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C I V I L I AN The

A Student Publication for the LSU Law Center Community September 2011 Volume 8 Issue 2

Parking overload causes chaos, frustration in PMH lots Parking. It’s all anyone at the LSU Law Center is talking about lately. The lot is full before 8 a.m. classes start, and open spots are hard to come by throughout the day. Students enter the Law Center flustered and defeated after battling it out for a parking spot. “I have to leave my house, like, 45 minutes before class starts just to get a Megan Bice spot,” said Sarah Tormey, a third-year Staff Writer student. Causes of the Congestion I did some investigating to find out why our parking lot always seems to be full. Turns out there are two reasons: campus parking officials did not issue parking violations during the first few weeks of school, and there are 50 to 60 more law students this year than in the past few years. This increase in students is due, in part, to a sizeable freshman class of 239 students. “We recognize parking is a problem,” said Vice Chancellor Christopher Pietruszkiewicz, J.Y. Sanders Professor of Law. “But it’s a limited one.” Vice Chan. Pietruszkiewicz said it is limited because parking enforcement began Sept. 6th. The non-law student newbies can no longer park in our lot and take up our spots without getting a ticket. Usually, campus parking gives a one-week grace period at the


beginning of each year where it does not issue any tickets. “We try to be as understanding as possible,” said Gary Graham, director of Office of Parking, Traffic and Transportation. This year, the grace period was extended—by accident. Campus parking hired a new company to print the permits, and the company didn’t have them ready in time. What YOU Can Do to Avoid It The University High carpool traffic does not help the situation when students are scrambling for a parking spot in the morning or trying to leave the Law Center after Parking cont. on page 2

Altercation at Shady’s Bar puts LSU players in legal trouble

Will Carter Sports Writer

As the old cliché goes, nothing good ever happens after midnight. While that expression is certainly on the more played-out side of quotes meant to scare college students into behaving reasonably well, I would be willing to bet 49 pairs of sneakers that several members of the LSU football team wish they had followed that advice. In the early morning

C heck

hours of Aug. 19th, several LSU football players were allegedly involved in an altercation that took place outside of Shady’s Bar. The players broke curfew that night to celebrate the end of fall camp and the start of the new season. The details that have come out about the altercation have been murky to say the least, but what has not been disputed is that at some point, several of the players were standing around in the parking lot when a group in a truck was trying to leave the premises. The truck driver honked his horn to try to disperse the crowd. From there the story gets quite cloudy, but it has been confirmed

out our new website


that four “victims” had to seek medical attention for injuries ranging from a cracked vertebrae and facial fractures to minor cuts and bruises. Police interviewed four of the players who were allegedly involved. As a result of those interviews and interviews with other witnesses to the event, starting quarterback Jordan Jefferson and reserve linebacker Josh Johns were arrested and charged with second-degree battery. Both were promptly suspended from the team by Head Coach Les Miles. From a legal standpoint, second-degree battery is a very serious charge. It is a felony, and it Fight cont. on page 4

http :// sites . law . lsu . edu /C ivilian

THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

Letter from the Editor I feel like this point in the semester marks when students have shaken off the “back-to-school” excitement and have sunken into the trench of the sad reality of the coming year. 1Ls are beginning to realize the height of the mountain of information they must retain until December, 2Ls are being crushed under the weight of intraschool competitions and extracurricular activities, and 3Ls are visualizing the proverbial light at the end of the Will Harris tunnel only as a pinprick at the opposite side of a Editor-in-Chief very long, very dark corridor. On top of this, a cloud hangs over us all. I’m not talking about a cloud of marsh fire smoke or the threat of hurricanes. I’m referring to the unsatisfactory economic conditions that seem to have left the number of available legal jobs stagnant at a disconcertingly low number. CNN has called the national concern about unemployment and the economy “Issue No. 1” throughout its elections and politics coverage, and I think it’s no less important here at the Law Center. The September issue is constructed with these realities in mind. The Civilian fails its readers if an issue fails to discuss jobs. I am excited to share a profile of the newly-hired additions to the Career Services office. Further, this issue includes the first of many sets of practice area profiles to help inform students about employment opportunities. Two other issues noticeably compete—at least temporarily—with jobs


hat s going on at


Parking cont. from page 1

Send your September 12 Tullis Briefs Due upcoming club or September 14 Government Employment Panel organization events to September 17 ACS Constitution Day Bus Trip September 19 Moot Court Workshop September 21 SBA Bowling & Costume Contest at Don Carter’s September 23-24 L .A.W. Dodgeball Tournament September 26 Flory Trials Begin September 30 Hats n’ Canes Cocktail Party Other Events to look forward to this Fall: October 1 LSU v. Kentucky, Hats n’ Canes October 7 Volleyball Tournament at Mangos October 8 LSU v. Florida

classes in the afternoon. Vice Chan. Pietruszkiewicz said that high traffic times are from 7:15 a.m. to 7:45 a.m. and 2:50 p.m. to 3:20 p.m. Vice Chan. Pietruszkiewicz said students can wait a few minutes to leave the Law Center after getting out of class at 2:50 p.m. to avoid the congestion. Students who have class starting at 3 p.m. should get to school earlier. For those students with 8 a.m. classes, there is still hope. The Law Center is working with the LSU parking office to make changes that they hope will reduce the traffic flow on East Campus Drive. Both Vice


for the No. 1 priority on students’ minds: parking and LSU football. The Civilian has those issues covered, too. The Law Center parking situation is chaotic, to say the least. But more frustrating than the lack of parking, in my opinion, is the “nothing-can-be-done” attitude students face when complaining about the problem. The scary truth is that this happens every year, and we cannot rely on anyone to fix it but ourselves. My solution, thus far, has been good, old-fashioned self-enforcement. I have confronted two undergraduate students with green, residential zone parking passes and told them to park elsewhere. Strongly-worded letters abound. This is exactly the kind of situation we are supposed to be able to tackle as future attorneys. Confronting offenders with calm, reasoned tact is often enough to make a difference, and sending letters to people who can actually help to solve the predicament can be effective. For the record, Gary Graham is the director of the LSU Office of Parking and Transportation. He can be reached at (225) 578-5000. In addition to addressing these serious concerns, the September issue also includes content to help you laugh at your ever-present stressful environment, content to keep you informed about opportunities for involvement and content to remind you about just how unique and supportive of a community we have at the Law Center. My other observations for the month include that Kaamil Kahn doesn’t send enough emails, and that Barkevious Mingo is my new favorite LSU football player.

Chan. Pietruszkiewicz and Graham have been outside monitoring the traffic flow during University High carpool drop-off and pick-up during the past few weeks. Only time will tell what those changes might be. Light at the End of the Tunnel: New Parking Garage In the meantime, we can dream about having that brand-new parking garage next door to the Law Center. We won’t be dreaming long—the garage should be ready in time for the fall 2012 semester. It will be available to both law students and LSU undergraduate students. Until then, there’s always the “X-lot” behind University High if you’re really in a bind.


