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C I V I L I AN The

A Student Publication for the LSU Law Center Community January 2012 Volume 8 Issue 5

Students get ‘street smart’ with Street Law

For those students whose New Year’s resolution is to make a difference in their community, our Street Law program offers the opportunity to do just that. Last spring, Prof. John Devlin and recent LSU Law Center alumna Jennifer Dietz combined their efforts to bring the Street Law program to the Law Center. Street Law, a nonprofit organization founded in 1972 at the University of Georgetown Law Center, is a global program that allows law students to give Casey Neale back to their community by teaching others about Staff Writer the law. After Devlin and Dietz laid the groundwork and received approval from the East Baton Rouge Parish School Board, three second-year law students—Kelly Reinker, Linda Matta and Je’Rell Rogers—put the program into effect. By the middle of September, two local high schools had agreed to partner with Street Law and allow students to teach at their schools. The three Street Law coordinators, along with Devlin, presented a

training seminar this past semester which 40 law students attended. The training covered classroom management, lesson planning and proper teacher behavior. Street Law cont. on page 7

New federal requirements may continue to delay loans

A new federal regulation may continue to delay the disbursement of student loan money in the future. Effective July 1, 2011, the Department of Education Anna Brown (DOE) changed the Staff Writer Satisfactory Academic Progress (SAP) policy. SAP is used to define a student’s successful completion of coursework to maintain eligibility for financial aid. Jessica Alford, assistant director of Undergraduate Admissions and Student Aid for LSU, said the DOE “strengthened” SAP by requiring that students’ progress be checked before the disbursement of loan money. In order to check a student’s

progress, you must have grades. “LSU chose to check students’ progress every semester instead of once a year,” Alford said. “The benefit of checking every semester allows us to implement warning and probation periods that help the students.” By checking SAP every semester, LSU is able to put a student on a warning period if he or she does not meet the GPA requirement. This warning period allows the student to still receive financial aid for the following semester. “If you had loans, and we checked SAP only once a year, you would automatically go into suspension if you didn’t meet the grade requirement,” Alford said. “In order to appeal, a student must have a mitigating circumstance. If you just didn’t do well, you can’t get financial aid back.” LSU begins awarding financial aid in

March. Once financial aid is awarded, the DOE requires LSU to submit disbursement dates for the loans. These dates cannot be changed once they are submitted. In March 2011, LSU submitted its disbursement dates for the entire 20112012 school year. The law, however, changed shortly thereafter. “We were blindsided,” Alford said. “We went to a student federal aid conference and were completely flabbergasted at the change.” Once LSU learned about the changes, it was too late to change the disbursement dates. Though students’ PAWS account said loan money would be disbursed January 3, 2012, LSU had to wait for all the grades to be submitted. The Law Center’s grades were not due until January 4, 2012. Loans cont. on page 4

Page 8-9: Is ‘Time and a half’ necessary or excessive?


THE CIVILIAN • January 2012

Letter from the Editor If you asked me for the one issue that I get the most requests to cover in The Civilian, the answer is easy: the “time-and-a-half” policy. More students, particularly members of the class of 2013, have written or spoken to me to implore the coverage of the disability accommodations policy than any other topic, by far. I hope that The Civilian, to the extent of our abilities, has done an adequate job in this issue, as we have included in the centerfold pages two Will Harris articles: an opinion column claiming the current Editor-in-Chief policy is patently unfair and a reporting piece on why the current policy exists and the unlikelihood of change. I hope that this encourages debate on the subject in the Law Center community, and I welcome submissions on the topic in the form of letters to the editor to publish in subsequent issues. I’d like to stress that the inclusion of these columns, as is clearly stated in our disclaimer on page three, is not representative of the opinions of the Editorial Board or staff of The Civilian. I, personally, don’t really have an opinion on “time and a half.” I think that the unauthorized use of prescription psychoaffective medication is a more important issue, but the accom-

modations debate is the one our readership is demanding, and we are happy to oblige. Aside from that debate, I hope you all find useful the included information on financial aid and the Career Services Office. It is my hope that, armed with the appropriate information, you can better budget and prepare yourself to trudge through these often-difficult processes. With a new hire to serve as a liaison between the Law Center and LSU Student Aid and a Career Services Office planning a smorgasbord of activities this semester, there are lots of resources of which students can avail themselves, and I hope you are helped in discovering them in our issues. Finally, I am happy to include a letter “from the Editor’s desk” encouraging interested parties to contact George M. Armstrong, Jr. Professor of Law Paul R. Baier concerning his planned Fall 2012 production of his play Father Chief Justice here on the LSU campus. Now that I do not currently and will not have any future classes with Prof. Baier, I feel I can freely give my unadulterated opinion that his passion for knowledge of the law and history has been inspiring to me during my time at the Law Center, and I urge students to take part in opportunities like this to try to share in that passion. Please write to or Gchat us at TheCivilianLSU@gmail.com.

From the Editor’s Desk

Constitution Day, Sept. 17, is a tradition at LSU Law, featuring our own Prof. Baier’s acclaimed play Father Chief Justice: Edward Douglass White and the Constitution. The play has been in production for 14 years, and it has been performed at the Old State Capitol in Baton Rouge, and the chamber of the Louisiana Supreme Court in New Orleans. It was last presented to an audience of more than 400 in the Coolidge Auditorium, Jefferson Building, The Library of Congress, across the street from the Supreme Court and facing the U.S. Capitol. Google “Father Chief Justice” and you will see Baier’s Constitutional Law classes come to life on the national stage. Prof. Baier has even bigger ideas for Constitution Day 2012. This year he will produce and direct his play featuring LSU Law students in the cast. The LSU Union Theater has been booked tentatively for Sunday, Sept. 16, for a matinee performance. LSU Law distinguished alumna Chief Justice Kitty Kimball has reserved a seat in the front row. Baier has arranged a casting call for Sculptor P. Bryant Baker, Prologue; Captain Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., Act II, Soldier Boys; Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Fanny Holmes, Justice Louis D. Brandeis, Chief Justice White, Act III, “At Home”; Associate Justice E. D. White, Pollock Income Tax Case, Bram v. United States; Chief Justice White, Standard Oil Octopus, Grandfather Clause Cases; Justice John Marshall Harlan, U.S. v. Standard Oil; Act V, Chief Justice White, Leita White, “Dance with the Music”; Chief Justice William Howard Taft, Memorial Proceedings; Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes at 90, “The Kind Voice of Friends.” A manuscript copy of the play is available at the Circulation Desk in the library. Take your pick of character and scene. Prof. Baier will play his signature role as Professor Richard Henry Jesse, who connects the audience to the stage’s happenings. Scripts are available from Prof. Baier. A casting call will be announced later. William D. Harris, Jr.

What’s going on at PMH?

Professor Baier and Jacob A. Stein, Esq., Playing Justice Holmes Coolidge Auditorium, Library of Congress Mardi Gras, March 8, 2011

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January 19 La. Bar Association Meet and Greet January 27 Barristers Bowl Alumni Night January 28 Barristers Bowl:1 p.m., Memorial Stadium LSU v. Kentucky Send your February 4 LSU v. Florida upcoming club or February 10 Family Day organization events to TheCivilianLSU@gmail.com.


