another noted that the waffle stayed crunchy even after they poured on maple syrup.

Less messy than a muffin—but just as tasty, according to kid testers—the blueberry Nature Valley Soft-Baked Muffin Bars are made with whole grains and lots of little berries.

The dried-fruit filling in Kashi Simply Raisin Whole Wheat Biscuit cereal impressed our panelists, who called it “a burst of goodness.”

Eco-bonus: The brand supports farmers transitioning to organic crops.

A blend of six organic spices, from chile pepper to basil, adds a big flavor boost to Applegate Organics Chicken & Apple Breakfast Sausage. With all-ages appeal, they’re a fit for a school morning or a weekend brunch.

Best Plant-Based Yogurt

Best Breakfast Treat

Best Granola

A mash-up of almond and coconut milks plus two kinds of fruit, the Kite Hill Kids Yogurt Tubes taste creamy. Each of the adorably designed tubes contains just 4 grams of added sugars and is fortified with vitamin D.

Pillsbury Mini Cinni Stix bake up “light and airy,” according to one tester, who made them after a sleepover. Another said, “The cinnamon frosting was a big hit.” Each tube makes 24 pieces (each about 3 inches long) so there’s plenty to go around.

Little samplers reported that This Saves Lives Kids GranolaPop Chocolate felt special. “I usually don’t get to eat chocolate cereal,” one said.

Made with oats and brown rice syrup and just 5 grams of added sugars, this product is healthy enough for school days.

Best Instant Oatmeal

COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

EDITORS’ PICK

Fast and warming,Quaker Instant Oatmeal Strawberry Banana impressed kid panelists. Raved one: “I love strawberry oatmeal, but the banana flavor with the strawberry made it sooooo good.”

K I D SÑR e a d i n g

THE BOOK NOOK Your monthly guide to making the most of storytime and raising forever readers

3. Also Written and illustrated by E. B. Goodale

1

5 New Titles to Pick Up Now

A tug on the heart, this book celebrates the everyday moments that bind families as kids grow up. Goodale takes three generations of a family back and forth through time, using a different color scheme and the phrase “and also” to help little readers grasp the chronology. The tender reminder of how memories connect us to the present and to the people we love will reassure readers of all ages that they’re never alone. Ages 4 to 7

2

1. Stacey’s Extraordinary Words Written by Stacey Abrams, illustrated by Kitt Thomas Abrams, a candidate for governor of Georgia, crafts an engaging story about perseverance and facing fears. Thinking that “words understood her better than people did,” young Stacey takes her teacher’s suggestion to participate in a spelling bee. Kids will get caught up in her efforts to spell the words and fend off insults from a bully. While she doesn’t win the competition, the author’s note points out, “Failure is never more than an invitation to try again.” It’s a crucial message to have in your back pocket when things don’t go the way your child hopes. Ages 4 to 8.

4. Cornbread & Poppy Written and illustrated by Matthew Cordell

All the feels

3

5. The Year We Learned to Fly Written by Jacqueline Woodson, illustrated by Rafael López

2. Bumblebee Grumblebee

4

Written and illustrated by David Elliot Lyrical

An import from New Zealand, this punny board book fosters wordplay. Each page shows an animal being mischievous, leading to the creation of a silly name for it. A bumblebee becomes a grumblebee when a string on his toy breaks, while a hippopotamus becomes a hippospotamus when he covers himself in polka dots. It’s the kind of zaniness that the preschool set will eat up—and after a few spins through this book with you, they’ll be able to “read” it to themselves, giggling all along. Ages 2 to 4

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Frog and Toad vibes are strong in this new early reader series about two mice who are best friends and have different approaches to planning for winter. Illustrated in muted pastels that reflect the season, the three short chapters pack in a lot of adventure, including a run-in with a large snowy owl, who turns out to have the wisest idea of all. Ages 4 to 8

and uplifting

5

2022

The Newbery Honor–winning Woodson brings her brilliant use of imagery and figurative language to a younger audience in this picture book.

She was inspired by Virginia Hamilton’s The People Could Fly: American Black Folktales (ages 10 and up), which includes a story of enslaved people who possessed ancient magic words that enabled them to literally fly away to freedom. Woodson’s modern twist: Following the advice of their grandmother, two siblings use their imagination to transcend the confines of their small city apartment on a boring rainy day, learning to soar “from the people who came before.” Ages 5 to 8

RAISING THE FUTURE

Sonia Sotomayor’s Supreme Advice

BOOK CLUB

BOOKS: COURTESY OF THE PUBLISHERS. SOTOMAYOR AND CHEN: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.

Communities need everyone (kids included) to do their part, the justice says in her new picture book.

When Sonia Sotomayor was growing up, her mom, a nurse, asked her daily, “How will you help today?” The routine question, along with her mom’s own charitable actions, inspired Just Help!: How to Build a Better World, the latest picture book by the Supreme Court justice. (Just Ask!: Be Different, Be Brave, Be You was published in 2019.) “Even on her time off, my mom cared for others,” Sotomayor says. “She taught me to see dignity in all persons and to be attuned to their needs.” From that evolved the book’s message for families: Caring about your neighborhood and working to improve it is an important part of belonging to your community.

Did you read a lot as a kid?

I was a passionate reader. I loved how books could teach you new things and transport you to new places. The library was one of my favorite places to explore. As a young child, I especially enjoyed Dr. Seuss books. The rhymes made me laugh. I spoke Spanish before I spoke English, and the Dr. Seuss books showed me how to have fun with words in English.

Is there a book character who inspired you?

The first chapter books I ever read were the books in the

Nancy Drew mystery series.

The protagonist is a young teenager with a lot of spunk, energy, and curiosity about the world around her. She also wants to help people. She quickly became a role model for me. Every night, I would fall

What’s on your nightstand now?

When I am not reading law-related books, I read fantasies about dragons and elves for enjoyment. Fantasies offer an enjoyable escape from everyday reality. They can also touch on some very important truths about life.

What do you hope readers take away from your book?

asleep imagining myself in her shoes. I even dreamt of owning a sports car like the one she had. Eventually, I got a red one, but not a blue one like Nancy’s.

Do you have a favorite book from high school?

When I was a teen, I read Lord of the Flies, by William Golding. That book taught me how important laws are in helping us live together in a peaceful way. For our community to function, people need to cooperate and work together. The stability of our society depends on our mutual respect for each other and the law.

The world is a wonderful home for all of us, and we are each responsible for making it a better place for everyone.

We can help in ways big and small. I hope this book shows families how important it is to participate in building a better world together. I want us all to feel moved to act for the good of others.

What’s the most memorable piece of mail you’ve received from a child?

A child who had visited my Chambers wrote, “I want to be a federal judge like you. You have a job for life. You can eat whatever you want, like the pizza I saw in your office. And people laugh at your jokes, even when they are not funny.”

Her letter reminded me that I should remain humble and never let my head swell or take for granted the enormous respect people give to me because of my position.

A JOURNEY OF SELF-LOVE In response to the rise in Asian American hate crimes, Eva Chen, the director of Fashion Partnerships at Instagram and mom of three, wrote I Am Golden, a picture book that will help all kids feel proud of who they are. Join us on @Parents Instagram Live on February 6 at 2 P.M. (ET), when Chen will read the book and take questions from viewers.

Get more details at parents .com/BookClub.

Ages 4 to 6

K I D S Ñ Pe t s

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Juniper, 5, and her cattle-dog mix, Bodhi, 8, share the sweetest bond.

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If you scratch Bodhi on the right spot on her tummy, she kicks her back leg around.

Tug-of-war is her favorite game. She always wants to play it with me.

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She digs holes in the backyard to look for gophers and also gets into fights with squirrels.

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My parents named her Bodhi, but I call her Bobo.

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She likes to cuddle with our other dog, Indy.

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My family rescued Bodhi from a shelter in Huntington Beach, California, before I was born—so I’ve known her all my life!

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T E N D T O Y OU R S E L F, B O D Y A N D S OU L

MORNING

Cleanser: (1) Honest Magic Gel-toMilk Makeup Melting Cleanser. $18; honest.com Antioxidant Serum: (2) Eadem Milk Marvel Dark Spot Serum. $68; eadem.co Sunscreen: (3) Cocokind Daily SPF. $25; cocokind.com

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PROP STYLING BY KATJA GREEFF.

The New Green Deal The next big thing in clean beauty?

Sizing up your shelves and zeroing in on a capsule collection of hardworking products . Here’s how to streamline your routine for a personal and planetary win.

NIGHT

Start with your cleanser, then pick one of these.

Moisturizer With Bio-Retinol (safe to use while pregnant or breastfeeding): (4) Burt’s Bees Renewal Fragrance-Free Firming Moisturizing Cream. $20; burtsbees.com Moisturizer With Retinol: (5) Garnier Green Labs Retinol-Berry Super Smoothing 3-in-1 Serum Cream. $22; drugstores

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by A N N I E T O M L I N photograph by TED + CHELSEA C AVA N AU G H

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YO U Ñ G r e e n B e au t y

sustainable packaging.

It’s also seen a swell of Instagram feeds filled with extensive beauty collections, meticulously arranged by influencers. (Recall the #shelfie? It made a lot of us beeline to Sephora.) But buying more products than we can ever possibly use, whether they’re green or not, is a drain on resources, says Kristen Arnett, a celebrity makeup artist and green-beauty expert.

“Can you imagine buying a fridgeful of food and chucking it out every week, never having touched it?” asks Chase Polan, the founder of KYPRIS, a luxury clean-beauty brand. “No, but that’s what some people are doing with beauty.”

Arnett and Polan are both proponents of what you might call green minimalism, or the practice of making smarter, more focused purchases. To truly be “clean,” advocates say, products need to leave a low impact on the planet and deliver results so consumers use them to the last drop.

For parents, preserving the environment for our kids is often reason enough to be more mindful consumers.

But also, says Ashley Brown, author of The Routine Building Handbook, “whenever you can lighten your load, you usually feel ten times better.”

If you’re thinking, “But, um, I really love makeup,” know that simplifying isn’t about missing out. Finding the best means getting the most for your time, budget, and well-being.

PA R E N T S

WHEN

dermatologist Corey L. Hartman, M.D., asks patients to bring their skin-care products to appointments at his office in Birmingham, Alabama, the self-described “skinimalist” is frequently surprised by the extent of their routines. “Look, if skin care is how you relax, then go ahead and do 12 steps,” he says. “But I don’t want people to feel that’s normal or that they’re not successful because they aren’t putting in that kind of time and effort. I’m a dermatologist, and I don’t do all of that.”

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Product overload can in fact be a cause of skin troubles.

“Sometimes people are using three or four products that do the same thing, or they’re mixing products that shouldn’t be used together,” he says. Combining retinol with acids, like salicylic or glycolic, for instance, is a recipe for redness, irritation, and sensitivity.

Admittedly, it’s difficult not to be seduced by enthusiastic influencer endorsements or the simple desire for something new. “You think that a product is going to solve

‘the problem,’ ” Arnett says.

“But sometimes you need to ask, is there even a problem?”

The habit of trying and moving on is ingrained in us.

Most products are designed to last three or four months, which is, not coincidentally, around the same amount of time needed to see results.

“How many times have you thrown away a half-empty container before you jumped on the bandwagon of a different trend?”

Dr. Hartman asks. “I think most people never get to an empty bottle. They don’t have

WOMAN: BRAT CO/STOCKSY. PRODUCTS: PETER ARDITO.

Skin Essentials

years, the beauty world has seen the welcome rise of clean ingredients and I N R E C E NT

AS-NEEDED T R E AT M E N T S

A Simpler Hair Routine OFTEN

For rough, tired, yet also sensitive skin, occasionally swap your evening cream for MaeLove The Night Renewer ($30; maelove.com).

Salicylic acid in Kinship Pimple Potion ($19; lovekinship .com) dries out acne overnight.

A night cream with a hefty dose of niacinamide, like Naturium Niacinamide Gel Cream 5% ($20; naturium.com), makes dry, dull skin brighter.

people say they want their hair to look exactly the way their stylist did it, says Michael Dueñas, a celebrity stylist in Los Angeles. But “instead of loading up with every product they used, ask the stylist to recommend three products: a leave-in conditioner, a mousse, and a hairspray.” For most hair types, these are all you need to handle anything from sexy waves to a polished updo.

