RWO's July 2020 Edition by Rochester Woman Online

SHE HUSTLES TALKS

WOMEN ENTREPRENEUHERS

PLUS...

- RWOâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S VERY OWN ADOPTION STORY WITH THE ANIMAL CARE SANCTUARY - HISTORY IN THE MAKING - SPOTLIGHTS ON: THERMAPPAREL, AERIAL PHOTOGRAPHY OF ROCHESTER AND RECOVERX

Featuring: - FASHION FORWARD IS BACK! - UNSTOPPABLE WOMAN - WOMEN WHO INSPIRE INCLUDING: BOXER JACQUELINE BOYLE, ACTRESS SHANNON HOLMES AND MARY ELLEN BALDING - AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

You Are Enough. NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS

P & W

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N A I L I TA S R E N N I D

COVER STORY 18

RELENTLESS CREATOR NATALIE SINISGALLI

july edi

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250

106

ition

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REGULARS

WOMEN WHO INSPIRE Kate Schneider Emily Mahana

214

WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE

LITTLE BLACK BUDDHA

222

MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE

102

ACCESS GLOBAL

226

PARTNERS IN A JOURNEY

110

UNSTOPPABLE WOMAN

232

TAMMY’S TIDBITS

118

LOCAL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT Sole Mates

234

LOCAL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

132

FINANCIALLY SPEAKING

136

KARMA SPEAKS

140

MEN IN POLITICS

144

TRACY TALKS

152

THE CREATIVITY CURVE

SPECIAL FEATURES 61

SHE HUSTLES TALKS Embolden Ladiology Life Anchor Coach Teresa Costa Collection Real Estate w/Rita Pettinaro

FASHION & BEAUTY 150

GET VITALIZED

156

ANIMAL CARE SANCTUARY CORNER

160

WORDS OF WISDOM

166

LIVING CONFIDENTLY

194

168

CHILDREN AWAITING PARENTS

176

HER EDGE

200

YOU MATTER

200

july edition { TABLE OF CONTENTS }

276

210

332

HEALTH & WELLNESS 126

ALL ACCESS

182

ASK ROBIN HERTZ

184

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

188

WELLNESS 360

192

BLISSFUL BALANCE

196 MENTALLY THINKING 204

LIFE IN BALANCE

208

NURTURING HANDS

230

THRIVING THERARY

YOU ARE INVITED TO JOIN US AS WE CELEBRATE THE GRAND OPENING OF THE ALL-NEW ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE’S OFFICES, BOUTIQUE STUDIOS, AND MORE ALL IN THE BEAUTIFUL ROCHESTER, NEW YORK CORNHILL NEIGHBORHOOD! SAVE THE DATE! THURSDAY, JULY 30TH FROM 5:30-9PM ON THE RIVER BEHIND KAINOS RESTAURANT AT 284 EXCHANGE BLVD. MASKS REQUIRED FOR WALKING AROUND OR VISITNG VENDOR BOOTHS UNDER TENT. WE WILL PROVIDE HAND SANITIZER AND TEMPERATURE CHECKS AT THE DOOR. PLEASE JOIN US AND BRING ALL YOUR FRIENDS TO ENJOY SOME GREAT LOCAL VENDORS, AWESOME SPECIALTY “DIVA” DRINKS AND FOOD SAMPLING FROM KAINOS ALONG WITH GREAT SPECIALS, AND MEET SOME OF OUR NEW TEAM MEMBERS, WINE TASTING WITH AGNESS WINE CELLARS, JERON DJCMELZ HANSEN ON STAGE WITH ALL THE LATEST HITS, LIVE FEEDS ALL NIGHT LONG, AND OF COURSE IT WOULDN’T BE AN RWO PARTY WITHOUT A LOT OF FUN AND PRIZES!.

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“Little girls with dreams become women with vision.”

lease make sure when you see this beautiful Rochester Woman Online July 2020 cover woman Nicole Heroux Williams, you congratulate her. “I

don’t for a second, believe I’m alone in this struggle. “7 out of 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some sort of way…” (Dove Self-Esteem Fund, 2008)”, says Nicole starting on page [18]. She is not alone, and her story is truly empowering and inspiring and we are so lucky to have her telling it here to our audience!

Plus, since it has been such an overwhelming success, we are continueing our special “She Hustles Talks” insert featuring some of the areas incredible lady bosses and women entreprehers including: SuperCore, Love of Words, The Enchanted Butterfly Shop, Fit to Reign, Kurvie Kulture, Riley Joy Candle Co and so many more. Don’t miss reading about them all starting on page [81].

T T

ON OUR COVER

On the cover of our July 2020 edition of Rochester Woman Online we have the fabulous Nicole Heroux Williams. An entrepreneur, member of the Roc Girl Gang, mother, wife and definitely a lady boss. Nicole was photographed by Natalie Sinisgalli. Hair styling by Kelsey Ritz.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

Don’t miss the RWO Pop-Up Celebration on the River on Thursday, July 30th from 5:00-9:00pm at the Kainos Restaurant’s patio and courtyard tent on the river ion the beautiful Cornhill riverwalk.We will have a DJ, tons of great vendors to shop, incredible sampling and wine tasting, meet some of our awesome team members, cover men and women and more! Bring all your friends to join us. We will be practicing safe social distancing precautions including taking temp at door, wearing masks when not seated, etc. We will even have some I love ROC masks for purchasing. There will be LIVE drone demos, live feeds, a special “diva” drink and tons of RWO fun. We hope you will join us in celebrated our new offices and new editions.

1050 Pittsford-Victor Road, Building B

Rachel Farkas, MD, FACS

Pittsford (Rochester), NY 14534 phone (585) 383-4040

Breast Surgeon

Introducing Dr. Farkas, the Newest Member of the Vega Plastic Surgery Team Dr. Rachel Farkas is the ideal surgeon to join our practice given her long record of compassionate, personal, and highly specialized care of women with breast cancer and those at high risk for cancer. Dr. Rachel Farkas, MD, FACS, is a highly regarded and sought– after surgical oncologist who has dedicated herself to the care of patients with breast cancer for the past eight years. Her clinical expertise, meticulousness, and personal attentiveness have earned her a reputation as a top choice in Western New York for the surgical treatment of breast cancer. She has great experience in all forms of mastectomy, including skin and nipple sparing approaches, hidden-scar breast surgery, as well as sentinel and axillary lymph node dissections, making her ideally suited to also care for patients who are at high risk for developing breast cancer. She and Dr. Vega have frequently worked side by side in the operating room, and we’re excited to bring this powerful collaboration to our clinical practice.

Beyond her clinical work, Dr. Farkas frequently lectures on breast cancer screening, prevention, and treatment. She is a member of the physician advisory board of the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester, an organization which she enthusiastically supports and where she frequently volunteers. Additionally, she is an active leader and advocate of numerous local organizations. Dr. Farkas is certified by the American Board of Surgery and is licensed to practice medicine in New York and in California. She completed her surgical residency and a dedicated Breast Surgical oncology fellowship at the University of Rochester Medical Center, where she served on the teaching faculty for almost a decade prior to joining our practice. She is an active member of the American College of Surgeons and the American Association of Breast Surgeons and is the proud mother of Nathan, Sarah, and Maddie.

We are delighted to welcome Dr. Farkas to the Vega team and are excited for you to meet her very soon. WE ARE CURRENTLY ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS. To refer, call our office today at (585) 383-4040 • Medicare | Blue Cross & Blue Shield | MVP | United HealthCare

{ A LOOK AT OUR TEAM }

PUBLISHER

Kelly Breuer

CREATIVE DIRECTOR/GRAPHIC DESIGN

Kelly Breuer

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The Next Design

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www. rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2020 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

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YOU ARE ENOUGH. BY NICOLE HEROUX WILLIAMS I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIO

The most life changing choice I have ever made is to believe that I am enough. Throughout my life, I’ve gravitated toward people who evoke a strong sense of confidence; people who pushed boundaries and stood out from a crowd, had an identifying trait, or won superlatives in high school because they were the best at who they were. Those people intrigued me. I could effortlessly identify them. The appearance of mental grit, passion, tenacity and strong character traits attracted me – friends, boyfriends, colleagues, teammates. I always felt that if I surrounded myself with these people, I would thrive. They were the coolest, the prettiest, the smartest, the most athletic, the wittiest… if I was with them, I’d too, be the most [fill in the blank] . I lived in Tokyo, Japan through some impressionable middle school years. (Side Note: This is where my fascination with food truly blossomed and is a foundational building block of my family’s company, Simply Crepes). My father’s corporate career had temporarily relocated our family. I recall late nights spent after school at the age of 12, working diligently on algebraic math problems to try to keep up with a couple of the girls in the advanced math class (this was cool). I never felt smart, but 18

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

I could hang with the cool girls. There are countless memories like this in my life. Countless. I promise they do not all look so cute. In acting in this manner, I may have managed to appear a certain way to others. Sometimes smart, sometimes athletic, sometimes popular. However, my own mental state never matched

up. All I believed was that I was never good enough. I could just fake it well enough to play nice with the best. I had an affinity to be perfect at something, but I could never achieve the goal. My flaws were glaringly obvious to my own self and negative thoughts festered inside, doing exactly the opposite of my original intent. I believed I could align myself with the best to become the best, but instead, I would consistently fall short and felt subpar by comparison. I’ve since

come to understand this negative selfperspective as emotional immaturity. A SHIFT IN OUTLOOK I don’t for a second, believe I’m alone in this struggle. “7 out of 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some sort of way…” (Dove Self-Esteem Fund, 2008). Many of these girls grow to be women struggling with this same sense of insecurity, scrutinizing and comparing ourselves to other women, moms, boss women, friends, super models, athletes. Social media makes it even easier for us to go down a rabbit hole of viewing other people’s lives as perfectly showcased on Instagram or Facebook. “#Goals” we like to call them. Am I right? I’ve come to learn that this behavior is self-deprecating (shocking… right?). Throughout the last ten years of my life, I have made a conscious effort to STOP such negative thinking toward myself. Gosh, so many good things come from hard break ups! I quite literally woke up one morning with an epiphany that I would no longer accept the negative self-talk. I had spent the last 25 years of my life learning and collecting character traits from some of

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COVER STORY } } { { SHIFT+CONTROL “Thank you, Nike, I’ve taken “Just Do It” to heart. I began to seek out =opportunities to build myself up from a personal and professional standpoint.”

the most successful people in my world. It was time to appreciate and showcase my own identity and start to believe in my own self. She just seemed a bit buried. It was time to dig her out. So, I did just that. Here’s how:

After graduating from Fisher, I decided to branch out and build something of my own. In 2006, I moved myself to NYC on a whim without a job and accepted a position in fixed income

Create a Book of Awesome. I wrote down my proudest moments. I started with the earliest years and worked my way to today. We’re going way back to my earliest memory of the coolest thing I ever did. In 4th grade, I initiated the foundation of a peer mentor group at my elementary school, the first anti-bullying group of the school’s history. Do something impactful. Check. I attended a few colleges. My husband thinks this is amusing. No, I did not get kicked out of school. I just had a change of heart a couple times. My parents founded our family business in 2003 and I wanted to be a part of it – cue Simply Crepes. Despite attending three schools and switching majors three times, I graduated within 4 years from St. John Fisher College with a B.S. in Business Administration while serving tables at Simply Crepes. Graduate on time, with a 4-year degree and some money. Check. 20

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

trading at Bear Stearns Investment Bank within a week. Through the financial crisis buyout, I was absorbed into and

shortly thereafter promoted at JP Morgan Chase in cash management sales for multinational large corporates. Land a badass sales job. Check. Life happens. We make choices based on our heart many a time… that’s what happened here. So, I moved home and integrated myself back into my family’s growing business with the knowledge learned from my time in New York. Going back to Simply Crepes came with a lot of mixed emotions. I wanted to ensure my position would be working WITH my parents, not FOR them. Make life altering choice and dive in. Check. I dove into the elements I felt most comfortable with. Sales and culinary development. While these two things are drastically different, they were two areas I felt I could add value. We had three restaurants at the time: Simply Crepes Pittsford, NY, Canandaigua, NY & Raleigh, NC. I managed the day-to-day operations in Canandaigua while building a successful sales program for the front of house teams on a corporate level, that could be managed and measured. I reworked and consolidated the menu so all recipes could be made from scratch and replicated in each house. Contribute foundationally impactful upgrades to the family business. Check.

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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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“Through every single effort / achievement I questioned my abilities and my worth. Countless times I’d catch myself wondering, “why me?” or “can I do this?”. Countless times I went through this selftalk battle, literally saying to myself over and over, “yes, you can” and “yes, you are enough”.”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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COVER STORY } } { {SHIFT+CONTROL “There is this very common saying, I’m sure you’ve heard: “life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.”

I reflected on each year of my life, jotting down my proudest moments. This became my own personal Book of Awesome. I continue writing in this journal. It’s a living document. Sometimes I add merely one small act of kindness or something I’ve learned, like how to change an electrical outlet or how to paint a room. Sometimes it’s bigger than that, like conquering a fear or receiving an award. It helps to remind myself that I am enough. START DOING Once I had a good start on my book of awesome, which focused on my

PAST achievements, I had built enough confidence in myself to tackle some healthy choices for my FUTURE. Forget creating goals for the moment... just start doing. Thank you, Nike, I’ve taken “Just Do It” to heart. I began to seek out =opportunities to build myself up from a personal and professional standpoint. At this point, everyone who works at Simply Crepes understands we carry high quality, local-where-possible-everything, FLX wines and coffee since the inception of the business in 2003. We know that we sweeten our sauces and dressings

with a touch of 100% pure maple syrup – not refined sugar. We know 80% of our menu is available gluten/ dairy free, we offer a vegan crepe, we push the envelope on everything “crepe” like adding a ridiculously good burger topped with crepe-battered onion strings. We know our freshly homespun craft recipes and brunch cocktails are killer (full bar coming soon). We know the relaxed, yet country-chic vibe of the space is beyond welcoming. We know we are doing so much cool, so much “current”. The problem: No one else knows about this. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ {SHIFT+CONTROL COVER STORY }} “ I dove into the elements I felt most comfortable with. Sales and culinary development. While these two things are drastically different, they were two areas I felt I could add value. ”

Now that I was fully integrated back into the family business, I began to seek opportunities to grow myself while showcasing The Simply Crepes Brand within the community. The strategy is akin to a HIIT workout: “short” bursts of energy utilizing multiple muscle groups to get the biggest bang for your buck. - I completed a course through The Entrepreneur Network of Rochester to learn how to become a better business owner and how to network. - I joined the American Diabetes Association (ADA) Tour de Cure initiative as an executive committee leader and corporate sponsor, tripling the number of $1,000+ fundraisers over the last several years. I was the 2019 Event Chair which raised over $1.3M for the cause, making us the #1 Tour in the nation 3 years in a row, and currently sit on the board. - I joined the planning committee for the Golisano Children’s Hospital Gala as a member and corporate sponsor. - I was featured in Sarah Knight’s blog Roc Girl Gang, for being a secondgeneration boss woman, refreshing my parents’ 15-year-old business (at the time) enough to maintain the integrity of the business while keeping current with the rapidly evolving food scene of

the world today. - I received a Young Athena Award nomination for efforts building leaders at Simply Crepes, advocacy for Rochester area restaurant support for FLX wineries and philanthropic efforts for the ADA. Through every single effort / achievement above, I questioned my abilities and my worth. Countless times I’d catch myself wondering, “why me?” or “can I do

this?”. Countless times I went through this self-talk battle, literally saying to myself over and over, “yes, you can” and “yes, you are enough”. STRENGTHEN THE MIND & BODY I generally make sure to carve time out of my days to do something for just me. I started with simple things like getting my nails done and finishing a week of meal prep. I made new friends at the gym and implemented 5am work outs

to start my days strong (we’re working on this always). I learned to run longer than 5 minutes at a time. I completed a Spartan Race and 7.5 more (another story). All in effort to train my mental grit and tenacity. Complete a Spartan Beast and you’ll be acutely aware of what I’m referring to here. In doing these healthy, mentally gritty things, I met my husband. Cue my instinct of aligning myself with mentally gritty people. Joel is pretty gritty. There’s a lot of positive self-talk in our home: “Williams are winners.” Set Goals. I know I said forget goals earlier, but that was just to get myself moving. Now that I was moving in the right direction, it was important to set goals to structure some routine for real productivity. Without goals, you begin to feel like the wheels are spinning but you’re going nowhere. For me, big goals are daunting. I don’t focus on them. That’s just me. I identify the big goal in the broadest aspect and then I set a small goal to get me one single step toward achieving the big one. Just one. Achieve it. Take a moment to relish and reflect on it. Applaud yourself. Then make a new one and so on until you’ve reached your end game. CREATE ROUTINE I work from home. It’s virtually impossible ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ {SHIFT+CONTROL COVER STORY }} “ Life happens. We make choices based on our heart many a time… that’s what happened here.”

for me to be productive without a routine. After having a baby last year, it’s become even harder. I love my tiny human, but mom-life/work-at homelife without a routine is a fail… and sometimes is a fail regardless, but I’ve gotten comfortable with this concept (another topic). While stuck to a chair nursing, during my son’s first year of life, I read a book called Atomic Habits but James Clear. It breaks down exactly how to build good habits and break bad ones. I also use a goal planner & routine tracker app called Fabulous. It’s helped me set routine to my days. The first goal is to create a habit of drinking a glass of water in the morning. It is that simplified. There are a whole bunch of theories on how to do this, regularly. Learn this habit, then move on to the next. Master the methods and you can apply it to most things in life. Get Up. Seize the day. Getting up early is hard for me. I have a 16-month old son, so sleeping past 7:30am is unheard of in this house and many days it’s Jayden/Mommy time until naptime. If I don’t get up before him, I struggle to find semblance of the day – I can, but it’s much harder. So, what does a night owl do in this dilemma? Go the F*** to Sleep. It’s a book by Adam Mansbach. Read it to yourself. If this is something you struggle with, here’s your Pro Tip: Go to bed. When you lay down, consciously decide that however many hours you’re going to sleep is enough to function properly. I literally talk to myself before I go to bed. I’ve done this for the last 12 or so months since having a child. “Nicole, you’re going to bed at 10pm. If you wake up at 5am, you’ll have had 7 hours of sleep. That

is enough sleep for an adult human. You should have no problem waking up at 5am.” When your alarm goes off, get up. You don’t have to go on a 5-mile run, you can merely grab a cup of coffee and sit on your couch with a candle lit and have some moments of peace to yourself. Journal, plan meals for the week, write your things to-do list or a fun plan for the day for you and your family, sift through emails, organize your desktop, set yourself up for success, etc. It’s empowering. Be fearless. Identify something you are fearful of, then conquer the fear. For years of my life, I ran from fear. In 11th grade, I skipped an entire week of advanced English, so I didn’t have to give a speech. This resulted in a week of detention and a Fail for the end of year project. My pretty A turned immediately to a D, which at the time, I happily accepted in place of standing alone, speaking for 25 minutes in front of my classmates. There is this very common saying, I’m sure you’ve heard: “life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.” This, I have learned to take to heart. It drives me. Whenever I get a knee-jerk instinct that feels something like “Nope. Not for me.” I take a minute to ask myself why. Is this response out of fear? If so, you bet I’m going to just say “yes”, then face the internal struggle to build enough strength to conquer the fear as I go. In 2018, I spoke to a room of over 600 corporate sponsors and participants at the ADA’s Tour de Cure kick off. Take that, 11th grade self! I find the more fears I conquer, the more confident I become and the easier it is to stand up to new challenges. I feel stronger, I feel taller. I feel that I’m enough.

Most recently, Simply Crepes LLC signed with a renowned hospitality group to embark on our long-anticipated growth initiative. We will pilot the concept in Webster, NY late 2020. In doing so, our Simply Crepes executive team chose to reconfigure my title to Director of Marketing, as we recognized a dire need to refresh the 17-year-old Simply Crepes brand. From an all-around marketing perspective, the foundational core “sizzle factors”, I like to call them, were just not being communicated properly to the public. The idea of shifting to a more creative, marketing-driven role frightened me. I immediately panicked. I am not creative (cue Natalie Sinisgalli’s article from RWO June 2020). I cannot do this. I am not formally trained on anything marketing related. However, everyone else was convinced I was the woman for the job. I have held a strong grip on our brand through the years, with many elements of the company filtering through my lens to ensure all facets of the business reflected our mission and held brand integrity. In trusting my team and recognizing that fear was the only thing holding me back, I started on a creative journey. I identified and aligned myself with smart, creative people. Here, the goal was to broaden my professional creative skillset and build a network of talented industry leaders to learn from. This concept is no different than choices I made early in life. The difference is the emotional maturity and sense of self-worth that I have developed over the last several years. I can sit in a room of leaders and not feel small but feel like a leader ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

COVER STORY } } { {SHIFT+CONTROL “I don’t for a second, believe I’m alone in this struggle. “7 out of 10 girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some sort of way…”

amongst my peers. Over the last several months, I’ve managed to create & execute a new branding campaign with the assistance of some extraordinary professionals. I have built a framework for the new Simply Crepes “voice”, crushed the game in reconfiguring our social media accounts and just recently launched a new website that screams “current”. I love it. Check it out. I hope you love it too! If you have ever felt that you are not enough, at least know you are not alone. My hope in candidly sharing my struggle and success with this destructive mindset is that it inspires more women to share openly and to give and receive help from each other. Women are extraordinarily powerful creatures. You can become your own badass boss. Have grace with yourself. You are beautiful. You are enough. Nicole Heroux Williams, Co-Owner and Director of Marketing Simply Crepes Restaurants Simply Crepes Website: simplycrepes.com Instagram: @simplycrepes, @simplycrepes. pittsford, @simplycrepes.canandaigua Simply Crepes Webster: Coming Soon, late 2020 30

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

*BONUS CONTENT* Tips to abolish nerves and turn that negative energy into a strong mental game, stat! Hello, girlfriend! About to speak in front of a crowd or walk into an interview for your dream job? Is the familiar feeling of anxiety fluttering in your stomach and every ounce of your being screaming “run”? This feeling of fear and self-doubt

Have 20 minutes for the bike? Great. The idea is to get all of that lingering negative energy out. - Dress in something you feel confident in, appropriate for your event. My friend, Alex Toussaint at Peloton says “Feel good. Look Good. Do Better.” Truth. -Smile at yourself in the mirror. Someone told me this at one point. I’ve used it ever since. Even if you are bawling your eyes out, just DO IT. Instant mood booster. - Breathe deeply. Let it in, let it out. My dad says, “Breathe through your toes”. Take all that anxious energy or self-doubt and shoot it out your toes with a huge exhale. No one is looking at the nervous energy at your feet, they’re looking at your confident smile.

is pretty normal, so while I’ve gotten quite good at suppressing these feelings, they still appear often in the form of a deep twinge in my stomach right before an important moment. Here’s a quick list of things you can do to help regain that inner lioness in a pinch: - Exercise in the AM of your event. I learned this from my husband. It’s the ultimate trick. Try some intense cardio.

- Stand tall. - Look yourself in the mirror one more time, give a radiant smile and say some positive statements out loud to yourself. “I am interesting.” “People DO want to hear what I have to say.” “I run a successful multiunit business.” “I am creative and have great ideas.” “I can do this.” “I am enough.” Go. You got this, girl! You are enough.

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“Many of these girls grow to be women struggling with this same sense of insecurity, scrutinizing and comparing ourselves to other women, moms, boss women, friends, super models, athletes. Social media makes it even easier for us to go down a rabbit hole of viewing other people’s lives as perfectly showcased on Instagram or Facebook. “#Goals” we like to call them. Am I right?”

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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WHISTLE BLOWERS BY MARY ELLEN BELDING & PAM MARCOTTE I PHOTOS BY SAM MALONEY

Tenacity is described as a quality of being very determined and persistent, a common trait in many women. Pam Marcotte and Mary Ellen Belding found these traits were essential throughout their areers and the day they became the Truth Tellers when everything was at stake. And it was everything. Pam Marcotte and I surprisingly had never met although both our careers directed us to a nontraditional role for women. Pam working in Commercial Design as a Licensed Architect managing a Municipal Department for the City of Rochester and I was a Safety & Risk Manager for Favored Commercial Government Contractor. Both Pam & I strived for excellence in our careers. We achieved Management Positions gaining respect and positive reputations in a traditionally male dominated field. Over time we found that that we had much more in common than our careers. As many women do, we juggled or roles as Working Women, Wives, Mothers of Teenage children, Sisters, Daughters and friends. Pam & I both had the core belief that if we worked hard, performed with quality & integrity, complied with the standards and regulations of our professions, that our internal drive would continue to support being the best that we could be. As a salaried Manager with a twenty-six year impeccable tenure as the Managing Architect, I was the overseer on a Project that I would later discover, would change every direction of the life andcareer I had 38

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created. The vast responsibilities included managing all Capital Improvement Projects on City of Rochester owned buildings. For me to work thousands of extra hours beyond a standard 40 hour work week, while routinely taking work home was never questioned until April 4th, 2014. As I later discovered, that was the beginning of the plot. The order was given to eliminate me because I had gotten in the way of a Favored Contractor who apparently held unimaginable power. To justify destroying my career there needed to be Sham Charges

brought against me. I worked 90 minutes from home on one occasion and subsequently was brought up on a Civil Service Section 75 Disciplinary Charge which ultimately without precedent, removed me from the Managing Architect position, while reducing my income 30k annually. I was evicted from my office and relocated to a workspace in a Intern’s cubicle. The obvious humiliation was no less degrading than the elimination of my responsibilities. Unprecedent punishment for an alleged offense that should not have applied to my status as an Exempt Civil Servant. This demotion far exceeded the allegations

but fell right in line with the Playbook of Whistleblower Retaliation. Eight years later after working with a team of Doctors attempting to fit the broken pieces back into place, I was now the architect rebuilding my life. As a reward for my success as a Safety, Compliance and Construction Manager I was offered what was described as an opportunity of a lifetime to change my financial future forever. It wasn’t the promise of monetary gains, it was the next step in the challenging career that I loved. After reaching the Glass Ceiling in Construction Management I was encouraged to start what I believed to be a Legitimate Wo m a n O w n e d Construction Company. To be mentored by a successful businessman, having the support of my co-workers and encouraged by Contractors, Government Officials and Unions. A dream come true that turned into a living nightmare. After being fraudulently induced into this venture, it did not take me long to realize there was something terribly wrong. The people that had pledged to ensure my success were undermining the business, the work being performed and my sanity. I had heard the term “Gaslighting” but it wasn’t until I was living it did I understand the full potential of the mental trauma. I assure you, it is not for the faint of heart. Looking back over the last decade, I appreciate I am lucky to be alive. Enduring “Workplace Bullying, Harassment and Manipulation of the laws put in place o protect us was horrific. As the brutality increased and the bizarre behaviors

{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE { SHIFT+CONTROL } } “If they didn’t want us to talk about it, they never should have done it.”

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { WOMEN WHO INSPIRE “Like so many Whistleblowers the safety and security we sought through the designed remedies in the Legal & Judicial System failed miserably.”

more glaring, I began to challenge and investigate everything. Intentional Mental Torture is a form of terrorism and in my opinion, the most harmful, malicious and inhumane treatment that anyone could experience. But at the time that it was happening, I didn’t recognize the impact that it would have on my health, nor did I completely understand how it could be carried out an order given to take me down. The implosion on my life shattered all reality. Like so many Whistleblowers the safety and security we sought through the designed remedies in the Legal & Judicial System failed miserably. Attempting to save the career and lives we had created, we reached out to the government agencies which were the known resource to provide the legal cures established via the Justice System. The “Kill them in legal fees” playbook was unknown to us at the time, but after years of being denied these protections, throwing away good money after bad in attorney fees, our realization that the Legal System is not meant for justice, but rather a muse to shut you down. Through our eyes this became a secondary victimization causing further disbelief and trauma. When these systems betrayed us, it was done in such a way that our fundamental belief in fair and blind justice was another fundamental belief that was ripped from us. Overhearing a telephone conversation about Pam, I was stunned. Not believing what I was hearing and recognizing that there was going to be a planned attack on the career of a Professional Woman in construction. I was known for getting point across with dry sarcasm. Late one evening working in my office I overheard a startling conversation. My employer had multiple construction projects in Upstate New York. It was unusual for multiple projects to be managed by women. It was also unusual for top Management to become involved

in the day to day project operations. Two projects being managed by Women in authority who were named Pam were now unknowingly in a battle with an opponent they had never met. My comment of “Looks like you are having some problems with the Pam(s)” was not well received, to say the least. Those ten words started a tirade of anger and misogyny that I had not experienced before. For a brief second, I thought he was joking. With fists in the air, agitated and in a threatening manner “This is why women don’t belong in construction” was shouted at me as I was attempting to leave the building! This was the same man that told me I would be a great Woman Contractor and induced me into starting my company, Structural Remediation Services, Inc. And those words, along with the details that I overheard that night to destroy another Woman’s career is what sent me on my search to find Pam Marcotte. Now I knew just how serious and devastating the words I overheard could be possibly be. After numerous attempts to contact Pam at The City of Rochester, finally I was told that she had been out on Medical Leave for months. The knot in the pit of my stomach told me that I had to find her. I knew what happened without even talking with her. I wondered if Pam realized what had been done to her, how far they were willing to go and if there was anything I could do to help. After several months I engaged a Private Investigator who provided Pam’s address so I could leave a note hoping she would call me. “I know what happened to you. Please call me”. This was the beginning of a friendship turned Sisterhood that ultimately carried us through the Fall, the Breakdown and Rebuilding our lives one day at a time. Looking back to the June of 2013 issue of Rochester Woman’s Magazine, I recognize the importance of the theme Rebuilding.

In the issue it was written “As an Architect, Pam Marcotte has spent her career designing and helping build structures, but in 2011 her life changed dramatically when she realized she would have to rebuild her body. In late 2010 Marcotte who’s Mother and four maternal Aunts died of Metastasized Breast Cancer, learned she carried a mutated BRACA 1 Gene, making her 50 to 80 percent more likely to develop Breast Cancer in her lifetime.” After the Prophylactic Double Mastectomy when the article was written, my intention was to share my challenge for one purpose only. I wanted to be sure that other women did not lose hope or find themselves in despair. I made a decision to have my breasts removed knowing that I had three sons that I lived for and the painful memories of losing my Mother to an aggressive Breast Cancer when she was only fifty-four years old were the motivators. After the surgery I refused to except the chronic pain that is common with this surgery and researched how I could move forward. I pursued the expertise of a Rehabilitation Specialist and was fortunate to find a Certified & Master Professional Personal Trainer. It was in that article that I stated that I wanted to reach at least one person who may be going through this invasive traumatic surgery and offer them hope. “Go talk to a Fitness Therapist or a Rehabilitation Therapist”. My persistence then to overcome that battle allowed me to rebuild my body and maintain my selfconfidence, while achieving my initial goal of pain reduction. Nothing could have prepared me for the life altering devastation that was intentionally inflicted through workplace terrorism that occurred less than a year later. I do not believe in coincidence! “Everything happens for a reason.” In January of 2013, Rochester Woman’s Magazine invited me to share my career succeeding as a Woman Commercial Contractor. I had started the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { WOMEN WHO INSPIRE “I do not believe in coincidence! “Everything happens for a reason.”

business in 2009 in what I believed was a need for an experienced, legitimate woman business owner. The article titled “Building the Future, One Woman at a time was skillfully written by Kelly Breuer and her Team describing my adventure to that point. Seeing it in print made it real. The project that the article described in which I had a Contract with The City of Rochester, working with the same City Engineers I had in the past was my initiation into a world I did not know. My years in construction never prepared me for what I was about to experience. As the General Contractor on the Project, a Woman Owned Business, I found that there was an unspoken umbrella that I had previously been protected under. That umbrella of a cohesive relationship for the success of the project no longer applied to me. It was a game changer. This contract proved to be quite a contradiction with a different set of rules made just for me. At the Pre-Construction meeting that was held with the City Representatives, messages were sent loud and clear. Their attitude and comments gave me a strong inclination of how things were going to be.

