RWO'S November Edition 2020

SPECIAL FASHION INSERT

BOUTIQUES. DESIGNERS. JEWELRY & MORE.

In This Edition...

- FASHION FORWARD FEATURING SASMITA BATIK

Enjoy

- 10 INCREDIBLE WOMEN OWNED BUSINESSES IN OUR ALL NEW SHE HUSTLES TALKS - DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S: THE DELAVAN HOTEL & SPA

- VANESSA’S STORY - A MOTHER’S WORDS (THE LIFE OF LYSAUN CURRY)

Kim Allen

- INSPIRING WOMAN: NOEMI RODRIGUEZ - SPECIAL FEATURE: THE BLACK AGENDA GROUP

TAKING OVER THE REIGNS.

COVER STORY 20

KIM ALLEN: TAKING OVER THE REIGNS

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REGULARS

REGULARS

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DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S The Delavan Hotel & Spa

480

MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE

110

376

THIS IS...

PLATTER CHATTER Salvatore’s at the Delavan

326

ALL ACCESS

468

TAMMY’S TIDBITS

348

UNSTOPPABLE WOMAN

390

FOR A GOOD CAUSE 261 Fearless

274

INNER LIGHT

364

B. MOR

432

TRACY IS TALKING

392

LOVE FOR WORDS

330

SAVON SPEAKS

338

WOMEN IN POLITICS

400

KARMA SPEAKS

394

BUSINESS TALK

218

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

SPECIAL FEATURES 34

A MOTHER’S WORD

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JUSTICE FOR VANESSA

224

BLACK AGENDA GROUP

ANIMAL CARE SANCTUARY 135 CORNER

444 PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY

388 FINANCIALLY SPEAKING

SHE HUSTLES TALKS Julia Spike Kara Galante Insurance Kefi Marketing Roc n’ Cakes Talena Skye Not blended Gravesite Maintenance Jokele Dara Rennart Sherita Traywick

412

QUEEN OF ARTS OFC Creations

334

218

IN HER OWN WORDS Laurie McNight

440

HER EDGE

472

YOU MATTER

FASHION & BEAUTY 56

FASHION FORWARD Sasmita batik

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BUFFALO FASHION FEATURE

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REGULARS (CONT)

HEALTH & WELLNESS

416

COACHING WITH KRISTIN

404

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

436

MOVING BEYOND OUR YOUNGER YEARS

370

SEXUALLY SPEAKING

428

WRITER’S BLCOK

356

ASK THE DCOTOR Medspa Solutions

352

PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT Sleep Safe Pillow

460

BLISSFUL BALANCE

484

TRAVEL WITH AGNESS

464

MENTALLY THINKING

456

WELLNESS 360

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SCALP NY

214

HEALTHY WOMAN EWBC

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THRIVING THERARY

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{ FROM THE PUBLISHER }

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

T

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ON OUR COVER

On the latest cover of Rochester Woman Online, we have Kim Allen the new CEO of Dixon Schwabl, and the powerhouse that is taking over the reigns of one of the top advertising agencies in Upstate NY. She was photographed on location at the DS Rochester location on Moseley Rd, Victor by Brody Wheeler Photography.

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CONNECTING WITH SPIRITS MESSAGES & LOVE

Holidays are often a very challenging time when we miss our loved ones who have passed on. Their physical presence is always missed. Their Spirit always brings healing energy, love & comfort. Join me for a special virtual event December 12th, as we join in mind, heart & Spirit.

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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Kelly Breuer Ayanna Jackson Kelly Breuer Brody Wheeler Doug Hansgate Brody Wheeler Kijuana Crues Goodknews Photography Julia Spike Dr Pam Denton Robin DeWind Bonnie Floyd Alana Cahoon Lisa Wagner Judi Swanson Savon Holt Denise Karma Clifford Tracy Simone Dr Shanelle Benson Reid Johnny Williams Catya Polland Tammy Vreeland Laurie A. Haelen Rumella Cameron Jennifer Frary Beth Parry Cindy DeCarolis Dara Rennart Black Agenda Group Angela McGhee Terry Daniele Noemi Rodriguez Jeremy Wolf Heidi Deluca Tatiana Curry Jarod Schoomaker Laurie A. Haelen

ADVERTISING SALES

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WEB DESIGN & MANAGEMENT

Kristin Bauer Gross Ebony Nicole Smith Latiffany Anderson Novi Paluch Lauri Mcnight Cindy Scribani Kelli LaPage Tracy Simone Dr Pebble Kranz Randy Agness Bernice Lee Kim Allen Eric Vaughn Johnson Nancy Wayne Kara Galante Michelle Dibernardo Doug Hansgate Esther Ekong

Network Rochester

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com.

The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2020 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

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WE ARE ALL CREATIVE.

CREATIVE COLLABORATORS.

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IDEAS SPARKED FROM DEEP INSIGHTS.

INSIGHTS THAT ARE WELL-INFORMED.

INFORMED THROUGH MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS.

CONNECTIONS TO COMMUNITY.

COMMUNITY THINKING, CARING AND GIVING.

GIVING BACK AND ENGAGING TO MAKE A LASTING IMPACT.

A LASTING IMPACT FOR OPPORTUNITY, GROWTH AND RESULTS.

RESULTS THAT MATTER.

MATTER FOR BUSINESS AND ESPECIALLY PEOPLE.

PEOPLE POWERING TOGETHER TO MAKE SOMETHING GREAT.

MAKING SOMETHING GREAT TOGETHER.

Dixon Schwabl is an all-in marketing agency obsessed with driving growth for the organizations we work with.

All in the name of increased brand value and measurable results.

All created from a hearty balance of innovation, passion, respectful partnerships and strong workplace culture.

Powered by our broad capabilities, expertise and data-driven insights, we uncover your unique story, then amplify it far and wide.

The right mix of on-point strategy and free-range creativity brings it all together for a unified brand experience.

Our varied and integrated services: Market Research Business Intelligence & Marketing Analytics Business & Marketing Strategy Branding Advertising & Design Media Planning & Buying Website Development Marketing Automation Content Marketing & Social Media Public Relations Virtual Events

Connect all of your marketing channels by connecting today.

Let’s start a new project together. Call Dave Brodsky at 585.899.1952 or visit dixonschwabl.com.

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{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE { { SHIFT+CONTROL COVER STORY }} }

TAKING OVER THE REIGNS

BY KIM ALLEN I PHOTOS BY BRODY WHEELER

NAVIGATING A LEADERSHIP TRANSITION IN THE STORM OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC WE NEVER SAW COMING

CALM BEFORE THE STORM We were poised to have a banner year.

Our leadership team had developed a strategic plan to carry us through the transition and beyond. We had a team of 100 best-in-class professionals

January 1, 2020, began a year of transition for Dixon Schwabl leadership.

That month, our CEO and president announced an upcoming leadership transition after 33 years.

On October 1, 2020, I humbly accepted the role of CEO alongside my trusted colleague of 17 years, Jessica Savage, who stepped into the role of president. We had close to one year to lay out our strategic plan and prepare our team for what our organization would become under our leadership.

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On March 16, everything shifted. The first of many disruptive moments was upon us as we moved our workforce to 100% work from home virtually overnight.

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES There are a million and one adages describing how one weathers a crisis. Cool under pressure, steady as we go—the list goes on.

I’ve been told I possess grace under fire. Perhaps that was engrained in me throughout my childhood while observing my parents run their restaurant business.

I’ve always been up for a challenge. Even as a young girl, all someone had to do was tell me I couldn’t.

Challenge accepted.

Little did we know, a pandemic was about to hurl a tidal wave sizeable enough to check our strength and wily enough to test what we were made of. The world was telling me I couldn’t. Challenge accepted.

two legendary businesspeople into its next phase of evolution.

When our people moved to WFH, our leadership team instantly began making decisions about how we would get through this. The rate of decision making was rapid. There wasn’t time to overthink our decisions. And our managing partners sprang into action to address our staff’s well-being. all pointed in the same direction.

Our plan was rolled out in February and the reaction from the team was palpable. They were excited and ready to take on the work to help us move a wildly successful business built by

We began meeting daily at 8am, identifying ways to care for staff and ensure they were as comfortable as could be. We decided on weekly check-in calls to stay connected and ensure their sense of safety and

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“I’m here for it. The wellcharted path laid by Lauren Dixon and Mike Schwabl has me set up for success.”

COVER STORY } } { { SHIFT+CONTROL “Little did we know, a pandemic was about to hurl a tidal wave sizeable enough to check our strength and wily enough to test what we were made of. The world was telling me I couldn’t. Challenge accepted.”

security. We realized maintaining similar routines was important, so we continued to host our weekly all-staff meeting virtually. With our people cared for, we quickly turned to our partners. We found that constant and close contact with our clients and industry partners was essential. “We’re in this together” could not be more true: Were they safe and healthy?

And then, what could we do to help them and their people? Many of our partners needed guidance on how to market in difficult times, and we worked through that together.

of unexpected weather. The foggy behavior of the virus, the constant

I’m here for it. The well-charted path laid

by Lauren Dixon and Mike Schwabl has me set up for success. I have the most capable cocaptain at my side in Jessica Savage and an unmatched leadership crew steering 100 superstar shipmates.

So bring on the next test, 2020. Challenge accepted.

Kim Allen is the CEO at Dixon Schwabl, an integrated marketing agency in Upstate New York. She accepted this position on October 1, 2020.

Our strategic plan received a lot of attention, too. With the ability to focus some of our energy on strategic initiatives, we found ourselves moving the plan forward faster than anticipated. Never has it been more evident that a strong team of well-aligned leaders is essential for a business to navigate something of this size.

Riding the waves The COVID-19 storm has produced what seems like a career’s worth 24

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like transitioning to a CEO post in these conditions is an insurmountable challenge.

rolling thunder of statistics and the lack of clear direction for where to steer the ship. It would be easy to feel

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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COVER STORY } } { {SHIFT+CONTROL “I’ve been told I possess grace under fire. Perhaps that was engrained in me throughout my childhood while observing my parents run their restaurant business.”

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“Never has it been more evident that a strong team of well-aligned leaders is essential for a business to navigate something of this size.”

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{ A MOTHER’S WORD }

THE LIFE OF LYSAUN CURRY

BY TITIANA BOGAR CURRY

October 2nd, 2020 at 8pm was the worst night of my life. I received the call that is every mother’s worst nightmare... my 18-year-old son who had just graduated from Northeast College Prep, also know as Douglass High School, had been murder.

Friday morning at 2am I woke up having an anxiety attack knowing something was wrong and I could not pinpoint what exactly it was that was weighing on me. I went to the doctors and they wrote me a prescription to help with my anxiety, chest pains and tears. Because the pain was so unbearable, I knew something was not right. I finally was able to lay down and try and get some rest, but still in pain and my chest was beating faster than normal. It was as if my heart was going to jump out my chest! Then at 7:45pm I received a call from my sister. It was a piercing scream. She told me my son been shot.

I screamed to my oldest daughter, “Lets go they shot him!” She screamed back at me not knowing who I was talking about. I said, “Your brother Lysaun has been shot.” I called my fiancé and told him to come get me that something has happened to our son. I proceed to call my sister back and his sister’s 34

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screams got louder as she told my that my son was dead.

My heart and soul left my body as my worst nightmare had come true. I thought there was no way this could possibly be true. My fiancé rushed me to the scene and as we pulled up

to the corner of Trenaman and North Clinton Streets, it was blocked off with police and people everywhere.

We stopped in the middle of the street

and I hopped out and proceeded to run to my baby who was lying cold on the ground in the pouring rain. It was a scene I will never ever forget.

Rochester Police would not let me by for me to get to my baby. All I wanted to do was hold my baby one more time and tell him that mommy was there and that I loved him so much. RPD had me stand outside for approximately 3-4 hours as my family and friends piled up before confirming that my son was dead. They did not want me to see his body the way he was. Unable to see my baby’s body was the worst pain I have ever felt...that any mother could ever feel. The only thing that I could do was watch as they washed all the blood from my baby boy away that was on the ground. It just flowed down the driveway as if nothing in the world matter anymore at that moment.

I could not eat, sleep or drink for the entire next week. All I could do is think of my other four kids and that the fave five had been destroyed. Saturday October 3rd, 2020, we had a balloon release and the love and support that we received was amazing and truly heart felt.

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{ A MOTHER’S WORDS }

“Mrs. Curry-Bogar I am calling to confirm that we have Ly’Saun’s body here with us.”

All I wanted was this to be a really bad dream and not to be real. My son had made an impact on so many kids, adults and teachers lives during his life.

My house stayed full everyday after his death. They could not leave because these children and been so torn that he was taken from them. Days, minutes and hours went by, but all I could do is stay strong for my kids, his friends, family, and for him.

The following Monday after he was

killed I received a called from the morgue saying, “Mrs. Curry-Bogar I am calling to confirm that we have Ly’Saun’s body here with us.” After they told me this, I asked if I could see my baby and they proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t able to see him and the next step was they were going to go ahead with the autopsy.

His body would then be sent to the funeral home after they were done.

It was so hard to fill out a death certificate for a child that you carried for 9 months, raised, watch grow and

to then only reach the age of 18. My heart dropped when she pulled out the picture for me to pick the casket for my baby. I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready for this. So, I let his twin sister pick it out for him.

My son had made an impact on so many peoples lives; kids, adults and even his teachers. He was one of the reason I learned how to love a man, He was my second born proctor, my pain in the butt, and now he was gone.

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{ A MOTHER’S WORDS } “To my son Ly’Saun Asmar Amir Jamar Curry, I love you and I apologize that you had to be taken so soon.”

I tried to stand strong through this whole process. October 14th, 2020, just two weeks after my baby was murdered, I finally got to view his body. I had to see my baby with his head sewn together because they had to cut him open and split his head open to take out the bullets.

Holes were in in his face and his nose where they pulled out other fragments. It shattered my soul into more pieces then I can even possible speak into words. Yet again I stayed strong and didn’t break.

Let me tell you a little about my baby boy. Throughout his time on this earth he was a highly active child. My son was into animation and drawing.

While in school he was a part of the photography club, chess club, poetry club. My son played football for a year before turning his love to cheer where he became an outstanding

I do not know how I am staying strong and have not broken, but my strength gets stronger and stronger every day. As a mother you truly do not know heartache until you must bury your baby and knowing that from this point on your life is different and nothing will ever fix it.

As I rubbed his cold face, his chin hairs and played with his hair, I let him know that I was there and I promised that I was going to let his legend live on.

On October 16th, 2020 was the day that I had to say my finally “see you later”, because for me it is never goodbye.

My son’s funeral was filled with all the lives that he touched while on this earth.

As I stood by my baby boy’s casket and watched everyone come and say their goodbyes in tears, I knew my baby was so loved that it brought warmth to my heart.

At 12:30pm myself and his father closed the casket on our baby boy.

Ly’Saun Asmar Amir Jamar Curry was born on March 24th, 2002 and laid to rest on October 16th, 2020.

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anyone. He was a protector to anyone that he met. He was a great debater and stood tall on anything that he believed in. To hear that my baby was gunned down, shot in his back as he rang the doorbell to get into the house of his uncles and aunts where he was staying hurts so deeply the words are just not enough. But to know that not only did they shoot him in the back, but executed my baby brings pain that will never be taken away.

male cheerleader. I never missed a competition or anything and being the mom that I am, I became head cheer mom. Ly’Saun was the second child in my fave five and a fraternal Irish twin to his sister.

My pain hits different because I knew my baby did not deserve to be murdered. Well, more or less executed. My son did not bother

To my son Ly’Saun Asmar Amir Jamar Curry, I love you and I apologize that you had to be taken so soon. Mommy wishes that it was her instead.

I wish God would have given me and you more time to work out our differences but know that mommy will stand strong and make sure that your name lives on just like the legend that you are. I will get justice for you no matter what it takes and you will forever live on.

L’s for life and nothing more. Love your mom.

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“October 2nd, 2020 at 8pm was the worst night of my life. I received the call that is every mother’s worst nightmare...my 18 year old son had just been murdered.”

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JUSTICE FOR VANESSA

BY ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE & JEREMY WOLF

If you are an animal lover, bring over the box of tissues before reading this special feature with Jeremy Wolf, and “Justice For Vanessa”, his beautiful pitty rescue dog. If we all come together as a community, maybe we can help make a difference and save this beauty from the injustice she is being served.

Here is Rochester Woman Online’s question and answer with Jeremy as he tells us a little bit about the heartbreaking months he has fought to help bring Vanessa back home where she belongs.

Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you “met” Vanessa.

I have been an active volunteer at the local municipal animal shelter (Rochester Animal Services, RAS) located on Verona Street in the City of Rochester. I started volunteering there as a dog walker back in 2015. At the time my role was primarily with the “play yard” there which is a large fenced grassy area where they evaluate the dogs for their dog on dog and people social skills. The play yard also offers an enrichment setting for the dogs in that it allows them to exercise, socialize and get some mental stimulation outside of their kennel at the shelter.

As I had participated in training offered

by RAS and my skills evolved through the years I now participate in a training group to train new volunteers at the shelter. We train the volunteers on interpretation of animal behavior and dog walking/dog handling skills. I have 46

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always loved dogs and since I moved to Rochester in 2000 have been very active in animal welfare and rescue.

Tell our readers about Vanessa and her back story... How old is she? Where did she come from? How did you bring her into your family? Where do you currently reside?

Vanessa came into the shelter as a “stray”

in mid-2016. It was reported that she was picked up from a residential structure that was unoccupied at the time, so either her prior owners abandoned her or she got herself locked in there somehow. Luckily someone noticed and called animal control.

Anyhow, she came in with a deformed rear

leg that she wasn’t using to bear weight so the shelter veterinarian assumed her leg was broken. This was later confirmed by the vet which left her with the option of either having her leg amputated or euthanasia. After being at the shelter for a couple of weeks she became a shelter favorite and a number of folks at the shelter rallied around her. They were able to raise the funding for the complicated surgery to repair her leg (over $7,000.00) and Vanessa was administered into the foster program where she would receive medical treatment and a foster home during her recovery.

The recovery was predicted to be about six months so she needed a unique foster home environment with a quiet setting where she could remain calm and still for her leg to heal. At the time I had recently lost my own rescue dog to cancer so I had a dog free, quiet home and the timing was right so I stepped up to foster her. After staying with me for almost six months during her recovery she has bonded with my family so I ended up adopting her as my own.

What happened with Vanessa?

Vanessa was accused of biting a neighbor (jogger) while the dogs were out for a walk on leash in the neighborhood.

Typically in these cases the courts don’t even become involved and if they do the dog would be released back to the owner with conditions and we would

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VANESSA’S STORY

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SHIFT+CONTROL {{ SPECIAL FEATURE } “She doesn’t deserve this. This is a political game that has been played by the husband who is an ambulance chaser lawyer, and his seedy buddy the Town prosecutor. Vanessa deserves Justice.”

all move on with our lives. NY state allows that, especially for a first time bite and a dog with no prior bite history. In this case the jogger was a Town Board members wife and the husband is also a personal injury attorney so I will leave your readers to draw their own conclusions.

Regardless, Vanessa was seized from my home and declared “dangerous” by the same jurisdiction and Town court where the husband is a Town Board member and Vanessa was sentenced to be euthanized. We are appealing but she has been held for over four months in solitary confinement under conditions where she is mentally and physically deteriorating while we wait for the wheels of justice to turn slowly. Imagine being held in a 3 x 8 cell for months on end, only hearing dogs barking around you, never being released from that cell for a walk, exercise or some mental stimulation, having to relive yourself in that same cell and only having food passed under the door. It is blatant animal cruelty. Kennel Stress is real and takes a permanent toll.

How did “Justice for Vanessa” start?

Supporters for Vanessa had come together to start the JusticeForVanessa Facebook page. People are infuriated with what has gone on in the Town of Ogden and want to help. We use the page to disseminate information. There has been a tremendous amount of support.

We have an online petition with about 20,000 signatures and the page has about 1,000 followers. We have also had a couple of protest/rallies at the Town of Ogden public building and have had a number of fundraisers to 50

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help with the legal bills (T-shirt sales, GoFundMe, Yard Signs etc.).

How has the current situation affected you? Your family? Your life?

It has been devastating to my family.

Not only my family but the myriad of people that personally know Vanessa.

As I said she had tenure at Rochester Animal Services for almost six months as “their dog” in the foster program so a lot of people know them. It has been very hard on my girlfriends mentally

disabled son. Vanessa was a constant companion animal and he does not have the ability to process why she cant visit with him anymore. He lives in a group home and she was a constant companion to him on the weekends when home while he watched his movies and played his video games. Really his only friend. The judge was completely flawed in his ruling that there was only one victim. There was also celebration and fist bumping by the husband and town animal control officer in court when the verdict was read which was

appalling.

Can you tell us where Vanessa currently is, and her current state?

We don’t know for sure. The Town of Ogden has refused to provide information or visitation rights. The Town does not have their own kennel facility and the location that she was previously held at was shuttered when a veterinarian and humane society discovered the appalling conditions of which Vanessa was housed under.

What can our readers do to try and help?

Don’t let this be swept under the rug.

Make phone calls, send e-mails. The Ogden Town Supervisor, Ogden Town Board Members, the Ogden Judges, these are all elected positions Let them know that you are aware of what is going on and vocalize your disapproval. We are not going to go away. Last I counted there were over 100 negative reviews left on the Ogden FB page in the “review” section. These opinions are rational and well formulated, many who were present during the Town court proceedings and witnessed the bias that went on.

What are the next steps?

We are appealing to the Higher Court but unfortunately the wheels of Justice turn very slowly.

What do you want our readers to know about Vanessa?

She doesn’t deserve this. This is a political game that has been played by the husband who is an ambulance chaser lawyer, and his seedy buddy the Town prosecutor.

Vanessa deserves Justice.

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{{ FOR A GOOD CAUSE FORWARD {FASHION SHIFT+CONTROL } }}

SASMITA BATIK PHOTOS BY BRODY WHEELER

Recently Rochester Woman Online had the pleasure to take a trip to Buffalo, NY for a fashion forward photoshoot featuring the styles from Samita Indonisia Batik and owner Novi Paluch, along with local models including: Nicole Johnson, Jess Stepien, Miana Duvoe, Rebecca Kupczyk, Michelle Diberardo and Cataleya with photographer Brody Wheeler. I even got in on some of the fun wearing a super cute army green and fur vest and accessories.

clothing/fashion boutique in Buffalo, NY? Since I moved to Buffalo, NY. Immediately I noticed that Buffalo is really multicultural, and open to embrace different cultures.

We not only had an amazing time shooting on the streets on Buffalo trying to dodge the trains running down the streets, but also got to get creative in one of the oldest indoor shopping malls in the country.

What is your favorite fashion/ accessory?

Chic & Simple

Where are you originally from?

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Jakarta - Indonesia. My name is Novi Paluch , moved to the USA in 2008, formerly a Trader at the Indonesian stock Exchange.

What made you decide to open up a 56

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What are your goals as a boutique entrepreneur?

My goal is to bring my culture’s fashion to American people in general, That is all my design people can wear and enjoy at every occasion.

What is the one fashion “must have” for the season?

Be honest my fashion is very simple, mostly I designed for Summer with sleeveless collections because the fabrics are so thin, to transition from Summer to fall / winter from florals ( flowers) to dark color and long sleeves.

We got to talk with Novi about how she got started, what her plans are for the future, her eclectic style and why Buffalo in a little Q & A. Enjoy!

How did you come up with the name Sasmita Batik? Does it have a special meaning?

Sasmita came up after my niece’s name.

That means Beautiful & Batik mean Motif of fabric

Where do your fashions and accessories come from?

My fashion has come up with all my ideas to bring some culture from different islands in Indonesia.

Who has been the biggest influence for you personally and in business?

My Mom. i have watched since i was little, she is a teacher, fashion designer and business owner.

What is your main fashion influence?

Popular Figures in cultures like celebrity, musicians and my mom ( instead she is a teacher, she is a fashion designer too)

What are your plans moving into 2021?

I am going to NYFW 2021 ( for the second time) and will work with some designers from NYC to expand my Business , not only in Buffalo, NY but to different states.

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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S }

THE DELAVAN HOTEL

BY KELLY BREUER & MICHELLE DIBERNARDO

Recently Rochester Woman Online shuffled off to Buffalo for a weekend full of relaxing spa treatments, fine dining, fashion and more at the Delavan Hotel & Spa at Salvatore’s.

Rochester Woman reached out to the owner of the Delavan about the idea of coming to this glamorous hotel to do a fashion photoshoot featuring some local designers, photogrpahers and models. Then, after talking further with Russell Salvatore, and David the manager, we decided it would be amazing for our audience to take the journey with us.

From live feeds during the weekend, and lots of photos and social media posts, we now are very excited to bring you our “Dishing with the Diva’s” special feature, dishing all the dirt on our incredible experience that lastest all weekend long. From the amazing staff that greeted us as we walked in, down to every one knowing exactly who we were and why we were there, it was ike being far away in another place.

It definitely was need after the months and months of Covid craziness.

A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE HOTEL...

The Salvatore family welcomes you to Western New York’s Premier Boutique Hotel. Designed for comfort, The Delavan has 60 elegantly appointed, luxury rooms and suites, large hallways and a spacious lobby. Amenities 94

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include a full spa from the award winning Capello’s Salon and Day Spa, offering hair, manicure and pedicure services, a fitness center, and the newest in integrated electronic technology.

I will admit the chandeliers at the

The Salvatore’s “campus” hosts not only the hotel, incredible ballrooms and winding staircases, but also the Chandelier Bar, a top dress to impress restaurant, beautiful european style decor and even a cute little boutique that had everything you can imagine and a lot of local businesses items! I can’t wait to go back again!

FROM MICHELLE We stayed for Rochester Woman & Central New York Woman Online’s fashion spread along with the review for the hotel and boy did they make it special.

On arriving there was a cute buffalo statue in the front. I loved the feel of them adding little details of their hometown of Buffalo, New York into the decor. Kelly & I arrived and there was no wait and 2 incredible staff members to greet us and tell us where we would be spending our weekend.

front lobby and the u-shaped chairs on every floor had me sold from the very beginning. Our rooms, well lets just say I never wanted to leave.

Inredible chandelier prints hanging behind each of the queen beds, and a glass rain shower that was truly to die for! It was a little slice of heaven even for only a couple days.

While walking through this luxurious hotel full of chandeliers, a pool table and more, I was thinking how unfortunate it was due to COVID-19 that they can not currently be at full capacity. Our Deluxe Double Queen room was amazing when we arrived with fabulous photos of chandeliers above our beds and a nice 42” TV. Wifi was easily accessible. Our mini refrigerator came in handy later for our leftovers from Salvatore’s. Menu available at the link: http://salvatoresitalianprime.com/.

The bathroom had a walk-in rain

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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S } { SHIFT+CONTROL } “I will admit the chandeliers at the front lobby and the u-shaped chairs on every floor had me sold from the very beginning.”

shower, double granite vanity with a private toilet area. I slept like a baby counting sheep in the amazing queen size bed. Now no woman can have too many pillows but the fluff on the pillows that were at the Delavan were super extraordinary.

The staff, management and overall hotel was superb. This hotel has a chandelier bar, restaurant, gift shop and spa all under one roof. The best part about Salvatore’s is that the food is actually amazing. How convenient is it to go to fine dining in the hotel you’re staying in and only have to go up in the elevator to your exquisite room.

Did you know that they’re having a Thanksgiving Grab & Go dinner option from Salvatore’s? How amazing is that! While at dinner we did have the opportunity to meet the owner how sweet he was. I always love to see where the actual owners are inside the restaurants and businesses that shows to me that they actually care.

safety during COVID-19. If you have a chance make sure you check out their chandelier bar that is absolutely gorgeous. Perfect spot to take pictures on a date. Make sure to pack your little black dress ladies. We cannot wait to return at they offer so many packages.

Some of the ladies and I checked out the gift shop and it’s amazing prices.

We were quite surprised. They even had really cute Boutique items. In the morning they had grab-and-go yogurts, fruits, coffee and teas for your convenience as well as your ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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THE DELAVAN SPA & SALON

BY KELLY BREUER & MICHELLE DIBERNARDO

So while Rochester Woman Online was holding up at the Delavan Hotel, Michelle and I got to experience some of their amazing amenities including treatments from their beautiful spa and blow out’s and styles in their salon. Thes staff were truly so much fun to talk to and work with, and the services were not only relaxing but made us both feel totally fabulous for our weekend photoshoot.

experience from the moment I walked into my treatment room.

Their 60 minute custom facial begins with the cleanser best suited for each individuals skin needs, oily, sensitive, or dehydrated. Preparing the surface for

Then, their signature 60 minute body treatment is known as their “Hanakasumi sensorial escape” which is derived from the Japanese ritual bath ceremony. It involves a double exfoliation with an enzyme based cherry blossom rice powder exfoliant applied with light massage technique, and then removed with exfoliating gloves. Finally a warm shea butter melt with Asian essences is applied for a luxurious finish to this body treatment. My skin felt not only silky smooth but almost like it was relieved.

Friday was spa day and Saturday was for hair styling with the beautiful ladies in the salon.

When we arrived Friday for our spa day, we each received 2 services. I was given a 60min signature body treatment and facial, while Michelle was next door getting a massage and then pedicure. They welcomed us with Spa robes and slippers when we first arrived before entering our treatment rooms that were nice and relaxing from the moment we entered. from the dimmed lighting, earth tones and spa music to the heated bed.

The spa uses the international pharmaceutical grade skin care product “Sothys” for their facial treatments as well as their body treatments which visibly improve skin after one treatment. Lisa Poole, the spa manager, provided me with a hands on body treatment that left my skin silky smooth and my body feeling nice and relaxed. The facial was truly incredible and she paid so much attention to detail and me having a great

to promote cell renewal using a Kaolin, rice starch and oat flour based product.

Finally masking is applied, using their favorite Hyaluronic smoothing mask.

Once it is removed the skin has renewed elasticity and radiance. I felt 10 years younger.

the next step of deep pore cleansing to remove the impurities from the pores using lipo amino acid, which leaves a radiant complexion. I left with my skin glowing!

Next a grain free peeling is performed

Saturday, we got to get our hair style with a blowout and curls from the ladies in the Delavan Salon. Starting with a shampoo using their signature Lanza product line, we got to sit back and relax and enjoy the morning. We had a blast laughing and chatting with our incredible stylists. I went with a super cute smooth beachy wave for my look while Michelle went with some sexy curls. It was really a fun start to the day filled with non-stop photoshoots and well of course we had to take some selfies while we were there too...

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{ DISHING WITH THE DIVA’S } { SHIFT+CONTROL } “This is definitely somewhere I will be coming back to on my next Buffalo trip.”

MICHELLE DIBERNARDO Arriving to the salon we were greeted by the spa manager as she quickly brought Kelly and I upstairs to an area that had a few lockers along with robes and slippers. We were given a personal key and a water bottle and asked to slip into our robes and our slippers and lock our belongings up before going to our rooms. How safe does that make you feel with your purse all locked up so you can truly relax while you get that massage?

The next treatment for myself was a their spa pedicure. Had my little toes looking fabulous for my opened toes shoes for our photoshoots.

