I SHIFT+CONTROL I
HEALTHY WEIGHTLOSS WITH
Dr. Nate The Diva’s Report
THE STRATHALLAN SPA
Fashion Forward with
Chrissy Monroe
The Badge of
HONOR
it’s all about the H...
“humanity”
wisdom living w rds of
Experienced, Effective, Aggressive!
The Brenna Boyce Team proudly supports the Rochester Music Hall of Fame! PERSONAL INJURY I BUSINESS & ESTATE LITIGATION I MEDICAID PLANNING PROBATE I MILITARY AND SECURITY CLEARANCES I SECOND AMENDMENT LAW
Law Forum Radio Show Sundays 8 - 9AM
2016
Experienced, Effective, and Smart. Personal Injury | Business and Estate Litigation | Medicaid Planning Probate | Military and Security Clearances | Second Amendment Law Experienced, Effective, Aggressive!
Experienced, Effective, Aggressive!
Experienced, Effective, Aggressive! Brenna Boyce PLLC
Wisewater Friday, Jan. 20
Nashville-based Americana duo Wisewater is Grammy Award nominee and Webster native Kate Lee (vocals, fiddle) and Forrest O’Connor (vocals, mandolin, guitar), son of famed country fiddler Mark O’Connor. The show will feature the duo’s acoustic music. Sponsored by Alstom Signaling North America; Media Sponsor: WRUR
Coming Soon! Rochester City Ballet: Green Eggs & Ham Saturday, Feb. 4–Sunday, Feb. 5 Taj Express: The Bollywood Musical Revue Sunday, Feb. 12 Rockin’ Road to Dublin Saturday, Feb. 18 Lightwire Theater: Moon Mouse A Space Odyssey Sunday, March 19 Suggested for ages 5+ and their families; 55 minutes with no intermission Russian National Ballet Theatre: Romeo & Juliet and Carmen Saturday, March 25 The Police Experience Saturday, April 29 Chris Perondi’s Stunt Dog Experience Saturday, May 6
Dance, Music, Theatre, Family Entertainment, and More! TICKETS: Series sponsors:
naz.edu/artscenter or 585-389-2170
{ table of COntents } COVER STORY 14
LIVING WORDS OF WISDOM
50
regulars
12 TEAM LIST
20 THE DIVA’S REPORT
The Strathallan Spa
24 ALL ABOUT THE H... 38 LAW AND HIP HOP 46 BADGE OF HONOR
Mike Meskill
62 LADIES & LITERATURE
98
67
SENIOR LIFE
74
WOMEN WHO INSPIRE
82 ALL ABOUT M.E. 84 A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE 56 ON THE WAY UP 94
YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR Aarya Patel
96 TIPS FOR WOMEN 98
IN HER OWN WORDS Julie Burley
108
HER EDGE Jessica Kelly
111
DOLLARS & SENSE
112
YOU CAN BE
42
Health & wellness 54 ASK THE DOCTOR
Introducing Dr Nate
70 76
MIND, BODY & SPIRIT
86
MENOPAUSE MOMENT
HEALTHY WOMAN
92 EVERYDAY PUSH 106 4
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
IN HER DEFENSE
janu
uary 2017 { table of contents }
20 regulars
116 ANGELLA’S ADVICE 126
SOCIAL MEDIA MOXIE
128
CALENDAR OF EVENTS.
fashion 42
CHRISSY MONROE’S FASHION FORWARD
60
67
HYPE HAIR
food 50
PLATTER CHATTER Fiamma Centro
56
COOKING WITH JULIA K
special features
8 ABOUT ROCHESTER WOMAN 81 ELIZABETH WENDE BREAST CARE
14
120
PROBLEM SOLVED
122
ROCHESTER WOMAN BOOTCAMP
125 A HEALTHY SOLUTION
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{ from the publisher }
W
ith the New Year comes a whole new Rochester Woman! We had a name change to start of the new year and are now Rochester Woman Online, we have a new ALL DIGITAL publication, new team members, and a lot of exciting content to share with you, our readers. I am truly excited for 2017, and all the we have in store for you. So, let the excitement begin! From our talented and philanthropic cover woman Lisa DiPasquale Cove featured on page [14], to new additions to the team such as Chrissy Monroe and her fashion forward column on page [42] and cooking tips from Julia K on page [56], we are just bursting with amazing content for you to enjoy.
T T
ON OUR COVER
Lisa DiPasquale Cove was photographed on location on the grounds of the George Eastman House by Lush Light Photography.
Make sure you browse through all of our great articles and advertisers because there are alot of hidden surprises throughout this January edition including videos, commercials, and even a 360 virtual tour of the all new Strathallan Spa created by our very own photographer Todd Elliott. Feel free to share with all of your friends and family on social media, and take us wherever you go. 2017 is already off to an amazing start, and this month is going to be fabulous. Come and join us on Sunday, January 15th at the Holiday Inn downtown as we get the new year started with our Day of Empowering Women...NEW YEAR NEW YOU Health, Wellness, Beauty and more expo. Featuring over 130 local vendors, incredible speakers all day long on topics such as humanity, healthy weightloss, and beauty and free products and sampling too. Plus you don’t want to miss the $5000 Grand Prize Makeover Drawing. So bring all your girlfriends, sisters and mothers (ok we will let men come too), and join us for the ultimate ladies day out. Rochester Woman Online is a free download on all your favorite apple and android devices so make sure to follow us each and every month because this is only the beginning of the incredible surprizes we have in store for you over the coming months!
Kelly 6
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
{ the V Cup }
THE REVOLUTION IS HERE - JOIN US! My name is Kaitilyn Nicole, President & Founder of V-CUPS. I was born and raised in Rochester, NY. I am so excited to share the launch of our company with the women of my hometown. My driving force behind the creation of V-CUPS is the empowerment and education of feminine hygiene to women of all ages. We need to embrace our bodies and celebrate our diversity. Not every feminine hygiene product is going to be a perfect fit for everyone; and that is okay, but we must educate ourselves on all of our options to make the best choice for our bodies. Menstrual cups have been a game changer for me! I am able to go about my day worry free from leaks, I have saved money and most importantly I am helping to save the environment. It is my fervent wish that every woman will try this product and enjoy using it as much as I do. -Kaitilyn Nicole
Top 5 Reason To Switch To Menstrual Cups
Go Green: On average a woman throws away between 250 and 300 pounds of pads, applicators and tampons every year. This means you can expect to produce 62,415 pounds of garbage using tampons or pads.
Save Money: The average women can expect to menstruate for 38 years, the total cost of your period can be around $18,000. If a women was to purchase a new V-CUP every year for the lifespan of her menstruation cycle it would cost $1,330. That is a savings of $16,670!
Your Health: Tampons & pads with odor neutralizers and other artificial fragrances have artificial colors, polyester, adhesives, polyethylene (PET), polypropylene, and propylene glycol (PEG), contaminants linked to hormone disruption, cancer, birth defects, dryness, and infertility. V-CUPS are made from 100% medical grade silicone.
Convenience: V-CUPS offers up to 12 hours of leak free comfortable protection.
Reduce Cramps: When a tampon becomes absorbed with blood it expands which can cause pressure increasing your cramps, V-CUPS does not absorb your flow but collects it not causing any change in shape to the cup.
Rochester Women Enjoy 25% OFF & FREE SHIPPING Use Promo Code: ROCWOMEN @ www.v-cups.com * Every V-CUPS package comes with both sizes of menstrual cups and a cloth carrying bag. Also available V-CUPS All Natural Cleansing Wash, it leaves you fresh, clean, and irritation-free.
www.facebook.com/myvcups
www.twitter.com/v_cups
www.instagram.com/v.cups
online
all about RW ONLINE As Western New York’s premier womens publication, Rochester Woman Magazine has decided to make some significant changes for 2017, including not only a name change, but a whole new business plan and mission. We are riding the wave of future and will now be Rochester Woman Online starting January 2017. You will still be able to enjoy all the great stories and features on local women (and men) you have come to expect from Rochester Woman, but we can now expand our reach, or depth and ultimate our community. Plus, we will be adding some GREAT new featured columns for a whole new audience. With an ALL NEW ALL DIGITAL publication, it gives your message a greater reach so you can more easily grow your business. When you consider how well digital advertising complements your other advertising along with social media, it can be the missing link your business has needed all along to be successful.
OUR MISSION
Rochester Woman Online will create for you a community of women striving to empower and nourish other women to grow both personally and professionally. Our goal is to create a unique, genuine and inspiring publication that will help nourish your success. We will do so in a way that is engaging, informative and most of all, fun. We will measure our success one incredible Rochester woman at a time!
CONTACT US TODAY
For more information on advertising rates, monthly special promotions, suggesting a story idea and more, contact Kelly Breuer at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Plus download our app for FREE at your favorite app store and find out what all of Rochester is talking about!
I SHIFT+CONTROL I
whyADVERTISE SOME STATISTICS
With over 6117 Twitter followers, 5000+ likes on Facebook, more then 4500 app users per month with an average read time of over 6 minutes and a website that averages more than 10k pageviews a month, and an email database of over 65,000 area professionals, we are confident in our decision to expand not only our audience, but our focus and functionality.
OUR REACH
Reach over 20,000 Rochester area woman (and even men) and more than 65,000 electronically by advertising in Rochester Woman Online. Enjoy some of our all new digital features including: - Average time spent reading our tablet app is 5.25 min per view - Add video to increase reader engagement in your ad as Google loves video even better so it increases your reach and website’s ranking
- Your ad can link directly to your website or shopping cart for instant spontaneous sales. Who doesn’t love spontaneous sales while your sleeping? - Your ad can be shared on social media right from our tablet app so it multiplies your marketplace reach with a touch of a finger - Your ad can also be added to the Rochester Woman Online website to increase viewership. That’s’ like having another powerful website working for you. - Over 5,000 app downloads means that they automatically receive Rochester Woman each month without having to go anywhere to pick it up - 58% of digital magazine subscribers read Rochester Woman the same day they receive it. - 73% of those reading digital magazines reported paying attention to advertisements, by either tapping or reading the content. Isn’t that is amazing!!!
{ a look at our team }
PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF ASSISTANT EDITOR
Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Cassondra Kubit
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kelly Breuer
GRAPHIC DESIGN
Kelly Breuer
PHOTOGRAPHY
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
ADVERTISING SALES SOCIAL MEDIA
Chris “Goodknews” Cardwell Todd Elliott Todd Fleming Lush Light Photography Jeff Palm Brandon Vick Matt Whitmeyer Julia Antenucci Cheryl Kates-Benman Julie Burley Jill Burress Mary Bushey Tracy Echeverri Mary Therese Friel Gabrielle Hermosa Caroline Hill Rebecca Jaffarian Noah Jobin Jessica Kelly Julia Khoury Cassondra Kubit Angella Luyk Tamara MacDuff Chrissy Monroe Mary Elizabeth Nesser Dr Norman Odell Aarya Patel Jim Payne Dr. Nate Riddle Becky Vasilovski James Woods, MD Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates Julia Antenucci Tamara MacDuff
Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www.rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.
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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
Let Us Help You Begin Your Own Fairytale At The Holiday Inn Rochester Downtown
Our Professional Wedding Specialist will help make your dreams come alive What sets us apart is our extraordinary attention to your every detail We “VOW” to be with you every step of your path Mention this ad when contacting us at weddings@hirocny.com or 585-324-0037 To receive our premium specials for 2017!
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Holiday Inn Rochester Downtown Seventy State Street, Rochester, NY 14614
@HolidayInnRocNY
Www.HolidayInn.com/RochesterDTWN ©2010 InterContinental Hotels Group. All Rights Reserved
{ our cover story }
Look out for Cove’s special feature monthly “Because You’re Worth It”. Women are often care-takers in their homes with responsibilities pertaining to their husbands, children, and pets. At the end of the day, women need to take time out for themselves and focus on their well-being. Often, women do not do this. Cove prides herself in being able to share a bit of herself with others and to help guide them on a wellness journey to overall health.
Lisa DiPasquale Cove is a celebrated philanthropist in the Rochester community. She assists organizations that provide HIV and heart care. She’s is involved with Lifespan, the Jr. League, WXXI and the Village of Pittsford. She will be joining the Rochester Woman Online editorial team in February 2017. Cove is embarking upon this opportunity with a fresh attitude, while acknowledging the unique voice it will provide her to share her wealth of knowledge with her fellow sisters.
Cove is a Williamsville native, where she was a cheerleader in high school, a candy striper at a local hospital, and a daughter of an officer. Lisa attended Alfred University and later the University of Rochester earning a Master’s Degree. Lisa began her medical career as an RN in the Emergency Department at Strong Memorial Hospital, later becoming a nurse practitioner. Lisa worked in different capacities in healthcare serving as an administrator, a recruiter, in longterm care pharmaceuticals, geriatrics and as the RN Research Coordinator in various studies, including immunization and cardiology. Lisa’s husband, Christopher, served his residency there and went on to become a renowned heart surgeon. The couple has three boys who graduated from Pittsford Sutherland High School, and are all in college furthering their education. Cove was also a model for AMS Modeling, and in 2002, won Mrs. New York America. She served as a commercial spokesperson for an Irondequoit Suzuki car dealership and
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continues to enjoy making community speaking engagements. Throughout the years, Lisa served on community boards including for the Junior League, WXXI, Lifespan and Highland Hospital’s Women’s advisory. She contributes often to the community and has served in different capacities assisting organizational events for Visiting Nurse Association. She has served on the board for the Democrat and Chronicle acting as a Board of Contributor and as a citizen panel representative for the WXXI democratic governor’s debate, in 2002. Between 2008-2010, Cove served in various capacities for the Pittsford School District Parent, Teacher, Student Association. She also sat for the Pittsford Village Architectural Preservation Review Board as an honorary chair for the Village of Pittsford’s historic home tour, in 2013-2104, and village representative for the collaboration committee, 2010-2012. She currently sits on the social committee and the farmer’s market committee. Cove finds great satisfaction in spending time
with her family. When asked how her family stays connected with such successful parents, she replied “through routine”. Cove and her husband have been married for 27 years and they raised their children with expectations. Their children were taught what was expected of them and they were instilled with how important it was to be committed to what they said and did.
Lisa indicates she keeps her family together by having down time from electronics. When the family goes to dinner, no one can use their phone. They attend church together every Sunday and after church the family goes to brunch. This brings the family together every week, Lisa describes it as “A family time-out”. They also take family weekend trips to go skiing. When she wasn’t raising her family, she was expanding her knowledge of healing. At the age of 37, Lisa came across Yoga and found her true passion. Cove took her passion to the next level and became an instructor. Cove started teaching yoga in health clubs, until she came across Breathe. She began with them when they opened their first location which they have 5 studios. Lisa explained there is a difference between working in a Health club and a Yoga Facility. Health club-based yoga is something people attend to get fit, burn off steam, weight loss or building muscle. Whereas, a yoga facility is more nurturing and is set as a holistic approach; mind, body and spirit. Cove has taken her yoga philosophies into her health career and encourages her patients to take care of their own health.
{ our cover story }
“Living Words of Wisdom” BY CHERYL KATES-BENMAN I PHOTOS BY LUSH LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHY
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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
{ our cover story }
Cove feels through yoga you have a personal responsibility. The practice involves more than one component. It involves the physical being and mental health. When starting a yoga program, Cove believes it is best if you go into it with an open mind. There is no judgment in the practice of yoga. By living under this philosophy: Cove parents differently, she nurtures her marriage, she evaluates herself and has a better understanding of friends and family.
Lisa extends a special thanks to Hollimont, WXXI, Lifespan, the Alzheimer’s Association, Village of Pittsford, Breathe, RAC, Caswood Group, AMS Models, Mrs. NY America, Fashion Week, Woof2Hoof Dog Training, Pet Therapy International, Ellictoville Chamber of Commerce, University of Rochester Office of Student Affairs, URMC Department of Cardiology, Trillium Health and MAG for all the opportunities organizations like these offer for people to get involved in their community.
Cove states that the yoga philosophy can work for anyone. When anyone finds themselves in a difficult part of their lives such as going through a divorce, death, or loss of a job, living with this philosophy empowers and shows people they have more power and control over their lives than they thought they did.
Cove said, “As women, society expects us to look 20, when in reality we are 50. We care for our children, our spouses, family pets and later in life our parents. Women, in general, have a lot more responsibilities than their husbands. Women hold the family together. Multitasking is required. It is so easy to lose yourselves when doing all of this. People are disconnected from their bodies and wake up one day and look in the mirror and say “Who’s that?” Living in the yoga philosophy you are able to learn to stay connected and we won’t lose our way”. Lisa described the world of technology and the phone-mania as “living outside of where you are”. When living inside a phone “you lose the
beauty of experiencing a personal connection in your relationships. We, as a whole, have to learn to focus on relationships.” Ten years ago, Lisa started the Pittsford Senior Yoga group. She feels there is no better therapy for humans as we age. It provides balance work, joint mobility, builds muscle, improves breathing, and develops the full lung capacity. “The beauty of the yoga philosophy is that anyone can do it. “ When it comes to yoga many people use the excuse “I am not flexible” for why they don’t practice yoga. She always responds, “Yoga makes you flexible. The body was made for these kinds of exercises. We just stopped doing it”. Cove also pointed out how valuable her time serving as Mrs. New York in 2002 was to her. She remained involved in this organization throughout the years. Her platform was volunteerism and this has remained a fundamental part of her life long
after the pageant was over. Lisa stated “You do not have to be the winner to have your life changed by this pageantry experience”. Women support other women. The entire experience changed her life.
Cove is embarking upon some new journeys in 2017. She had her dog trained as a therapy dog and is looking forward to visiting people in hospitals and nursing homes. She is a new member of the Board of Directors at the Alzheimer’s Association. Cove describes herself as a “professional volunteer”. Lisa feels there is nothing more powerful than volunteering because “one act can light up someone’s day”. Lisa enjoys being a teacher. Cove indicates she never thought she would be a teacher. As a nurse, she learned people. Becoming a teacher came very natural to her. Lisa feels this may be one of her most important contributions as she wants to make a difference in as many lives as she can. She invites you as our readers to take this journey with her. Lisa promises to take you on a journey of rediscovery; to empower, accentuate and love your life. Lisa will meet you where you are and help you find your way. There will be no fluff. Just clear, simple guidelines to enlighten and share a new perspective, “Because You’re Worth It.”
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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Announcing
Enjoy local and national stories including: - up and coming artists - law & hip-hop - grinding fashions - inspirational stories - urban culture and more!
The Rochester Based, Premier Edgy Urban Cultural Magazine coming in April 2017!
Over 1000 print issues distributed locally and nationally, FREE online interactive edition, FREE app download and more!
for more information contact us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com or 585.727.9120
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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
{ the divas report }
diva’s
the
3
report
photos by todd elliott
class treatments, promoting health, wellness and rejuvenation of mind, body and soul. The atmosphere of the new Strathallan Spa is designed to foster an uncommonly warm and welcoming environment, serving as a true oasis away from the everyday.
Rochester Woman Online would like to to introduce you to the “Divas”. We all have heard about them, or we all know them and now we are excited to be able to share the adventures of Kelly Breuer and Cheryl Kates-Benman; known as the Diva’s with you each month. They will be taking us through a different experience at local spas, resorts, entertainment venues and even local destinations giving you their “diva’s report”. We may even introduce a few other Divas as we go. Diva’s 1 and 2 are excited to take us to the recently opened Strathallan Spa, for our first report. Located right across from the Strathallan Hotel, it is a state-of-the-art spa, striving to provide “an extraordinarily memorable experience” for any guest, all while delivering outstanding world
Upon arriving at the reconverted brick barn which was built in the early 1900’s, the Diva’s pulled into a convenient parking lot available in close-proximity to the entrance, perfect for this cold winter day. The Spa staff members greeted them at the entrance, smiling and friendly, waiting to take them on an amazing tour of the newly finished interior. Just a month prior, the Divas were able to take a behind the scenes visit when there was nothing but 2X4’s, and metal casings outlining the soon to be treatment rooms. There was no flooring or fixtures, not even a sink was visible, while they walked around the contractors and electric cords. It was hard to believe that the incredible three-story spa they were now in was just a hollow shell just weeks prior. Amanda, the manager of the spa began their tour of the impressive modern, yet rustic interior with the women’s lounge. The Diva’s eyes were graced with a beautiful fireplace in the center of
the room with wall-to-wall seating accented by beautiful fluffy pillows, and the original brick walls were even exposed. There was refreshing cranberry water or hot tea to drink, while they relaxed and put their feet up on an ottoman. Soft lighting was accenting roomalong with all natural lighting peaking through the modern windows that were reconverted from the old barn. Combinations of wood and brick décor are throughout, providing a comfortable and welcoming environment that fosters a peaceful and tranquil environement. The locker room area was also beautifully done, with attention paid to every detail. The Diva’s couldn’t wait to slip into their fluffy robes and slippers, and relax on the couches enjoying some much needed “girl time”. After touring the first floor, which also included a men’s lounge, elevator access, and a product area, the diva’s walked up the beautiful open staircase accented with candles, plants and hanging lighting fixtures. The treatment rooms on the second floor are beautifully decorated with exposed brick from the original architecture, tranquil lighting, plush covers and state of the art equipment. From massages and facials, to full-body treatments and waxing, the second floor is your trip to serenity. There was even a
{ the divas report }
3
a very large couples room complete with shower for you to take that special someone for a day they will never forget. On to the third floor…as you walk up the stairs you are truly in awe as you look up to cathedral ceilings, tons of natural lighting, and a pedicure room to die for. The Diva’s couldn’t wait to jump up on the bench of comfy cushions to relax and enjoy their pedicures! The third floor is also home to the spas manicure area, and soon to be hair salon as well. After their incredible tour, the Diva’s went back downstairs, and got changed into their fluffy robes and slippers. They sat by the fireplace to await their technician’s arrivals. Diva Kelly began with her spa pedicure with Tiffany on the third floor, while Diva Cheryl was whisked away to the second floor to enjoy her massage with Debra. Kelly arrived upstairs to a pedicure tub filled with nice warm water, a comfy bench with pillows to put behind her and lean back on, and a smiling technician ready to make her feet feel fabulous just in time for the holidays. Kelly described her experience was “nothing but amazing and no details were left untouched.” After an hour of pampering, which even included warm towels, and a hand and arm massage, she was ready for the next pampering session downstairs with Debra for a massage. While Kelly sat under the nail dryer, Cheryl arrived fresh from her massage, with her hair tussled, and raving about how spectacular her experience was. Cheryl, needing a more medical massage because of severe fibromyalgia. 22
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
Once Cheryl was settled in for her pedicure, she was able to enjoy the beautiful, modern footbaths with Tiffany for her new red sparkly toes. On the second floor, a nice heated bed awaited Kelly’s arrival with a warm towel placed on her back and then a hot stone to set the mood. A little slice of heaven. Kelly was so relaxed at one point she may have even been snoring ...just a little bit. The low lighting, serene spa music and the warm deep tissue massage on her shoulders and neck felt amazing. After they finished their treatments, they were given a cranberry-elderberry elixir and went back down to the women’s relaxation area to enjoy a few more minutes of peace and quiet before changing and heading over for lunch at Char in the Strathallan Hotel. Guests are welcome to showers, lots of amenities to get ready, or they can just to sit and relax for as long as they would like before leaving. This is just one more reason why the Strathallan spa is like having a little slice of heaven. The Diva’s day was made complete with lunch at Char, which the Diva’s tend to frequently visit. There is a full bar and two lounge areas separated by a blazing fireplace. There is even an outdoor fireplace to enjoy as well for those
colder nights. Both bar style raised tables, booths and then fine dining tables are available. We decided to choose the booth by the window overlooking the spa. The staff provides quick, thoughtful and assistive service and the menu is to die for. Today, the Divas decided to enjoy a nice glass of their favorite Moscato, before lunch. Kelly picked the fresh salad accented with tenderloin steak and a side of parmesan fries. While Cheryl, went with the shaved prime rib sandwich and sweet potato fries. The meat was tender and not overcooked and the greens were fresh. The prime rib was delicious. The bread was grilled to perfection. Truly a fantastic way to end Diva adventure. Mention Rochester Woman Online and the Diva’s and receive 25% off your first service with the new Strathallan Spa!
