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THE HEAT

1N 10 B E N E F I T AT T H E W H I T E H O U S E

Ph enix Social C ub

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SUPERHERO PARTY

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K ARAMBA - PHOENIX

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Where Are All the Damn Payphones? The other day, I felt like 2¢. I went to work in our office on a Saturday. I was the only person in the entire complex. As I do almost every day, I took off my shoes to be more comfortable. I emptied my pockets of my wallet, keys and cell phone. As I was hanging our sign on the front door, I closed it behind me. When I was finished, I tried to open the door but it was locked. Oh, no! I had no key on me. No cell phone. No wallet. No shoes and nobody was there. I was screwed. I would have to somehow contact someone to get a key to the door. How? Find a pay phone? Do they still have those? I would need money. Fortunately, my car door was unlocked and I had about 75¢ in the ash tray. So I walked a couple of  blocks down the street in my socks to a gas station. To my surprise, there was a working pay phone which, incidentally, costs 75¢. I called Pride Ride, a GLBT friendly Discount Cab service. In 10 minutes I was on my way!  But for one brief moment, standing in my dirty socks, with no money, no car, no phone. And it felt terrible. It’s like that feeling when you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe after going to the bathroom. Maybe you are playing in the outfield and you drop an easy fly ball like I often did when I was in Little League back as a kid. Which brings me to the theme of our issue, SPORTS! 16

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You wouldn’t know it by the thermometer, but fall is almost here. Finally, we can get outside and be active again! And there’s no better way then to join one of the many GLBT & Straight allied teams throughout the state. This issue features most of the leagues in a fun pictorial of actual players. We also interview Ronnie Kroell, the openly Gay runner-up on “Make Me a Super Model,” a noted Playgirl model, and who co-stars in the upcoming movie Eating Out 4 - Drama Camp. We feature one of our favorite hosts of Splash Bash who co-starred on VH-1’s “Brook Knows Best,” Glenn Douglas Packard. He released his very first single, “Love Dance,” available on iTunes.   Don’t forget to donate and/or walk in this year’s Phoenix AIDS Walk 2011, right before Rainbows Festival, in downtown Phoenix October 1st and 2nd. Go to AIDSwalkPhoenix.org and RainbowsFestival.com for more information. So, get out and join a sports team, see a movie or show, go to a local bar event, and for God’s sake, help someone in need. Make yourself feel good! Enjoy this issue of ION! 

Jack M. Tesorero Publisher


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3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #26, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 .................. jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ............................ kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .......................... ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Tom King ............................................ ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero Ext 2 - ionazsales@me.com ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop ..................................................... (602) 301-8457 Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Jerry O’Conner Deon Brown Cover Photo by Boris Kravchenko National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Stacey Jay Cavaliere Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly C. Edwards

Robert Hofmann Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2011: 16 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

© 2011 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Pussy’s Labor Day Show It’s as American as Ford, hot dogs, apple pie, and foam rubber boobs! What’s a federal holiday without a drag show with Pussy LeHoot? Her legendary show has been a tradition at Charlie’s since the very first Labor Day in 1894. Well, not quite. Come back to celebrate LeHoot’s birthday on Sunday, September 11. 727 W. Camelback Rd. Phone: 602-265-0224

Sunfish Pool Bash Play Marco Polo, Dibble-Dabble, Atomic Whirlpool or our favorite, Pirates & Sharks! It’s a Pool Party at the glamorous Clarendon Hotel with proceeds benefiting the Phoenix Sunfish Gay & Lesbian Aquatics Club! Fun in the sun on Saturday, September 18, 1-5 p.m. Prizes, Raffles, Silent Auction and a FULL BAR! 401 W. Clarendon. Go to PhxSunfish.org for more info.

Manhunt Party We all have those times when we’re looking for “Mr. Right NOW.” That’s when that handy-dandy site Manhunt.net comes in handy so you don’t have to settle for your handy. Now there’s a Manhunt Party with seXXXy stud Jesse Santana as the Master of Ceremonies. Friday, September 17 at BS West. 7125 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. Phone: 480-945-9028

Hellraisers Bachelor Auction Who says money can’t buy you love? Well, it can’t. But it can buy you one helluva date with one of the Hellraisers! These hot, sexy studs are going up on the auction block to the highest bidder, all benefiting the League. Join fab auctioneer Pussy LeHoot and bring your credit card to Charlie’s on Sept. 24 at 9 p.m. 727 W. Camelback Rd. Phone: 602-265-0224 CharliesPhoenix.com 20

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TU Collection Grand Opening “I see London! I see France!” You’ll want everyone to see your sexy underpants from the TU Collection! Men’s & women’s swimwear, and the most amazing underwear collection including baskit, AussieBum, James Tudor, and C-in2, plus jewelry, sunglasses, flip-flops, tanks and those

fabulous PanAm travel bags! 4700 N. Central Ave. next to Tan United. Phone: 602-274-TANU

SEPTEMBER 2011 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT LOCATION CITY Fridays Destination Fridays BS & White House Scottsdale Saturdays College Football Roscoe’s Phoenix Sundays Tea Dance with Alfredo Claude’s Lounge Phoenix Sundays NFL Football & Brunch R oscoe’s Phoenix Mondays Football & Poker icepics Phoenix Weds. Kenny Thames Jazz Night Radisson Phoenix 4 Trivia Night Friend’s Phoenix 4 Rocky Point Shrimp Boil Charlie’s Phoenix 4 Carnaval Latino Karamba’s Phoenix 5 Karaoke Contest Karamba’s Phoenix 5 Pussy’s Labor Day Show Charlie’s Phoenix 10 Jungle Party BS West Scottsdale 10 1Voice Community Center Grand Opening Phoenix 15-16 Fiestas Patrias Karamba’s Phoenix 17 Manhunt BS West Scottsdale 18 Sunfish Pool Bash Clarendon Phoenix 18-19 Bartlett Lake Bash BartlettLakeBash.com 20 Mustache Ride icepics Phoenix 24 Equality Arizona Dinner Biltmore Resort Phoenix 24 Black &White Party BS West Scottsdale 24 Hellraisers’ Bachelor Auction Charlie’s Phoenix 24 Project Hard Hat Party Bunkhouse Phoenix OCTOBER 1-2 TU Collection Grand Opening Phoenix 1-2 Rainbows Festival Heritage Square Phoenix 2 AIDS Walk Phoenix Downtown Phoenix September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 21


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Zog’s Tiki Lounge Party A celebration of Polynesian pop culture kitsch! Surf rock and rockabilly acts, Hawaiian and Tahitian dance, DJs, local tiki crafts, lowbrow artists, island BBQ, exotic drinks with umbrellas and door prizes! Weird, huh? Surf over to the Rhythm Room on Sunday, September 4. 1019 E. Indian School Rd. Phone: 602-265-4842. Visit ZogProd.com for more info.

Brasil Fest You don’t have to be “The Girl (or the guy!) from Ipanema” but you can pretend you’re a real Carioca and party like they do in that South American way at Brasil Fest AZ on Friday, September 9! Enjoy capoeria and batacuda music, DJs, VJs, the SambAZ Dancers, and other Brazilian music and dance for an exhilarating experience! It all happens at the MIM - Musical Instrument Museum at 4725 E. Mayo Blvd. in Scottsdale. 480478-600. For tix visit BrasilAZ.com

Restaurant Week Enjoy a week where local restaurants can showcase their menus by offering a special meal at a special price. The French call it “prix fixe.” Fancy! It’s a great way to get to know some local dining options, some of which may have prices ordinarily a bit out of reach. Some are old favorites, like Bill Johnson’s Big Apple. It all happens September 17-25.Visit ArizonaRestaurantWeek.com for a list of restaurants statewide!