Now, the next morning we were scheduled

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We both did wash our hair before we went down to the salon and quickly found out that they were going to wash our hair and do a blowout along with curling our hair for our big day.

My stylist was great and my favorite part as usual is getting my hair washed with that phenomenal head massage. Wash and style is offered at the salon for $45.

How reasonable and convenient is that, especially for hotel guest to get ready for a fun evening out, or dinner and cocktails.

We were asked to step out of the staging area when we were ready and then we were quickly brought to two separate rooms where treatments would start. I received a deep tissue massage for 60 minutes ,which I’m not sure if I lasted for the full amount of time because I normally fall asleep when given a massage.

The deep tissue massage uses firm manipulating technique to facilitate muscle recovery and improve fatigued or extreme tight muscle issues. Once the massage ended you were given an option to slowly get up. Myself of course jumped up and wanted to move on to the next treatment because I was so excited.

Tiffanie at Salon Bella Vita in Rochester.

to get our hair done to prep for our amazing fashion spread for Rochester Woman Online. Both Kelly and I were not sure if we needed to wash our hair as we had both recently had cuts and colors by our own personal stylists.

Mine being Santana Murray of Hair

by Santana in Syracuse and Kelly with

The spa offers so many more services for such a reasonable cost.These ladies have even prepared wedding parties staying at the hotel. Customer service was superb in the spa. This is definitely somewhere I will be coming back to on my next Buffalo trip hey I might even get my false lashes done here.

The spa even offers a variety of packages so be sure to check their link to their packages: http://thedelavanspa.com/ packages.

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SALVATORE’S AT THE DELAVAN

BY KELLY BREUER & MICHELLE DIBERNARDO

While we were in Buffalo at the fabulous Delavan Hotel, we had the pleasure of being able to enjoy a “dress to impress”, ultimate dining experience like no other ar Salvatore’s restaurant. And can I just say it did not disappoint. Plus we has a special gues, model Jess Stepien whom actually worked for the restaurant for 7 years prior. It was fun to have a “tour guide” for our dining esperience.

Since 1938, the Salvatore name has been synonymous with exceptional service and hospitality. Four generations of Salvatore family pride go into each detail of your visit as our guest. Even Russ Salvatore came to our table and greeted and talked with us about the history and food. We walked as he made his rounds to personally greet each and every guest. Our waiter was absolutely amazing and recommended drinks, appetizers and entres that are some of the guests favorites.

We were greeted like royalty when we checked in and were seated in the dining area after a long day of photoshoots. It was finally time to relax and enjoy some drinks and food and boy was I starving.

We all decided to try 3 different drinks on their fabulous list so we could all get to enjoy them. I had a specialty Sangria that was super tasty! It was so fun to chat with our waiter, and amongst ourselves and watch all the interactions 110

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around us. There were couples, young and old guests. It was such a great mix and everyone was so friendly. Although they had to accomodate for the Covid restrictions, there was a constant flow of people all night long.

topped with the lobster oscar with a side or brussel sprouts parmesan. It was truly one of the most amazing meals I have ever had. It was absolutely cooked to perfection. The brussels spouts were so tasty.

For starters (appetizers) we decided to all get something different so we ccould all share. I ordered the calamari featuring sun dried tomatoes • kalamata olive pepperoncini • romesco while Michelle

Jess went with the Lobster Risotto featuring asparagus • risotto • taagon • mascarpone. Ill admit, I did eat a little of her’s. Jess had never had it before.

The risotto is the perfect addition to the lobster. I’ll let Michelle dish about her experience for herself.

Italian and Prime are the specialties at Salvatore’s and they present an unrivaled full-service dining experience. Their fine dining restaurant offers the highest quality cuts, the freshest seafood, signature sides and inspired appetizers all complimented by an award winning wine list.

ordered the antipasto board that was truly to die for and had daily selection of meats & cheeses • olives roasted red pepper • balsamic reduction imported olive oil • artisan bread.

When the waiter came back to get our dinner order, none of us could decide because it all looked so good! But, I decided to go big. One thing I love is to eat. I ordered the 14oz strip steak

The Delavan Hotel and Spa are perfect destinations for a romantic night out, a business dinner, or that special event that has to be perfect for your family and friends, and they proudly boast an award winning wine list with over 500 offerings from around the world.

MICHELLE DIBERNARDO This place was absolutely gorgeous with great decor. Such a relief to come in after a long full day of hard work at the

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{ PLATTER CHATTER } “Salvatore’s had fabulous mouth-watering appetizers, amazing signature drinks and filet mignon seasoned so well that I did not even need salt, pepper or A1(like I normally bath my steak in).”

Delavan Hotel for Rochester Woman & Central NY Woman Online’s fashion spread.

Salvatore’s had fabulous mouth-watering appetizers, amazing signature drinks and filet mignon seasoned so well that I did not even need salt, pepper or A1(like I normally bath my steak in).

Now that says a lot considering I am the woman who salts and seasons everything but her Chinese food.

The food is great, showcasing italian, seafood, steaks, wines, signature cocktails, and desserts all available at very reasonable prices, especially for a fine dining experience. Now, most fabulous five star restaurants bring out bread, however, Salvatore’s had phenomenal fresh bread along with a couple different flavored butters and oils. To me, this makes me a super happy human being of the Italian descent.

While having a girl chat about our day and sampling each other’s signature cocktails that were all quite tasty, we ordered our appetizers. The three of us having such different taste buds, ordered the following: Artichokes Francaise, 116

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Calamari and the Antipasto Board. The Antipasto Board alone could have filled any one of us. In fact, I think it did a bit, but that did not stop me from the astonishing food or cocktails to come.

So even though I’m not into seafood nor artichokes, I did try both of the

just so amazing and had savory flavors that were to die for.

The wait staff were courteous and prompt and very friendly and engaging. Now I will have to say, it was a cheat day so I ordered the chocolate cake for dessert and WOW! We of course had so many leftovers that were packed in boxes to go. If you are looking to enjoy fine dining in the Buffalo area then you need to go check Salvatore’s out. Now a little secret I hear is that the best time of year to go is at Christmas time.

ladies appetizers and I will say for not having artichokes before those were absolutely tasty. The calamari actually worked for me, the texture was not rubbery like with some restaurants. It was cooked perfectly.

For my entree I ordered the filet mignon with the stuffed baked potato. I love a juicy filet so I ordered it medium. It was

dining-menu!

Buffalonians say that The Delavan Hotel & Salvatore’s go wild with their amazing Christmas decor. A family friendly place to go to have an affordable, delicious meal. Find their menu in the link below http:// salvatoreshospitality. com/salvatores-fine-

Well we hope you enjoyed our review of the Delavan Hotel & Spa and Salvatore’s and make your reservation for your getaway. Tell them Rochester Woman Online sent you.

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{ PLATTER CHATTER } “Next time you and your friends or family crave italian food, make a stop over to Tony D’s in Cornhill Landing. They’ll treat you like family.”

I must say they didn’t disappoint… omg!!! Magnifico!!!! The pistachio pound cake was to die for, also the black cherry cheesecake converted me to a cherry lover!!

The restaurant has doors that open up

to the outside, so you can feel the breeze off the Genesee river, the staff is friendly and accommodating. Tony D’s also has a banquet room for those looking for a good place for a staff or an organization event for 2021. Lord willing, fingers crossed. Their drinks are also amazing,

they have an espresso martini that is deliziosa ( delicious in Italian). When you drink it, you forget there’s alcohol in it(so be careful).

The experience we had was just amazing, there was wonderful background music

SPECIAL FASHION INSERT

BOUTIQUES. DESIGNERS. JEWELRY & MORE.

Featuring...

- PHOTOGRAPHER DOUG HANSGATE - ASSISTANT PHOTOGRAPHER: JEREMY LYMAN - DESIGNERS: COLLISION COUTURE & EKONG FASHION - BOUTIQUE: KURVIE KULTURE - ACCESSORIES: ACCESORIES BY EMILY & MICHELLE DARIN - MAKEUP ARTISTS: CE EATON, MATIKA GOLDSMITH, JAMEQUA ABERNATHY - HAIR: TYRA ISOM - MODELS: NICOLE JOHNSON, JESS STEPIEN, CATALEYA, REBECCA KUPCZYK, MIANA DUVOE, TORRI MARIE, MICHELLE DIBERNARDO & ANNIQUE ALTHEA

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FASHION IN BUFFALO Last month Rochester and Central NY Woman Online magazines had the chance to work with some fabulous talent in Buffalo, NY. Using the Delavan Hotel as a perfect backdrop, local designers Bernice Lee of Collision Couture, Esther Ekong with E. Ekong fashions, Kurvie Kulture with Latiffany Anderson and incredible je welr y designs by Michelle Darin and Accessories by Emily, local lead fashion photographer Doug Hansgate and assistant photographer Jeremy Lyman were able to capture some amazing images for this fashion feature.

We hope you enjoy this incredible fashion feature and check out all this amazing talent for a unique design

His work has been seen in dozens of magazines and throughout the web on commercial sites and has received numerous national and international awards for image excellence.

His mainstay has been his commercial work with designers, fashion magazines, product developers, recording companies, and modeling agencies.

Some of the areas top local models including lead model and assistant coordinator Nicole Johnson, Jess Stepien, C a t a l e y a , Re b e c c a Krupczyk, Miana Duvoe, Torri Marie, Michelle Dibernardo and Annique Althea joined us and definietly brought there a game!

Special thanks to Buffalo makeup artists CE Eaton, Matika Goldsmith, Jamequa Abernathy , April and hair stylist Tyra Isom for making everyone ready for the flashing lights.

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and with distinction for over 40 years.

His creative approach to photography, coupled with his ability to see and capture light, permeates his impressive body of work. His love of photography, passion for art, and desire to always be the best that he can be in any field, has driven him to excel as a photographer, artist, and educator.

He owns AMP Studios in Western New York.

fashion statement, ABOUT DOUG HANSGATE Doug has been shooting professionally

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E.G.EKONG PHOTOS BY DOUG HANSGATE

Get to know Esther Ekong with us...

Who is Esther Ekong? Tell us a little bit about yourself and your background.

I am originally from Nigeria and moved to America with my mum at the age of eight. Moving to America was an overwhelming experience, yet exciting at the same time.

Fast-forward a few years, I graduated from Buffalo State College with my degree in International Business and minor in Ethics. At the moment, I work at a globally recognised bank as an Operations Analyst.

When and how did you start E. G.Ekong?

My b r a n d n a m e i s E.G.Ekong. During my junior/senior of high school, an opportunity was presented for me to attend Boces, studying Fashion Design.

I learned how to cut patterns, sew and design apparels.

Most importantly, I learned that creating designs was a passion of mine. I do not want to just create regular styles, I want to empower men and women that wear my designs to be bold and confident. As such E.G.Ekong the brand was born. E.G.Ekong is an extension of me.

What would you say is your main fashion inspiration?

My main fashion inspiration is African style (as you can see by designs showcased 128

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here) with a mix of worldly styles. By worldly styles, I mean a mix of other cultures’ styles.

What is your signature “Style” or piece of clothing?

I would say adding a touch of a bow. A

styles; one who is not afraid to step-out and be themselves.

What would you say is the fashion “must have” going into 2021?

I don’t really have a must have perse.

If you could pick one item that you have to have to create your pieces what would that be and why?

At the moment, I have a lot of ankara wax fabrics. Ankara prints are intricate and lively. Again, I want people to feel confident in my designs and Ankara prints have a way of making people feel and be confident.

What is your very favorite thing about creating your own fashion statements?

People get to see my vision and it’s an extension of my personality.

Who or what is your main influence in being a fashion designer?

My mum is my main influence.

She has an interesting style, which in a sense I adopted.

bow is dramatic, bold, and depending on the placement, it draws attention to the individual I love to place a bow around the waist to bring more definition.

Who would you say is your main fashionista?

A person who is curious in trying new

What are some of your next plans?

Continue to build my brand and develop it into an empire.

What do you think has helped the most in making you and your brand successful?

My family and friends; they are supportive and helpful.

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LATIFFANY

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PHOTO BY JEREMY LYMAN

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COLLISION COUTURE Who is Buffalo urban fashion designer Bernice Lee? Well here is what we found out...

Who is Bernice Lee? A mother. A grandmother. A designer.

A poet. And definitely a Lupus Warrior.

If you could pick one item that you have to have to create your pieces what would that be and why?

When and how did you start Collision Couture?

CollisionCouture was started 3 years ago on accident (true story).

What are some of your next plans?

My next plans are to have my own Fashion Show and to continue to travel with my brand. But, until then, you can see me rocking the runway at RWO’s Utlimate Fashion Show in April 2021.

What would you say is your main fashion inspiration?

My fashion inspiration is most definitely Streetwear influenced.

What is Collision Couture’s “Style”?

I like to call it Hood Couture.

What do you think has helped the most in making you and your brand successful?

What I think that helps most on making my brand successful is staying true to myself and my vision.

Who is your main fashion audience?

My m a i n f a s h i o n audience is anyone with the Dare To Be Different attitude and Hip Hop Heads.

What would you say is the fashion “must have” of the season?

A fashion “must have” this season for me would be Confidence. With that you can wear anything and still kill the scene.

Who or what is your main influence in being a fashion designer?

My main influence on being a designer has to be my better half .

He told me I was a designer before any of the fashion shows or photo shoots. I guess he saw something in me I didn’t see.

What is your very favorite thing about creating your own designs?

My favorite thing about creating my own designs is the freedom of creativity.

You can visit Bernice and Collision Couture on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ revampedcollision

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EKONG

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EKONG LATIFFANY

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EKONG

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EKONG

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@REVAMPEDCOLLISI

ION I (857) 626-4353

Haus of Kula was created for everyone to find the ease and beauty of makeup.

We strive to make sure our products are easy to use, affordable and absolutely beautiful of every type of skin tone.

Hand made and mixed in Buffalo, NY.

HOUSEOFKULA.COM

JOKELEBEAUTY.COM

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KURVIE KULTURE PHOTOS BY DOUG HANSGATE

Kurvie Kulture is not only a store, they are a mission. They promote self love and they encourage ALL Kurvies to step outside of their comfort zones starting from within!

Embrace your kurves, empower yourself,evolve your life!

For sales, and all products follow @kurviekulture on instagram HTTP://KURVIEKULTURE. STORENVY.COM

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MICHELLE DARIN JEWELRY PHOTOS BY DOUG HANSGATE & JEREMY LYMAN

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ACCESSORIES BY EMILY PHOTOS BY DOUG HANSGATE & JEREMY LYMAN

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{FOR WOMAN WOMEN WHO INSPIRE A GOOD CAUSE { HEALTHY SHIFT+CONTROL }} }}} {{{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

BY STAMATIA V. DESTOUNIS, MD, FACR

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH IN THE TIME OF COVID-19

No Need to Quarantine Your Screening Mammogram Elizabeth Wende Breast Care

because of the COVID-19 pandemic, some women are postponing their cancer screenings, including breast cancer screening. Women have had to face the decision to delay annual mammography screening to avoid potential exposure to the virus. When making this decision, knowing all the

Every October, without fail, we see lots of PINK! For most of us the pink ribbon is synonymous with Breast Cancer Aw a r e n e s s Mo n t h (BCAM), but do you know its origins? The first awareness month was in 1985, headed

by Betty Ford after her breast cancer diagnosis, although the pink ribbon wasn’t specifically associated with the cause until 1992 when Estee Lauder handed out nearly two million ribbons to draw attention to the importance of breast health.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month in 2020 will be different, with the walks and events transitioning to virtual activities. The month will have the same purpose nonetheless — to encourage involvement in the fight against breast cancer.

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facts is crucial, as postponing routine screening does pose health risks.

Breast cancer is the most common cancer in American women (except for skin cancers), with an estimated 276,480 new cases of invasive breast cancer expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S. in 2020.

Despite the high prevalence of the disease, it is one of the most treatable

forms of cancer when detected early.

Performing routine, annual screening mammography plays an integral role in the early detection, as women diagnosed with early breast cancer (when the cancer is small and has not spread), have a high chance of survival. Delays in screening can lead to delays in diagnoses which leads to more advanced cancers and more invasive treatment required. Put another way, women diagnosed with early breast cancer have a high rate of surviving it. The risk of developing cancer doesn’t go away just because there is a pandemic.

So, while many women rightfully decided to put off mammograms due to immediate COVIDrelated concerns, it is important to be aware that medical imaging centers have resumed offering mammograms and are taking all possible steps to keep patients safe. Getting back in for screenings is so important for early detection. Remember, early detection saves lives. It’s about women making their health a top priority and that means keeping up with annual screenings and taking charge of their breast health.

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EWBC

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IN HER HER OWN WORDS WOMEN WHOWORDS INSPIRE }}}}} FOR A GOOD CAUSE {{{{{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE IN OWN

A MOM’S PERSPECTIVE

BY LAURI MCNIGHT

W H E N YO U R C H I L D I S DIAGNOSED WITH TESTICULAR CANCER If the Covid-19 pandemic was not enough to change our lives in 2020, I had learned to manage this new normal and my position as Executive Director from home. I had not seen my five children for many weeks.- especially the baby who had been away at school and working. In late May he arrived home and shared rather uncomfortably a health concern he had… something that would change our lives for the next few months and beyond.

could be removed, and his prognosis was excellent. I listened, I felt the surreal aura encompassing me, us. It was outpatient surgery, it would be scheduled right away. Suddenly, you are faced with a whirlwind of tests, appointments, and surgery. A mother’s worst nightmare is anything serious happening to her child. Every morning I opened my eyes, thanked God for our life and looked for

The initial medical appointment was supposed to just rule out our concern.

After all my baby just turned 20 years old- what could be seriously wrong with this healthy fit kid? But when my son emerged from Our doctor’s office with orders for an ultrasound and a urology appointment I was surprised and concerned. In faith I believed that this was just a routine precaution. But the ultrasound was not as positive as I believed, and neither was the lab work.

a sign that this was just a bad dream.

This could not be happening.

A week later we sat in the Urologist office while the Dr. discussed the results, and very matter of fact stated the ultrasound demonstrated that the small mass indicated a malignancy.

My son and I sat there listening to the report that it was likely to be cancer, was common, how youth is on his side, it

As we drove to the hospital for surgery, I reminded myself not to cry in his presence. He needed my strength. He was quiet, reserved, and tired but he is 20 and As I walked him to the hospital door, I realized it was far worse than leaving him at his Kindergarten class or even at his college dorm the prior year.

Covid-19 pandemic restricted me from attending the surgery and walking back to the car to wait I just cried the tears of a mother whose baby was hurting, and I could not fix it-the only thing I have never been able to fix for him.

Many very anxious hours later I got the call to collect him, and the surgeons call that it went well, the biopsy proved the Urologist correct- it was malignant and had been removed. But it was contained and gone so the prognosis was “excellent”. The next few days were awful, but I was appreciative to be at home during this time and became mom the caretaker instantly.

My son was experiencing things we could not imagine or believe. My prayers were constant. My plea for healing was incessant. I called prayer groups, pastors, friends, and family to pray and believe with us. Yet something continued to nag at me, and I could not feel peace. Now I knew I had to be extremely educated.

Two week later, labs, CT scan, Urologist visit where we once again were ready to hear the good news that the surgeon had presented. We would discuss if any treatment would be needed but as a mom desperately wanting my child to be well convinced myself that would not be the case. Once in the Urologist office, in breezed the doctor with another very matter of fact report that the lab work showed increased levels tumor markers (what on earth are tumor markers?) and that was ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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{ {IN HER OWN WORDS { SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HUSTLES TALKS}}} } SHIFT+CONTROL ~I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I am living my baby you will be~

not be the case. Once in the Urologist office, in breezed the doctor with another very matter of fact report that the lab work showed increased levels tumor markers (what on earth are tumor markers?) and that was not normal after an orchiectomy . The pathology report reads that the removed tumor was a germ cell tumor, a rarer and more aggressive, non-seminoma cancer and it had spread to a lymph node before the removal.

I felt the room close in, the doctors voice faded as the shock was paralyzing for a moment. I stared ahead, afraid to look at my son as I blinked back tears but still some escaped and ran down my cheek at the exact moment my son, in slow motion turned to me. I knew he needed me to say or do something. I am his mother, I fix everything, I always know what to do, I needed to fix this, he needed me to fix this. My mother’s heart was crushed, broken for my child because this I could not fix. I uttered questions, words out of order….what is the prognosis. “It’s still incredibly good but he will need treatment. I am sending you to an oncologist”, An oncologist? A cancer doctor? This just got even more real. Fighting anger, tears, and wanting to scream at the doctor, we scheduled the appointment.

In the car we sat in silence for a moment. My son broke the ice, “so lets go eat” -always the answer for this Hispanic and Sicilian.

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emotional distress after the doom and gloom two-hour consultation with a diagnoses of stage three testicular cancer. I had gathered some increased mama bear strength, done my research and summoned my higher power -I refused to accept stage 3. There is nothing I would not do or learn for my child. I can tell you whatever you want to know about this cancer.

I understand every lab acronym, every blood test, every treatment, and every cure rate. This was MY baby and his health. The plan to infuse chemotherapy poison into him was not going down without my knowledge of the diagnosis and the treatment. I called every successful large hospital on the east coast and learned every detail and discussed second opinions. I will tell every parent of a male child- never think this could not happen to your child. The highest incidence rate for testicular cancer is 15-35 year old males.

My faith, strength, a praying community, and knowledge were the keys to getting through this nightmare. It kept my son strong and because his belief that he was going to be well and his “just cancer- I am not dying” mentality it gave me such hope. He was correct- he was going to beat this! Many days I cried, walked the trails at the cancer center and prayed as I waited for him at his treatments. I followed every test result, I used the medical app, asked a million questions, sought advice, read everything and I pushed for more to happen. I took care of him 24/7 with all my nutrition and now

medical information I was determined to make him well and beat this life sucking monster!

Six weeks later, with a future schedule of 12-weeks of aggressive treatmentshis tumor marker levels (now I know them all) were already back to normal range. Through terribly sick days, weight loss, hair loss and two hospital stays for low counts his young body continued to fight and heal, reducing his treatment need. We celebrated his ringing the bell this month with the whole family present in our supporting tee shirts. While he is still recovering, I know the power of education, faith, support, the great treatment at Pluta. Ensuring my child received excellent and effective care was my mission and will be always. Our journey is nearing its end and new beginnings are on the horizon- thankfully! ~I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I am living my baby you will be~ Be educated, know the signs, and teach your young men to detect early! www.cancer.org

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BLACK AGENDA GROUP

BY THE BLACK AGENDA GROUP

“Racism is a Public Health Crisis”- Rochester Black Agenda Group Declaration WHY IS RACISM A PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS?: We agree that Racism is a Public Health Crisis and commit to taking urgent action because:

and mental health are prevalent and growing.

• Moreover, in Rochester and Monroe County, the persistent toxic stress of racism expressed as racial and ethnic discrimination impacts health through

• P u b l i c h e a l t h’s responsibilities to address racism include reshaping our discourse and agenda so that we all actively engage in anti-racist and racial justice work.

• Race is a social construct with no biological basis.

• Racism is a system that creates structures of opportunity and assigns value based on the social interpretation of how one looks, that unfairly d i s a d va n t a g e s s o m e individuals and communities, while unfairly providing advantages to other individuals and communities, and saps the strength of the whole society through the waste of human resources.

• While there is no epidemiological definition of “crisis”, the health impact of racism clearly rises to the definition proposed by Galea: “The problem must affect large numbers of people, it must threaten health over the long-term, and it must require the adoption of large scale solutions.”

• Racism causes persistent racial discrimination in housing, education, health care, employment, criminal justice, business, and economic mobility. There is an emerging body of research that demonstrates racism as a social determinant of health.

• Racial health disparities in the Black Community have existed since racial health data has been collected and analyzed. Racial health disparities in diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, 224

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• Of all the ways racial health disparities impact our life course and trajectory (path) the most profound is in Infant Mortality. African American babies in Monroe County die at 3-4 times the rate of white babies. This is a statistic that has not changed in many years and is trending in the wrong direction. [2]

a combination of social-emotional and physiological effects. Researchers have found higher levels of stress hormones (allostatic loads) as an indicator of premature aging and death. [1]

• “No one is born racist; it is modeled, learned, and passed along through generations where it poisons and paralyzes its victims and corrupts its perpetrators. If we are to eradicate this persistent evil we must see to its structural and institutional roots. And with swift and collective action hold those that govern and that are governed accountable for its elimination.” - Dr. Joy DeGruy

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SPECIAL FEATURE SHIFT+CONTROL {{{ SHE HUSTLES TALKS }}} “Racism causes persistent racial discrimination in housing, education, health care, employment, criminal justice, business,and economic mobility. There is an I am running harder than ever because the pandemic has taught us we must be proactive with solutions.

ORGANIZATIONAL/COALITION COMMITMENT Racism is a Public Health Crisis Rochester Black Agenda Group To address racism as a public health crisis organizations/coalitions agree to: ● Publicly assert that racism is a public health crisis affecting our entire society. ● Conduct an assessment of internal policy, practices, procedures, reporting relationships, and organizational structures to ensure racial equity is a core element of our work. ● Work to create an equity and justice oriented organization, with staff, and/or other stakeholders identifying specific activities to increase diversity and to incorporate anti-racist principles within leadership, staffing, and contracting. ● Incorporate educational and professional development efforts to address and dismantle racism, expand understanding of racism, and how racism affects individual and population health. ● Provide tools to engage actively and authentically with Black and Brown communities. ● Advocate for relevant policies that improve health in Black and Brown communities, and support local, state, and federal initiatives that advance social and economic justice, while also encouraging individual advocacy to 230

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dismantle structural and systematic racism. ● Work to build alliances and partnerships with other appropriate organizations that are confronting racism and encourage partners and/ or stakeholders to recognize racism as a public health crisis. ● Allocate adequate financial and human resources to accomplish all selected activities.

INDIVIDUAL COMMITMENT Racism is a Public Health Crisis Rochester Black Agenda Group Declaration To address racism as a public health crisis organizations/coalitions agree to: ● Stand, align, or work with the Greater Rochester Black Agenda Group in their efforts to advance the Black Agenda and An Opportunity Agenda for the Digital Divide ● Engage in ongoing self-assessment, reflection, self-work, and the acknowledgement of the role I play and can play in dismantling structural racism. ● Seek out relevant materials, training, and development opportunities to build and maintain my individual growth and learning plan. ● Assume a leadership or critical support role in the fight to advance anti-racist principles on an ongoing basis.

● Examine my networks and identify with whom I can work to create change with direct actions. ● Commit to self-care in order to manage the stress associated with advancing anti-racist principles. ● Share this information with my friends, family, colleagues, and my networks. ● Take the declaration to my organization.

Declaration sources: [1.] McEwen, C., McEwen, B. Social Structure, Adversity, Toxic Stress, and Intergenerational Poverty: An Early Childhood Model. Annu Rev Sociol.

2017; 43: 445-472.

[2.] Vital Records data NYSDOH, Analyzed by MCDPH, 2014-2016 WWW.BlackAgendaGroup.ORG

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%NDULDGE IN A 3ELF , E %XPhIENCE

Luxury Boudoir with Julia McCormick Photography

JuliaMcCormickPhotography.com www.facebook.com/groups/LuxuryBeautybyJuliaMcCormickPhotography/

Every Body is a Boudoir Body.

• Empowering, Pampering Experience • High End Luxury Products • Professional MakeUp Application & Glamour Hair • FULL, Professional Posing Assistance • All Body Types and Ages (18+) • Look and Feel Like a Model in a Magazine • Access to my Client Wardrobe Closet • Join Us in Our Private, Elegant Studio

JuliaMcCormickPhoto@Gmail.com

SPECIAL INSERT

SHE HUSTLES TALKS WOMEN OWNED BUSINESSES

FEATURING:

Julia Spike

INDULGE IN A SELF LOVE EXPERIENCE

-KARA GALANTE INSURANCE -KEFI MARKETING - ATARI STYLE CONSULTING -TALENA SKYE - NOT BLENDED - ROC CAKES -GRAVESITE MAINTENANCE - JOKELE - MIXXI CLO -CE EATON - AND MORE!

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JULIA SPIKE ARTICLE AND PHOTOS BY JULIA MCCORMICK & JULIA MCCORMICK PHOTOGRAPHY

After twelve years of being a successful wedding and portrait photographer, two years ago, Julia Spike of Julia McCormick Photography followed her calling to empower women, and opened the doors of her elegant studio space to photograph exclusively Luxury Boudoir clients. Since then, news has spread like wildfire, her empowering sessions have become highly sought after, and she has photographed hundreds of beautiful women.

myself from a different perspective was all I needed to completely change my perception of myself. It was during these times in my life that I realized the transformative power of a carefully constructed photograph. This simple, lovely gift, was a vehicle to seeing myself as the world did - and I was in the driver’s seat. I was able to see myself for who I actually was, instead of the negative story I had written and rehearsed inside of my own head. It was then that I

Originally from Rochester, now located in Nunda, NY, her studio is a short 15 minute drive from the iconic Letchworth State Park. It resides in a beautiful historic building, and showcases massive windows, crown molding, cathedral ceilings, stunning chandeliers, lovely furniture, and beautiful, billowing natural night.

“Growing up a plus sized woman, I have experienced my own journey of self love, acceptance, and appreciation for this beautiful, powerful body of mine.

In the beginning of my career, in times that I needed to “feel like myself” again, I learned to “snap myself out of it”. I’d put my lipstick on, get dressed up, and would take self portraits. After a successful session, I would browse through the images, and almost immediately, I would feel completely renewed. Instantly, I felt beautiful and alive again. Seeing

realized my purpose was to share this gift with as many women as I possibly could. ” says Julia.

It is so important to us that our clients needs are met during each step of the Luxury Boudoir Experience because we know that it takes a lot of courage to walk through those doors! It is our pleasure to provide an all inclusive experience from expert styling advice for each unique body, to in house professional

hair and make up services, positive encouragement, perfect posing tips to flatter all of your favorite angles, a large studio space with gorgeous furniture, high end retouched images that make you feel like a model in a magazine, and custom, gorgeous luxury albums and products that you will cherish for your lifetime.

“I feel like I’ve come full circle. Before I began my professional career, I would treat my friends to empowering photoshoots whenever they were having a bad day or going through something difficult. I would style them, pose them, and drench them in compliments. It was so powerful to watch them transform. I have this crazy dream that my legacy will be a drove of fierce women that understand the importance of investing in themselves. I wish for them that their self love will be so bright, that they will shine their light onto the generations to come.” Julia says; and she means it.

Here at Julia McCormick Photography, we have one mission, to show you how incredibly beautiful you are through our Luxury Boudoir Experience. Come as you are, and we will guide you through the rest. Yes, Really.

We will prove to you that you are spectacular.

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{ { SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SHIFT+CONTROL “Growing up a plus sized woman, I have experienced my own journey of self love, acceptance, and appreciation for this beautiful, powerful body of mine.”

Our team prides ourselves in showing our clients that they are beautiful during all stages of life. Every single person that walks through our doors is worthy of feeling beautiful. And we promise that you will leave raving about your experience.

“It still shocks me when I have women contact me months after their sessions, explaining that this photo session was like therapy to their soul. I always knew their session experience was great, but I could have never expected how powerful the lasting effects of it were. I know what it feels like to have a distorted vision of myself, and for me to be able to help 250

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correct that for so many women has been the most rewarding part of this journey.” Says Julia.