L S U PAU L M . H E B E RT L AW C E N T E R

SBA State of Affairs

Welcome back to another exciting semester at Club PMH! Although the break is always too short, I guarantee that this semester is going to be even more exciting than last semester. First, a big thank you to the Tailgate Leadership Council for all of your hard work this past football season. We all enjoyed the great party you threw every game day and truly appreciate you sacrificing your Saturday mornings for the rest of us. I can’t wait to come back as an alum and see all of the new surprises you will have for us next year. This month, the Louisiana Bar Association will host a meet-and-greet Thursday, Jan. 19, in the student lounge. The State Bar is interested in Kaamil Khan knowing how they can better serve you while you are a law student and SBA President will answer any questions you may have about bar admissions. You do not want to miss out on this if you plan to practice in Louisiana. If you really miss football season, you can still get your football fix at one of the Barristers Bowl events later this month. The first annual Barristers Bowl Alumni Night will be held Friday, Jan. 27 from 6 to 8 p.m. at Tin Roof Brewery. Both alumni and current students are invited to enjoy free beer the night before the game. The Barristers Bowl will be held on Saturday, Jan. 28, at BREC’s Memorial Stadium downtown (North 17th Street). Kickoff is at 1 p.m. This grudge match between the Purple and Gold teams is one of LSU Law’s best events as well as a great fundraiser for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Be sure to start saving up your student loans for the Auction for Teacher Donations later that night at Bogies from 7 to 10 p.m. Our professors graciously donate dinners and wine nights, but the best item is the house party donated by the beautiful LSU Law cheerleaders. This is a good way to support a great cause while getting to know your professors and peers outside of the classroom. Later this semester, clear your calendar for some of our other signature events. In March, the Tax Club will host Volunteer Income Tax Assistance Program (VITA). This is a great way to get involved if you are interested in a career in tax law or receiving the P.I.L.S. pro-bono award. All students, including first-year students, can volunteer. On March 2, the law center will host Paws for a Cause, our annual community service drive. Not only does it have a catchy name, but it’s also a great opportunity to give back to those less fortunate in Baton Rouge. All volunteers will be assigned to various sites around the city on Friday afternoon. Afterward, the volunteers come back and celebrate their hard work with a huge party on the plaza. If the good karma you will receive isn’t enough incentive, you also get a free t-shirt, so I expect to see everyone there. Finally, the event that justifies the cost of tuition—Barristers Ball—is almost here! This is our annual law school prom (as if this place wasn’t enough like high school already). On Saturday, March 10, the 2L class officers have quite the night planned for us, including open bars, a live band and an electrifying dance floor. The ball will be hosted at the Renaissance Hotel (7000 Bluebonnet Boulevard). Attendance is mandatory, so you better start scoping out potential dates now! (Just kidding! And yes, you can go stag). I hope you all enjoy this semester as much as I will, and please continue reading the Weekly Email to stay updated on campus events. Until next month!

The supplementary application for July 2012 Louisiana Bar applicants must be received by February 1, 2012, including the La. application and NCBE supplement. https://www.lascba.org/candidate/InstructSupplemental.cfm

The Civilian Staff Editorial Board

Editor-in-Chief: Will Harris Managing Editor: Joseph Cefalu Associate Managing Editors: Lisa Martinez & Jessica Allain Chief Copy Editor: Natalie Messina

Staff Writers

Megan Bice Anna Brown Melissa Buza Zach Capra Morgan Hargrove Brad Kelley Casey Neale Lauren Ross Ross Tuminello

Columnists

Will Carter Jade Forouzanfar Brithney Gardner Sarena Gaylor Tad Hightower Kaamil Khan Dr. Love RJ Marse William Priestley Tori Whitelaw

Field Reporters Ally Champagne

Staff Artist

Lauren Anderson

Design Team

Hayne Beatrous Josh Doguet Kristen Rowlett

Copy Editors

Sarah Aycock Timothy Brinks Brent Cobb Sasha Dittmer Kristen Guidry Ashley Schexnayder

Disclaimer: Views expressed in The Civilian, a designated public forum for student expression, do not necessarily reflect those of the editors, the LSU Law Center or its student body. If you are interested in contributing to a topic or wish to provide us with corrections, please email TheCivilianLSU@gmail.com or speak to a member of the editorial staff. http://sites.law.lsu.edu/Civilian

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THE CIVILIAN • January 2012

Career Services

Staff ready to help students hunt for summer jobs

The good news is that there are jobs out there. The bad news is you are going to have to put some effort into getting them. That is the motto for the Office of Career Services. The office markets LSU Law to more than 500 firms and believes that they can help students attain employment, but the office also cautions students that the jobs are only available if you are willing to look. But fear not. I am going Melissa Buza to enumerate the many opportunities students Staff Writer have to gain employment this summer. Participating in OCI is one method of gaining employment. OCI stands for on campus interviews. Now that you know how to dress for the interviews (Thanks to Sarena Gaylor), I am going to tell you how to apply for them. Students must become familiar with Simplicity to participate in OCI bidding. Each student has a Simplicity log in. Simplicity allows students to upload resumes, transcripts, cover letters and writing samples. Once uploaded, Simplicity stores the files for easy access when the student applies for interviews. Simplicity also includes LSU jobs, an online database, with postings for clerkships and other employment opportunities. The database is updated regularly and many of the postings do not have GPA requirements. Students can also apply for an internship or externship. Both are unpaid positions, but externships include course credit. Working without compensation, though not ideal, is a great way to get your name out in the legal community and network effectively. These positions are also resume builders that can be used to set students apart from one another. The point is: do something. Something looks better than nothing on a resume.

Top Tips for Your Career Search •Review you resume. Again. Again. And Again. Too many resumes include misspellings. •Show up on time for the interview. That means getting there early. •Dress jeans.

Appropriately.

Don’t

wear

•Know something about the company. Or, better yet, know a lot about the company. •Ask questions, especially if the interviewer asks you if you have any questions. And think before you speak.

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Let’s say you get an interview. Now what? The Office of Career Services has many ways to help. Jan. 31 through Feb. 3, the office has arranged for law firm practioners to conduct mock interviews with students. An email will be sent out detailing how to sign up for the mock interviews. The Office of Career Services will also host an etiquette dinner at the Faculty Club on Feb. 13. The free dinner is open to 25 students and will feature six tables containing eight students with one speaker at each table. If students have questions, contact the Office of Career Services to set up an appointment. The office has a well stocked resource room, and they are located on the first floor near the main entrance.