And they can be used for more than one purpose. If your hair is thick or textured, a leave-in conditioner helps hydrate and tame frizz. If hair is fine, it smooths split ends, prevents flyaways, and offers lightweight hydration. “Apply it evenly to damp hair from midlengths to ends,” Dueñas says. Then you can work in a multitasking mousse, which

boosts limp roots, adds grip to styles, and sculpts hair.

Any hair type can use mousse, though some curly- and coiled-hair types may prefer a curl cream or gel instead.

Hairspray locks in your finished look but also refreshes hair when it’s dry, lifting roots and adding texture and volume.

But, Dueñas says, while the right products help add longevity and control, none of them are as important as technique. Take notes from your stylist or find a YouTuber with a hair type and aesthetic like yours to learn DIY skills.

Investment-quality tools, like a high-wattage blow dryer for speedy drying or a ceramic curling iron to protect from heat damage, make a difference.

Otherwise? “It comes down to practice,” he says.

HELPFUL HAIR STYLERS

enough patience or fortitude to stick with something until it runs out.”

In fact, the key to making minimalism work is consistency. “It’s almost more important than the ingredients,” Dr. Hartman says.

The best plan: “a simple skin-care routine that is easy to follow and maintain,” says Blair Murphy-Rose, M.D., a dermatologist in New York City. A core lineup might include a cleanser, an antioxidant, a sunscreen, and a moisturizer with retinol, or a retinol alternative like bakuchiol. (Flip back to page 59 for our picks.) “These are going to give the majority of people what they need to have healthy, glowing skin,”

Dr. Hartman says. “They’re preventive, they help stop the breakdown of collagen, and they help with pigmentation and acne.” Think of this combination as you would a small but well-edited wardrobe that’s meant to work together (and looks good on almost anybody).

It’s a one-size-fits-all regimen that functions on skin that’s oily, dry, mature, or something in between.

Dr. Hartman notes that people with specific issues, such as sensitive skin or acne, may want targeted treatments as well. “It’s also a good idea to seek the guidance of somebody who knows how to customize a regimen specifically for you,” he says.

Mist Dae Cactus Flower Leave-In Conditioner ($26; sephora .com) through damp hair to hydrate and soften any type.

Aveda Air Control Light Hold Hair Spray ($32; aveda .com) is strong enough to prevent �lyaways but soft enough for you to run your �ingers through.

Especially great for straight and wavy strands, Hairitage

by Mindy McKnight Sky’s the Limit Volume Mousse ($8; walmart.com) lifts roots and de�ines texture.

YO U Ñ G r e e n B e au t y

UNIVERSAL G O -T O S

For wowza lashes, there’s Ilia Fullest Volumizing Mascara ($28; iliabeauty.com).

Rose INC Softlight Luminous Hydrating Concealer ($30; roseinc.com) is an easy-to-blend, long-lasting formula that both covers and brightens.

Multitasking Makeup new moms reach out to me looking to simplify their routine,” says Katey Denno, a celebrity makeup artist and clean-beauty expert. She starts with a survey of their existing makeup collection and then winnows it down, ditching duplicates, expired products, and things they just never wear. “Get rid of whatever is not serving you,” Denno advises, “so that when you look in your medicine cabinet, you see only what you actually need.”

Everybody’s makeup style is different, but Denno favors a few universal basics such as concealer, mascara, and an eyelash curler—all of which can fake the effect of a good night’s sleep. From there, she recommends multifunctional products that let you achieve

PA R E N T S

more with less. For instance, a skin tint can offer both light coverage and sunscreen; a tinted balm can double as lip color and blush; and a clear balm can highlight the face, groom eyebrows, condition cuticles, give eyelids a gloss, and soothe chapped lips.

When it’s time to replenish supplies, she says, be honest about what you do and don’t need. “Try not to be a trend shopper or a last-minute purchaser,” she says. “Avoid samples and mini versions of products, and never impulse buy,” she says. If makeup brings you joy (raises hand), look for sustainably minded brands that have refillable compacts and tubes, like those from MOB Beauty (mobbeauty.com) and Izzy Zero Waste Mascara ($39; yourizzy.com).

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Castor oil in Doctor Rogers Restore Healing Balm ($30; doctorrogers .com) adds gleam and heals skin.

Tap Jones Road Miracle Balm in Magic Hour ($38; jonesroad beauty.com) onto cheeks, lips, and lids for a warm glow.

WOMAN: FELICITY INGRAM/TRUNK. PRODUCTS: PETER ARDITO.

“SO MANY

Tower 28 Sunny Days SPF 30 Tinted Sunscreen foundation ($30; sephora.com) has 14 shades suitable for sensitive skin.

FEEL WHAT’S REAL Real moisture you can’t help but feel

© 2021 The Procter & Gamble Company

YO U Ñ S k i n

BEAUTY WHILE MOMMING

What I Tell My Friends About Botox For starters, no one should feel peer pressure in either direction.

Welcome to my ’Tox Talk.

by K AT E S A N D OVA L B OX

I thought people started Botox in their 40s. Now I’m seeing 20-year-olds getting it!?

You’re not wrong. More women are viewing it as a preventive measure to keep skin smooth over time, and millennials and Gen Z are blazing the path to making it mainstream. A survey conducted by Allergan (the owners of Botox Cosmetics) found that globally, 82 percent of 21-to-35-year-olds believe that injectable treatments are socially acceptable. That said, while Botox may seem ubiquitous on our Instagram feeds, it remains a splurge for most of us. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, only about 6 percent of American women between the ages of 30 and 54 got Botox in 2020. (Botox procedures overall were down by 13 percent—the pandemic, of course, may have been a factor.)

What exactly do you get done?

I get Botox injected into the vertical lines between my brows—the so-called “11s”—and along my eyes to soften my crow’s-feet. My dermatologist, Dendy Engelman, M.D., also dots it across my forehead, distributing with the eye of an artist, stepping back to see my full face and asking me to frown and smile as she

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works so she can adjust the result. The “baby Botox” micro-droplet technique ensures that I don’t look frozen; my expressions are still there and more natural than if she’d put the same amount in one spot. “Years ago, injectors were a lot more heavy-handed and patients could seem too done. Now most doctors use much less with a goal of keeping some facial movement so people still look like themselves,” Dr. Engelman says. Other commonly treated areas are “barcode lines” above the lip, a pebbly chin, and the jaw muscle (to slim the face or help with teeth grinding).

So when did you start?

In my early 20s, I noticed the lines between my brows stayed put even when I wasn’t frowning, and I began once-ayear injections. (Strange but true: My dad, an oculoplastic surgeon, did them for me.) In my 30s, I reupped to two times a year. Did my desire for Botox skyrocket after having a baby and experiencing extreme lack of sleep? Hard yes—it was my top beauty priority after I finished breastfeeding. I felt as if I’d aged more during new motherhood than in the decades before. Even if I’d had time for an extensive skin routine, that wouldn’t have offered a quick improvement. Botox results are pretty impressive: Wrinkles temporarily vanish, pores look smaller, sweat glands are less active, and skin is smoother—without real downtime.

How much time and money are we talking here?

The appointment itself is fast (most of it is spent waiting for a numbing ointment to do its thing). After the injections,

results are usually visible within three to seven days and last from two to four months. Prices vary widely but generally start at $250 per area of the face. A top derm on the coasts may charge three times more than a med spa in the middle of the country, and, frustratingly, it’s hard to know what the total cost may be until you have a consultation. “Patients have different muscular strength and anatomy, so I might put 12 units of Botox in one forehead and then need 20 units for the next,” Dr. Engelman explains. As tempting as it can be to go with the best deal in town, do factor in the expertise and reputation of your injector. You want someone who has great referrals, has recent examples of their work, and makes you feel comfortable.

I’m kind of scared, though.

There are risks: Bruising, headaches, swelling, asymmetrical results, and, although very unlikely, allergic reactions are possible. “It’s like the risk we take when we’re in a car; there’s a chance we could get into an accident, but we follow precautions to reduce our likelihood,” says Michelle Henry, M.D., a dermatologist in New York City. So if you could use reassurance, know that millions of people around the world have had safe neurotoxin injections for decades. Are you worried that you’ll go overboard? There is something called perception drift: When we’re exposed to a lot of over-manipulated images, it skews what we perceive as attractive.

Referencing your before-and-after photos can help keep yourself in check—and super-honest mom-friend chats can do that for you too.

DAVIS FACTOR.

Among the chat topics in my mom circle—besides current Netflix watch lists and career-pivot advice—a common question is, “Should I get Botox?” As the beauty director at Parents, my response is that I get it and I love it—and that, of course, it’s a personal choice. Then the follow-up questions begin. If you were in my WhatsApp group, here’s an edited version of how I would answer.

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YO U Ñ C o v e r S t o r y

The Start of Something New As actor Wilmer Valderrama and model Amanda Pacheco prepare to celebrate their daughter Nakano’s first birthday, they look back on their whirlwind romance and what they’ve learned about love, family, and getting some sleep.

by E R I N B R I E D / photographs by V I C T O R D E M A R C H E L I E R

I T WA S J U S T

supposed to be coffee.

NCIS star Wilmer Valderrama, 42, who rose to fame as a teenager on That ’70s Show and now voices the dad, Agustín, in Disney’s animated hit Encanto, made plans to meet model Amanda Pacheco, 31, at a Los Angeles café three years ago. Neither thought much of it.

He was killing time before a flight.

Pacheco, a certified divemaster and ocean lover, wanted advice about Miami, where Valderrama was born and where she was hoping to move. A friend connected them. But then something surprising happened: Their quick,

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casual coffee turned into a four-hour heart-to-heart. “The energy was just so right,” says Valderrama. “We ended up telling each other our deepest secrets.”

Valderrama is often on the way to the airport for his acting work. He has also made nearly 50 appearances as a USO Global Ambassador, greeting American troops the world over to help boost morale. He calls it “one of the greatest joys of my life” and a way to thank the country that welcomed him and his family when they emigrated from Venezuela in 1993. “I am so grateful that the United States makes the American

dream possible for immigrants,” he says. “The least I can do now is be of service to those who serve our country.”

If Valderrama hadn’t had to jet that day, his conversation with Pacheco likely would’ve gone into the night.

Instead, they stayed connected via text while he was away for the week, and upon his return, they had their first official date. “He took me to the movies, but it wasn’t just him,” Pacheco reveals.

“He brought his sisters, his mother, his best friend, and the friend’s wife and kid!” They held hands watching Dumbo, and so began their romance.

“We threw ourselves into the deep end,” Valderrama says. They were vacationing in Nakano, Japan, when “we made a promise that it would always be us,” Pacheco says. “It’s the craziest fairy tale you could imagine,” adds Valderrama, who on New Year’s Day 2020, nine months after that first coffee, proposed. Their wedding plans got postponed when the pandemic hit, but they had plenty of time to talk about family.

Pacheco was never sure she wanted kids because she had fears about giving birth.

“I always thought of it as a lifeor-death thing, like I could potentially not make it out alive,” she says. But with Valderrama, she felt ready.

“I realized it was something I could do—and was excited to do,” Pacheco says.

It took the couple five months to get pregnant, longer than either had anticipated. “Wilmer thinks he knows the moment it happened,” says Pacheco with playful skepticism. “Oh, I don’t think—I know,” Valderrama says. “I had the Flow app and everything. I was logging it all myself!” On February 15, 2021, after a blissfully uneventful pregnancy and birth, the couple welcomed their daughter, Nakano Oceana, into the world.

She’s named after the city where they promised to be together for life and also after Takeko Nakano, a female samurai. Her middle name is a nod to Pacheco’s passion for diving.

As every parent knows, the newborn days are a challenge. “The first few nights we were like, ‘We can do this!’ ” Valderrama says. “But by the sixth day, that sleep deprivation gets tough.”

Pacheco was breastfeeding every three hours, but she was never up alone. “Your job as a partner is not just to be there,” Valderrama says. “If you’re not doing anything, you’re not doing enough.