We consistently hear how gorgeous clients feel on the outside, how empowered and comfortable they were during their session, how confident they feel afterwards, and how grateful they are for investing in their Luxury Boudoir Experience.

With countless reviews, some of our most rewarding feedback has noted how this has been a “life changing experience”, “far beyond what they imagined”, “an

unexpectedly comfortable experience”, “unshakable self love and confidence”, “beautiful beyond words”. And then of course, the happy tears. Yes, those too.

So, be prepared to fall madly in love with yourself. Be prepared to say, “Oh my gosh, is that me?!”

You will experience self love that will stay with you for years to come.

We cannot wait to treat you to your very own Luxury Boudoir Experience.

MAKENNA

FREQUENT SWEATERS PASS RESTORATIVE INFR

Get more flexibility and more sauna time!

Frequent Sweaters Pass gets you: * 240 minutes of sauna time *30 additional minutes FREE * Just $159 CALL 585-230-0910 OR VISIT WWW.PITTSFORDMASSAGEA

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ANDSAUNA.COM

YoMahhh combines a little bit of Yoga, a little bit of massage, and a whole lot of “ahhh.� Class sessions incorporate restorative stretches (yoga poses) with massage, meditation, music, essential oils, and mindfulness.

Our class will begin with mindful breathing followed by 5-6 restorative stretches. During the stretches you will be fully supported with the aid of props as you comfortably maintain each pose. Throughout the series of poses, a Licensed Massage Therapist will be massaging each class participant. The class will end with a relaxing breathing exercise, positive affirmations or meditation.

Classes are 75 to 90 minutes long and cost $35 per person. You must pre-register.

Classes are designed for 4 - 6 people.

For more information or to reserve your spot please contact Evelyn Spruill LMT. You can combine your YoMassage experience with a session in our infrared saunas for an additional charge.

Call 585-230-0910 or visit www.pittsfordmassageandsauna.com

YO

mahhh

AT NURTURING HANDS MASSAGE

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KARA GALANTE INSURANCE AGENCY

BY KARA GALANTE

“I have another customer for you to call because she doesn’t know her insurance agent!” My husband and I have owned The Steam Police, a cleaning and restoration business, for about 8 years.

I started to count the number of times he asked me to call a customer who was upset about their water damage not being covered by insurance. I worked part-time as a Registered Nurse for years and certainly learned how to help people through a difficult time while they or their family members were in the emergency department.

just one insurance company. (That’s why I say you “sort of” get what you pay for!)

You won’t see many commercials for the companies I shop through and may have never heard of them at all. However, they are all top rated companies, some around since the 1920’s!

Having 8 years of business ownership, I know what business owners need. Yes,

The more I learned about the insurance industry, the more interested I became in doing things differently. Of course most people don’t think of insurance agents helping them through a difficult time, rather helping them get the necessary coverage and not pay more than they have to. (Actually, they all just want to save 15%!) The truth is, you always get what you pay for. (Well, sort of. Keep reading!)

In listening to customers complain that they pay too much, don’t understand their coverage, don’t receive return calls/emails from their agents, I decided to get my licenses and work for someone else for a while, just to learn the basics. Two years later, I love getting to know clients and explaining what coverage they need and why.

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you can take classes and understand coverage, but it’s not the same as running a business and having your own “oh no,” come up. Like what, you ask? I’ll give you an example: One of the services we provide is hardwood flood cleaning. We have cleaned with the same chemicals and the same equipment hundreds of times. This one particular day, our client’s floor had a strange greasy film on it after it was cleaned. My husband

called a few flooring companies and I called the manufacturer who made the chemicals. All resources agreed that some cleaning agent containing bleach must have been applied to the floor, probably even before our client moved in. He was very unhappy and although it was a temporary problem, he demanded we replace his entire floor, an expense of over $20,000. We offered to pay someone else to buff the surface of the floor and resurface it but he wasn’t happy with that solution.

I mean, who hasn’t heard the tv/ radio commercials reminding you Cellino and Barnes can get you millions? Well, we called our agent only to find out that whatever job you’re hired to do, insurance does not cover. Yes. Let me say that again: If you have a professional liability policy in place, whatever job you are hired for, such as cleaning a hard wood floor, is not covered. I was so angry, loudly wondering what I had been paying insurance for in the first place! Well, come to find out, there is an endorsement that can be added, called “completed operations,” and that covers your work that is always excluded. Confusing, huh? I thought so, too.

More important than business ownership, I’m a mom. We have 6 kids, ages 23 to 1; 4 pigs, 1 dog and 3 chickens. I have owned 4 homes and leased and purchased more cars than I can count.

What does all of that have to do with insurance? It means I get it! I know

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HUSTLES TALKS} } } { {IN { SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HER OWN WORDS “I always smile when people say, “There are so many insurance agents, there’s so much competition!” That’s true, there are many different agents and even companies to choose from, but the truth is, when it comes to commitment to customer service and quality, I have no competition.”

what it’s like to have older kids that are driving, little kids that need a college tuition plan, and know the importance of having sewer & drain back-up and underground service line coverage on my homeowners policy.

I always joke that being a mom is just being worried 24/7, but I’m only half joking. I do worry! I worry that my kids won’t feel safe and confident in school, may be bullied at the lunch table or make the wrong choice when it comes to college and career. I try to focus on what I can control and I talk to them. I talk about good choices, good friends, and the importance of being part of our community. The best friends my husband and I have are the ones we made sitting on the sidelines at football, baseball, or watching 4 hours of a dance recital for our kids’ 2 minute debut!

Community support is a must for my family and my insurance business. I was the medical director for the town football and cheer teams, co-chair of the PTSA of the kids’ elementary school, and we attend every community celebration,

rescue a few too many mini-pigs, and donate whenever we can. Being such an active part of our community has taught me what our common needs are and what resources we have in the area.

There’s usually a “quick quote” tab on an insurance agent’s web site. Although I have one, because I have to offer every option, I hope nobody ever clicks on

it. I don’t like quotes and don’t intend to do transactions. I want to create a protection review for each customer. I want to understand what you have and what needs protection. From there, I can research the best way to find that protection – at the best price. I don’t promise to save you 15%, but I do promise to be your best advocate and help find you the best possible coverage at the best possible price!

And about that 15%: We have a close

family friend who often stays with us when he’s in town. He is young and got his auto insurance on-line, directly from the company, and saved quite a bit of money. Unfortunately, he was in an accident last winter and totaled his car.

He called the insurance company several times, asking the status of the car. He left several messages & was assured someone would call him back several times. Long story short, it took him 20 days to find out his car had been totaled – and that he owed several hundred dollars because he didn’t return his rental car in time.

Well, the reason he didn’t return his rental in time was because nobody told him to! That’s the cost of not having an agent and it happens more often than we’d like to believe.

I always smile when people say, “There are so many insurance agents, there’s so much competition!” That’s true, there are many different agents and even companies to choose from, but the truth is, when it comes to commitment to customer service and quality, I have no competition.

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GALANTEINSURAN

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TALENA SKYE Cherese “Talena Skye” Bracey is God’s daughter, and a princess of the King she unapologetically declares.

Born in Manhattan and raised in Jersey City, the chilltown native is on a mission to set the captives free. Some refer to Talena Skye as a lyrical preacher as she raps the gospel while delivering her messages in a bold authoritative way.

Skye’s childhood wasn’t a happy one, lost from an environment that was uncertain from day to day. She struggled with rejection as she cried out for help and rescue from the life she so desperately wanted to escape from to no avail. In danger of being taken from her mom and put in foster care, she felt terrified and alone. No family wanted to get involved with dealing with the domestic

Talena Skye (pronounced Ta-lay-na) chose this as her artist name as a rebirth of a new beginning from a life filled with many dark days.

She adds “Skye” to her name as a reminder to always keep her head towards the sky looking to God for help through trials and tribulations.

She overcame many struggles as a child and is a survivor of domestic violence. As a child she would escape the cold atmosphere around her by writing songs and losing herself in storybooks.

Storybooks were a way of escape from the real world.

It allowed her to imagine a fun world away from her own, while helping her to use her imagination. “Alcoholism is a disease that many don’t believe can harm the self esteem and life of a child.

It can be a vehicle used by hell to drive through the doorway of a person’s spirit that can cause destruction.” says Talena.

She suffered much physical abuse at the hands of her father who himself was struggling with inner turmoils. Talena

situation she and her mom endured.

They felt alone and discouraged. Talena was the tender age of 9 years old. A little girl broken hearted and void of trust from adults around her whom she thought would love and protect her. The rejection opened doors to more sadness and feelings of despair from both her mom and daughter. Talena Skye prayed a child’s prayer that God would protect

her and keep her safe.

She was able to stay with her mom through intervention although she didn’t feel loved by many close to her. “God will send his angels to watch over you in your most trying times,” said Talena.

She received counseling and found emotional comfort from an aunt whom she grew close to during her darkest days. Her mom 10 years later gave birth to her brother. Life wasn’t a bed of roses as she struggled with the idea of her dad still being in her life whom she resented for many years. As a teen, she had to care for her younger brother, as her mom and main bread winner would work two jobs two provide a life for her children the best way she could. Her dad still struggling with his addiction tried best to provide but the disease of alcoholism drove him deeper down a path of destruction that which lead him to be become void of a normal fatherhood.

His addiction and abusive reign came to a halt as he suffered a stroke that nearly left him completely disabled. She credits God, counseling, and her mom’s sister who was away at college during most of the turmoil for saving her throughout her troubling adolescent years.

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{{ SHE SHE HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS TALKS }} “Talena Skye (pronounced Ta-lay-na) chose this as her artist name as a rebirth of a new beginning from a life filled with many dark days.“

Her aunt made sure she knew God’s love for her while sharing the word of God. It was those seeds planted in her heart for Jesus at such a young age that she would never let go. While attending a church one day at the age of 12, she heard the Pastor say, “Invite Jesus into your heart and He will save you and never leave you.” It was that moment she realized she wanted Jesus to live in her heart to protect her. She became born again and made Jesus the Lord of her life. However things wasn’t always what she expected.

The troubles in her life began to increase as she got older causing her to question God’s love for her. In 1993 she became really sick and developed a brain tumor in the middle of her brain. It was cancer free but the tumor almost left her blind.

She had surgery through a transphenoidal procedure done by cutting a passage under the upper lip then making an incision in the back of the nose to insert an instrument that would remove the tumor. The surgery was a crucial one that took 6 hours. However, Talena Skye trusted God and stayed in faith as God guided the hands of the doctors to success.

In the winter of 1994 she was the victim of a hit and run car accident. “As I was riding in the car with my head on the glass napping, I heard a voice say...”pick up your head” as I looked up, a white car came straight toward me. I jumped quickly and closely to the side of the driver as the door on my side, the upfront passenger side, was hit and smashed all the way to the driver side. The impact hit my back a bit and the entire window 268

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glass was broken out all over my head as I sat frozen with my head down. I walked away with no scratch, or bruises just a little out of breath from the door’s impact, explained Talena. “I didn’t have my seat belt on cause I had taken it off because it was too tight from my coat and needed to breath a minute. Although I know seat belts save lives, that time not having one on saved mine because I was able to jump from my seat fast.

Jesus saved my life!! I am so grateful to be alive.” said Talena Skye In 1995 she met her soul mate who later became her husband. The introduction was made by a co worker and cousin of her new guy during her time of transition from a very bad relationship from where she was a victim of emotional abuse, cheating and mistrust from a boyfriend she dated and saw a way of escape from her environment. Things weren’t what she thought and and as she tried to break it off, he showed her a gun to scare her not to leave the relationship. Although she didn’t feel threatened, he continued to pursue her. She was stalked many times but one day he appeared peaceful, nice, and apologetic and decided to have a conversation while offering a ride to work one morning. She was tricked and briefly kidnapped which made her late as co workers questioned her whereabouts. It was storming rain with nothing around her but dumpsters and seclusion as they began to fight. He threatened to smash her head through the window glass as she began a fighting struggle screaming Jesus over and over again. The struggle eventually stopped and the ex looking very disturbed started the car and drove her to work and

dropped her off. Too shaken by the event she collected herself and began her day at work without saying a word.

One month later she met Taji Bracey on Christmas day who became the love of her life and biggest supporter and fan.

They married on Sept 4th 1999. The two recently celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary and will be celebrating another special anniversary of 25 years together this Christmas of 2020.

She attended a community college and received credentials to began a career in early childhood of almost 30 years, teaching children how to have positive self esteem and how to be the best they can be. Her mission is teaching children in a fun and exciting way that helps them succeed.

In 2005 she founded The Reesie Reader and Bookie literacy Club and created the character mascots, “Reesie Reader (the girl who loves to read) & Bookie (the king of book world). The literacy club gave close to 10,000 storybook donations to kids who needed them the most, helping them to make friends with books. In 2009, she started her own business Reading Reaps Rewards Early Childhood Enrichment program. The program teaches children how to read while building learning activities around books for enrichment.

She is the author of 3 childrens books and was given the opportunity to meet Tory Burch at an entrepreneur womens mentoring event. Tory purchased copies of her first book “Storytime Friends” to give to children during a Christmas

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{{ SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SHIFT+CONTROL “Alcoholism is a disease that many don’t believe can harm the self esteem and life of a child. It can be a vehicle used by hell to drive through the doorway of a person’s spirit that can cause destruction.”

event. She is currently seeking to make her books into animation film. Her third book Reesie Reader Little Entrepreneur teaches kids gems of becoming an entrepreneur. She wrote and produced a kids song that’s featured in the book called “Storytime Friends” that was sung by her cousins the The Storytime Friends Crew, who were 7, 8, and 12 at the time of production. The crew sang for children and promoted the importance of reading and being the best you can be. They are all grown up now as successful wonderful young adults today. She became a certified kids music and movement Instructor from Kindermusik University, and operates a program through her own business Reading Reaps Rewards presents Kindermusik.

Kindermusik International, Inc is a world leading method of early childhood education and is one of the most widely recognized music and movement programs for young children.

In 2010, she attended and graduated from Rising Tide Capital Business Academy for entrepreneurs. In 2012 she entered a New Jersey statewide business competition for Reading Reaps Rewards run by Rising Tide Capital Business Academy, and became a top ten finalist from 80 plus contestants. Victor Cruz, a former NY Giant attended the event.

Today, Talena Skye is on a journey praising God from a place of victory through all life has sent and sends her way. In 2016 she lost her mom to cancer and wrote a song titled “Mama” as a tribute to her. The song also features Be Cleare Allen who also lost her mom to cancer and contributed a poem to her mom used in the song “Raw Blue Hue” After Talena’s mom’s death, she was left to

care for her dad who suffered a stroke a few years ago.

Her mom was his caregiver has gone home to be with the Lord and responsibility and care is now left in her and her brothers hands. Although Talena Skye didn’t have a good relationship with Her dad , she walks the path of forgiveness and cares for her dad’s well being and security. He is now a born again believer in Jesus, alcohol free and living a life of peace despite being lonely without his wife, the only person who cared for him despite his battles and understood his struggles.

“Its funny how life works but God has a plan and I trust Him.” says Talena Skye.

Talena Skye is also a voice over talent, making people laugh with many character style voices from men and womens voices in the style of Egyptian, Italian, Spanish, African and Indian to many kid styles.

Talena Skye is no stranger to struggle, hard work and perseverance.

Today, she continues to teach children while ministering hope, authority and faith to others using the gifts God gave her.

Talena is not ashamed to be radical for Christ as she boldly states in her newest release “Something 2 Say” which was inspired by world events that sparked the strong lyrics igniting a fuse toward the kingdom of darkness. Her new EP soon to be released is called “Arise” inspired by the scripture Isaiah 60.

You can find Talena Skye’s music online.

Her childrens books by Cherese Bracey are also available online for purchase.

Also, check out her video “What is Faith?” on YouTube.

To learn more about her business, visit www.readingreapsrewards.org. @ readingreapsrewards IG Facebook Please follow her on @ talenaskyeinstagram and visit www.talenaskye.org for new and upcomingmusic...Stay tuned!

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KEFI MARKETING

BY KATINA KARL

“Putting Heart, Kindness, Positivity and Success Into Marketing Campaigns” “Our goal is to bring great success to our clients by creating meaningful, fun, exciting marketing campaigns, full of heart. We may be a small marketing company, but we have a big impact on everything we are a part of. When we say, we’ve got this, we promise you, we do.”

– Katina Karl, Owner My name is Katina Karl and I am the owner of Kefi Marketing in Liverpool, NY. A marketing agency that helps businesses with their marketing, from social media to media buying/ paid social, as well as public relations. At Kefi Marketing we pride ourselves on putting positivity, kindness, heart and success into everything we do. I spent over two decades in the corporate world from Long Island, NY to South Florida. I learned from very early on, if there’s something you want in life you needed to work hard for it. I come from a family background of small business owners. I was always determined to one day make a statement of my own.

In 2018, Kefi Marketing was born. Kefi is a beautiful Greek word that means full of life, joy, excitement and so much more. It’s almost hard to even define the feeling and word Kefi (Kef-ee). I wanted something that was true to my Greek 276

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heritage and to honor my mom at the same time. I lost my mom in 2015 after a battle with Neuroendocrine cancer. I put everything on hold to be her full-time caregiver at the time. I also left South Florida to move to Binghamton, NY to be closer to family and to start over by going back to school, while working, both full-time. At the same time, I met my other half, Tyler, who grew up in

the Baldwinsville, NY area and we have planted roots together in Liverpool, NY with our dog, King Louis.

Over the years, I’ve been able to work alongside business owners throughout New York State, making a difference in their businesses with their custom marketing campaigns. I’ve treated every client’s business as if it were my own.

What sets Kefi Marketing apart is our passion and partnerships with local

nonprofits. Our community is where we call home and it’s important to give back to it. Kefi Marketing has been able to bring good light to the local businesses and the nonprofits we’ve partnered with. I even took on the chairwoman position of Public Relations for the Junior League of Syracuse (The JLS is an organization of diverse women committed to enriching the quality of life for women, children and their families in the Central New York community).

Through Kefi Marketing’s continued growth and success with businesses small and large we look forward to creating new jobs in our community through innovation, hard work and dedication.

C OV I D - 1 9 h a s changed the way we market. We have had to become virtual in a new way--to create new ways to connect, shop, and interact with customers like never before. We saw business owners having to use social media, in ways some of them may never have used social media before and some did not even have a social platform for their business.

Business owners wear enough hats every day; marketing, advertising and social media is a full time job that many of them don’t have the time for. Others try their hand at it and may not see

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“Our goal is to bring great success to our clients by creating meaningful, fun, exciting marketing campaigns, full of heart.”

{{ SHE HUSTLES SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS { RECOVERX } }} “We may be a small marketing company, but we have a big impact on everything we are a part of. ”

success, because they don’t have the right skills. It’s important to work with a professional team that can understand your business inside and out to come up with the right game plan for success.

For example, for one of my clients, we created virtual live events during COVID-19 that had customers tuned in and ready to shop live on Facebook and Instagram each month. Customers were able have a connection with us, which people were craving after being quarantined at home. With the success 280

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of our virtual lives and new ways of marketing, that business was able to open a brick and mortar store in the midst of the pandemic. For another business, we created an in person event following COVID-19 guidelines that dedicated a day to offer free car washes for essential employees, first responders and healthcare workers, they were able earn hundreds of new customers and bring good light to the community. It brings me such joy to see the success of a campaign, knowing that we did that,

we created that success.

At the end of the day, what matters to me the most is that if I was able to help a business or change a life, I know I did my part. Just like Kefi’s marketing motto, I hope I can inspire others out there to be positive, kind and strong. To know that anything in life you dream of is possible, if you work hard. It won’t come easy, you may face adversity on your journey, but keep going. Spread your wings and fly.

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JOKELE’ Matika “Miss Tika” Goldsmith is a beauty Guru in the making. Born and raised in WNY, Matika found herself captivated by the ability to make women beautiful as early as the age of 8.

She would take her barbie dolls and cut their hair into cute styles, even curling them with curling irons making sure not to melt the not so human hair. As time went on she began to practice on herself. Having a mother (Evang.

Vicky Canty), as a beautician only fueled the fire for Matika. It pushed her further to become a beautician.

By the time she was a freshman in high school Matika had a very steady clientele full of girls and women of all ages.

Knowing that her heart was dead set on going to cosmetology school, she ran into a challenge with her mother about her not wanting to attend college as planned. However, with very much consideration and little talk with her grandfather the late Willie Canty Jr, her mother finally agreed. Matika went on to graduated in 1998 from Continental School of Beauty Culture in Buffalo NY. At the tender age of 18, with a 284

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temporary license in tow, she was introduced to Monique Winfield whom would not only give Matika he first chance as a professional booth renting hairstylist but she would also become her mentor and a major part of her growth in the beauty industry.

With big dreams and aspirations

Matika knew that her drive would take her on a journey to leave her mark in the world. Now a New York State Licensed cosmetologist Matika found herself becoming more and more interested in the makeup part of cosmetology. After being asked to join a team for Mercedes Benz Fashion Week the MUA in her stood at attention. In 2011 Matika would leave the New Revelations nest where she had worked since 1998 and opened

Miss Tika Salon of Hair & Beauty located in Lockport Ny. Matika was looking to fill the void, which was a lacking of hairstylists that cater to the Ethnic clientele in that city.

From the first day she opened her doors business was amazing. Working sun up to sun down with her team (braider & sister) Larraine Brown and (Barber & Husband) Johnny Goldsmith they were taking over! Through this journey many clients and friendships were formed. They quickly became apart of the community.

Back to school givea-ways, Health care outreach, Breast Cancer Awareness are a few of the community events that the Miss Ti k a Sa l o n s t a f f participated in.

One day Matka walked into choir rehearsal where she sang first Soprano with the Lighthouse Interdenominational Choir not knowing that she would get the first glance of her happily ever after. As time went on she found herself singing and traveling the country with this oh so handsome man. Becoming friends at first, hanging out, laughing and joking she quickly realized that when he was around so was were the knots in her stomach accompanied by

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{{{ SHE HUSTLES SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS}}} SHIFT+CONTROL “ As a Christian people tend to expect you to be perfect or to always turn the other cheek.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.“

accompanied by the determination to be as cute as possible.

As time went on they would began dating and in 2003 she became Mrs. Johnny Goldsmith Jr. 1 yr later they welcomed her first born Donovan Lee. He was her Rainbow baby. Johnny and Matika had suffered a loss before this blessing. The loss of their baby would bring them closer than ever.

To their surprise Joniya Autumn was on her way 1.5 yrs later. Due to medical complications Matika would find herself on the operating table which would cause the loss of half of her reproductive system. Afraid that more children was only a dream they prayed and believed. God saw them fit for a miracle and Kendall Elise was born. The Goldsmith family was complete... so they thought!

In 2016 Matika was forced to close her doors as she embarked on one of the most joyous occasions, the arrival of her baby girl Princess Leila. Due to a very complicated pregnancy Matika became too sick and was unable to perform as the head stylist of her salon. With her dr’s recommendations she was placed on bedrest for the last leg of her pregnancy which was 5 more months. She made the difficult decision to focus on her health and nurturing and delivering a healthy bundle of joy. Leila Lianna Goldsmith entered the world in Sept as healthy as a baby could be. At that moment Matika and her husband knew that they had made the best decision.

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family too soon she decided to pause the reopening of her Salon to focus on being a wife and a mother.

Growing up in the church Matika had always known that there was a calling on her life. With a mother as a Evangelist she was very familiar with what this particular calling would cost to fulfill. She ran every which way she could but she was never able to escape what thus said the Lord concerning her mission. Under the leadership of her pastor Bishop James H Bowman she accepted the call to ministry and began to become active in ministry.

Matika has accepted several speaking engagements in which she has seen how and what God can do through you if you just simply let God be God. Her faith is one thing that she takes very seriously. After walking away from 2 car wrecks, one which required the jaws of life, she is a FIRM believer that there is nobody greater than the Lord above. “ As a Christian people tend to expect you to be perfect or to always turn the other cheek. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m human just like you. I get angry and just might say something that you would not expect but thank God for Jesus!

Thank you Jesus for sacrificing your life that I might live again. He loves me enough that he doesnt require me to be him. He requires me to try my best because he already knows that I’ll never be perfect. Now ain’t God good!” Matika is often found saying “ If you do your best, God will do the rest!” That has become a

household staple with encouraging her children.

Covid 19 being the first pandemic that Matika has lived to see has unfortunately left its ugly mark on her family. Loosing 3 immediate family members and 1 distant, her husband has felt the full weight of the Corona Virus. Again this was a time to totally lean on their faith. Prayers of peace and comfort has helped them through. Even though there were many sad times Matika found that this time was better than ever to dive totally into the development of her Cosmetics line Jokelé Beauty.

With the name founded from her 3 daughters Joniya, Kendall & Leila, they have been very involved from picking colors to naming them. This now family business has Launched and is doing better than expected.

Its vibrant and nude array of colors of moisturizing lip gloss has left people stunned. The flair in their lashes are very unique and flattering to every eye wearing them. Soon we will be introduced to Jokele Beauty Hair Care.

Birthed from her daughters extensive battle with eczema, Matika was determined to create all natural products that would stimulate her daughters hair growth while treating her eczema at the same time. After many many attempts of purchasing products that promised to do but failed, she studied all day and night until she had every piece to the puzzle.

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{{{ SHE HUSTLES SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HUSTLES TALKS TALKS { RECOVERX } }}} “Jokelé Beauty. With the name founded from her 3 daughters Joniya, Kendall & Leila, they have been very involved from picking colors to naming them. This now family business has Launched and is doing better than expected.”

Birthed from her daughters extensive battle with eczema, Matika was determined to create all natural products that would stimulate her daughters hair growth while treating her eczema at the same time. After many many attempts of purchasing products that promised to do but failed, she studied all day and night until she had every piece to the puzzle.

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With a blend of natural butters and oils she will soon launch Jokelé Beauty ButterCream Hair Butter and the Super Stimulating Hair Growth Oil. Tested and tried it has found to be the next best thing in hair care.

With the results that in the matter of 2 months her daughters hair had grown completely back in, she knows that it’s only a matter of time that

the rest of the world would agree.

Now located in the Boulevard Mall in Amherst Ny Matika is enjoying the sudden expansion of her business.

Jokelé Beauty will soon be a household name.

JOKELEBEAUTY.COM

W

your hair

WE ARE OPEN & READY TO GET CREATIVE WITH & MORE!

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ROC’N CAKES

BY RACHAEL RAPOZA

Back in March when everything got shut down I went from working three jobs to being unemployed. Like many others I felt the abrupt shift from having my days filled to having nothing to do. At first the free time seemed nice, although it was also coupled with the fear of everything happening in the world in regards to the novel COVID-19 pandemic. While trying not to panic thinking about when everything would go back to “normal” I started to delve into hobbies that I hadn’t had time for back when I was working.

One of my favorite hobbies that I often didn’t have a lot of time for was baking.

I always found it soothing, like others I have always been a big “stress baker.”

Since I had all this time on my hands I decided to try out some new recipes and recreate old classics that I’ve always loved. After realizing that I was baking too much for just myself, I started giving some of my goodies away to friends and family. My family has always loved my baking, especially my “everything cookies,” a famous recipe that I started back in high school when I was fundraising for a class trip to Italy. I got to thinking about how I managed to raise $700 just by doing what I loved- baking!

After talking to some family members, shout out to my mom for always telling me to follow my dreams, I decided to take a chance at making my passion

a business. In April I launched Roc’n Cakes, what started out as a very small business out of my kitchen. I think that one of the hardest parts of starting my business was the vulnerability that I was feeling by really putting myself out there. Starting Roc’n Cakes put me outside of my comfort zone in a way that I hadn’t been before. I suppose that my mentality about starting it was “why

the heck not?” I was out of work and had nothing else to lose, and baking purely made me happy. Seeing people indulge in and enjoy something that I have made is a feeling of true bliss. I had that same feeling of bliss as a kid when I first tried my grandmother-like family friend Bobbi’s ‘Nana Pudding.’

Bobbi is the woman that lit the fire of my passion for baking. She always made the most beautiful and delicious desserts, from her addicting banana pudding to elegant birthday cakes. She took me under

her wing and taught me everything I needed to know when I started baking.

Diving right in, the first thing she taught me to make was an Italian cheesecake.

It was around Easter and she wanted to make it for the priest at her church, so I did everything in my power not to mess it up! I was so fascinated by the precision, science and art that went into making pastries. Using the skills that she taught me, I started baking on my own. Many failed attempts at birthday cakes, frosting them too quickly, not crumb coating them etc. molded my skills over the years.

While I have confidence in my skills as a self-taught baker, I’ve always had a sliver of self-doubt and “imposter syndrome” by not being classically trained as a pastry chef. I decided that I wasn’t going to let my fear of failure hold me back from starting my business.

I first launched Roc’n Cakes and spread the word through Instagram, creating an account and following friends, family, food bloggers and other small businesses in Rochester. I started to quickly see my following grow, solely from my Instagram posts and from others reposting goodies that they bought from me. It was so exciting to see what started out as a hobby turn into a business with over 1,000 followers in a few months.

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{{ { SHE HUSTLES SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HUSTLES TALKS TALKS}}} “I think that one of the hardest parts of starting my business was the vulnerability that I was feeling by really putting myself out there.“

None of this happened over night of course and it has taken a lot of work and mental toughness to push past my self-doubt, but starting this business has taught me so much about myself and what hard work and dedication can lead to.

I am currently baking out of the kitchen at Fiamma Centro, the same restaurant 296

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where I bartend at night. I often hear that “I work too much” but I love what I do and growing my business is so important to me! I love that I bake out of the same place where I bartend because I am able to market both my business and Fiamma’s business by serving customers for both! I now create some of the desserts for Fiamma, and being able to see the customers enjoy them

first hand is so satisfying. If someone had told me what I would be doing this year, I wouldn’t have believed them.

So if you’re reading this and you’re looking for that push outside your comfort zone to start something of your own, here it is!

Rocn-Cakes.com

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GRAVESITE MAINTENANCE

BY KRISTEN FUSILLI

Q: What exactly is Gravesite Maintenance?

A: Gravesite Maintenance is a business I started in 2019. We clean and maintain gravesites of customer’s loved ones that have passed. I have a partner, Michael Manley Jr, that helps me do all of the physical labor.

It is wonderful having his help, especially during the summer months when we are very busy.

He is a teacher in Greece and has off in the summer, which is great because we can take on more clients!

may live out of town, or they may not be able to physically do the upkeep themselves. I want to help others beautify and maintain their loved one’s gravesite. The memory of a loved one is special and I think my business is something that helps to preserve the memory of the person who has passed.

Q: How did you start this business and why?

A: Tending the gravesite was something that I enjoyed doing as a child. My father actually came up with the idea that I should start a business doing it. When I was young, I would go with my father, aunts, and uncles to tend to both of my grandparent’s graves. My sister and I would take turns pulling the weeds and watering the grass. I would also plant and water the flowers we had brought with us. On certain holidays, I would place a miniature American Flag for my grandfather, a United States Veteran.

