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In Her Own Words

The Diva’s Report

TURNING STONE CASINO & RESORT

Heart Disease Survivor Mary Dougherty

The the

HEROIN EPIDEMIC

AntiTransgender BATHROOM LAWS

lynette adams we are our brothers keeper


THIS REGION IS HOME TO THE DRIVEN. This region is home to driven people like Patti. Rochester Regional Health’s cardiologists and cardiac surgeons discovered and removed a rare atrial myxoma in her heart. Her recovery was swift so Patti could get back on the road with all of her kids. RochesterRegional.org

Patricia Long, Honeoye


febru

{ table of COntents } COVER STORY 12

LYNETTE ADAMS

70

regulars

6

PIBLISHERS LETTER

8 TEAM LIST 20 LAW AND HIP HOP

The Heroin Epidemic

32 ALL ABOUT THE H...

Anti-Transgender Bathroom Law

56 THE DIVA’S REPORT

Turning Stone Casino

66 BADGE OF HONOR

20

Sean Furey

80 ALL ABOUT M.E. 82 LADIES & LITERATURE 88

UNRAVELED

94

WOMEN WHO INSPIRE Jennifer Boyce

100 LOCAL BUSINESS HIGHLIGHT

Encore Chocolates

110

PICTURE THIS

112 TIPS FOR WOMEN

Lipsense by Sengence

114 FOR A GOOD CAUSE

Wellventions

118 ON THE WAY UP

32

Brianna Collicchio

126

IN HER OWN WORDS Mary Dougherty

136

HER EDGE Sandra Graham

Health & wellness 77

SENIOR LIFESTYLES

104

HEALTHY WOMAN

108 ASK THE DOCTOR 116

MENOPAUSE MOMENT

124 EVERYDAY PUSH 4

134 ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

IN HER DEFENSE


uary 2017 { table of contents }

regulars 140

WISE UP

142

YOU CAN BE

66

146 ANGELLA’S ADVICE 150 ASK THE ANGELS 152

CNY LATINO

154

YOU’RE WORTH IT

158

SOCIAL MEDIA MOXIE

160

CALENDAR OF EVENTS.

fashion 64

CHRISSY MONROE’S Fashion Forward

84

HYPE HAIR

food 70

PLATTER CHATTER The Public Market

90

COOKING WITH JULIA K

118

special features 30 FOCUS ON PREVENTION 50 BRASS’S DREAM TEAM

130

12

ULTIMATE MARKETING STRATEGY

125 A HEALTHY SOLUTION

56


{ from the publisher }

A

s you may know, February is the month to GO RED For Women for the American Heart Association. Let’s all wear red this month in support of our friends and family that have battled, are battling, or have lost their fight to heart disease. Rochester Woman Online will even hold A Day of Empowering Women...GO RED FOR WOMEN event on Sunday, February 19th from 12-5pm at the Century Club of Rochester to help benefit the AHA featuring over 75+ vendors for the ultimate ladies day out. Plus, you can meet our absolutely stunning February cover woman, WHEC TV 10’s very own Lynette Adams! Be sure to read her amazing story, one she only shared with our editor Cheryl Kates-Benman, on page [??].

T T

ON OUR COVER

Lynette Adams of WHEC TV 10 was shot at the studios of Lush Light Photography on University Ave. by owner Karlie Lanni.

Discrimination can be an everyday experience for many transgender people and can affect nearly every area of life. The conflict over transgender bathrooms is a topic that is become very controversial over the past few months. This month, our columnist Gabrielle Hermosa jumps into this hot topic in her eye opening six page spread...what are your thoughts? Are we as a country being discriminating? Is it a safety issue? The laws on the books don’t always translate into actual fair treatment for the transgender community. Read about a first hand point of view on page [??]. Another hot topic in our country, and in the Rochester community is the increasing heroin epidemic. Join Cheryl Kates-Benman as she dives into stories of personal and family struggles with this skyrocketing addiction. Over the past four years, Monroe County overdoses have skyrocketed. How to know if someone you love has a problem with heroin & what to do? Well, Luci Zagari joins us in this edition tellsing her heart wrenching , very personal story of her sons struggle, his incarceration, near death experience, and what the future holds for them. You won’t want to miss reading every single word of this incredible article on page [??]. Don’t forget to enjoy all of the great videos that are throughout this go red edition, especially our platter chatter feature on the public market! Enjoy every last word. Every advertisement. Every incredible story, and let’s all enjoy everything Rochester has to offer!

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Kelly ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017


{ a look at our team }

PUBLISHER EDITOR-IN CHIEF ASSISTANT EDITOR

Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates-Benman Cassondra Kubit

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Kelly Breuer

GRAPHIC DESIGN

Kelly Breuer

PHOTOGRAPHY

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

ADVERTISING SALES SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR

Chris “Goodknews” Cardwell Lush Light Photography Jeff Palm Brandon Vick Julia Antenucci Cheryl Kates-Benman Jill Burress Mary Bushey Lisa Cove Mary Dougherty Tracy Echeverri Mary Therese Friel Gabrielle Hermosa Marisol Hernandez Sarah Itkin Rebecca Jaffarian David Jenkins Sheila Kennedy Julia Khoury Cassondra Kubit Angella Luyk Tamara MacDuff Michael Massielo Chrissy Monroe Mary Elizabeth Nesser James Payne Rita Pettinaro Vicki Preston Dr. Nate Riddle Jennifer Rogers James Woods, MD Kelly Breuer Cheryl Kates Julia Antenucci

Rochester Woman ONLINE is the premier professional woman’s online publication in the greater Rochester area. Our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local area women. The electronic magazines are distributed freely through your favorite app store and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge. Please feel free to contact publisher Kelly Breuer at 585.727.9120 or you can email us at networkrocqueen@gmail.com. Download our current media kit at www.rochesterwomanonline.com. The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman ONLINE. Copyright © 2017 Rochester Woman ONLINE. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publisher. Rochester Woman ONLINE is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Rochester Woman ONLINE and will not be returned.

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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017


Experienced, Effective, Aggressive!

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2016

Experienced, Effective, and Smart. Personal Injury | Business and Estate Litigation | Medicaid Planning Probate | Military and Security Clearances | Second Amendment Law Experienced, Effective, Aggressive!

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Experienced, Effective, Aggressive! Brenna Boyce PLLC (585) 454-2000


{ our cover story } BY CHERYL KATES-BENMAN I PHOTOS BY LUSH LIGHT PHOTOGRAPHY

ynette ad

we are our brot

To speak with her about her job as a News 10-NBC news reporter and anchor was fascinating. With each bat of her eyes, the sparkle shone through someone who is hedonistically content with the place she created for herself as a journalist. Let’s face it, Lynette Adams is a woman who has been reporting live through our televisions for the past 25 years, in the limelight, as a local celebrity. This wasn’t my first time sitting down with Ms. Adams, except the last time she was the interviewer asking me about local parolee issues, so I already knew what I am now sharing with you. This is definitely a woman who cares about our community.

The Unspoken Word Leads To The Truth. As a fellow fashionista, I don’t know if I was more impressed with Lynette Adams in her choice of her outfit which was fantabulous or the unrushed 4 hour interview and lunch we shared. One truth rang throughout: Lynette Adams is real and she genuinely cares about her community. Some of us drag ourselves to work every day clocking in hoping the day quickly passes until it’s clock out time. We do this day-in and day-out because we’re adults and we need our paycheck on Friday to do the adult thing, pay bills. Only a select few of us love what we do, look forward to going to work, and use our work to help people. Lynette Adams is definitely one of those people.

So often, as Americans we sit glued to our televisions nightly after dinner begging for entertainment. A pretty face, well-dressed to a T, gorgeous smile, upto-date hair styles, and flawless make-up; a small fraction of the true essence of Lynette Adams, a wife, mother, pioneer, an activist, a role model for youth and a phenomenal woman. Lynette hits the streets in the sun, rain and snow, on location, in the trenches and often at less than pleasurable locations dealing with highly emotional issues. Not everyone is someone she likes and just some are people you work to move mountains for. She is often first on the scene, capturing the moments, the raw emotions and the first

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look at things we need to know about what’s happening in our community. Sometimes it’s paying tribute to someone who deserves recognition for their courage, commitment and work in the community and other times it is to capture the grief of a mother who lost her child to senseless violence. All day, every day it is something important Lynette shares with all of us. She goes beyond and in every report she gives, she gives a little piece of herself. When asked: “What is the most important aspect of being a reporter in the Rochester community?”

Lynette impressed even me by the genuine and thoughtful answer; “One story can ruin someone’s life. These aren’t just words”. To recognize the responsibility a journalist has to report the truth and know often at times the truth may not always set everyone free becomes a large burden to bear. To be objective at all times, fair, unbiased despite the personal feelings one has is not an easy thing to do.

Rochester, New York was not always the place Lynette called home. She is actually a Syracuse native. At age 14, Lynette left Central New York to begin schooling just outside of Philadelphia at a historically black boarding academy for young men and women. It is here that she began to develop her sense of self as an African-American and as a woman and developed some of the skills and characteristics that she uses in her job every day, like recognizing the need for assertiveness; a deepseeded self-confidence and an unrelenting urge to seek the truth. She has also experienced the ugly face of racism and remembers waking up to crosses burning on the front lawn of her school campus. After graduating, Lynette left the east coast altogether settling in for her next four years in Huntsville, Alabama, again attending an HBC (historically black college). Lynette wanted to be a lawyer, the voice for the underdog. After three years of school, however, Lynette decided she no longer wanted to be in school. She majored in communications and then added business


dams

thers keeper


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{ our cover story }

as a minor. After graduating college, her first full-time news-related job was at the Syracuse Newspapers. She landed what she calls her dream job as a reporter at the NBC affiliate in Springfield, Massachusetts. After spending 3 1/2 years in Western Massachusetts, Lynette wanted to be closer to family. She first applied for work in Syracuse, but didn’t get the job. An opportunity popped up through a colleague who had a friend in Rochester. The rest is history. Lynette has made Rochester her home.

“As an African-American woman, I have for many years was treated in my industry as expendable...a dime a dozen. Many newsrooms reflect the philosophy that is pervasive in our society that if you have one African -American, or one non-white person this is equal opportunity. However, as that person of color, to get ahead you have to work twice as hard and you may have to prove yourself again and again.”

When asked about what is the most difficult part of her job? Lynette indicated: “.Having a front row seat to some of the most horrendous acts of violence, heartache and devastation in our community and seeing the impact it has on families. Despite my personal views, experiences or beliefs, I have to remain objective, unbiased as I tell the stories of the people involved even though sometimes they’re heartbreaking..” What do you want to be most remembered for as a journalist? Lynette replied, “I want to be seen as a friend. I can talk to anyone. Your skin color doesn’t matter, whether you’re a man or a woman, your socioeconomic status, zip code, none of that’s important. At the end of the day I believe we have more things in common than we do that make us different.” Lynette prides herself on being approachable. She is in the community. She is on Facebook. People can reach out to her personally. Being seasoned in life-experiences, helps someone have empathy for others. Lynette indicates she

came from a diverse upbringing and this shaped her into the woman she is today. Her parents instilled great values and Lynette believes hard work pays off. She is grounded by her belief system. Lynette enjoys a close-knit family life. She is a wife and mother of two children ages 20 and 23. Lynette loves fashion, roller-skating and staying fit. She describes herself as “a Ms. Fix-it”. She loves buying old furniture and refurbishing it. She also sews and loves to create things. Lynette believes she can find the beauty in all things broken. When asked about her experiences as a woman in the world of journalism, Lynette shares it can be challenging. She states, “Women are often viewed differently. You can’t be a doormat or a push over. You have to learn to be assertive rather than aggressive otherwise you’re seen as a B----. This is a maledominated world. If a man goes after something hard he is seen as a go-getter, a woman, a B----”. What about when you add you’re a woman and African-American? She states, “As an African-American woman, I have for many years was treated in my industry as expendable...a dime a dozen. Many newsrooms reflect the philosophy that is pervasive in our society that if you have one African -American, or one non-white person this is equal opportunity.

However, as that person of color, to get ahead you have to work twice as hard and you may have to prove yourself again and again.”

The Rochester community felt more like home when compared to the other places Lynette has lived. She enjoyed what the “flour city” had to offer. When Lynette first started in news she says the “celebrity” status was nice. Becoming a household name and being recognized by people was easy to get used to. However, Lynette said as she began to mature she began to understand the importance of what she does; that it’s not about any of that. She says it’s about not only informing people, but making a difference...helping people. This became the foundation of her existence. Reporting the news exposes Lynette to all walks of life and in the best and worst of times. In Rochester, she says it appears to be a war between the haves-and-the-have-nots. She sees the effects on a city that leads the nation in poverty indicators intertwined with the social problems that come with it. For example: If you are hungry you cannot concentrate in school. If you don’t have success in school, you are more likely to drop out. The violence and crime are also connected to the cycle of poverty. Lynette, who has been a single mother, says the challenges families are facing are real! Lynette however, is quick to say there are many people doing positive things and there are many reasons to celebrate Rochester. Last year she spoke at a GED graduation and says her message was one of encouragement. Yet she says it was the graduates who inspired her. “No matter what labels others give you, you can

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

15


{ our cover story }

t she says it was the graduates who inspired her. “No matter what labels others give you, you can be anybody you want to be. My life isn’t perfect. We all have setbacks and failures. We all want the same things; to be loved, security, to be happy and to have a piece of the American dream. You have to say I want something different or something more. You can’t let anything hold you back. You control your future”. Being a mother has had a profound impact on the way Lynette covers stories. It has helped her to keep an open mind, to be compassionate and leave judgment at the door. She says often her thought is of her own children. “This time it’s somebody else’s child, but it could be mine,” she reminds herself. Often she says it seems too much of what happens in our city is a result of people not being able to handle their emotions. *Anger is a powerful emotion when it is projected outward and used as a way to handle problems. It causes destruction. People have trouble finding themselves. Often they find themselves facing homeless, resorting to self-medication or in the criminal justice system. If only our systematic way of dealing with things could begin addressing these issues before they turn violent a student being left by the wayside or a drunken-driving accident. ( *please attribute) Lynette indicates the bar is high for her and Rochester journalists. One of the things she values is her friendship with Janet Lomax over the last 25 years. Recently retired, Janet was the anchor main anchor at News 10-NBC for the last 36 years. Lynette says Janet always extended her a hand and pulled her along with her. Her willingness to serve as a mentor over the years definitely meant a lot to Lynette and she believes she has become a better person and broadcast journalist because of it. Lynette often tells new reporters starting out, if you can make it in Rochester you can make it anywhere. This is a great place to raise your children and people here care, but make no mistake she says it is a competitive news market. She talks about others who paved the way for her or served as role model like Gabe Dalmath and Wanda Miller. Lynette returns to her opening statements “I am my brother’s keeper. I have a responsibility

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as a journalist. That responsibility is to find the truth. What I do affects people’s lives. I have to be concerned about my neighbor. I have to care”. Lynette then shared a story about a person who committed suicide. She covered a story where a janitor was accused of secretly watching girls changing in a locker room. “I’m not excusing the act, however he was a human being and he took his own life largely due to the news coverage. This taught me a very valuable lesson about responsibility and to remember these aren’t just words. People’s lives are affected by what I say.” Lynette finds solace in her spirituality. She indicates we forget success is often a life-long struggle. She allows her higher power to order her steps each day. When life becomes overwhelming this is where she turns for guidance. She remembers the admonition of Mary Kay Cosmetics founder, Mary Kay Ash..., “God first, family second and career third.” That’s true balance. “People do not like to see us (news reporters) coming unless they are the ones who called us.” In closing, I asked Lynette Adams what stories have you covered that had an impact on you? There were many she could recall. Two were tragic and two were uplifting. Two make us question humanity and two make us happy a little extra effort can change someone’s life. This to me is the two sides of journalism. It is a two-sided coin. The pen and spoken word are dangerous and we should never forget the general principles, Lynette holds dear; We are our brother’s keeper. We must care. The most tragic stories for Lynette Adams were the shootings on Genesee Street at the Boys and Girls club and a fire on Masseth Street nearly 17 years ago that claimed the lives of four young siblings. She says the community outrage, the devastation and destruction of these young lives will be hard to ever forget. *On the positive side, Lynette recalls the feeling of gratification when the county installed a traffic light on a very busy section of West Main Street in Bulls Head, after a 9-year- old girl was hit by a car and killed. She was crossing the street with her sisters to buy candy at the store. A car stopped to let them cross, but a vehicle that was behind it, passed it and hit the

little girl. People complained about how far it was to cross safely at the nearest traffic lights... so people would take a chance and run across the street. Lynette says News 10- NBC’s stories highlighted the problem and the county took action. Lynette says it won’t bring the little girl back, but at least her death wasn’t in vain. On a more positive note, Lynette feels a sense of accomplishment when she was able to assist people through her journalism and activism. In one case, Snug Harbor, 100’s of residents were being forced out of their homes after the city of Rochester went after the owner for multiple code violations. The tenants had 2 weeks to vacate the premises. Rochester Housing Authority indicated it would no longer pay the rent as long as the apartments were uninhabitable. Lynette says news coverage brought attention to what was quietly happening to these families and assistance was provided and the city went after the owner. In another example, a child slipped through the cracks in the Rochester City School District and wasn’t going to be able to graduate. The student never missed school, had a job after school and was doing all the right things, but couldn’t pass a history regents exam he needed to graduate. Lynette brought this case to the attention of then superintendent, Dr. Bolgen Vargas, Ph.D. Dr. Vargas looked into it and found some school leaders were not adhering to the young man’s , 504 plan. Through the superintendent’s investigation, it was determined that dozens of others students were also falling through the cracks. “As it turned out the young man was able to graduate. I just helped bridge the gap between a frustrated grandmother and a caring superintendent,” Lynette says. Lynette Adams is a pillar in Rochester, NY, a beautiful, talented, responsible journalist, one who cares, a Rochester Woman, making a difference in our community. She listens. She seeks the truth no matter how ugly it is. We celebrate her.


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{ law and hop hop } BY Cheryl L. Kates-Benman Esq.

epidem

THE HEROIN

Mr. Z. lifted the white sheet on the gurney and took what he thought was the last look at his baby boy. Bullet exit wounds showed clearly where the lead ripped through the flesh of his son’s body. He put the sheet down. This can’t be true. He lifted the sheet back up again. Yup, it was Vincenzo. The reddish, brown, mud-colored blood swirled in an ocean on the

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floor, on Luci’s shirt, on Vincenzo’s torn-and-battered body. The blood of his own flesh and blood and it became too much. Father fell lifelessly to the ground. Unspoken words swarmed through everyone’s head. The last words said to one another, “I hate you. You ruined our family”. “Nooooo” screamed sister. “This can’t be the last words I say to my brother”.

Beep, beep, beep. The line on the screen began to jump from flat-line to wavy baby. Life began to surge back into Vincenzo’s veins. Beep, beep, beep. “Can you step out of the room please?” a pale-faced doctor shouted. The will to die turned the corner back to the will to live…heroin defeated for now.


mic


{ law and hip hop }

A Mother and her son… After giving birth, any mother’s most joyous memory is the first time holding her baby. Day-in-and-out, the children grow up creating memories to last a lifetime. Bringing home painted, hand prints, cursive writing practice work sheets or even school pictures to hang yet another one on the fridge. There is never a time; anyone thinks they will be holding the very same child as the hospital chaplain gives the child their last rights because they are expected to die. Since the 7th grade, Vincenzo was a starathlete, a champion wrestler, the pride of his community and praised by all. He was a good-looking, young man always making his family proud. The family knew the drill, load up the car every weekend, tournament-after-tournament, city-after-city, town-after-town. How did this become drug treatment center-aftercenter, not my little baby…prison-afterprison? One word is the answer: heroin. Waking up in these circumstances is a living nightmare. To watch your own child, become a stranger changing from that sweet, angelic face to someone who looks you in the face, telling lie-after-lie, taking family heirlooms and selling his soul. This is a fate far worse than the worst nightmare. To watch someone you love change from this vibrant, smiling, peaceful soul into someone you no longer recognize: is the face of heroin. It doesn’t matter who you are, how old, how beautiful, how athletic, or how rich or poor, if heroin grabs a hold it will begin 22

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

to squeeze the life out of you, your family and the community. Luci Zigari never once thought she would become a mother visiting her son in a prison. This is the place where the bad people go. The Zagari’s: a suburban, professional, working family stripped of their dignity because heroin grabbed hold. People who Luci knew for years stopped calling. During break time, friends at work Luci often shared coffee with acted busy. No one seemed to understand the Zigari’s did nothing wrong. It wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t their parenting skills. It was the heroin. Luci always loved her son. She described their relationship until heroin took over, as they were best friends. Heroin changed that. Luci became an enemy. Relapse-afterrelapse and finally she grew tired and said enough. Vincenzo was cast away. Tough love. It didn’t work. Where was there any support? It was the darkest day. All Luci wanted was her baby boy back. As the clock struck 9:30 pm, the doctors said there was no hope. Call the family. He’s going to die. Shot by a female officer, claiming she feared for her life; a crime spree. Now reality sinks in, he lives… but is life worth living when he will spend the next 12 years behind bars in a NYS prison. How did this happen? Vincenzo was recruited by every Division one school, even West Point. He once had a dream of being a police officer or a marine. His dreams are no more. Now he is reduced to a DIN number…one word heroin.


{ law and hip hop }

photo by jeff palm


{ law and hip hop }

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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017


{ law and hip hop } A girl gone astray… Leah LeChase is far from the picture people envision in their minds when talking about the stereotype of what is a heroin addict? Leah grew up in a privileged family who was respected in their community. She went to the best schools, never wanted for anything but she still ended up a drug addict. People think drug addiction is centered in the inner-city and to the untouchables of society. It is not. Heroin is no longer…not my backyard… not my kid. It is an epidemic, engulfing American cities, destroying families’ one-by-one, stealing the lives of our children. It moved from just the inner city, poverty-stricken neighborhoods to the wealthiest communities and is becoming the sexy drug among American teenagers. The drug is cheap, easy to get and wide-spread throughout our society, destroying one life at a time.

I was sexually assaulted. It’s a scary term; rape. But it happened. And I tried so hard for so long to pretend that it didn’t. Heroin became a huge part of it. I discovered heroin and I realized that it actually could numb my emotions. I figured out how to shut out all of the bad feelings I had about myself and the decisions I’ve made. I didn’t have to hold myself accountable for anything. It was love at first poke…heroin.

who survive being drug dealers.

Yes, I received treatment and had support from friends and especially family, I’m definitely one of the lucky ones. But I’ve run into some people along the way, who aren’t as fortunate. It’s so hard to get help. Insurance companies can pull you out of treatment at any given moment. I’ve seen women who desperately needed help and while they were trying to get better, were pulled out of treatment facilities out of nowhere, just because the company decided that they didn’t want to cover the cost.

To law-abiding citizens, this is a far cry of being a benefit to our community.

Leah discusses the stereotypes and wants us to know:

And by the way, a good treatment center costs money. A LOT of money. So before you choose to blame society or blame the addict, try to understand that most of us do try to get help, but are forced to leave treatment.

“Junkies, losers, dirty, homeless, uneducated. Those are just a few of the stigmas surrounding opiate addiction. Unfortunately, the majority of man-kind thinks this way. If someone uses needles and is injecting heroin into their body, a substance everybody knows will only cause damage, then they MUST be stupid. They MUST be dirty. They HAVE TO have an effed-up family. But that is not the case.

Addiction is a disease. Whether you agree or not is up to you, but there is enough evidence to support that statement. Doctors agree, in order to treat a disease, you need TREATMENT. A regime designed to help you get better; Medication (Methadone, Sub-Oxone, Subutex, Naloxone, and so much more). This help is out there, but not enough of it.

Heroin knows no bounds. It doesn’t care if you’re white, asian, black, hispanic, rich, poor, or an orphan. It doesn’t care if you’re beautiful. It also doesn’t care what social class you consider yourself to be part of. It simply doesn’t matter. I come from a well-off family. In fact, my family is pretty well-known in Rochester and in a lot of cities throughout the United States and Upstate New York.

We need to all be on the same page. We need to start extending arms to help one another, instead of judging and leaving people out in the cold. Please think next time that negative thinking creeps into your head and remember that addicts are sick. “We just need a little help”.

I had a pretty great childhood. We went on vacations together. My family was tightknit and always celebrated many traditions together as a whole. We were (and still are) a very strong, family unit. Of course, it wasn’t perfect, but every family has their own dysfunctions. It wasn’t until I reached high school and encountered my first traumatic experience that things started to look dark in my world.

The cause of the problem Rochester Woman Online brings you an anonymous point of view from a drug-dealer. The drug dealer indicates when selling drugs they do not think about the individual buying the drugs or the effect on the community. When living in the inner-city, in a povertystricken area, opportunities are limited for people. Often there are generations of families

Often drug-dealing is the only way the people can make a living to survive. It is survival of the fittest. Many people who choose this profession try to give back to the community by giving the neighborhood children money so they can go to the store and buy some food. Often they give money to strugglingsingle-parent mothers to buy school clothes.

