Parents - March 2022

B I R T H DAY J OY ! PA R T I E S A N YO N E C A N P U LL O F F

TH E B E ST H I G H CHAI R , STRO LLE R S , AND MORE

MARCH 2022 PARENTS.COM

B E YO N D B U R N O U T: W H AT ’ S N E X T FOR WORKING MOMS

CHANGE UP DINNER WITH 1 2 E A SY S I D E S

R AI S I N G T H E F UTU R E

I N E V E RY I S S U E

CONTENTS

MARCH .

4 Editor’s Note

56

7 Playbook 40 Animal House!

104 Giggles

Grammy-winning artist Meghan Trainor and actor Daryl Sabara have their tag teaming down with baby Riley.

KIDS

13 / Registry Must-Haves Our annual Best for Baby Awards!

The top items that 300 families and our editors swear by.

20 / The New Good Behavior and How to Nurture It Real-life advice—and exactly what to say to kids—about cooperation, rudeness, screen-time limits, and self-advocacy, according to experts on our advisory board

30 / Health News Signs that picky eating is more than a phase, sore-throat treatments, and a simple meditation worth trying 32 / Bread Winners Help the lunch-box sandwich get its

groove back for the last stretch of school.

38 / The Book Nook Late-night comedian Seth Meyers announces his new picture book, plus this month’s Raising the Future Book Club pick.

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R AI S I N G T H E F UTU R E

CONTENTS

MARCH .

104

YO U

78

LIFE

43 / The Best Basics for Moms and Dads Family-friendly winners of this year’s Beauty Awards: Essentials 50 / After the Breaking Point As the pandemic continues to accentuate their lack of support, working moms are laser focused on what they need to feel okay.

56 / Sharing Her Truth Having a baby has given singer Meghan Trainor clarity about her personal and professional goals.

62 / Building a Bridge to My Boy A father writes about the loss of a son and his lasting wish for connection.

65 / Pick a Party!

Choose a theme, a cake, and props with this low-stress birthday planning guide.

74 / Pet Chores for Kids Learn when they can take the lead (or the leash) with their furry sibling.

78 / Hot Chocolate and Beyond Frothy, cozy drinks for kids and parents that rival any barista’s creation 82 / Easy Bathroom Upgrades Even with piles of tub toys and counters filled with toiletries, this room can be just as stylish as the rest of your home.

13

86 / California, Here You Come!

Travel itineraries for L.A., San Diego, and Napa Valley 90 / The Bright Sides A dozen veggie dishes to partner with dinner

A G E S + S TA G E S

97 / Pregnancy Eat well while expecting.

We captured so many photos of baby Riley and mom Meghan Trainor that we couldn’t pick just one! A portion of Parents subscribers will receive the blue cover and the others the pink.

Rest assured, the content inside is identical for both.

ON THE COVER Meghan Trainor with her son, Riley, photographed at 8 months.

Photograph by Peggy Sirota.

Wardrobe styling by Brit + Kara Elkin. Hairstyling by Dimitris Giannetos. Makeup by Alison Christian. Manicure by Kim Truong. Set styling by JC Molina.

Child wrangling by Billy Rogers.

Left, on Meghan: Sweater, J.Crew.

Pants, H&M. Right, on Meghan: Dress, Christine Alcalay.

97 / 0–12 Months Stimulate their memory.

98 / 1–2 Years Help them stay calm during a flight.

100 / 3–4 Years Get a handle on sugar.

102 / 5–6 Years Decipher their feelings.

102 / 7–9 Years Encourage them to bounce back from mistakes.

© Copyright Meredith Operations Corporation 2022. All rights reserved. Parents is a registered trademark of Meredith Operations Corporation, registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

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FEEL WHAT’S REAL Real Nourished Hair. Real Avocado Certified by the Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew. © 2022 The Procter & Gamble Company

EDITOR’S NOTE

I T S TA R T E D

with a coveted mini box of Froot Loops.

My son Joey was about to turn 3 years old, and I wanted him to experience birthday magic from the second he opened his eyes. (My own mom had always awoken me by singing “Happy Birthday,” and to this day, I’m crestfallen if my husband dares greet me with a “Hi.”) Accomplishing my goal was a cinch: I wrote out a simple card, propped it in front of the rainbow cereal, and flanked the bowl with presents. The next morning, Joey woke up, toddled over to the table, saw his prized breakfast and new dinosaurs, and jumped up and down with glee. In that instant, I got hooked on delivering birthday delight, and my kid became accustomed to receiving it.

We are big fans of the worn-thin, original Berenstain Bears books in our house. The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Birthday is a favorite, thanks to the appealing images of cake and a merry-go-round. But the book is also a cautionary tale about a well-intentioned parent who goes too far with party planning. The highs are high, but the lows are low. Like Papa Bear’s, my attempts at big fun have been known to When my older son turned 4, I went for the full variety-pack experience.

end with a child sobbing at bedtime because they’ve soared past the threshold of happiness and landed in the valley of letdown. I am a master at birthday magic, but I struggle with when to stop.

(PSA: If you get a piñata one year, you can never go back to not having a piñata—I learned this the hard way.)

When we at Parents began planning this issue, we hoped birthday parties would be back in full force. Instead, I write to you in the midst of a global Omicron surge. But there’s a birthday silver lining to be found in the last two years: Every family has expanded its notion of what constitutes a party. It can be in-person or not, family-only, or a few close friends. The pressure to be Pinterestperfect has been canceled, and the only must is that we indulge the birthday kid. So if you’re ready for something that isn’t a Zoom magic show

but that also isn’t 30 kids at an indoor climbing gym, don’t do as I do (unless you like a

S TA R T A G I V I N G B A C K B I R T H D AY TRADITION

The countdown is on for my younger son Gabriel’s 5th birthday, and we already have one tradition on the agenda: supporting a charity of his choosing.

My little guy is pet obsessed and says he wants to “save all the doggies,” so we’re thrilled to support the fight against pet cancer.

Petco Love, Animal Cancer Foundation, and Morris Animal Foundation help fund cancer research and deliver care to cats and dogs—and all three organizations receive support from Blue Buffalo, a Parents partner.

For more information, visit their websites or bluebuffalo.com.

sugar-fueled 9 P.M. meltdown).

Instead, follow the sage advice in “Pick a Party!,” on page 65. Dreamed up by Parents’ food and lifestyle director, Yolanda Wikiel, these three whimsical bashes are the Goldilocks of kid shindigs, special enough to make a kid feel amazing but not so over-the-top that one of you ends up in a puddle of tears. Even better, they can work whether it’s just the two of you or all your kid’s best pals.

One lesson I’ve learned that I will share here: Your child’s birthday is a chance to freeze them in time, from their dinosaur craze at age 3 to a martial arts interest at 7.

So much of childhood passes by in a blur, but when we plan a special day, the memory of our labor (and our child basking in it) stays with us. The pandemic has stolen many happy moments, but it doesn’t have to put a damper on this one. (And if you’re too burned-out to plan a shark party or a woodland fairy fete, I’ve got two words for you: Froot Loops.)

Visit Me on Instagram

Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to catch my feed.

We’re here to help. Email JuliaE@parents.com to tell me about the topics you’d like to see in future issues of Parents.

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2022

JULIA: PETER ARDITO. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY LINDSEY WILLIAMS. JULIA’S SON: COURTESY OF JULIA EDELSTEIN.

Just Enough Birthday Fun

PLAYBOOK Your guide to making the days easier and the journey sweeter

Show the world your love of carbs, and help food organizations too.

LET THERE BE DELIGHT!

PROP STYLING BY KATJA GREEFF.

All the Pastabilities If you’ve ever eyed your kid’s quirky charm necklace with a sense of longing, this grown-up version could be up your alley. The Al Dente Pasta collection from Delicacies celebrates fan-favorite noodles—including ravioli, rigatoni, farfalle, and

cellentani—in the form of sterling silver and gold-plated necklaces (shown), earrings, and bracelets, all of which can be served up for various accessorizing and gifting needs. (An accompanying Dumpling collection lets gyoza, pierogies, and

photograph by T E D + C H E L S E A C AVA N A U G H

empanadas shine.)

The proverbial Parmesan on top: A portion of the proceeds from every order is donated to hunger-relief organizations working to combat food insecurity.

Starting at $40; delicaciesjewelry.com

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P L AY B O O K

/ I F YO U A S K M E /

“My best friend is trying to conceive, but so far it hasn’t worked out. How can I celebrate and share milestones about my kids without making my friend feel bad?”

GREEN YO U R ROUTINE

Three parents, no wrong answers

“Sharing your children’s milestones is fun, but do so in the same way you would another family member’s accomplishments.

Then make an effort to be engaged with your friend’s life updates so that you can cheer her on as she does for you and your family. I found infertility to be a confusing and oftentimes isolating process. I really appreciated when friends would listen and ask me which step of the process I was in so that they would have a clear view of when I was experiencing a downfall or a moment to celebrate.”

—Amy Kirihara Hendricks, a marketing professional and mom of two @amykirihendricks

“The best way to move forward in any area we’re not sure about is to ask questions. Open a conversation with your friend, let them know about your hesitation, and allow them to weigh in. It can be as simple as, ‘Hey, I’d like to check in with you.’ Perhaps they’d love to celebrate with you, or perhaps it feels like too much.

Knowing helps you move forward without guessing.

Let them know you’re always open to reassessing in the future. Also, be sure to have conversations and bonding experiences that have nothing to do with children. Create space for your friendship.”

— Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, host of the podcast Therapy for Black Girls, and mom of two @hellodrjoy

“Communicate openly and honestly with your friend about your family and theirs.

The fact that they’re struggling with infertility doesn’t mean they’re not excited for you. Sharing your joy is important, and you can do that while being an empathetic friend. While the thing I wanted most was support during our fertility journey, that never once diminished my excitement or joy for my friends and family who were celebrating their own growing families. Still, as you talk about your own news and listen to theirs, I would avoid comments like, ‘It will all be fine’ or ‘Everything is going to work out.’ ” —Dave DiGiacomo, an attorney and dad of two @digiacod

—Caylin Harris

/ R E L ATA B L E /

Schools need to make a spirit day that is easy for parents, like My Mom Forgot It Was School Spirit Day Day.—@mommajessiec

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When it comes to dealing with the jumble that is your children’s toy collection, there are usually two complicating factors: figuring out what they will actually part with—and then wondering how to keep those plastic dolls and blocks out of the landfill.

Now Mattel’s PlayBack program can at least assist with the latter, with free prepaid shipping labels at mattel.com/ playback. Sign up to get the shipping label by email, then pack up Barbie dolls, Matchbox cars, or Mega playthings and return them in any box. Mattel reps say that currently they can only accept toys from those three lines, but they hope to expand the program.

The toy company will then upcycle the materials into new toys.

(See you in your next life, Barbie!)

“IF YOU ASK ME”: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS. BOX: ESKAY LIM/EYEEM/GETTY. BLOCKS: COURTESY OF THE BRAND.

KIDS’ TOY CLUTTER

Usar como se indica. ©JJCI 2021

TESTED BY PEDIATRICIANS DERMATOLOGISTS OPHTHALMOLOGISTS AND LOVED BY FUTURE WORKOUT QUEENS.

SCAN TO SHOP

P L AY B O O K

THE SHORT LIST

TA K E 5

What’s new, novel, and nice to know in March

H E LP CALM A R AC I N G M I N D

COOK

“Three simple yoga poses and a basic breathing technique called Ujjayi Pranayama can evaporate anxiety and restlessness,” says Holly Hoffmann, a senior yoga teacher and owner of Iyengar Yoga Palm Desert, in California.

“If you can take only five minutes for yourself, use these three poses to quiet and settle.”

Any parent in need of a nudge to get in the kitchen with the kids will benefit from Korean American, in which food writer Eric Kim shares recipes shaped by his South Korean heritage and American upbringing, with inspiration from his mother, Jean.

“My recipes are an evolution of her recipes, and the way I cook now is and will forever be influenced by the way she cooks,” Kim writes. What follows is a mash-up of Korean classics and jazzed-up American favorites: cheeseburger kimbap, soy sauce fried chicken, cheesy corn, and ranch pizza—all fun and flavorful reminders to celebrate our families’ food legacies and connect along the way. $30; bookshop.org

Hold each pose for 90 seconds or so while slowly and steadily breathing through your nose.

P L AY

Downward-Facing Dog Pose

RELAX

2 Child’s Pose

New for your WFH desk: Hold the CMY Cube up to sunlight, and the sides will appear as cyan, magenta, and yellow, but as you twist and turn the cube, they morph into a kaleidoscope of rainbow fun.

The magic happens thanks to a coating of “electromagnetically subtractive materials”—yay, science? Sneak a peek for a breather from your screen (or your family). $30; cmycubes.com

3 Cross-Legged Pose Here, inhale normally, then exhale, lengthening out the exhalation so it’s slightly longer than the inhale. Observe that you are breathing.

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ORGANIZE

Attention, refrigerator overstuffers: Lining shelves with a couple of clear bins is a good way to “create zones in your fridge” and contain everyday food chaos, says Kristen Hong, author of the new book Fridge Love. “Bins help you use more of the space toward the back of your fridge and work like a drawer that you can pull out to easily access items stored there.” Plus, this way you (and your kids) are not knocking over neatly arranged products to reach others. Hong also recommends storing meat and dairy items in these bins: If they spill or leak, the mess stays contained. $18.50; bookshop.org

“TAKE 5”: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECT. “THE SHORT LIST”: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

1

If your kids have a tendency to commandeer the sofa cushions for their building projects, consider the Superspace set of magnetic panels for their next fort, tunnel, or castle. The edges stick to one another, so even large creations are safe from toppling. And when playtime’s over, the panels stack flat for no-brainer storage. Bonus: The tiles are made from recycled plastic bottles. $299 for 24 panels; getsuperspace.com

NOURISH. SHINE. VOLUME.

PLAY FAVORITES WITH YOUR HAIR.

UNCAP THE LOVE

™

It’s cozy up here, huh, baby?

a b by, , o S looks like you’re in the “hands make the best pillows” stage.

Along with your dad here, we’ll help keep you comfy as you grow through all your stages.

The comfy combo.

KIDS.

H E L P T H E M T H R I V E I N E V E R Y WA Y

Your baby pretty much needs just you. But you may need some gear to get through that first year.

Registry Must-Haves We surveyed hundreds of parents about their favorite products and had families test-drive new ones to compile this list of the most helpful items, from basic pj’s to a bigticket stroller.

by J E S S I C A H A R T S H O R N and S I E R R A H O E G E R photographs by MARLEY RIZZUTI PA R E N T S

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K I D S Ñ Aw a r d s

The Big Stuff Here’s the crucial gear you’ll want to add to your registry.

PRE M I U M STRO LLE R The new three-wheeled UPPAbaby Ridge features all-terrain, foam-�illed tires (so they never go �lat), a storage basket that holds 20 pounds, and water-repellent fabric. “Easy to maneuver and fold, and it looks cool,” one dad said. Jog with it, or make it the aroundtown hauler. Birth to 55 pounds, $600; uppababy.com

BAS S IN ET Pull the Arm’s Reach Clear-Vue Co-Sleeper Bassinet next to your bed—one side folds down for easy access to your baby. Or keep it in the sides-up position in a corner of your room or the nursery. Mesh sides make it easy to see what’s going on in there, and it’s on wheels and is height-adjustable. “Being able to stash pajamas and burp cloths underneath was helpful,” said a mom. Birth to 5 months, $220; armsreach.com

Shop this winning mattress and browse several popular alternatives at parents .com/cribmattress.

C O NVE RTIB LE CAR S E AT

C RIB MAT TRE S S The breathable, hypoallergenic Newton Baby Crib Mattress is entirely washable. Toss the quilted cover in the washer, then shower off the inside (it’s made of a food-grade polymer that just rinses clean). “I’ve detected that faint pee smell in friends’ traditional mattresses, so I love that this can be cleaned to the core,” said a mom of a newborn. $350; newtonbaby.com

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Stretch out! The newest Graco Contender Slim Convertible Car Seat easily shares the backseat with other passengers thanks to its streamlined design and removable cupholder. Start it rear-facing and reclined for your baby, then face it forward until your child is 65 pounds.

Adjust the headrest as they grow. $150; buybuybaby.com

Shop these winning pacifiers and find our readers’ and editors’ other favorite options at parents .com/paci�iers.

Play and Comfort These everyday items make life a little easier and more fun.

LI G HT WE I G HT STRO LLE R It reclines for naps, keeps the sun out, and folds small. But what really impressed parents was how Zoe The Tour+ can turn into a tandem: Buy a second seat and snap it on, a rare feature in an 11-pound convenience stroller. $249; zoebaby.com

PAC I FIE R Our readers’ preferred paci�ier now comes in this adorable shape. The Philips Avent Soothie Heart is silicone and contoured, so it feels soft against your baby’s face. $6 for two; amazon.com

BABY CARRIE R In addition to having sturdy straps and a storage pouch, the Ergobaby Omni Dream Baby Carrier, our readers’ favorite way to wear their baby, is now made of softer cotton than ever before.

Position it on your front or back, infancy through toddlerhood. $199; ergobaby.com

BABY TOYS This brand, famed for mail-order boxes of developmentally appropriate toys, now also sells playthings individually, like the Lovevery Organic Montessori Ball Baby Toy. “We can practically see the wheels turning as our daughter plays,” a tester said. $15; target.com

ACTIVIT Y C E NTE R Sort of an indoor playground, the new Fisher-Price 2-in-1 Servin’ Up Fun Jumperoo lets babies stretch their legs in what resembles a food truck, turning every bounce session into comedy gold. Once your kid is walking, just place the truck directly on the �loor. $130; amazon.com

RUG, COURTESY OF POTTERY BARN.

Our Process

D IAPE RS The new subscription-based brand Coterie got raves for absorbency. “No overnights needed. My son woke up with dry skin after ten hours in these,” a parent said. “Plus, they’re probably the softest I’ve felt.”

Each four-week supply arrives via mail. $85; coterie.com

N U RS IN G PILLOW Longtime favorite Boppy has a new, more portable size.

The Boppy Anywhere Nursing Pillow launched last spring, and parents are loving that it’s thicker at one end, making it so easy to hold your baby at the best angle for nursing or bottle feeding. $30; target.com

BABY C OVE R “Everyone asks us about this car-seat cover,” one dad told us.

“It’s so good for keeping our baby calm.” The parent-invented Quilbie Baby Cover dims sunlight (like blackout curtains), blocks heat, and reduces noise.

Eight holes and a window ensure breathability. $70; quilbie.com

We surveyed more than 300 families to discover the baby gear they love most. In addition, editors scoured the market for new products and had them road tested, vetted, and approved before deciding on the winners.

K I D S Ñ Aw a r d s Shop our winning high chair and browse other popular options at parents.com/ high-chairs.

Feeding Rely on these for easier mealtimes.

H I G H C HAIR Nuna Zazz is compact and actually looks great in the kitchen. Plus, it stretches from babyhood (with the tray) through the preschool years thanks to a hidden height adjuster. $300; nunababy.com

C L AS S I C B OT TLE With their signature removable vent system, Dr. Brown’s Options+ Anti-Colic Bottles “make the milk go down easy,” one parent said, and many babies don’t mind going back and forth between these and nursing. $8; drbrownsbaby.com

M IN I C U P + STR AW The silicone EZPZ Mini Cup + Straw Training System helps your baby master drinking from a straw, then an open cup. It’s tiny, so no crying over spilled milk. 12 months+, $17.50; ezpzfun.com

N E W B OT TLE B RE AST PU M P The new Medela Swing Maxi Double Electric Breast Pump weighs less than a pound, charges via USB, and holds its battery through six pumping sessions. “I loved that I could bring it somewhere and not need to plug it in,” a mom said.

It connects via Bluetooth to an app so you can track your progress. $280; medela.us

Chicco Duo is a hybrid glassand-plastic bottle made in the USA with the same patented technology used for vaccine vials. The permanently bonded materials ensure that inside, milk touches only glass, but outside, plastic makes the bottle lightweight and unbreakable.

It’s got an anticolic valve and is dishwasher and sterilizer safe. $12; chiccousa.com

D RYIN G R AC K AN D B OT TLE O RGAN IZE R No one tells new parents how many bottle pieces, pump accessories, and, eventually, sippy-cup parts will invade their life. Trust our testers, an OXO Tot Space Saving Drying Rack can help hold it all together. $26; oxo.com

Innovations Novel features distinguish these car seats and strollers.

