YO U Ñ M e nt a l H e a lt h
Increasingly, the systemic failures that hurt working moms are coming to light.
doctor. What I feared was depression was burnout, plus prediabetes, high cholesterol, and low vitamin D. Years of putting my health last—not exercising, making a meal out of my kids’ Halloween candy—was catching up. Now I’m happy if I run a few times a week. That’s what Dr. Lakshmin recommends too. “Research on habit formation shows that you have to be incentivized to stick with the plan, so you need to make success really, really easy,” she says. “That may look like a walk once a week.”
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Agitating for Change When the world shut down in 2020, law firm partner Sofia Beaumont (not her real name) spent more time cooking, exercising, and being with her kids. “The only negative in my life was my marriage. The disparity between our contributions to all aspects of our life was glaring. I told him what I needed, and it was clear he either couldn’t or wouldn’t meet those needs. He moved out, and we’re in the process of getting divorced,” she says. “For the first time in a decade, I’m taking care of my needs instead of prioritizing his.” Dr. Ziegler and Dr. Lakshmin say they’re inspired by what they hear from patients, who, like Sofia, are increasingly connecting their mental well-being with the social structures we live in. “They’re asking hard questions about power, gender roles, and inequity that they weren’t asking five years ago, and to me, that speaks to change,” Dr. Lakshmin says. Witness the growing number of working moms asking for paid family leave, paid sick leave, and child-care subsidies, says Eve Rodsky, the author of Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World and a member of Chamber of Mothers, a new advocacy group. “The antidote to burnout,” she says, “is living in a country that gives parents a safety net so they’re not drowning.” Working moms have never had a life preserver tossed their way, even when they’ve needed it most, and, yes, they’re angry about it. They’ve paid the price with their minds and bodies. But anger, Dr. Lakshmin says, is catalyzing politically and personally. “These changes can be very intimate,” she says. “It can be you standing up to your mother-in-law and saying, ‘I’m not going to make Thanksgiving dinner this year.’ Anger is powerful in our relationships and our own families—and that is where change happens.”
IF IT TAKES A VILLAGE … WHERE IS IT? Experts cite these crucial gaps when it comes to support. E M PLOYE RS : “I hear from thousands of mothers in our community about how difficult it is to combine a 40-hour workweek with 40-plus hours of housework and child care. It’s past time employers stepped up support for parents by providing backup child care, child-care subsidies, paid family leave, and truly flexible work options. On top of that, companies must make sure that working moms are being promoted through the ranks—and that we aren’t being penalized for taking advantage of these much-needed policies.” —Blessing Adesiyan, founder and CEO of Mother Honestly
E LECTE D LE AD E RS : “No amount of spreadsheets, meal prep, or flexibility will ever make up for our country’s lack of investment in families. Systemic shortcomings, like the skyrocketing cost of child care and barriers to paid leave, are pushing women—and our economy—to the breaking point. Elected officials need to stop forcing women to pick up the slack for their legislative inaction and start prioritizing real solutions.” —U.S. Representative Katie Porter of California
PARTN E RS : “Seventy percent of U.S. moms report working full-time jobs while carrying the lioness’s share of parenting and housework. Dads, it’s a simple formula to lighten the load for moms: 1) Make sure she gets the same amount of leisure and work time that you do; 2) Do what you’ve promised to do, without reminders, at a minimum standard of care that you and your partner agree on; 3) Communicate regularly by scheduling check-ins, and avoid providing feedback in the moment when everyone is stressed.” —Eve Rodsky, author and advocate
STYLING BY DOMINIQUE BAYNES.
needed a change after sobbing in her bathrobe on a video call with her boss. She switched to a less-stressful role and reprioritized the mind-healthy habits she developed while dealing with postpartum depression for the past six years. Of course, working moms often put physical exercise, good nutrition, and adequate sleep on the back burner. (Several experts I spoke to worry about the long-term impact of the sleep debt moms have accrued in the pandemic.) After the night I broke down, I called my