It was important to me to make sure that the gravesite was neat, clean, and beautifully taken care of. Now that my family is older, I know it’s not easy for them to get to the gravesite and to take care of it. For others, it may be hard to find the time, they 300

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Q: Tell us a little about yourself and your background…

A: My name is Kristen Fusilli. I am from Greece, NY and am 30 years old. When I am not running Gravesite Maintenance, I work full time at Strong Memorial Hospital as a Medical Laboratory Technician.

I have an AAS in Clinical Laboratory Technology from Erie Community College, a certificate degree in Biomanufacturing from Erie Community College, and a BS in Medical Laboratory Science from University of Cincinnati. Also, I am certified by the American Society for Clinical Pathology and have a New York State Medical license in Clinical Laboratory Technology. In my spare time I enjoy trying new restaurants, listening to music, cooking, traveling, and spending time with my family and friends.

Q: What types of services do you offer?

Q: What areas do you cater to?

A: We cater to all of Monroe County.

Currently we have clients in Greece, Gates, Spencerport, Hilton, and the city of Rochester.

A: Services we offer include stone cleaning, flower planting, maintenance packages, special occasion packages, stone surround, and wreaths in the winter time. Stone cleaning packages include a gravestone cleaning with water, special biological solution, and natural bristle brushes, removal of debris, litter, and any overgrowth, raking, weeding, and edging around

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{{ SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SHIFT+CONTROL “My plan for the future is to grow my business exponentially. I want to eventually expand outside of Monroe county. I have looked into possibly starting in Buffalo, NY as well, which may happen next year.”

marker, pruning and watering of shrubs, bushes, and/or flowers if applicable, and a before and after photo emailed to the customer. You can purchase a one time cleaning or a package of two or four cleanings.

Our flower planting package includes planting of flowers, placement of a cone with flowers, or placement of a potted plant. The price includes the cost of flowers, topsoil (if applicable) and any other materials needed.

The maintenance package is usually purchased after an initial cleaning & flower planting, but can also be purchased alone if the client just wants to tidy up the gravesite. It includes debris removal, edging, weeding, and flower watering.

If there is an anniversary, holiday or birthday that’s special to your loved one, we offer a special occasions package, in which we place flowers at the gravesite. This package includes a fresh floral bouquet placed at gravesite (flowers included), as well as a before and after photo emailed to the customer. We ask that you request this package at least a week in advance so we can special order the type of flowers that you want.

Our stone surround package is only allowed at certain cemeteries.

With this package, we place bricks or paved stones to create a “garden” area. Grass is removed and topsoil is added. All materials are included in the price. Flower planting is not included but can be added on for an additional cost. Lastly, we start offering handmade fresh holiday 304

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wreaths around mid-November. Each wreath is about 22 inches and can be customized. Included with this package is the wreath and wreath stand, along with placement and removal by the date deemed by the cemetery. We will discuss any specific wants and needs that you may have and take care of them for you.

Q: What has been the most rewarding part of your business?

A: The most rewarding part of my business is seeing the before and after photos of a stone cleaning and the client’s reaction. After every job, no matter what package, I send the client a before and after photo. I love to hear feedback from my clients!

Q: How has Covid-19 affected you?

A: Covid-19 didn’t have much effect on my business or my career outside of my business. I am considered essential, so I would still be working full time. For gravesite maintenance, there is mostly communication by phone and email. It is rare that I will meet a client in person, unless they request to or if I am unable to find the gravesite. We take payment by cash, check, paypal, venmo, and cashapp, therefore there really isn’t a need for in person contact.

Q: What are your plans for the future?

A: My plan for the future is to grow my business exponentially. I want to eventually expand outside of Monroe county. I have looked into possibly

starting in Buffalo, NY as well, which may happen next year.

Website: www.gravesitemaintenance585. com Email: gravesitemaintenance585@ gmail.com Phone Number: 585-286-6980 Social Media: Facebook-- Gravesite Maintenance Instagram-- gravesitemaintenace585 Youtube Channel-- Gravesite Maintenance

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NOT BLENDED Not Blended is an Eco-Friendly clothing company that promotes diversity to show that you do not have to blend to belong. The term Not Blended was created to start a conversation. It was created to have individuals think about their position in society. Many of us fit into many categories and society tries to label us and group us into one category.

When you say you are Not Blended you are saying I am me, I have multiple layers.

You are saying that you are not going to let society define who you or who you love.

In 2018 the CEO and Founder of Not Blended Patrice Edwards studied in Germany and felt like she did not belong. She felt as even though she earned her right to be there, she did not feel welcomed by the other students. She constantly had to be the spokesperson for African Americans, even though she was not American.

Many people looked at her and automatically determined who she was and who she should be. Many people were surprised to learn that Patrice immigrated from Trinidad and Tobago and was raised in a Caribbean household.

Throughout college, she visited many countries such as China, France, South Korea, Austria, Italy, and many more.

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noticed that many people were not accustomed to being around people of color and did not know how they should act around them.

Patrice started to think to herself what if she created a blog where people could share their stories. She wanted people to think about their insecurities and write about them. She wanted people to know that we all

have insecurities and making someone feel insecure about their skin color or who they are is wrong. No one should feel uncomfortable to make you comfortable. Soon many people were sending stories. They shared what

they did not like about themselves and why they felt different. By thinking this way many were able to see what it is like to be a person of color. Many people of color spend everyday trying to live in society that is unaccepting to them due to their brown skin.

Something that cannot change. As people started to think about their insecurities in this way they started to think differently. It shows that when we stop thinking about ourselves and think about others we see that we are no different. We all have things that make us feel different and we should embrace it.

As the blog grew Patrice wanted to start a MOVEMENT and started selling keychain.

As keychains were doing well she met her partner Asia Ards who encouraged her to do more to develop a streetwear clothing line.

Asia knew what it was like to feel excluded as a black middle eastern who is a lesbian and grew up in a predominately white neighborhood. She felt like she did not belong so she became passionate about Not Blended. She knew that she had to be a part of this movement.

With just the two of them as business partners, they were able to create an eco-friendly clothing line that

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{{{ SHE HUSTLES SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS} }} SHIFT+CONTROL “Not Blended is an Eco-Friendly clothing company that promotes diversity to show that you do not have to blend to belong. The term Not Blended was created to start a conversation”

the products are packaged in nontoxic materials such as recyclable boxes and recyclable paper.

They make their own clothing tags and pins and try to provide a hands-on experience. Each order is sent with a personal note so that the customer knows that they are happy to have them a part of the Not Blended movement. To reach new customers Not Blended recently has been a part of a couple of local markets and small business events. This gives customers a chance to meet the faces of Not Blended. Our customers not only 308

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are our inspiration but our voice and movement.

Currently Not Blended focusing on furthering their outreach. They are partnering with other small businesses to expand their brand. They are also going out in the Rochester community and providing food to those in need.

Not Blended hopes to eventually start their own scholarship to provide backpacks and school supplies to disadvantaged neighborhoods to help students be successful in school. Not Blended is more than a clothing company it is a safe haven.

Currently Asia works hard on running social media such as Instagram and website. She also works hard on creating new designs to help Not Blended expand. Patrice is spending her time getting her Master’s in Marketing and Communication so that she can communicate with her customers effectively. Not Blended hopes to give back to the community to help create a better safe loving environment. Not Blended was created to start a movement to show you do not have to blend to BELONG!

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SHERITA TRAYWICK PHOTOS SHERITA TRAYWICK

GOOD TROUBLE

One year ago today fed up with the lack of funding our school districts received, long bus rides to Albany, and leaders who were unable to do anything significant to help the school district they represented I decided to run.

I entered the race for the NYS Senate- 56th District a seat held by Senator Joe Robach who is retiring. Unbeknownst to me, I would face adversity from, party politics to a pandemic, voter disenfranchisement, etc. I quickly learned that candidates are chosen and don’t just pop up like myself. It doesn’t matter if you are currently elected or not. What this amounted to for me was a lot of “You’re a Great Candidate but you need to wait your turn.” As a Woman Candidate, I am not sure when my turn was coming it has been 243 years that we have had a state senate and this seat has never been held by a woman or person of color. As the only woman left in the race for the 56th Senate District I am looking to shatter this glass ceiling with my Write-in Campaign. I am committed to ensuring women have equal opportunities for leadership at all levels of decision-making in political life. Our turn is now, not later!

So much has changed around us since I started this Campaign back in September ‘19 with COVID, remote learning, civil unrest, and the senseless murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and Daniel Prude. As a

Mother of 3, Educator in Higher Ed and Elected School Board Member. I am running harder than ever because the pandemic has taught us we must be proactive with solutions. We need to get our children back in school safely and keep Education off the chopping block in Albany. As a Daughter of aging parents, I am committed to ensuring a better quality of life for our Seniors and

Families which include accessible and affordable Healthcare. As a Community Leader, I will work with our community partners to continue the fight against drug abuse and the opioid crisis, getting guns off our streets, and strengthening our community programs. With the “People’s Plan” in hand, we were energized and sprinting to the finish line but like many plans in 2020, COVID hit us

hard. No more door to door contact, the Governor issued an Executive order condensing polling sites, and for the first time, all voters could vote by mail.

Voting by mail caused some confusion on filling out absentee ballots, in addition to polls not having the correct ballot and very limited polling sites in areas where transportation is a barrier. Basically, many voters were disenfranchised because they could not cast their votes and I didn’t win.

I was disappointed but not broken. As the weeks passed the calls started coming from my constituents complaining about what happened during the June primary and asking me to fight on to November.

I fielded the calls and weighed the issues around voter disenfranchisement and after much thought and consideration, I decided to continue my Campaign as the Democratic Write-in Candidate. I wanted my constituents to know their complaints were not in vain and if they wanted to vote for me I am still ready to fight for them and restore that opportunity.

In my world, all voices matter and those most disenfranchised were our seniors, disabled, and Black and Brown community members. These are amongst our most vulnerable in our society and they wanted me to fight just as I have always done. I have founded and served as Executive Director of

{{ SHE SHE HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS TALKS }} “ I am running harder than ever because the pandemic has taught us we must be proactive with solutions.�

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my own nonprofit, Young & Gifted, Inc for the past 14 years. Amongst the services we have offered include a mobile food pantry run in partnership with Foodlink, Summer Meals Program, Summer Youth Employment Program, Re-Entry job readiness program, Free Pop-up Barbershop, etc.

teaching law at RIT and Schenectady Community College and running my own consulting company, Traywick & Johnson, has given me some of the foundations I need to do the work required as the next NYS Senator for the 56th District. I know the Albany landscape and how good policy is created.

Moreover, my background in Government and Law as demonstrated through my work with both houses of the NYS Legislature, the Senate and Assembly, the NYS Department of Labor, and my

So, I am still running as a Write-in Candidate. I have already overcome so much in this race and in my life and I recognize that many of the social justice issues we are facing today are having

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a disproportionate effect on Women and People of Color. As a Woman and African American, I am poised for the journey ahead and will work tirelessly for the people of my District.

Sherita is a Graduate of Quinnipiac University School of Law, where she earned her Juris Doctor. Her undergraduate degree is from SUNY Cortland in Sociology/Criminology.

More info can be found on my website: Sheritatraywick.com

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Mary Kay

By Tina Jones Independent Beauty Consultant About us:  Customized skin care routine for men & women  Free skin analysis & color match  Complete line of make-up essentials  Free Virtual parties  Free Facial for new clients  Bridal shower facials, gift giving, charity events  Body care essentials  High quality & free of carcinogen products Contact info:  EU Standards Cell: (315-271-7290 On FaceBook also  All products made in the USA Tinajones0804@yahoo.com  100% guarantee  In business over 57 years www.MaryKay.com/TJ0nes98186  Enriching lives of women globally  Be your own Boss today

“We are not just selling cosmetics, we are touching lives” Mary Kay 318

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Live your smile to the fullest.

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DARA RENNART

BY DARA RENNART

Hello Future Entrepreneurs!

I am talking to you! To everyone who is fed up with working for someone; to everyone who believes there is a better way to operate; to everyone who believes employees deserve to be treated with a high level of respect; to everyone who dreams of building a company, creating a legacy, creating financial freedom for you and your future generations. It all starts, with you.

As a specialized commercial real estate salesperson, I often help people who have a vision to achieve their business ownership goals. Starting a business is a daunting task and people aren’t aware of the resources that are available to help. This year, with the instability that came along with Covid-19: employees relying on employers’ decisions for their survival, I have seen a huge jump is people making the decision that now is the time to chase their dreams and be their own boss. I am so proud and so excited for all these people who have taken the leap to fulfill their dreams!

Where to begin? As a person who has a vision, your first step to create that vision on paper that landlords and lenders can visualize. Often times, people think the first step is finding real estate, but by the time you are ready for a space, it is unlikely the one you chose will still be

available. My advice is to first build a strong business plan and utilize the local/free resources to help build that plan. Next, is to work with lending institutions and or angel investors to ensure you have financial ability to move forward on your business. Depending on the industry type, there may even be grants available to help you open!

Having a strong team on your side will provide you lots of support and guidance through the process.

What to expect? It is not going to be easy. Running a business is not for the faint of heart. Being a business owner requires you to develop outstanding problem-solving skills, an ability to

pivot your plan as unexpected changes occur, and most importantly a passion for your business that will shine through to every customer. You will be working harder and putting in longer hours to build your company: you will sacrifice social time with family and friends, all for the greater good of achieving success.

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION! Every business will need space, whether it’s office, retail or industrial or some type of hybrid. Utilizing the details in your business plan, I help advise new businesses on space size requirements, pricing strategy and negotiations with landlords. Partnering with the right landlord is key. As a business owner, you are getting into a longterm relationship with the landlord. It would be a travesty to be in a 5, 7 or 10 year relationship with a bad landlord, where every repair and request becomes a bitter experience. As a commercial broker, I help facilitate a strong relationship and lay out the expectations from the very beginning, so to avoid a future bad scenario.

The final decision!!! Deciding on a location and a landlord is a big decision for any business owner. While all the planning and preparation for opening ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS}}} {{{ SHE HUSTLES SHIFT+CONTROL “Where to begin? As a person who has a vision, your first step to create that vision on paper that landlords and lenders can visualize.”

a business is already completely, the decision of which space is the final implementation; and the most longterm. As an advisor to businesses, I always ask a lot of questions to best understand their needs and help provoke future needs. If a business needs to be close to highways, foot traffic, bus lines, ancillary retailers or others are also factors for consideration.

There may be instances whereby the business is starting off small with limited personal services or products, but expects to grow and

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need additional space during their lease term. I always structure the offer to the landlord with additional terms and protections for the tenant.

Structuring the build out costs, tenant improvements, free rent, reduced rent and more are all factors for our negotiations.

As I mentioned above about being passionate about your company, I speak from experience. I am super passionate about helping people succeed in their businesses. I believe that the foundation for success is rooted in site location and lease terms. I advocate hard for my tenants to negotiate great terms for them.

As a tenant representation specialist, I take a lot of pride in guiding my clients through this process and being a resource for many ancillary vendors. If you are dreaming of owning a business, please reach out and let’s see how I can best help you!

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ALL ACCESS} { {SHIFT+CONTROL }

“MY NEXT DAY IS MY BEST DAY”

BY DR SHANELLE BENSON REID I PHOTO BY MICHAL LEPORE

A NEW WAY OF BEING This is my daily affirmation on my good days and on my great days. As of lately, I’ve needed it. Recently, I decided I wanted to try something new; a new way of being. Not saying I don’t enjoy my typical, I simply decided to try something different. In August, I met my yogi. I didn’t know she would be my yogi when I met her, but she is now.

Having a yogi transformed my existence.

From there, I decided to become a certified yoga teachers. Which lead me to finally becoming totally plant-based. I had a chef who helped me create meals but I needed a bit ore cajoling.

And since I am an all in kind of girl, I will be pursuing a plantbased nutrition certification in the very near future, with the desire to open a wellness center in the not so distant future, Global SAGE Wellness.

That being said, I am terrified.

I am extremely confident when it comes to my consulting business and really any other venture that uses my “traditional, school-based knowledge” but this is different.

BREAKING FROM TRADITION There’s a level of confidence that we all want to exude; being grounded in womanhood, recognizing our worth to the world, understanding our legacy.

But this lack of confidence in the nontraditional realm is a sad commentary on how identity is tied to perceived standards of success. Our brilliance and existence must be valued, appreciated and promoted in all aspects and professions.

The beautician is as worthy as the neurosurgeon. Likewise, the professor is as exceptional as the baker. As women we need embrace all of our pieces, and not merely those approved by societal standards of achievement. The days of being marginalized no longer exist: stand up, shout out, be heard, be you.

A NEW WAY OF BEING I do not profess to have the answers to life’s questions, but I do accept that

most answers can be found within.

I am often asked, if I could change anything about my life, what would it be and my answer remains the same.

I wouldn’t change a thing. I love this life, but I truly love the ability to choose differently at any time. Therefore, if entrepreneurship is your passion build the business. If education is your call create the learning environment. If you are the literary genius, then write the story. Walk in excellence, embrace what you have to offer and share it with the masses. Your time is now. This is not

about empowerment, empowerment implies asking for permission. This is about revolution, fix your crown and walk in your purpose. The days of sitting docilely, waiting for the right moment are over. Seize every opportunity presented or create your own. Let’s commit to designing spaces to live, be and thrive; our existence depends on our commitment to self and sisterhood.

Here are my steps. What are yours?

Step 1: Embrace our difference — we are stronger together.

Step 2: Share our successes — spread the great news.

Step 3: Encourage growth — evolve and prepare for new experiences.

Step 4: Pursue education —s eek learning opportunities.

Step 5: Nurture ourselves — practice self-care.

Step 6: Smile frequently —h appiness abounds.

Step 7: Preserve nature — this is our home.

Step 8: Love deeply — there is nothing better than love.

Step 9: Exercise gratitude — be thankful and appreciative.

Step 10: Meditate and pray – know your source.

CHOOSE YOU Who were you before responsibility jolted your reality? Your best life is waiting for you. Your time is now. I know fear can be debilitating, but I encourage you to do it afraid. Choose to live, Choose to Be! ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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THE LEAVES ARE CHANGING.

BY SAVON HOLT I PHOTOS BY DARREN WARRICK

Fall is such a beautiful season. Some of the best things about Autumn are the beautiful changing colors of leaves, the slight chill in the air, and the crackle from the warm fireplace as it casts bright, and welcoming light throughout the room.

We cannot forget autumn’s romantic and beautiful scenery, holidays such as Thanksgiving that bring families together, warm apple cider, pumpkin pies, and seeing kids dressed up as their favorite superheroes for Halloween.

In the autumn season, daylight savings limits sunlight to trees. Like most living things, the Sun is the primary energy for plants. It is how the leaves convert into their food. However, since fall days are shorter, trees shut down, no longer bearing fruit. The nutrients are redirected to the tree’s stems and roots.

This is how trees survive the cold and

Oh! Let us not forget the fashionably stylish clothes like denim patterns, hats, scarfs, gloves, leather jackets, and might I add cute fall boots and peep-toe booties that women can’t resist.

For many, autumn is merely another season that comes and goes every year. But for me, autumn is the perfect time of the year. I think of it as more than just the Earth’s orbit around the Sun. I view it as the season for beautiful changes.

Autumn represents life, shedding, and transitioning. Think about it! Fall is when leaves transition from green to red, orange, yellow, purple, brown, and when plants stop making food.

Trees shed leaves. Do you see where I am going with this? Fall relates to the human life cycle. Be attentive because the leaves are about to show you how beautiful they are.

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dry winter months. But even with the leaves falling onto the ground and eventually die, they become nutrients for the soil to help plants’ growth during the spring season.

So, what if I told you that your current situation is part of your continued growth?

Picture your life as the autumn trees.

There comes the point in life when

we reflect on our life and realize how far we have come. We acknowledge our growth and expansion and vow to ourselves to never go back to our old patterns. Our experiences develop our ripeness and maturity. What an incredible feeling, right?

What does autumn teach us? It teaches us that it is okay to let go of things that do not add value to our lives. Whether it is a person, job, or a thing that you are struggling with; the leaves teach us not to waste our time feeding situations that do not need our energy. This is where letting go should be looked at as a beautiful thing. Life will take you to a better and new place.

Remember when I said that the plants die-off rather than to force themselves to produce? Well, that is just like life. If you hold on to dead weight, you may regret it later. Holding on only means you are trying to force life into a place of your demands. Your growth will be stunted. You must trust the process. Only then will you learn that it hurts more to hold on than to let go.

Learn to let go. Once you let go, observe how beautiful your life becomes. You will be amazed at how remarkably beautiful your glow will be. Pay attention to how much your life changes when you release what is draining your spirit. Notice how differently you walk, talk, dress,

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“So, what if I told you that your current situation is part of your continued growth? Picture your life as the autumn trees.�

SAVON SPEAKS { {SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } “Oh! Let us not forget the fashionably stylish clothes like denim patterns, hats, scarfs, gloves, leather jackets, and might I add cute fall boots and peep-toe booties that women can’t resist.”

, laugh, etc. You even attract different people to you. The best thing about this process is discovering your worth and acknowledging your beauty. This, my queen, is a place of peace and maturity.

Autumn represents maturity. Have you ever taken something away from a child who then kicked and screamed because they could not fathom living without whatever was taken away from them? You too must let go even if you do not want to. If someone or something has run its

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course in your life, served its purpose, or God chose to remove it, let it go. Be wise enough to see the lesson in each situation and mature enough to walk away and embrace the beautiful changes.

The next time you look outside during fall, remember it’s time to reflect on life, shed the dead weight and make mental, physical, and spiritual changes. Don’t be afraid of the process. Remember me saying the dead leaves become nutrients for the soil to help the plants survive in the Spring? It’s the same with the dead

weight we carry. The dead weight is only heavy to us because it’s no longer our responsibility, but it may be good nutrients somewhere else. The leaves are changing. Even though the leaves fall off the tree, the tree still lives. The tree still stands tall, even when letting go. The tree represents life, wisdom, prosperity, power, growth, and they show us how beautiful life can be when dead things are removed or released. You are the tree!

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WWW.SAVON

NSPEAKS.COM

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{ WOMEN IN POLITICS }} { SHIFT+CONTROL

CRIMINAL JUSTICE REFORM IN ROCHESTER

BY TERRY DANIELE

Clearly, moving criminal justice reform forward in Rochester is going to take some work. I was witness to some of the demonstrations at City Hall on September 16 and September 17th.

These demonstrations began as a response to what is perceived as systemic racism in our police and society at large. In Rochester the catalyst was the death of Daniel Prude at the hands of police. I arrived early in the morning on the 16th hoping to interview some of the demonstration leaders.

As I was driving down, my sister called me and told me the police were sweeping the street of the demonstrators and making arrests. When I arrived at City Hall, the police were wearing riot gear and arrayed in a line formation.

I saw a police officer with what appeared to be a pepper bullet gun in hand and a police truck with what appeared to be a launching system on the back of it. By the time I arrived, the demonstrators were corralled and no longer in front of City Hall. I wasn’t able to get to the demonstrators that day.

I was too late.

The next morning September 17th, I rolled out of bed and was at City Hall before the sun was up. As I meandered through those assembled, some were still asleep and some awake. I was able to talk to some demonstrators who had slept

there. The conversations were positive and pleasant. The demonstration seemed to be well organized. I saw someone bring coffee for people. I was told the demonstrators were scheduled in shifts so participants could go to work or school.

I asked several demonstrators about the goals of the protest, including their idea

of the meaning of “defund the police”.

Part of “defund police” is to make the police less militaristic. It seemed that the day before, the police were in the very military-type uniforms and equipment that are the subject of some of the complaints. At least some of the “defund the police” demand includes a hope to soften this type of police presence, to make them less of a military force

and more of a community one. The argument is, a forceful police presence may not deter violence. Instead it is like making strong eye contact with a potential adversary, almost an incentive to violence.

I was also told that alternatives to police were included in the phrase “defund the police”. The way it has been explained to me several times by different people, the demand is for an overhaul of the policing system. The idea is to have trained personnel, other than police, respond to certain calls. Police training seems to involve gaining control of a situation, sometimes forcefully.

It is argued a more conciliatory or a counseling approach would be less confrontational and therefore helpful. We ask a lot of our law enforcement and we should perhaps be more mindful of putting them in situations not optimal for their training and experience.

To date the police do not appear to be on board with the demands.

The police union, the Locust Club, is designed to protect its members. It is also a protector of the status quo. Others argue that makes it an impediment to necessary changes.

This impasse is one that must be resolved.

Another call to action is making sure financial resources are dedicated to community organizations that can make a difference in the community.

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SHE HUSTLES TALKS} }} {{{WOMEN IN POLITICS SHIFT+CONTROL “The way it has been explained to me several times by different people, the demand is for an overhaul of the policing system.”

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anticipated from changes to the police toward our city school district and funding community services and organizations, particularly in the poorest areas of our city. The thought is to give people an opportunity for success on the front end, rather than have deterrence and punishment on the back end.

the problem to good cops and bad cops, the “few bad apples” argument. The problems certainly seem larger and more insistent than that. We often hear that the police followed their protocol. If following protocol ends with so many Black and Brown deaths, maybe it is time to change the protocol.

This is a different narrative than is promoted by those who do not support Black Lives Matter demonstrations.

That narrative portrays the demand as one to completely dismantle the police, leaving municipalities with no police protection. Another argument reduces

The movement argues, the number of Black and Brown deaths from encounters with police, especially when compared to those of their white fellow citizens is proof of systemic racism.

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Free the People ROC has also asked for

the resignation of certain officials who may have been aware of Daniel Prude’s death and did not release information concerning it, specifically the Mayor of Rochester and the Monroe County District Attorney. No matter what those officials did or did not know, did or did not do, Daniel Prude’s death happened on their watch. Free the People ROC wants to send a clear message that people in public service have to be accountable also. So far, the elected officials have resisted calls for their resignation.

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{ THE ACS CORNER }

THE LEAVES ARE CHANGING.

BY JOHNNY WILLIAMS

The beginning of a new chapter always means the end of another one.

Such is the case once again. As Animal Care Sanctuary (ACS) looks forward toward the much-anticipated opening of its new kennel and clinic in early October, this exciting new chapter will be first one in a decade that will not include Chief Executive Officer – and dear friend – Joan Smith-Reese.

always been very passionate – just all in.

And from the ground up, we were able to make it happen.

“She had an idea then what animal welfare should look like,” Rossiter continued.

“A lot of the standards you see across major shelters today, she was trying to

“She’s always looking at the bigger picture,” said former Animal Services Director Rachel Rossiter, who was SmithReese’s first hire 10 years ago and only recently departed ACS, herself. “She has 344

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“The clinic is a direct result of Joan’s efforts,” said ACS Board President Ellen Feldman. “She’s just a person of ultimate integrity who was able to take our late Founder Lesley Sinclair’s vision forward in an amazing way.”

That vision also led to the successful addition of a second ACS location in Wellsboro several years ago.

“Joan just always makes herself available,” ACS Wellsboro Director Rachel Preble said. “She might not always be here physically, but she’s always here when we need her. We both share a social work background and we both have big dreams for Wellsboro. I’ve really enjoyed working with her. She relates to everyone. She pushes everyone without micromanaging, and she gets you out of your comfort zone in a good way.”

Once the clinic and kennel are open to the public, Smith-Reese will officially hand the keys of the sanctuary to Terri McKendry, who has been the ACS director of development for the past two years.

It would not be an understatement to say Smith-Reese’s leadership at ACS over the past 10 years was nothing short of transformational.

She not only departs ACS with a brand-new facility, but also with a record-setting adoption rate.

When Smith-Reese arrived at ACS as Executive Director, the animal care facilities needed repairs and upgrading; there was no community clinic at all; and adoptions were few.

But as many who have worked with Smith-Reese closely over the years, all of whom also had a hand in the transformation of the shelter on the hill, have said, she is a visionary.

wellness exams to the surrounding communities.

implement back then.”

Among those visions was the on-site community clinic. In addition to providing more efficient, cost-effective veterinarian services to the hundreds of cats and dogs take in by ACS each year, this clinic also provides low-cost spay/neuter surgeries, vaccinations and

One of those ways was early in Smith-Reese’s and Rossiter’s tenures, when they made the trek to Washington D.C. to advocate for stronger protections for animals.

“We went down there, and we were around all the big national names in animal sheltering,” Rossiter said. “No one knew who we were, but it never fazed Joan. She was proud that we were there, and now we’re one of those nationally-recognized shelters.”

But even beyond her professional achievements at ACS, Smith-Reese will be remembered and missed for how she treated everyone.

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{{ THE ACS CORNER }} SHIFT+CONTROL ““She’s just a person of ultimate integrity who was able to take our late Founder Lesley Sinclair’s vision forward in an amazing way.”

“She always remembers to give out birthday cards and Christmas cards – no matter who you are,” said Animal Services Director Becca Morgan. “She genuinely cares about the people who work at ACS. She can see things in people that they don’t see in themselves.

She has faith and confidence in them.”

“Joan’s heart and soul lives here,” Executive Coordinator Kim Chebalo said. “She has worked from dawn to dusk and 346

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sometimes in-between, and she has so much energy for what is happening with the dogs and cats. She has given everything to make ACS what it is today. I hope she knows that she built an amazing Animal Care Sanctuary.”

“Working with Joan has been special,” added Feldman. “I think people are drawn to her humility – how she’s genuinely interested, empathetic, and listens to what you have to say. She has a heart the size of Pennsylvania.”

Smith-Reese leaves ACS with an irreplaceable legacy, and she has left a mark as large and lasting as that of our founder, Lesley Sinclair. She took the unknown “shelter on the hill” and transformed it into a leading animal rescue center, community clinic and advocate for animal rights, and her own pawprint will be on ACS forever.

Make a Gift Tax-Free with an IRA Donate to Help Animal Care Sanctuary and Save On Taxes at the Same Time If you are 70½ years old or older, you can take advantage of a simple way to benefit Animal Care Sanctuary and receive tax benefits in return. You can give any amount up to $100,000 per year from your IRA directly to a qualified charity such as ours without having to pay income tax on the money. This popular gift option is commonly called the IRA charitable rollover, but you may also see it referred to as a qualified charitable distribution, or QCD for short.

The most important stipulation of donating from your IRA is that you must not withdraw your gift into another one of your personal accounts. Your gift must be transferred directly from the custodian of your IRA to Animal Care Sanctuary.

SECURE Act of 2019 Although the SECURE Act of 2019 raised the age for the required minimum distribution from 70.5 to 72, the rules regarding the Qualified Charitable Distributions have not changed.

An IRA owner at age 70.5 or older can still give by making a qualified charitable distribution from an IRA. In other words, a 71-year-old IRA owner can make a qualified charitable distribution from an IRA even though a distribution may not be required at that age.

Tax Benefits For those who are eligible (age 70.5+), a qualified charitable distribution from an IRA is a tax-wise giving strategy. The QCD amount is not counted as income, which means no tax is due.

How to Get Started •

Contact Trish Callahan Murzyn at 610-331-4421 or tcallahan@animalcaresanctuary.org for more information on an IRA gift to ACS.

•

Seek the advice of your financial advisor.

•

Ask your IRA administrator about making a direct transfer to Animal Care Sanctuary or have the administrator send a check from your account to us. To be tax free, the donation must go directly from your account to ACS without passing through your hands.