Government” she said. This could not have been farther from the reality. I truly believed in the programs, the way they were designed and written. A Civil Rights Liaison from a Government Agency advised me that these programs were never meant to work. Just more propaganda to imply that the abuses that had been inflicted by others in the past were going to be corrected and that wasn’t factual. The only thing that really changed was the Playbook of hiding the corruption. I received the note Mary Ellen had left, but I was very hesitant to contact her. By that point I had been Gaslighted, Terrorized and Traumatized and trusted no one. Mary Ellen was persistent and we finally met. I cannot describe our first meeting, second or even third. But I do remember lying down on the floor in her office as she read to me transcripts of one of the trials that allegedly were for my justice. For a long time, it was just words spinning through my mind. Trying to understand such senseless, inhumane acts, I listened in disbelief, but this was the first time that anyone had offered any explanation as to why my career was destroyed.

My Project Manager attended the meeting with me. As we were leaving the project representative for the City approached us offering a job to my Manger. “Why don’t you come work for me and work for a real company? That is how the table had been set for me on this project and I assure you it only got worse. A different set of standards especially designed for me and very similar to the Sham Charges Pam had found herself exposed to. The article goes on to say “With a long and varied background in construction, Belding knew that her prior work connections would help her start her own business (about five years ago, we knew that legislation to really enforce the requirements to utilize small, minority & women owned businesses for projects that were being funded by the Federal & State

On one particular night, I sat as I heard the words being read from the court transcripts in disbelief. I had no idea that this hearing before a Federal Judge had occurred. What was more startling was finding out that the attorney I contracted with to represent my best interests had set me up to fail. There it was in black & white as the presiding Judge brought the potential harms that would negatively affect me to the attention of my attorney and it was ignored. They say the meaning of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. It became blatantly clear that attempting to find justice against the City of Rochester in this system was insanity. The fix was in and I was never going to be remedied, it was now plain as day. Between the two of us, rambling, crying, shaking

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as we shared our stories, things became so much clearer. For first time in almost four years, I found out what happened to my career. The Favored Contractor had enlisted dozens of people to tear down what I had built. “Take her out”. When they say you can’t fight City Hall, I had no idea of its true meaning until Mary Ellen and I both became Targeted by the very system we believed would protect us. Aa result of our Professional experience, knowledge of construction as it related to the oversight systems and integrity both Mary Ellen and I were enlisted to support various internal investigations. Thinking we were working for the greater good, sacrificing what was left of our lives, we responded to the requests. That cooperation with oversight agencies directly responsible for the professional integrity in the City of Rochester became the next contradiction we never anticipated. That is when the heat was really turned up and we were introduced to Whistleblower Retaliation by the Government. We have learned many lessons over the last decade. The most important, lifesaving messages is to never lose hope. In a million years neither one of us could have ever imagined the surreal take down of our lives, the people involved and the culture of systemic complacency by the people entrusted to protect us. And clearly, I doubt that either one of us would have dreamed that we would have to redesign and rebuild our lives and where that journey has brought us together, along with hundreds of other people we have met in this incredible journey. Today we continue to strive for our recovery. Our Kids, Boating, Dancing, Music, Drag Racing, ATV’s, Traveling and lots of laughing was the perfect foundation we designed for the power it took to rebuild our lives.

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL } } { WOMEN WHO INSPIRE “We have learned many lessons over the last decade. The most important, lifesaving messages is to never lose hope.”

Pam is engaged to be married to a wonderful man and I have appointed myself the Wedding Planner. I continue my activism for Civil & Human Rights, Public Speaking, while working with Kathy Cole and Whistleblower Productions, LLC promoting our Documentary regarding the lives and experiences of New York Whistleblowers who exposed public corruption. Finding one another on Social Media, Kathy Cole asked me one day “What is it that you want?”. It was a simple answer. I wanted my story to be told. I was determined that to let other victims know that I understood what they were going through. I never wanted another woman to experience the devastation we faced alone. And here we are today. We have joined committees, received the Civil & Human Rights Award from the National Whistleblowers S u m m i t , attend speaking engagements, work on legislation and speak loudly with others for the voiceless. Our Documentary Film “Whistleblowers’ has received multiple awards which has led us into planning for our next film that will include the impact on our families and close friends and the life altering experiences of the Truth Tellers. Pam’s participation has been so meaningful to me and we are looking 46

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forward to getting the next project started. LINK to FILM!!!!! The message we want to leave you with is Don’t ever lose hope or give up! You never know what people will walk in and out of your life. Share your Story over and over. Let your voice be heard. Stand beside one another, laugh and cry together,

silent, join social media, support groups and find your Tribe. They never anticipated the value of technology, social media and the many kind and wonderful likeminded people that reached out to us that shared their adversity and compassion. We are now a part of an elite group of Warriors. “If they didn’t want us to talk about it, they never should have done it.” Thank you Kelly and Rochester Woman Online magazine for sharing the rest of our stories!

but whatever you do, don’t try to make it alone. After a decade of torture searching for the answers of how our lives could have been flipped upside down without any warning, we found our answers in the lives and experiences of others who shared their plight. We now know how many people need to hear our story of survival while we are thriving! If you decide not to remain

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JACQUELINE BOYLE BY MICHELE DIBERNARDO

Watch out for this powerful woman who is simply amazing. Powerful, inspirational, and strong to say the least. Jacqueline Boyle, is 37 years old and was born in Philadelphia, PA, but raised in Ocean View, NJ (just outside Ocean City). Now residing in Beacon, New York Jacqueline graduated from OCHS in 2001 and went on to college at West Virginia University where she graduated in 2005 with a bachelorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s degree in Sports Management with a double minor in business and communications.

gymnast as well during her career. After gymnastics she became a very competitive track athlete in High School, but was not passionate enough

Jacqueline is a part of Reality Star Boxing which Michelle DiBernardo is the Vice President of. Reality Star Boxing holds family fun entertainment by bringing celebrities and the red carpet with FUN! Currently, COVID-19 is putting a hold on boxing but she would love to be honored at the Boxing Hall of Fame in Upstate, NY.

Sports have always been her lifelong passion. Gymnastics, track, college rower, and then boxing.

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Then in 2012, while working at Chelsea Piers New York, she decided at the age of 29 to take on boxing, however not thinking she would actually compete. But, at the age of 31, Jacqueline had her first amateur fight and won and fell in love with the sport. In 2017 and 2018 Jacqueline became a 2 time Golden Glove Champion and then decided to make her professional debut in November of 2019.

Previously, she has worked for Chelsea Piers New York and Connecticut for a total of ten years before being offered a position at Orange County Sports Club as the Director of Gymnastics where Boyle is still employed.

Gymnastics was Jacquelineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favorite sport growing up. Starting at the age of two and then eventually forced to quit at age 16 due to a back injury. A very highly competitive gymnast, level 9 State Champion as a part of a team, level 8 & 9 Regional and National qualifier and Junior National elite

after her first year, but chose not to continue.

https://www.facebook.com/ JBabe0119 about it to continue in college so she decided to walk on to the crew team where Boyle earned a scholarship

https://www.instagram.com/jbabe0119/

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“Sports have always been her lifelong passion. Gymnastics, track, college rower, and then boxing. ”

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“But, at the age of 31, Jacqueline had her first amateur fight and won and fell in love with the sport.”

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LANA ASANIN BY MICHELE DIBERNARDO

Actress, TV host, model, and beauty queen, Lana Asanin, was born in Frankfurt, Germany, and is of Serbian descent. She started her career by winning Miss Montenegro and the Miss Frankfurt (Germany) pageant at the age of 17.

Lana was the cover girl on many world known publications such as FHM, MAXIM, Cosmopolitan, Avon, People magazine, 944 Magazine,

Despite her fast road to stardom, Lana continued to focus on academics where she majored in politics, history, and global trading in the fashion industry, with mastery in various languages. Her ability to speak German, Spanish, French, Serbian, and English along with her expertise in the fashion world, served her very well throughout her modeling career. After her studies, Lana t r a ve l e d e x t e n s i ve l y t h r o u g h o u t Eu r o p e including Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Belgium, Netherlands, Czech Republic, Hungary, Bulgaria, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Montenegro, Serbia, Italy, France, Spain, United Kingdom, and Asia stopping in Thailand, Singapore, Hong Kong, South Korea, Indonesia, and the Philippines.

UNIQ Magazine, Women’s magazine, Belle Femme magazine, and Boracay Coffee Table book.

Being a dynamic model and an engaging host, Lana got her first big television break in the Philippines. She starred in many movies and TV shows in networks such as E! Entertainment, most of which were created especially for her. Some of the programs include— but are not limited to— Easy Dancing, Eat Bulaga (the longest-running and #1 Show in the Philippines), and several Comedy and TV Series. Lana has also appeared in numerous international and national commercials for brands such as Nescafe, LG Electronics, Shell, Laura Geller Cosmetics, Sunkist Soda, and CocaCola. After spending almost five years in the Philippines, she continued her acting, hosting, and modeling career in America. In Los Angeles, she hosted TV programs such as “Helping America,” “PenPal Me,” “Bellantino,” “ Ho l l y s c o o p,” a n d “Aztepaca”. Some of her film and tv credits are Entourage, The Mentalist, Deal or no Deal, Corporate Profile, Notes from the Underbelly, Curb your Enthusiasm, Jersey Mafia Chronicles, and The Streetz.

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“Most importantly, always believe in yourself, never give up, your potential is limitless, and anything is possible! ”

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LANA HASANIN

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{ WOMEN { SHIFT+CONTROL WHO INSPIRE } } “Actress, TV host, model, and beauty queen, Lana Asanin, was born in Frankfurt, Germany, and is of Serbian descent.”

Lana Asanin made a move to New York City, where she modeled for Ann Taylor, Michael Kors, Karl Lagerfeld, Stuart Weitzman, Carmen Marc Valvo, Steve Madden, Sam Edelman, Esprit, XOXO, Kensie, JC Penney and Fergie. Lana also starred in the critically acclaimed movie, “NYC Rooftop Story,” which won many awards and nominations including, Indie Fest Film Festival, Madrid International Film Festival, International Film Festival of New York City, Buffalo

International Film Festival, and New Filmmaker NYC Film Festival. Despite her busy schedule, Lana Asanin always makes time for charity work, which she has a great passion for. She is actively involved in several foundations such as TVASF (The Veteran Anti Suicide Foundation), DSW (Soles4Soul), and the TESLA Science Foundation. Lana Asanin is proud to be TESLA WOMAN OF THE YEAR, for her contributions to the Tesla Science Foundation.

For the latest info about Lana Asanin: www.imdb.me/LanaAsanin www.facebook.com/GreenEyedAssassin www.instagram.com/Lana_Asanin www.youtube.com/LanaAsanin

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{ WOMEN WHO INSPIRE } “Despite her busy schedule, Lana Asanin always makes time for charity work, which she has a great passion for.”

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LANA HASANIN

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DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB...YET! BY NATALIE SINISGALLI I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIOS

It starts with an itch. The Sunday night dread… “I don’t want to go to work tomorrow!” [complete with a toddler-esque pout]. That slow burn of anger when your boss won’t listen to your ideas about how to make things better at the office (again). The inane meetings during which you feel like your time could be better spent doing literally anything else in the world. The boring bag lunch you open for the 400th time that week, dreaming about a life in which you had more control over your schedule, destiny, and most importantly your lunch. “I should just work for myself ”. Michael Gerber calls it the “entrepreneurial seizure” in his book The E-Myth Revisted (sidenote: this is one of my all-time f a vo r i t e b o o k s , it’s recommended reading for all my coaching clients. Written in the 80s, it’s as relevant today as the day he wrote it). Many people reach out to me in the throes of this internal struggle expecting the same advice from me. “Do it!” “Be brave!” “Quit your job, start a business!”. That is not my advice. Or at least not in that order…

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For some lucky people who have financial independence and few responsibilities in life, this may be an option. However, as someone who operates from a mindset of optimistic pragmatism, I’m a huge believe in “proof of concept”. I like to know I can make at least a few dollars doing something before I’m ready to focus all my energy on it. You might be the

lily pad (and watch it grow) before you jump off your current one. Almost any business has some baby steps you can take to ease your way into it. Want to open a full brick-andmortar boutique that sells clothing and accessories? Start on poshmark. Want to open a bakery? Start selling cookies at your kid’s soccer games (not actually sure if that’s legal, but you get the idea). I rarely coach my clients into any situation that requires a ton of up-front capital investments without helping them first create a scenario in which they can prove that they can in fact make money doing “the thing”. Here are a few examples of paths I’d recommend with “keeping your day job”:

best clothing designer in town, but if you live in a nudist colony - you’re unlikely to have a successful business idea there.

I WANT TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER → take the evenings and weekends to sharpen your skills, assist for other local photographers, build your portfolio and word-of-mouth, and start an instagram account.

So instead, I recommend flipping the order. Start your business, then quit your job. Work on it until you absolutely cannot go any farther, and THEN quit your job. Plant the next

I WANT TO BE A FITNESS TRAINER → start building / shifting your personal brand to be all about wellness - sharing workout tips and lots of photos of you working out.

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“My other favorite starting-point plan is to find a different day job that is more analogous to your desired profession that would support it’s growth.”

gym, and research what certifications / insurance you’ll need to be legit. I WANT TO OPEN A CLOTHING BOUTIQUE → start filling your instagram feed with photos of yourself in cute clothing, and offer clothing tips and tricks. Sell 1:1 styling services, and use poshmark or liketoknow to make money selling your clothes in a virtual storefront. I WANT TO BE A REAL ESTATE AGENT → start working on your personal brand, and update your headshots. Make sure the people who follow you know who you are, and what you care about. Figure out a way to connect that to selling houses… maybe you really love pets, so you start sharing tips about how people can make their houses more dog friends, meanwhile start the process for getting your real estate license. I WANT TO MAKE AND SELL JEWELRY → start an etsy shop and see which of your pieces sell. Learn to take photos of your work (you can do it with your cell phone!) or save up and invest in a branding / product 68

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shoot with a local photographer. Research which local shows you should participate in. I WANT TO OPEN A CO WORKING SPACE THAT OFFERS COMMUNITY EVENTS → start collaborating with local businesses

to create events and build awareness about your involvement in supporting local freelancers / remote workers. Find local spaces that would allow you to host pop-up co-working spaces. I WANT TO BECOME A WEB DEVELOPER → decide what types of businesses you’d most like to work with, and find a couple to build websites for a discounted rate with

the disclaimer that you can include them in your portfolio. Create screen grabs of the BTS work to share on social, and interview your clients after their sites are live to get killer testimonials. While it might not be glamorous… (late nights, early mornings, saving money, no more netflix and chill), the financial security it provides is usually worth it. Your audience should be asking you to open a business by the time you are ready to. My other favorite startingpoint plan is to find a different day job that is more analogous to your desired profession that would support it’s growth. If you’re currently a paralegal, but want to become a fitness trainer, a better job for you could be the receptionist at a gym. You would take a paycut in the short term, but the connections you would make would pay off in the long term, and still provides some stability. So go ahead and quit your day job. Just make sure it’s not the only step to your plan.

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NEW CRISIS, EXISTING CHALLENGE BY DR SHANELLE BENSON REID

“What if educators truly loved all children and promoted pedagogical practices that challenged the social justification of poverty, sexism, classism, exploitation, and racism?” Dr. S. R. B. Reid EDUCATION IN CRISIS As the country teeters on whether to reopen or to remain close, the question of education continues to be at the forefront of the conversation. How do we open the country when we are unsure about opening schools? However, before we consider opening schools, can we first consider our most vulnerable population?

component has not; education has remained the same. How can we justify not revolutionizing our current educational system while our students have evolved, our society has advanced and other industries have adapted? IMPEDING ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT In most academic settings, children from

T H E S TAT E O F EDUCATION Philosophically, I do not believe in the structure of public education. Our entire system is inadequate and antiquated. As a student, I recall thinking to myself; nothing this teacher says is encouraging me to get excited about education. I’m not interested in math, I’m not interested in science, I’m not interested in social studies and I’m not interested ELA, I guess in actuality, I wasn’t interested in school but I trusted the process so I pressed on. In the profession, we like to believe that education has evolved. We’ve incorporated manipulative, charts, graphs and visual representations. We allow movement, flexible seating, alternate assessments but the curriculum remains the same. Other aspects of society have improved, however the most important societal

diverse backgrounds and situations are less likely, when compared to middle-class and majority students, to have positive relationships with their middle-class teachers who do not represent similar backgrounds or situation. These differences reflect teachers’ biases, classroom management styles, and disparities in the severity of practices used for discipline. The use of prejudicial

classroom management techniques with marginalized students is a common practice. Teachers, often times, perceive the behavior of males from diverse circumstances as more aggressive and severe than the behaviors of their non-diverse counterparts. These males who misbehave in the same way as their counterparts are more likely to be punished resulting in suspensions and expulsions. The severity of these disciplinary practices with minority students impedes their achievement in the classroom, excludes them from advance courses, alienates them from the general school population, increases incidents of misbehavior, and leads to lower academic expectations and higher drop-out rates. SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS Classroom disciplinary practices are also influenced by students’ socioeconomic status. Educators tend to view low-income students as having the highest potential for behavioral problems. Consequently, students from low-income homes, regardless of ethnicity, are disciplined more often than middle-class students. In addition, teachers of low socioeconomic children most often use or support the use of corporal punishment, verbal punishment, or suspension, when compared to teachers of middle-class students. Some of the behaviors by culturally diverse, lower socioeconomic status students that teachers find annoying and/or problematic are behaviors that serve as a function in the students’ world outside of school. LOCKED OUT Student behavior is severely scrutinized when teachers and administrators do not understand and /or represent diverse ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

ACCESS GLOBAL }} {{ SHIFT+CONTROL “However, before we consider opening schools, can we first consider our most vulnerable population?”

backgrounds and situations. From this perspective, marginalized students’ behavior is not just different from their non-marginalized counterparts in culturally arbitrary ways; it disrupts what schools are attempting to accomplish, causing hostile dynamics in the educational environment. Subsequently, students from diverse backgrounds and situations are more inclined to misbehave when they are matched with teachers who do not represent diverse groups versus being matched with teachers who do. This stressed relationship between students and teachers leads to students eventually being locked out of education due to suspension / expulsion and prevents academic success causing a resistance to schooling and other majority-controlled institutions: which further perpetuates feelings of oppression and subjugation. In an attempt to maintain “group” identity, marginalized students develop peer groups that reject symbols and behaviors that are not in alignment with “group” think and academically successful students from diverse backgrounds and situations, are frequently at risk of being sanctioned by peers for rejecting “group” values. DISCIPLINE AND CULTURAL CONGRUENCE On the other hand, many teachers from diverse backgrounds and situations are able to operate with ease when disciplining marginalized students. The teacher’s ability to achieve this task is possible because students and parents have culturally congruent backgrounds with the teachers. This cultural congruence helps the stakeholders relate to one another more efficiently. Identifying connections further bridges necessary gaps that foster healthy relationships and open communication between students, parents and teachers. Parents are more willing to accept corrective language and consequences when there are similarities between the participants. 76

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Conversely, when a teacher who does not identify with diverse circumstance is faced with the daunting task of disciplining a student from a diverse condition, underlying factors must be considered; preexisting beliefs about poverty, racially discriminatory practices, disconnection and lack of trust to name a few. The problem with educating students of color in America is precisely that, a problem because our school system is a microcosm of our society.

this bridge from awareness and caring to learning and achievement is necessary for a successful school career, it is vitally important for students from disenfranchised backgrounds, who tend to experience more challenges in their personal and academic lives. Students from these backgrounds and communities benefit from the type of support that nurtures emotional growth while simultaneously providing optimal conditions for effective learning.

Therefore, disenfranchised students suffer in schools because staff, who have the power to label, categorize and define, are not always well intentioned, yet these feelings of oppression are mitigated when disenfranchised parents work with teachers from diverse backgrounds and situations.

EQUITY IN EDUCATION Achieving equity in education requires a shift in educational philosophy and practices. This transformation involves understanding each student’s individual needs and designing educational experiences that address those needs. Furthermore, attaining educational equity requires making sure every student has the support he / she lacks. In addition, this advancement entails putting systems in place to ensure that every child has an equal chance for success.

THE TRANSFORMATION Research clearly states, adequate representation in the teaching profession improves educational outcomes for all students. However, the focus must not center entirely on diversifying K – 12 classrooms, but it is also necessary to investigate the needs of marginalized students, and how these needs are met on a continuous basis. In short, much can be gained from adopting a teaching philosophy that prioritizes student wellness and success over standardized testing and district distinction. TRUSTING RELATIONSHIPS Educating students from marginalized circumstances is a complex process involving big-picture considerations and specific instructional strategies; at the very least, these students need to know adults in their lives are aware of the cultural and social situations they encounter on a consistent basis and truly care about their personal and academic success. From this foundation, trusting relationships develop and serve as an essential context for learning. While

However, ensuring every child has an equal chance for success involves understanding the unique challenges and barriers faced by individual students and providing additional supports to help them overcome those barriers. While equity may not ensure equal outcomes, the goal is to strive for equal opportunity. This is especially true during periods of crisis.

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REVOLUTIONARY NEW HOLISTIC FITNESS DESIGNED FOR OPTIMAL WELL-BEING AND DESIGNED FOR YOUR HUSTLE.

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SUPER CORE BY PAM DENTON

HOW TO INCREASE YO U R S E L F - C A R E TO MAXIMIZE YOUR HUSTLE Are you in need of supportive selfcare solutions to burn through stress and achieve the full potential of your hustle?

self-care health care mindset and establish routines, regimens and even rituals. The #1 thing you need to realize about self-care, caring for your body, mind and emotional state is the gift that gives back, it will increase your vitality. Your level of your dedication and follow through will give you the

Hustling when you are low on energy is tough, almost impossible AND your self-care is the answer to reduce your stress and increase energy!

In order to hustle in this ever changing world it is important to develop a

So how do you accomplish a selfcare regimen in the midst of intense challenges of modern day life? Take one day at a time. Every day you focus on self care and self love you add into the investment account of your health. Think of each practice you choose to be investment capital. Decide at what ACTION you WANT to take TODAY to improve your self care. It is action that creates results and from every action you receive vitality and lifeforce.

When you choose to hustle it’s very important to increase self-care so you can keep up with the pace. Selfcare gives you the inner power to produce results in business and life, but you have to want it enough to slow down and get rejuvenated. Here’s the thing, your body and mind are desiring relief from today’s overload of polluted foods, stressful lifestyles, unhealthy relationships, and metabolic shutdown. When you hustle, let’s just say you need even MORE relief, because you are adding in the need for more energy and power.

care for yourself.

Realize and recognize that self-care takes patience, persistence and dedication. You can achieve what you want, just take the time to practice.

reward of passion and motivation. As you focus on in depth self-care practices there is a release of toxins,a resetting of your metabolism, and building of strength. Your body feels cared for rather than neglected and it says thank you. Your mind finds a state of renewed calm because you have chosen to take a time-out to

As you begin to practice self-care at deeper levels you will see immediate improvement of health and revitalization of your body’s positive energy. Here are some amazing solutions that will get you results: Your skin is the gateway to inner bliss and self love. Make sure to develop a healthy skin care routine. Healthy

{ { SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SHIFT+CONTROL â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hustling when you are low on energy is tough, almost impossible AND your self-care is the answer to reduce your stress and increase energy!â&#x20AC;?

skin care products will open your body and mind to a state of calm and creativity. Movement can set you free. When you move, no matter how you move, you can come ALIVE. Take a walk outside, join an online fitness class, breathe and connect all great ways to move energy and vital life-force. Your mind is a power generator for your hustle to greatness. Clear your 86

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mind and you will feel full of positive motivation. Meditate, visualize, yogacize, and practice the law of attraction mindset. These are all great ways to clear the mind of obstacles and set yourself free from stressful mindsets that keep you stuck. Self care will make sure you put yourself first and your desire to hustle will come alive! Dr. Pam Denton is founder of

SuperCORE: Positive Motivation Fitness that includes health consultations, online bootcamps, nutrition and skincare. Jo i n D r. Pa m a t w w w. youhavesuperpower.com or check out her skincare line at www.seacretdirect. com/drpamdenton

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FIT TO REIGN BY CORRIN STELLAKIS I PHOTOS BY LAURA MARINO

Hi ladies! My name is Corrin Stellakis and I am the owner of Fit to Reign. What is Fit to Reign? It is a business that is dedicated to helping women achieve their goals and become the best possible versions of themselves. It is a place where women inspire and empower one another.

constructively make decisions about the future, have an increased awareness of personal responsibility, and improve communication and coping skills. I am there for my clients and together, we build a unique relationship. I listen, advise, inform, respect, challenge, and

Fit to Reign is about helping women become mentally, intellectually, socially, spiritually, physically, and emotionally fit. Everyone struggles with one, if not all, of these areas, and I am here to help in every aspect. I am a self-development coach, make-up artist, pageant coach, and personal trainer. I work with women on a one-to-one basis. Fit to Reign Studios is dedicated to creating a comfortable atmosphere where women can reach their goals and feel confident with their progress. I lovingly refer to Fit to Reign as “The Beauty and The Beast.” I believe that women are both strong and beautiful. On one side of Fit to Reign Studios there is “The Beauty.” This is where I help women develop in many different areas. As a Self-Development Coach, I connect with young women on a personal level to foster a deepened self-awareness and selfunderstanding. My clients learn tangible tools that can help them to overcome challenges and achieve their goals. They learn to form healthy personal boundaries,

support my clients. Through Fit to Reign Self-Development Coaching, they will learn to honor themselves, overcome obstacles, achieve goals, and grow into the successful, happy, and confident young women that they are meant to be.

Do you know of a young lady that struggles with social anxiety, organization, negative feelings about herself, choices around dating/sex/break-ups, the formation of healthy personal boundaries, decision-making about the future, setting life goals, communication, coping skills, or a sense of personal responsibility? Do you find that she is over critical of her appearance? Is she struggling with school, friends, and finding a balance in life? Is she concerned about “fitting in?” Does she have a difficult time managing stress or finding joy? Does this young woman need a better understanding of who she is and how valued and loved she is? Does she have leadership potential, but does not know how to utilize and channel her spiritual gifts? I would love to help her develop into a strong, confident, and capable young woman. With degrees in communication, psychology, and counseling, I am well equipped and prepared to help her grow and develop. I enjoy building a bond and relationship with my clients founded on trust and respect. Fit to Reign SelfDevelopment Coaching will be the best decision you have made for her. Another area of concentration is interview preparation where I teach women techniques on how to create a lasting impact in any interview and how to communicate their ideas through verbal ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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“What is Fit to Reign? It is a business that is dedicated to helping women achieve their goals and become the best possible versions of themselves. It is a place where women inspire and empower one another.”

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{{ SHE SHE HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS TALKS }} “As a professional model, I offer model coaching for young girls and women looking to create a profession in the modeling industry.

and nonverbal means. The interview philosophy at Fit to Reign creates focus, helps to increase vocabulary, instills confidence, helps you create a presence, express your personality, connect with the interviewer, and helps you to leave a lasting impression in any interview. You will gain interpersonal skills, critical thinking skills, be able to communicate your ideas more effectively, and increase thought-processing speed.

One of the most popular areas of coaching at Fit to Reign is pageant coaching! Pageants allow women to gain life experience and new skill sets, as well as make lasting friendships, and professional connections. As a 2-time

At Fit to Reign women also learn how to speak in public with confidence. I assist my clients in writing, editing, and performing their speech. How you communicate with the audience is very important, so I will teach you how to create that personal connection with the audience while you are speaking. You will learn techniques on how to ease your nerves, communicate your thoughts thoroughly, inspire and command an audience. As a professional model, I offer model coaching for young girls and women looking to create a profession in the modeling industry. It is important to learn a model walk, and techniques to get the best angle in front of the camera. During your training, I will work to develop your confidence, a strong walk, striking poses, facial expressions, great posture, and fluid movement patterns.

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international, 2-time national, and 4-time state titleholder, I know what it takes to prepare for and win the crown. During the preparation process, I will assist clients with filling out the necessary paperwork, work with clients on interview and public speaking skills,

fitness level, walking and posing, image/ wardrobe, and platform development! On the other side of Fit to Reign is “The Beast.” This is where I coach my personal training clients. The “Beast” is where women transform their bodies and become physically Fit to Reign. In the personal training studio (“The Beast”), I assess each client on their current fitness level and then construct a personalized program to help them reach their goals. Each client is different, therefore each client will have a different fitness plan. I work with my clients on endurance, strength, balance, and flexibility training. At Fit to Reign, my main goal is to make you feel confident, healthy, and strong! Although I have a physical location in North Syracuse for Fit to Reign, I also know that sometimes it is not convenient for many women to come to my location due to proximity, or simply time restraints. For this reason, I offer video chat sessions all over the country! My clients are in all different states, of all different ages, and all have a unique personal goal. I love seeing each of my clients meet their goals and achieve their dreams by helping them become Fit to Reign. WWW.FitToReign.com Instagram: @Fit_To_Reign , @FitToReign @CorrinStellakis

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RECOVRX BY RACHEL PRUTSMAN

Ladies. Let’s talk about anxiety. Isn’t it unfair that we as women are twice as likely as men to develop anxiety disorders in our lifetime? Whether it’s nervousness before your first “adult-job” interview, or it’s the last hours leading up to the moment you walk down the aisle, or you’re about to enter the forever changing life of a mother. We all experience some kind of anxiety in our lifetime, and in a lot of ways experience it differently than men do. Women have to face sexism in the workplace, hormonal changes throughout our lives, and we experience traumatic events more often than our male counterparts. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) states that in the past year, the prevalence of any anxiety disorder was higher for females (23.4%) than for males (14.3%). In high school, it was all about fitting in and finding the right group to call your friends. Teen magazines told us what was trending and all the latest celebrity gossip. Romantic relationships had begun to emerge and friend groups would shift naturally. The influence of parents, teachers, and coaches to do 96

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well academically and athletically was upon us. Quickly approaching deadlines for exams, SAT’s, college applications, and scholarships could put any senior in a panic. In college, while the newfound freedom of being out of our parent’s house was exhilarating, it would also bring up separation anxiety for some. The pressure

to perform in both academic and athletic areas while fully enjoying the “college experience” was a balancing act. Besides that, women are more likely to develop an eating disorder due to stress and anxiety during this time, as we face unrealistic athletic standards and body image insecurities we thought we had left in high school.

We experience anxiety as women in the workforce. Balancing our home lives with our roles at work takes superhero strength as we have responsibilities in both arenas. We tend to have more hurdles to jump through to obtain high-level positions than men do, adding frustration and anxiety to our careers. For those who’ve planned a wedding know the stressors that come along with that. Who wouldn’t be nervous on their wedding day? A day full of expectations and having everyone’s eyes on you can cause your anxiety to get out of control. Taking shots all day has been a proven method to curve anxiety, but who wants to be intoxicated on their special day. Let’s not forget our friends who see everyone else getting married, except themselves. No, there’s nothing wrong with you. Society makes us think we need to be married at a certain point. But everyone has a timeline specific to them. Or the ones who don’t have a date for any of the weddings they are invited to. I’ve been there. Those around you say “where’s your date?” or “why aren’t you married yet?” to which we kindly reply, “mind your own business”. Motherhood can be another anxietyproducing event in many women’s lives.

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{{ SHE HUSTLES SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS { RECOVERX } }} “We experience anxiety as women in the workforce. Balancing our home lives with our roles at work takes superhero strength as we have responsibilities in both arenas.”