There are a million things to be done while your partner is nursing: Get the baby, change the baby, burp the baby, track the feeding, and keep the mommy hydrated, fed, and rested.”

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Whenever they needed a break, they had family nearby to call upon. In fact, all three of Nakano’s grandparents are steps away. Valderrama bought the property next door, and his parents and Pacheco’s father moved there.

Pacheco’s dad is Mexican, and all of the grandparents speak Spanish as their first language. “Our dads became best

ParentsÕ Lightning Round NAKANO’S FIRST FINGER FOOD Bananas.

N U R S E RY I N S P O Pacheco’s dream room: whimsical underwater forest.

S W E E T E S T B A BY G I F T S WE RECEIVED Anything with her name embroidered on it.

VA L D E R R A M A’ S FAV E B A BY TA S K Changing diapers. “I took it on, since Amanda does the feedings.”

PAC H E C O ’ S FAV E B A BY TA S K Waking her up.

TA S K W E ’ D R AT H E R N O T D O We love all the tasks right now.

buds,” Valderrama says. The older generation is teaching Nakano not only Spanish but also the family values. “She will grow up proud of her roots: our music, our food, and respect for where we came from,” Valderrama says.

To that end, starring in Encanto has been especially gratifying. “It’s brought me so much joy for my mother to see her native Colombia portrayed for its beauty,” Valderrama says.

“And now our daughter lives in a world where we’ve fought, in the entertainment industry, to change how Latino stories and characters are made.”

Pacheco, who lost her own mother to ovarian cancer six years ago, appreciates having Sobeida, Valderrama’s mom, close by. “It’s hard to go through motherhood without your own mom, but Wilmer’s mom has become a mother figure in my life.” She seems to know just the right moment to swoop in with a home-cooked meal or a bedtime story and when to give them space. “It can be tough to ask for help, because as a new mom, you want to have it all together. But having family helps. It never feels like we’re asking too much.

I’m so happy Nakano will grow up surrounded by affection.”

Having extra support also allows the couple to keep their own bond strong. “The baby is our priority, but you are mine,” Valderrama says to Pacheco. “They tell you, ‘It’s all about the baby,’ but when you’re both with the baby, you can forget about each other and lose yourself there.” That’s partly why they decided to sleep train Nakano once she was through the newborn period. “I didn’t think I had the heart for it, because it made me feel bad,” Valderrama says, “but ultimately, it’s so empowering. It allows you to focus on your partner. When you have a baby who sleeps through the night, it’s a lot easier to stay connected.”

This month, they’re planning Nakano’s first birthday. They know there will be cake and music, but they’re leaving most everything else up to fate. So far, it’s worked for them.

WARDROBE STYLING BY KATIE MOSSMAN. WILMER’S GROOMING BY CHRISTINE NELLI. AMANDA’S HAIR AND MAKEUP BY ANDREA ORTEGA COSTIGAN. PROP STYLING BY CHLOE PARK. CHILD WRANGLING BY BILLY ROGERS. PREVIOUS SPREAD, ON WILMER: SHIRT, LACAUSA. JEANS, RAG & BONE. ON AMANDA: SHIRT AND SHORTS, AND OTHER STORIES. ON NAKANO: ONESIE, ZARA. LINENS AND BEDDING, TWO DAWSON. CASHMERE PILLOWS AND WOOL BLANKET, JENNI KAYNE. THIS PAGE, ON WILMER: SWEATSHIRT, OFFICINE GÉNÉRALE. T-SHIRT, ALTERNATIVE APPAREL. ON AMANDA: DRESS, ZIMMERMAN. CARDIGAN, CHLOE. EARRINGS AND NECKLACE, MADEWELL. OPPOSITE, ON WILMER: SWEATER, OFFICINE GÉNÉRALE. JEANS, MOTHER DENIM. ON AMANDA: DRESS, A.L.C. SWEATER, RE/DONE. BELT, ZARA. ON NAKANO: SHIRT AND PANTS, ZARA.

YO U Ñ C o v e r S t o r y

“When a baby sleeps through the night, it’s a lot easier to stay connected.”

Exclusive Video!

Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to see our cover shoot and the couple in our video series I Wish Someone Told Me.

YO U — S a fe t y

My Family Learned CPR (and Yours Should Too)

I never imagined that my athletic husband would have a near-fatal cardiac event in the middle of an ice hockey game. Now my son and I will be prepared if it happens again.

by W E N DY H E L F E N B A U M / illustrations by S O L C O T T I

came at 11:30 p.m., when my husband, Martin, was at his recreational hockey game—the third that week.

Sometimes he played two games in one night.

“I don’t feel well. John’s driving me to the hospital.”

I reached him in the car, and he told me his arm hurt.

Then I heard his teammate John calling Martin’s name THE TEXT

PA R E N T S

over and over—but my superfit husband didn’t respond because he had gone into cardiac arrest.

Later, I learned that John, an E.R. nurse, had reacted immediately when he saw Martin drop to his hands and knees on the ice, struggling to catch his breath. John knew that he could beat the ambulance by at least five

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minutes if he drove Martin to the hospital himself. Every minute was going to count.

Martin stopped breathing in the car about two minutes from the E.R. Even though John couldn’t perform proper CPR, he drove with one hand and pounded my husband’s chest with the other to help keep blood flowing through his body. He had called ahead,

so his colleagues were waiting in the ambulance bay with a gurney.

As my 12-year-old son and I raced to the hospital, I kept dialing John’s cell phone, but he didn’t pick up. He waited until the trauma team yelled, “We have a pulse!” before calling me back.

Once Martin was finally stable, I learned that the odds

YO U Ñ S a fe t y

The ABCs of AEDs

of surviving cardiac arrest outside a hospital were only around 10 percent, and that most survivors have some degree of brain injury. My 52-year-old husband was one of the lucky ones. He made a miraculous and full recovery, but our family dynamic shifted forever.

Perhaps the scariest part was that after dozens of tests, nobody could find a single thing wrong with him. He does not have heart disease.

Doctors saw very little plaque in his arteries. He has no family history. No arrhythmia.

No high blood pressure. He’s never smoked. And he is lean and strong from all the sports he’s played since age 4.

The cardiologist’s best medical guess about what had happened? “He won

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the lottery—in reverse,” he told us.

During the two-and-a-half weeks Martin was in the hospital, my son and I each silently wondered the same thing: If doctors couldn’t explain why his heart had stopped, couldn’t this happen again? And if it did, would we know what to do?

The answer was no. And that thought terrified me because we are a very active family: We kayak and ski at our lakefront cottage, miles from a hospital. Could we ever enjoy ourselves on our boat or while hiking?

Could we travel anywhere that wasn’t a ten-minute drive to the closest E.R.?

I didn’t think so.

Back home after Martin was discharged,

2022

When someone’s heart stops beating and they are no longer breathing, each second is a crucial window for intervention.

That’s because most people will die within minutes if nothing is done. You’ve probably walked by small red or white boxes mounted on walls at your community center, shopping mall, or sporting arena hundreds of times without noticing them. Inside each of those glass cases is an automated external defibrillator (AED), a computerized medical device that analyzes the heart of someone in cardiac arrest. If the AED detects a dangerous abnormal heart rhythm, it can deliver a shock to restore a normal rhythm.

The machines are designed so that anyone, even people who have never taken a CPR course, can operate them.

Audio and visual cues tell users exactly what to do, when, and for how long. Usually, you’ll need to attach two sticky pads with sensors onto the chest of the person who is having the cardiac event. The sensors, or electrodes, transmit information about the heart’s rhythm to the AED. The machine then tells you whether chest compressions or a shock to restart the person’s heart is needed. Some machines deliver the shock without your having to push a button.

Acting quickly is essential to restore oxygen flow to the brain: Someone who’s gone into cardiac arrest has a 60 percent survival rate if they receive an AED shock within three to four minutes.

I resurrected an old routine.

When I was a new parent, I’d wake up in the middle of the night, sneak over to the crib, and strain to hear my infant breathe to make sure he was still alive. Now I was doing it with my husband.

A friend suggested that taking a course in CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) could make my son and me feel less helpless, but I didn’t have the energy to sit with a group of strangers all day. Then I read about Katrysha Gellis, a woman in our community who had gone into cardiac arrest at work several years earlier when she was only 30.

Her colleagues had saved her life by calling 911 and performing CPR, and now Katrysha gave private CPR classes. Her story mirrored Martin’s so closely that I knew she was meant to be our teacher.

A week later, Katrysha came to our home, where our friend Liliane and her son joined us for the class.

Katrysha set up practice dummies, a laptop, and an automated external defibrillator (AED). My son hung back at first, and I wondered if the idea of learning how to shock a heart back to life was triggering memories of the hospital intensive care unit for him, as it was for me.

Katrysha recounted her story. Like Martin, she was only alive because someone else knew what to do. She promised us that in four hours, we’d know how to save someone’s life too.

“When someone is in cardiac arrest, you can’t hurt them by performing CPR—you can only help them,” she told us.

During the Heartsaver First Aid CPR AED course,

we learned about the Chain of Survival, in which every second counts. We were taught how to recognize cardiac arrest: First, check to see if the person is conscious by tapping them and making noise. Then see if the person is breathing (watch to see if their chest rises and falls, listen for breathing sounds, feel their breath on your cheek). If they are not conscious, call 911, and if they are not breathing, start CPR immediately and send someone to retrieve the nearest AED. Katrysha demonstrated how to do chest compressions on an adult: Put one hand on top of the other, interlace your fingers, and place the heel of your hand in the center of the person’s chest, in line with the armpits. She played the Bee Gees’ hit “Stayin’ Alive,” which has the ideal 100 to 120 beats per minute rhythm required for hands-only CPR. The aptness of the song’s title did not escape me as I applied enough force to push 2 inches deep into the mannequin’s chest. I was surprised at how hard you have to push. I was even more surprised that my son and his friend easily had enough strength to do so.

We placed a plastic pocket mask with a one-way valve onto the dummy’s mouth, which prevents direct contact during resuscitation, and practiced giving rescue breaths. Katrysha then showed us how to operate the AED, and the kids loved the way the machine talked them through each step. A built-in metronome provides the chest-compression rhythm, just in case you can’t hear “Stayin’ Alive” in your head.

When the class ended, I was euphoric. For the first time

since my husband’s release from the hospital, I wasn’t terrified. Learning CPR was the most empowering thing we’ve ever done, and I believe every family should do it.

Calling 911, performing CPR immediately, and using an AED can triple a person’s chance of survival, and yet the American Heart Association has found that nearly 90 percent of out-ofhospital cardiac arrests are fatal. The campaign CALLPUSH-SHOCK, cosponsored

by Parent Heart Watch and the Sudden Cardiac Arrest Foundation, is working to increase survival rates by encouraging people to take action with CPR and an AED. While it’s frightening to witness this kind of medical emergency, a 911 dispatcher can also walk you through the procedure over the phone while you’re waiting for first responders to arrive.

I knew many parents who rushed to take an infant CPR course when their child was born so they could save them from choking. But we don’t think about how valuable learning CPR can be for the entire family.

We received a training manual and a certification card, and we now own a portable AED. But taking the CPR course gave us much more than first aid training.

It became a turning point in our family’s healing journey: Finally, we were no longer powerless.

Be a Lifesaver Hover your camera’s phone over the smart code to find a CPR class near you.

Kids Can Learn CPR More than 356,000 cardiac arrests occur outside a hospital in the U.S. each year, and it can be hard to imagine that happening to a grandparent, baseball coach, or babysitter—possibly in front of your child. Learning lifesaving skills at an early age is both possible and worthwhile.

“If they’re strong enough, kids as young as 8 or 9 can easily do chest compressions and become CPR certified,” says Corey Abraham, director of instructor development at HSI, in Eugene, Oregon.

“At that age, they should be able to understand and retain the information for recall when and if they need it in an emergency.” Most mannequins used in CPR classes make a clicking sound when students practice chest compressions to show they’re pushing hard enough and fast enough. “Kids younger than 8 can learn how to recognize an emergency and call 911.”