Spring 2012 Calendar of Events Jan. 30 — Feb. 3 Mock Interviews 12:40 p.m. and 3 p.m. Career Services Office Feb. 13 — Personal Etiquette Training Dinner 7 p.m. Faculty Club Feb. 16 — Opportunities with JAG 3 p.m. Room 106 March 1 — Beyond OCI 3 p.m. Room 106 March 6 — Alternative Careers 12:40 p.m. Room 106 March 15 — Lunch with the Masters 12:40 p.m. Faculty Club March 29 — Public Interest as a Career 12:40 p.m. Room 106 April 10 — Federal Judicial Clerkship Information Session 12:40 p.m. Room 106 April 12 — Professionalism and Preparing for your Summer Clerkship 3 p.m. Room 106

Loans cont. from page 1 “We worked as quickly as we could, but you cannot disburse until everybody’s grades are in,” said Michele Forbes, registrar and director of Student Affairs for LSU Paul M. Hebert Law Center. When asked about changing the due date for grades, Vice Chancellor Cheney Joseph, Joe W. Sanders Professor of Law, said it would be difficult because of the nature of law school examinations. “Imposing a closer date rather than giving those few extra days would make it very difficult for professors to finish grading,” Vice Chancellor Joseph said. “Our education process prepares students for the practice of law and the bar examination, and I think it requires us to follow the kind of examination procedures we have in place now.” Vice Chancellor Joseph, however, said an earlier due date will be discussed as a possible option. A meeting is tentatively set for April 2012 to discuss the possible

changes to prevent late disbursements in the future. Students taking summer classes or traveling abroad to France should be prepared for a similar situation at the end of the spring semester. “Students should plan accordingly and budget,” Alford said. “A disbursement date will not be scheduled until grades are due.” The Law Center has welcomed a new addition that may help alleviate some of your financial aid woes. Holly Ratcliff was recently hired to serve as the Law Center’s new coordinator of Undergraduate Admissions and Student Aid. She will act as a direct line to the main campus’ financial aid office for law students. Ratcliff will eventually be located in the Admissions Office, but her temporary office is in Room 417. She will be at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and can be found in Pleasant Hall on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. You can contact her at hratcliff@lsu.edu.


L S U PAU L M . H E B E RT L AW C E N T E R

Dear Ladies, Gentlemen, Professors and NFL Scouts, I cordially invite you to attend the LSU Law Football Club’s Barristers Bowl VIII to be played Saturday, January 28, 2012 at BREC’s Memorial Stadium. Kickoff is set for 1 p.m. The game, which features the finest athletes the LSU Law School can provide (and many NFL Madden 2012 All-Stars), will be a dueling match between the Purple Team, coached by RJ Marse and the Gold Team, led by the man, the myth, the legend Eli Joseph “Best” Abad. The game is not the only highlight of the day as, after the game, there will be an auction where the LSU Law Professors have donated meals, special events and, of course, steaks and Natty with Cheney Jo! The Barristers Bowl raises money for the Make-A-Wish Foundation and also contributes back to the LSU Law Center. Commissioner Dixon Wallace McMakin

Witnesses to Inadequacy, Disaster and Defeat Despite classes, some PMH students attend BCS Championship

We

had a great

time until kickoff... Bradford Smith, 3L

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” With all due respect to Mr. Dickens, nothing right now feels like the best of times for LSU football fans. The most magical season in LSU football history came to a crashing halt with a loss to the #2-ranked Alabama Crimson Tide in the BCS National Championship game. With all of the talk leading up to the game about whether or not Alabama deserved to play in the game since they had already lost to LSU in the regular season, LSU looked like the team that did not deserve to be there. From the opening kickoff, the Tigers looked overmatched and outcoached. Starting quarterback Jordan Jefferson was horribly ineffective to everyone that watched the game except himself, completing 11 of 17 passes for 53 yards, no touchdowns, and one of the worst interceptions this writer has even seen. The offensive line did not fare much better. On the plays without low snaps or false starts, they were blown away by the speed and strength of Alabama’s front seven. LSU spent the month leading up to the game trying to refine the option plays that were effective against Alabama in the first meeting. However, Coach Nick Saban spent the monthpreparing his team to face the option and LSU either had nothing else to throw at them or refused to try something else. Reported by Will Carter

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THE CIVILIAN • January 2012

Life Outside PMH

Because your J.D. isn’t a cure for the world’s B.S. Another break has come and gone, and once again we find ourselves back inside Paul M. Hebert Law Center wondering where the last four weeks went. Your individual responses will undoubtedly include a combination of sleeping, Netflix and avoidJade Forouzanfar ing PMH. In any event, Columnist we are back, so I am back bringing you the newsworthy and not so newsworthy tales of the outside world. On Dec. 28, 2011, Target stores became sites of a national demonstration. What topic prompted these recent acts of peaceful protest, you ask? It appears women across the country flocked to their local Targets to stage a “nurse-in.” Yeah, that’s right, you heard me, a “nurse-in.” Apparently, group breastfeeding in public was their chosen method of communication. ABC News reported that the “nurse-ins” were organized by women who had previously been offended when Target representatives requested that they move their feedings to the store’s private dressing rooms. I’m sorry, I am going to have to side with big bad business on this one. I am all for women’s rights and fully support the beauty of motherhood, but just because something is natural doesn’t mean I want to see you do it while I’m shopping. The Vatican recently acknowledged that it used Wikipedia in preparing biographies of 22 newly appointed cardinals. The Vatican then sent these biographies to journalists, but neglected to identify its sources of informa-

G et

for Apple to sell me a more expensive version of the phone I already have. MTV is introducing ANOTHER REALITY SHOW (sigh of discontent) this month called “Caged.” The series, taking place in Minden, La., focuses on several young persons and their lives as mixed martial arts (MMA) fighters. OK, in my never-ending attempts to grasp desperately at a silver lining, I will note that at least they are wrestling each other and not alligators. I have neither seen the show nor met its cast, but I’m skeptical of all television shows set in the South. I have watched enough news to know anytime a national network wants to put Louisiana citizens on TV, the result usually doesn’t bolster the nation’s opinion of our state. In 2010, Haiti suffered a cholera epidemic that afflicted 500,000 people and killed almost 7,000. The New York Times stated that The American Journal of Tropical Medicine and Hygiene released a report which led to the identification of the first Haitian to contract the disease that year. The epidemic has been traced back to the village of Mirebalais and a man referred to by the locals as “moun fou” (crazy person). Apparently, this guy was known for walking through the town naked. He was also known for drinking and bathing in a river filled with raw sewage—well, sewage drained from the United Nations peacekeepers’ encampment to be exact. Once again, Mother Nature does irony much better than I ever could. And so we begin another semester reminded of the fact that no matter how logical and organized we train ourselves to be, the world outside will remain as it always has been … batsh*t crazy.

your resumes and cover letters ready !

S pring OCI

V isit

the for

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tion. In law-nerd speak, the Vatican committed a cardinal sin: failure to include citations (ba dum bum chhhssshhh). Personally, I love the irony here. We law students know that a failure to cite equals plagiarism. Thus, it seems the Vatican was technically caught lying. BBC News reports that when questioned, Vatican spokesman Father Federico Lombardi explained the error resulted from his staff having been “in a hurry.” I wonder how the NCBE board would respond to this explanation? Methinks all the Hail Maries in the world wouldn’t save one of us. In keeping with shock followed by hysterical laughter, Casey Anthony has a video blog, and it has made its way to YouTube. The Urban Daily reports that the blog surfaced after Anthony’s failed attempt at shopping her story to several networks. Considering how she vanished immediately after her acquittal last year, I found it funny that she resurfaced in a video blog. I watched the four minute video, you know, as research. Anyway, Anthony gives a pretty boring performance. She rattles on about her new computer and how she got a dog. Gee, I guess she’s just a normal person. Don’t worry Casey; I’m sure if you don’t mention it, everyone will forget that whole thingy about you being accused of murdering your daughter. The 2012 International Consumer Electronics Show unveiled a much needed improvement in smart phone technology— waterproofing. Personally, I have lost two cell phones to water and have not noticed myself becoming more graceful with age so I recognize the utility of this development. On the other hand, waterproofing gadgets is not exactly new “technology.” The conspiracy theorist in me says this is just the newest way

is underway !