{ all about the h... }
GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES Meeting Life’s Challenge’s as
BY GABRIELLE HERMOSA
Life is full of challenges. Some don’t require much effort while others seem like ominous, impossible circumstances that linger quite some time, until we figure them out... if we figure them out. My biggest challenge in life has been growing up as a transgender woman in a world that doesn’t understand what “transgender” means. It’s been a series of challenges really, all stemming from being transgender (or perceived “different”) in today’s cultural and social climate.
learned along the way. The experiences are unique to me, but the lessons are universal. Knowledge is power and I’m all about empowering people. I’m really gonna rock this world, and so are you! What I mean is that I’m going to make it a much healthier, happier, more inclusive, more supportive, and more productive place than ever! But I can’t do that alone. I’ll need your help. All boats are lifted by a rising tide, and we ALL have much to gain by coming together, collaborating, sharing, learning, lifting each other up and supporting each other along the way.
I’d like to share my personal experiences and challenges as a transgender woman and lessons
Sharing is a powerful and transformative force. Through sharing, we learn so much more
about the infinite diversity in humanity and more about ourselves in the process. People fear what they don’t understand and often attack what they fear. In an enlightened and educated world, there will be nothing left to fear and nothing to get in the way of rising to our own greatness as individuals and building incredible communities together. We live in a culture of social norms, traditions, expectations, judgment and consequences for non-conformity. Social policing takes many forms and ranges from (almost) benign comments about someone’s musical interests or hair style to more serious judgements based ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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{ all about the h... } on race, religion, political leanings and gender, to name a few. Gender norms and expectations have been the cause of much friction and drama over the years. Almost everything is gendered, from colors to activities to social roles. Looking back at how things were in the 1950’s, 19th century and other points in history, we’ve certainly come a long way in regard to many gender-based issues. Sometimes I feel like we’re still stuck in the 1950’s. It’s time we move forward. As a child of the 70’s and 80’s, I was raised and socialized as a “boy” because of my reproductive anatomy. My life’s path and option (yes, singular - option) was dictated by society because of what’s between my legs. For about 99.5% of the population, gender assignment based on biological sex is a pretty good fit. For the rest of us that method doesn’t work. My first conscious memories of being raised as the wrong gender was at the age of 3. In the early 1970’s every social cue around indicated serious danger if I expressed how I felt about my gender. So I kept my mouth shut, buried it down deep and tried to learn how to be the “man” society expected of me. I may have looked like a “man”, but never knew how to “be a man”. I never felt like one. The best I could do is attempt to emulate masculine behavior by observing and mimicking what I saw in other men. It was a stressful and exhausting endeavor that lasted decades and never worked particularly well. People saw through my facade and I was frequently picked on, disparaged, humiliated and beat up for not being masculine or manly enough. According to a 2011 study, the suicide attempt rate for transgender people is about 41%. More recent studies show it to be over 60%. I attempted suicide multiple times, the last of which resulted in a four month stay in a psychiatric hospital in New Canaan, Connecticut. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to be allowed to be my authentic self. Even though my biological sex is male, I knew in my heart of hearts that my gender identity has always been that of a woman. For a time, I tried to accept myself as a “crossdressing man”. Crossdressers are men who identify as men. They’re usually straight, often get married, have families and are generally happy living their lives as men while secretly (or maybe not secretly) crossdressing. Crossdressing provides emotional comfort for some and erotic fulfillment for others. Crossdressers often refer to their feminine-self as their “alter ego”. As for me, the alter ego was very clearly the man-facade, not my feminine, authentic self. My man-facade was a carefully practiced, rehearsed and executed survival tactic. It helped me to fit in, more or 26
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less. The increasing pain of living life as a lie, constantly faking who I am, was taking a toll. I was alive; I had a pulse, but this wasn’t living at all. I was miserable, frustrated, angry, had a quick temper and foul mouth, and hated the world... because I hated myself. In 2013, after much research, soul searching and an overwhelming need to understand myself, I attended a transgender support group in Syracuse, NY. For the first time in my life, I found myself in the company of people who really “got me”, and I got them. I consciously acknowledged that I’m not a crossdressing man, but rather a transgender woman. It was immediately clear that in order to relieve my pain, I could either get off the bus (end my life) or start taking measures to transition and live life authentically as a woman. Transitioning was a terrifying prospect and I felt life was worth living, so it began. It’s one thing to wear makeup and dress the part, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to requirements for successfully transitioning and truly feeling like myself. My body is all wrong and has been since birth. Going through the wrong (male) puberty 3 decades ago terribly deformed and disfigured my body. Consequently, I have gender dysphoria, a profound, distressing feeling experienced by many transgender individuals as a result of biological sex, gender assigned at birth and physical body not being congruent with gender identity (the psychological understanding of oneself in regard to gender). Many transgender people who come out (of the closet) to friends, family and colleagues often face rejection. I’ve heard countless personal stories about trans people being rejected by their families and friends and sometimes losing their jobs. According to a 2011 study, 90% of transgender workers report some form of harassment or mistreatment in the workplace. The financial cost of full physical transition is astronomical. A middle-age person like myself going from male to female can expect to pay about $100,000 for medical treatments, procedures and surgeries, depending. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is required for life. Most medical insurance policies do not cover many, if any of these procedures. Unlike Kaitlyn Jenner (formerly known as Bruce Jenner), I don’t have access to the great financial wealth necessary to cover the cost of physical transition. To date, I’ve spent several thousand dollars of my hard earned money on electrolysis treatments to permanently remove facial hair (and it’s still not complete). The process is expensive and painful and I can’t afford to just do it all at once. There’s still many other procedures I require such as face feminization surgery (FFS), tracheal shave (reduce Adam’s apple), liposuction of love
handles area, breast augmentation and gender reassignment surgery (genitile reconstruction). All of these procedures and expenses (except for the last) could have been entirely avoided had I been put on the correct hormone therapy prior to, or not too far into puberty. And I never would have looked like a “man in makeup” to the rest of the world either, because my body would have developed like any other woman (with the exception of one hidden part) so I would have looked very much like society’s idea of a “woman” and had no problem fitting in socially. Here I am today, three years into my transition, and I still look very “transgender”, meaning that to most people, I don’t appear entirely female, or may look more like a “man in makeup”. Don’t get me wrong – I look pretty damn good, all things considered. But I don’t look like a cisgender woman (someone who was born with a vagina and assigned “female” at birth) to most people who see me closer than 15 meters or so in person. This poses a frequent challenge – not appearing to be society’s idea (or ideal) of a woman. When out and about, I get stared at... a lot. There are generally two types of people who cause rubbernecking when just out running errands or grocery shopping: celebrities, and people who look very different than the “norm”. I generally fall into the latter category. Sometimes I receive really beautiful compliments by total strangers, and it fills me with joy and gratitude! Often I catch people rubbernecking, thumping their friend on the arm, occasionally pointing and laughing with delight as if they’ve just found “Waldo”. Sometimes it goes beyond stares and I’ll get looks of disgust, hatred and/or a disparaging name called out. People used to laugh at me very frequently when I first started venturing in public in 2009 (back when I was still thinking of myself as a crossdresser rather than a trans woman). Thankfully that’s far less common these days. It was very hurtful getting laughed at and disparaged just for trying to be who I am and having the courage to step out into the world as such. What changed? Why don’t people laugh at me as often? Part of it may be that I’ve refined and improved my feminine appearance a little over the years. But I think the main reason is a big shift in personal attitude. When I was very insecure about my appearance, I think it showed. I tried to look confident, but never felt it inside and people laughed at me every single time I was in a public place. It was very hurtful and sometimes I’d be too embarrassed or afraid to venture out for long periods of time (or only do so presenting in a masculine form). Many times I considered just giving up and putting an end to this miserable, agonizing
{ all about the h... } existence. I thought, “No one wants people like me around. They think I’m confused. They think I’m mentally ill. They’re uncomfortable around me. I’m the butt of their jokes. They think I’m a freak...” And perhaps I was right. Maybe people were thinking those things about me, but I am not defined by the thoughts of others.
because of the way I look – again, your problem, not mine. I’m not defined by anyone’s opinions, laughter, dislike, disgust, or whatever else people may think of me. One of my favorite authors, the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, said it so well: “When you judge another you do not define them, you define
The only person who gets to define who I am is me. That’s a universal reality, by the way – you are not defined by the thoughts or opinions of others. Life’s challenges can be the cause of incredible pain and duress and make us want to run away and hide. They can also become powerful forces that deepen our understanding of ourselves and humanity as a whole. Challenges and adversity can awaken us, supercharge our lives and propel us forward like rocket fuel! So I don’t pass (as female) in the eyes of many people. So I look “different”. So the hell what? I decided to own it rather than fear it. I look different AND I still rock! I look different AND I still look amazing! Maybe I don’t look entirely “female” to others, but I look entirely like me and there’s nothing wrong with who I am. I’m a work-in-progress living in a world of people who are also each works-in-progress themselves. Seriously – do you know anyone who’s actually just done, period, they’ve achieved everything and become all they need and desire to be? Perhaps sometimes in our mind, we think of others as “perfect” or so much better than ourselves, but that’s just a little trick our thoughts play on us; a subjective assessment passing through our (usually distorted) perceptual filters as influenced by society and a number of things. I’m at the point today where I honestly don’t care what people think of me. You wanna laugh at me? Go ahead. I don’t care. I’d rather you stare, point and laugh at me than some other transgender woman who may be less equipped to deal with it. I can take it. I don’t like it, but I understand how the psychology of fear and discomfort (of that which falls outside “social norms”) affects people. I understand that if you laugh at me, you’re the one with the issue, not me. If you have misconceptions about me
yourself.” T h a t ’s powerful knowledge. That’s empowering knowledge. Remember that the next time someone passes judgment on you. And if you can, take the high road – just wish them well and be thankful you’re not them. Also remember that the next time you catch yourself passing judgment on someone else. But try not to beat yourself up over it – just take the opportunity to learn from it and try to do better next time. I don’t want to look like a “man in makeup”, but for right now, today, I can’t afford the corrective surgical procedures that may help remedy that. I look the best I can, given what I have to work with, and rock the looks I like best, and make no apologies for it. Like I said – I honestly don’t care what anyone thinks of me and I think it shows. I think when people can tell you genuinely don’t care what they think of you, they (mostly) don’t bother even trying to socially police you or get under your skin or laugh or whatever. They know it will be a wasted effort. Another transition started in 2013: my career. I was never really happy in any job I held to date. Determined to make a positive difference in the world, I got involved in outreach work as a public speaker. Connecting and sharing with people is something I’m very passionate about. Letting people get to know me as a human being, ask questions, and taking the mystery out of “what it means to be transgender” helps
replace fear and misconception with fact, understanding and empathy. Today I get paid well to facilitate educational (and entertaining!) workshops, and deliver inspirational, uplifting talks. How’s that for turning life’s challenging adversities into rewarding career opportunities? The work i s n’t a s frequent a s I ’d like and it’s a very modest income for now, but I’m slowly finding more opportunities, networking and filled with gratitude for each and every experience and lesson along the way! Let’s pull the camera back a little. You don’t have to be transgender or any other letter of the LGBTQ to experience hardship, difficulty, social policing and demands for conformity. Perhaps your challenges in life differ than mine, and the same can be said for anyone. We’re each unique. And we also have so many things in common. I would argue that as human beings we have so much more in common than we do differences. I like to look at “differences” as opportunities – opportunities to learn more about one another, ourselves and humanity. What are some of the challenges in your life? What are some ways that you’ve persevered, met life’s challenges head-on and become a smarter, stronger person for it? What are some challenges you’re still struggling with? What kind of social policing do you receive, and how does it make you feel? If you could go back in time and offer your 10-year-old self advice, what would it be? You’re invited to be part of this conversation because it’s all about humanity. As divine human beings, we’re all in this together. So let’s work together, share and find ways to grow, become stronger, smarter and better people for the challenges (and opportunities) that life offers us. I’d love to hear from you!
Namaste ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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{ law and hop hop } BY BY Cheryl Cheryl L. L. Kates-Benman Kates-Benman Esq. Esq.
CRUEL AND UNUSUAL:
THE PLIGHT OF SEEKING MEDICAL PAROLE OR Franklyn to lose self-respect because now to screen someone with a metal detector. he will always be known as a felon but he Franklyn was given a medical permit allowing MEDICAL CAREfights WHILE INadequate NEWmedical YORK PRISON. daily to receive care. STATE an accommodation where he was NOT to be
Prisons in New York state are far from a fivestar resort. When entering the darkened world of the belly of the beast, not only is an inmate stripped of their identity where they become a number but basic human rights often are shed by the wayside. Imagine not having the ability to have a warm shower at times, decent food, fresh fruits and the right not Prisons in vegetables, New York stateto are be falsely accused of disciplinary infractions, farright from a five-star resort. When the to adequate shelter and the right entering world of the to medical the care.darkened Most recently, according tobelly research by the reporters at theisNY of done the beast, not only an Times in December 2016 , revealed the inmateof stripped identity question racial bias in of the their administration of corrections. Assaults occur daily between gang where they become a number but members and the general basic human rightspopulation. often areRogue shed correctional officers, are being accused of acts by the wayside. Imagine not having as serious as murdering inmates and setting people up to goto to have solitaryaconfinement. Let’s the ability warm shower not forget the long-term problem of female at times, decent food, fresh fruits inmates being raped. If that’s not enough to and avegetables, the right towhat not make law-abiding citizen question goes in NYSaccused prisons I don’t know what is? be on falsely of disciplinary How do we as a state deal with the rising infractions, the for right adequate cost of healthcare an to aging prison shelter and the right to medical population? Healthcare is an extreme burden upon taxpayers. As we transition to a more care. Most recently, according to compassionate system, how does the scale of justice balance out? Do we as a nation extend a compassionate release program for those suffering with long-term illness excusing criminal behavior? Or do we lock them up and throw away the key? Franklyn Herskowitz,(the founder of themedicalpatient.com) was a law-abiding citizen. He never received so much as a violation. Now he finds himself sitting in a prison cell. Dressed in state greens and now he is known as just his DIN number. 38
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
Becoming this number not only caused
medical devices restrict the ability of a jail
Cruel and unusual punishment is barred by the 8th amendment of the US Constitution. Beginning in 1981, courts throughout the years , research were given the job of what exactly done bydefining the reporters at constitutes “cruel and unusual” punishment the NY December which whenTimes dealingin with corrections, 2016 security, revealed thephysical question of racialneeds. bias always trumps or personal Situations such as overcrowded housing, in the administration of corrections. causing specific harm to basic health and Assaults occur between safety paved the way to adaily very small window ofgang basic members human rights and protected the US the ingeneral while incarcerated (2). No, we are not talking population. Rogue correctional about inmates complaining they do not have officers, cable TV! are being accused of acts Franklyn presents to the Department of as serious as murdering inmates Corrections and Community Supervision and setting people up to go to as someone with state-of-the- art medical solitary implanted confinement. Let’s not equipment in his body which is aforget constantthe concern for the security issues of at long-term problem a correctional facility. He has two neuro-pain female inmates being raped. If that’s transmitters manufactured by Medtronix, not enough to make a law-abiding which are electronic devices implanted in the spine. The machine transmits citizen question what goeselectrical on in current to assist in controlling chronic pain in the sphincter muscle and rectum. Franklyn is one of the few people who the team at Mt. Sinai chose for a new treatment expected to treat chronic pain of a person suffering from Chron’s disease. He was a successful candidate in which he was weaned off of narcotic pain medication and was able to be the first patient where this technology worked. It was a medical miracle! Franklyn’s case was difficult because he also had a pace-maker regulating his heart. All 3
subjected to any metal detectors. The staff at a local upstate prison ignored all of this and subjected him to basically be electrocuted. After this,Ithey failed miserably in NYSdoing prisons don’t know what is? allowing Herskowitz access to medical care. Chron’s disease in itself is a horrible condition How do we as state deal with causing extreme paina in the rectum and colon and often bowel is the rising cost of incontinence. healthcare Itfor embarrassing and causes most people who an itaging have to suffer prison immensely.population? Chronic sufferers must be close toisaan bathroom at all times. Healthcare extreme burden Additionally, there is a need to have the upon taxpayers. As we transition ability to shower when the patient suffers an to a more compassionate episode of incontinence. These aresystem, matters ofhow basicdoes human However, you thedignity. scale of justicewhen balance enter a correctional system know this, dignity out? Do we as a nation extend a is left behind. compassionate release program NYS Executive Law 259 R- allows for an incarcerated person, if they from a for those suffering withsuffer long-term terminal illness or if they suffer from a nonillness excusing terminal condition,criminal disease orbehavior? syndrome Orthey do we them uporand throw and are lock so physically cognitively debilitated or incapacitated that there is a away the key? reasonable probability that he or she no longer presents any danger to society is afforded the opportunity to apply for medical parole. Yet this provision in the law is seldom exercised. What better case for this consideration than a serious medical case such as this one? Yet, it was denied. What does it take to meet the criteria established? The medical parole provision is an underused form of tax-relief. According to DOCCS reports, it would appear the medical parole system is being utilized to allow for
{ law and hip hop } Franklyn Herskowitz,(the founder of themedicalpatient.com) was a law-abiding citizen. He never received so much as a violation. Now he finds himself sitting in a prison cell. Dressed in state greens and now he is known as just his DIN number. Becoming this number not only caused Franklyn to lose self-respect because now he will always be known as a felon but he fights daily to receive adequate medical care. Cruel and unusual punishment is barred by the 8th amendment of the US Constitution. Beginning in 1981, courts throughout the years, were given the job of defining what exactly constitutes “cruel and unusual” punishment which when dealing with corrections, security always trumps physical or personal needs. Situations such as overcrowded housing, causing specific harm to basic health and safety paved the way to a very small window of basic human rights protected in the US while incarcerated (2). No, we are not talking about inmates complaining they do not have cable TV! Franklyn presents to the Department of Corrections and Community Supervision as someone with state-of-the- art medical equipment implanted in his body which is a constant concern for the security issues at a correctional facility. He has two neuro-pain transmitters manufactured by Medtronix, which are electronic devices implanted in the spine. The machine transmits electrical current to assist in controlling chronic pain in the sphincter muscle and rectum. Franklyn is one of the few people who the team at Mt. Sinai chose for a new treatment expected to treat chronic pain of a person suffering from Chron’s disease. He was a successful candidate in which he was weaned off of narcotic pain medication and was able to be the first patient where this technology worked. It was a medical miracle! Franklyn’s case was difficult because he also had a pace-maker regulating his heart. All 3 medical devices restrict the ability of a jail to screen someone with a metal detector. Franklyn was given a medical permit allowing an accommodation where he was NOT to be subjected to any metal detectors. The staff at a local upstate prison ignored all of this and subjected him to basically be electrocuted. After doing this, they failed miserably in allowing Herskowitz access to medical care. Chron’s disease in itself is a horrible condition causing extreme pain in the rectum and colon and often bowel incontinence. It is embarrassing and causes most people who have it to suffer immensely. Chronic sufferers must be close to a bathroom at all times. Additionally, there is a need to have the ability to shower when the patient suffers an episode of incontinence. These are matters of basic human dignity. However, when you enter a correctional system know this, dignity is left behind. NYS Executive Law 259 R- allows for an incarcerated person, if they suffer from a terminal illness or if they suffer from a non40
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
terminal condition, disease or syndrome and they are so physically or cognitively debilitated or incapacitated that there is a reasonable probability that he or she no longer presents any danger to society is afforded the opportunity to apply for medical parole. Yet this provision in the law is seldom exercised. What better case for this consideration than a serious medical case such as this one? Yet, it was denied. What does it take to meet the criteria established? The medical parole provision is an underused form of tax-relief. According to DOCCS reports, it would appear the medical parole system is being utilized to allow for compassionate relief for people who needed it. This program was established in 1992, (1). Between the years, (1992-2014) 525 were cases were certified for consideration of release and 413 were processed (1). Of the 413 processed, 371 applications were granted (1). On the face of it, it appears the system is being utilized. In 2014, there were 30 applications granted (1). These are mostly terminally ill people (1). Of the applications processed 53% suffered from AIDS; 30% cancer and 18% other (1). People were being released into hospital –like settings ( 1). In 2011, the medical parole statute was expanded to include not only terminal cases but also severely debilitating cases (1). Franklyn Herskowitz clearly meets the criteria for consideration. Given the circumstances his debilitating condition was caused by the direct negligence of the state employees his case is one which should be given heavy consideration. September 11 is always a day everyone remembers… But for Franklyn, this is the day his nightmare began. Franklyn was excited it was the weekend so he could see his fiancé. Going out on the visiting room floor to spend time with family allowed him and the others to escape the reality of his living hell being in a NYS prison for only a few hours. The inmates look forward to socializing, enjoying the time with their families, the ability to eat some food out of a vending machine, the simple things in life, a kiss, holding hands or an embrace from a loved one, things we all take for granted. However, enjoying these things also has its downfall. After the last loved one, walks through the Iron Gate and the visiting room is officially closed the frisk process begins. All inmates are searched and screened for any contraband such as drugs or weapons entering the facility from the visits.
him again to sit in the metal detector chair. Franklyn tried to explain. The officer became angry and began to yell and swear continuing to order Franklyn to sit in the chair. As Franklyn lowered his body into the chair he feared what would come next. He knew he could not be subjected to the magnetic current. He was unsure if today, September 11 would be the last day he lived? Would this be the last time he saw his fiancé? All these thoughts raced through his head as he felt the electric current surge through his body as he was forced to sit in the metal detector chair. Franklyn clenched his teeth, as the pain was excruciating but the officers didn’t care. The electrical current continued to surge through his body after getting out of the chair. Franklyn couldn’t walk. He is now confined to a wheelchair. Franklyn is in extreme pain as the transmitters are malfunctioning where a current is currently hitting his scrotum instead of the areas affected by the Chron’s (rectum and sphincter). Correctional officials at the jail conducted their own investigation and found there was nothing improperly handled. Despite what happened, the jail didn’t give Franklyn any pain medication. Franklyn was taken to ECMC for an evaluation but the hospital could not treat Franklyn and he was returned to the correctional facility with instructions he should see his doctors at Mt Sinai. Fast forward, tomorrow marks four months from the date this occurred. Investigators from the Office of Special Investigation were just now dispatched to investigate. It was over 90 days before Franklyn was taken to emergency to be treated for the extreme pain as the Groveland Correctional Facility has a blanket policy restricting any pain medication. Franklyn was taken to Warsaw Hospital, he was treated there over a weekend and pain medicine was administered. As soon as Franklyn was returned to the correctional facility and sent with a Fentanyl patch, it was ripped off and he was told: “No pain meds”. After just shy of four months, administrative personnel and the head medical staff (Albany) became involved and Franklyn was ultimately transferred to Fishkill RMU where he is now placed on a long-term care medical unit. This did not happen until officials from Governor Cuomo’s office, NYS Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell (Chair of Corrections) and Senator Gallivan’s office intervened.