SEPTEMBER 2011 ION around town listings DATE EVENT / LOCATION CITY 2-5 Coppercon Sci-Fi Convention - Hilton Gardens Avondale 3 Phoenix Cooks - Marriott Desert Ridge 3 Fiesta Septiembre Wickenberg 4 Zog’s Tiki Lounge Party - Rhythm Room Phoenix 9 Brasil Fest 2011- Musical Inst. Museum Scottsdale 16-18 El Zaribah Shrine Circus - WestWorld Scottsdale 17-25 Arizona Restaurant Week Phx/Tucs 24 Arizona Deaf Festival - Hotel Tucson City Ctr Tucson 24 Smithsonian Museum Day Valleywide 25 El Pedregal Wine & Jazz Fest Carefree 30 Fall Frenzy Tempe Beach Park Tempe 24

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Going on a

Gaycation by Robert Hofmann 26

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MG! I’ve got to get twenty-one outfits, fourteen pairs of shoes, seven bathing suits, creams, lotions, moisturizers, suntan lotion, sunblock, a gross of condoms, enough lube to grease the Amtrak line from Penn Station to D.C., and a leather harness into this miniscule overnight bag? How am I ever gonna do that?  Been there before? Who hasn’t? When it’s time to gaycation (you know, spend a week looking your fabulous best among the throngs of hot boys in thongs at some popular gay destination. You’ve been there. So, what’s a fashionista to do? You need the seven swim suits. You’d die if anyone saw you in the same one twice, no? And the leather harness is essential if there happens to be a leather bar or leather-themed party on your week’s gayca. So, by all means, pack ‘em, but don’t expect them to fit into your tiny suitcase.    First off, boys, bite the bullet and spend the extra $25 for a checked bag. But make sure you get a bag that will match the bags that will appear under your eyes at the end of the week. For as any experienced gay traveler will tell you, after a week of late nights, too many drinks, too little sleep, and having used all those condoms, those bags are gonna’ be there for awhile, no matter how much you moisturize. Next, lose one-third of the outfits. If you’re going to play for a week and you simply must have three “costume” changes a day, count the bathing suits as one of your three. Those seven skimpy little Speedos can be balled up inside one of your shoes with room to spare!    Then, line up your fourteen pairs of

shoes and take a good, hard look. Execute ten pair.  Take one pair of sandals/flip-flops for daytime, one pair of sports shoes (for hiking or tennis or ballet), and two pair for evening activities. If you think someone is not going to sleep with you because you’ve worn the same pair of shoes twice, well, then, you’ve probably just been rejected by Imelda Marcos. Or me.   You can’t leave out the creams, lotions or moisturizers. But make sure you pack the super-sized anti-wrinkle cream that you use under and around your eyes and mouth, and “down there” in your checked bag. Otherwise, it’ll get confiscated by airport security before you even board the plane. You can’t afford to have that happen. God knows, you need those creams. Just take a look in the mirror. Still not enough room in your bag? Leave the sunblock and suntan lotion at home.  When you need it, ask the hottie next to you to borrow his. Then make him rub it all over your back and anywhere you can’t reach. That’ll give you a chance to use up all of those condoms and the lube before you get home, thereby making some room in your luggage for that sarong you just had to have. _ Robert Hofmann is the author of three books, Surrounded by Insanity, An Ordinary Madness, and his latest, One Brain Cell Away from Retarded. He lives in Wilton Manors, Florida, with his partner of 16 years and welcomes email from readers at robshof@aol.com.  September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 27


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WONDERF UL 10 0 B ENEF I T

YAPPY HOUR

BS WEST SCOTTSDALE

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FREAKY FRIDAY

with Celia Putty

FRIENDS PHOENIX

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Hanson

Remember those obnoxious kids who sang “Mmmbop” over and over ‘til you thought you’d go crazy? Well, now they’re all grown up, still cute—and legal now. They even work to end HIV/AIDS in Africa with their music with TakeTheWalk.net. Catch these cuties on September 13 at the Marquee Theatre in Tempe, 730 N. Mill Ave. Tix: 480-829-0607 or visit LuckyManOnline.com

Arizona Best Fest

As AZ gears up for her centennial, come on up to Prescott, the territorial capital, and celebrate Best Fest September 16-18. In addition to activities you’ll have the chance to see out state’s great talent, like Jerry Riopelle, The Tubes, Nils Lofgren, Jordin Sparks and Mr. Las Vegas himself, North High School alum Wayne Newton! It all happens in downtown Prescott and it’s FREE!

Ke$ha: Get Sleazy Tour

Some describe this tour as a “post-apocalyptic Mad Max vibe” to go with the former waitress’s self-described “garbage chic” look. Some people, like my mom, just call it “dirty.” The hickorydickory-dok queen of “Tik-Tok” brings her “Get $leazy” tour to the Comerica Theatre on Saturday, August 20. 400 W. Washington. Tix: LiveNation.com or call 602-745-2888

September 2011 ION Concert Calendar DATE ARTIST LOCATION 2 Kenny Loggins Wild Horse Pass Casino 3 Lea Salonga Wild Horse Pass Casino 3 Def Leppard & Heart Ashley HomeStore Pavilion 3 Kool & the Gang Talking Stick Resort 4 Jimmy Buffett WIld Horse Pass Casino 11 Jefferson Starship Marquee Theatre, Tempe 13 Hanson Marquee Theatre 15 Bon Iver Comerica Theatre 16 Psychedelic Furs & The Tom Tom Club - Talking Stick Resort 16-18 Arizona Best Fest Downtown Prescott 18 Santana Ashley HomeStore Pavilion 20 Ke$ha: Get $leazy Tour Comerica Theatre 30 ZZ Top Comerica Theatre 30 Blink 182 Marquee Theatre

PHONE 877-840-0457 877-840-0457 602-254-7200 480-850-7777 877-840-0457 480-829-0607 480-829-0607 602-745-2888 480-850-7777 AZ100Years.org 602-254-7200 602-745-2888 602-745-2888 480-829-0607

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A Conversation with Edith Head

In her six decades of costume design, Edith Head worked on over 1,100 films, dressed the greatest stars in Hollywood, received 35 Oscar nominations and won an unprecedented eight of them. Head’s story is as fascinating as Hollywood, filled with humor, frustration and, above all, glamour. Project Runway, eat your heart out! September 16-October 2, Herberger Theatre Center

The Sparrow

Some people never learn. You’d think that the story of poor, little, blonde dork Carrie would be a lesson. But no. This is a dark tale of the heroic, brooding Emily Book, a young orphan who discovers she has been mysteriously blessed with telekinetic powers. Cheerleaders, jocks, and a cool teacher all help as the tragedy that traumatized the town is slowly revealed. Presented September 23-October 8 by Stray Cat Theatre at Tempe Performing Arts Center, 132 E. 6th St. Get tix at StrayCatTheatre.org

West Side Story

Do you feel pretty? Oh, so pretty? Pretty and witty, and—gay? Don’t answer that. See Leonard Bernstein’s 20th Century Romeo and Juliet musical set in a a gritty New York City neighborhood with star-crossed lovers Tony and Maria plus gangbangers. Here’s a hint: it doesn’t end well. This classic plays from September 27-October 4 at ASU Gammage, 1200 S. Forest Ave. For tix call 480-965-3434 or visit ASUgammage.org

SEPTEMBER 2011 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 2-3 Tracy Morgan Stand-Up Live 2-25 Steel Magnolias AZ B’way Theatre 9 John Pinette Stand-Up Live 9-10 Wayne Brady Tempe Improv thru 10 Oedipus for Kids Nearly Naked Theatre 15-18 Jay Mohr Stand-Up Live 16 Demetri Martin Orpheum Theatre 16-10/02 Conversation with Edith Head Herberger Theatre 22-25 The Wayans Brothers Stand-Up Live 23-10/8 The Sparrow Stray Cat Theatre 27-10/02 West Side Story ASU Gammage 29-10/1 Greg Fitzsimmons Stand-Up Live

PHONE 480-719-6100 623-776-8400 480-719-6100 480-921-9877 602-254-2151 480-719-6100 800-745-8000 602-254-7399 480-719-6100 straycattheatre.org 480-965-3434 480-719-6100

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by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Say what you will about Amy Winehouse. I am dismayed and hope she finds the peace in death that she never found in life. To a music genius, the world mourns. In addition to these, check out new stuff from Lenny Kravitz, Lady Antebellum, Kristin Chenoweth, Gavin DeGraw and Ladytron.