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{ UNSTOPPABLE WOMEN }

DANCING IN THE RAIN CAN TURN YOUR DAY AROUND

BY DR. PAM DENTON I PHOTOS BY KL STORYOGRAPHY

Move in a new way to inspire the changes you seek.

-Dr. Pam I have been teaching this mantra in my healing, coaching, and movement leadership for over 20 years as a way to tell women that real, authentic expression is key to our success. Moving in a new way - whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional - will allow you to receive desired changes in health, wealth and relationship. Change your dance step to change your life!

programs that will become stronger than the old ones. How can you do this? By EXPRESSING your true self, the part of you that knows how to dance, play, and live life to its fullest!

That’s where dancing in the rain

But why is that so hard to do?

Change is often easy to imagine, but not so easy to implement. That is because the nervous system creates habitual programs, or moves, to which we become accustomed. Most of the patterns for living and surviving are programmed at a very young age, and we get used to the constant grind, the nonstop wheel of “to do’s” on our list. But these lists keep us going in one direction - running forward, head down, teeth gritted, getting it done. And many of us don’t feel like we can afford to take the self-care time that is necessary to stop the runaway train of stress and fatigue.

To shift this runaway train and release the overwhelming load of stress, it is essential to create new, healthy

photoshoot. Cancel the trivial stuff, take a dance break, meet a friend for a drink, crank your favorite music, and MOVE to your groove! Dancing in the rain could be YOUR outlet for freeing your nervous system to relax, calm your mind,sleep like a baby, and wake up feeling renewed and refreshed.

When you dance in the rain, you are doing something out of the ordinary. You’re creating a new pattern. You bring expressive, fresh, and revitalizing energy into your day.

So how can you dance in the rain?

Let’s explore some possibilities for how you can apply new expressive movement to your day. I have used all of these tools for creating new energy and manifesting power in women so they can be unstoppable. Here we go!

comes in! I use it as a metaphor for finding your creative outlet for selfexpression and stress release. Recently, I danced in the rain, put on my rain boots and had a fun rainy day

• Put on your rain boots (or high heels) and let’s dance!

The easiest way to reboot your body and change your fatigue and mental anguish is by getting up and out of your current situation.

Remove yourself fully from the pattern that you are stuck in by doing something brand new!

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“To shift this runaway train and release the overwhelming load of stress, it is essential to create new, healthy programs that will become stronger than the old ones.�

• Strike a pose! This is what I like to call the “hot seat of power.” Put yourself in the center of life on your own throne or red carpet. Stand tall and strike a posture of empowered success. In SuperCORE I like to use Superwoman pose with hands on hips or a bicep curl to showcase my strength. Show yourself your power and make it a statement to the world.

The body knows!

• Laugh and live out loud! ROAR! ROAR is a Radical Opportunity Appearing RIGHT NOW. When we are expressing ourselves out loud we begin to hear our power in new ways. A good old roar of power or expressing yourself to a friend in a real and authentic way will help 352

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release the old and bring forth a new, energized you. What you want to achieve could be only one expression of happiness and power away! Take time off, contact a friend and go play.

Talk to your friends about what you want and laugh, dance, run, walk... whatever it takes to ensure you are expressing your real and authentic self!

Have fun playing with and personalizing these three steps.

They will help you forge a new path that will allow you to move beyond sleepless nights, mental fatigue, anger, helplessness, and frustration.

Create a new pattern consciously by setting your intent. Cancel the small meetings that drag you down, take time out for fun, find a friend, and

take a movement break that helps you express yourself! All of this will give you the energy you need to be powerful!

It’s up to you to commit to Dancing in the Rain to be Unstoppable. Our Unstoppable Woman team is here to help you create new patterns of expressive prosperity! Join Dr. Pam Denton and Hillary Welles for a SuperCORE Positive Motivation Class www.supercorefit.com/fitnessclasses and find out what positive expression can do for you!

Thank you to Katrina L. Grady KLBrandStoryography for the amazing photos.

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ASK THE DOCTOR SHIFT+CONTROL {{{ SHE HUSTLES TALKS}}}

MEDSPA SOLUTIONS LLC. MedSpa Solutions, LLC opened their doors in February 2019. The three award-winning doctors and business partners at MedSpa Solutions are Dr. Dorothy Kassab, DDS, Dr. Norma Cooney, MD, and Dr. Derek Cooney, MD, FACEP. The doctors and their team are making a huge impact on the industry.

They are committed to a customized and individualized approach to beauty and wellness.

They believe in bringing out the best in everyone by helping them achieve their personal aesthetic and wellness goals.

MedSpa Solutions recently partnered with the luxurious and elegant Mirbeau.

They started providing services at Mirbeau Inn & Spa in Skaneateles and Mirbeau Spa in Albany in February 2020. The collaboration with Mirbeau and MedSpa brings the perfect combination of the spa experience and medical aesthetics at the world renounced Mirbeau.

Drs. Derek & Norma Cooney and Dr. Dorothy Kassab have created the perfect partnership. They are brilliant and creative and most importantly care about each individual patient. They are quoting in saying, “the patient is all that matters.” MedSpa Solutions 356

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aesthetic services are established, supported, and supervised by doctors.

All providers, including the doctors, personally evaluated, studied, and received the anti-aging, corrective, and maintenance treatments offered at MedSpa Solutions during the treatment selection process. The

of TMJ disorders, and neuromuscular dentistry in the world-renowned Las Vegas Institute for Advanced Dental Studies. She received her facial aesthetics training in New York City and provides care focusing on the oral and peri-oral regions. Dr. Kassab’s expertise and experience adds unique depth to the MedSpa Solutions team. Dr. Kassab also leads our outreach and resources group, assisting other aspiring aesthetics practitioners.

Dr. Norma Cooney has been practicing medicine for over 15 years and is board certified in Emergency Medicine and Undersea & Hyperbaric Medicine.

services are thoughtfully selected by the team of doctors based on quality, safety, and results.

Dr. Kassab has been practicing for over 15 years and is one of the few dentists in the State of New York who has been trained in dental aesthetics, smile design, treatment

In addition to possessing expertise in healing modalities and resuscitation, Dr. Cooney has held a number of key leadership roles at local, regional, and national levels. Dr. Cooney has an academic appointment as Assistant Professor and has authored a number of articles in medical journals as well as a number of medical textbook chapters.

Dr. Cooney received her aesthetics training in New York City and focuses her work on ensuring

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DOCTOR { {IN HERTHE OWN WORDS}} } { ASK SHIFT+CONTROL “They are committed to a customized and individualized approach to beauty and wellness. They believe in bringing out the best in everyone by helping them achieve their personal aesthetic and wellness goals.”

total client assessment to ensure a multidisciplinary approach to meet the specific needs of every client.

Dr. Derek Cooney has over 15 years as a practicing physician with board certifications in Emergency Medicine, Undersea & Hyperbaric Medicine, EMS Medicine, and an academic appointment as an Associate Professor. He has his own textbook, numerous articles and book chapters, awards, and honors. Dr. Cooney also has experience in local, regional,

and national leadership positions.

Dr. Cooney graduated from Texas A&M College of Medicine and completed residency and fellowship at the prestigious Scott & White Memorial Hospital in the Baylor Scott & White System. Dr. Derek Cooney possesses a wealth of experience which he brings to the team at MedSpa Solutions. Dr. Cooney is an expert in resuscitation and fluid management and received his aesthetics training in New York City.

Me d Sp a So l u t i o n s o f f e r s a comprehensive array of medical aesthetics services; here are just a few: • Invisalign - Teeth Whitening - Massage Therapy - Microneedling/ SanguiFacial - PDO Threading/Thread Lift, Non-Surgical Facelifts - Body Sculpting / Fat Reduction/Facial Rejuvenation - Botulinum “Botox” Treatment - Dermal Filler - Laser treatments - Facials/Chemical Peels - Fibroblast Plasma Skin Tightening “Plasma Pen” – HydraFacials - IV Infusions and IV/IM Injections.

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COME AND ENJOY NEW SERVICES INCLUDING SPRAY TANNING BY ZACHARY!

SHE{{HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS } B.MOR }} B. MORTALKS {{ SHE

MARKETING MIX

BY BRE MORRIS

I remember it like it was yesterday…I was sitting in my first-ever marketing class my freshman year of college and I opened up my Marketing 101 book. It was like everything inside the pages came to life for me—I loved reading about branding, strategy and how to build a marketing plan. This is also when I learned about the marketing mix and the four P’s of marketing: product, price, promotion, and place.

Who knew then that those 4 little words would shape my future? Well, today I’m going to share a closer look at each of the components in the mix because identifying each of these for your brand could also shape your future marketing success!

• What need is my product or service satisfying?

• How and in what way will the customer use it?

• What sets my product or service aside from the competition? What makes it unique?

• What other products or services are in

• What is the value of this product or service to the customer?

• What is my established price list for my goods or services?

IDENTIFYING THE FOUR P’S: Product—This refers to either the tangible good or service that you provide.

• How much is it costing me to make this or provide this service?

Price—How much does the product or service cost for you to make/provide and how much are you charging the client.

• How much do I need to be making to ensure it’s worth my while and to align with my business model?

Promotion—Simply put, how are you sharing the word about your product/service?

Place/Distribution—Where will you sell your product or service? This refers to the point of sale or distribution of your good or service.

PUTTING THEM INTO ACTION: Product—Whether you’re new in the business or have a successful brand already, it’s always beneficial to go back to the root of what your product or service is. Start by asking yourself a few questions: 364

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research to answer these questions, you’re well on your way to properly identifying your specific product. It’s crucial to take the temperature of the market you’re entering so that then you can best identify what sets you apart and most importantly WHO your ideal customer is that you intend to target.

Price—Identifying the price is to recognize the value that you’re providing to the customer while also taking a closer look at what you need to be making to ensure this business venture is worth your while. Let’s do this by asking a few price related questions:

direct competition with me?

• What are my general branding guidelines?

• What type of product/service do I want to provide? Quality over quantity?

• Who do I want to purchase my product?

Is this a necessity for them or a luxury?

Through doing the internal and external

• Where does my pricing fall in comparison with the competition?

• Will I offer segmented pricing for wholesale or other targeted markets?

Working hard on the numbers side of your product or service is incredibly important.

If you’re manufacturing a product, set attainable goals to determine how you can cut costs while still providing the quality your customers are used to and deserve!

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{ B.MOR } “I hope that this has helped give you a better understanding into how you can use the marketing mix as a tool for launching, rebranding or re-aligning your business goals.”

Same goes for the service industry—what resources can you use to save time and money to provide the best results?

Promotion—Get your megaphones ready because this is the fun part! Sharing your story has never been more important (than now) and creating the right and relevant content/channels to do it through should be at the forefront of your to-do list! Let’s dive deeper into this:

best place for your good or service to be offered is a key piece to the puzzle. If you have something unique, look into what distribution channels will allow you to get in front of that specific audience. If you have a common household good, perhaps Amazon or an online platform is best. Lastly, would your product be best displayed in a brick and mortar storefront? Finding a home for your brand may be easier than you think, let’s ask some key questions:

• Where is your target market looking for information? By looking at their demographic you can best determine what channel/medium you should utilize to get in front of them.

• Timing-when is the best time to promote your product? Is it a seasonal offering or based on higher sales during a particular time of year?

• What’s the climate of the world and what’s in the news? Believe it or not, this plays a big role in your promotion strategy. Always adjust your marketing efforts based on how you can meet folks where they’re at and best help satisfy a need.

• What type of promotion are your competitors doing? How can you stand out?

Some common and most popular forms of promotion today are: Social media, website/blogging, public relations and Google ad words.

Place/Distribution—Determining the 368

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• Where are other similar items/services being sold?

• Do you prefer to utilize a physical storefront, online sales, or both?

• Who else could you align with to offer your good/service in their existing space?

• What does the price of shipping and handling look like and how can you best

get your product into the hands of your customer?

• What criteria must be met for particular e-commerce sites?

• Do you have a working website that best portrays your brand (this is super important!)

While the place portion of the marketing mix may represent the physical or online point of sale, it’s also very important to realize that the main place that folks will go for information you’re your website) must be a clear representation of your brand. Invest in a user-friendly, easily updateable, mobile friendly and appealing website.

It makes all the difference when you’re introducing your brand to the world!

I hope that this has helped give you a better understanding into how you can use the marketing mix as a tool for launching, rebranding or re-aligning your business goals. When you put in the work, use the right combination of ingredients in the mix and take the time to do it right the first time—you’re bound to have great results!

The official blog of b.mor!

Marketing & Consulting

ROC native, lover of all things brand and marketing related, foodie, wifey, mama, and baking enthusiast.

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{ SEXUALLY SPEAKING }

THE GIFT OF SELF PLEASURE

BY M. BARRETT

I would like to invite you into a space that is purely for yourself. We are not talking about our to-do list, the never ending tasks of doing things for others, or the pressures to succeed in our high demanding culture. We are entering a conversation that explores self-pleasure.

What is this concept of pleasure?

Do we give ourselves permission to receive the gift of pleasure? Many of us may feel guilty taking time out of our busy schedules to focus on ourselves. We have people in our lives that need us, that count on us.

It is important that we nurture our important relationships, however do we nurture the relationship with ourselves? As a Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist, I find the gift of self-pleasure to be an essential element to our overall sexual health and well-being. This journey here is to explore the concept of selfpleasure, benefits of inviting pleasure into our lives, potential barriers, and lastly, some ideas on how you can begin to reconnect and explore your own sense of self pleasure.

Why should I invest in my own pleasure?

This concept of pleasure is as unique as we are as people. The 2016 Global Advisory Board for Sexual Health and Wellbeing talks about pleasure, and the difference in its meaning.

It is influenced by age, gender, sexual identity, sexual desire, sexual capacity, health status and trauma

experiences. Pleasure is something that we attune to-- something we cultivate in ourselves. If we don’t allow space or time for our pleasure we can become disconnected with that part of the self. Allowing ourselves to give and receive pleasure can assist with stress release, relaxation, grounding with who we are, and self-identity.

The more we are connected with what makes up our experience of pleasure generally, and sexual pleasure specifically, the more likely we will be able to experience pleasure with others. Self-knowledge about our own sexual pleasure is a key element in expressing our sexual selves with confidence and joy. Esther Perel, a couples and sex therapist, explores pleasure in this way; “self-care isn’t just about facemasks and mindfulness, though those are great too. It’s about tuning into our bodies and letting them teach us what we like, what we don’t like, and what we don’t know about ourselves yet. Befriending our bodies and making peace with them, is the beginning of one the best relationships we can ever have: the relationship with ourselves. ” Life gets in the way We are experiencing unprecedented times in this global pandemic. Our “normal” has been hijacked and life as we know it is in a constant state of ambiguity. These uncertainties can become the predominant narrative that captivates our lives. However, it isn’t just COVID 19 that has the capability to hijack our focus on selfpleasure; there are constant challenges with daily routines, chores, work,

kids, finances, social engagements, etc. We live in a culture with many distractors that create barriers to pause, to be present with self, and to explore pleasures in the moment. It is important to be intentional about spending time with self and explore our pleasures.

We schedule most tasks in our lives. Carving out space and time for ourselves is essential to overall balance of well-being. Taking time to cultivate pleasurable context; a quiet space in the house, a time when we feel most energized, or shutting off the phone for a period of time.

Creating that time and space for ourselves invites pleasure, even when we live in a world where barriers are inevitable.

How do I explore pleasure?

We can explore self-pleasure in a variety of ways. Pleasure can be derived from a wide range of activities-- from everyday tasks to more sensual experiences. We may cultivate great pleasure in our daily morning routine with coffee, curling up with our favorite blanket or the usual stroll in the neighborhood.

These daily routines that we do for self-care can be explored in a way that enhances the experience of pleasure and embodiment. Embodiment means being placed in our bodies, providing us insight into our bodily and sensual experience. For instance, when sipping my morning hazelnut coffee, do I pause to notice the sweet and nutty aroma or the heat of the mug as it touches my lips? On the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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{ SEXUALLY SPEAKING } “I would like to invite you into a space that is purely for yourself. We are not talking about our to-do list, the never ending tasks of doing things for others, or the pressures to succeed in our high demanding culture.�

morning walk, am I responding and noticing the sun hitting my skin or the wind at my face? When we are able to invite our bodies into our experiences, we are able to attune to this connection our body has to our world around us. To feel connected to our bodies in a way that evokes calm, relaxation and pleasure, we create a journey to further explore our pleasure with self. The power of touch, being able to notice temperature, texture, and pressure enhance our knowledge 372

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and connection to what our bodies like and dislike. An additional element to exploring pleasure in our bodies is to explore and become creative with pleasure in our minds. Our imagination and ability to be creative is a wonderful gift into enhancing our sense of pleasure. When we are with ourselves, we can play in our minds with fantasy and pleasure that can enhance our present experience.

I hope this evokes an internal dialogue, the relational check-in, and the

permission to talk out loud about the essential need for nurturing ourselves, loving ourselves, and giving PLEASURE to ourselves.

Megan Barrett, MS, LMFT, CST is a certified sex therapist at the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness. She derives great pleasure and satisfaction from working with a variety of sexual concerns, including low desire and difficulty obtaining orgasm.

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SEX* *NOW THAT WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION...

Announcing Western New York’s first comprehensive resource for sexual and relationship wellness and menopause medicine.

Introducing the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness where sexual medicine specialists and certified sex therapists offer a holistic approach to sexual and relationship wellness.

Offering confidential and open-minded care to people of all genders and sexualities that is specifically designed to help YOU meet YOUR GOALS. Also, featuring a nationally certified menopause medicine specialist to help make mid-life your BEST LIFE

CALL US AT 585-865-3584 FIND OUT MORE AT WWW.ROCHESTERCENTERFORSEXUALWELLNESS.COM

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{ THIS IS... }

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

BY KATRINA GRADY

Well, we can sure try!

I am a busy person, just like everyone else. I’m also not perfect at keeping all the hats I have on the right hooks every day; sometimes those hats share a hook, other times they end up on top of the dresser. However, I love every single one of those hats and I am always passionate about the one I’m wearing in that moment. I also often find myself layering several together some days and rocking the look of the stacked hat.

Why all the blabber about sharing life stories?

When I was approached about being a part of the CNY Woman magazine family, I contemplated it for a few days, wondering exactly how I could contribute something to an already

I ’m a l s o n o t g re a t a t metaphors.

What I am great at, though, is sharing and being shared with. For some reason, I can talk about anything and everything, and have an uncanny knack of getting into deep conversations with complete strangers who will tell ME anything and everything. No joking, in one day alone I spent more than 10 minutes in each of Lowe’s, Home Depot, and the grocery store listening to complete strangers tell me about their home projects and their families, while my dad patiently (maybe not so patiently đ&#x;˜Š) waited for me to pick out stones for a project he was helping me with and dinner ingredients I was thanking him with.

I’m pretty sure I was a bartender or a priest in most of my past lives.

amazing resource for women in our area. As a photographer, I could have easily found some great photo tips and resources to share with you each month, (I still may!), but that’s not WHY I am a photographer.

I’m a photographer because I believe that every life has a story and should

be honored and shared.

I want to help readers in the same manner that I always try to serve my clients. My goal for every single portrait session is to help you feel alive, loved, and like you can be yourself!

I want you to feel connected to who you are. I want you to feel connected to the people you care about. I want you to feel encouraged to be yourself and know that when you do, you are connecting to your purpose in living. I want you to FEEL all of the things that make you you and for you to be proud of every imperfectly perfect part of who you are.

So, I decided that if I was going to add a new hat to my collection, it would be in a way that would align with what I do each day. I want to find ways to help YOU feel alive and connected to every aspect of your life.

Every single one. I want to share. I want you to share back. Let’s talk about anything and everything.

Each month will be different, but it will always be “This is ‌. “, because it’s a call to be true to the subject, to say it as it is. Unapologetically.

What does this mean? How am I going to do this? I’m not 100% sure yet, but I can promise you this: ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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“I’m always a work in progress, so this column will be as well. My intentions are to share personal accounts, interviews, whatever it takes, that focus on how to make connections in some way, in relation to all the aspects of our lives.”

{ THIS IS... } “I’m a photographer because I believe that every life has a story and should be honored and shared.”

~ I will always be myself. No apologies.

The good, the bad, and probably even the questionable. ~ I will always hold this space open for the same “no-apology promise” for you and for everyone. This is a space for connecting us all to each other, just as much to ourselves. This is how the magic happens. ~ I will always do my best to encourage you and invite you to find ways to make those connections by providing stories and examples of ways to do so.

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~ I will always cheer you on as you, first and foremost and most importantly, connect to yourself, connect to your families, your partners, your communities, your passions, your businesses, your clients, and, again, because it is THE MOST IMPORTANT, yourself.

I’m always a work in progress, so this column will be as well. My intentions are to share personal accounts, interviews, whatever it takes, that focus on how to make connections in some way, in relation to all the aspects of our lives. I want

you to feel empowered to find ways that speak to you to openly share yourself with the world; without apology or shame or whatever we attach to living authentically. I want you to feel alive. I want you to feel connected.

What do you want to feel? I’m listening ….

See you next month!

XO Katrina

274 N GOODMAN ST SUITE B116 I ROCHESTER, NEW YORK 1

14607 I (585) 473-2090 I WWW.THEGATEHOUSECAFE.COM

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WELCOME TO 261 FEARLESS ROCHESTER-GNY!

BY HEIDI DELUCA

What exactly is 261 Fearless and what are we doing here in Rochester? The answer is simple… we are supporting, uplifting, and uniting women of all ages, abilities and communities, to join together in our global running and walking network to EMPOWER each other.

The 261 Fearless organization uses running/walking and movement to bring women together for the very important purpose of not only empowering each other, but also breaking down socioeconomic barriers and geographic barriers. Our goal is to give women a positive sense of self, strength and FEARLESSNESS. Our history - Breaking barriers, then and now.

A little background about the story behind the 261 Fearless Organization, and our founder, Kathrine Switzer. In 1967, Kathrine Switzer was the first woman to register and complete the well-renowned Boston Marathon, a race that for 70 years, had only been run by men. At the time, it was quite simply believed that women were not capable of maintaining the endurance needed to run a marathon.

It was presumed that we were simply not strong enough, or that as Kathrine quotes “your uterus would fall out”.

Kathrine registered for the Boston Marathon using her initials K.V. Switzer, proceeded to train with her personal coach and friend Arnie Briggs, and started the race wearing the now famous 384

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bib number “261”. During the race, the race director at the time, Jock Semple, got word that a woman was running and proceeded to locate her and attempt to physically pull her from the race. Semple’s “Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers” and his forceful physical attempts to remove Kathrine from the race field, are now an important part of women’s history. Kathrine continued to run and complete the 1967 Boston Marathon

and today, has become an example to girls and women of all ages, that “WE” can simply do anything we put our minds and bodies to do. We are AS strong, if not stronger, we are AS capable, if not more capable, and we can and will finish our race, whether it be a block, a mile or a marathon.

In 1972, women were finally allowed to compete in the Boston Marathon.

Fast forward to 2015 and Kathrine

Switzer and CEO Edith Zuschmann founded 261 Fearless Inc., a global non-profit organization with the goal of uniting and empowering women through non-competitive local running clubs, educational programs, communication platforms and social running events. Just over a year ago, during September of 2019, my CoCoaches, Ann Martin and Lori Fox, and I officially brought 261 Fearless to the Rochester area.

What, Where, When and Can I possibly do this?

YES! Rochester’s 261 Fearless Running group is currently meeting every Wednesday night at 6:00 p.m. alongside the canal in the village of Pittsford. We meet in the parking lot area behind the Library and Starbucks building. Our goal is to provide encouragement and empowerment through movement and socialization. We are not all super-athletes by any means, we are not all even runners and that is perfectly OK! We start with a social “warm-up” period where we play games or attempt a physical challenge. We will practice some “good-form” drills and from there we typically spend 30 minutes walking, running or a combination of both.

We are all women, wanting to meet, support, empower, unify and encourage… and I promise you, we have

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{ FOR { SHIFT+CONTROL A GOOD CAUSE } } “If you are losing faith in human nature, go out and watch a marathon.”

— Kathrine Switzer

FUN! We have formed friendships, and we are always welcoming new members. We are additionally looking to expand into other areas of Rochester and to align with local organizations who may share and/or support our philosophy. Please consider joining us. You are welcome to “try us on for size” by attending a couple of our group runs before joining… and should you decide to officially join, the annual dues 386

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is currently a mere $26.10/per year.

Please check us out on Facebook or feel free to reach out to Coach Lori or Coach Ann or me, Coach Heidi. We’d LOVE to meet you and have you see what we are all about. We are also planning a special meetup event outside of the Susan B. Anthony House on Sunday, November 1st, 2020 at 8:00 a.m.

Let’s continue the legacy and break barriers together. Why? Because… #girlscandoanything. ~ “Coach” Heidi LaDuca

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STAY THE COURSE

BY LAURIE HAELEN

With the Presidential Election, the level of angst today in America appears to be rising. The daily rhetoric from news sources on both ends of the political spectrum often pushes COVID-19 and other critical news to a back burner. Therefore, it is difficult for investors to discern what-if anything-they should do to protect themselves from the inevitable volatility that will arise from the various projected scenarios proposed by the daily news.

The answer from an investment standpoint, most experts say, is to stay the course. Studies and charts validate this decision—supporting the notion that there is no real difference in market returns, regardless of which party ends up in office. I agree with this advice but would add that its validity is dependent on what course you set for yourself. In other words, I think the best path for anyone in these uncertain times is to ensure you have a plan that will enable you to live your desired life. Instead of allowing the events of the day foster fear and uncertainty, dedicate some of your time to better defining your financial goals and the necessary focus required to achieve them by creating your own risk management strategy.

In evaluating your financial life, it may be helpful to create categories or “buckets� that need to be filled with your various goals. Since life is not linear, it stands to reason that these components will at times support each other for your longer-term success. One of the most critical areas to focus on is risk prevention.

Risk prevention involves many aspects of your day-to-day life and involves protecting yourself from preventable losses. Insurance, for example, falls into this category. This includes property and casualty (covering your car, home and valuables), which also may include umbrella insurance, which covers losses in excess of your homeowner and automobile insurance. An annual review of your policies is an action item to put on your calendar.

Health insurance is another key component of a risk prevention strategy. If you are fortunate enough to have insurance through your employer for a reasonable cost, then choosing a plan is certainly less complicated but still requires some analysis during annual enrollment. Human resource professionals are a great resource for employer-based plan selection.

Marketplace health plans are another avenue that is a bit more complicated to navigate but well worth the time to ensure you can protect yourself from unexpected health care costs.

Another critical aspect of risk prevention is an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses, which may arise from job losses (a serious issue for many as a result of COVID-19), auto repair expenses or health care costs.

This fund should be separate from any retirement plan or investment accounts and invested in something low risk that can be liquidated and available within a day. A money market or savings account, although low yielding these days, is a good place for emergency fund dollars.

I recommend putting a portion of

your paycheck into this fund every pay period, with a target of having six months salary available for unexpected expenses.

Your asset allocation is another salient aspect of your risk profile. Despite the many challenges we have faced in 2020, the stock markets have continued to do well over the past several months. This can be a perfect time to rebalance your portfolio, selling appreciated stocks to purchase safe-haven bonds. This will ensure your portfolio continues to be aligned with the strategy you chose to meet your goals. It is possible you will need to revisit your overall allocation to confirm that it is still appropriate for your long-term strategy. An effective way to do this is to utilize some calculators, widely available via company retirement plan websites, to determine the expected rate of return of your current strategy. Are you taking enough or too much risk with your portfolio to stay invested through the ups and downs the markets inevitably bring? A complete review of your allocation and holdings is a great step to take to feel more confident that you are preventing market risk from derailing your life goals.

Debt management is another key part of the picture that must be addressed. The first thing to do is to get in the habit of having a personal balance sheet at your fingertips. I have always used a combination of a notebook and online aggregation tools to track my assets and liabilities over time. Do not feel defeated if at first your liabilities (student loans, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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{ FINANCIALLY SPEAKING } “The answer from an investment standpoint, most experts say, is to stay the course.”

mortgage, autos, credit card debt) are higher than you would like them to be. Facing this is the first step in making it better, as you cannot solve a problem if you do not know the extent to which it exists. Your credit report is an important thing to review to ensure the picture you have of your financial situation is accurate.

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2020 has brought us unprecedented challenges, and we cannot be sure of the risks that lie ahead. By taking the time to “de risk” your personal financial life, you can reduce the stress you can control and hopefully, in turn, be less stressed by the dayto-day news cycle. Over time, there have been many disruptors and there

will no doubt be more. Focus on your risk prevention strategy to secure your own future and to be able to live fully in the present while we await less volatile times. If the task seems daunting, a credentialed financial professional can help make it an easier exercise.

{ LOVE OF WORDS }

HOW TO BECOME A PUBLISHED AUTHOR

BY CATYRA POLLAND

Write. If you don’t write, you cannot become an author. You have to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. Create a writing schedule and stick to it. You can write a list of topics you want to write about and randomly select a topic. You can also start writing when an idea or thought comes to mind. No paper or computer, text or e-mail it to yourself or save it in your notes app on your phone.

To become a writer, you must write.

Connect with other people to grow your network. Join author groups, befriend authors, publishers, editors, literary agents etc. Listen to podcasts about writing and publishing. Be a guest on podcasts, write blogs, use social media, and local 392

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resources to build your network. Being active will help you connect with a team who will help you along your journey to authorhood.

Be patient. Don’t rush the process! Take your time writing your book. Write until you feel you are finished. Develop a realistic timeline for publishing your book, you must account for editing, formatting, book cover design, copyright and other steps. Practice patience with yourself and those who are helping you.

Deadlines can be changed, designs can be adjusted, and your manuscript can be revised. The process should be fluid, not rigid.

Be positive. There will be various challenges throughout the process.

Remind yourself why you want to become a published author and celebrate the successes along the journey. Take a break if you need to, come back when you are energized and ready to move forward with publishing your book.

These helpful tips can make or break your path to becoming a published author.

Remember, there are resources available to you. You are not alone. Writing is a rewarding yet challenging task. You can and will become a published author.

Work smarter, not harder and your dream of becoming a published author will come to fruition.

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{ BUSINESS TALK }

5 WAYS

BY RUMELLA CAMERON

THAT LEVERAGING AND OUTSOURCING CAN HELP YOU SCALE YOUR BUSINESS Are you running a business and are feeling the weight of all the tasks you need to accomplish on your own?

Don’t let this be the beginning of your business’ demise. Acknowledge that you need help and get that help today.

If you’re managing your startup on your own, or even with a few of your colleagues, you can get burnt out quickly. With the many roles you need to play and with the pressure you put on yourself to succeed, you won’t be able to work as efficiently in no time, and this is definitely not the way to start your entrepreneurial career.

LEVERAGING AND OUTSOURCING Due to insufficient capital, the lack of expertise, and other resource constraints, businesses, especially startups, fail to expand and survive in an extremely competitive business environment.

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With business leveraging and outsourcing, entrepreneurs get the assistance they need with the limited resources they have, particularly by farming out their non-core activities, in turn allowing them to focus on improving their business. Without it, many businesses would just rankle and deteriorate in the face of today’s cutthroat competition.