ROTATIN G CAR S E AT

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CAR S E AT– STRO LLE R COMBO

S E LF- FO LD IN G STRO LLE R

If your car seat turns into your stroller, that’s one piece of equipment instead of two. On the infant-friendly Doona, wheels fold up for your backseat and come down for the street.

Parents praised its space-saving size. From 4 to 35 pounds, $550; shopdoona.com

Squeeze a button on the leatherette handle and the Evenflo Gold Otto Self-Folding Lightweight Travel Stroller tucks itself into a self-standing position. “It’s sturdier than most convenience strollers, with a bigger basket,” a mom said.

6 months+, $180; target.com

“Correctly tightening the harness is so much easier when your child is facing you,” one parent said after testing the new Baby Jogger City Turn Convertible Car Seat. It spins to face the door for loading and unloading, then faces forward or backward for the drive. “Plus, it’s basically a cushy throne.” $500; buybuybaby.com

When your allergies are out of control, one sneeze can rock the boat.

Works fast* and

stays strong day after day.

*Starts working at hour 1. Use only as directed.

Stick with the consistent allergy relief of ZYRTEC® ZYRTEC® starts working hard at hour one.

It works twice as hard when you take it again the next day and stays strong day after day.

Scan to get closer to allergy relief ©J&JCI 2022

K I D S Ñ Aw a r d s

Top Tech Enlist some cutting-edge tools in the baby space.

Green Features Earth-friendly fabrics earn these items eco credit.

BABY M O N ITO R Eye in the sky: This video monitor is sensitive enough to catch your baby breathing in the dark (and alert you if there’s any change).

Watch the high-def livestream from the Miku Pro Smart on your phone or tablet, let the app track sleep patterns, and use two-way audio. $399; mikucare.com

S CALE- C HAN G E R COMBO Nursing moms sometimes question how much milk is going in. Track your baby’s weight to put your mind at ease. The Hubble Grow+ connects to an app to save measurements, and the washable pad doubles as a diaper-changing area. $80; hubbleconnected.com

Shop for this new, winning all-in-one car seat along with popular alternatives at parents .com/all-in-one.

B IRTH -TO - B O O STE R CAR S E AT The new Chicco OneFit ClearTex All-in-One Car Seat holds babies as small as 5 pounds and kids as large as 100 pounds. In addition to the car seat’s long life, its fabric is Greenguard Gold certi�ied (for healthy air quality) and contains no chemical �lame retardants. $300; chiccousa.com

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PL AYS PAC E This Century Play On 2-in-1 Playard and Activity Center is a 38-inch-square hangout for your baby and later a playhouse with a zippered door for your toddler. It’s made from recycled materials, with two removable toys inside. The whole shebang folds and stores in its bag. $130; amazon.com

PA JAMAS For quick diaper changes, a full-frontal zipper is everything.

Honest Baby Clothing Organic Cotton Sleep & Plays (newborn to 9 months) and Organic Cotton Snug-Fit Footed Pajamas (12 to 24 months) are the baby loungewear items you’re looking for. $15 each; honestbabyclothing.com

S O OTH IN G S E AT The new Ingenuity AnyWay Sway PowerAdapt Dual-Direction Portable Swing incorporates all the motions: The seat rotates 180 degrees, swings in three directions, and vibrates or not—letting you dial in your baby’s preference. Birth to 9 months, $100; target.com

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@nuna_usa | nunababy.com

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Inspired by the clean lines and ingenuity of Dutch design, our passion is engineering smart products to make your family's life easier, so you can have even more precious time with your bundle of joy.

K I D S Ñ P a r e nt i n g

It’s natural to feel that life would be easier if your kids consistently followed the rules, listened attentively, and went to bed without protest. But experts say compliance is not all it’s cracked up to be —and that the secret to healthy cooperation lies in gaining a deeper understanding of how your child thinks. illustrations by B I J O U K A R M A N

IT’S ANOTHER ONE

of those days. Just when you finally have a brief window to return work emails, pay bills, and then figure out why the dishwasher won’t start, your preschooler throws their blocks at your chair and your older kid refuses to do their homework. You adore your children and can’t imagine life without them, but couldn’t they just go with the flow, at least sometimes? After two exhausting years, every mom and dad probably needs a bit of a reboot. So we asked members of the Parents Board of Advisors—some of the nation’s preeminent psychologists and pediatricians—to share their best advice on how parents can feel in control again.

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Having been an editor at Parents for more than 25 years, I’ve seen parenting trends come and go—yet I found so many “aha” moments in these pages. Our experts divulge the professional tricks in their back pockets and also underscore the big picture: Children come into the world fully ready to feel, but not ready to manage those feelings. And what parents often consider misbehavior is usually what experts call a dysregulation of emotions.

Kids have a meltdown, shove a classmate, or grab a toy because they’re angry but unable to deal with their anger in a more productive way. Knowing this as a parent doesn’t mean we simply excuse rudeness,

recklessness, and unreasonable demands.

“Parenting is teaching, and we need to teach our kids how to conduct themselves in the world,” says psychologist Lisa Damour, Ph.D. Being well-behaved isn’t about kids ignoring their feelings; it’s being able to say, “I’m mad,” instead of hitting someone, or say, “I feel left out,” rather than being mean. “This is a huge developmental achievement, and it’s what socializing children is all about,” says Dr. Damour. That’s also why it’s crucial to talk about emotions in front of our kids.

But the biggest picture to keep in mind is our goal to raise independent, big-hearted adults. “Good behavior” is equated with

K I D S Ñ P a r e nt i n g

compliance and subservience, but that’s not what you wish for your kids when they’re older, says psychologist Becky Kennedy, Ph.D. You hope your 30-year-old won’t tell you, “Mom, my boss asked me to do something inappropriate, and I said yes.” If you want your kids to be able to say “No” or “This doesn’t work for me,” that’s not an ability people just naturally develop at age 21 or 40, Dr. Kennedy says.

“It’s massively inconvenient when your kids don’t want to do what you want them to do, but pushing back is preparing them to be able to negotiate in relationships.”

One way to focus less on good behavior and more on nurturing good people is to praise behavior by linking it to a value, says child and adolescent psychologist Timothy L. Verduin, Ph.D. If you point out, “Sharing with your sister showed a lot of kindness,” your kid will be more likely to act that way in the future. Of course, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, one that takes patience and creativity.

Suggests Dr. Kennedy, “Instead of thinking, ‘I want my child to behave well,’ it’s helpful to think, ‘I want to work on myself so I can show up as often as possible as the parent I want to be.’ ” —Diane Debrovner, Parents Deputy Editor

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by Timothy L. Verduin, Ph.D. I T ’ S P E R F E C T LY normal for your kids to

ignore you when you say things like, “How was your day?” or “What do you want for dinner?” or “Time to get your homework started.” Everyone’s attention is so fractured these days, but parents often don’t set the stage very well for getting kids to listen. We tend to shout to them across the house or mention things when we’re busy or in a rush.

We also expect kids to be ready to listen to us, but timing is everything. If you interrupt your kid when they’re in the middle of doing something they enjoy, that will automatically make them less likely to pay attention. You probably wouldn’t do that to another adult, and you wouldn’t want anyone to do it to you, so try to avoid doing that to your kids.

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With a toddler, engage more than one sense. In order for a young child to listen to you, they need to be able to see you. You’ve likely heard about the importance of kneeling down to their level; you could also sit next to them and do what they’re doing for a few moments before telling them something. Put an arm around them or hold their hand.

If you place your child on your lap, you’ll immediately get their attention.

Focus on the essential point.

If you catch your 3-year-old eating their brother’s Halloween candy while sitting on the light-colored couch, for example, the key message could be, “Mom or Dad

has to say it’s okay before you take a bite of something like this.” If you start talking about the chance of getting the couch dirty, they might think it’s fine to take their brother’s chocolate if they eat it at the table.

Talk to their stuffed animals.

It seems hokey, but this can get your kid to cooperate with something you’re asking them to do. You could say, “Mr. Bear made a mess with the Magna-Tiles, and now he wants to walk away!” Then let your child say, “No, Mr. Bear, you’ve got to come back and clean that up!” It’ll be fun for them to feel like the boss, and they’ll realize that if Mr. Bear’s got to do it, so do they.

Give kids a heads-up. For children in preschool through second grade, say, “I’m going to tell you something that I want you to listen to” or “I have one thing that I need to tell you about what’s happening tonight that I think you’re going to want to listen to.” Teachers often give cues like this by turning the lights on and off or doing a rhythmic clap when they need students’ attention.

Con�irm that they heard you.

Rather than asking, “Are you listening?” use a softer approach that’s almost like a game. You might say, “I said something just a second ago, and I wonder if you can tell me what it was.” Or check their comprehension in a more indirect way by asking, “Can you tell your sister about where we’re going to put the recycling?”

Let older kids decide when they’re ready to listen. Especially if an 8- or 9-year-old is engrossed in an activity, show respect by asking, “Can you tell me a good time for us to talk about spring break?” or “Can you tell me when would be a good time to take out the trash?” Of course, kids can abuse this—they’ll say, “I’ll do it after dinner,” a nd keep putting it off. But you’ll be modeling how they should talk to their peers, siblings, and you. There will certainly be times when you need to ask them to do something right away, but acknowledge that you’re interrupting them.

Be emotional. When you want to discuss something important, let them know how you feel. You might say, “I was looking at pictures and realized we don’t go hiking together anymore, and that made me kind of sad. So I’d like to talk

about how we can get back to something I really miss.” This is also helpful if you need to share bad news: “I want to tell you something that’s really hard for me to talk about, and I might cry.” That gets a kid’s attention pretty quickly. You might think you shouldn’t get upset in front of your kids, but that just conditions them to be afraid of being sad in front of you.

Be extra clear if your child has a problem paying attention. I work with kids who have ADHD, and I teach them and their parents techniques that can be effective with any kid. Give direct commands about what you want your child to do: “Please set the table,” not “Could you set the table?” When you try to be polite or soft with a child who tends to be resistant to directions, it gives the illusion of choice. Also, be specific, not vague. Instead of “Clean your room,” say, “Please put your laundry in the basket.”

Timothy L. Verduin, Ph.D., is a clinical assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry and clinical director of the ADHD and Behavior Disorder Service at NYU Grossman School of Medicine.

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by Becky Kennedy, Ph.D. W H E N YO U R C H I L D

resists sticking to the rules or your family’s routine—grabbing their iPad even though it’s not iPad time or playing baseball in the living room—it’s easy to jump to conclusions. You might assume they don’t care what you think or don’t realize the ball could hit the lamp.

I encourage parents to consider the

If Your Child Truly Has Trouble Tuning In, It Could Be ADHD Dr. Verduin says these are the biggest red �lags.

Having an extremely hard time pulling away from an enjoyable activity Being unable to carry out multistep instructions

Constantly interrupting and wanting to do something different from what everyone else is doing at school

Not even being able to pay attention to information they’re excited about, such as a birthday party

Having dif�iculty �inishing fun tasks because they get distracted and leave a trail of un�inished activities behind them

Not realizing that people are speaking to them when they’re immersed in something

Having a very negative reaction when they �ind out they have to go to an event that will take a long time

Most Generous Interpretation, or MGI, of why their child is behaving a certain way. That requires looking at a situation from your child’s perspective.

“Defiance” is usually the least generous interpretation of your child’s behavior. As soon as you label your kid as defiant—for sneaking the iPad out of your bedroom, for example—you’ll be in enemy mode. By using your MGI to reframe defiance, you might say to yourself, “My child must really have wanted something, and that strong urge was too tough for them to manage. It’s hard to want something and not get it.”

Problem-solve together. Even when you have established rules, you still need to connect with your kid to motivate them. Instead of saying, “If you don’t make your bed, you’re not getting screen time,” you might say, “Hey, I’m noticing your bed’s not made. I wonder what got in the way.” If your kid says they forgot, you could say, “Let’s think about a way that you could remember. Maybe if there was a sign in your room?” If your kid insists making their bed is a waste of time, you might explain, “Look, this is one of those things that’s important to do in our family.

It’s a sign of respecting your things.

Here’s what I’m hearing, though. Making your bed is annoying. I wonder if there’s anything we can think of that would make it a little fun. I know it wouldn’t be as fun as playing basketball, but a little fun.

Maybe we can think of a silly make-yourbed song.” It’s amazing how kids will brainstorm with you when you lighten the mood and empathize with them.

Give more choices. Your child might break rules simply because there are so few chances for them to feel powerful and in control. It’s their way of saying, “Hey, I’m a person too!” If you clamp down harder on the rules, it can lead to a negative cycle. So if your 5-year-old has been breaking rules, look for everyday ways to let them make decisions: “I just can’t decide if I should wear the red shirt or the blue shirt! Why don’t you decide.

Red? Thank you! I’m going to wear this shirt all day because of you.”

Bend rules in the right way.

Consistency lets your kids know what to expect, but sometimes there are special

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circumstances. If you normally don’t allow snacks before dinner but your child didn’t have a good lunch one day, you might decide to let them have a snack. When you tell your child, you can also prepare them to return to the regular rules: “Before we go into the pantry, there are a couple of things I want to say. Today is a day when I think it’s okay to have a snack before dinner. It’s probably going to be different tomorrow.

And when I say no tomorrow, it might feel even worse. So let’s just get ready for that.” The next day when you say no, you can say, “It’s extra hard to hear no today because yesterday I said yes, right?” This sets them up for life: Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don’t.

However, if you let a rule slide just because you can’t deal with your kid having a tantrum, that’s a decision made out of fear. Your kid will realize that—and learn that you’re scared of their feelings when they have a meltdown. The next time those big emotions come up, your child may feel even worse.

Have a heart-to-heart with a kid who doesn’t want to follow any rules. If they continue to push and push and say things like, “This is a stupid rule,” that’s often a message about what’s going on in your relationship. It’s not your fault that your kid is in that place, but it is your responsibility to start the change because you’re the adult. The first step is to calmly say, “Look, it seems like anything I ask you to do gets met with a no. You know what that tells me? First of all, it tells me nothing about you. You’re not a bad kid. It tells me that things don’t feel great between the two of us. And I’m really invested in trying to figure out how to make it better.”

Be prepared that your kid might say something like, “I hate you. You make me do so many things I don’t want to do.

You never listen to what I want. You’re always bossing me around.” However, instead of being defensive, surprise them by being understanding: “Wow, I believe you. I believe that it feels like I’m always telling you what to do and that must feel awful. I’m really glad you’re letting me know.” Connecting and validating a child’s resistance is often the first step toward meaningful change.

Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and host of the podcast Good Inside With Dr. Becky.

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by Wayne Fleisig, Ph.D. IN ONE OF

the best ironies of parenting (a close second to the fact that the 8-year-old kid whom you cannot get to take a shower will eventually turn into the teenager who takes two-hour showers exactly when you need to get ready for work), your kid’s love of devices is exactly what will help you limit their usage.

Stick to the most simple plan.

Tell your child you understand it’s no fun having to stop playing a game to do homework or set the table. So you’ve decided that a better strategy is to remind them in advance of everything they need to do that day so they can get the tasks all done and out of the way before having screen time. Then they can use devices for a certain amount of time (because too much time isn’t good for anyone) and not have to worry about stopping to do those

other things. (For some kids, you may need to lock up or disable electronics when they’re not supposed to be using them.)

For example, with a younger child, you might say they have to play outside for an hour, clean their room, and do an arts and crafts project before screen time; with an older child, you might replace the arts and crafts with homework, chores, and half an hour of reading. You can decide that they get all the electronics time at once, or you

How to Stand Your Ground “Devices are fun, but they’re like cookies: A certain amount of them are okay, but too many aren’t good for you. So it’s important that we also do other things.”

“Every parent does what they think is best for their child, and this is what we think is best.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.

I love you very much, and I’m doing what I feel is best for you.”

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can break it into pieces (a certain amount of time after they have gone out to play and the rest after everything else is done), but it’s best to have them finish with all electronics at least an hour before bedtime so it won’t interfere with their sleep.

Commit to your decision. You need to be confident that this is in your child’s best interest. Every minute that your child is using electronics is one that they’re not reading, getting physical activity, being creative, socializing, and, of course, doing homework, chores, or other things you make them do that may have made you legendary for your meanness and unfairness. Kids need balance in life, but if they’re given free rein, many will use devices virtually nonstop.

Set screen-time limits for yourself. “ Do as I say, not as I do” just won’t fly in this situation. Explain to your child that you feel it’s best for everyone to limit their screen time. Let them know, for example, that you won’t use your phone during meals, when you’re spending time with others, and at other times for a few hours at a time so that you enjoy life in other ways.

Limits can be more lax on weekends. As long as you follow the same general approach, you can allow a different amount of screen time on weekends and vacations. You can also give your kids a chance to earn extra weekend electronics time if they spend extra time reading during the week, for example. If you decide to suspend the rules for special situations like road trips, explain what the plan is and when you’ll go back to the regular rules. Yes, all of this will be hard. But if you stick with it, the benefits will be worth it.

Wayne Fleisig, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist at Children’s of Alabama.

Our Experts Answer Your Questions Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to follow @Parents on Instagram on February 17 at 12 P.M. (ET). Editor-in-chief Julia Edelstein will go live to answer parenting questions with Dr. Becky Kennedy, Dr. Terri McFadden, and Dr. Lisa Damour.

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H E LP YO U R KI D

by Lisa Damour, Ph.D. E V E RY PA R E N T

might have a somewhat different definition of what they consider to be “back talk.” Broadly speaking, it’s somewhere between a child trying to stand up for themself (when their parent is not in the mood for that) and a child being deliberately provocative or disrespectful and saying things they know are out of bounds, like “Shut up.” No matter how old a kid is, the underlying message is usually, “You’re not the boss of me.”

Although toddlers constantly bark, “No!” we let them get away with a lot.

Preschoolers, however, are always poised for a power struggle (“You can’t make me!”

“I don’t want to!” “You’re dumb!”) because we have higher expectations for their behavior. When they talk back, they’re usually double-checking the boundaries: “Really, we have this new rule that I can’t pull the dog’s tail? When I was 2, you just scooped me up, but now I’m in trouble?

What will happen if I tell you I won’t do what you say?” As for school-age kids, they may be tired, impulsive, and less willing to follow one more instruction after their long day at school—leading them to say rude things they often regret right away.

Realize that little kids just want our attention. When you’re absorbed in an email and your kid is being sweet and easygoing, you might ignore them because it lets you get something done.

But if they switch gears and start being disruptive, you’ll look up from your phone. Now they’ve gotten your attention, which is exactly what they wanted.

Avoid escalating a situation.

If you ask your child to put their shoes where they belong and they say, “No, you do it!” it’s easy to get mad or threaten them. Yelling is often enough to get a young kid to comply, but it doesn’t feel good for anybody. Instead, think of yourself as a dispassionate robot who gives instructions about how to get their warm, engaged parent to return: “We don’t speak that way. If you’re angry, you need to tell me how you’re feeling.” With an older

kid, engage as little as possible. If they say something rude, respond in a neutral tone, “That’s rude” or “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” which acknowledges you both know it was a mistake.

Give them a do-over. With a younger child, you may have to articulate the language you’d rather they use: “You’re not allowed to call me a poopyhead.

You’re allowed to say, ‘Daddy, I’m mad we can’t go to the zoo after all.’ ” Let them try again, and then move on. With an older kid, you can say, “Go take some time to yourself, and when you’re ready to act with respect, come on back.” This is the model of how the world works: When you’re pleasant, people want to be with you; when you’re unpleasant, they don’t.

You have to give your kids a chance to make it right. The rules for how they act at home should reflect your expectations for how they’ll act elsewhere. The only difference is that at home they get more chances. And once they’ve made it right, don’t hold a grudge. Inherent in all of this is the fact that you have to treat your kids with a great deal of respect. If you want to be able to tell them, “This is not how we speak to each other in this home,” you can’t speak to them in ways that you wouldn’t speak to anyone else.

Lisa Damour, Ph.D., is the author of Under Pressure and Untangled, cohost of the podcast Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting, and senior advisor to the Schubert Center for Child Studies at Case Western Reserve University.

How to Respond to Rudeness “We do not speak to you that way, and you will not speak to us that way.”

“I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear that.”

“You have a point, but you can’t talk to me that way. Try again.”

“That’s rude. I need you to take a little time to yourself. Come on back when you’re ready to talk to me in the way we speak to each other in this house.”

“I am sounding patient. I will soon lose patience. The way you’re acting, eventually I’m going to feel mad.”

“I’m feeling mad, and if this keeps going on, I’m going to get mad.”

“I will have this conversation, but I won’t have it this way.”