Many local and national organizations offer hands-on CPR training, including the American Red Cross and the American Heart Association. Make sure the person leading the course is a certified CPR instructor. The cost varies depending on where you live. “In Eugene, you might pay $70, and in New York City, the same course could cost $110,” Abraham says. When kids are in a class, instructors usually incorporate additional breaks, give out prizes to make it more engaging, and play songs like “Baby Shark” to demonstrate the correct compression rhythm.

“I would encourage everyone to take a class, even if you have kids under age 8, because it’ll help them recognize an emergency,” Abraham says. “If that’s the only thing they learn, the course was worth it.”

Photo: © Perou • Grooming: Rebecca Richards

LIFE.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY TOGETHER F O R G E T R E S O LU T I O N S T H AT LE AV E YO U F E E LI N G D E P R I V E D . I N S T E A D, VO W T O H AV E M O R E F U N W I T H FA M I LY T I M E .

FYI, there’s no time like the present.

The Joys of a Family Bucket List Taking a splashy trip together.

Introducing the kids to your favorite band. Losing to them at mini golf. We all have things we’d love to do with our children before they’re grown. Let this be the year you check off a few of those adventures—and then dream up several more worth taking. photograph by SASHA GULISH

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L I F E Ñ Fa m i ly F u n

Evett and his mini Jedi at home in Southern California

Conz Preti is a writer and journalist.

hearing stories from my parents about our first trip to Disney World. I was only a year old when it happened, but they took copious photos to immortalize the occasion. There’s one of the three of us, me in a stroller, in front of a Mickey- and Minnie-decorated Christmas tree. I’ve looked at it so much that it’s burned into my brain.

I grew up in Argentina, and visiting the U.S. was a big deal, in terms of both money and logistics, but also just psychologically. Even though I was raised in big cities, arriving stateside always blew my child mind. That was multiplied exponentially at Disney. We visited many times. And as cliché as it might sound, my trips there with my parents are some of the happiest memories I have. When I visit as an adult, it’s as if I’m transported back in time, once again a little girl in awe.

As a result, I’d always dreamed of taking my own kids to Disney, giving them a chance to make similar memories. And it would be a lot easier for me than it was for my parents. I now live in the United States and am married to an American man who not only swept me off my feet but also introduced me to every bit of American culture of which I’d been

Preti (center, holding her son) and family, plus Mickey and Minnie, at Disney World, 2018

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unaware: cornhole, Field of Dreams, the Pittsburgh Pirates. When our first child was born in 2017, I knew we’d make the trip as soon as we could.

There came a day when I just couldn’t wait anymore. So, on a whim, on probably the busiest weekend ever, while my parents were visiting from abroad, I took the entire gang to Disney World. Everyone kept telling us that our son, who was 1 1/2 then, wouldn’t remember any of it, and he wasn’t going to be able to go on most rides. But they were missing the point.

I wanted to see my parents with my baby in a place that meant so much to them, and to me. We had a blast, and looking at the photos fills me with the same joy I felt while gazing at the ones from my own childhood. In one, which I keep on my desk, the five of us pose with Mickey and Minnie. We all look so happy, each for different reasons: my son for meeting the characters, my parents and husband for seeing him so thrilled. And me for making this trip happen with everyone included. I had twin girls in March 2020, and once we get back to traveling, I know where we’re going first. I’ve got my Minnie ears ready to go.

Corey Evett is a screenwriter.

I N E V E R WA N T E D

to be one of those parents who foist their favorite things on their kids. Sure, I wanted to share the formative bits of culture that made me me, but if my kids weren’t into them, I knew I could suffer in silence and quietly judge their terrible taste like the very mature adult that I am.

But on a sweltering pandemic summer afternoon, while I was scrolling for something to watch with my 2-year-old son, the Star Wars logo appeared on the screen. He pointed. “I want to watch that,” he said. I felt a tiny kick of adrenaline. My heart fluttered. Maybe it was my complete lack of exercise in 2020, but more likely it was that I’d been one of those kids who wore out the VHS tapes of the Original Trilogy.

Minutiae about minor characters, ships, and planets clog up a lot of space in my head, space that should probably be devoted to remembering what the RIE in RIE parenting stands for. And now the moment I’d longed for was here.

FROM LEFT: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT; LAURA BIREK.

I GREW UP

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.

“I thought he’d last five minutes. He sat rapt for two hours.

Imaginary lightsaber battles became a part of playtime. I’d spent my whole life preparing for this!”

I should’ve been elated, but I hesitated, worried that Darth Vader choking rebels to death or the complete annihilation of a planet might be too intense for a toddler. Then a more salient question arose: Could I take another episode of Blippi? I clicked on the movie.

I thought he’d last five minutes. He sat rapt for two hours. You could say the film resonated: Imaginary lightsaber battles became a part of playtime, and he wanted to know the names of all the characters and ships. I could answer these questions! I’d spent my whole life preparing for this! I was full-on dadding.

Then one day he reached his hand toward me and said with sinister enthusiasm, “I’m going to destroy you.”

He told me he wanted a red lightsaber.

Do you understand what I’m saying?

My child wanted to be Darth Vader. I’d managed to turn my son to the dark side before his third birthday.

I realized that just sharing the movies with him wasn’t enough. If I wanted his little-kid mind to truly understand why I loved them—and if I wanted to bend his path back to good and away from evil—I needed to share the reasons why they resonated with me. I needed to drop some Yoda wisdom. So I emphasized the wonder and adventure of these films. More stars, less wars. Slowly, I convinced him that the bad guys weren’t as cool as the good. We’ll deal with the deeper philosophical stuff when he’s older, but for now, more often than not he wakes up belting out the opening theme music.

And I’ll take that in a Tatooine minute.

Minnis and her daughter, Zoe

Clinnette Minnis is a voice actress and writer.

I LOVE EVE RY THING

about Election Day. I think it should be a national holiday.

When it comes around, I wake up early.

I get to my polling place well before it opens. I stand in line no matter how long it takes. Sometimes the process requires patience. And teaching patience to an 8-year-old, I’m finding, isn’t always easy. Even so, I’ve managed to instill my love for voting in my daughter, Zoe—the event I always imagined sharing with my child, even before I had one. Seeing her delight upon receiving an honorary “I Voted” sticker fills me with absolute joy and brings our family story full circle in a way that means so much to me.

When my mother first took me to vote as a child, we walked hand in hand through our suburban Los Angeles neighborhood, far from the Arkansas town where she’d grown up. I remember asking her if her mother had taken her voting too. No, she said. Grandma had been illiterate, unable to sign her name. Even if she had been, this was the Jim Crow South, and the poll workers would likely have had her guessing how many jelly beans were in the jar before she could cast her ballot.

What I can do on Election Day she was prevented from doing all her life.

And I want my daughter to understand that the right to vote is by no means a permanent thing. Rights

can be taken away. Ask the Afghan women no longer able to attend school.

Not long ago, their mothers emerged from voting booths with purple ink on their fingers and a feeling that anything was possible. Democracy is fragile, threatened all over the globe. Here in America, oppressive forces are hard at work seeking barriers to stop people from exercising their right to vote.

I’m raising my daughter to be confident, to stand up for what she believes and fight to keep and express her own unique point of view. So many people fought and died for us to have civil rights.

We can’t squander that by not speaking up with our vote. By not finding the representatives who will actually represent us. In a democracy, this is possible. When we work together, we can make a difference.

My mother and father left the segregated South for a better life. We integrated a California neighborhood and were the first Black family in the area. I’ll be forever grateful for that.

So much of parenting is striving to give your child a better life so that the struggles and sacrifices of the past won’t have been made in vain. I take heart in my daughter’s glorious smile, how she beamed with pride at that “I Voted” sticker. It fills me with hope that we’re readying the next generation for the challenge.

L I F E Ñ Fa m i ly F u n

Memory Makers for an Awesome 2022 When it comes to sharing good times with your kids, the possibilities are infinite, from tiny bursts of fun to once-in-a-lifetime events. Here’s a sample bucket list to inspire your own.

Henriquez and her son, Noah

Cook a whole meal, side by side.

Wear matching outfits. (Get this one done when they’re little, before they find the idea massively uncool.)

Ride in a rowboat together.

EVER SINCE MY

son could speak, he has wanted to know what life was like when I was a kid. “Mama, where did you live? What did you wear? Did you ever feel scared?” It was sweet, this wondering: Who was his mother before she was his mother? I’d tell him stories before bed and show him old photos. He pointed out our similarities (our nose, our lips, our sneakiness) and differences (our hair, our height, our favorite sweets). But knowing these details did nothing to quiet his curiosity. For years it only grew.

“What toys did you play with? Did you ever get hurt? Were you always good at spelling words?”

When he was 7, the questions still coming, we made a trip to South Florida to visit the house in which I grew up. As we pulled into the driveway, he stretched his neck to see out the window. To me, everything had shrunk because I’d grown, but to him, the pine trees were as tall as I’d described when I told him how I’d climb them to the sky.

We knocked on the door, and to my surprise, the new owners were happy to let us wander around. My son finally saw the setting of all those stories I’d been telling him. It was surreal, this

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collision of memory and reality, a little slice of history come to life.

“Was this the window you climbed through when you’d sneak out at night?”

“Was this where you used to Rollerblade?”

I took pictures while my son picked avocados off the tree I’d fallen from, losing my first tooth. He dipped his toes into the swimming pool into which I once plunged while learning to ride my bicycle. We sat together under the same banana vines that had given me shade in the summer. He dug into the dirt with his fingernails and pulled colored pebbles from the ground, the ones I’d pretended were “gems” and kept in a Mason jar. We walked around the block, and I took him to each of my hiding spots, inviting him into my childhood.

As we left the neighborhood that afternoon, he turned to me and asked, “Mama, do you think we would have been friends if we were kids at the same time?”

The question unstitched me. I told him of course we would, and that I’d be the luckiest girl alive to have a friend like him. And with that answer, he finally seemed satisfied.

Point out the constellations and planets. Most nights Jupiter is visible to the naked eye, and with an app like SkyView, you can often spot Saturn too.

Go fly a kite.

Visit an aquarium’s touch pool. Or better yet, a beach’s tide pool.

Do all that wonderful snow stuff. Snowball fights, snow angels, snowmen, sledding—the whole bit.

Film them being goofy in slow motion: jumping on a trampoline, making silly faces, or screaming (crank the sound up for that one).

Have a picnic. Maybe someday under the Eiffel Tower or beside an acacia in the Maasai Mara—but for now, your living room floor works too.

THIS PAGE: MATT + JESS PHOTOGRAPHY. OPPOSITE: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.

Jessica Ciencin Henriquez is the author of the forthcoming memoir If You Loved Me You Would Know.

Sit outside at dusk to watch �ire�lies appear.

Plan to hit up every last one of something: national parks, baseball stadiums, all the taquerias in town. The point is to �inish the full list.

Go bowling.

Take them with you to work—a place not exactly exciting to you but in�initely fascinating to them.

Go �ishing. Worry not at all about catching anything.

Feed ducks at the pond.

Jacquelyn Mitchard is the author of the new novel The Good Son. T H E DAT E I S S E T,

the rental house chosen, the pontoon boat hired. For three years, my brother and I have been planning The Trip to Anywhere, so-called because the destination is irrelevant.

This summer, with all our kids, we’re going to go offline: a grill, a deck of cards, a Scrabble game, and the wilderness.

Okay, not quite the wilderness. It’s a big house with a TV and air-conditioning.

Still, it will be the kind of vacation our grandparents took us on when we were kids, up to the lake. No amusement parks, just a few hikes and fishing poles, and the stories we’ve never had enough downtime to tell the kids. The time we sat on Al Capone’s grave at midnight on Halloween. The time we dove from a construction crane into a rock quarry of crystal-clear water 30 feet deep.

The time we ran along the fence of the monastery with sticks until the monks

Make root beer �loats.

Plant a seed. Check on it, and see to it, often—and together.

Learn origami.

“It will be the kind of vacation our grandparents took us on—no amusement parks, just a few hikes and fishing poles.”

Go to a petting zoo. Bring quarters for those little pellet machines.

Take a road trip.

No activity opens people up, including kids, like a drive with nothing to do but chat.