Kimbra Vows

Start with Amy Winehouse and Adele, add some Nina Simone and shake with Imogen Heap to get this gem. Although she originally started in jazz, the three years it’s taken to create this debut allowed Kimbra to diversify an album that is one step beyond Adele. Her signature layered vocals are amazing and her phrasing of each song is captivating. Lead single “Settle Down” is a quirky, but fun ditty, while “Cameo Lover” just glimmers bubblegum pop. However, the standout tracks here are “Good Intent” and “Plain Gold Ring” with their sultry and sleek innovation. GRADE: A

Tori Amos Night of the Hunters

Tori is still trying to tell stories with her albums, but this go around she does it with influences from the past 400 years. This, her debut on Deutsche Grammophon, is ground breaking in that it takes classical compositions and gives them a 21st century makeover. It’s her best album in years by being less polished or too experimental, all while encompassing a sweeping and orchestrated constant, à la Tim Burton’s composer Danny Elfman. “Shattering Sea” is the perfect opener with its sweeping strings, while the closer “Carry” leaves you wanting more. GRADE: B

Red Hot Chilli Peppers I’m With You

“If it ain’t broke, why fix it?” is something the RHC have maintained over the years. Though this offering adds a bit of electro, e.g.,The Killers and a new guitarist Josh Klinghoffer, this band continues to meld Rock and Funk that’s predictable. In some ways this album has less oomph, perhaps from a departure of the guitar riffs we’ve grown to love. Lead single “Adventures” proves a bit tepid. However, the energized opener “Monarchy of Roses,” “Happiness Loves Company” and the creative “Even You, Brutus” make up for it. GRADE: C+

Barbra Streisand

What Matters Most

She’s the only artist to have ever won an Oscar, Emmy, Tony, Grammy and Golden Globe and has the privilege to do whatever she wants. Having the most #1 albums by a female, Barbra takes her longtime collaborators Alan & Marilyn Bergman’s previously recorded works and gives them the Streisand magic. Available in two versions, the 10-track disc is accompanied by a second of her most cherished recordings such as “Papa, Can You Hear Me,” “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” and “The Way We Were.” GRADE: Hey, it’s Streisand!

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May I have this

“Love Dance” with

Glenn Douglas Packard by Deon Brown 38

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mmy® nominated choreographer, out-’n’-proud bestie of Brooke Hogan in VH1 reality show Brooke Knows Best (2008-2009) and a brief stint as a “boy bander” himself back in the day, Glenn Douglas Packard has worked with some of the top names in the industry, including Michael Jackson. We were proud to have Glenn host ION Arizona’s “Splash Bash” in 2010 where ION readers had the opportunity to mingle with the big-hearted, fun-loving personality. If you know anything at all about Glenn, you know “Dream Big” is his motto. He’s still living that philosophy. Glenn lives like a shark: he has to constantly be moving forward. Just last month Glenn released his first single, “Love Dance” featuring the Beu Sisters. Pop, dance, clubby fun! Glenn described it as, “One of those good feel songs.” Never a shrinking violet, Glenn is always right at home performing on stage. Now he’s front and center instead of directing others. “It is totally awesome! And I can say that being a child of the 80s,” Glenn told ION. “I had my dancers in a dance studio and it was a crazy feeling to say, ‘Okay, now I need you all to dance around me, okay, I need you all to touch me, okay I need you all to freeze and look at me.’ I wasn’t use to being the main guy and I liked it!” “Love Dance” came with a new set of challenges for Glenn.

“I’m not a singer!” he’s quick to explain. “I’m your male version of J-Lo or Paula Abdul. We’re performers, we like to entertain you. By no means am I trying to sing like Christina Aguileira.” There’s never a dull moment for Glenn. He recently celebrated three years together with his handsome partner, the talented Daniel Miagany. What’s next? “In my personal life: marriage and kids—my man clock is ticking! I’d like to make a video for ‘Love Dance.’ Careerwise, I’m back full force as a choreographer. I just worked on a stage show with Ricky Martin, did three music videos with Daddy Yankee, Andres Curevo and Ayiti. I’m also choreographing on the set of Latino Nickelodeon “Grachi” and about to do the Mexican Billboard Awards. There’s talk of new reality shows involving me and the Hogan Clan, and a dance show called “The Audition” but I’m not holding my breath. ‘Til then I will be dancing through life enjoying the next adventure that is given to me. What consistently inspires Glenn to create? “LOVE. All you need is LOVE,” he believes. “Love Dance” is available on iTunes. Keep up with Glenn on his website at GlennDouglasPackard.com September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 39


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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Previews Contagion Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, Marion Cotillard, Laurence Fishburne, Jude Law, Kate Winslet

Director Steve Soderbergh (The Informant!) gives us a much-needed break from the tireless hand-wringing of our global economic crisis by turning our focus from the potential of total financial collapse to the potential for total biological destruction in his new thriller, Contagion. An ensemble film, Contagion focuses on a deadly airborne virus that kills its victims within a matter of days by following a team of international doctors contracted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevent (CDC) that are tasked with tracking and suppressing it in time. In addition to the roadblocks inherent in trying to overcome such a formidable threat is the desire by higher ups to assuage the public’s fears and prevent widespread panic. Release Date: 09/09/2011

Drive

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Albert Brooks, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, and Christina Hendricks

This is certainly the summer of Ryan Gosling, which is totally okay by me. Gosling¸who received critical acclaim for his performance in last year’s Blue Valentine, recently played super hot playboywith-a-heart-of-gold opposite Arizona’s own Emma Stone in Crazy, Stupid Love. Now he takes a crack at the bat playing Driver, a stunt-driver by day and getaway driver for heists at night in Drive. When he falls in love with his next door neighbor, Irene (Carey Mulligan), who is unwittingly thrust into the underground world of crime by the return of her husband, Standard (Oscar Isaac), he has to put his exceptional driving skills to the test in order to save both of them from a syndicate of criminals. While the plot sounds rather stupid, the fact that Gosling is in the driver’s seat (literally) on this one makes it worth checking out. Factor in Carey Mulligan as his love interest (who starred in the excellent film, An Education), and it’s hard to say “no”. Release Date: 09/16/2011

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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

Judas Kiss

Saved & Betrayed

Starring: Charlie David, Richard Harmon, Julia Morizawa, Brent Corrigan If you’ve lived—truly lived—you’ve probably got a handful of enemies and a closet full of regrets. Most of us have toyed with what we’d do if we had the chance to go back and do it all again or what sort of advice (or beat down) we’d give the younger versions of ourselves to keep us from continually putting our hand in the proverbial fire. Since science and technology haven’t yet afforded us the opportunity to fold space and time, our life-changing fantasies remain just that and we’re forced to use more mainstream forms of therapy. What if? Judas Kiss takes this very idea and runs with it. Charlie David (Dante’s Cove) stars as Zachary Wells, oncepromising filmmaker and Keystone College alum, whose years since his college heyday have been a bumpy road paved by bad decisions, addiction and hard knocks. As a courtesy to his best friend, a successful filmmaker, he agrees to stand in for him as a judge at Keystone’s film festival. Arriving, he realizes nothing’s changed; the same faces and places from his own years populate the brick and mortar school. After several key “what the heck is going on?” moments it becomes apparent:

he’s not judging this year’s festival; he’s judging 15 years earlier when he, then known as Danny Reyes (played by Richard Harmon), won for his freshman short film, Judas Kiss. This is his opportunity to change the course of his life forever. While Judas Kiss is by no means an airtight film (it has some serious flaws, including a rather poor decision to show the Wells/Reyes highly acclaimed film, which after all the praise given was a total letdown, and the rather poorly acted “come-to-Jesus” meeting between young Reyes and his abusive father.) The saving graces are that the underlying themes—regret, repentance and rejuvenation—are timeless and universal. This makes it easy for the cast to breathe life into the script and for the audience to ignore the more absurd moments in order to appreciate the whole. Charlie David, whom I will admit has elicited his fair share of eye-rolls from me in the past, is actually really good as Zach Wells; there is something very sincere and genuine in his portrayal. The real break-out performance is Brent Corrigan as Chris Wachowsky, a fellow film student who has chemistry with the young Reyes and stands by him, even when things begin to fall apart. Corrigan, who is branching out from his career as an adult film star in favor of September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 43


DVD Movie

Continued

something more mainstream, makes the film. Prior to this I had only a salacious knowledge of Corrigan, but after this and found myself saying, “I really love him!” If Corrigan continues to turn out such noteworthy performances, I have complete faith that he will be successful in this phase of his career.

Unhappy Birthday

Starring: Actors who will, no doubt, spend the rest of their careers trying to bury their credits on this film. Not once, in my five years as a movie reviewer for ION, have I found myself a hair’s breadth away from calling my editor and begging him to allow me to not only turn off my DVD player, but burn the disc within it. Until now. Unhappy Birthday is a psycho-thriller about a polyamorous triad—Sadie, Rick and Johnny—who venture to Amen, a little island town off

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the coast of England to reunite Sadie on her 33rd birthday with her long-lost sister, Corrine. Amen, as you can guess, is a highly religious, close-knit community founded and fathered by one prolific man. Essentially the Ozarks of England, the entire town is related to one another in some way, shape or form and, as such, the men in the village are sterile. Corrine, learning that Sadie is “with child” first tries to convince and later coerce her into staying to expand their population, while Rick and Johnny quickly become targets of the homophobic religiosity of the townspeople. Suffice it to say, it doesn’t end well—otherwise, no doubt, the film would have been called “Happy Birthday.” I could spend twice the length of the film expanding on all the things that make is such a steaming pile of excrement, but I’ll just summarize it as such: do NOT watch this movie. You’re better than that.