Outsourcing mostly involves

assigning a task or a sequence of responsibilities from the company or person delegating the task. This practice has facilitated profit increase in companies and enabled them to focus on what they were really good at. In short, outsourcing has allowed them to become more productive and profitable.

WHY YOU OUTSOURCE

SHOULD

As an entrepreneur, you usually find that you have a million things to do.

In addition, you have a family and other responsibilities to take care of, plus you have a social life to keep.

Indeed, the list of to-dos just never seem to end!

Well, just like other entrepreneurs, you find yourself struggling with inadequate time, insufficient money, and resources, which is why you must learn the power of leveraging.

R o b e r t Kiyosaki once said, “Leverage is the reason why some people become rich and others do not.” The power of leveraging not only allows us to get more things accomplished in short periods of time; it likewise allows us to create wealth and freedom without so much of a stretch.

Taking the initial steps toward leveraging and outsourcing can be very time-consuming. However, you need to figure out how to shape your business with the help of outside professionals, as this can provide amplified efficiencies and economies of scale. David Walsh, entrepreneur

{ BUSINESS TALK }

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{ BUSINESS TALK } “With business leveraging and outsourcing, entrepreneurs get the assistance they need with the limited resources they have, particularly by farming out their non-core activities, in turn allowing them to focus on improving their business.“

and writer of Source Control, an e-book on efficient small business outsourcing categorically stated that “Progressive entrepreneurs realize the unstoppable power of outsourcing to handle aspects of their business that are essential but simply don’t make sense for them to deal with personally. “ Here are 5 simple ways by which leveraging and outsourcing can help you grow your business.

LEVERAGING ALLOWS YOU TO CONCENTRATE ON WHAT MATTERS As per observation, only 30% of a typical day is utilized on activities that directly create value. This may also be true of you. Instead of focusing on increasing your client base, you’re probably spending most of your time on mundane tasks such as bookkeeping, organizing your client records, and others. This can get frustrating, especially when you know you have more important things to do.

To get more things accomplished, you must focus on the essential tasks while removing, assigning, outsourcing, or automating the less important activities. With this technique, you will certainly go from spending 30% to 50% or 60% on value-creation tasks with little effort.

Leveraging allows you to save on costs Outsourcing some of your business tasks can lead to cost savings in that you don’t have to hire permanent employees for tasks that may not 396

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need to be performed everyday or all year round. This also means that you won’t have to pay for the benefits you would otherwise provide permanent employees. You then get to allot your extra capital to growing your business.

GET ACCESS TO SKILLED RESOURCES When you outsource your business tasks, you no longer need to invest time and money on recruiting and training employees for your business.

The outsourcing company you choose to handle your business tasks already has the experts and talents you need.

They recruit experienced and educated personnel, as well as provide them with the necessary training. This gives you a lot of free time and resources to grow your business while having the assurance that specialists are handling your business’ various administrative tasks.

Get things done faster and easier To gain a competitive edge, you must be able to come out with new and better products and services faster than your competitors. With your administrative tasks outsourced to people who are already experts at them, you get to improve the products and services you provide while also enabling you to complete new projects faster, in turn allowing you to grow your business faster.

BUILD PARTNERSHIPS All businesses, irrespective of industry have four major processes -- developing products and services; generating demand (sales, marketing, and customer service); fulfilling demand

(manufacturing, shipping, delivery of services); and planning and managing the organization (technology, human resources, finance, strategy). As a clever entrepreneur, you must determine suitable partners for each of these processes. By outsourcing some of your business tasks, you get to establish a partnership with an administrative management and consultancy firm that you know you can rely on and that is already familiar with your processes.

This gives you the confidence that you have the resources you need when you decide to grow your business, either by expanding your reach or increasing your product or service offerings.

As a start-up entrepreneur, these five simple ways can help you win the uphill battle of scaling your business and surviving competition.

Do you need to have some administrative tasks farmed out?

We deploy skilled professionals and experienced personnel to your. This allows you to focus on growing your business while someone efficiently completes the daily operational tasks. We offer a unique outsourcing experience that will surely cater to all your business administration needs.

To learn more, visit Conversance Business Solutions today. Ready to talk?

WE DELIVER SOLUTIONS FOR YOUR PROBLEMS WHO WE ARE? Conversance has been providing virtual assistance to businesses of all types from small companies to enterprises since 2015.

WHAT WE DO? We are specialized and efficient service providers who ultimately become valued business partners. We work as an extension of your team for one-time projects or long-term engagements.

SUPPORT We offer solutions and customized plans.

STRATEGY Define your vision and your goals.

ANALYSIS A better service for your company.

GROW

BUILD STRONGER TEAMS

Get in touch 585 484 0038 510 Clinton Sq, New York, USA

www.conversance.biz

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THE STORM

BY DENISE “KARMA” CLIFFORD

I remember waiting for a storm, one I thought was out beyond the horizon and flirting with the space just out of earshot.

That any moment I would hear the crash of thunder in the distance scaring me into the places beneath the blankets, clutching them as if they were some sort of super hero cape that would save me from the evils I knew existed out there. In the storm, the one I kept waiting for.

A child left abandoned by a father who only knew love from a whiskey bottle, and heavy hands, meant that at any moment any word, any mindless thing could unleash the eye of the storm that was then called dad. These words are not to be wasted on him, I’m talking about a storm I learned had left. Packed in his suitcase running as fast and as far away from a child he had no rights to anyway. The blessing only recognized after years of wondering what you did so wrong, or where you even belonged. Begging to be wanted by a man who taught you that trust is something you should never give away. These are not lessons little girls should learn.

As a child I often wondered where I belonged and who I was. Left to feel the sting of not being wanted tastes bad for many years. I still have this aftertaste, yet have learned how to wash it down. The bitterness lingers, yet I found out what and who really matters.

Weak men who were given gifts only to waste them sitting on barstools and drowning self pity in the dark stench of nicotine and ale, are like the vomit spewed into the porcelain filth of the back alley john, Not worth the spit it takes to cleanse the Palate, purging 400

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itself of the guilt no amount of liquor can erase. Soothing self inflicted wounds with 2AM drunken calls to sob words of sorrow unto a child’s ears that holds onto them as truth. Only finding the next day, or week or even months the promise of a visit was just an empty threat, never to be indulged.

Never being good enough to be wanted, learning that waiting for a man who left is wasted time. Time children have no business in.

But alas, the storm that never was didn’t pass all that easily. It too had its moments of unclarity, in the dense fog of always waiting, and watching. I placed myself out of sight, wondering when the drunken angry words would be followed with room shattering arguments, and heavy hands needing a place to land. I waited with wide eyes and sealed tight lips as the man whos life I was thrown into, never did any of these things.

I showed up in his home, as a permanent

fixture and he opened his old beat up farm house to a shadow of a girl.

He pointed out the one lonely chicken who strutted around the land. Told me never chase a chicken, they would keel over from a heart attack. This didnt mean that I couldn’t find away to make this chick my own personal pet. And so once I held that chicken at the front door for hours because my brother took my bike. The standoff with my mother and me and the white chicken is still an epic tale that gets passed around to this day when I go home to visit.

Home, to visit. Those are normal words to most, but for me I never truly felt as though I belonged anywhere. Always waiting for the words that would have me pack my things and be gone. Waiting for that storm. For the man with the six pack of Genny between he and I as I rode shotgun in the old green chevy pickup, to tell me this was the last ride. The last time he needed me as he fired up the engine, to head on over to the town dump.

To help him as a second set of eyes for anything good there. I didnt talk much, i never wanted to say the wrong thing. I would just sit with the window rolled down, my hand stuck out over the edge of the window cupping and releasing the air. We would listen to the classics on 96.5 when Brother Wease dominated those airwaves.

With my hand out the window I would be told that if a bug hit my hand going 55 MPH, it woulndt feel so good. I still took my chances, I loved the way the cool breeze could be manipulated in the palm of my hand. And sometimes little puffs of wind would catch it just right and then slap my in the face and blow the hair from my eyes.

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KARMA SPEAKS }} {{ SHIFT+CONTROL “As a child I often wondered where I belonged and who I was. Left to feel the sting of not being wanted tastes bad for many years.”

He would tell me he needed my help, and we would go back into the woods, looking at trees. He would point out trees needing to be cut down, and trees already down.

He talked to me as if i knew the difference between burning a live tree and a dead tree and the importance of finding trees this year, for next year. I was confused, yet I listened and I learned. He told me when it was hunting season to stay out of the woods, and also to never go in the woods alone. I listened to this too, but admit I didnt always hold true to that one. The woods were my playground, I could never stay away.

I sat and held flashlights in the cold damp nights on engine parts and probably never shone the light on the place it was supposed to be. I handed wrench after wrench and learned the difference between a crescent wrench, a monkey wrench, and a 3/16 wrench, I learned a phillips head and a flat head screwdriver. I learned that shop talk, stayed in the shop, and that its frowned upon to show up with no shoes on your feet. I learned that when you borrow a mans tools to go make yourself a fort in the best part of the cow pasture just where that line of trees are, you shoulnt forget them there over night. I learned what it means to disappoint someone that you admire.

I once was tought how to drive a tractor on a hot summer day, and was then the driver during hay season. I finally had a purpose, I was needed. I forgot about the storm, as to me even though I still felt misplaced and not sure where I belonged, I would hear the words “ you ready? I need your help.” And we would get in the old truck and head back to the woods, the dump, or out to an auction. There were times we would stop at the little gas station that sat exactly in the middle of where I used to live, and where I lived now. This old guy, Harold owned it and lived in the back,he knew my mom. She bought cigarettes there

and had gassed up her car for years.

Harold always gave me a lollipop when he saw me. I remember one time in particular as I went inside behind the man who I came to follow around like a shadow. As I stood there, hoping for that sweet treat, he peered over at me, and then asked the question that I will never forget. “Hey Kerry, whos that?” and as the words hung there in the air to me what seemed like and eternity, he replied without even skipping a beat. “ Oh, thats my daughter, Denise.” And as Harold smiled and handed me the lollipop and claimed he should have known, as I walked in just like him. I didn’t know what he meant by that, but i didn’t care. We left and I was told to say hello to my mother, and i nodded. The sucker lodged into one side of my mouth making my cheek stretched out so far It felt numb, and I could barely respond.

I dont know the exact moment I stopped waiting for the storm, but Im sure I wasnt too long after that. Even though for years I questioned where in life I belonged, who it was I belonged with. There was never a day that this man walked out on me. Not even when I snuck into his garage and stole beers from his fridge. Not when I left his tools outside over night. Not even when I took a plank he needed for a job, to etch the words I love you with a torch and wrap it up as a gift, did he turn his back on me.

It was I who did the leaving, as to not be left abandoned. I ran as fast and as far away from words I didnt want to hear.

An angry teenage girl too afraid to ask. So I left the one place I had felt safe, the one place where the clouds had shifted and when it stormed, I always knew it meant new growth, fresh water and a rainbow, somewhere out over the hills and fields and the woods I called home.

Running away never helped anyone in life, and so I went back to the place, to the person who as a child showed me that not everyone leaves. He was still there and even though my own mother was not , I was still a part of the history. A part of the story where my life panned out as a small girl who once hid amongst the shadows, now an adult. Maybe thats what Harold meant when he said I walk like him. Weak men dont run away, and I walked back into the family that I have in even the earliest of my memoires. A family that I remember long before I even moved to a place I came to know as home. I once called my little sister his “real” daughter and remember when he looked at me and said, “you are my real daughter, too.”

My kids have grown up hearing stories of the little girl who ran with the cows, built forts in the fields, and made pets out of chickens. Once when my daughter was little and we were eating dinner, out of the blue, she looked at me for a long minute and says “but mom, where is your real dad?” I paused and almost talked of the man who doesnt deserve these words. I smiled and said “Ella, you know hes out there at the farm, probably in the garage, working on something.” she said nothing else. Went back to eating like nothing even happened.

But it did, I knew then that the storm I had waited so long for, was nothing more than a glimpse of clouds out over the lake. One too weak to make it to shore.

Dedicated to DOT, my real dad. The strongest man I know.

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{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE OF THE MIGHTY HAWK

BY ALANA CAHOON

I just completed a three week solo meditation retreat. If you want to dig deep, I highly recommend it. Basically, all the stuff you’ve been repressing throughout your life comes to the surface. It’s not easy, especially when you’re alone. But that’s the thing. You’re not. You never are.

before, especially while doing healing and energy work with clients.

You are accompanied along the way with your higher guides, your spirit guides.

These may show themselves as the gods and goddesses whom you believe in, whether that’s Jesus and Mary or Buddha and Prajnaparamita. It may be a holy person, prophet or diety from another religion or philosophy. Or you may be accompanied by a spirit animal like the hawk.

I wondered if I had stood outside and put my arm out, would she set herself upon it. I didn’t try this so I can’t give

When you have faith, your faith supports you through thick and thin. There is an inner knowing that everything will be all right.

That you can do this. The power of spiritual guidance is not to be underestimated.

Why is it important to clear the gook you’ve been burying inside? Because underneath all that stuff is where the magic lies; where your true essence lives, and when it emerges, the bliss of emptiness is discovered.

The Mighty Hawk.

Throughout my three weeks of meditating six hours daily, a beautiful hawk visited me. She flew outside my window nearly every day. This hawk has visited me 404

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With a beautiful underbelly of white feathers and a tail of blazing red, this hawk swirled by the sky sometime so close to my window that I thought it might try to enter.

her wings in the expanse of the big sky.

Let’s look at the first part of this definition.

“A hawk symbolizes the ability to use intuition and higher vision to complete tasks or make important decisions.”

Use your intuition to make important decisions. This makes absolute sense to me. How does it feel to you? Do you use your intuition to make decisions?

How often have you made a decision and kicked yourself afterwards saying “Gosh I knew I shouldn’t have done that.”

Why did you know? Most likely because your gut told you so.

tell you!

According to powerofpositivity.com: “The hawk symbolizes the ability to use intuition and higher vision in order to complete tasks or make important decisions. ... Hawks represent the messengers of the spirit world, so seeing them definitely means the universe wants you to learn powerful lessons or expand your knowledge and wisdom.”

As I write this, the hawk is circling above me. I am inspired as she spreads

This is usually where your intuition lies. It makes itself noticeable in your gut. Think of a baby kicking its mama’s belly because it’s hungry or because mama just had a cup of coffee and what was she thinking!

Your belly will make you feel something when you are not choosing the right path. Butterflies, nausea. Even so, we ignore our intuition, our gut instincts.

We look for something more concrete to base our decisions on, and unfortunately, we rely solely on these.

Here’s an example. You’re shopping for a new car and have your heart set on the color red. But the sales person convinces you that black is the color trend. You go

{ MIND, BODY & SPIRIT } “When you have faith, your faith supports you through thick and thin. There is an inner knowing that everything will be all right. That you can do this. The power of spiritual guidance is not to be underestimated.”

ahead with that decision and purchase a brand new shiny black car.

could have balanced your decision on all of these.

As you’re driving around in your beautiful new car, you notice that every other car you pass by seems to be a shiny red car!

You become frustrated and wonder why you allowed another person’s opinion to shift yours.

What’s important here, as our wise hawk reminds us, is to validate our intuition.

This was a financial investment that should have brought you pleasure and excitement, and instead brought you frustration. If you had listened to your gut, given credence to your true desires, and maybe done some research on what the sales person was suggesting - ie. are black cars in fact more trendy, and even if they are, does it matter - you 406

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My suggestion is to balance it with knowledge i.e. research, and perhaps advisement from others. But always, and I mean always, go back to your gut.

If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not. It may not be the right time to make the decision.

Don’t feel rushed to choose unless you are good and ready to do so.

Let’s look at the second part of the definition: “Hawks represent the messengers of the

spirit world, so seeing them definitely means the universe wants you to learn powerful lessons or expand your knowledge and wisdom.”

Yes. Absolutely true. During my 3 week solo meditation retreat, I learned powerful lessons and yes, both my knowledge and wisdom expanded. Now, I will honor the time needed to absorb it all, and then, make important decisions.

Alana Cahoon is the founder & creative coach of Grow 2 B U, LLC. Grow your business. Expand your mind. Heal your soul. www.AlanaCahoon.com

{ {THRIVING SHIFT+CONTROL THERAPY} }

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ALCOHOL

BY JENNIFER FRARY

October was Domestic Violence (DV) Awareness Month so it seems appropriate to address the relationship between DV and substance use. To start, though, I would like to make sure we’re using the same definition of DV: any type of threat or actual violence toward a household member. This could be physical violence, emotional or mental abuse, financial abuse, elder abuse, or other ways of exerting power and control over another. DV perpetrators are male and female, young and old, employed and unemployed, educated and uneducated, religious and non-religious, rich and poor.

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solution. Educating yourself and others, helping a friend who is being abused, speaking up, and being an engaged bystander are all examples of things you can do to help.

Talking about these issues openly will help end the shame and stigma that domestic violence and sexual assault survivors are burdened with. The next

DV comes from a perpetrator’s attitudes and beliefs about their victim (either the individual or that individual’s peer group). For example, a perpetrator may believe that women are to be subservient and punished when they assert themselves, and thus act out toward women. A perpetrator who believes that they are supposed to be fully in control of themselves, their household, and their world, will act out toward anyone who poses threat to that control (ie; a child, the dog, extended family members who speak ill of them).

time you’re in a room with 6 people, think about this: • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience violence from their partners in their lifetimes.

NoMore.org cites the following facts: “To end domestic violence and sexual assault, we all need to be part of the

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual violence in their lives.

• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men were

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• 1 in 3 teens experience sexual or physical abuse or threats from a boyfriend or girlfriend in one year.

• 1 in 5 women are survivors of rape.

sexually abused before the age of 18.”

Domestic violence includes something called Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) which is probably what most of us think of when we hear “domestic violence.” According to the World Health Organization IPV refers to “any behavior within an intimate relationship that causes physical, psychological or sexual harm to those in that relationship...

A l c o h o l consumption, especially at harmful or hazardous levels is a major contributor to Intimate Partner Violence.”

Why is that, you may be wondering? Does alcohol use create violence? You may have heard a perpetrator blame their intoxication for their behavior, thus seeking to absolve themselves. I believe that’s a rationalization; that’s a form of denial.

While the alcohol did not “make me do it,” there are ways that alcohol impacts a person that result in an increased likelihood of violence toward others.

WHO.int has a fantastic Fact Sheet about the research behind this relationship of IPV and alcohol. I’ll share two points here:

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } THRIVING THERAPY “Rochester has several excellent resources for alcohol use disorder treatment and recovery.

Start by googling “alcohol treatment near me” and check out the websites of local programs.”

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1. “Alcohol use directly affects cognitive and physical function, reducing selfcontrol and leaving individuals less capable of negotiating a non-violent resolution to conflicts within relationships.” You likely have experienced this effect of alcohol.

You say and do things that, more inhibited (i.e.; sober), you would choose not to in order to avoid negative consequences.

Alcohol allows for underlying attitudes and beliefs to come to the surface.

of violence occurring between partners.”

2. “Excessive drinking by one partner can exacerbate financial difficulties, childcare problems, infidelity or other family stressors. This can create marital tension and conflict, increasing the risk

Rochester has several excellent resources for alcohol use disorder treatment and recovery. Start by googling “alcohol treatment near me” and check out the websites of local programs. I’d recommend

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Knowing these things, I hope it is obvious how important prevention, treatment, and recovery from alcohol use disorder is in preventing domestic violence.

Prevention of alcohol use disorder comes down to prevention of childhood trauma.

Please review last month’s article titled “Raising Healthy Adults”.

avoiding the 800-numbers that are advertising at the top of your search. You can also begin with self-help programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, and Refuge Recovery.

If you need help with DV or IPV, Rochester has excellent resources for that, too. The Willow Center can be reached at willowcenterny.org. You can also call (585) 222-SAFE (7233), or use their textline (585) 348-SAFE (7233).

Both are 24-hour lines.

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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QUEEN OF ARTS { { SHE HUSTLES TALKS} }

OFC CREATIONS

BY ERIC VAUGHN JOHNSON

THE GOLDEN GIRLS ARE STARRING IN “A CHRISTMAS CAROL”

Ekberg as Rose, Shawn Gray as Sophia, Eric Vaughn Johnson as Dorothy, and Eric Schutt as Blanche.

OFC Creations is presenting A Golden Girls Christmas Carol The Musical from December 4-31, 2020 in Rochester, NY. Based on the 1980s sitcom, The Golden Girls are played by a cast of male actors with a new storyline.

Live performances are tentatively planned for December 4-31, 2020 depending on NYS regulations surrounding COVID-19. Virtual streamed performances will be available on the same dates and times regardless for audiences to watch from home.

Set present day, the story follows Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose who are excited to finally get out of quarantine and get glammed up for the Miami Community Center’s Christmas Pageant. Sophia, however, is grouchy from being cooped up and dishes out some zingers while refusing to embrace the holiday season. Forced to face her selfish ways, she encounters three celebrity ghosts, who lead her through her Past, Present, and Future. The three spirits attempt to fill Sophia with Christmas spirit and get her to the pageant. The musical comedy will feature a range of parody holiday tunes sharing what is sure to be a very golden Christmas.

OFC Creations presented Thank You For Being A Friend: The Golden Girls Musical in April 2019 with three weekends of sold out audiences. A Golden Girls Christmas Carol stars the same actors, reprising their roles: Hunter 412

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If live performances take place, the theatre will be limited to 50 attendees in the HEPA filtered center. Masks are required throughout the center except while eating and drinking, attendees will have at least 4 seats between them and another party, when possible attendees will receive their “own” row in the center. Food and bar service will be brought to attendees’ seats to limit congestion at the bar, and a thorough cleaning and disinfecting of the full center will take place before and after the event with many hand sanitizing stations.

Virtual performances include Friday, December 4 at 7:30PM; Saturday, December 5 at 7:30PM; Sunday, December 6 at 2PM; Friday, December 11 at 7:30PM; Saturday, December 12 at 7:30PM; Sunday, December 14 at 2PM; Friday, December 18 at 7:30PM;

Saturday, December 19 at 7:30PM; Sunday, December 20 at 2PM; Tuesday, December 29 at 7:30PM; Wednesday, December 30 at 7:30PM; and Thursday, December 31 at 9PM. Tickets are now available for purchase at www.OFCCreations. com or by calling the box office at 585-667-0954. If live performances do not take place, all ticket holders will be transferred to the virtual streaming tickets. Virtual streamed performances will be available regardless for audiences to watch from home.

OFC Creations www.OFCCreations.com www.ROCSummerTheatre.com www.StorybookTheatreTour.com

{ RECOVERX } } { SHE HUSTLES TALKS

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O F C C R E AT I O N S P R E S E N T S

DECEMBER 4 – 31, 2020 AT T H E O F C C R E AT I O N S T H E AT R E C E N T E R 3 4 5 0 W I N TO N P L AC E | R O C H E S T E R , N E W YO R K 1 4 6 2 3

Starring

Hunter Ekberg, Shawn Gray, Eric Vaughn Johnson, Eric Schutt, and more!

T I C K E T S O N S A L E AT W W W. O F C C R E AT I O N S . C O M O R BY C A L L I N G 5 8 5 - 6 6 7 - 0 9 5 4

{ COACHING WITH KRISTIN }

MEET STACY KULL

BY KRISTEN BAUER GROSS I PHOTOS BY MARK KNOPP

Make-up and Hair Carolyn Valure As a model coach, speaker, and longtime commercial model and actress, I often share modeling or acting advice, projects related to my “Courage to Dream” mission or issues I feel strongly about (go check out my article from last month on Ruth Bader Ginsburg).

was accepted. However, the company wanted $1,000 and my parents didn’t have the money. So nothing became of it. Years pass, I have my own children and they are interested in the industry.

I do everything I can to help them get started. So, I myself finally got my

This month, excited to share an interview with Stacey Kull.

Stacey is a model, a mom, an entrepreneur, and a dental professional. She’s a motivated woman and member of my ACTION online program for small market models and actors to learn, connect and succeed.

She was featured in a women’s motivational calendar I recently created and published. More on that project here: www.KristinB. com/calendar Stacey also won our grand prize package for top calendar model sales including: 2 nights oceanview hotel accommodations, photoshoot package with photographer Mark Knopp, professional make-up and hairstyling, a feature in Rochester Woman Online and much more!

Sounds amazing right! The photos in this article were taken during from her grand prize photoshoot!

How did you get started or interested in modeling?

“I have been interested in modeling since I was about 15. I went to an open audition for a large company and 416

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because it gave me time, that I wouldn’t have had, if time wasn’t standing still.

I was able to complete an acting class and follow up with agencies within my area. It also helped me get myself more fit and active.”

What would you say to women who feel like something is holding them back from pursuing modeling or acting or any dream that feels a little bit impossible?

Perhaps, they feel they are not tall enough, slim enough, talented enough, connected enough, young enough, smart enough or any other type of feeling “not enough”?

“I would tell woman that there are different categories of modeling as well as different body type needs. I am a firm believer that if you truly want something, you will find the means to make it happen. I also feel that we are all beautiful in our own way and need to find what makes us stand out in a crowd.

I also feel like modeling is more than a pretty face. I am a huge believer that beauty comes from within and that having hate or an ugly uncaring heart, shows on the outside and how you carry yourself and treat others.”

chance, because the kids are older now.”

Has the pandemic affected pursuing this dream positively or negatively or both?

“The pandemic affected me positively

How has the ACTION program with Kristin Bauer-Gross helped you pursue your model and talent goals?

“The ACTION program with Kristin has been AMAZING! She truly is a very compassionate person and has a heart of gold. She wants us all to succeed. And also teaches that in this industry you

{ COACHING WITH KRISTIN } “The pandemic affected me positively because it gave me time, that I wouldn’t have had, if time wasn’t standing still.”

have to be a go getter. Modeling jobs don’t just fall from the sky. She teaches all areas of the field. Like what to look for in an agency, how to prepare yourself for auditions as well as photoshoots. I would highly recommend this program to anyone who wants to pursue modeling, yet is lost as to where to start.”

What has been your favorite photoshoot or a notable moment in your modeling endeavors?

“I have had a lot of fun doing photoshoots.

Working with Mark Knopp doing the calendar photos was great. He is very patient and has great guidance. Since being the grand prize winner and having 418

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the opportunity to work with Mark again, I can honestly say he is very professional and helped me be very comfortable in front of the camera.

That is very important when working with “strangers”. If you are feeling off, it will show in your photos. I also stepped outside of my comfort zone and did a pin up girl photo shoot! That was AMAZING!

Follow Stacey Kull on Instagram @ StaceyKull or Facebook as Stacey Kull Interested in modeling or commercial acting?

Drop me a note and I’ll send you my free masterclass https://www.kristinb. com/contact

If I can say one thing, it would be this.

Don’t think you are too old, that’s just a number. Don’t settle in life. If you truly want to fulfill your dream, PLEASE DO SO!”

RWO readers use code VIP50 for $50 off your 1st month

Check out the ACTION Program www.

KristinB.com/action-program

Catch my free IGTV series “Model Tips” on Instagram @KristinBauerGross

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{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS }

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{ WELL TRAIL }

REACHING YOUR PEAK

BY KELLI LAPAGE

This October I spent a lot of time along the Route 81 corridor and Pennsylvania turnpike. Despite the “peak foliage” map predictions I have been surprised to see wide variations in peak colors – both north to south and east to west. Interestingly, these variations do not exclusively follow the patterns predicted by the foliage maps (which are based on latitude and elevation and temperature ranges, among other variables). Instead I found unexpected patches of color between stretches of all greenery or mostly dropped leaves. Some northern areas had not begun to change colors while some areas further south were already beyond their peak. Several times a week for the last month I have observed these changing patterns with amazement and appreciation for the beauty in every one of the phases, wherever and whenever they occurred.

These colorful trips have been a reminder that we are all constantly moving through phases – in success, in health, in life in general. Some are expected at certain ages, or in concurrence with specific events.

Some are expected when variables change or are intentionally adjusted.

We ebb and flow like the leaves, expecting peaks at certain intervals, but often find ourselves surprised

(or disappointed) because a peak is not happening when we expect it to.

Healthy actions always have multiple potential positive outcomes. Some are visible, some are physical, some are mental, and some are physiological and not easily observed unless you are looking REALLY closely. Just

like the difference in peak foliage, there are always multiple variables that contribute to how potential outcomes manifest. Leaves change based on obvious factors like the type of tree, where its located (further north vs south) and local temperature patterns. But they are also greatly affected by things we cannot always

see or consider: the quality of the soil, the amount of sunlight a tree receives, the depth and breadth of its root system, and even the presence of foreign invaders in the form of insects or other pests.

As I drive across the northeast each week, I do not know what each tree or forest region’s subtle variables are. All I see are the beautiful changing colors that surround me.

What I do know is that trees in peak on my drive today will likely be brown or bare by the time I drive through again next week.

And I know that the trees that are still lush and green will be showing hints of color next week, and in two to three weeks will be the most beautiful ones in the landscape. What IS a constant, is that there will always be change.

If there is one thing I have learned during my past 30 years in the healthcare industry, it’s that no two people are the same. You can place two people in a similar environment with the same variables and have two different outcomes. 20 people enrolled in the same program following the same diet and exercise plan will have vastly different rates of change and differing end results. Sometimes changes in our health are in response to recognizable external forces – good ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: NOVEMBER 2020

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{ WELL TRAIL } “Recognize that it may take you more time to reach your “peak” than it takes other people.

That’s ok. Don’t compare yourself to the other trees in the forest.”

or bad. And sometimes, despite thorough investigation, we simply cannot explain WHY one person may see faster or more pronounced results, while another notices minimal change.

And so in the absence of recognizing an obvious “success” variable, we often turn to comparing ourself to others: that person is able to lift more than I can, my coworker is losing more weight than I am, my best friend looks great in her bikini and I’m still struggling with my postpartum weight gain, my partner has more energy even though we are eating the same things… And with that comparison often comes judgement – judgement that we must be at fault – that WE must be doing something wrong because our results are not as rapid, as pronounced or as obvious as the person next to us. And blame turns to frustration, and frustration all too often turns to giving up the healthy actions all together.

There are several ways we can avoid falling into this trap. Doing the right things for our body (good fuel, activity, rest, hydration to name a few) will ALWAYS provide benefits – just as a proper balance of sun and rain and good soil will provide the optimal environment for the growth of a healthy tree. But those benefits may not always be the ones we expected (or hoped for) and they may not always be visible within the time frame we think they should be. I always remind the person I am coaching to consider ALL of the 424

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benefits they will get from committing to a healthy action. For example, if someone wants to lose weight, the question really is “what do you expect to happen when you lose weight/ hit your goal weight?” Most people will identify a number of areas that will improve: increased energy, more confidence, less joint pain, being able to do activities they can’t currently do, reduce their risk for a disease, reduce the need for medications they take… the list can go on and on. Why is this important? Because what if you achieve those goals – but the weight doesn’t change, or doesn’t hit the goal number you want? The truth is, success is not determined by what we see on a scale, rather by how we feel.