Go on a rainy walk.

Footwear appropriate for puddle jumping is a must.

Make homemade ice cream.

Continued on next page

Mitchard’s family jumping into a good time

let the guard dogs out. Stories about minor mayhem, like the ones our parents told us: the time they won the swing dance competition at the old Aragon Ballroom, in Chicago, only to lose the crown when it was discovered that they hadn’t paid admission.

The kinds of stories that become family lore. More important, though, is the unplugged-ness. We’ll try to ban twice-daily TikTok and Instagram posts, nix phones at dinner, disallow work emails. We’ll be out of state and out of touch, living life in real time. How boring will it be for our children?

Well, the highlight of their day will be frying fish, so you tell me. But if we’re right about this, the experience will soon grow more comfortable until at last there’ll be a new rhythm, the eat-when-you’re-hungry and sleepwhen-you’re-tired kind, and enough space and stillness to really hear not just each other but nature, and our own thoughts. Maybe it will work out so well that we’ll do it again. Maybe it will be a well-intentioned flop. But one thing’s for sure: Our children will remember it. They’ll tell their children stories about that lost time—and perhaps someday give the same to them.

L I F E Ñ Fa m i ly F u n

Memory Makers for an Awesome 2022 Continued from page 79

Nina McConigley is a writer and professor at the University of Wyoming in Laramie.

W H E N I WA S 1 3 , I became a woman. Or,

I should say, I got my period. I had read enough Judy Blume to know what was happening, but I was not happy, because I knew what was about to happen: my Coming-of-Age Ceremony. My mother is from India, and her home region celebrates a girl’s period as a passage into womanhood. I would wear a sari for the first time, get my first gold jewelry, have a ritual bath, and eat certain foods. The day of my ceremony, I was a typical surly teenager. I had a mouthful of braces and insisted on wearing a Speedo during my bath. I cringed as my parents presented me with jewelry, and I poked at the flowers in my hair. I wore jeans under my sari. The worst part was that my parents invited friends to the house to celebrate with us. I sat mortified in a corner while our American friends mingled and ate, confused as to what exactly it was we were commemorating. We ate sheet cake, and then I ran to my bedroom.

But now that I have two daughters, I know I will perform the ceremony with them when their time comes. There’s something important about marking that step into womanhood. To say to them, “I see that you are changing, that your body is doing wonderful things.” It’s also a moment to talk about what womanhood means. For me, the ceremony inspired the first open conversations I’d had with my parents about marriage and fertility.

I hope my daughters see their own ceremonies not as a time of separation,

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since adolescence can be lonely, but of entering a new stage together. Will I make it as public an event as mine was?

No. I don’t think I’ll invite a houseful of friends and neighbors over. But I will let my girls pick a sari and jewelry. I hope we can cook traditional South Indian food together and I can share stories about the women in our family.

Many cultures mark a coming of age: bar or bat mitzvahs, quinceañeras, confirmations. Now I understand why.

They help teens move forward while cheering them on from the sidelines.

They all say, “I see you.” The night of my ceremony, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I looked the same.

I didn’t feel like a woman. And looking back, I am not sure that the ceremony was the beginning of womanhood per se. Becoming a woman is not tied to menstruation. It’s hundreds of choices and decisions a woman will go on to make throughout her lifetime.

But I did feel that my parents saw me differently. That they, with this ceremony, had begun to trust me to make my own choices. If I wanted to wear a Speedo, so be it. I was my own person. It was one of many choices they would go on to let me make, having faith that the realm between childhood and adulthood was one I could navigate. I will do the same for my daughters. In celebrating this passage with them, I hope I will help them move between new worlds—while letting them lead the way.

Give in to a big request, just because.

An unexpected “yes” is downright magical to a kid.

Share your pop culture repertoire. Fire up The Sandlot, the jazz record your dad loved, the SpongeBob episode nearest to your heart.

Make s’mores over a fire.

(Or with the flame on your stove. Both produce delicious results.)

Visit the local water park.

Reveal the joys of the sloppy cannonball.

Show them where they came from: the apartment you brought them home to, the park where they played. It will mean the world.

Go to a concert together.

Hold their hand on their first airplane ride.

Ask what’s on their list.

You may be surprised by their must-dos—and may enjoy them just as much as what you’d planned.

COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT.

Nina, her mother, and her aunt Vijaya, 1988

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Chocolate Factory!

Treat your kids to a sweeter Valentine’s Day by cranking out chocolates together. The recipes are easier than you’d think—with plenty of ways to involve your little Willy Wonkas. recipes by E L I Z A B E T H L A B A U / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

Molded Chocolate Hearts For recipe, see page 87.

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Sprinkle Truf�les Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 3 hours 5 minutes (includes chilling time) Makes 16 truffles I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup (6 oz.) dark-chocolate chips or chopped darkchocolate baking bars (60 percent cacao) ⅓ cup heavy whipping cream 1 cup small sprinkles, nonpareils, and/or coarse sparkling sugar, divided MAKE IT

1. Place chocolate in a microwavable bowl; set aside. Microwave cream in a separate small microwavable bowl at 100 percent power for 15-second intervals until cream is simmering at edges but not boiling, 30 to 45 seconds total.

2. Pour hot cream over chocolate; let stand 1 minute to soften. Gently whisk cream and chocolate together until chocolate is completely melted and mixture is smooth and shiny. (If there are still a few unmelted bits of chocolate, microwave mixture in bowl at 50 percent power 5 to 10 seconds, and stir gently until smooth.) Press a layer of plastic wrap directly onto surface of chocolate mixture, and refrigerate until �irm, 2 to 4 hours.

3. Pour sprinkles into separate small, shallow bowls by color and type. Using a small scoop or spoon, shape chocolate mixture into 1-in. balls. Drop balls, one at a time, into desired sprinkles, tossing to coat. Roll truf�les between your palms to round them out, and roll them in sprinkles again if needed. Refrigerate truf�les in an airtight container for up to 1 week.

For best taste and texture, let stand at room temperature 30 minutes before serving. If gifting, place truf�les in mini cupcake liners inside a box.

LET KIDS HELP Adults can be sous-chef here. Depending on their age, your kid may be able to handle a fair amount, including whisking the cream, shaping the balls, and adding the sprinkles.

TIP You can make a variation on these truf�les with milk-chocolate or white baking chips: Use 1 cup chips and reduce the heavy cream to ¼ cup.

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Chocolate-Caramel Pretzels Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 1 hour 10 minutes Makes 12 pretzels

LET KIDS HELP Stretching and twirling the caramel around the pretzel rods is a good time for all (especially your kid who loves Play-Doh).

Have them �inish the job by dunking the pretzels in the melted chocolate.

I N G R E DI E N T S 24 individually wrapped soft, chewy caramel candies 12 pretzel rods 1 cup (6 oz.) dark-chocolate chips (60 percent cacao) 1 cup (6 oz.) milk-chocolate chips 1 cup (6 oz.) white baking chips MAKE IT

1. Roll 1 unwrapped caramel between hands until it forms a 3-to-4-in. rope. Press one end of rope to top of 1 pretzel rod, and wrap in a spiral around pretzel, gently stretching caramel and spacing loops about 1 in. apart. Repeat procedure with a second caramel, attaching second spiral to the �irst and �inishing about 2 in. from pretzel end.

Repeat with remaining caramels and pretzels.

2. Place dark-chocolate, milkchocolate, and white chips in separate microwavable bowls. Microwave individually at 50 percent power for 30-second intervals, stirring after each, until chips are melted with a few chunks remaining, 1 to 2 minutes.

3. Line a baking sheet with wax paper. Working with 1 pretzel at a time and holding end without caramel, dunk rod in one �lavor of chocolate, spooning it over parts of pretzel that don’t �it in bowl, and coating caramel. Leave bottom 2 in. of pretzel uncoated for a handle. Gently shake off excess chocolate over bowl. Place on prepared baking sheet. Repeat process with remaining pretzels and chocolate.

4. Pour leftover chocolate into separate resealable plastic bags. Snip a small hole in one corner of each bag; drizzle contrasting chocolate over pretzels.

5. Refrigerate on baking sheet, uncovered, until chocolate is set, about 30 minutes.

Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 1 week. If gifting, add to a cellophane bag and tie with ribbon.

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LET KIDS HELP Leave it up to the youngest artists to drizzle on the design—funky shapes accepted and encouraged.

For the �inishing touch, they can add an Insta-worthy mix of colorful sprinkles.

Chocolate Lollipops For recipe, see page 87.

DIY Candy Bars For recipe, see opposite page.

LET KIDS HELP Even the littlest helpers can give an assist with these homemade bars. Let them choose their own overthe-top combos to sprinkle onto the melted chocolate.

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for up to 1 week. If gifting, add to a cellophane bag and tie with ribbon.

DIY Candy Bars Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 1 hour Makes 6 candy bars I N G R E DI E N T S 2 cups (12 oz.) milk-chocolate chips ⅓ to ⅔ cup mix-ins (such as colorful sprinkles, sliced freeze-dried fruit, flaked coconut, chopped cookies, popcorn, and/or pepitas)

3. Refrigerate molds, uncovered, until chocolate is set, about 45 minutes. Gently �lex molds to release chocolates.

MAKE IT

1. Place chocolate in a microwavable bowl. Microwave at 50 percent power for 30second intervals, stirring after each interval, until chocolate is melted with a few chunks remaining, 2 to 2½ minutes total.

(Residual heat will melt remaining chunks.)

FOOD STYLING BY ALI RAMEE. PROP STYLING BY CLAIRE SPOLLEN. SUPPLIES: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

2. Divide melted chocolate evenly (about 3 Tbs. each) among six clean, dry plastic candy-bar molds (about 5½ x2¼ x¼ -in each). Spread chocolate in an even layer in cavities and gently tap molds on work surface to remove any air bubbles and smooth surface of chocolate. While chocolate is still wet, add 1 to 2 Tbs. desired mix-ins to each bar, gently pressing into chocolate.

3. Refrigerate molds, uncovered, until chocolate hardens, about 45 minutes. Transfer molds to freezer for 2 minutes.

Immediately remove molds, and gently �lex to pop out candy bars. Refrigerate candy bars in an airtight container

heart-shaped candy molds (with multiple 1x1x¾ -in. hearts) on a baking sheet. Pipe chocolate into about 18 cavities, �illing each to just below rim (about 1½ tsp. each). Gently tap baking sheets on work surface to remove any air bubbles and smooth out chocolate.

Molded Chocolate Hearts Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 1 hour 5 minutes Makes 18 candies I N G R E DI E N T S 1¼ cups (7⅝ oz.) milk-chocolate chips or chopped milkchocolate bars Edible luster dust in pinks, gold, and silver

4. Brush a coating of edible luster dust on chocolate hearts using a small, dry food-safe paintbrush. Store hearts in an airtight container at cool room temperature for up to 1 week.

If gifting, place hearts in small, tissue-lined boxes.

LET KIDS HELP Older ones can pipe chocolate into molds, and candymakers of just about any age will be thrilled to get enlisted for luster-dust duty.

MAKE IT

1. Place chocolate in a microwavable bowl. Microwave at 50 percent power for 30second intervals, stirring after each interval, until chocolate is just melted and smooth with a few chunks remaining, 1½ to 2 minutes total. (Residual heat will melt remaining chunks.)

2. Transfer melted chocolate to a piping bag or a quart-size resealable plastic bag, and snip a small hole in one corner of bag. Place one or two silicone

Chocolate Lollipops Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 40 minutes Makes 6 lollipops I N G R E DI E N T S 1¼ cups (about 7⅝ oz.) milkchocolate chips 6 paper straws or 8-in. lollipop sticks Multicolored sprinkles MAKE IT

1. Place chocolate in a microwavable bowl. Microwave

at 50 percent power for 30second intervals, stirring after each interval, until chocolate is melted with a few chunks remaining, 1½ to 2 minutes total. (Residual heat will melt remaining chunks.) Transfer melted chocolate to a piping bag or a quart-size resealable plastic bag, and snip a small hole in one corner of bag.