“You and I both know that was not okay.”

How to Tell a Child to Chill “I need you to calm down.”

“I need you to sit in a chair right now. I am worried that you might hurt yourself.”

“If you don’t sit right now you could fall over and hurt yourself, and then we’d both feel terrible.”

long hand on the clock gets to the six.” But take it slow: If your goal is for your child to sit for 30 minutes, start with ten.

Do your best in public. Try to block out what other people think, and focus on your child. If they’re too big for you to pick up, lead them to a place that feels more calm, where you can have a private moment with a physical barrier between your child and whatever set them off. Your soothing tone is more important than what you say. Give them a hug that says, “I love you no matter what.”

Create a safe environment. If your child likes to touch all the beautiful crystal in the house, put it out of reach so that you can set your child up for success. When your child likes to run and is impulsive if you’re outside, they’ll need to be in a more confined setting with a fence or a gate that separates them from the street. Or go to a big field where they can run around safely.

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by Terri McFadden, M.D. A L L YO U N G

children are curious and busy. They want to explore and run—and that’s good, because you want them to expend their energy as long as they’re safe.

But they’re simply not developmentally ready to follow the norms we have for adults, such as completing a meal at the table or not climbing on the furniture.

Having said that, discipline is about

making disciples. Your job is to teach your child the skills to explore their world fully, but in a manner that allows them to be safe, fit in with their peers, be able to follow the rules, and understand why rules exist.

Offer gentle reminders. When your child jumps up from the table for the fifth time, take a deep breath and calmly redirect them. You might say, “I know you’re interested in the butterfly, but this is family meal time. So we’re going to sit and finish our meal, and then we can go look at it.” You’ll have to explain the rules over and over, and rewards can be a great way to reinforce them: “If we want to watch Cocomelon, we need to sit until the

Be patient if your child is clingy.

They’re not trying to be irritating—they may just need to calm themself. Talk to your pediatrician if this happens often.

Especially with the pandemic, many kids have some social anxiety or separation anxiety. If it only happens occasionally, your child may be picking up on your stress. That’s why it’s so important to find even a little time for self-care. I remember a day when my daughter was clinging and screaming in church, and an elder said to me, “They need you the most when they’re at their worst!”

You may not always get it right, but give yourself credit for doing your best.

Terri McFadden, M.D., is a professor of pediatrics at Emory University School of Medicine and a member of the Executive Committee of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Injury, Violence, and Poison Prevention.

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by Laura S. Olivos, Psy.D. I T ’ S I M P O R TA N T

to acknowledge that kids, teachers, and parents have all suffered during the pandemic, and a lot of us are still in survival mode in some form or another. Kids have had to relearn how to engage in a classroom setting. If you find out that your child is having challenging behavior—not listening to directions, having trouble focusing and completing tasks, getting out of their seat, becoming verbally or physically aggressive, or having frequent meltdowns—it can feel overwhelming.

But it’s also important to be compassionate with your child and yourself. Children are not their behaviors. You’re not a bad parent, and you don’t want your child to assume they are inherently bad.

Behaviors are just signals of unmet needs or lagging skills that are occurring beneath the surface.

Take a step back. We often jump in to try to fix a child’s behavior without focusing on what might be fueling it. Many things can have an impact, including medical conditions, developmental delays, learning differences, and trauma. For example, if a child has sensory aversions in their environment (bright lights, loud sounds, itchy textures on their skin), they may act out their discomfort through aggression or meltdowns.

If a child in day care has a language delay and can’t be understood, they can get frustrated and have emotional outbursts.

Show teachers and caregivers you’re on the same team. Be approachable and make it clear you wish to be their ally as you figure out what’s causing your child’s behavior and the best ways to handle it. Discuss your child’s strengths as well as their problems.

For example, if your child is artistic, doodling in a coloring book might be

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a coping skill to incorporate. Talk about specific, realistic goals: Instead of the goal being your child not getting out of their seat, for instance, focus on the replacement behavior: “I can have two brain breaks to get my wiggles out. I can do this by raising my hand to ask the teacher.”

Practice skills at home with role-playing. You take the part of your child, and let them be the teacher.

Model for them how to raise their hand, for instance. Then switch roles. Keep it playful, and don’t criticize or shame them for not getting it right away.

Consider additional evaluations. Your child may benefit from psychoeducational or developmental testing. And if their challenges are impairing their daily functioning, seek help from a licensed mental health professional who specializes in children. Your child doesn’t need to be in crisis to get help, and it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed as a parent. On the contrary, you are a great parent for recognizing that your child may need help above and beyond what you can offer. It takes a village.

Laura S. Olivos, Psy.D., is a child psychologist at The Olive Tree Center for Child & Family Psychology, in Miami Beach.

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by Traci Baxley, Ed.D. THERE ARE

situations in our lives when we don’t speak up or we avoid sharing how we feel, and then we regret it later.

How many times have you said yes when you wanted to say no? What about when that person cut you off on the road, or when someone’s comment made you uncomfortable and you didn’t know how to respond? Being able to speak up for yourself is a skill that takes practice—the journey of self-advocacy is an ongoing process for adults and kids alike. Although we want to raise children who are compassionate and kind to others, we also want them to advocate for their own best interest.

Create a safe space. Letting your child explore their opinions and make decisions builds confidence and character.

I often hear parents telling their children how to feel: “You’re okay, you’re not hurt” or “There’s no need to cry about that.”

Instead, ask open-ended questions: “How did that make you feel?” or “What does help look like for you right now?” When children have a safe environment to express their emotions, they begin to trust their inner voice and become more comfortable saying what they need and deserve.

Talk about body language and tough conversations. Speaking up for yourself often begins before you even say a word. My son’s basketball coach tells his players to “play big.” He’s instructing them to posture themselves in a way that takes up space and to play with conviction. As parents, we can teach our children to “play big” in their lives. When my children express themselves, I ask them to ground their feet into the earth and maintain eye contact. Role-playing situations at home can help your children become more comfortable with making their needs heard.

Think out loud. Model low-stakes decision making when you’re with your kids. For example, if your matcha tea order is wrong, you might say: “I ordered soy milk, and this is almond milk. I could just drink it or go inside and ask the barista to please remake it. Is it worth waiting for a new one? Yes, because I won’t enjoy my tea as much.” It takes practice to speak up for oneself while recognizing and respecting the rights of others. Finding and modeling that sweet spot is a skill you can impart to yourself and your kids.

Traci Baxley, Ed.D., is an associate professor at Florida Atlantic University School of Education, a parenting coach, and author of Social Justice Parenting.

How Kids Can Make Their Needs Known “I don’t like the way you are talking to me.”

“I won’t let you treat me that way.”

“I am choosing to walk away.”

“I feel sad when you …”

“It makes me angry when …”

K I D S Ñ H e a lt h Ne w s

KNOW THE CAUSE

More Than Just Picky

Not all kids will grow out of their selective eating.

Experts in feeding therapy explain how to know if your child may need extra support.

LOOK FOR SIGNS

We all have foods we’d rather not eat, and that is especially true (and normal) for toddlers as they test their newfound independence. “Most toddlers like something one day, then might refuse it for days or even weeks,” says Kimberly Korth, an occupational therapist and feeding program coordinator at Children’s Hospital Colorado, in Aurora. “But it eventually comes back to their repertoire when you try again.” What you don’t want is for them to be overly regimented, says

A Quick Meditation for Daily Life

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Kelly Komisaruk, a speech pathologist and pediatric feeding specialist in St. Cloud, Florida. Red flags include eating less than 20 foods, eliminating whole food groups or textures, having huge mealtime tantrums, or being very specific about brands, their silverware, or where they eat. By age 3, most kids should grow out of such big behaviors, Komisaruk says. “Instead of having a tantrum, they should be able to say, ‘I don’t like that.’ ” If these habits sound familiar or haven’t subsided, or if meals

Kids past toddler age usually have a reason for their extreme food selectivity, Korth says.

They may have developmental delays, difficulty chewing or swallowing, or sensory sensitivities. “Or maybe they got sick,” Komisaruk says. “I see kids who had a stomach flu and have trouble eating after that.”

A child may also have an allergy or a gastrointestinal problem, either of which can teach them to associate pain with eating.

U N D E R S TA N D T R E AT M E N T

Feeding therapy can involve speech pathologists, dietitians, occupational therapists, and developmental pediatricians.

For most, the process shouldn’t be too long. “I would give it six months to start initial goals, but it shouldn’t take three years,” Komisaruk says. Sessions often focus on exposing a kid to new foods, working through sensory sensitivities, and making eating fun for the whole family. “I always tell parents their child may not become the most adventurous eater, but therapy will bring them to a point where life and meals aren’t so stressful,” Komisaruk says.

Think your kids won’t like meditating? That might be true if you’re picturing a crisscross applesauce “om” moment, but sensory meditation is an easy technique that throws the usual “rules” out the window. First, have them focus on one thing they can taste. Guide them along, asking questions such as, “Can you still taste breakfast?” They can silently ponder or answer aloud. If the conversation gets off track, gently prompt them to think of two things they can smell, then three things they can hear, four things they can feel (let them grab items if they want), and five things they can see (yup, open eyes are allowed). Even one minute per sense will help ground them in the present. “You don’t have to wait for moments of calm or distress,” says Emily Pardy, a family therapist in Nashville who does sensory meditation with her four kids on their drive to school. “You can do this while fixing breakfast, and it is just like a pause button.”

Sore-Throat Savers Pediatricians share tips for providing relief all day long.

In the morning If your child wakes up and says their throat hurts, assess the symptoms, says Heather Felton, M.D., a pediatrician and Parents AAP panel member. A sore throat with a headache or stomach pain could be strep throat; congestion and a cough could be a virus, including a cold or COVID-19. Throat pain can come from sinus drainage after lying down, so your child may feel discomfort early on. It can help to give acetaminophen or ibuprofen in the morning, says Antwon Chavis, M.D., a Parents advisor and assistant professor of pediatrics at Oregon Health & Science University.

During the day “Kids won’t eat quite as well when sick, but the bigger risk is dehydration,” Dr. Chavis says. “Prioritize giving them any fluids they like.” Warm caffeine-free tea can provide extra relief. On the cooler side, ice pops can comfort and hydrate. Dr. Felton also recommends a spoonful of honey for kids over age 1.

Gargling with salt water or sucking on lozenges for kids who are old enough to not swallow either may also help.

Just remember to steer clear of lozenges that numb and opt for those that soothe.

Before bed It’s best not to give your child sleep-inducing medicine, Dr. Felton says. Instead, return to acetaminophen and honey.

Honey will coat and protect your child’s throat from added irritation as they lie down.

While you’re thinking about postnasal irritation, prop their head up with an extra pillow to minimize that drip. Steam from a humidifier can also help them sleep through the night, Dr. Chavis says.

by R E B E C C A R A KO W I T Z

PRISCILLA GRAGG (2).

are overly stressful, it’s a good idea to talk to your pediatrician.

As with most issues, getting help sooner is better, but Komisaruk reminds parents that it is never too late. If your extremely picky toddler is now an extremely picky teen, there is help for them too.

Probiotics for Kids Who Take Fairytales About Frogs Literally.

Whatever your kids get into this spring, protect their immune systems with Culturelle’s scientifically proven probiotic.* From the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand.

To learn more, visit culturelle.com Based on a 2021 survey among pediatricians recommending a probiotic brand.

Culturelle® is a trademark of *

THESE STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT, CURE OR PREVENT ANY DISEASE.

K I D S Ñ Fo o d

B RE AD WIN N E RS Keep lunch fresh for the kids (and yourself). recipes by H E AT H E R S TA L L E R / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

Remember to slice grapes if serving to kids age 4 or under.

Each lunch serves two, one for you and one for your kid.

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Message in a Sandwich Arrange 2 slices white bread and 2 slices wholewheat bread on a cutting board. Use small letter cookie cutters to cut the words yum yum (or other message) out of 1 slice of each type of bread. Insert white-bread letters into the wheat-bread cutouts, and the reverse, as shown.

Mix 1 Tbs. mayonnaise, ½ tsp. Dijon mustard, and ½ tsp. honey in a small bowl. Spread onto remaining 2 bread slices.

Top each with 2 slices roast turkey deli meat, thin apple slices, 1 slice cheddar cheese, and more honey mustard. Place the bread slices with the message on top.

Ham & Cheese Skewers Cut 1 slice whole-grain or white toast into twelve 1-in. squares. Cube 1 small cooked chicken breast (about 4 oz.) and 2 oz. Swiss cheese. Cut 2 slices deli ham into strips. Thread all ingredients plus small dill pickles onto six small skewers, as shown.

Sunny Day Bagels Slice and toast 2 mini bagels.

Mash 1 hard-boiled egg with 1 tsp. mayonnaise and a pinch of salt and pepper in a small bowl. Cut 2 slices yellow American cheese into round sun shapes with zigzag edges or in triangles.

Divide egg salad between the bottom halves of the bagels, then place the cheese so it resembles the rays of a sun.

Top with the remaining bagel halves and press down.

K I D S Ñ Fo o d

Maple–Cream Cheese Mini Pancakes

For added flavorful oomph and greenery, stir 1 Tbs. pesto into the hummus.

Microwave 16 frozen mini pancakes on the defrost setting for 30 seconds, until they’re just warm. Mix 1/3 cup whipped cream cheese (or softened regular cream cheese) with 2 tsp. maple syrup and a pinch of ground cinnamon in a small bowl.

Spread cream cheese on half the pancakes, then top with remaining pancakes.

Veggie Monsters

Bean & Cheese Pockets Place ½ cup drained and rinsed canned black beans in a small bowl. Add 2 Tbs. salsa and a pinch of salt.

Mash beans and salsa with a fork. Use a 31/4-in. cookie cutter or the rim of a glass to cut large circles from 6 slices whole-wheat bread. Divide bean mixture among centers of each bread circle, then sprinkle each with about 1 tsp. shredded Mexican-blend cheese. Fold circles in half, pinching the edges together.

Press tines of a fork around the edges to seal.

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FOOD STYLING BY MARGARET DICKEY. PROP STYLING BY CLAIRE SPOLLEN.

Spread 4 slices whole-grain toast with 1/4 cup hummus.

Top 2 pieces of toast with sliced cucumber, grated carrot, and red bell pepper slices. Cover with remaining toast. Cut a zigzag pattern through the center, as shown.

Make a monster face using mini cucumber slices for eyes, blueberries for pupils, and red bell pepper for eyebrows, using hummus to hold them in place.

Helping students sip safely.

That’s

©2022 Elkay Manufacturing Company

The ezH2O® Bottle Filling Station Reducing contaminants to ensure cleaner, hands-free drinking water for students. elkay.com/ezH2O

K I D S Ñ Fo o d

Pizza Grilled Cheese Preheat oven to 400°F. Place 4 slices white bread on a baking sheet. Spread 1 Tbs. marinara sauce on each slice. Top each of 2 slices with 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella cheese. Add pepperoni, spinach, olives, or other desired pizza toppings. Place remaining bread slices on top of the filling. Make a toasted heart design: Cut two 2-in. hearts out of aluminum foil, then cut a 1/2-in. heart out of the center of each foil cutout.

Place one foil cutout on top of each sandwich. Bake until the top is golden and the cheese is melted, about 10 minutes. Remove foil to reveal the heart design.

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Pulled Pork With Carrot Slaw Divide 1 cup leftover cooked pulled pork (or shredded cooked chicken) tossed with your fave barbecue sauce between 2 whole-wheat hot dog buns. Mix 2 tsp. apple cider vinegar, 1 tsp. honey, 2 tsp. olive oil, and a pinch of salt in a small bowl. Stir in ½ cup shredded carrot, ½ cup thinly sliced celery, and 2 Tbs. finely chopped scallions or chives. Top each bun with slaw. Wrap sandwiches in aluminum foil before packing.

Season Your Legacy As you chart your way to success, leave some crumbs behind for others to follow. A legacy is like a cast iron skillet — with proper care, every plank of bygone HORMEL® BLACK LABEL® Bacon you cook leaves a bit of its delicious essence behind for whoever cooks the next meal. A lesson from the makers of HORMEL® BLACK LABEL® Bacon: the taste of achievement is best shared with others.

K I D SÑR e a d i n g

THE BOOK NOOK Your monthly guide to making the most of storytime and raising forever readers

3. The Ice Cream Machine Written by Adam Rubin, multiple illustrators An emotional journey

5 New Titles to Pick Up Now

1

2

1. Out of a Jar Written and illustrated by Deborah Marcero The tale of a school-age bunny who stuffs his good and bad feelings into jars may help kids open up about their own big emotions. After a while, the bunny reaches a breaking point, which is strikingly depicted in a colorful cascade of shattering glass. His reaction—and the book’s upbeat ending—affirm that feelings should be shared and heard. Ages 3 to 7

4. People Are Wild Written and illustrated by Margaux Meganck A big-hearted story told from the animals’ point of view may stretch preschoolers’ minds.

One baby elephant sees a human parent and child and asks, “Mama, what is that?”

The animal parents warn their young about the dangers of people until a little sloth tells its mom, “People are also just like us!” It’s an observation that helps kids fathom that they’re part of a bigger world and that everyone, including animals, deserves to be free. Ages 3 to 6

2. Animal BFFs Written and illustrated by Sophie Corrigan

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3

5. Knight Owl Written and illustrated by Christopher Denise

4

Punny wordplay 5

How to Catch a Monster meets the King Arthur legends in this charming bedtime read about perseverance and finding common ground.

A tiny owl becomes a knight and gets chosen for the Night Watch at the castle.

While he’s on guard, a dragon wants to eat him. Owl comes up with a wise solution that involves—spoiler—fire-roasted pizza. The final scene celebrates the strength of friendship. Ages 4 to 8

COURTESY OF THE PUBLISHERS.

This graphic novel–style nonfiction book introduces kids to unlikely partnerships between different species in an engaging way. In word balloons, more than 20 creature pairs share how they mutually benefit from being pals: “I have fantastically wiggly tentacles that will zap any predator,” says a sea anemone to a hermit crab, who responds, “You really do protect me! You are the best jiggly friend ever.” Besides doling out factual nuggets that will make your curious kid go “Whoa,” this book helps young readers realize that differences can bring animals (and people) together.

Ages 7 to 9

This collection of six quirky short stories is as delicious as a multilayer sundae. Subtitles hint at what’s to come: “The One With the Alien Space Lab” is a sci-fi thriller that gives Twilight Zone vibes, while in “The One With the Ice Cream Eating Contest,” siblings hilariously face off against an unusual competitor. Rubin, author of Dragons Love Tacos, wrote all the stories, but they’re each illustrated in black and white by a different artist, helping to make every one a satisfying stand-alone read.

Ages 8 to 12

YO U R KI D, TH E LE AD C HAR AC TE R If you remember having a book like this when you were little, now you can pay it forward: These companies create custom books incorporating any child’s name for a smidge more than off-the-shelf fare.

BOOK CRUSH

Late-Night Bedtime Story With Seth Meyers The comedian and NBC show host has realized a childhood dream of writing a book for the younger set.

BOOKS: COURTESY OF THE PUBLISHERS. MEYERS: LLOYD BISHOP/NBC.

Walk us through your kids’ bedtime reading routine.

Growing up, Seth Meyers relished his trips to the local library. “My parents were huge readers and instilled their passion in me. I never wanted to go anywhere without a book,” says Meyers, 48. The SNL alum wants to foster literary zeal in his three kids: Ashe, 5, Axel, 3, and baby Adelaide. “I love watching the faces on my older children when I can tell they’re engaged with a plot,” he says. Meyers, who always wanted to write a children’s book, drew on their affection for dialogue and adventure when writing I’m Not Scared, You’re Scared!, a humorous picture book featuring a bear and a bunny who face their fears. We caught up with Meyers, who has hosted Late Night With Seth Meyers for eight years, shortly after he announced Adelaide’s birth.

What do you hope families take away from your book?

I would be thrilled if kids wanted to read it more than once and if parents weren’t bored if their kids wanted to read it 20 times.

They get three books, but they will talk me up to four every now and then.

My oldest likes chapter books now, so we usually do two or three picture books—Richard Scarry does very well these days—and then read a chapter from The Cricket in Times Square, by George Selden, or Stuart Little, by E. B. White. The two books that make them laugh the hardest are Guess Again!, by Mac Barnett, and Blue Hat, Green Hat, by Sandra Boynton.

I See Me! The publisher’s line of personalized books featuring Disney and Marvel characters will blow your little fan away. You can also customize stories for a wide array of occasions, including adoption and baptism.