Recognize that it may take you more time to reach your “peak” than it takes other people. That’s ok. Don’t compare yourself to the other trees in the forest. Just compare yourself to where you were the day before. Your path is yours alone. Celebrate the positive changes that happen along the way, not the speed at which you make them.

Be aware of variables that may affect your success. You have to be open – and non judgmental – to identify and consider risk factors and behaviors that may negatively affect your outcomes and goals. If you are stressed out, not sleeping, not following through on doctor recommendations for medication or testing… then it is possible that improvements in diet or exercise may NOT have their

intended positive effects. So do not blindly follow someone else’s plan without making sure that all YOUR variables are managed to the best of your ability.

Accomplishment of a health goal – or even personal goal – will be achieved relative to all the variables that make us who we are. Health is personal – so the solutions must be personal as well. Remember that achieving your “peak” for whatever goal you are working on is not the end of the climb, but the beginning of the next phase of your journey.

Appreciate the beauty in every season and recognize its purpose. For after the radiant colors of fall have faded, and the trees are bare and the ground is white, you know that the trees are preparing behind the scenes and underground to emerge again and start all over in the spring. And so too will we continue to experience the seasons of our own physical and mental growth and progress. So enjoy the colors along the way!

Kelli LaPage and WellTrail provide individual and organizational health and injury management consulting services throughout the state of NY, and surrounding regions. If you would like more information you can contact Kelli at klapage@welltrail.com

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{{ WRITER’S BLOCK } } }} SHE SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS

WELCOME TO THE SPOT WHERE WOMEN AUTHORS ROC!

BY EBONY NICOLE SMITH

WRITER’S BLOCK: WOMEN WHO ROC THE PEN! Listen, being an author is hard work!

It takes months, sometimes YEARS, to crank out a book that we, our editors and, for some, finally the publishers deem to be ready for the masses. We must write between work hours, feeding, clothing, and bathing ourselves. We write before and after taking care of our kids, husbands, and other responsibilities. And if that was not enough, we must do so while running a business or several! Oh wait, for some of us doing work for God is also included in what we do before, during and writing our manuscripts. Must I also add those of us that are board members of various organizations, including PTA (insert me rolling my eyes and dropping my head to my desk from the mere thought of juggling it all).

Whew! When I tell you that becoming an author is not for the faint of heart, those that aren’t self-starters or self-motivated, and those that are looking for overnight success. Trust what I say.

After penning over ten books, comprised of Christian novels, devotionals, journals, and anthologies, I’ve learned that being

an author is one hat that many want to wear but can’t bear the weight of. I have spent many hours trying my best to push pass the mental blocks aka selfdoubt, second guessing my craft, and my ability as an author to finally ending each

manuscript feeling accomplished. Let’s face it, honestly, if you don’t know WHY you want to write it, WHY you want to keep writing, and WHY you must finish, then do not bother starting. The finish line is never your first deadline. It is the one you never thought of, which

is somewhere between, “I don’t know how to end this chapter,” and “Oh God! Take me now! My laptop just crashed!”

Let’s pause for a sec so I can introduce myself…

I am author, speaker, writing coach, radio co-host and publisher Ebony Nicole. I became an author in 2010 and a published author, by way of my first book, Eve’s Confessions: Songs of a Lustful Soul, in 2012. For me, writing is the pouring out of my soul to a world that could use a bit of soulto-soul care. I have been all over the country teaching and speaking about authorship, and helping aspiring authors become authors and finally published authors. It has been a passion of mine since high school. Jotting down my unspoken words in my diary helped me to express myself without the replying thoughts and opinions of others. Now, as a published author, I ask for peoples’ opinions in the form of reviews. How ironic is that? If I could do one thing for the rest of my life it would be to share my thoughts both spoken and written with the those who need, desire, and want them.

Enough about me… …back to it.

What’s the point of Writer’s Block: Women Who Roc the Pen!?

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{ WRITER’S BLOCK } “Well, I’m going introduce you to some amazing women that Roc the Pen! From poets, to fictional authors, novelist of devotionals to children’s books and beyond.”

Well, I’m going introduce you to some amazing women that Roc the Pen! From poets, to fictional authors, novelist of devotionals to children’s books and beyond. You’re going to find out about women from all walks of life that have grabbed fear by the pinky toe, tossed it over their shoulders, slipped on an old pair of Nikes, threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt then climbed the Hill of Determination. They pushed pass all the things that told them they couldn’t or shouldn’t share their creative words to become successful in their own right. These women weren’t made to fail; only to win!

If you’re wondering, “Could I do this or not,” allow me, if I may, to help you Know Your Why. This is something that I teach and pull out 430

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of my clients. To Know Your Why has an external and internal reason and a general/basic cause behind it.

It is the deepest understanding of the reasoning behind the book you want to pen. The external WHY is just that: what is outside of your personal concern that makes you want to finish your book. This could be for your kids, grandkids to see that if you did it, they can, too. For other women to see that, through your story, they, too, can become victorious in whatever they are facing or have faced. Or it could be to prove to the world that you existed long after you’ve passed on. The internal WHY is all about what you get out of it and how it will affect your present and future self.

Maybe by writing your book you can prove to yourself that you can create whatever you want. Whatever

it is, it has to be strong and powerful enough to break through the dreaded writer’s block! Your general WHY is the first thought that comes mind when you think of it.

Simple, right?

You have to think about it your WHY in order for it to be the fuel that keeps you going. Grab a pen, open a fresh Word or Google Doc and get to cranking out your book!

If at anytime you feel like you can’t keep going, just remember WHY YOU STARTED. I am Coach Ebony Nicole and I’m going to share some gems with you along with the stories of dynamic women. Are you ready? I hope so because I am.

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{ TRACY IS TALKING }

EACH ONE TEACH ONE

BY TRACY SIMONE

In our days of microwave ovens, internet access, instant purchases online and anything we want being delivered directly to our homes, many of us have lost sight of the good old days. While we were all jockeying for position trying to keep up with the Joneses (or maybe even being the Joneses), we let some of our core skills and talents slip away. Some of us still have them and carry on the traditions of days gone by, but we did not always take the time to pass them along to the next generations.

and make them last even longer.

We do not even recognize real food anymore, which tends to be smaller, imperfect looking, and spoils much faster. Back in the day, people knew how to grow all their own food, cook

If you know how to do something, you should share the knowledge with someone else, especially younger people. Gone are the days when most things were homemade. I remember taking Home Economics in middle school where Mrs. Cleary taught us how to follow a pattern and use a sewing machine for half of the year. During the other half, she taught us how to follow a recipe, safely use a stove, and make good things to eat.

Who still knows how to can food, knit, sew, garden, make minor car or home repairs, make soap, woodwork, or similar things? Collectively, have we really spent enough time and energy teaching others how to be self-sufficient?

Most of us cannot even do things that our own grandparents could.

We live in what has become quite the throwaway society.

Many people buy or lease a new car every 2 or 3 years mainly because they are bored, another new model came out, or because someone else got one first. How many people have we seen wait in line outside of a store to get the new Nike sneakers or iPhone, just to pay too much because they had to be among the first to get them? How silly and wasteful our society has become. Our older generations used things until they were no longer viable. Then, they would patch them 432

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of the wifi being shut off. They used to ride their bikes and be back in the house by the time the streetlights came on or they would be met again with that wooden spoon. Now, many of them text each other within the same room!

Their thumbs fly across the keypad with lightning speed, but they do not know how to hold an actual conversation.

things from scratch, and whack someone with a wooden spoon who dared try to taste test before it was ready. Cook a whole meal today? I literally know adults who do not own a stove. Yikes!

We used to make our own clothes, barter with each other for items, and carry a sense of pride for doing things ourselves. Today, most kids will stop dead in their tracks at the mere thought

My godmother patiently taught me how to crochet when I was young, and I have put that skill to work on several projects since then. We all should feel a sense of duty, an obligation in fact, to help someone outside of ourselves. We would not be where we are if it were not for others. Someone along the way helped us somehow to get where we are today. There were people and experiences that have taught us lessons, both good and bad, throughout our lives. We owe it to others, especially the youth, to pass along knowledge and to help create a better world and build their confidence.

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{ TRACY TALKS } “While we were all jockeying for position trying to keep up with the Joneses (or maybe even being the Joneses), we let some of our core skills and talents slip away.�

Instead of worrying about likes and shares online, we want to have people who have a great sense of self-esteem and confidence in knowing that with a little work, they can produce something with their own hands. They can grow a tomato, or play the piano, or catch a fish. Something. We have lost a lot of the basics that used to define how we lived. People need to know how to be more self-reliant. Children need to know how to do things for 434

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themselves and not be so dependent on stores, the internet, and even mom and dad. Remember that couple on the news a few years back who had to sue their middle-aged son who would not move out of their house? That was an extreme case, but they certainly failed to teach him any life skills.

We have students who graduate from high school and cannot write in cursive or balance a checkbook. What happened

to all the life skills? It is great to have modern conveniences, but everyone needs to also have some of the old-fashioned skills that will always come in handy.

Each one, teach one.

SIGN UP TODAY! RUNSIGNUP.COM/RACE/NY/GENEVA/GENEVAHALFMARATHON

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{ MOVING BEYOND MY YOUNGER { SHE HUSTLES TALKS } YEARS }

BE GRATEFUL. SLOW DOWN. ENJOY LIFE.

BY CINDY SCRIBANI

This past week, the weather outside has been nothing short of GLORIOUS! As i allowed the sunshine to wrap his arms around me, taking in all the vitamin D I could possibly absorb, enjoying the warmth of his marvelous rays.. my mind came to a screeching hault as this moment reminded me just how this mere act of enjoying, No.. savoring all the flavors of my pumpkin spice coffee with a tiny sprinkle of nutmeg over the top of my steaming cup, was something that ‘used to feel’ completely out of reach.

you’re in..? Do you find yourself wondering, ‘was i a good mom?

Did I neglect myself too long? Will my family, my children be proud of me? If I am learning anything right now at this very moment, it’s this.

Savor this moment. Appreciate life’s beauty. Just like the song I learned so long ago; it is well with my soul.

My life changed. and it’s only been

You see, in my busy-ness of business (creating hair in my salon and teaching Cosmetology at night) THIS was a luxury that I couldn’t allow myself to afford. I felt guilty doing something for myself.

I realized I had been so busy –completely focused on my clients and my students — my friendships, my family, and all the other stuff in my life (all of my favorite things) had been sidelined.

And it didn’t feel good. I felt lonely and I missed those relationships and the creativity that comes from an afternoon stroll in the sunshine or that second cup of coffee on my East deck.

If you’re always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one

over the last 6 months. Well, since Covid hit. I am continually amazed learning all the good that’s come out of this. But I can also see so many things that added to this change. I can see it now. my eyes were totally blinded before. I couldn’t see it. or perhaps i was wallowing around in yet another comfort zone and was too afraid to look.

spent working. if i look back — all the way to my very first job. I believe I was only 13. It was my very first babysitting job. Hey, don’t laugh. for $.25 an hour, after an entire summer vacation of babysitting, I purchased my very own brand new 10-Speed Red Schwinn bicycle! I rode that bike all over the place. my first sense of accomplishment.

God opens doors we didn’t even knock on.

He opened this one.

I’m writing in my very own column! (still pinching myself ) I began working my sidehustle, Shampoo Society is the title of my page on Facebook. And within these past six months, my life was completely turned around. By a bottle of shampoo! I’m with my family. My husband and I have time EVERY SINGLE DAY for each other. I see my kids and my grandkids.

Finally doing all those things i’ve only dreamt of doing. Oh! I almost forgot! .. getting recognized (finally! pretty non-existent in the corporate world) for reaching heights and achievements i never ever thought I could do! more doors of opportunity are opening!!

And I’m having my second cup of coffee.

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{ MOVING{ BEYOND MY YOUNGER SHE HUSTLES TALKS { RECOVERX } } YEARS } “I realized I had been so busy –completely focused on my clients and my students — my friendships, my family, and all the other stuff in my life (all of my favorite things) had been sidelined.”

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{ HER EDGE }

WISER

BY ROBIN DEWIND

I recently had a birthday.

I am closer to 60 now than I am to 50. I used to hate getting older, but now I try not to complain about it. I emphasize the word ‘try’ because we all whine and grumble about our age, but I have decided to stop.

I lost my favorite aunt to lung cancer at the age of 47. My last real memory of her, was her entrance into my backyard high school graduation party. She was loud and laughing and she was sick.

When she died, I was only 17 and I remember thinking she was old.

Now I know better.

I have lived a decade beyond her age.

As I pass the ages of the people I have loved and lost it makes me realize that I like being older and wiser.

Isn’t that what age really offers women as the only consolation prize to losing our estrogen and gaining weight in weird places. “They” now say 60 is the new 40. It would make aging gracefully a little easier to take if it were true.

I drink wine, work, drive my kid everywhere, buy crap for the dog, and lose hours watching YouTube videos on makeup and clothing hauls.

Not a great resume to start the next phase of my life.

I loved how I felt in my 40’s. Ironically it wasn’t until that decade that I finally saw myself as a grownup. I was a young mother, at the peak of my professional career, I had started to make real money, and I could jog three miles and not feel like I was going to cough up a lung.

I had arrived.

The happily ever after was in my sights and there was still so much time ahead to enjoy this new emotional freedom I had found. Maturity blossomed, and I was finally feeling confident with my body, my curves, and my attitude.

A pinch of arrogance had me convinced that I could thwart father time, and sway mother nature.

I sometimes wonder what I am going to do with myself when it is just me and the dog.

I refused to believe that I would ever feel invisible like the woman I would see walking around the mall with their sneakers, stretchy pants and tunics camouflaging their muffin tops. Not me. I would age with grace and slide into home without any dirt on my uniform.

Then my fifties hit.

How will I fill my time now that my purpose is off to college?

What a punch in the nose menopause turned out to be.

I do not golf, knit, collect, or garden.

It was like enduring the ninth month of pregnancy all over again. Fatigue,

I am not an empty nester, yet, but I am getting close.

insomnia, weight gain, (all while eating NOTHING), no energy for exercise, and I was hot all the time – and not in a good way if you know what I mean.

My only goal was to make it to the next nap.

I walked around feeling guilty, overburdened and a shell of my former self.

I was miserable, and everyone around me knew it.

And then, slowly, the martyrdom started to lift. I cannot remember what year, or which birthday, but the glass started to feel half full again.

Instead of complaining about all I had lost, I started to realize what I had gained.

Gratitude. Perspective. Peace.

I was not changed by a cocktail, pill, or purchase.

It was subtle.

This October I did not regret, feel panicked or bothered that I was rounding closer to 60.

I was thankful.

Maybe as we age, we subconsciously are given the choice to stay content or get up and fight even harder.

Physically, I am not 40 anymore and I am reminded of my age every day.

There is grey under the blonde highlights and the lines on my face are starting to show. I still love to exercise, but I take classes instead of running. My leopard peep-toe Friday night high, high-heels

{ HER EDGE } “This October I did not regret, feel panicked or bothered that I was rounding closer to 60.

I was thankful.�

have been tossed. I have cut down on dairy, limited steak, and the numbers I pay closer attention to now revolve around my HDL and LDL, not just what is on the scale. I love wearing tights and yes, there is a muffin top, but I can still tuck in my tees and wear a belt.

The benefit of aging is self-acceptance without all the excuses.

I love my girlfriends and make time each week to see them. I do not feel guilty

about carving out days for myself, or even taking a nap from time to time.

The decisions about hobbies, where to travel and when to take up golf will come.

For now, I am happy to drive my daughter, sit in the bleachers, and breath in these final moments of her young life.

I can embrace my responsibilities instead of resenting them.

Maybe as you age you learn how to love

yourself the right way. It is no longer about what I do or how I look, but rather, who I am.

Fearless, confident, and energized once again.

Is 60 the new 40?

It can be if you let it.

CONTACT ROBIN DE WIND TODAY! I ROBINDEWIND@GMAIL.COM

{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY }

SALUTING SEVEN WOMEN

BY OLGA MONICELL

OF THE 2020 WALK TO END ALZHEIMER’S This year, the Walk to End Alzheimer’s was everywhere. Instead of hosting large gatherings in Canandaigua, Elmira and Rochester, the Alzheimer’s Association encouraged its supporters to walk in small groups of friends and family on sidewalks and trails across the entire region. Hundreds of small but mighty walks took place in local parks and neighborhoods during three weekends in October. More than 1,000 participants registered for the Finger Lakes, Southern Tier and Rochester events, raising $350,000 for dementia care, support and research.

The 2020 events in Canandaigua, Elmira and Rochester were powered by volunteers. Although the Walk looked different, one thing had not changed—the commitment of our volunteers to ending Alzheimer’s and all other dementia. We asked seven women—Shelby Ascroft of Canandaigua, Riesa Cassano of Pittsford, Deborah Danko of Elmira, Lois Williams Norman of Webster, Rola O’Meally of Gates, Amy Rominger of Elmira, and Kim Smith of Victor—to share with us why they volunteer for the Walk to End Alzheimer’s.

Shelby Ascroft chaired the Finger Lakes Walk to End Alzheimer’s planning committee, rallying more than 360 participants and helping raise $80,000.

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participants to step up their game. With help from her children Nora and Cade, she “planted” the view-only Promise Garden at Granger Homestead for the Oct. 3 Walk in Canandaigua. Shelby became involved in the Walk to End Alzheimer’s in honor of her grandfather who lived with dementia. “He was the strongest man I know. To me, he was 7-foot tall,” said Shelby.

As a nurse, Deborah Danko is dealing with dementia both professionally and

personally. Her father Jim Lynch is living with Alzheimer’s disease. “My father was the life of the party with his big Irish smile. All of that has changed. He has stopped volunteering, going to church and driving. In the last few months, his disease has progressed very quickly.

He has good days when he thinks he is going to work and bad days when he doesn’t talk,” said Deborah. “This year, I joined the volunteer planning committee and on October 17, my family and friends participated in the

Walk to End Alzheimer’s for the first time. Thank you all for your advocacy on behalf of families like ours,” she added.

Kimberly Smith took part in the planning of the Finger Lakes Walk in memory of her mother Lorraine Stepien Szul, who lived with younger-onset dementia and passed away just a month shy of her 65th birthday. “She loved her grandchildren. You could truly see Mom lighten up when she saw or heard her grandchildren, even at the end,” said Kim. “I walk and raise funds because I want to help find a cure for this horrible disease and support families that are going through this however I can,” she added.

Lois Williams Norman, a board member of the Alzheimer’s Association, Rochester and Finger Lakes Region Chapter, has been advocating for underrepresented and underserved communities affected by dementia for more than 10 years. She participates in the Walk and volunteers on the Rochester planning committee in memory of her parents, both of whom lived with dementia. “I help raise funds to advance dementia research and promote earlier detection. I hope that we can have the first survivor in my lifetime,” said Lois.

Riesa Cassano and her parents joined the Walk to End Alzheimer’s for the first time this year. They walked in memory of Riesa’s grandmother Anne Yard who lived with symptoms of memory loss and

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{ PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY } “We salute all women who, despite unprecedented challenges caused by the pandemic, helped us rally hundreds of participants and make this year’s Walk to End Alzheimer’s a success.”

died of a stroke a few years ago. In July and August, while on summer break from her undergraduate studies at Princeton University, Riesa also volunteered at the Alzheimer’s Association. She helped spray-chalk Promise Garden flowers on the driveways of Walk participants who won a summer fundraising challenge.

Promise Garden flowers symbolize a person’s connection to dementia— blue flowers stand for someone living with dementia, yellow flowers signify someone who is a caregiver, purple flowers mean a loss of a loved one to dementia, and orange flowers represent a 448

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commitment to the Association’s vision of a world without Alzheimer’s and all other dementia. Both Rola O’Meally and Amy Rominger held orange flowers as they walked this year. For several years, Rola has been a Walk participant and Alzheimer’s Association volunteer, helping plan the Rochester event. She is the captain of St. Ann’s Community team, one of the largest corporate teams.

“We care for many residents who are affected by Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia. I am very committed to the fight against dementia. By raising awareness and money, we help to advance research toward a cure,” said Rola. Amy

Rominger volunteered with the planning committee of the Southern Tier Walk.

“As an audiologist, I participate in the Walk to honor my patients, many of whom are living with both hearing loss and dementia,” said Amy. We salute all women who, despite unprecedented challenges caused by the pandemic, helped us rally hundreds of participants and make this year’s Walk to End Alzheimer’s a success. To learn more, visit alz.org/walk.

-end-

Are you caring for a family member who is living with dementia at home or in a long-term care community?

Connect with other dementia caregivers from your area.

Join a support group.

ALZ

Call 800.272.39001-800-272-3900 or visit www.alz.org to learn about our telephone and online support groups.

{ PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT }

THE SLEEP SAFE PILLOW

BY BREANN MORRIS

THESLEEP SAFE PILLOW PROTECTS TRAVELERS F RO M P OT E N T I A L EXPOSURE TO VIRUSES Compact, comfortable, disposable and safe the Sleep Safe Pillow is revolutionizing the travelexperience.

In light of the coronavirus pandemic, a We s t e r n N Y based entrepreneur pursued his vision of producing a compact/ travel-friendly pillow to use in exchange for traditional hotel pillows. The Sleep Safe pillow provides a safe night’s sleep when travel may be unavoidable for many folks. Even the most frequent of travelers are taking a closer look at their hotel bedding, given the recent pandemic and many have developed an aversion to any pillow that’s not their own. According to the CDC, “You can become infected (with Coronavirus) from respiratory droplets when an infected person coughs, sneezes, or talks. You may also be able to get it by touching a surface or object that has the virus on it, and then by touching your mouth, nose, or eyes.”

The Sleep Safe Pillow is 100% American made, composed of high quality fiber fill and covered with a soft cotton material.

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The pillow is compressed with 25 tons of pressure to eliminate all of the air out of the pillow. The compressed bag is then sealed so that air cannot exit or enter again until opened for use. Upon opening, the pillow b ounces back to its true size and shape.

Thanks to the Sleep Safe Pillow, folks are now able to return to travel for both business and leisure with peace of mind

that they are placing their head on a safe and comfortable pillow each night.

Once they are done using the pillow, they can simply stow it in the provided pillow sack each day and p lace out of the reach of hotel housekeeping. The real beauty of the pillow is the ability to simply throw it away after use leaving those unwanted germs behind and away from home!

“Traveling to meet with my clients in person has been especially difficult due to the virus and now more than ever, I didn’t want to sleep on an already used pillow maybe a thousand nights before me That’s when the inspiration for the Sleep Safe Pillow began. I knew others were feeling the same hesitations about traveling and t he hotel pillows being used by someone else the night before. In response to my own experience, I have created a pillow that’s not only compact for travelers but also ensures that they get a comfortable and most importantly, safe night’s sleep says Sleep Safe founder, Samuel DiLiberto, Jr. Whether your travels lend to staying at hotels, Airbnb’s, or even a cruise ship you can now rest easy.

Imagine a quality pillow that fits conveniently into your carry on bag or suitcase and provides night after night of safe and comfortable sleep.

The Sleep Safe Pillow is revolutionizing the travel experience, to learn more, visit SleepSafe Pillow .com

{ IT’S A SUITE LIFE }

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{ WELLNESS 360 }

THE FOUNDATION TO OPTIMUM HEALTH

BY BETH PARRY

We have all been there, striving to be thinner, look better, and feel healthier. We jump on to fad diets and the latest fitness crazes.

Then we look back and realize we spent a bundle of money for a corner dust collector and half-empty bottles of supplements.

At Wellness 360, we strive to educate on disease prevention and reversal. We believe that education gives you the power to make lifestyle changes to improve your health. Multiple pillars lead to optimum health. We consider these pillars to be the foundation of any healthy lifestyle.

SLEEP Let’s be real; the majority of Americans are not getting the recommended sleep. Sleep is the first thing to get cut when life gets hectic. Sleep is an essential step in the normal functioning of all systems of our body. Lack of sleep will affect your immune system, hunger levels, metabolism, healing, and mood. Studies have shown that your chances of obesity significantly increase if you lack sleep. The average healthy amount of sleep is 7-9 hours a night. There are multiple ways to improve your sleep quantity and quality. The first step, make bedtime a routine.

Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day. Our bodies love the schedule.

Turn off your electronics at least an hour before bed. The blue light emitted from electronic devices interfere with restorative sleep. Finally, get plenty of sunlight during the day. Sunlight stops the production of melatonin and boosts your serotonin levels, keeping you feeling happy and rested throughout the day. When night falls, your melatonin levels will fully produce, helping you have a restful night’s sleep. A good night of sleep is the foundation of any healthy lifestyle.

DIET Everyone has strong opinions about diet.

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It is not about the diet at all; it’s about your relationship with food. Are you eating for comfort, boredom, or reward? Are you subconsciously grazing or mindless eating?

We need to change our perspective on food.

Eat for fuel, not for fun. What you put into your body is what your body will use for energy, healing, and provide you with nutrients. If you are filling it with chemicals and toxins, you will feel lethargic and sick.

The rules are simple. Eat from the earth, not the chemical plant. If you can read the five or fewer ingredients, then you are on the right track. Eat mostly veggies

with every meal. Eat in moderation. It is ok to break the rules once in a while.

The problems start when once in a while, becomes a daily habit. Eat mindfully, on purpose, and with gratitude. When eating on the run, watching tv, or grazing all day, we consume more calories and eat too quickly. It takes up to 20 minutes for your stomach to notify your brain that you are full. So take a seat, be grateful for your meal and enjoy it!

STRESS REDUCTION Many things in today’s world stimulate a stress response. We need to meet deadlines, run errands, and work 40+ hours a week.

We leave a little time in life to decompress.

When our body is in a chronic state of stress, our heart rate increases, blood pressure increases, and our digestive system does not function properly. Acid reflux, heartburn, indigestion, diarrhea, constipation, sound familiar? If we do not digest food properly, our body will not get the nutrients it needs to maintain health. There are many ways to build resilience to stress; yoga, meditation, breathwork, mindful living, tai chi, etc.

Studies show that meditation 10 minutes a day for at least eight weeks can significantly improve your tolerance to life’s stressors.

Need help getting started? Wellness 360 has a mind/body fusion class that will teach stress reduction techniques. You can also set up a one on one lifestyle consult for an individualized stress reduction plan.

EXERCISE Movement is medicine to the body! Exercise is an essential part of longevity. Strengthening exercise is needed to retain or regain balance, improves your bone density, and boost your metabolism. Cardiovascular training is ideal for your heart and lungs and increases your serotonin levels! It’s like an allnatural happy pill. The recommendation is at least 150 minutes of exercise each week.

This can be broken down into 10-15 min increments or full hour workouts. Just like your diet, exercise should be individualized for the person. There are multiple risk factors involved in starting an exercise routine. To decrease injury or burnout, certain modifications may be necessary.

With the right guidance, you can start a fitness routine at any age. Wellness 360 specializes in fitness for all levels. Each class is designed and led by physical therapists.

This ensures safety, success, and longevity with your workout routines. Check us out at www.wellness360fitness.com.

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LIVING WELL WITH A DISEASE DIAGNOSIS

BY BETH PARRY

Receiving a health diagnosis or having a loved one receive a diagnosis can be challenging to experience. Finding peace and acceptance is one of the most essential steps in living the best life you can with your diagnosis. How do you get from point A disease diagnosis to point B peace and acceptance with all of the fear and unknown? It is important to note that many steps in the process lead to acceptance. Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. Each stage takes time, and each individual is different. No matter what your stage, know that you are not alone and there are many people here to support you. Here are some steps that may be helpful in your process.

BUILD YOUR SUPPORT TEAM After the initial shock: 1. Take a few deep breaths and get the facts. When facts are written down on paper, things seem a little less scary and more manageable.

2. Seek council from a trusted medical source. The medical source can be a doctor, physical therapist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, chiropractor, etc. Take some time to build your support team.

Using the internet can be a great source to expand your knowledge. Remember, knowledge is power; however, incorrect knowledge can increase your fear and magnify your symptoms. So make sure you are using trusted sites.

3. Write down your questions. When seeing the doctor, you may become nervous or feel rushed causing you to forget. Having them written down allows you feel calm and more confident at your doctor appointment.

4. Find a support group or an association.

Many associations have smaller local charter groups to support you.

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JUST BREATH Multiple studies show that stress can quickly exacerbate symptoms of the disease.

It will not only magnify your symptoms, but your immune system will drop, sleep patterns will worsen, and your anxiety can become debilitating. Trying to resist the future can lead to suffering, fatigue, and additional stress on your system.

Stress reduction will be an essential part of your acceptance process. A great way to decrease your stress is by taking a few minutes to breathe on purpose. Deep breaths can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system allowing the body to rest and heal. You can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system anytime you feel overwhelmed or stressed just by using deep breathing techniques. It will improve your immune system, stimulate healing, decrease your blood pressure, and improve your sleep, to name a few.

LIFESTYLE MODIFICATIONS A disease diagnosis will hold different types of lifestyle modifications needed to improve your health. Some modifications cross all diagnoses. This includes good sleep habits, stress reduction, decreased alcohol consumption, increased water consumption, quit smoking, and adopt healthier eating habits. Many people dive right into medications and ignore the huge benefits of lifestyle change. For example, if you are pre-diabetic, cutting back on alcohol consumption and sugary treats would improve sleep, decrease the stress response, and decrease the body’s need for insulin. This would naturally improve sugar levels and decrease their need for medication. Your daily habits play a significant role in your disease progression or regression, so make healthy choices.

INVEST IN YOURSELF Disease management can get expensive with doctor appointments and new medications. It is easy to justify not

spending money on extra expenses.

Exercise has been shown to decrease the progression of many diseases, reverse specific diagnoses, and improve your day-to-day activities’, and overall quality of life. While exercise may not be a top priority in your expense list, it should be.

There are so many benefits to exercise that goes beyond your external appearance.

Some benefits include improved lung capacity and heart function, improved posture and bone density to decrease fracture risk, improved balance. Other benefits are improved sleep, both in falling asleep and staying asleep, decreased fatigue, improved immunity, and, most of all; it releases feel-good hormones decreasing depression and anxiety. It is important to exercise with a professional who understands the risks involved in your particular diagnosis.

Having a disease diagnosis can be difficult and take time to overcome. Each situation, person, and disease progression is different and requires different approaches. Wellness 360 specializes in disease management.

We can guide you with lifestyle changes that can reverse or improve your disease prognosis. Wellness 360 specializes in exercise for disease management. We provide evidence-based exercise written and led by Physical Therapists. We offer one on one and small group fitness classes based on your particular diagnosis. We have online, virtual and in-studio options. We support all of the pillars of wellness needed to live well with most disease diagnoses; social support, physical activity, and emotional wellbeing. We offer an online exercise program for Osteoporosis, Parkinson’s, Osteoarthritis, and MOVE for the bariatric client. Our bonus features include low back pain management, mindfulness for stress reduction, and balance and fall prevention programs. You can check it out at www.wellness360fitness.com.

{ CNY INSPIRING WOMAN }

{{ BLISSFUL BALANCE}} SHIFT+CONTROL

LIVING LIFE IN HARMONY

BY CINDY DECAROLIS

One of my most popular wellness workshops is stress relief. When I started offering this workshop, I would talk about living a balanced life – a concept that has been floating around for years. It has been widely noted that millennials seek work / life balance and many workplaces try to provide this balance.

