THE CIVILIAN • September 2011
L aw & O rder
Fashion Victim’s Unit
Ladies and gentlemen: break out your updated resumes and fake smiles; it’s OCI time! For you 1Ls, OCI stands for On-Campus Interviews. In other words, upperclassmen put on their game faces and beg for jobs. In theory, everyone looks like they stepped off of the set of Miami Vice with their perfectly tailored suits and sweet shades. That is so not the case. Last semester, you could find me sitting in the Sarena Gaylor lounge, pointing and laughing at the horrendous Columnist parade of Hilary Clinton doppelgangers, which was an upgrade from the Elton John-inspired crew. I started to think that no one in law school owned mirrors. Maybe loan funds were running low? Impossible. It was the first month of the semester; even I can’t drink through that much money in three weeks. Maybe they were hung over from the night before? Negative, no bar in Baton Rouge is open past midnight on Monday. Then I realized that not everyone is a former pageant queen with an overbearing Asian mother. (No, I wasn’t on “Toddlers and Tiaras,” but thanks for asking.) Because I can’t convince Chancellor Weiss to get rid of that Legal Traditions class in exchange for an obviously more important course in fashion, this article is going to have to do. Suits are difficult to rock, but they can be your ticket to the bank if you do it correctly. “So, what’s the most common fashion fail?” you ask. Suits that just don’t fit. Guess what friends: life sucks, and 99 percent of you don’t have the measurements of a model, myself included. Don’t expect to buy a suit off of the rack and it magically fit like a glove. But
before you take out even more loans for a plastic surgeon, try finding a tailor or seamstress. Seriously, this person will be your best friend. You’re going to want your t-shirts tailored because you’ll look so good. Now that everyone is terrified of being flagged down by the fashion police, here is what you need to do when purchasing a new suit: • Always buy a piece so that it fits the biggest part of your body. Don’t pay attention to the numbers on the tag; the only person who will know your size is your tailor. I’m confident he or she won’t tell all their other lawyer clients your exact measurements; and if they do, there’s probably some rule regarding tailor-client confidentiality. Sue them and look good while doing it. Bi-winning! • This may be shocking to hear, but your skirt should be, at most, one inch above your knee. • Keep it simple. If you don’t already have 10 suits, stick to basic colors and styles. Yes, I know, black is boring, but it’s also slimming and matches everything. Add color with shirts and ties. Classic suit leaving you feeling less feminine? Pair your classic suit with a ruffled blouse. Now that your suit is sharp, don’t forget that hair and makeup are your best accessories. Don’t expect a job if you have a fabulously fitting suit and honey-badger hair. You want your potential employer to think, “Oh you fancy, huh?” and not, “Was that the blue light special this week?” If future employment isn’t a concern for you boys (and PMH cougars), learn from the man for whom the suit was invented: Jake Gyllenhaal. He picked up Taylor Swift, who is only nine years younger than he is. You might be able to snag yourself a 1L in the same fashion.
Congratulations to Heidi Kemple and Jeremy Ancar, Winners of the 2011 Opening Statement Competition On Thursday, August 25th, the LSU Law Center and the Trial Advocacy Board hosted the annual Opening Statement Competition. Fifty-six students competed in the preliminary round. The top 12 finalists, six representing the State of Louisiana and six representing defendant Andy Bellefleur, argued in front of a three-judge panel comprised of Margaret Lagattuta, Section Chief at the Baton Rouge Office of the Public Defender; Kory Tauzin, Assistant District Attorney at the 19th Judicial District Court; and Mark Upton, the Federal Public Defender for the Middle District of Louisiana.
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Winners
1st Place: Jeremy Ancar, Prosecution; Heidi Kemple, Defense 2nd Place: Christopher Moss, Prosecution; Je’Rell Rogers, Defense 3rd Place: Rikki Weger, Prosecution; James Sudduth, Defense
Finalists
Prosecution Kelly Burris Haley Jones Drew Nordgren
Defense Arthur Kraatz Michael Laborde Joshua Wood