It is one of the hardest, yet rewarding jobs out there. There are many moments of joy, pride, and love that are accompanied by fear, worry, frustration, and guilt. It is not always glamorous and can often lead to comparison. Mothers know well the exhaustion that sets in as she tends to her baby’s needs. This change of life comes with many challenges as women navigate the role of motherhood. Anxiety is a normal and often healthy emotion of worry, nervousness, apprehension, or fear about an event or situation. It is a normal reaction to stress. However, when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of anxiety, it might become hard to control. It’s hard to find a natural and effective way to cope with the many issues we have. Usually, when women seek medical advice they are prescribed some kind of medication 100

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that tends to have negative side effects. This past year I was working over 52 hours a week between two jobs while attending graduate school part-time. It got to a point where I was experiencing intense obsessive thoughts, lack of sleep, and forgetting to eat when I needed to. I would have minor panic attacks from time to time. It was affecting my daily life and I couldn’t just relax. The perfectionist in me was trying to do more than I should do, and it caused me to have health problems I’d never experienced before. Enough was enough. Seeking relief, I went to my doctor and was prescribed anxiety medication to help… but I wanted to go a more natural route. I researched alternative ways to help with my anxiety and found that CBD oil was just as, if not more, effective than my medication. A benefit of CBD is that it comes in a

variety of forms so there’s something for everyone. Having the choice between tinctures, salves, gummies, and soft-gels makes it easy to choose what works best for you. In addition to eating healthy, exercising more, and taking intentional time to relax, CBD helped me get back to my normal self. Recovrx, a Rochester based CBD company, commits to provide a more natural alternative to coping with anxiety and mental health issues through their pure, all-natural CBD products. Co-founders Digno Caminero and Greg Haas, both Rochester natives, have made it their mission to positively influence the lives of those who suffer from anxiety in a healthier way. CBD has become a solution to controlling anxiety for many people, including Haas, and continues to show its benefits to those seeking relief.

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INNER LIGHT TEACHINGS BY BETH LYNCH

H OW S P I R I T UA L I T Y HELPS US PERSONALLY & PROFESSIONALLY The many roles of women have evolved over time. With many thoughts come many emotions, responsibilities and at times pressure. All these emotions create frequencies that will download into our nervous system. Whether you have knowledge of not about consciousness it is important to understand that there is a magnetic force, always in motion and based on the frequencies our emotions create. It is the Law of Attraction. What many do not realize it this sacred and natural law is not only attracting but can repel or hold us still. The power of women understanding who they are as spiritual and as human beings is more imperative for our world, maybe than ever before. First let us understand what is meant by the spirit. The spirit is the aspect of our nature where our intuition, creativity, compassion, coping and connector to eternity exists. These are qualities that will be expressed through our personality in all relationships, and the most important one is the relationship with our Self. The personality needs these qualities to feel inspired, loved even to survive. These are spiritual principles that we are naturally aligned to. It does not matter your religious belief; this is the about the “spirit to live” as a human being. Imagine if we were taught that as young women? In spiritual principles our foundation for survival and security begin from 102

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conception to five years of age, through the bond of every emotion the mother has. All the experiences we have are expressed through emotions that energetically transmit to the baby. It may be hard to imagine that every thought and emotional response we have is channeling right in to the tiny precious being in our womb, and through life, but it is. It is happening with all of us every day. Every age, every relationship, and our perception of life. This is the silent language of the between us all. The spirit of who we are wants to embrace all things through love. A source of energy that will supply us with all we will ever need. Also, a source that many search for outside of themselves. The foundation is forming up till preteen. Then in teenage years the interaction emotionally, physically and even sexually begins to become natural. The search is on to understand emotions toward others and if the desire for fulfillment even to feel love will be outward or in the natural and oh so powerful inner self.

if you listened to your intuition from the start. In my sessions I have heard that from many women if they only had listened. This also applies to professional. What classes to take as we approach future goals in high schoolers should not be a stressful time, it should be exciting and a happy time. In my practice I have worked with many young girls dealing with anxiety and depression because of choices that became challenges because of fear and the right or wrong subconscious thoughts. Confidence, curiosity, and self-awareness would help. But how does that if we never are taught the natural and sacred power we have within?

The spirit of life will supply the personality with all the support it needs in the human experience. Your intuition is an inner compass, directing or even redirecting you through relationships. In a personal relationship you will not need a loving relationship because you are all the love you need. So, you attract love of the same nature or someone who feels the same. It also tunes you into relationships that may not be healthy for you. Often a partner is blamed for someone’s unhappiness. Imagine

This will connect us to the highest intelligence, our intuition, creativity, inner compass and releases us from pressures of time. Which is a human concept. When connected to our spiritual essence we release from this pressure and it is amazing how everything will get done!

As women we have this miraculous way of loving and nurturing others. But it is so important that we devote this to ourselves every day. Moments of awareness in how our thoughts are making us “feel”. Take moments to slow your breathing and even use a mantra to regain order in fast thinking and emotional responses.

Our compassionate, trusting nature to love others is our power and our strength. For some reason it can be perceived to be weakness. I can’t tell you how many times I hear a

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{{{ SHE HUSTLES SHE SHIFT+CONTROL HUSTLES TALKS TALKS { RECOVERX } }}} “Our spirit is who we truly are our spirit is our intuition, creativity, our coping skills, our connection to something eternal.”

woman say I just love too deeply, or I trust unconditionally, and this has gotten me in trouble. No, what got you in trouble is that you haven’t trusted your intuition. Ladies we must hold our own ground it’s that simple to be grounded to fulfill our own dreams through our creative expression through our spirit to live. Trust our intuition, as women, providers, lovers, and mothers we must know that these are our strengths. Our spirit is who we truly are our spirit is our intuition, creativity, our coping skills, our connection to something eternal. What greater gift do we give

ourselves and the children of the world, to understand that their creativity, their feelings, intelligence, and natural ability to heal pain is within. As a Spiritual Teacher and Consultant, I am dedicated to helping others understand and become devoted to a practice that will help them in all areas of their life. Personally, professionally. As a woman Imagine you could wake up every morning happy with who is around happy with where you are going in what you will be doing for the day happy and how you can support yourself your family. Just feeling happy,

connected to your intuitive and creative nature. Remember to keep it simple, your first thought everyday should be a moment of devotion to what you desire. I love the mantra, “I choose happy”. Open your eyes, take a few slow breaths, repeat it till you “feel” the shift. You have now aligned to the strength, love and power of your Spirit. In peace and love. Beth Lynch www.innerlightteaching.com

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THE ENCHANTED BUTTERFLY SHOP BY TASHA VILA

Some Information about me đ&#x;&#x2DC;&#x160; Name/Age: Tasha Vila - 43 years old I moved to Fairport NY two years ago from NYC. Welcomed the slow pace and peaceful life here in Fairport! I was ready to begin the next chapter of my lifeâ&#x20AC;Ś

to a bigger location and I was beyond happy for my friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s success!! Early this year I visited the shop, when I walked in something spoked to me, memories woke up inside of me and the â&#x20AC;&#x153;what do I want?â&#x20AC;? question was present at that moment. I was once a makeup/skin care consultant for several companies in NYC when I

I went to SHE Salon in Fairport to do my eyebrows for my birthday last year and connected with Kaitlyn the owner immediately! An instant friendship formed between us! And with that said: I am strong believer of signs, connections and meeting certain people to help guide you to your purpose. During that time, I questioned my lifeâ&#x20AC;Ś â&#x20AC;&#x153;Am I happy?â&#x20AC;? Should I finish my Masters in Perfusion and pursue my career further in Healthcare. While in school, I was doing well in my studies, but I would get extreme anxiety and have restless nights. The questions kept me up at nightâ&#x20AC;Ś â&#x20AC;&#x153;Am I happy?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;What is my Purpose/Path?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;What do I want?â&#x20AC;? One day Kaitlyn said she was relocating SHE Salon to Rochester 106

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was not even me speaking anymore. It was soul speakingâ&#x20AC;Śand Kaitlyn handed over the keys in March 2020. I got the keys and then Covid-19 hitâ&#x20AC;Ś doubt crept its ugly head near me. I am giving up my healthcare careerâ&#x20AC;Ś is this a mistake? A few of my friends died or got sick in NYC during March and April. I was screaming inside, and I felt helpless. Several times I pulled out a bag to pack my bag and thought about enlisting myself on a traveling assignment to a NYC hospital. Then I would think of my daughter and hide the bag in the closet. So, I decided to use that Quarantine time to be creative, heal, meditate, and just decorateâ&#x20AC;Ś Every day I went alone to the shop: The Enchanted Butterfly Shop was transformingâ&#x20AC;Ś slowly uncurling its wings.

was in my 20â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s which lead me to do music videos and book covers for Disney. The beauty industry was my first career, I have completely forgotten that Artist hiding inside of me! I turned to Kaitlyn and said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I want to take over this place!!â&#x20AC;? That voice came out of nowhere, almost like it

The Enchanted Butterfly Shop is a place for beauty services (Lashes, Facials, Waxing and Makeup) healing retreat sanctuary (Color & Sound therapy, Reiki Healing and Tarot Readings) and also a place where local artists/crafters can display their art as well. It is a strange unconventional shop, with all those elements mixed together. But all of it, is meâ&#x20AC;Ś my happy place, my purpose and what I always wanted. Never too old to dream and manifest it into being.

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{{ SHE HUSTLES TALKS} } SHIFT+CONTROL “The Enchanted Butterfly Shop is a place for beauty services (Lashes, Facials, Waxing and Makeup) healing retreat sanctuary (Color & Sound therapy, Reiki Healing and Tarot Readings) and also a place where local artists/crafters can display their art as well”

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BOUTIQUE STORE · BEAUTY SALON · HEALTH/BEAUTY

PRODUCTS AND SERVICES INCLUDE: LASHES WAXING MAKEUP APPLICATIONS SOUND THERAPY COLOR THERAPY TAROT READINGS REIKI LOCAL ARTISTS AND CRAFTERS ITEMS

360 MACEDON CENTER ROAD I FAIRPORT, NEW YORK 14450 (585) 430-1010 THEENCHANTEDBUTTERFLY.SHOP

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SHERIDONNA WILSON FASHION DESIGNER& ENTREPRENEUR Q & A with Sheridonna! Q: What drives and inspires you to be a entrepreneur ? How long have you had your brand Sheridonna Designs LLC ? A: Having a better life inspires and drives me to be an entrepreneur. Growing up I s awhow my mother struggled so much in her life. Working a low paying 9-5 and never being able make enough. I told myself I never want to do that. I wanted to be able to be there for my kids and make a living while doing the things that I love and passionate about. I knew I had to break the family curse. In order to do that I had to have radical action. Both my parents were very fashionable. Growing up in Kingston, Jamaica my parents gave me the best things life had to offer for a short period of time. When my dad got hit off his Yamaha red motorcycle and died. Everything came crashing down. I had to move to the United States two days before my 10th birthday. My whole life change drastically. I was devastated the life that was given to me was swept aways. Reflecting , my whole life has been a character building opportunity. Through all my

pain, struggles, hardship, losses still I rise. Without all these traumatic experience the world would not see this marvelous, fierce, powerful, beautifully, passionate, loving and humble women today. I am grateful for the journey. Sheridonna Designs LLC is a manifestation of everything I want for myself. My brand is my baby; it’s been 3

Q: What the 5 characteristic that describes you? A: The 5 characteristics that describe me disciple, determined, humble, passionate, grateful bonus enthusiastic Q: If you can tell your 10 year old self what would you tell her? A: I would tell little Mamatu you are Sheridonna! You are fierce, powerful and beautiful. You are that girl! Stay true, passionate, humble, caring, and respectable to you and others. Listen to your instinct. Honor yourself, love yourself. You are who you have been looking for! Focus on becoming your greatest version. Go be great? You got it . Q: Who inspires you and why? A: Well, there are many people who inspire me such as my kids Joseph and Isabella Bedell, family, mentors Mindset Morgano, Ralph Smart, Gary Vee and RC Blakes, nevertheless going through my journey I have been inspiring myself. I see how far I have come and how much I have accomplished.

years since I made it official; My mission is to inspire the world with my experiences. Not because you come from toxic and traumatic experience it doesn’t mean you have to say there. It’s your job to create the life you want. You are the creator! This is what I did with Sheridonna Designs. My plan was to create the life that I always wanted with the freedom to be creative and passionate.

Q: What other field of expertise do you have? A: I am also a model, salon owner/stylist, notary, educator, podcaster & writer Q: As a Island women what makes you special? What’s your superpower? A: My heart, my compassionate, willing to forgive. The ability to communicate ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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A: My heart, my compassionate, willing to forgive. The ability to communicate through many different medium such as modeling, speaking, writing, graphic design and design. Communication is my superpower.

all work out in your favor. Q; If you can work with anyone who would it be?

Q: What advice would you give the future fashionista’s and entrepreneur of the world? A: I would tell the future fashionista’s & entrepreneurs to always do what you love the rest is “your story”. Always listen to yourself, only you know what’s best for you. Be patient with yourself.

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A: When I graduated from Syracuse University. It was the most fulfilling moment I gave to myself. I told myself I was going to do I and I did. I felt accomplished and successful. I am the first in my family to graduate from a ivy league College, This was a very big deal in my family. I know this was the first step to make the massive changes in my family. Q;Who has been the most influential person or person in your life thus far? Why? What did they teach you.

Rome was not build in one day. To become your greatest version you must stay focus on yourself and stay true to yourself. How others see you is not your problem, how you view yourself is the ONLY thing that should concern you. So, love on yourself, respect yourself, and be kind to yourself. Eve r y t h i n g w i l l happen in great divine order. Your blessings will never miss you. Remember that so never chase love, money, or people. You are a marvelous been and enough just the way God created you. Just smile everyday it will

Q;What is your memorable moment in your career thus far? Why?

A: Lol! there has been many influential people that has been impactful in my life. The physical absent of my father has made a huge impact in my life. This obsent created this fabulous Queen! He sacrifice his life for me to have massive successful in my life. He taught me to be firm and strong no matter the obstacles. I am his princess and now I am the world’s Queen . Enjoy your success with grace and style. A: I am going to work with many elite artist such as Brandy, Angela Bassett, Beyonce, Rihanna, Kelly Rowland, Yolanda Adams just to name a few.

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RILEY JOY CANDLES BY SARA NEECHOL

Riley Joy Candle Company (est. 2019) continues to expand their soy wax baseline of both candles and melts. The all-natural, US-ingredient, smallbatch candle making from Greece, NY, has expanded into several different lines. The most recent addition is the trio of spa scents that hit the shelves and no sooner needed restocking. From lavender to white sage, cactus flower to jade, they all send a feel of natural serenity in a bathroom, bedroom or a spa itself! Scents available in a home diffuser option as well! Cactus Flower and Jade is a bright, 140

lively fragrance, succulent as the first tender buds of spring emerging from their winter sleep. Sweet agave and watery aloe enhance the fresh-cut green leaves and chrysanthemum petals, while base notes of patchouli ground it with a pleasing earthiness. White Sage and Lavender is a camphoraceous blend of herbs, lavender, and aromatic woods. Sage, rosemary, and chamomile awaken the earthiness of lavender, while hints of sandalwood and cedar in the base are reinforced by clove, lavandin, and cedarwood.

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Day at the Spa is a calming and balanced fragrance that combines notes of lemongrass and black currant with hints of patchouli and sugarcane. Available in 7.5oz, clamshell melt form, and home diffuser; there is something always available for everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s content. Get one or all three, you are surely going to relax upon lighting one. https://www.rileyjoycandlecompany.com/ (585) 472-2223 rileyjoycandleco@gmail.com

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“Small batch, natural and US made..by my own hands. Safety and scent in mind. Limited soot, as to have a fresh and clean burn.”

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THE HIGHLINE ROCHESTER BY ALYSSA COHEN I PHOTOS BY NSP STUDIOS

Inside an old Rochester Cadillac showroom circa 1925, The Highline Rochester has been lovingly renovated into a luxury event space. The venue is the dreamchild of owners and sisters, Jessica Klein & Alyssa Cohen, it’s what some may refer to as a family affair. The two women have a combined 30+ years of hospitality experience, allowing them to fully understand all that orchestrating an occasion entails. Every event is a new opportunity to create a memory that will stay with you for the rest of your life, which is why they handle that responsibility with the utmost care. They personally craft extravagant experiences that celebrate life and the joy of entertaining.

and I pour my heart and soul into every project I have the special privilege to be a part of. There is something absolutely enchanting about creating a couple’s special day and helping them bring their vision to fruition. Theater was my first love, but planning an event that makes the memory of a lifetime is my passion.”

Introducing Jessica Klein: “Since I was a little girl, I have been planning one big production after another. When I began planning events professionally, I realized how similar crafting an elaborate event was to producing a theatrical performance. From elementary school, where I was first immersed in the theater, through when the curtain closed on my final college production, I always loved the thrill of all the tiny details coming together. Planning and organizing are inherently a part of who I am, and they are what I love to do. To me no detail is too small, 146

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Introducing Alyssa Cohen: “I love brainstorming, crafting and conducting memorable events with memorable clients! While I understand the intricacies of corporate planning, weddings are my favorite! I truly believe it is an honor to have the opportunity to be a pivotal part in such a memorable occasion, and I handle that responsibility with the utmost care. Weddings are a

glimpse inside the soul of a couple, it is the culmination of the love they have for one another and a celebration of all the love that surrounds them. I am a firm believer that no two events are the same and I love the energetic magic that develops when every detail is nailed to perfection! Speaking of details, I’m borderline obsessed with them - but in all the best ways! I have an eye for aesthetics but understand that function is just as important as design. I enjoy meeting new people and talking events, so let’s sit down soon and chat about yours.” The sisters have worked together at a multitude of Rochester locations, since both graduating from their respective Rochester Universities. Together, they’ve honed their individual abilities that combine to make one multifaceted event planning team. Working with one another is how they prefer it but when they’re not hosting fabulous events, you can find them (probably still together) hanging with family and friends at your local restaurants, coffee shops + boutiques. The girls were raised in Rochester and firmly believe in supporting their beloved community. As a Rochester family, it is an honor to contribute to the revitalization of downtown and the duo hope The Highline becomes staple in the city that raised them.

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The Highline is a newly renovated industrial-chic venue that can host weddings, live performances, intimate gatherings, milestone celebrations, creative conferences, community events, photo or video shoots, and much more. The space boasts vintage lighting that illuminates herringbone wood flooring, hand crafted millwork and exposed brick walls. Brass elements throughout give way to stunning wood columns and towering windows that flood natural light into this 6,000 sq/ft space. Architectural elements merge past with present and historic with modern, making this an unparalleled backdrop for your event. The venue will be able to accommodate 150

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up to 200 seated guests with a dancefloor, 250 without and 300 for a cocktail style event. Amenities for guests of The Highline include 4,100 sq. ft. of uninterrupted, flexible interior ballroom space. The ballroom opens up through two twin French doors that lead to a sprawling outdoor patio space, perfect for cocktail hour or a wedding ceremony. Couples will be offered exclusive use of the venue for the date of their booked event and owners Jessica and Alyssa will personally be on site ensuring each moment of the day is seamlessly executed to perfection. The Highline event space features a custom made, stone top bar that mimics the architectural brick detail found throughout the building, as well

as a private bridal suite that can be used for hair and makeup. While The Highline is currently under construction, exclusive first look tours will be offered to clients who book prior to the September 2020 opening. As Covid-19 has made for uncertain times, the grand opening of The Highline will be announced at a later date, however when we can all party together again, this event will be open to all of Rochester’s residents as a thank you to this great city.

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409 Alexander Street I Rochester, NY I 585) 298-0665 www.thehighlinerochester.com

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KURVIE KULTURE BY LATIFFANY ANDERSON

SELF LOVE-THE OUTWARD JOURNEY The journey of self-love is just like the infinity symbol. It’s a constant loop which will never end. The way you feel about yourself, flows into every relationship you have. It is important for us to understand how we feel about ourselves effects every aspect of our lives. In order to be loved, you must love yourself first and then that will follow. I often ask during my styling sessions, “What do you love about yourself?” Many women will instantly name something physical. They will say something like “I love my legs, but I wish they were smaller”. I love my body, but I wish my arms weren’t so big. “I love everything except my stomach”. “My body would be perfect, if I didn’t have back fat”. In those moments I interject and ask “What makes you dislike those parts?” “Who decided that larger parts aren’t something to be celebrated?” “Why don’t you see your whole image as beautiful?” Often, they look at me and say, “I’m not sure” or state “it just is”. I then begin to inform them, “All bodies are beautiful”. Furthermore, all of our body parts, even the ones we want to change are gorgeous. I have to let them know dissecting your body, feeds into what the world

wants. Our conversations continue with questions and observations on how they feel about themselves. I try to steer the conversations into a positive light. MY goal as a stylist is not only to make sure my clients love their outfit, but for them to truly love the woman within the outfit. There is power in self-love. We have to understand that it all starts with our mindset.

Directing the MS. Kurvie pageants allows me to dig deeper into the minds of women who are plus size. Most of our contestants are women who wish they were “confident enough” to grace a stage. Over the years, I’ve heard several women say, “I’m not pretty enough”, or “I’m not like those other plus-size girls, I don’t love myself like them”. There were several contestants I’ve spoken to daily about their struggles and fears of not being able to match the beauty of the women they were competing

against. I am blessed to say, many of the contestants changed how they felt about themselves through the MS. Kurvie Pageant. My personal self-love journey is what allowed me to become a stylist, boutique owner, mentor, and pageant director. It took several years to be in the place I am today. I wasn’t always the secure, selfloving woman I am today. As a teenager, as my hips increased, my self-esteem decreased. I hid my shape, it was a source of embarrassment for me. Most of my friends were smaller in stature, and those who were plus-size didn’t have the same shape as I did. There wasn’t someone I felt could relate or share my struggles. Being uncertain of their reaction to my statements, I then internalized them. I didn’t have any images on TV or in the movies of women who looked like me. There wasn’t a reference of a plus-size woman being celebrated. Many will say, if a young girl has low self-esteem, she wasn’t told she was beautiful. I am a living contradiction of this statement. I was taught to love myself within my family. Although the lessons and “you’re beautiful” statements were always there, I didn’t know how to love my body. I didn’t know where to begin, I didn’t feel my pear shape was acceptable. No ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS {{ SHE HUSTLES { RECOVERX } }} “The journey of self-love is just like the infinity symbol. It’s a constant loop which will never end.”

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a room. In order to truly love another person, you have to understand who you are, and completely love who you are. There is an image society deemed as perfect. With social media and this rigid view of beauty, women have the constant pressure to be something that is unattainable. We are constantly being

force fed images of what we should look like, and if we do not meet those requirements our self-esteem is instantly attacked. I am on a life long journey to combat those ideas. Every day is an opportunity to take steps forward on the self-love journey.

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LOVE FOR WORDS BY CATYRA POLLAND

WHAT IS LOVE FOR WORDS? Love for Words is an editing boutique for writers and authors. Love for Words transforms manuscripts into books. Our target market is CEOS, business owners, and entrepreneurs who use their books and writing to build their platform. Unlike publishing companies, Love for Words is 100% committed to editing. You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to worry about us dividing our time between formatting, obtaining an ISBN, copyright, or type setting. Our sole focus is editing. You write, we edit. Love for Wo rd s o f f e r s copyright and developmental editing services to Chief Executive O f f i c e r s . We transform manuscripts into books. You write, we edit. YOUR FAVORITE EDITOR CaTyra Polland is the CEO/Founder of Love for Words (an editing boutique for writers and authors), and Career

Prep, a professional development agency, a published author, editor, poet, speaker, instructor and cat mom to Honeycomb. She is also the Creator/Hostess of Editor Knows Best, an international writing and editing podcast for literary

her first book of poetry, Dear August, Love August. She is a Rochester Business Journal Forty Under 40 Honoree and the Professional Development Chair of the Rochester Young Professionals. CaTyra enjoys traveling, going to concerts, slam poetry, and going to the beach. Genres: Autobiography Inspirational Memoirs Motivational Non-fiction Novels Self-help Email: polland@ pollandllc.com | P h o n e Nu m b e r : 585.210.8192 www.pollandllc.com

professionals. She is also the publisher of Write, Wine & Quarantine, an anthology of stories and poems about the COVID-19 pandemic. CaTyra recently released ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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ROMAN’S PAINTINGS & RENOVATIONS BY DORCAS ROMAN

Romans painting is a small local business owned by my husband and I for over four years. We specialize in painting and renovations. Our purpose is to turn your home into your dream home with an affordable price, along with excellent customer service. We have been through many challenges that’s we’ve over come. We hope to not only turn your homes into your dream home, but to also to inspire others with our story. I envisioned my husband and I opening a business for about 12 years. He worked as a painter for many well known companies in the Rochester area which he became a very skillful painter. We never really took it serious until about four years ago, while my family and I were homeless. Prior to been homeless we where house hunting. Me and my husband decided to move in with family since we wanted to save money for home essentials. We where going to be first home buyer’s. So we wanted to start fresh. Not knowing how long the process of buying a house would take. I then lost my job six months later. It took a big toll on my family. We lived from house to house, and off unemployment my husband was receiving due to slow work. We weren’t able to rent or provide for our kids with that alone. The last place my kids and I slept was in a small Honda Civic for two week. In that moment I was angry, confused, sad, not understanding how this was supposed to be apart of Gods plan. I prayed that we would qualify 162

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for DHS and after being denied twice already. When we finally qualified, we were able to rent a house. My main focus in starting Roman’s Painting was to be able to provide for my family. For years I paid attention to my husband Hectors invoices, and realized he had the skill and talent for us to be able to start our own painting business. The process of starting was very difficult. We were clueless on how to open a

business, and run it successfully. But my first step was to see if the business name was available. After, I then went back to school to familiarize myself with Business Administration. Throughout college I’ve gathered enough knowledge I needed to be able to run the business from behind the scenes. Let me tell you it was not easy there where sleepless night, along with the amount of homework, caring

for children, working etc . Furthermore; I dealt with obtaining leads, advertising our company, staying up to date on social media, while learning more about running a successful business, while my husband did all the hands on work. I compared our prices to other businesses to ensure we had affordable but reasonable prices for our community. We also made sure that whatever leads we got we responded the first 24 hours, although the first 3 years we weren’t getting as much leads as we thought we would. Furthermore; we were spending more money on leads, advertising then we were receiving. I would get discouraged. Sometimes I thought about giving up, trying to juggle working for DHS to provide for my kids, spend time and take them places they needed to go, and go to school to understand how to properly run a business. There is one thing that gave me that confidence back in continue with the business. Me and my husband Hector attended this three day workshop “Daymond John’s Success Formula” the amount of information we obtained was amazing. If their is one thing that I have learned thru out all this is that knowledge is the key of been successful. As time passed my husband started subcontracting for several company’s a home renovation company, and a handyman company and a painting company. And that was our income. While working with these company my husband Hector gained new skills.

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“Painting and renovating is definitely hard work. But we’re determined to do all the work for you and let you relax and enjoy the process. We love our customers and everyone who supports us.”

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Today we are Roman’s Painting & Renovations. We decided to add renovations to our business around June 2019. My husband subcontracting for the home renovations and handyman company has made him gain more knowledge in renovating and fixing areas around the home. Today our business receives about four to five leads a week. Adding renovations to our business I can say has definitely made our company gain more leads, and allowed us to be more financially stable. I also work both behind the scenes and alongside my husband, painting and renovating homes. Our company started with painting services that included residential and commercial both interior and exterior painting. We have painted luxury homes, churches, stores, and many more. Now we can renovate almost every area in a home. We can renovate bathrooms, kitchens, attics, basement etc. Our website shares a list of services also along with pictures. On our social media which is the most effective way to share our journey we have post the before and after, and sometimes the process of our work. There is more of a detailed look of our work and different places we’ve painted and renovated, different styles, and designs. Our job isn’t finished until our customers are satisfied. We ensure our customers are happy with the color, style, or design they pick. Painting is not a simple task, it’s a slow and careful process and there are many things you need to be aware of. Sometimes our customers want to be hands on themselves. So If you ever wanted to paint your own home here’s 166

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a few tricks that might help you. One, when your done painting for the day don’t wash your brushes. Always put your brushes in a bag for the next day, that way you can use it the next day and your brush will stay wet, and won’t dry out on you. Only ever wash your brushes at the end of the paint job.

Another tip for painting is, if you ever paint metal, always wipe it down with vinegar first. That way the vinegar will keep the paint from cracking which will help you 100%. This is a trick that most people don’t know about, but can really help you. Renovating on the other hand is a bit more complicated, but it’s not impossible. The most important things when considering renovating your house number one is accessing your financing options and making

a budget. Know your limit. Always be realistic about how much you can afford. And always set money aside for surprises you might not be aware of along the way. Number two, research everything! If you find something you like and want, nine times out of ten you can find that same thing someplace else but cheaper. You can invest in quality key materials with a reasonable price. The higher the price does not always mean better quality. One last thing is two consider all your options carefully. Sometimes we come across clients that have a bunch of different designs they want to do. Carefully go through each one of those designs and choose your favorite thing about them. That way you can have a piece of each design that will create a unique look that goes perfectly together. Color is the first impression of your home, so carefully line up the colors to see if you like the way they flow together. That way you won’t regret your choice once it’s painted and finished. Painting and renovating is definitely hard work. But we’re determined to do all the work for you and let you relax and enjoy the process. We love our customers and everyone who support us. Without others we wouldn’t be where we are at today. As I said once, not only do we want to transform your home, but we hope to inspire you with our story. If your down the only way you can go is up from there. Always keep God first and know that every single thing you go through in life is just to make your story more deep and meaningful. Never give up on your dreams, and if you want to accomplish something, go for it! Don’t think twice. Just do it.

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Commercial & Industrial · House Painting · Business Service Hector Roman, Owner

Dorcas Roman, Owner Po Box 90491 Rochester NY, 14609 (585) 524-9190

https://www.romanspainting-renovations. com

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BRACKENS FINANCIAL SOLUTIONS NETWORK BY VICKI BRACKENS

BFSN is a boutique Financial Services Firm focused on Strategic Financial Planning for Individuals concerned with: The Creation of Sustainable Retirement Income. We believe that the creation of sustainable retirement income requires an understanding of the overlapping disciplines of Risk Management, Investment Management and Estate Preservation. Our goal is to control risk without inhibiting investment flexibility. Through the collaborative use of tools, technology and talent we act as an advocate for the unique financial

needs of every client relationship. For a quarter of a century our mission has been and continues to be: Advocate, Advise, Monitor and Motivate every client as they work to fulfill their financial destiny. Securities offered through LPL Financial, member FINRA/SIPC (finra.org and sipc.org). Investment advice offered through Stratos Wealth Partners, Ltd., a registered Investment Advisor. Stratos Wealth Partners, LTD. and Brackens Financial Solutions Network, LLC are separate entities from LPL Financial. The LPL Financial representative associated with this

site may discuss and/or transact securities business only with residents of the following states: AL, CA, CT, DE, FL, GA, IL, IN, MA, NY, NC, SC, TX and WA. Third party posts found on this profile do not reflect the views of LPL Financial and have not been reviewed by LPL Financial as to accuracy or completeness. Third party post found on this profile do not reflect the views of LPL Financial and have not been reviewed by LPL Financial as to accuracy or completeness.

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MY HAIR SHOP BY CYNTHIA SCRIBANI

Cynthia Scribani “Cindy” MasterStylist, PlatformArtist, Monat Associate Market Builder, Featured Model, Motivational Speaker *in-themaking*, and Future Author. It’s time NOW to start living and STOP letting my automatic patterns hold me back. It’s time to expand and design a world the way I want it to be and hopefully, my world will promote happiness. Not just for me, but for everyone who has the opportunity to be around me. Let my life be an example of achievement and growth.

implement a look that is customized for each individual client. With close to a decade of teaching, she believes in giving back to all the rising young stylists in her community sharing her own professional experience as a licensed cosmetology educator. Cindy is also proficient in any number of styles and is well experienced in a variety of haircutting, color and highlighting

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Cindy’s commitment to offer her clients naturally-based safe products that truly deliver results, she chouldn’t wait to get her hands on all Monat has to offer! Today Cindy is proud to be an exclusive Monat Salon. In less than three months venturing into her network marketing business, she has successfully advanced her status from Market Partnet to Associate Market Builder!! Two full levels up! Cindy believes in the “Courage to Dream”!