However, as I talked about balance, people were expressing stress about that – they were interpreting living a balanced life as giving each area of life an equal amount of time. This was causing feelings of guilt, anxiety, and inadequacy. This was an aha moment for me as a presenter.

As I thought this through, I realized that it is nearly impossible to give each area of life an equal amount of time and attention. Life is fluid and things change daily – maybe even hourly or minute by minute. That led me to think about living life in harmony.

There is an ebb and flow to life and responsibilities. There are going to be times when you have something going on in one area of your life that requires more of your time and focus.

For example, a crucial project at work, a sick child at home, or maybe a personal goal, such as training for a marathon.

To me, living life in harmony means that you can navigate the ebb and flow of life with intention and mindfulness.

When you are trying to live life in balance, you might be at work late, but instead of giving that your

attention, you are thinking about your kids, feeling guilty that you are not at home.

Living life in harmony allows you to give 100 percent focus to where you are in the moment. If you are working late your mind is there until your work is finished. Then when you get home you can focus 100 percent on your family without feeling anxious about work.

Flowing with your life is more important than ever in our current circumstances. I can’t even imagine how difficult it has been for people who have had to juggle working at home, home-schooling their children, caring for young children and / or elderly parents, and then possibly trying to integrate going back to working onsite.

Stress will always be a part of life.

Sometimes a little stress can be good, but the constant stress of modern life wreaks havoc on our health. Here are ten simple strategies to help you live life in harmony and manage your stress: 1. Plan: you can’t control everything, but if you have anticipated potential emergencies – like a sick family member or a crisis at work – and have contingency plans it can make riding that wave easier.

Also, plan for time and special activities with your family, as well as time to take care of yourself.

2. Be present: give yourself completely

to the people you are with and the task at hand. This type of focus on the present moment eliminates the space for guilt and anxiety.

3. Breathe: your first line of defense for relieving stress is to breathe slowly and deeply from the diaphragm. An immediate physiological reaction to stress is short, shallow breathing.

Taking deep, long breaths is calming to the mind and the body.

4. Release – clear – shift: when you are having negative thoughts that produce stress and anxiety use this technique. First, take a deep breath, release the thought as you let your breath go; clear your mind; shift to a more positive thought; and finally, bring yourself back to the present moment.

5. Chest rub: a simple but powerful way to reduce anxiety; place your palm over your heart and massage in a clockwise, circular motion. You can add a mantra, like everything will be okay, or I am safe.

6. Laugh: laughing releases aggressive, negative energy.

7. Take a technology break: introduce a no technology time, like dinner, or a technology free zone, such as the bedroom.

8. Take a hike: this gives you the double whammy of being in nature and exercising, both of which have been proven to alleviate stress and anxiety.

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{ BLISSFUL BALANCE } “Stress will always be a part of life. Sometimes a little stress can be good, but the constant stress of modern life wreaks havoc on our health.”

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9. Practice restorative yoga and mindful meditation: the more I practice both the more I find myself able to stay present and focus.

essential oil – some other options include frankincense (my fave!), wild orange, bergamot, and florals such as rose, jasmine, and magnolia.

10. Diffuse essential oils: there are many essential oils with calming properties. Most people are familiar with the relaxing benefits of lavender

I hope that these strategies will help you to manage the ebb and flow of living life in harmony. At Blissful Balance LLC our mission is to help

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you to live life healthier. you can follow us on Facebook @blissfullbalanceroc and Instagram blissfull_balance.

“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.� - Buddha At Blissful Balance our mission is to help you to live life healthier.

Let us help you to author your own health.

Offering wellness workshops, individual health coaching and essential oils.

Please contact us for a complimentary consultation 585-532-6060 or cindydecarolis62@gmail.com www.blissfullbalanceroc.com Facebook @blissfullbalanceroc Instagram blissfull_balance

{ MENTALLY THINKING }

INCREASED ANXIETY

BY BONNIE FLOYD

We’re all finding ourselves dealing with increased anxiety symptoms these days, for a very wide variety of reasons.

First of all, we are living in unprecedented times, due to the enormity of dealing with the all-encompassing COVID-19 pandemic. As a clinical psychologist, I strongly believe that the single most stressful aspect of this pandemic is that it has no definitive endpoint. Put another way, none of us knows how much longer we will need to cope with what we’re coping.

Our nation also finds itself dealing with continued unrest due to prolonged racial tensions. The upcoming presidential election is deeply polarizing, too.

These factors all contribute to the increased severity of anxiety.

Individuals without histories of anxiety disorders are developing these disorders for the very first time. Those with pre-existing histories of anxiety are noticing that they’re experiencing increased severities of symptoms. A recent study has asserted that fully one in three Americans currently meet the diagnostic criteria for a diagnosis of depression and/or anxiety.

Contrary to popular opinion, depressive disorders are not the most prevalent type of mental health disorder. Anxiety disorders are the most common type of disorder affecting our mental health.

Anxiety may manifest in multiple different ways. We may find it much more difficult to fall asleep, for example.

We may also experience changes in our 464

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appetite, such as developing a reduced appetite or overeating to obtain brief emotional relief. Rates of smoking and substance abuse are also correlated with increased anxiety. n addition, we may develop nervous habits, such as compulsive nail biting, when our anxiety level becomes excessive.

Anxiety typically impairs our focus and

concentration, too. By not paying sufficient attention to material, we may fail to adequately encode it, or place it into our memory stores. Subsequently, such information is not accessible at a later point in time. Therefore, what appears to be a memory deficit may more accurately reflect impaired attention.

A certain degree of anxiety is certainly adaptive. For example, feeling anxious

about an upcoming test motivates us to be better prepared to take that test.

Feeling anxious about the possibility of getting into a car accident motivates us to drive defensively. Feeling anxious about incurring late fees motivates us to pay our bills on time. The key is to maintain an optimal, rather than an excessive, level of anxiety.

There are a wide variety of anxiety disorders. Individuals may suffer from panic attacks, with or without agoraphobia. Some individuals develop Generalized Anxiety Disorder, where they develop increased anxiety about a very wide range of situations.

Sometimes anxiety is manifested in the development of posttraumatic stress disorder. Some individuals develop specific phobia as a manifestation of anxiety. Others develop obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Furthermore, increased anxiety may manifest as social anxiety disorder.

Each of these types of anxiety disorders require professional intervention, through use of psychotropic medications and/or reception of psychotherapy. The best results are achieved with a combination of these treatment modalities. Shortterm, solution-focused psychotherapy sessions can equip individuals with the development of improved skills to manage anxiety more effectively.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is another effective treatment modalities to address a variety of anxiety disorders.

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{ {RWO’S MENTALLY MENTAL THINKING HEALTH} } “ Journaling our thoughts and feelings is yet another useful means of managing increased anxiety.”

I’m currently encountering many online clients who are seeking therapy for the very first time in their lives, due to their experience of heightened anxiety levels. Many online clients are anxious about trying to juggle the competing demands of working from home and assisting their children with online instruction. The geriatric residents with whom I meet each week are also feeling increased anxiety; many of them are very worried about the possibility of contracting COVID-19, given their pre-existing conditions. The nursing home personnel are also more anxious than usual, given their increased work demands during our global pandemic.

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Psychotherapeutic interventions ae diverse for the treatment of anxiety disorders.

Individuals with specific phobias benefit from systematic desensitization, which allows for the development of a hierarchy of an individual’s specific fears. These fears are faced one at a time, beginning with the least threatening, and progressing to the very most threatening. Those with obsessive-compulsive disorder may achieve benefit through cognitivebehavioral therapy. This therapeutic approach targets one’s maladaptive thoughts (obsessions) and problematic behaviors (compulsions).

On a short-term basis, anxiolytic medication is often useful to reduce

symptoms. However, there is a high potential to develop addiction with the use of this type of medication. The lowest possible dose should be prescribed, for the shortest amount of time.

Maintaining regular physical activity has shown to be effective in lowering anxiety levels, too. The practice of meditation is effective for reducing anxiety. When we’re anxious, we develop a pattern of rapid, shallow breathing; practicing diaphragmatic breathing on a regular basis is helpful for lowering our overall anxiety level. Journaling our thoughts and feelings is yet another useful means of managing increased anxiety.

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SHIFT+CONTROL { {{COMMUNITY ASK THE DOCTOR ROCS}} }

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL TAMMY’S TIDBITS }

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

BY TAMMY VREELAND

October has passed and what a fightor-flight type of month. Either you love it or hate it. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground. On one hand, you may be desperately trying to hang onto the last warm days while on the other hand, you are embracing the cooler weather.

can come back to haunt you!

A fun month, for some, while others may dread; desperately looking beyond the Halloween madness tied to October towards a more pleasant holiday to come. And why do you think that is?

By now, I’m sure most of you already know the roots of Halloween, so I will not go into the logistics of it.

Then there are the Serial Killers. Enjoying the stories of the ones caught but fearing the ones still out there!

Personally, it’s my favorite time of the year! It’s when I like to embrace my fear and feed off the excitement it gives me.

Call me crazy, but going to corn mazes and being scared, makes me feel more alive than any other time of the year!

Aliens can be like the scenario of the paranormal. Whereas on one hand, it fascinates us to think it may be possible, but yet we are fearful for what that may mean!

What about phobias? Fear of heights or spiders, while these are a little harder to relate to, if you do not have the phobia itself – understanding the fear of someone that has it, can make you sympathize and feel thankful you do not have it!

Disasters, such as fires, tornadoes, tidal waves and earthquakes. All of which are fascinating to watch and yet terrifying to think about having to live through.

Do you think fear can be healthy for us? At a basic level, fear can guide our fight-or-flight response. It can help keep us safe and alive. Fear can also heighten your senses and awareness, making you alert and in better preparation.

Perhaps the one common thread to these, is the fear of the unknown! It takes us out of an element of safety and puts us into a situation we have not been in, nor do we truly know how we would react if it was happening to us.

So what scares you? Writing in the Horror Genre, I find myself surrounded by many fears to choose from, for a topic to give my readers that fight-or-flight response.

Do you even like to be scared? Most of us will immediately say no! Who in their right mind wants to be scared? But tell me, after you have been scared - how do you feel once you know you are safe?

Are you one who likes Vampires and Werewolves? Or perhaps any mythical creature that you can be envious of their powers and yet fear them, at the same time?

What about the paranormal? Ghosts and Goblins. That desire of wanting an afterlife and yet fearing there is one that

The first thing, is relief! But as your heart slows down and your breathing goes back to normal, what do you feel?

Thankful (but we’ll get into that next month - lol) and ALIVE! Our nerve endings are tingling and we can’t help but laugh or smile knowing it’s over!

Why do we laugh off fear? I like to think there is a fine line between fear and fun. Think about it, when you are enjoying something - do you not have the same tingling of nerves? Are you not laughing as well?

Now granted, I’m talking about “fun fear”. Being afraid of a book, movie, TV show. A friend playing a prank. Riding roller coasters or going to Halloween themed events with our friends. These are “fun fear” situations that can be enjoyed.

But Halloween, or the whole month of October, does not have to be about fear. It can be a time to enjoy the Fall weather, sitting around some nice fires and even having a S’more or two.

Bottom line, yes, Halloween can be scary and enjoyed. But it also can be non-scary. No one has to embrace the horror aspect from it, for it can be just as fun to create and decorate in themes non-scary.

I believe Halloween is a time for all of us to get to be something different. To put on a different mask, allowing the freedom of expression. And though we tend to think masks prohibit such freedom, if anything this year, we have learned we will continue to find a way to still be ourselves behind the mask!

Point is, allow yourself to enjoy this time of year. There will be plenty of time to be “thankful” next month. And the “spirit of giving” will come over us before you know it for the next month. But for now, let’s live the moment. Whether we fight or take flight, feeling alive is what makes it all worth it!

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{ TAMMY’S TIDBITS } SHIFT+CONTROL “Point is, allow yourself to enjoy this time of year. There will be plenty of time to be “thankful” next month.”

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{ YOU MATTER }

A GLORIOUS OAK TREE

BY JUDI SWANSON

In the backyard snuggled up to our deck there is a glorious oak tree. It provides the most perfect sun and shade over the deck. In the morning hours sunlight filters through the leaves and branches warming up everything.

In the afternoon and evening there is shade allowing enjoyment of the outdoors without getting steamy hot.

Every year around July this oak tree begins the annual tradition of dropping acorns. When the acorns first start dropping there are a few here and there, scattered on the deck and surrounding lawn. In August things ramp up with the number of acorns dropping increasing significantly making their crashes heard throughout the house. There have been years that neighbors have shared they had difficulty sleeping because of the volume and loudness of the acorns dropping. Typically by the end of September this process is all completed so when the leaves begin to drop the acorns are done.

This year there is no signs of any acorn droppage stopping. None whatsoever. None. You think they are done and then boom a plethora of acorns drop. The other day after doing the regular acorn sweeping of the deck when I returned home after work after a windy afternoon the deck was covered in more acorns than I had ever seen in one drop. I thought by now this process must be done yet the deck was littered. I do appreciate this beautiful oak tree. I do appreciate this tree is healthy and is doing what mother earth wants it 472

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to do to grow more trees. However after three going on four months I was feeling done with it. Tired of sweeping. Tired of getting stung by acorns hitting me. Just tired of it all.

As I was gazing outside at all the acorns all over the deck I reflected that life can be well, acornish. There are times when an event or events are occur over a period of time where you keep cleaning up, stepping in, taking care of things, get hit on the head by something you do not want, that hurt, think it is done only to get a lot of stuff in your life get thrown at you which makes you stressed.

You think those stressful times are over and bam there is a whole lot of stuff for you to deal with. It can seem that the sky is falling and that the light at the end of your tunnel is a group of acorns dropping all over your tidy deck.

Yet my mindset, my perception, just like all of you, play a significant part in how I handle my ongoing acorn overflow, my stress. If every time I see more and more acorns my thoughts are “why does this keep happening to me” “why won’t this stop” or “what did I do to bring this” I am speaking to myself and my life as a victim. I am bringing myself down instead of powering myself up. When I see my acorns I do have an aaarrgghhh moment. Then I change to okay, what am I going to do to take care of these acorns and take care of me.

I empower myself. Words we say about ourselves, and others, matter as they reflect our inner feelings about

ourselves. Words can hurt and words can heal.

“When life puts you in tough situations don’t say “why me,” say “try me.” Author Unknown In an article in Hey Sigmund titled “Rethinking Stress: How changing your thinking could save your life” talks about seeing stress in a positive framework can help your brain and body deal with stress in a healthier way.

“Stress is there to help us to survive, not to harm us. Of course, it doesn’t always work out like this but according to research, this is due to our perception of stress, rather than the stress itself.

The good news about perception is that changing it is something we can control.

How? Two words – positive reappraisal – which really just means change the way you think about it to change its emotional impact. The idea is to rethink stress to be something positive, rather than something harmful. We know from tons of research that the way you think about something will affect how you feel about it. Here are two ways to do this: Frame stress as a challenge rather than a threat. When you do this, you become alive to the opportunities, rather than the threats.

Rather than thinking of stress as the enemy, think of it as something that’s going to energize you and get your body ready to perform at its prime.

{ {SHIFT+CONTROL YOU MATTER } } “It can seem that the sky is falling and that the light at the end of your tunnel is a group of acorns dropping all over your tidy deck.”

Your heart might feel like it’s about to beat itself out of your chest – but that’s okay, because it’s getting the oxygen to your brain so you can do what you need to do to shine. Your body might be shaking, but that’s just energy – positioning you for a stellar performance.”

study by asking, “How much stress have you experienced in the last year/” They also asked, “How much time have you spent helping out friends, neighbors, people in your community?” And then they used public records for the next five years to find out who died.

How you approach the stress in your life will have a direct connection to how you handle your stress. What you do when going through stressful events does NOT have to cause you more harm. In the Ted Talk “How to make stress your friend” Kelly McGonigal shares some powerful information regarding stress.

Okay, so the bad news first. For every major stressful life experience, like financial difficulties or family crisis, that increased the risk of dying by 30 percent. But that isn’t true for everyone.

People who spent time caring for others showed absolutely no stress-related increase in dying. Zero. Caring created resilience.”

“I want to finish by telling you about one more study. And listen up, because this study could also save a lift. This study tracked about 1,000 adults in the United States, and they ranged in age from 34 to 93, and they started the 474

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What you do in your life, especially when stressed, matters in how stress impacts you. Being kind, helpful, giving to others when you are stressed gives your body they extra power it needs so that stress

will not be hurtful to you. Facing stress head on with a “I’ve got this” mindset, reaching out and letting your supports be supportive are healthy, resilient ways of handing your stress. Don’t let your stress define you. You need to be all your glorious you despite your stress.

I believe in you!

While I am sitting here writing this the acorns are dropping away placing themselves all over the deck. That’s totally cool as I’ve got this. I will go out, pick them up, control what I can control that will make me feel good, and then go help my neighbors with theirs. Once that is done guess what is next? Well since the leaves will be falling I will be out there raking them up.

May your stress be with you.

{ SHIFT+CONTROL }

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{ {UNSTOPPABLE { BUSINESS SHIFT+CONTROL SPOTLIGHT WOMEN } } }

476 WOMAN : NOVEMBERR EDITION 2020 TETRAROCHESTER IMAGES, LLC /ONLINE ALAMY

{ BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT }

ARE YOU A CANDIDATE

BY JAROD SCHOONMAKER

For Scalp Micropigmentation?

For many people, having a full head of hair is important for their self-esteem and confidence.

But with about 28 million women in the United States currently facing hair loss, there are people who don’t have the full head of hair they desire. Fortunately, there are options for hair restoration. One of the most effective modern hairloss solutions available today is scalp micropigmentation.

This procedure is noninvasive and requires minimal recovery time.

So let’s take a look at who may be a good candidate for scalp micropigmentation.

scalp micropigmentation is ideal for people who keep their head shaved or hair closely cut. But that’s not to say you have to look bald to benefit from this procedure.

Unlike other procedures, like hair transplants, that require surgical procedures and actually moving hair follicles, scalp micropigmentation can add specifically sized and colored hair follicles with ink to reduce the appearance of the bald scalp.

Furthermore, if someone has scars on their scalp, including those from previous attempts at hair transplants, scalp micropigmentation can lessen the appearance of the scars. Overall, whether someone is looking for a fuller head of hair, a more defined hairline, or a scar coverup, scalp micropigmentation can help.

Scalp micropigmentation may be especially beneficial for men and women who: • Are experiencing hair loss • Suffer from alopecia • Have a receding hairline • Have thinning hair • Want a stronger hairline • Want to cover scars on their scalp Overall, this procedure is great for anyone who may be experiencing hair loss or hair thinning. Generally,

someone with balding or thinning issues can have the image of real hair follicles on their scalp. So this procedure can be used on a completely bald spot or it can be used underneath hair to give the hair a denser look.

Scalp micropigmentation is essentially a hair tattoo. Using special ink, the person performing the procedure inserts the ink to mimic real hair follicles. By using this method,

If you are suffering from hair loss, you should know you’re not alone. But you don’t have to have a painful, lengthy surgical procedure to get your dream head of hair. With scalp micropigmentation, you’ll see immediate results and you can show your hair off with confidence again.

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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE }

THERAPY; THE 2020 NECESSITY.

BY LISA WAGNER

I wish there was a tried and true solution to the anxiety-provoking circumstances of this past year. It feels like the 2020 Bingo card got filled up in June with even more ridiculous things no one ever dreamed to put on that worn out card. I have had moments of utter disbelief, anxiety and emotional roller coasters that could happily rival Cedar Point. Personally, this isn’t my usual way of being. Let’s face it, though. Who can even begin to say that they’ve handled something so unusual and unchartered without some incredibly low moments?

Hence why therapy, in all its forms has been a necessity and a lifesaver for myself and so many others around me. Without it, I think I’d be walking around babbling or hiding in my closet until it was safe to come out.

How many times have I wished my husband was one of the many occupations that I’d like to have around on the daily? I wonder if it is possible to be married to a combo massage therapist, chiropractor, psychologist, acupuncturist, art teacher? You’d have better odds at winning the lottery or being struck by lightening twice. Each day, I check in with myself to see what it is that my mind, body and soul need to feel like they can healthily conquer the day, while feeling as though I’m thriving doing it. Much of the time, I fall flat on my face in a puddle of tears (thanks, menopause!). Others, I find my heart leading me to be this motivated, diligent task master with an attention to detail like no other. Too many times for my liking, I witness myself unable to concentrate or find my way on a straight path. That’s what this pandemic and life circumstance have done to my brain and my motivation. Turns out, I’m not alone.

Finding a way to create space for what it is we are grieving in the loss this pandemic has created may require us to look outside of ourselves to see and hear what it is we need to know. Take my last session (which was yesterday), with my amazing therapist.

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I have had so many life changes, (moving to a new town, leaving my family, friends and art studio, family health issues, selling our business, etc.), that I haven’t had time or space to grieve. But I also have a thousand boxes to still unpack and work that still needs to get done. My therapist gently reminded me that having filled up my space to heal has made grief grab at my ankles. Eventually, that little demon drags you down if you aren’t willing to face it. Leaning into the pain and allowing it to wash over you is healthy, provided we are also able to let it

who we really are. The not knowing about our self-identification can make us feel vulnerable and afraid. Some even feel ashamed that they now scramble to find their way out of this dark place. There’s no easy answer. We just need to be willing to take the first steps. Being okay with doing the uncomfortable or unexpected may end up being where we find our true purpose.

Losing my art studio felt as though I had lost my right arm. I had just found my groove when Covid hit. I had regular in-person classes and workshops and had begun to create a loyal following. My art was selling, and my classes were selling out. I was also beginning to make a profit as an artist-a difficult thing to accomplish. All of that came to a screeching halt. I was devastated.

It also came at a time when I thought that this was what I was on this earth to do and that my life had real meaning and a deep purpose. It took me my entire adult life to get there.

So, what types of tools have I developed with help from books, apps, art workshops and classes and therapy sessions that I’ve immersed myself in? Countless and I choose them dependent upon the circumstances and my mindset in that moment. It also has taken dedication to being my best self and doing the hard work that involves.

go. I listen to its whispers; even the ones that temporarily wound my soul. Being able to give yourself permission to feel and experience the pain of trauma and/or loss is what helps us build up our resiliency. It’s just one more thing to add to my toolbox to reach my “healthy mind” goals.

This pandemic has rattled our foundations that we once thought solid. Do you ever feel like you’re floating between hopeful and hopeless? Like there’s nowhere safe to find your new footing? That’s okay and completely normal. We are all having to either reinvent ourselves or at least question

My first and foremost tool is my spirituality.

I have come to notice that when I am panicked, it is because I have begun to rely on myself and look inward for an answer that clearly isn’t there. Having recognized that this was a pattern I used regularly, it made it easier to stop that self-sabotaging, hurdling motion and come back to looking outside of myself to something greater than me. Now, I can at least laugh at myself when the noticing happens. Being equipped to stop, take a breath and say, “Girl! You’re doing that self-reliance thing again. Just ask for help.” It’s changed my zero to sixty freak outs to something more manageable and easier to quell. I always know that there is

{ TRAVELING WITH ROCHESTER WOMAN }

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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } “As I type this, it is peak season for the autumn leaves and their cacophony of colors. It’s like an actual symphony by Mother Nature.”

something or someone, or a whole darned team escorting me towards and through the correct path. Meditation helps me to get into that zone of listening rather than doing all the talking. It slows me down and helps me to find some peaceful place to tune into what they’d ask of me that is in full alignment with the Universe’s divine plan.

A beautiful practice that has been one of my favorite tools is my art. Just taking a bit of time each day to do something creative has guided me towards new solutions or ways of seeing myself and the world around me.

How many times have you looked at the sunrise and noted the range of colors in the clouds, sky or water and been moved by their beauty? That art of noticing is a sacred way of quieting the mind and its restless thinking.

You begin to let go of the anxiousness and move into a place of just being the silent witness. Your breath returns to a reasonable and calm cadence that soothes your mind and soul. The fight or flight reactionary state subsides and allows a bit of creative piecing together of your beautiful scenery.

As an artist, I get the luxury of having that bit of grace on the daily. This is not to say that anyone else can’t have that because you absolutely can! Showing up today in a selfloving way is what lets in the creative mind and frees you up to rethink your direction or old thought patterns. Allowing in a bit of questioning what it is you are experiencing also helps you to build that resilience muscle and teaches us tolerance. That’s true grace.

As I type this, it is peak season for the autumn leaves and their cacophony of colors. It’s like an actual symphony by Mother Nature.

Walking on the hiking trails at the nearby state park has helped me calm my vagus nerve’s parasympathetic response so that I can actually feel free of anxious thoughts.

There is something incredibly grounding about being in nature and listening to the sounds of the leaves falling and smelling the emitted perfume from the carpet of leaves beneath your feet. You feel at one with it and a grounding of our deepest being senses we 482

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are plugging into the earth. We each have a sacred place that is all our own. We just forget to plug into it far too often. Have you ever had a bad day and then walked through the grass or on a beach barefoot, feeling an instant sense of peace? It’s a tactile tool that helps us regain our relationship to the earth below. It reminds us of our roots and that we are all one with this place and its inhabitants. That we matter and are beautifully enough. Nature is the master at helping us find our way.

Trauma has also been a part of my life that has been exacerbated by this pandemic. The light has been shining like the Vegas strip at midnight on the parts of it I haven’t dealt with or healed. I was reading a book by Gabby Bernstein one day and she mentioned EFT tapping. (Emotional Freedom Technique.)

She talked about Nick Ortner and his app called “The Tapping Solution.” Wow! What a game changer. The process allowed me to see my truths but not be ashamed of them.

Instead, he walks you through gently tapping on meridians throughout your upper body and calming your nervous system. I have physically seen a family member with deep childhood trauma go from a 10 down to a zero in one session. (The scale goes from 0-10; 10 being the most anxiety and zero being no anxiety in relation to the chosen subject.) They physically had a tingling sensation and then felt that trauma’s hold on them release from their body. They could look at the trauma afterward and not feel pain or anxiety associated with it. It was truly magical. For me, I have been able to release many of my childhood traumas and more recent ones enough so that I am able to observe it without feeling jerked around by it. It has been a huge relief and allows me to feel a sense of peace around the difficult times in my life. I can look at them in the way of how I not only survived but have since thrived and grown more compassionate because of them. I can also feel them well up before they take over my psyche, so that I am able to deal with them in a more rational and calm manner. That

alone feels like a huge win for me.

One of my most loving tools is my therapist.

She is the voice of reason and opens my eyes to show me when I am too hard on myself or not using my skills to be my best self. She is also the one that has shown me it’s okay to grieve. It’s also okay to not know what to do. These are hard, unexplored times that none of us has ever experienced. There is no playbook for it. Having her allow me to bend her ear and lay it all out is beautifully cathartic and is a great eye-opener. How many times has she said, “Are you hearing how you speak about yourself?” The realizing that I am my harshest critic has softened me and given me permission to go easier on myself. It’s like I can actually breathe again and allow myself to enjoy the little things. Also, to congratulate myself for the small wins. That’s such a fun skill to attain!

I want to make clear that there are those of us that are currently in a state of being that isn’t as fortunate as mine. That you are struggling to put food on the table and make the rent. That what works for me may not work for you. That’s okay, too. But be willing to seek out what it is your heart, mind and spirit need and be truthful about it. You can handle it! I want you to know that I see you and wish for you what I have for myself. That I meditate on this world helping you to find your way and for you to see a way out that is kind to yourself and others; that builds you up and shows all of us how to be better towards one another.

There are no hard and fast answers to any of this but knowing that we are all in this together and holding each other up will help us find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Never lose hope or give into the darkness.

You are not your situation, nor are you any less of a person to be fraught with worry or feelings of depression or anxiety. Solutions will come. You are worth the fight and will become our finest examples about how to live a resilient, grace-filled life. Just begin by breathing. You deserve that space to grieve, let it go and then grow.

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A WEEKEND IN BUFFALO

BY RANDY AGNESS - WINEMAKER

I miss watching Buffalo Bills Football games live and tailgating from the break of day until the final ticks of the game clock. But if you’re looking for nightlife in Buffalo New York you have enter what has become the new food and dining mecca in Western NY. Emerging from the more than three months shutdown of fine dining in restaurants, two places have caught the eye and the pallete of this frequent traveller.

Hutch’s has been redefining city dining and is very wellknown by the locals near Delaware Avenue near Gates Circle along wide a wider scope far beyond the greater Buffalo region for the past twenty-five years.

Onwer Mark Hutchinson had taken the bold move of re-inventing the entire restaurant stripping it down completely over the pause and doubling the outdoor dining space and the same to the interior layout of the restaurant and creating a spectatorly modern concept unmatched in the city. Found in the kitchen nearly every night, Mark Hutchinson or Hutch is about the fine details combining taste and presentation of the cruise on the menu The expanded space allows for an additional upscale bar providing unique cocktails and an extensive wine list covering selections to pair with each entrée. Mark calls the menu 484

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“An American Take along the lines of a French Bistro with small plate options in abundance. And leave room for home -made delicious and decadent dssert options! The unplanned Covid 19 has changed the entire restaurant industry completely leaving many owners without capacity

to survive once customers were ready to return to fine dining. We planned to expand and in doing so created the seating arrangements necessary to comply with social distancing, yet at the same time greatly enhancd the dining experience for our guests.

When traveling to Buffalo, Hutch’s is a definite must stop as a joy for all your senses..

Jazzboline Restaurant and Bar has a most interesting history. Built as the Reikart House by Frank and Dolly Reikart former Vauderville performers who relocated to Amherst New York. Yet, their talent and deep desire to entertain remained. With the pet Capuchin monkey Jocko, the Reikart’s continuesd to host and delight the locals quickly becoming known as the first family of Amherst.

Among, Frank’s talent was being a luthier or instrument designer. He created many musical instruments including the most popular Jazzboline that angular shape played like a banjo. And the spirit of their vision lives on.

Jazzboline is very quickly become one of Buffalo’s boldest and fun new fine dining experiences that captures headlines and the attention of the restaurant critics as well as not only the residents of Amherst and everyone that walks thru the doors. The path to the dining arena alone immediately sets the tonewhen viewing a stunning wall of wine greeting the guests and exciting their pallete. On Main Street at the first exit off the 290 and easily accessible which has lead to the fastest growing numbers since just opening in September 2019.

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{ TRAVEL WITH AGNESS } “Jazzboline is very quickly become one of Buffalo’s boldest and fun new fine dining experiences that captures headlines and the attention of the restaurant critics as well as not only the residents of Amherst and everyone that walks thru the doors.”

Jazzboline on-site with the Reikhart House Boutique Hotel which offers convenient and unique weekend get-away packages. And the food from start to finish from the Jazzboline’s talented culinary team creating amazingly delicious entrées in a stylist departure from American cuisine along with outstanding craft cocktails, a generous selection of local beers and of course 486

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a great number of fabulous wines.

The staff and service are beyond any conception of friendliness in a fun and simply beautiful atmosphere.

General Manager Charlie Barone runs this show daily like a conductor of exquistedly professional cast for your total enjoyment. As mentioned about, Jazzboline is a highly recommended destination restaurant for visitor to the

Buffalo area and one of my favorite place to dine whenever traveling to Buffalo.

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