Starting at $30; iseeme.com Wonderbly With dozens of subjects ranging from holidays and birthdays to special experiences (like getting a new sibling), this company allows you to personalize with multiple names and choose from characters of all colors.

Starting at $35; wonderbly.com Librio This publisher takes your child’s name and puts it in a seek-andfind book, similar to Where’s Waldo?

Kids ages 2 to 7 will explore European cities looking for musical instruments, food, animals, and more. You can even leave a personal message for them to find. Starting at $28; librio.com.

What was your favorite childhood book?

Too many to name, but Moose,

by Michael Foreman, has a beautiful message about avoiding unnecessary conflict.

If you could voice one children’s book character, who would it be?

RAISING THE FUTURE BOOK CLUB

I guess Fantastic Mr. Fox, but only because George Clooney wasn’t charming enough.

What have you read for fun recently?

Mark Harris wrote a wonderful book, Mike Nichols: A Life, that I tore through. If you love Mike’s work like I do, this book is a must read.

Meyers’s bedtime read-aloud

HELP KIDS BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES In the inspiring picture book Why Not You?, singer Ciara and her husband, Russell Wilson, quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, assure readers there’s “absolutely nothing that you can’t try or reach or do.” The message is an extension of the couple’s Why Not You Foundation, which aims to foster future leaders.

Head to @Parents Instagram on March 2 to watch the Wilsons read the book to their own children. Get more details at parents.com/BookClub.

K I D S Ñ Pe t s

Animal House!

Emeline, 7, communes with her German shepherd mix, Cutie, 9, whose name says it all. photograph by P R I S C I L L A G R A G G 1

Cutie puts her paw in my hand so we can hold paws.

My big brother named her.

It’s perfect because even strangers call her cute.

4

Cutie loves to run on the beach and go hiking.

5

Once she got into trouble because my grandpa bought me a pretty box of macarons, and Cutie somehow opened it and ate them all.

3

The silliest thing Cutie does is roll back and forth on the grass with her legs up in the air.

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WARDROBE STYLING BY LISA MOIR. GROOMING BY TRICIA TURNER. PROPS AND SET BY ALEXANDRA KASTNER. ON EMELINE: JACKET, VISOR, AND SHOES, ZARA. DRESS, FIN & VINCE. SOCKS, COLLÉGIEN.

We got Cutie from the West Los Angeles pound when she was 8 weeks old. My mom picked her “because she was the only puppy not barking.”

2

C A R E S A N D

H E R E .

H E R E .

M O R E C L E A N I N G R E D I E N T S T O D AY. MORE RECYCL ABLE PACKAGES TOMORROW. You care about a clean future. And so do we.

Proven nutrition is at the heart of what we do. But it’s not all we do.

See our commitment to cleaner ingredients and a greener planet at PURINA.COM/CARES.

NEW

BEAUTY AWARDS: ESSENTIALS

YOU.

T E N D T O Y OU R S E L F, B O D Y A N D S OU L

2022

The Best Basics for Moms and Dads If you appreciate the rush of a great, inexpensive product, may these 26 finds bring some joy to your day. From a holy grail hand wash to shampoos with rave reviews, these staples are available almost anywhere (grab on your next Target run!) and approved by experts.

by S H A N N O N M . B AU E R

All are auto-renewallevel good.

photographs by J E FFR E Y WE STB RO O K

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YO U Ñ B e aut y

Face

Hair

(Shown on previous page)

BEST FOR FINE HAIR

BEST MOISTURIZER WITH SPF

Generation Beauty by Pantene Full & Vibrant Shampoo and Conditioner ($10 each) This shampoo-and-conditioner duo is made to help with the hair loss that can accompany stress or having a baby. “It doesn’t weigh down fine-hair types,” Cristina B. says. “And the fresh scent is divine.”

RoC Multi Correxion Hydrate + Plump Moisturizer SPF 30 ($33) Surprisingly lightweight and transparent, this moisturizer may have you double-checking that it actually has sunscreen.

It does—a broad-spectrum chemical SPF 30—along with hydrating hyaluronic acid.

B E S T M A K E U P R E M OV E R

CeraVe Hydrating Makeup Removing Plant-Based Wipes ($12) On nights when a single makeup wipe represents the entirety of your skin-care routine, you can feel good about these biodegradable ones. They’re gentle on the face and have ceramides to protect the skin barrier, but they can still take off waterproof mascara in a few swipes, Dr. Marchbein says.

B E S T F O R C O L O R -T R E AT E D H A I R Garnier Whole Blends

Sulfate Free Remedy Shampoo and Conditioner With Red Rose Extract & Vinegar Blend ($8 each) Prevent fresh color from going down the drain (and push the next appointment back by a few more weeks) with a shampoo and conditioner designed to extend it.

BEST MOISTURIZER

Aveeno Positively Radiant Gel Moisturizer ($15) This night cream keeps skin hydrated and can appeal to moms and dads equally. “I find that men don’t want to see or feel a product on their skin, and this gel sinks in instantly,” Dr. Hartman says.

Herbal Essences Avocado & Argan Oil Shampoo and Conditioner ($6 each) If washing your hair tends to land low on your priorities list, these sulfate-free blends come in clutch when you get around to it. The shampoo creates a foamy lather that “thoroughly cleans hair,” Cristina B. says.

“And avocado and argan oil manage frizz and tangles.”

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser ($14) The iconic wash received an exciting upgrade this year with the addition of hydrating glycerin and skin-calming vitamins B3 and B5. Devotees will be glad the fragrance-free formula feels the same and is still a win for sensitive skin.

B E S T FA C E WA S H

Our Process Judging each product on effectiveness, findability, and price, our beauty editors narrowed down their top picks, then enlisted this panel of esteemed experts for additional testing.

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Dermatologist Corey L. Hartman, M.D. (@dr.coreyhartman), is the founder of Skin Wellness Dermatology in Birmingham, Alabama, and a dad of two.

2022

Shari Marchbein, M.D. (@drsharimarchbein), is a dermatologist in New York City and has 7-year-old twins.

New mom Cristina B. (@cristina__b) is a hairstylist at Rita Hazan Salon, in New York City.

Dad Nathan Rosenkranz (@nathanrosenkranz) is a hairstylist in Montclair, New Jersey.

Toby Fleischman (@tobyfleischman) is a makeup artist in Santa Monica, California, and a mom of twins.

GARNIER, OGX, AND DOVE: PETER ARDITO. HEADSHOTS: COURTESY OF THE SUBJECTS.

B E S T F O R D RY O R DAMAGED HAIR

Body B E S T B O DY L O T I O N

Olay Collagen Firming & Hydrating Body Lotion ($10) It’s the time of year when body lotion transitions from nice to have to an absolute must-have. This one is thick coming out but absorbs as quickly as it takes the kids to say, “Can you come here??”

BEST STYLER

TRESemmé One-Step Stylers Collection ($6) The idea behind this line is that you need only one product to style your hair. Choose the iteration that’s right for you—Volume, Texture, Waves, Repair, or Smooth—then apply to damp strands before air- or blow-drying. “All are great. Go with Smooth if you have thick, frizzy hair, Volume if you have fine strands,” Rosenkranz says.

B E S T H A N D WA S H

Burt’s Bees Naturally Clean Hand Soap ($6) “It might seem odd to be obsessed with a hand wash, but this honey-and-lavender one smells that good,” Dr. Marchbein says. “Plus, the formula doesn’t dry out or strip my hands.”

A good one to slather on everyone’s rough elbows and knees

B E S T C U R L T R E AT M E N T

OGX Quenching + Coconut Curls Curling Hair Butter ($6) Coils need a fair amount of moisture to stay defined, and this thick cream has coconut oil and shea butter, two top hydrators. Plus, it works as a rinse-out mask (when you have time) or a leave-in conditioner (when you don’t).

B E S T B O DY B A L M

Bio-Oil Dry Skin Gel ($7) The dry-skin salve gets a moisturized thumbs-up from Dr. Hartman: “I layer it over my body moisturizer as a way to fortify the skin barrier and seal in hydration. It doesn’t leave me sticky.” A little goes a long way—a scoop on the tip of your finger is enough for both arms. Grab a bit more for legs.

Curél Extreme Dry Hand Relief ($4) For anyone dealing with cracks and dryness that feel more intense than ever, this is the reparative big gun: Its vitamin E–infused formula locks moisture into dry skin.

It’s worth having one at the ready next to each sink.

BEST HAND CREAM

B E S T S H O R T- H A I R S T Y L E R

Dove Men+Care Molding Paste ($7) “Not too soft, not too stiff, it’s just the right amount of hold,” Rosenkranz says. Warm a dab between palms, then run through hair to sculpt.

Keeps moisturizing even after multiple hand washings.

YO U Ñ B e aut y

B E S T B O DY WA S H

B E S T D E O D O R A N T S P R AY

Ivory Fragrance-Free Body Wash ($5) A shower staple the whole family can use, this dyeand perfume-free formula is gentle enough for parents, kids, and babies, and comes in a convenient pump bottle.

Schmidt’s Natural Deodorant Spray ($10) Pulling off a big feat in the natural-deodorant category, this aluminum-free formula comes in a spray that’s powered by air, not aerosol, for a more ozone-friendly delivery of natural scents like rose & vanilla, lavender & sage, and clean powder.

Moms and dads loved this equal-opportunity foam-ula.

BEST ANTIPERSPIRANT

BEST DEODORANT STICK

BEST WHITENING T O O T H PA S T E Colgate Optic

Degree Men’s AluminumFree Deodorant ($4) Novel scents like coconut and mint, and mandarin and vetiver set this deodorant apart from the usual big-brand sticks.

“I like that the aluminum-free version doesn’t stain my shirts,” Dr. Hartman says.

White Pro Series ($10) Regular nursers of coffee and tea can benefit from this new 5 percent hydrogen peroxide (the highest OTC concentration) formula, which can remove stains in a few weeks but won’t damage enamel. Oh, and the taste: minty, not burny.

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Makeup BEST BLUSH

BEST SKIN TINT

Revlon Powder Blush ($11) Found in makeup artists’ kits and with good reason: The blush comes in an array of shades, is foolproof to apply, and has staying power.

Fleischman is partial to Apricute, a pinky-coral that gives an I-just-played-a-round-of-tag flush (without your actually chasing after the kids).

Neutrogena Clear Coverage Matte CC Cream ($13) There’s a side of skin care included in this mediumcoverage foundation, thanks to vitamin B3, which helps brighten skin over time. “I smoothed on a light layer with my fingers, and it gave a natural result that lasted throughout the day,” Fleischman says.

IVORY, SCHMIDT’S, SECRET, DEGREE, AND COLGATE: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

Dollar Shave Club Shave Gel ($7) As great for beards as it is for legs, “this gel becomes a luxuriously thick layer of foam that I really like,” Dr. Hartman says. Shea butter and aloe help blades glide, preventing nicks or irritation.

B E S T F O R S H AV I N G

Secret Weightless Dry Spray Antiperspirant ($7) This argan oil–infused antiperspirant offers impressive wetness control sans drying alcohol. Plus, scents like wild rose, water lily, and white peach manage to cover up BO better than a body spray.

From the publishers of

and

Inspired gift ideas from female-owned brands. P G . 24

Going gas-free? All your questions, answered. P G . 3 0

Simple updates to keep your energy bills down. P G . 8

Give your furry friends the baths they deserve. P G . 4 2

Start It Up Millie Us

millie.us

Make 2022 the year you launch your small business

PG. 12

WOMEN & MONEY

synch r on yban k.com /m illie @millie_social

facebook.com/milliemag

YO U Ñ B e aut y

Your Beauty Essentials Shopping List RoC Multi Correxion Hydrate + Plump Moisturizer SPF 30 M O I S T U R I Z E R W I T H S P F:

L’Oréal Paris Infallible Full Wear More Than Concealer ($12) Possibly the fullest-coverage concealer we’ve tried—a few tiny dots blended under the eyes are enough to hide deep, dark circles. Think of this as your snooze button in a tube after a long night of kid feet on your face.

BEST CONCEALER

Maybelline New York the Colossal Curl Bounce Mascara ($10) The wand can coat each lash in the time it takes to tell your fam to get into the car. And unlike wriggly kids, lashes stay in place, thanks to polymers in the formula that act a little like hairspray. We tested it in a hard-core HIIT class: no panda-ring effects.

BEST MASCAR A

B E S T N A I L T R E AT M E N T

Essie Hard to Resist Nail Strengthener ($10) If the state of your nails reflects the era we’re in, this polish may help: A few no-need-to-be exact swipes can help build nail toughness and add shine.

CeraVe Hydrating Makeup Removing Plant-Based Wipes M A K E U P R E M OV E R :

Aveeno Positively Radiant

MOISTURIZER:

Gel Moisturizer FA C E WA S H :

Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser

SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER FOR FINE HAIR:

Generation Beauty by Pantene Full & Vibrant Shampoo and Conditioner SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER FOR COLOR-

Garnier Whole Blends Sulfate Free Remedy Shampoo and Conditioner With Red Rose Extract & Vinegar Blend T R E AT E D H A I R :

S H A M P O O & C O N D I T I O N E R F O R D RY O R

Herbal Essences Avocado & Argan Oil Shampoo and Conditioner DAMAGED HAIR:

STYLER:

TRESemmé One-Step Stylers Collection

OGX Quenching + Coconut Curls Curling Hair Butter C U R L T R E AT M E N T:

B E S T L I P T R E AT M E N T

COVERGIRL Clean Fresh Tinted Lip Balm ($7) All the hydrating, smoothing properties you want in a balm with an added hint of color. “It locked in moisture immediately. Then I forgot I had it on until I looked in the mirror a few hours later, and the bright tint was still there,” Fleischman says.

S H O R T- H A I R S T Y L E R :

Dove Men+Care Molding

Paste Olay Collagen Firming & Hydrating Body Lotion B O DY L O T I O N :

Burt’s Bees Naturally Clean

H A N D WA S H :

Hand Soap

Order From Home Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to shop this story from the comfort of your couch.

B O DY B A L M :

Bio-Oil Dry Skin Gel

HAND CREAM: B O DY WA S H : S H AV I N G :

Curél Extreme Dry Hand Relief

Ivory Fragrance-Free Body Wash

Dollar Shave Club Shave Gel

DEODORANT STICK:

Degree Men’s Aluminum-

Free Deodorant D E O D O R A N T S P R AY:

Deodorant Spray Secret Weightless Dry Spray Antiperspirant A N T I P E R S P I R A N T:

W H I T E N I N G T O O T H PA S T E :

Colgate Optic

White Pro Series BLUSH:

Revlon Powder Blush

Neutrogena Clear Coverage Matte CC Cream S K I N T I N T:

L’Oréal Paris Infallible Full Wear More Than Concealer CONCEALER:

L I P T R E AT M E N T:

COVERGIRL Clean Fresh

Tinted Lip Balm Maybelline New York the Colossal Curl Bounce Mascara MASCAR A:

N A I L T R E AT M E N T:

Nail Strengthener

PA R E N T S

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Essie Hard to Resist

L’ORÉAL PARIS AND MAYBELLINE NEW YORK: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

The rosy hue gives nails a welcome healthy glow.

Schmidt’s Natural

YO U — M e nt a l H e a lt h

AFTER THE BREAKING POINT Moms have been pushed to their limit—by the pandemic, yes, but also by a lack of support that long predates COVID-19. Now the question becomes: How can moms take charge of their mental health, start getting what they truly need, and look toward a saner future?

by AU D R E Y G O O D S O N K I N G O / photographs by D A N S A E L I N G E R

I KN E W something was very wrong when

I woke up one night sobbing. It had been 16 months since COVID-19 had upended the globe, and though I’d switched to part-time freelancing to keep up with the crushing burden of caring for my family, I felt foggy and depleted. I was sleeping more than ever, but I was exhausted.

I was doing work I loved, but I couldn’t concentrate. As my husband held my shaking body, it was finally clear: This wasn’t exhaustion. This was deeper.

As countless tweets, headlines, and studies have made clear over the past two years, “people who are caretakers, who

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overwhelmingly happen to be women, are struggling most with burnout, anxiety, and depression,” says Pooja Lakshmin, M.D., a psychiatrist and the founder of Gemma, a digital education platform focused on women’s mental health. It was mothers who took on the bulk of chores when schools went virtual and day cares closed last year, and many still do a disproportionate share of ad hoc child care during frequent quarantines or when staffing shortages shutter their child’s day-care center.

Yet while the unrelenting pressure of pandemic parenting has exacerbated

their woes, moms in America have long shouldered more than their share of domestic duties while trying to get ahead in their careers. “It’s important to say that normal sucked. We really need to transcend what was normal and create a new reality for women and mothers,” says Dr. Lakshmin, who prefers to call burnout “betrayal,” since much of it results from the people (underinvolved partners, employers, policy makers) who have historically failed to support mothers.

For many, this new reality is one where mothers put their own needs

When the stress ball no longer suffices, it’s time to zero in on what’s really ailing many.

YO U Ñ M e nt a l H e a lt h

One mental health exercise is called SOS, for Slow down, Orient yourself, and do a Self-check.

first—mentally, physically, and emotionally. As a working mom who writes about working moms, I’ve never talked to so many women so eager to speak out about problems at home or work, with a steely determination to never go back to How Things Were. For them, the pandemic may not be the Great Resignation, but the Great Revelation.

Renegotiating Boundaries As a surgeon and mom, Melissa Thomas, M.D. (not her real name), has always dealt with exhaustion. But when stress pushed a colleague of hers to take his life last year, “that was when I started to think, despite a decade of training and sacrifice, I could see myself walking away from my career,” she says. The tragedy prompted her to reexamine the burnout she’d accepted as part and parcel of a medical career. Now she mutes her phone on days off so she won’t compulsively check for updates on her patients.

Setting boundaries—at work, like Melissa, or at home—is an important step for preventing chronic stress, which can lead to burnout, says Sheryl Gonzalez Ziegler, Psy.D., a therapist and author of Mommy Burnout. In other words, setting boundaries is the act of saying no to others to say yes to your own self-care.

This can be hard. The 2020 Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey, in partnership with LeanIn.org, found that working moms are often the victims of false assumptions that they’re less competent and committed to their work.

Setting boundaries on the job (by requesting flex hours, for example) can compound the problem. Meanwhile, moms who set boundaries with their kids or spouses often feel immense guilt.

“Working moms in the U.S. have so much more guilt than moms in other countries, and it’s a product of the fact that we don’t treat child rearing as a collective problem the way other countries do,” says Jessica Calarco, Ph.D., associate professor of sociology at Indiana University. “Instead, we treat it as an individual decision: If you have children, you’re the one who has to live with the consequences.”

Dr. Ziegler recommends that moms identify areas where they tend to overcommit and scale back in small

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ways. If opting out is a no-go, try saying, “Yes, but,” as in, “Yes, I’ll serve on the committee, but I can’t chair it.”

It helps to think of setting boundaries as a form of personal activism, suggests sociologist Amanda D. Watson, Ph.D., author of The Juggling Mother: Coming Undone in the Age of Anxiety. “One thing I reiterate to women who want to show solidarity with marginalized women is that if we let this idea of the superwoman juggler be the pinnacle of success, we exclude people who can’t keep up with it,” she says. “If people with a stable living resist, it lets more people into the

fold—people who need to set boundaries because their work or care obligations are less predictable or they’re parenting kids with disabilities, for example.”

A New Self-Check Mindfulness and meditation were go-to sources of stress relief long before the last two years, and the rise of apps like Calm, Headspace, and MyLife have offered easy ways to grab a moment of zen. But burnout demands more.

“A lot of the techniques people are taught for stress management are good, but they’re difficult to use in a moment

of high stress. It’s really hard to be mindful, meditate, or do deep relaxation when you’ve got three kids pulling at you,” says Julian Ford, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine, in Farmington, who has spent the past two decades researching stress and trauma.

Instead, Dr. Ford recommends what he calls SOS: Slow down, Orient yourself, and do a Self-check. First, he says, take a few deep breaths. Focus on a thought that reminds you of what you value most—a family memory, a song lyric, or a prayer. Then rate your ability to think clearly on a scale of one to ten.

The method disrupts the brain habits that develop when we’re in survival mode (like during a global crisis). The amygdala’s usual role is to keep us alert, but when we’re highly stressed, it acts as an alarm system. When the alarm goes off—say, when our kid is struggling at school—our memory filing center, the hippocampus, pulls up memories of similar situations. If we’re stressed, we’re likely to retrieve memories of failures, such as our own middle-school travails. That makes it hard for our prefrontal cortex, the thinking center, to find a solution.