Mass incarceration Another problem which stems out of the heroin epidemic is the malingering “War on Drugs” and the over-incarceration of minority drug offenders. There is reform in this area but this problem began decades ago, during the Reagan administration. Life sentences were handed down on the regular to attempt to stop or lower the violence affiliated with the drug trade. Anthony Papa, is one of the men sent off to prison to do a (15-Life) sentence. Mr. Papa is one of the first people ever to receive a clemency and a pardon (2017). Papa, an aspiring, talented artist, is also a writer who penned two books on his experiences; 15-Life and This Side of Freedom. Anthony works for the Drug Policy Alliance. This organization is the leading advocate for drug policy reform in the United States. The organization advocates drug policies are changed where people are punished only for crimes committed against others and not for issues involving destruction of one’s own body. The mission of DPA is “to advance those policies and attitudes that best reduce the harms of both drugs use, drug prohibition and to promote the sovereignty of individuals over their minds and bodies” (4). In 1985, Anthony was just twenty-five-years old. He appeared in court as a first time offender. He was sentenced to (15-Life) in a NYS prison for delivering a package of drugs. As a father, desperately trying to support his family he made the one single solitary choice that changed his life and his family’s lives forever. It was the first time he ever did anything like this. As luck would have it, the delivery was part of a sting operation. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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Now Anthony was going to prison to serve a life sentence. His whole life ended in one transaction. In 1985, the Rockefeller Drug Law sentences were in effect carrying lengthy prison terms. Anthony indicated in his book: “I did my time at Sing Sing, one of America’s most dangerous maximum security prisons…I fought for many years behind bars to regain my lost freedom. After twelve years of living in a six-by-nine- foot cell, I finally accomplished my goal. In 1994, as I was still serving time, my famous painting, 15-To-Life self-portrait was exhibited at the Whitney Museum of American Art which eventually led my release from prison. NY Governor George Pataki granted me executive clemency in 1997(4).

{ law and hiphop } First Step Detox… Susan Tobin,( a detox counselor of MidHudson Regional Hospital) and in recovery 18 years herself indicated heroin is by far the hardest drug to recover from. Susan describes heroin as the “sexy drug”. This is why it has the highest usage rate with young adults. She states, “It is the feel good drug. It makes sex better It’s cheap. It’s easy to get”.The stigma for heroin is no longer there. Tobin indicates, “It has no boundaries. There are no prejudices. It doesn’t matter how old you are; what color; what sex; whether you are elderly. People who were prescribed meds end up popping heroin”.

In 2009, the first phase of Rockefeller reform was initiated. Anthony accomplished his first significant accomplishment as all of the hard work he strived for began to become a reality regarding reforming drug laws. This past January, Anthony Papa was fully redeemed as Governor Cuomo granted him a pardon. Papa stated to the reporters at the Daily News: “The pardon is both a vindication and public proclamation that I have demonstrated exemplary behavior over the last twenty years since I have been free…Prison does not end at the wall. It goes beyond the wall” (1). 26

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She continued: “It is in your neighborhood. When we ask community members, youth and young adults about heroin, there isn’t one person who doesn’t have a story. It’s not only an inner-city problem”.

What can we do?

Petrea stated, “They key is if you are worried about someone have the conversation. If you think pills, marijuana or alcohol isn’t a big deal it can lead to drug abuse on a larger scale. Talk to everyone on the dangers of substance abuse”.

Anthony indicates, even after being granted clemency he was still forever marked by being convicted of this offense. He stated, “I found road blocks at every level of my existence. For many, including myself, carrying the stigma of being an exoffender is often debilitating. From being denied employment and housing, to not knowing how to establish healthy relationships, life became exceedingly difficult. In addition, maintaining that freedom, I soon found was no easy task while wrestling with the haunting memories of my past imprisonment, I always felt as if I was one step away from returning to prison” (4).

Recently in December 2016, at a community forum, Petrea shared the stage with Sheriff Povero. Statistics were shared the overdoses in Ontario County increased from 8 in 2015 to 27 in 2016. This is a growing problem in Ontario County as well. “The use of preventative services to combat heroin overdoses were estimated to save at least 3 lives a week” Petrea shared.

After the storm rebuilding shattered lives

P r e v e n tat i v e measures

Petrea Rae, Coalition Coordinator at Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition of Ontario County (the Partnership), focuses her and her organizational efforts on prevention. Her organization implemented a four-part plan. First, they strive to restrict availability of unused prescription drugs in homes advocating people monitor, secure and dispose of unused medication. Additionally, they support a take back medication program disposing of unused drugs. The Coalition also respects the risk for young people aged (12-17) to be the next group of people to become addicted to prescription drugs. The targeted group of young adults ages (18-25) are the risk group regarding heroin addiction.

After experiencing her personal tragedy with her son, Luci Zagari decided to be part of the solution. She indicates it was the call of God that influenced her to decide to step up 5 years ago. Her children were her life source. She only knew to pray 24-hoursa-day. Luci feels God answered her in ways no one else understands. People began to judge her. They were saying she was a bad Mom. Luci decided enough was enough and she started a support group for others. She didn’t know what to do but doing nothing wasn’t an option. Luci recognizes when you live through the issues heroin causes you to live through there is a turning point. She says, “Many people get stuck in anger and actually lose faith. People either become very spiritual or they give up. She feels this is especially true for people who lose their children. It’s easy to blame God when we are faced with such a horrific loss of a child. I did it myself on some days”.


{ law and hiphop } “It has no boundaries. There are no prejudices. It doesn’t matter how old you are; what color; what sex; whether you are elderly. People who were prescribed meds end up popping heroin”.

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{ law and hip hop }

“Some of my best friends are people in my group who live all over the country and I’ve never met. I’ve met some of the most beautiful souls in the world. We share a sisterhood. We understand each other. We know a pain. That is when Shattered Lives Ministry was born”.

Luci finds strength through others in her support group. She states: “Some of my best friends are people in my group who live all over the country and I’ve never met. I’ve met some of the most beautiful souls in the world. We share a sisterhood. We understand each other. We know a plan. That is when Shattered Lives Ministry was born”. Luci Zagari became an ordained minister. She is also a Reiki Master and a certified Aroma Freedom Practitioner. She uses her tragedy to help others. She offers spiritual guidance and serves as a life coach. 28

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Luci indicates it is important for everyone to know: “Addiction is serious and heroin kills!”

Our community

From all points of view, in the heroin epidemic no one wins. This epidemic is taking over our communities, stealing lives in many ways (death, addiction, and prison). As a community, we must all come together and understand: this is everyone’s problem. It affects us all. It’s no longer heroin is not in your backyard and not your kid. Something must be done to help all of the lives affected by this ongoing tragedy.

In March, 2016, concerns of the ever-increasing epidemic plaguing the country surrounding the abuse of this drug fostered the creation of, a Heroin Task Force . From 2005 to 2014, the overall drug overdose rate rose rapidly surpassing to an increase of 144% (5). Between 2010 and 2014, in Monroe County the death rate increased 76% (34 deaths to 60) (7) (4th most prevalent)(6). As of 2014, heroin overdose was the leading cause of accidental death in the state of New York (7) . NYS surpasses the nation in heroin deaths (7). One word: heroin.


{ SHIFT+CONTROL }


{ special feature }

Focus on Prevention:

Tip Toeing In The Direction of Winning the War

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{ special feature }

by cheryl kates benman, Esq.

As indicated in our feature article, the heroin epidemic is a public health epidemic plaguing our communities and crippling our young people and their families. In Ontario County, Bonnie Ross, the Executive Director of the Partnership for Ontario County Inc. which houses the Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition of Ontario County, works diligently to combat the epidemic along with other issues faced by our youth today. Since her involvement in the organization, she has developed and initiated several new preventive programs paving the way for other counties to take heed and notice she is tip- toeing in the direction of winning the war! This organization started in 1998. However, in response to the epidemic, since 2013 the programs expanded 86% based on the increased needs of the community. Currently, Bonnie indicated the organization serves 22% of the youth under 18 residing in the county. The goal of this program is to provide prevention as it relates to societal changes facing our youth today. The programs use a multi-disciplinary approach. There are a variety of program services including direct counseling services to youth and families. Bonnie Ross, Executive Director for the Partnership, indicates: “it is with a great sense of purpose that we provide preventive and supportive services to youth and families, our highest priority. We are grateful for the support of our community. We are working together, learning together, and collaborating to share our resources, time, and talent to benefit those in need.” Bonnie was recognized as a 2016 “Woman of Distinction” by the NYS Senate’s 55th District. Ross joined the Coalition in 2014, after retiring from Thompson’s Health executive team. Her dedication and commitment to the community is demonstrated daily by the leadership qualities she brought to this organization and the success of the initiatives she implemented.

Another leader within this Coalition is Deb Holland, who directs the Youth Court. She also was recognized and awarded the “Paul Harris Fellow Award” from the local Rotary Club. Additionally, in 2016, Ontario County recognized the group awarding the “Choose Health Ontario Award” for the Partnership’s dedication to the community shown by supporting the youth and families of the County. This is an annual award recognizing efforts in health and wellness promotion. The organization provides the following programs: The Child Advocacy Center ( support services when sexual allegations are made including investigation ), Community Support Center, Drug-Free Communities, Family Support Centers ( counseling services to youth and families), Journey Through Loss (support group for people suffering loss related to drug abuse or mental health), Never Alone, Nowhere to Go (assistance for homeless), Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition of Ontario County, With Youth For Youth (WYFY) ( Youth assist in development of community activities), Youth Court (volunteer alternative to traditional juvenile justice) and Youth and Mental Health First Aid ( national project to reduce stigmas surrounding mental health care). A variety of services are provided. The Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition of Ontario County sets their vision as hoping for “a substance abuse –free Ontario County”. This is the initiative addressing the necessary prevention factors to combat and win against substance abuse. The organization and program prides itself on the services rendered and the impact of the work they are doing on the community. This important work has the expected outcome of saving lives. Through engaging, informing and uniting people in the community, the group seeks to implement strategies accomplishing a reduction in medication and heroin abuse. The Coalition organizes community forums where information about the heroin epidemic is shared. They also set up medication take-back days so community members can discard unused or unwanted medications safely reducing the number of drugs on the street. Part of this program includes medication drop boxes. The Coalition is working on a four-year strategic

prevention themed outlook focusing on drug abuse in the (12-25 year-old) population. Data is gathered using typical measuring tools such as surveys, focus groups and interviews. The conclusion the group modeled their work after, stemmed from gathering information from 2,000 youth in the age range. Through the community forums, additional information was gathered. The process is on-going and the Coalition members meet monthly continuing and adjusting their strategies based on the need and information gathered. Current strategies focus on restricting availability of prescription drugs by providing alternate disposal methods such as the drop box program and social marketing and take back programs. Another interesting program to highlight is the Youth Court System. This program is a peer-based initiative which is a voluntary alternative to the juvenile justice system. In chosen misdemeanor and minor code of conduct cases, the youth court intervenes with the expected outcome of teaching new behaviors and coping skills to change the behavior of the offender and reduce any recidivism. The program educates youth about the criminal justice system while using community service and education to promote accountability for actions. As an alternative for first-time offenders, this unique program also follows the perspective of reducing the negative stigma attached to youth going through the criminal justice. By using this alternative to incarceration, the youth are running the program and developing strategies to address youth issues. Participants learn great skills they will carry with them for a life-time including public speaking, leadership, how to mediate, solve problems and using critical thinking to make a difference. Statistics show the program is working to reduce recidivism. The program saves the County money. It gives way-ward youth a second chance to earn a clean slate. It positively changes the lives of the offenders and the youth who run the initiative. Prevention before something happens appears to be a large part of the solution we need to address the epidemics the youth of our day are faced with. Bonnie Ross and the Partnership are pioneers tip-toeing in the direction of winning the war! The unique nature of these programs seem to provide some hope that there are answers to reduce the amount of children dying or going to prison as a result of this epidemic. Saving one life makes it worth it.


{ all about the h... }

ANTITRANSGENDER

Bathroom Laws and Why Good People Fall for This Destructive Political Charade

BY GABRIELLE HERMOSA

You may have heard a thing or two about controversial “anti-transgender bathroom bills” and confusing messages about what it means to be transgender. Although most of the proposed and existing bathroom legislation includes trans men and trans women, I’m going to focus primarily on trans women because we’re the main target of misleading political propaganda and fearmongering tactics. So, what’s all the fuss about transgender bathroom use and how come no one seemed to care until about a year ago? I’ll attempt to explain that and reveal dangerous implications that may affect all women transgender or not. Transgender women have been using women’s bathrooms since the advent of gender segregated public restrooms. If you’re a cisgender (meaning not-transgender) woman who’s used multi-stall public bathrooms more than a handful of times, chances are you’ve encountered a trans woman also using the facilities, or perhaps just checking her appearance in the mirror, completely unaware she was assigned a different gender at birth. The increased public visibility of transgender people, and slow cultural shift to acceptance in recent years, has been upsetting to a relatively small but significant number of people who are

uncomfortable with certain physical differences and wish we (trans folk) would just disappear. It’s more complex than that, but there’s limited space and much to examine. Politicians of this ilk are proposing (and passing) laws that make it illegal for transgender women to use the women’s bathroom. November, 2015, Houston, Texas: Proposition 1 was a referendum on an anti-discrimination ordinance called the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance (HERO). The measure would have banned discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, sex, race, color, ethnicity, national origin, age, religion, disability, pregnancy, genetic information, family, marital, and military status. Although HERO included a diverse array of protections, opponents of Prop 1 focused on the legal protection for transgender women to use women’s public restrooms and swiftly responded with manipulative, negative propaganda campaigns of misinformation. They insisted it opened the door for men to legally enter women’s bathrooms and cause trouble. The slogan, “No men in women’s bathrooms”, appeared on posters and TV ads along with images of a creepy man sneaking up on a young girl in the bathroom.

March, 2016: legislators in North Carolina passed HB2. Similar to Houston’s Prop 1, this mandates people use public bathrooms that coincide with the gender they were assigned at birth. This overturned a Charlotte ordinance that banned discrimination of LGBTQ people and prevented any other local governments from passing their own non-discrimination ordinances. As of writing this, seven more states are proposing bills that also make it illegal for trans women to use women’s bathrooms. Misleading, manipulative political propaganda helped these laws get passed by playing upon people’s fears. TV ads suggested, “Any man at any time can enter a women’s bathroom simply by claiming to be a woman that day.” Excuse me, but no! That’s not even close to transgender reality. Last month’s column entry offers insight about how self-realization as transgender really works, including terrifying social challenges that kept me in the closet most of my life. For people who didn’t know what to think one way or another, these shady, fearmongering tactics hit close to home. Who wouldn’t want to protect their kids from disgusting child predators? The thing is, there were already ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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{ all about the h... } laws in place that make sexual assault a crime. How exactly does banning trans women from using women’s bathrooms prevent creepy men who intend to break the law and cause harm, from doing so? On the flip side, some states have laws protecting the rights of transgender people, including the right to use the bathroom that aligns with their gender identity. This started in 1993 with Minnesota and now includes California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, Washington, and the District of Columbia. Additionally, more than 200 cities and counties (including Rochester, NY) have banned discrimination based on gender identity. With transgender protections on the books for so many years, law enforcement does indeed have data to offer on the number of trans women arrested for misconduct in women’s bathrooms and locker rooms. In fact, there have been exactly ZERO arrests. Not a single trans woman has been arrested for sexual misconduct in women’s bathrooms or locker rooms in the United States. Conversely, trans women are the ones being targeted, falling victim to harassment and assault. Statistically, only 1 out of every 200 people is transgender. So, when there’s a trans woman in the bathroom, she’s going to be outnumbered by cisgender women (women who are not trans). According to a 2013 Williams Institute study conducted in Washington, DC, 70% of transgender people have reported being denied entrance, assaulted or harassed while trying to use the bathroom. This is in spite of the fact that DC’s enforcement regulations contain “the strongest language in the country in regard to gender-segregated public facilities” to protect trans people from these very problems. If transgender women do not pose a threat to cisgender women or girls, and there has never been evidence that suggests otherwise, then why are some politicians trying so hard to “protect” their localities from a problem that does not exist? What purpose is served by inciting fear, raising anxiety, creating drama and causing even more hardship for a segment of the population that is already marginalized, frequently disparaged and discriminated against? The short answer to that question is political muckery (replace the m with an f). Irresponsible politicians are playing politics and attempting to push destructive, community-dividing agendas (masquerading as “protection”) regardless of the 34

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

lives it ruins along the way. There are numerous things to unpack here – too many to feasibly cover in this article. We’ll focus on just a few key aspects. The first is an old trick and political sleight of hand. It involves inventing an enemy to “protect” people from. The perception of danger created by manipulative campaigns of misinformation, can influence people to come together, united against a “common threat”. It’s an atrocious way of “community building” that excludes the “undesirables”. It can be quite effective and result in mobs of angry people filled with fear, all riled up and thirsty for blood. Here’s one of

countless examples of such: April, 2016, Tracy Murphree, while running for Denton County, Texas, sheriff, posted on Facebook, “All I can say is this: If my little girl is in a public women’s restroom and a man, regardless of how he may identify, goes into the bathroom, he will then identify as a John Doe until he wakes up in whatever hospital he may be taken to...” The Facebook post received over 500 likes the day it was posted, and more than 100 comments expressing agreement. Murphree has since been elected sheriff. Anti-trans propaganda almost always refers to


{ all about the h... } laws (legalizing same-sex marriage), in June of 2015, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of extending marriage equality rights nationwide. This was seen as a significant loss by factions within the Republican party. Demonizing and inciting fear of transgender people under the guise of “protecting women and children” offered an avenue for retaliation and an opportunity to return things back to the “good old days” when discrimination against perceived undesirables was legally enforceable. The third key aspect is that these laws help to enforce rigid, old school social rules about gender, gender expression and gender roles through the law. On the surface, this may sound almost harmless if you’re a cisgender woman... or maybe not so harmless. What could possibly go wrong for women and children who are not transgender as a result of anti-trans legislation and misleading propaganda that specifically targets and demonizes trans women? Since passing these laws there have been several reports of cisgender women being harassed for using women’s bathrooms. Some of these women have been brutally beaten. The deceptive propaganda comparing trans women to “creepy men” has resulted in a heightened state of fear, causing what amounts to a modern-day witch hunt. Cisgender women with short hair, no makeup and otherwise deemed to be lacking a sufficiently feminine appearance, are getting accused of being transgender by other women and security guards at shopping centers, restaurants, concert halls, and other business establishments. So, when using the women’s bathroom, it’s not enough to be a cisgender woman – it is also necessary to have a more traditional and idealistic appearance of a “feminine woman”. Either that, or risk an uncomfortable and potentially dangerous confrontation. These confrontations aren’t just happening in North Carolina or Houston, nor are they restricted to southern states. trans women incorrectly as “men”. It’s a known psychological fact that a repeated lie creates the illusion of “truth”, and anti-trans propaganda was (and still is) in heavy circulation, depending on region. Repeating a lie is a potent ingredient in any recipe for manipulation. Even after public circulation of deceptive propaganda has been discontinued, public perception remains and people continue repeating the lies to one another and teaching it to the next generation as “common knowledge”. This helps ensure continuation of the fear-culture necessary to maintain social control and rally the troops against the undesirables again as needed.

When it works, the political tactic of inventing a phantom enemy that people need to be “protected” from results in an easy win and elevation of power and status for the parties behind it. In this case, they can claim, “Since we’ve passed law to protect our wives and daughters by making it illegal for trans women to use the women’s bathroom, there have been no related cases of misconduct by trans women.” Of course, there haven’t. There weren’t any such problems before these laws were even a consideration. Brilliant.

Centuries ago, when situations arose that could not be explained because scientific and medical knowledge was lacking, scapegoats were sought out to help ease the fear of the masses and explain the unexplainable. A common method was to blame the demonic powers of witches – women who had made a pact with evil spirits. There was a lot of hysteria about witches and witchcraft. Estimates range in the tens of thousands of European women who were executed over the years for being witches or practicing witchcraft.

Another key aspect is political retaliation. Although some states had already passed marriage equality

The people of the time probably weren’t a bunch of crazies just looking for an excuse to have ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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{ all about the h... }

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{ all about the h... } another witch-burning. They were generally sensible people doing their best, given the knowledge of the time (or lack thereof), trying to survive, raise families, etc.

their employment because of discrimination won’t be contributing to the local economy, paying taxes or otherwise adding to the success of their communities.

Today we have instant access to a wealth of knowledge. Despite the existence of misinformation, scientific studies, well documented research and reputable sources are plentiful and can be identified with a little extra effort. People in positions of power and influence should know better than using fearmongering tactics, picking on minorities, and intentionally spreading manipulative, false information. Unfortunately, the ones using these tactics do so because they’re effective.

Responsible leaders find ways to build inclusive, supportive communities. They bring people together. They understand that the success of a community depends on everyone in it having fair opportunities to be successful themselves and contribute. Good leaders take the initiative to educate themselves about issues they don’t understand. Good leaders don’t put belief or dogma above learning, growth opportunities and mutually empowering cultural evolution. Good leaders inspire and create more leaders.

Tracy Murphree, the Denton County sheriff who threatened physical violence toward trans women on Facebook, later apologized for his comments. I don’t know the man, but I’d like to think he’s a well-meaning person who ran for sheriff to protect and serve his community.

Question the motives of influential people who use fear and divide communities rather than bring them together. By this, I don’t

things we don’t understand, replace fear with fact and strengthen our humanity. Even in a factually educated society, dangerous people will still seek opportunities to do terrible things. However, we will be smarter and focused on finding ways to minimize real threats rather than increasing the odds of troublemakers slipping through the cracks while everyone is distracted by the illusion of false enemies. There’s going to be bumps in the road ahead. Sometimes people don’t want to believe they’ve been misled by elected political officials they’ve looked up to for years. People don’t want to think of their political party, for which belonging to has become an integral part of their identity, may have some bad actors moving things in unhealthy and destructive directions. People don’t want to believe they’ve been conned by those they respect and admire. This can cause cognitive dissonance, an extraordinarily uncomfortable feeling that most people will avoid at any cost, including choosing to believe a lie and aggressively defending their belief in such.

Whatever your opinions, I hope you’ll take the initiative to educate and empower yourself, acknowledge your greatness, inspire others, and find ways to build strong, collaborative, inclusive, supportive communities. We’re all in this world together, so let’s find ways work, learn, grow and thrive together. All boats are lifted by a rising tide. Humanity wins. And I’m all about the H... Humanity.

Do you think maybe it’s possible his rage and online threats were fueled by propaganda crafted to get people all fired up with fearmongering that equated trans women to creepy, predatory men? Is it possible it’s causing the increase in violence against transgender women (in general, not just around the bathroom)? How about the harassment and attack of cisgender women who don’t look “feminine” enough to be in the women’s bathroom?

mean bringing some people together in their fear and hatred of others, I mean finding ways to bring everyone in a community together. I’m not suggesting it’s an easy thing to do, but rather a very important thing to figure out, and worth the effort. It’s something everyone can benefit from.

Dividing communities causes drama, friction, pain, suffering and wastes resources that might have been allocated in ways that provided greater collective prosperity rather than disparity. Living in fear and mistrust diminishes one’s sense of peace and happiness. It causes anxiety, increases stress and can lead to poor health and a shorter life expectancy. Those who are actively discriminated against are at greater risk of depression and more likely to underperform at work. People who lose

Is it smart to follow people who incite fear and paranoia? We are divine human beings capable of becoming leaders of our own lives and discovering the many gifts in diversity. It can feel scary at first, especially if we’ve been raised to believe certain differences are taboo, wrong, bad or undesirable. Differences don’t have to be scary, though. Knowledge is power. We can empower ourselves by looking at differences as opportunities to learn about

Anti-transgender bathroom bills have never been about bathroom safety. It’s just another devious tool used to restrict and control who people are allowed to be, and about making life painful for anyone who differs from the desired ideals of conformity as spelled out by a certain faction of the ruling elite. Whatever your opinions, I hope you’ll take the initiative to educate and empower yourself, acknowledge your greatness, inspire others, and find ways to build strong, collaborative, inclusive, supportive communities. We’re all in this world together, so let’s find ways work, learn, grow and thrive together. All boats are lifted by a rising tide. Humanity wins. And I’m all about the H... Humanity.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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{ dynamic duo }

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ROCHESTER ROCHESTERWOMAN WOMANONLINE ONLINE::::JANUARY february2017 2017


{ dynamic duo } We offer everything you find there, high style entertainment with our in house saxophonist and bongos. It’s a nice atmosphere where you can dress up go out and have fun!” Grab a cocktail! Blueberry Lemonade Sangria Spritzer please; Raspberry Prosecco Bellini for my friend. Gentlemen whiskey , scotch or a craft beer? Whether it’s Ladies Night or a Bachelor Party this venue will create an event producing life-long memories. Check out the exclusive VIP area with bottle service. Looking for an interesting, fun “Happy Hour” after punching out Friday after work, Brass is the place to be. Enjoy the sultry jazz sounds of local bands like Paradigm Shift or The Midnight City. Jazz Friday is the way to kick-start the weekend. Live entertainment has a certain aura to get everyone’s fingers popping. Don’t miss the in-house saxophonist Danny Win and the bongo player Frankie Diaz. In-house DJ’s Peppi and DJ Serrano spin for your musical enjoyment. Rebecca Dodge, joined the team through her affiliation with one of the owner’s Louie. Of all interesting stories, they met each other through playing on a kickball league. Rebecca is the events coordinator at Brass. She is your go-to for planning extravagant rehearsal dinners, private parties or corporate events. She is very proud of the way she works with her co-workers at the lounge and dubs them “the dream team”. She loves the family atmosphere and emphasizes “we are all part of the team”. Rebecca works hand-in-hand with general manager Alexis (Lex) Surat-Smith to ensure Brass continues as an up-and-coming venue. The ladies as Rebecca describes them are “like an Oreo cookie. It’s amazing how well we work together because we are vastly different but can find the happy medium”. Rebecca sends the duo’s photo so the characteristic makes sense. Rebecca is the blonde bombshell. She is a natural beauty. Lex is a spicy, dark-haired beauty. Together they are women who have risen to the top. Rebecca said she was a little unsure when being offered the job at Brass. She’s married and is the mother of a son. She enjoys the settled-down family life and was not the “going out, party girl”. Everyone thinks when working in the night scene there will be late-night hours. Rebecca wasn’t going to sacrifice her family time. Being an events coordinator, allowed her to work day-time hours and Lex as the general manager handles the management of the lounge. Rebecca stated: “I’m not a party girl. I’m a mom and a wife so I was concerned being an event planner at a lounge because I couldn’t see myself at a job until 3 am away from my family which moms should be home. My position here is very accommodating and it’s allowed me to undergo a metamorphosis from planning Aunt Sally’s wedding on my own to becoming a vital part of

the Brass Lounge Dream Team”. Rebecca is also an entrepreneur and she owns “Untamed Elegance” a spray tan business, she operates out of her home. Alexis “Lex” Suyat-Smith is also a phenomenal young woman rising to the top of the entertainment sector as the general manager at Brass. Alexis was an untapped talent. Owners took a chance and Alexis grabbed the opportunity and soared. Alexis is the true example of an aspiring talent who rose to the top. At age 20, she came in at Brass and started as a “wrist band girl” working the door. She decided this is not what she wanted to do. Like most 20-year-olds, Alexis didn’t really know coming in what she wanted to do with her life. She worked previously, at two restaurants and a pizzeria. She states: “I spent a lot of my younger years not knowing what I wanted. I started working at 15 at a pizzeria. I did some bartending and serving. I was waiting to find my way in life. I think I found it. We definitely have the potential to grow as a team, as a business and as a work family”. Lex, after doing wrist bands, switched to bottle service server and then jumped in to help behind the bar. When the general manager was out she started filling in. The job opened up and Louie approached Lex to step in. She took the general manager position. When asked: “Why is Brass a unique entertainment venue?” Lex stated: “It is very similar to what you will find in an upscale, sophsticated establishment in NYC without the high prices. We offer everything you find there, high style entertainment with our in house saxophonist and bongos. It’s a nice atmosphere where you can dress up go out and have fun!” When asked: “Tell us why your team is the dream team?” Lex stated: “There is teamwork behind everything. We are successful because we all work together like a family. Rebecca and I are a great managing team”. Rochester Woman Online invites you to come out and meet the “Dream Team”. On February 9, 2017, the launch party of the February issue will be held at Brass from 5:00pm-9:00pm. We hope to see you there!