This day became a day Franklyn will never forget. This day became a series of days where Franklyn feared going on a visit. Open your mouth, lift up your tongue, squat and cough… they all knew the routine. As humiliating as it is they endure it as this is what you must do to see your family.
The emergency room records from the initial visit to ER clearly stated the facility recommended Herskowitz was treated by his doctors in Mt. Sinai. Correctional officials at the jail conducted their own investigation and found there was nothing improperly handled. 4 months later, Franklyn sees his team of doctors.
As Franklyn approached the processing area a Sergeant ordered him to sit in the metal detector chair. Franklyn showed the man his medical permit excluding him from this process. The man didn’t care. He ordered
Resources Keyson K. (2015). Medical Parole, Retrieved January 12, 2017 from www.doccs.ny.gov/researchreports/2015/medical_parole_ report_2014.pdf Rudovsky, D., Bronstein J. A, Koren, I., E., & Cade J. (1988). The Rights of Prisoners (4th ed.) Southern Illinois University Press, Carbondale and Edwardsville, ACLU.
Like you mean it!
BY CHERYL KATES-BENMAN PHOTO BY LUSH LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHY
{ fashion forward }
INTRODUCING:
Chrissy Monroe
As I reflect on the numerous fashion articles and blogs that I have had the pleasure of writing over the years, I am reminded how the Holiday Season allows us to really express how we embrace our individual style and express ourselves by way of our enthusiasm for this festive season. Throughout the Holiday and through the New Year, I beg you to remember that some celebrations aren’t always the happiest of times for many. Hug a little longer, listen a bit more intently and share a smile more than ever before! So get out that magic “Sparkle” wand a spread a little glitter and sunshine throughout the season. As recently announced. there are many A client reminded me recently that there was a changes with Rochesterthe Woman report andina 2017 video documenting behavior Magazine. The first was the transformation of people throughout New York State and to Rochester WomantoOnline. Some asareone Rochester happened be recognized skeptical about the decision to go to anwe of the happiest. The report shared that all digital format, but staying up with were more eager to hold the door for one the timeswe is necessary in anyeach prospering another, acknowledged other and venture. Thispassing is a change which will set smiled while on the sidewalk or in the stageareas, as Rochester Woman Online common and Rochester didn’t hesitate becomes a trendsetter industry to engage with strangers. in As the a small business and ourI am home community during this owner, proud to say I am a transplant Rochesterian now and attempt to spread the upcoming year. same HUG that Rochester has given me, my Just imagine as athree community of women inGo family and my local businesses. Rochester, how we canyou make a difference ahead~ “Sparkle Like mean it! not just here locally, but across the globe. So as isI was write my finalhopes Fashion This whatpreparing Rochesterto Woman Online Forward article for the year about the to do as we jump into the New Year.hottest We Holiday New global Year Celebrations have an and all new perspective,looks, as and manytoto“keep share with you,the I am wellthere as thearedesire up with reminded to suggest that you start every day times” here in our own community. Part with that one incredible accessory that can’t of bought, this vision ourthe be put includes in a box orexpanding found under writing staff outside of our local team tree... put on that smile that tells the and world working with writers who unique that you are happy with whohave youaare, spread vision world. Writers who that witharound as manythe family, friends and strangers represent the patchwork quilt of what as you can and always remember, you use Rochester are. We are powerful. fewer facial women muscles when smiling than when We form a“Sparkle sisterhood. We mean make it” up an frowning. like you empowering community. Speaking of Sparkle there is plenty of it! Throughout my many buying trips for my new There are many women who commute women’s Trilogy Fashion to otherclothing places boutique, for employment, for Foundry, that I opened this past August, I pleasure and for many other reasons. was amazed that the glitter sparkle game of There are women whowas alsobeing live in other embellished clothing suggested locations and contribute to the Rochester for more day wear than just the traditional community. limitcelebrations. the contentSo evening, gala, So andwhy holiday we bring you to just Rochester? what this means is put a little moreWith glitz in this in mind, decided to build our of your glam andwe make the sparkle theon “hero” Fashion Forward brand that theand amazing your holiday outfits. So sequin beading Joannot Lincoln, of Panache Vintage may be yourowner daywear go-to look, so add a & Finer and Trilogy, had little “armConsignment candy” meaning wear your sparkle set forth for us over the past seven years.
on your wrists this ability to mix and match jewelry - particularly bracelets, watches, and other wrist accouterments is a more subtle way to ~”Sparkle like you mean it”
Sparkle not your thing but still want that feminine look of sheer perfection? Yup, you got it add a touch of sheer to the hemline, wrist or neckline to capture the mystery of elusiveness. For the past couple of seasons, we’ve been going sheer crazy. Sheer skirts, sheer shirts, sheer dresses – you name it, if it’s sheer, we’ll wear it! Maybe a tutu is going a bit too far but some say “life is more fun in a tutu”, so I say give it a whirl with your Introducing Chrissy Monroe, former own style and flair! star of VH1’s Love and Hip Hop; season My final flirty fashion forward holiday five, fashion designer, fashionista, and a suggestion is the the silk blouse and more woman who knows style. particularly the famous “pussy-bow tie” In blouse! finding Joan’s replacement, ouryour selection Use the seventies as reference had to be chosen carefully as the she rage, trulyallow point when this look was all setme a very high bar. Wefashion think you’ll to remind you, alwaysbe comes pleased withthose ourofchoice, back. For us whoand maythe havenew, watched fresh tocampaign all this isfrom Chrissy our approach past political more of a FashionFashion perspective (and boy was there lots Monroe’s Foward. to watch) we saw that the seventies silhouette color, full flare pants, of andRochester the suggested Inofthe October edition pussy-bow blouses were apparent - or were Woman Magazine, Chrissy was featured these outfits selected to make a political regarding her work with her non profit statement Strive more than a fashion organization to Thrive Globalstatement! , an You can decide that to one! organization desgined assist survivors of So domestic This work has if your violence. Holiday invitations call local for festive tiesattire to Rochester as our very own editor, and the sparkle, sheer and silk aren’t (Cheryl L. comfort Kates- Benman Esq.),and sitsdress on for in your zone, relax thecomfort! Board ofStilettos Directorsaren’t of thefor organization. everyone, that’s The article Chrissy’s background and why theygave mad kitten heels! discussed how her determination helped Thank you for reading my monthly Rochester her to become a stronger woman after Woman Magazine Fashion Forward articles. suffering a victimto of Live domestic violence. Please as continue life with Panache, Shestyle currently writes for the Huffington & flair...and remember to always wear Post Magazine and HipOn! Hop weekly. Now your smile! Sparkle Chrissy will also write her own fashion column for Rochester Woman Online. Chrissy comes to us with a broad point of view and background for fashion. She prides herself on being someone who stands out from the crowd, and will continue this passion with her monthly column. As a teenager, she loved shopping at thrift stores, creating her own unique look, and standing out with a vintage style. At the time she was growing up in Baltimore, teens followed celebrities such as Madonna and Cindy Lauper. Women who didn’t follow any rules.
At age 15, Chrissy was proud when she landed her first part-time job. She started her career in the fashion industry at the popular mall chain store Merry-GoRound. Women and girls alike shopped there seeking the latest fashions which included the had-to-have 80’s parachute pants and Jordache jeans. Chrissy was mesmerized by the industry beginning in retail sales and later with fashion merchandising. Fast forward ten years later at age 25 and we have Chrissy opening her own Vintage boutique; “Funk in the Trunk”. Located in the prestigious Federal Hill area of South Baltimore, the boutique was very successful and the merchandise spanned from as early as the 1920’s . Over the last fifteen years, Chrissy has become very well-known and respected in the fashion community. She attends all of the major shows during NYC’s fashion week and often is asked to assist behind the scenes with the styling of models . Chrissy is known by some of the top fashion designers for the ability to use her natural talent in creating edgy, stylish ensembles along with her keen eye for upcoming, trendsetting ideas which turn into the “what’s hot” on the runway. Chrissy Monroe’s stand out style definitely caught the eye of the Divas at Rochester Woman Online and we welcome her as part of our new team and we can’t wait to share with you what she brings to the fashion table.
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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
{ fashion forward }
glamourous style BRING IN THE NEW YEAR
Every month, I, Chrissy Monroe, your new Fashion Forward columnist will bring you what’s new, hot and even some of my own personal predictions of upcoming fashion trends. As we start 2017, unique looks with velvet, sequins, fur and even chokers are hitting the pages of all the top fashion magazines! Talk about Glam!! This season I am in love with the Velvet thigh-high boots in various heel lengths for everyone from the Kardashians to my next-door neighbor. With versatility, this boot can be dressed up with a simple mini dress or completely dressed down, over some jeans. Add a t-shirt and your choice of jacket and you have a hot ensemble. These boots can be found online at various price points and in an array of fabulous colors, or sometimes you might be able to score them from a local thrift store. I am also drooling over the sexy, crushed velvet bodycon dresses and cat suits. Throughout NYC, they are worn by women of all shapes and sizes. For this time of year, velvet is the ideal fabric. It is warm, comfy and soft to the touch. Fur is making a huge comeback. Everything from the custom Nike slides (fluffy, fox fur on top) which are pretty much sold out everywhere, to Gucci’s extra-lavish furry spin on their classic loafer. Not big on real fur? There are so many faux fur choices that look like the real thing and are just as beautiful minus the guilt. Not into having furry feet? You can always throw on a nice accent piece such as a scarf, headband, hat or even fur embellished mittens or gloves to add a touch of luxury to your look. I suggest only wearing one piece at a time, as you don’t want to look like the abominable snow woman!! Although, I do think a nice mink coat with a matching headpiece in the same color looks just fine and is especially warm and functional for the blistering winter weather.
Always wanted a fur but think you can’t afford one? There are so many great pre-owned pieces available now online on sites such as eBay and Etsy. Also, there are usually some great finds at your local thrift stores, some of them just need some TLC to bring them back to perfect condition. In Rochester check out Second Bloom and Anything Goes consignment stores as they definately have some hidden treasures. Now onto sequins! Let’s not think about the eighties, disco beret your aunt wore when she met your uncle. lol. Even though I loved that look, sequins have definitely evolved into everyday wear. How do you ask? How do you wear a sequined top during the day? Or what about some sequined pants? One would think these items would only be appropriate for a cocktail party or wedding. Not at all! You can easily find a neutral-colored or black-sequined tank top to throw under a nice suit for your next business meeting or how about pairing it with some jeans and bomber jacket for lunch with the girls? Maybe try an over-sized cashmere sweater with some wide-leg sequin trousers. Not ready to go full-on with this trend? There are plenty of accessories such as belts, handbags and scarves to add just a touch of sparkle to any outfit. And like with the fur, I advise you to only wear one item at a time because these can be very dramatic statement pieces depending on what you choose. No one wants to be nick-named Sequined Sally. What about these chokers that are everywhere?? I absolutely loved wearing them in the nineties because I loved how they looked in the seventies. I thought I would never live to see the day they would come back in style! But lo-and-behold here they are seen on practically every reality T.V. Starlet and even in the pages of Vogue magazine, they have definitely made a huge comeback and are more popular than ever! I must say I have never seen such a creative variety!
Everything is popping from denim with chains, openly-laced into the front to leather and rhinestone in all sorts of patterns. Even some of the top Jewelers are making real gold and diamond pieces for the Beyonces and Mariah Careys of the world. My favorite choker look this season is definitely a simple black leather string tied into a bow paired with a white button-down shirt, jeans and black leather boots. I also love a nice, simple, velvet choker paired with an off-the-shoulder top or dress. It really accentuates the neckline and draws the eye to that particular area. You can even add a nice pin or clip-on earring to make it uniquely yours. If you dare you can actually take one type of each piece and combine them together in one outfit but it has to be done correctly. Let’s say for instance a black velvet dress with some black high heels that have the little furry ball on top as seen by Jimmy Choo this season. Add a beautiful rhinestone choker and a black sequined clutch and POOF!! Instant glam !!! I also love this look with a nice updo at your favorite hair salon and a red lip with dramatic eye lashes to make things extra spicy! You do not have to be rich to dress well and be stylish. My main goal in joining the Rochester Woman team is to share with readers some of my secrets and tricks of the fashion trade. I’ve learned by working hands on, both behind the scenes and in-front of the camera for over 30 years. I love helping people look their best, as I believe your outward appearance is definitely a reflection of what’s going on inside. For 2017, I want everyone to shine and be the best possible version of themselves that they can be! Please join me monthly as I talk everything fashion and Fabulous!!
- Chrissy Monroe ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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{ badge of honor } by rebecca jaffarian
Meet Ithaca Police Officer Mike Meskill
HUMANIZING
THE BADGE “Ithaca is gorges” or so goes the familiar slogan spotted on proud t-shirts across New York State. Situated on the shores of Cayuga Lake, the largest of the Finger Lakes, the gorges, snow covered hills, vineyards, and waterfalls of Ithaca make for a picture perfect postcard. It has also been named one of the best colleges in the country, home to Cornell University and Ithaca College. It’s behind the walls of the Ivy League University where Officer Mike Meskill started his career in law enforcement in 2012. The Trumansburg, NY native spent a lot of his teenage years doing ride along’s with deputy friends older than himself where his father Peter served as Tompkins County Sheriff for 12 years. He knew immediately what he wanted to do. Although his mom
would have preferred he be an accountant or a teacher. “It may sound cliché to other police officers but I enjoy being the person in between the good people and the evil people.” He says matter-of-factly. During his three years with the Cornell University Police Department he received the Sgt. Howard Traffic Safety award twice and a Tompkins County Stop DWI Award. In February 2015, he accepted the job of police officer with the City of Ithaca Police. After a year of being with IPD, he was granted the opportunity of becoming a member of the SWAT team. As a certified SWAT operator, his special skills and training were called into action last month after a tragic
shooting of a UPS driver at a Walmart. Officers attempted to stop the suspect when he fled in his vehicle. A short chase ensued into the suspects driveway. The suspect ran from his car firing at the pursuing officers before running into his house. The Ithaca Police Department SWAT team responded and a barricade was established around the residence. Using armored personnel carriers and robots they were able to peacefully resolve the situation and the suspect surrendered after a lengthy period of time. Just a typical day of work for Officer Meskill who primarily works the midnight shift, 11 PM to 7 AM. Although most of his coworkers would tell you no one really knows what shift he is working because he is always around the PD, working overtime, going to ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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{ badge of honor } court, training, or setting something up in the community. His niche in police work is enforcing the vehicle and traffic law. He enjoys interacting with people and also taking impaired drivers off the roadway. His typical weeks can be broken up sometimes because of the additional training he receives from being on the SWAT team as well as departmental training. “IPD is very progressive and keeps every officer trained on the latest tactics to keep us all safe,” he says “Our training unit is among the best.” When asked what unique challenges and rewards come from working in law enforcement, Officer Meskill shared that the climate in law enforcement is difficult at times. Within the five years since he has been in his career he says it seems like the line between people who like the police and people who do not, is a lot clearer. There are people who drop stuff off to the PD daily to thank us for what we do and there are others in the community who will go out of their way to flick us off or yell profanities at us. However, he enjoys meeting new people, speaking to community members and bridging the gap between the community and the police. My daily goal when I am at work is to speak with someone in the community and educate and inform them on what we really do. The TV shows and movies spin policing in a very different way then what the job entails. The word intimidating comes up frequently when citizens speak about the police and it is a challenge sometimes to make members of the community understand I am here to protect them and make everyone safe. I go out of my way to make conversation with people to let them know, we as police officers are real people with real feelings and care about everyone. He ranks becoming a member of the SWAT 48
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
team as one of his favorite achievements in his law enforcement career. It’s something about the mental and physical strength that has to be combined in the worst and most important incidents that makes me love being a member of this unit. It can be so demanding, but when you get through it, it’s so rewarding. Also, being recognized through Stop DWI for the enforcement effects I take to rid impaired people off the roadway is up there. The amount of time and effort put into those cases is extreme and it is nice to have a group thank you for keeping the roadways safe. Officer Meskill considers being hated for wanting to help as the most difficult part of
being a law enforcement officer. Knowing that there are people out there who want to kill you because of the shirt you put on. If you wonder why officers yell sometimes or don’t let you do things in our presence, it’s because we are paranoid. Paranoid we won’t go home at the end of the night, paranoid we don’t get to see our loved ones. The satisfaction of helping someone. Putting on the uniform and badge knowing I’m going to help someone today makes it all worth it. The reality of a career in law enforcement can differ from typical expectations. The wear and tear of the career can take an effect on people. I don’t think our brains were set up to see as much trauma and tragedy as police, fire and EMS do. Doing this job takes years off your life and unless you take care of yourself mentally and physically it will kill you. I think people can be naïve
sometimes to the level and amount of bad we see. The typical expectation is a kind person in blue and sometimes going from one level to the next in a matter of minutes can effect interactions. He considers Lt. Jake Young and Eric Stickel to be some of his influences today. “Jake is always pushing you to make you better as a person and an officer. He sets the standards high and won’t stop pushing you until you get there.” Eric trained me while at Cornell and I can’t say enough about his leadership and the friendship we have now. I know in a time of need or question, he will be there for me. Justin Collins, the founder of The Badge of Honor Association ( BOHA) another major influence for Officer Meskill. “He always has something up his sleeve and is a great m o t i v a t o r. Although I’ve only known Justin for a few years, he has taught me a lot and continues to drive me.” In addition to his law enforcement duties as an Ithaca Police Officer, he is also the Chapter Manager of the Badge of Honor Association’s Tompkins County Chapter. A strictly volunteer position. The Badge of Honor Association is a 501C(3) nonprofit organization that focuses on raising money for the families of law enforcement officers in the line of duty death. BOHA also supports officers involved in critical or serious incidents while on duty. We cover all law enforcement across the 24 counties of Western and Central New York. 2017 marks our 10th year anniversary. For more information please visit our website at: www.badgeofhonorassociation.com
“You’re Safe Until You’re Not”
Rochester Personal Defense, LLC offers a full complement of firearms, self-defense and pistol permit training classes for private citizens and Law Enforcement. The instructors at Rochester Personal Defense, LLC have taught thousands of men, women, and children with a simple philosophy: we will work with you in any way that benefits you and ensures you get the most out of your self defense training. Rochester Personal Defense, LLC | (585) 406-6758 I www.safeinrochester.com
{ platter Chatter }
By Julia Antenucci | Photos by Brandon Vick
a m m Fia o Centr NOT JUST
typical PIZZA
If there’s anything I know as a Long Islander-turnedRochesterian, it’s that pizza preferences are highly subjective. What I consider to be a superior slice (thin, tender crust, not too much sauce), is replaced in this region by a far more sauce heavy, doughy crust companion. I’m not complaining, to each their own. But in the grand debate of what the perfect slice really is, there are some markers of excellence that you can’t really ignore – whether you’re from Rochester or you’re from Salerno, Italy.
Fiamma Centro does good pizza. It’s not like your typical slice of ‘za. In fact, when people first try their wood fired oven Neapolitan slices, they often react in confusion. “They don’t recognize it as typical pizza, because it isn’t,” remarked a waiter as he topped off my glass of water. Tucked away on Elton Street in the heart of the Neighborhood of the Arts, Fiamma Centro is the second restaurant opened under the Fiamma name. The original Fiamma opened in Greece in 2012, and in its short run in the Rochester food scene has made a name for itself for homestyle, uncompromised authentic Italian eats. And indeed, the personal margarita pie wasn’t something I had tasted anywhere around here. Cooked to perfection in only minutes from the staggering heat of the wood-fire oven, the pizza’s crust was chewy and airy, the housemade crust pocked and charred with bubbles. The rest of the pizza was soft, enveloped in the distinct and unmistakable tang of San Marzano tomato sauce, from a variety of plum tomato that Italians consider to the king of tomatoes and a layer of creamy, gooey mozzarella cheese. In short, heaven on a plate.