Susan Bennett (not her real name), a full-time working mom in New York City with cyclical depression and anxiety, tried a similar exercise last year.

At the time, she was working from home with her two teens; one struggles with severe anxiety, and the other has suffered from self-harm and suicidal ideation. “The pandemic smashed everybody’s issues against each other in a four-room space,” she says. “During difficult moments I’d ask myself, ‘What would you say to a friend going through this?’ It was often enough to help me find some calm, de-escalate the situation, and move forward with a little less anxiety.”

Talking It Out Nikki Wiles, a mom of a 4-year-old and a technical program manager in New York City, knows that parenting takes a village. Her son was born with a genetic condition requiring hours of physical, occupational, speech, and feeding therapy each week. Finding moms with kids in similar situations has been critical for

WHEN IT’S BURNOUT, OR SOMETHING ELSE Burnout is a psychological syndrome caused by chronic stress and can look like overwhelming exhaustion, disinterest, or cynicism—but related conditions have also seen a recent uptick. It’s important to consult a doctor or therapist for a diagnosis.

Languishing: Emory University sociologist Corey Keyes, Ph.D., coined this term to describe the feelings of apathy and numbness that result when you’re feeling unmotivated and struggling to focus.

While it can feel like depression, languishing doesn’t typically cause sadness, changes in appetite, feelings of worthlessness, or suicidal thoughts.

Chronic Stress: Causing anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system, this typically has a root cause—a bad job, an ailing relationship—and often resolves once the issue is addressed.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): This disorder can develop in those who experience a shocking, scary, or dangerous event.

Symptoms can include reliving an event through flashbacks, having bad dreams or frightening thoughts, feeling “on edge,” sleeping badly, and having angry outbursts.

Depression: This mood disorder causes persistent sadness and loss of interest in things you previously enjoyed. Depression can disrupt sleep, eating, and work, and unlike burnout, it isn’t always caused by situational factors. Treatment for depression may require medication.

Anxiety: Everyone worries, but people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) have excessive anxiety, on most days for at least six months, about things like their health, work, social interactions, or routine life events. Symptoms include trouble sleeping and concentrating, and feeling restless, fatigued, or irritable. This condition may also require medication.

bolstering her well-being and learning how to navigate services for her son.

Studies show that accessing these kinds of relationships is one of the best ways to fight burnout, Dr. Lakshmin says. “Do you have a friend you can get lunch with? Someone you feel safe with, who can have a nonjudgmental, honest conversation? If you don’t, that’s where therapy can be really helpful.”

Therapy can be especially beneficial for moms who believe their burdens might be eased by a big switch—such as quitting paid work, leaving a spouse, or moving. “When you’re in burnout, you want to bolt, but bolting doesn’t always help. You might end up re-creating the same pattern,” Dr. Lakshmin says. “It’s important to have space to talk through what isn’t working, including what repair would look like and if repair is possible.”

Portia Mount, a marketing vice president and mom of two in Charlotte, North Carolina, was pondering divorce when therapy helped her articulate her needs. “Work, plus the unpaid labor of our lives—it all came crashing down on me,” she says. “With my therapist, I wrote my husband a six-page letter about what I was going through and, in a two-hour session with my therapist, read it to him.

It was like breathing after being underwater for a long time. We’re now working together in a way that we haven’t in almost 16 years of marriage.”

It can be easier to find a therapist in our more-virtual world. Online therapy services like BetterHelp and Talkspace offer users access to providers with a range of specialties, and many employers are expanding access to virtual mental health benefits. (However, help is still hard to access without good insurance, and it can be difficult for women of color to find a person who looks like them.)

“It’s tough to find someone in-network who’s a good fit,” Nikki says. “But since the pandemic, I can see anyone licensed in the state and don’t have to account for travel time—so that’s huge.”

The Power of Movement “Even if I feel I don’t have time, I force myself to ride my Peloton or take a walk,” says Jamie Pereira, a mom and a project manager at a tech company in San Jose. A year ago, she knew she

YO U Ñ M e nt a l H e a lt h

Increasingly, the systemic failures that hurt working moms are coming to light.

doctor. What I feared was depression was burnout, plus prediabetes, high cholesterol, and low vitamin D. Years of putting my health last—not exercising, making a meal out of my kids’ Halloween candy—was catching up. Now I’m happy if I run a few times a week. That’s what Dr. Lakshmin recommends too.

“Research on habit formation shows that you have to be incentivized to stick with the plan, so you need to make success really, really easy,” she says.

“That may look like a walk once a week.”

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Agitating for Change When the world shut down in 2020, law firm partner Sofia Beaumont (not her real name) spent more time cooking, exercising, and being with her kids. “The only negative in my life was my marriage.

The disparity between our contributions to all aspects of our life was glaring.

I told him what I needed, and it was clear he either couldn’t or wouldn’t meet those needs. He moved out, and we’re in the process of getting divorced,” she says.

“For the first time in a decade, I’m taking care of my needs instead of prioritizing his.”

Dr. Ziegler and Dr. Lakshmin say they’re inspired by what they hear from patients, who, like Sofia, are increasingly connecting their mental well-being with the social structures we live in. “They’re asking hard questions about power, gender roles, and inequity that they weren’t asking five years ago, and to me, that speaks to change,” Dr. Lakshmin says.

Witness the growing number of working moms asking for paid family leave, paid sick leave, and child-care subsidies, says Eve Rodsky, the author of Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World and a member of Chamber of Mothers, a new advocacy group. “The antidote to burnout,” she says, “is living in a country that gives parents a safety net so they’re not drowning.”

Working moms have never had a life preserver tossed their way, even when they’ve needed it most, and, yes, they’re angry about it. They’ve paid the price with their minds and bodies. But anger, Dr. Lakshmin says, is catalyzing politically and personally. “These changes can be very intimate,” she says.

“It can be you standing up to your mother-in-law and saying, ‘I’m not going to make Thanksgiving dinner this year.’

Anger is powerful in our relationships and our own families—and that is where change happens.”

IF IT TAKES A VILLAGE …

WHERE IS IT? Experts cite these crucial gaps when it comes to support.

E M PLOYE RS : “I hear from thousands of mothers in our community about how difficult it is to combine a 40-hour workweek with 40-plus hours of housework and child care. It’s past time employers stepped up support for parents by providing backup child care, child-care subsidies, paid family leave, and truly flexible work options. On top of that, companies must make sure that working moms are being promoted through the ranks—and that we aren’t being penalized for taking advantage of these much-needed policies.”

—Blessing Adesiyan, founder and CEO of Mother Honestly

E LECTE D LE AD E RS : “No amount of spreadsheets, meal prep, or flexibility will ever make up for our country’s lack of investment in families. Systemic shortcomings, like the skyrocketing cost of child care and barriers to paid leave, are pushing women—and our economy—to the breaking point.

Elected officials need to stop forcing women to pick up the slack for their legislative inaction and start prioritizing real solutions.”

—U.S. Representative Katie Porter of California

PARTN E RS : “Seventy percent of U.S. moms report working full-time jobs while carrying the lioness’s share of parenting and housework.

Dads, it’s a simple formula to lighten the load for moms: 1) Make sure she gets the same amount of leisure and work time that you do; 2) Do what you’ve promised to do, without reminders, at a minimum standard of care that you and your partner agree on; 3) Communicate regularly by scheduling check-ins, and avoid providing feedback in the moment when everyone is stressed.”

—Eve Rodsky, author and advocate

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needed a change after sobbing in her bathrobe on a video call with her boss.

She switched to a less-stressful role and reprioritized the mind-healthy habits she developed while dealing with postpartum depression for the past six years.

Of course, working moms often put physical exercise, good nutrition, and adequate sleep on the back burner.

(Several experts I spoke to worry about the long-term impact of the sleep debt moms have accrued in the pandemic.)

After the night I broke down, I called my

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YO U Ñ C o v e r S t o r y

H E R T RU T H Birth was a lot. Early motherhood is tough—and wonderful. But raising son Riley has helped Grammy-winning artist Meghan Trainor focus on her career goals and also her physical and mental health. “I want to be the best for my kid,” she says.

by C A R I N A C H O C A N O , with additional reporting by PA M O ’ B R I E N photographs by P E G GY S I R O TA

MEGHAN TRAINOR

is best known for her diamond-certified pop smash “All About That Bass,” which debuted in 2014 when she was 21 years old. The anthem brought body positivity into the mainstream in the catchiest possible way. The song’s contagious, exuberant confidence made Trainor an icon of empowerment. But her forthcoming album, which she began working on during her first months of motherhood and which is set to release this year,

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comes from a more emotionally honest and vulnerable place.

“A lot of people ask me, ‘Your career’s poppin’ and you have a baby. How do you do it?’ ” Trainor, 28, says. She’s bouncing a 10-month-old Riley on her lap, his pacifier in his mouth. Husband Daryl Sabara, 29, the Spy Kids star and voice actor whom she married on her 25th birthday, hovers nearby. “ ‘How can you manage it all? How are you so happy?’ ” Trainor concedes that she is very happy but that childbirth

and the first few months of her baby’s life were harder than anticipated.

The rewards of parenthood outweigh the bad stuff, of course. “When you get your prize, you’re like, ‘Oh my God, this was worth every stitch!’ ” she says of Riley’s delivery last February. Still, she says, “We had a lot of bumps.” She’s referring to her gestational diabetes, her cesarean, and her subsequent PTSD, not to mention Riley’s initial breathing problems, which landed him in the

NICU for his first five days. She was also unprepared for how hard breastfeeding would be. “When you google it or look it up on YouTube? They don’t tell you why it can suck. I’ll tell you why it might suck! Sometimes your nipples aren’t big enough for your baby’s mouth. I didn’t know that was humanly possible!”

Some of the new songs she’s written are sad, she says, because she’s committed to “telling the hard parts.” For instance, she says, “A lot of women are out there posting their stretch marks, and they write, ‘I love my tiger stripes, they gave me my boy.’ ” But she found it hard to love hers. “I love my baby, but I can’t look at my stretch marks and honestly say, ‘Wow, I love them,’ you know?”

For Trainor, “It feels like I’m telling my truth. I heard that when you have a baby, you get more creative, and my lyrics are changing. Instead of writing songs to make everyone feel better, I’m writing about how I feel in this moment. But it’s not like every day is sad. It’s more like: Yes, I am a badass, but this ain’t easy, and I have to get up and keep going.”

A self-described “nerd” about self-improvement, Trainor regularly consults a nutritionist and sees a therapist to tend to her mental health.

She has spoken about the years it took to wrestle down her panic disorder.

Life still serves up anxiety-inducing situations, but “I’ll lose control for a minute, then I snap back,” she says. “I’m proud.” She’s working on getting past an old habit of being self-critical, especially of her career. “When I’m singing in the booth, I’ll say stuff like, ‘Oh, I suck,’ you know? I have to learn to not say those things out loud, because if I do, then my brain believes them.”

Just as it says in her famous song, her mother did, indeed, tell young Trainor not to worry about her size. But she was insecure about her body nonetheless.

“People say, ‘You wrote songs about how much you love yourself.’ And I say, ‘I wrote the songs because I needed them.

Because I felt the opposite.’ ” Growing up on Nantucket, she and her two brothers played outside all day, but “we were always chubbier kids. We had a snack drawer in the house, and my mom was never strict about it,” Trainor says.

Her pregnancy forced her to learn

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“I just felt super-loved by my parents,” Trainor says. “I think that’s why I always wanted to be a mom too.”

about blood sugar and study her own metabolism, and she hopes to pass her newly formed healthy habits on to Riley.

Trainor has always found a sense of security in her family, and they continue to be close. “I just felt super-loved by my parents. They were really good to us.

Still are—they’re at our house every day.

I think that’s why I always wanted to be a mom too,” Trainor says.

Sabara “is Superdad,” she says. He’s an early bird who takes Riley strolling at dawn and then brings Trainor coffee and oatmeal in bed, plus Riley, for some snuggle time. Afterward, Sabara takes Riley while Trainor works out for an hour, before they switch. Sabara also helps her stay organized. “He’ll actually

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YO U Ñ C o v e r S t o r y

“I’ve never been more motivated,” Trainor says. She and husband Daryl Sabara, opposite, support each other through the parenting juggle.

YO U Ñ C o v e r S t o r y

ParentsÕ Lightning Round BOOK I READ TO RILEY I’ve Loved You Since Forever,

by Hoda Kotb.

SONG I SING TO HIM “You Are My Sunshine.”

B E S T B A BY A DV I C E I’VE RECEIVED When my pediatrician tells me all Riley’s weird things are normal.

R I L E Y ’ S L AT E S T T R I C K Squeezing his hand as he says bye-bye and kissing!

W O R KO U T M O T I VAT I O N I look at Riley and think, “I’m going to do anything I can to live forever.”

run my schedule with me. He’s too good to be true,” Trainor says.

Trainor went back to work when Riley was 3 months old, cohosting Peacock’s Top Chef Family Style, in which young chefs compete, with parents as cooking partners. Going to work so soon after the birth was “scary at first,” she says, “but it really helped that the team included so many other moms.” The crew gathered around her during breaks, asking if she needed to pump, to rest, to see the baby—since Riley was spending his days in the trailer. As transitions go, it was a good one. “I think about moms who don’t get to bring their kids to work, which is pretty much everybody, and it’s crazy to me,” Trainor says.

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After Top Chef wrapped, Trainor judged Clash of the Cover Bands, a singing competition that streams on Hulu Live TV. By the time it was over, she felt run-down and guilty about missing time with Riley. Her therapist gave her a pep talk. “‘No, you’re not a bad mom, you’re a working mom, and you’re working to support your family and to love your family,” Trainor recalls her saying. “I think when you have a kid you just realize, ‘Wow, life is beautiful and precious. I want to be the best for my kid.’ I’ve never been more motivated.”

Trainor is currently developing a sitcom for NBC based on her life, which she will star in. But the goal of growing her family is never far from her mind.

“I’m gonna try to get to four,” she says, speaking of kids. “I’m gonna try to create four. We’ll see what happens after three.

I’m not doing less than that. I need three.” Then she recalls her reaction to seeing Riley for the first time. “When I saw Riley in the NICU, all hooked up to these wires, I just saw the most adorable baby redhead I’ve ever seen,” she says. “And I thought, ‘Oh! We have to make more.’ ” Trainor says that Riley has inherited Sabara’s sense of zen and her own good sleeping habits. As he grows, Trainor says they will teach Riley to “ ‘treat people with kindness,’ as Harry Styles says,” referencing Styles’s 2019 hit.

Ultimately, her dream is simply to sit down on her couch, watch TV, and cuddle with her fam. “That’s my true happy place,” she says. “I don’t want to be on a beach somewhere. I want to be indoors with air-conditioning and blankets, food, and happiness. That’s my joy.”

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B E S T PA R T O F S H A R I N G T H E B A BY L OV E O N I N S TA It becomes a digital photo album.

I always go back and look!

Party of three—for now.

When Trainor first saw her newborn son, she says, “I thought, ‘Oh! We have to make more!’ ”

YO U ÑT h e H e a r t o f P a r e nt i n g

Building a Bridge to My Boy

I always tried to pull my son into my world. After I lost him, I wished I’d spent more time in his.

by I VA N M A I S E L / illustration by A N N E B E N T L E Y

WHEN OUR

second child and only boy, Max, was born, I had all the expectations that every young, naive father holds for a son. Max would walk in my footsteps, would grow up as sports-crazed as I did.

He would collect baseball cards—and football cards and basketball cards—and long after his children were grown, he would keep those cards in his closet.

My son’s lack of interest in sports is proof that God has a sense of humor. It turns out mothers have genes, too—which, in truth, is unfair to my wife. She had more interest in sports than Max did.

I use the past tense because Max died seven years ago, at age 21, when he ended his life. He struggled with depression, which we knew, until it spiraled out of control, which we didn’t. As you may imagine, I’ve examined our relationship from every vantage. I see where I succeeded and where I didn’t, the latter looming larger because his death doesn’t allow me to correct my mistakes.

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My wife described Max the toddler as “on his own planet and happy to be there.”

But what we originally deemed cute—such as the ability to recite entire Dr. Seuss books—turned out, after litanies of tests, to be evidence that he resided “somewhere on the spectrum.” What do you do with that? There is no X-ray that identifies autism, no shadow on an MRI that announces itself as Asperger’s.

Max struggled with social cues, but we bonded over humor. I trained Max to love the Marx Brothers, the arid nonsense of Bob and Ray. He and his sisters introduced me to the zaniness of How I Met Your Mother. Max collected cards—Pokémon, not baseball. My efforts to introduce him to sports ran aground. He played one year of T-ball. He made one trip to the driving range. And then, one night at age 9, Max came downstairs and asked me about Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant. Actually, he asked about Kevin GAR-nett and KOHB Bryant, mispronouncing both.

He had been reading a LEGO catalog, which included the new NBA LEGO set. Instantly, we were in the car, headed to Toys “R” Us. Jason Kidd, another LEGO character, played nearby. I asked Max if he wanted to see him play. And off we went to see the New Jersey Nets.

I thought I had established a beachhead.

Max and I went to several games a year for a few seasons. I’m haunted by how desperately I cling to the memory of one NBA playoff game we attended in 2007.

Max, 13, and I sat 20 rows behind a basket.

When the Nets clinched the victory at the free-throw line, Max and I embraced, jumping up and down. What I love about that memory does not put me in the most flattering light: It’s the most vivid moment I have of Max fulfilling the assumptions I made when he was born. It underlines the difficulty I had in reaching him on his terms, his turf.

It devastates me to acknowledge that I built those bridges for him to walk to my interests but rarely crossed over to his.

I know I’m not the first parent who’s failed to grasp the saliency of a Pokémon deck, or the only one who couldn’t take three steps in Minecraft without being cut down by a fellow player. But it pains me to have decided that I didn’t have to be interested in the things that most interested him, and yet wanted him to be interested in what interested me.

I’m smart enough to know that had I dived into either Pokémon or Minecraft, rather than pretend to have only a passing interest, it would have had no bearing on Max’s mental state. And I know that some of the gap was generational. One shock of parenting adolescents is that a child who once fit snugly in one arm is now a living embodiment of how you are no longer cool.

I believe the trick with any child is to meet them where they are. You teach them where they must be in terms of how they treat people. You introduce them to the topics that you think are important.

And you don’t dismiss the ones that are important to them. You don’t have to immerse yourself in their passions. But if I had it to do over again, I would wade in at least up to my waist.

Ivan Maisel is a sportswriter and the author of the memoir I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye.

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Going full deep-sea is as easy as adding blue-confetti bubble balloons, a few anemone-like Spritz Extra Large Tissue Paper Fans ($8 for three; target .com), and a cool, colossal Shark Foil Balloon ($16; merimeri.com) to bob over the festivities.

Pick a Party!

Whatever they’re into (sharks! tie-dye! fairies!), here’s a quick-start guide to planning your kid’s next birthday. We’ve got the snacks, cake hacks, and party props here. All you need to do is remember to order the pizza.

by YO L A N D A W I K I E L photographs by CAITLIN BENSEL PA R E N T S

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L I F E Ñ C e l e br a t e

Set out snacks that just might start a feeding frenzy. We’re talking melon slices with zigzag “shark bites,” gummy sharks, and baggies of Goldfish crackers and blue jelly beans. And don’t forget some killer table décor, like these Shark Party Paper Cups With Sleeves ($4 for eight; orientaltrading.com), Under the Sea Dinner Plates ($11 for eight; merimeri.com), and Neon Wood Cutlery ($20 for 24; merimeri.com).

colors randomly (anywhere from ½ in. to 1½ in. apart) on the sides.

3. Position the icing smoother with the blade held vertically along the bottom of the cake.

Spin the turntable while dragging the smoother against the side of the cake, eventually raising the smoother upward to create wavy overlaps. (Do not overblend. You should see the different shades of white, medium blue, and aqua blue and ridges of frosting that resemble waves.)

It’s a Shark Party Stay for a bite!

Shark Attack Cake Now, this is how you transform an average white cake into a great white cake.

Layer on extra blue frosting along the sides for some gnarly waves, then top it off with a single shark fin cookie. Done! (Or rather: dunnn, dunnn ...)