C areer S ervices O ffice more information .


L S U PAU L M . H E B E RT L AW C E N T E R

Strawberry Torts Time to heat it up: Freezer-stuffing Recipes

January is here, and the sickly pall, dark under eye circles, and crazed caffeine eyes have faded with the balm of Christmas eggnog, New Years fireworks and an unsettling amount of free time. The traces of finals Tori Whitelaw might be gone, but are Cooking Columnist certainly not forgotten. It was not so long ago that we were sequestered away in the library’s cubicles franticly flipping through hundredpage outlines, stained in neon highlighter juice, and scrounging for spare change to raid the vending machines or pick up a box of Canes chicken. Now I am not usually good at planning ahead, but last semester I had a miraculous burst of forethought and prepared a freezer full of my favorite meals just in case all those rumors I had heard about law school finals

being stressful and time consuming actually turned out to be true. After a full day of Civ Pro outlining, I could come home pop some food into the oven or microwave, gobble it down and then hit the books again all in the time it would have taken me to get to McDonalds. It made me feel at least a little better that I was getting the full amount of healthy nutrients to keep my brain functioning at full speed. (Plus, it’s scientifically proven that French fries make you sleepy, and I already feel sleepy enough when I read for Contracts thank you very much). I recommend setting aside half a day before the semester gets too busy in order to cook up as much food in one go as your freezer will hold. Doing all the cooking at once means only one trip to the grocery store, and one round of cleaning pots and pans. It’s cheaper to cook your own food instead of always eating out, and will save you a lot of stress later in the semester when finding a meal is the last thing you want to deal

Street Law cont. on page 1 “The overall goal for LSU Street Law is to teach local high school students law that is relevant to their lives,” Reinker said. “We tailor our program to meet the specific needs of each of our partner schools.” “The focus of Street Law is not to go into complex legal theories about different aspects of the law, but rather it is to inform students of the basic principles of the law that they can apply to their everyday lives,” Rogers said. In mid-September, 10 Law Center students began teaching three classes at Capitol High School, and two other students began teaching one class at Madison Preparatory Academy. Other members of the program helped plan the curriculum for the classes and contacted more local schools for possible expansion of the program. Quentin Anderson, one of the 12 volunteer teachers from this past semester, taught two of the classes at Capitol High. “This program has not only been a wonderful opportunity for the Law Center to get more involved in the community in which it is planted, but it has also been a great way for the students to get more involved and to give back,” Anderson said. Anderson even orchestrated a field trip for his class to visit the Law Center

with. Invest in a bunch of small freezer size containers so that you can store everything in individual servings, or you can wrap individual servings in tinfoil and store them in gallon sized freezer bags. Individual servings make it easy to heat things up in a flash, and you aren’t stuck eating the same leftovers all week. Most meals will freeze well, but it works best if the meat inside whatever you make is already cooked. Sometimes foods with a lot of cream, yogurt or dairy products don’t defrost well (although I tend to use plenty of cheese and yogurt without a problem). Some of my home cooked dishes include chicken enchiladas, shepherd’s pie, stuffed bell peppers, pasta bakes, homemade pasta sauce, chili, curries and pizza dough. If you don’t like to defrost or cook food in the microwave, there are many meals you can pop straight into the oven from the freezer. They just take an extra 10 minutes or so to cook. Another alternative includes pulling out the food in Cooking cont. on page 10

to watch a mock trial, talk to professors and hear from local attorneys. “The partnership with LSU Street Law has afforded me the opportunity to build a high school law studies program that was new and unique to our school, and at the same time, engaging and exciting for our students,” said Rick Sullivan, Madison Preparatory school teacher. “Our students loved it and came away with a better understanding of what it means to study the law.” In addition to continuing the program at Madison and Capitol High, Street Law is eagerly looking to expand to new schools in the area. Partnerships have already been formed to begin teaching at both Arlington Preparatory Academy and McKinely High School this semester. “We would like to see LSU’s program grow,” Rogers said, “so that perhaps more law students will become interested, but more importantly, so that more students in the community will be impacted. It goes back to the old age adage that knowledge is power, and Street Law aims to empower students by making them informed members of their community.” A second volunteer teacher training seminar will be held Friday, Jan. 20 from 3 to 6 p.m. for new students who would like to get involved. For more information, contact Street Law at lsustreetlaw@gmail.com.

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THE CIVILIAN • January 2012

Time

and a

H alf P olicy :

Opinion

The Elephant in the (exam) Room: Current policy fails to fairly serve Law Center

Perhaps rather ironically, the elephant in the room during final exams every semester at the Law Center are the students who are not present: the students that claim certain disabilities, thereby allowing them to enjoy separate accommodations. For instance, students that claim a learning disability, most commonly Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Brad Kelley Disorder (ADHD/ADD), are permitted time Staff Writer and a half on all law school exams as well as a separate testing room. In other words, when a student is normally given only four hours to take an exam in a room full of people, a student claiming a disability like ADD is given six hours and their own silent room. The Law Center’s policy is fundamentally unfair to all other students since students are graded on a highly competitive basis and time is essential to exam success. Admittedly, some claimed disabilities are certainly real and warrant accommodations, but the current policy is so imbalanced that even a fourth grader would know it’s wrong. In a nutshell, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) requires that the Law Center provide disabled students with “reasonable accommodations” during testing. Our current policy ensures that students who claim ADD as a disability can receive: (1) time and a half; (2) a separate room; and (3) (presumably) medication. As a result, our policy grossly exceeds the ADA requirement to provide “reasonable accommodations.” In theory, providing these accommodations should ensure an equal playing field for all students, and thus allow disabled students to achieve the average Law Center grade point average. This, however, may not be the case. Everyone has heard stories about students claiming disabilities that are on the honor roll, regularly receive top grades in classes and are often selected for law review. Furthermore, the fact that a student received additional time for all of their exams is not noted on their transcripts, and they are not precluded from receiving top awards and honors. As such, the potential for abuse is far too high, especially since there are many students who easily qualify but don’t invoke these accommodations (this author included). In my section last year, for example, there was a lot of discussion that suggested there was a significant increase in the number of students who claimed disabilities in the spring but did not seek accommodations during the first semester. An unfortunate corresponding trend in the other sections was discussed as well. Precise numbers, however, are incredibly difficult to attain due to federal laws such as the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA). There are a number of acute problems directly tied to the Law Center’s policy aside from the ones already mentioned.