I love hair! I love inspiring! ..creating styles (and opportunities) fashioning a sense of “feeling fabulous” while enhancing a woman’s own unique identity and confidence. As a MasterStylist and Colorist for over 30 years, Cindy has performed in a number of photo shoots, platform artistry and special events. Motivated by her love for the beauty industry and her commitment to grow, remaining engaged in continual education and training, Cindy continues building relationships and enlightened creativity customizing and enhancing her clients natural beauty.

top artists in the industry where she was reenergized with the passion and knowledge to help grow her salon business behind the chair.

techniques. Recently a winner in a SexyHair Contest, Cindy was flown to Los Angeles, California where she completed extensive training at the SexyHair Academy fine tuning her cutting, upstyling and finishing skills. SexyHair believes cutting the perfect haircut is a delicate balance between creativity and technical skill. Cindy left with techniques taught to her by

“There’s a place few possess the ability to reach; a place in which perhaps only i am aware of its existence; a place hidden so deep within my inner core. This place is the home of everything i am made of. There you will find all the special pieces i like to call ‘tiny jewels’ kept safe within me, close to my heart. And these jewels are only birthed when someone special speaks into my life. They are birthed through an intense purpose, a vision.. My why.” It takes much courage to deal with failures.. Especially those inner ones. It also takes incredible courage to live my dreams. Courage to me is fear holding on for just a minute longer. When surrounded by those who seem

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{{ SHE SHE HUSTLES HUSTLES TALKS TALKS }} “I’d rather regret the things i have done than the things that i haven’t.”

to possess magic within their pursuits, their magic sprinkles a new or renewed awakening .. birthing new and exciting ventures i never realized were within me. Event coordinators, makeup artists, photographers along with many gorgeous women who bravely pursue their dreams.. They are my amazing circle of influence. Passion MUST be contagious! And this passion captures moments .. moments of you. Moments of me. Our vision is secured by passion as we grasp those dreams.. Manipulate them. Inspire them. Even rise above them. There’s always that tiny spec of confidence, that little bit of greatness i believe we all possess. And it’s from that confidence fulfillness is achieved. Confidence is beauty. And confidence is sexy. At any age.

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“I’d rather regret the things i have done than the things that i haven’t.” ~SimonSinek Turn your visions into expectations! My Word-of-the-Year: Focus Are you looking for something new.. Perhaps an amazing haircut? Are you remembering your hair when you were young.. BRING IT BACK! Mention this article and receive 20% off any haircare service at my salon suite ~and~ Receive $20 towards becoming one of my Monat VIP Customers

~or~ Obtain a Free SkinCare Cleanser for joining my team as a Monat MP (restrictions apply) MBusiness: (585) 217-3289 MyHairShop at Crimper Hair Studio 1663 Chili Avenue Rochester NY 14624 www.HairSkinAndLipstick.com IG: @MyHairShop FB: @HairSkinAndLipstick www.SeibellaStudio.myMonat.com IG: @HairSkinAndLipstick FB: @ShampooSociety

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CONVERSANCE BUSINESS SOLUTIONS BY ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE

A pioneering visionary and entrepreneur, community leader, professional wrestler, and mother of three, Rumella Cameron is a force of nature. With over 17 years of experience in multiple areas of business administration and development, customer service, marketing, and sales, Rumella founded Conversance Business Solutions in July of 2015. The idea of providing virtual assistance to entrepreneurs and small businesses came to Rumella after college.

her family would sit around the T.V. to watch WWF at that time and every school project she had you can believe wrestling was involved. She aspired to be a wrestler putting on shows with her cousins and siblings, jumping off the mattresses, making championship titles with aluminum foil and in 2007 her dream came true. One night she saw a friend from school in the squared circle on T.V. and her drive led her to

Working at a local bank in the mortgage department providing support to underwriters, processors, and closers when they were overwhelmed with workflow, Rumella realized that many small business owners were facing those same challenges. “Running a business is no simple task. Aside from your main functions, you also have to attend to routine administrative tasks, which, although necessary, may take your time and focus away from building and growing the core of your business”, said Rumella. Growing up in Rochester, NY, Rumella is a local expert and has long been invested in her community and loves giving back as well as being politically involved, holding a leadership position in the town of Greece. Her tenacious, hard-working personality is the perfect fit for clients who need an advocate on their side. When she is not busy working, she loves spending time with her family, cooking good meals, and finding new adventures. Her love for professional wrestling began as a little girl. Monday nights 178

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call the network to find out how to get in touch with the promotor. A couple of emails later she was invited down to the Upstate Pro Wrestling school on Boxart Street and 12 years later she still following her passion. Rumella also known as LaDiva, wrestled all over Western, NY, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Tennessee, and Canada every other weekend while balancing family life and business.

Being a Chief Executive Officer and Founder of Conversance Business Solutions with a solid and successful 5 years in the business thus far, Rumella understood the challenges and sacrifices she had to make. She slowly started cutting back from wrestling and started to put more focus in her business. Working on developing the concept of providing virtual assistance to small businesses, client acquisition, executing the plan, and sustainability. Some months were better than others. As an entrepreneur, you don’t know when the next big client would come. “There were nights I was tempted to give up and call it quits”, said Rumella, “It can be frustrating at times where you feel like you’re at whits end, but the rewards make it worthwhile.” Conversance Business Solutions is a full-service administrative support and consultancy firm that provides an array of virtual assistance to entrepreneurs, small to mid-size companies. They are specialized and efficient service providers who ultimately become valued business partners. They work as an extension of your team for one-time projects or long-term engagements. You can save time and resources by outsourcing your administrative tasks to their experts. They tailor their services to match your specific business needs. Conversance has a team of resourceful and reliable professionals who have the skills and capabilities not only to perform your daily administrative tasks but also to help you streamline and improve your processes to create efficiencies and increase productivity. Conversance creates time through

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SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS {{ SHE HUSTLES { RECOVERX } }} “Growing up in Rochester, NY, Rumella is a local expert and has long been invested in her community and loves giving back as well as being politically involved, holding a leadership position in the town of Greece.”

their comprehensive offering of services that include administration support, business development, lead generation, document creation, appointment setting, calendar management, research, strategic business plans, email management, social media, data entry, CRM management, bookkeeping, and much more. Managing a business certainly requires 180

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a lot of hard work, especially when you have various administrative tasks to attend to on top of your main ones. The daily administrative tasks can hamper you and your team’s productivity, as they take your time and attention away from your profit-generating endeavors. In this regard, it may be more beneficial for you to outsource the less critical aspects of your business. Working with

their administrative team can be a costeffective alternative to hiring such talents in-house or hiring separate personnel for various tasks. Rumella’s sole focus is on helping other entrepreneurs and small businesses take their dreams and grow their business to the level they couldn’t imagine. “Small businesses should be able to afford help and we do that by providing them flexible solutions.”

WE DELIVER SOLUTIONS FOR YOUR PROBLEMS WHO WE ARE? Conversance has been providing virtual assistance to businesses of all types from small companies to enterprises since 2015.

WHAT WE DO? We are specialized and efficient service providers who ultimately become valued business partners. We work as an extension of your team for one-time projects or long-term engagements.

SUPPORT We offer solutions and customized plans.

STRATEGY Define your vision and your goals.

ANALYSIS A better service for your company.

GROW

BUILD STRONGER TEAMS

Get in touch 585 484 0038 510 Clinton Sq, New York, USA

www.conversance.biz

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BARBARA BERRY BY BARBARA BERRY

I’m a Pastor of Breath of Fire Ministries. I am a 52 year old divorced mother of five beautiful children, three boys and two girls ages 34, 28, 22, 17, and 8. I grew up in Rochester, New York and I lived in the heart of the ghetto and was very poor.

Pastor came up to me and said , ”Where is your book?” I looked up at him in disbelief. I said to myself a book? I’m not an Author. Then he told me that I’m going to write a few books and they are all going to be best sellers. After that day, my life was never the same. I shifted from a woman with very low selfesteem to a woman of great confidence.

a portion of it to him, so I did. After he heard it he told me that he was listening with anticipation, waiting for me to read what was going to happen next. This stranger told me to finish writing my book and get it published as soon as possible and that’s what I did.

I am an entrepreneur with three businesses. Highly Anointed Jewels which is my Paparazzi jewelry business, Fortress: A Social Referral Network, and Stylist Solutions which is my online beauty supply store.

My book is about a woman who endured so much physical, mental, and emotional abuse along with drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, addictive attitudes and behaviors, depression, abandonment, homelessness, suicide attempts, foster homes, mental institutions, and even physical illnesses. But through it all, God kept her in his arms and brought her out to be an overcomer.

I was blessed to become a personal care assistant back in June of this year work with an elderly woman who I had not seen for over 28 years. She moved in the same apartment building right after I did, and we became close. When the PCA that she had taking care of her as time moved on to another position, she asked me if I would be her PCA. Of course I said yes and up until the Coronavirus I took care of her,.

None of this would be possible without God. Since the Covid-19 I have actually had more customers purchase my book than I have ever had before. I’m truly grateful to have the opportunity to share a book that’s full of hope and encouragement for the world and know that it is transforming lives. My plans for the future is to continue to do God’s will, write my books and be a light to a dark world.

I decided to quit my job because of my eight-year-old son who has started home school because of the schools being closed. I never imagined that I would be a published author, because I always wanted to be a singer. I had been journaling for a few years about my childhood and life in general and then I went to this church about six years ago with another sister in Christ. As I was sitting in the pew a young

Please feel free to reach out for more information to any of the below links.

I’m an Author of a book, “But God” A Spiritual Rags To Riches Story that was published in October of 2018.

God says in his Word That in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us Romans 8:37.

www.highlyanointedjewels.com

A stranger off of Facebook requested my friendship and he asked me about my ministry and what goals did I have. I told him that I was writing a book about my life and he asked me if I could read

www.apostlebarbaraberry.fortressnetworkllc.com

w w w. s t y l i s t s o l u t i o n s . p r o / anointedberrybautysupplystore.aspx

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SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS {{ SHE HUSTLES { RECOVERX } }} “I shifted from a woman with very low self-esteem to a woman of great confidence.”

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Before

After

Are you considering a home remodel, redesign or refresh? Do you have a vision for your new space, but you’re not sure how to pull together all the right elements to make it beautiful, functional and harmonious? Are you overwhelmed by all the decisions that need to be made and finding the time for it? Are you afraid of making costly mistakes or getting blindsided by unforeseen costs?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you would benefit from working with me. I will provide you with direction, recommendations and resources that are invaluable and help you avoid costly errors and delays. And I will give you the confidence to step beyond the familiar, and see your space in a whole new light!

BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL TODAY! (585) 737-7672 Web: www.janisreedinteriors.com Studio: 811 Ridge Road, Suite 103 Webster NY 14580 Thurs 12 – 5:30, Sat 10 – 2 and by appointment

AVAILABLE NOW!

FINANCIALLY SPEAKING {{ LOCAL BUSINESS MATTERS} }

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WHAT SHOULD YOU EXPECT FROM YOUR BANK? BY SUSAN C. DIPROJETTO, SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT – BUSINESS BANKING SALES MANAGER

If you are a business owner, you are likely trying to navigate this new and hopefully, temporary landscape. Many businesses have been closed since March and, for security reasons, your Bank may be only accessible by phone, online, drive thru or appointment. Regardless, most small business customers have a group of trusted advisors to guide them: their attorney, CPA and banker. Even while limited, these three advisors should play important roles in your business’ financial recovery. Many are doing things on instinct today, due to these challenging and unprecedented times. You had employees that you had to lay-off. You are trying to figure out when you can open and what you need to do to bring your employees back; timing is everything. It is also about whether your employees are willing or able to return to work. With schools closed, many have had to remain home to take care of their children and provide home schooling. There are so many hurdles that none of us have ever dealt with before. We are in unchartered waters. Whether you are a small business owner or a consumer, you should expect to have your bank on your side. Your banker, as a partner, is one to look to for advice and counsel. Over the past 3 months, statistics from across the banking industry have shown that the outreach from customers unable to pay their obligations has been staggering. Banks have recognized the need: car loans, personal loans, mortgages, credit card payments, business loans, etc., have been deferred for many bank customers. The needs are basic: how can you pay your bills with no revenue? The lights need to be kept on, and more importantly, the needs of your family and loved ones have to be met.

I am sure many have heard of the Small Business Administration’s Paycheck Protection Program. This program— effective through June 30th, or as long as funds are available—is designed to provide small businesses with funding to re-hire employees who were laid off when their employer was unable to operate. There were 2 phases of the program due to need and high response; Phase 1 ran out of money quickly, so a second round was opened shortly after. Billions of dollars have been provided to small businesses to enable them to rehire their employees--even if they were not yet able to open their doors. The program gave business owners hope that they could remain viable, pay their employees and their bills. The program was well intended; however, I don’t think anyone could have foreseen the extended time of this pandemic or that the re-opening guidance would be as restrictive as it is. Since the inception of the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP), the SBA has released additional, adjusted guidance on how the loan proceeds can be spent and has extended the time that it can be used. This will go a long way in helping businesses as they either re-open or await their time to do so. It was during the initial roll-out of the PPP program, when business owners were in a panic, that relationships and clear lines of communication with your banker rose in importance. The general message was to apply ASAP or run the risk of the program running out of money. Nationally, it was reported that it was the community bankers that were the “best” administrators of this plan. I could attest to that; my colleagues and I heard from our customers as well as many non-customers. So why did we hear from other bank’s customers? What they told us: they did not have a

relationship with their banker and did not know who to call. Or, they tried to reach their bank, only to be put on a call back list that in many cases never occurred. We were happy to step up to the plate, not only to help our customers, but other business owners within our community. To date, CNB has helped over 3,700 local businesses. We strive to continue to provide consistent service to all of those we helped during this crisis; we look to expand our relationships and continue to support the various needs of these new customers as we move beyond this pandemic. So, the question is, what should you expect from your bank—in the good times and the not-so-good times? You should know who to call at your Bank. A direct line. 1-800 numbers and on-line banking services are necessary for the day to day “regular” issues, but there is nothing like being able to really talk with someone that knows you and your business. Every situation is different, being able to talk with your banker anytime is what you should expect. If you do not have someone that you can call, I would suggest that you reach out to your local Branch Manager and make an introduction. As a business customer, you should expect to hear from your relationship manager at least once a year. Even in normal times, your situation can change from day to day, month to month or year to year. Your Bank should provide you with education and advice, and you should want to work with a bank and a banker who has your best interest at heart. When you talk through your situation, you should expect to be offered some options, so you can make the best decision for you. The scope should also include ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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for you. The scope should also include solutions beyond the immediate need, with a focus on your future. This is my experience as a local banker associated with a community bank: we have a vested interest in our family, which is the community that we serve. We take pride in putting local money back 190

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into our market area. Whether you are a business owner with 300 employees, a sole proprietor, or a consumer, we are here to help guide you in your financial journey. We are 130 + years in the making and have built our programs to lead with Service. If you do not feel like you are getting what you need from your bankâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;if the expectations that I

have referenced have not been met-please reach out to me or any one of my colleagues. We would love to have the opportunity to prove our difference.

Who we are

keeps us focused on what you need most.

What does it mean to be a local, independent, community bank? It means that our focus is on our customers and communities, and that our commitment is to remain flexible, nimble, and responsive in times of need. At Canandaigua National Bank & Trust, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re here to provide financial education and advice when you want it, along with care and compassion when you need it. And, as always, we continue to bring you the services and solutions to meet your needs now and for the future. Today, and every day, CNB is investing in you, your business, and our community.

ÂŽ

CNBank.com | (585) 394-4260

| Member FDIC

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PET CBD CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE BY KELLY BREUER

As many of you know that have been following me personally, or on the Rochester Woman Online social media pages, last month I lost my beloved 14 year old fur baby Sassy. Sassy lived up to her name from the very beginning, and made herself an unseperable and irreplacable part of our family. She has been through it all with us. Four other fur family members. Multiple moves. The ups and downs. And, well let’s just say even doggy jail a few times. (ok maybe more then a few). She was our high energy escape artist. This didnt change until she turned about 12. As she got older we noticed her slowing down, not being able to move around alot or jump up on furntiture or climb stairs very easily. Of course, this became very worrisome for us as she was our sweet old lady of the house. So, at that time I becaame aware of CBD products and began using them for myself. I started using a CBD syrup for sleep. It was amazing for calming down my brain and allowing me to get a restful night sleep. It truly was life changing for me. Then I began

using a CBD salve for my lower back pain and hip pain. It helped almost instantly. So, when I heard that there was product for my pets, I figured why not atleast try it and see what happens. We started out with the Pet Oil. Well, it truly was a miracle. Not only did it help her with two days start moving around better, she was jumping up

on the couch, going up and down the stairs, eating better, and even her inflammation in her paws was almost gone. I just honestly couldn’t beleive it. It completely improved her quality of life and to this day I will swear that it really gave her another two years of life with us. We started for the first few months of giving her 1 dropped full of 250mg oil one time a day. Then as we noticed what a great affect it had

on her, and let’s be honest she was 75 pounds of chunk, so we figured 2 droppers a day would probably work even better, and it did. So the past 4 months I had been giving her the droppers and also the Holistapet joint and mobility treats every day and the combination seems to work great together. So nearing the end, we knew it was only going to be a matter of days that we had with her. I didn’t want her to be in pain or discomfort until we could get her to the vets, so I called the team at All Access CBD for some guidance. They said, give her the pet tincture (600mg which is the strongest the make) and see if that helps her any. I wish I could have taken video of the results. I gave her two full syringes, because we knew that it wouldn’t hurt her to have more then the recommended dosage at this point. Instantly you could see on her face and in her eyes that she relaxed and seemed content. I started crying because this truly made all the different in her end of life care. While I am so sad that Sassy is no ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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“We started out with the Pet Oil. Well, it truly was a miracle. Not only did it help her with two stairs, eating better, and even her inflamm

longer with us, I know that CBD products gave us the extra time with her, and in the end gave her a peaceful time that I don’t think we would have had otherwise. Now, on to my big guy Sarge. He is the most nervous, axious boy you could ever meet. We rescued him at just five and a half weeks old, and as the runt of the little. I am sure both of these things attribute to his anxiousness. Now the issue with him is that most pet CBD is made with chicken ingredients which he is highly allergic to. He also doen’t like the droppers. He will freak out when he even hears it. I decided to start giving Sarge the Holistapet anxiety treats that I found at All Access. He loved them! He would take them and calm right down, not bark at everything moving by and seemed to destress him. I had some of the Pet Oil out one day and noticed if I said, “do you want a treat” and let him come up to it by himself, and not me trying to shove it in his mouth, he loved it and literally would start drooling to get it. I realized it was also because All Access makes their pet oils with MCT and fish oil so it wasn’t making him sick. Win, win. I haven’t started our new puppy on any of the products yet, but I am definitely going to as it is a great addition to any pets healthy daily routine. 196

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o days start moving around better, she was jumping up on the couch, going up and down the mation in her paws was almost gone.”

Some added information on the All Access Pet Oils: Their CBD PET tinctures are available in three strengths (150mg, 300mg & 600mg) to help you easily help your furry friends get the dosage they need. INGREDIENTS: Omega 3 Fish Oil Organic MCT Oil Organically Grown Full Spectrum Hemp Oil Grown, harvested, produced, and tested in the USA 30ml bottle Please Refrigerate After Opening. RECOMMENDED DOSAGE FOR YOUR PET 150mg: Under 25lbs - 2.5mg (.5ml) 150mg: Over 25lbs - 5mg (1ml) 300mg: Under 50lbs - 5mg (.5ml) 300mg: Over 50lbs - 10mg (1ml) 600mg: Under 50lbs - 10mg (.5ml) 600mg: Over 50lbs - 20mg (1ml) Why fish oil? Fish oil contains EPA and DHA, omega-3 fatty acids that help arthritis, and also has some anticancer effects, says Nancy Scanlan, DVM, CVA, MSFP, and executive director of the American Holistic Veterinary Medical Foundation. Fish oil can also improve your dog’s memory. You can visit All Access CBD online at www.allaccesscbd.com or in person at 1991 Empire Blvd, Webster NY 14580. Tell them RWO sent you for special discounted pricing!

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WELCOME ZOEY TO THE FAMILY BY KELLY BREUER

So this month not only did our family lose one of our fur family members, but we also gained a new addition thank you to the Animal Care Sanctuary in Smithfield, PA.

I packed up my daughter and her friend and we drove a little over two hours into Pennsylvania to the 132 acre sanctuary. What we saw when we got there will be forever engrained

I have had the pleasure of working with ACS for about 8 or 9 months now. I became aware of this incredible organization from social media, and reached out to them to work with Rochester Woman Online. I knew from the first time meeting Ellen Feldman and their amazing team at one of our Expo’s that this rescue organization was like no other, and I wanted to do anything I could to help them. By the way, they are one of the oldest NO KILL shelters in the country and are over half a decade old. This spoke volumes to me. As I got to know Ellen better over our correspondance, I knew that I wanted to visit the sanctuary and see for myself everything they were doing to help so many dogs and cats from all over the country, and now the world. So, finally on June 27th,

cat sanctuary which houses hundreds of fur friends from babies to older adults. Some have been in residence with ACS for over 15 years and are part of the family. The interactions, and the care given by the team and the volunteers was so heartwarming. As I went live on social media, I just honestly couldn’t believe all of the amazing work they were doing and all the pet lives they were saving. I also realized how proud everyone was to be working there. To me that just spoke volumes and I wanted to do more to help. T h a t d a y, w e did leave with a very special kitty named Vibe. She immediately latched on to my daughter and her girlfriend and well, we just c o u l d n’t l e a v e without her. She picked us. Well, she picked Ally and Torrie anyway.

in my mind. We began with a tour of the enormous

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{ THE ANIMAL CARE CORNER { ANIMAL CARE CORNER } } “The first 3 days were amazing. Zoey was super sweet and relaxed and made herself right at home. ”

I began talking with Ellen about a new transport of pups coming in from the South the following week. I said, boy I would love to come back and be able to go live when this happens as I think this would be incredible for my audience to see. Ellen showed me some papers with some of the rescues coming in and that is when we came across Zoey (then named Maria) and her sister and brother. There were also a couple other dogs that caught my attention, but I wasn’t sure about adding to the family again so soon, and I knew that if we did ever bring home a new addition I wanted it to be a female. I took some photos with my camera of some of the transport, then went back outside for a tour of the kennels and to meet some of tenants. This included one very cute 3-legged friend that immediately stole our hearts. Of course, my daughter was begging for us to bring home one of the pups right then. We drove home that day, with the kitten in tow, and my daughter talking non stop of how much she wanted a puppy. The next day I called Ellen and said I wanted to come back when the transport came in and help promote the new adoptable dogs. I 204

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also told her I wanted to check out Macie and Maria, the puppy sisters from the south. On July 3rd, we made our second trip to ACS. This time it was my daughter, her friend Lauren and myself. The

they would like us, or if I was even ready to bring in another puppy to the family. Well, in comes Zoey and her sister and jumps right into Torrie’s lap and let’s just say it was love at first sight and we knew she was meant for us. There was absolutely no question in my mind that it was meant to be. That day we took the two sisters back to their new homes in Rochester NY. One for us, one for the Lefave family. The trip home they slept and were very sweet and relaxed. I will admit I was worried about introducing our new family member to her big brother as he was a rescue himself and is well lets say a little quirky. So, I figured we would just go slow and let them both adjust to their new surroundings.

day before, my girlfriend Colleen said she wanted to adopt one of the girls and asked if I could bring her home with me. I tried not to get to excited because I am a firm believer that it has to be the right fit, and the dog chooses you. We had no idea what these two puppies would be like, if

The first 3 days were amazing. Zoey was super sweet and relaxed and made herself right at home. No hesitation at all. We immediately were in love. And low and behold so was her big brother Sarge. He immediately wanted her out of the cage and was kissing her, and showing her the ropes. Not one

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{ THE CARE CORNER {ANIMAL SHIFT+CONTROL } } } { ANIMAL CARE CORNER “I just honestly cannot say enough about this incredible sanctuary and the amazing people there.”

sign of aggression at all. I was beyond happy! Now fast forward almost 2 weeks later and they are literally inseperable. Wel, and she has become a little spit fire now too. But, you can tell she is so happy and fits in just perfectly with our crazy family. She knows she has found her forever home with us and we are so beyond blessed to have her. She has helped fill the void our Sassy left and has sparked a whole new life into Sarge. I will be forever grateful to the ACS for this opportunity. So, we now have Zoey (and her sister who is now named Shadow) that we have found out through some research with ACS that they are Boxer/Lab mixes, otherwise known as Boxadors. Plus, they were born on Feb. 9 (my birthday)...So if that wasn’t a sign I don’t know what is. The girls are from the bayou of Lousiana where many of the dogs that ACS recieves come from. They had some upper respiratory infections from the stress and move which was expected and was treated and disappeared in 2 days.

All the ACS pets are adopted with all up to date shots, spayed or neutered, micro chiped, etc. The ACS has its own veterinary clinic right on site and an amazing veterinary technician I

(thankfully). I just honestly cannot say enough about this incredible sanctuary and the amazing people there. I can’t wait to go back in a few weeks and show everyone more. They literally help thousands of animals a year and this year, already because of Covid they have adopted out more cats and dogs then ever before. They will be finishing the brand new facility in September which will allow them to service and help so many more animals. We will be coming back for their Grand Opening celebration, but if you are interested in sponsoring or donating to help keep this sanctuary going for 50 more years, please visit their website at https://www. animalcaresanctuary.org/

have come to know, Jill Elston. They spay and neuter an enormous amount of dogs and cats per year, and just got in a transport from Korea from a dog meat farm that got shut down ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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ARE YOU AN IMPOSTER? BY DR YASELLYN DIAZ-VEGA I PHOTOS BY MARISA NICODEMUS

Are you an Imposter? How to overcome it? Have you ever felt like you are not good enough? Like you are a fraud? I am not talking about your cooking or feeling like a parenting failure or a total mess when folding the bed sheets. I am talking about at work, education, in your abilities and capacities. Perhaps feeling incompetent to secure that new job or to move forward or to make that decision about starting a new business or contributing with a great idea at work. Many of us have felt like this. Do you attribute your success to luck, timing, or maybe a computer error? Do you agonize over the smallest flaws in your work? Are you crushed even over constructive criticism, seeing it as evidence of your ineptness? When you succeed, do you secretly feel like you fooled people? Do you worry that at some point they will find out the truth about you being not as intelligent, competent, or – you fill in the blank? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are amongst the people that it doesn’t matter how much recognition you get, how many degrees you’ve earned or how high you have risen, you still have doubts of yourself and your abilities, deep down you are convinced that you’re are an impostor, fake and a fraud. This is considered The Imposter Syndrome or Phenomenon. This is so common, that it is estimated that about 70% of people at some point of their lives may feel this way. Originally, it was thought to be something that affected only women, but now we know that may 210

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affect men as well. Given these statistics, I wanted to explore more about it. POSSIBLE CAUSES: Early messages about achievement, success and failure and how we get over-recognized or perhaps not recognized at all or not-

an imposter syndrome, especially if you are a woman and if you add a layer of a being from a minority ethnic group or from a non-popular culture in your community. But I would like to invite you to reflect on this. It is not the time to consider yourself a victim and decide to throw the towel. Failure to recognize and work overcome this syndrome may have detrimental implications in your career, health and wellbeing such as depression, anxiety and low self-confidence to mention some possible effects. Let’s clarify that Conquering the Imposter syndrome is not about trying to be the reverse; about being arrogant, full of yourself when you do not possess the tools and abilities yet. It is not about pretending to be someone you are not. Neither is about trying to fool others into thinking that you are better than what you truly are. Bertrand Russell once said “that the whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people are so full of doubts”. Many of us know people that are very confident when they have the least reasons to be. This could turn us off in becoming as confident as we should be.

enough from our parents, relatives, teachers and others could have shaped our thoughts about not deserving such recognitions and praises. It is clear that external influences may have had great influence in our decision to adopt

More recently Valerie Young Ed. D.– who has a doctorate in education wrote about it in her book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women- Why capable people suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It. In this book she shares how she found out about it and what she decided to do about it. Dr. Emee Vida Estacio, psychologist has written about this topic as well in her book, “Imposter

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;I may not be perfect nor great at this yet, but I will continue to learn and adapt as I go.â&#x20AC;?

{ LADIOLOGY } }} SHIFT+CONTROL { { SHE HUSTLES TALKS “Imposter Syndrome Remedy: How to Improve your self worth, feel confident, and stop feeling like a fraud.”

Syndrome Remedy: How to Improve your self worth, feel confident, and stop feeling like a fraud”. In their research Dr. Valerie and Dr. Emee and has been able to identify five types of people that suffer from Imposter Syndrome or Phenomenon. Types of Imposters Personalities that may paralyze you: First THE PERFECTIONIST. The perfectionist has very high expectations and feel like failure if they don’t achieve it exactly how they wanted it or by the time they envision it. The constant thoughts of failure linger in their heads and will make it difficult to move forward into another project. They place their goals and expectations so ridiculously high, that realistically it is difficult to make. In the event the do get to fulfill the goal, it may attribute it to luck because they feel like they didn’t deserve it since they “knew” it was going to be difficult to achieve. If you are this type, tell yourself: “I may not be perfect nor great at this yet, but I will continue to learn and adapt as I go”. The second type is THE EXPERT. They feel like they need to know every detail before they start a project before making a decision to the point that it paralyzes them into making a decision. They get stock in finding the details. People with this Impostor personality love to have special certifications and trainings. The feel like they need to know all the answers, and often they already have information but they feel like if they cannot predict the future and the outcome, they should not move forward. They are very analytical, and this could be very limiting. If you are this type, tell yourself this “I don’t know everything but I will use what I know to learn more as I go”. 214

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The third type is THE NATURAL GENIUS, who want everything to appear like everything came easy. They feel that if they have to work very hard at something, then they are not good enough. They do not want to appear vulnerable and ask for help. They fear that if they reach for help, people will think that they are not intelligent or that they don’t really deserve the position or job. Being vulnerable is something they don’t feel comfortable with. If you are this type, tell yourself this “I may not know everything”. “Yes, I might fail, if I do, I could learn from the experience”.

The fifth type of Impostor Personality is THE SUPERMAN OR SUPERWOMEN. This people work very hard, don’t sit still, always doing something to proof that they are not imposters to the point they may get burn out. The more they work, the more effort they put, they feel is the only way to deserve some credit. If you are this type tell yourself: I work hard, I need to stay laser focus to get the most of my job done in a timely manner, get the best results and get rewarded”. Which kind of Imposter are you? What is your Imposter Personality? Now I will mention seven ideas on how to Improve and Conquer your Imposter Syndrome… 1. Acknowledge your personality or personalities (remember we may operate with more than one of these discussed above). Be aware of the thoughts, are they true, logical, constructive? Guide those thoughts as needed to overcome them.

The fourth type is the SOLOIST. They feel that they must do everything on their own. If have to ask for help feels like fraud or failure. They feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness or that people may think that they are not smart enough. They want to figure it out all on their own, but they often feel stuck by not overcoming the feeling. If you are this type, tell yourself this “There is nothing wrong about asking for help, having a team can help me finish my job faster and more efficiently”

2. Talk to mentors, consult with a person that has more experience or knowledge to get support from. It could be someone you admire and look up to. People that will help you get uplifted and encouraged. They shouldn’t talk down to you, should help inspire you. 3. Recognize your expertise and Dare to do something with it. Offer to teach someone else or help someone else, even when you do not think you know all there is about the topic, this will prompt you to improve your skills and abilities. 4. Remember your accomplishments. Accept compliments- just say “thank you”. Don’t forget to also give compliments. Be grateful and share your successes- I have to

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{{{ LADIOLOGY {{ SHE HUSTLES LADIOLOGY RECOVERX }}} }} SHE HUSTLES TALKS TALKS “It is clear that external influences may have had great influence in our decision to adopt an imposter syndrome, especially if you are a woman and if you add a layer of a being from a minority ethnic group or from a non-popular culture in your community.”

admit that this exercise gave me so much confidence. Let’s do it! Grab a pencil. Write down you top 10 list of times, event, where you felt like a champion or conqueror or super leader? What are some achievements you feel very proud of? 5. Allow yourself to fail - Sometimes we fail, it will happen, embrace it and keep moving forward. Look for example at the sports teams, they may have many loses 216

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along the way, they use the experiences acquired during those times to improve their game strategies. 6. Control self- talk. If you wouldn’t say that to your best friend or mother, do not tell yourself that. Be gentle with yourself. 7. Reward yourself -Set up goals and rewards. Did you answered all emails and did all todays workload? Then, set a reward, perhaps a nourishing treat, or get a manicure. If you

do not accomplish that goal, don’t get the reward or refrain from doing something you usually do and you love, such as the manicure, pedicure, or that nice caffeinated drink. Specially, reward yourself when you take action away from your default Imposter syndrome personality traits to break into a new you. Until the next one…Be Confident and be Awesome!