SBA State of Affairs September is here, and it brings with it the greatest LSU tradition of them all—game day! If you have not joined the LSU Law Tailgate, you are missing out. Not only is it a great dance party, but there is all the food and drink you could ever want. New this year, the tailgate will continue during the game so even if you don’t have a ticket, you’re still going to have a good time. All third-year students are invited to the Hats n’ Canes celebration the weekend of the Kentucky game. Your 3L class officers have an amazing celebration planned for you, with things kicking off at a special cocktail Kaamil Kahn party on the evening of Sept. 30th. And before the game kicks off on SBA President Oct. 1st, we’ll join Chancellor Weiss for the annual Champagne Toast, all while wearing bowler hats. The great thing about Saturdays at the Law Center is that even if there isn’t a football game, there is still something extra special going on. In celebration of Constitution Day, Prof. Paul Baier will be hosting a special showing of his famous play, a tribute to Louisiana’s very own Supreme Court Chief Justice Edward Douglas White and his effect on the law as he led the Court into the 20th century. Come see Father Chief Justice at the Jean Lafitte Historic Park Theater in Thibodaux, La. on Sept. 17th. The only way to see this magnificent performance is to purchase your ticket from the American Constitution Society. A $15 ticket includes the show, bus ride to Thibodaux and lunch. Some special invited guests include Louisiana Supreme Court justices, local political figures as well as a few friends from Southern University Law Center. Come experience this legendary production in its fourteenth year on circuit! For more information, email Jordan Stone at You can find everything happening on campus in that ridiculously long email I send you every week and the several corrections that follow. I hope many of you apply to be a part of the prestigious LSU Law Ethics Committee or our fun and lively SBA Athletics Committee. First-year students, make sure you vote for your 1L class officers while upperclassmen, you can sign up for the Flory Trial Advocacy Program and try to reach the level of brilliance Matthew McConaughey reached in A Time to Kill. And for all you 2Ls, good luck on Tullis! Remember, if you win, not only does your name go on the wall, but you also get one of those cool bowl trophies you can put M&Ms in. Finally, please remember to always pass the roll sheet across the aisle and never behind you when you’re in the big lecture halls. Sincerely,

Kaamil Khan Student Bar Association, Executive President

Faculty Feature

Photo by Dr. Erika Rabalais

Paul R. Baier, George M. Armstrong, Jr. Professor of Law, is immortalized in a new portrait that now hangs in his office. The painting is a gift from Jacob A. Stein, adjunct professor of Law at Georgetown University Law Center. Prof. Stein portrayed Associate Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. of the United States Supreme Court, in a production of Father Chief Justice, a five-act play written and directed by Prof. Baier. “Father Chief Justice” will be on the stage at the Sept. 17th Constitution Day celebration in Thibodaux, La., at the Jean Lafitte Historic Park Theater. The SBA is sponsoring a bus trip to the celebration. For more information, email Jordan Stone at

The Civilian Staff Editorial Board

Editor-in-Chief: Will Harris Managing Editor: Joseph Cefalu Associate Managing Editors: Lisa Martinez & Jessica Allain Chief Copy Editor: Natalie Messina

Staff Writers

Megan Bice Anna Brown Melissa Buza Zach Capra Morgan Hargrove Brad Kelley Casey Neale Lauren Ross Jess Smith Ross Tuminello


Will Carter Jade Forouzanfar Brithney Gardner Sarena Gaylor Dr. Love RJ Marse Chanell McGaughy Carlos Posas William Priestley

Field Reporter Linda Matta

Staff Artist

Lauren Anderson

Design Team

Hayne Beatrous Josh Doguet Kristen Rowlett

Copy Editors

Sarah Aycock Timothy Brinks Brent Cobb Sasha Dittmer Kristen Guidry Ashley Schexnayder

Disclaimer: Views expressed in The Civilian, a designated public forum for student expression, do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, the LSU Law Center or its student body. If you are interested in contributing to a topic or wish to provide us with corrections, please email or speak to a member of the editorial staff.


THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

Alumnus Feature

Local ‘Tin Roof ’ microbrewery founded by PMH Alumnus

For anyone who took Profesor Christina Sautter’s Business Associations class this past spring, the idea of starting your own microbrewery may only seem useful for classroom hypotheticals. However, since graduating from Morgan Hargrove the LSU Law Center in Staff Writer 2009, William McGehee has turned this idea into a reality. McGehee and his longtime friend Charles Caldwell created, own and operate Tin Roof Brewing Company, Louisiana’s newest and William McGehee, PMH alumnus, and Charles Caldwell are the founders of Tin Roof Brewing Co. Baton Rouge’s only microbrewery. The brewery He said there was a specific incident where opened its doors in November of 2010 and cur- wearing an eye patch. McGehee and Caldwell, who are both a person made empty threats of legal action. rently offers two draft beers—Voodoo Bengal “Once they knew I was a lawyer, they didn’t Pale Ale and Perfect Tin Amber Ale—both from Natchez, Miss., first talked about opening of which are on tap at restaurants and bars a brewery near the end of their undergraduate ask to speak with our lawyer again,” he said. years. They revisited the idea when McGehee McGehee also said his past Law Center throughout Southern Louisiana. The brewery recently collaborated with was in his second year of law school, and professors have been helpful when he has apLSU to launch an LSU-licensed blonde ale, Caldwell was working in the finance industry. proached them with legal questions about Tin which will be offered both on draft and in cans. Caldwell had developed more interest in the Roof. While reflecting on the process of starting The ale will also be tied into a food-science microbrewery business while spending time in training program at LSU to educate students Colorado, and McGehee became intrigued by the company during the past three years, both the regional beers of Europe while studying in Caldwell and McGehee had plenty of advice about the fermentation process. “It’s a really valuable thing people can Europe after his 1L year. The duo realized that for anyone interested in starting their own learn,” McGehee said. “For us, it’s just a great Baton Rouge was the ideal place to start a brew- business. “Whatever your timeframe is, multiply it opportunity to partner up with LSU and teach ery because of the proximity of the University and the opportunity to be the city’s only local by three,” Caldwell said. students something that’s really cool.” McGehee said it is important to have a The arrangement will give royalty revenue beer. With the help of LSU’s small business good core plan. to the University and also introduce Tin Roof’s “You can plan all you want, but at some products to a wider audience. McGehee said incubator, the two were able to jump start their LSU sports fans and tailgaters are the target business plan. The pair chose the name “Tin point you will have to go forward even if you audience for the new blonde ale, which he Roof” for its “hand-crafted” connotation, and don’t stick to your specific original plan,” hopes will be on shelves by Oct. 8th, the date they selected a location off Nicholson Drive McGehee said. “You have to be ready to make changes. You may have one good idea, but one of the LSU home game against the University between the LSU campus and downtown. McGehee said that his law degree has idea is not enough to start a business with.” of Florida. Tin Roof Brewing Company offers free While the Collegiate Licensing Company helped him in a variety of ways since cotours and beer tastings on Fridays from 5:30– has not officially approved the name and pack- founding Tin Roof. “When people have asked to speak with 7:30 p.m. They are located at 1624 Wyoming aging of the Tin Roof’s new blonde ale, reports have indicated that the beer will be named our attorney, its been nice to be able to tell them, Street, just off of Nicholson Drive. “Bandit Blonde” and depict a Chinese tiger ‘Ok, well I’m an attorney,’” McGehee said. Fight cont. from page 1 carries a maximum prison sentence of no more than five years. Feel free to ask football is not a constitutionally guaranteed right. It is very much a privilege, Professor Cheney Joseph about the intricacies of the crime in your free time. and Miles is certainly within his authority to suspend any player whom he feels The ramifications of this incident have been quite significant for LSU is not living up to the standards of being a student-athlete at LSU. leading up to the season. Although Jefferson and Johns certainly should be Moving forward, the team will turn to fifth-year senior quarterback Jarregarded as innocent until proven guilty–especially with the conflicting nature rett Lee. Lee has certainly had his share of ups and downs in his LSU career of the different stories surrounding the incident–the court of public opinion and looks to finish his career on a high note. If the Tigers can get consistent has come down excessively hard on LSU for Miles’ response. There have been play from Lee, look for this team to have a special season in spite of these many claims, among other legal arguments, that the suspension violates the off-the-field distractions. players’ due process rights. It is important to note, however, that playing college