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M�r�� 3, 2017 7:30 AM - 1:30 PM Vignelli Center, RIT Campus

Women’s Leadership Conference

Jane M. Elliot

Executive Vice President and Chief Administrative Officer Global Payments

E�uca�i�n�� P�e��nta�i�n� Dr. Dena Phillips Swanson Associate Professor in Counseling and Human Development, University of Rochester

Samantha Tassone President, GrowthFuel

Celebrate National Women’s Month with Saunders College of Business at Power Your Potential. This half-day conference includes presentations and activities that help women build organizations, enhance their career and provide guidance on becoming a more effective leader. This year's keynote presenter is Jane M. Elliott, Executive Vice President and Chief Administrative Officer of Global Payments. Join us as she shares her experience overseeing human resources and ensuring delivery of key, strategic, high visibility initiatives for Global Payments.

Re�is��� O����� saunders.rit.edu/pyp

#SCBPYP Rochester Institute of Technology, founded 1829


SAVE 15% ON TWO INTERNATIONAL FAVORITES! Order tickets to Taj Express: The Bollywood Musical Revue OR Rockin’ Road to Dublin and SAVE 15%!* Taj Express: The Bollywood Musical Revue Sunday, Feb. 12, 7 p.m. Pre-show talk with the performers: 6 p.m. An award-winning East-meets-West, classical-meets-modern fusion of dance and music that captures the sounds and spectacle of Bollywood! Sponsored by: Dr. Dawn Lipson Media Sponsor: WXXI

Rockin’ Road to Dublin Saturday, Feb. 18, 8 p.m. Pre-show talk with the performers: 7 p.m. A breathtaking display of classic Irish contemporary costumes, and a dynamic light show! Sponsored by: Alan Cameros and Carolyn Ettinger

COMING S OON! Rochester City Ballet: Green Eggs & Ham Saturday, Feb. 4–Sunday, Feb. 5 Lightwire Theater: Moon Mouse A Space Odyssey Sunday, March 19 Suggested for ages 5+ and their families; 55 minutes with no intermission Russian National Ballet Theatre: Romeo & Juliet and Carmen Saturday, March 25 The Police Experience Saturday, April 29 Chris Perondi’s Stunt Dog Experience Saturday, May 6

TICKETS: Series sponsors:

naz.edu/artscenter or 585-389-2170


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ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017


{ the divas report }

diva’s

the

3

report

Turning Stone Casino & Spa Shekoli -(greetings)

Recently, Diva 1 (Editor Cheryl Kates Benman) and myself (aka Diva 2) had the pleasure of being treated to an amazing weekend at Turning Stone Casino and Resort and Skana Spa in Verona, New York. For those of you who don’t know Turning Stone, it covers over 3,400 acres and features four hotels, a world renowned spa, 20 dining establishments, golfing, tennis, hiking trails and a 125,000 square foot gaming area. This is the only resort located in the North East to earn three AAA Four- Diamond Award venues on one property! Of course the diva’s had to start their trip by stopping at Destiny USA on the way to pick up a few things to wear for our weekend out on the

town. When we arrived, we were greated by the most amazing valet attendants. They treated us like we were celebrities walking the red carpet. We checked in at the lodge and were taken aback by the incredible view of the golf course in back. Modeled after an Adirondack-style luxury hotel, the suites provide an exceptional living environment as you enjoy your stay here. The property is prized after winning some of the most prestigious awards available such as Forbes Four Star Award, Conde Nast Johanansen’s Award for best countryside lodge and AAA Four Diamond Award. As an ultimate special service, the Lodge also offers a traditional English tea service and is equipped with a state-of-the-art fitness center. There is a fitness trail and golf course available as well. The pool area is beautiful, complete with design resembling an outdoor wood-like

atmosphere. The relaxing sounds of the waterfall are soothing to your ears. The second floor has a walkway that goes directly to the gaming area/ event area. Of course we walked this numerous times on our stay! After checking in, we were escorted to our King sized suite, equipped with everything we could think of for a relaxing, full-filled weekend adventure. From the balcony overlooking the resort (which we decided not to utilize during our stay since the winds were about 70mph), to a whirpool jacuzzi bath and double headed shower, mini bar and refridgerator, to even a desk for us to work on, we were all set to enjoy every minute of our stay. We quickly unpacked and changed and headed over to the TS Steakhouse bar and restaurant. Nestled away in the top floor of the tower is


{ the divas report }

3

a beautiful sophisticated restaurant where you can enjoy the finer things in life. Menu items include classic cuts, chops and designer cocktails. A beautiful panoramic view can be enjoyed in the penthouse bar. For those who indulge there is even a cigar lounge. Anthony, or bartender decided to make us one of their specials and had a little fun with us newbies by mixing up a “Smokin Pomegranate Martini” and letting us video tape his mixing skills. I think the cherry in the bottom was the best part! Now, on to our dinner...This restaurant was awarded the title of being one of the top 100 romantic restaurants in America (Diner’s Choice 2016) and Casino Player awarded the title of the best romantic restaurant award. Not so romantic for the diva’s, but talk about amazing food and service! Every detail from start to finish was paid attention to for the ultimate dining experience. From our bread with a sugary butter spread, to our seaford bisque soup, we just couldn’t stop eating. Then it was on to the main course. Where were we going to find the room? While Diva 1 ordered the lamb that was cooked to perfection, I ordered the lobster Surf 58

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and Turf which included a 2.5lb lobster and mouth watering filet. And of course we had to order dessert! Needless to say, we had some leftovers to go back to the suite before going downstairs to do a little gambling. Diva 1 is the gambler...me I’m just a casino virgin. But, we decided to enjoy the over 80 gaming tables and 2,000 gaming machines throughout the 125,000 square foot casino. I loved watching all of the people, and Diva 1 trying to explain to me how the tables worked. I will admit, it was way over my head. I started out slowly, with Diva 1’s advice on the penny slots. Ok, I will admit I started to get a little jealous when she started hitting bonus’s one after another, and my twenty dollars seemed to disappear in two spins. But, no worries, because we were about to win some money! The Ellen Degeneris machine was where I won. Second press of the button and I was $50 richer. Of course Diva 1 had to one up me and won $225 that night...show-off! Before returning to our suite with our winnings,

we made a quick stop for some shopping at the Swarovski Crystal outlet. Thank you Diva 1 for my amazing drop earrings. By the time we got back to the suite a little after midnight, I was so exhausted from the days fun and I passed out on the couch. We had a jam packed day ahead of us on Saturday, so we needed to get our beauty rest. 8am came quickly for our massage appointment at Skana Spa. Using a combination of Native American traditions and modern treatments, the spa is designed to be the ultimate relaxing experience. Ranked third in the nation, a variety of services are offered including massage, body treatments, balancing remedies and facials. Both of us were treated to the ultimate 50min massage, and I have to say it was like no other! Diva 1 experienced the add on service of a paraffin foot treatment designed to provide hydration as an add on to the massage. The combination of the music, soft lighting and the scents from the aromatherapy oils used provided a relaxing and serene environment


{ the divas report }

Then of course our spa day wouldn’t have been complete without the Divas experiencing the Oneida balancing waters ritual designed to increase circulation, detoxify the body, release muscle tension and relaxation/balance. Water is considered a life force by the Oneida people following the traditions of living in harmony with nature. It was a 50 minute ritual combining alternate exposure to heat and cool. Beginning in the steam room, toxins are removed through perspiration. The warming effects also enhance circulation and relaxation. Following steam, the body was cooled by entering the mineral pool set at 85 degrees. The change in temperature continues to foster circulation. Then the sauna turns the heat back up reducing muscle tensions, assisting respiratory congestion and soothes the nervous system. Again, the mineral pool is used to cool off where the whirlpool circulation provides restoration and healing entities. Lastly, a dip in the hot tub let the divas totally relax and soothed any pains they experienced from the two hour ride the day before. Ahhhhhhh....heaven.

After all that spa relaxing we were starving, so on to the Wildflowers Restaurant for some breakfast. Located within the Lodge property where we stayed, is a dainty, but sophisticated restaurant which claims the honor of being one of the top-rated restaurants in NY. I indulged in eggs benedict (with caviar on top, of course) and homefries, while Diva 1 opted for the fresh yogurt parfait and homemade corn beef hash. I ate every mouth watering morsel. Next in our adventure was some more gaming before eating, yet again...This time, the Upstate Tavern was our lunch venue of choice. Located just up the escalator and to the left of the gaming area, you’ll find a diverse menu everyone will love with soups, salads, appetizers and specialty food from across the state of New York. The décor follows the theme and we were told by our concierge many of the items in the tavern were actually refurbished from places across the state. Delicacies such as spiedie rods (Binghamton); Shrimp Riggies (Utica) and Western NY’s shaved beef on weck are found on the menu. The bathroom features a map of the state.

We both had leftovers from that meal! I twisted Diva 1’s arm and we went back for a little more gaming before we had to return to or room to do a little work. After all, that is what we were there for. This time Diva 1 got me on one of the card tables. I won $9. YEAH! So after doing a little work, which I will say I was not happy at all about doing, we had to get dressed for our next round of adventures. Starting with dinner, yes another scrumptous meal, at Wildflowers. The wait staff in every location was truly amazing, but this gentleman really went the extra mile for us. We decided to start with a cocktail. I went with a mojito (which I had never had before), while Diva 1 ordered a super delicious pumkin milky drink that tasted like a little piece of punpkin heaven in a glass. Next were our appetizers and soup. Fresh chesses, honeycombs, plus spread and andied pecans over this crsuted bread followed by a lobster bique that they hand poured into our bowls. What more could we ask for? Well, then the main course came out of aged steak with a ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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{ the divas report }

creamy blue cheese dipping sauce and scallops too. I truly was in heaven with all of this food. But, dessert would have to be bagged up and taken to our suite for snacking later because we were both so full we almost needed to be carried out on a stretcher. We had to run to our next destination over at the performing arts center. Pulse by Quixotic was performing and we didn’t want to miss this amazing show. This show was phenomenal combining the use of beat-driven music including drums and a violin. The projection mapping produced an amazing visual experience behind the cirque artists and dancers as they showcased their unique and tantalizing movements on the floor and while soaring through the air. We were lucky in that we were allowed to 60

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take video and photos, so be sure to enjoy our experience by watching every exciting movement of what we watched! The amazing acobats of Pulse was followed by Turning Stone’s very own SnowFest. Part of the Snofest included an amazing ice carving demonstration performed by one of the sculptors being featured; Wei Sen Liang. He carved a sailboat right before our eyes.

The Frosty Prize Patrol was quite a scene as every hour they paraded through the gaming floor offering a lucky guest a chance to win 500.00. Additionally, the guests actively playing around the winner were also given a 50.00 credit. Drink specials included: a Snoshake, a Jack Frost cocktail, a smoking Cosmo and Moet Ice, with prices ranging from $ 5.00- $ 9.00. Of course we had to try some of these treats while we were there as well.

The display in the courtyard included a full-sized motorcycle, pool table, dragon, a knight etc. The bar was even made of 18-feet of carved ice. Additional sculptors for this fest included Aaron Costic and Stan Kolonko. Part of the admission fee included a a black fur coat which was definately needed that evening the frigid air in the courtyard.

The nightclubs at Turning Stone have something for everyone, including the Divas. All genres of music can be enjoyed at the variety of clubs available (rock, pop, country, blues, jazz and comedy. Exit 33, contains 5 venues where you can listen to rock, country, electronic dance music and more. Lava is the pulsating dance club with VIP areas and private cabanas on the


{ the divas report }

patio. The Gig is where you go to experience a neighborhood rock and roll joint. The Turquoise Tiger is more on the sophisticated side set in a 1940’s with live acts. The Tin Rooster serves traditional BBQ during the day and at night grab a beer, and partake in some country linedancing. The Atrium Bar offers an ultra-lounge where you may enjoy a hand-rolled sushi while enjoying a full bar. Of course we did go back for some gaming too before retiring back to our amazing suite. When we woke up Sunday morning, we were both disappointed that our weekend had to come to an end. It was truly an amazing experience. One we will not soon forget, and highly recommend to all of our readers. There is truly something for everyone there, and can

I just say again that the food was to die for! Our stay wouldnt be complete without hitting the slots before going back to Rochester...and of course winning a few extra dollars so we could stop on the way home at the Outlet Mall. Thank you Diva 1 for sharing your winnings with me for the best birthday ever! In closing of the Diva’s Report, we want to say we give this experience a 20 on a scale of 1-10. Make sure to contact them today and go enjoy everything that Turning Stone has to offer, and mention you read about it in Rochester Woman Online. Gentlemen, if you are reading this, it is Valentines Day coming up. It is the perfect gift for your ladies.

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Like you mean it!

Lo

AND

FASHIO


ove

ON WEEK

{ fashion forward } BY CHRISSY MONROE

February is here and I hope everyone is keeping warm and fabulous!! Which also means Valentine’s Day is approaching. I must confess this is one of my least favorite holidays for many reasons. First of all you start seeing the teddy bears and heartshaped boxes of chocolates the very next day after Christmas which I believe is a little premature but hey I guess some people like to shop early? Then all of the couples packages start appearing at your favorite restaurants which can be a little irritating if you are single and do not have a Valentine. But most of all, while I’m out shopping I start to see the plethora of over the top lacy frilly lingerie, t-shirts with the his and hers stamped on the front, and worst of all the boxer shorts that they make this time of year for your significant other. You know the ones with Snoopy holding a heart perhaps? Yuck!! Hey, maybe it’s just me but I find these things very tacky. I have always been a firm believer in expressing your love year-round not just on February 14th. But for those who do love Valentine’s Day (hey I’m not judging), I can offer a few tips on what to wear on your big night out ( or night in). Of course you already know what I’m going to say, something red!! The eternal color of passion, but let’s stick to a nice cocktail dress or maybe one Scarlet piece thrown in to your ensemble. You can even wear a sexy pair of red stilettos or a just a nice shade of red lipstick with matching nail and toe polish. Whatever makes you feel romantic or sexy is all that matters! You do not have to be built like a Victoria’s Secret model to indulge in some sexy lingerie.I suggest definitely to go and try things on to see which styles are flattering for your personal physique instead of buying them online which can be a total disaster. There are tons of choices out here to flatter all shapes and sizes, but the key is wearing whatever you choose with confidence. Not the garter and thigh-high type? Usually a simple silk robe will do the trick and can be just as sexy. Just please promise me you’ll skip the turtle necks with the little hearts all over them! This is a great look if you’re a schoolteacher or toddler, but not for everyone else!! Valentine’s Day actually happens to fall right in the middle of the other big event in February: New York Fashion Week ! Yes, from February 9th - 17th New York City becomes one big Runway! Everywhere you go you see people dressed to the nines rushing to and from events and fashion shows. It’s almost impossible to get an Uber and there are cameras everywhere! But how exciting it is! I get such a rush when I am invited to experience firsthand the beauty and craftsmanship of some of the world’s top designers live, it’s almost

like a dream come true, as I used to watch the shows on television and only read about them in Vogue magazine. For those of you who have never had this experience I’m going to give you a glimpse into what it’s really like. First and foremost you have to be invited and yes, there is a list. It does not matter who you are, they will turn away the Queen of England if she is not on it! Once inside There are usually designated seats and of course the front row is reserved for celebrities, the designers major supporters, and the fashion elite such as Anna Wintour and other notorious fashionistas. The second and third rows are usually for buyers and other important people in the industry. At the end of the runway, piled up like a cheerleading squad, are the photographers waiting for the first model to come out. Then it’s lights, camera, action as they flow effortlessly down the runway to some super eclectic music. The designer steps out to take a bow and then all 15 minutes of this production is done. BOOM...everyone empties out and scurries to the next show. Did I mention the fabulous gift bags? I know you’re thinking all of that for 15 minutes? Yes! it’s true that people plan for months just to get into a show that is over just as soon as it started. I can only compare it to waiting two hours in line for a roller coaster ride that lasts one minute. I know it sounds kind of crazy, but the good news is there are usually after- parties which are filled with the who’s who of the fashion industry. People come from all over the world and you never know who you might meet. It really does feel like you’re living in a real life episode of Sex in the City. If you are not able to make it to any Fashion Week events,they now live stream a lot of the shows via the internet. Check out newyorkfasionweeklive.com to see some of your favorite designers in action! It’s the next best thing to being there or you can see all of the show scheduling on there as well and try your luck at getting an R.S.V.P. Hey you never know. Either way, however you’re spending this chilly month, I hope you remember you don’t need to be with someone on Valentine’s Day to get dressed up and go out. Yes, this is a day of love, but always remember to love yourself first. Also know you don’t have to be at a fashion show to be fashionable. Fashion is your own personal style. An expression of who you really are, yes it’s great to see these magazines, videos, etc. But at the end of the day, it’s about being you and having full confidence in your choice of attire and how you choose to present yourself to the world. Happy Valentine’s Day!!! ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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{ badge of honor } by rebecca jaffarian

Meet Sean Furey Niagara County’s

SUPERMODEL Niagara County Deputy Sean Furey’s partner hails from the Eastern European country that has been known to produce the most “supermodels.” The 85 pound rich sable colored German Shepherd with Czech lines is a rock star in his own right. Although Vedder was not by Deputy Furey’s side last summer when he along with a group of volunteer firefighters, City Police and fellow deputies rescued a man with onset dementia who had wandered from his home 11 days earlier. Although, the man did succumb to his injuries from being outside without food or water, he could spend several weeks with family and loved ones prior to his death. Holding his hand as they exited the woods and being able to communicate with the injured man after such an ordeal is a call that Deputy Furey will never forget. He credits Vedder with taking his law enforcement career to a whole new level as a canine handler. “I

now have a partner whose whole intention is to make me happy,” he says. When they are not training, which is done daily, they travel throughout Niagara County assisting other deputies as well as other agencies responding to all in progress calls as well as canine calls such as explosive searches and tracking.

positions with the Sheriff’s Office including time in the jail, dispatch and eventually road patrol. During that internship, he moved to Maryland and worked as a summer officer in the City of Ocean City Police. After which he applied for a position with the Niagara County Sheriff’s Office and was hired in 1999.

Deputy Furey entered college with an interest in building and architecture. A professor suggested he take an Introduction to Criminal Justice as an elective. He immediately fell for the history and ideology of law enforcement. He changed his degree and never looked back. He started his career in law enforcement long before it was a professional career. During college while working at Tops with his friend Mike Bird, he learned about an internship with the Niagara County Sheriff’s Department, The Cadet Program. The Cadets wore a patrol type uniform and worked alongside various

While interning with the Sheriff’s Office in 1995, Deputy Furey met fellow Deputy Mike Messina. He had a love for the job and the community that inspired him. Messina was also a commander in the 107th Air National Guard. In 1996, Deputy Furey joined him in the Air Guard. They spent many days working together. He learned a great deal from him. Together they caught a man on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. He considers Deputy Messina one of his biggest inspirations in his law enforcement career.

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{ badge of honor } When we asked Deputy Furey to share what he thought might rank among his favorite achievements he completed in his career and why, he told us he never really kept score of achievements. He goes to work and does what he does, not to keep score, “It’s just who I am”. The way our job works, is a team effort. It’s not one person doing one thing, it’s a system of people coming together. I myself didn’t find that man in the woods, or the FBI’s Most Wanted, it was a group of individuals, working as a team.

has occurred due to the negativity portrayed. At the end of a day we wanted to know what makes it all worth it. When you see the thankfulness in someone’s eyes, knowing you made some of their pain go away, that’s what makes it worth it. When that child runs to the side of the road to wave to you!

Unlike most career occupations, the reality of a career in law enforcement can differ from typical expectations. Deputy Furey admits when he first pictured himself in law enforcement, it was driving fast and chasing down bad guys. However, it is all that and more, it’s working within the community. People rarely call 911 for good reasons. It’s when they are frightened and scared or cannot care for themselves or others that they call upon us. He has seen things that most in society will never see or do. “There are situations that play in my thoughts and dreams that will never go away.” he tells us. “I’ve also got to experience some magical things as well, saved lives, helped people breathe on their own again! The entire field of law enforcement has changed tremendously since he first began his career. Deputy Furey used to handwrite reports and tickets. There were no computers in cars. Now he can run a license plate, go on line, do research and request a day off without unbuckling his seatbelt. He is not a fan of social media. I’ve witnessed the internet and social media turn, good people doing courageous jobs, into criminals. He admits to rarely going on line, never watching the news, or even reading the paper anymore for these very reasons. The news I remember growing up with, is no longer. Recently, more people have begun to stand up and support law enforcement. However, a lot of damage 68

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

families, wouldn’t have to experience it or understand the toll that we carry. Within the next five years he hopes to be in command of the Canine Unit. With hopes of building a stronger canine training community within the Western New York Region. His personal definition of success is raising strong, happy, loving, children. To have the type of career that when someone mentions his name, they smile and pay a nice compliment. To be able to truly love and be loved. Deputy Furey is the Chapter Manager for the Niagara County Badge of Honor Association Chapter. He first learned about The Badge of Honor Association when his brother-in-law was shot on duty. Then another colleague was involved in an accident and again BOHA stepped up for Allen and his family. “It was there that I met Justin Collins and other members of BOHA. I was impressed with the fact that these people, just as or even busier than I , what they were doing behind the scenes for officers and their families, involved in critical incidents. I knew I wanted to be a part of it.

What does Deputy Furey wish our readers knew about law enforcement officers? We do a job, a career just like you do. We go home to our families, to our bills, to our own issues, just like everyone else. We love and we lose just like you! And we cry, when you can’t see us, because of the things we’ve experienced or failed to do. We see more loss and more hurt than most experience in a lifetime. We do that for you, for our families, so that our

Deputy Furey and his team have personally conducted two sign dedication ceremonies honoring fifteen officers throughout Niagara County. He has secured donations for the Badge of Honor Association from neighboring law enforcement agencies and Canada. He has participated in strengthening BOHA’sefforts and reach across Niagara and Erie counties. He recently participated in BOHA’s newest program, Shop With a Cop for Fallen officers children. 2017 marks the 10th Anniversary of The Badge of Honor Association. Join us on Saturday May 20th for the Policeman’s Ball. For more information visit www. badgeofhonorassociation.com


“You’re Safe Until You’re Not”

Rochester Personal Defense, LLC offers a full complement of firearms, self-defense and pistol permit training classes for private citizens and Law Enforcement. The instructors at Rochester Personal Defense, LLC have taught thousands of men, women, and children with a simple philosophy: we will work with you in any way that benefits you and ensures you get the most out of your self defense training. Rochester Personal Defense, LLC | (585) 406-6758 I www.safeinrochester.com


{ platter Chatter }

By Julia Antenucci | Photos by Brandon Vick

SCENES FROM THE

c i l b pu rket ma AT WINTER

I first fell in love with the Rochester Public Market during a wintertime visit in January of 2015. I remember walking along the stalls, my breath hot with fog, marveling at the produce, the fish that gleamed like precious jewels and the rosy-cheeked shoppers and vendors I would soon call my neighbors and friends.