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ROCHESTER CENTER FOR SEXUAL WELLNESS BY KELLY BREUER & DR PEBBLE KRANZ

Rochester is now home to Western New York’s first multidisciplinary center for the care of sexual, relationship, gender, and menopause concerns. Offering expert mental health and medical care and professional consultation to medical and mental health professionals, the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness (RCSW) announces the grand opening of a new office space in Penfield, NY. Offering integrated medical and mental health care of sexual concerns -- rare even in major metropolitan areas – RCSW is one of only a handful of similar centers around the country. The center is unique with regard to its collective expertise as well as an integrated and collaborative approach to care.

opportunity to sit down with Pebble Kranz, MD, Fellow of the European Committee on Sexual Medicine (FECSM) is medical director and co-founder of the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness for a question and answer session about everything we need to know about the RCSW. Tell us a little about yourself and your background. Where are you from, and what schooling background do you have, family, children, etc? The question of where I’m from is always hard for me to answer-- I grew up in Connecticut, Virginia, and Maryland,

Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness was founded to meet a growing need in Western New York for sexual wellness professional education and consultation to medical and mental health professionals as well as comprehensive, confidential, open-minded and whole-person centered services to the public. “Sexual function touches all aspects of a person’s well-being and the treatment of sexual concerns requires knowledge and skills spanning medical, mental health and relational approaches. We felt our community needed a multi-disciplinary center to help people meet their wellness goals. Medical and mental health professionals may not have the specific training, knowledge, experience, time or comfort with these issues to address them fully,” said Dr. Pebble Kranz, Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness medical director and co-founder. “We have gathered a team of experts devoted to the care of sexual concerns in one center offering a variety of services to individuals, couples and other health professionals to address these needs comprehensively.” Recently Rochester Woman Online got the

but I recently realized that I’ve now actually lived in Rochester longer than I have in any other place, so I guess I’m from here! I was at Brown University for both my undergraduate degree and then was back, years later, for medical school and I came to Rochester for my residency in family medicine. My training in sexual medicine is from the European Society of Sexual Medicine’s School of Sexual Medicine in Budapest and I became a Fellow of the European Committee of Sexual Medicine in 2018. I also have training through ISSWSH (The International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health) and

WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health). Why sexual medicine is probably a more interesting story of “where I’m from.” Since childhood, I’ve loved getting to the heart of people’s stories. Prior to my career in medicine, I was an arts administrator at Baltimore’s Center Stage as well as a professional musical theater performer. I am fond of saying I left the theater and ran off to join the medical circus. People are often surprised and think this is a big change but the throughline is clear to me. Theater is about stories and medicine is about stories, and sexual medicine often touches on the stories deepest in our hearts and sometimes the most difficult to tell. I chose Rochester for my family medicine residency because of the department’s focus on the psychological and social aspects of primary care, right here in the home of the biopsychosocial model. (The biopsychosocial model, developed in the 1970s by Univ of Rochester psychiatrist, George Engel, is an interdisciplinary model that looks at the interconnection between biology, psychology, and socio-environmental factors.) I met my husband Dan, a lifelong Rochesterian, when I was a chief resident. On our first date, when he told me he was becoming a certified sex therapist, I thought, “now this might be really interesting…” Dan is an active member of AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Eductors, Counselors and Therapists), served as the chair of the organization’s Ethics Committee, and is currently certified as a sex therapist and is working towards his certification as a supervisor of sex therapy. So, for years, I tagged along to AASECT conferences and sex therapy workshops and I quickly became hooked on the field of sexology. Now, in addition to my practice with the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness, ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ HEALTHY WOMAN }} SHIFT+CONTROL “No one ever regrets seeing us - but we hear all the time “I should have seen you years ago.”

I teach med students, residents, and in 2019 I started a Sexual Medicine clinic in the University of Rochester Gynecologic Oncology department. What made you decide to open a sexual wellness center and why did you choose Rochester? There are very few resources all across the country where people can go to get integrated care for their sexual and relationship concerns, and even fewer that address the concerns of people of all genders. One of my colleagues in sexual medicine calls centers like ours “unicorns.” Because gender and menopause concerns also have an impact on sexuality (though certainly they can also be discrete from sexuality) we felt it was important to include those areas in our care as well. Sexuality, gender, and menopause all have aspects that are biological/medical as well as psychological, cultural, and social. So having a resource where one can get help with all these concerns in one place-- led by people with the knowledge and ability to address the physical, psychological, as well as the relationship aspects of these concerns-- is the most effective and holistic approach. Why Rochester? Because this is where we are, where our family is! And why shouldn’t Western NY have a big city resource? We deserve fulfilling satisfying sexual lives like anyone else! I think it’s helpful for people to know a little bit about what sexual medicine is in order to understand what we do. Briefly, sexual medicine is the branch of medicine concerned with human sexuality and its disorders, or as Dr. Charles Moser puts it-- the medical aspects of sexual problems and the sexual aspects of medical problems. Certification is available in Europe (FECSM) for physicians from a variety of specialties that treat sexual concerns-- primary care, psychiatry, urology, gynecology, endocrinology, neurology, oncology, etc. No board certification is available in the US.

The practice of Sexual Medicine here in the US tends to be silo-ed in the largely surgical fields of gynecology and urology despite the fact that sexual concerns are often similar between genders and rarely require a surgical solution. AND residency programs in urology or gynecology get little medical education in sexual function and dysfunction. It is a specialized knowledge base that providers in these fields generally have sought out independently.

recently we have a good understanding of aspects of female anatomy, especially the clitoris. Less information about women leaves women feeling less understood. I also collaborate with other medical providers to find a medication regimen that will allow a client to meet their sexual goals. For instance, some antidepressants (as well as many other kinds of medications) have a greater impact on desire, arousal, and orgasm than others and a medication adjustment can really help.

Sexual medicine is about understanding what is going on in an individual or relationship from a true BIO-PSYCHO-SOCIAL (and sometimes spiritual) perspective. Biomedical aspects of sexual concerns include medications, treatments, surgeries, a change in hormonal environment, or even poor sleep. Psychological aspects of concerns reside both within the person and within relationships. Sociocultural aspects span many elements: from addressing family, ethnic, national, and religious beliefs about sex to addressing the special stressors and health risks of marginalized populations. It also may include wider cultural conversations about sex at critical junctures in a person’s development such as the Purity Movement in American christianity or the emergence of the HIV epidemic, or even, perhaps, being young and single during COVID-19!

What type of services do you offer?

Sexual medicine specialists need a familiarity with a broad array of medical concerns and treatments to do this-- not just concerns and treatments that affect the one square foot of anatomic real estate below the belt. And sexual medicine specialists need to be open to the non-physical/medical aspects of sexual concerns to begin to conceptualize what is going on for a person sexually. Much of what I do is education, a lot of myth busting about the physiology of sex, and sometimes the most healing intervention I do is telling people that they are not broken. You have to appreciate that the early field of medicine was dominated by men at a time men thought the female body was secondary to the male body; so it is only

Examples of medical interventions might include medications for desire-- in just the last 5 years we have two new FDA approved medications exclusively for treatment of low female desire. I also provide treatment for low testosterone, a comprehensive approach to evaluation and treatment of sexual pain, hormone and non-hormonal treatments for menopause concerns, and all kinds of treatment for erectile dysfunction short of surgery. There are also some treatments for other sexual concerns such as problems with ejaculation or orgasm. We have 3 certified sex therapists who are expert with both individual and couples therapy as well as several therapists who are training in our center to become certified sex therapists. We offer individual, relationship and group therapy. We meet clients where they are with multiple access points-- wherever a client feels comfortable starting-- whether that is a medical assessment or a therapy relationship. How has the current pandemic affected your business and the clients that you are seeing using your services? It’s been a hard time for all kinds of medical practices but we have continued to see our clients virtually throughout, and began seeing people in the office again as soon as we could when a physical exam was required. Our therapists have been pretty ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ HEALTHY WOMAN }} SHIFT+CONTROL “People often think that male and female clients are so different sexually but in truth sexual concerns are quite similar across genders.”

busy! The pandemic has been stressful both for couples and individuals. And I think human connection is more important than ever now!

have desire in response to something - like feeling wanted or beginning to feel physically aroused. Using predominantly male models of desire have painted women as lacking.

Tell RWO what it is like working with your husband in the business.

I see lots of people with concerns about sexual pain. Unwanted pain is not expected as a “natural” part of sexual experience-- at any point in life-- not with early sexual experiences nor after menopause. I also see lots of folks concerned about their level of sexual desire. Sexual concerns after cancer treatments are also common. I see many clients with performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, problems with orgasm, and PE (premature ejaculation) as well. Our therapists work with clients on all these areas as well as with couples with desire discrepancy and out of control sexual behavior. If it has to do with sex or relationships, we’ve seen it!

Well, Dan is an important part of how I came to this work (see above). It is really gratifying to work on something together that we are both so passionate about. Certainly, working together in a business means that decisions get made in the office as will as in the kitchen. But in so many ways developing this practice has helped us grow both individually and together. We wrote a chapter together about integrating sexual medicine and sex therapy in work with couples and writing together really helped us understand more clearly our work here. (Integrative Sex and Couples Therapy edited by Tammy Nelson, PhD) How is it different treating male versus female clients and what issues do you tend to see the most People often think that male and female clients are so different sexually but in truth sexual concerns are quite similar across genders. Truly, two women are likely to be more different from one another than women, generally, are different from men, generally. In the words of Emily Nagoski, PhD (author of Come As You Are) we are all made of “the same parts, arranged differently.” We all have desire, physical and emotional arousal, and an orgasm experience. We all have the capacity to experience pleasure and all have our unique erotic templates. We all have feelings about our sexuality and sexual selves that develop early in life. Not so different at all. Here is one simple fact which helps so many women feel ‘normal’ again: Sexual desire has been described a kind of “out of the blue” wanting, and this better describes the majority of men (and some women), whereas many women (and some men) 224

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Our menopause medicine specialist sees people with general menopause concerns (from protecting bone health to cognitive changes to hot flashes) as well as sexual concerns that may arise with menopause. The menopause transition doesn’t have to be a time that sex goes to the back burner, for some women sexuality after menopause is the best ever! However, women don’t get terrific information on how to maintain our sexual health through the menopause transition. There are definitely a variety of ways to help with so many of these concerns. I see lots of problems occurring from the double standards we have for male and female bodies. As one example, men are expected to always orgasm and in a certain amount of time-- and yet every human (male, female, other gender) has a different orgasm threshold and some people need a short amount of time of arousal before orgasm and other people need a longer amount of arousal before orgasm. “Premature” or “delayed” orgasm/ejaculation in men can cause so much distress both for an individual and sometimes for a couple. Meanwhile, it’s not expected that every woman will orgasm in some prescribed amount of time of arousal.

Flipside: there is a huge orgasm gap! Men have far more orgasms than women do, and while I don’t want people to think that orgasm is the end goal of every or any sexual encounter (secret tip: arousal is the goal of every and any sexual encounter), women should expect to have more orgasms! And women’s pleasure is every bit as important as men’s pleasure. What are you planning for the future? Where do you see your business 5 years from now? So much! We hope to develop more support and therapy groups as well as provide more community and professional educational events. Before COVID hit we had a very full calendar of events, in the short term we hope to recapture that momentum with getting the word out about the practice. It’s hard to make people aware of this-- it’s not something that many people leave and tell their friends about! Also, too often, doctors aren’t asking about sexual, relationship, gender, and menopause concerns. We want everyone in Western NY to know that they don’t need to suffer alone with concerns in these areas. Effective, safe solutions exist for many concerns. What is your favorite part of your job? All of it! But particularly the moment at the end of an appointment when my client says, “I’ve never talked with anyone about this before. I thought this would be difficult/ painful/unpleasant forever, and now I feel hopeful about change.” Is there anything else you would like our readers to know? Our approach is intentionally sex-positive, open-minded, and non-pathologizing. We want to understand clients’ goals for their experience and offer them all the tools we can to meet those goals. No one ever regrets seeing us - but we hear all the time “I should have seen you years ago.”

SEX* *NOW THAT WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION...

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Introducing the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness where sexual medicine specialists and certified sex therapists offer a holistic approach to sexual and relationship wellness. Offering confidential and open-minded care to people of all genders and sexualities that is specifically designed to help YOU meet YOUR GOALS. Also, featuring a nationally certified menopause medicine specialist to help make mid-life your BEST LIFE

CALL US AT 585-865-3584 FIND OUT MORE AT WWW.ROCHESTERCENTERFORSEXUALWELLNESS.COM

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THERMAPPAREL BY JULIA KRACKE

Photography and cooling vests, an unlikely pair, yet, they are two passions that I love most. Why? Because helping people is what I do best. After 20+ years of working in the photography industry with my husband, Kurtis Kracke, we decided to pursue another adventure— that’s when ThermApparel was born. ThermApparel makes and sells a lightweight, comfortable and intuitively designed cooling vest for anyone who struggles with temperature regulation. Our goal is to help people live happier and healthier lives. Before we dive into just how cool this vest is, let’s take a look back at my first passion—photography. I have known I wanted to be a photographer since I was 8 years old. It’s all I ever really wanted to do. I graduated from the Kansas City Art Institute with a BFA in photography and SUNY Buffalo with an MFA in photography, worked for George Eastman Museum and ran a full-service photography studio with my husband. We had the honor and privilege of sharing in the joy of so many families by photographing over 300 weddings, their families and kids. Many of our couples have become lifelong friends and for that we are forever grateful. We photographed weddings, kids, families, & commercial photography for 14 years straight without much of a break. On average we worked 12-14 hours a day 6 days a week and it really took a toll on my body. During that time I endured years of infertility, a BRCA2 diagnosis, a double mastectomy, a complete surgical hysterectomy and a pinched nerve in my neck.

I spent the last year at our studio in horrific pain that radiated from my neck all the way down to my fingers on my right side. With my right side being my shooting arm, it was getting harder and harder to hold onto the camera for 8-12 hours at a time. Fast forward through a whole lot of excruciating pain, tests, shots, and physical therapy; I was eventually diagnosed with a pinched nerve and bone spur on my C7. After our final wedding season ended, I had surgery on my neck. When I woke up

in the recovery room the nurse asked me if I needed anything, I asked for a glass of water, she handed me a white Styrofoam cup. I grabbed it with my right hand and started crying because for the first time in a year I could feel all of my fingers. That’s the moment I knew that it was time for a new adventure and that my body didn’t deserve any future complications. While this was not an easy decision, I knew it was the right choice and that something bigger was in store for us. Besides, we were

lucky to have the success that we did—so there’s no better way than to end on a high note! THE NEXT CHAPTER… Kurtis decided he wanted to get his graduate degree in industrial design from Rochester Institute of Technology and that began our next adventure—we had no idea the fun that was in store! While there he started working with fellow classmate Brad Dunn on an adaptive technology project. Kurtis & Brad put their design talents to work, after observing that those living with Multiple Sclerosis were constrained in hot weather due to their heat sensitivity. After researching other cooling products on the market, none of them met the critical criteria for people with heat sensitivity caused from health conditions – concealable, lightweight, and comfortable. After more than 200 customer discovery interviews, and more than 50 prototypes, the ThermApparel UnderCool cooling vest was born. To date, the UnderCool Cooling Vest has made life-changing differences for people in all 50 states and 16 countries. UnderCool features: • Adjustable straps and a Velcro front for the best fit and comfort • Wicking fabrics and built-in mesh panels to keep you dry and comfortable • Cooling pack pockets along back • Cooling relief for up to 1 – 3 hours* depending on cooling pack • 7 sizes from XXS – XXL • 60-day money back guaranteed I joined Kurtis and Brad in their second year and my role quickly evolved as I began working in the business full time. I am the Chief Communications Officer (CCO) and one of my favorite parts about my job is talking to customers on a daily ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ LOCAL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT } “While the UnderCool was originally designed for those living with diseases like MS, we quickly realized that the vest is actually amazing for anyone that has any kind of heat sensitivity due to medical, environmental or professional reasons.”

and hearing their (amazing) stories! We receive emails and calls all of the time from our happy customers, as they share how much the cooling vest has changed their life! Hearing things like, It allowed me to got to my grandson’s high school graduation, I was able to hike, Now I can exercise, and Thank you for giving me my life back are the successes that keep us going every day! Since there are only 3 of us in the company, my role also consists of wearing many hats— graphic design, customer service, order fulfillment, problem solving, and being an integral part of the management team. Kurtis, Brad and I work very well with each other. We all have different strengths that we bring to the table that keep moving ThermApparel forward.

to medical, environmental or professional reasons. We have sold vests to medical professionals to wear under their PPE, plumbers, electricians, race car drivers,

Prior to the UnderCool, when I exercised, I overheated to the point that I could feel the heat coming off of me in waves, especially around my neck. Just a 30-minute brisk walk on the treadmill and I would be a hot sweaty mess, but also exhausted and the fatigue would last into the next day. However, after wearing the UnderCool on the treadmill I have quickly discovered that I can now walk for 60-90 minutes without overheating and the fatigue is gone! As a result, I can now increase my productivity and exercise more.

To work with your spouse you have to have a strong work ethic, strong relationship and respect for them and for yourself, I feel very lucky to be working side-by-side with my husband and after 20+ years of working together I can say it works 90% of the time, ha! The power of cooling relief: While the UnderCool was originally designed for those living with diseases like MS, we quickly realized that the vest is actually amazing for anyone that has any kind of heat sensitivity due 232

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Because of my BRCA2 diagnosis and following surgeries I entered what they call surgical menopause. I woke up from that surgery on fire, I felt like a volcano and as a result I have a hard time regulating my body temperature. I love using my UnderCool for exercise, gardening and well, let’s talk woman to woman here… who has been impacted by the “H word?” Yes, I’m talking about those nasty and debilitating hot flashes! If you haven’t experienced them yet, oh, just hold on tight because you will.

gardeners, actors and actresses. Fun fact, currently our cooling vest is being used to keep actors and actresses on the TV show Station 19 cool under their turnout gear.

In the garden it is a life saver. I can get all of the yard work done on hot summer days. It’s very comfortable to wear, think yoga pants comfortable, and it doesn’t get in my way. It provides a nice consistent cooling, so I don’t overheat.

{ LOCAL } {{{ SHE HUSTLES TALKS SHIFT+CONTROL {{ BUSINESS LADIOLOGY RECOVERX }} } }} SHE HUSTLES SPOTLIGHT TALKS “I love using my UnderCool for exercise, gardening and well, let’s talk woman to woman here…who has been impacted by the “H word?”

What I love most is our cooling packs that fit perfectly into our vest design. They are very unique, they are not ice, and work better than ice and ice vests. Why is that and why is it important? • When your body is hot your blood vessels open up to allow heat to be released. • Ice and Gel Packs cause blood vessels to constrict, preventing cooled blood from reaching your core. Ice is wonderful for cooling down a specific part of your body or bringing down swelling, but it doesn’t cool your entire body. • ThermApparel PCM Cooling Packs cool the blood without constricting your blood vessels. As your blood flows past the PCM Cooling Packs it cools the blood which is then circulated throughout the whole body. They start melting and refreezing at 70°F so they can quickly recharge in ice water in 20 minutes. I can put the vest with the cooling packs inserted in the fridge and it will recharge in 60 min or 45 min in the freezer. They don’t condensate so they 234

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don’t get you wet or burn your skin like ice. Because of this, I can take my UnderCool out of the fridge at 10pm, leave it on my nightstand and at 2 or 3am when I have a hot flash, I grab it, lay it across me and go right back to sleep. It’s still solid, still cold and immediately starts pulling the heat from my core allowing my hot flash to cool down and let me sleep! That, my friends, is irreplaceable relief! The design of the UnderCool is very low profile. It weighs less than 2 lbs. (yes, with the cooling packs) and I can wear it under a t-shirt, dress shirt or even my business suit and no one knows I have it on. It’s been a life saver during high stress presentations. I never lose my cool. When I’m not working, you’ll find me photographing for fun, swimming, gardening, reading and spoiling my nephews and niece. As a proud Kansan, my midwestern roots will always be planted deep, however, I love all that Rochester has to offer, including the beauty of the four seasons! I never realized fall could be so incredibly beautiful.

One last thing, ladies, this vest is a game changer and it’s a brand I feel confident standing behind! Most of all, I love helping people return to their first passions and live life to the fullest! Want to learn more or just grab coffee and talk about life? I’d love to chat! Shoot me an email at: julia@ thermapparel.com

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4 STEPS TO TAKING DECISIVE ACTION BY AHLIA KITWANA

Attempting to do something is the first step. What I mean by this is to take the first step in the actual “Doing-BeingBecoming Cycle” ---- I came across this in Designing Your Life: How To Build A Well-Lived, Joyful Life (a really great & actionable read). I sometimes take my time with the decisive action part of the doing. I spend a good amount of time on planning and thinking.

approach Decisive Action. ALIGNMENT WITH GOALS PRIORITIES & VALUES How does the idea or opportunity align with goals, priorities and values? If it is not in alignment with those priorities how can you bring them into alignment? If you cannot find alignment with the idea, is it really

This is a good thing in that it helps me to organize and sort things out mentally, which makes taking action a lot easier. The thing is I occasionally go too far in the planning and thinking whereby it becomes one of my best procrastination crutches. When we are scared of something --an opportunity, a career move, a new relationship, etc. We naturally come up with ways to really engage and take it on. Avoidance can take on many forms, but in general it is not the healthiest behavior to adopt. Some of the avoidance tactics that I have come across are, Control, Escape, Despondency and Blame. Once you have gotten past avoiding what may be difficult, challenging and yet all around so much better for you in the long run, here is how to

IS IT FEASIBLE OR DOABLE RIGHT NOW? Does this fit into how your life is working right now? Do you have the time or energy? How bad do you want it? Are you willing to give something up to pursue this? If it is an opportunity that won’t take place for six months, would you do it tomorrow? How much work, effort and energy will it take to bring your idea to fruition? Do you need support or to collaborate with others? TAKE THE FIRST STEP What is the first thing you need to do to make this work? Do it, take the first step regardless of how uncomfortable it is. And stay uncomfortable, that is where the growth happens!

worth pursuing at this time? If there is no alignment and possibly a misalignment, consider letting it go. If yes, the idea or opportunity does align with your goals, priorities & values or it can be brought into alignment, proceed. This is worth pursuing and investing your time and energy.

COMMIT Commitment is the final step. Commit to seeing this through! Looking at the sequence below, once you do decide to go for it, to really take decisive action, commit to it. Commit. Every. Single. Day. Every day, wake up and ask yourself, “What can I do today to move my goals forward, who can I talk to or connect with?”. Move forward with conviction and purpose and slay.

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{ LITTLE BLACK BUDDHA { SHIFT+CONTROL } } “When we are scared of something --- an opportunity, a career move, a new relationship, etc. We naturally come up with ways to really engage and take it on.”

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THE INSPIRATION BY DR. PAM DENTON

The Inspiration to Take Action in a Positive Direction (Even When You Feel Like Stopping) I have an amazing career where I get to chat with people from the heart and soul of change and inspiration and they ask me for guidance and insight. The only way I can deliver my guidance with confidence is that I have lived exactly what you are seeking. I have had to face challenges. Huge challenges and believe that our nervous system is wired to source power and can help you achieve unstoppable success. You just have to tune in and turn up your POWER. What I like to call superpower. I meet amazing women who are opening up, cracking open and widening horizons of opportunity! Women are learning to break down the walls of resistance and use inner strength and positivity as a guide. We are learning to trust in the positive because it brings us hope, wealth and love. So how do you get there? The answers are inside of you, they are not outside of you and you have access to answers 24/7. You could sit down right now and take a deep breath and access your amazing STAR power to change your life merely by activating

your inner strength and nervous system power. Here’s the thing…You want change, you are asking for it…but your nervous system is on hold or too stressed to pay attention. Your being is NOT on receive mode so you have no idea what to do and you stay stuck. Even when someone tells you what to do you are deathly afraid and want to do the right thing. (This is female programming to

I want your positive self talk and inner coach to “speak” to you directly so change can happen immediately. Then and only then will you hit the fast forward button on life change. This inner knowing and manifestation power is what so many people pursue, without ever learning how to allow it to move them forward in life. The key to success is action. Ta k e a c t i o n through fear. Take action through doubt. Take action even when you feel like you can take action. The way to build inner strength is to take action even when you feel you CAN NOT.

stay small and stuck. Do the right thing to get ahead.) I am here to tell you there is NO right thing and this mindset to do the “right thing” blocks progress! There is an inner voice and knowing, YOUR THING, your groove, your innate intelligence and a higher self part of you that wants to come out and play, you just have to trust it. So tuning in to your real and authentic self is key. I am talking about the part of you that speaks directly to the part of us that’s creative and motivated.

Stop denying yourself access to the wealth you deserve and learn to take fearless action, even if you screw up. Get back up in the face of adversity. Your body will love you. Your life will love you. And you will get results. I get it. Back when I was deep in depression, feeling stuck and wanting change, I would sit in my room at night, I would yell out for help but it seemed like there was no answer. I would search books for answers. I learned over 20 years this did not help at all and I needed to quiet down and listen to the answers inside of me. I needed to truly trust my ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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ability to lead and it was through trust that I built inner strength. I trusted that by taking productive action and disciplining myself to show up against the voices that tried to stop me, I would grow stronger. Long story short, there is another way 246

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to learn to move through sabotage and stuck and reach the changes you desire. You can learn to play big and be real by tuning into your inner coach, the positive voice. And you can learn to coach yourself to take action. Dr. Pam Denton, Fitness Leader, Motivational Speaker and Founder of

SuperCORE Fitness guides women to be unstoppable and face the fear of stepping out into the unknown to be unstoppable. www.supercorefit.com

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A DOG NAMED KARMA BY DENISE “KARMA” CLIFFORD

It’s funny how they say, some things are just meant to be. Like old friendships that never die, a perfect fit for a dress, or coming across a post about a dog named Karma. As a kid I had the pleasure of belonging to a dog who I can not deny may be this dog, reincarnated. I’ve never met a dog like Dutchess from my childhood in all my years. Up until now. No dogs even came close. She was solid, and her personality makes your memory believe she was as big as a grizzly bear. She wasn’t mean or aggressive, yet loyal and kept the farm free and clear of any woodchucks for miles. She wasn’t my dog, she was my step dads. So she acquired me. Not even sure of my small framed self and eagerness to make her my friend. She wasn’t used to kids. She was known for owning the back of an old Chevy pickup truck, and could scale the side to jump in if need be as it picked up speed down the road. She usually was in it before the keys even got the ignition, but those tiny instances where she wasn’t right there, and heard it fire up her large muscled body could be seen chasing down my dad’s green truck to jump inside as he would be nearing the 20 MPH mark. Loyal, to a tee. We once witnessed her running to catch up as a massive Mack truck was barreling down toward us in the opposite direction. I stared at my dad from the passenger seat, thinking he would make the Mack truck just disappear, but sometimes in life situations just play out that cannot be stopped. 250

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The exact moment our dog went to cross the road and make her leap, was the exact moment the truck made contact with her body. It didn’t end the way you or I or even my dad would have thought. The Mack truck screeched to a halt, our truck stopped and for a moment we didn’t move. We thought the worst as tears were already in my eyes, and I was angry at the truck driver. My memory may be a little off, as in my minds eye now she jumped up into the truck as the super hero dog she was, yet

I know that isn’t exactly how it happened. As she had a large wound we helped to heal, but nothing else major happened. This dog truly was one of a kind. Like I said, She wasn’t my dog, she was my dads. But as time went on and a man has to go to work and leave a dog behind, lonely little gals will make friends with a dog. One that is loyal and trusting and a super hero. I spent a lot of time on my bike as a kid. To get anywhere I needed to. We lived 7

miles away from anything. Sometimes I would just ride my bike down the road to play with other country kids. Other times I’d pack a back pack and ride my bike to wherever it took me. It didn’t matter if I told Dutchess to stay home or not. She was too loyal to watch me leave. Sure she would sit there and pretend she was staying, and every time I would glance back she would be there watching. Ears perked up sitting in the front yard, watching me leave. “Stay home Dutchess” I would shout behind me, and as I would round the last bend where I would be out of sight, I would feel relieved that she had listened. Until another mile down the road, and out of the thick bushes or weeds she would appear. Running along side me, as I pedal to my destination unknown. Lucky for me at times, she didn’t listen. These were times before invisible fencing, and in the country dogs just ran free. Many a time a dog would see me on my bike and think I was it’s next snack. I’m not sure how many dog attacks she saved me from, but I know it would have been many. Once she didn’t even make herself known to me, until a huge farm dog was almost on me as I pedaled so fast my chain popped off. She leaped out of the ditch on the other side of the road and took this beast down. She was ferocious, yet only when she wanted to protect her own. That dog ran home, tail between its legs, as Dutchess stood there all the while as I fixed my chain. She ran beside me the rest of the day. Stay home dutchess , meant watch me ride out of sight and then run as fast as you can to catch me.

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KARMA SPEAKS }} {{ SHIFT+CONTROL “It’s funny how they say, some things are just meant to be. Like old friendships that never die, a perfect fit for a dress, or coming across a post about a dog named Karma.”

I spent many days in the woods with her by my side, protecting me from whatever lurked out there . We spent hours turning logs and planks while she would listen for her cue to watch them. And any unsuspecting critters underneath would be hers for the taking. She loved that game. She didn’t go for training, but knew what it was she was meant to do.

she would lay by the tractor as we loaded it into the barn. She barked at the migrant workers who had to walk to and from the orchard on the hill. She let them know they were safe on the road, yet ½ an inch in the

There were times she would come home with a woodchuck almost as big as her. Her ears shredded and cuts on her face. But she was proud, head held high and would bring you home her prize. We tracked mud and muck into the house together after exploring the swamp. I shared sandwiches with her and spent lazy summer days laying in a pile of hay and her as my pillow gazing up at the clouds. Asking her if she saw this one or that one. I’m sure she did. She was the best listener. She once walked miles with us as my mom had no vehicle at the time and needed cigarettes. She decided we would be walking all the way to sodus point to stay. Of course I told Duchess to stay home, but again she didn’t listen. She walked the ten miles with us. She would follow along as we baled hay, and 252

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yard and they could end up as her lunch. They all must have known, as they would cross the road going by our house to remain on the other side. She would watch them, until they were past out property. She was the best Dog, and not a day nor dog has

gone by that I didn’t compare her to. So three weeks ago I read a post by an acquaintance on FB. A girl was going to kill her dog, and this friend was trying to help save her. I saw the post and began to read the comments. I told her I’d go get the dog, and I would help find her a home. I’ll spare the details of her former homes he was in, but when I went to get the dog named Karma, she wrapped her arms around me, and I was immediately hers. She’s loyal, and sweet and built like a Mack truck. Her personality makes you think she’s as big as a grizzly bear. As a child “Stay home Dutchess”. Meant that somewhere along the path, my loyal protective companion would show up, just when I needed her to. After the whole time running alongside me, just out of view. It’s as if I’ve been on the longest bike ride, and she showed up, out of the weeds. This time as a dog named Karma.

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THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM BY TRACY SIMONE

The elephant in the room is that we, the United States, have been infiltrated by entities outside of our borders. This has taken place over several years and was planned by those who do not like our freedom, our systems, or our way of life. One only needs to go back through the executive orders and new laws of the last few administrations to see the specific details and understand how we, The People, have lost some of our rights. A very unfortunate thing is that many people do not realize it and if we are not careful, we will not have a country to worry about. The other unfortunate thing is that people on the inside have helped them and continue to do so. Let us not forget that there are some extremely wealthy people who are looking to usher in a New World Order (NWO). That is, one world government, one religion, one currency, and if they get their way, considerably less people on the planet. This has been decades in the making, and it has been well documented. In the meantime, we have cameras on most street corners, surveillance through our phones and televisions, and if they get their way, a brand new vaccine that will carry a chip that will enable tracking of our every move. Most of the other things that we are seeing are distractions so that we lose sight of the master plan. The globalists want to remove the individual identity of each country. This, my friends, is why we really have all this recent craziness. This, and not race, is why we see the 254

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mobs destroying any property that they think they can. Defund the police and move in their own forces? Take over parts of a city? Anarchy anyone?

stories because they are not allowed to be reported. Look up “Out of Shadows Official” on YouTube (if you can find it because it keeps getting taken down).