In fact, the last time I had a pizza of this breed, I was in Italy. And that’s because Giuseppe, owner of Fiamma Centro and its older Greece location, Fiamma, learned the ropes when he first started working in restaurants at the age of 16 in Salerno, Italy. In 2001, he moved to New York City to work at his Uncle’s restaurant, Roberto’s, where he further developed his personal culinary flavor. The menu boasts a wide selection apart from its wood fired pizza, from housemade pastas to their signature Sunday sauce, slow-cooked for six hours with Northern Italian sausage, spicy meatballs, beef braciole, and spicy sausage, sourced locally from McCann’s Local Meats. On Sundays, the restaurant offers a “Sunday Sauce” special, where the signature sauce is served with a housemade gnocchi in a pane di casa bread bowl. Whether it’s the pasta garganelli, an eggy, tubular noodle served with a rich and decadent parmesan cauliflower sauce, pancetta and finished with parsley, or a simple slice of ‘za, it’s clear that Fiamma has a style of its own. The establishment uses seasonal ingredients with the flavors and panache of Salerno’s fresh, straightforward style of Italian cuisine. When asking Giuseppe about his take on Italian food, he carefully reminded me that the scope of Italian cuisine changes drastically from region to region. From Salerno to Rome, you will find noticeable idiosyncrasies and nuances in flavor, technique, and presentation. The region, known for its seafood, is fully represented in one of their customer favorites, the seafood risotto with black squid ink. The risotto, perfectly al dente, has a depth of flavor that can only be achieved by the earthy squid ink, which consequently contrasts with the bright tang of wine and brine of mussels, calamari, clams and scallops. But Fiamma isn’t a straightforward Southern Italian restaurant. Instead, it is his interpretation, influenced by his years in New York and by Rochester’s local agriculture scene. Talking to Guiseppe, however, it’s clear that I’m putting more thought into the concept of Fiamma than he has. For him, his establishment and his food is an intuitive process that comes from the heart. “I’m a simple guy,” he said. “It’s not about the money for me. I just want to do what’s true to me.” And whatever his truth is, let’s hope he keeps serving it up, because it sure it delicious 52
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
Greed.
h t l a he
s s o l t h g i e yw with Dr.Nate
{ ask the doctor }
by dr. nate riddle
My name is Dr. Nathan Riddle, and I’m one of Rochester’s leading experts in family wellness, corrective spinal care, nutrition, weight loss and metabolic reset. I have a post-graduate certification in the Science of Human Wellness, and remain the only chiropractor in Rochester to hold this accolade. I’m certified in the Webster Technique, an advanced method of pelvic balance during pregnancy to provide more room for the developing baby. Additionally, I’ve completed extensive training with some of the region’s most renowned physicians specializing in spinal biophysics. In my private practice, I offer a comprehensive array of health and wellness services, including but not limited to: Chiropractic treatment, ARPwave neurotherapy, advanced fat loss programs and NutriMost, nutrition and dietary consultation, custom Orthotics, organic supplementation and others. Each year I donate a great deal of my time to educate the community on how to restore and maintain their most optimal level of health; naturally and without drugs or surgery. These classes have proven to be truly lifesaving and transforming over the years, and are something I’m glad to provide to local support groups, churches, athletic clubs, independent living facilities and businesses. I appreciate what an ubiquitous goal weight loss is for so many adults. Over the past five years, our Rochester, NY wellness center, has responded by incorporating some of the most advanced and promising new techniques to help successfully achieve a leaner, healthier physique. NutriMost, as an example, is one that truly stands out, based on its ability to rapidly correct biological blocks which prevent normalized fat metabolism and energy production. These are merely two of the many culprits that can lead to the onset of Type-2 diabetes, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, chronic back pain, autoimmune diseases, high blood pressure, compromised joint function, liver problems and so many more. And while it’s important to remember that no weight-loss program should be used as the sole
means of treating a disease, NutriMost and some of our other innovative approaches can pave the way for a body that is more inclined to lose weight naturally. The programs I provide are personalized around the unique attributes of each patient, and designed to assist the body in healing itself naturally. This, as many have discovered, is a far more desirable and effective way to go about attaining optimal health. One of my personal missions is to save as many lives as possible through smart, accurate and responsive early intervention. You don’t need to be a health expert or medical professional to understand that our society’s current state of health is severely fractured. Human beings are now identified as the least healthy species on the planet, and ongoing research continues to demonstrate the correlation between our grossly declining health, and poor lifestyle choices. Medicine is designed to save lives in emergency situations and, in the United States, we have the best system on the planet when it comes to providing such a high level of care. Still, in many ways, the mainstream medical establishment continues to focus its efforts on treating only the byproduct of disease, while doing little to address the fundamental underlying causes which allow them to manifest. It was Dr. James Chestnut who said, “Allopathic medicine provides care aimed at treating diseases and/or symptoms of diseases, not at improving health and function, as their care is physiologically incompatible.” And this make sense, because modern medicine for all intents and purposes provides sickness care, not health care. When an individual takes medication on a regular basis with the goal of feeling better, they may very well experience fewer or less intense symptoms. This short-term fix, however, comes at a cost. Over time many patients actually decline in health, as a result of the ongoing exposure to the toxic effects of medicating day after day for extended periods of time. The absence of symptoms can be deceiving, as very few take into consideration the toll that harsh substances can have on their
liver, pancreas, heart, gastrointestinal system and other vital organs. Over the past decade or so, the medical industry and big pharma have tried relentlessly to capitalize on natural health by wedging their foot in the door of natural wellness care. You don’t need to look far for examples, as we’ve seen this with the prescribing of common supplements such as fish oil, Vitamin A, niacin, basic antioxidants and numerous others. Their purely monetary intentions do not work, and are hurting people every minute of every day. In the famous words of medical doctor Daniel Kress, M.D., “Drugs never cure disease. They merely hush the voice of Nature’s protest and pull down the danger signals she erects along the pathway of transgression. Any poison taken into the system has to be reckoned with later on even though it palliates present symptoms. Pain may disappear but the patient is left in a worse condition, though unconscious of it at the time.” My mission and vision is to help people in understanding and embracing the truths regarding sickness, and moreover what is required as a human species to become and stay well. There are certainly those who will find my views and advice to be a bit out of the ordinary. But these are new times, and we’re fortunate to be privy to therapies and techniques that, while new, simply cannot be ignored in terms of their efficacy, safety and long-lasting results. My goal, simply stated, is to help pair those I treat with the therapy best suited for their immediate and long-term health. I’m excited to partner with Rochester Woman Online as part of their “Ask the Doctor” segment, and look forward to answering your health questions while addressing some of today’s most pressing health topics. I hope that you are able to use the information I provide to seek, achieve and maintain a happy and healthier life for you and your family. Sincerely for Your Best Health.
Home
{ cooking with Julia k }
“Automation” for The
JULIA K WELCOME TO
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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
Each month we will present recipes, kitchen shortcuts and share ideas and experiences that make the kitchen fun, unintimidating and manageable.
{ cooking with Julia k }
Our first installment will be an easy Apple or Pear Tart. After the holidays, we like to look in our pantry and freezers for items we may not usually have “in stock”. Today we found some pears and apples from our fruit basket, a leftover store bought pie crust and some dark brown sugar that we had bought for making cookies. Put them together and get a jazzy tart that you can share with your friends (or just curl up on the couch solo in front of the television). Either way it’s simple, tasty and most of all easy.
Ingredients
4 pears or apples peeled cored and sliced thin. ½ cup brown sugar ½ stick of butter 1 tsp cinnamon 1 Store bought pie crust *I like to sprinkle a little kosher salt on the rim of the pie crust for “sweet and salty”
Take the pie crust pinch the edges back making a shallow “bowl” Arrange you sliced apple or pears inside the “tart shell”, I use a spiral pattern. Put your sugar butter and cinnamon in a sauce pot -low heat until it melts into a sauce. Spoon over the top of the fruit. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Finish with nuts, maple drizzle, whipped cream or ice cream. No rules on this one. Just simple, easy and good. Reach out to us on Facebook JULIAKCATERS or email julia@juliakcaters.com with comments or questions. Next month - super simple sauces for all applications sweet and savory.
Enjoy!
{ hype hair }
To Color Or Not To Color? That is the Question? By Mary Bushey
Obviously, there is more to it than a simple yes or no answer. In today’s age, there are so many choices and so much information out there. As a society, the value of a woman is placed in her beauty. Beauty is often defined as looking young and vibrant. We as a population are expected to keep up our appearances or fear destruction of life as we know it. This could affect our marriages, our career, and our relationship with our children. This is a whole other story all together the social norms of what is beautiful. Putting that aside, let’s focus on the skinny of hair philosophy. What are the dynamics of health and wellness of hair? Is coloring bad for your hair? This is the age-old question. The simple answer is “it depends”. The unknown phenomenon is dependent upon how the coloring is done and what type of color is used. Learning the questions to ask your stylist will help you avoid coloring mishaps such as walking out of the salon in a new hue of green unless that is what you intended.
3. What is the tone of the color you are choosing? If you are naturally a blond with a fair, light complexion dying your hair black may not be your best option in choosing a hair color. Same thing applies if you have dark hair and you want to go light. The processing is different. In some occasions, your hair may need to be stripped of the natural color. In making these decisions, it must be determined will your hair come out the color you desire. Your hair’s natural condition also must be examined as damaged hair should not be bleached. Will your hair actually turn the color you want or is it healthier to do the coloring in a series of appointments.
4. What happens if I have gray hair and or I color my hair myself?
• Are they natural and conditioning ingredients, such as flowers and other botanicals?
Many people choose to color themselves purely because of cost of going to a salon., As a working mom, I get that, really I do. How many of you have seen the beautiful ash blonde color on the front of the box? You take it home, you try to do the color yourself and it comes out wrong, you’re left with going and getting it fixed. So, not only have you paid for color once and I’m sure had a nice mess in your bathroom, your hair isn’t what you expected. Now your mission is to find a stylist available, willing and capable to fix it, at larger charge for corrective work. This goes along with my original statements about compromising the health and wellness of your hair.
2. Who is your hairstylist or colorist?
5. Can other products help?
The stylist will have knowledge and confidence in the product they use and what your hair will or will not be able to withstand. The true key to healthy, beautiful hair is to maintain the integrity of the hair itself. That is why going to a professional is the key. Salespeople at a retail store don’t have the answer to any of these questions that should be asked. Let’s face it, would you go to a lawyer to ask questions
Everything eventually shows thru your hair. This is why the health .and wellness of your hair is so important. Whether it is internal or external, lack of essential vitamins can cause your hair to react in different ways and affect your overall appearance. Lack of iron or vitamin B, in your diet can cause your hair to fall out resulting in thinning, limp hair.
1. The choice of product used defines the first step to having healthy hair. No, you don’t need to have a degree in chemistry to get your hair colored, but there are some very simple things to know. • Is the color-line very high in ammonia? • What does the color-line use for conditioning fillers?
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about dentistry? Then why go to a grocery store for your hair?
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
A lack of elasticity in the hair shaft also causes breakage. Horsetail products can help increase elasticity. Eucalyptus helps to keep and even ph. balance in your hair. Nettle creates a longer, lasting shine. These are just a few examples of how botanicals and health and wellness are a full package. Uncertainty can be avoided by a simple consultation with a stylist. There are many options available for beautiful, healthy hair at a reasonable cost with good products. Hair coloring is essentially an art. Multi- colors and tones allow a person escape the trap of coloring every three weeks to cover those treacherous roots. Finding the right shades to blend and placement of them is absolutely the key to a great look. Again, not something you can find out in a grocery store. In conclusion, avoid ruining your hair or damaging it permanently. Your experienced colorist will be able to give you the information you need. What your hair will and won’t be able to handle before the point of any breakage? Additionally, what color is your hair capable of being without having to first bleach your hair? Along with all the different placements and colors that your stylist can do as opposed to a drug store box which is limited. Why drink a beer when you can have champagne?
I SHIFT+CONTROL I
{ ladies in literature } BY MARY DOUGHERTY
self-publishing Lets Women Break Book Industry’s Glass Ceiling.
V i r g i n i a Wo o l f , a groundbreaking author and her own publisher, may have put it best when she declared that “a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” In so few words, she summarized the host of challenges facing female writers. Many of the issues related to publishing in the days of Virginia Woolf persist. She herself was a self-published author. We may have made some great strides since then in voting and political rights but, as the wage gap shows, we still have some way to go in publishing.
Female writers like bestselling romance author Nora Roberts are advised by their publishers to use only initials if writing in male dominated genres like suspense, even if they have an established following in other forms of fiction. Early in her career, even billionaire JK Rowling, was advised to use her initials rather than her first name, to avoid turning off potential male readers.
Female writers turned to self-publishing as the prime avenue to their own self determined success-particularly in the romance category.
Now and Locally
Author E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey makes news almost daily. Yet, her sensational best seller was first self-published before a major publisher picked it up. Hocking writes paranormal romances. But she wrote 17 books, and selfpublished each of them as e-books, before she was picked up by a trade publisher. In 2011, the Toronto Star reported Hocking sold 900,000 copies of her books and her annual income was two million dollars.
Pittsford resident Michele Piraino, author and registered nurse at the University of Rochester Medical Center, has written and self-published her book What We Need To Survive. This is a novel which takes place in Rochester, N.Y. Erica McIntyre lives a privileged life in an affluent suburb of Rochester. Her father is a respected neurosurgeon, and her mother owns a fashionable boutique in the village. The lives of Erica and her mother, Beverly, are changed forever when Dr. McIntyre dies suddenly on the first day of Erica’s junior year of high school. On the same day, Erica meets Dwight Washington, an African-American student who transfers to her school as a participant in the UrbanSuburban Program. The connection and universal experiences of the characters keep readers turning pages until the dynamic conclusion of the story.
The story behind many of these female writers echo’s the idea that traditional publishing houses didn’t have the budget or interest, to bring women on board. And that female authors would not sell books, no matter the content.
Michele is now working on the second book of the series, Hearts Broken. As the story deepens. the families, friends and colleagues of Erica and Dwight connect in many intriguing ways. Both novels explore complex social issues: Racial and
Self-publishing and independent publishing, through small presses, have become incredibly important for female writers who may not have otherwise been able to reach their audience because of industry gatekeepers. Female self-published authors have been making the news since Irma S. Rombauer self-published The Joy of Cooking in 1931, and, more recently, authors like E.L. James, Amanda Hocking, and Beth Reeks (pen name Beth Reekles).
{ ladies in literature }
issues: Racial and economic disparity, sexuality, abortion, grief, single parenthood, gay marriage, adoption, substance abuse, and domestic violence. These are stories about Rochester, about any small city. These are stories both universal and compelling. “I’ve always enjoyed creative writing and hoped to someday write a novel. Patient scenarios and my own life experiences are always swirling around in my head. My characters most often are composites of people…family, friends, and patients that I have met along the way. My writing is a mosaic inspired by my life experiences. Writing has become a therapeutic outlet for managing the stresses and hardships that I have had in my own life. “
AuthoredbyJ.A.Goodman
Accompany Detective Emma Mason and her partner Mitch Delaney track down a psychopathic killer in Rochester NY, as he falls deeper into the abyss of his mental disorder. Woven into the n a r r a t i ve i s a tale of romance between Emma and a wealthy and mysterious suitor, named Peter. Emma struggles when Peter becomes a prime suspect of multiple international crimes, including the murder of his partner in London.
The story is rich with investigative science and twists through the streets of Rochester at an invigorating pace, highlighting events which made the city famous. Readers looking for a smart, entertaining mystery will not be disappointed.
About the author:
J. A. Goodman was born and raised in Rochester, New York, and grew up on the shores of Lake Ontario. Writing a novel was a lifelong ambition, but bounced around on the bucket list between life episodes. She married, divorced 13 years later, and raised four unique and independent children. But, while she worked at Eastman Kodak Company as a Quality Control Technician, she refined her writing skills in technical reports, publications and training manuals.
“I read about Mary Dougherty of Bootstrap Publishing in 55+ Magazine Jan issue 2016. Written by Deborah Blackwell, it described how Mary helped individuals to self-publish. I contacted her and my book is now available in several locations” says J. A. Goodman. Both local authors are writing their second book as part of a series. Both books are on amazon.com, Barns and Nobel online, and in eBooks and in Print-on-demand National and International distribution. Bootstrap Publishing has helped over 900 authors locally and nationally from concept to shelves. Dougherty’s latest books, The Ultimate Marketing Strategy, Is Writing and Publishing a Book on Your Bucket List and Mental Illness The Last Stigma, will be released in 2017.
She continued taking technical and creative writing courses at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and Monroe Community College (MCC) until age 47, when she quit her job to attend MCC full time. In 1991 she received an Associate of Applied Science Degree in Marketing with distinction. In 2015, she joined the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute of RIT and began a new journey as an author.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” —Maya Angelou
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{ senior life }
IT GETS BETTER WITH AGE by james payne
Assuming we are lucky enough to possess good health and safety, we will all become “senior citizens” (or as I prefer “senior adults”) in our lifetime. What that means to each of us varies greatly depending on our own health, financial situation, family, personality, culture and many other factors that affect attitude and ability to create the life we desire as we age. One of those factors that can limit or enhance our own choices and lifestyle expectations is society’s perception of what senior adult lifestyle should be like. In previous generations, the oldest members of a community were highly respected for their wisdom due to their long history of life experiences. They were revered as “Elders” due to their sound judgement and ability to maintain stability during turbulent times. My own grandfather was the patriarch of our family and we respected him for his wisdom. Flashing forward a few generations, the word “elderly” now denotes that a person is old and
frail instead of older and wiser. With today’s perception of what elder means, it can certainly negatively affect our attitudes about retirement, aging and what lies ahead in our future.
as he was retiring, “You have to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.” “Without a reason, you’re just existing to an old age not living to an old age.”
With improvements in healthcare, people are now living longer and healthier at more advanced ages than ever before. Many senior adults are maintaining their independence, purpose and joy well into their 80s and 90s. The question is, how do each of us perceive our own inevitable aging and what can we do about changing the paradigm of aging to make it a positive experience that we might even look forward to? Yes, I said it, look forward to getting older.
Just prior to retirement, my parents moved to beautiful condo overlooking the lake where my dad didn’t have to maintain his property anymore. But, in my father’s style, he got up every morning for months and worked all day in the hot sun moving hundreds of wheel barrows of gravel and dirt to “fix the landscaping” for his and all of his neighbors’ yards even though it has been done pretty well by the developer. He also got out early with his snow blower to clear the snow in his driveway in the morning, before the contractor came to clear the very same snow from his driveway. It was simply his way of creating purpose in his life that gave him a reason to get out of bed in the morning. That simple advice of having purpose from my dad has changed my attitude about my own future as I age.
In this monthly column, we will explore aging, lifestyle options, resources, trends along with intergenerational lifestyle considerations. But most of all, creating or providing the best life possible as we age requires knowledge, resources and a vision of a life that has purpose. My own father who lived to 90 years old, told me
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{ senior life }
That is not to say that manual labor is the right reason to get out of bed in the morning for everyone, but finding your own reason that gives your life purpose can turn aging into living during that portion of your life that you finally deserve.
What is the Perfect Age?
The one thing about age is that we can’t freeze ourselves in time if we were to think this is our perfect age. In fact, we all seem to want to get older rather than truly appreciate our current age. If we think back at our lives, we all kept saying “I can’t wait until I can: go to kindergarten, grow up, drive a car, stay out past 11 pm, graduate college, get a good job, start a family, the kids grow up and move out or until I retire. So why are we always wanting to get older? Maybe getting older is two-sided coin in our minds and one side of aging seems pretty good as we think about it. If we look back at our lives and consider where we were in our development, personal satisfaction and passion for life as we age, maybe aging can be a good thing if we have the right attitude and actions to make it work in a positive way.
The Three Phases of our Lives
All Up Hill (birth to mid-20s) This first twenty or so years of our life were not easy years as we were learning, learning and learning every day and in every way. We had few responsibilities, enjoyed fun and games and were protected and cared for. But we had little control of our lives and we were told what and when to do just about everything in our life. Driven to Success (mid-20s to 50s) We were still learning during this phase of our lives, but we were applying it to our career where we were gaining increasing responsibilities. Maybe we found a significant other and settled down to ultimately start a family which dramatically increased the stress of our lives as we now needed to nurture and protect others. This phase of our lives more than any other is when we are “part of the whole” and became less of an individual with less autonomy to be ourself. Although humans get great joy from success in our careers and pride in how our family develops in a positive way, it is still a phase that can be a struggle that can bring out the “I can’t wait until” thoughts in our minds. It’s Your Time, the Phase You Earned (60s Plus) The third phase of our lives is the one some people think of as “getting old”, but this 68
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Get Social
phase can be that time when the struggles and pressures of the past are behind us. A time when you can renew friendships, pursue passions and share your skill and wisdom with those who can benefit from what you have spent many years acquiring. The key to successful aging is giving yourself that reason to get out of bed so you look forward to the next day and every day. So how do we help take aging from a negative to a positive view of our future? There is no sure way as we are all different, but a few key actions on our part can get us on the road to a better life as we age.
Get Healthy
First and foremost, getting healthy will make everything in your life work better. Although the health status of senior adults varies widely, we can all benefit from a conscious routine of healthy eating and exercise. Availability of low cost or free fitness facilities and senior centers allow senior adults to take advantage of equipment and programs that promote strength, endurance, flexibility and balance while enjoying social interaction with like people. Programs like “Silver Sneakers” encourages senior adults to participate in physical activities that will help them to maintain greater control of their health. It sponsors activities and social events designed to keep seniors healthy while encouraging social interaction.
Get Passion
Even with aches and pains or limited income, we can still pursue the passions that feed our souls in a positive way. No one can really tell you what your passions are. For many people, pursuing a passion was postponed while we struggled in the earlier phases of our lives, but as a senior adult you have earned the chance to finally enjoy what you love to do. For some it could be pursuing a hobby, for others it could be giving back to the community by volunteering at a not for profit or a school. I know an 83-year-old woman who volunteers as a docent at a museum two days a week and at her church two other days each week. In conversation, she told me that she “doesn’t have the time to get old, this is one of the happiest times of my life”. You can see it in her face, hear it in her voice and feel the passion in her attitude about life.
Isolation, sedentary lifestyle and loneliness in senior adult years can deteriorate health and mind. Getting up and getting out with others is good for the body, mind and soul. Participating in senior center programs, activities at your house of worship, along with pursuing personal passion with others, allow senior adults to get out and enjoy time with other people of their generation or an intergenerational group of all ages. Laugh, learn, talk, develop new relationships, it’s all good for improving lifestyle quality.
Get Finances in Order
Getting your finances in order is just one more trump card that will help senior adults develop a successful life as they age. Work with a qualified financial planner who understands retirement planning that can guide your decisions on how you will be able to maintain the best quality of life that your personal finances will allow. Then define a budget that is consistent with your income potential and expenses so that you can take the worry out of your short and long term spending habits. Aging Well, a Collection of Real Experiences How we manage our own aging can range from fear and questions to a collection of real experiences. There are so many factors that affect how we age and the aging process is different for every person. But with all else equal, we do have some control of how we personally manage our own lives. A life that pursues health, passion and meaningful social interaction will always provide better results than neglect, mediocrity and loneliness. Find a reason to get out of bed every morning and share it with others so they too find a reason to get up and start every day with passion.
What’s on Your Mind?
We would love to know what is on your mind and what you would like discussed in future issues of Senior Lifestyles. Knowledge is power when it comes to creating the best lifestyle for seniors and their care providers, so let’s start a dialog on what matters to you. Contact the editor or feel free to contact me directly. Jim Payne has provided consulting to and held executive positions for companies offering senior living/care communities and services. Jim is a certified Eden Alternative Associate and has also held a three-year cabinet position with Leading Age New York, the premier association of senior living and care communities. Jim Payne, Director of Marketing Seniors’ Choice Communities Jim.Payne@seniorschoicecommunities.com
SeniorsCC.com
DIANE HARDGROVE Agent
New York Life Insurance Company
585.248.6731 Cell: 520.907.1739 Fax: 585.248.6770 dhardgrove@ft.newyorklife.com
375 Woodcliff Drive, Fairport, New York 14450
{ mind, body & Spirit } by becky vasilovski. i photo by todd fleming
This topic is not a one size fits all approach and as you read this post, please carefully consider what works for you presently in your day to day life. First, lets define exercise in its simplest form so as to not over complicate our lives any more than they need to be. In the Medical Dictionary, exercise is defined as physical activity that is planned, structured, and repetitive for the purpose of conditioning any part of the body. Exercise is used to improve health, maintain fitness and is important as a means of physical rehabilitation. Now that we have established what exercise is, lets talk about how we can schedule physical activity in our day to day life. Regardless of what exercise or physical activity we do, I have personally learned that planning my exercise schedule is what helps structure me and keeps me in a repetitive routine. Health is a main priority for me, and I plan my exercise on a daily basis to improve my well being and quality of life. Exercise can be as simple as a 10 minute walk with your dog to a goal of 100 steps per minute anytime of the day around the house. This all goes back to the saying “something is better than nothing�. Just the smallest bit of effort can improve your health and help you to maintain your fitness goals. Once you get into a routine of even just exercising ten minutes a day, you will start to see the benefits of how great you
will feel. You may find yourself having more energy, better focus and may even feel good enough to start adding to your daily routine. So now that we have discussed how important it is to plan daily physical activity, lets discuss how to structure that plan. Structure is a plan put into practice on a daily basis. If you are currently doing little or no activity, then start structuring a plan that will not overwhelm you or complicate your life will be easy. You want your plan to be structured in a way that is sustainable. The goal is longevity not to sprint to the finish line. I have to schedule it just like I would a doctor’s appointment. But on a daily health maintenance plan rather than yearly. It is a commitment that I plan in my daily life that works for me. So think about what works for you. Start small.
Ok, so our first important daily exercise is to start with a plan. Once we have decided what physical activity that we will be doing daily, then the second most important exercise is to structure that plan of activity that is sustainable into our daily life. So first plan, then structure and last, repeat. Exercise is habit. A habit for improved health, maintaining fitness and creating a lifestyle that is sustainable for you. Let me end by saying that for some this may come very natural while others will require some help and support. Baby steps when starting something new is better than never starting. Remember a well structured plan takes work, but benefits are endless.
Your connection to finding the right company/ business to help you with your floral needs.