2. Line a baking sheet with wax paper, and arrange 6 straws at least 2 in. apart on prepared baking sheet. Pipe chocolate in loose circles around tops of straws so that the center of each lollipop is located at the top of each stick. Keep drizzling chocolate in circles until each lollipop is about 3 in. in diameter and all of the chocolate has been used. (No need to be precise; these are meant to be fun and whimsical!)

Immediately decorate lollipops with sprinkles.

3. Refrigerate lollipops on baking sheet, uncovered, until chocolate is completely set, about 20 minutes. Carefully peel lollipops from wax paper.

Refrigerate in an airtight container for up to 1 week. If gifting, add to a cellophane bag and tie with ribbon.

HANDY CANDY SUPPLIES

APPROVED

With the right ingredients and equipment, your chocolate-making experience will be a whole lot smoother.

FOR SHIMMER Add some glitz to your chocolates with Luster Dust, an edible, powdered form of food coloring. It comes in a range of sparkly colors to �it any occasion. $6 for 2.5g; thesugarart.com

FOR COLOR Level up the regular rainbow sprinkles: Fancy Sprinkles’ selection of neon, pastel, and metallic colors—plus shapes like stars, hearts, and unicorn horns—will make the kids’ eyes pop. Starting at $9 for 4 oz.; fancysprinkles.com

F O R S Q UA R E S The Thin Traditional Chocolate Bar Mold creates three classic break-apart bars in one go, while still leaving room for kids to get imaginative with the toppings. $3; confectioneryhouse.com

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FOR HEARTS Pop out perfectly smooth candies using this �lexible Heart Silicone Candy Mold by Celebrate It, which forms 15 beautiful chocolates per batch. $5; michaels.com

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Vacations With Fairy-Tale Vibes In these six spellbinding spots, your kid’s most-loved storybooks and fantasy films come to life. Visit while they’re still young enough to get swept up in the magic.

by K AT H RY N R O M E Y N

Biltmore

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Biltmore

Asheville, North Carolina

OPPOSITE: THE BILTMORE COMPANY. THIS PAGE, CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: THE BILTMORE COMPANY; THE ROXBURY; ULSTER COUNTY TOURISM.

Feels like Beauty and the Beast An 8,000-acre French Renaissance château in the Blue Ridge Mountains, Biltmore has “Disney vibes for sure,” according to South Carolina mom Mollie Phillips, who visited with her 1-year-old, Bella. The 3-mile drive in from the main entrance is mysterious and forested, with wild deer and turkeys occasionally peering out of the evergreens. The historic property, a former home of the Vanderbilt family, warrants a full day since there’s so much to do: horse-drawn carriage rides, archery (for kids 8 and up), hiking, a playground with climbing logs, an animal farm with goats, lambs, and hens, and horseback riding.

The next day, swing by the Western North Carolina Farmers Market (open daily) to pick up picnic fare. The AVL Cake Lady, a Black-owned business, serves up yummy red velvet and strawberry crunch cake slices for dessert.

Take the goodies to Bullington Gardens, in Hendersonville, about 20 miles outside of town. It’s saturated with botanicals, including red roses.

On June 1, its fairy trail, dotted with tiny houses and doors on trees that kids can peek inside, reopens for the season.

Beat the heat in the airconditioning of the imaginationsparking Hands On! Children’s Museum. At The Play Stage exhibit, kids put on a costume, open the red curtain, and perform. Rest weary heads at The Omni Grove Park Inn, which looks like a medieval castle.

Starts at $259 per night.

The Roxbury at Stratton Falls

Catskill Mountains, New York

Feels like Cinderella Imagine a silken 18-foot ball gown floating as if suspended in the beaks of bluebirds over a fanciful bed, and a glamorous bathroom with gilded swan faucets fashioned inside an enormous pumpkin carriage, vines winding up the walls.

That very Cinderella fantasy is reality at The Roxbury at Stratton Falls, where each of the multibedroom suites and cottages have such whimsical themes as The Faerie Forest and Crown of the Pendragons. From its fantastical décor to the lush surroundings, complete with a massive waterfall, The Roxbury “inspires wonder and delight in a way that very few other properties do,” says We Are Not Like Them coauthor Jo Piazza, of Philadelphia,

who spends three months of the year with her family restoring a cabin in the Catskill Mountains. The cabin is filled with “every imaginable woodland creature. A direct quote from my 4-year-old: ‘Do fairies live here?’ ” Five minutes away, the Plattekill State Forest stretches for 1,700-plus

acres. And in nearby Saugerties, Opus 40, the late Hudson Valley artist Harvey Fite’s masterpiece of a 6.5-acre bluestone quarry– turned–sculpture park makes for a wondrous place for creative minds to wander. Rates at The Roxbury at Stratton Falls start at $95 per night.

Opus 40

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Ennis, Texas

Feels like The Legend of the Bluebonnet

Solvang, California

Solvang, California

Feels Like Thumbelina Meets The Little Mermaid with a sprinkle of Pinocchio This Danish village built in tribute to legendary author Hans Christian Andersen is storybook perfection. In Solvang, just outside of Santa Barbara, families can pass under a castle arch to a lush park named for the fairy-tale master,

say hello to a replica of the famed Little Mermaid sculpture atop her fountain, and visit one, two, or all five of the Danish bakeries to pick up sweet aebleskiver (round balls with raspberry jam and powdered sugar) to nibble in the town’s

Solvang Bakery

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flower-filled courtyards or take on a horse-drawn trolley. “We made our own scavenger hunt to find several windmills downtown,” says Portia Gorman, founder of the Inspired Chick Blog.

Channel Rapunzel by staying in the grand and vibrant Clock Tower Suite at the boutique hotel The Winston, built inside the village’s intact historic Old Mill Clock Tower, a replica of those found in Copenhagen. It features a clockface mural so you’ll never forget where you’re staying, and small kids can sleep in a pop-up tepee. With high vaulted ceilings, wooden beams, and kitschy décor, other guest rooms feel fantastical too.

Starts at $325 per night; the Clock Tower Suite is $645 per night.

Nothing guarantees a good mood like a giant field of wildflowers. Every April, Ennis—Texas’s official bluebonnet city—doles out happiness and channels the happy ending of this Comanche tale retold by the legendary children’s author Tomie dePaola.

In the story, a girl sacrifices her doll to end a drought, and the next day, the land is covered in bluebonnets.

Thirty-two miles south of Dallas, the Ennis Bluebonnet Trails are an annual attraction, featuring more than 40 miles of driving trails where the delicate blue blooms are prolific, as are horses, sheep, and donkeys. “My kids learned about bluebonnets in school, but they never imagined there would be so many,” says Dallas mom Kiran Syed. “They ran around in a field with the flowers nearly waist-high and would stop every now and then just to get a whiff of their light aroma.”

The Ennis Bluebonnet Trails Festival takes place the second or third weekend (April 8 to 10 this year), with souvenirs and treats emblazoned with bluebonnets plus live entertainment and arts exhibitions. Afterward, take a nature hike at Kachina Prairie or, on a festival weekend, a guided Wildflower Walk there. And catch a fairy-tale or superhero flick at the authentic Galaxy Drive-In Theatre, a charmingly retro destination.

Stay in an Airstream camper next to a twinkle-lighted porch at The Range Vintage Trailer Resort. The property has a private entrance to hiking trails and a pool. Rates start at $198 per night.

Ennis, Texas

Port Angeles, Washington

OPPOSITE, CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: DELRAY77/GETTY; JAIME HUDSON/TRAVEL TEXAS; COURTESY OF PORTIA GORMAN. THIS PAGE, FROM TOP: MARY SIVERSTEN; FERRANTRAITE/GETTY.

Feels like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Hauntingly beautiful and dripping in moss-draped flora, the old-growth forests of Olympic National Park feel as if they could be home to Doc, Dopey, and Grumpy. Part of the allure is the fact that the park has three distinct ecosystems—and so much to do that a family could spend weeks scouting it all out on winding scenic drives and on foot. “You can hike Hurricane Ridge and look out across snow-capped mountains, kayak in the crystal-clear waters of Lake Crescent, wander through a rain forest with incredible biodiversity, or spend hours exploring tide pools along Ruby Beach,” says Jeremy Puglisi, coauthor of Where Should We Camp Next? and dad of two.

Another kid-approved activity: hiking to the Sol Duc Falls (the Enchanted Valley in the park is known as the “valley of 10,000 waterfalls” for a reason). And don’t miss the Hurricane Ridge Trail for subalpine flowers such as lupine, Indian paintbrush, and avalanche lily.

Book the Lake Quinault Rainforest Tour led by interpretive guides to learn about the Quinault Indian Nation’s history, and take a kayak or pontoon boat tour on Lake Crescent for more captivating stories and legends. John’s Beachcombing Museum in Forks makes for a delightfully quirky stop.

Stay at the park’s Kalaloch Lodge, which is open year-round. Rates start at $173 per night.

Olympic National Park

Ice Castles

Midway, Utah

Feels Like Frozen Home to Ice Castles, a one-acre mecca of ice caves, frozen slides, tunnels, fountains, thrones, caverns, and slot canyons open from January to March, this small mountain town could be mistaken for the Austrian village in which Anna and Elsa grew up.

And the horse-drawn sleigh ride through the Wasatch Front valleys along an illuminated forest trail might conjure another magical locale for your crew: “My kids said it was like visiting the north pole,” says Lorena Billups, a Chicago mom of two.

Ice Castles is part of the larger Soldier Hollow Nordic Center, which has thrill-aminute snow tubing within walking distance in the longest lanes in Utah. And to warm up, head to Homestead Crater

for swimming around a geothermal hot spring within a massive limestone dome. Since it’s 65 feet deep, everyone receives a floatation device to wear. If you have kids or teens with more energy to burn, there’s Park City Mountain about 30 minutes away by car. High Meadow Park learning and family ski area is like stepping into a snow globe, with adventure trails featuring hidden wooden carvings of native wildlife for families to discover as they explore the terrain. Stay in a newly renovated room at Homestead to be in the center of all the action. Some have built-in bunk beds for kids. Two-bedroom condos are also available. Starts at $209 per night.

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Dinners That Score Big Tempting as it is during football season, we can’t survive on nachos alone.

So let’s hear it for these riffs on game-day favorites, each transformed into a solid family meal. Win-win (even if the team doesn’t). recipes by J OY H O WA R D / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

Turkey, Spinach, and Artichoke Panini For recipe, see page 98.

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Sausage and Peppers Pasta For recipe, see page 98.

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Instant Pot Loaded Potato Soup For recipe, see page 98.

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Pretzel-Baked Chicken Snack Board Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 35 minutes Makes 6 servings I N G R E DI E N T S For the chicken strips 4 cups mini pretzels (from one 12-oz. pkg.)

1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 large eggs 11/2 lbs. boneless, skinless chicken breasts, halved crosswise and cut into 1/2-in.-thick strips 1 tsp. seasoned salt 1/2 tsp. black pepper For the honey-mustard dip 3 Tbs. mayonnaise 3 Tbs. spicy brown mustard 11/2 Tbs. honey 1/8 tsp. black pepper For the platter 1/4 cup bottled barbecue sauce 1/4 cup bottled ranch dressing 4 large celery stalks, halved lengthwise and cut into 3-to-4-in. sticks 2 large carrots, halved or quartered lengthwise and cut into 3-to-4-in. sticks 1 Persian cucumber, cut into 4-in. sticks MAKE IT

1. Prepare the chicken strips: Preheat oven to 400°F. Line a large, rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper. Place pretzels in a large freezer bag. Coarsely crush pretzels in bag using a rolling pin. (Keep in bag.) Place flour in a shallow dish. Whisk together eggs in a separate bowl.

2. Sprinkle chicken with seasoned salt and pepper. Working with 1 strip at a time, add to flour, and toss to coat. Shake off excess, then dredge in eggs, letting excess drip off. Place in bag of pretzels, and shake to coat. Place on prepared baking sheet.

3. Bake until opaque in center and an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest portion of meat registers 165°F, about 15 minutes.

4. While chicken bakes, prepare the dip: Whisk together mayonnaise, mustard, honey, and pepper in a small bowl.

5. Assemble the platter: Place honey-mustard dip, barbecue sauce, and ranch dressing in individual ramekins, and arrange on a platter along with celery, carrot, and cucumber sticks.