Through all the recent chaos, many people have missed the fact that the Federal Reserve is now part of the Treasury. They are also missing that the Deep State,

We have to remain mindful that while we have chaos and confusion (wear a mask, don’t wear one, stay 6 feet apart, go out and protest but don’t go to church, tear down a statue but not THAT one, etc.), we still have to keep an eye on the big picture. We still have families to raise and hopefully something to leave the next generation at some point. We still need to have food and supplies, a roof over our heads and safety. We are still citizens of the world and the whole world is in turmoil. We need to be the grown ups and do the right thing.

or Cabal, are catching Hell these days because many of them have been found to be part of a worldwide trafficking ring. Tens of thousands of children have been rescued and the indictments (sealed and unsealed) just keep coming. Many of our favorite celebrities, athletes, CEOs, politicians and world leaders are caught up in it and have found themselves in hot water. If we only watch the mainstream media, we miss most of these back

We must recognize that there is nothing new under the sun. Everything that is happening now has happened before. We need to educate ourselves on real history and not just that stuff that we were taught in school. The white knee on the black neck was a centuries old ritual brought to us by the secret societies (look it up). We need to realize that, of course, ALL lives matter. We need to be smart enough to distinguish the social/racial issues that we never really addressed from the organization called Black Lives Matter (BLM). Donations to them are sent to the party that allowed

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{ TRACY TALKS } â&#x20AC;&#x153;Either we open our eyes to everything that is going on or we, The Sheeple, will be led to places that we probably do not want to go.â&#x20AC;?

their own American cities to be attacked. Whether we are aware of it or not, the organization is funded by the same people who fund Antifa (the group that delivered the bricks and weapons across multiple countries and paid people to turn protests into destructive riots). By the way, their current flag is just a modern version of the one that they used in Nazi Germany. Look up the Brown 256

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Shirts and draw the parallels for yourself. So, we need to look both in the foreground and in the background for ourselves OR choose to rely solely on the powers that be for information and to push us closer to what they want. We can stand up for our rights to have real information, freedom of speech, no censorship, peace and the ability to defend ourselves OR

we can just wait and see what the New World Order will be like. Either we open our eyes to everything that is going on or we, The Sheeple, will be led to places that we probably do not want to go. We have had many challenges and we will have more for sure. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

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that balances the filler’s structure and flexibility to suit the highly soft and mobile lip area The Restylane line of products is formulated to act like your body’s own naturally occurring hyaluronic acid, restoring volume to your skin. Restylane Kysse, was just FDAapproved for Lips. It’s designed to create softer, more natural-looking lips. ... “When you’re talking, smiling,

kissing, it has the ability to integrate into the tissue where it’s injected and mold to your tissue. It becomes one with [your lips].” - Allure Magazine It provides long lasting results for the lips compared with other fillers, proven to last for 6-9 months, and some effects have also been seen at 12 months. Vitalize is offering $50OFF during the rest of July!

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DIVERSITY BY COLLEEN LEFAVE

DIVERSITY WITHIN HAIR SALONS AND BARBERSHOPS Should hair salons and barbershops provide more diverse services, have diverse teams, and have diverse guests? The answer is simple...YES! Is it as easy as yes? Well, not exactly. Hair is a fabric. Let us take in this truth. When you talk to people that knit, sew, stitch, crochet, etc.… they each have a fabric of choice. This choice may be based on texture, ability to do what is needed, or experience. This is the same concept with hair.

your salon or barbershop”. Another way is through education! This really is a must. Once out of school (and hopefully a school that teaches diversity), usually stylists get education based on the brands used in the salon or barbershop, or from the distributor that the products are purchased from. Usually if any barber or stylist is asked about education usually it falls within their current clientele base. Business

A hairstylist may not work with curly hair, straight hair, thinning hair, short or long hair, extensions, wigs, men’s hair pieces, the list can go on and on, but you get my point. The reason? Usually hair stylists get good at their own hair. A black, brown, or white person that is good at their own hair usually attracts clients that have the same hair texture as well. There are exceptions to everything, so this is not a concrete= fact, but more of an observation. So how can a salon be diverse? The answer is very simply, in the setup. Having all the right products, tools, and experts to attract a diverse clientele. This can be expensive. Every brand has a specific client they want to target. Go ahead… try it…. I will not provide examples because it is a fun game to play. Take a brand and look at its social media, website, pricing, and most importantly their mission statement. Salons should have the same strategy. Now, this strategy absolutely should not exclude people in anyway, but rather say “hey you, we are 262

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classes are not taught to gain clientele from outside your demographic. At least they used to be based only on “Gaining more clients”, or every kind of technique known to man. But, there are not many stylists stepping out of their comfort zones to learn about hair outside of their cown circle. Basically what I am trying to say is that product brands need to be more diverse in order for salons and barbershops to be more diverse.

Products are expensive. But, product lines also have reward clubs. Some levels of the reward club allow access to certain elite levels based on that brand being the only brand in the salon. Then that brand needs to have products that can serve all clients. Have products that are multi use. There are some products that have multiple uses but there can be more. When you are searching for a new stylist or barber please keep all of this in mind. Salons and barbershops are not keeping anyone out. Believe me they will take your money and cut your hair. However, the industry needs to change, and slowly it is. But just like anything else it is the starting that is slow. Once change starts to happen it happens quicker and quicker, and will get better and better each day. I am sure there are many ways to create a diverse salon and barbershop. In Rochester, the only diverse salon atmosphere I have seen that serves everyone… is PRIME SALON & SPA SUITES. Each suite is its own business however as a whole, PRIME is the most diverse place in the area. There are different stylists and nail professionals available for you. There are different price points also for you. There is also a suite for you if you are a beauty pro looking for a new home. 301 Exchange Blvd LL1. Text 585-278-0314 for more info if you are looking for a new stylist or a pro looking for a new home. Cheer, Colleen PRIME SALON & SPA SUITES Prime Advisors

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{ COACHING WITH KRISTIN }

MODEL CITIZENS: PLOGGING WITH SUE BAUER BY KRISTEN BAUER GROSS

“Oh there’s another can!” My mom reaches her grabber tool towards the empty soda can and plucks it from the side of the road and places it into a bag she’s carrying. She tells me that on her walk earlier today she found six dollars laying in the grass, just blowing in the wind. My mom is Sue Bauer and she is 72 years young. One of her very favorite activities is plogging. Plogging, in case you have not heard of it, is a Swedish eco-craze that from our perspective hasn’t really caught on in upstate NY yet. Plogging is a word that blends “picking up” with “jogging”. Although, when mom and I are plogging, we engage in more of a brisk walk. We carry two bags, one for trash and one for recyclables. Besides a lot of strange looks from people driving by in their vehicle, plogging has taught me many life lessons.

too late to try out new adventures! My first agent Ann Marie Stonecypher took note of this positioning of models and actors and within her talent agency she started a division called “Model Citizens”. The purpose of this select group of people was volunteerism and helping non-profits. Sadly my friend, long time mentor and agent Ann Marie Stonecypher passed away in 2018. I was thinking recently about her “Model Citizens” and how her mission can continue with each and every one of us

But why am I telling you about my mom and about plogging? As a model coach who writes a monthly column for “Rochester Woman” I’d like to start dedicating some articles to highlight “Model Citizens”; meaning women in my model coaching and ACTION programs who are also doing good things in the world. In American culture, models and actors are viewed as public figures. With that limelight, models and talent can use their platform to showcase the change they’d like to see in the world and be that change. When your daughter is a model coach and lifelong commercial model and talent, you are bound to get mixed up into modeling. My mom walked as a professional model in her first fashion show at age 70. It is never 266

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acting as model citizens. I am often frustrated when models, singers, actors, politicians, influencers or other public figures are not acting with integrity and sometimes reading positive uplifting stories in the media is akin to finding a purple unicorn. Wait…… is there even any other color of unicorn???!!! Plogging Life Lessons: 1.) Only 10% of Americans get at least 30 minutes of exercise on 5 or more days a week – this is a sad statistic. Making it a priority to get outside into the fresh air,

sunshine, and getting movement is such a boost to our health and immune systems. Plogging doubles in benefits because it gives each walk/jog a small accomplishment of cleaning our environment yet also the added health benefits. Besides, who doesn’t like “running” into a little free money here and there? 2.) Many recyclables in the state of New York have a 5 cent deposit. Could you use some extra cash? Have something you are saving for? A vacation? New wardrobe? Charity goal? Appreciate cleaning up your community or being environmental? Start a plogging money jar. My mom kept track of all monies she collected from recyclables plus found money (ie: find a penny pick it up and all day you’ll have good luck) for an 18 month period once and it totaled $3,000.00 which she used towards replacing her roof. All from a daily hourlong brisk walk! 3.) There is trash everywhere – Wherever you walk start to really take in the surroundings. Notice the birds, the bees, the breeze and the debris… See what I did there? I noticed that the more closely I paid attention to my surroundings, it became apparent that trash is literally everywhere and this makes me so sad and also fairly angry. My mom encourages myself and others, to really look at their community and endeavor to notice what is going on and take pride in your own community. Trash can be very detrimental to animals and nature additionally. 4.) We live in a “throw away” society, but we each get to choose how to respond. It

{ COACHING WITH KRISTIN } “Plogging, in case you have not heard of it, is a Swedish eco-craze that from our perspective hasn’t really caught on in upstate NY yet.”

seems a bygone era where possessions were cherished, cared for, reused, fixed when broken or given away when no longer needed. Lately I find myself focusing on buying less and only purchasing things I love and will use. In conclusion, I nominated my mother, Sue Bauer, as an outstanding “Model Citizen” for her passion to clean up everywhere she goes and set an example for others. We notice many people seem to feel “above” picking up trash and debris but if everyone did just a little it would make light work for all. 268

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As she vigorously plogs, through the outskirts of the Rochester suburbs, she gains all of these benefits which include improved health, cleaning the environment, emotional well being with time in nature, and a few extra dollars in her pocket. All of these which don’t cost a single person anything beyond their time and energy. What are you doing to become the next model citizen in your community, family or region? Can you identify a model citizen in your life whom you aspire to? In an effort to detox your body of junk

food and manufactured foods and your mind of negative thoughts and beliefs, I encourage you to join my “Courage to Dream” 30 Day Detox Challenge. In August we’ll dive deep into detoxing for 30 days. Whether you’d finally like to kick your sugar addiction, drop the quarantine 15, or re-wire your life and thoughts with new habits I encourage you to find the courage to join me on this journey! Follow me @KristinBauerGross on Instagram or Facebook for details or visit my website www.KristinB.com

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HISTORY IN THE MAKING BY JAMIE LYNN GARNER I PHOTOS BY LENS OBSESSED PHOTOGRAPHY

Where were you when the world as we once knew it came to a crashing halt? Could you have ever imagined in your wildest dreams (or nightmares) that you would be living through such a time as history being made right in front of our very eyes, let alone multiple different historic moments? We, collectively, as a nation heard about Covid-19 in other countries while we wondered when and if it would reach us here in the states.

items became extremely hard to get your hands on. By March 22nd, 2020 Cuomo ordered all non-essential businesses to close by enacting the “NY on Pause” initiative. With that came the stay at home order which just made the world even more empty. Parks where children once gleefully played without a care in the world now sat empty like a desolate wasteland. Cities like NYC,

On March 1st, 2020, what we all feared would happen became a reality as New York got its very first positive case of Covid-19. By March 7th, NY Governor Andrew Cuomo declared a state of emergency here in New York. My last official day of work was on Friday the 13th of all days! I found myself with copious amounts of free time on my hands, so I decided to grab my camera and start documenting the crazy world around me and what I was witnessing. One of my biggest questions I kept asking myself was, “where in the world has all of the toilet paper gone?!?!” Amiright?!? Understandably people were scared, but I just was not seeing why it meant that everyone needed to stockpile and at this time hoard this commodity. The shelves at the store literally gave off a post-apocalyptic, end of the world scene, I really felt like Morgan Freeman should have been narrating it as I walked down the aisles. Meat cases, isles that once held water and other “essential”

Chicago, and Las Vegas that once touted titles such as “the city that never sleeps” were literal ghost towns. Children of all ages were missing out on schools days, from the little kids who couldn’t quite grasp why they weren’t allowed to go back to school and see their friends and favorite teachers to the high school seniors being robbed of their final days of a long school career that they’ve worked their behinds off to get there. The economy took a massive hit

as the unemployment rate skyrocketed to unprecedented record highs. All the while there is an overwhelmingly eerie, silent yet deafening sense of uncertainty surrounding every aspect of our lives as we sat riveted to social media and the news hoping to find some glimpse into what we were supposed to do. But through perseverance, we are flattening the curve of Covid-19’s reign on us. By making the necessary sacrifices that we’ve all had to make- from staying home to wearing a mask whenever you aren’t able to social distance- even these seemingly small acts add up and make a difference in the overall scheme of things, we are coming out on the other side of Covid-19a little battered but still standing! We are all so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for! Those of us that we’re called to serve by staying home had the easy part of it, the real heroes are the essential workers. The Respiratory Therapists and other medical professionals, the first responders, bus drivers, and grocery store employees who tirelessly and selflessly put aside their own fears and concerns over the hidden enemy that lurked around every corner and went to work in order to make sure everyone else in their communities had what they need despite their very own families missing them.

SHIFT+CONTROL { SPECIAL FEATURE } “Could you have ever imagined in your wildest dreams (or nightmares) that you would be living through such a time as history being made right in front of our very eyes, let alone multiple different historic moments? ”

Those are the ones that literally deserve the world but I can’t give that to themwhat I can give them in my absolute utmost respect and admiration as well as the most enormous thank you from the very bottom of my heart and I encourage each and every one of you to do the same! Fast forward a couple of months to May 25th, 2020. Covid-19 is still a very real presence and threat but now there was a new threat showing its face. The world woke up that morning and turned on the news or popped open Facebook while we had our morning coffee just to see the saddening news of the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis at the hands of a police officer. Outrage sparked across the world due not only to the fact that George was a black man and the officer was a white man but that this is an ongoing issue in modern society. The systemic racism that goes on in our world has started the “Black Lives Matter’’ movement. People already scared from Covid-19 and now this begins to take to the streets in protest to demand a much-needed change in the world. These people were not only demanding justice for George Floyd and 274

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the numerous countless other deaths, but for a change in policing policies. We need to put an end to systemic racism in our modern-day society- there is absolutely no space for it! People from all walks of life from all over the world are protesting every day just

for that change. Once again, I found myself with nothing but time on my hands so I decided to grab my camera and head down to one of the protests and all I can say is “wow!” I was completely floored with the outpouring of emotions that I was feeling from this crowd! The complete rawness and vulnerability of the people were breathtaking, and it is something I think everyone should the first-hand witness for themselves. If you cannot get to a protest near you, I hope

these pictures spark even a smidge of the emotion that I tried to capture! Once again New York is leading the in the history-making moves department with Cuomo making New York the first state in the nation to pass aggressive legislation for police reform bills that include such things as banning chokeholds and addressing 50A (which releases disciplinary records of all officers). This is a huge step in the right direction to ending systemic racism, but the fight is far from over. I am proud of the state I call home in standing tall and addressing these issues as quickly as they did and comping up with solutions. I am extremely glad that I took the time to get out and document these historic times and I encourage all of you to do the same (yes even with a cell phone! The only bad picture is a missed picture!)experience history and document it! Until next time- Stay safe out there! Hope you enjoyed reading, you can find more photos at https://www.facebook.com/ LensObsessedPhotography/ and www. instagram.com/lensobsessedphotography. --

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THE ESSENTIALS BY MICHELLE DIBERNARDO I PHOTOS BY THE ECLECTIC EYE AND MICHELLE DIBERNARDO OF DIBERNARDO PRODUCTIONS

Some of us have been forced to stay home during Covid-19 which has led most of us to clean out our closets but what is essential to have. I have come up with my Top 8 essential items for any women’s closet. Having these closet ready will make you ready for any occasion and affordable if you do not already own them. Find my list below:

everyone to have. THE FAMOUS LITTLE BLACK DRESS A little black dress is great for any

LEATHER JACKET Throw it over a V-neck t-shirt with your favorite denim or pair it with your work look for a more edgy vibe. The best thing about leather is that if you take care of it they will last for quite some time.

BASIC T-SHIRTS The classic basic t-shirt can be paired with denim for a great casual look. How can you go wrong with basic t-shirts in any closet? Make sure you grab your season’s colors to match with your skin tone. V-necks are always an option.

FLATS Flats can be paired with almost any outfit, from casual to dressy. Be sure to find ones with good support for all-day comfort. Black and nude are always great to have to pair with anything in your closet.

QUALITY DENIM Denim comes in a variety of washes including a light wash, medium wash, dark wash, and black jeans. You can never go wrong with every color denim. These classic styles are sure to stay in style: slim-fit/straight leg, skinny, and cropped. Having these options keeps you versatile and ready for any occasion. CLASSIC SUNGLASSES Now sunglasses work as a fashion and a protective item. Sunglasses are a form of protective eyewear designed primarily to prevent UV rays from damaging or discomforting the eyes. The classic aviator will be forever essential for

CLASSIC BLAZER Now the fundamental way to finding the right classic blazer is finding one that you can layer with many different style tops ranging from classic t-shirts to button-up blouses. Blazers come in so many fun colors now.

PUMPS Pumps are sometimes the most common of high heels. They are usually wider than most heels and between 2 and 4 inches in height. Pumps can be used as everyday work shoes or formalwear.

occasion including formals, meetings, and dinners. Whether you want to glam it up or keep it casual a little black dress is essential in any women’s closet.

STILETTOS The stiletto heel is named after the stiletto dagger because it is a long, thin, high heel. Stiletto heels may vary in height from 1 inch to 10 inches! Both are essential in any women’s closet. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ FASHION FORWARD } “Now that you know your season and my top 8 essentials to any women’s closet, get to organizing.”

So these 8 essential items will work for any woman who likes a little fashion during Covid-19.

to medium brown.

Now while choosing your color scheme you will want to buy into your season to look your best. There are 4 seasons: Spring, Summer, Autumn & Winter. Some of you may know your season while others may not. Below I will explain how to determine your season. You will need to begin with your skin color, then your eyes and onto your hair color.

peach to golden beige, pale ivory, or golden black. Eyes- Dark brown, brown with flecks, clear blue or green. Hair- Red, strawberry blonde, chestnut are charcoal black. WINTER S k i n - Ve r y b l u e undertone, true black or milky white. Eyes- Dark brown or dark blue.

SPRING

Hair- White blonde, medium brown to black.

Skin- Golden to ivory peach or dark beige to a golden brown.

Now that you know your season and my top 8 essentials to any women’s closet get to organizing.

Eyes-Dark with golden flecks/highlights or bright. Hair- Strawberry, golden blonde, deep black, or dark brown with natural highlights.

Stay tuned with updates on myself and my business at www. MichelleDiBernardo. c o m , w w w . DiBernardoProductions. M e d i a a n d w w w. CreatorsFilmFest.com. I look forward to talking more Fashion with you next month.

SUMMER Skin- Blue-toned skin with definite pink undertones.

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Eyes- Pale blue, gray, soft brown, or hazel.

AUTUMN

Maternity model, Tatiana Martinez.

Hair- Blonde to ash blonde or light

Skin- Clear yellow gold undertone,

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{ LIVING CONFIDENTLY }

7 EASY WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR FINANCES THIS WEEK BY ANGELA VAHUE

It’s fun to daydream about a better financial future. But, unfortunately, too often people stay stuck in their dreams and don’t take action. Yet, as author Annie Dillard has observed, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” In other words, if we don’t act now, we may never. Consider today the first day of the rest of your financial life. Here are seven actions to take, each one just a few minutes, to improve your finances this week. MONDAY: KNOW YOUR NUMBERS Download a budget app to keep track of your income and expenses. Next time you buy something, quickly tap the amount into the app. Do the same when you get paid. Soon it will feel as easy as texting. Estimated time for download and set up: 2 minutes TUESDAY: ADD ONE PERCENT Zip an email to Human Resources and ask to transfer one percent more from your income into your retirement account. While you’re at it, confirm that your company is matching your annual retirement contribution to the fullest extent allowed. Don’t have an HR rep? No problem. Take charge and set up an automatic bank transfer. Do the same with your savings account and strive to add another percent each quarter. You won’t miss this amount now, and you’ll be very happy to see it grow over time. Estimated time: 1-5 minutes WEDNESDAY: CHECK YOUR CREDIT SCORE Speaking of numbers to know, your credit score is the main factor that lenders use in establishing your credit worthiness. What many people don’t realize is that

you typically have more than one credit score. No matter. Just checking any of them now will help you get a handle on where you stand, and these days you can check one of your scores for free through your bank, credit card issuer or a free online service. Not happy with what you see? You can start improving your credit score with these tips. Estimated time: 5 minutes THURSDAY: ASK THE REAL QUESTION The real question may surprise you, but here it is: “Am I earning enough?” Fill out an online salary estimator, found on some job sites, to find out. The estimator will prompt you to enter where you live, years of experience and other relevant info. In return, it will share comparable salary ranges for your profile. Then, create a plan to negotiate to where you should be. Estimated time: 4 minutes. FRIDAY: END THE UNNECESSARY Did you travel abroad last year and add an international data plan to your phone bill? That was a good idea at the time, but did you remember to end it when you got home? What about subscription services like monthly streaming sites? Maybe you signed up for several sites, but really only watch one. Gym membership you’re not using? Prepared food delivery? Review all your recurring expenses and cancel any services that you no longer use.

opportunity to write out your dreams for the future. After the timer dings, put your list of goals somewhere where you’ll see it regularly, like in your wallet, on the fridge or on your dresser. The list will remind you of your long-term plans. Take a look, does your spending and saving habit align with your goals? And if you’re in a committed relationship, make a date to talk about your joint and individual financial goals. You’ll be glad that you did. Estimated time: 20 minutes (or less) SUNDAY: MAKE THE CALL This week, by taking a few quick and easy actions, you have already gained some clarity of your financial picture. Now reach out to your financial representative to talk about your long-term strategy. All you need to do is leave a message to get the ball rolling. Estimated time: 15 minutes Well done! Over the past week, using a little more than an hour of time, you have taken action to improve the course of your financial life. These seven small steps will create a big impact over the long term. Indeed, the better financial life of your future has already begun. Brought to you by The Guardian Network © 2019. The Guardian Life Insurance Company of America®, New York, NY”

Estimated time: 30 minutes SATURDAY: GET YOUR GOALS FRONT AND CENTER Saturday is your day, so take the time to think about your goals. Set a timer for 20 minutes and give yourself the ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK }

OUR ENERGY BY KENDALL SLATER

Most of us live our lives running around from one thing to the next and spending all our energy investing in those around us. From family and friends, to the people we do not even like very much, our energy often goes to others. We feel like we have hit a wall in our lives and often feel stuck. We feel a lack of fulfillment and that we are trying to navigate in quicksand. The guilt and shame sets in because how could we feel so selfish? Isn’t life truly about taking care of and serving others regardless of the area in your life? Relationships with your partner, parents, kids, friends, coworkers, our boss, their happiness usually come before yours. I am going to shake things up and say that you are going about this the wrong way. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself before others. That is a bold thought but hang with me for a few minutes and I will explain. For example, let us say your life revolves around your children to the point you have zero time to take care of yourself. You grab something quick that is prepackaged in between activities, you have zero energy and feel like you cannot keep up and it is bottled

up with a feeling of drowning. You long for something more. To have a creative outlet, but you squash the thought every time it pops in your head out of guilt and being “realistic”. Everyday feels the same. Now let us flip the scenario. You wake up before the kids and get a workout in and as time goes by you add a little yoga and meditation.

You use your Sundays to meal prep for the week, so healthier options are always quick and at arm’s reach. During nap time you start a blog to help other mothers who are struggling to find fun activities for their kids, healthy snacks ideas, and wellness tips for themselves. By doing this your happier, healthier and have

fulfillment by helping others and making a difference while living in your passion and purpose. You have more energy to chase the kiddos around, they see you happier and you are setting a positive example for them that they can in fact have it all. By carving some time out for yourself each day you can show up even better in the lives around you and have such a greater impact. “Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. It will not only improve your life; it will improve the lives of all those around you.” – Robin Sharma There is a reason why they tell you on a flight that if the oxygen masks are needed, you are to put yours on before you help anyone else. The reason being is you cannot help anyone if your passing out due to lack of oxygen. The same applies in everyday life. If your tired, stressed out and are unhappy, are you really showing up in the best way you can in every area of your life? The guilt and shame around putting yourself first needs to stop. It is not selfish to invest in yourself. The opposite is true because it makes you a better person to be around. Who doesn’t love to be around someone who is radiating happiness, confidence and contentment? The

{ YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK } “I am going to shake things up and say that you are going about this the wrong way. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself before others.”

contagious. People want to know the secret.

you start to wonder what else can you accomplish?

If you cannot get your needs met it is ridiculously hard for you meet the needs of others. You cannot pour from an empty cup. You must first fill your cup so much it overflows into others. Meaning your life is being lived in such a way it cannot help but have a positive effect on others. Living your life as always being the student is extremely beneficial because you can never max out on things you can get better at. You can always get better, faster and stronger. In the age we live in today we literally have knowledge at our fingertips. The device in your hand is a plethora of information.

The key to winning in this area is to picture how you want your life to look like and start acting like that person who has what you want.

This is the beauty of what happens in my coaching programs, you set goals in the beginning and at the end of the program through work and consistency you reach those goals. The amazing thing is you are a different person then you were 3 months ago at the start of the program. You are better, faster, stronger. The evolved version of you is ready for a new set of goals because you have given yourself the gift of self-confidence by keeping the promises you made to yourself because you did what you said you were going to do. Then 284

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If your goal is to get healthy, are you doing the things it takes to become

that person by changing your lifestyle choices and getting your movement in? Habit change is something we deep dive into in my Total Transformation Program. No one else can do it for you. Only you have the power to make those changes. If you want to start your own business are you taking the action steps by doing the research, creating

a business plan, or looking at getting the certifications you need to move you forward? Let us say you want to stop renting because it’s time to buy your dream house, are you putting yourself on a budget and cutting back on little luxuries like your daily coffee run and shopping sprees? So, take that class, read that book, start that business, hire that coach, plan that trip. Life is way too short to wait till the kids are grown, till something better comes along, for the perfect circumstances, for the judgement to disappear, to live in fear, to wait on approval, until after you retire. Your worth the investment you put into yourself whether that be time or money. My catchphrase with everyone is “You’re worth the work”. This is because anything worth having in the long run takes work to not only get it, but to keep it. So how are you going to start investing in yourself? Message me @kls_squared on Facebook and Instagram and let me know because I would love to hear how your going to do it! For more information please visit www. kendallslaterwellness.com

{ FUTURE STAR }

AEWOYN HOLMES BY SHANNON HOLMES I PHOTOS BY

Meet 9-year-old Aeowyn Sayer Holmes. Aeowyn is the daughter of Mark and Shannon Holmes and is no stranger to the entertainment industry. Aeowyn began modeling and competing in pageants at the age of 6 months old. Since her first experience on the stage, she was hooked. Winning her first Overall title before the age of 2, and first state title at 11 months. Aeowyn shot her first commercial at 3, and her first movie at 5. She began dancing before she was 2. With her mom being a dance instructor, and pageant coach, she has grown up on the stage. She was the USA National Miss NY Jr Princess at the age of 4 and went on to win the 2016 USA National Jr. Princess, and spent the year speaking about Anti Bullying through their platform the CROWN Cares, and promoting her own charity which she created, Books 4 Bedtime. She collects new and used books to be distributed to Hospitals, United Way, adopting agencies, and other organizations that then distribute them to children. Aeowyn has worked with Michelle Dibernardo Productions for commercial and print work. She was the face of their anti-bullying campaign. Aeowyn loves reminding kids to be a “friend, not a bully.” 286

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Aeowyn has worked with director Martin Guigui in the upcoming movie” Drama, Drama”, onto working with director Johnny Whitaker in Preppers Grove where she plays Taylor McDaniels. She had the privilege to work with the Award-winning actress Margaret O’Brien. Holmes has had the privilege to work on set with Keara Graves, Ana Golja, Michelle DeFraites, Amelia DeMilo,

and lead actress roles. These films allow her to show a range of her acting skills as they are horror, a thriller, a family drama, and a musical. Aeowyn loves that she can become a different character on set, and enjoys working with new professional people in the industry. “ It’s fun she says!”

Cinta Laura, and Zonta Te’Ahnna Lynn.

This fall she will be busy. Aeowyn has walked for Multiple designers in NYFW since the age of 5. One of her favorites would be for ASHLEY Lauren. She also has a shoe named after her from the amazing Mr. Marc DeFang. Rocking the runway is something she truly enjoys as she loves the opportunity to promote these fabulous designers. Her little sister Teigan, 6 is now following in her footsteps. Both girls have walked in NYFW, and are signed on for the movie,” The Dollmaker.” This movie will be filmed later this fall. Aeowyn will be playing a lead and Teigan will be a supporting lead for her first feature film. Writer/ director Jill Camillo has created this thriller, which will get you thinking about what if’s. “ I’m excited to work on set with my little sister,” Aeowyn says.

Her schedule was delayed a bit due to COVID, but she can not wait to get back on set ASAP. She has signed on to film 4 movies in this next year for ACC films. These films are Toll House Hours, Tykarindom Saga, Snow, and the Dance. She will have supporting actress

Looking ahead to 2021. Aeowyn will be starring in “With Child”. Written by Jeff Kacmarynski, this international award-winning script has an amazing cast. Including Maria Olsen, Laura Ellen Wilson, Jessica Cherniak, Thom Michael Mulligan, David E. McMahon,

{HUSTLES SPECIAL FEATURE } { { SHE ENTREPRENHERS }} SHEHUSTLES ENTREPRENHERS

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“ I’m excited to work on set with my little sister.”

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{ FUTURE STAR } } { SHIFT+CONTROL “This straight-A student loves to act, sing, and dance. Aeowyn dreams to win an Academy Award one day, and also to be a pediatric surgeon.”

Cheryl Prater, Christian Vaccaro, Sheri Davis, Julie Anne Prescott, and Spencer Mabrey. This film has so many twists and turns in it. Aeowyn is really excited to be playing “Amber,” her character is very complex. Please visit Facebook for these fantastic films or http://www. IMDB.com. You can follow Aeowyn

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Sayer’s career here as well. Aeowyn Sayer - IMDb This straight-A student loves to act, sing, and dance. Aeowyn dreams to win an Academy Award one day, and also to be a pediatric surgeon. She would love to be in a film with Dove Cameron,

Zach Efron, Hugh Jackman, or Anne Hathaway. Until then she will keep auditioning, practicing, improving her skills as she continues to change the world one smile at a time. Look for her in November on the National stage again as she is your reigning USA National Miss East Coast Princess.

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Finding Families for Waiting Kids. For more information contact: 888-835-8802 or 585-232-5110 info@capbook.org ChildrenAwaitingParents.org

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{ HER EDGE }

PERSONAL GROWTH BY ROBIN DEWIND

My daughter had been getting the mail at an unusual rate last week when she finally confessed. “Mom I bought a book on Amazon and I don’t want you to be mad.” Reading has been a shared loved of ours since she could sit on my lap so it was hard to imagine any book, I would be angry with. “Why Men Love Bitches”.

feeling better. She was not. Now, according to her new book, she was working towards becoming a bitch instead of a doormat for the next time around.

Not quite the literary work I was expecting. She is only 16, and I was praying there were no real “men” in her life. I asked her why she wanted to read a book geared towards adult women. She saw a twentysomething ‘YouTuber’ who appeared confident and “really together” do a video review on the book and it piqued her interest. What aroused my curiosity was why my daughter already felt like she needed a nononsense guide to navigating the opposite sex.