800-621-6611 www.directfloralintl.com
SILKY SMOOTH Electrolysis Surround yourself in a peaceful atmosphere using aromatherapy, candles and relaxing music. - Permanent Hair Removal -MedicallyApproved and Recommended - Temporary Hair Removal Using Sugaring
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509 Sherborne Road Webster, NY 14580 585-872-3010 silkysmoothelectrolysis.com
{ women who inspire }
PATRICIA NADIAK Owner, Silky Smooth
As a young woman, Patricia Nadiak, worked in her family’s dry cleaning business and helped provide for her family. She enjoyed the work, but it wasn’t her true passion in life. She was also a young woman who struggled with darker facial hair because of her genetic background. She was always embarrassed because of this. She got a blessing in disguise when she went to her primary care for acne. Her primary care told her it wasn’t acne, but ingrown hairs. He told her to see Patty Entwhistle. Patti made an appointment with Patty Entwhistle which ended up changing her life. Patty Entwhistle was an Electrologist and a teacher at Shear Ego who introduced Patti to the world of permanent hair removal by electrolysis. Entwhistle was, and is still, one of Patty’s inspirations of going to school for cosmetology and becoming a Electrologist. Entwhistle encouraged Patti to go to school because she could see Patti’s passion for Electrolysis. Patti can still recall the day Entwhistle handed her an Electrolysis needle, also known as a probe, and said try it. Patti was afraid of needles and Entwhistle’s thoughts were there was no point in going to school for Electrology if you were afraid to use the tools of the trade. Patti was told that she was a natural and she got over her fear quickly. So, Patti decided that she would sign up to go to Shear Ego and became an Electrologist. She went home and told her family that she was going to school to learn permanent hair removal, knowing deep down that she could help people feel better about themselves with this type of service. Her family was very shocked at the decision but didn’t discourage her from following her passions. As Patti was going through school she worked at the dry cleaners and promoted what she was doing. She knew a lot of people that would benefit from Electrolysis. Word of mouth to this day is still her best way of advertising. She aced school and in 1994 she started on her way to becoming a wellknown and very busy Electrologist. In 1999, Laser Hair Removal started to 74
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become very popular and many people encouraged her to jump ship and forget about Electrolysis. She was being encouraged because laser hair removal has a quicker turnaround time then Electrolysis. But she stuck to her guns knowing Electrolysis was the only permanent hair removal method. In May of 2017, she will be in business for 23 years. She has been working out of her home for her entire career. She has many days of working 11 -12 hours to help as many people as she can. She has MDs, Dermatologists, Hair Stylists, and many other professionals who refer out to her. Her true motivation is to help as many people as she can. She wants to help change how women and men look at themselves and feel about themselves. Her Motto when it comes to Laser Hair Removal is “Where laser leaves off, let Electrolysis begin- permanence.” Patti is all about getting the right information out into her client’s hands. Electrolysis has no restrictions and can be used head to toe. Electrolysis desiccates the hair follicles one by one with the use of a special needle or probe. The desiccation of the hair follicles is what makes the hair removal permanent. Sessions can be 15 minutes to an hour long. Patti is extremely passionate about what she does and it truly has become her life. She hopes to bring more lime light to permanent hair removal by electrolysis. She wants people to understand that it is truly a permanent solution to unsightly and unwanted hair. She feels that a lot of people shy away from this treatment because of the needles being used and people think that it will hurt. Patti assures her clients and patients that it doesn’t hurt as much as a tattoo or botox. The pain level is that of flicking yourself with your index finger. She uses lidocaine and icing on the skin to help deplete the sting of the process. Her husband, Mike, is a true supporter in Patti’s dreams. He encourages her to continue working on her passion and is a costant champion at home and in the community. Patti’s mother, Marge is one of her greatest
advocates and has encouraged her on her journey since the beginning. Her mother has inspired her to follow her dreams. Her brother Joe\worked very hard to provide for their family when their father passed away at a young age and pushed her towards following her passion. Patti looked up to her father as a great business man and she takes his work ethic into everything she does. She feels that her father would be proud of what she has accomplished so far in her life and career. Patti hopes to be able to encourage more people to become Electrologists. She also hopes to be able to mentor her own pupil in the future as her teacher Patty Entwhistle mentored her. She wants to help as many people as she can through her life’s work and passion. Patti has brought joy back into many peoples lives. She helps women and men feel more comfortable in their skin. All you have to do is go to her website, www. silkysmoothelectrolysis.com, and read all her testimonials from many young women of the Rochester area as well as Penn Yen, Geneva and Buffalo and Syracuse, New York. “Patti is not only an amazing Electrologist but a genuine wonderful person. I have been going to Patti for 10 months.” -Dawn P “I have been a client of Silky Smooth Electrolysis for several months, and I am very satisfied with the results. Every visit has been a positive experience. The setting is inviting, and Patricia is a true professional with a vast knowledge of her craft. The comfort and health of her clients is of the utmost importance. I highly recommend Patricia and Silky Smooth Electrolysis to anyone considering permanent hair removal.” -Joy H. These are just two of the many wonderful things that people have said about Paati and her practice. She takes great pride in the relaxing atmosphere of her practice and with the knowledge she hands out to her clients and patients. She makes sure her everyone is as comfortable as possible st every visit. Patti encourages you to always do your research and understand the services you will be getting.
by cassondra kubit i photo by chirs “goodknews” cardwell
{ healthy women }
R E T F A T N E M T A ? E Y R R T E G R U S C I T S A PL What is Manual Lymph Drainage? By Cassondra Kubit
This is a question that many young women in Rochester, NY have been facing more and more, and the question is yes there is treatment after plastic surgery. That treatment consists of wearing compression garments for 3-6 months, drainage tubes being removed, stitches being removed, multiple creams, pain pills, and manual lymph drainage. Treatment changes from doctor to doctor, and country to country. Many women of Rochester, NY, from the ages of 20-50, have been going overseas to the Dominic Republic and Columbia to get plastic surgery of all kinds, the Brazilian Butt Lift, or BBL, has been a very popular augmentation. Many young women have turned to liposuction, tummy tucks, breast implants, breast lifts, breast reductions, muscle sculpting and the BBL to get the perfect shape that every woman wants. Yes, plastic surgery has been around for years. Women and men have gone in for minor to major surgeries for as long as I can remember, but I have seen an increase in the last couple of years of in my profession as a Certified Lymphedema Therapist. I started my career working with breast cancer patients doing manual lymph drainage on women and men who ended up developing lymphedema due to their cancer treatments.
But I have noticed a shift in my career as more and more women have traveled to the DR, or Columbia, have been being advised by their plastic surgeons to get Manual Lymph Drainage, or Lymphatic Drainage massage and scar tissue release.
patients in harm’s way. The possibility of infection is pretty high, especially with how much plastic surgery is done at one time in the DR and Columbia and with patients having to take out their own stitches and drainage tubes.
I have also seen people who have gone down to Florida, NYC, Cleveland, and some of the larger cities have also been recommending a series of Manual Lymph Drainage treatments after surgery to help with the surgical swelling. I have seen the most aggressive treatments coming out of the DR, where for first 10 days you stay in a recovery home where you are taken care of by a nursing staff where they cook for you, do wound care and manual lymph drainage every day. When you go home they recommend that you get treatment 2-3 times week for 1-3 months depending on how severe the swelling is, and how tight the scar tissue becomes.
Why then do women choose to go out of the country for plastic surgery? Well the answer is simple, it’s cheaper and you can get a lot more done at one time. In the United States, they are only allowed to remove 4 liters of fat, when in the DR there is no regulations. I have heard of 11 liters being removed at one time, but most women tell me they had 7-8 liters removed. They also can get tummy tucks, BBLs, and all over liposuction all at once, or breast implants and liposuction all over, or reductions and tummy tucks at the same time. Which in the states those are all separate surgeries which range $4000 or more a piece. When in the DR and Columbia there is usually a flat rate price of $5500 or somewhere in that range.
Now what I have also been seeing after those first 10 days and once they get to come home there is no one really keeping an eye on the healing process anymore. A lot of doctors in Rochester, NY will turn patients away because they don’t want to be liable for someone else’s work, which puts the
Now with that being said, when these women come back home they are left to their own devices of figuring out what they are supposed to be doing. I am not saying that their surgeons don’t answer questions when they are contacted, because most of
{ healthy women }
f them do, but they don’t have the health care team right at their fingertips. Being educated beforehand on what to expect with the treatment is key. Understanding the protocols, restrictions and the healing process before going under the knife is something that should be done. Doing your research, asking questions and being prepared is key in recovering quickly and safely. Speak with your primary care doctor about what you are going to be doing and see if they will treat you afterwards or find another doctor who is willing to make sure everything is healing properly. Next step is making sure that you have all of the essential compression pieces that you are going to need. There are tons of different types of Faja’s and different types of back and ab boards and different foam pieces. Make sure that you ask your Surgeon what exactly they want you to wear, how long to wear it and why you have to wear it. Also, ask why you don’t have to wear a certain piece. The more you know the better, because each doctor has different protocols and different reasons for the recovery process the recommend. Make sure you buy multiple faja’s and a few different sizes from the plastic surgeon’s office. A lot of women get home and try ordering faja’s over the internet as the swelling starts to dissipate and have found it very difficult to get the right size and the right kind. They are also much more expensive in the states. Now let’s get down to the nitty gritty and talk all about Manual Lymph Drainage (MLD). What is it? What is it supposed to do? Why is it beneficial after surgery? Is it painful? These are questions I get all the time. Let’s get to the most important question out of the way. Is it painful? No. MLD is a light massage that is designed to work with the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system has certain pathways that it travels which
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gets disturbed when any type of surgery is performed. Sometimes its temporary other times its permanent, it all depends on what was disturbed and what was removed. The lymphatic system is split into “watersheds”. Each arm, each leg, the head, the abs, the back, the glutes, the breasts are all split into different sections, called watersheds, each section drains towards large groups of lymph nodes. When you are dealing with cancer, lymph nodes are typically removed to make sure that the cancer hasn’t spread. When we are dealing with liposuction and plastic surgery they do their best not to remove lymph nodes, but there is no guarantee. Even if lymph nodes are not removed they process is still damaging the lymphatic system and it takes time for the system to regrow and recover. The lymphatic system is designed to move in a certain way, but when there is surgery it disrupts the flow and backs the system up. When the system is backed up the area swells this is where manual lymph drainage massage comes into play. What this involves is the therapist manually moving the lymph through a series of light pressure strokes away from the surgical area towards a nonaffected area, which is usually against the natural flow, but not always. True Manual Lymph Drainage shouldn’t hurt. I have heard that over in the DR and Columbia that some therapists use metal tools and very deep pressure pushing the fluid towards the drainage tubing. This tends
to scare women from getting more treatment in the states. They are always surprised that in the states the massage is light and that they truly feel a lot better after each session. As the swelling dissipates that’s when the therapist should start doing more and more of the myofascial release and scar tissue release to help the tissues from adhering down to the muscles and rib cage. This also helps with the healing process of the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is right underneath the skin and when the tissues are adhered the lymph system can’t flow through the areas properly. Understanding the lymphatic system is also very important especially when you are looking for a Certified Lymphedema Therapist. There are many Licensed Massage Therapists in Rochester, NY who offer manual lymph drainage who are not certified in lymphedema work. I am not saying that and LMT who isn’t certified doesn’t know what they are doing, but make sure you find out what kind of training they have gone through that qualifies them to be working with someone who has had plastic surgery and understands that they must be careful with backing up the system. I have had too many clients come on to my table who have gone to another therapist because they were a little bit cheaper in price who ended up causing more swelling, because they had no training on dealing with the lymphatic system. Therapists can pick up DVD’s and learn what to do without having any hands-on experience. Normal MLD can be learned this way, but to be dealing with a damaged system, a more extensive course should be taken. So, when you are searching for a therapist ask them where they got trained, or go to the lymphedema training school’s websites and find a therapist near you.
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Great news for women of New York State GET SCREENED, NO EXCUSES Mammography Legislation goes into effect January 1, 2017 New legislation in New York State (NYS) introduced by Governor Andrew Cuomo will allow women better access to breast health care and services they need. The new legislation has three key components: 1. The law eliminates annual deductibles, co pays and co insurances for women with NYS insurance. NYS insurance companies will be responsible for full payment of some breast imaging services such as screening and diagnostic mammograms,
ultrasound, and MRI. This means patients having these medically necessary services should not have to share in the cost of the procedure. The law was created to encourage women to seek medical services when needed rather than postponing due to a financial burden. Please note that this does not mean women will never have a payment as not all services are covered in full under the law. Insurance companies based outside NYS are not required to follow the NYS law. 2. NYS employers will be required to give employees four hours of leave each year for breast cancer screening. 3. Extended hours of screening for at least four hours per week will be required of NYS hospitals and hospital extension clinics to help women who have difficulty scheduling mammograms during the typical 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. workday (Elizabeth Wende Breast Care has offered extended hours and select
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DID THE HOLIDAYS STEAL YOUR HAPPY HOO-HAA?
I’ve spent a career working with women in the salon industry. My goal has been to make wome feel sexier and more confident. Since I truly believe that happiness comes from within, I hav always encouraged my clients to make themselves a priority. I’ve also reminded countless wome to focus more on their relationships instead of all the extra crap that inundates their live During this past holiday, however, I think many people forgot the true meaning of Christma BY MARY ELIZABETH NESSER 82
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?
en ve en es. as.
{ all about m.e. } Everyone was in such a rush. Our city was like a bumper car ride at the Amusement Park. Heck, a girl who couldn’t get to Starbucks quick enough totaled my daughter’s car. Thankfully, my daughter was fine. Her car, on the other hand, was trashed. I listened to women lament about all the money they were forced to spend and all of the errands they had to do. I was waiting for stories about the joy everyone would feel knowing they were going to be with the people they love. Isn’t that what Christmas is supposed to be about? The focus should be on love, family, and the notion of giving. Nowadays, it seems like everyone is in a frenzy over what to buy and how much to spend. I have a novel thought. Why doesn’t everyone give their loved one’s a gift of time? Time is precious and once it passes, you’ll never get it back. When I listened to all of the bitching about the time and money spent on presents, it made me reflect on how things have changed since I was a kid. Remember the day when you really got to know someone and bought a gift that reminded you of him or her? You weren’t told what to buy or how much to spend. Today we are so worried about making sure we are equitable with our purchases that we forget to focus on getting something meaningful, regardless of the cost. The spirit of Christmas should not be causing this much stress. The holidays have become so commercialized that people are forgetting what the true meaning is. I always thought it was about love. Now I’m not so sure. It may not be the season to stop and smell the flowers, but it should be the time for reflection and gratitude. Heck, when was the last time you stopped under the mistletoe and shared a big, fat kiss? When I was growing up, our relationships were built on a strong foundation of years of getting to know one another. Now, it is becoming increasingly difficult to have a face-to-face conversation with another person. Since the incredible (or not so incredible)
invention of the text message, this generation is losing its ability to communicate. How can you truly know someone if you don’t hang out and talk for hours? It seems like the Millennial’s are losing their ability to have a meaningful conversations. According to Webster (that’s the name of a dictionary, not the suburb of Rochester) communicating refers to sharing or exchanging ideas. Is that happening anymore? This old-fashioned girl doesn’t think texting is an adequate way of communicating with another person. When you look at Facebook, people seem to always be putting their “best face forward.” C’mon, that’s not reality. My blonde eyelashes, uneven skin tone, and crazy morning hair are the real thing. When the guy at the gym asks me if I’m under the weather, I want to slap him. Sorry darling, this is the real me. I do my hair and makeup daily after I finish my workout. You shouldn’t sweat with makeup on; it’s bad for the skin. And the way I sweat these days, I have to do my hair when I’m finished anyways. So my imperfect face and my ‘Wax Queen’ baseball cap are what I don at the gym. If you don’t like it, no worries, I’m not looking for a guy, just a healthy body. But at least I make going to the gym a priority. I like feeling healthy and I’m convinced that it is endorphins that keep my middle-aged body going. With the worries over gift giving, the fear of gaining weight and the need to get a zillion things accomplished in the month of December, we neglect ourselves. And this neglect causes many to get overwhelmed or run down. The amount of sick people I encountered over the past month was staggering. Things like working out and preparing healthy meals become unattainable concepts. And that’s not right. When was the last time you read a book, got a massage, or had sex? If you had to really think about it, then it’s time for me to remind you what is really important in life. Let’s start with the most important person… you. I know I’ve said this before, but the happier you are with yourself, the better wife, mother, friend, and partner you will be to others. You need to make yourself a priority. I’m not embarrassed to admit I love having pedicures, facials, and massages. I love drinking wine and making love to my husband. I love reading romance novels and getting lost in another world. Have you
done any of those things lately or have you let your needs be something you’ll think about next year? I wrote this whimsical, non-fiction booked called The Happy Hoo-Ha. It recounts absurd stories about my crazy profession as a Brazilian wax technician. Even if you aren’t a fan of raucous, non-fiction humor about the life of a Brazilian waxer, you should take a step back to think about my message. And the message is simple. Take care of your needs first, figure out what things in life will truly make you happy, and hopefully then you’ll be able to find peace and joy. The Happy Hoo-Ha refers to more than having a fulfilling sex life. It’s about finding happy in all aspects of your life. Many women are so focused on everyone else’s needs that they neglect their own, and that is just wrong. We are all busy. Life is hectic and often stressful. I get it. But when was the last time you laughed so hard that snot came out of your nose? Life is too short to put happy on the back burner. You figure that tomorrow will be better; there isn’t always a tomorrow. Your job may not be perfect. You may weigh a few more pounds than you want. There are probably a slew of things in your life that you’d like to change. If that’s the case, then make the conscious decision to make the changes that are necessary to help you find real happiness. Don’t be complacent. There isn’t time for that. Don’t wait for a vacation to have fun. What if there are complications with your travels? When the plane is delayed and it rains the entire time in Aruba, you’ll realize that you can’t guarantee joy one to two weeks a year. The New Year is here my friends. It is time to make sure that you focus on you and the things in life that will bring you joy. Don’t let the stressors in your life steal your fun. “Sex, love, and rock-n-roll” was more than just an expression. They were words to live by. This generation may not even know about that expression, which is a shame. There was an enormous group of people that made living a loving and fun life a priority. As long as you are a good person who treats others with respect, then take a chance at happiness. Even more importantly, don’t let the stressors in life make you forget how to have a happy hoo-ha!
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{ a woman’s perspective } by jill burress
H
appy New Year and a warm welcome to the year 2 0 1 7 ! Speaking of warm, as this issue of the magazine is released, I will most likely be teaching at a School for the Deaf in Hato Mayor, Dominican Republic. This trip follows my recent visit to Haiti as I worked with the deaf population in that country back in November. Within two months, I will have experienced and immersed myself in the Island of Hispaniola’s need for further exploration of Deaf Education along with their desperate need for the education of Sign Language Interpreters. These experiences have led me to see the dire need for education to make lasting changes for life. As we bask in the American blessings of well established K-12 Schools for the Deaf along with colleges that specialize in Deaf Education such as The National Technical Institute for the Deaf right here in Rochester, NY, which is where I consider myself blessed to have worked for almost ten years; the world around us is not so fortunate. Being that this was my second trip to Haiti, I was able to reconnect with a few deaf communities that I searched for and found when I was there in January 2014. My first stop as I made my way out of the capital city of Port au Prince was a community with a localized group of deaf families called, Lapise. This location is an IDP camp for displaced individuals from the Earthquake of 2010. Yes, these families are still homeless and living in an area that most Americans would not ever envision calling home. I along with my colleague, Vance and missionary, Eric Ream invited these folks to a 2-day seminar we were teaching in La Veque. As we were traveling from the conference with two of these deaf men in the car, we stopped for gas. Some local men with shotguns stared at us as we pulled up. They noticed we were signing and pointed at the deaf men and said, “ti bebe” which is
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the Creole word for babies. In Haiti, all deaf people no matter of age is considered a baby because they aren’t expected to grow up and become successful adults. My missionary friend looked at the men and said, “Do they look like babies to you? They are deaf but men just like you. They aren’t babies!” It was so awesome to see my friend, Eric gain knowledge of deafness as the week went on and he quickly became an advocate for the deaf community. See what education does for people, deaf or hearing alike! Now we as Americans gasp at this ignorance of Haitians and say, “What’s wrong with them?! This is 2017!” In fact, in the states, we would label this as oppression of a people group, right? Please understand that Haitians are good people with good intentions, but lack the education and world knowledge we in America tend to take for granted. The more I travel and the more I see, I truly believe that education is the key for change anywhere in the world. In speaking with the Americans who reside in Haiti, foreign aid has done this country a huge disservice. Instead of educating those who live in the country to be resourceful and self sufficient, we send in aid in various forms of money, food, etc and its expended with a continuous need for more. For example, organizations with good intentions will bring in meal programs to provide food for those in need, which in turn fools the locals to believe this will be an ongoing privilege, then when the program ends, the locals have quit their jobs and are now dependent on someone else taking care of them. However, now the people are without employment and starving all over again. It’s a vicious cycle. With all the aid money donated to major NGO’s (Non Governmental Organizations), most of this money is never used to aid the people or teach them to be self-sufficient. An example of this was in the case of my friend, Gethro who lives in Lapise and was in need of a prosthetic leg due to his loss from the Earthquake. He waited years for this leg and showed me the certificate that he carries from the Red Cross who helped him. The problem is, he was fitted for it and used it for a short time, but it rubbed against his thigh and scraped so much that he needs it adjusted before he can wear it again. There is no one to be found to help him out so the prosthetic is useless. There
are so many stories like this because the health system in that country is nonexistent. Think about Gethro the next time you are frustrated you can’t get in to see the doctor the next day. The question we should be asking and acting on is this: how do we help these countries in need to leave a lasting impact of change? It all starts with education. We need educated people to go and even live amongst these people and guide and teach them in projects such as building wells to sustain communities with water or teaching a trade that will allow a family to survive. Don’t just bring your food and clothing and give them money. That doesn’t help them in the long run. Bring a skill you can teach that will in turn allow them to work and live with integrity. In sticking with this mindset, my friends Eric and Elisabeth Ream live in Haiti where they coordinate an organization called Kofael which works with women giving them micro loans as they start small businesses that allow them to keep and feed their children. This program has been successful in Port au Prince where it originated a few years ago and now is helping women in three cities in Haiti. If you feel a desire to help out in other countries, please consider supporting organizations such as this that are truly making a lasting impact for the people of Haiti. In closing, I encourage you to consider the lasting effects of your financial donations and efforts in foreign countries. The type of aid we provide can be detrimental in the long run so we have to be intentional about the way we help. It takes more effort and energy to give the aid that’s necessary but when the people are educated, they are empowered to change generations. Jill Burress is a full time Speech-Language Pathologist at NTID/RIT along with another full time schedule of “randomness.” As a pastor’s wife and mother of 2, she is passionate about inspiring women to be the best they can be! Find her on Facebook, Instagram and discovervictory.com.
education To Make Lasting Changes For Life
I menopause moment I
By James Woods, M.D., and Elizabeth Warner, M.D.