Maybe it’s because of this first impression, but I really think that the Rochester Public Market in winter captures Rochester at its true essence. Sure, the seasonal produce isn’t as bountiful and you may need an extra layer or two, but what you do get is tried and true. From the produce vendors braving the winter cold to the regulars who call the coffee shops and market eateries home, one is able to observe a sense of true local pride. Winter, spring, summer or fall, you’ll find me at the market shopping for my week’s groceries. And while I could go on and on about each and every vendor and shop, I, as a newfound local, have developed particular habits and mainstays of my own. I’m excited to share them with you now.

The Best Coffee at the Market

Groggy from sleep and the chill of the morning, a good cup of coffee is a must when visiting the winter market. If you’re like me or a majority of market attendees, you’ll visit the Best Coffee at the Market. This roastery and cafe has been open for 10 years, and is host to a cast of characters


that visit on a weekly basis to catch up with friends or enjoy a warm beverage. Half of the establishment is dedicated to its roastery, where huge, gleaming machinery roasts a wide range of international, sustainably sourced coffee. I buy their single origin roasts by the pound each week, ground precisely to suit my french press.

Giordano Cheese Shop

Even if my fridge is stocked with cheese (and it usually is), I can’t help but stop into Giordano Cheese Shop each weekend. Like the snowflakes falling outside the shop’s windows, no two cheeses are alike. Soft, hard, oozing, or colorfully streaked with careful aging, visiting Giordano’s is always an adventure. And that’s no accident. Vincenzo grew up in Basilicata, Italy, where as a boy, cheese was part of his daily life. For 18 years, Vincenzo and his family have shared their passion for cheese with Rochester, as well as their selection of olive oils that are sourced from their family olive orchard in Basilicata.

Union Bakery

Egg sandwiches are a hotly debated topic in Rochester’s food community, but me? I know where my loyalty lays. Sandwiched between a fresh, homemade soft roll, Union Bakery’s egg sandwiches satisfy my hearty breakfast sandwich craving. Made to order, the sandwich standard is bacon egg and cheese. Personally, I skip the bacon and opt for peppers and onions, 72

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which pack a savor y punch to my classic favorite breakfast food. Union Bakery is open seven days a week and makes all of their food from scratch. I’m still working my way through their expansive offering. I’ll get there someday.

J uan and M aria ’ s Empanadas

The beginning and end of Rochester’s empanada addiction leads to Juan and Maria. Perhaps the most beloved of Rochester Public Market eateries, the husband and wife duo have been making empanadas together since 1977. At the time, Juan worked at Xerox and would bring the empanadas in for his co-workers. One Friday, Juan brought as many as 120 empanadas, and that’s when, in his words, things started getting “out of hand.” Maria started selling the empanadas from their apartment. In 1980, Juan was laid off and decided to pursue his beloved empanadas fulltime. Juan and Maria soon established Rochester’s first official food truck, where they passed their delicious, every-thing-from scratch empanadas to their loyal customers. Today, Juan and Maria are at the market, where generations of loyal customers sit at the counter to indulge in their expansive empanada menu, including other Spanish delights, like classic rice and beans. But at the end of the day, it’s all about the customers and the connection Juan and


{ platter Chatter }

Maria form with them. “I cook for myself and share it with my customers,” Juan said with a laugh. “Here, you don’t get it your way, they get it my way, and that’s what they like.”

When they’re not at the market, you can find Small World Food at their location on Canal Street with plans to relocate later this year.

Small World Food

As I’ve gotten to know the market over the years, I have developed a roster of sorts for my produce. At the top of my roster is Small World Food. Celebrating their 10th anniversary this year, the bakery, fermentery and food collective has become a hub for locally sourced, organic produce and groceries in the Finger Lakes region. The food collective has a network of farmers and agricultural producers from which they source their products and ingredients. My refrigerator is alight with the colorful array of Small World’s fermented goods, from the zesty, deeply satisfying fermented garlic that I literally eat off the spoon (don’t judge me) to the gut-healthy sauerkraut. Their produce selection, which heavily depends on the growing season, offers seemingly perfect pairings to their hearty breads, ferments, organic sausage and poultry, cage-free organic eggs and First Light Creamery dairy products. I daresay it’s my one-stop shop -- especially during the winter. 74

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“I cook for myself and share it with my customers,” Juan said with a laugh. “Here, you don’t get it your way, they get it my way, and that’s what they like.”


Greed.


Chateau at Heritage Square

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SENIORS’ CHOICE COMMUNITIES


{ senior lifestyles }

DOES MOM NEED HELP OR DO I? by jim payne

The old saying “you don’t know what you don’t know” often applies to those who realize that they or their parent’s life is becoming increasingly difficult as the effects of aging sets in. Challenges with activities of daily living, memory, health and social interaction can make the desired lifestyle difficult to maintain. But, without prior experience dealing with aging transitions, none of us know how to research, understand and make decisions about the best options for the next phase of our lives or the lives of our aging loved ones. In more than a decade of assisting seniors and children of seniors with life transition decisions, I hear many of the same questions repeatedly due to the common lack of information or misunderstanding about the terms and options that are used to describe senior living and care. So, let’s consider some of the typical scenarios and the questions that you might pose as you or your loved one reaches a point where a lifestyle change or assistance of some kind may be needed due to aging.

“My Mom Needs Assisted Living” One of the most common statements I hear from children of an aging parent is “my mom (or dad) needs assisted living.” Most often the real translation behind that statement means: “my mom or dad needs some help with cooking, cleaning and transportation.”

However, those needs and the services to address them accurately describe some of the primary services that are offered by independent living communities for seniors. That is why independent living communities were developed to help make life for senior adults significantly easier and more enjoyable while maintaining an independent lifestyle. Apartments in independent living are designed for a truly independent lifestyle where seniors can still live the life they enjoy while being enhanced by a host of non-medical services that address the activities that challenge them.

But services are just the start of the story that help senior adults enjoy a better lifestyle when living in an independent living apartment community. Lifestyle is also about our own pursuit of happiness that means something different to each of us. Independent living communities typically offer a diverse calendar of activities that could include programs in the arts, culture, travel, health, pursuit of passions and educational programs. The activities concentrate on social interaction, cognitive stimulation and exercise as those are the three legs that support successful aging.

“But My Mom Needs More Help”

So, your mom (or dad) is struggling to get up and get started in the morning. She or he may need help with bathing or medication reminders, but they are still generally healthy and want to remain independent. For those without the medical need for a higher level of care, the recommended approach may ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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{ senior lifestyles }

be to simply remain in independent living with some help from a home health aide or nursing service that can assist the senior adult with those additional activities that they are not able to handle themselves. This could be as little as two hours a day if that is all that is needed to assist them with the activities that they struggle with. However, this may be the time to consult with a physician or nurse consultant who specializes in senior health and living to discuss the available options. If they feel it is appropriate, the certified medical professional may do an evaluation such as a PRI (Patient Review Instrument) that is a medical evaluation tool used to identify whether or not a person is eligible for a skilled nursing placement or if other options are more appropriate.

“Then What is Assisted Living?”

For some aging adults, moving to an Assisted Living community with a higher level of medical and cognitive support could be the appropriate level of care for their needs. An Assisted Living community offers apartments and services that are designed for seniors who are no longer able to live on their own safely, but do not need the high level of medical or cognitive care that a much costlier skilled nursing community provides. Seniors who live in Assisted Living reside in a private apartment that are often studios or small apartments with limited kitchen facilities as they receive three meals a day in a common dining room. The community will also support activities of daily living, provide housekeeping, social activities and scheduled transportation services. Assisted Living communities provide licensed nursing services, dispense medications and have staff available 24 hours a day for the resident’s safety. Pricing structures for residents at Assisted Living communities generally fall into two categories. Those that are a fixed monthly price and those that have a base fee plus ala carte fees for additional services. When researching Assisted Living communities, be sure to find out how fees are determined in addition to the quality of living and care. 78

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family as they aged.

Enhanced Assisted Living provides a higher level of care than Assisted Living without having to move to a costlier skilled nursing community. This additional Assisted Living level can offer the right quality of life, level of care and cost when appropriate.

“I Can’t Care for Mom While I am at Wok”

For some families who prefer to care for an aging family member at home, one of the common issues is the fact that the family members need to work but are afraid to leave their aging family member home alone. For that situation, many families have relied on Adult Day Programs that offer a safe place for their family member to stay while they are at work. This affordable option, generally offers healthy meals, recreational activities, exercise, music and social interaction in a safe environment. Transportation and “wrap around” services at an additional cost, are also available to help assist your aging family member to get ready to go to the adult day program by assisting with dressing and breakfast preparation. If needed, the assistant can also stay with the senior at the end of the day until a family member arrives home to be sure they are not left home alone.

“Where Can I Find Senior Living and Care Resources?”

Having access to the Information that will help you have confidence in your decision is so important. There are a number of medical and non-medical local resources that can provide information and support as you explore senior living and care options. Here are a few that I have relied on for the families that I have assisted in addition to supporting my own

G R A PE ( Gr e a t e r Rochester Area Pa r t n e r s h i p f o r the Elderly) This Rochester based notfor-profit organization includes a wide variety of practitioners who are in the business of supporting successful aging in a broad variety of capacities. Go to https:// grapelder.org/ then click on Elder Pages then click on the arrow to see the services. The site lists their members by category and also alphabetical.

Specialized Medical Support

Geriatricians specialize in the unique health needs of senior adults that include chronic disease, cognitive deterioration, medicine, nutritional issues, skin ailments, immobility and balance. To find a Geriatrician you can ask a trusted physician for a referral or search online for “Geriatric doctors Rochester NY” or for broader support options search “Geriatric consultants services Rochester NY” or “Geriatric care management services Rochester NY”.

What’s on Your Mind?

We would love to know what you would like discussed in future issues of Senior Lifestyles. Knowledge is power when it comes to creating the best lifestyle for seniors and their care providers, so let’s start a dialog on what matters to you. Feel free to contact me directly. Jim Payne has provided consulting and held executive positions for companies offering senior living/care communities and services. Jim is a certified Eden Alternative Associate and has also held a three-year cabinet position with Leading Age New York, the premier association of senior living and care communities. Seniors’ Choice Communities is a developer of senior living and care communities serving the needs of upstate New York by offering independent and assisted living communities with unique upscale amenities and services including Chateau at Heritage Square in Brockport.


Love

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{ all about m.e. } BY MARY ELIZABETH NESSER

“Love is the common thread that makes life worth living and forever a real possibility. I believe the real purpose in anyone’s life is love. I hope each and every one of you find love in your life, today and always.” February 14, 2017 marks my 30th wedding anniversary. It doesn’t seem possible. Aside from a few aches, pains, and wrinkles, I could still be thirty years old. Time has a way of passing quickly and without warning. I can’t even rationalize how that much time has passed. It doesn’t seem possible. It doesn’t seem real. It happened way too fast. My husband no longer has long, thick, wavy, black hair, but he still looks damn good. He makes staying in shape a priority, as I do. Letting our bodies get heavy and unfit are not an option. I like to think I’m working out to attract a guy. And I am. I want my husband to continue to be attracted to me. I refuse to let the aging process be an excuse. That is why we both work out on a daily basis. We want to keep that attraction strong. And it works. Are we the same people we were in 1987? Not exactly. Do we look the same? Not at all. But are we as committed as we were on that memorable day thirty years ago? Absolutely.

we made a commitment. That commitment means something to us. Maybe it was our Catholic upbringing. Maybe it’s the fear of starting over. Or maybe it’s just the fear of getting an STD from a new partner after all of these years. All I know is that we agreed to make it work, until death…

complain about their significant others. There are countless women in unhappy relationships out there. It saddens me more than I can say. I wish I could do more than share some of my secrets with my clients. If I could help every woman fall in love with the right partner, I’d be very happy.

So what is our secret? I think the most important thing that I tell my clients and what I want to share with you is that we make our relationship a priority. Ever since our children were little, we made time for one another. When the kids were young, we would have grandparents, babysitters, or aunts and uncles watch our kids so we could go to dinner, the movies, or just hide in our bedroom with the shades drawn and the phone turned off. Making our busy lives an excuse to not spend time together was never an option. We refused to forget why we got together in the first place. And it has worked.

I know what has worked for us. When women tell me they are too tired to go out at night for a date, I tell them our not so brilliant secret: day dates. My husband’s parents used to take the kids on Sunday’s for a few hours in the afternoon so we could have some time alone. I LOVE day dates. Unlike nighttime, I’m not as tired. I found our private time during the days to be exciting and very fulfilling. I felt naughty putting aside housework, bookwork, and errands in the middle of the day to focus on my marriage. We would shut off the phone, pop the cork on a champagne bottle and focus on each other. We didn’t allow anyone or anything to disturb our private time. Our time together was priceless. We would laugh, love, and lust together. It was as necessary in our relationship as the food we would eat or the hours we would sleep. We craved alone time. We still do. It became a vital part of us and still is today.

After thirty years, people change. I get that. I can understand when couples change and grow apart. There are life events and circumstances that make some couples incapable of keeping a marriage intact. And that is okay. I don’t think all marriages are destined to last forever. My prayer is that when marriages dissolve, each person in the relationship finds someone to share their life with that makes him or her truly happy.

Couples aren’t making their relationships a priority, and I think they are sabotaging their future by making their careers and often their children the most important things in their lives. At some point, the kids will move on. Where will you be then? Will you even know the guy next to you in the bed? If you spend all of your energy on your job, your kids, and your home, you won’t even know the person you’ve grown older with. That is sad. Please don’t let that happen.

Every once in awhile, couples can make forever a real thing. Mark and I feel extremely blessed that our marriage has survived all of the stressors that life has bombarded us with. I know we are lucky. But it has also taken a lot of work. Do I want to punch my spouse in the kisser once in awhile? I sure do. And I’m sure he’d love to shove a sock way down his wife’s throat more often than not. But the good times have most definitely outweigh the bad ones. Besides,

Then a few more years will pass and you will retire. I think it would totally suck to be living with a stranger that you don’t really know and aren’t sure you like. In many cases, you won’t even be having sex with that person you share a home with. That is also sad. I counsel women on their relationships on a daily basis. I may not have a degree in psychology, but I have found success in the whole relationship department and I have spent years listening to women

I love my job. I love my kids. More importantly, I still love my husband. At the end of the day, our kids will be grown and we will retire. All we have is each other. Love is the common thread that makes life worth living and forever a real possibility. I believe the real purpose in anyone’s life is love. I hope each and every one of you find love in your life, today and always. M.E. Nesser is the co-owner of the Mark & M.E. Salon with her husband Mark. She has written a humorous, nonfiction trilogy about her career called The Happy Hoo-Ha Trilogy and is currently finishing the third book in her sexy romance series called A Promise of Passion. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: JANUARY 2017

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{ ladies in literature }

sharing journal bY Alexa Grace Simmons

The

I think a lot of women o u t there are a lot like myself. I am a very strong confident, independent woman who for the most part has raised my 2 children (now grown adults) on my own. I am also someone who had primarily played it safe in my life.

When you are a single mother of any child or number of children, I think it is very easy and feels almost necessary to play it safe in life. I have an associate in Hotel/Restaurant Management but given the crazy hours and time demands, I did not feel it was right to pursue a career in that industry. My children have always come first, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I chose a nice safe, 8:30am - 5:00pm with benefits that allowed me to have quality time with the kids.

Financially I have always walked a fine line but in the same breath, have always made it work. Sometimes I look back and have no idea how I pulled it off! I toyed with the idea of getting a part time job, and although financially it would have made more sense, but that was not my priority.

I remember when the kids were young and I wasn’t dating, people would always ask “aren’t you lonely”...hello.... I am raising 2 kids with sports, school and all of the activities, doctors and dentist appointments that’s go along with it. I was never ever lonely to be honest. I loved the quality time with the kids, and since their father lives out of state...I had a lot of it. I worked hard at building a strong foundation for the “the original three”. I think that work has paid off. I feel very fortunate every day to have a great, strong relationship with both of my sons and to see their bond of brotherhood. Along the way to where I am now, I did remarry to a wonderful man. He loves and supports me in all that I do and never tries to change who I am. How could you ask for more? I have also stayed with the same safe job,18 years now. Suddenly one day you look up and realize that it has been 18 years! What? No no, this was not the plan...I was not meant to be here forever. I am slowly learning to switch gears to the not so safe zone. My job has served its purpose and now the kids are grown, I don’t need to be quite as safe. I can be opening my mind and thinking about what I want to do. I think that part of my brain is a bit rusty but I am chipping away at it. Something I have always wanted to do was to be a writer. It is kind of a secret wish I have always had. Do you have your own? That is where The Sharing Journal comes into play. I began pursing my dream and had been writing for a few months kicking around different concepts but nothing stuck until the Journal. I am a great communicator and am often the one to help people learn to express themselves. If I mad, no problem...I lay it all out there. Never a vicious way but in a very no holds barred let you have it kind of way. I

find that if my feelings are hurt I tend to get very quiet. I work it out in my own mind and move on. Personally, I wanted to get better at expressing those feelings to learn from them and to share with others. My husband is a sweetheart and would never purposely hurt my feelings...but sometimes it happens. Or sometimes it happens in other relationships and this book could work for those too. More than anything I feel like this Journal is meant to show love and respect for each other, yourself and your relationship. It is a fun and engaging workbook of sorts. It is not too heavy and you do not need to be in a bad spot in your relationship to use it. If you think about it, we all learn to communicate differently. Even if you are in the same household with brothers and sisters, you each learn something different from your environment. What you consider funny or not hurtful towards someone may not actually be taken as ether of those things. It is also fun to learn and remember things about yourself. The concept of the book is that you buy 2 and you each fill out part or all the book at one time, however you decide to have fun with it. You take your time to answer the questions the questions and then you swap books to reach each other’s answers. No matter how well you think you know someone.... I guarantee you will discover something new about them and them about you. Then you discuss the answers and enjoy where it takes you. I am not someone who likes to be the center of attention so for me to write this article is in a way me stepping into the not so safe zone as well. To put my words, dreams and emotions out there for all to see is a bit scary but there comes a time when you need to make a choice. Do I minimize my dreams and get caught in the rat race of day to day to day to day...or do you pause, catch yourself and start stepping in a new direction? It honestly is one step at a time and I would never want to look back on my life and say “ I wish I had been an author”.... make your dreams happen now. And enjoy my book while you do!

Alexa Grace Simmons ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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{ hype hair } By Mary Bushey

product It’s All About The

Following up on our last column talking about whether color is good or bad, let’s take it up a notch and go to the extreme. How do you choose a product? Mario’s Salon is a Tocco Magico salon. This is an Italian product line ( I know I’m biased), which is far ahead of any American color. The Tocco line, first of its kind, uses herbal extracts. The founder of this company is deeply committed in producing a line of product which protects the natural integrity of the hair and scalp. From the inception of the business, Tocco Magico used only the finest ingredients, while at the same time adhering to strict quality control measures. All materials entering the facility undergo testing ensuring the 99% purity-rating. Tocco Magico clearly honors the responsibility any manufacturer has to the environment to be selective of what they put in a product. The company made it their top priority in business to produce excellent hair products for their clients, but also considering all who are affected in the use of that product. This not only includes the consumer, but the rest of the people working in the salon and of course the hair designers. Extra steps were taken including education and research to guarantee that they are giving stylists a high quality product. This is important as things like this show a company is dedicated to the industry and the creative awareness of our art and the world we live in. Hair design is definitely an art form, and with that we 84

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rely on our tools to be the best they can be. Hair color is not only important to color over our grays, but is now a fashion trend encompassing the entire world. As we watch the colorful hues and multi-colored and faceted designs that are popping up, who would have ever thought it would be fashionable to sport turquoise and emerald green locks? We all know how important it is to color hair. Men and women alike. Color is fashionable for everybody. In order to stay up with the times and constantly changing demands in color, Tocco Magico incorporated 7 natural herbal extracts into their formula to alleviate the irritating effects caused by most permanent hair color lines. Their technique used for infusion combines the extract to the hair color molecule in a specific ratio. This allows the product to restore, condition and protect the hair and scalp leaving the color-treated hair soft, shiny and manageable. Some of the extracts used are: Alpine Yarrow (protects scalp and skin); Birch (hair restorative and normalizer); Coltsfoot (soothing emollient); Horsetail (increases elasticity); Nettle (creates longer, lasting shine) ; Rosemary ( purifier, stimulant and normalizer); and Sage (stimulates and soothes the scalp). Magico has also designed hair products with 8 intensifiers, the ability to have opaque or translucent shine in the color finish and 100% gray coverage. The selfcleansing formula has a natural coconut, cream

base. This combined with the low ammonia content helps to protect the natural structure and the integrity of the hair. People often miss that the after-color process is a very important step when getting your hair done. Tocco Magico has a unique product which brings the hair back to the healthy precolor ph. This keeps the porosity of the hair at an even balance, and also keeps the elasticity and integrity of the hair in a healthy state. People someones forget coloring is a chemical process. People walk in a salon and say “ make me beautiful”. That’s not always an easy task. Stylists must balance what a client thinks they want, and what is actually going to happen to their hair by doing the color process. Bleaching dark colored hair to make lighter colors is often extremely damaging to the client’s hair. We can not just snap our fingers and a brunette is instantly platinum blonde. There is a process that has to be follorwed.Changing a hair color drastically often requires the original color to be stripped away from the hair. As a stylist, you must be able to stand behind the products in your salon. You must trust that the company’s products you use on a daily basis are not going to cause harm or damage. No one wants to be the person who turned someone’s hair the wrong color, or the hair breaks off. and the client’s hair falls out. As a stylist, you have a responsibility to the person who sits in your chair to make them feel beautiful. Choose wisely because it does make a difference.


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{ unraveled }

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2?

{ unraveled } BY SHEILA KENNEDY

YOUR ARE A SIZE Seriously? I heard that or something similarly derogatory over and over for years. I laugh now when I think of the days that were filled with nothing but angst over what the scale said, how many more miles I could walk or how many more sit-ups I could do. Sure, I may have been a size two but that wasn’t enough. The desire to be even smaller consumed me.

Looking in the mirror was something I rarely did. When I did, I only saw pockets of fat that protruded from my body. Bumps and ridges, that no matter how often I exercised or how little I ate, would not go away. Imagine my shock when I realized that the bumps along my ribcage were actually my ribs. You could count them – they were perfectly outlined. Through my eyes it looked like cellulite. Convincing myself that is what it was, I worked out harder and longer. I wore a bra two cup sizes too big in hopes of masking my fading breast size. Not to mention thinking that a bigger chest would create a balanced silhouette to hide the ribs that in my eyes looked like back fat from behind. I remember the day that I realized that the protrusions coming from my hips were actually my bones and not fat. Laying on the floor crying in a heap – not because I was grateful they were my bones, but horrified because there would be nothing I could do to make them any smaller. I sobbed harder in total disbelief that this is what my life had been reduced to. How did it come to this? I wish it was a glamorous story like I was a ballerina trying to make the cut or a Broadway actress trying to get a new role. My story is not unusual and nothing special as it turns out. I was married to a man that preferred pin up girls and porn stars to the plain girl next to him who would do anything to please him. Years of his thousand-yard stare wondering which woman he was thinking of, while his body went through the motions destroyed how I felt about my body. Fifteen years of rejection is a long time

and after I divorced him the dissatisfaction with myself physically became all-out body loathing. I clung to a deep-seated hatred because it felt like my body had betrayed me.

This wasn’t just something that added time to my daily exercise routine. This body loathing moved into all areas of life including professionally. As a business owner I needed to grow my business. Oh but that would mean I would be attending events and one on one meetings and that felt horrible. I wouldn’t follow up with potential clients. I didn’t call people back when they asked me to speak to their organizations. I was quickly sabotaging my business and my bank account was dwindling every day. I craved the online world of social media because you can make a profile picture look great even if you don’t. A shiny photo is still rather anonymous and so much better than meeting people face to face. I probably wouldn’t have been able to support my family at all if it had not been for my online clients that really only knew me as a pretty profile picture. When people started requesting to use Skype, I would only agree if we didn’t use the video. I had the face and the body for audio. I wanted no one to see me. Is this an extreme? Of course, it is. This was my life though for a long time. What is so beautiful now is that as I have climbed out of the body image hell hole, I can see how extreme and destructive my behavior and thoughts truly were. As I fill in my rib cage and have something to hang on to besides my pelvic bones, my body has certainly changed. I am not always convinced that the change is for the better, and I still have moments when I look in the mirror horrified, because now there really is cellulite that I would much rather have go away. The win is that I am looking in the mirror and not falling apart in a big heap crying on the floor. Besides, I am way too busy being productive, useful and serving my family, clients and community to

concern myself over if my butt looks too big. When I stopped being consumed with my appearance, I found a surge of energy and creativity to use on my business. I wasn’t afraid to interact with clients. I started attending networking events and speaking engagements. My business is growing steadily. All the time and energy I wasted on trying to shrink my physical body, only attracted more scarcity and lack. I didn’t see the abundance in my life. Since recognizing my abundance – to include a body that has curves - the outcomes are quite unbelievably good. It seems too easy of a trade off some days, but I am so grateful to be on the other side of an anorexic mindset.