W H A T Y OU ’ L L N E E D White frosted round layer cake (either homemade or store-bought) Cake turntable Store-bought white frosting 2 small bowls Food coloring gels in medium blue, aqua blue, and black (Wilton Gel Food Coloring in Cornflower Blue, Sky Blue, and Black, $3 each; wilton.com)

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Large offset spatula Plastic icing smoother (approximately 4 in. wide) Store-bought sugar cookie dough 3-in. shark fin cookie cutter ($2; thecookiecuttershop .com) 2 lollipop sticks (4 in. each) Ready-to-use royal icing MAKE IT

1. Place frosted cake on the turntable. Divide the store-bought white frosting between two bowls. Tint frosting in bowls by adding drops of each blue food coloring gel into the separate bowls and stirring to achieve the desired shades of blue.

2. Load the back side of the tip of the offset spatula with one of the colors and dab a smear onto the side of the cake. Continue around the cake, dabbing both

4. Make and bake sugar cookies using the store-bought cookie dough (according to the package directions) and the shark fin cookie cutter; gently press a lollipop stick into the base of 2 cookies before baking (you‘ll have 1 cookie for the topper and 1 as backup—the rest can be served alongside the cake).

5. Tint royal icing with black food coloring to achieve desired shade of light gray.

Ice all cookies and let set.

Party Props Pinup Drape the 6-foot Spritz “Happy Birthday” Shark Banner along a table, a doorway, or an empty wall for a jawsome welcome. $5; target.com

Open Wide Dare kids to take a jaw-dropping pic from inside the mouth of the Shark Photo Prop.

Later, turn it into a game of “Feed the shark.” Tape the nose to a table edge and challenge everyone to toss fish squirt toys into the opening from a distance. $22; orientaltrading.com

Flying Fish Another way to keep them busy: Get these Shark Gliders airborne in the yard to see whose beast can go the fastest and farthest.

It’s a sharknado! $15 for 48; orientaltrading.com

6. Insert the lollipop stick of 1 shark fin cookie topper into the center of the cake. Hold cake either at room temperature or refrigerated (depending on the filling) until ready to serve.

Look Sharp

Shop the Party Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to link to all the shark-themed supplies.

Here’s a favor kids will really eat up: The Shark Attack Hard Candy Necklaces will appeal to their inner tough guy and their sweet side. $9.50 for 12; orientaltrading.com

PAPER CUPS, ORIENTAL TRADING. PLATES AND CUTLERY, MERI MERI. “PARTY PROPS”: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

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L I F E Ñ C e l e br a t e

It’s a Tie-Dye Party Dress for a mess!

Color Pop Cake

Party Props

It’s all about the swirl!

Use different shades of cake writing gels (like the kind you would use to write Happy Birthday on a cake) to make spirals on a plain white cake, then blur them together with paintbrushes.

Fired Up

W H A T Y OU ’ L L N E E D White frosted round layer cake (either homemade or store-bought) Cake decorating gels in blue, yellow, pink, and purple (Betty Crocker Writing Gels, $3 each; supermarkets) 2 food-grade brushes, one ½ in. wide and flat and the other ¼ in. wide and round (Wilton Cake Decorating Tools, 5-Piece Brush Set, $9.50; wilton.com) Paper towels

Tie-Dye To-Dos P R E P I N A DVA N C E

Supersized One Giant Foil Rainbow Number Balloon (it’s 34 inches!) will bring a major cheery pop to any party space. $5.50; michaels.com

You’ll want each guest to have at least one item to tie-dye. T-shirts have throwback camp vibes (a good bulk buy: Gildan Youth T-Shirts, $4.50 each; joann .com), but you can make over anything from socks and scrunchies to pillowcases and totes. Whatever you choose, make sure they’re made of cotton and that you prewash them so they absorb dye well.

S E T U P A S P L AS H ZO N E

Dye Job All you really need to get the party started: The Tulip One-Step Tie-Dye Block Party Kit comes with 16 pairs of disposable gloves, 75 rubber bands, and eight bottles of dye—just add water to activate them. $40; joann.com

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Cover a table (ideally outside, unless you are very brave) with plastic tablecloths and stock it with plenty of plastic gloves and rubber bands as well as squeeze bottles of dye (all included in the kit in the sidebar at left). Lay down several layers of paper towels at each kid’s workstation to soak up excess squirts of dye. Or have them do their dying inside large plastic tubs to contain the mess.

GO WILD

Pass out the T-shirts and let the kids get

their hands dirty. They can start by crumpling the fabric and holding it in place with rubber bands on the front and the back. Then they can go crazy squeezing on all the different colors.

TA K E I T TO G O

When finished, the dyed shirts will need to set for six to eight hours. Place each still-wet, rubber-banded shirt in a resealable plastic bag marked with the child’s name. Write up instructions for how to rinse, wash, and dry the projects later (details included in the tie-dye kit), and add the note to each goodie bag.

Shop the Party Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to link to all the tie-dye-themed supplies.

MAKE IT

1. Apply large concentric spirals on the cake directly from the gel tubes, starting with blue as the centermost spiral and working outward with yellow, pink, and purple.

Double up a second layer of gel over the pink ring and the outermost blue ring.

(This will vary the intensity of the colors.) Paint only the top of the cake; leave the sides white.

2. With the flat brush, drag the color outward from the center, like the “spokes” of a spiderweb, moving around the top of the cake. Work in long, even strokes in one direction, cleaning the paintbrush on a paper towel after contact with the blue gel to prevent it from bleeding too much into the lighter colors.

3. Fill in the spaces between the spokes with the same technique using the small round brush, leaving some white streaks to mimic the look of tie-dye. Hold the cake either at room temperature or refrigerated (depending on the filling) until ready to serve.

THIS PAGE, “PARTY PROPS”: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS. GIRL: NATASHA SIOSS/GETTY. OPPOSITE: OMBRÉ PLATES, MERI MERI.

Get more oohs and aahs at the cake unveiling by arranging Spritz Happy Birthday Candles in two tiers on the cake. Push the BIRTHDAY letters down flush with the frosting, and position HAPPY so it’s hovering above them with the picks visible. $3; target.com

Anything Goes Let’s be real: Things are going to get sloppy, so embrace the chaos. Those far-out strokes of color on the cake will look Insta-cool even if they’re not perfect.

Go ahead and mismatch the table to your heart’s content (Ombre Small Plates, $6.50 for eight, merimeri .com; Rainbow Large Plates, $7 for eight, shop .ohhappyday.com; Tie-Dye Paper Napkins, $2.50 for 16, partycity.com; Party Essentials Neon Party Cups, $15.50 for 40, amazon.com; and Metallic Rainbow Premium Plastic Cutlery, $8 for 24, partycity.com). Then add jumbo swirl lollipops as spunky place settings and sprinkle lots of confetti.

(You can vacuum later!)

L I F E Ñ C e l e br a t e

It’s a Fairy Party Just add pixie dust!

Butterfly Effect Cake Adorned with a menagerie of fluttery wings, even a basic white cake is sure to delight.

The cake looks chichibake-shop impressive, but the butterflies are easily attached with a little corn syrup—and FYI, they’re totally edible ( just keep them out of the fridge).

W H A T Y OU ’ L L N E E D Wafer paper edible butterflies ($15 for 30; beeboxdesign studio.com) Corn syrup in a squeeze bottle White frosted round layer cake (either homemade or store-bought) MAKE IT

1. Follow the package instructions for making the butterflies double-sided.

2. Apply a tiny dab of corn syrup to the underside of the body of a butterfly.

Press it to the side of the cake and hold in place for several seconds to make sure it adheres.

Wild Bunch Play up the cake’s enchanted woodland vibes by hanging the Paper Flower Garland Backdrop ($27; papersource.com) behind the dessert table and using a mix of pastel and rustic serving pieces.

Make sure to gift the guests Pastel Glittery Star Wands ($10 for 12; orientaltrading.com) when they arrive so that the kids can spend the day casting spells (and, yes, possibly concocting juice-box potions).

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GIRL: SINGKHAM/GETTY. WANDS, ORIENTAL TRADING.

3. Continue up the side and across the top of the cake.

Butterflies should not be refrigerated, so if not displaying or serving right away, attach them shortly before it’s time.

L I F E Ñ C e l e br a t e

Party Props

Home Made Keep kids enchanted (well, for 30 minutes) with a craft that’ll spark their imagination. The Fairy House Color-In 3D Wood Puzzle by Creatology comes with all they’ll need to deck out a pad fit for a sprite, including paint, brush, glitter, and fairies—just supply glue. $10; michaels.com

Flying Colors Hand out Fairy Wings to get each guest into the spirit and wear home (and hey, they’ll probably wear them every day for the next month). $27 for six; lolasaturdays.com

Inflate the whimsical mood with this giant Toadstool Mushroom Shaped Balloon.

Tape one to a wall or cluster a few in a bare corner.

And when the kids are hopped up on sugar, grab it to expend some of that energy with a rowdy game of “Keep up the balloon.” $10; ellieandpiper.com

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GA R D E N VA R I E T Y

These adorable tea sandwiches come together like magic. A large flower cookie cutter can shape the whole sandwich, then a small round cookie cutter cuts a circle in the top slice to reveal a pop of color. You can layer deli turkey under American or cheddar cheese for orange, cream cheese under cucumber slices for green, and Swiss cheese under ham for pink; or simply spread on some raspberry jam for red.

Shop the Party Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to link to all the fairy-themed supplies.

“PARTY PROPS”: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

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L I F E Ñ Pe t C a r e

If you’re hoping your children will scoop the poop, you may be barking up the wrong tree. But there are plenty of other ways all ages can help out.

by J E N N Y C O M I TA

family member means tacking extra tasks onto your to-do list. Some are a joy—who doesn’t want an excuse to take a walk in the park on a beautiful day?—while others are less than savory. Not even the most devoted animal lover considers changing the litter box to be a fun way to spend some time.

Can you enlist the kids to help?

Well, while a preschooler shouldn’t be handling the worst of pet duties yet, they can pitch in with other things, from meals to playtime. Pet care presents an opportunity for kids to learn responsibility, just like making their bed or setting the table.

Sharing the burden not only lightens your load, it also has undeniable advantages for both kids and critters.

“When a child feeds, brushes, or trains their pet, it strengthens their bond,” says H AV I N G A F U R RY

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Karen Engwall, an elementary-school teacher turned dog trainer in Kansas City, Kansas, who teaches pet care and training to 8-to-12-year-olds via the online education platform Outschool.

“From that bond, the pet, especially a dog, learns to respect the kid and listen.

Otherwise, a dog will often avoid or ignore children in favor of the adults who meet more of their basic needs.”

The right age for your child to start pitching in depends on both their maturity and your pet’s temperament, according to Arden Moore, author of A Kid’s Guide to Dogs and A Kid’s Guide to Cats. “I’ve seen 9-year-olds who are better at handling pets than some teens,” she says. “But regardless of age, your kids should team up with you initially. Make the introduction to pet chores fun. Kids, like pets, respond best to positive reinforcement.”

Waste Management Most pet owners would choose to outsource poop patrol if they could. But if you’re hoping to enlist your kid, proceed with caution. “Intestinal parasites are a very real and common thing in pets,” says Dr. Quincy Hawley.

“And many of them are zoonotic,

FILADENDRON/GETTY.

Pet Chores for Kids

Feeding Time “With parental supervision, even a 4-year-old is capable of putting a scoop of food into a bowl,” Engwall says. But children playing pet waiter also need to be able to grasp animal-safety basics.

“Kids need to know, for example, that when a dog is eating, you don’t go near it because some dogs can be food aggressive,” says veterinarian Quincy Hawley, D.V.M., who with his wife, fellow vet Tierra Hawley, D.V.M., lives outside Fayetteville, North Carolina, with their two daughters, three dogs, a cat, a blue-crowned conure parrot, and a chicken. “The larger the animal, the more important this becomes. An angry German shepherd can cause more physical damage than a Chihuahua.”

Still, the quickest path to a pet’s heart is through its stomach. Ever since the Hawleys’ 6-year-old started feeding the family’s cat every morning, the kitty follows her everywhere. “But at that age, you need to have realistic expectations,” Dr. Tierra Hawley cautions. “There’s going to be some food spilled on the floor, and she’s not necessarily going to clean it up. And I always open the can of wet food for her because I don’t want her cutting herself on the sharp edges.”

When it comes to dry kibble, she says, the best way to make sure kids aren’t overserving is to leave a measuring scoop in the container.

Even before kids are old enough to handle the responsibility of providing daily sustenance, they can endear themselves by doling out treats. “Just make sure to enforce reasonable limits on the amount given,” Dr. Tierra Hawley says. (Unlimited cookies aren’t healthy for anyone.) Kids can start young with water duty, too, Moore says. “A great first responsibility to give a young child is checking the water bowl every day, helping a parent refresh it, and making sure it’s not growing fur of its own.”

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meaning they can be transmitted from animals to people via feces.”

Kids helping with this aspect of pet ownership should be old enough to remember to wash their hands very well afterward and not touch their face during the process, and that level of maturity varies from child to child.

According to Parents advisor Ari Brown, M.D., a pediatrician in Austin and proud owner of a feisty Jack Russell terrier, “Some kids could start to help their parents around age 5, with careful supervision.” School-age kids can learn the trick of putting their hand in a plastic bag to pick up poop, then flipping the bag inside out so the poop is contained. But it’s probably best to wait until they hit double digits before allowing kids to fly solo on cleaning up the messy stuff.

Compared with picking up after your dog in the backyard, a litter box is an easier place to start assisting, Dr. Tierra Hawley says. “It’s a more controlled, indoor environment, and you can keep an eye on your child.” Using clumping litter can also make cleanup easier.

The rule about cleanup duty being best for school-age kids also applies to smaller caged pets. Some, like hamsters and reptiles, can transmit salmonella through their waste, especially to children under 5 whose immune system isn’t fully developed.

Better to let them start helping with input (filling food trays and water bottles) and move on to output duty later. They can, however, hold on to their lizard friend or guinea pig while you do the dirty work.

Grooming Kids can help with bathtime by holding towels or squeezing shampoo into your hand, but someone with strong arms should be holding your dog or, heaven forbid, your cat in a bath.

“If a dog or cat cooperates with being brushed, that’s a better job for a kid to take on,” says Dr. Tierra Hawley. And many dogs need to be brushed right after a bath.

Timing can be key. “Brush a kitty when the pet has just finished a meal or had a nap and is not revved up and ready to play,” Moore says. “And teach

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your kids to pay attention to their pet’s body language. For example, a cat that is enjoying being brushed will have relaxed whiskers and will purr.” If the pet is tensed up and pulling away, on the other hand, it’s time to stop.

“And probably no pet is going to benefit from a marathon brushing session,” Moore says. “Keep it brief and always end with a treat.”

For both dogs and cats, Dr. Tierra Hawley recommends that kids wear grooming gloves for doing the brushing.

These are widely available pet accessories that have rubber nubs or short bristles on the palms and are available in “junior” sizes. “For the kid, it’s as if they’re petting and brushing at the same time,” she says.

Exercise Taking the pup for a spin around the block can be a great opportunity for kids to practice independence. But dog walking requires some know-how and—with large or energetic dogs—a certain degree of size and strength.

“An 11- or 12-year-old can probably stroll independently, but you should accompany a child who’s younger than that,” Engwall says. Before you hit the sidewalk, Dr. Brown says, “practice together in the yard or the park with the child holding the leash.”

Of course, walking isn’t the only way to get your pet moving. A kid and a dog playing catch is a twofer: Both small creatures get the chance to let some wiggles out. Tossing a stuffed animal or a tinsel ball around the living room can be an easy way to keep everyone entertained—maybe even long enough for you to cook dinner.

By about age 8, kids can begin to teach Fido new tricks like rolling over or offering a paw. “In the online classes that I teach, kids do a great job with even some advanced tricks like ‘sit pretty,’ where the pup sits and lifts up its two front paws,” Engwall says.

“When the student gets their dog to do a new trick, they’re so excited and proud.” And, of course, when playtime is over, cleanup time begins. Who knows? Tidying up their pet’s toys might even inspire your kids to pick up their own.

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L I F E Ñ F u n Fo o d

Hot Chocolate and Beyond

Cozy and cute drinks—each made with an unconventional twist—could be the weekend warm-up your family is craving. recipes by D R E W S A LVAT O R E / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

Pink Hot Chocolate Heat 1 cup whole milk in a small saucepan over medium heat until hot (do not let boil). Whisk in 1½ oz. white chocolate and 1 Tbs. beet juice (use bottled juice or the liquid from a pack of vacuumpacked beets) and heat, whisking constantly, until chocolate is melted, 1 to 2 minutes. Pour into a mug and serve, topped

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with 1 marshmallow. Makes 1 drink.

Hot Raspberry Lemonade FOR GROWN-UPS

Bring 1 cup water and 1 lemon slice to a boil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Remove from heat and add a raspberry-hibiscus herbal tea

bag. Steep tea bag for 4 to 6 minutes. Stir in 1½ Tbs. honey and 1 Tbs. lemon juice. Dip the rim of a mug in a plate of honey, then dip immediately in a plate of turbinado sugar. Pour in the raspberry lemonade and serve.

Makes 1 drink.

Toasty Banana Shake Dissolve ½ tsp. granulated sugar

in ½ cup hot water. Blend water, 1 ripe peeled banana, ½ tsp. almond extract, and a pinch of kosher salt in a high-powered blender until combined, being careful not to overblend, about 15 seconds. Pour into a mug and microwave on high, 30 seconds.

Sprinkle with crushed freezedried raspberries and serve.

Makes 1 drink.

Coconut Cocoa Place one 13.5-oz. can coconut milk in the fridge overnight (do not shake). Scoop out coconut cream that has solidified on top into a medium bowl (reserve liquid left behind). Add 1 Tbs. confectioners’ sugar and beat with an electric mixer on medium speed until soft peaks form, about 5 minutes. Heat 1/2 cup water and 1/2 cup reserved coconut milk with 2 Tbs. granulated sugar and 1 Tbs. cocoa powder in a small saucepan over medium heat, whisking, until combined and hot throughout, about 3 minutes.

Pour into a mug and serve, topped with a spoonful of whipped coconut cream and sprinkles, optional. Reserve remaining coconut whipped cream and remaining coconut milk for another use. Makes 1 drink.

Cider Squeeze Heat 1 cup apple cider, 1 Tbs. orange juice, and 1 Tbs. light brown sugar in a small saucepan over medium, whisking, until sugar is dissolved and cider is hot, about 2 minutes. Pour into a mug. Thinly slice 1 apple and, using a small star-shaped cookie cutter, punch a star from center of 1 slice. Prop up slice in mug and drizzle with caramel sauce.

Makes 1 drink.

Maple-Tahini Latte FOR GROWN-UPS

Heat 1/2 cup whole milk (or alternative milk), 1 Tbs. maple syrup, and 1 Tbs. tahini in a small saucepan over medium-low heat; beat with a hand mixer on medium speed until warmed and frothy, 3 to 4 minutes. (Alternatively, warm milk mixture over medium-low until small bubbles form. Process with a milk frother until frothy, about 30 seconds.) Pour 1/2 cup hot, strong brewed coffee into a mug. Pour milk mixture over top, spooning froth over drink, and serve, sprinkled with black sesame seeds. Makes 1 drink.

Matcha Pink Drink FOR GROWN-UPS

Mix together 1 tsp. granulated sugar and 1/4 tsp. matcha powder on a small plate. Dip the rim of a mug into water, then into the sugar-matcha mixture. Set aside.

Bring ½ cup water to a boil in a small saucepan. Pour into prepared mug and stir in 1 Tbs. whole milk and ½ tsp. matcha powder. In the same saucepan, whisk together 1/4 cup whole milk, 2 Tbs. heavy cream, and 1 tsp. granulated sugar until warm and

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sugar is dissolved, about 2 minutes. Add milk mixture to a high-powered blender along with 2 medium or 3 small strawberries, and blend until smooth. Pour strawberry milk over top of matcha mixture to create two distinct layers. Top with a strawberry slice on the rim. Makes 1 drink.

Snickerdoodle Crème Heat 1 cup whole milk, 2 tsp. maple syrup, and a pinch of ground cinnamon in a small

saucepan over medium-low heat, whisking, until small bubbles form, about 4 minutes (do not let boil).

Stir in 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract.

Process with a milk frother until frothy, about 30 seconds.

(Alternatively, transfer milk mixture to a 16-oz. Mason jar with a lid; shake until frothy, about 4 minutes.) Pour into a mug, spooning froth over the drink, and serve, topped with a decorative sprinkle of cinnamon (use a heart stencil made out of parchment paper, if you like). Makes 1 drink.

S’more Milk, Please!

Cut 2 large marshmallows into quarters. Heat 1 cup whole milk and marshmallows in a small saucepan over medium heat, whisking, until marshmallows are melted, 5 to 7 minutes (do not let boil). Pour into a mug and serve, topped with a dollop of marshmallow topping (such as Fluff), a sprinkle of graham cracker crumbs, and a drizzle of chocolate sauce. Makes 1 drink.