menopause transition
by Mark Forrest Patrick, CDT VA CCMT
DON’T MISS THIS IMPORTANT PREVENTATIVE HEALTH OPPORTUNITY Sometime between ages 45 and 55, for many women, gynecologic and related health issues begin to emerge. Menstrual cycles now seem different, mood swings and memory lapses appear, and sleep becomes more chaotic, coupled with warm flushes. And the weight! Why at the midsection? These irritating acknowledgements belie a more ominous change. During this menopause transition, loosely referred to as “perimenopause,” events are unfolding that have an impact on a woman’s cardiovascular risk. The origin of these seemingly unrelated responses falls to the unpredictable decline in estradiol from the ovaries occurring during the 40s and early 50s. Initially produced at high levels during the reproductive years, estradiol’s decline as ovaries age is more than simply a change in blood levels. This decline in estradiol eliminates perhaps its most important role, that of a powerful antiinflammatory hormone. During the reproductive years, estradiol protects the body from damage from inflammatory proteins, called cytokines, normally generated by our visceral fat cells and immune cells that, unheeded, produce many of the irritating menopause symptoms described by women. The decline in the protective antiinflammatory actions of estradiol can contribute to the development of metabolic syndrome, i.e., abnormal lipid profile, insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes mellitus, and hypertension. Unfortunately, there is no other significant bodily source of estradiol to compensate for this ovarian aging. While obesity would seem to be the instigator of these changes, this process actually may begin in the brain. Within the hypothalamus, a small group of neurons serve several governing functions. During the reproductive years, they control reproduction by activating the hypothalamic-pituitary-ovarian 86
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axis to produce estradiol, maintain the stability of our heat control center in our brain, and help regulate our intestinal proteins. As the ovaries age, declining levels of estradiol result in changes in our ability to reproduce, regulate our body heat, and control our food intake. Ovulation ceases, hot flashes begin to occur, and there is a change in our intestinal proteins as well. The result is an increase in visceral fat and, with that, the emergence of insulin resistance. Therein lies a major contributor to the increased cardiovascular risk in the menopause transition. Insulin, under normal conditions, utilizes the PI 3 kinase pathway to break down fat (lipolysis) and oxidize glucose for cellular metabolism. But it also is critical for amino acid transport, cell proliferation, and generation of nitric oxide, a potent vasodilator that protects vascular endothelial cells. Visceral fat inhibits the PI 3 kinase pathway, leading to excessive insulin production (hyperinsulinemia). Yet, absent its normal metabolic feedback pathway, increased insulin compensates by utilizing an alternative pathway, the ERK MAP kinase pathway, which offers no metabolic benefit, but which reduces nitric oxide production and, by other proinflammatory steps, increases the risk of atherosclerotic damage. But, could there be another explanation for the inflammation of menopause that produces cardiovascular risk? New research suggests that the loss of antiinflammatory properties which parallels the fall of estradiol also could impact a more remote region of the body, one’s intestinal bacteria called the intestinal microbita. Our intestine contains about 1014 microbes representing over 1,000 different species, yet four families of bacteria normally dominate. Microbes on the mucosal surface influence our immune system, while those
on the luminal surface are important for energy and metabolism. Alterations in our bowel bacteria, however, have been linked to such inflammatory conditions as rheumatoid arthritis, inflammatory bowel disease, and systemic lupus erythematosus. Increased cardiovascular risk results from the fact that certain intestinal bacteria can release lipopolysaccharides (LPS) from their cell walls that, along with increased free fatty acids, stimulate adipose inflammation and insulin resistance. The literature is quickly becoming filled with studies demonstrating the cardiovascular risks of the menopause transition. Irrespective of the theory of causation, a strategy for reducing these risks must address 1. a diet emphasizing the fundamentals of the Mediterranean diet, eliminating most carbohydrates (which accelerate our hunger), adding omega 3 fatty acids (which curb our appetite), nuts and grains (for protein); and 2. daily exercise (which helps shift fat to muscle). It appears that Mother Nature never planned for us to live for many more years after our reproductive years. The menopause transition and the symptoms for which women seek care provide physicians and scientists an opportunity to help women improve how well they live that next large chapter in their lives. Important lifestyle changes, including diet and exercise, as well as counseling, can have a huge impact on newly menopausal women. Based on the current understanding of this important window into menopause, they, and we, now have just such an opportunity. James Woods, M.D. is a practicing gynecologist certified in menopausal medicine and a regular contributor to Rochester Woman Magazine. Elizabeth Warner, M.D., is a retired gynecologist living in Rochester, NY. For questions regarding this menoPAUSE or other menopausal issues you would like to see addressed in future editions,
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{ on the way up }
Beyond Her Sexuality: A Woman of Substance;
Royelle
As an- up-and-coming, female artist, Royelle recognizes the struggle she faces entering the rap industry. Traditionally, female artists who succeed are over-sexualized and or rise-to-the-top, riding along-side a male counterpart, serving solely as their side-chick and or lover. Women artists become, known most for their body parts before their raw talent as rappers. The reoccurring story line of every music video is boobs before brains. Women dropping it like its hot, twerking derrieres, bouncing up-and-down and again, all for the pleasure of the male counterpart. Where does that leave a talented lesbian female artist?
{ on the way up } by cheryl kates-benman, esq. i photos by lush light photography
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{ on the way up }
“I do not want to be a one-hitwonder, I want Grammys”. Reality is, most aspiring musicians are forced to pursue separate careers while working on their music part-time. In upstate NY, Royelle’s daily life outside of her music career is spent working her 9-to-5 as a framer (in the male-dominated, construction industry). Being a woman, in this field is hard enough… but also being a lesbian with good looks makes it that much more difficult to ever be taken seriously, much like the rap industry. We all are familiar with the construction worker watching the woman walk down the street, cat calling and whistling. For Royelle, whether in the music industry or her day job it’s all the same, the sexualization of women and where does she fit in. Royelle owns the stage when performing, spitting sassy words such as “Female version of Kenickie cuz by the end of the night I’ll be leaving you hickeys”. Her hit song “Bacardi” is found on I-heart radio, I-Tunes, Amazon, Google Play, Rap City and Spotify etc. Royelle clearly stands out from the everyday underground artist, but she still must grind daily with hopes of trying to capture the attention of a record label executive to finally accomplish a dream she and her mother shared throughout their lives; being signed as an artist. Royelle’s parents shared a heritage background of Puerto-Rican, Sicilian and Spanish. As early as age 2, Royelle recalls many days being in the music studio with her mother watching her in the booth, as she recorded songs. Her mother was able to get the attention of a record label, but when forced to choose her record deal or leaving her daughter, she stayed with Royelle, forfeiting her dream. Royelle vows to make her mother’s dream a reality, as she follows in her footsteps. By age 8, Royelle was penning her own songs. Growing up, she was exposed to a wide variety of different music including classic rock , salsa
and pop. When defining her own music career Royelle developed a love for hip hop. Artists who influenced Royelle included Marc Anthony, Hector Lavoe, Biggie Smalls, Missy Elliott, Jay-Z and Diddy . Royelle says: “I am ready to re-introduce Hispanic culture as a big force in the Hip-Hop community.” Royelle prides herself in being different, accepting herself as she is and as a role-model for others to do the same thing. One of the most memorable things, while on tour with Royelle was watching the crowd and their response to her aura. No other artist could move the crowd in the same way nor have the response she enjoyed after exiting the stage. Her energy was eclectic. Growing up in the music industry with an aspiring singer for a mother, who was also a single-parent wasn’t always easy for Royelle. The family moved around a lot and she attended 15 different schools. Royelle graduated from Corinth High School as the first person achieving a high-school diploma in her family. Royelle prides herself in that she was able to rise above, even when her roots were stemming in poverty in the ghetto of NYC. Her neighborhood was plagued with drugs, crime and destitution. Royelle decided she didn’t want to remain in this environment and a lot of that stemmed from serving as her mother’s protector from abusive boyfriends in the home. This was ironic because she enjoyed a beautiful relationship with her own father, who loved his daughter but also suffered as a substance abuser. Royelle, enjoys being feminine in ways although she has an AG style (more dominant partner). She relates in her personal life with mostly male friends. When on tour, she holds her own and battles on with fierceness. When on stage with the gangsta rappers, she fits right in but considers herself a more commercial artist who
is versatile and appreciates and writes all kinds of music for all genres. Royelle states: “I do not want to be a one-hit- wonder, I want Grammys”. She enjoys being a trendsetter. What is also most impressive is Royelle wants to make a difference in this world. It’s not enough to just leave a legacy of music, but she also wants to do good in her community. Of note is her ability to combine her talent for music to lend a hand when needed. When her hometown was hit from Hurricane Sandy, Royelle organized a benefit to assist her neighbors. She donated all proceeds to Saint Francis a Church in Queens. Royelle aspires to introduce her crown logo on a clothing line called R.A.P. standing for Respect All People. She will continue to grind as an independent artist hoping to achieve her and her mom’s dream of becoming the next big thing. People will be hearing a lot more from Royelle as an artist and song-writer for others. She stands above as a woman of substance. Over the summer, Royelle participated in the Puerto-Rican Day Parade in Manhattan and toured to venues such as Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, Pennsylvania and Rutland, Vermont. In 2012, Royelle was crowned “the best of 518” by Rich Dollaz also of “Love and Hip Hop”. She was the only female artist in the showcase. Rochester Woman Online proudly announces up-and-coming artist Royelle will grace the stage for the launch party of Rochester’s own HipHop magazine “The Grind”. This epic event, features also one of our new fashion columnists Chrissy Monroe (formerly of Vh-1’s “ Love and Hip-Hop”, Hip Hop Weekly and Huffington Post Magazine); and “ Diva 1” Cheryl L. KatesBenman Esq. (WAYO 104.3 FM radio’s “ Law and Hip-Hop” ).
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WHAT IS YOUR
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ion
{ everyday push } by tracy echeverri
So the time is here my fabulous friends. We rang in the New Year and it’s time to exclaim “New Year-New Me!!” YAAAAYYYYYY! Or in Laments terms, time to go to the gym and throw every naughty food out of the cupboards filling my cup up with a green leafy shake. Um Yeah-No. Yuck. Like my mother-in-law would say ‘No Bueno Reina!” or “No Good princess.” I agree with Mami Soto completely. It is not a good idea. Not ove bit. It’s a membership you forced yourself to buy along with all these “low fat” “sugar free” items. They were outrageously overpriced. We literally follow through with this charade for, I don’t know… .5 seconds. 1…2…3…4...5… ok where’s my glass of wine now? You see where I’m going with this? Although I want you to make light of this article and laugh; I do want you to take “you” seriously. You need to take your health seriously. In the end, it really isn’t all about the perfect shape (mind you, we all think we never will have it) but actually it is about being healthy inside-and-out. The mind is a dangerous place and can keep you in a dark world that no one should be in. We fill our heads with unreachable goals; or maybe not un-reachable, but not something you can achieve overnight. I always push folks to find little things to alter in their life, where they can slowly see changes. No one will restrain themselves forever from things they enjoy-nor should they. I know I talked a lot about moderation in last month’s article so you could enjoy those holiday meals and I want to continue this mind set as you go on with your day-to-day life. I choose to limit my carbs. I fill my husband and my plates at dinner with the right portion of meat with vegetables but that’s just me or what works for us. I love bread but I ultimately avoid it but when we go out to dinner-I eat all the bread I want and I will eat anything off that menu because I work hard all week eating light and exercising regularly. In return I reward myself with a nice meal once or twice a week. No harm-no foul. What I want you to focus on is one thing. The first week of the New Year find one
little thing that you can do better or slightly change. For example- Let’s say you go to your favorite coffee shop every day and get your “Carmel Frappe Macchiato with whipped cream.” In your head, it’s one lousy coffee-what’s the harm. When actually its 500 calories of harm where you could’ve had a massive breakfast that you probably could not finish eating with that amount of calories. Am I telling you that you will never be able to have that Carmel Frappe thing ever again? No, but why don’t you limit it to a treat. A Friday treat? And the other days getting just a regular cup of Joe. By cutting out only that specialty coffee every day, you could lose 5lbs. Without changing anything else in your life. To methat is huge!! So then every week you find something else you can do to better your lifestyle. Adding a walk every night with your dogs after dinner to burn off some of your meal and some of that dog’s energy! I told a girlfriend of mine recently who is struggling with anxiety to stretch before bed to calm her mind. Learning breathing exercises to help ease her anxious tendencies. Anything helps. Not that she had to run a thousand miles on a treadmill. Just changing a few things and adjusting to your own designed modifications. After a while- you will see changes. A pair of pants are a little looser or that dress fits just right when before it was a little tight for your liking. You are always going to look on social media and see the girl or guy who is a complete gym freak who lives and dies protein shakes and dumbbells but most people aren’t like that so you need to really look past that. So I don’t want anyone to get down on themselves for not being that person. Don’t get me wrong- going to the gym is great but eating healthy most of the time and just being active is more important. I believe in you! I know you can be better without giving up on all the things you like. I believe you can make one change. A New Year, a new way of thinking about your body. Not this impossible mountain you will never reach but that you are only a few steps away from being better. That doesn’t sound so hard does it?
PHOTOS BY MATT WHITMEYER
{ young entreprenuer } by aarya Patel
CEO at 15 I’m Aarya Patel. I’m 15 years old and am the CEO of my company 4Ever Dry. 4 EverDry manufacturers and sells 100% waterproof socks targeted towards anyone that doesn’t like wet feet. They are waterproof, breathable, moisture wicking, and machine washable. They are perfect for athletes, runners, hikers, campers, rowers, ski and snowboarders, anyone with a job or hobby that requires them to be outside in inclement weather, etc. People are always asking how I came up with this idea and what inspired me to start my own company. It’s quite simple really, I had a problem and I came up with a solution. Back in 2013, I was participating in a business class through the YEA (Young Entrepreneurs Academy). At the same time I was also an avid lacrosse player. It seemed that every time I had a lacrosse tournament it would rain all day and the ground would be wet and soggy. No matter what my teammates and I tried we couldn’t escape having cold wet feet the whole day. It made it impossible to give the game 100% effort when all we could think about were our feet. We tried changing our socks between games or layering our socks, but with no prevail we still ended up with wet feet. Finally I’d had enough, after one of our tournaments I asked my mom to take me directly to a sporting goods store so I could buy waterproof socks.
I searched store after store and was shocked that I couldn’t find them. My mom told me if I wanted them I better make them myself. That week I went back to my business class and started working on my business plan for my waterproof sock company. Since then, it’s been a long and arduous process, with many dead ends, but I was finally able to launch my company this past August. Prior to the launch of my company I was lucky enough to have many opportunities to advertise my ideas both in print, news interviews, magazine articles, and a nationally televised TV show called Hatched. Hatched is similar to the infamous shark tank, where entrepreneurs pitch their ideas to a single billionaire investor. Although, I didn’t walk away with a deal it was the single most exciting experience I’ve had so far. Being flown out to LA for a week to be featured on a TV show is not how I thought I would be spending my summer before high school. The investors and consumers on the show did provide me with valuable feedback that I used to make a few necessary changes in my company.
So what does the future hold for 4 EverDry? Currently I only have 1 product in 1 color. I am working on a second product to be introduced in January 2017 and hopefully a 3rd product by mid-summer. From there, the skies the limit! The possibilities are endless. I currently sell online (www.4everdrysocks.com), Valenti sports, Parkleigh, MBody and Hunt Hollow. By the end of 2017, I hope to be in at least 1 big box retail store. Outside of my CEO responsibilities I am the business manager for my school newspaper, I am treasurer for FBLA, I participate in DECA, I am a delegate for Model UN, and a member of Natural Helpers. I have learned so much from running my own business. First and foremost I have learned how to manage my time and prioritize my responsibilities. Although school, 4Ever dry and my family are my priorities, I am still in high school and love hanging out with my friends. I have also accumulated a wealth of life lessons that you just can’t learn by sitting in a classroom or reading a textbook. Every day, I am faced with a new decision or a new problem that I have to solve. The best advice I have for anyone thinking about starting their own business is take the risk! You can’t succeed if you aren’t willing to try! ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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{ tips for women }
NOW It’s Time To Think of YOU! BY VICKI PRESTON
Perhaps this is nothing you haven’t read about before, yet perhaps it is something you need to be reminded of, especially this time of year. As women, wives, mothers, and grandmothers, we are generally the caregivers. We think of and take care of everyone else during the holidays making sure the perfect gift is found, the house is decorated to bring joy to the season and the perfect parties and meals are prepared. And then there’s the clean-up afterwards. I hope that you’ve had help and your efforts have been appreciated. So NOW it’s time to think of you, yourself. Time to rejuvenate and replenish the energies that were used. It’s time to take care of you, for if we are not on top of our game, it will be harder to take care of those who need us. It’s important to assess how much energy you have to do what you need to do. Here are some suggestions for you to focus on in 2017 to help you maintain your health and sanity. They may not all seem so simple at first but stay with it and it will get easier!
1. Visit your Doctor. Stay up to
date on your annual wellness check-ups with your primary care physician, gynecologist, dentist and ophthalmologist. Schedule a mammogram based on the recommendations for your age.
2. Reduce Risk. Many health
problems can be avoided by reducing your risk of developing them. Make lifestyle changes such as quit smoking, reduce use of alcohol, maintain a regular sleep pattern, get regular physical activity, eat a balanced diet and take vitamins to fill in the nutritional gaps. It’s not always easy, so connecting with others or using a health coach for support helps. 96
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3. Know your body. Perform monthly
to start. Be positive. Surround yourself with positivity and remove negativity from your life. Find joy in what you do, live in the present moment and be grateful for what you have. Recognize that we all have certain talents and that it’s okay to have a person or a team of people to rely on when you need them.
4. Eat a healthy, balanced diet. A balanced diet is easier and more
8. Supplementation. Our bodies are
self-breast exams. Talk to your doctor if you notice any abnormalities in your body. It is also a good idea to know your family’s medical history and share it with your doctor. Pay attention to how certain foods make you feel after you eat them.
beneficial than a low-fat or low-carbohydrate diet for most people to maintain. It should include lean & plant sources of protein, plentiful amounts of fresh fruits and vegetables and limited quantities of processed foods, added sugar or excess fat.
5. Get moving. If you aren’t exercising,
now is a good time to make the commitment to start. Getting adequate exercise is one of the most important things you can do for your health. Exercise controls weight, reduces risk of diseases and cancers, and improves your mental health and mood. Any amount of physical activity is better than none when you are starting out. Strive for at least the recommended amount of 2 hours and 30 minutes of moderate aerobic activity every week (ie. 30 minutes 5 times per week).
6. Sleep Well. Sleep is also an important
activity the we most often sacrifice. Those who sleep less than 7 hours per night are more likely to have weight issues and other health problems. The recommended amount of sleep for adults is 7 – 9 hours per night.
7. Manage stress. Stress is unavoidable
but you should not let it control your life. In order to achieve a healthier lifestyle, you must be able to manage your stress level. Having a stress management strategy is a great place
composed of many complicated systems that require the proper amount of nutrients to stay optimal. Even some of the most balanced diets are filled with nutritional gaps. Nutritional supplements (vitamin, mineral, essential oil, or herbal) can help keep these systems running properly and promote healthy aging, improved metabolism, weight management, stress management and sleep, also increased energy and athletic performance.
9. Me Time. Take time just for you each
week. It’s vital to living a fulfilling life. Read, get a pedicure or massage, learn something new or find a hobby you are passionate about. Take time for a daily meditation break. Selftime is not selfish – it’s necessary for self-care!
10. Show you care. Show others
you care about them and their health by encouraging them to do the above-mentioned suggestions too. As a 62-year-young mother and grandmother, I have learned to incorporate these suggestions into my life and now live a full and fulfilling life helping others as a health and wellness coach. Please contact me if you would like more guidance towards incorporating these suggestions into your life. I can be reached at vpreston017@gmail.com or 585-748-7552.
J
{ in her own words } by julie burley. i photos by todd fleming
I lost another friend to cancer today. 39 years young. As I reflect on her life, remembering how she loved life, not only the good times, but how she never met a challenge she didn’t take on with her larger than life smile and her gracious and caring heart, I can’t help but feel guilt and sadness. I am a survivor. Survivors know what I am talking about. Happy to be alive – feeling a sense of guilt because another friend has taken their last breath while you sit looking at your email and Instagram feed.
Why am I still here? What did I ever do to deserve another chance? Not only one chance at rebuilding and living a better life but multiple chances to cry, “Uncle”, and start again. I’m not sure how many times you can be at the bottom and still get back up, and sometimes it seems like I have made a career at finding out this very thing. I know I am not alone when I say that I have had my fair share of heartbreaks and disappointments. Hasn’t everybody? Who hasn’t cried over that boy, or a mean girl? Who hasn’t been disappointed when someone else was picked for the job or promotion? You see, growing up my sisters and I were given everything we could ever want. I was very blessed to have both parents who loved me under one roof who encouraged my strengths and challenged me to be a better student, employee, sibling, and an all-around better human being. Unfortunately, I still had the uncanny ability to make decisions and choices to screw everything up. I was given all the tools to succeed except one. Experience. The experience to know how my choices would not only affect me, but how they would affect those around me. It wasn’t like animated films when the main character ends up at the fork in the road and looks to the left and sees darkness and then looks to the right and sees rainbows and sunshine. The reality is that both paths are dark and scary. Believe me, in my immature, self-righteous, selfish young mind I only looked for the rainbows and sunshine in any given moment. Rainbows and sunshine don’t prepare you for anything! The rainbows only show up after the darkness and storms. It has taken me so long to appreciate the storms. I graduated from Nazareth College of Rochester in 1996 with a Bachelor’s of Science in Art Education in 4 years. No more and no less. I was never a great student, and I did what I needed to do to get by. I have no regrets about that, however, I do regret not taking any chances, or exploring the world around me before I graduated. I didn’t start to thrive and be my own person until I could get out into the world and “do” life! Fear dictated my direction. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough. Fear of not knowing what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. At 22 years-old, what did I know about what I wanted to do forever? A serious relationship had ended in heartbreak,
I had 2 part-time jobs, and a whole summer ahead of me to figure it out. The end of that summer, I met a man who was the complete opposite of me. A little introverted, happy to be a homebody with simple interests and expectations. He called me “city girl”- I lived in Webster at the time. He smiled with his eyes, and had a huge heart. In the fall, I took a long-term substitute Art teacher position, and thought ok, this is me being an adult. (not even close) I liked teaching, sort of. I loved kids, and loved teaching a subject I was passionate about. Unfortunately, I didn’t like guardians who didn’t have interest in their children and I found it difficult to leave their hardships and struggles in the classroom. I hated being restricted to 4 walls along with a strict schedule that was the same day in and day out, and I certainly didn’t like the tight strings held by the administration. Oh, and the income as a substitute was NOT making it easy for me to indulge in my love of shoes! My solution?? Corporate America! Or so I thought! Never fitting into the mold, and frustrated to learn the newest technology that could open doors to a new path quickly turned into restlessness again. From the restlessness, the craziest of ideas had emerged, and the opportunity was there for the taking!! In 2003, I left a management position at a not for profit establishment to follow my dream of being my own boss. I believed I had the creativity, and the will and the support to open a flower shop. Little did I know, that I needed more than a creative eye to be successful. I taught myself how to create flower arrangements and really grew a steady wedding flower business. I used to pride myself on pushing the envelope, trying new things while creating the unexpected amongst the sea of ordinary. I loved entering design contests against veteran designers and winning! Either you loved me (and my work), or you didn’t. That first year in business and 7 years after we met, I got married. The following year I got pregnant with my first child. I look back now, and can’t believe how we managed all of it in such a short time. There was no time to think about it, just do it! And you damn well better strive for perfection while doing it! I felt like I was on top of the world! I can be creative, own my own business, be a new wife, buy a house, be a mother all while being
Rebuilding MyselfOne Heartbreak and One Better Choice At A Time
My decision to close the doors hurt so many people. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about that. Whoever said to keep the past in the past is an idiot. Every choice, decision and path you go down writes and rewrites your own story. It cannot be deleted.