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First, it puts all other students at an incredible disadvantage. In the event that a student has an additional two hours or so, that student will undoubtedly have the opportunity to outperform the other students in the class. Our grading system is categorically a zero sum game. As such, the current disability policy allows certain students to perform better at the direct expense of others. Second, this policy hurts the Law Center’s brand. Firms, government agencies and other employers actively recruit LSU Law students with the faith that the student’s awarded degree is on par with all other graduates. Perhaps more importantly, clients have a similar belief that their attorney has a verifiable legal education consistent with the general academic standards that the other graduates of the school possess. Third, this policy sends a terrible signal and creates a dangerous slippery slope for society as a whole. Consider: Will a policeman be permitted extra time during a robbery? Will a doctor be permitted an additional two hours for emergency surgery in order to save the life of a patient? More specifically to the legal field, will a judge award extra time for a prescription claim? The signal that policies like this sends is rather straightforward: If a person cannot adequately perform on par with their peers but can claim a disability then conditions will be necessarily altered to create an unequal playing field that fails to ref lect the real world. Again, disabilities are a problem in our society and we should understandably be sympathetic to those who have actual problems. However, we cannot allow our sympathies to weaken our educational and legal systems by undermining basic academic fairness, especially when there are such far reaching consequences. The Law Center’s policy has justifiably generated discontent and frustration among the students that play by the rules. The administration defends the policy by claiming that we defer to the undergraduate disability policy; unfortunately, we don’t defer to their grading policy, so this defense is largely moot. The Law Center should certainly revisit the current policy and revise it so as not to allow the current unfairness to continue. At the end of the day, the Law Center should immediately abandon its current one-size-fits-all policy of time and a half and a separate room. For isn’t medication supposed to be the great equalizer anyway? Disability claims, especially those involving invisible disabilities, should be properly vetted by health professionals. Another equitable solution would be to allow all students six hours to complete an examination. That way, if a student finishes an exam in four hours then they can just turn it in whereas students who need additional time can use up the entire six hours. There may not be a silver bullet but the current policy is unacceptable in a highly competitive environment and doesn’t ref lect the real world.


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N ecessary

or

E xcessive ?

PMH policy follows ADA, LSU main campus guidelines

The LSU Law Center extra time policy is undoubtedly one of the most controversial issues among law students. This policy certainly garners much more attention in the law school environment—as opposed to the undergraduate, high school, or even elementary school settings—because in law school, students are evaluated and ultimately ranked in comparison to every other student. Thus, the law school atmosphere is inherently more competitive which calls more atCasey Neale tention to the extra time policy. Staff Writer In order for members of the student community to properly take one side or the other on the issue, to agree or disagree with the policy and/or its application, it is imperative that students to be fully informed on the law in which the policy is rooted. This article is in no way intended to reflect my opinion or any other person’s opinion on the policy. Rather, it is merely intended to summarize the policy and the reasons for which the Law Center abides by its guidelines. On July 26, 1990, President George H. W. Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) into law, offering, for the first time, expansive protection against discrimination of citizens with disabilities, including learning disabilities. Thus, the ADA prohibits all learning institutions from discriminating against any student or prospective student on the basis of a disability. After certain post-enacted court rulings limited and restricted the application of the ADA, Congress passed the ADA Amendments Act in 2008 to provide those with disabilities greater protections from discrimination. The redefinition of the ADA’s term “disability” is applicable to law students. After the amendment, it is more likely that an individual claiming a learning disability will fall under the new definition and therefore receive protection. A “disability,” according to the ADA, is any physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities. The amendment expanded this definition to include learning, reading, concentrating, thinking and communicating as major life activities. Thus, if a student has difficulty reading or paying attention in class due to a mental impairment —most commonly diagnosed as ADD or ADHD—the student can be considered to have a disability and therefore receive protection under the ADA. However, unlike a student in a wheelchair whose disability is obvious and who clearly qualifies under the ADA, a student claiming a learning disability must take further steps to prove it in order to gain protection. Therefore, documentation from the student of the claimed disability is required by both the admissions office and the student services office. Such documentation should be provided by an appropriate professional, such as the student’s primary care physician, and it must be current. Additionally, the documentation should include the specific disability, relevant educational and medical history, the specific requested accommodations and the relationship of the disability to the accommodation, among other things. Further, the determination of whether a person is disabled and thus covered under the ADA must be made without regard to the ameliorative

effects of mitigating measures. In other words, the institution, in determining a student’s disability, may not consider any medications the student may be taking. For example, many students diagnosed with ADD or ADHD are prescribed to medication such as Adderall or Vyvanse to help lengthen their attention span and ability to concentrate. However, when determining whether or not the student’s diagnosed disability falls within the parameters of the ADA, the institution must evaluate the student’s need for reasonable accommodations without regard to the prescribed medication. After determining that a student is disabled, the institution is required to afford that student reasonable accommodations. Such accommodations usually present themselves in the form of separate exam testing rooms and/ or extra time given on exams. The accommodations are supposed to be personally tailored to each student’s disability, ideally in such a fashion as to eliminate the barrier created by the disability. The Law Center must act within the parameters of the ADA to keep its federal funding and to avoid being sued on the grounds that it violated the rights of those with disabilities. Thus, the Law Center’s policy basically mirrors the federal policy proscribed by the ADA as detailed above. Unfortunately, the Law Center is unable to maintain its own office to handle disability claims because of a lack of available funds in the budget, and consequently cannot take extra measures to prevent abuse of the system. Instead, the Law Center must use the LSU Office of Disability Services on the main campus, which handles all ADA claims for the entire university. Each law student claiming a disability upon admission, or claiming a newly diagnosed disability after admission, files documentation with the main campus’ office. Following ADA requirements, the Office of Disability Services reviews such documentation and determines if the student does in fact have a disability. The Law Center’s website states, “Specialized support services are based on the individual student’s disability-based need. Efforts will be made to develop and implement an appropriate reasonable accommodation plan that meets the student’s needs without imposing undue burden on the Law Center or altering its academic standards.” Accordingly, the LSU Office of Disability Services claims that each accommodation for students with disabilities is personally tailored to each student. However, the website asserts that “all requests and documentation are treated as confidential,” and therefore the Law Center cannot release any specific information concerning the issue. This includes which students receive accommodations, what the accommodation is and how many students receive accommodations. This confidentiality creates an aura of speculation and criticism concerning abuse of the system. The issue has been discussed at length in academic meetings, but has yet to make it in the white paper to suggest any change, primarily because the federal guidelines of the ADA are so stringent. Other schools have similar policies in place that essentially mirror the ADA requirements. In order to continuing receiving federal funds, the Law Center too must continue to offer reasonable accommodations to those claiming learning disabilities. Until it can allocate the necessary funds to establish its own disability services office, speculation concerning abuse of the system will continue.