FOOD STYLING BY MARGARET DICKEY. PROP STYLING BY CLAIRE SPOLLEN.

L I F E Ñ F u n Fo o d

Mixes Well

L I F EÑD é c o r

Play With Wallpaper Given a bathroom’s small size, it’s an ideal place to try a bold pattern. And because you won’t need a lot of paper, you’ll save on effort and expense. A fun design can inject personality and a sense of surprise: “It’s like an ‘aha’ moment” when kids open the door, says Kesha Franklin, a designer in Green Brook, New Jersey.

Peel-and-stick and Sure Strip versions are fairly foolproof for DIYers. These papers adhere smoothly and won’t damage walls on removal. Chasing Paper, Tempaper, and Target are favorite sources of Los Angeles–based designer Sabrina Soto. Look for waterresistant, laminated PVC or vinyl, which will withstand your kid’s bathtub sloshing. And a word to the wise: Installation is generally a two-person task.

Franklin recently wallpapered one bathroom in an oversize floral pattern and another in a mid-century modern geometric print. Atlanta-based designer Vern Yip leans toward animal patterns—“Tigers are trending right now,” he says—and wallpaper with a textured effect. “A hammered metallic look is really elegant.”

Bath toys and toddler toothbrushes make this space a challenge. But a few decorating projects that are easy on parents’ jam-packed schedules (and budgets) can help beautify things.

by B E T SY G O L D B E R G

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Paint the Vanity This project is simplest when the piece is made of real wood, which is easier to sand down and prep than particleboard or other materials. To start, remove the drawers, doors, and hardware, labeling the knobs and pulls in baggies so you’ll know exactly where to put

JAY WILDE.

Easy Bathroom Upgrades

While it can be tempting to cover just one wall, decorators favor papering them all, ceiling too. “Bathrooms already look chopped up,” Franklin says.

Wallpapering everything keeps it unified and cohesive.

© 2020 The Caldrea Company. All Rights Reserved.

L I F EÑD é c o r

them back. Then apply a top-quality primer (such as Rust-Oleum Painter’s Touch Primer) to the vanity, which will help the paint adhere.

Curtain Call Hanging a new shower curtain offers a quick and inexpensive way to make a statement.

You’ll need to use a paint that can stand up to steamy showers and general humidity.

Soto suggests waterborne alkyd, a durable paint with a smooth consistency. For Yip, vanity-painting success is all about choosing the right finish.

“Stick with a satin, semigloss, or gloss, which will resist moisture better than a flat or eggshell will,” he says.

Swap In New Fixtures “You can elevate your entire space just by having the old faucets replaced with affordable modern ones,” Soto says, and that’s an easy job for a contractor or handyman.

An update you can do on your own: Switch up your cabinet and drawer pulls or knobs (Soto leans toward ones from Anthropologie, Schoolhouse, and Rejuvenation).

For a clean and contemporary look, Yip recommends sticking with either pulls or knobs rather than mixing the two.

Matte black is a finish currently having a moment. “It’s the blue jeans of fixtures. It’s so pretty, and you can pair matte black with brass, chrome, nickel—anything,” Soto says.

Brass and gold add a luxurious

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GR APHIC GOALS

Degen Canvas Shower Curtain. $59; urbanoutfitters.com

touch, Franklin says, and a departure from the more common stainless steel and polished chrome.

If you’re looking to improve a bathroom mirror that’s the routine, builder-grade kind, create definition with a frame.

Companies like Frame My Mirror sell customizable, selfadhesive frames that attach to basic mirrors. Or for a bigger

INSTANT WOW PR ESENTED BY

Valspar

Another simple change: Paint the walls.

To pull off a one-and-done job, try a mildew-resistant, stain-blocking option like Valspar Reserve Interior Paint + Primer. Sue Kim, Valspar’s color marketing manager, suggests a neutral pastel like Subtle Peach, a 2022 Color of the Year.

upgrade, replace the old mirror completely. “Tape it up first, have someone hold it while you unscrew the clamps, and slide it off,” Soto says. Then bring in a clean-lined, framed mirror that’s at least as wide as your sink.

Level Up the Lighting Aim for two sources of lighting: overhead and vanity.

Ceiling lights are necessary to illuminate the entire room, but they also cast shadows, so having sconces installed (which frontlight instead of downlight you) is a worth-it upgrade, Yip says. The sweet spot is eye level—about 60 inches from the floor to the center of the light. Try to get these on a dimmer—you won’t regret it on middle-of-the-night trips with your toddler.

As for bulbs, “cool LEDs will make your space look flat, so pick ones with a 2,400K to 2,700K temperature,” Yip says. “That’s the right warmth for light that’s flattering and inviting, and it will make the room’s colors look rich.”

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PAT T E R N - P E R F E C T

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BATHROOM: BRITTANY AMBRIDGE/OTTO. DESIGNED BY ANNE CHESSIN DESIGNS & LICHTEN ARCHITECTS. CURTAINS AND PAINT: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

As for color, deep ones like navy, hunter green, or sea blue look striking and work especially well when they’re picking up a shade from existing tile, but “you can never go wrong with a crisp white, especially if your bathroom isn’t large—it helps the space feel airier,” Franklin says. Alternatively, “you could go with a rich charcoal gray or black, which are sophisticated and bold.” A general rule of thumb: Go darker than you think you want to, Soto says. “Whatever the color looks like on the paint fan, it will look lighter when it’s actually on the piece.”

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L I F E ÑT r a v e l

La Jolla

SAN DIEGO REGION

All the Animals A good time will be had by every age on this wildlife-centric trip in a city where the weather is almost always fab.

Best for ages 3+

DAYS 1–2 Drive ten minutes from the city’s convenient downtown airport and check into the Bahia Resort Hotel (home to a pair of rescued harbor seals that can no longer survive in the wild). Spend the rest of the afternoon at the small but mighty Birch Aquarium, where seahorses and, coming soon, little blue penguins will thrill.

For dinner, Katie Dillon, founder of LaJollaMom.com, suggests the plant-based menu at Second Nature.

Spend most of the next day at the world-famous San Diego Zoo. “My 5-year-old enjoyed the guided double-decker bus tour through different habitats so much that she wanted to take it a second time,” says Zineta Dukaj, who Instagrams at @Z_Adventure_Mama. The fam’s other must-sees include the gorilla exhibit and the Tiger Trail, while Dillon’s crew is partial to koalas and polar bears. In March, the zoo will open Denny Sanford Wildlife Explorers Basecamp, a 3.2-acre mecca with interactive play, sensory elements, cool caves, and hidden reptile sculptures. Before heading back to the hotel, take a spin on the Balboa Park Carousel.

The Golden State offers a kaleidoscope of landscapes and attractions. Here are sample itineraries in three different regions for spring or summer break (or whenever the going is good).

by K A R E N C I C E R O

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DAYS 3–4 Get another early start to catch the sea lions and seals on the coastal trail in nearby La Jolla. From mid-May to midDecember, you can get a great view from Children’s Pool Beach in particular. Spend the rest of the morning tide pooling: Near La Jolla Cove, for instance, kids may spot hermit crabs and

KATIE DILLON.

California , Here You Come!

mussels, while Hospitals Reef contains a section of rocks with moon craters that can be filled with seashells and sea anemones. Have a low-key afternoon at the New Children’s Museum, and wow kids with The Wonder Sound Garden, which extends to the upper patio, a painting space in a vintage 1950s pickup truck, and a clay studio. Or book a whale-watching cruise.

The next day, pile into your rental and head to the San Diego Zoo Safari Park in Escondido, about 40 minutes northeast. The sprawling, picture-perfect setting is dotted with wild animals. There are several tour options, including an opportunity for kids 8 and over to get a bird’s-eye view by zip-lining over the rhinos and giraffes in the savanna. Kids of all ages can touch and brush goats and feed nectar to free-flight rainbow lorikeets. Return to the hotel for dinner and an evening swim.

PLANNING TIPS

Compare airfare prices into Sacramento, San Francisco, and Oakland airports, because they’re all about the same distance from Napa Valley.

Visit in spring or early summer when wildfires are less likely to occur.

Check a winery’s website for special “family-friendly experiences.”

gave their Rutherford cabernet sauvignon a 92, Scott adds.

Shop and eat in cute downtown Calistoga before heading back.

DAYS 3–4

Matthiasson Winery

N A PA VA L L E Y

IF YOU’RE UP FOR MORE Visit the Children’s Nature Retreat, a sanctuary in Alpine, about 40 minutes east. Kids can interact with some of the rescued animals.

FROM TOP: COURTESY OF ERIN DESKALO; COURTESY OF THE NAPA VALLEY WINE TRAIN.

Take a snorkel tour, available from June to September or October, to swim with leopard sharks (they’re harmless!).

Touch bat rays, learn about tide pools, and watch penguins at SeaWorld San Diego.

PLANNING TIPS

Check the calendar at USHarbors.com. November through March is usually the best time for tide pooling, because the tide is low during daylight hours.

Word to the wise: Fans will be coming to town for Comic-Con International from July 21 to 24, so hotels will likely be much pricier and more crowded during this time.

Get the kids psyched for the trip by watching the zoo’s live animal cams.

Wine Country With Kids Here’s to a chill vacation with pleasantly old-school attractions, easy hiking, and tot-welcoming wineries.

Best for ages 3+

DAYS 1–2 Settle into your room: Mom of three Erin Deskalo, who blogs at GoGlobalWithKids.com, suggests booking a vacation rental in Napa or the Silverado Resort and Spa, which has bike rentals, tennis courts and lessons for kids, a pool, and, duh, a great wine list. Either way, you’ll want to visit only one winery per day and fill in the rest of your time with laid-back adventures. Because little legs will be restless after a flight or a long car ride, start at the Pestoni Family Estate Winery in St. Helena. You can take your wine (and the kids’ grape juice) to the garden where littles can explore and play lawn games. On the way back, stop at the Bale Grist Mill State Historic Park, where kids will be in awe of a waterwheel from the 1800s.

Begin the next day at the Old Faithful Geyser of California in Calistoga. It’s a smaller version of the Yellowstone favorite and

blows off steam every 15 to 30 minutes. Swing by the petting zoo to see the llamas, sheep, and goats before you visit Sterling Vineyards. “Take the tram 300 feet to arrive at this incredible winery high on the hill,” says Susanna Scott, founder of AModernMother .com. “Adults are greeted with a glass of wine, and kids get a pack of treats to keep them busy on a self-guided tour.

There are five tasting stations scattered around the grounds, most with stunning views and an educational video.” Kids can get a slushy while parents taste quality wines; Wine Spectator

Venture into Sonoma for railroad-themed rides and more wine. TrainTown Railroad offers a 20-minute journey on a quarter-scale locomotive that ventures through tunnels and over bridges. Then make your way to the Larson Family Winery for munching and wine. “The atmosphere is so mellow,” Deskalo says. “There’s a market where you can buy sandwiches, and apple juice for the kids. After eating, they can play on the huge grassy area.”

Meander around Napa on your final day. Start at Playground Fantastico, which has whimsical slides, tunnels, and other structures. In the afternoon, visit Matthiasson Winery, which is certified organic. They have a seasonal garden that kids are welcome to explore.

IF YOU’RE UP FOR MORE Take the Napa Valley Wine Train. “We did an early-evening ride, and the kids sat across from us. They played Monopoly, and we enjoyed a three-course dinner with gorgeous wine country scenery!” Scott says.

Explore the family-friendly Alpha Omega Winery in St. Helena and/or the Frog Leap Winery in Rutherford.

Napa Valley Wine Train

Check the event calendar at Connolly Ranch Education Center in Napa, a nature center that often has activities for kids.

L I F E ÑT r a v e l

ANAHEIM AND LOS ANGELES

Theme-Park Thrills This whirling adventure loops through three or four amusement parks plus pop-culture hot spots.

Best for ages 6+

DAYS 1–3 Kick off your trip in Anaheim, home to Disneyland Park and Disney California Adventure Park. While it’s a short walk between the two, you’ll want to spend a full day at each, says A. J. Wolfe, founder of The Disney Food Blog. Enjoy the hotel pool on your travel day, and start fresh in the morning at Web Slingers: A SpiderMan Adventure, an immersive, 3-D ride that opened last summer in a section of California Adventure called Avengers Campus. “Kids use their hands to sling webs, Spidey-style, as they ride in a vehicle through several rooms,” says Wolfe. Avengers Campus is also home to Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: BREAKOUT!, a drop-tower ride with a fun vibe, cool music, and several possible drop sequences (your crew may want to go twice).

Afterward, pick up a snack at Pym’s Test Kitchen, which specializes in size-defying food inspired by Ant-Man and The Wasp. “We split the giant chocolate candy bar loaded with brownies, caramel, and peanuts,” Wolfe says.

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Next stop: Pixar Pier, home to the Incredicoaster and Toy Story Midway Mania! attractions. The steel coaster, which tells the story of Edna Mode babysitting Jack Jack, is a good bridge between kiddie rides and thrill rides. For a late lunch, the new Lamplight Lounge serves up twists on nachos, potato skins, and sliders. Then grab a ride on flight simulator Soarin’ Around the World and Radiator Springs Racers, a thrilling road trip in a scene themed from the movie Cars. Have dinner at Insta-famous Black Tap Craft Burgers & Shakes at the

DAYS 4–5 Drive an hour into Tinseltown for a day of showbiz-related sightseeing. Find the stars for your family’s favorite entertainers on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. (Or take younger kids to a Disney flick inside the magnificent El Capitan Theatre.) Then go on the partially guided Warner Bros. Studio Tour Hollywood, where you can explore sets from superhero movies, practice wand moves in a

PLANNING TIPS

Consider flying into either John Wayne or Long Beach Airport. They tend to have shorter lines and smaller crowds than Los Angeles International Airport.

Book your Disney tickets as soon as you nail down your dates. “The parks are still limiting capacity, so tickets for busy times have been selling out weeks in advance,” says Testa.

Bring your vaccination cards. At press time, the city of Los Angeles requires full vaccination or a recent negative COVID-19 test for anyone age 12 and up to enter indoor restaurants, museums, and other attractions, including theme parks. Check the latest requirements before your trip.

Galaxy’s Edge

Harry Potter–themed area, and drive by the back lots (where you might spot actors).

Grab lunch at the Central Perk Café, which has fun food and NYC faves. Finish the day at the new Academy Museum of Motion Pictures; the museum offers free admission to anyone 17 and under. Your kids can spy ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz and learn about how animation works.

Stop at In-N-Out Burger on the way back to your hotel.

Spend the next day at Universal Studios Hollywood.

In The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, a re-creation of Hogsmeade village, your muggles can navigate the rooms in Hogwarts Castle and hop on a ride to follow Harry as he dodges Dementors and a dragon. Snack on butterbeer and a chocolate frog before riding the Flight of the Hippogriff coaster. Have lunch at Three Broomsticks (the fish and chips are brilliant), then head to Jurassic World – The Ride, Despicable Me Minion Mayhem, The Simpsons Ride, and the latest attraction, The Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash. When you’re back in Anaheim, take the kids to Pho 45 Vietnamese Restaurant for its famous noodle soups.

IF YOU’RE UP FOR MORE Head to one or two other theme parks in the area, Knott’s Berry Farm and/or Six Flags Magic Mountain. A Wonder Woman Flight of Courage– themed coaster is coming to Six Flags this summer.

Drive to Santa Monica for a spin on the famous Ferris wheel and to ride waves at the beach.

LEFT: ©2021 UNIVERSAL ORLANDO. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. RIGHT: JOSHUA SUDOCK/DISNEY PARKS.

Universal Studios Hollywood

Downtown Disney District before bed. “My favorite place to stay is Disneyland Hotel,” says Len Testa, founder of Touringplans.com. Its monorail-themed water slides are wild. With park-view rooms and a heated pool, the new Westin Anaheim Resort is another fan favorite.

Begin the next day at Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge in Disneyland Park. Dash to Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, a high-tech, 20-minute ride that puts your crew in a battle against the First Order. (If there’s a long wait, consider spending $15 per person for faster “Lightning Lane” access using the Disney Genie app, Testa says.) Then head to Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run for a journey in the ship’s famous cockpit. For lunch, grab a Ronto Wrap at Ronto Roasters. Spend the afternoon on classic rides, like Indiana Jones Adventure, Space Mountain, Peter Pan’s Flight, and Haunted Mansion, plus the Main Street Electrical Parade (in its 50th year!). Eat at your hotel, then return for fireworks.

by invitation | tipsntrends, inc | info@tipsntrends.com

L I F E Ñ S up p e r

The Bright Sides

These dozen veggie-forward recipes can quickly complement almost any main dish. (Let the kids pick which one to try first.) recipes by N I C K I S I Z E M O R E / photographs by C A I T L I N B E N S E L

Yogurt-Roasted Carrots

SIDE NOTES 5 ingredients or less (not counting salt and pepper) 15 minutes or less from start to finish Make up to a day ahead Freezes well (double the batch)

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Preheat oven to 425°F. Stir together 1/4 cup whole-milk Greek yogurt, 1 tsp. garam masala, optional, and 1/2 tsp. brown sugar in a large bowl. Add 2 bunches trimmed and scrubbed carrots (halved if large), and toss with salt and pepper. Spread in an even layer on a parchmentlined baking sheet. Roast, flipping halfway through, 20 to 25 minutes. Drizzle with juice of 1/2 lime and 1 Tbs. honey. Sprinkle with 1 Tbs. chopped mint or cilantro.

Parmesan Asparagus Preheat oven to 400°F. On a parchment-lined baking sheet, toss 1 lb. trimmed asparagus spears with 1 Tbs. olive oil, 1/4 tsp. granulated garlic, 1/4 tsp. lemon zest, 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese, and 3 Tbs. panko breadcrumbs. Season with salt and pepper. Bake 8 to 10 minutes, or until asparagus is tender and breadcrumbs are golden brown.

Crunchy Lime Slaw Whisk together 3 Tbs. lime juice, 3 Tbs. vegetable oil, 1 garlic clove (grated), 1 tsp. honey, 1/2 tsp. sesame oil, and 1/2 tsp. fish sauce. Toss dressing with 6 cups thinly sliced napa cabbage (1/2 small head), 1 cup thinly sliced red bell pepper (1 medium), 1/3 cup chopped cilantro, and 1/3 cup chopped peanuts or pepitas. Marinate in the fridge for at least 10 minutes before serving.

Minty Peas Boil 1 lb. frozen peas in salted water until bright green and tender, 2 to 3 minutes. Drain, and transfer to a food processor.

Add 3 Tbs. melted unsalted butter, juice of 1/2 lemon, and 1/4 cup coarsely chopped mint. Season with salt and pepper. Process until mostly smooth. Serve warm.

L I F E Ñ S up p e r

Preheat oven to 425°F. Toss 11/2 lbs. baby potatoes, halved (quartered if large), with 2 Tbs. olive oil, 2 tsp. smoked paprika, 1 tsp. granulated garlic, and 1 tsp. brown sugar.

Season with salt and pepper.

Spread in an even layer on a parchment-lined baking sheet.

Roast, stirring occasionally, until browned, 30 to 35 minutes.

Maple-Squash Mash Preheat oven to 400°F. Cut one 21/2-lb. butternut squash in half and discard seeds. Place squash, cut sides down, on a parchment-lined baking sheet.

Roast 30 to 35 minutes, or until tender. Let sit until cool enough to handle. Scoop the flesh into a food processor and add 2 Tbs. butter, 1/2 tsp. cinnamon, and 1 Tbs. pure maple syrup. Process until smooth. Top with 1/4 cup toasted panko breadcrumbs.

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FOOD STYLING BY MARGARET MONROE DICKEY. PROP STYLING BY CLAIRE SPOLLEN.

Smoky Roasted Baby Potatoes

LIFE’S FULL OF HIDDEN PROBLEMS, SO WE

HID A COMFORTING BROWNIE IN A SNICKERS.

© 2021 Mars or Affiliates

L I F E Ñ S up p e r

Warm Corn Salad Melt 1 Tbs. butter in a large skillet over medium heat and add 4 cups fresh or frozen (thawed) sweet corn and 1/2 cup chopped red onion. Cook until corn is bright yellow, 2 to 4 minutes. Add 1 garlic clove (minced) and cook 30 seconds.

Stir in 1/4 cup mayonnaise, juice of 1/2 lime, a dash of hot sauce, optional, and 1/4 cup each chopped cilantro and green onions. Season with salt and pepper. Remove from heat and stir in 1/4 cup crumbled cotija or feta cheese. Garnish with more cilantro.