The Rainbow Party “Gentlemen! Start your engines!” The first winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Bebe Zahara Benet and season four darling, Puerto Rico’s own Yara Sofia headline in a special benefit for Mr. Gay Arizona USofA, Ismael Ramirez & Raul Martin. Purchase your at ArizonaDrag.com. It’s bound to sell out. Where else but The Rock 4129 N. 7th St. PH: 602-248-8559

SEPTEMBER 2011 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Wed 7 9:00pm Sun 4 8:00pm Sun 4 7:00pm Mon 5 12:30pm Wed 8 9:00pm Sun 11 8:00pm Sun 11 8:00pm Sun 18 8:00pm Sun 18 8:00pm Sun 25 8:00pm Sun 25 8:00pm Wed 28 & Thur. 29 9:00pm Fri 30 10:00pm Sun 10/2 10:30pm Mondays 9:30pm Tuesdays 8:00pm Tuesdays 8:00pm Tuesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Thursdays 10:30pm Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:00pm Fridays 10:30pm Fridays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30p Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm 1st & 3rd Sundays 12:30pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 10:30pm

The Rock Apollo’s The Rock Cruisin’ 7th The Rock The Rock Apollo’s icepics Apollo’s Apollo’s The Rock The Rock The Rock Karamba

Dragtini with Victoria Bacon, Felicia Minor, and Celia Putty Afeelya’s House of Biunz ArizonaDrag.com presents Showgirlz LAdies of Labor with Judy, Coco, and Barbra Glamazona hosted by T.C. Taylor Sinful Sundays with Scandalesque Tyra Marie’s Tequila Nights FAG TV with Dianna K. Shane The Cougar Cabaret Barbra Seville’s That Time of The Month Miss Temple City NCC 2011 Pageant Jackie Beat Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Review Diamond’s 7th Anniversary Party

Apollo’s BS West Cruisin’ 7th Karamba Karamba Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba The Rock Friends Cruisin’ 7th BS West Cruisin’ 7th The Rock icepics Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba

Naughty or Nice Drag Bingo with Eryka Knowles & Lesbian Stars of Tomorrow with Kendra St. James The Stage is Yours with Mia Inez Adams (sign up by 7:30) Salsa Tuesdays with Savannah Moussier Barbra Seville Steppin’ Out with TC Claudia B. & Company Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Pandemonium feat. the AZ Gender Outlaws Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty Devina’s TGIF Elements 7 Deadly Sins - followed by Mandi BoomBoom Host Mia Inez Adams The Barbra Seville Show The Chane Jordan Show Pussy’s Patio Show Sunday Morning Madness with New Cast Member Dottie! Pussy LeHoot & Friends Diamond’s Show September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 45


The

Jackie Beat Goes On!

by Deon Brown 46

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“B

ig and bitter, covered in glitter ... it’s Jackie!” Yes, when you think of the great drag queens of our age, the gals that stand out, the gorgeous, glamourous, girdled gals in the Hall of Fame, few shine quite as brightly as the best of all bitches: Miss Jackie Beat. A favorite from coast-to-coast and across the seven seas where she sails the ocean blue with Atlantis Cruises, Jackie Beat comes “home” to the Valley. Sort of. “I grew up in Scottsdale and went to Pueblo Elementary. I was supposed to go to Saguaro High School, but my parents got divorced and we moved to Bakersfield,” she revealed about only dreaming of being the fabulous drag queen she would become. The experiences at the fabled Wigstock and Los Angeles is where she honed her acid-tipped tongue coupled with music. There are no sacred cows for Jackie. (Heck, after all, she’s eaten most of them.) When she’s not bitch-slapping anyone she can, (“Michele Bachmann needs a good backhand!”) what makes her happy? “My dogs! Dogs are my favorite thing on the planet. When people say, ‘I’m not really a dog person’ all I hear is, ‘I’m not really a person,’” Jackie believes. What makes Jackie Beat so bitchy? “Asshole people who text during my shows. I yelled at someone who was texting and he snapped back, ‘For your information I’m texting a friend about how fabulous you are!’ I explained that was like telling a kid, ‘I’m only molesting you because you’re so

darn adorable!’ Gee thanks, that makes me feel so much better.” “Jackie Beat is brilliant!” said the Valley’s own Pandora DeStrange, of the Arizona Gender Outlaws who’ll be hosting the legend. “She’s one of the most talented performers on the drag scene today. She’s the real deal—a performer who’s often imitated but never duplicated. At The Rock, we’ve made an effort to revitalize the drag scene in Phoenix by booking entertainers who have raised the bar in our profession. Jackie Beat is someone who has set that bar!” Jackie’s show at The Rock will be an experience for the senses. “There’s amazing live singing and comedy!” Jackie boasts. “If you’re blind then you can enjoy my gorgeous voice. If you’re deaf, you will love my look. If you happen to be blessed with both sight and hearing, you’re really in for a treat!” Don’t be afraid of Jackie. She confides, “I’m one of the nicest people you will ever meet. But don’t tell anyone or my career will be over!” Just the same, I wouldn’t let her catch you texting during the show. March to the Beat of Jackie’s drum. The legendary Bitch on Heels will be at The Rock on September 28 & 29 at 9 o’clock p.m. General admission tix are $15 available the night of the show. Limited VIP tix are available in advance for $25 including a Meet ‘n’ Greet after the show. The Rock: 4129 N. 7th Ave. Phone: 602-248-8559 www.therockdmphoenix.com September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 47


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Keep on Truckin’

et’s say you’re “Four Square”-ing it and you’re downtown Phoenix. Maybe you’re at ASU Downtown. Maybe you’ve had to report for Jury Dury. Or worse, you’re in Traffic Court. (Naughty, naughty!) Let’s say that it’s Friday and it’s lunchtime. Do yourself a favor. Forget about Subway. Forget about McDonald’s. Are you looking for something different? Every Friday from 11 a.m.-1:30 p.m. seven members of the Phoenix Street Food Coalition circle their wagons in a covered parking lot at Central Avenue on 14 E. Pierce St.—the same place where the Phoenix Farmers Market is every Saturday and serve up some mighty creative victuals that will fill up your belly and won’t leave your wallet empty. “Street Food” is one of the greatest culinary treasures any modern culture has to offer. The popular “taco wagon” at Charlie’s practically has a cult following. You don’t have to be Anthony “I’m the Shizzle” Bourdain to figure that out.

coaches” from days gone by, serving soggy day-old baloney sandwiches on white bread and frozen burritos. Sunshine & Spice (pictured top) serves up a delicious Coconut Curry Chicken taco or burrito bursting with flavor. Don’t miss out on the Pork Cheek Tostado with Mango Chutney. Vegetarian? They’ve got an Eggplant Tofu Stir Fry, too. Take your tongue on a trip down Dixie way at the Jamburrito Cajun Grill Express for their Creole-style “K-Sadilla” and steak or chicken jambalaya lunch bowls. Expect spicy twists when they use Andouille sausage, Etoufée sauce, rice, Creole cabbage and Pepper Jack cheese in creative ways. Check ‘em out on jamburritos.com for a full menu and history. Riteway Catering’s Caribbean-style fare of Po’Boys, Hot Links and Pulled Pork, sells out fast, but if you have a chance, try their refreshing Watermelon Salad (pictured center) with feta cheese, vinaigrette, onion and arugula. It’s pretty amazing.

The clever folks who comprise the PHX Street Food know all about—what else?—street food. This coalition of Mobile Specialty Food Vendors is an organization dedicated to increasing the awareness of innovative street food to the Phoenix Metro area. Okay, I stole that directly from their Facebook page. They put it so well. Before you collectively turn up your little noses, be aware that these are not the vulgar “roach September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 49


The jewel in the crown has got to be Short Leash (pitctured up right). You’ll crave the comestibles of this “mobile hotdog eatery” featuring Schreiner’s Sausages served on flatbread. Choose from regular, spicy beer hot, beef, bratwurst, or chicken & veggie with over 20 different toppings. Their fried pickles on the side are a “must.” Check ‘em out on ShortLeashHotdogs.com and, of course, Facebook. These folks are destined for stardom. No kidding. They’re hoping to be tapped for the Food Network’s “Great Food Truck Race.” You’ll not only love the sausages, but you’ll adore owners Brad & Kat Moore, too.