It wasn’t until I started talking about how I felt about my body that things started to change for me. I realized I wasn’t alone and there were resources available to help me see myself in a different way. On March 9th, Rochester Media Association, is hosting a showing of Embrace at The Little Theater. Taryn Brumfitt is a mom on a mission to help women around the world embrace their body image and love themselves. I know that I am not the only woman in Rochester that has suffered at the hands of negative body image. Let’s start talking about it. There will be a panel discussion following the movie with experts who can share a unique perspective on body shame in our community. To reserve your seat, please visit, www.rochestermediaassoc. com. I will be there that night and I am really looking forward to seeing you and being seen by you that evening! Sheila Kennedy, Author, Publisher, and Marketer at The Zebra Ink, writes about the stories of our lives that get twisted until we don’t know what is true anymore. Sheila unravels the stories that do not serve us and limit our success. www. thezebraink.com

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Home

{ cooking with Julia k }

“Automation” for The

JULIA K COOKING WITH

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3 Sauces Quick & Easy


{ cooking with Julia k }

Hello from Julia K’s Loft. Last time we talked about easy festive tarts and I hope you gave that a try. This time. Three Sauces. This installment again is about making it easy, I am not going to bore you with culinary “Wizardry” or the” Mother Sauces”. If your reading this, you either know those practices already or are interested in something like making good food easy. The great thing about three sauces is that that transfer to almost any protein or starch and are quick. Orange Marmalade and Horseradish – Sounds fishy and yes for fish. Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate and Butter – Equal parts. Still sounds fishy. Store Bought Butternut Squash Bisque, Real Cream, Fresh Sage – The real deal.

The great thing about the recipes are there are no recipes. Equal parts of each in your trusty sauce pot (watch out for the horseradish) and the from there it is up to you. Thanks for joining us. Next Month “In like a lion out like a lamb” some cool lamb dishes.

Enjoy!


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M�r�� 3, 2017 7:30 AM - 1:30 PM Vignelli Center, RIT Campus

Women’s Leadership Conference

Jane M. Elliot

Executive Vice President and Chief Administrative Officer Global Payments

E�uca�i�n�� P�e��nta�i�n� Dr. Dena Phillips Swanson Associate Professor in Counseling and Human Development, University of Rochester

Samantha Tassone President, GrowthFuel

Celebrate National Women’s Month with Saunders College of Business at Power Your Potential. This half-day conference includes presentations and activities that help women build organizations, enhance their career and provide guidance on becoming a more effective leader. This year's keynote presenter is Jane M. Elliott, Executive Vice President and Chief Administrative Officer of Global Payments. Join us as she shares her experience overseeing human resources and ensuring delivery of key, strategic, high visibility initiatives for Global Payments.

Re�is��� O����� saunders.rit.edu/pyp

#SCBPYP Rochester Institute of Technology, founded 1829


{ women who inspire }

BY CHERYL KATES BENMAN I PHOTO BY BRANDON VICK

Jennifer Zigenfus Boyce

Jennifer Zigenfus Boyce I Just Survived a Brain Injury; Go Ahead and

Stare!

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by cassondra kubit i photo by chirs “goodknews” cardwell


{ women who inspire }

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{ women who inspire }

Do we take things for granted? I want to say we do. Previously, I was an LPN at the St, Mary’s Hospital Brain Injury Trauma Unit. I wasn’t a hospital employee, I was a nurse through an agency. I always loved my job there as I was fascinated by the human brain and the resiliency it had. I worked watching people come back from nowhere. For months, they laid life-less, in a coma, a fragment of their former selves; people who suffered strokes, head injuries from trauma, being suffocated with a loss of oxygen to their brains, kids who stupidly got in a car and drove drunk, anything that rendered them a brain injury patient. We had babies, teen-agers, younger people, middle-aged and elderly. No matter what, it was fascinating to watch people wake up and then become themselves again by re-learning everything.

Can you stop for a moment and imagine how it would feel to open your eyes and feel trapped inside your own body? Or to open your eyes and then try to move your legs and they no longer work? What if you wake up and do not remember anything? You have no idea what happened? Who the people are in your room staring down at you? Treasured memories such as college graduation, your wedding, birth of your child the most important things in life erased from your memory and there is nothing there. The understanding of language could be gone. How to walk? How to eat? How to balance your check book? All gone. Yet these are the challenges many people who suffer a brain injury go through and make it back. Think about how we also gain much of our feelings about ourselves from what we look like, the clothes we wear and other things that define our beauty. Especially as a woman, imagine waking up and the first time you are allowed to look in a mirror and all of your hair is shaved off. You have a long scar from the beginning of your head to the back all adorned with silver staples. That is not what you looked like when you went to sleep but that is how you look now. It’s all too much to imagine. What happened when you were gone? Are your kids okay? What about your husband? When can you go home? The questions go on-and-on. These simple things we all take for granted that don’t seem to be all that much can be taken away in an instant. But I just survived a brain injury so go ahead and stare. This is the story of how one woman fought the odds and made it back. She reclaimed her life and came out kicking. In June of 2016, Jennifer Zigenfus Boyce, was a vibrant, beautiful, young woman. She had it all; a perfect family with a loving, husband and a 9-year-old son. She enjoyed working as a successful and knowledgeable paralegal. Expecting a routine ER hospital visit, the family was blown away when a resident relayed “your wife needs surgery in the next 60 minutes or she is going to die.” What does a young man do when the burden of making medical decisions fall on his lap? Suddenly, he must make decisions about his wife’s life and if he makes the wrong decision she could die. How does a normal day turn into this? Jeremy Boyce made the right decision and his wife lived. On the day this happened, Jennifer was rushed to the hospital by her husband after a prolonged period of intense back pain. Jennifer feels very spiritual and believes she must have a guardian angel. Up to this point, the hospital visit focused solely on the pain she was experiencing. She

was admitted and she fell and hit her head on the toilet. Before she fell she had MRI’s and CT Scans but they were from the neck down because they were searching for the cause of the intense back pain. Because of the possible head injury from falling, the hospital took preventive measures by doing the MRI of her head which showed multiple abscesses on her brain. She said after looking at the MRI her brain looked like Swiss cheese. Donovan, the couple’s 9-year-old son, suddenly knows only that his mom is very sick, is in the hospital and he is not allowed to see her. What should he be told? Mommy suddenly isn’t there to read stories or tuck him in at night and no one can tell him when that will happen again. How does a family deal and hold it together through all of this? When first waking up, Jennifer experienced a left- sided weakness. It looked like she would not be able to walk. She needed two nurses and a walker to go to the bathroom. Imagine how to suddenly have to worry about whether you could make it to the bathroom on your own without being dependent on others. During the month, she was hospitalized, she had to wear Depends at times, experiencing incontinence. The IV medication Jennifer now needed to treat the abscesses had a side effect of diarrhea. When I asked Jennifer, what was the most frustrating part of this. She relayed a story where she was sitting on a bed pan. The was the first day that she remembers anything in the hospital after the day she was admitted and it turned out it was her last day in the ICU. She recalled worrying if it was time for her son Donovan to come visit because she didn’t want him to come into the room when she was sitting on the bed pan – she hadn’t seen him in so long and didn’t want him to see her that way. Jennifer was lucky in that her doctors in the ICU were compassionate. The rules of the hospital restrict ICU visiting to people over the age of 14. Jennifer was grateful the medical staff recognized the urgency she had to maintain her relationship with her son especially after almost dying. She feels sad now whenever an ambulance siren is heard her son runs and screams out “Mommy! Mommy! Are you okay?” Some days Jennifer recalls wanting to give up, as it is a bit much to go through something like this. She was thankful she had her family and she gained her strength mostly from them. Jeremy, her husband slept in the ICU with her for the duration she was there. Her ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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mother came up from Ithaca and stayed for several months and helped care for Donovan. Her father was also by her side. Jennifer remembers hearing someone ask Jeremy if she was going to be okay. He said, “She’s fine she flipped me off”. Humor helped her make it through. Jeremy had to use tough love on Jennifer on some days to keep her pushing through. Jennifer sometimes didn’t want to do her therapy – the therapy sessions for hours a day were grueling, exhausting and intense. She remembers Jeremy telling her: “Just suck it up and do it.” Jennifer remembers how he was never mean just very stern in encouraging her not to give up. Jennifer, a paralegal of 17 years, worked for the downtown law firm of Brenna and Boyce. Jennifer went in the hospital in June of 2016 and was hospitalized for a month. She had to begin rehabilitation and stayed through an extensive rehabilitation including speech, occupational and physical therapy hours a day daily. Jennifer remembers thinking: “I know I have to be in the hospital but I want to go home.” She missed her own blankets and pillows. She wanted to pet her cats. She missed the familiarity of lying down and taking a nap on her couch. This was extensive. She could not return to work for 4 months. She couldn’t drive for 6 month. IV antibiotics were continued at home and administered by Jennifer, her husband and her mom 2 – 3 times a week and a home care nurse came and 98

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did twice weekly dressing changes and blood draws. Basically, life as she knew it was over. She was dependent on everyone else. It sucked.

support of her husband, her parents and her friends as she navigated her way back from disability.

Having an employer who understood was a god-send for Jennifer. Being disabled and out of work for so long definitely placed a financial burden on the family. Jennifer was glad she did not have to worry about being terminated from her job. Mr. Brenna was very understanding and he allowed the flexibility to accommodate Jennifer as she returned to work. Returning to real life and putting this behind you is very important to allow you to put your life back together. Jennifer recalls underestimating how tiring going back to work would be. She first adjusted her hours because she had to rely on Jeremy to drive her to and from work. Everything she had to do was a process.

Her friends at work at Brenna Boyce also with their understanding, compassion and assistance recognize how difficult this transition was for Jennifer. Employer Robert Brenna Jr. Esq. began his career as a mental health aide so he had a background working in the healthcare field. He encouraged everyone to assist Jennifer with her transition upon her return. Robert stated:

In the beginning, Jen says: “I would not go out in public. I had a large scar on my head. My head was shaved and my head was basically stapled back together. I remember how people looked at me as if I was a freak. I was very self-conscious of my appearance. But after thinking about it, I said I just survived brain surgery stare all you want. I’m alive”. Going through this experience made Jennifer see how much we as people take for granted. She is forever grateful for having the undying

“It is always an honor to have an employee to ask to return to Brenna Boyce. In Jen’s case, our friendship has been long and enduring. She has stamina and character that we should all emulate. Changing and adapting for her absence was something we did willingly and to make sure she was okay when it was all concluded. We are proud to have her back.” Being a former fellow associate who worked with Jennifer I can personally say this is an example of a phenomenal woman. She is an inspiration to others that we can never give up. The strength she has as an individual is amazing to live through this trauma and come back. Despite personal challenges, we as women must rise above. Jennifer is a great role-model for all of us of a survivor. So, I stand with her as she says: “Go ahead and stare, I survived a brain injury!”


{ local business spotlight } by CHERYL KATES BENMAN

ENCORE CHOCOLATES With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, the scent of chocolate is in the air. Did you know the first Valentine’s box of candy appeared in 1861 (1). 20 billion dollars are spent on Valentine’s Day (2). Chocolate was tagged a drink for royalty during Aztec times according to Montezuma (3). Known as the “food of the Gods” and then an aphrodisiac chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine, causing excitement, attraction and pleasure (3). Early explorers brought chocolate back to Europe (2). The history of Valentine’s Day stems around a few stories. One theory is believe it or not that the first Valentine was sent from prison (3). Legend has it, Valentine assisted people to escape from a Roman prison ( 3). A second theory, is that the priest declared marriage illegal as single men made better soldiers ( 3).As often happens, the church began to capitalize off the otherwise known Pagan festival in an effort to Christianize the holiday (3). The origins stem back to Italy with the Lupercalia Festival (3) ( the festival of fertility). Anyhow, this is the day we rejoice and eat chocolate!!! Nestled deep in the plaza, in Irondequoit just across the bridge is this amazing, hidden treasure where you can customize your chocolate order just in time for your sweetheart. Chocolate covered strawberries are a girl’s delight. Encore chocolates, prides itself as having a large enough supply of them to tickle your fancy but suggests you order soon to get your order in. Founded in 1987, from Nancy Stiebitz’s kitchen, Encore Chocolates began as a small operation supplying chocolate only to Rochester General Hospital. Working part-time supplementing her income she earned as a nurse practitioner, Nancy turned her hobby of making chocolates into a viable business. A neighbor approached Nancy after she brought home-made chocolates for a heartwarming gesture and asked her if she made the chocolate as a business. The rest is history. Beginning first with the neighbor as a partner and later taking on the business of her own (25 years ago). After locating a chocolatier 100

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who was going out of business, Nancy acquired a variety of chocolate molds. This person also held the account at Rochester General Hospital’s gift shop. Arguments were made against Nancy cooking in the community challenging whether she could legally make the candy in her home based on zoning laws. Since this time, the business has evolved and moved several times finally settling at 147 Pattonwood Drive. Nancy indicates this is their best location yet. Chocolate is made focusing on the sweetness, flavor, creaminess and texture. Encore prides itself as being known for “imaginative and innovative chocolate gifts and creations”. The special varieties of chocolate include milk chocolate (33% cocoa); dark semi-sweet chocolate (47% cocoa); bittersweet chocolate ( 72% cocoa); and white chocolate. Also featured are 6 flavors of gourmet cotton candy! Encore has some specialized items which make the chocolatier stand out above the rest. The most interesting and personal item available is the “chocolate painting”. Son, Aaron Stiebetz attended the Art Institute of Pittsburg. Aaron uses chocolate to create sculptures and paints chocolate. The chocolate is his canvas! He melts cocoa butter and adds food coloring. He then airbrushes the items. He created replicas of famous art pieces such as a Van Gogh, “Starry Night”. He also free-hand paints some items and can do custom jobs such as portraits.

printer with food coloring as the ink. This allowed the company to create specialized logos . Using sugar paper the logos are created and put directly in the chocolate molds. Corporate partners also enjoy the specialized pistachio bark confections. The U of R recently used this item to thank their donors . Encore indicates these specialty products have made the company a yearround viable business. July marks thirty years of business for Encore. Of interest were any special stories Nancy wanted to share about her memories providing quality chocolate to our community for the past three decades. Nancy recalls a hockey coach. He told a story of his kids, an otherwise losing hokey team. The kids saw a he chocolate rabbit at a tournament. They played their hearts out and won their only game of the season because they thought the prize was the rabbit. He was in search of a replica chocolate bunny because his team worked so hard to win. Encore provided the bunny. She further recalled a kindergarten teacher coming in in need of a special gift. She was going to a pajama stiletto party. She grabbed a stiletto chocolate filled piece. The shoe is a great gift for ladies night, a bachelorette or wedding gift. Anther consumer enjoyed buying the shoes as he preferred to give gifts on lent to random people like the clerk at the post office etc. He also ordered one to donate to the Epilepsy Foundation’s Chocolate Ball.

Another specialty item is the lotus bowl and chocolate platters. These are one of the store’s biggest sellers and are a hit everywhere. The bowls are made by melting chocolate and pouring over a balloon. Once the chocolate cools they pop the balloon and there is a bowl. The company prepares beautiful platters for special events such as weddings, holiday parties and corporate events. Nancy added a valued member to their team, the former owner of “Simply Irresistible Confections” Joanne Marowski.

Nancy has found her career as a chocolatier very rewarding. She is content with the joy her creations give people in the community. She really loves that she is able to provide unique, imaginative gifts to make others happy. You’ll be asking for more…Encore!!!

After doing this, Encore began using a special

McMahon P. (2016) So Why do we give chocolate for Valentine’s Day.

Resources www.encorechocolates.com (2016). History Channel ( 2016). The History of Chocolate, Retrieved January 11, 2 017 from www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/ videos/modernmarvels-valentines-day-history-of-chocolate History Channel ( 2016) The History of Valentine’s Day. Retrieved January 11, 2017 from www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/ history/ -of-valentines-day


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STOP

SCIATICA SUCKING THE JOY OF LIVING OUT OF YOU.

“There Is Another Way!� . Sciatica Shooting, stabbing, burning pain can take over your life wasting, strikes when you least expect it and can lead to muscle down to your numbness and constant tingling which can spread right toes. ng out of you. It can take over your life and really suck the joy of livi But there is another way...

There is a safe, natural, proven solution to this dreadful problem that works consistently to resolve the pain, discomfort and stress that sciatica can cause. Call 671-9210 NOW and for just a small investment of $27 (some docs charge much more) you will receive a complete sciatica evaluation to lead us to the problem and offer you options to reduce or even rid you of sciatica for good. Call 671-9210 NOW. Note: Only 10 places are available at O'Dell Chiropractic for this offer so please call quickly.


{ healthy women }

. . . P M U B P M U B , BUMP Don’t panic. You don’t have to suffer. By Cassondra Kubit

This is a question that many young women in Rochester, NY have been facing more and more, and the question is yes there is treatment after plastic surgery. That treatment consists of wearing compression garments for 3-6 months, drainage tubes being removed, stitches being removed, multiple creams, pain pills, and manual lymph drainage. Treatment changes from doctor to doctor, and country to country. Many women of Rochester, NY, from the ages of 20-50, have been going overseas to the Dominic Republic and Columbia to get plastic surgery of all kinds, the Brazilian Butt Lift, or BBL, has been a very popular augmentation. Many young women have turned to liposuction, tummy tucks, breast implants, breast lifts, breast reductions, muscle sculpting and the BBL to get the perfect shape that every woman wants. Yes, plastic surgery has been around for years. Women and men have gone in for minor to major surgeries for as long as I can remember, but I have seen an increase in the last couple of years of in my profession as a Certified Lymphedema Therapist. I started my career working with breast cancer patients doing manual lymph drainage on women and men who ended up developing lymphedema due to their cancer treatments.

Bump bump…. Bump bump… Bump, bump, bump, bump... You are laying on a cold table with ultrasound gel on your belly and you can hear, not just your own heartbeat, but that of the newly acquired life growing inside of you. Congratulations you are going to be a Mom! It just became real that you are pregnant and there are a million and one things that race across your mind. There is so much to do and to get ready before your baby blesses this world. Being pregnant comes with many health and lifestyle changes. There are prenatal vitamins, there are foods you can’t eat, there are activities you won’t be able to do. Your body is changing and shifting, getting you ready to deliver a child. That bundle of joy is growing larger every day, which in turn causes discomfort in ways you didn’t even know were possible. The worse part, you aren’t allowed to take any strong pain meds because they could influence your growing baby. What can you do about the discomfort? is just one of many questions that you will contemplate in the upcoming months. Do not panic. You do not need to suffer for 9 months. There are quite a few alternative methods that people look towards to help with the discomfort that childbearing causes;

Chiropractic, Physical Therapy, Acupuncture, Massage, Movement therapies are just a few different options that have been shown to help. But today, we are going to discuss the facts about prenatal massage. There are a lot of controversies about prenatal massage, mostly centered around the first trimester. For a long time, prenatal massage was taboo in the first trimester, but there has been a lot of research that shows it is truly beneficial. There are many massage therapists in the Rochester area that will not do a prenatal massage until you enter the second trimester, but New York State law states that prenatal massage is safe to perform in the first trimester. Modern day research has shown that prenatal massage is an instrumental piece in a woman’s prenatal care. Massage performed during pregnancy has been shown to reduce anxiety, relieve muscle aches and joint pains, decrease symptoms of depression, and improve labor outcomes and newborn health. There are many different types of massage that can be incorporated in a prenatal massage, but the most common and safest is the Swedish Massage. Swedish Massage aims to relax muscle tensions, improve blood and lymphatic circulation, and quieting the mind.


{ healthy women }

The past 10 years of research has been showing that massage changes the hormone levels that are associated with relaxation and stress in pregnant women. This, of course, leads to improved moods and improved cardiovascular health. In one research, women who received bi-weekly massages for 5 weeks showed a decrease in norepinephrine and cortisol and an increase in dopamine and serotonin levels. These changes in hormones led to fewer complications during birth. Massage isn’t just beneficial for muscles and hormone levels, but helps with edema and nerve pain. Massage stimulates the soft tissues and helps with blood and lymph flow, which helps bring down the swelling that women tend to develop in their hands and feet. Later in pregnancy, as the pelvis starts to shift and widen the uterus drops, this can end up putting pressure on the sciatic nerve. Massage can help with relaxing the tight muscles in the low back and gluteal region which can help relieve some of the pressure on the sciatic nerve. There are a ton of benefits to prenatal massage, but there are also some precautions that must be discussed. It is always a good idea to speak with your doctor about having a massage while pregnant. There are a few situations when you shouldn’t be having massage unless you have been cleared by your doctor; including nausea, vomiting, morning sickness, high risk for miscarriage,

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One other thing to take into consideration in deciding to do Prenatal Massages, is picking a therapist who is proficient in Prenatal Massages. In New York State, Licensed Massage Therapists are trained for 1000 hours and are trained in Prenatal Massage, but this doesn’t mean they are proficient in this type of massage. You should look for someone who has taken extra training courses in prenatal massage, and someone who truly specializes in prenatal massage.

high-risk pregnancy (including placental abruption, preterm labor, multiple births, etc). You will need a written note from your doctor saying that is safe for you to have a massage. There is a difference between a regular Swedish Massage and a Prenatal Swedish Massage. In a regular Swedish Massage, you will be places on your stomach for 30-40 minutes and on your back 20-30 minutes in the massage. When it comes to Prenatal Massage your positioning will change to a side lying position, and if you are placed on your back you will be at a 45-degree angle to keep the pressure off of the vena cava. There are special massage tables that have holes cut out in the center to allow lying face down, but these tables are a one size fit all. So, they may not be adequate depending on the size of your abdomen. There are also prenatal pillows that are design so you can lay face down, but once again they are a one size fit all. Most prenatal massages will be performed in a side lying position, with pillows to keep you as comfortable as possible.

Massage is just one of many alternatives to helping with the discomforts of pregnancy. I do want to touch upon another alternative treatment, Acupuncture. Acupuncture is a great treatment for nausea and morning sickness, something massage cannot help with. Acupuncture has also been used to help women with infertility issues. Acupuncture has been used to help women get pregnant and to help prevent miscarriages after pregnancy has occurred, by inserting ultra-thin sterile needles in specific acupuncture points that help regulate body functions. If you have been having issues with getting pregnant and haven’t been able to find anything that helps, Acupuncture has minimal risks and many insurance companies cover Acupuncture.


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{ ask the doctor }

ays to Improve Your Mood Naturally

by dr. nate riddle

Wondering what can improve your mood? Give chiropractic care a try. Ever feel like you’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, angry or displeased without much reason? You’re not alone. But instead of reaching for stimulants like coffee and tea or continuing the day in a bad mood, consider what you can do to change how you feel, naturally. The best part? You can do each of these things in just a few minutes—how’s that for a positive return on your investment?

1. Laugh

There’s a lot of truth to the old saying “laughter is the best medicine”—it’s a proven fact that laughter lowers stress hormones.

2. Listen to Music

Even if you’re not in the mood for it, listening to upbeat music can help you feel better. But the key is to try to relax— let yourself enjoy the music instead of asking whether or not you’re starting to feel better.

3. Take a Pre-Work Walk

Getting your body up and moving helps release mood-enhancing endorphins. This also gives you a chance to take in some much-needed Vitamin D from the sun.

4. Clear Your Desk

Did you know that cluttered spaces could cause you to lose focus and productivity, be it in the office or at home? Keeping your desk space clean can help prevent that.

5. Get Some Sleep

When you’re back home after a long day, make sure you get to bed at a reasonable hour and keep your nighttime ritual the same aiming for 8 hours of slumber.

6. Get Adjusted

Chiropractic care can benefit things like poor sleep, achy joints and muscles and back pain among others. If you’re not feeling your best, contact our practice today to schedule an appointment. We look forward to helping you! Bes sure to contact me, Dr. Nate Riddle at nateriddle23@yahoo.com with any questions you may want to have me discuss in one of our upcoming columns.


{ picture This } by Rita Pettinaro

LEVERAGING MY

Expertise My name is Rita Pettinaro and I am a real estate agent who focuses on serving the real estate needs of investors/commercial/residential owners. Now, I will be joining the Rochester Woman Online team each month wiht my column Picture This.

prices for Office properties are 3.1% higher at $76 per sq ft compared to the current median price of $73 per sq ft for Office properties in Rochester, NY.

Our market has seen price increases in the past three years, and I’d like to take this opportunity to share my expertise to best leverage your equity.

indicates a decrease of -5.5% in the median asking price per unit for Multifamily properties compared to the prior 3 months, with a decrease of -1.8% compared to last year’s prices. Countywide, asking prices for Multifamily properties are -5.6% lower at $29,251 per unit compared to the current median price of $29,648 per unit for Multifamily properties in Rochester, NY.

I will work tirelessly to ensure you are connected with the best real estate opportunities.

a Current Rochester market trends data

indicates an increase of +11.6% in the median asking price per sq ft for Retail Commercial properties compared to the prior 3 months, with an increase of +33.7% compared to last year’s prices. County-wide, asking prices for Retail Commercial properties are 14.2% higher at $113 per sq ft compared to the current median price of $119 per sq ft for Retail Commercial properties in Rochester, NY.

aCurrent Rochester market trends data

indicates a decrease of -5.4% in the median asking price per sq ft for Industrial properties compared to the prior 3 months, with an increase of +2.1% compared to last year’s prices. County-wide, asking prices for Industrial properties are -2.5% lower at $33 per sq ft compared to the current median price of $34 per sq ft for Industrial properties in Rochester, NY.

aCurrent Rochester market trends data indicates an increase of +6.2% in the median asking price per sq ft for Office properties compared to the prior 3 months, with a decrease of -0.6% compared to last year’s prices. County-wide, asking 110

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aCurrent Rochester market trends data

aThe average asking rental rate per sq ft/year

for Office properties in Rochester, NY as of Jun 16 was $12.99. This represents an increase of 1.0% compared to the prior 3 months, with an increase of +3.7% year-over-year. County-wide, average rental rates in Rochester are +0.7% higher at $12.99 per sq ft/year for Office properties currently for lease

aThe average asking rental rate per sq ft/year

for Industrial properties in Rochester, NY as of Jun 16 was $5.87. This represents an increase of 0.1% compared to the prior 3 months, with an increase of +5.4% year-over-year. County-wide, average rental rates in Rochester are +0.6% higher at $6.02 per sq ft/year for Industrial properties currently for lease.

aThe average asking rental rate per sq ft/year

for Retail Commercial properties in Rochester, NY as of Jun 16 was $12.55. This represents a decrease of -1.7% compared to the prior 3 months, with a decrease of -7.9% year-over-year.