Brown Butter Spaghetti Squash Put one 3-lb. spaghetti squash on a microwavable plate and poke several holes in the squash. Microwave on high for 5 minutes. Flip and microwave 6 to 8 more minutes, or until tender when poked with a fork.

Cut squash in half lengthwise, and cool slightly. Scoop out seeds and discard. Scrape the squash strands into a colander and let cool. Heat 4 Tbs. butter in a nonstick skillet until butter is golden, 2 to 3 minutes. Add 2 garlic cloves (grated), 2 Tbs. chopped sage, and drained squash. Season with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring often, until warmed through.

Remove from heat and stir in 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese.

Garnish with additional cheese.

Coconut-Curry Cauliflower Rice Heat 2 Tbs. coconut oil in a large skillet over medium. Add 1 cup shredded carrots, 1/4 cup sliced green onions, 2 tsp. minced ginger, and 2 tsp. curry powder. Cook, stirring, 1 minute.

Stir in one 10-to-12-oz. bag frozen riced cauliflower, 1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut, and 3 Tbs. golden raisins. Season with salt and pepper. Add 1/2 cup vegetable broth or water. Cover and cook until cauliflower is tender, 4 to 5 minutes. Stir in 1 tsp. honey and juice of 1/2 lime.

SIDE NOTES 5 ingredients or less (not counting salt and pepper) 15 minutes or less from start to finish Make up to a day ahead Freezes well (double the batch) PA R E N T S

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Pesto Green Beans Boil ¾ lb. trimmed regular or French-style green beans in salted water until crisptender, 2 to 4 minutes. Drain and rinse in cold water. Pat dry and transfer to a large bowl. Toss in 2 Tbs. store-bought pesto and 1 Tbs. olive oil. Fold in 1 cup halved grape tomatoes, and season with salt and pepper.

Hoisin-Glazed Baby Bok Choy Halve 3 heads baby bok choy lengthwise. Heat 1 Tbs. vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium-high. Add bok choy, cut sides down, and season with salt and pepper.

Cook until browned on the bottom, 2 to 3 minutes. Flip and cook 2 to 3 more minutes.

Pour in 1/2 cup vegetable broth or water and 1/3 cup hoisin sauce. Cook, stirring and flipping the bok choy, until it’s tender and glazed, 3 to 4 more minutes. Sprinkle with 1/2 tsp. sesame seeds, optional.

Quinoa Tabbouleh Toss 2 cups cooked, cooled quinoa with 1/2 cup finely chopped parsley, 1/2 cup finely diced English cucumber, 1/2 cup finely diced seeded tomato, 1/4 cup sliced green onions, 2 Tbs. lemon juice, 2 Tbs. olive oil, and 1 garlic clove (minced). Season with salt and pepper.

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It’s Party Time!

Birthday parties are back! Make it fun for everyone with these four tips that ease the stress and make celebrations more special.

Don’t aim for perfection.

Even if you’ve slaved over every detail, chances are something will not go as planned. Don’t sweat it. Kids don’t notice—and don’t care—about the details. What they will notice is if you’re upset and stressed out, so try to just go with the flow.

Ask in advance about allergies.

You don’t want to find yourself with a huge ice cream cake and a roomful of kids with dairy allergies. Check with parents in advance to see if there are any foods that are off limits for their kids.

Manage the guest list.

Ask all guests to RSVP so you can keep an accurate count. That way, you’ll be able to order the right amount of food, favors, and other items—and can manage your kids’ expectations if a special friend is not able to come.

Reconfirm food deliveries.

Nothing ruins a party faster than a roomful of hangry kids, so call and confirm that food is coming at the scheduled time the day before the party.

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Ages + Stages ADVICE AS YOUR CHILD GROWS

P R E G N A N CY

HOW TO

Optimize Your Nutrition

by A D R I E N N E FA R R

Focus on variety.

Consuming a balanced diet is important to ensure your baby is receiving the nutrition they need to develop normally.

Nutritious foods will also help you maintain a healthy blood sugar level and minimize the risk of gestational diabetes, which can lead to a large fetus (weighing 9 pounds or more), labor difficulties, or heavy bleeding after delivery, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). So aim to prioritize high-fiber foods (such as whole grains, fruits, and vegetables) as well as lean proteins and unsaturated fats.

Be cautious about harmful foods.

There are unique food-safety issues during pregnancy. Avoid unpasteurized cheese and deli meats, since they can contain the bacteria listeria, which is dangerous during pregnancy. Think twice about raw fish; some can cause foodborne illness, so it’s best to steer clear of them. According to ACOG, you should not eat fish that are known to have high levels of mercury, such as

bigeye tuna, king mackerel, swordfish, and tilefish. Too much mercury in your bloodstream can damage your baby’s developing brain and nervous system.

Limit white (albacore) tuna to only 6 ounces a week. You should also check the Environmental Protection Agency’s website for any advisories about fish caught in local waters. Making sure that your meat isn’t undercooked and garden vegetables are rinsed well is also essential, because they could contain a parasite that increases your risk of developing toxoplasmosis, a disease that can have serious effects on your infant.

Also, be sure that your food is stored at proper temperatures and is discarded in a reasonable time frame. Avoid alcohol during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and minimize caffeine to less than 200 milligrams daily, particularly during your first trimester.

Structure your eating.

The concept of eating for two during pregnancy is a myth. During your first trimester, you don’t need any extra calories beyond your pre-pregnancy needs. Take in about 340 additional calories a day in the second trimester and 450 more calories a day in your third. Always check in with your doctor about the range of weight gain that will be ideal for you, based on your starting weight. When planning meals, it’s best to have three per day and two to three snacks (so that you’re eating every three hours or so). However, if you’re managing certain pregnancy-related side effects—such as reflux and heartburn as your uterus enlarges—you may prefer to have smaller meals as frequently as every two hours.

Stay hydrated.

Get More Age-Specific Tips Hover your phone’s camera over the smart code to subscribe to our daily newsletter.

Drinking plenty of water can prevent kidney stones and urinary tract infections, and minimizes constipation.

It also helps prevent the risk of defects related to severe maternal dehydration, like inadequate breast-milk production and even premature contractions.

Your goal should be to drink eight to

12 glasses (64 to 96 ounces) per day. Don’t worry about whether you’re drinking too much, as it is hard to consume a high enough volume to cause harm.

Sources: Ricci-Lee Hotz, R.D.N., contributor at Testing.com; Parents advisor Laura Riley, M.D., chair of the department of obstetrics and gynecology at Weill Cornell Medicine, in New York City, and author of You & Your Baby: Pregnancy.

0 –12 MONTHS

HOW TO

Engage Your Baby’s Memory

by TA M E K I A R E E C E

Understand mental milestones.

Your infant’s memory muscles are hard at work from the moment of birth. At first, your baby will use procedural memory, which is responsible for motor skills like sucking, swallowing, making sounds, and eventually rolling over and walking. By 6 weeks, your newborn will begin to build semantic memory, or general world knowledge. This helps them recognize you as their parent and later to know their own name and grasp the meaning of words like dog and ball.

Build associations.

When your infant experiences something for the first time, this stimulates areas

It’s helpful to sing the same songs or play your baby’s favorite game every day.

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A G E S + S TA G E S

of their brain that are responsible for storing and retrieving memories, and forms new connections between nerve cells. The more neural connections there are, the more ways your baby can process information (which makes them smarter). Help establish those pathways by caressing your child’s tummy with a feather or showing them how to squeeze a bath toy. And let them master some tasks on their own, such as trying to keep blocks from tumbling.

Rely on repetition.

Infants form stronger memories when they have repeated exposure. That’s why it’s helpful to sing the same songs or play your baby’s favorite game every day before their nap. Sticking to routines, but sometimes varying them in some way (like saying “peekaroo” instead of “peekaboo”), strengthens the preexisting connections in your baby’s brain while forming new ones.

up a photo of your baby’s grandparents while singing, “This is Grandma; this is Grandpa. They love you,” to the “Where Is Thumbkin?” melody. This can also help your babe learn their grandparents’ faces. And remember to smile. Your child is more likely to recollect something if it’s linked to a positive emotion. So whether you’re showing them how to make a toy light up or talking about the bird outside, use lots of cheery facial and vocal expressions.

Sources: Sherry Artemenko, a speech-language pathologist and founder of Play on Words; Stephen Christman, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Toledo; Ross Flom, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Southern Utah University, in Cedar City; Lisa Oakes, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the Center for Mind and Brain at the University of California, Davis.

1 –2 Y E A R S

HOW TO Talk all the time.

Kids whose parents frequently talk to them usually have a bigger vocabulary and start speaking sooner because they recall many of the words they have heard. When your baby starts to babble, join in. Smile, make eye contact, repeat their sounds, and then pause to let them respond. This back-and-forth teaches your baby how to take turns during a conversation and lets them hear, remember, and repeat a few sounds at a time. Reading books together also gives them a context for new words. For instance, a story about a cow may use words like cow and spots repeatedly and in various ways. The pictures will help reinforce your baby’s memory for those words.

Prepare for a Plane Ride

by R E B E C C A R A KO W I T Z

Know what to pack.

If you’ll be flying with your toddler, bring whatever you think will keep them comfortable. Anything that makes them feel safe at home, like a favorite lovey or blanket, can help do the same in this new environment. Mix things up a little and throw a few surprises into your carry-on bag to give to your child before boarding or during takeoff. The excitement of a new toy or coloring

Have fun with lyrics.

The rhythm, rhymes, and pattern of a song make it easy for babies to recall. In “Itsy-Bitsy Spider,” for example, the melody and rhyming words help your baby predict what will come next.

They’ll catch on quickly to wiggle their fingers like a spider. To encourage memory retention, sing short, upbeat songs like “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes,” and point to each body part. You can make up your own songs too. Hold

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When planning snacks, bring things that don’t require refrigeration or count as liquid when passing through TSA.

book, for example, can help hold their attention longer and perhaps ease their discomfort. It’s also a good idea to download any favorite shows ahead of time. Dressing in layers is key, since airports and planes are often chilly. Bring backup clothes and diaper-changing must-haves in case there’s a blowout.

When planning snacks, bring things that don’t require refrigeration or count as liquid when passing through TSA. Try easy-to-eat foods that you know your kid will enjoy, like Goldfish, animal crackers, Cheerios, or cut fruits and veggies.

Ease inner ear issues.

The “airplane ear” that you may notice yourself can be magnified for your kid.

During takeoff and landing, the pressure in the plane cabin changes, and the eustachian tubes in the inner ear may be slow to balance that pressure. This is especially true for a 1- or 2-year-old, whose tubes are smaller and straighter than adult tubes, making it harder for them to drain properly. This pressure sensation can hurt or scare your child, so they may be fussy at the beginning and end of a flight. To try to minimize the discomfort, give your kid something to eat or drink. Moving their jaw and swallowing will help keep their tubes open. For any acute concerns or if your child has an active ear infection, it’s best to check in with a doctor prior to flying.

Understand their reaction.

Your child can experience a lot of big feelings in this strange new environment. Flying can be loud and unsettling, and can cause motion sickness. Additionally, being stuck in their seat can also make them restless.

Although it’s safest for them to stay strapped in, if they are feeling particularly antsy, the seat belt sign is off, and the flight attendants aren’t in the middle of a service, you and your child can carefully walk up and down the aisle. It’s also okay for them to move around in their seat or in your row. Just remember to keep the personal space of other passengers in mind. Your kid may also act out if they are just plain tired.

Flights can interrupt nap schedules, and even if you align your travel with naptime, your little one might have

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A G E S + S TA G E S

trouble dozing off. Any combination of these scenarios is a recipe for a midair meltdown, so do your best to comfort and distract your little one. Remember that they will often follow your lead, so the calmer you can remain, the better.

Consider the cabin.

Do your best to be courteous to fellow passengers. Using kid-safe headphones with devices and keeping the volume low on toys are welcomed, neighborly gestures. Keep common food allergens in mind when choosing food that you’ve packed. Peanut butter treats may be your kiddo’s favorite, but swap them this time or ask a crew member if anyone near you has a food allergy, which is something many passengers add to their reservation.

If you’re worried your child is being overly disruptive and disturbing other travelers, you can always call for a flight attendant’s assistance. If they can safely help, they will. Many are resourceful and make toys with materials on board or offer other much-needed distractions for your child.

Don’t worry too much about apologizing to fellow passengers, but if it makes you feel better, a simple “I’m sorry, they’re tired” is fine. Remember that most people on the flight will be understanding and have been in your shoes. So breathe in, buckle up, do your best, and know that descent will be on the horizon.

Sources: Christian Avaria, a flight attendant for Delta Air Lines; Alok Patel, M.D., a pediatric hospitalist and cohost of Parentalogic; Maggie Tompkins, a flight attendant for Envoy Air, an American Airlines regional airline.

3–4 YEARS

HOW TO

Reduce Their Sugar Intake

by TA M E K I A R E E C E

If you’re cooking or baking something that calls for sugar, just use less, or try unsweetened applesauce.

physical and emotional symptoms.

To give your child time to adapt, start by changing one small thing at a time, such as replacing sugar during their midday snack. Then, once your child adjusts to that, focus on a different meal, like breakfast.

Get creative with swaps.

Foods with added sugar have more calories and fewer nutrients, so look for healthier alternatives. Instead of candy, cookies, and other sweets, offer your child fruit. Fresh, frozen, canned, or dried fruits are all good options (make sure there’s no added sugar if you’re serving anything other than fresh). To keep fruit interesting, go beyond the usual apples, bananas, strawberries, and oranges. Try pomegranates, honeydew melon, kiwi, pineapple, mango, star fruit, and other tasty selections. If you’re cooking or baking something that calls for sugar, just use less, or try unsweetened applesauce instead. With packaged foods, read ingredient labels and choose low- or no-sugar products.

Also, avoid those with artificial sweeteners or sugars listed by other names, such as dextrose, high-fructose corn syrup, or maltose. Rather, find treats like all-natural ice cream or frozen yogurt that are lower in sugar.

Or let your child add banana slices or berries to low-sugar cereal in order to give it a bit of sweetness (and extra nutrients).

Think about drinks.

Do it gradually.

As with other changes in routine, it’s better to take this one step at a time.

Cutting back on your preschooler’s sugar intake can lead to some unpleasant

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Beverages like soda, juice, sweet teas, artificial fruit juices, and sports drinks contain a lot of added sugar as well.

Make water, unsweetened seltzer, and plain milk the drinks of choice in

your home and when you’re out at a restaurant. If your kid’s not feeling the whole water thing, let them spark it up with some healthy add-ins, such as sliced cucumbers, oranges, berries, or fresh mint leaves. To give milk a kick, add a little cinnamon or sugar-free vanilla extract. A few other ways to make these healthier drinks more appealing: Let your child use silly straws or cups that have their favorite cartoon characters on them, or freeze ice cubes into fun shapes (like animals or letters).

Keep healthy treats available.

One of the easier ways you may be choosing to satisfy your kid’s taste buds is by grabbing unhealthy packaged snacks, which are usually more cost-effective, quick, and convenient.

Instead, try planning and prep work so that healthier, low-sugar options are just as simple. Make trail mix with unsweetened dried fruit, nuts, and seeds, and then pack it in individual portions. Chop up fruit and veggies and keep them on a low shelf in the refrigerator or on the kitchen table so your child has easy access to them.

Strike a balance.

If you’re too strict and try to eliminate all sugary snacks, your kid may sneak and eat these things when you’re not around (and overdo it). Instead, teach your child that all foods can be enjoyed in moderation. Model balanced eating by having a wide variety of foods. Choose healthy options most times, but let your child have cake at a birthday party or candy at a family movie outing. At times, offer a small serving of dessert along with dinner. That will help your child realize desserts aren’t “special.”

It also lets them see that dessert should make up only a small portion of meals compared with the protein, whole grains, and veggies on their plate. By showing your child how to balance sweets now, they’ll be more likely to continue this healthy habit as they get older.

Sources: Nimali Fernando, M.D., M.P.H., a pediatrician, founder of the Dr. Yum Project, and coauthor of Raising a Healthy, Happy Eater; Sarah Hornack, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in the division of psychology and behavioral health at Children’s National Hospital, in Washington, D.C.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF, JUST NAIL THE BIG STUFF. What’s another teeny, tiny stain? You’ve got more important things to think about—like making sure your kids are buckled correctly in the right seat for their age and size.

Check at NHTSA.gov/TheRightSeat

A G E S + S TA G E S

5–6 YEARS

HOW TO

Decode Your Child’s Feelings

by A D R I E N N E FA R R and J E N N A W I R T H

Consider the circumstances.

Your child is becoming more independent, but they may still need you to help manage their strong emotions. To be most supportive when they’re facing a challenge, you may have to dig deeper to understand the meaning of their behavior.

For example, if your kindergartner is complaining about doing their homework, imagine how your response might be different if you knew that they were hungry or tired. Could their homework be too difficult and beyond their developmental level? Was someone else watching TV in the same room and your child’s favorite show came on? Taking a minute to reflect on what might be happening can help you figure out the best way to manage the situation.

Notice their nonverbal cues.

Body language is often a more accurate reflection of what a child is feeling than their words, and it can even contradict what they say. Imagine your child comes in from playing outside and curls up on the couch, hiding their face. When you ask how they’re doing, they may say, “Fine,” but their posture tells you something is wrong. If your child wants to stay close to you even if they sound grouchy, that’s a sign that they’re craving connection.

You can get to know your child’s own typical reactions—some kids laugh when they’re nervous, for example, while others tense up and appear angry.

the complexity of what they’re feeling or experiencing. It can be helpful to sit with your child and observe the themes, events, and interactions they show in their play.

Try not to ask too many questions, and narrate what you see (“Oh, Luckie Duckie fell off the table; I wonder if he’s okay?”) to show your child you’re interested in what they’re doing and encourage them to tell you more about it. You can also initiate play as a way to prepare your child for something coming up that they may be worried about. For example, you could pretend you’re going on a trip, acting out what will happen along the way.

Watch for changes.

A sudden shift in behavior that persists warrants a closer look. If your child isn’t interested in doing things they normally enjoy or is very quiet when they usually like to chat, this may be a cause for concern. Other red flags: having more difficulty sleeping than usual, having accidents after they are fully toilet trained, exhibiting difficulty separating from you, or using aggressive behaviors such as hitting. Your child’s pediatrician can provide guidance and will know when further referrals would be helpful.

Now more than ever, it’s important to prioritize your child’s mental and emotional health.

Sources: Tori Cordiano,Ph.D., a clinical child and adolescent psychologist in Beachwood, Ohio; Parents advisor Silvia Pereira-Smith, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics and a developmentalbehavioral pediatrician at Medical University of South Carolina; Marian E. Williams, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

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Rethink compliments.

If you constantly praise your child’s performance rather than their effort, flubs become harder to swallow. In a study by a Stanford University psychologist, fifth-graders were given a test meant for eighth-graders. Before taking it, one group was praised for its effort. The others were told how intelligent they were. The kids who got kudos for intelligence were upset by how tough the test was, while the group praised for effort coped and did better.

Take the fear out of failure.

Make it clear that you don’t expect perfection and that mistakes are part of life and won’t affect how you feel about them. If they say they no longer want to do the activity, remind them how much fun they’ve had before and that they should hold on to that feeling rather than a bad moment.

Friends can help too.

Talk about what to do if your kid’s friend freaks out over a mistake. Sometimes kids huddle around a child who’s upset. That can make it worse. Let them know it’s fine to act normally and to offer a small gesture to make a friend happy.

Sources: Carol Dweck, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Stanford University; Carolyn Ievers-Landis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at University Hospitals Rainbow Babies & Children’s Hospital, in Cleveland; Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist in Bainbridge Island, Washington; Christopher Willard, Psy.D., author of Child’s Mind.

7– 9 Y E A R S

HOW TO

Recover From Mistakes

by K A R E N C I C E R O

Make the most of playtime.

Imaginary play can be a valuable window into your child’s world when they’re having trouble expressing how they feel in words.

Even when they do try to tell you, what they describe may not adequately reflect

they’re thinking. Once they’re calm, tell them about a similar mistake you made.

Then brainstorm ways to avoid repeating the mistake.

Put off the pep talk.

Kids this age have a hard time shrugging off mess-ups, but resist swooping in.

Allow your child to voice their feelings first. Give them a hug and ask what

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GIGGLES A family friend asked Thomas when he turned 5. His response: “After I turned 4.”

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2022

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