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Soak up some of the local scene and be part of a growing movement. One day you’ll be able to say, “I remember when it started!” It may sound corny, but it’s a great way to really feel like you’re part of a living, thriving community right in the heart of your own hometown. You can also find a variety of these specialty vendors every first & third Friday at 408 E. Roosevelt. For other locations and events check out PHXstreetFood.org and find them on Facebook.


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Designer Spotlight:

Brian Linger by Deon Brown photo by Fernando Hernandez 54 www.IONAZ.com September 2011


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f you’ve been to any of the top ranking big crown pageants in the state for Phoenix’s fairest ladyboy maidens, you’ve no doubt seen the glamourous costume and couture of the talented Brian Linger glittering from the footlights up from the stage. The magical needle and thread comes to life thanks to the capable and talented hands Brian Linger. In addition studying Fashion Design at Phoenix College, Brian is self-taught has been sewing since he was in junior high school. For the last ten years he’s been sewing for the drag community. Brian counts the legendary Blonde One, Miss Barbra Seville in the roster of his star clients. “Brian has an incredible eye and has really brought my act to the next level,” Barbra Seville said. “Brian has the ability to take an an idea that I have without it making it a copy and replicating a Madonna or Cher costume. He’s definitely able to put his own twist on costuming.” Brian approaches each of his custom designs thoughtfully. Brian takes each client’s individual needs into consideration when he’s creating a unique piece. “It’s exciting; it’s like putting together the pieces of a puzzle for me. I like using fabrics and rhinestones together in ways that they may not usually be used,” Brian told ION. Brian follows what’s happening in the world of haute couture. “There’s so much detail in each piece; such a high level of craftsmanship,” he admired.

Brian draws his inspiration from a variety of sources, including old Hollywood costume as well as current couturiers. Different designers, different collection from different years catch his eye, although he admires Lebanese designer Elie Saab whose creations have been on the Hollywood runways on top stars, like Halle Berry. Who would he love to dress? “Dita Von Teese; she has such a great understanding of couture and the whole package—including corsets and vintage looks,” Brian explained. “I’m always attracted to corsets.” Brian is fascinated by the famous, tightly-laced corsets of the fabled Mr. Pearl. Recently, RuPaul’s Drag Race Season Two contestant Jessica Wild appears in the commercial seen on LOGO TV promoting ABSOLUT Açai Vodka wearing a fabulous sequined bright-violet colored corset created by Brian Linger especially for the shoot. Wild also wore the corset during her special guest performance earlier this year at the Orpheum Theatre for the Mister & Miss Phoenix Gay Pageant. Brian is currently designing and creating more costumes for Jessica Wild and RuPaul’s Drag Race Season Three contestant Yara Sofia, who will be appearing at The Rock on Sunday, October 2 for “The Rainbow Party.” Let’s hope she’s wearing a Brian Linger original!

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Designer Spotlight:

Alexander Luque

by Stacey Jay Cavaliere photo by Jerry O’ConnerSeptember 2011 56 www.IONAZ.com


2

0-year-old Alexander Luque came from humble beginnings yet used his drive, determination and passion for something he loves to motivate and inspire him to become the amazing and talented fashion designer he is today. Born in San Diego, California, Luque moved to Mexico as a very young boy, growing up there until he was 14-years-old. Creating art in Mexico was difficult for Luque, so he packed up his life and moved to the States, leaving behind his loving and supportive mother. He stayed with family and friends throughout the Phoenix area and even spent time living at Tumbleweed Center for Youth Development, a center for homeless youth. Although he had no place to call home, he continued his passion for creating art during high school, determined to see his dreams come true. While living at Tumbleweed, Luque discovered 1n10, a social supportive agency for GLBTQ youth. Attending 1n10, Luque was frequently reminded that he can do whatever he puts his mind to, and encouraged to continue creating and striving for his goals to become a designer. He began experimenting with newspaper, and created his first paper sculpture piece, a flower titled “La Flor.” After mastering this paper folding technique to create flowers, he began to create and design other pieces including his favorite titled “Tree of Life.” Luque is now attending Arizona State University, studying Art History and Italian. He has developed his passion for using

recycled materials—like newspapers and plastics—to create one-of-a-kind clothing pieces calling it Eco Paper Doll Clothing. Seeing the incredible need in our society to reduce, reuse, and recycle, Luque has found inspiration in his paper clothing designs, and has been recognized for his talent. His work has shown at Scottsdale Fashion Week and displayed in galleries and boutiques in Phoenix and Santa Fe, New Mexico. Luque also launched his website, www. ecopaperdolls.com where he takes custom orders. He will soon launch his Eco Paper Boys line, which will include backpacks, messenger bags, wallets and ties for men. Luque’s incredible story is inspiring and motivating. and his life experiences and struggles gives others inspiration and hope to pursue their dreams. A 1n10 youth describes Luque saying, “He came from nothing and made so much of himself. He’s very inspiring to me because by watching him and knowing what he went through, I know that I can do anything if I put my energy and all into it.” Luque acknowledges the help he received while living as a homeless youth and gives back whatever way he can. He often teaches art and design classes at Tumbleweed, where he was sheltered as a youth. By giving back, Luque feels a sense of pride and gratitude for those that were there for him in his time of need. For more information on Luque, or to order a custom piece, please visit ecopaperdolls. com.

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Designer Spotlight:

Natalia Acosta

by Deon Brown photo by Jerry O’ConnerSeptember 2011 58 www.IONAZ.com


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he vibrant and charming Natalia Acosta finds inspiration everywhere. “I love bright colors, especially. It’s like ‘life.’ Life is colorful and you can see it everywhere!” she said. Natalia especially loves

process for Natalia starts at the very beginning. “My favorite part is the initial vision,” Natalia said. “When I have the vision I’m already anxious to finish the project. Once I see it made, that’s what gives me satisfaction, right there, seeing exactly what I had in mind.” When you see Natalia Acosta’s creation, it’s easy to see the attention to detail, the stitching, the seams and hemlines. But what

fashion that is classic, still sexy, emphasizing a woman’s silhouette and shape. The fabrics she picks reflect that in their drape and form. “When I see fabric that I love I already have the vision for the design. When I make a dress, it has to be forever. It has to be one-of-a-kind; that’s why I don’t follow trends.” Acosta’s dresses and gowns have been seen in several pageants and for private clients, too. “Any woman who wants to feel sexy, confident and unique is my target,” said Natalia. The most satisfying part of the creative

you can’t see with the naked eye that makes it special is her devotion, enthusiasm and spirit. And it shows. For more information on the fashions from Natalia Acosta visit www.italiarockscouture.com or email acostanatalia90@yahoo.com September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 59


GOLDFISH RACES

ROSCOE’S ON 7TH - PHOENIX

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photos by Jerry O’Conner

From L to R: Miguel Labrego, Ryan Bender, & Angel Barrios.

Phoenix Hellraisers Established 2008

The Phoenix Hellraisers host a flag football league from November through March. Everybody’s welcome to play! Register year round at...

www.phoenixflagfootball.com Upcoming event: Hellraisers Bachelor Auction at Charlie’s on Saturday, September 24th at 9pm. September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 61


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From L to R: DVA Players Carl Thompson, Jaime Yazzie, and Albert Yenguez

AZ Gay Volleyball

Desert Volleyball Alliance

AZGV plays Monday (6-Player) and Tuesday Nights (4-Player) at Indian Steele Park and The Radisson Phoenix City Center.

DVA hosts two levels of league play. Beginners and intermediate level players (B) play on Wednesday nights. Higher intermediate and advance players (A) play on Thursday nights. Both divisions run at the Sports Club at City Square. Open play at the Sports Club on Saturday mornings with B players playing from 10:30-1 and A players from 1-3:30. All are welcome. ($5.00 per person.)

Established 2003 - Sand V.Ball

Fall season will begin open play on September 12th & 19th and league play will begin the 26th & 27th.

www.azgv.org

Established 2009 - Indoor V.ball

Upcoming event: The Volley Del Sol NAGVA Tournament on November 26 & 27th, 2011.

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From L to R: Eric Hamilton, Reid Benes, Franco Dias, & John White

Phoenix Tennis Alliance

Established 1999

Point, Set, Match! The Phoenix Tennis Alliance meets on Friday and Sunday Evenings at the Phoenix Tennis Center. $5 Court & Lights Fee Upcoming event: The Cactus Open Tennis Tournament will be held at the Phoenix Tennis Center October 15, 16, and 17.