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THE CIVILIAN • January 2012

T he L aw S chool R ealist

The first semester aftermath - The Audacity of ‘Nope’ The Law School Optimist is away on business. I’m this edition’s guest columnist, the Law School Realist. Most of us are raised believing in the American Dream that William Priestley we can be anything we Columnist want if we work hard. I decided to play second base for the Atlanta Braves. I was a good athlete, loved baseball and was a Little League badass. My future was absolutely certain. After all, I was one of the best athletes in my town! (pop. 727) Sadly, that dream was shattered in short order after I transferred to a 5A high school in a new city (pop. 350,000). Not only was it obvious that I was not going to the Major Leagues, I was even going to have difficulty making the varsity baseball team. For the first time, I realized that there were others who were more talented than I chasing the same dream. Playing for the Braves? NOPE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. The reality of law school arrives in much of the same manner. You arrive, bright-eyed and brimming with confidence, on the first

day of law school orientation and conspicuously eye your competition. You have been told that only the top 10 percent will get really good jobs and that the rest will have to do strange things like ‘network’ or ‘utilize connections’. You shrug off such nonsense since you will surely be in the top 10 percent anyway. After all, you always have been. What could go wrong? How hard could it be? For most students, all that comes crashing down after first semester grades come in. Top 10 percent of your class? LOL NOPE! How did this happen?!? I’m smart! I’m smarter than these people! They didn’t even talk in class! There must be some mistake! Frantically, you rush to your professors’ offices to review your exams. Surely, something must be wrong. You’ll just talk to the professor and get the grade changed (this worked a lot in high school and college!). Uhhh…. NOPE. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that law students should just give up after the first sign of adversity. (Wait till your 3L year.) Perhaps you can make better grades and recover. It has been done. If you made less than stellar grades your chances at Spring OCI are likely shot, but you can still go to France or try to

Cooking cont. from page 7 the morning and leaving it out on the counter or in the fridge during the day. They will be defrosted and ready to go when you get home. Here’s my recipe for orzo stuffed bell peppers. It’s easily customizable so feel free to switch any of the ingredients out for ones that you prefer.

Sausage and Orzo Stuffed Peppers

•½ cup Orzo (or couscous) •2 sausage links squeezed out of the casings (Any type of sausage is fine. I recommend Italian sausage or chicken sausage. Or if you want to make this vegetarian, just leave the sausage out) •¼ onion •2 large red peppers (or hollowed out zucchini or Serrano peppers) •1 clove finely minced garlic •¼ teaspoon red chili flakes •splash of wine (or water, or stock) •1 small to medium zucchini, grated •½ of tomato sauce (or pasta sauce or crushed tomatoes) •½ cup grated parmesan or asiago cheese (or whatever type you like best) •¼ cup toasted pine nuts •salt to taste

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get an externship or a summer job in your hometown. In the fall, you will get another shot at the more important 2L clerkships. If you improve enough, you just might make it. However, you should now be aware of the reality that you are going to be hearing the word “NO” a lot for the rest of your life. This is the best preparation for the ‘real world’ that law school provides. It is a great wake up call to the reality that no matter how smart, beautiful or clever you are, eventually you will encounter a class of people who are even more so. If this is your first disappointment, rest assured that it will not be your last. You will have ideas shot down, you will be passed over for promotions, and you will lose cases. To survive you have to learn to deal with defeat, and you must learn to improvise and adapt to be better prepared for the next battle. This is the real skill that law school imparts to its students: resilience. Law school teaches you how to get back up after you’ve been knocked down … mainly by knocking you down a lot. However, when it’s over you will emerge a lean, mean, cynical machine, highly motivated by the need to repay a lot of debt. What could be more American than that?

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Boil pasta to just shy of done. Drain and set aside. In a nonstick pan, add a drizzle of olive oil and brown your sausage until cooked through, breaking up the pieces with a spatula as you cook it. Halfway through, add onion, garlic and chili flakes. Once sausage is cooked and onion is translucent, deglaze your pan with a splash of wine in order to scrape up the tasty browned bits off the bottom of the pan. Add the zucchini and tomato sauce and cook until zucchini begins to soften. Transfer the mixture into a mixing bowl and add toasted pine nuts, half the cheese, the orzo and salt to taste. Stir. Cut the bell peppers in half, and pull out the seeds and ribs. Tightly stuff bell peppers with sausage/orzo mixture. Pile more cheese on top. Cook them in the oven for 20 to 30 minutes until the bell pepper reaches your desired softness. Or you can wrap each pepper half individually in tin foil and store in the freezer. When it comes time to cook your frozen peppers, you can pop them straight from the freezer into the oven. Set oven to 400 degrees, and bake for 40 minutes. Oh, and one last helpful hint: if you’re like me and can’t get enough of peppermint mocha, pumpkin spice latte, or other seasonal coffee creamer flavors, stock up on them now. They’ll keep just fine in the freezer too!


L S U PAU L M . H E B E RT L AW C E N T E R

Zill’s Repast Derek Chang’s Koto Two things come to mind when I see the name Derek Chang: Derek Bell, the sole inspiration for my facial hair growth and a founding member of our generation’s greatest trio, the Killer B’s, and Aretha Franklin’s “Chain of Fools.” Tad Hightower Yeah, she might be saying Food Columnist “chain” but I didn’t know that until I was about 18 years old. Regardless, with these two references in the back of my mind, I knew Derek Chang and his Koto would not let me down when I began craving some sweet, sweet fried rice. You have to get a solid crew of at least five to six people to attend a hibachi gathering. It’s boring as sh*t with only two to three people, and if you go solo, you might as well introduce yourself as Kaamil Khan. Besides, having six people allows for some interesting and informative conversation pieces such as Jason Giambi’s bedroom practices and ways to get internet in Prof. Carter’s class. High legal pad roll. Don’t shoot the messenger, Prof. Carter. The only drawback to having a large crew is that you might make your waiter a little nervous. You can fix this by ordering a bunch of draft beers and then yelling at him as he tries to balance the tray. This lightens the mood and lets him know you’re having a nice, comfortable dining experience. The true key to a hibachi restaurant is their badass chefs. This is where I tell you a little something about Mike Ross at Koto. Even though he kept personifying his onions and talking about taking them on fancy dates, this cat had it going on; if it weren’t for Lagow, he would’ve hit 100 percent of his rice shots. He attributes his pinpoint accuracy to being born in Koto’s kitchen. I believe

I speak for everyone when I say that’s the kind of hibachi chef I want. Not some scrub who started apprenticing at age 10. You want them learning from infancy, and this is what Koto offers thanks to Mike Ross. His egg handling during the fried rice preparation deserved recognition from the Beverly Hills Ninja himself; his vegetable chopping rivaled that of Gordon Ramsay. I swear he made a deal with the devil to get those hands. I would. Finally, the food. Koto offers many nonhibachi entrees and sushi dishes, but each member of our crew partook in the hibachi grill thrill. Mushroom soup and house salad hit the table first and proved to be solid appetizers. A little hot and cold contrast for your palate is always a good thing. Then came the fire. Lots of fire. Tall, dancing, beautiful fire. If you’re a pyromaniac like myself, you’ll have to refrain from stealing that mysterious fire liquid. This incredible light show gave way to a mess of rice, vegetables and vegan-unfriendly meats. Shrimps, steaks, scallops, and chicken—ol’ Mike cooked everything to near perfection, a nice pink center for the red meat while the chicken and seafood were juicy and tender. Each eater receives a red and white sauce that you’re supposed to reserve for meat and seafood, respectively. Take my advice and bend the rules. Meat in the white sauce. Do it. Derek Chang’s Koto is located off of Corporate Boulevard in the Citiplace Circle. It’s a wonderful setting to witness fire and Japanese hibachi, accompanied by good-natured and witty chefs who cook absolutely delicious meals. I highly recommend this establishment to anyone who is looking for great Japanese food in a laidback, comfortable atmosphere. Or to any guy that needs a chef to impress a girl for them. P.S. Ladies, Mike is single. Think of all the free hibachi dinners in your near and far future, and go pay a visit to Derek Chang’s Koto.