County-wide, average rental rates in Rochester are -1.1% lower at $12.82 per sq ft/year for Retail Commercial properties currently for lease.

Services include:

• Investor sales and purchases • Relocation • Local real estate market reports • Local real estate market expertise and guidance • Real estate professional referrals (for those moving to another state or country) • Real estate leasing (commercial, industrial, retail, residential) • Mixed-use land • Vast resource of professional expertise from around the globe • Other: do you have a unique real estate issue that you need assistance with? I will find solutions. I would also like to offer you a free comparative market analysis to allow you to get a sense of comparable inventory in your market, list vs. sales prices, and average time on market. My expertise is wider than real estate, but expands the globe of business partnerships. By aligning offerings to client’s performance and business goals, I am able to understand the social, economic, psychological, business requirements of the client. I deliver actionable insights that keep pace with customer’s changing demands. Protecting the Brand is crucial in growing and succeeding in a world where brand loyalty is not what it used to be, Rita understands how social media impacts every part of clients business, including reputation.


{ tips for women }

Have You Heard of

LipSense? Have you heard of LipSense by SeneGence International? If not, you will soon. LipSense is taking the country by storm. It’s a revolutionary lip color that lasts up to 18 hours. It’s smudge proof, kiss proof, water proof, wax free, lead free, gluten free, GMO free, it’s made in the USA, and never tested on animals! LipSense is unlike any other product currently on the market. It’s not a lip stain and will not dry your lips! The patented technology allows the lip color to bond to the wearers lips and the unique hydrating gloss protects the color from breaking down and helps it to last up to 18 hours. LipSense actually improves that condition of your lips. Waxes found in other lipsticks and chap sticks, do not allow your lips to naturally exfoliate and heal. Since LipSense does not have any waxes like other products, your lips are able to naturally exfoliate and your lips will be smoother than ever after just a few weeks of use. LipSense is made from naturally reoccurring ingredients in highly concentrated formulas. One tube of LipSense color can last you 3 to 4 times as long as a normal tube of lipstick. LipSense is purchased in a starter set to begin with and then additional colors can be added as desired. The set consists of one color, one gloss, and an ‘Ooops’ remover to erase any mistakes made while applying the fast drying color. There are over 70 colors to choose from and 11 different gloss choices. Each application of the color goes on in three thin coats. With the 70+ colors to choose from, the color combinations 112

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are virtually endless. You can make up to 27 different looks with just 3 colors. The wearer can also use ShadowSense, SeneGence’s long lasting liquid eye color, with the LipSense to make truly unique combinations.

figure skaters, performers of all types and women (from pre-teen to the elderly) want the benefits of applying lip color just once and not having it smear or smudge, but so do the trend-setting males that also enjoy wearing lip color.

SeneGence International opened its doors in 1999 with its premiere product, LipSense, having only 6 colors and one gloss at that time. SeneGence has grown tremendously and today their products can be found in over 16 countries. They are currently in the process of opening a new distribution center to keep up with the growing demand. Their unique long lasting cosmetics and their unparalleled anti-aging line makes SeneGence International stand out in the industry.

Distributors range from the casual buyer that just wants to purchase the SeneGence products at a wholesale discount; to the Mom that wants an extra $2000 a month to help with household expenses; to the women and men that are looking for a fun, creative business working with very supportive people enjoying the potential to make hundreds of thousands of dollars per month with a career they love.

SeneGence International products are only sold by independent distributors and have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. The company has grown so much in the last year that they have literally doubled the number of distributors and went from 35,000 to 70,000 as of January 2017. New York State currently has less than 1% of the distributors nationwide. That means there are less than 700 distributors in NYS, therefore the potential growth for distributors is almost limitless. Both women & men see what a fantastic product LipSense is and they naturally want to be part of a company whose mission statement is, “To empower women around the world with a career that really works selling products that really work.” With the new trend in men wearing lipstick, there is a whole new market opening for LipSense. Not only do cheerleading squads, dance studios,

So, if you had not heard of LipSense and SeneGence International before today, get prepared to soon see a lot more about this company and these incredible products as the market explodes in New York State. Jennifer Kelly-Roger is a SeneGence Independent Distributor and can be reached at Jen.liptastic@ gmail.com or www.IamLiptastic.com.


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{ for a good cause } BY CASSONDRA KUBIT

She took what she discovered about the growing food economy and her career experience in product development and combined it with her love for working with kids. She found that the community didn’t have enough afterschool programs for young teens. She took a vision of a collaborating market business, buying local food brands to sell and built an afterschool entrepreneurial training program for inner city teens, called WellVentions. The students are taught the 4 E’s and they learn how to infuse this knowledge into product development, branding, production, marketing and sales.

The 4E’s: Eating Healthy, Exercise, Emotional Health, and Economic Health is the foundation of WellVentions, a non-profit organization started by Jill Stolt in 2012. Stolt decided to start this organization with a lot of thought and research. Stolt became interested in a holistic approach to health. She worked with the YMCA and launched a pilot program to test the effectiveness of edutainment and teaching healthy emotional skill in different age groups. She put together the first gourmet food truck in Rochester to research the healthy food movement in our region.

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WellVentions is a specialty food line with a Chef Gawalli Pasta and SauceAtude Salsa Sauce, each having two different flavors, with much more to come. This program brings young teens between the ages of 12-18 together with business professionals and professional chefs in the area. The professional chefs teach the kids about different styles of cooking and encourage them to expand and experiment with different foods. They are taught how to cook healthy foods and encouraged to eating healthier. This program also helps kids get their food safety certifications, and as the kids step into the working world, they also help them with job applications and placement. WellVentions was designed to help and encourage the kids in becoming “Wellness Entrepreneurs” in the community. They are taught about business and networking in the community. The kids meet two times a week including at the public market every Saturday morning from 9-3 where WellVentions has a booth and they sell their products. The kids run the booth and all the money that they earn is split equally between each of the workers each week. The kids run the booth and proceeds go to the students’ entrepreneurial training, their commissions, and stipends for the proportional number of hours they contribute to the business each week. The harder they work on their business the more they can earn. WellVentions works with the kids and their parents to encourage them to open bank accounts and to save what they have earned. In June, when the new indoor building is finished at the public market, WellVentions will be opening a small café. The kids are excited and are working hard on coming up with new recipes to serve the public.

Right now, WellVentions in known for their Cheesy Popcorn Pasta, Barbeque Carrot Dogs, and Flame Cakes. The kids are experimenting with the Flame Cakes and are hoping to introduce different ethnic based Cakes in the future. With the interactions in the community, the kids have been making networking connections and have befriended some of the local farmers at the Public Market. The farmers gave the kids fruits and vegetables with natural noses on which they painted faces. You can see them spread throughout the market. They are called the Yum Ones. They are for sale and they also have their own YouTube channel and have starred in a few videos. Other videos created by the youth not only help sell their products, but also contain healthy messages. The music in one of the videos was a project that introduced the kids to different kinds of fresh produce. Stolt had them design instruments out of fruits and vegetables and record music from this new vegetable orchestra for their videos. While learning about the business world the kids went into local grocery stores and found their nitch. They concluded that there weren’t enough, if any, grab and go type of meals in family size portions. They have been coming up with recipes with their pastas and sauces to make meals that are family size with minimal clean up. So, we can look forward to WellVentions introducing more product lines and different kinds of recipes. WellVentions has sold half of the 12,000 units that they started out with. They have increased sales every year. The kids also run the inventory at their warehouse in the Hungerford building. This helps the kids understand the background parts of running a business. WellVentions has helped close to 170 kids in their 4 1/2 years, and currently has 26 kids enrolled in their program right now. They are proud to have 2 graduates of the program move onto college and with 7 more to join them at the end of this year. The best part about this afterschool program is that they keep their graduates involved in this project by hiring them as assistant supervisors when they are in need. WellVentions has been doing more out in the community and frequenting different expos, including the Rochester Woman Online Expos. They recently were invited and hired by The Center for Transformative Action at Cornell University to develop and host workshops at the 5th


{ for a good cause } Annual Social Entrepreneurship Institute. There they facilitated their “Edutainment Games” so Ithaca students could learn the process of product development. Stolt would like to see WellVentions hook up with all the afterschool programs in Rochester and get as many kids involved as she can. She feels that having the kids get involved with building a business brings out confidence in them. The kids get involved with the community and other business through networking. It also shows the kids that by networking and helping other businesses it will help their business as well. “Alone we are Strong, Together we Strive,” is Stolt motto. She would like to expand the company and bring in more lines of product. She is looking forward to seeing how the café at the Public Market will do and seeing what her kids come up with to serve. Stolt has high hopes for her kids in creating a whole new line for them to sell. Stolt wants to inspire a “Healthy Community”. The kids right now are preparing for their 3rd Edible Expo: WellVentions’ Healthy Food Tasting & Art Adventure, inside the Garden & Home Show, on March 25th & 26th. The kids work with local event planners to put together the event. They bring together over 40 restaurants, specialty food entrepreneurs, designers, and artisans. They have local fashion designers design food inspired clothing for them to wear as they walk around serving for the different vendors, as well as for WellVentions. Some of the local venders hire them to walk around with their food to help promote their business. Come and check them out at the Garden & Home Show on Saturday,March 25th from 10am- 6pm and Sunday, March 26th from 10am- 5pm. Check out www.EdibleExpo.com and www.WellVentions. org for more information.

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{ menopause moment }

By James Woods, M.D., and Elizabeth Warner, M.D.

DESIGNING SELECTIVE ESTROGEN RECEPTOR MODULATORS

by Mark Forrest Patrick, CDT VA CCMT

FOR BREAST, UTERINE, AND BONE HEALTH

“Research does not travel in straight lines…” These words, spoken at the Eighth Cain Memorial Award lecture (1989), underscore the search to understand how estrogen can cause both uterine and breast cancer, how the lack of estrogen can create bone loss and vaginal atrophy, and how all of these can be creatively prevented. A seemingly clear goal, that journey of discovery of selective estrogen receptor modulators (SERMs), however, has spanned 125 years. Long before estrogen as we know it was discovered, early investigators linked ovarian function to breast cancer based on their observations that bilateral oophorectomy suppressed breast cancer (1896), menopausal women experienced breast cancer risk reduction (1896), and castration decreased mammary cancers in mice (1916). However, it was not until the early 1930s that Edward Doisy first isolated estradiol from human ovarian follicles. Later clinical studies would assign increased breast cancer risk to women with prolonged estrogen exposure characterized by early age at onset of menses, later age of menopause, nulliparous women, women who did not breastfeed, and obese women. Understanding how estrogen works as part of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to produce target-specific menopausal symptoms requires an in-depth understanding of estrogen receptors. Estrogen acts through two types of receptors, alpha and beta, and these receptors are distributed differently in various tissues. Tissues with high alpha/beta estrogen receptor ratios experience high cellular proliferation when exposed to estrogen while tissues with high beta/alpha estrogen receptor ratios suppress cell proliferation. Furthermore, estrogen exposure at each site also involves unique proteins called co-activators that can alter the final effect of estrogen on the receptor. In addition, to add to the complexity, there are tissue growth factors that influence the role of the co-activators. Changing any one of these can alter estrogen’s target effects. Transdermal hormone replacement therapy (HRT), when begun early in menopause, is given

to combat vasomotor symptoms (hot flashes), decrease colon cancer risk, protect bone density, and reduce cardiovascular risk. Oral HRT, as compared with transdermal HRT, unfortunately is linked to increased risks of stroke, breast cancer, cardiovascular disease, and deep vein thrombosis. This likely is secondary to both gastrointestinal absorption and secondary liver effects. Some studies even suggest that HRT started later in menopause actually can decrease cognition. The perfect selective estrogen receptor modulator, therefore, would decrease hot flashes; reduce breast and endometrial cancer; and protect bones, memory, and blood vessels without increasing the risk of stroke or deep vein thrombosis. Given this background, the early search for an anti-estrogen, surprisingly, did not address breast cancer but instead infertility. In 1958, the first nonsteroidal antiestrogen, labeled MER 25, was released as an antifertility drug that worked in rats, but in humans it actually stimulated ovulation and, thus, fertility. Even today, clomiphene, as it was later renamed, is used to induce ovulation. In 1971, tamoxifen was released. Its initial research targeted the prolactin gene in an effort to suppress prolactin synthesis. Although tamoxifen failed as a contraceptive, it did demonstrate efficacy as an antiestrogen in the treatment of metabolic breast cancer. By 1989, it was piloted as a preventive treatment for women at high risk for breast cancer, but that success brought to light several adverse side effects ranging from hot flashes and vaginal dryness (estrogen deficiency symptoms) to a higher risk of endometrial cancer (estrogen excess symptom). Moreover, many women are prescribed selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) for depression as well as for hot flashes. This drug class is not recommended to treat the side effect of hot flashes in women concomitantly taking tamoxifen, because some SSRIs are inhibitors of the cytochrome P450 2D6 enzyme that participates in the conversion of tamoxifen to endoxifen, the more active metabolite of tamoxifen. This negative action potentially limits tamoxifen’s effectiveness for reducing breast cancer risk. Nonetheless, tamoxifen proved to be more

effective than oophorectomy for breast cancer treatment and prevention. From knowledge gained in the development of tamoxifen, keoxifen, later called raloxifen, with a high affinity for the estrogen receptor, was approved in 1998. Characterized as having a shorter halflife (27 hrs.) than tamoxifen (five to seven days), it blocked tamoxifen-stimulated endometrial cancer growth and retarded bone loss by inducing the death of osteoclasts (cells that normally break down bone). Targeted at treatment and prevention of breast cancer in high-risk women, it decreased vertebral fracture risk better than nonvertebral fractures (hip and wrist). In 2013, ospemifene, which has some of the characteristics of tamoxifen, was approved for the prevention of vaginal atrophy, osteoporosis, and breast cancer. Ospemifene works by binding differentially better to alpha than beta estrogen receptors. This drug thickens the lining of the vagina and stimulates proliferation of osteoblasts (cells that produce bone) without inducing osteoclast death while decreasing breast cancer occurrence. However, it also increases hot flashes and slightly increases stroke risk but does not affect the uterine endometrium. Newer SERMS are in the pipeline, alone or in conjunction with estrogen. Tamoxifen currently is used as an adjunctive therapy in premenopausal women with breast cancer and as a preventive therapy in those at risk for breast cancer. Raloxifene targets breast cancer risk reduction and improves bone density of postmenopausal women. Ospemifene addresses dyspareunia caused by moderate-to-severe vaginal atrophy while reducing breast cancer risk and low bone density. The newest SERM, bazedoxifene, coupled with conjugated estrogens, was approved in 2014 for treatment of vasomotor symptoms and osteoporosis prevention in postmenopausal women with a uterus. Research continues, and the prospect of newer, more specific SERMs is exciting. One can only guess where this field will be in ten years.


{ on the way up } by cheryl kates-benman, esq. i photos by frank zappia

Just Believe the BRIANNA COLLICHIO story


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{ on the way up }

“We all have weak areas in our lives. No one is perfect. What makes us weak only makes us stronger”.

Brianna Collichio, an 11-year-old, Rochester native made a big name for herself singing at NFL games. At this point, she sang the National Anthem at 3 NY Jets football games. This aspiring, young singer’s story is even more remarkable when you learn she suffers from cystic fibrosis, a long-term illness which affects her lungs. While being faced with the challenge of this illness and the diminished lung capacity, Brianna is currently home schooled and follows a daily medical regime. She is an inspiration to all and she does not allow her illness to get in the way of the message she wants to send to “just believe”. Brianna shares some of her daily routine and the challenges she faces. She indicated she wears a Respir Tech vest. She describes the treatment: “It shakes you to break up the mucus”. Brianna takes a slew of medications including inhaled medications, enzymes (pancreas is deficient) and antibiotics. As a young lady, sometimes daily life with Cystic Fibrosis is frustrating but Brianna finds peace through singing. It was around the age of 6 while decorating the Christmas tree, Brianna’s mother, Colleen first noticed Brianna’s beautiful gift to sing. Brianna stood placing ornaments on the branches belting out a Celine Dion song “O Holy Night” hitting the high notes perfectly. Colleen recalls being simply amazed at the sound. Brianna simply thought “everyone had a beautiful voice like mine”. For Brianna, it was after her first performance she knew singing was her calling. She enjoyed seeing the people’s faces smiling with all eyes on her. She indicated: “It was really fun. I wanted to keep doing it”. Ironically, her first performance was in a small church before an audience of about 5. The Collichio family is extremely grounded in their beliefs in God. They attribute Brianna’s success as God giving

her a gift to share with the world. Shortly after this performance, Brianna’s father, also a musician invited Brianna to share the stage at Fairport’s “Music on the Canal” festival. After her performance, the family was approached by the Mayor and Brianna was invited to perform at the 10th Anniversary of 9/11, where the town honored first responders. Brianna wants to be an encouragement to others. Her life is a struggle but she does not allow her illness to define her. Cystic Fibrosis is not her identity. Brianna believes: “We all have weak areas in our lives. No one is perfect. What makes us weak only makes us stronger”. Her faith in God carries her through on the rough days. Her mom, Colleen Collichio indicates: “Our God is a loving God. I watch my daughter struggle but everything seems to work together. That is what faith is. You have to keep your eyes on the goal you wish to achieve. Brianna often has horrible coughing fits but amazingly it doesn’t happen when she sings. I remember one day we were scheduled to do the Jets game. We woke up the day we were planning to leave and Brianna had a high fever. We left a day early because it was New Year’s. We rode out believing in our faith and thinking everything would be okay. It was! The weather was 52 degrees and Brianna’s fever broke. Brianna sang beautifully”. Colleen remembers asking God to show her a sign it would all be okay and a rainbow mysteriously appeared in the sky over where Brianna was standing while she sang. “It was remarkable”. In 2015, Brianna’s first single “On my Hands” was released after working with a vocal coach (Richard Fink). In 2016, her second song was released “Glow in the Dark”. She worked with a songwriter Elvio Fernandes (Daughtry band). Both songs are available on I-Tunes.

Also in 2015, young Brianna was given the Michael Brennan “Spirit Award” and in 2016 the “Michael Brennan Courage Award” for her work assisting the Boomer Esiason Foundation, created to assist people suffering from Cystic Fibrosis. Brianna has also sang on national radio, calling in to K Love 104.9 FM. Brianna enjoys contributing and assisting causes surrounding the illness she also suffers from but more so wants to be remembered for being an encouragement to others. She states: “I want to sing in front of many people. I want to encourage them for whatever they are doing. It’s an opportunity to do what I love. I also want to breed retrievers”. Colleen Collichio indicated: “At times things are so hard. There were times when I have said to God, “Where are you?” This is especially true, when I sit helpless seeing Brianna when she has a choking/coughing episode. Our country faces so much strife right now. We have started being a politically correct nation. God is our strength. We aren’t ashamed to tell our story and reveal our belief he will get us through. Although your life may be broken, there’s still a plan”. When asked what do you want to leave our readers with as a last thought? Briana replied: “Never give up no matter what you’re going through. You might lose some battles but God will win the war. Don’t lose faith”. Brianna Collichio will perform for Rochester Woman Online at our February Launch party, February 9, 2017, at Brass Nightclub at the corner of East and Alexander in downtown Rochester. The event is from 5:00 pm-9:00 pm . Please join us and see for yourself, Brianna Collichio as she performs. It will be a day you don’t want to miss.

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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TO BE OR NOT TO BE THAT IS THE

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{ everyday push } by tracy echeverri

So it’s February and the first month of the New Year is over where most people’s New Year’s Resolutions have dissipated into thin air and we are back to doing what we always do-always done and around and around we go again. Am I right? We struggle with starting a new lifestyle that is healthier because we have to stop doing the same routine we have had all of our lives. We are creatures of habit and no matter if it is a good or a bad one—they are not easy to change or adjust-it’s just science. But can we blame that? No. Can we continually excuse our unhealthy ways saying it’s just “human nature” and well, we just can’t help it? I call BS to that. So to “be” the same person or “not to be” is the question isn’t it? Shakespeare isn’t the only one with issues-we all have them. This month I wasn’t sure what to talk about. I only have 1000 words to inspire you and hopefully steer you in the right direction. It is not impossible my darlings but I must be assertive and to the point! So I reached out to my friends on Facebook asking them what they need help with. What do they struggle with the most? Many are in a stagnant state where they just can’t get started, and others that are doing the right things but are concerned about staying on track. Today I want to focus on the folks that have gotten their feet wet but are having trouble continuing to swim. People who have begun transforming their life but are struggling with the unceasing journey of the lifestyle change. Which I will stress again this is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. What I mean by lifestyle change is you need to incorporate healthy eating and continuous exercise in your life. I have already said to never fall into the “never eat carbs again” or for a “30 day challenge” I will not eat sugar because after you fail or after the thirty days end, you need to add carbs and sugars back into your life. You have not learned moderation but only eliminating a major ingredient in everything we consume. We need learn how to eat right and learn how to make “being physically active” not a chore but one more thing on your daily list that must be done to survive. So going back to the Facebook question that came up the most, it was- “How do I keep up with my workouts and eating right with everything going on in my life” I.e. kids, activities, work, sleep, church, PTA, chores, making dinners, making lunches, sports, grocery shopping and the list goes on and on and on. It’s really overwhelming! So I’m going to give you a way to start. I’m going to tell you things my husband and I do that works for us. Mind you; we don’t have kids, just two dogs but no matter what-we all feel like there is never enough time. Let’s start with some basic starter steps!! 1.) Get a workout buddy. This could be your partner, a parent or a friend. Before I met my husband I would typically work out solo but then my mother wanted to get in better shape and we became work out buddies. We both had Planet Fitness memberships and we did things together. Having a workout buddy is great! Some days I don’t feel like going to the gym and my husband

says “it’s only 30 minutes, we can do this”. Or if he is feeling lazy I tell him how much better we will feel after we go. So if you can get a work out partner-I strongly recommend it! 2.)Get a Calendar. My husband and I have a huge dry erase calendar on our wall. Every day we have something we need to do. We try to stick to a schedule that we workout the same days every week and the other days we are doing chores or just resting or whatever it is we need to do. For example: Mondays is Spinning. Every Monday we do a Spin Class at 7:30pm. Tuesday is a regular gym day. Wednesdays is Laundry and Dusting. Thursday is a free day that we can do a gym workout we may have missed earlier in the week or if we can out to dinner. Friday is again another regular gym day and then we order Pizza. Woohooo!! This is what we go by. Everyone is different and has other priorities, but by sitting down and putting a schedule together every week you will plan out your days and you will become more organized. Not just with exercising but chores or anything in your life. 3.) Learn more about food. Working out is only a part of this process. What you eat is even more important than how many workouts you get in during the week. If you don’t know how to eat clean-you need to learn. I decided about a year ago to clear out my cupboards of sugar free, fat free, reduced fat items. They are filled with chemicals your body cannot process and it becomes stored in the body and not to mention we know this crap we ingest is inevitably hurting us. Also if you look at a reduced fat item-the sugars are higher. If you look at a sugar free product-the fat grams go up. Check it out! Eating clean non processed foods is a great start and it is so easy. No more boxed meals, instant mashed potatoes. Cook real potatoes. Fresh fruits and raw vegetables is where you begin. The only thing I buy in a can is beans or corn when it’s not in season. Dried beans I have attempted to make and it’s a lengthy process that personally I choose not to waste my time on. I have read rinsing canned beans and not using the juices are just as healthy as making your own beans. If you eat good most of the time and exercise frequently, you will be in good shape inside and out. Not working out every day or completely eliminating carbs or sugar forever. It’s crazy and impractical and it never works. Little changes create big results. I know deciding to eat clean is a big step but in the end you will see changes and you will notice how much better you feel and the energy you have. I know this because I did it. It wasn’t buying crazy expensive products or anything special. It’s just going back to the basics. Eating fresh food from nature. So to end with another Shakespeare quote. “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” You are the only person that can fulfill the things you want my friends- so just do It! Xoxoxoxoxo

Tracy~


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{ in her own words } by MARY DOUGHERTY

Thirteen years ago, on February 11th, I found myself passed out in my favorite restaurant with “indigestion “so I thought. I woke up and was barely conscious when the EMT said “Mam, you are having a heart attack.” I had turned 50 years old 2 months prior. “Wait! what! heart attack? Heart attacks are for old guys not me!” At that point I shut my eyes, I shut my ears, and went inside myself and let the doctors do what they do.