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www.phxsunfish.org

Upcoming event: The End of Summer Pool Bash at the Clarendon - Sunday, September 18th from 1 - 5pm.

The Phoenix Sunfish is a registered team within United States Master’s Swimming, and part of the Arizona Master’s Local Masters Swim Committee, and is a proud member of International Gay and Lesbian Aquatics.

Established 2003

The Phoenix Sunfish

From Left to Right: Norm Reyes, David Decker, Jacob Palmer, Marty Sarussi, David McArthur, Ronnie Conner and Aliza Rain.


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Cactus Cities League Established 1993

Plays (most) Sundays at Cesar Chavez Park (35th Ave & Baseline) for the open division and at Esteban Park (32nd St & Southern) for the women’s division. The Fall league starts on September 11th and ends on December 4th.

www.cactuscities.com

Ricardo Orduno

Hellraiser Hoops Established 2009

A few pickup games with three guys just a short time ago grew to about 15 players traveling to tournaments nationwide. For more information email

HellRaiserHoops@yahoo.com Tim Brown

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Phoenix Storm RFC Established 2004

The Phoenix Storm Rugby Football Club has been playing tough since 2004. They’ve competed in tournaments like the great Bingham Cup. They’ve emerged victorious through the years and are ready for more.

www.phoenixstorm.org

Arizona Frontrunners Established 1999

Looking for a great way to meet and walk, jog or run with other Gay men and Lesbian women? Our group includes first-time walking partcipants through seasoned marathon runners.

www.azfrontrunners.com

P.U.G.B.A. Established 2009

With nine Phoenix Unified Gay Bowling Alliance (PUGBA) leagues throughout the Valley, there’s an opportunity to hit the lanes almost every night of the week. No experience is necessary we have bowlers of every experience level.

www.pugba.org

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On Fame, Labels, & Mirrors

by Deon Brown photo by Boris Kravchenko 74 www.IONAZ.com September 2011


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he catwalk was never the same after 25-year-old Ronnie Kroell pounce on it when he was introduced to America on Bravo TV’s Make Me A Supermodel in 2008. Although runner-up, he won “Fan Favorite.” Risqué Playgirl magazine convinced Ronnie to give the world “the full Monty” in June, 2010. Nobody ever looked as good with a staple across their belly as dreamboy Ronnie Kroell. In the zany, screwball Gay comedy Eating Out 4: Drama Camp, Ronnie makes his acting debut as dopey, loveable, bighearted thespian Beau, (“Do you mind if I sleep nude?” Uh, no.) who’s unaware of his own beauty. So guess who’s naked— again? Ronnie didn’t mind “revealing” what’s going on in his life or his mind to ION Arizona, either. There’s more than meets the eye. No wonder he’s known as the “King of Heart” and lives an authentic life as more than just another pretty face. “I had a blast!” Ronnie says. “The Eating Out movies are hilarious! It was a great first stab in the acting world for me. Working with [director/do-writer] Alan Brocka was such a treat. I’m focusing

on my transition into acting, so I’m going to be auditing some classes in LA soon, figuring out where I’m gonna live, where I want to call home. I’m making an investment in ‘me’ right now.” Fans will love Ronnie’s torrid, bodice-ripping “make-out scene” with co-star Daniel Skelton. “Oh good god! I watched this movie with my parents—they’re all sweet, loving and supporting. When I hit ‘em over the head with Playgirl they were, like, ‘Oh, okay, that’s alright. As long as you’re not hurting anybody,’ but sitting and watching that scene they tried to muster up something of value to say. Like, ‘Ummm, we’re very proud of you, son.’ But Daniel was a great kisser. Most definitely,” Ronnie reports. After being on a reality TV show he managed to parlay that into something, stay in the public eye and make an impact. “For a lot of people on reality TV they think it’s going to be their Golden Path. It’s a real thing, putting your life out there for the world to criticize and talk September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 75


about. Think of it: you’re coming into people’s homes every week. It’s all very surreal. For me it was learning how to leverage the incredible blessing of getting to have this opportunity and continue to follow ‘the dream.’ Living in New York and following that dream has never been easy. It’s a constant roller coaster of emotions; that inner voice saying, ‘Will you get another opportunity equal to Make Me A Supermodel? I’m my biggest critic. “The greatest opportunity that being on Make Me A Supermodel is lending my voice to causes I believe in: political campaigns, HRC and the American Cancer Society, speaking at colleges about diversity and being openly Gay. “People have sent me such beautiful emails. They send very personal stories about the struggles they’re going through either with understanding or accepting their sexuality or getting their parents to understand or love them, and about the joy that they’ve been able to find following their dreams because they watched Make Me A Supermodel. It reminds me why I’m so passionate about what I do. Sometimes 76

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it catches me off-guard. Even in my darkest hours, the Universe has it that someone will send me a page long email and I’ll be in tears, reminding me why I’m so passionate about what I do. They have no idea—even sending me a little message. Those things fill me up with such warm energy. People know my life better than I do, sometimes. My fans have no idea how much they mean to me.” Between Playgirl feature, Drama Camp and the upcoming film Into the Lion’s Den, Ronnie sure likes being naked. “Apparently! I don’t know how this happened! On MMASM they had us naked all the time. Playgirl was never on the shortlist of things I thought I’d do. It took about six months before we got to “yes.” I can look back on it and be very proud of the decision that I made. I was in complete creative control. “I march to the beat of my own drum. Every country, every population has its own idea of beauty. In life it’s very easy to classify people and put them in a box. In my mind I’m dropping my labels for Playgirl because at the end of the day we’re stripped of our titles and name brands, vulnerable, beautiful human beings. My friends are very diverse. I wouldn’t be who am I today if I discriminated based on looks. It’s important that people love


photo by Boris Kravchenko

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themselves. So many people don’t.” What’s the best and worst part about being Ronnie Kroell? He thought about this and discusses the pluses and minuses. “The best part is that I have owned and embraced the fact that I’ve been given a talent to be appreciated for outward beauty. The worst part? At the same time that outward beauty is underestimated and misjudged,” Ronnie reflects. “People feel that: a) there isn’t much more beyond a pretty face, or: b) they can take advantage of that because that’s all they see. In a way it can work out to my advantage because they assume that because I’m a model I’m not smart. I try to do my best to be someone who’s approachable.” ION asked Ronnie to tell us a secret about himself. “This is hardball! They didn’t prepare me for this! Most people wouldn’t know that I really don’t like looking in the mirror with lights on,” he confesses. “I do my best to put myself together without the lights. True story.” Ronnie created a video supporting the “It’s Get Better” campaign and featured on the site, “I’m From Driftwood,” a

50-state/story collection of inspirational stories from Gay people all over to help young Gay teens who might feel alone. “Even if one person sees that and feels better about themselves or doesn’t have thoughts of committing suicide. It’s really rough for me seeing teens who feel that their lives are worthless,” Ronnie says. “My work in moving forward in my career is building bridges and starting conversations. Keeping the dialogue open. I’m a man who happens to be Gay but I won’t let anyone one else—including the [entertainment] industry—define me as only that. Otherwise you do yourself a disservice; you never get to embrace and learn about the other things that make you special. “That’s how we learn; how opinions are formed, how we teach ourselves,” he concludes. “At one point or another we’re either a teacher or a student in life. I just want to keep learning.” See Ronnie Kroell appear on your own TV! Eating Out 4: Drama Camp will be released on DVD October 25, 2011. The suspense-thriller Into The Lion’s Den will be released on DVD November 2011.

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OUTRAGEOUS!

Dude-y Gaga Claims: “I’m OUTRAGEOUS! Fonzie’s Lovechild!”

OUTRAGEOUS!

MILWAUKEE, “I always Wis.—Lady wondered who Gaga’s bizarre, my daddy schizophrenic, was,” said transgendered Guy Gaga. appearance on “It wasn’t ‘til ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL MTV’s Video I watched an Music Awards episode of that last month awful, awful had tongues sitcom on TV wagging. Her Land and saw ultra-lowbrow, The Fonz I grungey, bridgerealized he was and-tunnel persona sporting a greasy the one. I was as shocked as anybody. Now 1950s-style West Side Story pompadour had I wanna know my dad and hear him say, ‘Sit crowds cringing as she lumbered around the on it’ to me.” stage with a tube sock stuffed in the crotch of her pants. Actor Henry Winkler who brought the character of The Fonz to life issued a “It’sRESEMBLANCE true,” said Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli, statement to the press addressing patrimony: ANY TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANY TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL 65, an RESEMBLANCE imaginary TV mechanicTO and THE part TRUTH “Look,IS people. The Fonz never really time thug living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. existed. He was imaginary. The show took “I had an affair with all three of the Hooper place in the 50s. Stephani Germanotta is Triplets in several different episodes of only 25! She isn’t really a man. There were Happy Days, and, well, I’m afraid that no Hooper Triplets! They were actresses! nine months later one of the girl had a little Leave me alone!” surprise for me. I think that was the same episode where Potsie lost his retainer and Barbra Walters plans on interviewing Richie Cunningham couldn’t get a date,” he “Dude-y” Gaga and Arthur Fonzarelli in the remembered about the hit ABC show. near future.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

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OUTRAGEOUS!