Ok, probably not the best motherly thing to offer up, but I felt guilty for not being honest. I bought my own ‘bitches’ book

While trapped in the house during the pandemic, my daughter started talking with a boy from school who had always liked her from afar. He made his move in April over Snapchat and for weeks she was smiling and happy and seemed to have found a very unexpected love-connection. I was happy for her but fearful this teenage romance would progress once the face masks were off. It never got that far. Just as the weather warmed up, he vanished. A late-night text while she was sleeping said he was confused. So was my daughter. She was left wondering what she did wrong. It was the equivalent of Carrie Bradshaw being broken up with on a post-it note. A few weeks past and I thought she was

I knew I needed to say something. “I own that book”.

what was really going on. It was simple; she wanted to feel empowered instead of sweet and nice. She felt confused and conflicted about how she was supposed to be. Liking herself seemed lot harder that getting someone to like her. Our brief conversation about boys and why they do what they do and why we girls react, sent me to the basement looking for a box of books I had put away. I found my “Bitches” book along with “Co-Dependent No More”, The Five Things We Cannot Change”, “Women Have All the Power” and “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. There were more titles, but I am already embarrassed by the financial investment I made trying to re-invest in myself. I had packed the books into one box and shoved them behind the American Girl doll clothes on a shelf because apparently, I was all healed and knew it all. My mid- life crisis had passed but had I learned anything?

when I was trying to figure out how to get my personal life right the second time around. After almost thirty years of relationships something was not working. I became a frequented flier in the Barnes and Nobel “personal growth” section. My work persona was confident, assertive, driven. My private self was insecure, apologetic, and self-doubting. I was making poor choices, settling, and jumping through fire hoops. We started to talk about the book and

To my surprise, Yes. Relationships are about the give and take and not about demands and requirements. Boundaries may hurt someone’s feelings but your needs matter too. Vulnerability does not make you weak, it sets you free. Trust me, my pile of books made me cringe remembering how held down I was by my own thoughts. It took me until my 50’s to not care about what everyone else thought. It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I was

{ HER EDGE } “It was simple; she wanted to feel empowered instead of sweet and nice.”

finally feeling good enough on the inside to not sell myself short on the outside. I listen to my needs, accept my mistakes without shame, and even give myself approval to be a little bitchy. How could I expect my teenager to understand all this when it took me most of my adult life and two dozen books to comprehend it and live it.

What could she already know about acceptance, empowerment, and self-worth? Then it hit me. My daughter was not trying to ‘get over’ a boy, win him back or even make him jealous, she was looking to learn how to love herself. She was smarter than I was. We spent the next several days talking about all the things she does right, and not about

what she “did wrong”. “From Doormat to Dream girl - A woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship” WITH HERSELF is what the front cover sub-title should really say. That is a book I would highly recommend.

CONTACT ROBIN DE WIND TODAY! I ROBINDEWIND@GMAIL.COM

{ WORD OF MOUTH }

EMOTIONAL I.Q. BY DR INDRA QUAGLIATA

There is a term in the health professions called, “Emotional I.Q.”. It refers to the ability of the health care provider to recognize, understand, and value a patient’s “emotional self-awareness” (a patient’s self-image and what, if anything, they want to change about themselves to improve their selfimage). Emotional I.Q. considers the psychological benefit of treating the patient’s wants as well as their needs. Placing equal importance on a patient’s wants should be central to the overall treatment plan and results in treating the patient as a whole person . . . this is holistic patient care. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yet Emotional I.Q. is not typically taught in dentistry. It’s the kind of skill that must be desired, sought out, and honed.

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advanced digital x-rays diagnose conditions of the teeth and gums in the earliest stages is important to treat dental conditions when they are small. Cone Beam CT Imaging is a digital 3D dental x-ray that allows Dr. Quagliata to visualize and diagnose conditions that would otherwise be missed on traditional 2D dental x-rays. It is necessary for the planning and placement of dental implants and is used to provide the most advanced clear tray orthodontic treatments. CEREC Computer Aided Design is a digital 3D design and fabrication technology that Dr. Quagliata and her team utilize to create esthetically superior crowns and bridges in a

An orthopedist treats the joints and bones. A cardiologist treats the heart. A dentist treats the gums and teeth. For Dr. Indra Quagliata, it is important not to become too focused: to remember that she is treating the person behind the smile. Her “Emotional I.Q.” is a skill that she cultures and refines continuously, actively listening to her patients to identify their “emotional self-awareness”. Patients rely on Dr. Quagliata to be a partner in their dental care for dental cleanings and managing tooth decay, but it is natural that her patients want their emotional self-awareness as well as their goals for their dental care heard, understood, and valued.

SINGLE appointment. In office one-hour Zoom Teeth Whitening is also available and offers immediate results. Investing in this twenty-first century technology allows Dr. Quagliata to meet the expectations of her patients

To succeed in this, Dr. Quagliata continuously invests in technology, education, and continued training of herself as well as her staff to provide advanced, twenty-first century, holistic dental care. Using technologically

Using the most current and advanced methods and protocols available, Dr. Quagliata ensures that her patients enjoy thorough and individualized preventive care. When simple fillings are needed,

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Dr Quagliata places only natural looking composite fillings using the highest quality restorative materials. Saving teeth is always a priority. Root Canal Therapy is a treatment option to avoid tooth extraction and is an in-office treatment option. But what about patients whose emotional self-awareness goes beyond their smile? What about those patients concerned with facial lines, wrinkles, sagging skin, sunspots, acne scars, or even hair loss? Dentists are trained specialists in head and neck anatomy and physiology and are uniquely qualified to offer treatments for facial esthetics and hair loss. Certified by the American Academy of Facial Esthetics, Dr. Quagliata has traveled the world to complete focused training in advanced facial esthetics. She uses only name brand products containing the highest quality ingredients such as BOTOX injections and facial fillers such as Juvederm. Minimally invasive in-office face lifts, called “Thread Lifts”, is a highly specialized procedure performed by Dr. Quagliata. Protein Rich Fibrin (PRF) is an entirely natural option than can be used in place of synthetic fillers; is injected in the scalp to treat hair loss; and used topically in conjunction with Micro Needling. PRF is created by using a patient’s own blood, centrifuging it to separate red blood cells from blood serum. It is the blood serum that contains growth factors, white blood cells, and stem cells. It is this serum that biologically re-programs the skin to behave as it did in youth activating collagen and elastin production. PRF technology has been in use in orthopedic and sports medicine for decades to treat sports injuries and

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{ WORD OF MOUTH } “This “Emotional I.Q.”, believing every patient deserves personalized care, is what sets Dr. Indra Quagliata apart as Rochester’s twenty-first century dentist delivering holistic patient care.”

promote tissue regeneration. The science of PRF was introduced to dentistry in 2001 for dental surgeries and more recently for facial rejuvenating procedures. Micro Needling is a facial esthetic procedure that corrects fine lines, wrinkles, sagging skin, sunspots, under-eye circles, and acne scars. Trained and certified staff can use PRF topically during Micro Needling to enhance results. It is an effective treatment for women and men of any age or skin type. The mechanical action of skin injury during Micro Needling breaks up sunspots (called melanocytes), breaks down the collagen matrix of facial scaring, and induces collagen and elastin production within 300

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skin cells. The healing biomaterial of PRF accelerates soft tissue regeneration which continues for up to one month. So, Micro Needling procedures are safe to repeat every 4 weeks. Improvements in the skin are noticeable after three or four treatments (3 or 4 months) depending on the level of skin damage to be corrected. When used with PRF, Micro Needling results can be long lasting, provided patients treat their new skin with care and do not return to old habits that cause skin damage. Once desired results are achieved, 1 or 2 Micro Needling treatments every 12–18 months are all that is needed to maintain results. William Shakespeare said, “Things done well and with care, exempt themselves from

fear”. Dr. Indra Quagliata believes that in delivering care that hears, acknowledges, understands, and values the emotional self-awareness of her patients, establishes trust, and trust negates fear. This is her mission and passion: to treat each patient as a whole person. This “Emotional I.Q.”, believing every patient deserves personalized care, is what sets Dr. Indra Quagliata apart as Rochester’s twenty-first century dentist delivering holistic patient care. She believes that is really should be that simple.

Live your smile to the fullest.

INDRA QUAGLIATA, DDS

COSMETIC DENTISTRY D E N TA L I M P L A N T S INVISALIGN ZOOM WHITENING S A M E D AY C R O W N S & B R I D G E S PRF INJECTIONS PRF MICRONEEDLING BOTOX & FILLERS

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{ SOCIALLY CREATIVE }

SOCIAL MEDIA AWKWARD BY HANNAH COSTELLO

We all know how relevant having an online presence is in today’s technology forward world, but it doesn’t mean we don’t all experience some level of discomfort, selfdoubt, or awkwardness around it. In today’s world, it is imperative to be on at least 1-2 social media platforms if you want your business to thrive, maintain relevancy & gain new customers, increase your sales & stay connected. Creating a presence on Social Media is no longer optional which is why I have designed this column to empower small business owners & entrepreneurs to show up creatively, uniquely & authentically across their social media channels without feeling “Socially(Media) Awkward.” So, let’s dive into some beginner’s basics for establishing your business’s virtual voice. Begin by choosing platforms you are aware of and have seen others use like Facebook or Instagram (I promise you can adventure into TikTok & Snapchat later on). These staple platforms in the social media world that most people are on for personal and, or business purposes. When I say most, I mean that Instagram hit 1 billion users back in 2018...So it is a platform you want to add as a contender for marketing & advertising your business. In the first quarter of 2020, Facebook reported double that number with over 2.6 billion users. One of the first pieces of advice I give to my clients who are just starting with social media is this: Know who your target audience is, and more importantly, where they are. Each platform carries a different audience and purpose, so you don’t need to be on all of them all at once to be successful with your social media reach. That being said, knowing where your warm and cold market is, is a crucial piece when choosing a platform (or two). 302

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Think of your warm market as your friends, family, acquaintances: these are people you have met in person and have spent time with IRL (in real life). Think of your cold market as friends you have yet to meet: these are people who learn about you, your business & are attracted to your goods/services because you speak to them through your content. They have a curiosity and desire to follow you, cultivate a connection with, purchase your goods, invest in your services, or in whatever capacity that looks like for your industry. When you try to oversaturate your business on social media, more times than not, you will forget about the platform, not give it the proper care & attention it needs, or be able to maintain it. So trust me when I say, start with just 1 or 2 and do them well. Start where most people already are: Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin, Pinterest, Twitter, and Youtube. A secondary tip I recommend to my clients is knowing what platforms are for social media marketing and which are for social networking. Linkedin is prime for connecting with others in your similar industry, connecting with your local community, posting job opportunities, announcing events, updating your credentials (think enhancing for professional life.) Pinterest is an up and coming platform for physical goods intended for driving more sales and traffic to your site by using visually appealing content (think fashion, beauty, retail, boutiques.) Youtube is the leading video sharing platform for podcasters, vloggers, educators, and more (think hacks, how to’s, tutorials.) Twitter is one of the most popular social media network platforms for news, current

events, and staying up to date on trends (think authors, celebrities, news channels, public figures.) The lesson to take away here is this: If it doesn’t feel right for your business, don’t do it. You know your business better than anyone else, and others can tell if you’re coming across as disingenuous or inauthentic just for the sake of gaining exposure and engagement. My third most important tip for feeling less awkward and uncomfortable on social media is knowing what your audience’s interests, hobbies, beliefs, values, and demographics are. After you have established a client avatar or your followers’ foundation, it is important to be aware of what new audiences, demographics you want to attract. Taking this next step will help bring in new ways for people to find & follow you, which will increase your engagement, exposure, and brand awareness to new people. Market research will be your best business companion when you are just starting. Survey your family and friends on which platforms they are on. Utilize authoritative and reliable sources to research which platforms are best for your industry. Research the demographics of a variety of social media users. Read blogs & articles. Most importantly, consider hiring a social media manager to help you navigate your social marketing needs, goals & objectives. To learn more about the Beginner’s Basics of social media, you can visit my website: www. creativesagency.org or send me an email with your questions: info@creativesagency.org You can find further tips, tricks & best practices for creating a strong, confident online presence by following me on social media, IG: creatives_social_ agency or FB: facebook.com/creativessocialagency

{ MIND, BODY, SPIRIT }

TRANSITIONING BY ALANA CAHOON

TRANSITIONING FROM THE WORKPLACE TO THE HOME OFFICE How many of you have found yourselves in the position of transition? Most of us have. During the past four months since the announcement of the global pandemic, we have found ourselves scrambling to accommodate a new way of living. This new normal reflects what may have looked more like an abnormal. Yet here we are. In this new normal-abnormal reality.

take a commitment, a risk of sorts.

I recently closed the doors to my Studio

Consider the stages of buying a house or getting married. Neither are simple tasks. Even hopping on a plane to Las Vegas for an overnight marriage requires some effort!

I could’ve opened the article with this statement. It could have been an emotive path into the story. However, whether consciously or subconsciously I’ve chosen to place it here. In the middle where it may get lost.

These are all great transitions. And yet each and every one of them take courage. Why? Because they present a change! And we are creatures of habit. There is the fear of rejection. Failure. The unknown. And that is what we are facing today. The unknown.

Here is the question. How do we manage this transition with grace and ease? THE 1 MINUTE STRESS RELIEVER A big sigh is the answer. Literally and figuratively.

TRANSITIONING TAKES COURAGE Transitioning takes courage in the best of times. Whether you’re developing a new skill, training for a certification program, or escalating your education to a higher degree. These may be expanding your skill set to provide more opportunities, but they 306

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But I did it. I’d like to say seamlessly but that’s not the case. It took some time and money. I had to invest in movers. I needed to re-design my house. I had to get the buy-in from my husband. And then, I had to just settle in. And go with the flow. Here I am today, three months later, thriving. That calls for a big sigh! You may now take your 1 minute stress reliever exercise here.

When you take a big breath in and out, it resembles a big sigh. Especially if you add sound to it. Go ahead and do that now. Breathe in and out very deeply. Do this three times, and on the third breath, sigh as you exhale. This allows you to release stress. It takes about one minute. A one minute stress reliever. Remember this.

It was a hard transition, closing my studio! Many tears. And fears. With questions like: ‘Will my clients follow me? Can I effectively teach on zoom? Where will all my studio stuff go?’

How did I manage the transition effectively? Slowly. Efficiently. Mindfully. We are all standing on the precipice of uncertainty. Our physical and economic health which may have been both steady and lucrative, may now just be hovering in that space a little bit above or a little bit below the unknown.

Mindfulness allows you to move through transitions with grace and ease. It allows you to reflect on priorities. To plan for the best possible outcome. To trust.

Let’s focus on the area of transitioning from the workplace to the home office.

Trusting that you are moving in the right direction is key. Even if that direction is only for the moment, the week, the month or the year. Knowing that it is the right thing to do now.

MY STORY

I’m not against creating a five-year plan,

{ MIND, BODY & SPIRIT } “Breathe in and out very deeply. Do this three times, and on the third breath, sigh as you exhale. This allows you to release stress.”

ten-year plan 25-year plan! It is awesome to have vision and goals. But during times like these, you may need to make more rapid decisions. People questioned my decision. ‘Why did you choose to close your doors?’

sigh again! The good news is you are all doing it! You have managed through this transition to this point today. What I’d like to

Because I meditated on it. I went to that quiet place within and sought guidance. That’s how I knew it was time to close the doors on Goodman Street. For the time being. For the present moment. Grow 2 B U Studios was going into a quiet zone.

• Meditate. Start with the one-minute stress reliever. Extend that for five minutes. Focus on your breath and let everything else drop away. • Take a break. Take a walk! Somewhere quiet, preferably outdoors in nature.

W h e t h e r y o u’r e a n entrepreneur like myself, working in a corporate environment, or in a classroom, you may have found yourself suddenly working from your home. If you already had a home office in place, that transition may not have been too difficult. But for many of you, that may not have been the case.

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• Put a short-term plan in place. A oneweek, biweekly, monthly plan. Even if this plan shifts, it will feel good to have it in place. It will be grounding. • Seek out assistance. Whether that is from neighbors, friends, family, or colleagues. You are not alone. We are all in this together!

YOUR STORY

You suddenly found yourself stuck at home, which may not have been the worst scenario, except now it is also your workplace. And you’re not stuck at home alone. Likely, your partner or spouse is also working from home. The entire household may now be home, and not just for the holiday. And if your children are school-age, you may now be their teacher. Time to

hasn’t. Without judgment. This is new for all of us. Be kind to yourself and others.

• Exercise. Swim, walk, practice yoga, do jumping jacks, lift weights, play basketball, ride your bike. Anything! Physical exercise is to your key to health and well-being. Connect with the Grace within you, and trust. Alana Cahoon is the founder & creative coach of Grow 2 B U, LLC. Grow your business. Expand your mind. Heal your soul. www.AlanaCahoon.com offer is a smoother transition for the coming days. • Reflect on what has worked and what

Prosperity Coaching

Grow Your Business . Expand Your Mind Heal Your Soul

Coming Soon!

Unleash your Creative Soul Manage Stress Instill Peace & Balance Increase Vitality Attract Love Generate Financial Abundance

www.AlanaCahoon.com

{ WELLNESS 360 }

ARTHRITIS BY BETH PARRY

ellness 360 aims to support women’s health and wellness by providing educational and evidence-based exercise programs. One of our programs is designed to decrease joint pain. Let’s discuss some types of arthritis and the best ways to soothe achy joints in a natural way. Osteoarthritis (OA) is a joint disease caused by wear and tear on cartilage over time. Women are more likely to develop osteoarthritis after the age of 55. Studies show that hormones and obesity play a significant role in these statistics. Nearly 27 million people are affected by osteoarthritis in the United States. Signs of osteoarthritis include: ● Morning joint stiffness ● Joint pain after rest ● Tender joints ● Limited range of motion There are certain risk factors in developing OA including, injuries, overuse, inflammatory disease, sex, genetics, and age. One of the biggest factors in developing OA is weight. Losing as little as 10-12 pounds can drastically improve your joint pain, especially in the hips and knees. Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is different from osteoarthritis. It is a chronic inflammatory disease that affects the synovial lining of the joints. Women are more likely to develop RA than men, 3:1 according to the Arthritis Foundation. This can be developed by an overactive immune system. Early signs of RA can be confused with other diagnoses. Early signs include: ● Foot pain ● Weakened grip ● Hand and wrist pain ● Range of motion limitations ● Numbness and tingling of the hands Treatments for both OA and RA include medications, modalities, nutritional adjustments, medical procedures, exercise, and physical therapy. 310

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What can you do to improve your quality of life? Exercise and self-care have been shown to significantly lessen the effects of joint pain and stiffness. Self-care management through mindfulness can help you find ways to reduce your stress levels and feel more in control of your health and wellness. Having knowledge and support can empower you to make healthy choices about your wellness. Along with stress reduction, exercise is one of the most important elements in combating joint pain. Contrary to popular belief, resting your joints can worsen the overall pain and stiffness. This can significantly decrease your quality of life by creating stiffness and postural imbalances. It is important to find a balanced exercise program that supports all aspects of healthy joints. Your exercise program should include low impact motion to increase the synovial fluid, which provides cushion for your joints. Flexibility exercises can improve your alignment and decrease the strain on your joints. Strengthening exercise can strengthen your muscles to support your joints. Balance exercises will improve your core strength and posture to decrease the gravitational pull on your joints. Physical therapy is a great way to start your exercise program safely and efficiently. Wellness 360 has developed classes designed and led by a physical therapist, which will guarantee that you are getting appropriate exercise and modifications. The key to exercising with joint pain is using joint-friendly exercises. Some tips and considerations for starting your exercise routine are: ● Start off slow. Be aware of your body and its signals. Stop immediately if you feel pain or discomfort. ● Keep your exercise low impact. Elliptical trainers, bicycle and water exercises are the best. ● Keep moving. Arthritis feels better with constant motions. Periods of long rest can aggravate your symptoms. This is why you

can have more soreness in the morning. Here are a few exercises that you can do, right from your home to improve your joint health. HIP ABDUCTION Leg lifts are an important leg exercise to improve stability, balance, and strength, reducing the impact on the knees. Hold onto a chair or wall for balance if needed. Lift your leg out to the side. Keep your toes pointing forward. Keep your torso upright and; avoid leaning. Repeat 3 sets of 10 reps on each leg. HIP EXTENSION Stand up tall and hold on if you need. Press your leg backward keeping your knee straight. Squeeze your glutes and hold for 3 seconds. Avoid arching your back. Complete this exercise 3 sets of 10 reps on each leg. BRIDGES To start, lie on your back with your knees bent (on your bed if the floor is not an option). Tighten your buttocks and abdominal muscles, then raise your buttocks 6 inches off the floor/bed. Lower yourself and repeat 3 sets of 10 reps. Wellness 360 + online classes can give you the evidence-based exercises you need to support your diagnosis. Our online classes are written and led by a physical therapist. You can enjoy all exercise programs for one low cost. There are programs for weight loss, joint health, Parkinson’s, low back pain, osteoporosis, balance, and mindfulness for stress reduction. Check out www.wellness360finess.com for more information.

{ CNY INSPIRING WOMAN }

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{{ BLISSFUL BALANCE}} SHIFT+CONTROL

DO YOU HAVE A HAPPY PLACE? BY CINDY DECAROLIS

I think it is important to have a happy place. I define a happy place as a place where as soon as you arrive you feel calm, grounded, happy, and at peace. It’s a place you can go physically to be alone, meditate, walk, or enjoy it in the companionship of friends. It’s a place you can revisit through photos and memories when you need those feelings, but you can’t physically be there. I have many happy places near and far. Most of my happy places are in nature; they are all beautiful. John Muir said “The forests of America, however slighted by man, must have been a great delight to God; for they were the best he ever planted. The whole continent was a garden…” I think that we have the best of the best right here in New York State. I am delighted to share some of my happy places located in upstate New York. I love walking in the woods and there are many places local to Rochester and Central New York to get out for a hike. These are two of my faves: Corbett’s Glen Nature Park, Brighton: This is one of my favorite places to walk. On mornings when I am not going to have time to get in my own workout and take Barry for a long walk I go to Corbett’s Glen. It is close to my house and because there are a few hills I still get my heartrate up - even walking at Barry’s pace. I call this my kill two birds with one stone workout.

The trails run by meadows, wetlands, and waterfalls and there is an abundance of birds and wildlife. While you may pass others enjoying the trails, I have never experienced it to be crowded. There is a small parking lot at the park entrance on Penfield Road. Green Lakes State Park, Fayetteville: Before I moved away from Syracuse, I walked at Green Lakes most of the year and cross-country skied in the winter. There is a trail that loops around both Round and Green lakes that is roughly 3 miles. I always loved walking or skiing around the lakes and just soaking in the beauty. Each season is different, and they are all spectacular. There are 15 miles of trails throughout the park. The lakes are meromictic lakes, meaning that the surface and bottom waters don’t mix. I believe that this is what gives the lakes their deep green color. In addition to the trails, Green Lakes offers camping, a public beach, and an 18-hole golf course designed by Robert Trent Jones. Although it has been 25 years since I lived in Syracuse, I still love walking at Green Lakes when I am in town. I am Aquarius, the water-bearer, so it makes sense that being around water soothes my soul. Just being near water, watching it flow, and listening to its music calms me. Bordered by two great lakes, Ontario and Erie, the Finger Lakes and countless other lakes across the state, as well as the St. Lawrence and Hudson rivers,

New York State is a great place for water lovers. There are so many places where I have loved spending time on the water throughout my life. Because my family roots are in the North Country my childhood summer weekends were spent visiting family at various spots on Lake Ontario and the St. Lawrence River. But now, my most favorite place is one of the Finger Lakes: Canandaigua Lake: Canandaigua is the fourth largest of the Finger Lakes and the westernmost of the major Finger Lakes. I am extremely fortunate that my husband’s family has a cottage on the lake. They have a beautiful spot with a large lawn and a dock. Facing west, the sunsets are gorgeous explosions of color. I am so content to just sit out under the trees reading a book, watching the boats, or chatting with family and friends. It is incredibly peaceful. Kershaw Park on the north end of the lake features a landscaped beach, lakefront walkways, a public dock, and picnic pavilions. I hope that you have enjoyed reading about a few of my happy places. If you don’t have a happy place of your own, I hope you will visit one of mine until you find yours.

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{ BLISSFUL BALANCE } “I think that we have the best of the best right here in New York State. I am delighted to share some of my happy places located in upstate New York.”

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.â&#x20AC;? - Buddha At Blissful Balance our mission is to help you to live life healthier. Let us help you to author your own health. Offering wellness workshops, individual health coaching and essential oils.

Please contact us for a complimentary consultation 585-532-6060 or cindydecarolis62@gmail.com www.blissfullbalanceroc.com Facebook @blissfullbalanceroc Instagram blissfull_balance

{ MENTALLY THINKING }

SUMMERTIME BLUES BY BONNIE FLOYD

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is most associated with depression during the winter months. It is estimated that SAD affects 4% to 6% of the general population. However, 1 in 10 individuals with SAD experience their symptoms during the summer months. How do we possibly make sense of SAD that occurs during the summer? After all, summer is associated with increased opportunities for participating in outdoor activities, including boating, cycling, and swimming. It is also when we celebrate the 4th of July, participate in picnics, and schedule family reunions.

relaxing and restorative. Nevertheless, they often involve disruptions in work, sleep, exercise, and eating habits. These changes can contribute to the development of depressive symptoms.

increased expenses due to arranging for daycare or sending their children to summer camps. These stressors are especially pronounced due to the severe impact of the COVID-19 pandemic.

For women, having a poor body image is one of the most important contributors to the development of summertime blues. As the temperatures climb, we shed layers of clothing. This can result

Dealing with oppressive summer heat can directly contribute to summertime blues. Whereas some women enjoy the sun and heat, others definitely do not. I have extremely heat-sensitive relapsing-remitting MS; my MS symptoms are quickly worsened by extreme heat. For example, simply being outdoors for only 10-15 minutes will cause my legs to go numb. Staying in the heat will produce difficulty with walking, blurred vision, increased spasticity, and/or weakness.

Symptoms of SAD that occurs during summer months include loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, weight loss, and anxiety. These are essentially the reverse of symptoms that are associated with SAD during the winter months: excessive sleeping, overeating, and decreased motivation. There have been several proposed theories for the development of summertime SAD. Longer days, accompanied by increased heat and humidity, are theorized to play a role in the development of this disorder. Disrupted schedules may also contribute to symptoms of summertime SAD; the majority of individuals who struggle with depression are more sensitive to disrupted schedules. Vacations are intended to be 318

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So, what is effective in dealing with summertime SAD? As is the case for all forms of emotional distress, it’s critical to recognize when our symptoms warrant professional help. It’s important to first rule out any medical conditions that may be contributing to the summertime blues, such as untreated hypothyroidism. in feeling very self-conscious about our bodies. A lot of summertime activities involve beaches and pools, which is most embarrassing for women who feel ashamed about how they look.

Planning ahead can made a tremendous difference for those who are prone to summertime SAD. If you have plans in place, you’ll feel much more in control of your schedule when summer arrives.

Financial stressors can also contribute to the development of summertime SAD symptoms. Taking a vacation can be very expensive. Parents frequently face

Maintaining an adequate sleep schedule is essential, regardless of the season. Summertime activities, including vacations, barbeques, and shorter nights, can all

{ MENTALLY THINKING } “Symptoms of SAD that occurs during summer months include loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, weight loss, and anxiety. ”

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{ {RWO’S MENTALLY MENTAL THINKING HEALTH} } “Finally, don’t forget to examine if summertime happens to be associated with particularly painful losses or events, both of which can contribute to the development of summertime SAD.”

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l encourage women to stay up later than usual. However, not receiving adequate sleep is a definite trigger for increased depressive symptoms.

Having an excessively restricted diet is only likely to foster increased anxiety and a sense of “failure,” contributing to increased depression.

Keeping up with regular physical exercise is an important tool for the management of summertime SAD. Try to schedule exercise during relatively cooler periods of the day, such as the early morning, if you’re especially sensitive to heat. There is a substantial body of research that supports physical activity as an effective treatment for depression. Although maintaining physical activity during the summer is important, try to refrain from attempting an unrealistic makeover of your body during this time of year.

Be sure to protect yourself from the added stress of always having to be in charge of your family’s annual summer reunion; delegate tasks to other family members, or consider having your event catered, if financially possible. Be flexible, as well as realistic, about the outcome of maintaining family traditions.

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Finally, don’t forget to examine if summertime happens to be associated with particularly painful losses or events, both of which can contribute to the

development of summertime SAD. Perhaps the summer months are associated with the loss of a loved one, which may contribute to increased symptoms of depression. Alternatively, summer might be associated with the painful end of a relationship for some women. Regular sessions with a trusted therapist can be very effective in coping with these types of triggers for summertime SAD. Even if SAD symptoms persist for only a few months, they still deserve to be treated. Sometimes, an episode of untreated summertime SAD can evolve into a major depression in the fall. In this case, it is often much more challenging to treat successfully.

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{ THE FITNESS DIVA } } { SHIFT+CONTROL

HERE WE ARE BY LAYLAH I PHOT BY DEVIN MACK

Here we are in July and Covid -19 is still Affecting us. Mentally , emotionally, and physically. Not having gyms open it may seem downright impossible to keep yourself back on track. The key is to find your motivation! You have to want it yourself! finding the motivation to get back into shape after weeks of inactivity may cause some lack of motivation and also physical performance. Of course It can feel frustrating to get your body and your mind used to regular workout routine after such a huge break, here are a few things that can help motivate you. 1. GET YOURSELF NEW GEAR THAT YOU LOVE. one of the best ways to motivate yourself to work out is finding the cute workout clothes that you love that will make you feel confident and get you excited to go back into the gym. You can upgrade your look such as a new pair of sexy yoga pants or a nice new pair of sneakers, it really encourages you to put them to work. 2. DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT than what you used to do such as try new activities that you’ve never done before. Have you done yoga, Zumba, or even biking? These are things that will help keep the body active. 3. CHALLENGE A FRIEND WITH A WEIGHT LOSS GOAL. This will be a very fun and competitive thing to do if you have a friend that has the same goals as you such as getting in shape challenge each other to see who can lose the most weight within a certain amount of time kind of like the biggest loser, then discuss what the reward for the winner would be. Dinner and movie on them? Cash reward? This will 322

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challenge you to push harder. Since A lot of businesses are closed and we’re unable to do the things we normally would like to do, there’s a lot of things that we can do on our own as well as with friends or family. 1. TEACH YOURSELF A NEW INSTRUMENT. Have you always wanted to learn to play guitar, violin and flute? take the extra time to learn. You never kno you could possibly create a good song. 2. EXPLORE NATURE! Try kayaking, hiking, biking , or even plan a camping trip. 3. LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE. exercise your brain muscles by teaching yourself to speak a language you’ve always been interested in learning. There are so many resources available on google and YouTube. 4. EXPERIMENT IN THE KITCHEN. Sometimes we struggle in the kitchen but take some time to sharpen your skills. Purchase a cookbook or follow a cooking show online and share your new cooking skills with friends and family. 5. GIVE YOURSELF YOUR OWN PERSONAL SPA DAY. There are tons of wonderful informative facials that you can do yourself online. Around this time of the year during summer it’s important to keep our skin hydrated. 4. DO SOME ORGANIZING. organization is something everyone should do. Take a look in your home or office and think if there are things that could be in order. The other day I was

trying to find one of my favorite DVDs to watch and I thought to myself why not sort all of my DVDs in alphabetical order, so that way if I ever want to find one I will kno exactly ware to look. Organizing things makes life easier, especially when your a very busy person. 5. HOME IMPROVEMENT. Think of some things that you can do around your home that you can improve on. possibly paint the kitchen? New flooring? Sometimes adding new things into our home will make it feel new again, and make it more comfortable l. 6. TAKE A LONG DRIVE BY YOURSELF. this is one of my favorite things to do since I love music. it’s so relaxing to drive around at times with the windows down and the music up and just clear your mind while you explore the city, you would be surprised at new places you may have never seen. 7. CREATE A PIECE OF ART maybe you never thought of yourself as an artist but everyone has a creative side. experiment with paint, beads, and glitter. Look at artwork online and challenge yourself to recreate it. 8. DO A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS during this time that we’re all experiencing there’s many people that are probably stressed , you can make a huge impact on a stranger‘s life. try doing something nice for a homeless person, leave a large tip for a waiter, pay for someone’s coffee, give someone a compliment. You really could make someone’s day which will make you feel amazing.