Add hot chicken, and serve immediately.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

383 calories; 30g protein; 14g fat (2g sat. fat); 32g carbs; 2g fiber; 11g sugar; 2mg iron; 41mg calcium; 866mg sodium

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7-Layer Grain Bowl Active Time 40 minutes Total Time 40 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S For the dressing 11/4 cups cilantro leaves 1/2 cup olive oil 1/4 cup fresh lime juice 2 Tbs. plain whole-milk Greek yogurt 2 tsp. honey 1 tsp. kosher salt 1/2 tsp. minced garlic 1/2 tsp. black pepper For the beans 2 tsp. olive oil 1/2 cup chopped onion 1/4 cup finely chopped green bell pepper 1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1/2 tsp. ancho chile powder 1/2 tsp. dried oregano 1/4 tsp. ground cumin 1 15-oz. can pinto beans, drained and rinsed 1/4 cup chicken broth For the bowls 3 cups cooked white quinoa (from 1 cup raw), warmed 1/2 cup chopped plum tomatoes 1 avocado, chopped 11/2 cups shredded romaine lettuce 1/4 cup sliced black olives (from one 21/4-oz. can) 1/3 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1. Prepare the dressing: Combine cilantro, olive oil, lime juice, yogurt, honey, salt, garlic, and pepper in a blender, and blend until smooth. Transfer to a bowl, cover, and refrigerate 15 minutes.

2. Prepare the beans: Heat oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add onion and bell pepper, and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, about 3 minutes. Stir in salt, chile powder, oregano, cumin, beans, and broth. Reduce heat to medium-low, and cook, stirring occasionally, until liquid has reduced slightly, about 5 minutes.

3. Assemble the bowls: Divide quinoa evenly among four bowls.

Top each with beans, tomatoes, avocado, lettuce, olives, cheese and dressing.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

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593 calories; 18g protein; 32g fat (5g sat. fat); 63g carbs; 9g fiber; 5g sugar; 4mg iron; 190mg calcium; 894mg sodium 2022

FOOD STYLING BY MARGARET MONROE DICKEY. PROP STYLING BY CLAIRE SPOLLEN.

MAKE IT

I wish to go bobsledding Tiago, 8 brain tumor

k r a p S y o J CRE

E P O H E T A

Every child deserves a childhood – but children with critical illnesses are often isolated and vulnerable.

A child’s joy is a light of hope for all of us. This holiday season, spark joy with a wish – and create hope for brighter days ahead.

Donate at wish.org

L I F E Ñ Fo o d

NUTRITION PER SERVING

Sausage and Peppers Pasta

389 calories; 17g protein; 15g fat (7g sat. fat); 48g carbs; 4g fiber; 6g sugar; 2mg iron; 186mg calcium; 669mg sodium

Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 30 minutes Makes 6 servings

F R O M PAG E 9 2

I N G R E DI E N T S

Turkey, Spinach, and Artichoke Panini

1 Tbs. olive oil 1 lb. sweet Italian sausage 12 oz. fusilli pasta

Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 45 minutes Makes 4 servings

1 onion, sliced (about 2 cups) 1 red bell pepper, sliced (about 1 cup)

I N G R E DI E N T S 1 12-oz. soft ciabatta loaf

1 yellow bell pepper, sliced (about 1 cup) 2 Tbs. thinly sliced garlic (from 3 cloves)

2 tsp. olive oil

2 Tbs. red wine vinegar

1 14-oz. can marinated whole artichoke hearts, well drained and coarsely chopped

1 5-oz. pkg. fresh baby spinach

2 tsp. smoked paprika 1 tsp. dried oregano

2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced (about 2 tsp.)

1/2 tsp. kosher salt 1/4 tsp. black pepper

1/4 tsp. grated lemon zest (from 1 lemon)

1 14-oz. can whole peeled plum tomatoes (do not drain)

1/8 tsp. black pepper

1/4 cup heavy whipping cream

2 Tbs. grated Parmesan cheese

Grated Parmesan cheese (optional)

6 oz. thinly sliced lower-sodium deli turkey

MAKE IT

1. Heat oil in a large, highsided skillet over medium-high heat. Add sausage, and cook, turning often, until browned and cooked through, about 12 minutes. Transfer sausage to a plate; let cool about 5 minutes.

Slice into 1/3-in.-thick rounds.

Do not wipe skillet clean.

2. Cook pasta according to package directions; drain and set aside in a large heatproof bowl.

3. Meanwhile, add onion, bell peppers, and garlic to skillet.

Cook, stirring occasionally, over medium-high heat until peppers are soft and browned, about 10 minutes. Add vinegar, paprika, oregano, salt, and black pepper, and cook, scraping with a wooden spoon to loosen browned bits from skillet, about 1 minute. Add tomatoes along with their juices, crushing into small pieces. Stir in sausage; let mixture come to a simmer.

Reduce heat to low, and cook, stirring, until slightly thickened, 2 minutes.

4. Stir in cream; remove from heat. Add sauce to pasta in bowl; toss to coat and warm through.

Top with Parmesan, if using.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

411 calories; 22g protein; 13g fat (5g sat. fat); 52g carbs; 4g fiber; 6g sugar; 4mg iron; 62mg calcium; 741mg sodium

PA R E N T S

8 thin slices mozzarella cheese Nonstick cooking spray Potato chips, for serving (optional) F R O M PAG E 9 4

Instant Pot Loaded Potato Soup Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 45 minutes Makes 6 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 1 Tbs. unsalted butter 1 Tbs. olive oil 3 small shallots, chopped (about 3/4 cup) 2 small celery stalks, chopped (about 1/2 cup) 6 cups lower-sodium chicken broth 3 lbs. (about 3 large) russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 3/4-in. pieces (about 8 cups) 1 tsp. kosher salt 1/4 tsp. black pepper 1 fresh or dried bay leaf 1 cup plain whole-milk Greek yogurt 5 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled 2 Tbs. chopped chives 3 oz. cheddar, shredded (about 3/4 cup) MAKE IT

1. Select Sauté setting on a pressure multicooker (such as Instant Pot). Set to high pressure, and allow to preheat.

Stir in butter and oil, and cook

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until bubbly, 20 seconds. Add shallots and celery; cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, 3 minutes. Stir in broth, potatoes, salt, pepper, and bay leaf. Press “Cancel.”

2. Cover cooker with lid, and lock in place. Turn steam release handle to Sealing. Select Manual/ Pressure Cook setting. Select high pressure for 10 minutes.

3. When cooking has finished, let pressure release naturally for 10 minutes. Carefully turn steam release handle to Venting, and let steam escape (valve will drop; this will take 1 more minute.)

Remove lid from cooker.

4. Remove bay leaf. Use a wooden spoon to break some potatoes into smaller pieces. Transfer half of soup to a blender. Secure lid on blender, and remove center piece to allow steam to escape. Place a folded clean towel over opening and hold in place (use caution with hot liquids). Blend until smooth.

Stir back into remaining soup in cooker. (For a creamier soup, blend remaining soup.) Whisk in yogurt. Serve in bowls topped with bacon, chives, and cheddar.

MAKE IT

1. Preheat a waffle iron to medium. Cut ciabatta crosswise into four 3-in. pieces, and press down to flatten. Split each piece open horizontally. Set aside.

2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add spinach, and cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to wilt, 30 seconds. Add artichokes, garlic, lemon zest, and pepper.

Cook, stirring, until spinach is fully wilted, 2 minutes.

Transfer to a small bowl, and stir in Parmesan.

3. Arrange turkey on each bottom half of ciabatta.

Top each with 1/2 cup spinach mixture and 2 mozzarella slices. Close sandwiches.

4. Coat sandwiches with cooking spray. Cook on waffle iron in batches, gently pressing down lid, until bread is toasty and cheese is melted, about 5 minutes. Serve with chips, if using.

NUTRITION PER SERVING

410 calories; 28g protein; 14g fat (6g sat. fat); 43g carbs; 3g fiber; 1g sugar; 4mg iron; 354mg calcium; 1,066mg sodium

®

Certain trademarks used under license from the Procter & Gamble Company or its affiliates.

®

Ages + Stages ADVICE AS YOUR CHILD GROWS

Be strategic.

P R E G N A N CY

HOW TO

Get Ready for Another

by E M I LY E LV E R U

Expect physical changes sooner.

You may have heard mom friends say their belly “popped” quicker in their second pregnancy than it did in their first, and they’re right. Think of your uterus as a balloon: The first time you try to blow it up, it takes a bit longer for the latex to give. But if you let out the air and try to blow it up again, it expands much more quickly.

Because your abdominal muscles, supporting ligaments, and surrounding tissue and fascia have already stretched and relaxed during your first pregnancy, your uterus will be faster to grow this time. You might also notice fetal movement up to a month sooner than last time and experience more uterine cramping. Muscle laxity can also cause joint or back pain, but you can try to relieve it by wearing a maternity belt, placing a heating pad on the achy area, stretching, practicing yoga, or getting a prenatal massage.

If none of those options work, consult your doctor. Pain that persists should be evaluated. But here’s a big plus that you’ll be happy to hear: Many moms feel less nauseated during a second or third pregnancy.

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While you likely enjoyed the newness when your first child was born, having to take care of them while you’re pregnant may make you feel more exhausted and overwhelmed. Remember to ask for help. Call on trusted family and friends to build your village of support and watch your child when you need a break to run errands or just take a nap. Pick up healthy prepackaged snacks that are easy to grab on the go, like individual yogurts, string-cheese sticks, and precut fruits and veggies.

Try to prep for breakfast after your child goes to sleep to make the next morning easier; overnight oats are a good pick. Then, before your child wakes up, take those extra minutes just for you—to stretch, meditate, have some tea, or do a quick workout.

Prep for another birth.

Each pregnancy and delivery experience will be different, but your having been through it before should help reduce your anxiety. Most vaginal second labors are shorter, both in the dilation stage and when pushing, and about three quarters of people who had a cesarean before will have a C-section again. (Talk to your doctor if you would like to try for a vaginal birth.) If you delivered early the first time, you’ll likely go early again; if you were late, you’ll likely be late again—but still a few days earlier than before.

Enjoy one-on-one time.

It’s perfectly normal to feel you won’t be able to give your older kid enough attention once your new baby arrives. And they may be feeling the same way. Reassure your firstborn of how important they are to you by including them in your plans. Let them help you pick out a name, weigh in on baby items, and draw a special picture that you frame for the nursery.

If one of their favorite things to do is snuggle with you while watching a movie, help you prepare an easy meal in the kitchen, or engage in silly dances to their favorite songs, you should continue doing so. Also, be sure to switch off with your partner so you can get some much-needed rest. When your child knows you still have time for them, it will make the transition of a new baby all the more enjoyable.

Sources: Ricky Friedman, M.D., an ob-gyn at The Mount Sinai Hospital, in New York City; Peace Nwegbo-Banks, M.D., an ob-gyn and co-owner of Serenity Women’s Health & Med Spa, in Pearland, Texas.

0 –12 MONTHS

HOW TO

Keep Them Happy in Their Stroller

by J E N N A W I R T H

Provide ample entertainment.

Reassure your firstborn of how important they are to you by including them in your plans.

Enjoyment while your baby is in their buggy can be provided with a variety of multisensory toys that clip onto the tray or arches. (Keep extras in the stowaway compartment so you can rotate them in.)

If your baby prefers to be held or dislikes the stroller, try enticing them with a pacifier, stuffed animal, or teether.

Help them feel comfy.

Ensure a better, more physically comfortable fit for your baby with help

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from stroller accessories such as a carseat adapter, cushioned body supports, and shoulder-strap covers. And be mindful of the weather: Dress your baby similarly to how you would dress yourself, with one additional layer. On cold or rainy days, use a blanket over the straps, a bunting bag or footmuffs, and a weather shield. When putting a thick jacket on your baby, be sure to readjust the stroller’s straps so they’re not too tight. In warmer weather, you can use a portable fan to prevent your baby from overheating.

kiddo stops or calms down, return your attention with lots of hugs and lovin’.