Sen. McCain Offends Hobbits. OUTRAGEOUS! Boycott Called.

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! WASHINGTON, D.C. — Residents of Middle Earth stormed the U.S. Capitol when Sen. John McCain, (R-AZ) blasted right wing conservatives as “Tea Party Hobbits.”

“That’s a Gollum kind of remark to make,” said Bilbo Baggins. “We resent being lumped into the same category as Michelle Bachmann and Christine O’Donnell. They clearly are tempted by Precious, the Ring of ANY TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Power.” ANYRESEMBLANCE RESEMBLANCETO TOTHE THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL The hairy-footed, dwarf-like River Folk from the Shire, Middle Earth bristled at Baggins is enlisting the help of the American Civil Liberties Union and the aging melanoma-speckled 75-year-old “maverick’s” insult and demand an apology. attorney Gloria Allred to encourage McCain Leaders Bilbo and Frodo Baggins along to retract the statement. with Samwise Gamgee, Peregrin Took and “What I meant to say is that Tea Party Meriadoc Brandybuck from Gladden Fields and picketed up and down Constitution radicals are worse than a convention of Star Trek dorks,” McCain reported in a press Avenue chanting “Hobbits are (almost) people, too!” The parentheses are silent. release.

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL


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OUTRAGEOUS!

Blame it on the Rain.

Lousy Weatherman Executed.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Lisbon Falls, Me.— Wildly inaccurate Citizens collectively banded together after the 11 o’clock p.m. broadcast where they predictions, spoiled picnics, camping apprehended Tretheway, hogtied him, trip disasters, birthdays, weddings and anniversary parties ruined. Years of poor covered him with tar and feathers and weather forecasting by WMNE-TV veteran dispatched him. meteorologist Hal Tretheway, 62, came to “His forecasts were so off the mark,” said a head when the residents of Lisbon Falls neighbor Lester Simmes, “IACCIDENTAL can look out my took matters into their own hands, storming ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL the news station and lynching Trethewey. window and give you better prediction than Hal.” “This goddam prick predicts sunshine, and there’s a downpour for three hours. He says Graveside services for Tretheway will be held at the Eternal Rest Cemetery on it’ll rain, and we get a heatwave lasting Saturday, weather permitting. for three weeks that killed my goddam prize winning dahlias,” fumed Lillian Witherspoon, 77, of Tarreytown Lane. “I Applications now being accepted for used to babysit him when he was a kid; he meteorologist at the TV station. was a liar then, and he’s a liar now.”

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL


GRAND OPENING

EAST PHOENIX

88

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September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 89


90

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IONPHOENIX 1.

Amsterdam

718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown PHX

(602) 258-6122

2.

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 956-2885

3.

Anvil Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373

4.

Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

5.

Bliss / Rebar

901 N. 4th St. - Phoenix

(602) 795-1792

6.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

7.

Bunkhouse

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154

8.

Cash Inn

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 244-9943

9.

Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 265-0224

10. NEW! Claude’s Lounge 4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phx

(602) 275-3509

11. Club Sutra

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 682-5088

12. Cruisin’ 7th 13. Dick’s Cabaret

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

14. FLEX Men’s Club

1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix

(602) 271-9011

15. NEW! Friends (Again!)

1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729

16. icepics videobar

3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 267-8707

17. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 254-0231

18. Kobalt

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 264-5307

19. Lush Lounge

2050 N. Alma School - Chandler

(480) 857-9444

20. OZ

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114

21. Plazma

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

22. Rainbow Cactus

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 971-1086

23. The Rock 24. Roscoe’s

4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 248-8559

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 285-0833

25. Nu Towne

Coming Back Soon!

26. Z Girl Club

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

Recommended

(602) 265-3233

September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 91


IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Apollo’s

2-4-1 well & dom. 4pm-Close

$5 red cup/50¢ refills 10a-10p Karaoke 9pm

$5 red cup/50¢ refills 10a-10p Male Strippers 10:30pm

Bar 1

Friday Happy Hour 4-7p 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Saturday $2 dom bottle 6-9p 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

$2 Brown Bagged Beer 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Happier Hour 3-6:30p 2-4-1well $5 martinis-$3 all beer & h wine

Brunch 10am-2pm $4 Bloody $3 glass or $10 mimosas pitch

Sunday Chill 2-7pm 2-4-1 alcohol / $10 bucket beer

BS West

The Elements Show 10pm Dance Party $5 u-call-it Drinks

2-4-1 everything all night Go-go Boyz / Extended Patio

FUN Raiser 7pm Karaoke 9:30pm $2 Draft / $3 Marys & Screws

Charlie’s

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers

NEW! Claude’s

Frozen Fridays 2p-2a Eighties Party 6p-2a

Beer Bust $1 drft, $3 pitch 2-8 Blackout Party 2-4-1 Dom. 8p

Tea Dance 2-8p NFL Game time $2.50 Dom / $3 Bloody / $3 Lg Isl

Cruisn’ 7th

TGIF - Devina 10:30 pm

AZ Leathermen Strippers 4:3 New Show Hostess Mia Adams

Morning Madness 1st & 3rd Sun $3 Svedka cocktails 7p-close

Dick’s Cabaret

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7pm ‘til 9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & VIP Wristbands

$3 Pomegranate Presses Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Bottle Beer & Tequila Shot Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 Brunch Drinks 50% off bottles of wine

R Bliss / ReBAR

R FEZ

FRIDAY

Sunday Brunch $10 10am-2pm

Friends

FREE Hot Appetizer Bufet 5-8pm

icepics

MEAT - Hot Go Go Dancers $2.50 dom / $3 well / $4 Lg Isl.

The Chane Jordan Show! $4 SKYY cocktails 10pm

Show Tunes Sundays 2pm-8pm 2-4-1 drinks

Karamba

Vaquero Fridays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9pm-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $2 drinks

Top 40 Sundays Diamond Show $3 Pitcher Beer Bust

Roscoe’s 10:00p- 1:00a

Cruisin’ 7th | Plazma 4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p

The Leathermen

R Maizie’s

Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 3-6pm Everyday

Brunch All Day Closes at 4pm

R Mi Patio

Fridays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Saturdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Sundays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm-Open 11-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm-Open 11-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

R Roscoe’s*

The Leathermen! Great Happy Hour

Happy Hour 10am-7pm Free Darts All afternoon

Make your Bloody Mary Bar $8 Lg Isnd Pitch. $3 Beer Pitch.

R Switch

Fri: $3 House Margaritas Open from 11am-Midnight

Sat: $3 House Cosmo Martini Open from 10am-Midnight

$3 Sweet Tea Vodka Lemonade $3 Breakfast Carafes Open @ 10

R Ticoz

Fridays 1/2 off Coronas all day Happy Hour 3-6:30pm

Saturday 1/2 off well vodka Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30p

Sundays 1/2 off Sangria Pitch Brunch 10a-3p - HH 3-6:30

The Rock

R

92

FULL MENU

* LIMITED MENU/TIMES

www.IONAZ.com September 2011

FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS


MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Drag Bingo 9:30 2 for 1 u-call-it all day/night

Live Cabaret Show 8 pm $2 off any martini

Big Gay Game Challenge 7:30 Happy Hour All day / All night

Karaoke 9:30pm

Monday $5 Martinis

KAROKE $2.50 wel, dom 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Thursday 2-4-1 U Call It 10a- cl 10a-4p $2 well/ bud draft

Student Salvation Mondays $20 Plate of apps + bottle wine

Twofer Tuesdays $20 2 burgers/fries/2 dom beer

2-4-1 Wednesdays 9pm-close 2-4-1 on ALL drinks

Thirstday Thursdays $4 AMF, Lng Islnd/ Skinny drink

Anything Goes Mondays 9pm $1 Draft / $3 Well / $4 Bomber

Stars of Tomorrow Show $1 Off Beer/$2 Off Call/$5 Well

2-4-1 All Day and All Night A valley tradion!