Weiss discusses job market, tuition, roll sheets at town hall Chancellor Jack M. Weiss met with students this past month in his first 2011-2012 school year town hall meeting. While a mix of students attended, Chan. Weiss said that the meeting was primarily for the benefit of the 1Ls. He said that two things should be on the mind of all 1Ls: jobs and tuition. Chan. Weiss discussed this year’s financial changes at the LSU Law Center. The Law Center’s state appropriation has been cut by 35 percent. While Lauren Anderson the school used to be supported 50 percent by tuition and 50 percent by appropriation, it is now supported Staff Writer 71 percent by tuition and 29 percent by appropriation. This is a great concern for Chan. Weiss in looking toward the future of the institution. He said that he did not want to raise tuition this year, but there were mandated costs outside of the administration’s control. Students questioned the chancellor about how much the Law Center can raise tuition each year. He said this depends on limits placed on LSU by the Louisiana Granting Resources and Autonomy for Diplomas (GRAD) Act. Tuition increased this year by eight percent for in-state students and 15 percent for non-residents. In addition to tuition, the meeting highlighted changes the Law Center has experienced during the past five years as part of an effort to modernize and become equivalent with law schools across the country. Chan. Weiss discussed faculty additions throughout the past few years, including the additions of Professor Robert Lancaster, who has built a vibrant clinical program, and Professor Jeffrey Brooks. Brooks supervises the school’s advocacy programs, and he has exponentially expanded the school’s externship program. Chan. Weiss said that the Law Center intends to modernize the curriculum. There have been notable changes to the upperclassmen curriculum

within the past few years; specifically, changes to the basket requirements, the grading curve and the elimination of the summer school requirement. This year, the first-year curriculum will also likely see changes. The Law Center has experienced an increase in student diversity and entering student credentials. While the school’s minority population used to stand at three or four percent when Chan. Weiss joined the Law Center, it has increased each year and now measures at 26 percent. Further, the academic credentials associated with now-entering classes are higher than ever before. Chan. Weiss also discussed his hope of having an energy law program at the Law Center that is as good as any other program in the country. This includes not only oil and gas exploration and production, but transportation, taxation and international transaction. The Law Center is undergoing a national search for the director of a new energy law initiative. The Law Center is attempting to achieve a closer degree of corroboration with the main campus. The school has a joint MBA program and MPA program and now offers a MSF program. The Law Center also has a joint program with the Manship School of Mass Communication and plans to work more closely with the business school, which is almost ready to open a new facility. When questioned about the job market, Chan. Weiss explained that the new Career Services staff combines local experience with trans-Louisiana national and regional base perspective. A final topic Chan. Weiss discussed was the attendance policy, which is highly dissimilar to similar schools across the country. He stated that according to the American Bar Association, all law schools are responsible for ensuring regular attendance of their students. Most other law schools, however, do not require sign-in sheets. He said that this is a question the Law Center plans to revisit this year.

New faces at Career Services bring fresh talent Erin Guruli is a native of Washington D.C., and she lived in New Orleans for 10 years. She received her undergraduate degree from Tulane University in New Orleans, her Juris Doctor from Loyola University, and her L.L.M. Lauren Ross from Georgetown UniStaff Writer versity. She has more than six years of experience working for a national recruiting company, and she has assisted about 5,000 lawyers in their job search. Guruli is very passionate about her new career, and took a day off from work and spent eight hours writing her cover letter because “if [she was] going to apply, [she was] going to get this job.” Guruli has four children and her husband is an attorney at WilmerHale in Washington D.C. The diehard New Orleans Saints fan said

that she is thrilled to be back in Louisiana, and considers it to be her true home. Susan de la Houssaye is from New Orleans, and her family is from New Iberia. She attended high school at Country Day in Metarie, and received her undergraduate degree from the University of Alabama. While in New Orleans, she worked for Phelps Dunbar. She moved to New York City after Hurricane Katrina, and while there she worked for Sidley Austin and Gibson, Dunn, & Crutcher. She has done recruiting at law firms for seven years. De la Houssaye is very excited to offer insight and advise students on the different legal markets. She plans to give students an idea of what firms seek regarding resumes, advice on how to dress, as well as sample interview questions. Career Services wants to make sure that students are prepared to be gainfully employed upon graduating. This preparation comes from practicing interviews, making sure that students have realistic plans and helping them

decide where they fit. The first step is to perfect your resume and cover letter. Also, you should get to know the women in the Career Services office because they are the ones who are able to recommend you. They cannot recommend you if they do not know you. Those students looking for jobs outside of Louisiana can request reciprocity from another law school and can ask for access to their job bank. Diligence is important! Students should begin building relationships and contacting potential employers directly to let them know they are available for interviews. Provide them with several availability dates and be willing to travel to meet potential employers. Why do you think that the job market is so dry right now? Guruli said the legal market tipped in 2008 and has not fully recovered. She said that law firms are changing internally. One change includes the amount of billable hours required. She said corporations are also doing more in-house work instead of turning to outside Faces cont. on page 6


THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

Life Outside PMH Events You Missed While Studying

Well, it’s that time of year again. It is time discovered cracks in the Washington Monument. to fight the crowds for bottled water, batteries Moving on from natural disasters to those made by man, Match. and beer. That’s right folks, it’s hurricane season. com recently announced its intent to begin screening for registered Get excited! Get duct tape. sex offenders. Um, okay, so, all of those commercials encouraging the Irene, the ninth named storm of the masses to “find that special someone” neglected to mention that one’s season, was the first major hurricane to impact “special someone” may or may not be a registered sex offender. Noted. the United States this year. The storm initially I admittedly have no firsthand knowledge of dating websites, but for made landfall in North Carolina on Aug. 27th. a service that claims to match people based on compatibility, Match. If you felt a breeze that morning, it was probably com seems to have left an important checkbox off of the questionFlorida and the rest of the Gulf Coast heaving naire. a collective sigh of relief. After briefly moving The change in company policy was the result of a lawsuit settleout to sea, Irene made its second landfall near ment. Carole Markin, 54, was sexually assaulted by a man touted Jade Forouzanfar Little Egg Inlet, N.J., as a Category 1 hurricane. as her “match.” She filed suit against after learning that Columnist It is my personal belief that Mother Nature took it her attacker, Alan Wurtzel, 67, had at least six previous sex offense upon herself to deal with the “Jersey Shore” phenomenon. This argu- convictions. Markin agreed to forego monetary damages in exchange ably is supported by the fact that Irene is the first hurricane to hit New for a court order requiring the site to check its members’ background Jersey since 1903. Just sayin.’ to weed-out convicted sex offenders. Wurtzel pleaded no contest to Early estimates put the monetary losses occasioned by Irene sexual battery and is scheduled for sentencing on Sept. 19th. around $7 billion. While it’s too soon to know exactly how much of ABC News reported that the company was asked to begin conthe economic damage was felt in New Jersey, I can report that the ducting federal, state and local checks for sex offenders but refused. cast of “Jersey Shore” now makes $100,000 per episode. Using what is must have had a change of heart because within days of left of my math skills, I have concluded that this means around $1.3 the filing of Markin’s suit, the company agreed to screen for all three. million for each of the eight cast members per season ($100,000 x 13 In speaking out about the ordeal, The Los Angeles Times reported episodes per season). Thus, we are looking at more than $10 million that Markin said, “If I protect one woman from being attacked, I’m in damage to our nation’s intelligence each season. Coincidence? I happy.” think not. While I applaud her attitude, I weep for the future of mankind. Just days before the “Situation” in Jersey, Virginia experienced the Obviously meeting potential mates at a Tigerland bar, as opposed to second largest earthquake in the state’s history, which rang in around online, is not going to prevent all incidences of sexual assault. However, 5.8 on the Richter scale. To Louisianan’s, this number probably doesn’t I have to think my “creep-dar” would do a better job of screening out carry much meaning, but consider that some of the largest earthquakes undesirables, especially considering how much care seems in recorded history come in at around 9.0. CBS News reported that to be putting in to the selection of its clientele. For crying out loud, effects of the earthquake were felt from South Carolina to Maine and if I wanted to meet a serial killer online I would just join MySpace. At a post-earthquake inspection conducted by the National Parks Service least it’s free. Faces cont. from page 5 portunities as everyone else, and you still have academics and secure summer clerkships.” counsel. Firms are also being more conservade la Houssaye: “Come see us now, if you time to get your materials organized and figure tive because of the economy. The recession has have not already, and build a relationship with out where you would like to go. You should allowed the firms to look at their hiring needs a counselor. Reach out to people you know, get to know your Career Services counselors and reassess their hiring process to avoid hiring including professors, and let them know that because they have the ability to recommend too many employees. you are looking for a summer position. Go to you for positions that you may enjoy or want.” What is the best advice that you can offer to Final Thoughts the networking opportunities, get involved in 1Ls? Guruli: “Paul M. Hebert Law Center the law school and utilize all of the resources Guruli: “Start your job search now and has high quality, highly trained students, and that the law school offers.” ask yourself ‘where will I go from here’?” What is the best advice that you can offer our students can compete in other states and de la Houssaye: “Get acclimated with the areas.” 3Ls? Law Center and concentrate on your studies for de la Houssaye: “It is work to get a job. Guruli: “Consider where you realistically the first semester; but once you are allowed to fit in the job market of the geographic locale If you want to do OCI do not worry if you are meet with Career Services [November 1st] then of your choice. Work on securing a permanent not in the top 10 percent. Do not be deterred create a resume, start thinking about where you position before and after you sit for the Bar because there are opportunities out there, and want to be, and explore what you are interested exam because it is never too early to secure a you can easily reach out to the smaller employin doing.” ers that are not listed for OCI. Do the research, permanent position.” What is the best advice that you can offer de la Houssaye: “Think about a clerkship get a list together of where you want to apply, 2Ls? because it is a great resume boost, and it is also and be confident.” Guruli: “Continue to focus on your great for networking. You have just as many op-