In 2013 I attended the 10th year of the American Heart Association’s Go Red Auction. It was the ten-year anniversary of the Go Red Dress organization. While this celebration was exciting to many, it took on a personal meaning for me. Thirteen years ago, on February 11th, I found myself passed out in my favorite restaurant with “indigestion “so I thought. I woke up and was barely conscious when the EMT said “Mam, you are having a heart attack.” I had turned 50 years old 2 months prior. “Wait! what! heart attack? Heart attacks are for old guys not me!” At that point I shut my eyes, I shut my ears, and went inside myself and let the doctors do what they do. Earlier that morning while reading, “The 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace” by Dr. Wayne Dyer, the message was “Don’t die with your music still inside.” I didn’t think much about it, I closed the book and headed off to work. After getting ready for an annual trade show, we took a break. While having lunch w/ a co-worker at my favorite Italian eatery, we talked about the event. The energy around the event was of a negative nature. I was uncomfortable about my part in the event, it just did not feel right. I did not feel right. I remember when the meatballs were served I took a bite and said,” boy, what I wouldn’t do to get out of tomorrow and that trade show.” Be careful for what you wish for, as they say. Soon, I felt uneasy, and anxious, I broke out in a cold sweat, and became lightheaded. After the 2nd bit of my lunch, I was faint, dizzy and felt I was fading out- or being faded out. I felt a little uncomfortable, pressure, squeezing, fullness, with pressure in the center of my chest earlier but it went away. I thought I might be coming down with the flu. The woman I was with immediately (spotted) and recognized the symptoms of a heart attack, having gone through it with her mother in law. She immediately called for an ambulance. From that day on, I have had an extraordinary journey of long term recovery, a deep understanding of the heart and how it is connected to our emotions. I began rebuilding a life style

that afforded me health, wholeness, and purpose. I was let go from my job shortly after the myocardial infarction heart event, but finally started the business I have always wanted. I called it Bootstrap Publishing and I am living beyond my wildest dreams. Helping authors get their words in print. With hundreds of titles from then until now, I have published stories of fiction, nonfiction, and legacy books. What I found in this was that stories inspire, cause interest, inform, instruct and invite comfort and support. Having my own business, allows me to take the time, to rest when I am tired, to eat better, to exercise, meditate and other heart attack prevention strategies. I followed most of the suggestions one at a time, not perfectly but I found the strength to go beyond my previous efforts. From then until now, this is My Music: I quit smoking, did you know that just one year after you quit, you’ll cut your risk of coronary heart disease by 50 percent? I quit hormones, went on bio-identical creams from a compounding pharmacy. I quit working 48-50 hours to make money for another organization. I met hundreds of authors writing books in Scottsdale AZ, now more in Rochester NY. Taught over 300 book publishing classes. Published over one thousand titles. Set-Up writer’s conferences. I wrote and published 3 books of my own. I started walking daily. I Joined CURVES and later a gym. I changed the way I ate . The joys I am experiencing. I am watching my only son become a successful husband, father, speaker, and founder of Project Lean Nation with 4 stores in 5 years. His business is a way of living, a next generation food company, a community, a philosophy, a nutrition program and the next step in your pursuit of a happier, healthier life. And it works.


“Wait! what! heart attack? Heart attacks are for old guys not me!”

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{ in her own words }

I was there to see my grandson Connor born and played with Legos with him, not all in one day, but I hope to be around for his graduations and other exciting successes he will one day accomplish. May-be to publish his first book on “Lego Engineering.” I was there to watch my granddaughter Sydney take her first steps and taught her to sing and dance to “Madam Butter fly” I hope to be around to watch her go down the aisle, or graduate college. May-be to see her win an artist of the year award. I married to my only true love at fifty-eight years’ young. And we are living “Happily Ever After.”

“Don’t die with your music still inside you.”

Here’s what to watch out for: Unusual fatigue, you may take care

of a family, run a household, work outside the home and care for aging parents. You are probably also tired a lot of the time. Most likely this is normal. But you should pay attention to fatigue if it is new or dramatic.

to pinpoint Also, if the discomfort begins or worsens when you are exerting yourself, and then stops when you quit exercising, you should get it checked out.

a You may feel pain that is specific to the left, lower side of the jaw.

a Breathlessness that continues to worsen

a Pain in the lower or upper back often starts in the chest and spreads to these areas.

over time after exertion Shortness of breath that worsens when lying down and improves when propping up

aYou aren’t exerting yourself, but have

a “Stress” sweat (cold, clammy feeling)

fatigue or a “heavy” chest. Simple activity like making the bed, walking to the bathroom or shopping makes you excessively tired.

I am painting, gardening and creative writing myself.

a Although you feel exceptionally tired, you

I am not afraid to take reasonable risks as I was before, Beyond My Wildest Dreams. I am thankful I have everything I need and somethings I always wanted.

a Sweating and/or shortness of breath a Pain in the back or arms may signal a

also experience sleep disturbance.

when there is no real cause for stress

Mary Kathleen Dougherty is the owner of Boot Strap Publishing Seminars/Roc - City Book Publishing Services. You can reach her at 585-342- 0795 For Class information or 45 Minute free consultations mkd@bootstrappublishing.net, www.bootstrappublishing.net

heart condition, especially if the origin is hard

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{ ultimate marketing strategy } by mary dougherty

IS THERE A BOOK IN

You?

Become Known as The Expert In Your Field. Write and Publish a Book.

Simply put, there are not many things that seem to bring as much credibility as a well-written and marketed book. People just look at you differently (in a good way) when you’re a published author. A book is the Best ticket to establishing yourself as an authority. Authors are perceived as instant subject matter experts, which can attract media attention, dazzle clients and prospects, create opportunities for speaking engagements. If this is on your list of intentions this year, move it up to top priority! Holding up a book you have written helps to elevate you as an expert in your field like no other. Become a trusted resource with a published book! Writing a book can help new clients understand your craft or expertize. Writing about what you know offers people the ability to learn from your 130

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years of experience. As light workers, we take on the responsibility of teaching others about what they have available to them. If you want to reach a wider audience, write a book. Perhaps you’re a life coach, a spiritual adviser, you own a small business or are in the energy work services arena. By writing even a short book, you can enlarge your area of influence. If you are looking for a great way to get people to your website, then get that book out into the world! Within the pages of any book you write, you have endless possibilities to promote yourself. With an About the Author page you can add information to drive people to your website, other books you’ve written; the list goes on. A published book is the best business card ever! I think of my books as a marketing tool for my business. Yes, they are information books and have helped a lot of people write their own books. But they are also the best marketing tool I have at my fingertips.

Write about the subject you know well and are passionate about, and don’t let fear be your guide. Everyone is an expert at something. The problem is that we are unaware of it—or take it for granted. The key is to discover it and step into it. What is your expertise? You aren’t doing the world any favors by minimizing your expertise or trying to deny it. Your expertise is a gift, given to you for sharing with the world. You can express it in a thousand different ways: a blog, a podcast, a speech, an online course, coaching, consulting, or write a book. Watch as you instantly become an expert in your field, differentiate yourself from the competition, fill your sales funnel with leads and cram your appointment book with loads of clients who are glad to pay you what you’re worth! Mary K Dougherty Author “Is Writing And Publishing a Book On Your Bucket List” and “The Ultimate Marketing Strategy “and up and coming 2017 launch of “Marketing For Lightworkers and Holistic Practitioners” .


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unwanted/unused and expired medication to your local disposal site


{ a woman’s perspective } by jill burress I photo by jeff palm

I

t’s February and love is in the air! Wait a minute… where is that love to be found? Just because it’s the month of Valentines Day doesn’t mean that love automatically appears to us, does it? As I walked through the holiday aisles at Wegmans and perused all the hearts, candies and teddy bears, I couldn’t help but think that it seems a bit shallow to celebrate love by spending a considerable amount of money on things that are appreciated for just a minute of the year. By February 15th, the feelings have faded and what are we left with? Is it just another day of the year? When reflecting on true love, I’m reminded of the most commonly read scriptures at weddings in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4-8. Being that my husband is a pastor and we attend so many weddings, I can say I should have these verses memorized by now. “Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not envious…” Most of us know at least the first few words of those verses. However, when these verses are read aloud in front of

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so many people on such a special occasion, are they just read because someone needed to choose a reading or do these longstanding words have the ability to change the way we think about the word love? How many of us have truly considered the significance of these verses and the various ways that love is to be demonstrated every day in our lives, not just on Valentine’s Day? If we really understood this 2000 year-old wisdom, we would realize that love is so much more than just a feeling. It requires action not just one day of the year, but on a daily basis. The very first item listed is one of the most challenging for so many of us. “Love is patient.” Yikes, this is so difficult when my life is so busy with very little margin to spare! This means that I need to get out of my bubble of time requirements and realize that not everything has to go my way. I’m chuckling as I write this because just last night my husband and I took our son to a local upscale restaurant for a date. In hindsight, we should have aborted the mission long before we even entered the restaurant when our son started complaining of nausea from the car ride. We immediately informed the waitress that he needed something to settle his stomach and she reassured us that an appetizer of Popcorn would be right up. I wish I were exaggerating when I say forty-five minutes later the not so freshly popped popcorn arrived on our table. This set the tone of the entire night. All three of us handled the waiting very differently…my husband was so frustrated he took a walk outside. My son was laying on my shoulder feeling yucky and I kept giggling at how ridiculous this was and I needed to keep reminding myself and our family that we were in good company and we had good food to look forward to. After all, our friends in Haiti would be thrilled to wait forty-five minutes for the appetizer knowing they were receiving something to eat! To make things worse, we were informed that the restaurant was catering a wedding this night and all of their kitchen staff but the manager was at the wedding. In our minds, we couldn’t fathom how this made sense to leave the restaurant unstaffed on a Friday night! Anyway, as you can imagine the night was a memorable one. From the moment we walked into the restaurant, nothing went as anticipated; through it all we were lovingly honest with the waitress about our experience, tipped her well and

my son asked to stop at McDonald’s on the way home. Yes, folks, it was that bad! We have all had experiences similar to this and these are the times when it’s very difficult to show love in the form of patience, right! Adding to the challenge is the next tenant, to be “kind” at these times. How are we supposed to overcome these feelings of frustration to the level of being “kind” to others? Not just tolerant but, “kind”! As mothers, we experience this challenge on a daily basis with mundane responsibilities such as getting our kids to the bus on time, hounding them about homework and fulfilling their daily responsibilities. In times like these, I find that I am constantly reminding myself that people make mistakes and we have all been on the receiving end of undeserved anger. Acting out toward the waitress wouldn’t have been at all fair to her, so we kept it light and tried our best to make the most of the night. I’m reminded at times like these that love is a choice, not a feeling. Without tackling the whole verse, I’ll leave you with this final thought: love is not selfserving. It is a choice to care more about others than we care about ourselves. It never happens on accident and sometimes is the opposite of what we are feeling. I guess this goes right along with being patient and kind. It’s not always what I feel like doing, but choosing to do what is right. I’m not perfect and struggle with this, believe me. But at the restaurant, we chose to care more about the waitress’s feelings than our own, so with our patience came kindness and we were able to enjoy our evening regardless of the chaos around us. If you think this is a lot to consider, check it out for yourself. There is so much more truth to be explored in these verses! So along with that high calorie treat and teddy bear for your loved one, let’s demonstrate genuine acts of love on a daily basis. Jill Burress is a full time Speech-Language Pathologist at NTID/RIT along with another full time schedule of “randomness.” As a pastor’s wife and mother of 2, she is passionate about inspiring women to be the best they can be! Find her on Facebook, Instagram and discovervictory.com.


Is That

love

That I’m Feeling?


{ in her defense } by dave jenkins

This recurring column by Dave Jenkins of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC will explore different areas and methods of personal protection and self defense. Topics will range from using specific tools, techniques, or even yourself and your mind as the weapon. The goal is to create a more aware and safer you! Questions or suggestions are welcome! This month’s topic comes from recent clients and how they learned to be safer while working in their respective careers. Some have had close calls or were just aware of the risk but wanted to learn how to minimize it. A few actually had to face that risk head on. In today’s world, there are a lot of careers that take women into businesses and homes- usually by themselves. Positions such as home health care, realtors, insurance, sales, survey/census takers, party planners, and more. Regardless of the career, there are certain safety issues that prevail across each of them– safety. Safety is one of those easily overlooked factors which contribute to the enjoyment of our lives. Most people take safety for granted. Too often, they will assume that their own personal safety is someone else’s responsibility. They’re wrong. No one else can guarantee your safety, only you. At home, travelling, and even working. When your career is one that takes you in and out of the office, into businesses, and people’s homes, you have to take certain precautions. Some are simple and effective. Some take a little bit more effort but the end result is what is important – being safe Regardless of an office setting, or visiting locations, you must employ certain basic safety habits. Communication and planning ahead are important. Self reliance and confidence are as well. Let someone know where you will be and how long you will be there. Also have information on who you will be visiting. Have a system set up where you get a checkup call after a certain timeframe – even on a regular basis. Use code words or phrases to let the caller know if things are OK, are getting uncomfortable, or worse. Set up a plan with your team for a response as well. Use this plan every time because unless you can tell the future, you are not able to decide when to use this plan and when not to. Do not be afraid to be assertive when it comes to your safety. Too often, we will compromise our security just to be friendly or nice to someone. There’s no reason for you to do

that. One client of mine was in sales and was asked to meet her client at their house – a big house in a well kept area. His home office was a suite built above the four car garage. Upon entering, she described the feeling that ‘something did not feel right’ and she found a way to excuse herself and to make an appointment for the following day at another location which turned out to be her office. Was she in danger? Because she acted on her instinct, she may never know. The important detail to remember is that she listened to her ‘gut’ and acted on it. She did not worry about what her client may have thought. If you have to work in people’s homes, you need to remember that you are still responsible for your own safety regardless of their feelings. When you travel to people’s homes, you could be entering an unknown situation where you do not know the layout of the house, the neighborhood, or the people that live in or around the house. Do some research and find out what you will be entering. Ask other contacts if they know the area, who lives there, what are they like, have there been any identified risks? You can always get someone to accompany you if need be. Lately, a lot of home health care aides have been partnering with security guards and other employees to visit homes that have been identified as potentially dangerous. Meeting people in an office setting can be easier. You can control the access and security a lot better. Having other staff in the area or creating a meeting room where it is open and accessible can prevent any issues with clients who would rather isolate you or trap you. Security cameras, access control, even support staff and security personnel will all contribute to a better sense of safety. Have your staff or a co-worker politely pop in or call every so often to check on you. Again, you can set up a code word or phrase system to let them know what’s going on without alerting the client. Think of it this way: if you travel to their home or office, you’re on their ‘turf’. When they come to your office, they are on yours. You get the idea yet? Create a system that involves everyone around you! That way, the group as a whole is part of your safety net and everyone benefits! Travelling between locations is also one of those situations where you should take steps to ensure your safety. Knowing the area is one step. Planning your route, having alternative routes, knowing where you could go for assistance

if needed are important factors to consider. Don’t let yourself relax too much when driving. There are times where you can be targeted just because you were sitting in a parking lot, catching up on texts, voicemails, or Facebook news. I have lost track of the times I have seen people so focused on something else that they do not notice someone near their car. While driving, some of the best ways to ensure your safety are to check the back seat, make sure your doors are locked, and to never let anyone in your car that you don’t know. Better yet, while driving or stopped, don’t let anyone near your car. I know you’ve seen the people at the lights and off ramps asking for money. They’re a security issue. The professionals such as the police and self defense guides all say to avoid giving them any handouts. You’re just letting them get closer to see what you may have in the vehicle. Next month, we’ll expand on more ideas for vehicle security for you and your family. Dave Jenkins is the founder of Rochester Personal Defense, LLC, Rochester’s personal protection experts. Come join the other women that have learned how to be safe, keep their family safe, and how they became their own bodyguards. You can reach Dave and his team of instructors at www. rochesterpersonaldefense.com or 585-406-6758. You can even email them at rpdllctraining@ rochester.rr.com


{ in her defense }

On your side A thought provoking column about personal safety.


{ SHIFT+CONTROL { her edge } }

Sandra Graham Race, Community Affairs; Transparency or Peace

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“Community engagement is our goal. We feel throug we are having can be solved. Officers need to un they do not live in the area they police there will be city and surrounding ar

We hope through community invol

Rochester Woman Online was very active in the community in January, attending local events that put the focus on community relations with local law enforcement. Transparency for Peace is a community organization seeking 501-3-c status with the hopes of changing the way officers deal with our children in our community. A community forum was held at the David Gantt Community Center on Carter Street in January where our very own editor, Cheryl L. Kates- Benman Esq. was on the panel of speakers in attendance. Transparency for Peace (TFP) is an organization Sandra L. Graham and Veronica Echols founded to build long-term, life-changing relations between elected officials and people of all ethnicities. The organization strives to build bridges, and through focused communication, identify obstacles and barriers found in the community interfering with positive relationships between the police, elected officials and the people. TFP feels a major step in enforcing positive relations with law enforcement is to start with accountability and transparency. Many local activists and community representatives were in attendance and shared their point of view about differing topics. A grieving mother stepped up to address the 138

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crowd, asking Deputy Chief of Police Relations Wayne P. Harris why the Rochester Police Department didn’t address the ever-growing problem of the black-killing-black crime. Her son was recently murdered and she wanted answers. Ms. Dozier indicated that the police need to shut down the stores selling drugs and guns in the Rochester community. She feels this would help with the unnecessary violence. Deputy Chief Harris gave a very sincere and hopeful indication that he, like other police officers, really care about making changes in the community. Black Panther party members became enflamed when DC Harris indicated Irish and Dutch immigrants were all brought to the US and that African-Americans needed to learn “how to play the game”. The Panthers brought up the important fact that the US Constitution makes a distinction where AfricanAmerican people are defined as being 3/5th of a citizen. They feel this factor plays into the current outlook of African-Americans in our community. The heated discussion included the unjustified shootings of black men by the police. The group “Transparency for Peace” were also present for part two of the paneled discussion held at Galleria La Muse in January where the issues of “Racial Bias in the Criminal Justice System” were addressed.

Editor, Cheryl L. Kates Benman Esq. stated,“It’s a shame in this day and age, that we as a community continue to have to deal with issues such as racial disparity. It’s even more troubling that racism has grown to be a much larger problem than it was even 10 years ago. In the Civil Rights Movement we dealt with individual racism. The problem is much larger now to include systematic and structural racism which affects whole systems like the entire criminal justice system. A system which is structurally unfair and biased implementing separate systems of justice for individuals based on the color of their skin has no place in American society. However, for the minority that is a reality in New York State. The system is racially biased form the moment of arrest and throughout sentencing” When asked why she started Transparency for Peace, Sandra L. Graham replied, “Community engagement is our goal. We feel through interaction and education most of the problems we are having can be solved. Officers need to understand our community. It is apparent when they do not live in the area they police there will be misunderstanding as the atmosphere in the inner city and surrounding areas are very different. We hope through community involvement relations can be healed. We would like to


{ her edge }

gh interaction and education most of the problems nderstand our community. It is apparent when misunderstanding as the atmosphere in the inner reas are very different.

lvement relations can be healed.”

sponsor programs such as bowl night, diversity training by doing role play ( inner city youth and RPD officers), and having round table rap sessions where we can bring our community and their community together as one.” Sandra has a background working with the Veteran’s Administration. She is very passionate in her work to assist the community. One of the principle values she hopes to advance through her community work is to reinforce the fact that all people have value, should be treated with respect and dignity. There must be accountability and no one should be above the law. Sandra also stated we can expect to see the following for Transparency for Peace over the next year: the implementation of community programs designed to foster education understanding and communication between inner-city youth and the police department and or elected officials. TFP also plans to assist with voter registration. The organization feels if the people want their voice to be heard, one way to do this is through voting. What many people do not know about this organization is that it is the executive chamber is made up mostly of family. All of the women involved also have a deep connection to religion. Sandra finds it very rewarding to work alongside her daughter Jazzlin in finding a solution. She

loves to see her daughter as a young, professional, successful woman standing up for what she believes in and finding through intervention, a solution for community problems. Problems which affect the entire community. If the streets are not fair and safe for one, they are not fair and safe for all. Our society is in a sad place when racial issues are still at the forefront of how people are treated by our government. The forum at the David Gantt Community Center was a beginning. It was a start to finding a solution. Deputy Harris may not have all the answers to fix the problems we face in Rochester, New York with community relations, but it was refreshing to hear his ideas of where he plans to start.

a problem and it affects all of us. Instead of sitting idly by and complaining about what is happening, they have decided to be part of the solution. Rochester Woman Online salutes their optimism and vision to make our community a better place and will be following them in the months to come and giving you, our readers an update on their progress.

Of interest was Deputy Harris’s ability to listen. He listened to what all of the community residents had to say, even when it was not favorable to him as an officer or administrator of the RPD. Many times the barrie is that people in administration pledge to have all the answers, but often their view does not represent “We, the People”. Deputy Harris was also very personable and addressed the community members by sharing his personal views on the issues, aside from his views as a Rochester Police Officer. Sandra Graham and Veronica Echols are women with a vision. They know there is ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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financial freedom


l

{ wise up } Now more than ever, a necessary life skill! While this topic is important for both sexes, I believe it is even more crucial for women. Many women, following age-old patterns and beliefs were sheltered from financial education. Often, they defer the financial issues and decisions to others. I do not believe that testosterone has any unique qualification for money management skills or financial literacy. According to the Department of Labor, women are twice as likely as men to live below the poverty level during retirement years. The following are a few issues to consider. First, sadly, the glass ceiling still exists; you may have to do more while earning less. Secondly, women’s life expectancy is longer than men, so you might have to provide for yourself longer. Thirdly, you may leave the work force for some time, causing you to catch up on salary, benefits, retirement contributions, career opportunity and earnings. And lastly, divorce – the recent number I have seen show a divorce rate of 50%, some say it is increasing to 60%. Either way, divorce can present significant obstacle for financial freedom. For millions of American women, the dream of having it all has morphed into just hanging on. Exhausted, but not empowered. Women are making great strides and have further to go. Mainly due to funding a longer retirement on a lower income. • Income disparities are still significant and can equal to a 25-30% shortage for retirement. • Family care giving also presents an opportunity cost, ranging from 20-33% in reduced wages, benefits, and retirement contributions Funding a lower retirement with less income is difficult to say the least. Possible, but hard to do. Some options you may consider are to work longer, save more, and get involved in your retirement planning. The basics – cash flow management, living beneath your income, not using debt, save and pay yourself first, and investing on a regular basis are all great places to start and are the foundation of your personal financial freedom. How’s this for timeliness – In the process of doing my research for this article, CBS Market Watch released an article based on Transamerica’s research that supports and affirms I’m on to something. Women are and rightfully should be concerned

about retirement. This should be your major wakeup call! According to Catherine Collinson, the president of Transamerica’s Center for Retirement Studies, states that the message to women is not registering. She encourages women to be extremely savvy and diligent in managing their own finances.

Finally, and long overdue, people are becoming aware that social security is not enough for most people, especially for women to rely upon. The average monthly benefit is $1,354/ or $16,248/year. Imagine if that is all you have! Sadly, for many it is. If you can save and invest for yourself then, why wouldn’t you?

Her survey found the top financial priority to be just getting by, only 57% said saving for retirement was a priority. All the while, retirement confidence continues to slide down.

The fact that most Americans are unprepared for retirement is fairly well documented. Sadly, it seems less important that what some celebrity is doing. It should be front page news and highlighted in red should be how poorly prepared women are!

They must be in denial or don’t care? If you have a 401(k) plan, then max it out. No excuses, you will need every dollar later! Find out how much you will need for retirement. It might be depressing but better to know sooner than later. Now more than ever women need to be especially aware of and plan for their retirement. Retirement preparedness, or lack thereof is becoming a daily headline. Sadly, perhaps the message is being ignored but it really is a crisis in my opinion. As one who specializes in helping people achieve financial freedom, I can tell you it’s important. Discount the hype but pay attention. Financial freedom is empowering. Providing you with control versus being controlled by others. Unfortunately, many women tell me horror stories of being controlled or abused by money. Often verbal but it can lead to physical abuse and degradation. Imagine constantly being harassed for every dollar spent. Not healthy to say the least. I earn and pay does not equal I own and control! There are many reasons that women are at added risk for retirement. This article is a conversation starter, not a solution to all the issues. Sadly, the results or numbers are not very pretty: • 51% of women live paycheck to paycheck • 27% of women have no retirement savings • 63% of women have no savings Although these are somewhat depressing, the point is to shake or wake you into acting to improve your situation. Starting on the path to financial freedom is empowering. Once started you will get excited and increase your involvement in your future. I believe it is achievable. Habits, discipline, time and knowledge are the keys to success. You and you alone are responsible for your financial future. “If it is to be, it’s up to me” must become your mantra. Get help, take control, and design the future you want with purpose, passion, and dedication.

Per, ING Retirement Research, the following facts are detailed: • Women have 1/3 less investments • Women are not saving enough • Only 36% of women have calculated their retirement need and less than 25% have a written plan to reach their retirement goals Increase the sense of urgency, get involved, and be proactive. Your current and future financial security depend on it. Start now! Prepare for your own financial freedom • Get involved – don’t defer to partner for long term planning. Talk about it and get support and help. • Save early and often • Don’t follow the crowd– 40% have nothing saved for retirement Taking a career break to start or raise a family or take care of a parent or relative comes with a high price tag, much higher than many anticipate. Lost social security, wages, pension or retirement contributions, and career advancement opportunities are often costlier than just the lost salary. Future articles will address shortcuts and rules of thumb to help you get a base understanding of the size of the problem and potential solutions that you can use. Michael A. Masiello has operated a financial planning firm in Rochester for 28 years that specializes in financial literacy and retirement planning. You can contact him at 585-7200590 or mike@masielloretirement.com. Securities and advisory services offered through Cetera Advisors LLC, member FINRA, SIPC.

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{ you can be...! } by mary therese friel

forward

Putting Your Best Foot

Welcome to my column… You Can Be…! In my last article, I wrote about the concept of self-presentation and how you see yourself. In this next installment, I am continuing the self-presentation topic to discuss how others see you.