Amateur Strip Night w/ Mandi $1 Shots / $2 Draft / $3 Well

Underwear Party 8-cl 1/2 price 2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-close $3 Pinnacle

2-4-1 All Day! Cocktails and beer

Karaoke 9:30pm Monday Madness 2pm-2am

Dart League 8p Free Darts 10p 2-4-1 well/domestic 2p-8p

FREE Laser Pool 8pm-12am 2-4-1 Well, Call & Dom 2p-2a

“College Night” Specials 8p-2a 2-4-1 Well/Dom 2-8p

Karaoke 9pm

Steppin’ Out TC Taylor hosts 10:30 pm - $2 domestic

AZ Leathermen Strippers 10:30 pm

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, VIP Wristbands

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

Wacky Wednesdays $5 Cover and almost everything else

Stripper Karaoke

$3 Burgers $ Margaritas Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

‘tini Tuesdays $3 Martinis Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$20 Any Bottle of Wine Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

$3 G Spots Happy Hour Everyday 4-6:30 p

Martini Club $5 Pinnacle Marti. Get your Club Card, 10th is 25¢

2-4-1 Thursday Well & Domestic Plus different top shelf selections

Monday Night Karaoke 9p-1a $4 Pinnacle Cocktails 9p-close FREE Poker Tournament 7pm and 10pm

GLEE starting at 7pm 2-4-1 drinks during the show

Karaoke starting at 9pm $3 well/$2.50 dom./$4 martinis

2-4-1 in undies beer/well 9p-cl $3 Three Olives Thursdays

Karaoke Mondays DJ Ramon $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Salsa Tuesday Savannah Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

Top 40 Wed. Barbra Seville $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

TEJANO Ruby Show $2 drinks & $3 Pitch. Beer Bust

The Leathermen perform at Roscoe’s, Cruisin’ 7th and Plazma!

Cruisin’ 7th Ruby Reynolds 10:30p - 12:30p

$4 Bistro Burgers 4-10pm $10 off of all Bottled Wines

Pizza/Wine Special Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

BBQ Short Ribs Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

$3 Mexican Beers Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday

Mondays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Tuesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Wednesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Thursdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Happy Hour ‘til 8pm- Open 2-2 $4.50 Stoli drinks ALL DAY!

Monday Pool Tournament 2-4-1 beer & well 7pm-close

2 for Tuesdays 2-4-1 drinks all day

Wednesday All Day Happy Hour

Thursdays 2-4-1 7pm

Mon: $3 House Chard and Cab Open from 11am-Midnight

Tue: $3 Drunken Italian Sodas Open from 11am-Midnight

Wed: $3 Sangrias Open from 11am-Midnight

Thur: $3 Caipirinhas Open from 11am-Midnight

Mondays 1/2 off Mojitos HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Tuesdays 1/2 off Sangrias HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Wednesdays 1/2 off Margaritas HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

Thursdays 1/2 off draft beer HH 3-6:30pm - Open 11am-Mid

ION ARIZONA

September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 93


by Addison DeWitt

I’m somewhat of a poseur, you know, and love posturing with the long, heavy-handed Proustian prose that I’m so hated for by my detractors (who still read this column, nonetheless!) Well, that and the fact that I like tattling on people’s shortcomings, sexploits and hijinx. It’s what I do in order mask my own glaring insecurities, pettiness and general mean-spiritedness. But then again, I’ve had a platform for blabbing for over a dozen years, and most everybody else doesn’t. It doesn’t get me laid, either. You have to pick your poison, folks. Despite my highbrow nature and hoitytoity ways, guess what my favorite periodical is? Well, besides ION, of course—and, no, I was not paid for that endorsement. Is it Vanity Fair? Time? The Atlantic? Inches? Close, but no. It’s The Slammer! You can usually find this hallmark of journalism at the cashwrap of fine convenience stores everywhere. Suitable as a coffee-table magazine, or for beside the toilet. Well, my little pigeons, I’m addicted to this weekly! It’s like our own little TMZ! In one issue I spotted three people I know! I’ll tell you one thing, nobody looks good in a mugshot! I know that I sure didn’t any of mine in the past. We may see one naughty fetishist in its pages soon. It seems poor little Barbra Seville (in guy drag as Richard Stevens) was stalked by a common pervert in the Haute Couture Salon of Le Target. The cad even approached him where he waxed poetic about the beauty Richard’s flip-flop shod footsies. He asked to give the Blonde One a “foot massage.” (Hey! Do those come with “happy endings” I

wonder?) Richard politely declined. “Will you at least wiggle your toes for me?” he begged. “I think we’re done here,” Richard concluded. Next time maybe he’ll at least offer a fat tip. And maybe some Dr. Scholl’s arch supports or corn pads. I mean, really! Doesn’t he know who you are? Masher! The leather community still mourns the loss of the gritty bar padlock and it had a date with the wrecking ball last month. My prognostications long ago are being realized as a fast food joint rises. Originally I’d reported it would be a Panda Express; how appropriate if they served Cum of Sum Yung Gai on the site of so many— uh—“glandular expressions” from long ago, but it looks like a Taco Bell, instead. The best of us and the rest of us attended the Phoenix Social Club’s “HEAT” Party last month. That’s where we discovered two Party Penguins of the Month! We’re delighted to announce James “Twinkerballs” Quinn pictured here with Phoenix’ Living Legend, the fabulous oneman-band/dancing machine Bob Heygi perched over his shoulder like a little GLBT Guardian Angel. Bravo! Consider yourselves lucky I’m not collecting pictures of Party Penguins from the pages of The Slammer. Send Addison news about miscreants, scofflaws or outlaws to RumorHound@ aol.com September 2011 www.IONAZ.com 95


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Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

You have a golden opportunity in front of you around mid-month. Or is it really made of brass? Don’t over-think the situation. Follow your instincts and you’ll make the right choice. Just don’t get greedy. Your savoir-faire and moxie carry the day. Trust an Aquarius.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

it’s your birthday, don’t forget someone special who would love a command performance. Geminis and Aries make a great audience.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

“Salagadoola mechicka boola, bibbidi-bobbidiboo!” Wave your magic wand around and— poof!—you’re Harry Potter! For birthday LIbras you’ll cast a spell that might backfire if you’re not careful. Don’t try it on a Capricorn. Bad mojo.

“Lipstick on your collar, told the tale on you.” Looks like a little indiscretion caught up with you and you can’t explain it or excuse yourself. It may be professional, or it might be personal. Just be glad it isn’t an STD or involve antibiotics. Watch it next time, buster! A Virgo tempts you.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Get up. Go look in the mirror. What do you see? I’ll tell you: someone who’s smart, sexy and knows a thing or two about a thing or two. Don’t let an overzealous Pisces ego interfere with your vision. And I don’t mean “television.”

It comes as a surprise when you discover that you’re an inspiration to someone you never imagined admired you. As a matter of fact, you don’t even like them. Don’t let them down, now, but remember, you’re not God, either. A Scorpio confirms the situation.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

You know a secret that’s just too good to keep to yourself. However, you’ll make a big mistake if you let the cat out of the bag. Trust is on the line. But it’s okay to tell everybody about the bartender you banged. Everybody knows you’re a slut anyway. That’s a Gemini for you.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

You’ll be riding the horns of dilemma after the 20th. Do you know what that even means? I didn’t think so. That’s what makes you so cute. Just know you’ll have to make a decision. “Eeny-meeny-miney-homo.” Feel lucky? A Taurus helps you decide.

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

Your corky, quirky, kinky nature makes you a human magnet. Everybody’s a big fan. If 98

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September 2011

Considering a couple of white lies you told last month, your reputation remains unscathed. Still, you’re no paragon of virtue. Someone catches you red-handed and with your pants down, too. Watch it! A Capricorn is on to you!

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

The devious plot contrived to overthrow your regime fails. Don’t be a pawn; curry favor with your court to stay on the throne. It’s confusing now, but pieces will all fall into place late in the month. Check mate, Leo!

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

A surprise reunion rekindles a flame you thought was long burned out. Times have changed and you’ll find out the wick is too wet to light. And too short, too. A big, brighter, full spectrum light shines with a Sagittarius.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Much like Madonna, you’ll decide to reinvent yourself late in the month. It’ll be more drastic than a new hair color and you’ll find that a change of scenery will do you good. Sing ho, for the open highway! Avoid Capricorns.


July 2011 www.IONAZ.com 99



ION Arizona September 2011