Professionalism: It Begins Now


s a new semester begins at the LSU Law Center, the 1L students are told by faculty and staff that their professional careers begin now. This statement is not a warnAnna Brown ing. It is a fact. But for Staff Writer many, it is a realization that comes too late. defines professionalism as “the conduct, aims, or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or a professional person.” But what exactly does that entail for a law student? Christine Lipsey, adjunct professor of Legal Profession and equity member of McGlinchey Stafford, PLLC, in Baton Rouge, said that today’s law student doesn’t have a lot of room for error when it comes to irresponsible or reckless conduct. “In a world of social media, you don’t know who could be watching,” Lipsey said. The setting of the Law Center may disarm many unsuspecting students. A feeling reminiscent of high school seems to seep through the school’s walls during the 1L year. It’s a feeling complete with lockers, cliques and gossip. “Students must remember they’re training to be a member of a profession,” Lipsey said. “Law students should consider how their actions in professional school may impact their careers later on.” To protect themselves from falling into a “high school” mindset, there are a few basic rules students should remember during their three-year stretch at the Law Center. Think Before You Speak This seems like a “no brainer,” but it’s often easier said than done (no pun intended). “This rule applies across the board,” Lipsey said. “What you say to someone could have adverse effects down the line.” Students should keep in mind their audience even when speaking to classmates. “If it’s not something you’d feel comfortable sharing with the public, you may

want to pause before speaking,” Lipsey said. Words can be taken out of context and be perceived in unintended ways. Whether a student is joking or blowing off smoke, he should be wary about what he says and how he says it. “Whether it’s an email, text or conversation, a student should ask himself whether he would want the information publicly known,” Lipsey said. “If the information fell in the wrong hands or was repeated to the wrong person, could it be detrimental in some way?” Never forget the cardinal rule: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Be Kind The Golden Rule essentially states that one should treat others as one would like to be treated. Lipsey, a member of the Rules of Professional Conduct Committee for the Louisiana State Bar Association, stressed that students can never tell where their classmates may end up after graduation. “A classmate could be your co-worker, opposing counsel or sitting on the bench,” Lipsey said. In any case, it would be ill-advised for a student to create enemies unnecessarily during their law school career. “Don’t make assumptions about your classmates,” Lipsey said. “You never know where they will be in 15 years.” She said that the world is small. The legal profession can be tight knit, and being rude never pays off. I’ve been practicing 29 years,” Lipsey said. “I’ve never seen anyone in the practice of law that has advanced their client’s case by being unprofessional, and the same would apply to law students.” Be Social Media Savvy Lipsey also warns students about the consequences of using social media in irresponsible ways. “These social media sites create a permanent record of anything you post,” she said. Lipsey said that students should pause to consider whether the content they are posting could potentially be shameful later on.

“If you had to be held accountable, you may lose more than you gained,” she said. Kelly Spell, Communication Committee Chair for the Baton Rouge Social Media Association, encourages students to keep their social media pages for future professional networking. “It’s a great way to meet new people and learn about new things,” Spell said. “Also, I don’t think it’s necessary to have more than one account, as long as you keep the content professional.” Spell said that she believes positive online sharing is one way to prevent negative repercussions. “Try to avoid posting negative and snarky comments,” she said. “Social media is about meeting and interacting with people who share your interests and the best way to do that is to share events and activities about which you are passionate and excited [about].” Spell said students should take the time to learn about a site’s privacy settings and put them to use. Spell, however, also warns students about “over-sharing.” While a picture of a student doing a keg stand may seem hilarious, a future employer might not find it so humorous. “If you wouldn’t feel comfortable with your picture or post showing up on a billboard next to [the interstate], then you need to make sure your content is only available to the people with whom you want to share,” Spell said. Don’t Lose Sleep In the end, Lipsey suggests that students go with their “guts” if they think there may be a “grey area” concerning their conduct. “If you have to pause or rationalize your actions, that is probably a sign it’s not the way to go,” Lipsey said. Responsibility should always underlie a student’s conduct during their law school career. The path to graduation and a professional career has many unseen hazards, but a student can prevent a nasty stumble when it comes to professional conduct. “When choosing your course of action, pick one that allows you to sleep at night,” Lipsey said. “And it’s not always what you want to hear.”


THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

Career Highlight

Labor and Employment Law

With the current economy, it is becoming more and more important to find a way to stand out from the thousands of other graduating lawyers oversaturating the legal market. It helps if you can set yourself apart by finding a specialty while still in school. Not everyone is lucky enough to come to law school knowing exactly where his legal interests lie, and even most of those who do, end up changing their Zach Capra minds. For those of you still looking for your Staff Writer niche, consider labor and employment law. Civil rights activists and insatiable businessoriented lawyers are both able to thrive in this practice area, where practitioners have the opportunity to represent both big businesses and individual employees. If you haven’t figured it out by now, labor and employment law primarily deals with the employment relationship. Usually inherent in this relationship is the unequal bargaining power between the two parties. Most of the governing laws are set in place to protect against mistreatment in some form. Unlike traditional legal dealings, labor and employment cases usually involve intentional wrongdoings and personal motivations. Local attorney Scott Wilson said he is drawn toward the civil rights part of practicing in this area. It strikes Wilson as “a noble thing to do,” by giving him the opportunity to help individuals who have been harassed or unfairly discriminated against in the course of their employment. While the practice may not be as attractive as chasing big payoffs from personal injury cases, employment law is a wide-open field with relatively little competition. Employment law is an area where a lawyer can successfully represent both sides in his practice. Aside from litigation, there is also a growing need to educate employees on their rights and obligations, as well as employers on compliance with current laws. Students interested in learning more should check out one of the LSU Law Center’s course offerings. Adjunct Professor Michael C. Garrard teaches Labor Law every semester, and William R. Corbett, Frank L. Maraist Professor of Law, teaches Employment Law during the fall semester and Employment Discrimination during the spring semester. They may be offered early in the morning, but they are definitely worth it.

by Lauren Anderson

Would you like to tell us about an area of legal employment you have experienced? Send us an email or Gchat us at 8

Caroline Massey, 2L, met Justice Clarence Thomas at the National Federalist Society Meeting in Washington D.C. this summer.



(Frequently Unanswered Questions) Dear FUQS Reporter: Each day my mailbox tends to receive about 30 emails, why are 29 of them from LSU Law? -Deleting my Gmail Answer: Oh, you didn’t know? There is a law school competition going on called “Who can send the most emails out to students?” Currently, Kaamil Khan is in the lead. A close second is LSU LAW Center Broadcast…whoever that is. Brithney Gardner Columnist

Dear FUQS Reporter: What exactly did the law school accomplish over the summer since it obviously wasn’t permanently fixing the escalator? -Too lazy to take the stairs Answer: They accomplished buying fancy chairs for the library. Duh! No seriously, they provided you with an energy-efficient space to enter the law school. They thought it was better that you walk through two sliding doors rather than just one. Dear FUQS Reporter: Given the necessary requirements to get accepted to the LSU Law Center, it seems like passing the roll sheet around in class is an impossible task for some students. What gives? -Obviously over-qualified

Answer: Wow, you don’t belong in law school. Are you really that naive? (1) If your classmates keep you from signing the roll sheet, you are counted absent. (2) If you get enough absences, then you don’t get credit for the class. (3) If you don’t get credit for the class, then your classmates will be above you in rank. Wake up and get more competitive! This is law school. Dear FUQS Reporter: Can I argue that the Law Center owes me some gas money? I have to circle the parking lot 50 times a day before finding a parking spot. -Broke and dizzy Answer: Yeah! However, you would have a better argument if you went ahead and parked in one of the LSU Law Center overf low parking lots and died from heat exhaustion while trying to walk the four miles to get to the school. Oh, but then you would be dead. Nevermind… Dear FUQS Reporter: Is there a reason why the school gave the entire 1L class 8 a.m. classes? Don’t they know upperclassmen still go to this school and need a place to park too? -Illegally parked as we speak Answer: Obviously the school is catering to the big money spenders. Tuition for the 1Ls has skyrocketed into the big money. Upperclassmen tuition

is just chump change now. Y’all don’t deserve parking spots. They also get a cut of your parking tickets, so pay up. Dear FUQS Reporter: How is it possible that people made it into law school without knowing the definition of a rhetorical question? Every question that the professor asks the class does not have to be answered. Okay Gunners?! -Am I right? Answer: First off, gunners PLEASE do not answer that last question. I can just imagine you now, fighting the urge to raise your hand to answer the question and desiring to hear the sound of your voice and your voice alone. Fight the urge. Instead of reading ahead of everyone in all your classes, read up on the definition of a rhetorical question. And no, participation points will not be added to your class grade for doing this. Dear FUQS Reporter: In law school, what exactly is my “mentor” supposed to be doing for me? I didn’t think the mentor program equaled dating service. -My mentor is creepy. Answer: As law students, we must be more precise with our wording. A “mentor” is not just there to give advice, he/she is also available for study dates, movie dates, GIF dates, Barrister’s Ball dates and so much more. It’s our unofficial Welcome to law school.


THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

Louisiana Saturday Night Ducks ‘quack’ under pressure in Tigers’ season opener It is official: college football is back, and for the LSU Tigers, it is back in a big way. In the most heralded season opener in recent memory—a matchup between two Top Five teams—LSU did what it does best under Head Coach Les Miles in big games: beat the Duck out of anyone Will Carter standing in the way. On Sept. 3rd, the fourthSports Writer ranked LSU Tigers beat the third-ranked Oregon Ducks at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas by a score of 40-27, a final score that was a little closer than the game actually was in the second half. In front of a sea of mostly Purple and Gold, the Tigers simply outmuscled and outran the defending Pac-10 (now Pac-12) champs. In a game where Oregon’s vaunted speed was supposed to be the X-factor, it was the Bayou Bengals who looked like they were playing in fast forward. The teams played pretty evenly in the first half, with LSU kicking a field goal on their opening drive and Oregon kicking a pair of field goals to take a 6-3 lead at the end of the first quarter. However, that would soon change at the beginning of the second quarter when dynamic Tiger cornerback Tyrann Mathieu stripped Oregon punt returner Kenjon Barner and returned the loose ball for a touchdown. Oregon would get a touchdown back on a run by Duck running back LaMichael James. However, the Tigers scored on a 10-yard touchdown pass from quarterback Jarrett Lee to Reuben Randle near the end of the second half to take a 16-13 halftime lead. In the second half, LSU played like a team that was going to take what they wanted and let nothing stand in the way. The Tigers scored 17 unanswered points to open the half.


The Tigers were faster, more physical, and looked more like a Top 5 team than the Ducks. After Oregon scored with nine minutes left in the fourth quarter to cut LSU’s lead to 13, the Tigers got another touchdown run from Michael Ford for the insurmountable lead and killing blow. Oregon did manage to score a touchdown with 13 seconds left in the game, but by then LSU had done what it set out to do: make a statement by dominating a Top 5 team to open the season. As the final whistle blew, the first thing that ran through my mind was, “Imagine how good this team can be when the offense truly clicks.” The Bayou Bengals did not need much on offense to outmuscle and outrun Oregon. The playcalling was fairly simple, with LSU utilizing a power run game and play action passing to get the job done. Lee’s numbers were not that great, but he was hurt by a few drops and some missed timing with some of LSU’s young receivers. Miles said afterward that he thought Lee managed game situations well and can build on this performance moving forward. If Lee and the receivers can get on the same page to go with the dynamic running-back duo of Spencer Ware and Michael Ford, look for the Tigers to put up better numbers offensively. Defensively, from a one-game sample against a supremely talented offense, this LSU team could not have performed much better than it did. Dynamic playmaker Matthieu was all over the field, and the defensive line was tremendous in stuffing Oregon’s running game and applying pressure to Ducks quarterback Darron Thomas. In recapping the game, former Auburn coach Pat Dye said, “Defensively, LSU looked like the fastest team I have ever seen.” LSU can win a lot of games with a defense like the one that showed up against Oregon and an efficient offense.