This helps reinforce that not acting out will get the results they desire.

Prioritize the behavior that is proper and most important to your family, such as no hitting and biting.

Keep your baby engaged.

This is a nice time to sing and talk to your baby, which can also help soothe them. (Research shows that parents’ voices have a powerful effect in calming infants.) Another way to offer emotional comfort: Transition your baby to face you, if your stroller allows that option.

And as you go for your walk, point things out and ask them questions like, “Do you see the tree?” Even though your baby can’t speak yet, listening to others stimulates their language development.

Changing the location of your strolls often will also help keep your baby content, letting them experience new sights, smells, and sounds.

Sources: Karen Aronian, Ed.D., parenting and education expert and principal of Aronian Education Design; Parents advisor Ari Brown, M.D., founder of 411 Pediatrics and author of Expecting 411, Baby 411, and Toddler 411; Parents advisor Kimberly Montez, M.D., M.P.H., assistant professor of pediatrics at Wake Forest School of Medicine, in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

1 –2 Y E A R S

HOW TO

Be Reasonable With Rules

by TA M E K I A R E E C E

Resist giving too many.

Now is a good time to get your child started with following basic rules, but don’t go overboard. A toddler’s job is to be curious and explore everything. And developmentally, they can’t comprehend

a long list of “you can do this; you can’t do that.” It may seem as if they’re testing the limits when they refuse to do something, but they probably can’t remember what you’ve told them.

Prioritize the behavior that is proper and most important to your family, such as no hitting and biting. Your child will be able to better understand other rules once they’re a little older.

Redirect and praise.

Paying attention to desired behaviors is much more effective than giving consequences for undesired ones. If your toddler does something that’s off-limits, such as trying to leap from the sofa, use a firm but calm tone (“No jumping off the couch”). Sit them down with something that is okay for them to do, like playing with a toy truck. Or head out to the backyard so they’re able to run, play, and work off some energy.

Then make a big deal about that activity: “You made the truck go fast!” or “Yay, you caught the ball!”

Don’t let it bother you.

Your toddler craves your attention, even if it’s negative. Overlooking minor misbehaviors (those that aren’t dangerous to your child or others) is a good way to actually stop your kid from doing them. So if they kick your seat while you’re driving, whine, or throw their crayons on the floor, refrain from engaging with the bad behavior. This teaches them that their actions won’t succeed in getting them what they want, and it makes those behaviors less appealing. Remember, what they crave is for you to notice them, so once your

Intervene to keep everyone safe.

Other behaviors, like hitting and kicking, warrant a stronger consequence.

You’ve got to step in if your child becomes physically aggressive. But try not to yell at your toddler, and don’t spank or use other physical punishment.

First, remind them of the rule and the consequence if it isn’t followed: “No throwing. If you throw the blocks at your sister, she can get hurt. That’s why we have to put the blocks away.” Then follow through immediately.

Be consistent.

Once you’ve set a limit and decided to use a particular consequence, whether that’s ignoring behavior you want to eliminate or putting a favorite toy in a time-out, stick with it. Inconsistency is confusing for toddlers. If one day you say, “No chasing the dog,” and stop your child from playing with Boomer for a short while, try your best to do the same every time your kid starts running after the pup. Sure, that means you’ll be doing it quite often, but with your patience and consistency, your toddler will eventually get it.

Sources: Chelsea Weyand, Psy.D., a pediatric psychologist at Akron Children’s Hospital, in Ohio; Jason Wichman, M.D., a pediatrician at Pediatric Care Specialists, in Overland Park, Kansas.

3–4 YEARS

HOW TO

Know If Your Child Needs Glasses

by J E N N A W I R T H

Understand the terminology.

Like adults, children may need glasses to see clearly because they have what doctors call refractive errors, which include nearsightedness (myopia), farsightedness (hyperopia), or

A G E S + S TA G E S

See a professional.

Try not to worry if your child needs glasses; they may adapt more easily than you think.

astigmatism, a condition in which the cornea is shaped more like a football than a dome. Children may also require glasses to straighten their eyes if they are misaligned (strabismus) or to alleviate intermittent double vision (diplopia). When young children have significant refractive errors and don’t wear glasses, they are likely to have permanent unclear vision (amblyopia) that can no longer be corrected by lenses by age 9. This is because their brain has learned to process blurred images.

Your pediatrician should be checking your child’s vision at every well visit.

But if your child is displaying eyesight problems that are concerning to you and they’re between their annual physicals, schedule an eye exam right away with a pediatric optometrist or a pediatric ophthalmologist. They’ll be able to evaluate your child and identify any vision problems your little one has. Try not to worry if your child needs glasses; they may adapt more easily than you think. There are lots of kid-friendly glasses for children with fun colors or favorite cartoon characters. Getting to pick out their own new frames may help kids enjoy wearing glasses more, and you can also feel comfortable knowing that your child is protected and has a better chance of success once they start school.

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Adapt your teaching methods.

HOW TO

Keep your child’s hand dominance in mind when you’re going over skills such as getting dressed, writing their name, or tying their shoes. For example, left-handed children usually lead with their left when tying sneakers, so rather than saying, “Copy what I do,” you might say, “I make a loop with my right hand first, but you can use your left.” Avoid directions that specifically reference “left” or “right” laces. You might try the bunny-ears method instead, or look up shoe-tying songs and games for lefties online.

Help Your Lefty

Get them the “right” school gear.

Sources: William Madigan, M.D., division chief of ophthalmology at Children’s National Hospital, in Fairfax, Virginia; Angeline Nguyen, M.D., pediatric ophthalmologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles; Ken Nischal, M.D., chief of the division of pediatric ophthalmology, at UPMC Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.

Look for typical signs.

Your toddler won’t necessarily be able to tell you they have a vision problem, because they might not realize they have one themselves. Whatever they see seems normal to them. Luckily, there are some red flags to look out for.

Your child might sit close to the TV, hold handheld devices very near to their face, or squint when looking at an object in the distance—especially if they’re nearsighted. Although this makes images clearer for the moment, continually doing so can give your preschooler tension headaches.

Headaches can also be caused by looking very closely at picture books or coloring books—anything that is held too near to the eyes, screens or otherwise. So if your child frequently complains that their head hurts and there are no other symptoms, they could be nearsighted. You also might notice that your child is tilting their head a lot, in order to compensate for an astigmatism or to help keep both eyes aligned.

mouses are almost always set up on the right side of a computer. While your child might get used to this arrangement, it likely won’t feel natural.

Help them navigate their work space a bit easier by switching the mouse settings on their device. Set up their desk or craft table with supplies easily accessible on the left side and ample room for their left arm to color, cut, or draw without bumping into anything. At mealtime, seat them with their left side at the end of the table (or at least not next to a right-handed person or a wall).

In the bathroom, set a basket of toilet paper on their left side (if your roll is mounted on the right) and ask them which side of the sink they’d prefer to keep the soap on so it’s easiest to grab.

5–6 YEARS

by E M I LY E LV E R U

Know what your kid’s facing.

We live in a right-handed world—only about 10 percent of people are lefthanded—and if you’re a righty yourself, you might not understand exactly what left-handers need to do to adapt in their daily lives. While your kid might think they’re clumsy, they may just be dealing with objects that have a subtle difference in their construction favoring right-handedness.

Rejigger their spaces.

Small, creative swaps can improve some of the frustrations your kid might experience. For example, computer

Left-handed kids are great at adapting and finding new strategies to get through tasks, but simple things like buying different school supplies can make them feel more comfortable and confident in the classroom. Opt for left-handed scissors, nonspiral-bound notebooks (the metal can be painful for a child to rest their arm on), and tripod pencil grips (these are especially useful for kids just learning to write). A clipboard can also help adapt a desk or keep a single sheet of paper in its place. Then be sure to tell your child’s teacher, coaches, babysitters, and other helpers that they’re left-handed, and encourage your child to advocate for their lefty needs by coming up with go-to phrases like, “I need left-handed scissors, please” or “Can I sit at the

end of the table at lunch?” Practicing will allow them to feel confident when these scenarios arise.

Sources: Jessica Pierce, a second-grade teacher in New Castle, Delaware; Sarah Selznick, an occupational therapist and owner of Sensory Explorers, LLC, in Harrisonburg, Virginia.

7– 9 Y E A R S

HOW TO

Foster Their Emotional Growth

by E M I LY E LV E R U

Understand their development.

At this age, kids are really starting to grow into themselves and understand how they’re different from others. Just a few years ago, your preschooler may have exclaimed, “I’m the best soccer player in the world!” or “I’m so good at riding my bike!” But now they’re able to judge how their skills stack up next to their peers’, which may make them realize that they’re not the best at something. Your child might also want more autonomy over how they dress or style their hair, what music or television shows they watch, who they play with, and which activities they’re involved in.

Notice social circle changes.

Just as your kid is beginning to compare themselves with others when it comes to sports and school, they can also compare themselves socially. Insecurity is kicking in, and they want to feel

If it’s safe, trust them to do things like going on a bike ride to a nearby ice-cream shop with a pal.

accepted and part of a group. You may notice your kid forming closer relationships with other kids of the same sex and announce that they have a “best” friend. They might move away from friendships that were simply convenient (say, the kid that lives next door) or those relationships that were mostly nurtured by parents (like your best friend’s child or their cousin) and prefer to forge connections with kids who they see as similar to themselves.

But they’ll still need and seek your reassurance, especially when they feel different or rejected.

Support their interests.

You might not understand the rules of hockey or why your kid is so fascinated with rocks, but go with it. This is something that they enjoy. Remember that kids are some of the best detectives when it comes to noticing hollow praise. When you offer general approval about their traits, such as, “You’re a great player,” your child may be less likely to take risks because they don’t want to prove you wrong. Instead, comment on the specific qualities that will allow them to flourish, like, “You are such a supportive teammate.

I love that you give everyone high fives, even when you don’t win.”

Whatever you do, don’t cast judgment on their interests. Chances are, they won’t stick with this activity or hobby for life, but each one helps them move closer to figuring out who they are and what they like.

Try not to pressure them.

Even if your little dancer adores slipping on their ballet shoes, just like you did, or loves wearing their baseball cap wherever they go, the same as you do, let them develop their own skills and proficiency. Share your enthusiasm and let it help strengthen your bond, but don’t pressure your kid into becoming a mini you. They may be emulating some of what you like because they simply think it’s kinda cool—not necessarily because they have a strong affinity for ballet or baseball, specifically. If they lose interest or become miserable, respect their change of heart and help them figure out what they’d like to do

instead. You may actually learn a lot about your child by validating their choices. And they will appreciate the opportunity to choose, even if they don’t tell you so.

Loosen the reins.

When kids learn to do things for themselves, it not only builds their practical skills but also helps them gain confidence in their own abilities. Let your kid pick out their outfits, make simple meals or snacks for themselves, or participate in chores around the house (such as making their bed, vacuuming, or washing the dishes).

If it’s safe, trust them to do things like going on a bike ride to a nearby icecream shop with a pal. Additionally, if your child is having a disagreement with a sibling or a friend, encourage them to solve the problem on their own.

View these steps toward independence as a good thing—not like you’re losing your little kid, but that you’ve given them enough of a sense of security that they’ll feel good about their choices and their actions. And, of course, you can still do things as a family, like playing games, watching movies, or going to events. Just remember to include your child in helping to make some of these decisions too.

Sources: Silvia Pereira-Smith, M.D., a Parents advisor and assistant professor of pediatrics and developmental-behavioral pediatrician at Medical University of South Carolina; David C. Rettew, M.D., associate professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the University of Vermont Larner College of Medicine in Burlington and author of Parenting Made Complicated: What Science Really Knows About the Greatest Debates of Early Childhood; Katherine Trier, M.D., a developmental-behavioral and general pediatrician in Cohasset, Massachusetts.

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You know who it is.”

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Easton, 3

When I asked my son if he wanted to help me vacuum seal some food, he said, “Yes, but why can’t it be a vacuum walrus?”

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We were driving on icy streets, and I told my daughter that the roads were “yucky.”

She asked, “Did you taste them?”

Karla Clements Seven Hills, OH

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