Try Tori’s recipe and send us your action shots! Send your photos to TheCivilianLSU@gmail.com

11


THE CIVILIAN • January 2012

Brithney Gardner Columnist

Dear FUQs Reporter: Okay, so I got my grades and not so good. Instead of actual number grades, it looked more like: Idiot; Loser; Really?; That was funny, now where is the answer to my exam? How should I feel about this? -my summer job will include making French fries

intake food and not alcohol. Can you think of anything else I should do? -want to be able to put my GPA on my resume

Answer: Feel good! At least your professor didn’t say, “See you again next semester.”

Dear FUQs Reporter: This OCI stuff is not fair! It makes me feel worthless when I see students dressed up to go on interviews that my grades do not qualify me to go on. How can I make myself feel better about this? -does Men’s Warehouse give refunds?

Dear FUQs Reporter: I’m not sure what is going on, but some students at the law school are acting weird around me now. When I walk up to a group of friends, they disperse. When I try to join in their conversations, they stop talking. Seriously, is there something wrong with me that I don’t know about? -you would think I exchanged bodies with Jordan Jefferson Answer: Oh, you have been quarantined by the top 20 percent because you have the “low rank” disease. These students actually think that your lower rank is contagious and therefore can no longer associate with you. Dear FUQs Reporter: It’s a new year and a new semester! I’m ready to buckle down. 1) I’m actually going to read the cases and brief them myself instead of copying the online brief. 2) I’m actually going to use the library for its purpose instead of acting like it is social hour. 3) When I take a snack break from studying, I’m actually going to

Answer: Yea, put a nickel in a jar every time you say you are going to do those things each semester and don’t! You will be able to pay off some school loans with it by the time you graduate. Thank me later.

Answer: Just wear a suit to school once a week so that students can assume you are also going on interviews. You won’t be the first to do so. Dear FUQs Reporter: I want to meet with a professor so that I can see why I performed so low on my exam. I’m scared because, judging by my grade, I know the professor probably thinks I am an idiot. So, how do I go about doing this? -I’ d rather feel “The Rath” by just going on the website Answer: Just present the question by acknowledging your shortcomings. For example: “I know that after explaining diversity jurisdiction as having jurisdiction over Blacks and Hispanics on my exam, you may think that I am an idiot, but…”

Paws for a Cause Paws for a Cause is the annual school-wide volunteer program at the law center. Law students, faculty, and staff gather at the law school on a Friday afternoon for lunch and music before departing to over fifteen work sites. Following lunch, students travel to their assigned work sites to volunteer for approximately four hours. Past work sites include: Volunteers in Public Schools, Goodwill, Volunteers of America, Our Lady of the Lake, etc. Students perform various tasks for the locations. For example, students read to children, clean up schools, help organize materials, and plant f lowers. Following the volunteer hours, students return to the law school to celebrate. The first event was held in the spring of 2011, and it was a huge success. Over 300 students and faculty participated in the event. Each volunteer location was very impressed with the willingness of students to volunteer on a Friday afternoon. We anticipate the event to grow even more this year! Reported by Lisa Martinez

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L S U PAU L M . H E B E RT L AW C E N T E R

Your

Rick “Ricky P” Panachida

AGE: 22 + 1,460 days or so HOMETOWN: Atlanta, capital of the South UNDERGRAD: FSU- majored in Spanish Law School is … like being the guy assigned to do the new paint job at the strip club. You want

15 Minutes What 1 person would you want with you? Snooki. Just kidding. I’d rather jump into a mulcher. The obvious answer is Sofia Vergara of Modern Family

Turn On(s): an interest in me. Turn Off(s): being a vegan. I don’t have time to find a restaurant that would be satisfactory for a vegan. Plus, I require protein from ANIMALS.

Your favorite word? Incorrigible

How would you spend your ideal day? Well, it would probably be on the set of a rap video. What 3 things would you bring with you if you were deserted on an island? I would bring a cow so that I can eat beef during my final days. I would bring Gold Bond depending on the climate and some device to help me forget that the Midwest or the Kardashians exist. smells. How would you spend your ideal day? Disney World with no lines.

Caroline Barnes

AGE: 24 HOMETOWN: Houston, TX UNDERGRAD: LSU. Geaux Tigers! Law school is... not what Elle Woods made it out to be. Turn On(s): Good food and dancing. Turn Off(s): Public nail clipping, habitual liars and bad

What 3 things would you bring with you if you were deserted on an island? A comfy beach chair, a Corona with lime and some big sunglasses. What 1 person would you want with you? Matthew McConaughey If you could be another person for a day, who would it be and why? Oprah because she can do anything she wants. Your favorite word? Jalapeño and really stress the ñ. If you could spend a day with 4 famous people, who would they Law school is... a cross between fantasy football and a donkey show, but less entertaining and more expensive. Turn On(s): Carlos Posas. Turn Off(s): Girls who don’t share their notes. What 3 things would you bring with you if you were deserted on an island? The ghost of Steve Irwin, a well-trained monkey and a distillation column to make booze.

Niko Imbraguglio

AGE: 28 HOMETOWN: Ponchatoula, LA UNDERGRAD: LSU Chemical Engineering

1L 2L 3L

to come in and do your job well while trying to ignore the surrounding sights and sounds and not going into too much debt, but it is hard.

What 1 person would you want with you? Alex Morgan If you could be another person for a day, who would it be and why? Prince. Uh... because he’s awesome. If you could spend a day with 4

If you could spend a day with 4 famous people, who would they be and why? Easiest question ever. I would hang out with Jay-Z, Kanye West, D-Wade and Lebron. I would listen and learn.

similar. You either have it, or you don’t. Also, Kanye noted, “If you try hard, you die hard.” I see a lot of swag attempts in the PMH, but Prof. Diamond is the truth. You and I try to make a habit out of dragon ties, we will fail every time. He does it, and he is unstoppable. I admire that greatly. Anything else you want to tell us? I like when the hot meal is fried chicken (hint).

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Could have sworn I had you here a couple of times, but you are a tough one.

If you were a Star Wars character, which would you be? Unfortunately, I have been waiting many years for this question. I would be Anakin Skywalker. Why? Natalie Portman.

In your humble opinion, which LSU law professor has the most swagger? Well, Jay-Z once said, “You can pay for school, but you can’t buy class.” I think swag is

If you were written about in a newspaper, what would the headline be? Ricky P is still alive. Describe yourself in 3 words: philosopher, architect and artist

be and why? I would spend the day cruisin’ on a boat with T-Pain and Justin Bieber times three while they serenade me.

swagger? It is a tie between Prof. Baier and Prof. Trahan. I am hoping for a dance off to settle this dispute.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Welcome.

What’s your favorite thing about law school? 3 more years at LSU.

I would rather [ ] instead of going to law school. Travel the world on a private jet.

If you were a Star Wars character, which would you be? Any of the Jedi. Lightsabers look fun.