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{ in her own words }
surrounded by my family and a few friends to help me when I needed it! (Which was all the time!) I never counted on being physically sick during my entire pregnancy, financial hardship while the business started to change. I also never expected my son to arrive by C-section 4 days before the biggest holiday of the year! Without my family and friends, who helped tremendously, this control freak would have never made it through!!! My beautiful baby boy was finally here. He made my heart full. The morning the pediatrician came in to check on him, there was a lot of, “Hmm.”, “Would you look at that.”, “I have only read about this, and have not seen it in person.” – “OK!!! What are you talking about??!!” My son was born with a rare condition called, Poland Syndrome. He had the tiniest webbed fingers on his left hand and no pectoral muscle on the same side. Oh, my God. What did I do? It was the stress, the inexplicable craving for cherry coke and philly cheese steak sandwiches, the lack of sleep, the chemicals from the business below our shop, the chemicals right inside my shop,
the hundred times I carried heavy buckets of water and flowers. What did I do??? Did I cause this? Will he be ok? He won’t be able to play baseball, or football. He will never play the piano or guitar. If I only listened to my mom, and the doctor and took it easy. If only I was one of those crazy awesome fit yoga moms that practiced while pregnant. If I hadn’t thrown up from conception. If only I diffused special essential oils or ate more vegetables, or LOVED being pregnant! This is all my fault. I blamed myself. 11 weeks later, my maternal grandmother passed away unexpectedly. She was the glue that held together a broken family” - words I spoke during the eulogy. “Yes, I will do the flowers for the funeral.” “What’s the big deal?” I had done hundreds before. It was a completely destructive idea. I could feel my heart break more every time I placed another lavender rose in that casket arrangement. The words that filled my head were equally as harmful as was the inconceivable hatred surrounding the situation. To this day, the most painful thing I have ever done.
The extended family was in such turmoil, breaking apart at the seams, as families sometimes do when faced with such a loss. Words flying around like daggers. No one was unscathed. I honestly feel like that was the beginning of the end of my career as a business owner. I couldn’t think straight. I didn’t want to get out of bed. My lack of organization and terrible decisions with the business finances set me on a path towards total loss. My world was spiraling out of control and I needed professional help. My doctor said I was suffering from postpartum depression. What is that? That makes me weak. No way. I’m fine. The final straw was when after two years of doing all that I could as a business owner and all that I knew how as a working mother, my son called my mom “mommy”. It was a word that I loved to hear. A word that I would think about my son saying when I was missing him. A word just for me. The woman who endured 17 hours of labor only to have him cut out of me. I’m the mom, mommy, mama. I realized that I couldn’t do both. I couldn’t divide my time and give either the full attention needed to grow and thrive. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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{ in her own words } My decision to close the doors hurt so many people. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about that. Whoever said to keep the past in the past is an idiot. Every choice, decision and path you go down writes and rewrites your own story. It cannot be deleted. It is difficult to not be affected by the past. After closing the shop, we had no choice but to file bankruptcy. I was out of work; my husband was also between jobs. Have you ever heard that what you focus on expands? Well, loss expanded. Fear expanded. Mistrust expanded. Disappointment expanded. Sadness expanded. Darkness expanded. We needed help. No health insurance, no income, a toddler. We sold whatever we could to make it through one more month. We lost almost everything. We had to reach out to a local foodbank for essentials. Diapers, milk, financial assistance. We hit rock bottom. Never did I think that was where we would be – I certainly wasn’t going to stay there. I prayed a lot. I prayed for guidance, I prayed for patience. Out of that darkness and fear a sweet little girl was born 6.5 weeks early in 2008. A fighter. A positive light. A gift. A little girl that has faced so many challenges and obstacles and has shown so much joy and love for life. I knew things were different with her. She stopped nursing at 5 months. She hated to be held, was very delayed in her speech and gross motor functions. Why wasn’t she walking or talking yet? Is it because I went back to work part time? When faced with the unknown, I WAS an expert at worry and blaming myself. Unfortunately, our focus was about to change as we prepared for the worst. In 2010, while facing our daughter’s disabilities head on with appointments and evaluations and early intervention; therapies and diagnosis, we were derailed by the unexpected. I remember feeling a small bump inside my mouth on the upper palate. Thinking nothing of it, I mentioned it to my dentist at my next visit the last week in April. He poked at it, asked if it hurt. It hadn’t hurt. I had always been obsessed with my teeth, took pride in my pearly white smile and never had a cavity. At that point, he said that maybe I had burned myself, or was irritated by a seed or spice. He gave me the name of an oral surgeon and told me to call him to make an appointment to see him if the bump hadn’t gone away in 3 weeks. Ok. Whatever. Back to life as I knew it. A week later, the dentist called me and told me that he had been doing some research on the bump and urged me to call the surgeon that day. Oh great. What now? I remember the sweet, short, Indian doctor talking a mile a minute as he ripped part of the bump from my palate 102
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without numbing it first. “What the hell”, I thought. “are you new or something?” He looked at it as my eyes watered (I swear, at that moment, I was resisting the urge to punch him in the mouth so he could feel what it felt like.) I will never forget the look in his eyes. I know right then he knew. Thankfully I had Mother’s Day week working at my friend’s flower shop, and my other part job as a gymnastics coach to keep me busy. I was so distracted with the thought of what it could possibly be. The negative thoughts, and words filled my head like the plague. I would need a will. I would never see my kids grow up. I would have to tell my husband that I would be ok if he moved on without me. What would my parents do? Why is this happening? Karma. I hurt so many people with my irresponsible choices and decisions. Its Karma for sure! One night as I lay in bed with one kid wrapped around my leg and the other across my back while my husband slept peacefully snoring his brains out, I closed my eyes and heard a whisper in my ear. The calm voice said to me that it was cancer. The voice also said that it would get worse before it gets better. The voice continued to tell me that I would be ok. Every time. I would be ok, and that my strength through this battle would bring my family closer to him. As unnerving as the thought of God or anyone whispering in my ear in the middle of the night, I felt a sense of calm. In that moment, I believed without seeing the facts, or calculating the probability or arguing the what ifs, that I would be ok. That Friday, 2 days before Mother’s Day, I got the call at work. The sweet little Indian Surgeon called to tell me that in fact it was cancer. I’m not sure what else he said, I think he apologized for calling me at work or something. I hung up the phone, excused myself, went to my car, and cried. I remember that numb feeling, and looking around as though I was moving in slow motion as everyone whizzed by me; Stuck in a movie I didn’t want to be in. How was I going to explain this to my family? What did this mean? My husband and I met with the head and neck specialist. Carcinoma. I wasn’t scared for me. I wasn’t even really scared. I knew I would be ok. The first surgery was a success. Suspect Lymph Nodes were removed, Margins were good, no radiation needed. I had what seemed like a giant hole in my mouth, and could barely talk, but it was over. Or so I thought. Unfortunately, my body rejected the synthetic graft twice. The prosthetic device didn’t work either. My only option was a surgery that had been done by
my surgeon only one other time…. Seriously?! It was a MAJOR surgery that required grafting from my arm, removing a vein and inserting into my neck to provide a blood supply to the new graft, and reconstruction. I remember the surgeon asking me if I wanted the scar on the inside of my arm or outside. I thought it was a strange question. He explained that the scar would show. Trust me, when your life is at stake, vanity goes out the window. The morning of surgery, we left the house early. I didn’t think to wake the kids, as I would be home soon. Huge mistake. I had been in ICU for 7 days. No visits from the kids, I couldn’t talk to them. My daughter to this day still asks me if I’m coming right back when I leave. I was completely helpless. Laying in a hospital bed on painkillers and antibiotics with gauze shoved in my mouth waiting to see if the surgery was a success or not. Blood soaked hair, disgusting taste in my mouth. Some high tech Doppler radar device sewn into my neck to make sure the vein was pumping blood to the graft tissue. I never cried. The voice said I would be ok, and although we had been having problems on and off for years, every time I opened my eyes, I saw my husband’s face. Every. Single. Time. I knew my kids were being well cared for by our parents. I knew everything was going to be alright. I couldn’t talk. I know it was a blessing for some, but it really stopped me from using words of any kind; good or bad! I laid there with beeps and tubes and nurses in and out every five minutes, and I had not a single word. I believe that in that moment, I started to really think about what I wanted to say about anything and everything. All I had was time to think. Time to be still. Time to get well. Time to just be. I remember thinking about the choices I had at that moment. I could choose to just be still, be sick, be helpless, or, I could choose to make the conscious effort to fight and get home to my babies. Choose to do things on my own sooner than expected, and choose to win and get better quicker. I wanted to get home. I wanted to live a better life. I wanted to push myself to be better and to be a better person. The rebuilding began again. Coaching safely was no longer an option. I had no desire to return to the demanding holidays as a florist, so I took comfort in gardening for families in the community. Meeting and talking to the most wonderful people. Working side by side with a woman in her 80s who loved gardening and humming birds as much as I do.
{ in her own words } Working near the Lake at some beautiful homes. I have built lifetime friendships, and know that gardening not only provided me with the means to contribute financially again, but helped rebuild my courage, strength, selfesteem and gave me a lot of time to think. Think about the words I speak, think about how to use my words in a more positive and productive way. I truly believe that it takes more effort to hold a grudge, and be nasty than it does to just be nice. I would rather be the person to say hello than the one who does not say hello in return. I find much joy in random acts of kindness. My kids do too! Both thriving in their own ways. Kind, helpful, conscious little humans with hearts of gold. Just about 3 years ago, I decided to get my NYS real estate license. I know the experiences I have make me a strong Independent real estate salesperson with Keller Williams. I List and sell homes in the Rochester and surrounding areas. During orientation, I was asked to make a dream board to reflect all the things that I wanted to gain from a career in real estate sales. I taped a picture of my kids laughing to the board. My motivation to start a career in real estate is the same today as it was then. As a family, we add to the board whenever a wish or dream comes to mind. Although I have doubled my business each year, I measure my successes based on 3 things.
1. Are my children happy? 2. Am I able to have a profitable business that I designed with my family still the #1 priority? 3. Can I have a successful business based on honesty, integrity, heart? If so, it is a success!! I continue to set goals, and I know my positive attitude and never quit mentality helps me achieve my goals. I love building relationships with my clients and my team of affiliates. I use my teaching skills to help clients navigate through the process of buying and selling a house. My competitive nature helps when writing good offers and winning during bidding wars. My ability to observe and think before I speak helps me to listen to my client’s needs, and get them closer to their dreams! BEST CAREER EVER! I can still be creative, work hard, and prioritize time with my family. 5 years Cancer Free and Counting! Dream BIG! Fight Hard! Choose Joy! Love always! Your words matter. How you treat people matters!! Kindness matters! These words may be clichÊ, however so simple and grossly underrated. My words to live by. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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SusanTalksHome.com From Runway to Home? As seen at Fall Fashion Week 2016 in NYC, mixing patterns offers a fresh and free way to dress and decorate. Don’t think it’s for you? Let’s talk about it and see! I bet we can incorporate a little Fashion into your Living Room!
2017 Home Trends
Should I Sell or Buy?
Photo courtesy of Elle Magazine
Estate Planning
Is it a
Seller’s Market? How Much is Your
Home Worth? You should know the value of your home for planning purposes! What’s your NET worth? I can help with that piece of the puzzle. I am also known for working with families to organize their parents for a possible move. Call on me for my expertise!
Susan Aser Associate Real Estate Broker, REALTOR®
Yes it is! Keep these points in mind though: Homes have a Fair Market Value you will probably sell at the higher end of that - only if your home meets or exceeds the other choices Buyers have right now! Also, if you need to buy, you’ll also be on the higher end of the scale.
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What About the Money?
What Kind of Mortgage?
As a REALTOR®, I can answer any questions you may have!
The best place to start is to speak with a Mortgage Specialist. So, I asked Steve D’Amico at Premium Mortgage! “To put you in the best buying position you need to be pre-approved. I will look at your credit score, available cash, where you want to live, what you are comfortable with per month and what you need-rehab loan? Conventional? FHA? Rural Opportunities? Call me today and let’s find out!”
Call Steve at 585-241-000 x119.
BONUS: E-mail me when you figure out what the PANTONE Color of the Year is for 2017. The answer is hidden on this page. One lucky winner will win a $25 gift card to the local movie theater!
Susan Aser Saser75@gmail.com Cell: (585) 738-7087 Office: (585) 279-8288
2171 Monroe Avenue Rochester, NY 14618 Each office independently owned and operated.
{ in her defense } Hello everyone, we are bringing something new to Rochester Woman Online. Every issue, we’ll be doing a column about your personal safety. This might be something general or specific, depending on current events or special requests. This information is for you to use and share. Today we are going to be discussing that ‘feeling’. I bet that most of you have had that ‘feeling’ that something was wrong. It may have been an odd quirk, an uneasiness in your abdomen, a tingling in the back of your neck, or maybe it was something you couldn’t describe. But that feeling was there, it was real, and it was telling you something. But what was that feeling telling you? Women’s Intuition. A gut feeling. A premonition. Call it what you want, they’re all correct. Whatever name you give this feeling, our bodies have a way of communicating to our brains that something is going on and you should be aware and pay attention. Awareness is one of the most important keys for personal safety. Being aware of your surroundings and situation is important. You’ll notice more, you will see something happening and you’ll have time to process the details and react if necessary. Listening to your intuition is important. Over time, we tend to ignore, override, or make excuses for that odd feeling. We KNOW something is wrong, but we just think that it’s our mind playing tricks. We think that we will be made fun of if we say or do something. We’re told “It’s nothing, just ignore it” while our brain is telling us quite the opposite. Talk about frustrating! Think about this: Our brains are the most powerful tool we have. When we allow our brains to work, amazing things happen. We invent, we create, we nurture, we build bonds, and we survive. Let’s look at our personal safety. Have you ever heard someone say “It happened before I could react” or “I never saw it coming”? Most likely. Awareness is something you can learn to use. It’s not that difficult, and the results are spectacular! When you allow yourself to process what you see when you are more aware, you’ll pick up on body language cues, discussions, or actions that will give you a warning of what could happen. How can YOU raise your level of awareness
and use it to your advantage? Let me ask the following:
means self-reliance and independence as well. Think about this:
How distracted are you when in public? Are you checking or updating on social media? Answering texts or emails? If so, chances are you are focused in a 5’ radius around you. Your eyes are down, not up, and you are not seeing or hearing what’s out there.
Depending entirely on someone else for your safety is not the method that works. Only you can ensure your safety by learning how to be more aware and how to use physical skills to your benefit.
How aware are you of potentially dangerous areas or situations and do you take steps to avoid them? We all know that there are places to avoid because of the higher risk of danger. Dark parking lots or garages, alleyways, basements, or deserted parks or trails. What do you do to minimize your risk? You’ve probably heard about the basics of always walking in groups, avoid those dark alleys or deserted parks, right? What if you did work late, and you have to get to your car in that dark parking garage or lot? What if you were out hiking or running and you’re on that deserted trail? How would you accomplish this safely? Do you ignore your intuition because you feel that others would think you are overreacting? Have you ever seen a situation and thought “That could never happen to me” or “I hope that never happens to me” or even “How could that happen?” Time to fix that! The first and best step you can take to be more aware is to learn to pick up more details when you look around. Try this: when you see the color YELLOW, look around. You can do this while at work, driving, walking or running, pretty much anywhere. You don’t have to do it fast or slow, just look. This is a casual method where you’re just seeing what is going on around you. You’re not looking to study anyone or anything, you’re just looking. How many people are around you? What are they doing? Who’s looking at you or is there anyone that is different or standing out from all the other people? After a while, you’ll start to notice more detail. What are those people wearing? What is going on outside that window behind those people? Are their lips moving? What are they saying? What are they looking at? As you start to become more aware, you will process more information and start to adjust or react to what you see and hear. Being more aware gives you more time to react. Faster reaction time gives you more safety and security. Learning to use your mind, combined with learning safety tactics and self-defense skills is important. Not only for your safety but for the safety of those around you. Self-defense
You can use these skills right now. Don’t wait. Start looking around. If you see something that makes you feel is unsafe, threatening, or uncomfortable, then do something about it. Don’t wait to become a victim and ignore your own intuition that something is wrong. The more proactive you can be, the safer you can be. What you’ve just read about is one of the important parts of every self-defense course that we teach at Rochester Personal Defense. Our Basic Self Defense, Ladies EQUALIZER, Pepper Spray, and other courses all build on our awareness and intuitive and instinctive reactions to a threat. We teach you that YOU are your own bodyguard and that it is okay to be assertive and be responsible for your safety. We give you the mental and physical skills to be safer. Dave Jenkins is the founder of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC, the area’s best selfdefense training company. Come join the other women that have learned how to be safe, keep their family safe, and learn how they have become their own bodyguards. You can reach Dave and his team of lady instructors at www.rochesterpersonaldefense.com or 585-4066758. You can even email them at rpdllctraining@ rochester.rr.com
On your side A thought provoking column about personal safety.
m o d e rf e { SHIFT+CONTROL }
EMPOWERED BY A NEW
Most working mothers have asked themselves the same question I did after the birth of my sec-ond daughter in June of 2013: “Do I go back to work?” Luckily, my decision was made for me. I was laid off from my corporate job at Bausch + Lomb after their acquisition by Valeant Pharma-ceutical International--just one day after my maternity leave ended.
With a brand new baby and another child under two years old - I was tempted to stay down for a while, lick my wounds, and snuggle my babies. I would 108
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have been completely justified in taking a little break from work. With two children under two years old, most would have embraced the excuse to take a breather for a few months. Not me. Sitting still is simply not my style.
Instead, I was empowered by this new “freedom” and felt as though I had been given wings to start turning my longtime dream into reality. Having previously dabbled in web design and de-velopment outside of my hours at the office, and leaning on my project management and mar-
keting experience from the corporate world, I created a new role for myself. I started a business that gave me the flexibility to be with my children when I wanted, coupled with the financial free-dom I desired. The best part, though, was that this was one “job” that I knew I’d never lose. Appropriately named, I opened the virtual doors to Given Wings Design Studio, LLC in April of 2014, initially providing graphic and web design for local small- to mediumsized businesses.
m
{ her edge }
One day, as I was scrolling through my social media news feeds, I got a recommendation from Facebook for a local farm. I clicked through to their website to learn more about them and im-mediately saw something that I had seen too many times before--Latin filler text all over the web page, in those hard-to-find widgets spaces. I reached out to the local farm and asked if I could help, joking that I noticed they seemed to be stuck with some filler text in places they probably didn’t want it. We both had a good laugh about how the farmer had no idea how to build a website--after all, she was a farmer, not a web de-veloper. But she knew that the need to have an online presence was incredibly critical in today’s digital world of Facebook recommendations and tagging frenzies. In less than a week, I was able to provide the local farm with a beautiful website using an amaz-ingly simple theme, all created on the fastest growing website platform available, called Word-Press. Best of all, the farmer could edit the site herself moving forward, saving her thousands in site update fees that so many other web design studios drool over when bringing on new clients. Many startups face the same problem: They need a website, but talking to a techie web devel-oper is as desirable as watching paint dry. Not to mention the price of hiring one
of those big corporate web development firms could cost you almost half of what a startup would net in a year. “Hosting fees,” “website customization,” “plugins,” “search engine optimization,” and “mobile-responsive themes” are all confusing and intimidating phrases to a startup whose main focus should be managing their business, not learning how to code. In today’s world of insta-information, having a web presence is no longer a nice-to-have, but a necessity for both small and large companies. And thanks to the graphic world of social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and SnapChat, having a website that visually represents the heart of your business is just as important as having that one special item or service that people are raving about all over their personal news feeds. Almost every web client of mine has tried to create their own website with one of those cookie-cutter web builder sites, like Squarespace, Wix.com or Website Tonight. Each of them had got-ten as far as they could with the design portion of the site and thrown in the towel before their homepage was even completed. My goal is to eradicate the need to pay an overpriced web de-signer simply because these do-it-yourself templates are difficult to understand. A website should be a flawless accessory to a business, not an unchecked task on a to-do list.
Designing gorgeous websites that visually project the vision of a business is my passion. To me, there is nothing more satisfying than working with my clients to brainstorm the visual repre-sentation of their business. My mission is to create a beautiful place for the whole world to visit to learn about the hearts of the businesses that they are supporting. I have a very diverse client base, ranging from wilderness chefs with YouTube channels to direct sales professionals hosting their weekly parties on Facebook. In fact, one of my most popular services is providing direct sales professionals with custom branding for their businesses, with items like a blog sites, team logos, social media graphics, and custom shopping albums for those all-too-popular 30-minute Facebook parties. The direct sales professionals I work with want to stand out from the pack, provide a next-level type of service to their customers, and be their team’s expert in leadership. These professionals are creating empires for themselves and treat their business just like any brick and motor business. Today, Given Wings Design Studio, LLC has grown tremendously, offering much more than graphic and web design services to local startups. Adding social media management and training to my offerings has proven to be very desirable in today’s virtual world. I have trained over 1,000 direct sales professionals ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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Caroline Hill, MBA - Financial Advisor
Wealth Management You Can Trust. We understand that your finances are your life’s work, and that every aspiration - whether it’s a new home, paying for higher education, retiring, or starting your own business all depend on managing your income with a trusted financial expert.
Caroline Hill, MBA Financial Advisor 585.340.2236 chill@brightonsecurities.com www.brightonsecurities.com
Wealth Management Since 1969 Brighton Securities is a memeber of FINRA & SIPC
MARVEL, SAVOR & INDULGE Unwind with handcrafted cocktails, artful sushi and fine Japanese-inspired cuisine atop the Strathallan Hotel. Hattie’s offers a world-class dining experience and unmatched, 360-degree views of the city skyline.
strathallan.com/hatties (585) 461-5010 | 550 East Ave. | Rochester, NY 14607
Mon –Thurs 4pm to 12am Fri – Sat 4pm to 2am Sun 4pm to 11pm
{ a little dollars & sense }
Financially Preparing For
DIVORCE The American Psychological Association states that between 40-50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. While it can be an emotionally charged time for folks and their families, most divorce attorneys suggest thinking about how to divide your financial responsibilities as early as possible.
Here are some helpful tips:
BY CAROLINE HILL This month the Rochester Business Journal debuted an article about women’s “Retirement at Risk” highlighting a local divorced woman. The article discussed qualitative and quantitative data around women’s finances particularly how divorced women are at a disadvantage when it comes time to retire. While the data has merit, in my opinion, it is imperative to recognize that when it comes to divorce no one wins. In addition, rather than focusing on the outcomes why not be proactive and find a trusted advisor that can help during the transition. In response to the RBJ article, here’s my advice. While not a topic most people may wish to discuss, divorce is a reality for an increasing number of Americans.
