Health News

H E L P Y O U R K I D

by Laura S. Olivos, Psy.D.

I T ’ S I M P O R TA N T to acknowledge that kids, teachers, and parents have all suffered during the pandemic, and a lot of us are still in survival mode in some form or another. Kids have had to relearn how to engage in a classroom setting. If you find out that your child is having challenging behavior—not listening to directions, having trouble focusing and completing tasks, getting out of their seat, becoming verbally or physically aggressive, or having frequent meltdowns—it can feel overwhelming.

But it’s also important to be compassionate with your child and yourself. Children are not their behaviors. You’re not a bad parent, and you don’t want your child to assume they are inherently bad. Behaviors are just signals of unmet needs or lagging skills that are occurring beneath the surface.

Take a step back. We often jump in to try to fix a child’s behavior without focusing on what might be fueling it. Many things can have an impact, including medical conditions, developmental delays, learning differences, and trauma. For example, if a child has sensory aversions in their environment (bright lights, loud sounds, itchy textures on their skin), they may act out their discomfort through aggression or meltdowns. If a child in day care has a language delay and can’t be understood, they can get frustrated and have emotional outbursts.

Show teachers and caregivers you’re on the same

team. Be approachable and make it clear you wish to be their ally as you figure out what’s causing your child’s behavior and the best ways to handle it. Discuss your child’s strengths as well as their problems. For example, if your child is artistic, doodling in a coloring book might be

a coping skill to incorporate. Talk about specific, realistic goals: Instead of the goal being your child not getting out of their seat, for instance, focus on the replacement behavior: “I can have two brain breaks to get my wiggles out. I can do this by raising my hand to ask the teacher.”

Practice skills at home with

role-playing. You take the part of your child, and let them be the teacher. Model for them how to raise their hand, for instance. Then switch roles. Keep it playful, and don’t criticize or shame them for not getting it right away.

Consider additional

evaluations. Your child may benefit from psychoeducational or developmental testing. And if their challenges are impairing their daily functioning, seek help from a licensed menta l hea lth professiona l who specializes in children. Your child doesn’t need to be in crisis to get help, and it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed as a parent. On the contrary, you are a great parent for recognizing that your child may need help above and beyond what you can offer. It takes a village.

Laura S. Olivos, Psy.D., is a child psychologist at The Olive Tree Center for Child & Family Psychology, in Miami Beach.

H E L P Y O U R K I D

by Traci Baxley, Ed.D.

T H E R E A R E situations in our lives when we don’t speak up or we avoid sharing how we feel, and then we regret it later. How many times have you said yes when you wanted to say no? What about when that person cut you off on the road, or when someone’s comment made you uncomfortable and you didn’t know how to respond? Being able to speak up for yourself is a skill that takes practice—the journey of self-advocacy is an ongoing process for adults and kids alike. Although we want to raise children who are compassionate and kind to others, we a lso want them to advocate for their own best interest.

Create a safe space. Letting your child explore their opinions and make decisions builds confidence and character. I often hear parents telling their children how to feel: “You’re okay, you’re not hurt” or “There’s no need to cry about that.” Instead, ask open-ended questions: “How did that make you feel?” or “What does help look like for you right now?” When children have a safe environment to express their emotions, they begin to trust their inner voice and become more comfortable saying what they need and deserve.

Talk about body language and

tough conversations. Speaking up for yourself often begins before you even say a word. My son’s basketball coach tells his players to “play big.” He’s instructing them to posture themselves in a way that takes up space and to play with conviction. As parents, we can teach our children to “play big” in their lives. When my children express themselves, I ask them to ground their feet into the earth and maintain eye contact. Role-playing situations at home can help your children become more comfortable with making their needs heard.

Think out loud. Model low-stakes decision making when you’re with your kids. For example, if your matcha tea order is wrong, you might say: “I ordered soy milk, and this is almond milk. I could just drink it or go inside and ask the barista to please remake it. Is it worth waiting for a new one? Yes, because I won’t enjoy my tea as much.” It takes practice to speak up for oneself while recognizing and respecting the rights of others. Finding and modeling that sweet spot is a skill you can impart to yourself and your kids.

Traci Baxley, Ed.D., is an associate professor at Florida Atlantic University School of Education, a parenting coach, and author of Social Justice Parenting.

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“I don’t like the way you are talking to me.” “I won’t let you treat me that way.” “I am choosing to walk away.” “I feel sad when you …” “It makes me angry when …”