Your house is burning down. Besides people and pets, what is the first thing you grab as you escape? Sadly, by instinct, probably my iPhone. In your humble opinion, which LSU law professor has the most

famous people, who would they be and why? I would take Charles Barkley, Dave Chappelle, Pope Benedict XVI and Martha Stewart to a gentleman’s club. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I can’t believe they let you in. Oh well, the open bar is over there. I would rather [ ] instead of going to law school. Get robbed by ninja monkeys. Your house is burning down. Besides people and pets, what is the first thing you grab as you escape? My travel journals.

What is your favorite thing about law school? Student loans! We

Anything else you want to tell us? You already know too much.

If you were written about in a newspaper, what would the headline be? “I can’t believe she said that.” Describe yourself in 3 words: hungry, happy and honest

dont’ REALLY have to pay them back right?

Anything else you want to tell us? Yes, if anyone is already a member of the Illuminati, please let me know how I can join. If you were a Star Wars character, which would you be? Definitely Yoda. If you were written about in a newspaper, what would the headline be? Man Successfully Robs Bank to Pay Off Student Loans & Makes Friends Along the Way Describe yourself in 3 words: malice-malapropist, inebriatedimbroglio and good

13


THE CIVILIAN • January 2012

Dr. Love

Relationships: Don’t settle for bad love Dear Dr. Love,

Why do I stay in such a miserable relationship? I can’t decide what’s worse: being alone or asking my professors to change my place on the seating chart every other week. Help me out. Sincerely, On the Fence Dear On the Fence, Relationships are like fat people, they never workout. It’s a new year, my friend! From the sound of your misery, you need to put down the double chocolate chunk, shed a few pounds and ditch that miserable relationship. Let’s be honest, there just aren’t enough supermodel nice girls to go around. So no, not everyone is in a happy relationship this 2012. As you all read my advice/observations about relationships, please remember that I am single. I have made a lot of empty promises in my life and telling someone that I’ll be faithful would by far be the most generous. Not wanting to give bad advice, I went ahead and googled “how to ruin people’s love life” and nothing useful came up, so I’ll just freestyle this one. Everyone has thought they were in love at one point or another, but I’m talking about real love; the “I have contemplated murder and stared at the bottle of rat poison in my hand for 45 minutes” kind of love. For guys, don’t be in a serious relation-

ship unless there’s a Groupon for it. Girls are expensive. Also, don’t put up with a woman’s manipulative tactics and always be suspicious of your girlfriend. By the time girls grow into women, plotting and scheming are normal, everyday activities. Guys, seriously ask yourselves, are you doing what a girl asks because you want to or because you like standing behind her on the escalator? When you find yourself dressing up together for Halloween as a ‘high heel’ and a ‘doormat’, ask yourself, is that escalator ride really worth it? Start choosing your manhood over your “manhood” and tell these spoiled brats to stop. Tell your girlfriend to stop crying all the time. If she needs more support in her life, she should buy a better bra. Also, tell her to take all those damn pillows off her bed. Guys have it made and you know why? Ponder this: what do girls find attractive? The answer: Anything … seriously, ANYTHING. Thankfully, for all you ogres out there, women can find almost anything about a man to emotionally attach themselves to. Men, on the other hand, emotionally attach themselves to … anything but a woman. Women put in 110 percent so their counter-parts can put in 50 percent. Girls make a five course meal while a guy throws a frozen lasagna in the oven hoping the girl is too obsessed with him to notice the melted pieces of plastic wrap he forgot to take off. Somehow girls still think this gesture is “so cute and sweet!” After a few months in a relationship it’s not like women get carpet bombed with compliments. You know what they will get? Physical advances about every four hours. Guys will go straight for their girlfriend’s area 51 without permission and with complete disregard for the current social setting; “oh you’re on the phone with your mom? Lets get to it!” Don’t give in ladies, you have to use the power of the P effectively. Also, when necessary, fake it ‘til you make it girl!

It really is the best manipulative tactic, especially for all these Neanderthals around the law school. Do you think this doesn’t apply to your relationship because you’re just so happy? Really now? God will inevitably send you on a double date with the perfect couple to fix that notion real quick. You’re in the middle of your BS relationship and make the mistake of sitting down with two people that are actually in love; this slaps you in the face about how much of a train wreck your relationship is. You won’t even eat your food because you can’t believe what the heck you are witnessing. You’ve got a fork in your hand like “oh sh*t, he is really listening to the crap coming out of her mouth?” Don’t hang out with these happy mofos unless you want to break up. So how do you really know the end is near? You know how when you’re stuck in traffic behind the same car for miles and miles and for whatever reason you just really start to hate that car? You think of the most ridiculous reasons why that car and driver are complete a-holes, like “ugh I hate this person’s license plate!” If this is happening in your relationship, it may be time to get the hell outta there before you get burned darker than a Vietnamese monk. Ladies, avoid the miserable relationships by just never dating someone better looking than you. “Dating up” completely diminishes your manipulative power and prevents your milkshake from bringing all the boys to the yard. Guys, just date younger. It’s a great rule of thumb. Ryan Chenevert can tell you there are plenty of 18-year-olds to go around. Also, it’d probably be wise for you guys to stop with the “women’s place is in the kitchen” jokes. Let me know how that works out for you once you realize the kitchen is where all the knives are located. Dr. Love

Do you have a question for Dr. Love?

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L S U PAU L M . H E B E RT L AW C E N T E R

... what is your New Year’s resolution?

The 15 min & What Do You Think sections are compiled by Civilian Field Reporter Ally Champagne

To stop texting while driving. Savannah Steele, 1L

My resolution is to stop having workouts that consist of bicep curls with Bud Lights and get on that JCali workout plan. Maria Franco, 2L

To out dress Josh McDiarmid in the 2nd Annual Fratoff. Matt Smith, 2L

To become a master at ‘Just Dance 2.’ Dani Borel, 1L

The Civilian Crossword

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Across

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by Will Harris Easy

1. The nation’s largest lobbying group 4. Activated a matchstick 7. Possibly electric fish 9. Anger 10. Crude group? 11. Tunisia’s economic hub 12. Meaning of a “nolo” plea 14. Actions stopping executions 15. An ideal for 1-Across? 19. Long periods of time 20. Like the Sith, Lannisters and Borg 21. Particularly restful sleep 22. Union for service workers 23. Adversary 24. Popular American watchmaker

Down

To get off academic probation, be Ms. Champagne’s boyfriend, and seduce Ricky P. Zach Moseley, 1L

1. Gas used in some signs 2. 2010 Jude Law film, “____ Man” 3. A matchup involving “30 Rock” star Baldwin 4. A killer outline or delicious candy? 5. Retirement accounts 6. A quick mobile message 8. A popular abbreviation for the High Court 11. Modes of dressing 13. A delicious Indian bread (often two vowels) 15. Brand of harmless firearms 16. Famous layered cookie 17. SNL comedian Kristen 18. Downtrodden area

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My New Year’s resolution is to get out of Louisiana for good. Elliot Duhon, 3L

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L S U P TAHUE L C IMV .I L HI AENB E• RJ Ta n Lu A a rWy 2C0E1 N2 T E R

O ut & A bOut

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The Civilian January 2012