1.Get help as soon as you consider a separation. Meet with your financial advisor at the first hint of impending separation. A good financial advisor will be compassionate and willing to remain neutral if he or she serves both you and your soon-to-be-ex. Your advisor can revisit your investment portfolio and do a cash-flow analysis to illustrate what you might draw as future income. Your advisor can also offer advice about which shared debts might be best for you to take on (or avoid), given the amount of risk with which you are comfortable. 2. Look at shared debt. With the help of a mediator and your financial advisor, you may be able to decide which of you will take which debts. You may consider paying off or closing any credit accounts before you divorce. Most states allow you to settle debt issues between you. If you can’t come to an agreement and the court has to decide for you, the divorce can get very complex and expensive. Another reason to be proactive about your shared debt: It can help you both maintain good credit ratings after your split and, perhaps most important, prevent uncomfortable conversations
about unresolved debts with your exspouse in the future. 3. What about the house? Research confirms most divorcing women want to keep the matrimonial home whenever possible, especially when children are still living at home. The spouse who keeps each home should also take responsibility for its loan, refinancing it in their name if at all possible. 4. Information is important to handling debt well during a divorce. One situation where you might have to continue working together with your ex-spouse on a shared debt is if you have an unresolved tax obligation. You should talk to the IRS about setting up separate payments on that joint debt. Overall, information is the most important key to handling debt well during a divorce. Collect tax returns, credit reports, and bank and brokerage statements as early as possible. The more you know about your marital finances, the easier it will be for you to negotiate over outstanding debts at the settlement table. As the last word, work with your trusted financial advisor throughout the entire process in addition to your attorney or mediator. An advisor should help prepare you and strategize on how to map out how your financial future will look like after divorce. This article was provided courtesy of Brighton Securities, a member of FINRA and SIPC, Caroline Hill, Financial Advisor and written in part by a third party.
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{ you can be...! } by mary therese friel
Welcome to my column… You Can Be…! First, some background about me to help you understand the foundation of this new column. When I was growing up there were three words that were spoken often in my home, “you can be.” I was raised in a positive environment where I had the good fortune and encouragement that allowed me “to be.” My dreams had no limits and I grew up believing that if I was ambitious, determined, hard working, loyal to my goals and focused, that my dreams would come true. I understood that luck had a lot to do with it, as did help from God. I also realized two other important things that played an equally important part: one is honesty, the other is self-respect. Honesty is important because it means that you have taken a realistic look at your goals and believe them attainable. Selfrespect is important because it comes from liking yourself and being honest with yourself and giving yourself the encouragement to believe that you can be… anything you want to be! Let’s start with the concept of self-presentation and how you see yourself. The mind, the body and the spirit. These three very important elements make you who you are. In total, they are you! Realize the specialness of these gifts and treasure them. Use them wisely and treat them well.
The mind… think positive and act positive. The body… take good care of it and respect it. The spirit… nurture it and cherish it. Here is something to think about… The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Are you challenging yourself and keeping yourself sharp. Are you ever-growing as a person? Remember it’s 2017, a new year and a new you! It’s never too late to grow and expand your knowledge and yourself, as a person. You have so much worth and so much to offer. Respect and like yourself. Doing this, will help others to do the same when it comes to you and the
way they see you and ultimately the way you see yourself and present yourself to the world. Try this… stand in front of the mirror. Are you happy with what you see? Do you like the image and the person staring back at you? If so, that’s wonderful. If not, change it! But, be realistic. The body is an amazing thing. Did you gain some weight over the holidays? Then, you need to think of how you are going to loose it and get back to you. Find the best, most efficient way of achieving your goal of a healthier you in the New Year. Start with a new, healthier diet and exercise. If you are dealing with extremes, I’d suggest talking to your doctor first. If you are just trying to shed a few of those holiday pounds, then start by doing a little research and planning. Remember the old saying, you are what you eat? So start there. You may also want to go back to the basics. In the day, we used a nutritional educational tool as a guideline, called the Food Guide Pyramid. Then it was updated to MyPyramid and is now MyPlate. Your healthy diet is just one part. Exercise is another. And there are so many options in that department. Think about joining a gym, a class, working out at home, using an exercise video, hiring a personal trainer, to name a few. The most important thing is to get up and get moving!!! A lot of our physical well-being can be attributed to the way we care about, and for, ourselves. It seems like these days, everyone has so much going on. Remember, try to take time for you. I know, easier said then done. BUT, one very important thing to keep in mind is, without your health you really have nothing. All the money in the world can’t buy better health or reverse devastating health issues. Having hundreds of friends means nothing if you’re not on this earth to enjoy their company. All the love you can muster or receive is spent on no one if you’re not here to enjoy it or share it. So what do you have that will take you day to day, sustain you and allow you to share with those around you? You in your healthiest possible state, of course! Your body is a temple and what you get out of it, is what you put
into it; another cliché to heed. Holiday time especially, can wreak havoc on our schedules, our diets, our sleep patterns, our stress levels and our feelings about ourselves. Try to get a grip. Take control. No one knows you better than you. Be realistic to start. Take baby steps if you need to. Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t happen as quickly as you’d like, or go the way you want right away. Celebrate small successes. Most importantly, stay positive! The spirit is a huge part of you. It’s that inner light that shines and radiates from within you. It’s the smile on your face, the twinkle in your eye, the pep in your step. It’s you and your essence. It’s what makes you, you. Cherish it, nurture it, develop it, celebrate it and share it! There are many ways to be the best that you can be. It can be in the way you take care of yourself or the way that you care for others. It can be reflected in your thoughtful and caring nature and extended out there to reach the many who may look up to you and want to emulate you. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to contribute. It’s a gift to be role model. Think about it, by showing kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness and good manners, you are one. Try these things to put you a step closer to being the best that you can be: • Be true to your word. • Do the right thing. • Admit if you’ve made a mistake. • Apologize if you hurt someone’s feelings. • Keep your promises. • Be trustworthy. • Share with others and treat others well. • Respect yourself and others. • Don’t make excuses. • Go the extra mile. • Be appreciative, patient and caring. • Give 100%. • Be positive. • Most of all, be a good person. Always remember that you can be… the best that you can be! Mary Therese Friel is a Former Miss USA, Ford Model and Founder/CEO of The Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency. She is a National Spokesperson, Goodwill Ambassador, Philanthropist and Author. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
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{ angella’s advice }
Networking to GROW
your business
As business owners, we have a few options on how to obtain new business. We can pay for advertising, we can ask for referrals from our current clients, we can even pay for leads or we can network and hope to build relationships with potential clients. There is no one answer fits all for your business. Often it becomes a try this, try that and see what works for you. If money is plentiful than long term advertising may be your answer. Just remember consistency is best, you need to prepare for a year minimum of ads to ensure your message is received. 116
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If you’re budget is tight, the other option is to go out and build relationships. Now I know it can be very scary walking into a room full of strangers. There are many questions going through your head…. Who do you talk to first? What will you say to start the conversation? Should you give your card to the person even if they don’t ask? Do you have enough business cards to go around? All these questions and many more may be running through your head, making you more nervous than you need to be.
to the next person. You really cannot make a good connection in 60 seconds. Take your time, and listen to what the other person is offering. Then let them know what you do. If they are a good fit, ask to set up a follow up meeting, or make a note on their card to follow up with them.
4.Wrap it up. When you are getting
Here are a few tips that may help you feel more are ease and become a master networker.
ready to end the conversation, hand them two business cards and say, “Here is one card for you and one for your friend who may in the future need my _________”. You can fill in what you do. By saying this, you are prompting people to think about who may need your services. We all love referrals.
1. Prepare. Make sure you have plenty
5. When you are done with your
of business cards readily available. Ladies, don’t put them in the bottom of your purse, this may make it difficult to grab them when your hands are full. For women and men, I suggest putting a stack in your left pocket, and use the right pocket for any cards you receive.
2. Make a mental list of people you
would like to meet. If someone asks you who would you like to meet, you will be ready with an answer. You may want to do a little research about who is sponsoring the event, and who will be there? Are there a few people on the list you would love to get in front of?
3.
3 solid leads are all you need. All too often we feel that we need to speak with every person in the room, we end up running around talking to everyone for about 60 seconds, then we are off
conversation, ask them if they know anyone in the room, and could they introduce you. Remember to offer this up as well. Be a connector, what could be better than people coming to you all the time to make the connection for them. If they are coming to you for a referral they are remembering you. In time, they will come to you for your services, they will be grateful to you for all the help you offered them in the past.
6.
Always have FUN. When you are relaxed and smiling people will be drawn to you. Practice makes perfect. It is only natural to be nervous, the more you go out there and talk to people the easier it will get.
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35 YEARS OF TURNING THE ORDINARY INTO THE EXTRAORDINARY!
R O C H E S T E R ’ S P R E M I E R C AT E R I N G & E V E N T S O L U T I O N S E X P E R T.
C A L L U S T O D AY F O R Y O U R F R E E C O N S U LTAT I O N .
5 8 5 / 7 0 5 . 7 8 0 7 • J U L I A K C AT E R S . C O M
E AT W E L L • L I V E W E L L • B E W E L L
STOP
SCIATICA SUCKING THE JOY OF LIVING OUT OF YOU.
“There Is Another Way!� . Sciatica Shooting, stabbing, burning pain can take over your life wasting, strikes when you least expect it and can lead to muscle down to your numbness and constant tingling which can spread right toes. ng out of you. It can take over your life and really suck the joy of livi But there is another way...
There is a safe, natural, proven solution to this dreadful problem that works consistently to resolve the pain, discomfort and stress that sciatica can cause. Call 671-9210 NOW and for just a small investment of $27 (some docs charge much more) you will receive a complete sciatica evaluation to lead us to the problem and offer you options to reduce or even rid you of sciatica for good. Call 671-9210 NOW. Note: Only 10 places are available at O'Dell Chiropractic for this offer so please call quickly.
BREAKTHROUGH Relief For Back Pain & Sciatica
S
S
{ problem solved }
In severe cases, it can lead to muscle wasting, numbness and constant tingling down to the tip of the toes. Left untreated, the intense pain can rapidly wear you down and drain the joy out of life.
Your Rochester Woman Online has teamed up with the spine therapy specialists at O’Dell Family Chiropractic, to help readers find relief from their persistent back and sciatic pain.
That is, until now...
My advice, don’t suffer a moment longer...
The excellent results of this treatment have been published in major medical journals. With success rates as high as 90% some back surgeons recommending their patients try this treatment first before having back surgery. In Rochester NY, you can try NonSurgical Re-constructive Spinal Care at O’Dell Family Chiropractic – the office of low back pain and sciatica relief professional Norman O’Dell DC.
IF YOU suffer from low back pain and sciatica, you are one of the 80% of adults in the US with this often crippling spinal condition.
Shooting, stabbing and burning pains from the low back, sometimes with additional pain through the buttocks and down the legs are all symptoms of a pinched nerve often called “sciatica”.
Norm and his team of fully trained spinal care specialists have helped over 3,000 patients find relief from their agonizing back pain and sciatica. According to Norman, “We use a combination of ultra-advanced technology, for precisely diagnosing the cause of your low back pain and sciatica; and a unique program for reconstructing the damaged area causing the pain; this means superior long-term results for most people.” Because the treatment is non-surgical, safe and easy, most patients report an almost immediate relief from their pain. Chuck Valente says: “ I am pain free and my workouts are enjoyable again. I now send my entire family and my clients here. Thank you Dr O’Dell, Dr Scott and Dr Shannon for the awesome care that I have received. You have truly changed my life. Thank god I called, I’m 95% better in just a couple of weeks.” Chuck V (Mr Natural USA)
Find out if Non-Surgical ReConstructive Spinal Care can help you, book a evaluation with Norman and his team. They actually treat the cause of your health problem, not just your symptoms. That’s why many grateful patients tell them “You gave me back my life!” Over the years, they’ve treated thousands of patients with back problems and sciatica. The vast majority of them have enjoyed superior, lasting relief. In fact, many who’ve suffered and have tried other remedies have told them they gave them back their lives! Call them now and get a precise evaluation to pinpoint the cause of your problem for just $27, this is something that could cost you much more! Don’t suffer from the pain and immobility any longer. Discover the natural treatment that can eliminate the cause of your problem and give you the safe, lasting relief you deserve. All you have to do to receive a thorough evaluation with advanced technology and a comprehensive easy to understand report on your state of health is call 671-9210.
Your invitation for a Evaluation which includes the latest technology of and infra red nerve scan, a computerized posture evaluation and bilateral weight scale, to pinpoint the cause of your low back pain and sciatica...
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NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!
A Bootcamp With Maintainable Results 122
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,
e
{ rochester woman bootcamp }
With over fifteen years of experience, trainers Noah Jobin and Josh Deporter of Irondequoit Fitness, enjoy sharing their knowledge of assisting people in becoming healthy and fit. It is much more than a job for them. They were both overweight (70-80 pounds) striving to become an example to their clients. It was important to them sharing their journey of weight loss as they learned themselves the importance of healthy living. Josh and Noah feel as trainers, they relate better with their clients because they understand the weight-loss struggle. Getting motivated is often the beginning and or failure of the journey for people. Many people look for the quick-fix when battling the bulge. There are millions of products on the market promising to jump start the weightloss struggle. But is this product safe? And will it produce maintainable results? Josh and Noah created a longterm solution starting off the New Year. January is often the time consumers decide their New Year’s resolutions is to begin on a weight-loss program. Newly designed at Irondequoit Fitness is the “New Year, New You, Boot Camp”. This is the perfect opportunity for people to be the change they always knew they could be. The 30-minute class (designed for all fitness levels) is conveniently scheduled on Saturdays. The guys welcome anyone and look forward to helping everyone begin their journey. When starting a fitness program, the pair offers a warning for newcomers, there are often easy ways to get discouraged. They caution the obvious, regarding checking your progress by getting on the scale. Often times, results from a fitness program are not measured easily by pounds shed. They recommend documenting the journey by taking before and after photographs, taking measurements or looking at the
change in the looseness of your clothes. To be successful in becoming healthy, it is important to recognize it will take long-term determination, discipline and consistency. This journey often becomes discouraging as progress is slow-and-steady. This is a life-style change; a marathon. People often believe in the short distance race, searching for a rapid weight loss which rarely occurs when doing it the right way.
To successfully change life-styles, an exercise program must be incorporated, along with changes to diet. Additionally, it is important to note the way eating fits into your schedule. Making these changes is often difficult. As a habit develops or you become complacent in the way to do things it becomes a set schedule. The numbers on a scale do not accurately reflect the health status of an individual. It is only a piece of the journey. Josh and Noah state: “It is quite common to have two people at identical height and weights where they are radically different in strength, muscle and overall health.
This is measured in differences of fat mass and lean muscle. It’s even possible for the same person, over the course of a year to look dramatically different but remain the same weight. The real danger for people beginning a weight-loss journey is the stress level they create constantly getting on the scale. When clients weigh themself too often they can become discouraged if not getting the expected results. They may also have unrealistic results for the progress obtained when joining a program. Weighing too often can literally contribute to weight gain, simply through the stress it creates. What’s worse is the fat gained through stress (visceral fat) acts differently than normal fat. Visceral fat is much more problematic because it’s more resistant to exercise. To lose the same amount of weight in comparison to someone with subcutaneous fat or lower stress levels a person must work harder. In addition, this type of fat mimics high cortisol levels which slows metabolism. It also increases hunger through insulin spikes and dropping blood sugar levels. When the body experiences this dynamic people binge eat bad foods. Lastly, sleep cycles are affected adversely. During this time, the body isn’t actually building muscle, losing weight or getting stronger. All of these things mentioned are actually achieved outside of the gym. It is important the decision to live healthy is a life-style change. Josh and Noah hope everyone thinks about doing something healthy in the New Year. They are committed to assist their new clients in learning the right way to start a weight loss journey. Beginning January 7, 2017, the boot-camp exercise session will be offered as mentioned on Saturdays. The cost of the class is $ 10.00 a lesson. The session is 30 minutes in duration.
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I a healthy solution I
Building a Healthy Community One Box at a Time
Premium Produce & Local Specialty Goods
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Ability to substitute items in your order
No membership or delivery fee
Customize your delivery schedule with the ability to skip a week if needed
Available sizes: Small, Medium & One LargeBox ranging $25 Buildingbox a Healthy Community at afrom Time -$35
Add-on items encouraged: Breads, Cheeses, Eggs & more
Orders delivered each Wednesday
Visit us at www.bluebirdharvest.com
Premium Produce & Local Specialty Goods
Home & Workplace delivery year-round
Ability to substitute items in your order
No membership or delivery fee
Customize your delivery schedule with the ability to skip a week if needed
Available box sizes: Small, Medium & Large ranging from $25 -$35
Add-on items encouraged: Breads, Cheeses, Eggs & more
Orders delivered each Wednesday
Visit us at www.bluebirdharvest.com
Hello, this is Matt and Mike from Bluebird Harvest. In 2016, we created a home and workplace delivery program offering year-round, premium quality produce and local specialty goods in the Rochester area. We started operations in July and we are continuously growing and providing quality products to our customers. We bring convenience to the busy modern family and a hectic household at a reasonable price. With Bluebird Harvest, our customers can go to our website at www.bluebirdharvest. com to choose their desired box option, create a username and password, and from there substitute items in and out of our ‘template menu’ based on their liking and what is available each week. Every Thursday, we create the ‘template menu’ for the following week’s orders and our customers have until just before midnight the following Monday to place, skip, or modify their order for a Wednesday delivery. There is no membership or delivery fee, base box prices range from $25-35, and additional items can be purchased as add-ons to your order. In addition to local produce from New York State, we offer customers produce from around the country in various climates (oranges, lemons, grapes, pineapples, etc.). We also offer our customers local specialty products from local vendors such as cold pressed juice from Soul Juicin’ in Pittsford, cheese from Yancey’s Fancy, Bread from Flour City Bread Co., English Muffins from Amazing Grains in Fairport, Chai from The Chai Guy in Penfield, Jam and Jelly from Jackie’s Jams and Jellies in Rochester, Honey from Davis Natural Honey in Cayuga, Free range chicken & duck eggs from Fisher Hill Farms in Canandaigua and also New York State Maple Syrup. In the near future we look forward to adding coffee from Java’s and Peanut Butter from The Redbird Market in Fairport. We’re very excited about our program and we can’t wait to deliver an order to you very soon! Happy Harvest!
-Matt & Mike
IHow Social Media Gets Your Business Results BY TAMARA MACDUFF
126
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
{ social media moxie }
Is social media worth it? It’s an important question for a business owner to ask, because many businesses don’t even measure social media’s return on investment. They don’t measure social media at all. Every tool and human effort your business is involved with should be held accountable in some way. Social media is a tool – a powerful one for your business. Like all tools – if it’s used correctly it can build empires. Conversely, if it’s used incorrectly it can destroy them or not build a solid foundation for your empire. Social media is also not about cat videos and motivational quotes – there’s a time and place for everything; just not every 3rd post on your profile or company page. Business owners make several mistakes when it comes to seeking results with social media. The first one is one most owners make is the same one they make with all marketing: not aligning their tactics with their business goals. They set a business goal to be visible and increase awareness of their brand so they open up a Facebook page or a LinkedIn profile. Then they go about posting motivational quotes or sharing links that are not tied to their industry, product, service or owner’s philosophy – and they don’t say why they’ve shared this or what value they think their prospects will receive from reading this link. Increasing awareness of your brand, owner’s expertise or product/service can and should be attained by sharing links you find useful. However, make sure your clients will find them useful too. Social media is not about you, the owner; it’s about your clients, community and prospects. Setting goals is not a new concept for business – or for any of us personally. It is the New Year after all, we’ve probably all set new goals
for ourselves, our health, finances, etc. What are your business goals for 2017? How can social media help you attain them? How would this look? Let me show you an example. Let’s say a business is new so their goal for 2017 is to increase awareness of their owner’s expertise and the business. Currently, their awareness is at 0 – nobody really knows about them; they are the best kept secret and they know social media is their tool for success.
This social media strategy would look like this:
• Create the measurement of the business goal - Increase awareness of expertise to bring 20% more speaking opportunities within the community. • Define who you are talking to. What solution do you provide? How do you help your prospects relieve their pain? How did you come to your solution? • Where is the best place to be visible? Know what type of conversation you want to have. Is it going to be casual, yet authoritative? Facebook may be your answer. Need to increase your expert voice? LinkedIn is where you want to have those CEO conversations. Want to get a lot out in a short period of time? Twitter is the cocktail party you need to be at. • Understand the key word in social media is Social. It’s about conversation –conversations with solutions for the problems your expertise will solve. There is a quote: “You can make more friends in 2 months if you simply become interested in others than you can in 2 years trying to get people interested in you.” (Anonymous) This is the foundation of social media. It’s a natural law of social media – be interested in your clients, your community, your prospects. With that quote in mind, when designing your content strategy, keep your content balanced and look for how you can connect your business, product, service or you as a person to local business stories, companyrelated news, information about local events, and motivational quotes specific to your industry. Share industry-specific articles
and answer questions such as: What myths about your industry do you need to debunk? Every tactic your business strategy includes has a way to measure it, whether it is in the numbers on your bottom line or the increase in your influence in your community or industry. Start with your strategy for your business. Social media is about conversation, education and moving people into your shop or business. Discover how your business can use it to your best advantage. Measure it by how many times your phone rings for consults or how many email requests for speaking engagements you get. If you look at your emails and your likes, comments, views and shares - you may not see any exact correlation. Why? Because the return on social media for business is found beyond the clicks, likes and follows. The answer to the question at the beginning is Yes, social media is valuable to your business. It’s too valuable to ignore. Don’t ask what social media can do for you — ask what you can do for social media. Instead of asking where are all of the clicks, likes and follows from others, look into measuring the clicks, likes and follows your business gives to others. Your social media ROI is as much about what your business chooses to use and do in social media contexts as it is about what others give to you. I’d love to hear what your goals for 2017 are for your business. Got a question about how to get real results from social media? Connect with me on Twitter or join me on Facebook at Web Moxie Media or connect with me on LinkedIn and say “Hi.” I love to meet new people and help them with their social media and content strategy. Tamara MacDuff, an award winning business owner at Web Moxie Media. She empowers business owner to get real results from their social media efforts & teaches workshops on social media, social media strategy and content creation & strategy. For more information visit her website at www.webmoxiemedia.com or reach out on Twitter (@WebMoxieMedia), Facebook (fb.com/webmoxiemedia) or LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/tamaramacduff)She loves great coffee and conversation.
ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017
127
january
{ calendar of events }
Masquarade Ball location: Brass Bar & Lounge TIMe: 8pm ticket info: 27425617761 $35-40
www.eventbrite.com/e/ masquerade-ball
14
Day of empowering women expo
“Wine About Winter� Festival
location: holiday inn downtown
location: rochester riverside convention center
TIMe: 12pm - 5pm more info: 585.727.9120
15
TIMe: 1pm - 8pm more info: $36 www.eventbrite.com/e/ rochester-wine-aboutwinter-festival29219591585
21
RocCity
locati rochester convention
TIMe: 1pm 7pm-1
more $3 www.eventbrite roccity-brewfest tickets-29
21
january
{ calendar of events }
Brewfest
cation: rochester riverside convention center
pm - 4pm & 10pm
The New York Woman Suffrage Centennial location: , Susan B Anthony Museum & House TIMe: 12pm - 3:30pm
info: 36 entbrite.com/e/ brewfest9220360886
1
23
Murder Mystery Night
Winterfest
location: Via Girasole Wine Bar
location: Town of Irondequoit 1280 Titus Ave
TIMe: 7pm - 9pm more info: $36 squareup.com/market/ via-girasole/item/murdermystery-night-pm
27
TIMe: 11am - 3pm
28
Who Handles Your Text Marketing?
Put your message in the Palm of their hands… Contact Greg Gibbardo: Regional Sales Director 585-330-3092 ggibbardo@sentextsolutions.com Mention this add and receive a “Rochester Woman Special”
Happy New Year! From...Mark & M.E. Salon
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