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{ YOU MATTER }

LOOK FOR THE HELPERS BY JUDI SWANSON

One of my most favorite, beloved quote is by Mr. Fred Rogers. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” The definition of a helper is pretty straightforward. It is someone who helps someone else. A person who is kind, caring, giving, and generous. Helpers are the super glue of the world. They are those individuals, and groups of people, who make this world a better place by helping others. Helpers show up when the going gets tough to care for those in need. Currently there are significant problems and issues the world is facing. The coronavirus, the killing of black individuals, unemployment, the economy, healthcare disparities, climate change, discrimination against people because of race, gender, religion, LGBTQ are some. In communities and globally the challenges people are dealing with are serious and significant. People are hurting. There are raw wounds of pain and suffering in many people for traumatic, horrific reasons. Life is hard. You know what else is going on during these dark, challenging moments? Helpers from all walks of life are showing up everywhere to help in whatever way they can. Individuals are helping not because they have to, not because there is any financial gain or notoriety. Individuals, groups of people, are helping because they care and they see the hurt around them, to say I see you and I am here for you. Helpers are human band-aids for the wounds people are experiencing. Their love, kindness, and compassion begins the process of healing. I believe with every fiber of my being that 326

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the majority of humans are honorable, respectful, caring individuals who want to do the right thing. I believe, with every fiber of my being, that the majority of humans have love, compassion, and kindness residing in their spirits and souls. Are people perfect. Not at all. Are most of us trying?. Absofreakinglutely. A CNN article from 4/3/2020 titled “Don’t just look for the helpers. Be a helper” shared that a 2016 study from Nature Communication using neuroimaging found that generosity makes us happier. The Journal of Social Psychology in 2009 tracked people ages 18 to 60 and found that those who perform acts of kindness felt more satisfied with their lives than those who did not. This helper’s high happens when we are kind and generous to others. Our brains get so jazzed when we are doing good that it releases endorphins and we feel good. Kelly McGonigal in her 2013 TED talk “The upside of stress” reported (backed by research) how caring and helping others during our own stressful times has no negative impact on our health. None. Zero. She states that when we are stressed our brains release oxytocin, which is the stress hormone, that acts on your brain and body. One of the main roles of oxytocin is to protect your cardiovascular system from the effect of stress and is a natural anti-inflammatory that helps to keep your blood vessels relaxed. Where oxytocin really helps the heart by having heart cells regenerate and heal from stress induced damage. Oxytocin helps to enhance our empathy. This one hormone has a powerful punch for what it can do for our body from our hearts to our brains and places in between. There are a plethora of research that shows that helping others has a strong correlation with helping us be happier.

Helping others can counteract the effects of stress, anger, and anxiety. Doing good brings good. On a personal level when I am feeling down, sad, and my energy is low when I go and do something kind for someone else I feel better. It automatically boosts my mood. I like to feel that I am putting good energy, love, and compassion into a world where people desperately need it. Every day I make a choice to search out and read stories about the kind deeds and good news going on in the world reading stories of so many helpers doing so much good for our world. It fuels my hope for the world. There is so many acts of good and kindness that occurs every day everywhere. These stories about the helpers inspire and motivate me to do more good for others. “Kindness is a wonderful way to let another struggling soul know that there is still love in this world” Author Unknown. Most remarkable person you are a special, beautiful gift with intelligence and talents no one else has. Take great care of who you are. Shower yourself with kindness and compassion. As Pema Chödron says “Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world”. There is a helper inside of every one of us. If you are already doing your helper thing and helping others woohoo! For anyone else I say try it, because you will like it. I am a dreamer like John Lennon. I do imagine and believe that if we all unleash our kindnesses, living in the world as helpers and let our actions of helping others flood the world that “the world will be as one”. May your helper be with you.

{ LIFE IN BALANCE }

THE BENEFITS OF SUP YOGA BY KAITLYN VITTOZZI

SUP Yoga, pronounced sUP - not soup - stands for Stand-Up Paddle Board yoga. If you have an aversion to yoga in traditional settings, hear me out when I say that this might be the perfect class for you.

on patios. After I became certified to teach a few years later, I was hired as an instructor and now manage the SUP Yoga program on Canandaigua lake. This work makes my summers incredibly special.

Personally, I learned yoga as a teen from my ballet instructor and had kept it up because it was good stretching, and everyone always said “yoga’s good for you”. I never particularly cared for yoga. For me, it was easier than taking a kickboxing class at the gym since I was already quite mobile. With this lack of enthusiasm, I continued to go to yoga for over 10 years.

How does this even work? While different locations around the globe run these classes differently, at Canandaigua Sailboard you will have a board waiting for you that is at least 10 feet long and extra wide, for added stability – I wouldn’t recommend

In 2012 I tried to take a SUP Yoga class while vacationing in Rhode Island, but our family was there before peak tourist season so classes weren’t running yet. Like many of us, I become obsessed with what I cannot have so I was determined to find a SUP Yoga class when I got back home to Rochester. At the time, Leslee Schenk Trzcinski of Tune Yoga was teaching classes on Canandaigua Lake. My best friend and I drove down on a weeknight, and I’ll admit I was nervous. What if I fall in? What if I pull a muscle? The list of unknowns had me holding a lot of tension in my body all the way down route 332. My first SUP Yoga class was literally life changing. I left class happy. The breathing, the water, the movement – what had I been doing wrong in yoga the last 10+ years? This yoga stuff was legit and could lead to a path of happiness. While I didn’t realize it at the time, that night inspired me to become a yoga teacher, move to Europe, start a career as a yoga therapist and opened many doors but most importantly it taught me the tools to self-regulate and bring more joy and peacefulness into my own life on a regular basis. I didn’t even really like the outdoors before this, besides drinking 328

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trying this on a narrow paddle board designed for racing as the added challenge might just frustrate you. Then for class your board is anchored, and you are a one-person island. Then soak in the views, listen to the teacher’s instructions while you move on the board and the class will end with a rest. Pro tip: Don’t wear cotton, it gets heavy when it gets wet. Even if you don’t take a full dunk you will still get your hands and feet wet. You can wear bathing suits, gym clothes, yoga pants – whatever your preference is. Benefits of SUP, for the yoga-loving and yoga-loathing. 1. Fancy footwork. When is the last time you

felt your feet while you walked? How often do you walk around barefoot? Within your first few minutes of standing on a board you really FEEL your feet. If you live in the northeast, you probably rarely look at your feet for eight months of the year. Did you know knee and hip pain can often stem from mis-aligned or rarely used foot muscles? If you’re interested in exploring this, before you get on the board try doing a couple of calf raises, and walking around balancing on your toes. Then lower to your heels, lift your toes and balance or walk around on your heels. If it is safe for your ankles lean on to the outer edge (the pinky toe side), and then the inner edge. Try walking on those.

sessions.

2. Balance! Much like your foot muscles, SUP will teach you to how to use your core and leg muscles to really STAND UP. You cannot rely on your regular movement patterns while balancing on the water. Even if you are already active, SUP is great cross training especially when you add the flexibility and mobility component from yoga. Muscle coordination and stability will build quickly after a few SUP

3. It’s not perfect. Have you avoided yoga because the thought of a bunch of skinny bodies touching their toes to the back of their heads sounds anything but relaxing? The paddle board is the great equalizer. No fancy poses here. Poses are scaled back and more basic than they would be on a class on the land. Usually the people who become the most frustrated on the boards are trying to be really good at it. This is accessible to all ages and fitness levels. Although the finger lakes scenery is perfectly instagrammable, did I mention we anchor at the north end of Canandaigua Lake with the sound of ducks, teenagers and motorcycles on some nights?

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{ LIFE IN BALANCE } “Join me on Canandaigua Lake this summer, or when we can travel again – check out a class on your next vacation.”

4. Breathing with nature. Research has shown that just being near water reduces stress levels. So how about being on it? Much like our breath never stops, the ripple of the water doesn’t either. It’s constant. See how the two move together and it sucks you into the present moment so much that you don’t have time to worry about that snide email from your boss or the that tift with your spouse. It doesn’t hurt that you get to take in the sights of water and sky at the same time, either. 5. Dropping your ego. In our culture we underestimate how much courage it takes just to walk into any class for the first time. It requires overcoming the fear of something new. Even if you have a good felt sense that you are going to be physically good at paddle boarding, it tends to be a humbling experience. Just like life, there are factors on the water you 330

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can’t control – the wind, boat wakes, whatever. Maybe you were going to nail that pose like an Olympic gymnast sticks the landing, but something threw you off balance. When you fail and fall off the board you physically cool off and you have a fresh new start with one less thing to worry about. So often we think failing is a negative, but it is actually part of living a whole-hearted life according to Dr. Brené Brown. Since no two SUP Yoga classes are the same, you can leave giving yourself a pat on the back that you mixed up your routine. So, I hope your can see how beneficial and non-traditional this yoga class can be. Join me on Canandaigua Lake this summer, or when we can travel again – check out a class on your next vacation.

You can book a class now through September at www.fingerlakesyogascapes.com/sup-yoga The 2020 Schedule is: Weekly SUP Yoga Classes Sunday - Friday classes include a paddle warmup, and then we’ll anchor to enjoy some stillness for yoga. Saturday mornings are all SUP Yoga, for those of you who just can’t get enough. Saturday - SUP Yoga 8:30-9:45 AM Sunday - Paddle & SUP Yoga 8:30-10 AM Monday - Paddle & SUP Yoga 6-7:30 PM Wednesday - Paddle & SUP Yoga 6-7:30 PM Friday - Paddle & SUP Yoga 8:30- 10AM Private lessons and group sessions are available for socially distanced parties and team building. Call Kaitlyn to schedule (585) 200-7209. Kaitlyn Vittozzi is an RYT-500 Yoga Instructor and Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist in Training.

{ LIFE { THE ANCHOR FITNESSCOACH DIVA } }

CRAZY TALK BY MARISELY MARTE

As a personal coach, I work with a wide range of clients and offer a highly personalized approach tailored to individual needs. In a supportive atmosphere, I help clients reach the professional and personal growth they’re striving for in their life. Growing up as a Latina, my parents’ culture integrated into me. I learned about faith-church, family, fiestas, & food. I didn’t grow up with a healthy or fitness mindset for that matter. My parents’ generation wasn’t a culture that incorporated a healthy lifestyle; their knowledge about cultural awareness was limited. As a Latina Christian woman, I grew up sheltered from the real world and with a limited belief system. The challenges of not being well diverse growing up affected many aspects of my life. Making changes towards a healthy lifestyle have been a challenge for me. My lack of experience and emotional avoidance formed a barrier related to the factors that contributed to my upbringing. As a Christian Latina woman, I learned you get married, have kids, work, and attended church, in that order. Being fit wasn’t an area of importance in my life; I had no understanding that physical fitness was about having a balanced life. I believed that the gym was something forbidden for Christian women. If I only knew, exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and improving selfesteem and cognitive function, everything I was going through at the time. Also, with limited knowledge about fitness and seeing girls so fit, that I compared myself with, I had self-image problems and no self-esteem. I had no one whom 332

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to talk to about these normal emotions that every teenage girl faced. Today, I can speak freely on the many obstacles have taken place in my fitness and wellbeing. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, a condition in which the thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormones. Hypothyroidism’s deficiency of thyroid hormones can disrupt such things as heart rate, body temperature, and all aspects of metabolism. After the diagnosis, my physician said there wasn’t much she could do for me but prescribe medication to control my symptoms. I was a little defeated at first, I needed a second opinion. I decided to do something about it and began to learn about Wellness and Fitness. At first it was very overwhelming; however, I came across Wellness Coaching. After a few months into my research, I decided to become a Certified Wellness Coach because it was something that I felt so passionate about. In 2016 my journey began with changing my eating habits and implementing fitness that was proper for me personally. We hear about so many different diets, about what supplements to take, about what shakes to drink, etc. The information I had was incomplete and wrong, in a sense. There is as many “right” diets as there are people on the planet. Your diet changes as YOU change. Your relationship with food and your body affects your health more powerfully than the food you eat. Every symptom, craving, or behavior around food has a positive intention; therefore, symptoms, desires, and practices are not the problem; they are the just the best solution you have come up with so far. Nourishment is

about much more than just food. I will be frank; I’ve had my challenges through my journey in fitness. No, I’m not super skinny, I don’t have a sick pack, I’m not a model, but I am a Christian Latina woman who is making a positive change in my family’s life and mine. Coaching myself in fitness I formed a vision for my health and well-being. Developing a healthy mindset and healthy habits takes discipline. My accomplishments encourage me to keep going forward. As a Wellness Coach, I’m a professional who supports women in assessing their current physical and emotional state and setting goals for what they want to achieve in their overall wellness and health by working with them on plans of action to reach their wellness goals. I offer sessions, both in-person and virtual services. We will start by completing an initial assessment to clearly define your short and long-term goals. Everything from communication skills to personal acceptance. We will use these goals as a foundation to create a strategy for success. As a Health and Life Coach, I specialize in the following areas: Personal Growth Spiritual Growth Professional Development Relationship Coaching Communication Skills Confidence Inner Peace Achieving Balance Health & Weight Issues Organization & Productivity

{ LIFE { THE ANCHOR FITNESSCOACH DIVA } } “ Coaching myself in fitness I formed a vision for my health and well-being. Developing a healthy mindset and healthy habits takes discipline. My accomplishments encourage me to keep going forward.”

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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE }

SEEING ART AS AN ABSOLUTE ESSENTIAL BY LISA WAGNER

What Life Would Look Like Without Creatives

shows and series that we binged for days on end. We handed off tablets to our children to keep them occupied.

Art has always been a means to make statements about current affairs throughout history. It tackles difficult subjects and allows for dialogue between the viewers. As an artist, I have found that it also helps me to process my own feelings and reactions to the most pressing issues in a way that exudes a deeper meaning for all of us. The arts are such an undervalued asset and rarely get their deserved place in the social arena. “Artist” was deemed the top non-essential job in a survey by the Singapore Sunday Times, (just ahead of telemarketers), during the current Covid-19 crisis. Why is this and how do we go about seeing the arts and creativity as essential to us as a thinking society?

We watched endless YouTube videos, scrolled social media and stared at our tv’s. The clothing and products we purchased online were created by ingenuity and imagination. Can you imagine what this long-term isolation would have felt like if we had none of these things? To not have anything to read, create with,

Creativity has been a cornerstone in solving pressing societal issues such as the current Covid pandemic. Trying to find medical equipment, places to put hospital beds, staffing, developing a vaccine, etc. are all brought to you by ingenuity. Scientists, doctors and nurses have all had to think outside the box to accommodate this virus and its implications. So much of what it is we do each day took creativity to produce it. Throughout this long quarantine, we have consumed massive amounts of movies, streaming services’ 338

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games to play, puzzles to put together or recipes to try out? Sounds like the longest isolation experiment that is likely to make you go mad by day three or maybe even hour two. Try now to imagine what your favorite movie would be like without a soundtrack. Pretty dull and not nearly as engaging, I’d have to guess? I picture Tom Cruise flying around in Top Gun without

Kenny Loggins “Danger Zone” playing. Or Apollo 13 without the dramatic crescendo letting you know they’re in dire need of a solution if they’re to make it back alive. Also try to imagine there even being a TikTok, Instagram, Etsy or YouTube app’s without music or art. Frankly, any app at all wouldn’t exist without creativity. The act of creating has helped me to become quieter and more mindful. To take this non-stop stream of challenging news and make it something I can wrap my head around or at other times, use as a means of reconnecting to my breath and my voice has been invaluable. How many times have you been having fun making something and realize that an hour has gone by in a flash? The serendipity of that beautiful moment is allowing you to reconnect to something larger than yourself and regain some semblance of peace and connection. It also allows you to give up control (your ego) and be at one with that creative spirit. When creating a piece of art that I want to be meaningful, I ask for guidance from something greater than me. What would You have me know or see? How would You have me create that so that Your message is heard? When I go about my work this way, there is always an overwhelming feeling of awe and joy

{ TRAVELING WITH ROCHESTER WOMAN }

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{ MANIFESTING YOUR TRUE PURPOSE } “Art has always been a means to make statements about current affairs throughout history. It tackles difficult subjects and allows for dialogue between the viewers.

as the piece comes to life. I recently finished a piece just prior to the Black Lives Matter movement and protests had occurred. The piece began to develop shapes of African Shaman figures and birds that resembled herons. All I had done was just follow along with how the paint was making itself known to me. African Shaman are known for their ability to heal the mind, body and soul through their divine connections. In African culture, herons are thought to communicate with the gods. Once I saw what this piece was trying to say, I wondered why now? What did that mean for my future viewers? Without that ability to create that piece, there would be no conversation starter within my studio or online about the Black Lives Matter movement. It has opened the floor to my viewers to talk to others about what this piece could mean in that context or maybe one that most of us may not have thought of; especially knowing that it was created three weeks before the death of George Floyd. Was there unrest that we had all chosen to ignore for 400 years finally a tinder box just waiting for a match to ignite change? Is it saying there is a way for us to heal as a global family? My opinions aren’t relevant to the viewer’s. What is relevant is that it will make them think. That creativity allowed for us to do something more meaningful and constructive; to heal and rebuild our societies as fairer and more equitable. Have you noticed on your social media feeds how many have taken up the cause of BLM or Covid prevention? The creativity that so many have harnessed to solve simple things like making masks or helping black and brown businesses has been seen in droves. That’s how powerful it is. You can begin to see how essential 340

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the arts are when it begins to unravel our greatest dilemmas. The quandary of making sure that healthcare workers and grocery store clerks had masks and shields was partially remedied by creative minds who were stuck at home in quarantine wanting to do something to help. They found scraps of material they had and pumped out hundreds of them. It allowed us to have the ability to go get the groceries we all desperately needed. It helped struggling artists and out of work people to pay their bills. It enabled BLM protestors to use their voices safely and invoke change in how we will continue to treat people of color. That’s the power of creativity! Creativity also will allow us to make new statues of those who upheld the standards of decency and kindness to replace those of figures who didn’t lives that we should want to emulate. We can remember history without their statues by seeing what it is we evoked with change. It asks us to dig deeper and ask ourselves who we really are? We can look to those who we may never have heard of until now that fought to bring equality to all or hid Jews from the Nazi regime; who are working to end ICE or built housing for those who have been oppressed. It’s helping us to push the boundaries of what it is we want to celebrate or even become. Creativity also helped us process 9/11 at the Memorial Site. The names etched in the bronze parapets on the memorial pools by architect Michael Arad and landscape architect Peter Walker help us to understand the levity of the events and reflect on those 2,997 lives that were lost that day. The pools were carefully crafted to help drown out the city’s sounds so that visitors could contemplate and find sanctuary. The 400 swamp oak trees

planted at the site to help it have a more reflective quality. My husband, Paul and I visited there a few years ago. Walking around the memorial and reading each name was deeply moving and quite overwhelming. Having a space to quiet the mind amidst the trees permitted my husband and me to regain our composure and take stock. That powerful visit will never leave us. We are all blessed with the ability to create. How we use it is what truly matters. Art is meant to move you and make you think deeply and critically. The arts and creativity are essential and necessary. We each need to take notice of all that we have around us was provided to us by ingenuity. It’s how we got to the moon. It’s what brought you Disney World. It’s what keeps your kids occupied and excited. It’s what keeps our lives worth living. There’s always something new to see and experience because someone tapped into their storehouse of imagination. They put aside their fears and let it out of the box to grow and thrive for all to enjoy or at least start a dialogue about. Life seems pretty dull without it. Resourcefulness is what drives us and pushes our own boundaries. The time has come to put the arts in their rightful place of being essential to our lives.

{ A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE }

CRAZY TALK BY GIOVANNA WALTON

One day, my husband and I went to a spa out in Greece, NY. It was my gift to him for his birthday, one of many gifts. I was so happy because I really wanted to do something special for him. I had been waiting for this day and it was hard for me not to blurt it out at any given moment and I am an EXPERT at keeping secrets like this! When we got there and checked in at the desk, they had no appointment for us that day. I called weeks before that and SPECIFICALLY, said that I needed it for that day. I was furious. I just have very little tolerance for incompetence. She said they have us scheduled for the FOLLOWING WEEK!!!!! I was HOT to say the least!!! Now I’m just seething. I just wanted to get in flesh mode lol. Then she had the audacity To ask if we were still coming the following week and I said no, cancel the dam appointment!!!! (Bear with me I’m going somewhere with this). My husband and I were walking to the car and I voiced my anger about the whole situation. I didn’t scream or yell but I was a bit loud. My husband said, ‘Stop, you’re going to get me arrested.’ I thought, ‘What the hell is this guy talking about? No one is going to get arrested or be in trouble. He’s just 342

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crazy talking. I was not paying ANY attention to what he was saying although I did calm down. Had to respect my husband. I did get even more upset inside, because I thought that was his way of shutting me up, even though he was usually the calm one between the both of us. Our marriage was a little rocky at that time. Whenever I’d get upset, his ears would shut off lol.

that it was now ruined. They would automatically assume that because the man I was with is black, that I was in some kind of distress or danger. My heart broke. That was MY husband. MY husband, that no matter how many buttons I pushed or how hard I would push them, he would NEVER lay a hand on me! They would never know that though.

We are divorced now. A few years later, it came to me as to why he said what he said that day. If someone heard me, my voice raised, they could or would assume that I was in some kind of trouble. They wouldn’t have known that my voice was loud only because of my being disgruntled by the establishment we were just at. They wouldn’t know about the gift that I had planned for my husband and

After this enlightenment, I became angry. So angry that I had to get myself in a quiet place to calm myself down and get my thoughts together. Angry, at the fact that he had to even THINK that way and that even being with his OWN WIFE, he couldn’t just live normal. Normal without any worries of repercussions of just being free to think, act, etc, the way ‘normal’ (meaning a white ) people do. Angry because NOW I have to think this way too. I have to be self conscious with my BLACK male friends on what I say or do around them for fear someone would get the wrong impression and they end up arrested. I saw a post where a woman (white) was with her male friend (black). They were going to a concert and she was excited to get seated so she ran ahead of him. Innocent right? She was laughing and happy. She said he was a slow poke and to hurry. When he caught up to her he said, ‘Never do that again. Never run ahead of me because someone will

{ A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE } “ I don’t want to see color because that’s what has separated us all these years and is STILL continuing to separate us as a people.”

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{ A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE } { SHIFT+CONTROL } “What if we lived in a world that didn’t see color? What if we were still all different shades of color but we didn’t hate each other BECAUSE of the color of our skin?”

think you’re running away from me.’ She was broken-hearted too. Just like I was because we, meaning all 4 of us, couldn’t just be free! A black man should NOT have to worry and be afraid, having in the back of his mind what will happen to him. He shouldn’t have to worry getting into his car and being pulled over for some lame excuse but just being black. No father or mother should have to tell their young son(s) that they can’t play with squirt guns like young white boys, especially dusk to dark because it may be misconstrued. NONE OF THIS SHOULD EVEN 344

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BE A THING!!!! To say I don’t see color would be stupid. Of course I see colors ranging from milky white to almost pitch black. Beautiful shades of brown. Ok, except for the milky white people. You’ll just have to be white. When I say I don’t see color, it means that I don’t see you as being different from me. I see the person’s heart, their character, how they treat people and how they treat me. THAT, is how we should SEE PEOPLE. NOT by their skin color. There is good, bad and evil in every race. God gave us plenty of scriptures in the bible telling us to LOVE one another. He NEVER said to love only a certain

skin color. We are ALL in this world together and we NEED each other. We need to stand up to the injustices that our brothers and sisters go through. So when people talk about white privilege, this is part of what they are talking about. There is a definite freedom to be able to walk out the door and not have to worry in the back of your mind, if or when something is going to happen. There is so much more to write! So little space! I’ll just have to write in pieces. I hope this gave a bit of insight. It’s only scratching the surface, yet it’s a start! Take care. God Bless you!

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{ SHIFT+CONTROL TAMMY’S TIDBITS }

BEACH DAZE BY TAMMY VREELAND

Do you hear it? The crashing of the waves, hypnotically putting you into a much-needed Beach Daze? Yes! It’s that time of the year, to hear the call of the beach! To stretch out, on the warm sand and daze into the sea. What are some things you like to do at the beach? Are you one who promptly puts up a beach chair - ready to people gaze? Or perhaps, you prefer a beach blanket where you stretch out to sun and keep to yourself? Once you have staked your territory, slathered yourself in lotion what do you do next? Enjoy a new book or great magazine (wink wink)? Or perhaps, you crank up the tunes? And yet, there are ones who like to tackle the water, wearing themselves out - only then, to have a nice relaxing sunning afterwards. How many of you, play with the sand while at the beach? Do you mindlessly make circles with your toes or fingers? Or perhaps, you construct elaborate sand castles or other interesting structures? Including, burying a willing or sleeping - friend or foe? How about scavenging? Do you scour the beach randomly for those precious seashells you find so fascinating? Or, are you one who likes to hit the beach early, so you can find even more unique items swept up on the beach from the night before? How about those long walks? What is it about the beach that actually encourages us to walk farther than we normally would? Is it the cool water that our feet love to splash in as we walk? Or does distance seem to be lost on us, for we are caught up in the Beach Daze? Whatever the case, getting those steps in for the day, always seems easier at the beach! How about other activities at the beach? Are you enthusiastic enough to jump into a good game of volleyball? How about Frisbee or simply bopping a beach ball around? And don’t forget, flying a kite! Seriously, one of the easiest things to do is pop a kite up in the air, due to the constant ocean breeze. Point is, the Beach Daze is literally for everyone!

Doesn’t matter if you pack up the family, grandchildren, friends or seek solitude ...the beach has something for everyone! Seriously, is the beach not one huge Zen Garden? A place, where you can enjoy nature, meditate and find inner peace? Sure, it may have its hassle, what with getting to the actual beach. Parking and then carrying everything through the sand to that perfect spot. Setting up, making sure everyone has lotion on. Then the dreaded sand in everything, including your lunch! But that’s why I call it the Beach Daze! Because no matter the hassle or inconvenience, when we think of our time on the beach - those hassles are not remembered! Instead, our Beach Daze memories bring only the best to mind! The soft warm kiss of the sun on your face, instantly warming you inside and out. A smell of lotion can magically transport you to a beach from anywhere. Nothing like the smell or feel of salt water on you or in your hair! The Beach Daze, is an elixir that creates a youthful and positive outlook on everything! Seriously, no makeup allowed! Your inner beauty becomes your outer beauty, windswept hair is the rage! And that bathing suit you thought looked bad on you at home, no longer matters! For you are now at the beach and it is what it is ...the Beach Daze has overcome you and that is a great thing! Let’s see what National Holidays, in the month of July, will coincide with our Beach Daze theme. July 5th - National Bikini Day – A day some of us may feel uncomfortable with but we need to embrace this day. Why? Because, it is a choice we now have! A choice to wear one or not. Not too long-ago, women were not allowed to wear a bikini. The first bikini was released in 1946 and has managed to stay around. You may think this was the firsttime women wore such revealing clothing but actually in the fourth century, Roman gymnasts wore bandeau tops and bikini bottoms. Unfortunately, that right was taken

away from us throughout the centuries. So, the next time you stress about wearing a bikini just know that it is your right and you can wear it with honor! July 10th - National Pina Colada Day – Ahhh Pina Colada, now we’re talking! That sweet cocktail made with rum, cream of coconut or coconut milk and pineapple juice - nicely blended or shaken with ice. Did you know that the earliest known story about a Pina Colada dates back to the 19th century? A Puerto Rican pirate, Roberto Cofresi, wanted to boost the morale of his crew by giving them this drink. Crazy, uh? Can you visualize, a bunch of pirates hanging out drinking Pina Colada’s? Kind of shoots down the stigma of it being a girl’s drink, now doesn’t it? July 12th - National Simplicity Day – What is simpler than going to the beach? Remember the Beach Daze, use it to your advantage! Get swept up in knowing the beach is calling for you, waiting for you, you simply have to go! July 19th - National Ice Cream Day – Of course going to the beach ALWAYS entitles you to an ice cream! It’s a passage of rights, sort of, that taste of coldness is a treat your body demands! And of course, once in the Beach Daze, we are more likely to succumb. July 31st - National Get Gnarly Day – Yes, it has its own day! And, if you are like me, I automatically connect ‘Get Gnarly’ to a ‘Beach Daze’ where if the waves are over two feet, it’s a gnarly day! If we are going to walk the walk, it’s only fair we talk the talk! There you have it, July - the perfect month to be in a Beach Daze! Summer is finally upon us, go out and turn your day into a daze! For the meaning of daze is simply a state of stunned confusion or bewilderment and you have to admit… have we not all been in a stunned confusion on how we made it to the beach? Only to then take a big breath of clean air, settle in with our toes in the sand and let all our troubles be swept out to the sea! I raise my Pina Colada to you and hope to see you there! ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JULY EDITION 2020

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{ THRIVING THERAPY }

ASSERTIVENESS BY JENNIFER FRARY

Are you a door mat or an impenetrable wall? Neither? Depends on the circumstance? If you are uncomfortable identifying yourself in any of these ways, maybe you’ve learned that neither is a healthy way to communicate and interact with the world. There are four main communication styles: Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive, and Assertive. According to alvernia.edu, they can be defined (in quotes) as follows: 1. Passive- “Individuals who use the passive communication style often act indifferently, yielding to others. Passive communicators usually fail to express their feelings or needs, allowing others to express themselves.” I describe passive communication to my clients as deferring their wants and needs to avoid potential conflict; disrespecting their position to allow for another’s. Examples of passivity: allowing someone to dictate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; not standing up for oneself or what one believes in; or always giving in to someone else’s whims even if they are uncomfortable or unwanted. 2. Aggressive- “… emphasized by speaking in a loud and demanding voice, maintaining intense eye contact and dominating or controlling others by blaming, intimidating, criticizing, threatening or attacking them, among other traits.” I describe aggressive communication to my clients as disrespecting the rights and needs of another to be sure that theirs is heard; putting their needs and wants ahead of others. Examples of aggression: name-calling; physical threats and violence to get one’s way; or overt disregard for others.

3. Passive Aggressive- “…users appear passive on the surface, but within he or she may feel powerless or stuck, building up a resentment that leads to seething or acting out in subtle, indirect or secret ways.” I describe passive-aggressive communication to my clients as putting their needs and wants ahead of others but in a way that is indirect and disrespects both parties. Examples of passive-aggression: the cold shoulder or silent treatment; sarcasm and rude humor in front of others; or procrastination on tasks that are important to others. I wonder where you see yourself in these styles, your mom, sisters, girlfriends? Traditionally, women have been taught to be passive from birth. Psychology studies show that adults treat baby girls much more calmly and gently than their baby boy counterparts (even some with the same baby in different clothes). Then girls grow up learning to serve others and comply with gender roles that have been assigned for centuries. In a patriarchal culture, girls become women who respond passively to males and often passive-aggressively to other women. As women we have a responsibility to ourselves, the next generation of women, and to males of every generation, to learn assertiveness and practice it consistently. 4. Assertive- “Thought to be the most effective form of communication, the assertive communication style features an open communication link while not being overbearing. Assertive communicators can express their own needs, desires, ideas and feelings, while also considering the needs of others. Assertive communicators aim for both sides to win in a situation, balancing one’s rights with the rights of others.”

I describe assertiveness to clients as respecting both parties wants, needs and position by being clear, complete, and concise. Assertive communicators speak and listen calmly; express and seek to understand. The first step in being assertive is to identify what we want and need. I recommend doing this in writing so that you can keep a running list. Both wants and needs are valuable. Don’t discount either! Next, practice using “I-statements.” When communicating your thoughts and experiences phrase them like this: I think…, I feel…, I experience…, I believe…, I understand… This diffuses the risk of raising the receiver’s defenses. Another skill to practice towards becoming more assertive is setting boundaries. Not all conversations are appropriate for all times and places. Aggressive communicators want to communicate their wants and needs right now; passive communicators whenever you want to. Assertive communication occurs when both parties are in a position to do so. That doesn’t mean the individual you’re communicating with is also prepared to be assertive, but you would take their needs and rights into consideration. By the way, saying “no” is a boundary critical to assertive communication. I recommend practicing assertiveness with those who you consider to be safe. Tell them what you’re working on and set up some opportunities to practice. If you don’t have that person in your life, seek out a therapist to help you achieve this goal. Now, go forth and be assertive!

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