1Ls have plenty of options for tickets, tailgating this fall It’s that time of year again! Who’s excited to chant “Geaux Tigers” or see Mike the Tiger parade around the stadium? Or hear a rousing rendition of “Callin’ Baton Rouge” with 93,000 of your closest friends? Many at the Law Center are excited to cheer on the fighting Tigers of LSU as they destroy any and all opponents who stand in the way of our fourth National Championship. As you 1Ls probably know by now, you will Melissa Buza not receive season tickets to LSU football games. Staff Writer The 3Ls and 2Ls have not left any season ticket packages open for 1Ls in recent memory, and partying at the tailgates is second only to watching the Tigers run up and down the football field. But fear not, there are options available if you want to enjoy the games from inside Death Valley. Extra single game tickets will be raffled off the week before every game day. Students will receive an email from SBA with the date and time the raffle will occur. On that day, all 1Ls vying for one of the most coveted tickets at the Law Center will meet in the student lounge and put their Tiger Cards in an envelope and pray their cards get pulled in conjunction with the number of football tickets available. The cost is $18 and should be paid in cash on the spot. And for those of you would-be entrepreneurs, unwanted tickets are not to be sold above face value. However, many of you will wind up like me and never be one of the lucky few to get tickets from the raffle. This brings me to the unofficial method of acquiring football tickets, and it involves using

the underhanded manipulation that you will come to master in your dealings with fellow classmates here at PMH. At the Law Center, we have a group called the LSU Law Tailgate Club. For a small fee, you and a guest can enjoy all the benefits that membership has to offer at every home football game. These tailgates offer amenities such as food, a giant flat screen to watch other games, drinks, camaraderie, music and most importantly ALCOHOL. A lot of alcohol. This brings me back to the unofficial method of getting football tickets: too much alcohol + upperclassmen = unwanted football tickets. This is a foolproof plan that never failed to produce a ticket for me last year. Encourage all forms of drinking, whether it is drinking in disappointment when an SEC team loses a game to the ACC, drinking in excitement for when an SEC team kills a Big 12 team in the early afternoon, challenging upperclassmen to multiple games of beer pong (with a worthy opponent) or physically forcing alcohol down their throats. If executed correctly, the upperclassmen will feel physically unable to make the scorching hot and torturous walk to Tiger Stadium, opting to sit comfortably in the shade instead. And what happens to the ticket they paid for? That’s where the 1Ls come in! Offer to purchase the ticket for the $18 price so the upperclassman does not feel like they are getting gypped when they totally are. Voila! You are enjoying yourself in Death Valley. So there you go, 1Ls. Go out and manipulate your classmates. Who doesn’t love football season? I sure do, especially because I got tickets this year. But don’t think you can trick me out of them—I can control my alcohol intake. However, for a few flattering comments, I can point you in the direction of some colleagues who cannot.

photo by Will Harris


THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

T he L aw S chool O ptimist

It’s Getting Real

in the

It’s no secret: the current economy and legal market is abysmal. Various magazines and blogs have labeled recent law students as the “Lost Generation” due to our growing cynicism in the face of skyrocketing tuition and plummeting job prospects. In short, students are pissed off. Well, being pissed off is no way to go through life (Neither is fat, drunk and stupid. But I William Priestley digress). So, from time-to-time, I’m going to do my best to put a positive spin on some perceived Columnist “problems” at the Law Center. Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough send out more resumes! So buck up, law school camper. Turn that frown upside down. Law school life is a garden: dig it! In case you haven’t noticed, lately it’s been getting real in the Law Center parking lot. (For additional reference, see YouTube “whole foods parking lot.”) The combination of a large 1L class, University High MILFs and the late distribution of parking tags has led to less-than-optimal parking conditions. On most days, the lot is full by 7:40 a.m. Got a 9:10 a.m. class? Forget it. Throughout these prestigious halls, you can hear the students’ cries and complaints about the parking fiasco. I believe, however, this situation provides a bounty of intangible benefits. Let me show you the pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow, kids. • ADVENTURE! Embrace the insanity! The game of musical parking has begun. You have 15 minutes to park and get to class on time. To win, you have to make quick decisions. This is a great opportunity to test your ability to think on your feet. Of course, you aren’t on your feet. You’re driving, but you get the idea. • PARKING PRACTICE! With the lot filling up in one-and-

PMH Parking Lot

a-half seconds, and the “overflow lot” overflowing, most of you will have to take to the streets. This opportunity allows you to practice your 14-point parallel parking technique. Don’t worry about the ugly looks you are getting from the other drivers. They’re just jealous that you got the spot first. Haters gonna hate. • EXERCISE! Since it took you 40 minutes to park, you have to run to class carrying 20 pounds of books. This is the ultimate physical fitness test. It’s a combination of cardio and advanced weight training. You get to run to class carrying a 20-pound sack of books. This is advanced weight training! The half-mile run will burn 100 calories. You just earned yourself a snack. There really is just nothing like breaking a good sweat before sitting down for class. Don’t worry about getting overheated; the Law Center has the world’s best air conditioning. • SHORTER CLASS! What was an hour of Civil Procedure is now 45 minutes. Granted, you might not get to sign the roll sheet, but we know that’s not why you go to class. You go to class to learn! So, you see? The current parking situation is a blessing, not a curse. Take advantage of this opportunity. Develop your resourcefulness. You’ll need this survival skill when looking for the mythical creature known as “a job.” Tone your muscles and fight off library cellulite. Get the recommended dose of Vitamin D. Eventually, nature will take its course—students will start skipping class and the LSU Parking Office will start issuing more tickets. In the meantime, enjoy the extra set of sliding doors, the new first floor library chairs and the new flat screen TV’s in the group study rooms (sorry, no cable). And remember: when you finally get to class, know that those aren’t judgmental looks the other students are giving you; it’s genuine empathy.

Welcome Back Barbeque Winning Recipe O reo B alls

One batch of Oreo balls = 40ish balls Ingredients: 1 package of Oreos (not double stuffed, made that mistake) 1 8 oz. box of cream cheese 2 packages of almond bark (one chocolate and one vanilla) Directions: 1) Grind the whole package of Oreos in a food processor until there are no large clumps. 2) Cut the cream cheese into fourths and place in the food processor on top of the ground-up Oreos. Blend until every thing is mixed and clumped into one mass in the food proces sor (may take a couple of minutes). 3) You can either roll them into little balls now or refrigerate the


mixture in order for it to solidify and ease the rolling process. After you have rolled the mixture into balls, place them on a cooking sheet. Refrigerate for 20 minutes. 4) Melt one f lavor of almond bark according to the instructions on the pack. Drop an Oreo ball into the melted almond bark and roll with a spoon. Pick up the ball with the spoon and lightly grab with two fingers and place on the cookie sheet. Once you finish dipping all of the balls, put them back in the refrigerator for 20 minutes. 5) Melt the other f lavor of almond bark. Scoop into a Ziploc bag and cut a tiny piece off one edge. Gently squeeze and drizzle the almond bark over the Oreo balls. 6) Pop the balls into your mouth and enjoy.


LSU Law SBA’s “Welcome Back”

Barbeque & Dessert Challenge

1 ls , 2 ls


3 ls

baked up a fury in the hopes of being awarded

Welcome B ack B arbeque . T he competition was fierce and the stakes were high , as the winner took home a free membership to the LSU L aw Tailgate . T he winning team was made up of J oe C efalu and G eorge N apier. D on ’ t be too upset if you didn ’ t win . J oe and G eorge have graciously agreed to include their winning recipe in this edition of T he C ivilian . F or all of those 1L s who will inevitably be watching LSU football from home , let the chocolately goodness warm your sad heart . best recipe at the

Cefalu and Napier take the gold with Oreo Balls.


THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

L aw & O rder

Fashion Victim’s Unit

Ladies and gentlemen: break out your updated resumes and fake smiles; it’s OCI time! For you 1Ls, OCI stands for On-Campus Interviews. In other words, upperclassmen put on their game faces and beg for jobs. In theory, everyone looks like they stepped off of the set of Miami Vice with their perfectly tailored suits and sweet shades. That is so not the case. Last semester, you could find me sitting in the Sarena Gaylor lounge, pointing and laughing at the horrendous Columnist parade of Hilary Clinton doppelgangers, which was an upgrade from the Elton John-inspired crew. I started to think that no one in law school owned mirrors. Maybe loan funds were running low? Impossible. It was the first month of the semester; even I can’t drink through that much money in three weeks. Maybe they were hung over from the night before? Negative, no bar in Baton Rouge is open past midnight on Monday. Then I realized that not everyone is a former pageant queen with an overbearing Asian mother. (No, I wasn’t on “Toddlers and Tiaras,” but thanks for asking.) Because I can’t convince Chancellor Weiss to get rid of that Legal Traditions class in exchange for an obviously more important course in fashion, this article is going to have to do. Suits are difficult to rock, but they can be your ticket to the bank if you do it correctly. “So, what’s the most common fashion fail?” you ask. Suits that just don’t fit. Guess what friends: life sucks, and 99 percent of you don’t have the measurements of a model, myself included. Don’t expect to buy a suit off of the rack and it magically fit like a glove. But

before you take out even more loans for a plastic surgeon, try finding a tailor or seamstress. Seriously, this person will be your best friend. You’re going to want your t-shirts tailored because you’ll look so good. Now that everyone is terrified of being flagged down by the fashion police, here is what you need to do when purchasing a new suit: • Always buy a piece so that it fits the biggest part of your body. Don’t pay attention to the numbers on the tag; the only person who will know your size is your tailor. I’m confident he or she won’t tell all their other lawyer clients your exact measurements; and if they do, there’s probably some rule regarding tailor-client confidentiality. Sue them and look good while doing it. Bi-winning! • This may be shocking to hear, but your skirt should be, at most, one inch above your knee. • Keep it simple. If you don’t already have 10 suits, stick to basic colors and styles. Yes, I know, black is boring, but it’s also slimming and matches everything. Add color with shirts and ties. Classic suit leaving you feeling less feminine? Pair your classic suit with a ruffled blouse. Now that your suit is sharp, don’t forget that hair and makeup are your best accessories. Don’t expect a job if you have a fabulously fitting suit and honey-badger hair. You want your potential employer to think, “Oh you fancy, huh?” and not, “Was that the blue light special this week?” If future employment isn’t a concern for you boys (and PMH cougars), learn from the man for whom the suit was invented: Jake Gyllenhaal. He picked up Taylor Swift, who is only nine years younger than he is. You might be able to snag yourself a 1L in the same fashion.

Congratulations to Heidi Kemple and Jeremy Ancar, Winners of the 2011 Opening Statement Competition On Thursday, August 25th, the LSU Law Center and the Trial Advocacy Board hosted the annual Opening Statement Competition. Fifty-six students competed in the preliminary round. The top 12 finalists, six representing the State of Louisiana and six representing defendant Andy Bellefleur, argued in front of a three-judge panel comprised of Margaret Lagattuta, Section Chief at the Baton Rouge Office of the Public Defender; Kory Tauzin, Assistant District Attorney at the 19th Judicial District Court; and Mark Upton, the Federal Public Defender for the Middle District of Louisiana.



1st Place: Jeremy Ancar, Prosecution; Heidi Kemple, Defense 2nd Place: Christopher Moss, Prosecution; Je’Rell Rogers, Defense 3rd Place: Rikki Weger, Prosecution; James Sudduth, Defense


Prosecution Kelly Burris Haley Jones Drew Nordgren

Defense Arthur Kraatz Michael Laborde Joshua Wood


The Hangover @ PMH: Part 1 of 3 A fictional account of one crazy morning after law school

By “Not at the table” Carlos Johnny L. Student wakes up in the backseat of a Nissan Xterra parked behind the Law Center. He quietly counts his blessings at the sight of being clothed and not violated. Then again, Johnny doesn’t really Carlos Posas count what he’s wearColumnist ing as clothes. Through bleary eyes he sees that his royal blue Snuggie is intact, along with the electric green wig he donned for last night’s holiday occasion. Hardly anybody understood that Johnny was supposed to be one of many “Lemmings” from the classic computer game of the same name; its players control legions of humanoids, he explained, that would follow each other to their deaths if not for careful direction. Nobody cared. Nevertheless, the Law Center Halloween Party must’ve been

epic. It had clearly left no survivors. Outside, the sun is barely rising. The same cannot be said for Johnny’s friend, Sally “Closet” Gunner, whose anxiety is already at full blast. She circles the Xterra like an inconsolable banshee, yammering on and on about how today is “the official start of exam season” and is therefore “the worst possible day that the broad could go missing.” Mid-tirade, Sally hugs herself in an attempt to silence her chattering teeth. Each breath draws hot vapor from her mouth in clouds. Surprisingly, she thinks, insulation was not a priority for those who made the sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume. Such a witty observation would make Raphael, the sarcastic turtle, quite proud. “For the love of Buddha, she’s not missing!” erupts a voice from the front of the SUV. It belonged to Ethnic Williams, the token use-your-imagination of their posse. He lies supine on the hood of Johnny’s manly ride (did

I mention it’s an Xterra?) and stares up at the slowly brightening sky. It seems Ethnic takes everything in stride, including the morning cold. It doesn’t hurt that his full-body gorilla suit, now headless, was built for exactly this kind of weather. Fuzzy, warm and inviting is the way he tried to sell it to the ladies last night. Sweaty, gross and shedding is how they found his costume instead. But the lion’s share of Ethnic’s calm comes from confidence. He’s confident that this ragtag trio of well-drawn stereotypes will find their friend, the supposedly missing fourth of this formula. Maybe they’ll only do so after engaging in a string of hi-jinks that sweeps the characters across Baton Rouge. Or maybe they’ll only find her after coming across other characters crucial to the Law Center universe, including classmates, faculty and bouncers. The only way to know for sure is to tune in next time. Same Civilian time, same Civilian channel. Hollatchastudentpaper.

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THE CIVILIAN • September 2011

If These Halls Could Talk... “Hey, I need a summons written by Wednesday. Oh, and I need a police escort . . . with sirens.” Have you ever been approached with a situation like this? A friend of mine personChanell McGaughy ally came to the LSU Columnist Law Center to ask me this. There I was, minding my own business in front of the school doors, when she showed up. I will refer to her as “Friend” from now on. Friend wants me to get her a summons and a police officer to personally deliver it. I looked and thought, “She cannot be serious.” She added, “Yeah, and see if he can deliver it with his

sirens on. I need her to know I’m serious.” Yeah, she was serious alright; seriously delusional if she thought I was going to be able to help her out. I know I’m in my second year of law school, but I’m only in my second year of law school! She must have recognized the puzzled look on my face because she asked me if this would be a problem. “Let me ask you something,” I replied calmly, “do I have the slightest resemblance of a Kardashian to you? Or maybe you think Johnnie Cochran is my daddy? No, I can’t get a summons for you with a police escort and sirens by Wednesday. Are you losing it?” After about three seconds of awkward silence, we laughed. My friends really think I can handle all of their legal problems after completing one year only of law school. After all, I’m still trying to handle my own

parking tickets with minimal success much less their legal issues. This conversation is an example of one of many absurd exchanges you may hear around the Law Center. From stories about people clerking in court with no shoes on to the U-High kids and their random “OMG” moments, you’re not sure what you’re going to “overhear.” Speaking of U-High kids, some of those children have serious attitude problems. One day, I witnessed some of them running up the down escalator. After being asked to stop by a fellow law student, one of the kids said, “You can’t tell me what to do. My dad could buy this law school.” Classic. The Law Center may seem like any other law school from the outside, but if only these halls could talk…