How You Are Seen By Others Remember… “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” First impressions are very important and lasting. So be sure to make it a good one! Some important elements of making a good impression include:

Posture

Stand up straight! Present a proud image. To do this “Roll it, Suck it and Tuck it!” First, roll your shoulders up to your ears (like a shrug), push and roll back and down. Suck your stomach in and tuck your butt under. Take a deep breath, exhale and relax, but keep your posture (and don’t forget to breathe). Next, get into your “stance.” For ladies, stand on both feet, toes pointing forward. Move one foot behind the other, creating a 45% angle. Put your weight on that back foot.

Eye Contact

Don’t be afraid to look someone straight in the eye, but do not stare. Using good eye contact shows confidence. It also shows respect. Using good eye contact shows the other person that they have your total attention and vise versa.

Handshake

Your handshake should be strong and firm and straight forward, not a “limp noodle.”

You should gently yet firmly shake a hand approximately 2 seconds, not much longer. Hint: If you tend to sweat a lot wipe your hand first (discreetly). If you are shaking the hand of a younger, older or more fragile individual, you should lighten your grasp.

Behavior

“Ladylike” behavior - A lady should stand correctly, preferably in her “stance” when possible. A lady should sit correctly - keeping her legs together and crossing them at the ankle, not the knee, especially when wearing a skirt or shorts. To achieve this correct position, (for those right handed), please try this: sit down, facing forward, sitting up straight, place your right hand over your left hand and rest them in the middle of your lap. Keep your knees together and feet flat on the floor. Put your right ankle over your left and slide (without moving too much in your seat) your legs, ankles first, to the right. For those left handed, put your left hand over your right hand, your left ankle over your right ankle and move your ankles to the left. A lady should always act in a considerate, charming and gracious manner while in public.

Body Language

Body language directly reflects your thoughts, feelings and current mood, positive or negative. It can reveal emotions such as happiness, sadness, confidence, nervousness, trust, fear or even indifference. By the way you position yourself, you can reveal that you are open or closed to a person, or an idea. You should make it a habit to be aware at all times of the type of “vibes” you are sending through this unspoken presentation. An obvious example: If you have your arms outstretched towards someone, you are welcoming them.

An obvious example: If you stand with your back to someone, you are “tuning them out” choosing to ignore them. Another example: If you sit lazily back making no attempt to alter your position whatsoever, when someone approaches, you are giving them still another message, that of indifference.

Conversation

Keep your tone polite, even and at a nice level. Speak clearly. Put the right inflection in your voice to be interesting - monotone is so boring! Think of appropriate, interesting subjects to talk about and deliver them thoughtfully and in an educated manner. Never gossip!

Social Interaction

If someone asks your opinion about something, you can give it, being honest, polite and sensitive, all at the same time. If it includes a criticism though, be thoughtful and kind. Think of how you would feel with the shoe on the other foot. Behave yourself in public. The way you act will affect the way people see and think of you. Be on time. If you are running late, call ahead to let them know that you are. It is inconsiderate to keep someone waiting, wondering or worrying needlessly.

Avoiding Bad Habits

Pay close attention to any idiosyncrasies that you may have when in public. Avoid fidgeting, chewing, tapping, humming, making irritating noises with any body part and/or picking at yourself, your clothes, hair or nails. These actions make you appear nervous and outwardly hinder your efforts to project self-assurance.

Personal Hygiene

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{ you can be... }

or bath (more if you are extremely active). Wash your hair. Brush your teeth and use a mouthwash. Keep your nails clean and trimmed. Use deodorant regularly and take it easy on the perfume or cologne. Don’t forget to shave underarms and legs when necessary. Take pride in your appearance and do take note that neatness counts also. Wash your hands often, using a good antibacterial soap to avoid spreading germs.

Appearance

Try to look presentable when in public. Take the time to “put yourself together.” And please, don’t be under the false impression that it takes a lot of money to look good. If you’re smart and resourceful there are SO many affordable options out there. When it comes to fashion, consider shopping sales and discount outlets to stretch a dollar. Try to coordinate your wardrobe choosing outfits

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that mix and match. This way a look can be changed easily and used again. The subtle use of tasteful accessories such as jewelry, scarves, pins, belts, hosiery and purses are a plus.

Dressing Appropriately For The Occasion

An example: Avoid jeans when “dressing up.” Even though there are dressy designer jean outfits out there, if you’re going to spend that much on jeans why don’t you just buy something nicer? Remember no matter how much you dress them up, they are still jeans. The more appropriate uses for jeans are for leisure, sports and outdoor work. What you’re wearing (and who): If you wear clothing that has logos all over, you are paying to promote someone else. You may tend to look more like a walking advertisement than a well dressed person. Please note that wherever a logo is placed, the eye will go there. Be aware

of the attention it will draw to that spot. As a rule, avoid extremely clingy, see-through, too revealing or other non-appropriate clothing. Clothes should fit properly, look neat and cared for. Dress with class and people will think you have some!


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{ angella’s advice }

Challenge ACCEPTED.

I am going to CONQUER. As business owners we tend to be the type of people who are always on the go. We rarely say no I am unable to do that, believing we can do it all. We are the ones who put on a brave face and smile when deep down we are struggling. Rarely do we let anyone see behind the curtain. To see our struggles, the “I want to quit and get a job” moments as I call them. Yes, every business owner at some point has said, “I am done I can’t do this anymore”. This feeling could be because of financial struggles, employee struggles, the elusive work life balance struggle. Whatever the reason the moment often passes. We realize that being a business owner is in our blood, it is who we are. We know it’s not for the weak hearted, it takes dedication and sacrifice. Not many can fill our shoes. Even knowing all this, at times we still feel lost. On the one hand, we know we don’t want to give up, yet we feel as if everything is falling apart. I am here to tell you, it’s ok. You are not alone. Each business owner at one time, sometimes multiple times, has felt this same way. We don’t like to talk about it, as if it’s some 146

ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

secret. Yet we feel these struggles and they can affect out health, our family even our sanity. I want to first tell you again, its ok. This is actually a very normal reaction to the amount of stress you are under. If you don’t first and foremost take care of yourself, you will be useless to the company you are trying to run. While I can encourage you to get regular checkups with your doctor, I cannot really offer any medical advice. I can however offer business advice on how to cope with this new stress. 1.) Find a trusted friend and confide in them. I like to call this the “talk me off the ledge” phone call. You are just looking for someone to listen to you vent, purge all the negative thoughts. You often don’t want them to say more than, “I understand, it’s going to be ok.” By the end of the purge you feel better, you are jazzed and ready to get back into the fight. 2.) Take a time out. Give yourself permission to walk away from your desk. Go take a nap, go shopping, or read a book. Do something outside of work. Your mind needs time to decompress. When you start obsessing on issues, they take on a life of their own and can be overwhelming. You stop thinking clearly and everything seems much worse. 3.) Pull out the help wanted ads and take a look. Shock treatment. Imagine yourself applying for the jobs you see listed. Punching in and out, answering to someone else. How does that make you feel? Are you excited by the prospect of having someone else tell you what to do? If so, maybe it truly is time for you to walk away. If the idea scares you, well take those emotions and get back to doing what you really love doing, being a business owner. 4.) Clean up your workspace, de clutter and organize your area. This may seem counterproductive, you are stressed and I am telling you to add more stress. No, what I am telling you to do is clear out the old for the new. It can be very therapeutic and calming

having a clean desk. Purging out the stuff you no longer need. 5.) Make a list of all the reasons why you started your business. What were the dreams you had when you started? List all the things you have done since you became a business owner, all the people you have met. Write down the people’s lives you have touched. Think back to all the good you have done, all the fun memories. Live off those memories until you are no longer frustrated. 6.) Create an award wall. Take out all the awards you have been honored with, all the letters and cards of congratulations you have received and put them up. You can look at this wall and be reenergized to keep going. 7.) Make a poster or small album of all the things you want to achieve. Many call this a vison board. This is filled with the goals you want to achieve, rewards you want to receive. You look upon this board/book when it gets rough for inspiration. You can have positive quotes, pictures of your family, anything that will make you want to fight harder. Stop thinking you must be superman or superwoman or thinking that there must be something wrong with you for thinking this way. Remember you are not alone, I can guarantee you that each of us has felt this way and perhaps even right now feel this way. As a business owner, you will go through moments of wanting to quit, of feeling lost. Stop beating yourself up and say, “challenge excepted I am going to conquer.” I believe in you; your family and friends believe in you. Angella Luyk is a national award-winning business owner at Angella Luyk LLC, Midnight Janitorial, and One Stop Janitorial and Office Supply. She understands what business owners go through and wants to help end the struggles with proven techniques. For more information check out her website angellaluyk.com or send her an email successhappnes@angellaluyk. com Bring her donuts and she will provide the coffee.


PHOTO BY STEPHEN REARDON ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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ASK THE ANGELS with Psychic Medium Sarah Itkin


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{ ask the angels } By Sarah Itkin, LCSW

I was the type of child that had my entire adulthood planned out. By the age of 29, I was going to be married with two children, living in the suburbs of Rochester. As a young adult, I decided to follow along in my mother’s footsteps and become a social worker. This seemed like a great fit for me as I had a knack for helping others with their problems. I worked SO hard to make that life a reality. I went to graduate school and worked for years at mental health agencies. I studied my butt off and spent thousands of dollars so I could pass my licensing exam and finally earn my License in Clinical Social Work. I was about to open a private practice as a psychotherapist when a different calling set me on a new path. Unlike many psychic mediums, I wasn’t fully aware of my gifts until I reached adulthood. But from a young age I had experiences where I dreamt or envisioned things before they happened. The dreams started when I was about 19 years old.

I’d like to introduce myself as your new advice columnist. My goal is to help women navigate life’s challenges by using my skills as an angel channel and psychic medium, as well as my experience as a mental health therapist. I’m thrilled and humbled to have the opportunity to share advice with you, the readers of this magazine.

Some were completely irrelevant, like dreaming that my bike tire was flat and discovering the flat tire the next day. Others were shattering. The very worst one was a dream that my best friend in high school died. The dream was so detailed and vivid that I called her the next day to make sure she was all right Tragically, my friend died just a year and a half later. Every detail of my dream came true. I was told by another psychic that I had keen psychic abilities that I could access if I wanted, but I decided to continue on with my life. Then four and a half years ago when I was working at a mental health agency, I had another terrifying dream. I learned the dream was about a traumatic event my client experienced over 20 years ago. I knew then that I needed to finally take charge of my psychic awareness. My mentor, Diane Ronner, taught me how to tap into my psychic intuition in a way that felt safe and accessible. During the darkest and most painful part of my life in my early 20’s, I saw little sparks of light that would shine for a second and then disappear. For a moment I thought that these sparks were celestial beings. Then I told myself that only enlightened, holy people could see such things. Someone also told me there was probably something wrong with my eye, so I stopped believing and the tiny sparks eventually disappeared. Two-and-a-half years ago, I began seeing the sparks of light again at work. This time, I sensed intuitively that the sparks were angels. When many people hear angels, they think

religion. Angels are mentioned in JudeoChristian texts, but I look at angels from a non-religious point of view. As I see them, angels are celestial beings that are here to help us navigate the difficulties of being human. To test my thinking, I asked the angels for a sign of confirmation by playing Pachelbel’s Canon on Pandora. Moments later Pachelbel’s Canon came on. Then I asked them to play my favorite song on the radio when I was driving home from work. I turned on the radio and my favorite song was playing. With gratitude I began channeling messages directly from angels for myself and my clients. As my ability to communicate with the angels grew stronger and my psychic mediumship skills developed, I felt limited in my work as a mental health therapist. It would have been unethical for me to tell a client that I saw angels around them or that their deceased grandmother was trying to relay messages. As an intuitive healer, I have been able to help children, teens, and adults feel happier, ease physical pain, improve interpersonal relationships, boost self-esteem, and cope with losses. That being said, what I offer is not a substitute for mental health or medical treatment. I always recommend therapy/medical care for people who have complex issues to resolve. Now let me explain a bit about my process for this column: I do not have to sit face to face with someone in order to pick up psychic information. I often give phone readings for clients across the country! When I receive a question, I will tap into the person and situation using my psychic intuition and channel messages from the angels. If appropriate, I’ll draw on my experience as a mental health counselor. As we know, alleviating stress and emotional pain can decrease the chances of getting illnesses such as heart disease, so I feel that this column fits the Go Red for Women theme perfectly! I feel very blessed to be given this opportunity to help guide and support the amazing women of Rochester. I’m looking forward to hearing from you and answering your questions! Please email your question to asktheangels777@ yahoo.com. Type Ask the Angels in the subject line and indicate how I should address you (using your real name, just initials, etc…) in my response. Feel free to visit my website if you’d like to learn more about my work. DISCLAIMER: Despite confirmed psychic ability, intuitive visions and messages are not always 100% accurate. Therefore, Sarah Itkin and any sponsors must disclaim any and all liability to all persons and parties who act or rely upon her intuition. This column is for entertainment purposes only. ROCHESTER WOMAN ONLINE :: february 2017

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Passion For Giving

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{ CNY Latino } by Marisol Hernandez

This month, between the heart shaped cookies, chocolates, and valentines flowers, challenge yourself to analyze where the heart is in your profession and your community involvement. As we begin our first contribution to the Rochester Women Magazine we are proud to share the story of a Latina following her passion and making great contributions to the Rochester community. Kelly Tovar Mullaney, originally from Venezuela, fell in love with Rochester NY when she first visited as a high school international exchange student, and has been calling it home since 1994. When Kelly was living in Rochester as an international exchange student, she met and connected with the Mullaney family that lived down the street from her host family. She returned to Venezuela, went to the university and worked there for few years. Once she came back to the United States she reconnected with the Mullaney’s. They offered their house and helped her find a job. Kelly remembers that the family will gathered every Sunday for dinner, that is how she got closer to Ray who is now her husband. They started dating and a year later got married, that was 22 years ago. Kelly holds a Bachelors degree in Computer Engineering from Simón Bolívar University (Venezuela) and a Master in Software Development & Project Management as well as an Advanced Graduate Certificate in Interactive Multimedia Development from the Rochester Institute of Technology. Kelly considers herself a computer geek and she spent a lot of time in front of the computer once she got a job in Rochester. “You can get a little isolated when you are programming and doing web design. I am a very shy person and for a long time I was working in technology. The only friends I had were my husband’s friends. I was very sheltered, very limited in my connections with the community” shares Kelly. Kelly was one of the 25% of the work force that got laid off at the company she was working for at the time. She had to go out and network. That is when she realized that there are a lot of people doing things for others in the Rochester area. She felt as if a mask had been removed from her eyes. Growing up in Venezuela, Kelly remembers

seeing her mother helping others all the time. Even using her own money and resources. She was known as everybody’s Godmother. That passion was ignited in Kelly once she started getting involved in the community, especially when she was helping the Latino community. Kelly is a web designer, web producer, community advocate, enthusiast photographer, and an avid networker, she is also the President of Working Art Media, a website design and multimedia company (www.WorkingArtMedia. com), where she has been working with small business and non-profit organizations since

Hispanic Family Day, Rochester Professional Consultants Network, Rochester Women’s Network, Puerto Rican Youth Development Program (PRYD), Ibero-American Action League, North Clinton Avenue Business Association, Borinquen Dance Theater, Discovery Charter School, Rochester Hispanic Youth Baseball League, Rochester Association for the Education of Young Children (RAEYC), Leadership Rochester, and the National Organization Latinos in Tech, Innovation and Social Media (LATISM), among others. Kelly is the Web Manager for the Rochester Hispanic Business Association and Latinas Unidas. Kelly is proud to see people from the Latino community advancing and braking stereotypes, especially if they are young Latinas that she has mentored. She received the 2012 Unsung Hero Award from the Minority Report Media Group, the 2013 Volunteer of the Year from Ibero-American Action League, a Latinas Unidas Corporate Quinceañero Honoree in 2008, and on June 2013 she was enlisted in the Rochester Latino Rotary Club Honor Roll of Latino Entrepreneurs. For several years she has been a member of the Hispanic Scholarship Endowment Fund selection committee (at Ibero). She is an alumna of the United Way’s Latino Leadership Development Program, class 2007 and the Leadership Rochester program, class of 2015.

2004. “The satisfaction of doing something good for your neighbor was like a drug, the more I did and got involved the better I felt and the more I wanted to do. I got addicted to a point that sometimes I over commit myself and get in trouble” says Kelly with a chuckle. With that said, her involvement with the local community has been extensive and varied. She has served on the Finger Lakes Wired Governing Board, on the Board of Directors of Rochester Hispanic Business Association (RHBA), Latinas Unidas and the Association for Women in Computing. She has also volunteered her time and skills with different non-profit organizations, including the Rochester Memorial Art Gallery’s

Supporting all those organization makes Kelly feel proud of her community. As she witness the people she helps reach higher goals. She enjoys empowering them to build their business and grow their social media presence. “I feel energize when I am doing something good for the community”, says Kelly. Kelly lives in Brighton with her husband and her cat Johnny Quest. She is looking forward to continue to develop her craft as a photographer to tell stories about the community (www.KellyMullaney.com). She has been taking photos on the side from many of the events. She would like to combine her passion working with the community and her photography. This is where Kelly’s heart remains and will continue to impact her community while attempting to live each day nurturing her two passions and making an impact helping Latinas in the Rochester area.

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by lisa cove i photo by christopher cove


{ You’re worth it }

heart...

Open Your

February is “Heart Month”. Not sure the exact reason for that, but I could theorize that maybe it is because, Valentines Day is February 14th or that no other cause has claimed that month or maybe it’s a way to increase passion and heat with red heart décor during these cold dark winter months. Whatever the reason, we celebrate and bring awareness to the heart, especially women’s hearts. Women’s hearts are complicated. We can talk in general about the history of “physical” heart disease. The fact that only over the past 20 or so years, the medical community has decided to make women’s heart health a priority in research, diagnosis and treatment. I guess it goes along with the transitions that have taken place in the lives of woman in our society. We have been noticed and medicine is making huge strides in treating heart disease in women. Now lets juicier, and talk about the emotional heart of a woman. I am a mom of 3 boys. The only knowledge I have about young ladies is what I remember from my youth. In general, females seem to be more emotionally structured than males! That is what I hear from my mom friends, of girls. Women have a tendency to lead with their heart. We have an innate desire and ability to nurture living beings, both big and small. But so often, in the whirlwind of our busy lives, we forget to take care of the one person that should mean the most to us…ourselves! As good as we are at human compassion, we fall short in finding ways to take care of our own heart. Here are some ideas to help you take care of yourself this month (and beyond).

Make time to strengthen your cardiovascular system. Twenty minutes of continuous

walking every day improves your health. Fortyfive minutes of vigorous exercise (something that gets your heart beating fast, your breathing

accelerated and your body feels heated) 4-5 times a week, dramatically improves your heart health.

Increase your food intake AWARENESS. Begin to watch everything

you put in your mouth, maybe even document it. Ask yourself, “Am I eating for my physical need or my emotional want?” Stay with physical on this! It will help you discover and stop eating for emotion. Optimum body weight is good for your heart AND your spirit!

Reduce your stress. Obviously taking time out of your day to decompress is the best choice. Yoga, Zumba, meditation, a walk, painting, book clubs, girls day/night out, date nights, or just getting out to a movie, are some great ideas. It does not have to be a huge amount of time, but it does need to be time. http://www.womenshealthmag.com/ life/reduce-stress Say you’re sorry. There is nothing that can weigh a person down than conflict. Harboring resentment, jealousy, anger and hate are all negative emotions that may be trapped in our heart. By saying your sorry, to another person or yourself, you will be able to open your heart and let those emotions out, creating a sense of peace and relief. Forgiveness is your best medicine. http://www.hopkinsmedicine. org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_connections/ forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it Friend time. Make a new friend, connect with an old friend or be grateful for the friends you have and see. Friendships provide us with an opportunity to talk, vent, share and laugh! Humans are social beings, woman in particular crave that personal connection. Time with people help regulate hormones providing physical balance which creates happiness. http://www.mayoclinic. org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/ friendships/art-20044860 Animal time. Studies show that

spending time with a pet reduces ones blood pressure and stimulates our natural high hormones (endorphins), which reduces incidences of depression. There is nothing more powerful than looking into the eyes of an animal and feeling their unconditional love! http://center4research.org/healthy-livingprevention/pets-and-health-the-impact-ofcompanion-animals/

Give or get a hug. Physical affection/attention is quite important in our lives. Embracing another living being has shown a positive impact on our cardiovascular health, i.e. blood pressure reduction, and hormonal adjustments. A 15 second hug is all you need to smile inside and out! http://articles. mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/02/06/ hugging.aspx Volunteer. I know the thought of finding time to volunteer your time may sound crazy, however helping another person is extremely powerful and gratifying. Doing something for someone else, especially someone you have never met will create a contagious smile, that you can’t help but catch! Say thank you. Practicing gratitude on a daily basis will help set a positive tone for your day. When we think about how many blessings we have in our lives, it over shadows all the negative issues that weigh us down. Give it a try. What someone or something in your life are you truly grateful for? Did that thought automatically put a smile on your face? Well, THAT smile lights up the world! So what are you waiting for? Celebrate “Women’s Heart” month in a way that pulls your needs to the forefront of your life. WHY? …because you’re worth it! Lisa Cove, RN, MSN is a Nurse Educator, a yoga instructor at Breathe Pittsford and was the president of the Junior League of Rochester.


“Feeling beautiful from head to toe.”

www.marknme.com


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YOUR HEART Is The Center of Your Social Media

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{ social media moxie } BY TAMARA MACDUFF

Did you know social media has a heart? It does. It is alive and thrives on giving and receiving love. The heartbeat of your social media is a string of interactions – giving and receiving. That’s what keeps it strong, vibrant and healthy. When I had my children, I heard the phrase, “A child is your heart outside of your body.” My children are a huge part of me. They are the walking embodiment of love… both the love I give to them and the love I receive from them. I admired them when they were tiny. I continued to be in awe as they turned into teenagers, and became immensely proud as they have grown into amazing young adults. Where would you be without your heart? Without your children? Without your business? Probably somewhere between dead, empty and broke. Your heart is the lifeline to your health and your children. It’s also the biggest investment in your business.

Your Heart Keeps You Connected

Why is the heart so important? Because it is at the center of all we do. It’s what keeps us alive, keeps us connected and keeps us going. Just like your children need to be taken care of, fed daily (sometimes more; especially my boys), nurtured, and guided, your business needs the same thing. You have to be active in it doing something every day to make sure you stay top of mind with your prospects and in your community. You have to keep, bringing in new clients and staying connected with your existing clients.

You are probably asking “What Does This Have To Do With Social Media?”

Think about it. Social media is all about being social. Being social means you are

alive, active and connecting on various levels with various prospects and clients.

Social Media + Your Heart = Powerful

• Be honest about your struggles as a business owner. It’s not the big dark secret you may think it is. Anyone who has ever owned a business knows the path comes with lessons learned. Be human.

Being human is critical for social media. I have a secret for you: your customers are all human. Humans buy from humans (unless you have talented animals that know how to use cash and credit cards!).

I don’t have all the answers about social media. I know my stuff when it comes to using it strategically. Is there more to learn? More than I care to admit. I don’t always implement, or implement well, the ideas I give to my clients; yet I have faith in those ideas. Why? Because I’ve seen them work for my clients.

Social media is one of the more powerful tools for your business, and it’s vital to your success. Your heart is what makes your business human.

Connection. Today’s marketplace requires, no, it craves it. It demands it. Social media works because people long to connect. It’s a primitive human trait. We NEED to belong to something and to be part of a community where others think like us. We want to interact with other humans.

Your Heart Lifts You Above the Noise

The only way to stand out among the noise on social media – and it is a crowded field – is to bring your humanness – your heart - to the center of your social media strategy. It’s the one thing that is the same, yet different among all of us. Bring your heart to your social media posts – and I’m not talking about your favorite motivational postings or kitten and puppy videos. Your heart. Here is how you do this: • Offer your opinion on happenings in your industry. Do you really like that new trend? Just because you love your business, your service, your product, or your customer, doesn’t mean you must, or will, love every trend your industry puts out. • Show yourself in your interactions with your community. Remember, 80% of your social media posts should be about others – or your interaction with others. Post about things your community wants to know about or talk about. Answer burning questions your customers have. Put their minds at ease. • Who are you as a person, not just the business owner or service provider? Add your professional opinion about services offered in your industry. Share your personal causes. What is it that draws you to them?

It’s OK To Doubt

Here’s my vulnerability: I know the ideas are useful and create results – but sometimes I don’t “do” for myself because I have selfdoubt. Just like you do! We may not doubt ourselves in the same way or with the same things, but I know it’s there. our self-doubt surfaces when your heart isn’t in your work. It surfaces when you forget that YOU have your heart at the center of everything. It surfaces when you forget you matter. Everything your heart encompasses, everything that you feel is the center of your universe – it all revolves around your heart. It’s where your inner strength is, it is where your love is stored, and where it is given away.

Love Isn’t Love Until You Give It Away

Do not hold your love inside your heart – because love is not love until you give it away. So give your heart to your social media. Engage, interact and share what you love with the people who love you and who want to be your next client. How do you share your heart in your social media? Reach out to me on Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn – I’d love to meet you and hear all about you. Tamara MacDuff, an award-winning business owner at Web Moxie Media. She empowers business owner to get real results from their social media efforts & teaches workshops on social media, social media strategy and content creation & strategy. For more information visit her website at www.webmoxiemedia.com or reach out on Twitter (@WebMoxieMedia), Facebook (fb. com/webmoxiemedia) or LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/ tamaramacduff) She loves great coffee and conversation.

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february

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