Dr. Love’s advice for northern newcomers Dear Dr. Love,

I am a 1L from the North, and I am wondering why the guys here think that croakies, short shorts and Chacos are fashionable? Sincerely, Mystified 1L Dear Mystified 1L, The fashion trends at the LSU Law Center perplex me as well. The first thing you have to remember is that men have to be trained to do and NOT do things. As soon as a woman tells a man she likes something, he takes this at face value and will continue this activity until told otherwise. Consequently, no straight man will have a proactive fashion sense . . . ever. If there is anyone to blame for these trend faux pas, it’s the women. Some woman told a man that this outfit looked good and he informed the masses. She should be found and buried alive. Your first concern is croakies. For those of you who do not know, croakies are foam like necklaces that men attach to their sunglasses and wear around their necks. The most envied type of sunglasses


often found attached to these croakies are called “Costa del Mar.” You will usually hear one man grunting about another’s Costas with comments such as “Duuuuuuuuuuuuude, where’d you get those Costas bro? Those are so brotastic!” Costas are very athletic-looking sunglasses that men wear to do completely un-athletic things such as briskly walking around campus. These guys cling to their shades with croakies like newborn babies to their mothers for two great reasons. One reason is that a man with a foam necklace is the envy of everyone; clearly, they should never be lost. What better way to keep track of shades than to keep them attached to your body at all times, even if they are facing backward. These guys also can’t leave sunglasses in their trucks during class because that just doesn’t make any sense. Everyone knows that if you do not put your sunglasses on the second you walk out of the building the sun will burn your retinas out. Let’s also talk about the shorts. Do you remember those old Nair Hair Removal commercials where everyone was singing “Who wears short shorts? Nair for short shorts!” If you did not notice, that commercial is full of women and the color pink. Lastly, NAIR FOR SHORT

SHORTS! No one wants to see hairy thighs. At any rate, there is something innately wrong with looking at a person in shorts from the hips down and incorrectly guessing the gender of those legs. Of course there are the Chacos, which were made for the purpose of hiking through rivers but could also double for desert shoes. Do you see sand? I don’t see sand or camels or the Scorpion King for that matter. Unless you’re traveling through Saudi Arabia or you are a river guide you should not be wearing those. The only thing uglier than those sandals are the unclipped toe-nails that come sandwiched in them, George Napier. Go to, type in “Chacos,” and read the very first definition. You will see why men should not wear them outside of their intended use. I am sorry Mystified 1L that southern apparel has let you down. To all the men dressing this way, how are the ladies around here supposed to get their JD/MRS degree if no one is worthy of a Facebook profile pic duo? Seriously. Dr. Love


your Meredith Levine Age: 22, but you may mistake me for a 15-year-old U-High Freshman Hometown: San Antonio, Texas Undergrad: Southern Methodist University Law School is ... Wait… This is Law School? Someone told me it was PMH High. What animal would you be and why? What is your favorite animal? I would like to be a really bright fish. It would be pretty fun to swim around the ocean. My favorite animal is an elephant, hands down. But they have a tough life… Don’t need that every day.

15 m i n u tes

How would you spend your ideal day? 1. Wake up; 2. Eat Captain Crunch French Toast accompanied by a tall glass of coffee; 3. Golf, Tan, Swim (in that order); 4. Eat Rudy’s Barbeque with extra spicy sauce; 5. Spend the night in the Hill Country. What three things would you bring with you if you were deserted on a desert island? A chef to make some really awesome sushi, peanut M&M’s and a best friend (or Jay-Z, see below. He could probably cover the lack of music, too.) What one person would you want with you? Jay-Z. They are bound to go looking for him at some point. He’s got a miracle child on the way.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “Grab a seat, you’ll be here a while.” And a Morgan Freeman inflection would be nice. What are your goals in life / law school: Focus on what you can control and make lifelong friends. The most important goal is finding the balance between a great life and a prosperous career. Anything else you want to tell us? I love meeting new people, and I can’t limbo.

1L 1L

Your most interesting job? Bank Teller. You meet some really interesting people.

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? Morgan Freeman. I just love his voice.

MichaeL hoLLander

Olson twins (Not the twins circa “Full House,” sickos).

Diet Coke or Regular Coke? I’m trying to quit.

What one person would you want with you? See above, minus Tom.

What is your favorite candy bar? Linda Matta — they’re only sold in Lebanon.

If you were to be remembered for one thing, what would you like it to be? Well I know I wouldn’t like to be remembered for my actions in Europe…. I’m sorry.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Hopefully He doesn’t say, “Who are you?”

Age: 25 Hometown: Mandeville, La. Undergrad: LSU What animal would you be and why? I would be Justin Mannino a.k.a. “Papa Bear,” just cause he’s so damn cute and cuddly… What is your zodiac sign? No clue, isn’t that a movie? Your most interesting job? I can think of a few interesting jobs, but I wouldn’t say they’re mine.

If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be? Tortuga. What is your favorite restaurant? Fred’s.

Anything else you want to tell us? I didn’t volunteer to do this… Thanks, Linda.


What three things would you bring with you if you were deserted on a desert island? I would only need two: Tom Hanks and only one of the

How would you spend your ideal day? At Fred’s.

PhiL Broderick

How would you spend your ideal day? Alive.

Age: Appropriate for 8 – 88 Hometown: BRLA Undergrad: Washington and Lee University

What three things would you bring with you if you were deserted on a desert island? A wet bar, an ice machine, and a nice beach lounger.

What animal would you be and why? A human being. Never pine for the impossible. Only the impractical.

What one person would you want with you? Adriana Lima.

If Heaven exists, what would you expect to hear God say if you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “You get lost?”

If you were to be remembered for one thing, what would you like it to be? The 500-ft. statue of me in Rio.

What are your goals in life? First Place: World Beard and Moustache Championships, Natural Moustache

Law school is... A three-year post-graduate program leading to a J.D. Your most interesting job? I once took over a Lucky Dog stand on Bourbon for about half an hour while the dude went to “run to the bathroom.” What is your favorite restaurant? The Andrew Cvitanovic Bar & Grill.

What is your favorite word? Fred’s.

If you could be invisible for a day what would you do? Stub my toes constantly. What is your favorite word? The Word was a good band, so I’ll say they were my favorite. Word of God is a close second.

If you could have dinner with four people, living or dead, who would they be? Truck-Driver Elvis, Hip-Swinging Elvis, Movie-Star Elvis, and Fat-Vegas Elvis.

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L S U TP HAEU CL I VMI L. I AH NE B• ESRe Tp t eL mA bWe r C2E0 N1 1T E R

Pink Party & Date auction





DO you

“I like LSU tailgating because everyone is really nice and polite to the other fans.” Andrew Saltamachia

“Girls in sundresses!”

Connor Long

THINK? “Witnessing the newest engineered drinking contraptions!”

“What do you like about LSU tailgating?”

Patricia Manetsch

“Cold natty light at 9:30 in the morning.” Jay Futrell

“The parts that I remember....” Cameron Snowden

The 15 min & What Do You Think sections compiled by Civilian Field Reporter Linda Matta

Civilian staff writer published in Colo. paper

Bradford Kelley, a 2L at the Law Center and a staff writer at The Civilian, was recently published in the Colorado Springs Gazette. His printed article covers the loss of a Fort Carson, Colo., soldier who Bradford Kelley recently died during his Staff Writer service in the U.S. Army. The article details the life and military service of Master Sgt. Charles L. Prince, III and eulogizes his memory in a moving tribute. The full tribute is available on The Civilian’s website at

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O ut & A bOut



The Civilian Sept. Vol 8 Issu 2  

LSU Law The Civilian Vol 8 Issue 2 September

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